#i've mentioned before that the playlist is kind of a mess and a work in progress haha but feel free to follow it anyhow!

[johaerys-writes]

omg your last update on bbb literally left me wrecked (in the best way possible ofc). They finally have the TalkTM but the ending???? keep up the amazing job of leaving me shook >:)

Also I think the song "You Know I Love You Still" by Kacy Hill fits the bbb playlist perfectly! you should try it out

Aaaah thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you like the mess, I've been having such a blast writing this story (where everyone is possibly the worst version of themselves 🤣)

And thank you for the rec! This song is so PERFECT for them:

If there was a way to make this go away

I would do it all again

By now I know better

Should let you go forever

But I know I never can

God I'm always dyin to

Give it one more try 'cause

The heartbreak's half the thrill

And you know I love you still

Oh desire

It makes me wanna die

I think that I'm strong but

I give in every time

I don't wanna beg for your affection

Or question your intention

Ooh I was young and I miss the way you meant it

It's so them 😭😭 the way they push and pull against each other and they bicker all the time but they still can't stay away even when it hurts... (or perhaps because it hurts so good 😩) I've also been thinking a lot about how they're both yearning for the past and how close they used to be and why this is a big part of why they can never move on so this just hits aaaaall those spots 🥹

Added it to the playlist!! 🥰

[airenyah]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

was tagged by @telomeke, @ranchthoughts, and @callipigio <3

do you make your bed?

not usually. both in my room at my parent's flat and now in my own flat as well i don't have a couch to hang out on and so i tend to spend a lot of time in my bed during the day bc it's more comfortable there. why make my bed in the morning if i mess it up soon enough anyway? i'll only make my bed when i'm trying to feel/look neat (like for example when people who i don't really know come over)

what's your favourite number?

23! elementary school me was veeery creative in choosing this number.... (my birthday is on a 23rd) anyway this number stuck with me and now it's just part of my personality hahaha

what is your job?

i'm a uni student and i don't have a "fixed" job where i'm employed and get money every month, but i have been working at a specific theater every summer since 2022. this year i'm actually the official assistant director. the rehearsals haven't properly started yet, but i've already one or the other task for it. can't wait for june when we're finally starting with the rehearsals!!!!!!!

if you could go back to school, would you?

depends... compulsory schooling that they make you go through from age 6 to age 15?? HELL NO. adult education? catch me taking 434353 courses on 434353 things

can you parallel park?

i don't have a driver's license

a job you had that would surprise people?

i haven't had many jobs in my life and none of them seem very surprising tbh? if you know me, at least i've worked as a graphic designer before, but i don't see how that would be surprising. also, i'm sure that i've mentioned this a few times in my tag ramblings

do you think aliens are real?

i don't think aliens are real but i also don't think aliens are not real. basically, i don't think aliens exist in the way they are depicted in movies, but if nasa came up to me and told me they found some sort of life somewhere else in the universe i'd be like "yeah i'll believe that". the universe is so vast, so it wouldn't surprise me if there really is something out there, but i don't really think about it tbh

can you drive a manual car?

as i said, i don't have a driver's license. but if i did, the answer would be yes. bc as a european you WILL be taught to drive a manual car at driving school. you could also choose to learn how to drive an automatic car, but that's really the exception to the rool. besides, idk what it's like in other countries, but in austria you're allowed to drive manual cars only if you got your license with a manual car. so getting your license with an automatic car limits your options quite a lot

what's your guilty pleasure?

i don't really feel guilty about my pleasures?? i don't always tell people that i'm really into thai bl, but that's less about feeling guilty and more of a "know your target audience" kind of thing.

tattoos?

nope. my brother has a couple of tattoos and he'd love it if i got one (i think he'd like to have a matching tattoo with me), but i can't do needles. but if i ever did get a tattoo, it would probably be something related to sicily. my brother actually has a tattoo of the trinacria

favorite color?

a really shiny dark blue and a really shiny darker red!

favorite type of music?

uhhhh.... good question?? i grew up listening to classical music and i still really like it, but i don't really listen to it anymore. these days i listen to pop music quite a lot? but that's also a very hit and miss for me, bc i tend to get overwhelmed easily with pop music. idk, just show me a song of any genre of music and i'll tell you if i like this particular song or if i dislike it my playlists tend to be full of song i have some kind of emotional connection too, though! so for example, songs that have been in series/movies that i watched or songs that my loved one's have/had in their playlists and that remind me of them, etc...

do you like puzzles?

i don't dislike puzzles, but it's not something that i would think to spend my time with

any phobias?

spiders!! i've had a phobia of spiders all my life. it's gotten a little better now, and how freaked out i am really depends on the size of the spider, where it is, if it's moving, and also how i'm feeling that day. the worst thing that could happen is a spider touching me in any way, so as long as i have enough distance between me and the spider and the spider is stationary, i'm good. i really dislike spiders right above my head, though i also have a phobia of needles. when i was 12 i had to get my blood drawn when i was sick once and i had a panic attack (or something along those lines). i've tried to avoid needles as best as i could ever since... and as a child i also had a fear of vomit. people vomiting still makes me uncomfortable, but at least i no longer run away and hide behind the door of my room hahaha

favorite childhood sport?

i've never been really athletic but i liked swimming!

do you talk to yourself?

in my own flat when i'm all by myself? yeah!

what movies do you adore?

der schuh des manitu is my problematic fave <3 apart from that, i also adore stardust and tangled and the emperor's new groove and i'm also up for marathoning high school musical, how to train your dragon, pirates of the carribean (1-3), and lord of the rings (extended edition of course) at any given point in time

coffee or tea?

tea!!!!! i LOVE tea!!!!! i had a cup of tea only an hour ago!!!! i'm not big on coffee, apart from a cappucino every once in a while which i also only drink when i'm in italy bc i just don't like it enough to spend 3-4€ on it in austria. coffee flavored things are mostly fine, but coffee as a beverage? not a big fan

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

i don't remember the first thing i wanted to be that wasn't a suggestion by my parents. possibly an actress????

tagging @newyearknwwme @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @celestial-sapphicss @cornflowershade @dimplesandfierceeyes @wack-overflow

as always, feel free to ignore!

[thegoddesswater]

Americano: Have you ever done a collab with an artist or another writer? How did it go?

Herbal tea: Do you listen to music while you write? Do you make playlists for your stories? What kind of music do you use?

Thanks Lano!

Americano: Have you ever done a collab with an artist or another writer? How did it go?

Twice! The first time was an unmitigated disaster, which was Gen 1 Miadhachain Legacy. I've mentioned before how my co-author for that became extremely abusive and would leverage ML to make me do whatever she wanted (once she'd isolated me as completely as she could, she found a boyfriend and basically told me to fuck off and die because he did everything I did for her and more. She was a peach, I tell ya). This is why it's such a big deal to me that I find joy in playing with ML again, even though it's such a freaking mess. The second project went...better. School project, this was the progenitor to Talentless/Wild Card. Two co-authors for this one: one was the aforementioned ML collaborator (she was not involved with it beyond the very first iteration), the other is still one of my best friends. She's sort of taken a step back from the writing of Talentless in the last few years, but she is still definitely still super important and I text her all kinds of dumb thoughts about plot and characters all the time.

Herbal tea: Do you listen to music while you write? Do you make playlists for your stories? What kind of music do you use?

Sometimes! I used to listen to a lot more music while I was writing, but now I only listen sometimes. I can't typically listen to anything new to me when I write, because I'll want to pay more attention to the music than writing. (I tend to go for punk when I do put something on now) ML used to have playlists for all of the ships and there was so much angsty, emo, late 2000s music in those. The co-author was the one who made all of those playlists, and I'm sure I could probably still find the song lists for them somewhere - not that most of them work with MY version of ML anymore.

[baravaggio]

hi! sorry to send this from a blank blog, i see you don't have anon on but i'm kind of embarrassed to ask this from my main acc, i hope you don't mind. i saw you post a couple times about having used period cups for a long time and i was wondering if you had any suggestions for finding the right cup and how to use one? i want to move away from tampons but i'm scared of using something that could get stuck or lost, and i feel like i'm making myself more nervous the more i think about it. thank you in advance!

Hi! Of course, happy to help :)

My favorite resource for finding a cup is Put a Cup In It, they have comprehensive comparison charts for cup specs & pricing, coupon links, articles, etc. Most helpful feature for you will probably be the quiz, where you answer a few questions about your body & period and they try to match you with the best option on the market (I just did it for fun and it matched me with the cup I've stuck with for about 10 years atp, very satisfying lol). I recommend doing the quiz just so you can be aware of what kind of info you need to choose the right cup, because there is more relevant to the choice then just flow/whether you've given birth, but manufacturers won't tell you this.

I also recommend searching on r/menstrualcups for any specific product or troubleshooting questions, people there are nice, knowledgeable, and always happy to help.

Last resource is one I found hugely helpful when I was first looking for cups was Precious Star Vlogs Youtube channel, she doesn't post about cups anymore, but she still has a huge playlist of her cup reviews and tips up. She was kind of THE resource for this stuff online before it became more mainstream so I highly recommend checking out her stuff if you prefer video content.

Personal tips for how to use one under the read more:

I highly recommend doing a practice run with your cup before you are actually on your period so you can start to get a feel for how to put it in and take it out, what it feels like when it's properly suctioned, etc. Cups are non-absorbent so it's perfectly safe to do. If you do one or two practice runs you won't feel as overwhelmed by the process of using it for the first time while also being on your period. Practice removing the cup while keeping it upright so you can avoid messes as much as possible!

If it's awkward to insert sitting on the toilet, you can also squat or put one leg up on the tub or something, that's what I do because my arms are short 😭 Inserting and removing when in the shower while possible is always a good way to make things easier!

When inserted properly, you shouldn't be able to feel the cup moving around inside you. If it's moving, it's not suctioned properly and you need to reinsert. It's good to do a very light test rotate and tug after you insert the cup to make sure it's not budging. You might be able to feel the stem around the opening of the vagina, that's normal.

If you're feeling a weird pressure or a constant "I have to pee" sensation, you might have a sensitive bladder and need a cup with a less prominent rim/softer material. I mention this only because I think that's one reason Diva Cup style-designs don't work for everyone, the ridge on the rim can poke into your bladder in a way that is uncomfortable.

Wrt your comment about the cup getting lost - it's not possible so no need to worry about that, there is no way it could move beyond the cervix.

There are a couple things you can do to avoid the cup getting stuck. First, make sure you have a good understanding of how high your cervix sits when you're on your period so you can choose a cup that is long enough. If you choose a cup that is too short, you run the risk of not being able to reach it when your cervix shifts to sit higher. Second, if you find you're having a hard time getting the cup out, the most important thing to do is try to relax and not panic. If you're stressed your muscles will tighten up, you're probably going to be tempted to yank at the cup which will be painful if you haven't broken the suction, and you'll only feel more anxious. Put on a pad for backup, take a break, and come back to it later.

In that vein, don't trim the stem of any cup until you are confident you are safely able to reach it through the duration of your cycle. Many people will suggest trimming the stem if it sticks out for maximum comfort, which is fine, but you want to make sure you can grip the cup when it's sitting higher/is slippery.

Easiest way to remove that I've found is to bear down with your muscles a bit so the cup can move lower, then slide a finger up along the side of the cup and gently push in to break the suction. Avoid pulling the cup down manually when it's still suctioned, especially if you have an IUD.

Final tip is to be prepared for some mess, remember that a cup is not absorbent so you're going to be dealing with fluid, mucous, etc when your flow is heavy...good to have some toilet paper in your other hand to wipe anything up.

I hope that helps! Good luck with the cup hunt :)

[whispersxwhimpers]

hi baby!! i'm not home right now, so i'm taking my change to use the wifi where i'm at to message. responding to the bigger message first,

my cod session went super good!! i got to see my wife up close and personal~ (she was threatening to kill me as she interrogated me but you know, everyone has different ways of flirting) and after that night, i played a bit more and ended up finishing the game so !! i'm happy. i'll join in one day, sweetheart, promise ^^ and damn it T^T hopefully you guys can get it next time!!

i love you too~ and that reminds me!! your playlist is in the works, it's things that like... remind me of you, or that give your vibes imo so !! hopefully you like it <3

don't worry, baby, i'm basically the same way 😭 you're so valid for that, honestly, i was doing the same thing with cod LMAO. it took me a few tries to get a handle on what i was supposed to be doing on each like little section and every time i died i'd be like "FUCK NO I HAD IT" so i get you :') wouldn't mind having you in my lap either way, rage or not~ and HELLO i write as i read, i didn't know you mentioned the playlist too. that's completely okay!! i'm sure i'll be perfectly happy with that <3

aww no it's okay!! you guys will get it next time, i believe. it's funny that you bought the battle pass so close to the end of the season 😭 at least you all had fun though?? like even if you didn't get the umbrella, at least it was fun trying!! good luck with the next season omg !!

also~ i hope work went good for you ^^

– 🩶

Hi sweet girl 💕 I hope you're doing okay 🥺💕 I've been thinking about you 💕

Oooo~ that sounds like my kind of way 😂💕 I'm glad you had fun baby 🥰💕 also I can't wait til you join one day 🥺💕 I've been getting into BR again 🥰💕 not as good as I used to be but I usually get 3-5 kills per game 😂💕 Nebs and I got our umbrellas for the season before I went to work so that was a nice send off! Lol

Hehe I know I'll cherish and adore it, thank you baby 🥺🥰😘💕 yours is still in the works too, I haven't had time to sit and focus on it but I plan on it on my day off tomorrow c:

Awww hehe I would cheer you on still 🥰😘💕 I'd tell you that you got this and tear em up 🥰

Lmao thank you!! This seasons pass is kinda mid imo but I do like a couple of the skins 🥰 the girl with the traffic cone hat is my favorite out of all of them 😂💕

Thank you sweetheart, it wasn't too busy so it wasn't as bad as last weekend 💕 I usher tonight so I'm gonna be cleaning up messes after shows and stuff til about 1 😅💕

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

(for the artist ask meme) 2, 4, 15, 23?

Oooh, thanks!!! :-D I just got home from work, so I'll do these now, ha.

This is going to be a long post, since I'm posting my art, so I'll put a read more here. ^-^

Artist Asks

2. 5 favourites of your own work?

Ahh, this is a tricky one! I definitely have a few favorite drawings of mine, though.

This one is a favorite since I put a lot of time and effort into it, and it's also the only art I've ever done that has gotten a lot of attention. I think I got over 30k notes when I posted it on Tumblr a few years ago?? Definitely more than I usually get, ha.

I like this one since it is more recent and I like how the background turned out.

I had to add this one, since it took me HOURS to make. Originally it was just Yondu, Rocket, and Baby Groot, but then I wanted to make a phone case, so I rearranged them and added Drax, Gamora, and Peter. Then, before COVID, my local fair had the theme of super heroes and wanted art work for it, so I added Mantis and was going to submit it for judging. Sadly, that never happened, and I missed the deadline for when the fair was rescheduled two years later. -.- I messed up Mantis's size, unfortunately, and the way that I do my art meant that I couldn't fix it, since with my realistic art, I don't have layers. I just draw, kind of like a traditional drawing, just... digital, ha.

I had to add this one, ha. Of all of my "cartoony" drawings, I think this is my favorite. The jaw shape is off, but I was able to capture what I wanted to capture, I think. ^-^

Now, I wanted to add one of my traditional drawings, and I think this is my favorite of the ones I did. I did this when I was... god, 16??? 17??? It's not perfect, but for the time, I think I did a great job. The details in the background killed me, but I think it turned out good.

Also, here's an honorable mention...

This is a painting I did that I'm pretty proud of. Is it perfect?? No, but for my skill level with paint, I think I did a great job.

4. Favourite things to draw?

I'm a little confused as to what exactly this question is referring to, but I'll answer both ways I see it, just in case. So, my favorite thing to draw, as in a broad category, is realistic drawings of people. I like to draw faces and upper torsos usually, and I prefer it when the subject is facing forward. I've been branching into other styles, but my favorite is realistic bust portraits, I suppose. It's also what I'm best at. If I could find a good reference photo, I'd try to do a realistic drawing of Taka and Mondo, too, ha. But I need a reference photo otherwise it doesn't turn out super realistic.

As for genre, I always draw things that are fandom related, ha. If I'm in the fandom, chances are I've drawn SOMETHING for it at some point. Recently I've not had the chance to draw as much, but for big fandoms, I always try to draw or create at least one thing that relates to the fandom.

15. Biggest artist pet peeve?

Hm... I don't think I have any?? I don't tend to have pet peeves about art, really.

23. Do you listen to music or watch shows while you work? If so, what’s your favourite?

It depends! If my family is watching something on TV while I'm drawing, I will listen to music to drown the noise out. But if they're not home and it's quiet, I tend to prefer to not listen to anything, since it is a little distracting. I never watch shows, though, since I cannot multitask. I put my full attention on whatever I'm doing. If I listened to a show or podcast while I was drawing, I'd realize at the end of the show that I took in nothing from it, ha. As for music, I just put my nearly 2,000 song playlist on shuffle and listen to random music that doesn't need my full attention.

Well, that's all!! Thanks for the questions!! I've not had any time to draw recently, but I still do consider myself an artist. Also, since I'm here, I'll post some of my favorite things I've created that aren't drawings or paintings, ha. Did anyone ask??? No, but I wanted to do it, so there. ;-)

The first one is a faux stained glass thing I made, ha. The last one is a large backdrop I made for my work's holiday party in 2020, since it was virtual but my computer wouldn't let me have a virtual background. It took 10 hours, oof.

These are things I made for this crafting scavenger hunt I was a part of. These are the ones I'm more proud of that don't involve myself or others. Sadly the cake turned out stale and was a bit meh, but I put a lot of effort into the look. I wasn't going to, but I'll put the photo I took with the cake too, I suppose. I was supposed to make the 40 orange cake from Our Flag Means Death and eat it with a snail fork while dressed as a pirate on a traditional sailing ship. I couldn't find a snail fork (it's a two prong fork apparently???) but I got the rest pretty spot on, ha.

These are the stockings I made for my family this year, and a sweater I decorated for my work's virtual holiday party in 2021 (featuring my background I made in 2020, ha.)

And of course, who could forget my biggest project, this jacket and cosplay, ha.

Anyway, sorry for the extra photos, but this post was already long, why not make it longer, huh??? 😅

[penissirius]

You getting Death threats from 'fans' - Hyung Line

Stray kids x male

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: S/N- Ship name, it only pops up once but like its still important information- You're in a group with 4 other people under JYP. There is a face claim used in one or two of them, if you don't like it you can reimagine it. JYP allowed you to be public about your relationship because the Stray Kids dating ban was already lifted and you were dating before your group debuted.  

AUTHOR NOTE: So it kinda feel like this is more Hate then getting actual death threats from them. Theres like mentions of being told to k*ll yourself and like one actual death threat tho. I hope it's not too bad T_T I just want it to be gooood. I was also listening to my girl group playlist while writing this so I've been vibingggg. These are all a little longer because I have no life and I love to write endlessly. But

WARNINGS: Death threats, self harm, m/n being told to k*ll himself, cussing

FEMALE ALINGED PLEASE DNI <3

Bang Chan

He was sitting in his studio on vlive filming another episode of Chans Room. Jisung, M/ns best friend who had joined him earlier, looked up from his phone telling him that M/n was gonna be here in a few minutes. M/n also being a trainee under JYP made it easier to see his idol boyfriend. He had recently been put into a group that was very close to debuting but was receiving quite a bit of hate for always being seen around Stray Kids and being too close to Jisung and Chan. Neither his group, AXIZ, nor Stray Kids knew about the hate that M/n was receiving as he kept it to himself. None of the members had ever seen a rude comment or post about him seeing as he was always quick to delete them or their managers distracted them, that was until M/n walked into the studio. “M/n!”, Jisung said from his spot on the couch. “Hi guys”, said boy walked over giving Jisung a high five and Chan a kiss on the cheek before sitting down. A good 30 minutes went by of the 3 of them laughing and joking around with each other and Stay. M/n looked at his phone which had the vlive open so he could see comments and seemed to notice that the veiwer count was going up really fast suddenly making him a bit nervous. Chan noticed that some of the new people coming in were XYs and said hi to M/n’s groups' fandom. While scrolling through the comments M/n started finding more and more hate directed towards him and less nice comments and questions, he only hoped that the other 2 boys didn't notice. They had stopped messing around with tracks and decided to just answer questions and interact with both fandoms some minutes later.

M/nSuckz25: M/n you should kys

CHanLover97: M/n better leave chan alone or ill kill him myself instead

XYForLife: AXIS would be so much better without him lol

AXIS_FanAccount: OT4 honestly….

Chan had seen these comments stick out to him through all the thousands begging for his attention. “Wait. Hold on,” he said looking at the camera looking dead serious. Jisung and M/n looked up at him from where they were playing a game together. “I don’t know why all of a sudden there's so much hate in the comments but that's not okay and the fact that you guys call yourselves Stays and XYs but are telling M/n to kill himself is fucking not acceptable”, Chan was lowkey pissed at this point and M/n was panicking cause he never planned for anyone to find out. Jisung noticed and being the caring friend he is was also pissed at the fandoms. He took m/n out of the room to help calm him down while chan continued to go off of Stays and XYs. And boy was he doing that “M/n is the most amazing, kind, beautiful, and talented person I've ever met. He tries so hard and worked to earn the spot in AXIS that he has. I will always love and be with him so sorry to break any hopes you had of getting rid of him. Giving people death threats and telling them to kill themself is never acceptable. I'm very disappointed in all of you because no one even tried to defend him at all. I'm ending this here and I don't think ill be doing another one for a while.” Chan ended the live and then went to comfort his boyfriend. A couple days later JYP released a statement saying that the debut of AXIS was to be postponed until further notice seeing as other members and JYP himself were very upset with the fandoms and to give M/n some time.

Lee Know

Lee knows being the tsundere ish person he is probably found out by himself when you weren't around and wasn't too happy about it. Minho was scrolling through Instagram on his secret personal account liking some of M/ns photos and a few edits of AXIS that he had found. He got a notification that you're group account had just posted, he had nothing better to do went to go look at it. He saw a picture of the whole group laughing and sitting on the floor in one of the many practice rooms in the JYP building. He smiled as you looked so happy sitting and talking with your members, he definitely couldn't wait until they debuted and he could shower his boyfriend in more love and support than he already does. He was going to go comment something stupid and funny like he usually does on the group posts but stops when he looked at them taking a little minute to read some of them.

AXISOT4: 5 is an odd number for AXIS and honestly they should just get rid of M/n and make it better 

M/nHater: M/n is so horrible and doesn't deserve to be in AXIS honestly. Maybe he should cut a little deeper tonight lmao 

TeaPotGurl: The reason M/ns always wears long sleeves and pants is probably that he cuts. Not deep enough apparently XD

SKZFangirl: Hey M/n Wrist check?

IloveLeeMinho: M/n just kill yourself or someone will most definitely do it for you 

To say that Minho was pissed would be a huge understatement. He was fucking livid. He switched over to the group stray kids account making a post. 

TheRealStrayKids

Hey, Stay. This right here is the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever met and I'm asking Stays to go give him some love. The amount of hate that has been in the comments of his and AXIS's official posts is horrible. Telling someone to kill themself or giving them death threats is never okay and I'm disappointed in the XYs and Stays that have been giving him hate. Stop it. - Lee Minho 

M/ns#1Fan: #StopM/nHate

Your comment was liked by TheRealStrayKids

LinoxM/n: :( he doesn't deserve any of this hate 

StayXY: I don't understand why people would hate on him I mean look at his beautiful smile

After posting that he quickly got dressed in sweatpants and his shoes before exiting his dorm in a hurry quickly telling his members that he’d be back later. He speeds to the AXIS dorm where he knows M/n will be. Minho knocks on the door and it is immediately opened by Juno the leader of AXIS. “Oh Minho I'm glad you’re here, M/n won't leave his room, and he's been crying since earlier this morning when the group photos were posted.” Minho nodded hurriedly, “Yeah I saw the comments and came immediately”. “Well come in, he's in his room and I'm sure he'll be more than happy for you to here with him through this.” Although it took Minho a little while to convince M/n to open the door and let him in when he finally did, Lee know made sure to give M/n his hoodie and spend the rest of the night cuddling him and trying to make him feel better while the rest of AXIS (especially the Hyung line) addressed the hate towards their youngest. 

Changbin Seo

The whole group of Stray Kids was sitting in one of the practices rooms messing around on vlive. Some of them were dancing, others were joking and talking to the Stays, and a few were sitting on their phones. Changbin and Seungmin were sitting on one of the couches watching everyone mess around and scrolling. The lovely pig bunny boy was smiling looking through the pictures of M/n saved on his phone when he got a notification from the AXIS VLive account. 

[AXIS] starting live - Axis: Maknae line live! <3

He quickly connected his headphones clicking on the notification. He smiled wider when he saw the big smiles of M/n and Xiao as they said hello to all the XYs and people in the live. The stays noticed that his smile got bigger and a lot of people commented and cooed at him. “ ‘Changbin looks so happy and it's adorable’ ”, Felix looked back at him after reading that and smiled looking back at the camera, “yeah M/n probably texted him, they're so cute together”. Changbin was watching the live with Seungmin looking over his shoulder every once in a while. M/n and Xiao were playing around showing each other the tricks they can do and the different levels of flexibility they have. They were inside of one of the practice rooms not too far from the one skz is in. Eventually, they got tired and sat down to joke around and talk with their fandom. Changbin was smiling watching how happy M/n looked playing and talking with his fellow Manake. “I honestly don't know what I would've done if me and M/n didn't makeup back then.”, Xiao said smiling with his arm around M/n and messing up his hair. After he said that there were a lot of comments of confusion on what he meant by that so they decided to explain what happened. M/n swatted his Hyung by a few months' hand away before speaking, “When we were tiny little trainees like 2 years ago, me and Xiao used to butt heads a lot. We didn't get along and we used to make side comments to try to piss each other off whenever we had classes together.” They both laughed before Xiao started speaking, “The little brat used to piss me off a lot, he has a weird way of showing admiration and he jokes around a lot.” M/n swats his arm, “The big conflict we had was really over something stupid-” Xiao looked at him, “The last cookie was not stupid! I wanted it!” “I hadn't gotten one yet! And I bought you a better cookie afterward to apologize!”, M/n pouts looking at him. Changbin and Seungmin laughed at the adorable interaction between the two, Changbin had given him one of his headphones a little while after he noticed he was watching it in silence. After they had told the story the comments of the live blew up in reactions, some good but most bad. As they were reading the comments, Suengmin realized that most of the bad ones were directed at M/n. Eventually the two maknaes started to read the comments again. 

XiaoFangirl: Xiao and M/n got into an argument? It was probably M/n's fault cause Xiao is perfect.

AXIS4: Wow M/n was getting into arguments with the group before debut.

M/nsucks: That just proves he doesn't deserve to be in the group

AuthorIsOutOfNameIdeas: honesty he should just go back to cutting like he did when we were in middle school

CreativityZero: He should skip the cutting and just kill himself all together lol

M/n read these and got really quiet looking to the side. Xiao realized this and got really upset, turning the comments off. “If you guys can't say anything nice about M/n then you won't be able to comment at all. First of all we are human and we are gonna argue over little things sometimes. The argument was equally both of our faults and that was 2 years ago, the way we as a group interact has changed! M/n is and always will be the thing that holds this group together without him there would be no AXIS.”, Xiao was pissed and wanted to end the live but their manager wanted them to be on until a certain time. “Come on M/n, we can practice'', Xiao grabs M/n's arm and pulls him up and to the middle of the room. In the Skz practice room there is a visibly angry changbin and upset suengmin. The rest of the live they danced around and practiced but everyone could see that M/n wasn't all there. After it was over the amount of time that their manager wanted them to be live for Xiao was quick to come over to the camera out of breath and signing off. “Sorry but this will be the end of the live, i don't know when the next Makane live will be but it will probably not be in 2 days as scheduled.” Xiao was honestly annoyed and sorta pissed off at the fans but tried his best to keep a smile on his face. Xiao waved M/n, who was previously standing in front of the mirror still marking choreo, over to say goodbye even though he didn't want to. M/n quickly said goodbye with a fake bright smile and a wave before going back to the mirrors to continue working on the choreography. The live then ended with Xiao waving and M/n dancing in the background. Changbin got off the vlive app and texted M/n that he wants to see him when the SKZ live ends. For the rest of the live Changbin was seen angry as hell sloached with his arms crossed. Some stays made a comment on how hot he looked and the others kinda laughed it off and changed the topic when they saw how mad he was and the look Suengmin was giving them. 

*time skip because Changbins part is too long*

When the Stray kids' live finally ended Changbin was quick to grab his stuff and run to the practice room 3ish doors down from the one he was in, leaving Seungmin to explain to their leader and other members what had happened. When he bursted into the room he saw a very tired and very sweaty M/n who had gotten very spooked when Changbin came in suddenly while he was practicing. Changbin took one look at M/n and didn't say anything, just opening his arms for him. M/n didn't hesitate to run straight into his boyfriend's strong comforting arms. M/n started to cry and breakdown after over an hour of holding it all in and overworking himself. Changbin just held him and let him cry before picking him up and taking him over to the couches where he gave him all the comfort, love and reassurance M/n could ever need. Changbin spent the rest of the day and night in the AXIS dorm with M/n. The next day there were many posts and articles about the situation and JYP was quick to do something about it, giving AXIS a break to help M/n and say multiple things about the ongoing hate.

Hwang Hyunjin

Similar to Lee Know, M/n wasn’t present when the lovely Drama Llama found out about the hatred towards him. The hate has come from both XYs and Stays, and has been happening for the past few months. M/n never told anyone about all the hate not wanting to worry his members or upset the members of Stray Kids plus his boyfriend. He had planned to keep it a secret from them all as long as he could. Well that was until Hyunjin had found out about it by himself during one of his personal lives. Hyunjin was reading comments and answering, having fun as he usually does when someone asks about M/n. “ ‘How's you and M/n going?’ Oh! We’re doing good! He treats me so well and I love him so much!”, he smiles at the camera and a lot of stays cooed at how big his smile was and the amount of love you could see in his eyes. Hyunjin was going on telling some random story about M/n that he found cute and some of the wholesome stays were awwing along with him. He had finished his little story with a smile on his face reading the comments. He was answering more questions when a certain one stuck out to him.

S/NEndgame: How do you feel about all the hate M/n has been getting? 

Hyunjin looked at the camera very confused. “M/nnie is getting hate? Why didn't I know? Noone has told me and I haven't seen it!”, he got more and more upset the more he spoke. One stay had sent a link to a short video that someone made talking about the hate towards M/n. In said video there was a clip from one of M/n’s personal lives, where someone had asked why neither of groups had said anything about the hate or hinted towards knowing, they also added a side comment and said it probably because they hate M/n as well anyways. M/n’s response to that was, “They haven't said anything about it because they don't know. I delete all comments before the members can see them, don't ever bring it up, and the only people that know are my manager and Stray Kids’ Manager and they work together with me to make sure they don't find out so it's all good!”, M/n managed to say all that with a smile on his face and that was even more sad. It then skipped to another clip where a worried fan had asked why he didn't tell any of them especially Hyunjin, he responded with another smile “I don't want to worry all of my members when we’re so close to debut and that’ll just push us farther back, and Stray Kids has so many other things to worry about, I also don't wanna stress out Hyunjin I love him too much to do that to him! Not even JYP himself knows. I don't want to be a bother, I can deal with it”. By the end of the 3 minute video Hyunjin was slightly crying and very upset. He asked the Stays if they had known about this and the answer to him was alarming. A small percent of  Stays said that they didn't  know, another small percent did know but promised M/n never to tell but the other half of the Stays they had a different opinion. Comments upon comments fled into the small space of the phone screen, he could only catch and read so many of them but he knew the majority of them were hate towards M/n. 

FuckM/n: honestly he deserves the hate, it's not like he's actually talented.

IveTruelyRunOutOfNames: its said that M/n has started cutting again

ButtLicker23: hopefully he cuts deep enough to bleed out and die

Hater45: he should just leave the group and go die somewhere, no one would even care

Hyunjin started crying more by the time he read those comments and the hundreds of ones just like it. His first thought was to immediately check on his boyfriend and ask him thousands of questions. He knew though that the first thing he’d have to do was deal with this situation first. He looked at the camera with tears streaming down his face. “Why would you guys say that about M/n! He is amazing and talented and so handsome! I love him more than anything in the world! He is the reason I perform so well for you guys, the reason I learned to love myself so much, and the reason I am as happy as I am every single day! The fact that you would say that about any person is absolutely horrible! But you have the nerve to talk bad and wish death on the love of my life and talk about the anxiety and struggle he has been facing for the past few years! I truly don't understand how you could say that about anyone. But you have the nerve to hate on him and wish him more self-harm and then turn around and say I'm your bias?!” Hyunjin shook his head, willing himself to stop crying. “That's horrible, I dislike that very much. Either you guys apologize to him or stop calling yourself a stay. I can guarantee that the rest of Stray Kids and AXIS feel this way as well. I'm signing off now, don't expect another live or any bubble messages any time soon.” Hyunjin turned the live off and then ran out of his room down the hall into AXIS’ dorm straight into M/n's room. The other members thought nothing of it with this being sorta normal. M/n turned to the door when he saw him and smiled “hi baby!”. Hyunjin walked straight over to him and pulled his hoodie sleeve up looking at the various cuts sadly and starting to cry again. “Why didn't you tell me about this and the hate!” M/n looked away ashamed and shocked that he found out, “I didn't want to be a bother or a burden on you” Hyunjin immediately looked up at him kissing all over his face and down his neck and arms to accentuate every word he said, “Doll You Will Never Be A Burden Nor A Bother To me Ever” After placing one final kiss to his arms, the rest of the day was spent with the tall blonde patching up his boyfriends arms properly and clinging to him with the promise that they'd tell their CEO and both respective groups first thing in the morning about the issue on hand. 

AUTHORS NOTE: By the length of some of these you can clearly tell who my bias is and when my writer's block had finally left me T~T but This took me way longer to write than I'd like to admit. But it's finally done and I can post for the first time in awhile, i'm sorry this took so long but with school, thousands of doctor appointments and the drama I ended up getting caught in the middle of I had like no free time to write T_T and then my personal computer broke so now I’m stuck writing on my school computer all the time but I promise as soon as I come back from spring break I will find a good posting schedule.

[topsytervy]

Good Night ~ Rafe Cameron

Ahaha I did a Part 3 to goodbye. It kind of got a little dicey at the end but it’s chill. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Blurb: You and Rafe go out for some drinks and I don’t know what else to say.

Word Count: 3,323

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, grammar/spelling mistakes, I think that’s it

~~~~~~

Rafe smiled as he unlocked the door to his apartment and walked in, closing the door behind him as he placed his keys in the little dish on the counter.

He walked further into his apartment, taking off his coat and placing it on the back of a chair before walking down the hall to his bedroom to change into pajamas. He flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling as a smile crept onto his face. 

He let out a breathy laugh as he ran his hands over his face as he thought about his day with you in the car. It was a dream come true to have alone time with you after all these years. All he wanted was 5 minutes with you and he got 8 hours instead.

His phone vibrated on his nightstand and he reached over, grabbing it and unlocking it before his grin grew.

My plans for tomorrow fell through and I don't work the day after, so drinks tomorrow night?

Rafe looked up towards his ceiling. "I'm starting to think you exist, big guy." 

Yeah. I'll pick you up at 7?

I'll see you then.

Rafe set his phone back on the nightstand and positioned himself under the covers, closing his eyes as he thought about your conversation when he dropped you off.

Rafe held open the door to your apartment complex for you before walking in behind you.

"Thank you," you smiled as you began your journey up the stairs to your apartment.

Rafe stood at the bottom of the steps and pointed to the elevator. "Why are we not using the elevator?" He asked.

"I got stuck in one a few years back and I decided that I'm staying far away from those things for the rest of my life." You shrugged. Rafe chuckled lightly and took his first step up. You looked back at him with a grin. "Hope you plan on skipping leg day cause I'm up on floor six."

Rafe waved his hand, dismissing your sentence. "Please, this will be a cinch."

Halfway up, Rafe looked over at you as he heard the slight panting coming from you. His lips formed into a smirk as he spoke. "Are you okay over there?"

You nodded. "Peachy."

"Mhm,"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." He shrugged.

You rolled your eyes as you two continued up the stairs, Rafe offering to carry you the rest of the way but you denied his offer. 

Rafe watched as you brought your tired feet up the last step, opening the door that separated the stairwell from the hallway of apartment doors.

You led the way to your apartment door and pulled out your key, shoving it into the lock. "Thanks for letting me ride with you. It was way better than the ride with Kie, JJ, and Pope." You glanced at him as you turned the key.

"It's no problem. I enjoyed the company." Rafe leaned against the wall, praying his voice wouldn't waver at his next sentence. "So, you wanna go out tomorrow night? Hit the town or whatever?"

Even though he knew that you two were on alright terms now, after all the car ride was filled with catching up and bad karaoke, there was still a part of his mind that was nervous. 

Nervous that you would tell him that, as fun as the last two days were, you couldn't see yourselves being more than civil acquaintances. Nervous that you'd say, 'yes, as long as the guy I've been seeing in secret for the past month can join us'. Nervous that you'd say 'let me check my schedule and I'll let you know’, but then ghost him.

Nervous that he would have to watch you walk out of his life again.

"I kind of already have a prior commitment to tomorrow," You told him before reaching into your bag and pulling out your phone, "but I'll let you know when I can squeeze in some time for you when I check my work schedule." You smiled as you extended your unlocked phone to Rafe.

"You promise?" Rafe asked as he hesitantly took your phone. 

This was the beginning of one of his scenarios he created in his mind and not one of the ones that ended with you two saying 'I do'.

You shot Rafe a look. "Rafe, you and I both know that I wouldn't be looking this calm and collected if I was lying to you. I'd be a stuttering, panicking mess."

Rafe chuckled lightly at the truthful statement of your terrible lying as he began putting in his number under his name before texting himself a ‘hi’ so he'd have your number. 

He handed your phone back to you with a grin. "To be fair, you were a stuttering, panicking mess when we first met, Y/N/N, and all you were saying was hello."

You blushed profusely at the memory of you being nervous as hell when you met Rafe for the first time and Rafe wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around you and tease you about the sudden redness on your cheeks like he used to do whenever you blushed.

But instead, he just added, "Don't worry. You were a cute stuttering, panicking mess," before he walked back towards the stairwell.

As Rafe slipped off into dreamland, you stayed awake, waiting for your kettle to go off so you could make your tea.

You grabbed your phone and unlocked it, Rafe’s contact staring back at you. You clicked edit and erased his name before typing out his new name.

Bub

You smiled slightly at the familiar nickname from years ago and hit save before opening Spotify. You went to click on your liked songs before remembering something from the car ride with Rafe and went to the search bar, typing in Rafe’s Spotify name that you still had memorized.

"You're music is so fucking basic, Rafe." You laughed as you once again listened to some random pop song that you had already heard way too many times on the radio.

Rafe shook his head. “My music is not basic. I just have different playlists with different genres. It’s called being organized Y/L/N.” He answered with a grin.

“Really?” You raised an eyebrow,

Rafe nodded. “Mhm. If I’m in the mood for rap, I have my rap playlist. If I want alternative, I have my alternative playlist. And so on.”

“Mind if I look through and choose one?” You asked. 

Rafe grabbed his phone from his hoodie pocket and unlocked it with his fingerprint before handing it over to you. You found Spotify and clicked it open, going to his playlists. You were going to click on his alternative playlist but another one caught your eye.

My Girl’s Favorites.

You glanced over at Rafe. 

“My girl’s favorites?” 

“Hmm?” He glanced over at you and you turned the screen to him. “Oh. Guess I never deleted that one.”

“Oh. You want me to delete it for you so you don’t have to remember her?” You clicked on the playlist and went to click on the three dots but Rafe spoke up.

“No!” His hand reached out and he placed a hand on your forearm to stop you. You turned to look at him and moved your finger away from the dots. “That’s… that’s your playlist. It’s probably a little outdated considering it’s been five years but… yeah. That should be all your favorites from when you were 16.” He admitted, glancing out his window before turning his attention back to the road ahead of him.

You bit your lip before clicking play on the playlist, gasping when Mr.Brightside came on first.

Rafe looked over at you and smiled as you immediately went to turn up the volume before beginning to yell the lyrics as you scrolled through all the songs that were apparently your favorites back in high school.

“This is going to be one hell of a trip down memory lane.” You commented as your eyes widened at some of the songs that you had forgotten about.

Rafe nodded. “Oh yeah. You’re in for a treat.” You glanced at him and you saw his cheeks redden slightly. “I have, on occasion, listened to it.”

You smiled and thought about Rafe listening to all of your old favorites while he was alone. If you were being honest, you still had a playlist of Rafe’s favorites that you found yourself putting on from time to time. 

You smiled as you found the playlist of your high school favorites and clicked on it, playing the music that brought back so many memories. The kettle began to whistle and you quickly turned off the heat and removed it from the burner, pouring the water into your mug that already had a teabag in it.

You grabbed your phone and your tea, heading off into your bedroom so you could begin your nightly hour of coloring to help you unwind before bed.

******

When you and Rafe pulled up at the club at 8 the next night, you got out of the car, shivering slightly in the cold breeze s you waited for Rafe. Once out, he held out his fist. 

“Rack, paper, scissors for designated driver?” 

You waved him off. “I’ll be DD.” You told him and Rafe had a look of confusion on his face. 

“Really? That easy?” 

You shrugged. “I’m used to being DD. I almost always am with the pogues.” You went to grab his keys but he pulled them away.

“Y/N, when’s the last time you got shit-faced?” He asked.

When you didn’t answer, Rafe pocketed his keys. "I’ll be DD tonight. You, my dear, are going to drink to your heart’s content.” 

You ignored the slight flutter your heart did at my dear and went for his pocket to grab his keys. “Seriously, Rafe. It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t want to ruin your fun of getting wasted.”

Rafe grabbed your wrists gently and pushed you away from his body with a small laugh. “I find the thought of you getting wasted way more entertaining.” You shot him a look and he turned you around, pushing you to the back of the small line. “Think of this as your opportunity to let loose and have some fun.”

You rolled your eyes before walking to the back of the line with Rafe behind you.

Two hours had passed since you two entered the club, sitting next to Rafe in a booth in the corner after you two had spent the last twenty minutes dancing. Rafe had two beers the whole night and you… well, Rafe would say you were closer to the shit-faced side of the scale from what he could tell. 

Rafe looked over at you and saw you yawn before picking up your drink and placing the straw in your mouth. Well, attempt to. You missed your mouth a couple of times.

"Alright, sweetheart. I think that is our cue to get you home." He told you, finishing off the beer he'd been nursing for the past 45 minutes.

You whined and grabbed his bicep with your hands. "Rafe, I'm not tired." You finally managed to get the straw into your mouth.

"Oh yeah? That yawn says otherwise. Stay here while I close the tab." He slipped out of the booth and walked over to the bar. 

After getting the bartender's attention and letting him know he was closing the tab, he glanced over at you, smiling as he watched you finish off your drink. He narrowed his eyes as he saw a dude slide into the booth next to you, a smile on his face as he reached over and touched your hand, saying something. Rafe watched you take the straw out of your mouth and respond with a shake of your head as you slowly slid out of your seat, placing your glass on the table as you said something back to him.

Rafe looked back at the bartender who tapped his shoulder and took his card back with a thanks before making his way back to you quickly.

"Rafe!" You cheered, throwing your arms around his neck. 

Throughout the night, he noticed how with each drink you got touchier and more affectionate. Not that he minded, of course, but the sudden movement took him off guard for a second before he slid his arms around your waist to keep you from tipping over.

Okay, half to keep you from tipping over, half because he wanted to.

But, you know, tomato, tomato.

"Hey, Ready to go?" He grinned, his eyes shifting from you to the guy who was now standing behind you. 

You nodded your head and you took your arms from his neck, heading towards the door as Rafe’s hand found its home on the small of your back. Rafe led you outside and to his car, opening the passenger door for you. The sleepiness seemed to finally be hitting you now that you were away from the crowd and loud music, the quiet night taking over instead as you yawned once more. Rafe opened the door for you and you whispered a quick thanks before climbing in.

“Can you buckle yourself in?” 

You nodded as you reached for the seatbelt. "Tonight was fun Rafe." You told him quietly as he watched you struggle to grab it.

Rafe smiled. "Yeah, it was." He grabbed the seatbelt and handed it to you, causing you to smile back and click it into place as he shut your door.

He walked over to the driver’s side and slid into the seat, shoving the key into the ignition before turning it and starting the car.

The ride was quiet except for the radio and when Rafe glanced over at you about halfway to your place, you were fast asleep, head resting against the window. 

When he pulled up to your apartment building, he decided against waking you up, cause what kind of a gentleman would he be if he woke a princess from her slumber just so she had to walk up six flights of stairs while drunk to her apartment, and got out of the car.

He opened your door just enough to slip his hand inside and place his hand between your head and the window before opening the door all the way. He reached over your body and clicked the button to unlatch the seatbelt. 

You stirred slightly as you groaned and Rafe looked at you the seatbelt retracted.

“It’s just me, Y/N.” He whispered, grabbing your wrists and throwing your arms around his neck.

You tightened your grip around his neck as you wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands going to the bottom of your thighs. 

“Watch your head,” He told you as he pulled you out of the car.

You tucked your face into the crook of his neck as he shut the door, beginning the journey to your apartment.

You sniffed as Rafe started up the first flight of stairs, causing one of Rafe’s hands to go to your back, rubbing your back softly.

“You okay?” 

“No.”

Rafe’s face fell at your answer. “Why?”

“Because I lied to you.” You murmured into his neck.

“Oh?”

“I never got stuck in the elevator. I made that up so I could spend a few more minutes with you.” You murmured into his neck.

Rafe felt a smile creep onto his face. “Yeah?”

He felt you nod and he chuckled. “You could’ve just invited me in for tea or something, you know?”

“My plans didn’t fall through either. I canceled them. It was a tinder date but you’re way more interesting than that guy.”

“Oh really?" He smirked, his ego slightly boosted over the fact that you chose him over some random guy.

"Mhm. I blocked him too."

"That’s nice, Y/N/N." His smirk turning into a grin. "Are you gonna delete the app entirely?"

You shrugged. "Maybe." You sighed, one of your hands beginning to play with his hair. 

The rest of the trip upstairs was quiet, Rafe hoping you didn’t fall back asleep when he came face to face with your door.

"Where are your keys?" He whispered, just in case you had actually fallen asleep.

You dug into your bag and grabbed the keys, handing them to the man without taking your face from his neck.

You kissed his cheek as he unlocked your door and opened it before setting you down.

"Do you wanna stay? It's late and I don't think you should drive anymore." You stared at him.

Rafe shoved his hands into the pockets. "Uh...yeah. Sure. Someone's gotta take care of you, right?"

You smiled as you grabbed his arm and dragged him inside, closing the door behind him. You lead him into your room and handed him a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants you never got around to returning to him before directing him to the bathroom.

You climbed into bed after getting dressed and Rafe came back into your bedroom, placing a bucket on your side of the bed. 

"Just in case you have to throw up during the night." He told you, knowing you rarely ever made it to the bathroom.

You once threw up in an empty cooler once cause you couldn't make it to the trash can that was 5 feet away but that’s a different story.

You smiled and he turned to walk away but you grabbed his wrist. He turned to look at you and you opened your arms. "Come cuddle with me?" 

Rafe smiled. "Are you sure?"

You pouted at him and patted the spot next to you. Rafe climbed into your bed, opening his arms and you rolled into his side, your head resting on his chest.

"I missed this a lot." You sighed, inhaling his scent.

"Me too, Y/N. Me too." Rafe kissed the top of your head.

You looked up at him before placing your lips on his softly. Rafe smiled as he kissed you back before pulling away after a couple of seconds.

"Go to sleep now. We'll talk in the morning." He whispered, his thumb rubbing circles on your side.

"Okay, but Rafe, you should know something else I lied about." Rafe looked down at you, waiting for what you were about to say. "I'm not that drunk." You shrugged, a small smile on your face.

Rafe stared at you.  "I carried you up the stairs for no reason? Six fights of stairs when I could've taken the elevator or you could've walked them yourself?" Rafe shook his head. “Did you use the five years to work on your lying?”

You let out a small laugh at his words. "You should've known I'm not a lightweight. I mean, JJ is one of my best friends. We didn’t even have that many drinks tonight."

Rafe shook his head at you again with a tsk. "I know your mom didn't raise you as a liar. I'm going to have to call her and tell her her daughter has been lying to me."

"But it was to spend more time with you." You grinned as you took your finger and booped his nose.

He took an arm from your waist and grabbed your wrist gently, kissing your hand. "I mean, I guess I can forgive you if that’s your reason." He smiled. 

"That is my reason." You giggled.

Rafe squeezed your side. "Then I guess you're forgiven then, sweetheart."

You threw your leg over his and closed your eyes, your arm resting across his abdomen. "That’s good to know. I can go to sleep now without worrying about you being mad at me." You hummed. "Goodnight, bubs."

Rafe grinned, kissing the top of your head once more before closing his own eyes. "Goodnight, baby."

~~~~~~~

[spencers-dria]

The First of Many

Someone To Stay Ch. 10

Spencer Reid x fem reader

Content Warnings: *Mentions of alcohol/drinking

Y/N POV:

You roll over in bed to glance at your phone to see it's 11 AM. It feels nice to sleep in with no alarm. After putting on your glasses and slippers and finally dragging yourself out of bed, you stroll into the kitchen and pour a bowl of fruity pebbles. You put a music playlist on the TV to play in the background.

It has been almost a week since your talk with Spencer. As much as it hurt you to see him broken in that way, you felt honored that he trusts you enough to share that part of his life with you. Talking about trauma is never easy. You should know.

You think over some of the things you said to him. Spencer's entire job involves profiling people and reading every tone, every bit of body language. You are sure that he most likely noticed changes in you as you spoke about coping with trauma, but you're grateful he hadn't felt the need to prod you with questions. He had become your best friend here, but you aren't sure you're quite ready to bare the darkest parts of your soul to him.

Suddenly you hear a knock at your door, not caring if a neighbor or maintenance worker sees you in your pajamas, you stroll towards the door and swing it open. You rub your eyes under your glasses to make sure you're seeing correctly. Spencer is standing in your doorway, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Y/N I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up! I just assumed since it was 11..."

You wave, brushing off his comments. "Its fine, really. I actually wasn't asleep. I was eating a late breakfast though." You suddenly become very self-conscious, and its not just because you're in your pajamas. Spencer had seen you that way on the trip. You realize as you stand in your doorway that you're wearing a tank and tight fitting PJ shorts and your bear paw slippers. Your hair is a giant mess. You have no makeup on, which you usually relied on to conceal your less than perfect skin. You never really outgrew acne, even in your twenties. You were also in your glasses. Basically, you felt like a hot mess, somewhat like Princess Anna waking up on coronation day. Even though your movie nights had been casual, you always tried to be at least somewhat put together without looking like you tried too hard.

"Umm come in" You step aside as you cross your arms over your chest, your gaze staying on your feet.

"Sorry you had to see me like this. I thought maybe it was just apartment maintenance. I can go change real quick..."

A look of genuine confusion spreads across his features. "I don't understand.  See you like what?"

You gesture to your entire body. "Like...this! I'm a complete mess, Spence." You try to keep your face down to conceal the redness growing on your cheeks.

Spencer shakes his head before letting out a small chuckle. You glance up, confused as to what about this he could possibly find funny. He better not be laughing at you, seeing as you are embarrassed enough as it is.

He shakes his head, smiling. "Silly girl."

Spencer reaches down and brushes a piece of hair behind your ear. "You always look pretty."

The voice of Mama Cass singing Dream a Little Dream of Me fills the air between the two of you. There's so much tension and you don't know where it came from. Usually you're really comfortable with Spencer. But you definitely feel butterflies in your stomach as the two of you lock eyes.

You definitely can't hide the blush heating up your face now. It seems like he is just now processing what he's said and done because his eyes widen as you see his face turn red as well. He lets out a cough, breaking eye contact and staring down at his shoes as he begins to fiddle with his hands. Your gaze lingers on his hands for just a moment before you turn on your heel and head back towards the kitchen table to finish your cereal.

Spencer follows you, hesitantly, leaning against the kitchen counter. There are a few moments of silence before he finally says "I was at a coffee shop just one block over. I had something to ask you so I thought I'd just stop by."

"Like I said before, you are always welcome Spencer. So what is your question?"

"It's probably stupid. You are more than welcome to say no. I probably would if I were you."

You laugh and roll your eyes. "Wow you're really selling me on this, keep going."

"Well... the team they uh, well sometimes they go out for drinks. If I don't go along they never let me hear the end of it. I usually end up sitting b-by myself while they all head to the dance floor. I j-just thought...I thought maybe you might..."

Spencer looks up, surprised to see you smiling and nodding enthusiastically.

"I'd love to. It's been a couple weeks since I've seen everyone. And honestly I could use a few drinks myself."

A toothy grin slowly grows on his face as he bites down on his bottom lip. He does this all the time but for some reason, today, you find your eyes staring at his lips a little too long after he's done this. Wow, he has really nice lips. Like reallyyy nice lips. How had you never noticed? I wonder if he's ever kissed anyone. He's in his thirties, surely he has. But he hasn't really spoken about past relationships. Then again neither had you.

You accidentally held your gaze on him while completely losing yourself in this train of thought. You are brought back to the present by Spencer calling your name. Your eyes quickly dart up to meet his as you realize just how far down the rabbit hole you had allowed your mind to go. You shake your head quickly, pushing these thoughts far away. It's hard enough to find a really great friend who will stick around that you can trust. You had no intention of screwing that up any time soon.

"Sorry! I'm really tired. I guess I just kind of zoned out there for a second." You quickly explain before returning to eating your bowl of cereal.

"Well I guess I should get going...I'll see you tonight?" Spencer starts to head toward the door.

"Wait! Why are you leaving?"

"Oh well I just though, well...I don't know. Are you saying you want to hang out?"

"You're my best friend here Spencer, of course I want to hang out!"

Before long the two of you had the Goblet of Fire ready to go on the TV with an array of snacks strewn across the coffee table. You noticed Spencer didn't sit on the far end of the couch this time. Instead, he sat almost on the middle. You decide to sit next to him, looking at him to make sure he's okay with it. He only gives you a smile, seemingly okay with this new arrangement.

By halfway through the movie, you had somehow ended up sharing one of your large fuzzy blankets and you had scooted close enough together that your head was on his shoulder. He hadn't said anything but you were fairly certain his breathing had changed as you'd done it.

The two of you had never been very touchy so you're not sure what had brought out this side of you today. Your thoughts start to wander again. Maybe it was the compliment he'd given you earlier. Spencer had never called you pretty, but hearing him say it gave you all kinds of nerves. You hadn't really thought about Spencer in that way. It's been years since you'd had a crush on anyone. You've forgotten what that even feels like. Surely that's not what this was. The two of you were just close. It's not like he'd ever be interested. He was a literal genius, an FBI agent, not to mention he was gorgeous. He could have any woman he wanted. Why are you even thinking about this! You don't like Spencer. Geez Y/N, get it together.

After the movie ends, you sit up and look at Spencer. "Do you need time to go home and get ready or will you be ready to leave from here?"

"Oh, I think I'm ready. I can leave and come back if you like?"

"That's silly. You can just wait here while I get ready, unless you have somewhere better to be" you jokingly raise your eyebrows and shove his shoulder. He fakes like he's been hurt, causing you to giggle. Ugh, why are you giggling? You sound like a lovesick schoolgirl.

You quickly stand up and head towards your bedroom before turning around to Spencer. "You are more than welcome to and food and drinks you find, and you can look through and find something on the TV if you'd like."

You take a quick shower and throw on a robe while you fix your hair and make up. You pull out a curling rod. You had a balayage done to your hair earlier that year, so curls really did look best, making the dark to blonde even more blended. As you look through your closet, you decide to pick an outfit that will give you a bit of a confidence boost. You pull on a spaghetti strap snug fitting maroon, velvet dress. It's a little lower cut than you usually wear, but it comes almost to your knees, keeping you from feeling like you've exposed too much skin. The back dipped fairly low, with the top half of your back covered in a piece of lace. After slipping into some strappy black sandals, you look in the mirror and admire the way it accentuates your curves. You'd been blessed with more booty than chest, so luckily you don't have to worry about showing an inappropriate amount of cleavage around Spencer's coworkers. Your legs also looked even more long and slender than usual. Yep, this was the perfect outfit.

You check your makeup in the mirror once more. Dark lipstick with smoky eye shadow and long lashes. You did this for yourself. You liked being able to feel a little bit sexy every once in awhile. You weren't dressing for anyone else. That is what you keep repeating in your head, and you will keep doing that until you believe it.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves before stepping into the living room. Spencer is lying on the couch, reading through the book from your coffee table: Edgar Allen Poe's Complete Works. He's so entranced in the book, he doesn't notice you enter the room. Once he hears the clack of your heels across the floor he finally glances up and does a double take. Eyes wide, he opens his mouth to speak but just shuts it again. You can't help but think this was the reaction you had hoped for. Why were you dressing to impress Spencer? Maybe it's because he thought you were pretty when you were at your worst. You wondered what he would think when you put on your best. Based on the growing redness spreading from his face and down his neck, it's fair to say he liked what he saw. You could have sworn you hear him whisper a "wow" under his breath.

"I feel like I'm underdressed now." He finally speaks up.

"You look fine Spencer!"

"Fine? Fine can't compare with...with this!" He gestures to all of you.

You decide to play dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just threw on a dress I thought would fit in with the atmosphere" You shrug. You want to tell him he looks more than fine. That he always looks fantastic, but you decide to keep this to yourself.

"There's nothing wrong with the way you're dressed, but if it bothers you that much I can help." You step forward and look him up and down, trying to figure out the best way to do this.

"You clearly know what you're doing," he laughs. "Go ahead."

"Ok first take off the sweater vest."

Spencer removes his black velvet-like blazer in order to remove a grey, patterned sweater vest. He's left in a dark purple button down with a matching tie, black slacks, and dress shoes.

You step closer and reach out to touch his tie, hesitating for a moment.

"May I?"

He nods for you to go ahead. You remove the tie and undo the top two buttons on his shirt. You then grab his blazer and help him to slip back into it. Lastly, you move your hand up to ruffle his hair a bit. You step back to take in the whole look.

"Well?" he asks.

You roll your tongue to the side of your mouth, biting on it as you try, very poorly, to hold back a smirk. You're impressed with your finished result.

He looks...hot. NO! Stop...nope. We're not going there. He's your best friend. That's all.

He must have noticed the way you've been eyeing him and the look on your face, because he is slowly turning a deep shade of red.

"See for yourself" you say as you lead him over toward a mirror.

After looking over his new appearance, he smiles. You can tell he feels confident like this. Confident Spencer is something you wish you saw more of. You're glad you could help him to see that he can be attractive. You wish he knew that he always has been.

"Come on pretty boy" you say, imitating Derek as you lead the two of you downstairs.

Luckily the bar is well within walking distance from your apartment. When you open the door to step outside the cool night air hits your skin, causing you to shiver a bit. You immediately feel a soft warmth enveloping your arms and shoulders. You look up to see Spencer wrapping his blazer around you. If any other guy had done this, you would certainly make assumptions, but Spencer was such a kind-hearted guy, you know he's only trying to be a gentleman. You give him a quick smile of appreciation as the two of you start to make your way to the bar.

When you finally walk through the doors, you make your way to a corner booth where you see some of Spencer's team...or your friends? You suppose they've really become your friends here. After greeting Penelope, Derek, and JJ each with a hug, you and Spencer walk up to the bar together to order drinks. Spencer orders water, which doesn't surprise you, but you've already decided that he needs a little help letting loose.

"Would you let me pick out a drink for you?" you ask, giving him your sweetest puppy dog eyes before he has a chance to shoot down the offer.

He sighs as though annoyed but his smile says other wise. "Fine, but go easy on me please."

"Two rum and cokes please, and make mine a double."

The two of you make your way back over to the rest of the group with your drinks. You listen to the four of them chat about some recent cases they've worked on. The topics don't bother you much, as you've always found that line of work intriguing. Since you're mostly listening, you finish your drink fairly quickly before Penelope speaks up.

"Enough work talk! I came to dance. Who's with me?"

Finishing your final sip, you slam the glass down on the table. You stand up to join her. "I'm in!"

JJ stands as well. "Alright, lets go, ladies!"

You hand Spencer back his blazer and look to him and Derek, waiting to see if they'll join.

"I'm feeling a little sore after that take down the other day. Maybe I'll join when I'm s a few more drinks in," Derek says.

"I'm okay for now." Spencer sees your hesitation when you realize he wont be joining. "Its okay though! Go and have fun." He gives a smile to let you know that he'll be fine. "Plus I have Morgan here to talk to for now."

"That's right, pretty boy!" Derek laughs as he throws his arm around Spencer, messing with his hair.

You laugh at the two as you turn to join the girls on the dance floor. You're grateful that those two have one another. Spencer is an only child and Derek seems to act in a big brother role. You know that it's good for him.

As you make your way to JJ and Penelope, the DJ is playing Now or Never by Tritonal. You are so grateful for a place that has good taste in music. EDM is just another one of many genres you enjoy. You and the girls are belting out the words together: "I'd rather have one night, than nothing foreveeerrr!"

As the beat builds you pick up your pace on the dance floor, giggling and dancing around with your friends. The beat finally drops and you're jumping and letting loose. You haven't had this much fun in a long time. Towards the end of the song, your gaze lands on Spencer. You notice Derek has left him to flirt with a girl over by the bar. He brought you along so he wouldn't be alone, and here you had left him. You make your way over to sit next to him after ordering two shots. You sit down next to him and slide his over towards him. He catches it as he raises his eyebrows at you.

"C'mon, you're gonna dance with us! I figure it will probably help if you drink to loosen up a bit first."

Spencer stares down at the shot in front of him, clearly questioning whether or not he should go along with this.

"You don't really have to, Spence. But I thought I'd at least try. I don't want you to have to be all alone over here. And I think you might actually have fun, if you gave it a chance. Plus, I can't dance at all! So you'll be fine as long as you stick with me."

This causes him to chuckle. He looks up at you. "Thanks, Y/N. I do appreciate it. I think everyone else has just kind of given up on asking me to join. But since you care enough to try I guess it's the least I can do."

"Woo! yes! Okay...bottoms up?" You look to him as the two of you clink your shots and down them in one quick motion. He seems to struggle a bit more after, since he doesn't do this often.

You hear Dirty Sexy Money comes on and your eyes light up with excitement. "Yes! This is a great song! Come on!" You grab his hand and lead him out to the dance floor.

You can tell Spencer is a bit unsure of himself still. You grab both of his hands and start to move him around, just trying to get him to loosen him. Both of you can't help but laugh. Neither of you are actually dancing well, just goofing off and having fun. Alcohol leaves you with more confidence than usual, so you're singing the song out loud, not caring who hears. You feel your confidence building even more. The problem with drinking is, you tend to get a bit flirty. This is usually directed at the nearest person, and it's usually the worst possible person. You begin to stop caring who's watching or how you're coming across. The song makes you feel sexy and you want to have fun.

Your dancing changes from silly to sexy as the chorus begins. You've got your hands in the air as you do body rolls. Your hips are swaying with the music. You're not sure how they got there, but before you know it your hands are wrapped around Spencer's neck. He looks so attractive to you right now. Your eyes stay locked on his as you sing the words of the song. You're feeling even more bold so you turn your back to him and grab his hands to place them on your sides. You shimmy down towards the ground and back up again. You feel him tighten his grip on you. You turn around to see a wide-eyed Spencer. His face is beet red and he's sweating despite not having danced much. You know that if this was bothering him, he would have walked away. The alcohol is keeping you from caring how this will affect your friendship afterwards. All you can think about is now. His words, his actions today, HE had made you feel confident and sexy. In this moment, you wanted him to know that. You're too buzzed and too busy taking in how good he looks to notice his eyes dart down to your lips, not so differently from what you had done earlier.

The thick tension in the air between you is quickly dispensed as the song changes. As Last Friday Night comes on, you pull Spencer over to the rest of the group on the dance floor, which now included Derek. The five of you end up singing and dancing around together, but you and Spencer can't help but stealing glances when the other isn't looking. Neither of you can forget what happened earlier. The other three share knowing looks.

As the night comes to a close, the group parts ways. Spencer opens the door for you as the two of you step outside to head back to your apartment. Most of the walk is made in silence. He passes his car outside your building and walks with you all the way back to your door. After unlocking it, you turn to him to say goodnight. Once again, your eyes land on his lips, one of his many wonderful features. You find yourself wishing you could kiss him, but your logic tells you this would not be a good idea at the moment. You are aware that your judgment is clouded. So instead, you pull him in for a hug. He buries his face in your shoulder as he whispers "Goodnight Y/N" next to your ear.

You rush inside and close the door before you have a chance to do anything you regret. After getting ready for bed, you are surprised to hear a small alert from your phone. It's a little late for anyone to be texting you. It's Spencer.

Spencer📱I had fun tonight. Thanks for making me try new things. :)

Y/N📱Me too! And good because I have a feeling that was a first of many haha

You fall into your bed, crawling under the covers. It feels comfier than usual, but you know it's because of how tired you are. You take in the feeling of the slick sheets against your skin and the warmth the blankets provide. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, remembering all the events of the night.

A/N: Thanks for reading this far! Y'all are awesome! Let me know what parts you like best!

Have a wonderful week loves 💖

[autisticmight]

how does someone who knows little-to-nothing about it get into sanders sides? i saw thomas' vines, and i've been sort of tangentially aware that the facets of his personality that he portrayed in the vines have since become characters, but there's a whole bunch of new ones??? what the fuck is a janus???? HELP. tldr where do i find The Lore? plz obi wan ur my only hope

it’s very simple!!! you hyperfixate on thomas sanders’s content in, like, 2016? and then he uploads a video called ‘my true identity’, which is a bit weird, but you love those vine characters. then he uploads more, and it becomes a trend. apparently people in the comments are shipping the prince guy and anxiety. you rewatch the new year’s video an embarrassing amount of times with your dog

i had a whole paragraph here about why i like the series, and why i dropped it and then picked it up again, but it was just a block of lowercase text and i guess it’s kind of hard to read

anyway, here’s the playlist of every episode, but i’m going to put a summary of the series and individual episodes under the readmore, while also ranking them, because i am Special Interesting and i like being useful. and i guess i’m gonna write using. like. actual grammar. if the readmore doesn’t work, then. have fun reading my infodump

here we go

Sanders Sides: A Summary

Fictional Version Of Thomas Sanders (known as Character!Thomas, and will be simply referred to as ‘Thomas’ henceforth) has ‘Sides’, which are parts of his personality that have been exaggerated and personified. It’s a nice little series set in some kind of semi-urban fantasy world, but mostly in Thomas’s living room. It mostly uses the idea of ‘Sides’ to represent the inner schemata of an individual. In simpler terms, you know when you’re conflicted, and you end up arguing with yourself? Yeah, it’s that.

Also, don’t read the comments, unless you want to disregard the care I’ve taken to not put spoilers in the Season 1 Summaries.

Season 1

I’d like to split this into parts, because there are a lot of things in earlier episodes that conflict with later characterisation. However, it’s also fun to watch them, and then rewatch them after some of the longer episodes, and feel your heart shatter!

This half of Season 1 was made solely by Thomas. It tends to be a bit more scattered, and can be watched out of chronological order, or completely skipped. Yes, I’m telling you that you can skip literally all of this section, if you want to. However, these are also the easiest videos to watch, and offer a taste of Silly Sanders Sides Hijinks without the emotional commitment.

My True Identity (6 min) - Thomas delves into the three aspects of his personality; his Logic (Teacher Guy), his Creativity (the Prince, also called Princey), and his Morality (Dad Guy who is Not Thomas’s Dad). At this point, the characters are far more similar to their Vine counterparts, and the characterisation clashes with later episodes. (3/5 - A nice way to see if you’ll enjoy the humour of this series)

Way Too Adult (5 min) - Thomas is asked by his family to help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Dad Guy pops up and discusses with Thomas how he can better learn to take care of himself. Features a talking stove, which is part of the reason why I classify this series as urban fantasy, and the start of a running joke. (2/5 - A fun, albeit rare, look into Dad Guy being responsible. I actually prefer this to My True Identity, but ranks lower due to conflicting with later S1 characterisation.)

Taking On Anxiety with Lilly Singh (6 min) - Thomas hopes and dreams to get rid of his Anxiety, who is a sassy, snide guy, sitting on the staircase. Princey, as the embodiment of Thomas’s hopes and dreams, is... Usurped by an imaginary version of Lilly Singh, who helps teach Thomas how to cope with feeling anxious. (3/5 - Introduces some secret tools that will help us later. The tools are Thomas being able to travel to various places in his head, and also Anxiety.)

A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!! (7 min) - The first video wherein you realise that this is A Thing. Thomas welcomes in the new year, hoping that 2017 will be better than 2016. Logic shows up to help him figure out some New Year’s Resolutions, accompanied by Dad Guy and Princey. Anxiety joins in to point out that Thomas has rarely, if ever, kept to his resolutions before. Through the first musical number of the series, the Core Sides and Thomas figure out simple, achievable resolutions that Thomas can use to improve his wellbeing. (4/5 - Unintentional foreshadowing in the form of a bop.)

The Dark Side of Disney (6 min) - Princey, not for the last time, enthuses about the wonders of Disney. However, Anxiety also appears, insisting that Disney is not as wholesome as it first appears. They argue and bond, despite the fact that Thomas still hasn’t redacted his statement regarding his hopes and dreams to get rid of his Anxiety. (2/5 - I have strong feelings on the meaning of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘The Little Mermaid’, both of which are shrugged off in favour of the tryhard-edgy ‘blegh stockholm syndrome’ and ‘blegh change yourself to get your man’. Still, it’s a fan-favourite for a reason, and the endcard always makes me smile.)

I’m in a Disney Show!! (6 min) - Princey enthuses about the wonders of Disney, because Thomas is in a Disney show. He talks about what happened, while the Sides (mostly Logic) suggest clickbait titles in order to entice people to watch the video. (2/5 - L*gan P*ul is mentioned, as he was also in the episode.)

The Mind vs. The Heart (6 min) - Thomas finds himself split between following his mind, Logic, or his heart, Morality. Features onesies, and looks further into the characters of Logic and Dad Guy. (3/5 - Pretty calm and peaceful, to be honest. It’s nice.)

Then we move onto the second part of Season 1. This is when Thomas’s friend, Joan, began to offer their input into scriptwriting and directing. They’re most of the reason why Sanders Sides is an actual series, instead of being silly skit characters in short vlogs. From here on in, episodes become more complex, and work on an actual timeline.

Alone on Valentines Day (9 min) - Thomas is rather upset that he will be, as the title says, alone on Valentine’s Day. The Sides try to help him figure out how to get a date with an imaginary version of his friend Valerie, but each of them has a weirder way of going about it than the last. (4/5 - Far more cohesive than previous videos, but Thomas still wasn’t fully out as gay, so his hypothetical date is a woman. Yes, I took points off because of that. Yes, I’m about to erase the 3/5 to make it 4/5 because Valerie is a delight.)

Losing My Motivation (9 min) - When Thomas finds himself procrastinating, Logic takes it upon himself to find out which side is causing it. In order to get into a deductive mindset, Logic dresses up as Sherlock, while Dad Guy joins in as Watson. Once the case is solved, an important piece of information is revealed: the Sides have names. (Logic’s name is revealed) (3/5 - It’s just a fun little video, and I can’t keep giving every video from here on in 4/5, or that’ll ruin the whole thingy.)

Sanders Sides Q&A (9 min) - Exactly what it sounds like. There’s not much else to say. (2/5 - I love it, but it’s not really necessary to understand the whole series. It’s just extra characterisation.)

Am I Original? (12 min) - Thomas finds himself in a creative rut, trying to think of a completely original idea. Princey requests full creative control - “full-on Daydream Mode” - in order to rapidly consider and enact many different concepts, all while trying to make something that has never been seen before. (Princey’s name is revealed) (4/5 - Important characterisation for Princey. I originally rated it lower due to Thomas’s inability to rap, but upon rewatching, i found that the ending dialogue between Princey and Thomas was worth two points, rather than the single one I gave it previously.)

My Negative Thinking (13 min) - When Thomas messes up in an audition, his ego - Princey - is out of commission and being cared for by Dad Guy. Therefore, the only Sides available to aid him in this situation are Logic and Anxiety, neither of whom can help Thomas in the way he wants to. Anxiety is worsening Thomas’s mental state, so Logan proposes a debate in order to combat those cognitive distortions. (4/5 - A fan-favourite episode which offers a lot of insight into Logic and Anxiety as characters. It is useful as a tool for identifying cognitive distortions in real life, which may help with the individual’s mental health. Even though it introduces another running joke, it’s educational and fun, and it develops their relationship in a positive manner, I just don’t particularly enjoy it.)

Growing Up (15 min) - It’s Thomas’s birthday! He’s in his late twenties, and he’s still a kid at heart. He hasn’t done his laundry, he's silly and immature, and he feels like he isn’t at the point that he needs to be in his life. Therefore, all the Sides, except for Dad Guy, who ironically embodies Thomas’s inner child, work on trying to make him more mature. (Morality’s name is revealed) (3/5 - Features the concept of Voltron Shirt. I love this episode, but there is a noticeable change in audio quality at the end which affects how enjoyable it is.)

Making Some Changes (15 min) - Back in Thomas’s living room, and in opposition to his view from the last episode, Anxiety is worried about how life changes in unpredictable ways, and especially about losing contact with Thomas’s friends. Therefore, in order to keep Thomas’s friends permanently by his side, Princey gets them all to shapeshift. (3/5 - It might be skippable, but it’s just really, really fun.)

Becoming A Cartoon (10 min) - Adding to the whole urban fantasy thing, it turns out that animators can literally, physically turn people into cartoons. Thomas wants to be a cartoon. Princey catches Anxiety in his arms and says “everybody loves the villain,” and I think that’s all you need to know. (1/5 - Co-stars B*tch H*rtman, known for Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, and Being A Bigot, who did the character designs for the Sides, if not the actual animation. And the designs are kind of. Eh. Just watch some fanmade animatics.)

Accepting Anxiety (23 min) - Part 1: Excepting Anxiety (10 min), and Part 2: Can Anxiety Be Good? (14 min) - HOO. If the musical number or the animation didn’t clue you in, this video confirms that Sanders Sides is A Thing. Remember how Thomas hoped and dreamt to get rid of his Anxiety? Remember how he never redacted that statement, or even expressed a bit of remorse? Well, here, his wishes come true, and he doesn’t feel bad about it at all! That’s because he has absolutely no shame, caution, or fear of death. Yeah, he’s a mess. Therefore, the Sides make him take them on a magical quest to Anxiety’s Room, in order to un-mess-ify Thomas. (Anxiety’s name is revealed) (5/5 - The team really went above and beyond with this one. Like. Hoo. That’s it. Just. Hoo. Hoo. I’m an owl.)

And that’s Season 1!!! I’m going to add Season 2 in a reblog, because this has taken roughly three hours and it’s been really difficult to not spoil their names!!! which i did anyway because their names are all easier to type from muscle memory!!!

[goldenhour-goldenboy]

Hi, I'm obsessed with this movie. I've seen it like 10 times now and none of my friends/family will watch it with me. But I was wondering if you could do a younger benny and his high school sweetheart. Maybe they find eachother again later in life. How they were in high school and how they were before he and Will enrolled Vs how they are now given all the things they have seen and how they are older. I just thought this would be so cool.

My LOVE I am so sorry this took so long but I’ve made it! I actually got a bit carried away by the whole younger Benny thing but I hope that’s alright! The ending is fairly short since I didn’t want to overwrite the whole thing (maybe I’ll do another one where I go into detail a bit more how the service changed him but I have to work through the other requests first and there are some that are asking for the same thing so we’ll see)I had SO much FUN writing this and also broke my own heart bc now I’m sad that there’s no Ben Miller in my life lol OKAY 

also i’m also obsessed with that fcking movie it’s not funny i tell you

High School Sweethearts and Long Life Lovers (young!Benny Miller Headcanons)

When you and Benny first meet it’s like two worlds colliding. It’s not necessarily because you are the opposite side of a coin but more that you’ve never interacted with him and don’t exactly share the same group of friends. While you try to get through High School as fast and as unproblematic as possible, Benny seems to almost celebrate every second of it. He’s not a trouble maker per say but he likes to be seen (and heard) while you try to fly under the radar as much as you can. 

For Benny High School is just a passing point, somewhere he’s stuck until he gets his degree and an environment where the rules are not meant to be broken but defiantly meant to be bent to the maximum. For you he’s just another loud guy that tries his damn hardest to prove to the world of tough and different he is and you’re not at all interested in getting drawn into whatever mess he decided to create this week. He’s not a trouble maker but you think he does mean trouble.

You shoot him down the first time he strolls up to you to ask you to hang out. It’s not because rumor has it that Benny Miller leaves nothing but broken hearts and bruised knuckles behind but because his cocky attitude and constant teasing annoy you, not as much as the stares from jealous girls down the halls do, but still enough to decline. What does spark your first interest is the way he accepts your answer (which really consists of a simple “No”, you not intending to argue with him). Though his gaze is still lingering on you for a second, he backs of fairly fast - faster than most boys you’ve encountered by then and it’s his understanding and the space that he gives you afterwards that you appreciate about him. You don’t like him a whole lot better after that but at least he doesn’t turn out to be a real asshole.

Falling for Benny Miller turned out to be a marathon, not a sprint. Somehow, and you’re still not sure how, he wedged his way into your heart. It’s the little things that seem to come to your attention more often afterwards, how he’s almost always late to the classes you share with him not because he doesn’t care but because he walks everyone else of his group of friends to their classes first. How his face lights up when he’s getting picked up by his brother and you watch them through the windshield, Benny turning up the music and belting out the lyrics to a song where he doesn’t hit every note and his brother just snorts at him. 

His bruised knuckles turn out to don’t come from fighting in the streets and picking fights constantly but from taking boxing classes late after school at a local gym. You find out by accident, your cousin who picks you up from school recognizing his brother William and stopping for a quick chat, mentioning training and Benny being involved. William seems far softer than Benny, though you haven’t talked to Benny any more than his brother. For a second there’s a hint of surprise in Will’s eyes as you introduce yourself and you wonder if it may be recognition as well. As you pull your hand from the short handshake you can’t help the thought that crosses your mind if Ben has talked to his older brother about you, the image sending a soft blush to your cheeks.

A lot of firsts happen in the time you’re with Benny. 

The first time seeing bloody knuckles followed by a first time where you have to patch up said bloody knuckles. This time it’s not from training and it’s takes a bit of questioning until he rasps out that there were those bullies that tried to pick on a kid in his neighborhood. You scoff, telling him that he’ll get in trouble if he goes to School like that the next day and that it’ll only make the rumors worse about him being violent but Benny just shrugs, murmuring that it was worth it and he’d do it over and over again.

The first time you taste the bitterness of beer was on his lips, which happened to be the first time you kissed. You remember how his lips were a bit chapped that night, the music blaring inside the house you’ve been invited to, the smell of cigarettes lingering on the front porch and the railing behind you. You remember Benny’s hands on your waist, at first more hesitant but then your lips parted, a soft sound escaping yours and he gripped your waist harder, pressing his body against you.

You remember the first time you smelled him, face pressed into his shirt as it seems that you just couldn’t stop crying. You felt silly in that moment, balling over the loss of your favorite pet but that bundle of fur grew up with you and though you knew that it’s end would come long before your own it still hits you, hard. Benny was there then, rubbing small circles on your back and holding you steady.

Benny’s seeing a kind of sanctuary in you, something steady in a life that seems to move too fast for him. There are countless nights that he crawls through the window and into your room late at night. Sometimes you’re still sitting at your desk studying, sometimes you’re already lying in bed and the face that suddenly appears in your window scares you to death. 

When his dad gets called for another tour, it’s you Benny turns to. Will calls you first after Benny storms out when he hears the news and it doesn’t take long for the younger Miller brother to show up at your window, cheeks red and breathing furiously. He’s frustrated at first, walking circles into your carpet and cursing his dad and his brother and the army and the whole goddamn world before stopping with his back to you. You can’t see his face but the way his shoulders tense up, hands balled at the side before starting to shake you take a gentle hand to turn him around. The sight of his scrunched up face, tears falling big and heavy to your shirt as his head hangs low nearly breaks your heart and this time it’s you that wraps him in a tight hug and rubs his back.

Normally he leaves after a couple of hours but this time Ben falls asleep in your arms, face pressed into the crook of your neck, exhausted from the fear and the crying while you stroke his head, again and again until his ragged breaths calm down and he stops shaking. There’s really nothing you can say to him that will make it better. After all you’re both just two teenagers, too old to believe in miracles, too grown up to ignore the realistic chance of his father getting injured while being deployed. So you hold him and hope that in the daylight, the fear won’t be as strong.

Benny’s an absolute sweetheart to you in school. It’s not like he was rude before but now he’s taking chivalry to a whole new level. There’s usually an arm around your waist or a hand in your back pocket, stolen kisses between class. Glancing his way he’ll catch your eyes, a sheepish smile on his lips and before you turn your attention back to the board.

You’ve tried studying together for a while but it really doesn’t work that great. It’s either Benny distracting you or your distracting Benny, causing piles of homework to get kicked onto the floor, pencils clattering to the ground as you feel his body pressing you into the soft mattress of your bed, hips grinding against yours as he’s starting to suck with his sweet lips right under your jaw.

Benny accumulates a couple of habits since you’re around. There’s little notes that you randomly find in your backpack or your locker, not everyday but mostly after you had a tough week or a fight. Picking you up and dropping you off becomes a thing as soon as he passes his drivers license and there’s usually a cup of coffee waiting in your cupholder at the passenger side. On your birthday he creates a cd with your favorite kind of songs and it becomes your morning pickup playlist, William having to sit through the same songs over and over again whenever he happens to sit in the car.

Benny learns how to play guitar in those years with you though he swears Will made him do it and he didn’t learn it just for you. He’s can’t play an awful lot of songs, most of the time he can’t concentrate and sit still for the amount of time that it takes to learn a full song and playing the same thing over and over bores him to death very easily. But whenever he feels the need to clear his head, he likes to sit down, guitar in his lap and mindlessly pick at the strings. 

Though he hasn’t played in years the old guitar, that was actually your dad’s old guitar that he didn’t need and gave Benny as a gift, still sits in his childhood room at his parents house. He thought about taking it home but he really sees no point in it since he doesn’t play anymore but at the same time he can’t get himself to give it away either.

You try to go to prom with Benny, you even picked out a nice dress and he got dressed up but the night of the actual prom went a bit different than expected. You even made it to the parking lot but neither of you seemed to wanna get out of the car, instead you kept sitting there and looked at the people lingering around or waiting to get inside. It takes one look at each other and Benny’s pulling out of the lot in seconds.

You end up at a diner that night, with burgers and fries, first alone which you enjoy immensely and later joined by your friends that didn’t seem to enjoy the prom too much, even less without you two being there and Benny raising havoc. Instead of dancing in a very sweaty overcrowded gym Benny gets some change for the old jukebox and you end up dancing in the middle of the diner. And though Benny’s dance moves are a bit questionable at times, he twirls and twists you around that night that you get dizzy, grabbing onto his arms for stability where he takes the chance to steal a kiss from you, leaving your friends hollering and whistling at you two from the background.

Breaking up wasn’t so much a decision as it kinda just happened. Near the end of your High School both of you are met with the question on where to go next in life -  and unfortunately it seems as if fate is working against you. While Benny is set on joining the army with his brother (and this really does not come to your surprise since it has always been his dream) you start to look into Colleges. Both of you are stressed because finals are coming up, the inevitable question on how you should continue your relationship combines with the worries about the future and one fight too many leaves both of you with the feeling that maybe this isn’t meant to last forever.

Maybe if the timing was different, the two of you would’ve had the chance to talk it out one more time but you move away a couple of weeks after Benny gets employed and sent to camp for basis training. It’s your first real heartbreak, for both you and Benny and it certainly weighs heavy on your soul. A breakup is always hard but being this young it defiantly feels like the end of the world and it doesn’t help that you can’t seem to shake the thought of “What if..?”

The next time you see each other happens by accident. You’re back in town for a week to catch up with your family and though Ben has certainly changed you recognize him immediately. His body that just started to gain muscles when you last saw each other now has developed quite well and he’d outgrown his scrawny body but it’s still Benny. His hair is cut short and you catch yourself thinking that it’s even a bit too short for your liking. The sheepishness is still there, though his eyes flicker around the area, and you think to spot a hasty glow behind them, though it’s hard to tell from across the parking lot.

You don’t talk that day, him entering the grocery store and you’re about to pull out the lot, time doesn’t seem to give you a chance. But seeing him stirs something inside of you, the thought of him crossing your mind the following week again and again until you even ask your mother if she heard anything from the Millers, though she doesn’t know too much. Your brain is like a overachieving little helper, serving you memories at the most inconvenient times and it takes a bit for you to store the thought of Benny Miller to the back of your mind again.

It’s been ages now, at least it feels like it, when you stumble into each other, for real this time. You’re in front of a bar, waiting for your friends who want to celebrate your move back to town, though the thought brings nothing but hot shame to your cheeks that you wish to drown in a generous amount of alcohol. It really doesn’t feel like your next step in life but more like you’re taking ten steps back and thinking about moving back in with your parents makes your hairs stand in the back of your neck. 

This time you don’t recognize him immediately. He’s almost inside the bar when your eyes meet on accident, you glancing up from your phone again, trying not to look too long at the bulky dude in the grey sweater passing you by. He stops and you clutch your bag a little tighter, frantically trying to remember what your father told you about throwing a punch, just in case, and you almost take a step back as you hear his voice. “Y/N?” It’s hard to look at him now, his face a collage of colorful bruises, a split lip and red nose and you though you try hard find the boy that you gave your heart to in his eyes it takes you a minute.

You quickly realized that his appearance isn’t the only thing that has changed. He’s still witty and quick with a come back to tease but there’s a lack of his easy going charm and he seems to have lost some of his carelessness along the way. Maybe it’s because you’re not as close anymore, a small voice in the back of your head whispers and you silently agree. After all you’ve grown too, so expecting him to be still a boy at heart might be a bit too much.

You’re chatting for a while and it feels awkward at first, a stiff conversation about nonsense. Your eyes sneak back to his injuries and you can’t help but think that Benny looks .. rough. You don’t ask him how he’s been, the question seems silly to you because what even are you trying to hint at? His time in service? Where’s at now? What the hell he’s done to get that beaten up? 

You part as your friends arrive, Benny scattering away as they get out of the car and you end up not knowing how to say goodbye. It ends in a long nod from him and a small smile from you, fiddling with the hem of your jacket as you debate wether or not to ask if he wants to stay in touch and you get caught up in the excitement of your friends, the group giggling and pushing you through the front door of the bar. As you look over your shoulder you only see Benny’s back as he’s crossing the street, almost at the other side and you break into a sprint to catch him before he vanishes into the night. 

It takes a bit of convincing until he lets you type in your number into his phone. “Let’s keep in touch, yeah?” He nods and you’re almost sure he won’t call. It’s a week later that your phone rings, Benny on the other line, stuttering about catching up (he promises that most of his face looks better now and that he won’t scare the living daylights out of you this time) and suddenly you’re fifteen again, heart racing as you agree.

Find the moodboard for highschool!Benny Miller here! xx

[theyanan]

Oh, no, you don't have to apologize. I'm just happy to hear from you even if it takes a bit. x3 Ye, I do work eight hours on Monday and Wednesday, so I'm ready to go home and nap when I'm done. lol. I read both text-based books and manga. Right now, I've been reading the Tokyo Ghoul series, but also Harry Potter like I mentioned. I also love the Lord of the Rings books and the Kiesha'ra series. What about you? - Fae

"I will answer on time!" she says before forgetting to respond for two whole days.... but in my defense I legitimately thought I had responded already! I'm so sorry! I guess Tumblr decided to not post my response and not tell me that it didn't post -_-

anyways! I've probably read every single book in the three (3) libraries I have cards for, and so my favorite books change like Everytime I finish a new one lmao. right now I'm digging The Mermaid's Daughter by Ann Claycomb! I love fantasy/sci-fi/supernatural books the best but tbh I'll read anything!

also what kind of music do you listen too, it doesn't have to be kpop? I'm trying to make your playlist but I listen to such a variety of songs and genres that if I just try to pick my favorites it'll be a mess abañfkf

[anxietywriter]

A Bucket List

The wishes of a mentally unstable high school senior (for non-Americans that's like 17/18, before college). I added commentary and swearing to my list so hope you're ok with that. There's some references to mental illness in there and mentions of family drama so consider that before continuing.

Have a picnic with friends

Own a pet (probably a cat first but i do want like a dog or two later in life)

Get diagnosed (a fuck you to my parents)

Go to therapy (kind of goes with the other one but still)

Cook a dish that I have saved in a youtube playlist

Get my first paycheck (I don't work currently but I expect to in college)

Buy a bike? (Depends if my campus will let me use it to go to lectures, also I hate driving with a fiery passion atm)

Buy a bubble machine

Join a club in college

Start my webcomic (I've been thinking about it for a while and am planning to post it under a different alias and like I've outlined some scenes but I need fuckin PLOT)

Start doing art stuff on the side like commissions!!

Start a workout routine or something to get healthier

Make those diy hoodies that I've been thinking about

Buy a bunch of jewelry, like those mystery boxes with just a mess of jewelry in them

Smol tattoo? (maybe i'll start out w something temporary and see if i like it)

Finish my little clay statues (i need to finish painting a c!George from dsmp one and finish sculpting a monty mole one. don't ask)

Be more comfortable w myself

Make a shadow box/book nook cuz they look cool

Get a messenger bag and one of those tiny bags

Buy a pronoun pin and an ace pride pin also maybe a mini ace flag that'd be cool

Get into cosplay (it's like halloween, but like you can do it whenever you want and don't have to be anxious abt people knowing what your costume is)

Read all the books that I bought

continue watching Loki

i saw this on teacher tiktok but like a bubble gum machine with clear capsules (it looks super cool and i wanna fill the capsules with all sorts of trinkets)

I want to try the small business thing. a lot, it would go hand in hand with a lot of the art stuff that i want to do

be more honest with others (bc i'm too fucking scared all the time)

stick a bunch of patches on a jacket/hoodie

buy boots (idk why but i had a pair of heeled black boots that just fucking disappeared AND a pair of heeled black ankle boots that ALSO went missing)

Learn another language (idk if i want to reconnect with my parent's language or not lots of disconnect rn,,, bad feels big sad)

MAKE A FLOWER CROWN BC THEY LOOK CUTE OKKK

vibe to mixed playlist with a friend

gosh i keep seeing it on tiktok but like drawing where we switch sketchbooks/canvases every like 5 minutes i want to do that

play on a minecraft server with friends (it's fun to play with a bunch of ppl but idk if they'd be down for that)

Figure out who I want to keep and cut from my life (i have a lot of ppl i plan to keep but i struggle cutting them off when ik they're toxic for me)

get a drawing tablet or a pad bc i will go mental if i keep having to work with my mobile (it keeps fucking crashing like bitch i just want awesome resolution)

buy grocery store sushi like the heathen i am and eat it with ramune (again)

fall in love

get more plain long sleeve shirts bc i keep trying to see what long sleeves i can wear under my short sleeves and i literally have nothing

on a similar vein, buy fake collars or get more collared shirts to pair with my graphic tees

get a pleated skirt bc i want it (and i mean fully pleated bc i have a half pleated skirt which looks hella cute btw but i would like to see one fully pleated)

go to college and realize that my fears of not fitting in or not being good enough were silly

again, similar vein, get my bachelor's like a;lsdkf

try out a rage room

try out an escape room (with friends)

make my own custom tarot cards (tarot admittedly isn't something i'm super into, but i do want to try my hand at making them and having the same meaning. maybe give them to a friend?? maybe)

finish off my portfolio for college (yikes i should've done that earlier)

finish the financial aid form (also should've done that earlier, i've been putting it off)

finish AT LEAST 2 of my 20 something unfinished works (because i got a massive flood of ideas and they're all awesome)

figure out what i want to keep for college and what to leave (i def can't bring everything, so i'll have to pick out my favorite plushies, art works/works in general, books, art supplies, and misc.)

tell my parents what college i want to go to + advantages & disadvantages (for some reason they just... never talk to me about college. like they harassed my brother about it 24/7 when he was a senior but like... i don't think my parents even know what i want to major in)

maybe (strong maybe) also tell my parents about the deposit fee (my brother went to community so they didn't have to pay deposit and my parents know nothing about college so :p)

win at least one (1) scholarship from a scholarship site (i haven't yet but i will! I WILL! THERE'S ONLY SO MANY TIMES I CAN LOSE)

be able to make my next bucket list shorter, because i've already done what i figure would make me a little happier