#i've literally never listened to that song on purpose but that line always makes me bust a nut it felt so ex!peter to me

[ddejavvu]

I'll hit it from the back just so you don't get attached - ex!peter parker x reader

Happy Indy day @hanasnx!!! Indy i hope you enjoy this. I used your peter content to get myself familiar with his character so i hope this feels right to you. you deserve to get sloppy with your ex boyfriend peter parker

You can't stop crawling back to Peter. He's been such a constant in your life for years, you've moved twice with him, you fostered a cat together, you stuck birthday candles in his cake for more years than you kept track of. But it just doesn't consistently work with you guys. You're so hot and cold, yes and no, back and forth. Like sticky, pronged ferns you tangle together out of crippling dependency, desperation to belong, stunting your growth and pricking bleeding, oozing wounds in each other. You make up, you fuck, you fight, you separate. You make up, you fuck, you fight, you separate.

You want sex and no one but Peter can give it to you. You're not going to waste your time with someone who doesn't know you, and listen, fucking Peter one time doesn't mean you're back together. You mean it this time, you're really not trying again. All you want is a fuck.

"Don't kiss me." You decide, jerking your head away from his lips. When his eyes glow wounded your frustration with yourself multiplies, because you shouldn't be here doing this with him. you shouldn't be in his bed, you shouldn't be letting him put his hands on you, because you're done. But you need him, you miss him, you love him, you hate him.

"Okay." Peter nods, reluctant but respectful, "Can I kiss- you? Your neck?"

"Whatever." You bite, growing increasingly antsy for the sex that's about to come, "Just not on the mouth, we're not together anymore."

If you let Peter kiss you you will get back with him. You'll fold and bury yourself in his toned chest, shutting yourself back in to the life you keep trying to step out from. You have to stay strong, and you steel yourself against the emotional component of Peter's lips brushing softly but hungrily over your bare shoulder. When he kisses against the skin you inhale, swallowing a pool of saliva that had gathered over your tongue.

You're not getting back together with him.

When he flips you over to spread your legs and bury himself inside of you you're met with his face, his teeth digging into his lip, his hair sticking up with sweat, his eyes, god his eyes looking anywhere but your own face. It takes you only a split second to realize that you're not going to be able to do this; that you're going to cave and kiss him yourself if you can see him like this. So you push him clumsily away, flipping over on all fours to bury your face into the pillow.

"There." You lean back on your knees, letting Peter look at the round swell of your ass, "From the back. We're- I can't look at you. We're not together anymore. I don't want to get attached again."

That's your rule. That's how you regulate, how you can twitch around Peter's cock without begging him to take you back. He has to press you down with his weight, whether it be over the arm of the couch or into the pillows at the head of his bed. Whatever you do, you cant look at his face, so he'll hit it from the back so you don't get attached.

[earlysunshines]

⚠️ WARNING - long ask ahead, don't tell I didn't warn, sorry in advance guys 🤟

IM ERWITING THIS AS I GO ON THE FIC, which means omw to work, which means ill be all day thinking of this dani BC THE "the woman has a few moles on the right side of her face" GOT ME GOOOD yeees I love mo dani little moles sooo much.

(this all may be out of place? is just comments bc I'll probably explode if I dont write it down already so,,,

A CHET BAKER CD?? OUCH you have a good taste (played jazz for a while after it cause I was already wanting to hear since hanni recent live listening to the lp she brought, that was such a great live)

loved the way you played with the shelter 'care' word bc of the kang going first AND it was so funny haerin going like "your girl is just that way if you want to know" she is a little menace

ok so beach jazz scene, just got chills from them looking at each other and singing the same line cause I put to play the song too yk immersion, AND ARRURGH THE slip up and calling dani beautiful oh pls n dani still staring like i can imagine her goofy little teasing smile at yn bc of It oh oh they're so in love,, im just getting started aren't I?

yn just noticing dani has been talking about her when minji mentioned likejjhh giiirl I knew since haerin mentioned the same line dani had said about yn eyes. n ooooh you didn't continue the twinflame book c'mon (loved the bit of it)!!! it was getting interesting

also really important part; the way you always highlight the action of dani tilting her head squeezes my chest everytime i. swear . im weak for it

THEY KSSED 😭😭😭oh dani's tatto they're- WELL THEY KISSED !!! UARGH cuties

okaywait was so engaged reading that I forget this here, so the bathroom scene remind ME about the time thing, tbh I think you did this all fluffy scenes on purpose making us forget abt the plot, funny how wait this about to be big, like since when I read the summary I got surprised with this concept of death time tattoo, usually is 'time until you meet your soulmate' kinda of thing SO never read this plot before AND since the start I was like, afraid? of finishing this one like idk it it all comes to a end yk? idk shit you made me thoughtful, going back to read

OOP CLOSE THE DOOR??🫣? IM SEATED oh to hold danielle waist and and...😔 "maybe im your twin flame"YOURE😭MO DANI 😭 YOU ARE arhg youre giving me anxiety my dear writer

NOO YN don't isolate yourself oh if you're giving us another heartbroken dani im about to cry

LAST THEN 48 HOURS??? WAIITWAIT I want my fluffy where is fufflism

just thinking abt hyein ms lee and haerin starring at yn like 'is she dead??' gave me such a good laugh ngl

oh you... you made they death day on 722? ah....I swear I thought they were going to die without knowing abt they're soulmates like urgagrhggggsgghh lemme finish this up

before I cry with this little happy alternative universe I wanna say that I LOVED the way everything evolves around the beach, like since her parents till yn on th way of dyin,g it felt so right, the 'day off' where they spent all day gave me a thought like 'oh ms.lee surely planned it bc she knew dani walked on the morning' for me it was planned☝️🤓 (beabadoobee - beaches) <3

...to be honest I dont even know what to say to this one bc this all was just comments so yeah..im...this was good, good. literally spend all my shift thinking about finishing this one, the concept really got me good,, I.. maybe smth personal but i've been so...overloaded for a while so this one hitted soo close and made me want to,, live.. I think I just need a mo dani marsh in my life too

anyways😮‍💨 #really great, #changed my life, #made me cry, they're so many thoughts going on as a write this.. you're truly amazing. wish you a amazing day/week/weekend you deserve the best only!! 🫶

-with many admiration, 🤟

for this long wonderful lovely feedback i will provide. alonnnggg. reply and details plus insights HOORAAY im so glad to hear from u i absolutely love your responses u make me smile always

NO YWAAHAH HER MOLES I LOVE THEEMEMM they’re my fav feature other than her long eye lashes and smile and wait i love every feature muahahhaha

i loooove chet baker i have a like 8 hour playlist that has a lot of his music on there along with others ima. fiend for jazz i live for jazz festivals omfg and i need to find clips of hanni listening to music what!! i didn’t know this happened on her live…

no bc my fav thing ab these fics is that it’s lit up to me i thought i was the funniest person adding “kangs kare” im so #wordplay put me in coach

OMFG JAZZ Scene has some more behind it actually no it doesn’t i lied but basically i was like trying to just write and listen and the jazz playlist was lit on and CHET BAKER played and it was it’s always you and omfg i just ugh i started daydreaming and stopped writing for a moment LLOOL idk jazz makes me really lovey and dovey and emotional i think it’s beautiful it’s like a warm embrace or your lover tracing their fingers over your skin

aahahhshdh i think dani si the type of person to not shut up ab someone she likes and like she won’t even know she likes them yet but everyone around her knows LOL and mmmm detail the first thing dani said was “you have pretty eyes” and i tried to make that the first thing she said in the ending bc they’re twin flames and shit and aahhh repetition and similarity in universes … i’m rambling

ALSO this is so embarassing i had to literally search the difference between soulmates and twin flames and read a small article about twin flames and EVEN WORSE i had to make it sound professional and whatnot bc i had to quote on quote make a book in my fic ?-?:?: if yk what im saying but yeah that was a pain… cannot go on any longer i started making shit up FORREAAALLL all of that was pulled out of my ass i swear

NO BC PPL TILTINT THEIR HESDA IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND JUST PERKING YHRIR HEADS LIKE ANY MOVEMENT OF PPLS HEADA is so special to me it shows attention to details and emotion and desire to KNOW and be present in the moment and it’s just… so reassuring despite it being such a small gesture and i have realized over the years that i do it subconsciously with people i love and strangers that i click withINLVOE TJAT DETAIL i will use it in every fic ever idc if it’s repetitive i don’t care. i often tilt my head and whatnot bc im actually very nonverbal in real life usually (im just tired all the time) so i usually hum or give short responses and use my head to gesture the rest of what i need to convey liek this is so important to me guys…

I LOOOOVE writing kissing scenes but also no bc they get repetitive and yeah and also that tattoo hehehehsjwhhd i had to soft launch dani having the same tattoo LOL

i tried to make the whole death thing a little less repetitive and kind of brush over it until it got worse and worse and more serious and the whole concept was cheaply influenced by a movie where the two love interests know that they’re dying bc of their sickness but then i added a set, concrete date for dani and yn to die LOL idk lowk my creative juices were being juiced with this one… i was THINKING … and yeah i tried to fit in as many details and things that you’d have to remember form the beginning or middle idk i just rly like how i structured this one (the pacing is stilll iffy to me but wtv( bc i tried to have things tie together well and whatnot

makeout scene had me giggling and blushing while reading it was inspired by the anon who sent a makeout ask like smth ab “imagine making out w dani for the first time” and originally it wasn’t going to be there but i think it added to their bond and tension and lalalala yeah

no i couldn’t make them.die without knowing they’re meant to be but i had to try to figure out how to make the reveal angsty and i was like might as well have them figure out before they die and SOEAKJNG OF WHICH it took me a good amount of time while at work and making drinks to think of a way for them to die idk this story was so spontaneous and changed a lotLOL

and yes the whole beach thing was lowk inspired by summer strike bc i like the small town environment and how cute the beach is i haven’t even finished the drama im on ep like eight and haven’t watched since a few months ago LOL but i think the beach is just so calming and small towns r just sooo relaxing and nice compared tot he city (that being said i will always be a city girl…) idk beach city energy is just so wonderful and fits dani bc she grew up in newcastle and her whole vlog kinda gave me ideas for the world building and whatnot

i’m glad u love it!! and also just to mention ab the whole personal thing and living

i project a lot into my work and what i put down on the doc. idk if u can tell but i see a lot of beauty in things because i feel like its not worth dying if youre missing out on the intimacy of being loved and loving back plus just general interactions and platonic bonds built (ex: hyein and mrs lee) so like ywaaahh im glad you want to live!! there’s so much out there to experience and trust i understand exactly how u feel i looooowk have a lot of my own problems but writing helps me point out my dreams and things i find wonderful which makes me happy and then ppl enjoy the things that i romanticize and it makes me so so so so happy LOL

did u actually cry like many ppl r saying they cried or shed a tear and idk if i beleive it bc is it REALLT. that sad and emotional (maybe i just critics my writing tm) but yeah IM SO HAPPY THAT U ENJOYED!!!

u have a great week too you’re so sweet and i always love seeing your asks and feedback seriously, thank u!!!!

[found-wings]

WELL WHY DIDNT YA SAY SOOOOOOOOOOO

More q!phil WOOOOOO TRUAMA ANYWAY CASSANDRA BY FLORENCE + THE (MOTHERFUCKINGGGGG) MACHINEEEEEEEEEEEEE IS SO HIM RN

quick history- song is utilizing the myth of cassandra, who had been given the gift of prophecy, yet refused it and was cursed to never have her predictions be believed

I'm not in as much of a mood for lyric dissection for this specific song as really its the entirety of it that encompasses the point I wanna make of it fitting to phils character :O other songs have different sections that fit different arcs but this song ? the literal embodiment of his birdhouse arc, more specifically, the clear gaslighting from the federations end and having someone such as phil who is so known for being logical and level headed, be pushed into a path full of questioning his reality and what is and isn't real to him and to others.

the beginning of the song really hammers the point in, the line "I used to see the future and now I see nothing, they cut out my eyes and sent me home packing" is SO SO SO HIM RN. getting the man who has always seen right through every facade displayed in the island. from the federations lies to having ever harmed his kids when the cracks first appeared, to the codes impersonations at the dinner party which he pierced through within seconds of speaking to one. to take that surefire attitude and self awareness he owns and destroy it to its very core with the weeks time he's spent in that damn birdhouse is something so painful and this song reflects that.

the second verse remind me much more of his isolationist ideology being further enhanced with the disappearance of his kids. to him having the world in his bunker with chayanne and tallulah asleep, to the next week having them be gone without a trace, and leaving him lost, needing to create a new purpose and routine to continue on the island just hurts so verymuch haha.

the chorus is the hammer to the nail when relating it to the birdhouse arc as of right now. it almost feels as if he's calling out to the federation for an answer to everything he's been experiencing due to their intervention in his mind, leaving it shattered and in fragments and full of doubt towards his own memories. "every song I thought I knew, I've been deafened to, and there's no one left to sing to" is the real star here when it comes to them taking away his children and leaving him with nothing left to turn to in order to ground himself. anytime he went through something harsh, his children were right there to help- but now he has nothing. isolating himself from the rest of the island has come back to bite in the ass when it leaves him with little heart to heart connections he can turn to for emotional support ;-;

the next verse is a bit less connected, but the part about complaints being taken to the lord while trying to look with a wonder to the world with roses in bloom and riot vans in view? very much attaching this to people within the island (ofc mainly phil) taking their complaints to the 'lord' with the lord here being cucurucho. knowing that any cries they have will be left not only unheard, but ignored as the feds are the one causing all this pain to happen. can't connect it as well now but the other lyrics r so him and tallulah trust trust I'm running out of time to write LMFAOOOOOO

ANYWAY AAAAAAAA JUST GONNA SHOVE THE SONG OUTRO HERE BUT

Take me back

Oh, drunken gods of slaughter

You know I've always been your

Favorite daughter

Well, can you see me? I cannot see you

Everything I thought I knew is falling out of view

And if I run fast enough, could I break apart

As empires crumble and cathedrals flatten in my heart?

not even gonna lie, it's clear to me how this fits his arc rn, but I wanna go a step further and say how while listening to the song, I realized that this part fits all the avians of the island. quackity, baghera, jaiden, and phil all being targets of the federation and being fucked with to another degree is so perfectly encapsulated in this outro to a way in which I cannot describe and that's not just bc I'm busy 💀💀💀💀💀💀 whatever u get the point anyway WOOOOOO BRAINROT I LOVE THIS FUCKING BIRD - 💿

I am finally listening to this and HELLO??? ANON??????

THIS MAN!! THIS FUCKING BIRD MAN AND HIS LORE RAAAAH

You are so right in how well this song fits Phil especially in the Birdhouse arc and I‘m so RAAAH RATTLING YOU AND THE SONG

There‘s so many parts where I‘m just, so normal about hearing and my favorite part of this is definitely the

"In this blindness I‘m condemned to

Well, can you hear me? I cannot hear you

Every song I thought I knew, I‘ve been deafened to

And there‘s no one left to sing to"

THAT PART IS SO GOOD RAAAH

ALSO ANON YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC IS >>>>>

This song is so good and so so painful when connecting it to qPhilza AJAJAJ

[hballegro]

[sad irl topic, nothing real real sad but i am indeed lamenting]

did not realize until i started adding lots of songs about loss to my Things Bloom playlist that i've been using it to tackle grief regarding my grandmother. listened to my new songs and went 'aw this one reminds me of grandma'

and then while re-reading the first 2 chapters to make sure the next one is matching the tone i remember stuff like

the funeral procession, driving by her house one last time, while my siblings and mother chattered and all i did was look out the window cause

how it felt going to her house for the first time since she passed, helping my aunt clean stuff up, looking at the newspapers still folded on the table, only the medical equipment missing

how it felt looking at the kitchen table and so clearly seeing her sitting in her chair with a cup of tea and laughing, being unable to sit in her chair because that was Her Chair, despite the fact it was no different from the others

how the night it happened around 8 pm, my sister wasnt in our dorm because she was out with her partner at the time, so i felt comfortable enough to cry, and cry i did, at least an hour, maybe more

showing up to class the next two weeks in the same giant baggy hoodie and big pants to just hide away

then recently, writing the new chapters, thinking about how it felt to be at christmas, already missing some family that were still showing up because of her, down 12 people, looking at the table she always sat at in the chair she sat in, watching my aunt's dogs look around for the person that always fed them table scraps

and how it felt to be composed the whole day, composed at the wake the day before and composed during the mass and composed during the ride over and composed during the approach through the graveyard by the geese and a few sparrows and a cardinal and then being at the gravesite where my grandpa was buried 3 months after i was born with my grandmother joining him 10 days shy of making it 20 years without him and watching her neices from ireland sprinkle dirt from back home in there and watching my youngest cousins toss down roses for her and finally, FINALLY letting myself blubber like a kid that lost their grandmother

just thinking there about how she'd never MAKE me have tea the RIGHT way, never make me an english muffin with too much butter, never overcook a turkey or make the best damned mashed potatoes ive ever had,

how i was angry that i had to go back to college literally the same day as the funeral, but also thankful because if i had just been left to lament around the house i woulda gone nuts

and maybe the biggest one of all, the line im proud of; every funeral ive been to has been rainy or at least overcast. there were only fluffy white clouds despite being late February

it just did not hit me until now that i was actually writing something i knew. the last time someone close to me died i was near 8, so i dont remember it all that well, but i remember and love my grandmother very much yknow. made my post earlier today abt how i almost cried making dinner because she made me go to church on sundays if i was at her house for a weekend, and the music i had on made me flash to sitting next to her in a pew and looking at her rosary wrapped around her wrinkled and manicured hands.

she looked like mrs doubtfire and sounded a little like her too. i dont like her son [my father] but her daughter is one of my favourite people in the world. the first time i wore the pearls she gave to me on my 4th birthday were to her funeral.

i look more like her than i do anyone else in the family, which, as i say that, reminds me of this.

when i think about her i cant hear specific words shes said but i hear her laughing and i see her smile and thats enough for me. i keep the one card i have addressed to me from both her and my grandfather in a special place.

there was one bit, on purpose, though. i needed a drink, so i picked her favourite;

im not sure what this post is. im not a big sharer when it comes to sad feelings, so im putting it here. im not that upset, i am fine, im just missing my grandmother tonight.

one day soon im gonna go see a friend, and show them the right way to make a pot of tea, i think. hell, maybe i'll get up and brew a pot right now, the right way. i dont have a cozy, but i dont think grandma will mind. ill even use the teacup she gave me :]

[mehoymalloy]

LISTEN when I tell you "Post-Panic Attack" is thee most THEM thing I have ever read. Both of them play that role for each other at different times and it makes me soooooo 🫠 Especially this part:

You think you've seen every ugly corner of this whole rotten world, but listen: There is an infinite number of things we don't know and, statistically speaking, at least half of them are probably very, very beautiful.

Like that is Them. That's thee thesis of what they both say to each other during their own worst moments in When the Darkness Comes, when they're afraid this whole journey they've been going on might be nothing if they can never the learn the truth of this ancient, forgotten war.

I also utterly adore 'the only one who will never leave' by Amanda Lovelace for Untalla and that excerpt of 'Things I Would Like To Tell You but Probably Won't (At least, not for a very long time)' by Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois for Silga!

All of your poetry selections fit too fucking well, for that matter—those are just the ones that punched me in the gut the hardest. Thank you so much for finding and presenting them!

And boy do I have music options for ya! The bulk of the writing playlist I made for When the Darkness Comes ended up being primarily about Operation: Enduring Victory and its soldiers. But the first ten or so songs of that playlist are dedicated to Silga and Untalla, and I went ahead and made separate little playlists for both of them:

Untalla was clearly difficult for me to nail down as well, considering she only has 5 songs, two of which are from the Horizon Forbidden West soundtrack itself.

But Sleeping at Last's 'Atlas: Enneagram' album is like a litmus test for the soul; whichever one makes you cry hardest is likely about you. So it's always fun to match songs from that album to characters. I gave Silga the song Five because of the overall air of curiosity habitually held at a safe distance:

I want to watch the universe expand I want to break it into pieces small enough to understand (...) A white flag waves in the dark between my head and my heart My armor falls apart As if I could let myself be seen, even deeply known Like I was already brave enough to let go (...) I finally feel the universe expand It's hidden in heartbeats Exhales and in the hope of open hands

Meanwhile, Untalla got Eight, because she has suffered so much and is overall a very hardened character, but those experiences have given her a surprisingly deep well of empathy and care for the vulnerable beneath that stony exterior:

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit (...) I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through (...) I'ma shake the ground with all my might And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been

The literal song When the Darkness Comes is on both of their playlists because it opens with lyrics that immediately bring to mind Silga's little breakdown moment with Untalla later on in the fic:

You can fall asleep on my knees And I'll hold your hand Separate yourself from the darkness in this world And slip into a peaceful land

But the title itself is of course what the whole fic is named after because it calls back to that very first Old Ones recording Silga hears, that she then follows all the way into the West to find the rest of:

"Paul—I couldn't raise you via Focus. I hope this gets to you, somehow, along with the gear for the stand at the Reno line. Just wanted you to know that all the bitterness is water under the bridge. I only remember the good things…and I'll think about them when the darkness comes."

I get emotional simply by listening to that song now, as you can likely imagine.

For the Character Ask! Right backatcha while I think on your asks, 17 and 18 for Silga and Untalla!

(in reference to this ask meme)

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

---

gonna drop the entirety of this under a read more bc it's likely to get long with even just the poems (no, I did not leaf through my collection of 15+ poetry books just for this) (also, no songs, sadly, not yet. I'll send you a message on discord tho if I do decide on some in the future)

also, the reason this reply is late is because I wanted to take my time with finding the right songs, but then that never happened because of me losing my mind over Jesse and Emily once again other distractions, so I figured I'd rather get around to it now because I love them and I think about them all the time and I didn't want you to think I was ignoring them

Untalla is a bit hard for me to pin down, so I'm going off vibes here

i never expected death to be my most faithful companion, but she is the only one who will come without having to be asked. - the only one who will never leave (from the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace)

This is me, I am the eye of the storm and my heart is a little broken. But if you want me, I'm yours. (from Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell)

[..] The Grieved - are many - I am told - There is the various Cause - Death - is but one - and comes but once - And only nails the eyes - There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold - A sort they call "Despair" - [..] (part of poem 561 from The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson by.. well, Emily Dickinson, my eternally beloved)

Silga is a whole load of grief and longing, if I had more hope-filled poetry books I would have tried to find a hopeful one as well. I think that would suit her, but alas

what do we do with all the things we need to say to someone we'll never see again? - maybe that's why i write (from to drink coffee with a ghost by Amanda Lovelace)

I wish that it were easier for me to explain that you won't really get inside my head for a long time even though I want you to crawl inside my mind as badly as I want to curl up with a flashlight inside of yours and read for hours on end [..] (part of Things I Would Like To Tell You but Probably Won't (At least, not for a very long time) from High Wire Darlings by Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois)

[..] The thing about heartbreak is it feels too big for your body. You become cavernous - A walking Mariana Trench. Nobody knows how deep you go because the pressure is heavy enough to fold bodies into paper cranes and naive enough to call this beautiful. [..] (part of Survivor's Guilt from Wrong Side of a Fistfight by Ashe Vernon)

..and THEM because I love them

I was lying beside you and you had this half smile because my hands were drifting down your spine. And you looked at me and I lost track of everything. Because I realised just how badly I want under your skin. (from Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell)

[..] Do not dote on me Do not say anything about my eyes when we are watching the stars I will know you adore me by the way you remove the space between us before we fall asleep It will be in your eyes even when you didn't mean to tell me [..] (part of Irromantic from High Wire Darlings by Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois)

[..] Find the pocket of your heartbeat where you keep Forgiveness. We will try again tomorrow - I know you've got a bone to pick with tomorrow, but it's coming anyway. [..] You think you've seen every ugly corner of this whole rotten world, but listen: There is an infinite number of things we don't know and, statistically speaking, at least half of them are probably very, very beautiful. (part of Post-Panic Attack from Wrong Side of a Fistfight by Ashe Vernon)

as for therapy.. oof.

how many hours do they have? lol obviously a LOT of grief counselling, trauma processing for both of them. and maybe they can go to couple's therapy together, even if they're not dating, just to figure out how to best communicate and support each other. and maybe figure out what kind of intimacy is the kind they want and can handle. sometimes it can help to have external structure for those kinds of conversations

[azurevi]

hanahaki au (scarabia)

this is pure angst!! This is different from the previous hanahaki aus that I've written where the story ends in fluff. I decided to make it hurt/no comfort because the constant good endings seem to defy the purpose of hanahaki. And I love angst, so... I haven't decided how I will write the remaining dorms yet, so if yall have any preferences (fluffy ending or sheer pain) my inbox is always open ^^

Kalim

Kalim sees beauty in many things. In the songs he sings with the light music club, in the feasts Jamil cooks for him, in the night sky he sees from up above on the magic carpet. For Kalim, life is full of wonder, and he believes that nothing is born evil.

That's why he sees the flowers he coughs up as a symbolism of love. Not heartbreak or unrequited feelings, but a token of his unconditional affections.

He knows right away that it's you he's in love with. From the very first time he casted his eyes on you, you've taken root in his head like a seed. His feelings for you grew and grew until they quite literally bloomed into flowers that he eventually has to let go of.

But he doesn't want to discard these flowers. Hurt as they may, they're still one of the most beautiful flowers he's seen, especially since they're born from nothing but love alone.

Kalim is bad at hiding things, so it doesn't take long for Jamil to notice his unusual acts. Jamil has tried to convince him to get these feelings removed for more times than he can count, but Kalim is obstinate. 

"You know that you could die right? Why won't you just listen to me for once?"

But when it comes to love and to you, he can't help but act selfish for once.

He's still the same around you -- playful, goofy, brighter than the sun, but if you ever ask him about the uneasiness across his expression he'll just brush it off and deceive you with smile after smile.

He doesn't blame you for not loving him back. It's your choice after all. He may try to woo you a bit, but he's clueless when it comes to love. Even when his life is on the line he won't be too assertive or frustrated.

Jamil, on the other hand, may take matters into his own hands and push you a bit. He also appears a little angry whenever he's around you, but Kalim reassures you that it's nothing.

The flowers only bloom brighter and brighter each day, but Kalim can't bring himself to act on it. He knows that even though you see him as no more than a friend, he's still important to you, and for this reason alone he's willing to endure whatever pain his heart brings him.

Jamil

Honestly? Jamil is angry. 

He's angry because you don't love him back. Growing up he has always had to patronize himself to let Kalim shine. Victory was never close enough for him to grasp, and happiness was a luxury. 

You're a beacon in his dull life, perhaps by far the goal he's most determined to get. But when he ends up on the ground in the dead of the night coughing up blood-stained petals, there's only one thought on his mind -- Why can't he have one nice thing in life?

This anger is easily directed at you. He acts colder every day, his words harsher and more passive-aggressive. You try to ask him what's wrong, but he always shoots you an annoyed expression that tells you not to try again.

But under all that rage you can make out what seems to be pain or even desperation. And knowing Jamil, he probably won't let you in on his secrets, that's why you decide to approach Kalim for help.

"Heh? He didn't tell me anything!" Sometimes Kalim can be oblivious to things happening around him. You tell him to keep an eye on Jamil instead.

But Jamil isn't a fool, he knows from the beginning that Kalim is trying to spy on him, and he can more or less predict that you're the one behind it all.

It bugs him that you still care for him. He wishes you'd just leave him alone instead of pitying him, because all of this is just giving him false hope and making it harder for him to forget these feelings. The more he avoids you, the more determined he is.

His mind is conflicted, he has never had this much trouble making decisions before. As he stares down at the mocking flowers, he wishes that you're with him. As he chokes down the pain in his chest, he wishes that you'll go away. Hearing that there's a recipe specifically made for hanahaki patients, he lines up outside the most popular potion shop in town for hours only to turn away at the last second like a coward.

Your lingering presence around you is the precise source of his illness, and yet he's afraid that once he dumps his feelings away he'll be left with nothing but darkness again.

Perhaps it's as people say, once you've been in the light for too long, it's impossible to go back to a time when you didn't know it existed.

[fandom-smut-shots]

Hello!! I was wondering if i could get a matchup for Voltron, Mha (or Haikyuu) and Naruto?

Im a 5'6 latina

My zodiac is Leo♌

Im straight

I have near black eyes and waist length brown hair. I have freckles splattered around my nose and eyes and im pretty tan

I love working out

My love language is quality time

Im a pretty quiet person and avoid speaking unless i have to

I have major trust issues

I have a huge sweet tooth and will not be stopped from eating sweets, especially if im on my period

I have a few friends who i do stupid stuff with like parkouring around a kids playground or doung a contest to see who ladts longer in a handstand

I love reading and writing

Silence gives me anxiety do i tend to be around loud people even if its not exactly on purpose

Dont relate much with many other girls my age cause I hate dresses, heels, flats, makeup, kpop and social interactions (i know uts not the same everywherw but where I'm from its mostly the only things i see)

I love fighting videogames (my faves are Gaara in ninja storm and Takeda in Mortal Kombat)

As I mentioned before, i hate social interactions and get anxiety in crowded spaces

I like feeling included in social situations because otherwise id probably be in a corner just looking around and feeling miserable

I love basketball, volleyball and dancing and im pretty good but my parents think ots a waste of time so i dont play competitively

Im studying mechanical engineering focused on aerospace

Im good at math and science, so people think im smart but I suck at every other subject

I get anxiety mostly at night cause of nightmares and well the quietness

My favorite songs are "She used to be mine", "Not another song about love", "King for a day" and "The way you make me feel"

Im protective of my friends and im not afraid to beat someone up for them

Ive been told im intimidating because of how quiet i am, apparently if youte quiet and from Puerto Rico, it means something along the lines of "calm before the storm"

Im probably found in the gym playong volleyball, basketball, or just on a rooftop reading on my own while listening to music

I love baking but hate cooking

Im pretty goofy around my friends but switch back to being quiet when im in a crowded room

Favorite superhero is Iron Man and Batman

Would probably be a speedster in any of those worlds

Imma stop now

I have answered this so. Many. Times and I get through the whole first matchup and then Tumblr reloads or my laptop crashes or, in the case of my brand new laptop, restarts to install updates and ughhhhh.

So I've fallen out of the Naruto fandom, I love it but I'm just not sure I'm comfortable writing it outside of a few select characters, so I answered both MHA and Haikyuu in place of Naruto. I hope that's okay.

Voltron

I ship you with...

Lance McClain!

Lance is totally not my go-to when the requester is Latina.

Loverboy Lance knows all about quality time. His loud personality is perfect for curbing your silence anxiety. He loves to surprise you with gifts, so when he finds out about your sweet tooth, he's bribing Hunk to teach him how to bake your favorite treats. Video game dates? He would absolutely not destroy you at Mortal Kombat. Once he finds out you can dance, you're never getting off your feet. And he's always down to play basketball or volleyball with you. Also be prepared for debates about Iron Man vs Batman.

Haikyuu

I ship you with...

Satori Tendou!

Being athletic obviously gave you plenty of options from Haikyuu, but not many of them are great at quality time, which landed us here. Tendou doesn't have many friends, so he'd absolutely adore having a partner that wants to spend time with him. And you know he understands trust issues. You have a sweet tooth? Baby boy's favorite food is literally chocolate ice cream. He's definitely loud enough to help with your anxiety, and if anybody understands mental health, it's our loveable lizard boy. And baby boy LOVES video games, so video game dates are absolutely a thing. A partner that will play volleyball with him? Sign him the fuck up!

My Hero Academia

I ship you with...

Eijirou Kirishima!

"Working out" and "fighting games" immediately sent me to Kirishima. He would fucking melt if you had workout dates together. And quality time is perfect for him - all of his free time would be spent with you. He would also bribe Sato to bake you some desserts. And unwinding after workouts and homework with some Mortal Kombat? Fuck yeah! He's got a big personality, and he has a lot of loud friends, so he's probably usually louder than he means to be. He may not be the best dancer, but he's friends with Mina, so you're definitely getting invited to dance parties. Also, he's definitely down to binge Iron Man or Batman movies with you.

[bl4cklabyrinth]

Live Report: MY FIRST STORY TOUR 2019 Semi-Final at Kobe World Memorial Hall

Disclaimer: Take note that all of these reports were translated by ear, so there is no assurance of accuracy. Because of this, please do not retranslate my work. I am no Japanese or English native.

I am only reposting the relevant MCs from my Twitter thread for archive purposes. Please check my tweets to read more about my thoughts on the show.

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from MFS’ official Twitter

Setlist

SE

不可逆リプレイス

Black Rail

ブラック・スワン

花-0714-(Re:arrange)

monologue

虚言NEUROSE

KING & ASHLEY

mine

君のいない夜を越えて

終焉レクイエム (Acoustic ver.)

Love Letter (Acoustic ver.)

LET IT DIE (Acoustic ver.)

Band session

無告

Missing You

Weight of my pride (Pay money To my Pain cover)

MONSTER

絶体絶命

ACCIDENT

モノクロエフェクター

REVIVER

With You

Encore

THE OVER (UVERworld cover)

LET IT DIE

ALONE

Story about Weight Loss

Hiro: Anyway, this has no relation (to the acoustic session) whatsoever, but didn’t I get super thin?

Kid’z: You did! Tell us more! You really did lose weight! Nob too!

Hiro: We declared during Hall Tour that we’d lose weight within one month, but we couldn’t do it. We made a promise though, didn’t we? I did my very best, you know?? I seriously gave it all I got!!

Kid’z: I’ve been avoiding carbs for a long time, and even tried diligently apportioning my meals and stuff like that. But before I knew it, I was already eating curry!

Crowd: *laughs*

Fan: How much weight did you lose?

Hiro: I dropped 6 kg.

Crowd: Ohhh! *claps*

Kid’z: That’s a lot!

Hiro: Amazing, right? On the contrary, I’ve always been fat.

Kid’z: No, seriously.

Hiro: I lost weight so that I can get fat again. I want to get fat so I lose weight. When I’ve lost weight, I’ll gain weight again. It’s a never ending cycle.

Kid’z: Don’t leave it as it is!

Hiro: I get told that all the time. I mean, I’m gonna gain weight before METROCK again anyway.

Kid’z: Isn’t METROCK great though?

Hiro: Can I say this? Why do they hold festivals at such a season?

Kid’z: Because (the weather) is cool? I once thought Doraemon was the one singing.

Hiro: Who you calling 123 cm tall?

Kid’z: Nobita-kun.

Hiro: I’m not the blue geezer.

Kid’z: He isn’t a geezer!

Hiro: He’s a geezer, isn’t he?

Crowd: *laughs*

Hiro: Generally, we release a CD around spring or summer. Then we start tour around autumn, right? From the beginning of fall, Hiroki starts losing weight. Little by little. Then, year end starts rolling in. By the end of the year, tour ends, it becomes production season, and eating Hiroki comes out. Hiroki enters hibernation, just like any other large mammal.

Kid’z: You need to stock up, right?

Hiro: Yep, so I can get through winter. Then it becomes spring again. METROCK is waiting for me, but I don’t want stocked-weight-from-hibernation-at-its-max Hiroki to be exposed there! Why do I keep getting told I got fatter or thinner every time?! Leave me alone!!!

Kid’z: But you did your best, right?

Hiro: ...Yep.

Kid’z: Good job.

Crowd: *claps*

Kid’z: How about Nob? How are you doing?

Nob: I lost 5 kg.

Hiro: You lost weight only because you were sick, right?

Kid’z: Because his tonsils were taken out.

Nob: I haven’t gotten my sense of taste back up until now.

Hiro: Don’t let yourself lose one of your most important senses!

Nob: Some time ago I had pickles and it was the best.

Hiro: What an old man.

Story about Poor Kid’z (figuratively and literally)

Kid’z: This story has no relation to anything we’ve talked about so far, but you (Hiro) started an IG account, right? During Hall Tour. Since then, you did a lot of things to me, like that game with the paper cups and the 10,000 yen you put inside one of them, which I played along with having good intentions in mind. I chose the right cup and you gave me the bill, but you revealed that there was 100,000 yen in the other cups.

Hiro: Yep.

Kid’z: ...I tried that with a friend. I was caught. 100,000 yen.

Hiro: Eh?? They made a winning move, huh.

Kid’z: I was like, “Oh no, what should I do?? Should I take it back?” I wanted to be able to fool someone, to get a taste of how it feels! So I started turning the cups around thinking I could do it like you did. When it was time for them to pick, my friend chose a different cup, and in my head I was all, “No no no, not that!!!” and eventually they got it...

Hiro: That person probably saw my IG post and thought you were an idiot.

Thoughts on Marriage

After Love Letter, Hiro and Kid'z talked about being excited yet nervous to play the next song, since it's been a while since they last played it.

Kid’z: Speaking of which, the person beside me seems to be nervous!!

Nob: *rubbing his palms on his pants*

Kid’z: Can I do a hand check? *touches Nob's palm* It's all sticky!

Hiro: Eh? You're scared of making a miss again? Like in Yokoari? Higedan. Ah! Speaking of which, Satoshi-kun got married! Congratulations!

H&K: *congratulate Nob*

Hiro: Eh? Official?

Kid’z: This is Unofficial.

Hiro: Ah, sorry. Unofficial. He got married, huh... There's been a crazy marriage rush recently... 

Kid’z: Yeah, it's been all over LINE NEWS lately.

Hiro: Right. back number, Higedan, Maple Chogokin.

Kid’z: You're mean for putting Maple Chogokin as last!

Hiro: No no no. *laughs* The marriage rush is insane, right... Right... Insane right... 

Fan: Do you want to get married?

Hiro: ...I don't wanna get married. 

Crowd: Eh???

Hiro: Do you? Someday, I assume. As for me, I don't wanna get married at all. 

Kid’z: *in a teasing tone* Is it because you don't have a partner?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? Ha? Ha? What the hell are you saying, you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry we had a little quarrel.

Hiro: Let's get a divorce first!

Kid’z: What the hell is this breakup!

Poor Nob

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post

Hiro: Anyway, are we good? You (Nob) still seem nervous. How are his fingers?

Kid’z: They're tender. 

Hiro: If I had to play it in a room like this, I'd be pissed.

Nob: *strums a tune*

Kid’z: It's that song!! It's definitely that song, right? Can you do it, Nob bear? Are you alright? You practiced last night without sleeping.

Kid’z: Give him your support.

Crowd: Cute!! You can do it!!!

Kid’z: The pressure on you is rising, huh.

Hiro: *in an old man voice* You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!

Kid’z: Eh? What was that voice? Father?

Hiro: *taunting tone* Ha? What the hell are you saying. Who you calling father, come home and I'll kill you.

Kid’z: Ah, sorry. Father, I apologize.

Hiro: to Nob You okay? Dududadududa~ (T/N: the intro of LET IT DIE) The last song for the acoustic session. Please listen, LET IT DIE.

Then, Hiro crouched down from his seat and kneeled, looked at Nob closely, and so did Kid’z. Nob stared back, aced the dududadududa intro and everybody clapped for him! However, Nob made a mistake towards the very end, playing the last string of notes twice. When they were walking back to the main stage, Hiro put his arm around Nob and teased in a mocking tone, "Hey, in LET IT DIE, in LET IT DIE, hey, during the acoustic set, hey, I was satisfied with the beginning, but in the middle of the song, hey, you made a mistake, right? Even if you were doing so well." When they got back to the main stage, Nob bowed down in apology.

Weight of my pride MC

Hiro: Your voice has been heard! There were a lot of requests for PTP, and in my heart, PTP is my eternal hero. It shouldn't be just us; so that he can also hear your voices, shout as loud as you can Kobe!!! Next song is called Weight of my pride!

Check out their version of the performance at Saitama Super Arena here:

モノクロエフェクター MC

Hiro: How are we doing Kobe? I thought everyone in Kobe could handle it, you know? Aren't y'all drinking too much milk tea? Your nipples are gonna become tapioca if you drink too much milk tea, you know? Well, if you're sure you're not drinking too much then you should be able to handle it, so let's all dance together!!

Reviver MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today! It's been a great day, I'm really grateful. I've always been alone. I've lost so many people I didn't want to lose, and I've let go of things I didn't want to part with many times. I might not be able to change the world with music, but because of music, I met the members, I met all of you, and it made me think that my life was pretty impressive. I want to believe it was my destiny to meet all of you here tonight, so let's keep walking together Kobe!!!

With You MC

Hiro: Thank you so much for today, Kobe!!! After this, the tour will be ending soon. Thinking about it makes me sad, but knowing that you will all be supporting us next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and even after 10 years makes me feel very grateful. But there's one thing I want to say before today ends: Kobe, I love you!!!

THE OVER MC

Hiro: How was it? MFS' UVERworld. Did I become Hiroki∞? This song was really difficult. The way the lyrics jump, especially during the part before the last chorus.

Kid’z: I didn't learn that note.

Hiro: *emphasizes the difficult enunciation of a line from the song* Unbelievable, I had a hard time remembering it.

Kid’z: The instruments were tough, too. Even Nob was complaining, there were notes he had never seen before.

Hiro: I couldn't match the timing of the lyrics either. I had to enter at an exact time, 3 characters in one second!! If MFS were to do it, we'd go with a lower key.

Kid’z: You say MFS but it's your key, right? Your voice is hella loud you know.

Hiro: It's because if I'm alone, then it's not MFS.

Kid’z: Nah, we were able to match the key, but only you can sing it that high, right? (T/N: They seemed to have raised the key by 2 octaves)

Hiro: You guys thought the cover song was only Weight of my pride, didn't you? You're wrong! We did UVERworld but we received many other requests. There were a lot of PTP songs in the tags. Who else was it... Sheena Ringo, Oral, and King Gnu too.

Kid’z: Weirdly enough, B'z was highly requested too. 

Hiro: It'd be weird if I sang their songs.

Crowd: Sing! Sing! Sing!

Hiro: 萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇ！萎えぇぇぇぇー (T/N: Nae is Japanese slang that roughly translates to “no” or “ugh” in this context) Wait a minute. Change the song.

Kid’z: *offended tone* Huh?

Hiro: Well then, sing a line that starts with A!

Hiro: You're an Ultra Soul Idiot. Do you know any other song apart from Ultra Soul?

Kid’z: Of course I do! Don't you? All of you? I love them more than anyone else, I'm even in the fanclub! こいよ！！

Kid’z: *sings a B'z line that starts with A*

Hiro: Gi!

Kid’z: Gi? *sings a line that starts with Gi* I told you, I can do anything.

Teru: Yu!

Kid’z: Yu? YUME JANAI ARE MO KORE MO SONO TE DE DOA MO AKEMASHOU, SHUKUFUKU GA HOSHII NARA KANASHIMI O SHIRI HITORI DE NAKIMASHOU, SOSHITE KAGAYAKU ULTRA SOUL!

Crowd: HEY!!!

Hiro: Oi, Teruki!! Why did you say "yu"?! You should've let him build up first before making him sing "yu"!! It was too early to make him sing that as the third song!

Kid’z: It felt really good!!

Hiro: Why did you say "yu" so quickly?!

Teru: I just made a mistake.

Hiro: Don't be an airhead!!

Kid’z: I'm really grateful!

Nob’s Redemption Arc

After their UVERworld cover, Hiro asked the audience what they should do next. The crowd started screaming different songs, to which Hiro said "I'm seriously fine with anything." Nob suddenly played the first three notes of LET IT DIE, to which Hiro said, "Ah, from earlier?" Kid'z said, "He made a mistake a while ago, so let's give him another chance." Then Nob started practicing. The crowd screamed, "You can do it!!!" then Nob walked towards the center stage and did a moonwalk. Hiro was all, "You can't do it, you're not Michael Jackson!" then sang a MJ line and howled his signature "Woo!"

Final MC

Hiro: Today was truly an amazing day, thank you all so much. We had such an intense gathering here at Kobe World Memorial Hall. The first Coming Kobe was also held here. We have so, so, so many memories here in this place. Right now, we're still on our way to reaching our dream. From hereon, we don't know if we could make such a big dream come true. We still have a long way there, but we're doing our best every year, making music for everyone and visiting various places as well. Next year, and the year after that, and even after 10 years, it would be nice if we could all make amazing memories together. Thank you so much! We're definitely coming back, Kobe!!

Photo by Takashi Konuma | Taken from Hiro’s IG post