#i've just started picking up that hobby again after a long while

[fixfoxnox]

May I have an asexual reader x bob reynolds? With pining and hurt but then comfort uwu

This is a very short drabble as I am not very good at writing hurt/comfort, but I hope you enjoy it!

No New Knitting

Ship: Bob/Ace!GN!Reader

Warnings: not proofread

It starts, as most things start, with an offhand comment.

It was nothing, really, just a conversation about Bob from the rest of the group. He'd been visiting a craft store more than normal recently and the theories were running rampant among the team.

"He's making one of us something!"

"He's getting in his head again!"

"Maybe he just found a new hobby?"

It was Alexei who had given a boisterous laugh and suggested, "Maybe he has found a little someone someone? Could be a girl?" They'd stared at him for a long moment, the idea almost seeming ridiculous. Bob, seeing someone?

Then John jumped in, "Actually he might be right? I mean the guy spend the last year in a test facility, he's got to be horny."

There was that uncomfortable feeling in their chest, the one that always rushed up when conversations like this happened. The desire to connect, to understand. That brief flash of themselves before they had finally accepted who they were. They brushed it off, focusing instead on the twinge of hurt at that idea.

It wasn't like Bob had to tell them, but they were friends. Good friends! Such good friends that maybe they wanted the casual intimacy provided, they craved it. Such good friends that they wanted to be more.

Bob didn't know that, though, and he didn't have to. There was no reason, especially if what John said was true. Sure, they could enjoy it every once in a while, but there was no desire for it. Not in the way Bob might want.

It was better to remove themselves from the situation. Better to leave before they made a situation of it, no doubt the other members of the team would be able to read something in their face that would give them away.

The conversation was almost out of their mind. No really! It was! They were doing a grand job (in their own opinion) of not thinking about Bob with someone else. Or of Bob with his hands wrapped in some craft he only picked up for some pretty worker at a store. The very thought would never cross their mind!

Then came the phone call. The one they clearly weren't supposed to hear, but hadn't been able to stop themselves from listening anyway. They only meant to see of he wanted to watch a movie! That was all!

"Okay so walk me through it slowly." There was something about the softness in his voice, the way he spoke with care that had them stopping. They leaned closer to the door, pressing their ear against the wood.

There was no other voice, but it was clear Bob was speaking to someone. "It keeps slipping," his voice sounded tired, like he was growing frustrated, "I just need you, I think." Their heart dropped. "Can I buy you coffee? Tomorrow?"

They were on their way back to their room before the rest of the conversation could finish.

It took two days of avoiding him for Bob to seek them out, shoving into their room with little care for their protests.

Bob looked flustered and disheveled, carrying a small clothing box in his hands. "You've been avoiding me," he didn't bother mincing words, a fact that left them wincing in embarrassment. Damn him for being more mature.

"Its not like that," their protest was rather weak, "I figured you would be spending time with your partner."

There was a stilted silence as Bob looked at them, his face neutral. Then, after a moment, "My what?"

"You know," They motioned to him, "the person from the craft store? The one you've been dating? That's why you've been going right?"

Bob wrinkled his nose at that, "The only person I've been seeing from the craft store is Gertrude, the seventy year old teaching me how to knit."

"Seventy?" Now they wrinkled their nose, flooding with confusion. "But Walker said- wait, you're learning how to knit?"

"Walker said I was seeing someone? Okay, we'll, your first mistake was believing him. And, yes," Bob rubbed at the back of his neck, seeming a bit embarassed as he nudged the box toward them, "I've been working on something for you."

Now the confusion was even greater. Bob was not dating anyone, he was being taught to knit by a seventy year old named Gertrude, and he'd made them something. They looked down at the box, trying to figure out just what was happening as they lifted the lid.

Shakily, their hands tugged at the soft material, pulling out a sweater made in their favorite color.

"Turn it around," Bob's face was red at this point, showing how nervous he truly was.

They followed his instructions, turning the sweater around to see the lopsided rendition of their favorite animal on the front. Their heart fluttered as they realized how much work must have gone into the sweater.

"Bob," their voice was soft. They held the sweater to their chest, fighting off tears as they looked up at him.

"I was going to give it to you on our first date," Bob admitted, fiddling with his fingers as he did, "wanted to show that I was genuine. Figured now would be a better time."

"You want to take me out on a date?"

"If you'll let me?"

They would. He could take them anywhere if he wanted. They would let him.

[stargirlie-sharon]

chat.... should i post my voice acting here

[power-handmaiden]

Day 180: Not Pounded By Self-Doubt Because I Can Do Anything I Set My Mind To

Ok, from the title I was expecting this to be a broad feel-good tingler. I wasn't expecting it to hit me in a personal place. So this post will get kind of personal.

I wish I had read this one earlier! Close to the beginning of this project I made a post about how I hoped to get some inspiration to be creative again from reading all these tinglers. I don't have any aspirations of making professional-grade work like the protagonist of this story... I just missed being able to channel my feelings into hobbies I used to enjoy. I don't think I was able to put voice to exactly the problem for all those years- I thought I just couldn't think of ideas anymore. That wasn't it, though. I was feeling exactly what the protagonist of this story was feeling- self-doubt over the quality of his ideas. They were all too ridiculous, or too niche, or not fleshed-out enough (when you've gone creatively stagnant it's so easy to forget how those inklings of ideas have a tendency to develop themselves once you get down to actually writing/drawing them out!)

But, while I feel like this tingler is a great one for anyone feeling this way with their creativity... I think tinglers in general, especially the act of opening oneself to enjoying them without any feelings of irony, can be just as powerful. For fuck's sake, I read a story where a guy named Rim Tuesday fell in love with and had sex with a sentient veggie burger. And I LOVED it. And I could tell the author had fun writing it! Who's to say any idea is too ridiculous when the work I just described is an incredibly enjoyable one?!

Recently, I've gotten back into writing fanfiction. Slowly, but it's a start after letting the self-doubt keep me down for so long. It's fun! And this tingler makes me feel good about picking the hobby back up. This tingler is a good reminder that the fun I'm having with the ideas (hardcore lesbian sex between video game characters mostly, to be clear) makes it worthwhile no matter how far what I'm doing lies beyond what popular opinion would call "good" or "respectable" art.

[donutdrawsthings]

Do you have any art tips?

I've given it a lot of thought, and here are what my art tips are!

Enjoy yourself! this is a hobby, after all! I've found that drawing from emotion makes it easier to enjoy the art making process, and that emotion can literally be ANY emotion. Sadness, Joy, Rage, Desire,,, they are all great motivators to start drawing and when you're so full of emotion, you might find yourself feeling relieved after a drawing session!

Get Inspired and REPLICATE!

The way I learned how to draw most things is by looking closely at my favourite shows/movies and picking apart what I like about them so much! Make fanart! Redraw one of your favourite scenes! Care very little about what others will think and focus purely on enjoying yourself! Oh and also tracing is a perfectly fine thing to do too. That's a way to train steadying your hand with certain curves!

No art style? no problem!

An art style is really just a word for the way you draw. You've ALREADY got a style! It doesn't need to be eccentric looking to be unique. That being said, you'll find your art style developing naturally as you get more inspired and learn to draw certain things through fanart. What people will look at as Iconically You is really just a big compilation of all the things YOU love and got inspired by, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's normal and how it works in professional mediums like film making, too!

Focus on your own progress I see a lot of beginner artists beating themselves up over not yet being able to draw what they envision, and for that my biggest tip is to not see your latest drawing as your last. It's healthy to analyse what you do and don't like about what you've just drawn, but be kind to yourself about it. instead of telling yourself "I can't draw [thing]", try telling yourself "I don't like how I drew [thing], because of [reason]. Next time I'll try it differently". That next time can be immediately after, but don't underestimate the power of a good nap either! Not worrying about it and sleeping on it will get you closer to where you want to go, rather than getting more and more upset with yourself!

Art is knowledge, study it! Being ABLE to draw doesn't make you 21st century Da Vinci, knowing HOW THINGS LOOK and HOW TO MAKE IT are where the real power lies! Look around and really study how things are. The glow from a lit jack-o-lantern, the colour of the fluffy mold that starts growing on it, the way paint starts to chip off the wooden porch, the colours of the sky at any time of day... Look at all of it and ask yourself, how would I go about drawing that? How many layers would I use or what brush do I need? What colour is that on the digital colour wheel of my art programme? And then once you get your gear and draw you can re-evaluate again what you've made and ask yourself if you captured what you saw the way you want it or if you'd do something differently next time!

Don't listen to online content creators Now you might start looking at me funny, because that'd just contradict everything you just read LMAO, but I still think it's an important thing to say. Online there are a lot of artists who tell you to NEVER EVER do something because if you DO draw this way your art is BAD and you're doing it WRONG. However, I believe it's impossible to do art "wrong", because art by its very nature is purely subjective. A point I see in a lot of tutorials is to NEVER EVER shade with black. And while I don't shade with pure black either, shading with black doesn't make your art impossible to love... Invader Zim is an example of that!

As you can see, Invader Zim has an extremely unique style that's loved by many, yet it does feature a shading technique a lot of people say you shouldn't ever do... It is, subjective! And part of the style!

Anyways, sorry this got so long! I hope it was of any help or what you were looking for :'oD

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 41!

another excellent reading week <3 this list is spoiler free for season 8: for season 8 fic recs, click here!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

for thy true-love take | lecornergirl/@clusterbuck| 1.9k | T

Chimney Han and the ethics of slipping your coworkers love potions. chimneyhen bestieism!! this felt so them <3

from the ground up | blueberrytwoberry/@blueberrytwoberry| 17.5k | M

And so, really, the last thing he needed when he got home at the end of a long shift was to find a massive, weird-ass dog curled up on his front porch. And yet, there it was. just this morning i realised what a goldmine animal transformation aus can be and wow this was exactly what i was looking for!! the maddie scene had me giggling, such a lovely fic!!

i can't sleep without you | Buddiesmutslut/@buddiesmutslut | 1.9k | G

He can exhaust himself with a workout or a good shift or a night out, but by the time he climbs into his bed, he lays awake for hours, replaying his mistakes over and over again. He’s barely sleeping, beyond exhausted and he just wants to go home. so so soft and so lovely <3 exactly the comfort i needed earlier this week

i didn't know (that it could be good) | rainbow_nerds/@rainbow-nerdss | 27k | E

They're friends, that's all there is to it. Until Eddie lets himself into Buck's apartment unannounced, and finds him in a compromising position. That should be nothing, just something to laugh about down the line, except afterwards, it's like a switch has flipped, and neither of them can get it out of their minds. okay yes yes the smut is good the clothes sharing is nice the sexual tension is so there but can we talk about the butterflies?? just read this and you'll know what i mean it will be so worth it i promise. a new favourite for sure <3

i'll be the north star that takes you home | marviless/@marviless | 7.9k | G

in which eddie is moving back to el paso for the summer, and buck is deeply in love. listen the idea of eddie moving to el paso hurts me and also hurts buck BUT when it leads to fics like this i suddenly don't mind anymore <3 the airport scene!!

i'll keep your brittle heart warm | reeseofmind | 12.8k | E

5 times buck and eddie wear the other's clothes + 1 time they don't wear much of anything. i've been deep in the clothes sharing tag and this was one of my favourite finds <3

in synchronicity with the score | therainbowsedge/@therainbowsedge | 30.2k | E

“How long have you gone without scening?” And isn’t that a loaded question that Buck doesn’t even know how to start responding to. i have such a weak spot for fics like this. this has some gorgeous descriptive passages and looks into buck's mindset in this au!

love like woven thread | renecdote/@renecdote | 1.9k | G

the one where Eddie is a clothes thief and Buck kind of loves that about him. the ultimate hurt/comfort fluff clothes stealing fic <3 so lovely!! i reread this while working on this rec list actually hehe

steal my abuela (you already have my heart) | anarchyat4am | 4.6k | T

“Hey,” Eddie says softly, “You really showed up for me yesterday. Thank you.” “Course,” Buck says, “We had fun.” “Fun? You sat in the ER with my abuela for three hours.”. buck and abuela!! i love them together so much!! family feels indeed <3

vary my days | Chash | 12.6k | T

After Christopher leaves, Frank tells Eddie to get a hobby. Eddie picks Legos, Buck picks crochet, and they both wait for Chris to talk to them again. eddie and the legos my absolute beloved <3 such a fantastic working of these characters!!

you've haunted me so stunningly | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9.6k | T

Five times Buck and Eddie hold hands, one time they do by proxy, and one time Eddie freaks out about it. holding hands!! so so hurt/comfort in the best way possible. i was saving this one for a bus ride home after a long day and it hit the spot exactly <3

[procyonloser]

(Maybe This Time, extra snippet)

"Kickboxing?" Adam asked, making a face. "I've done enough walking and running and fighting as a guard, I don't need to do that shit on my spare time."

Lute just shrugged a shoulder, her gym bag hanging over it. He'd caught her while he was out, grabbing a coffee before he headed to pick up the boys after school. Adam had made some comment about not having hobbies like that anymore, and she'd suggested coming with her.

As much as he liked Lute, they weren't exactly close, and she was fucking his ex wife. Granted, he was getting plowed by the guy who used to fuck his ex wife too, so maybe he shouldn't be judgey. It wasn't as though Adam really had friends, besides Lucifer, and tentatively Lilith again. Adam didn't really think he needed them either, but there were days he got bored to shit at home. Lucifer may have cut down his hours, but Adam didn't have any anymore, and when the boys were at school it was just... Mind numbing.

Watch TV, do some chores, sit on his phone, play guitar for a bit, go back to his phone.

"Isn't there anything you like, though?" Lute wondered. "You play instruments, right? I remember you talking about metal bands when we were at the casino."

Adam didn't want to fuck with concert venues anymore, they were fun when he was drunk and young, but it wasn't his scene now. "What am I gonna do, join a band? I don't exactly get along with a lot of people." Adam commented, but in the back of his mind, he was beginning to wonder.

What did he like? What did he enjoy doing? Obviously, he liked hanging out with his kids, he liked going on trips and long car rides. He loved Lucifer, they talked a lot, went on dates, just took walks together, and Adam had started learning more about Lucifer's job. He'd taken some pictures of the newest event they had going over there.

Oh. Adam blinked. Pictures.

He'd always enjoyed playing with his camera, and Lucifer gushed over the photos he'd taken in the past. Adam thought his photos were pretty good, maybe not the ones of the twins when they were 3 and covered in spaghetti sauce, but still.

"Maybe... I'll take a photography class, or something." Adam mused, scratching his chin. In the back of his mind, he was already picturing driving, or even flying, out to scenic locations photographing things that spoke to him.

When Adam got home and told Lucifer his idea over dinner, Lucifer froze. For moment, Adam was worried that he'd think it was stupid, or tell him it was a waste of money. That was the good thing about dating Lucifer, virtually all of his fears, his deeply ingrained bullshit he'd gotten from his parents, from his town, from whatever - were proven wrong nearly instantly.

"That's an amazing idea, you know how much I love your work!" Lucifer beamed at him, though Cain made a gagging motion. "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come back and take a few more photos for the event. I know you liked the Halloween theme, and the pictures you took came out great, the editorial board loved them. I'll pay you for your time, of course."

"I volunteer turning Cains room into a darkroom!" Abel said, raising his hand, only to get elbowed in the ribs.

"Just buy me something expensive on our next night out." Adam grinned at Lucifer, trying to keep it subtle enough the boys wouldn't pick up on some on the things Lucifer had bought him so far.

"I was going to do that anyway," Lucifer half purred, getting twin looks from the twins.

[umbra-borealis]

Dimitri Lousteau is the most 'human' villain in Sly Cooper

Hello and welcome to my TEDtalk, I've been meaning to type out my yapping for a long time but always talked myself out of it because I mean, this is coming from a guy with Dimitri for a pfp and I figured people would just take it as a guy on tumblr simping for a weird lizard but no. The reasons I care for Dimitri the way I do goes pretty deep and I could sit here and talk about it point by point but to save us both some time (and because I am DEAD tired) I made a graph!

I used Luciano, my little sona, to personify myself in this.

I focused mainly on formative things and similarities in personality without inserting headcanons, even if based on traits or even symptoms I recognize. Most of these are rather straight forward but some run a little deeper. The funny pattern here (maybe aside from the drug thing lol) is that there's a high likelihood that you reading this right now can at least relate to just one or two things on those list and while you could argue that you could do the same with other characters, I picked these traits because in my opinion they ride that thin line between just relatable enough to apply to a lot of people, but not too superficial to be on the same an interest or hobby. Anyone can get upset when angry, it's HOW you express that anger that says something about you as a person for instance.

I also want to quickly mention that yes, a LOT of characters in Sly Cooper are very human, but I said 'villain' for a reason. After all I don't think your average college kid can relate to Contessa, Rajan or Panda King because mass brainwashing, destroying villages and being a literal drug lord are bordering on supervillain and that's not what Dimitri is. A supervillain can be relatable to a degree as well, but it makes sense that the Panda King had to have a whole Moment TM (several really) to come to terms with the kind of person he allowed himself to become. When we see Dimitri in Sly 3, he seems to have already done this perhaps because his sins aren't nearly as great. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'll insert a read-more here but I'd like to ask you to keep reading anyway if you can because my biggest pet peeve is that Dimitri is seen as a dumb, sleazy (and old??? which is dumb and I got math to back up that he's not in fact in his 40s during Sly 2 lmao) lizard who's only good as a level 1 boss for beginners to learn the game and all he's remembered for, though fair, is his manner of speech and not what he's REALLY saying. None of you ever picked up on what he was throwing down so I'm going to spell it out for you.

(PS I have ADHD and it's 3 AM so go easy on me this is coming from the HEART baby)

To make it easier on myself and you, I'm going to start sectioning the word soup in my head into four categories based on Dimitri's enterprises and roles and just kinda... waffle on about my thoughts regarding them. I'll start superficial and work my way down to the Deep Shit. Feel free to skip around to whatever interests you since I include some lore too, though changes are you're already aware of said lore.

Lets start with:

Dimiti, the club manager.

Nightclubs, and the people that run them tend to have a bit of a sleazy stereotype attached to them, which I suppose is fair. Though a large chunk is attributed to movies and other media, there were in fact some really large and important movements surrounding nightlife and club culture. Just look up the Club Kids if you want to go down a rabbit hole, in short they were a fairly large group of partiers from the 90s who contributed a LOT to fashion and art movements as well as being generally very fluid when it came to gender. Unfortunately that too would eventually be plagued by drugs and members getting addicted to drugs. Again, I digress.

Dimitri is seen partying in the intro of his chapter in Sly 2,

which is a nice touch because not only is it in-character, it's something that would actually happen. Owners of a popular joints would be popular or just enigmatic figures that would regularly get subjected to patrons schmoozing up to them. Some weren't a fan but there were many that soaked up the attention, bought rounds on the house when business was good, maybe get a little TOO cocky with confidence. It's a bit too simple to look at Dimitri in relation to all this info and say 'no doi he was in it for the money it checks out.' because if you spend enough time in his club or just, in the safe house after placing the bug there's signs of more going on.

We KNOW Dimitri is a criminal and he did his whole art forgery business on the side, or maybe it's the other way round? Either way he seemed fairly confident in his skills with this. His biggest risk being that time he tried to marry someone over a STATUE. (Really dude?) So then why was he so damn paranoid? While you could argue that he was sippin' his own supply I don't think that's what it was. He was so paranoid he played his music super loud in almost all areas of the club JUST to keep his security detail awake through-out night and day, whenever his club wasn't open to the public. To compensate he would promise them they could all 'retire early'. with that fake confidence chuckle that masks a sense of 'haha please don't abandon me'

So, ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? Because his behavior as a club owner SCREAMS it. He wasn't JUST cocky and sleazy, he was simply fitting in with the culture of the time because *everyone* was overly confident, over confidence was something to be admired, something to look at and go 'yeah that guy has it figured out' while in reality most struggled with something, anything. So what is Imposter Syndrome? To keep it short and blunt, the overwhelming feeling that you're not worthy of your accomplishments. We know that Dimitri is a 'failed' artist who turned to forging art to make money, it could just be a sense of guilt telling him something he's not ready to hear so he starts overcompensating and this insecurity bleeds into Sly 3 after Sly puts him in his place. His success with this insanely toxic coping mechanism lands him a new enterprise.

Dimitri, the Spice distributor.

Rather than going chronological, I'm going through the 'layers' that is this lizard. So if his career as a club owner is the tip of the ice berg with some neat little facts and info about the stereotype he conveys, this subject is a tier deeper. Dimitri the Spice distributor is Dimitri the next level criminal, or so he thinks. When you think about it, it's pretty strange that they gave Dimitri some Clockwerk parts at all. He was never mentioned by the other Klaww Gang members and thus seemingly not missed either when he was the first to get busted. In fact, nobody was upset that their DISTRIBTOR was arrested, putting a hold on their primary income... or so we thought until the Contessa was revealed to have a rather large and lucrative side hussle Dimitri probably could never compete with. Dimitri was expendable, sure he had a role and he played it well but he was also a loss they could cope with without much harm done to their wallets or their pride.

I think about it often, Dimitri in his jail cell, maybe hearing from another criminal or even his lawyer after the whole Clock-La thing about the full scope of the plan. He might've gotten a reduced sentence for ratting the other members out because if you think back to his legendary conversation with Sly he really doesn't seem to know what he's talking about. ("What is it with clocks bro!?") All of Dimitri's other crimes aside, he was young and naive, Sly 3 reveals he came from some form of poverty as well so it makes sense that he'd chase easy money. That's all it was though, he wanted the money and the fame, he didn't want to brainwash an entire city, he didn't know about the giant robot owl. He's once again left feeling like a failure, this time one that was easy to fool and all the confidence he had as a criminal would've seeped out of him, starting this weird cycle of him trying something only to be caught breaking the law and ending up where he began.

Like I said all of this would bleed into Sly 3 and it's pretty damn neat that for how little lines he had and how little he was on screen, they managed to convey this well in my opinion. By the time we reach Sly 3, most of us don't remember him as a Spice distribtor at all. Which leads me to...

Dimitri the Artist.

Being an artist is a pretty broad term and while we know Dimitri as a painter, I think he applies his artist mindset in way, way more. He's genuinely creative an smart, he thinks out of the box to protect his secrets and to cover his tracks. His identity as an artist is also his most vulnerable and 'real' self. Folks will say art is about self expression and usually mean conveying complex topics with pretty pictures or thought provoking stories, however it can be apparent in smaller ways too and the most obvious thing for Dimitri is his business in forging art. Think about it this way:

Picture you don't speak a LICK of english, you're from a lower in-come family or even straight up poverty but you grew up on tall tales of your grandpa being a total badass who lived freely and seizes every opportunity he could to make money... or take it rather but you get the idea. Your grandpa used his talents as a diver and deep down, you know what your talent is. It's art. So you somehow manage to move across the world to Paris, go to an art school work your ass off to develop your own style, your own identity and when it came to making a name for yourself you were rejected super hard. You're now probably in debt, in a foreign country and all you're known for is being the art community's clown.

One thing that gets overlooked is that Dimitri's paintings aren't actually that bad.

He very clearly knows the basics quite well, he's using color theory to shade and add depth but as he goes from student to independant artist, he breaks away from the basics and develops a style. His color use becomes brighter, he adds little stars just because why not? He likes em! This style is PERFECT for the nightlife club scene he ends up in down the line of course, but in the world of pretentious parisian artist hipsters? Absolutely not. So while he's just being himself, he's shown that that isn't allowed, that wont get him success. It reminds me of artists who say shit like 'I'll just learn to draw furry porn I guess!' thinking it's a guaranteed money printer (heh) and whether they enjoy making that kind of content is irrelevant, which leads to burn out or in case they DO find success, imposter syndrome. The dread that you do not deserve this recognition because it's not something you're actually that passionate about, not something you want to be known for. Say what you will about Dimitri but he never compromised. And while the cutscene shows shoddy painted depictions of classical paintings, I think this was more to illustrate him forging paintings to a younger audience than imply he was a bad painter as just before those crappy version, we see what's probably the REAL version he would've painted and sold.

This is conjecture on my part but I have to believe it because well, art forgery is HARD. You'd have to actually be a freaking genius to do it and sell it for so high, you can just afford what is basically a freaking opera house in PARIS and turn it into a nightclub. Also did I mention Dimitri just, HAS a ~mansion~ in Monaco? Because he does.

I've also always liked that scene for the expression on his face. It's smug, it's so full of petty, passve aggressive anger, a stubborness to admit defeat and instead to just 'prove a point' even if that point is lost to the means being SUPER illegal. That being sad, I don't think any of us feel bad over this man stealing a couple thousand from billionaire pockets. Billionaires that probably have their own little illicit ways to get that cash. Funny... It seems Sly isn't the only one who steals from other criminals.

And you might've stuck around this long and gone 'Umbra, get to the fucking POINT already." to which I have good news.

Dimitri, the Marine Iguana.

My favorite part, feel free to skip ahead to this headline if you want.

So who is this guy anyway? Well, from Sly 3 we see that he has a mother, a sister and his grandparents and that's about it as far as we can tell.

Just look at that smile! He looks like your average, awkward teenager. No struggling on the streets from what we can tell, no bullying by bigger kids, no weird sociopathic tendencies, no childhood trauma or grudges. The events that changed him seem to all have happened after he left for Paris. Sure it aint much to go off of but even if his life was hard, it seemed he was close with his grandfather and got to know him for a decent couple of years. Marine Iguanas are, like the name implies, an aquatic species of reptile. They're well adapted to land but due to low food availability in-land, they migrated to the beaches and started living off of sea algae, learning how to dive in the process. Even in Sly 2 the devs included plenty of references to Dimitri's affinity for water. The windows in the dancefloor area of his club are partially submerged, there are two massive aquariums in his office, he lives on a boat (or hides there anyway) and has several water features but inside and outside his club.

When you take a step back and look at all that, Dimitri is... just a guy who left his home country, his family, to follow a dream only to have that dream shatter and he's left to pick up the pieces all alone, making poor choices in the process. Choices based on anger and a broken heart. And the truth of the matter is that ALL of this, could happen to anyone. Granted in varying different ways as not everyone's life is the same and not everyone will make the same choices but I think many of us had a dream career as a kid only to become a jaded adult who thinks it's unrealistic or only does that thing as a hobby, I think there's many of us that remember the moment our hearts were broken and we realized the cold, unforgiving nature of real, adult life.

We see the effect of ALL of this come to a head in Sly 3, when at first he's not sure if he should still be mad at Sly for putting him in jail while he's currently the only guy he knows that COULD break him back out of jail as well. He still overcompensates, he's still overly confident and he put himself in that cell but still, he honors his word and helps Sly and Bentley find their friend. Then in Holland we see him behind a bar, seemingly as if he's actually got a job as a bartender there. Heck, he DOES have a job! He's the announcer! He may not super like it but he's being humbled by it all the same and when Sly comes for help a second time, the bravado is gone for a moment. He expresses genuine fear, not necessarily for his own safety but for losing a job, for *failing*. Of course the right answer in this scenario is to hype up his confidence again. And because Sly has proven himself to be trustworthy in the past he figures he can trust him with a favor of personal, sentimental value. If anyone would understand how it feels to have your family name dishonored and an heirloom stolen, it's Sly and Dimitri knows that damn well.

I think this is about as real as Dimitri can get, aside from the whole scuba gear thing. I know the gang is disguised but I don't think Dimitri is at all. I think that's just... what he likes to wear, further making me think he's just a regular guy with so much heart ache he lashe out in some pretty vile ways. Tortured artists are known to do some crazy shit after all. And while he continues to be his funny eccentric self we know him to be, he starts to have his first real moments of genuine care and loyalty while a part of the Cooper Gang. He tells Bentley he 'has his own flavor' which is his way of telling him that he's unique an valid the way he is. He dives after Sly's cane in VERY dangerous waters, risking injury or even his life, no questions asked. He sends Bentley postcards and letters to let his friend know he's safe and doing well. But perhaps something that hits me harder than any of that, is how angry and shocked Dimitri looks upon Sly's 'retirement announcement'.

Here he was thinking he made a friend out of Sly, and just like that he was gone. It makes me wonder if he held onto that grudge or not but a part of me likes to imagine that he didn't. I think his time with that gang made him realize that although he might not understand and he might be upset, it's not all about him. If anything he silently continued the rivalry by seeing how many girls he could cram into one post card with him to one up Sly's act of running off with a girl himself or perhaps he took it as a sign to make a career switch as well. Either way, Dimitri ended up changing for the better, he became himself in the end. A sweet, goofball iguana who loves the ocean and loves to paint. Making money became a nice bonus rather than his main focus.

Coming from a similar, rough background, having gone to therapy and trying to find my place in the world, this gives me hope. Hope that if I look hard enough, I can find my niche too and that being myself is the best I can be. If you read all this, thank you. I fgured it was best to just get it ALL out at once. I hope it was a fun read or made you look at Dimitri a little differently.

[morningstar-warriors]

It's Been Awhile

So I haven't been posting here much, admittedly I've been keeping my paws of social media for awhile to save my sanity. Not to mention tumblr no longer works on my phone, just endlessly crashes. Alas! No tumblr on my phone??? What should I do??? Pick up a healthy habit? ACK!

Either way, I told my followers and discord members I'd start posting little update blogs and since tumblr was where I'd originally done so, I'll keep it up.

What Has Danny Been Up To..?

Well mostly writing, editing, writing, work, editing, hiding from life, writing writing writing... A bit of drawing too but right now I feel like my art is just a tool for my writing. You get the picture.

Book Updates & Inner Turmoil:

I've been updating the Playbooks, refining them a tad more to feel more like my day dreamy visions while also tightening up wording and mechanics. I'm not sure how tight they'll be considering I love me a floaty soft rule, but I want the common cat to read it and get it. I think I'm having fun with it again, which is good.

Admittedly I hardcore procrastinated on working on the Kittypet and Rogue Playbooks. I felt a hard wall of... Burn out? Terror? Stagnation? Not sure, but I remember feeling like writing was not where I wanted to put my energy. Got this bad thing where, if I don't want to, I WONT.

I think what was stopping me was the social media attention. I felt stressed but amazed by all the eyes it was getting. Its good, so many people are inspired. But with people comes critique, envy, odd treatment, and other funny emotional things.

Man. How do you handle all that? Especially with the prospect it may only grow? Well in my case, feel embarrassed and guilty for not being grateful. Then sit in a bathtub till the water grows cold looking at messy notes about a cat using their cuteness to blow up the bad guy, followed with "Or smth idk." Great! Good notes.

But those days have waned and now I'm back on the horse, smile on my face and keyboard loudly clacking.

I think I just finally told myself "This is a hobby you do for fun, so if you're not having fun you can take a break." gave myself permission. If you need to hear that too, then hear it. Anyways though--

Ritualists are getting the biggest revamp so far, if you were curious. Though its nothing supremely crazy.

Croweye

New Moon:

New Moon has ended its filming! The game for me, is officially over. It was the first game I ever completed as a GM. If you take a look through this blog you will see just how LONG it lasted. Not to mention my poor players went through every mechanic change under the sun.

Looking back at those old posts were what made me want to go back and write the occasional update blog. I'm honestly proud of my friends and I, and how far we've all come. I really couldn't have done it without a group of goof balls making the ugliest gingerbread cookies ever.

New Moon's final episode will be released to the public either late April or the beginning of May. I plan to slow my videos to once a month ideally after the last episode is posted, because I'm working on another project already and I want it to be good.

Buttermoss & the Torch

The New Project:

I can't say much, but it's the next campaign to be recorded. Its what is presently eating up my note books, sketch books, media intake, and I have only told two people about it. Truly about it. Its driving me nuts because I have such a clear vision, the things I have so far are AWESOME. The things I have planned are ambitious, but they make me smile. I want to challenge myself a little. I probably shouldn't say much else though.

I promised myself I wouldn't let it slip. So you're just gonna have to wait.

I do plan on leaving clues when it gets time to release the project. But I am going to pre-record several episodes and edit them before they ever see the light of day. So you'll all have to wait for awhile lol.

Next Time

I do want to go more in-depth about why I made certain changes to the playbooks, but I've gotten pretty good at just being tight lipped so, next time. Thanks for your patience and interest.

Morningstar

[livingbarbie]

finding a hobby ‧⁺˚*･༓☾

something really key to improving your self esteem and productivity is getting off of that phone !! but i feel like we all know this, and most of us also know that the best way to get off your phone is to find a hobby. this sounds simple enough, but it might be one of the hardest things i've had to do in my growth journey.

finding a hobby can be really difficult for a multitude of reasons:

there are so many possibilities - if you google 'hobbies', you are hit with hundreds (or even thousands) of ideas. while that's promising at first, as you scroll through these lists it can become quite overwhelming and confusing. after ten minutes of scrolling, you're likely to just lay back down and play on your phone again.

lack of interest - the biggest issue for me was simply a lack of interest in ANYTHING. i would scroll through lists on google, tumblr, whatever and nothing at all would catch my eye. this is probably something to do with instant gratification (i don't know much about it), and is most likely a result of the amount of time i spent on my phone doing a whole lot of nothing. either way, know you are not alone in this feeling!

perfectionism - if you do find something that peaks your interest, that's great! however, i know a lot of us struggle with perfectionism. often this can cause you to give up on the hobby almost as quickly as you started it, because you are not outstanding at it immediately. once again, you will probably end up feeling defeated and resort back to your phone.

it took me a long time to be able to push past these obstacles, but once i did it was so insanely rewarding. here are some of the things that helped me to do so:

hide your phone - so silly, but this truly did help. i put my phone in a drawer, and closed it. with my phone out of sight, i couldn't just pick it up out of habit. this forced me to kind of just sit with my boredom, and eventually i found things to do. (usually ended up being something from the MANY lists i had read)

try anything - i mean ANYTHING, anything at all. pick something that didn't really catch your eye at all and just try it. for example. i tried crochet out of boredom. it turned out that i didn't really enjoy it that much, but now i know how to crochet which is kind of cool. just try as many new things as possible, until something sticks.

change your mindset - shift that perfectionist mindset ASAP. find a way to embrace doing things badly. this is way harder than it sounds, but it is so worth it in all aspects of your life. try things and do them badly. learn to accept your bad attempts at things. these hobbies are for you and your enjoyment only, you do not have to show people. the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself permission to make mistakes.

i have found many hobbies in the past year, some i am more passionate about than others. these are some of my favourites:

reading: an idea you have probably seen everywhere, but it is genuinely a favourite of mine. don't buy into the idea that you HAVE to read in a pretentious way. for many people, classics and books written in the 1800's are not enjoyable and that is perfectly okay. don't be afraid to read something that might seem silly (e.g fantasy, young adult, even children's novels). there is no point in trying to read something you know you probably won't enjoy.

coding: i got into this by accident if i'm being honest, i just got hooked on it when watching my younger brother do something for his digital technology class. this is something i NEVER would've guessed i would like. if you have access to a laptop or a computer, it is so worth trying. there are thousands of free resources online to teach you, and it is super fun learning to code your own little projects.

dance: something i sometimes do in my spare time is learn dances (specifically k-pop dances). i enjoy a lot of k-pop girl group music, so i find learning the dances really fun (and sometimes challenging). i would totally recommend trying this, k-pop or not, as it also doubles as exercise!

learn a language: you can do this in so many different ways, whether you learn the basics of many languages or you dedicate yourself to fluency in a single language. this is such a cool skill to build, and i honestly just find it really fun.

this is a very brief overview of finding a hobby, but the main point i want you to takeaway is to try anything and everything. ultimately, you will not know whether you enjoy something until you try it. please do not feel discouraged when you don't enjoy the first few things you try, there is something for everyone !

stay dreamy, my angels <3

[ghoastixx]

hi! I absolutely loved the Father!Sam with the GN!Child! It was adorable! I was wondering if you could do the same with Dean? Where his kid doesn’t want to go to sleep?

Dean Winchester w/ GN!Child!Reader

Author notes: I'm absolutely adoring all of the requests I've been getting as of lately, I'm really trying to get into writing again. Make it feel like less of a chore, so thank you all! I'm currently doing a week long theater camp so I might not get to writing all requests right away, but don't let that stop you from sending them in. Please do!

Note notes: This is set during a period where Sam is dead and Dean's trying to leave hunting behind.

Synopsis above

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean Winchester was one stubborn man, so no wonder his child would be the same way. Y/n Winchester, a stubborn kid who liked testing their dad.

9:30

Dean didn't really have any issues with you staying up a bit later, he himself often found himself to struggle with sleeping. It was 9:30 when Dean had looked down at his watch. He wanted to try and get some sleep tonight, so he stood up. He put the beer he was drinking to the side and started walking to his room. Your room was across from his. Your door was cracked open and the light was on inside, you were still awake.

"Squirt? I'm heading to bed alright?" You looked up from the book you were reading. Books. He never understood where you suddenly picked up the hobby. Hell it reminded him of Sam. It made him sad that you two never got to meet, as he took you in shortly after his brother's passing. You were almost eleven and a fairly bright kid.

"Okay, night. I love you." He nodded and left.

10:30

Dean couldn't sleep. He laid in the dark, just staring at the ceiling. He decided to get up and try and use the bathroom, maybe that was the problem. Once he was done and walking back to his room, he peeked into your room. The light was off now but you had the lamp beside your bed on, you were still reading.

"Y/n?" You jumped, he smiled a bit but he felt a bit bad. He didn't like you feeling scared. He always teased you and was very adamant about you "being tough" but he didn't like seeing you scared. He wanted you to be safe. "Sorry- I thought you'd be asleep by now?"

"You said you were going to sleep.." They looked at a clock, "an hour ago."

"Yeah yeah, I know. I'm going." He groaned a bit, "Make sure you get some sleep tonight. Okay?"

"Yes dad,"

12:30

Dean actually managed to fall asleep for a while. Then he woke up suddenly with a feeling of dread. He decided he was gonna try and ride it out, not much had went wrong since he left the hunting life behind.

12:50

The feeling wouldn't go away, so Dean sat up, glancing around the room. Quiet. He decided to go check up on you, he needed to know that you were safe. He didn't like when he walked into your room to see you still up and reading. He cleared his throat and you looked up. Smiling nervously.

"Y/n."

"I know- I know- bed. Yes, I'm going-" You said, putting the bookmark in your book and placing it on the bedside table. He crossed his arms, watching from the door.

"Everything alright in here?"

"Hm? yes,"

"Okay, please get some sleep. Don't want you all grumpy in the morning,"

"Fine. I know-"

"You better," He smiled a bit. "I mean it Y/n."

"I know dad, night."

"night kiddo,"

1:12

You were asleep, he had checked. He wasn't sure what was wrong or how to fix it.

He'd understand when his brother knocked on his door the next morning.

[gamerbot-22]

Treat Yourself

Prompt: Cake

TW/CW: Bronseele being silly and gay again, shared self-care, callback to Making Up, barely proofread and I appreciate spellchecks!

Word Count: 1,273

A/N: Bronya... The Final Lesbian.... I'm walking some of the same ground as my A/N for Seele but I really love Bronya's character. She's! So interesting, and I love how she's trying so hard to be a good leader after having to take the role on in such a heartbreaking way. I love her, she deserves some self-care and a kiss from her girled friend.

Likes and Reblogs appreciated (reblogs > likes) and Requests are Open! Read this story on Ao3 here! My Ao3 account got suspended for stupid reasons, so there’s no cross post as of right now. On Friday, April 11, this and the following fics will be posted there.

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The dividers in this post were made by @/gamerbot-22 (me!) ☆

© All rights reserved by miHoYo

Bronya was doing her best to be humble as a ruler. One of the things that had made her mother fail as a Supreme Guardian was her inability to see herself amongst her people, seeing herself as so far above everyone, especially those in the Underground, that it became her downfall.

Bronya wouldn't let that happen to her.

So, if she could, Bronya walked to events. She wrote her own speeches and had Seele, Pela, and the occasional willing Trailblazer give them a once-over before she even thought about giving them in public. She chose her words carefully, she walked with purpose, and at the end of each day she was exhausted. Having to be so poised, it made her back hurt after so long. And on top of that, all the walking, while it was giving her some nice definition in her legs, was equally exhausting.

The advice she got to reward herself came through a game of telephone. Gepard had heard Bronya in a rare moment, lamenting the tension in her fingers from writing and the soreness in her back.

"Madame Guardian, if you'd like my opinion?"

"I would," she said, resting her face in her sore hands.

"My sister, Serval--"

"I've met your sister."

"I know, but I have two."

"Ah, right." Bronya raised her head, deciding to stare her embarrassment in the face. "Please, continue."

He caught his breath, then started over. "My sister, Serval, when she finishes an especially hard project or commission, usually gets herself a little reward to look forward to when she's finished. It's usually not very big--a pack of coloured strings for her guitar, a new bottle of dye for her hair, things like that--but it's quite motivating." His serious guard facade broke a little as he let a smile work its way onto his face. "I've started trying it myself. Just last night, I rewarded myself for going through some old border reports, and it made the work feel that much more fulfilling-- Not that I don't find my work fulfilling, Madame."

Bronya tried to blink away the growing headache in the front of her skull. "No, it's quite alright. I believe we're sitting in the same boat, so to speak." She heard him let out a single syllable of a chuckle before they turned their gaze to him. "Do you have any recommendations?"

Gepard shrugged, his armor rattling from the motion. "Something you like would be a good place to start. Something for your hobbies?"

She didn't really have time for hobbies. Except maybe roller-skating now, but she couldn't think of any sort of reward for that that she would enjoy. Maybe cute laces for her shoes...?

He decided to lead her along a bit. "Desserts also work, if you're having trouble deciding."

So once her pile of paperwork was done--or done enough, more like--and the sun was already on its way down, Bronya sent Pela down the street to a bakery to pick up something sweet. "Anything," she said, when asked for any preference. "Something that can last, but nothing too... extravagant. And please, feel free to get something for yourself."

"Yes ma'am."

Pela came back after sundown with a cake. And not one of those little cakes that fit in your hands and you could finish in a few minutes, but a sheet cake. That required both of Pela's hands to carry.

Bronya supposed it would last, at least. And the frosting was simple, so it wasn't like Pela had disobeyed or ignored her request. She sent her off for the night with a "thank you" and a polite smile.

She... supposed that she could make this work. With it set on her desk, she was able to consider the size and the approximate serving size and supposed that a slice a day could easily work, for about... two weeks? Give or take a day or so? Although, she wondered if the cake wouldn't go bad in all that time. A cake this big, although beautiful, wasn't really built for one person...

The heavy, ashen-wood doors to her grand office opened, forced forward by a very familiar, squared-off set of shoulders.

"Your office light is on," Seele said pointedly, quickly sliding out of the way of the door. "I thought you said you were done for the day."

Bronya gestured to the sheet cake on her desk. Light scolding aside, this was actually a pretty lucky break for her. With Seele around, this cake could both last, and not go to waste. "I am. This is my reward."

"You got a cake?" She trotted up the stairs to get a better look. She only got more confused when she actually saw it. It was wide and flat and completely blank, like a sheet of freshly fallen snow. "Huh."

"It was Captain Gepard's idea." She crossed her arms loosely, staring down at the confection. "A reward to make all the work I've done today feel a little more rewarding, and to give me something to look forward to."

"Are you going to eat the whole thing?"

"Oh, of course not. I don't need a reward that badly."

"Then why get one so big?"

"I... failed to be specific when I asked Pela to pick it up."

Seele stared at her. Then she snorted, not bothering to hide the noise. She similarly crossed her arms, rocking back on her heels and then forward on her toes with a glint in her eyes. "Well... I mean it's definitely a start if you want to relax after working yourself half to death."

Bronya decided to brush past the teasing with a smile. She picked up the knife that came with the cake to cut it, and offered the handle to Seele. "Would you like to do the honors? I think I would feel more relaxed and rewarded if I had some company."

Seele took the knife without a second thought. "Yeah, if you want me to hang around with you eat--"

"--You're not having any?"

Seele turned her head so fast her deep purple hair went flying over her shoulder. "Huh?"

"I asked, are you not going to have an--"

"No no no, I heard that part." She pointed at the cake with the knife's rounded blade, her brows pinching together again. "I thought this was for you?"

"I told you I wasn't going to eat the whole thing, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but I meant in one sitting."

Bronya was starting to feel that headache coming back. The banter was cute on any other night, but she was ready to eat this reward and go to bed. "Seele, my love, do you want to quietly eat some cake with me before bed, or don't you?"

Seele's whole face went pink. She was brave about so many things, but not pet names. She was frozen for a couple seconds, simply staring into the middle distance past Bronya's forearm as her brain tried to process the words.

Bronya wondered if she might've broken her. "Seele--"

"Yep!" Seele cut out two pieces of cake so quickly that Bronya wondered if they hadn't been pre-cut in the store. "Want to bring these to the fireplace in the other office?"

"Alright, but I might fall asleep there."

And Seele, the love of Bronya's life, a proud woman who was not to be kept down for long, looked the Supreme Guardian dead in the eyes and with barely restrained adoration, said "Good, then I can carry you to bed."

Bronya smiled through the rising warmth in her face. Maybe the company was more of a reward than the cake.

[lauronk]

https://www.tumblr.com/redandpointy/160507446187?source=share hm... Maybe a fic that takes place in jackson? I've heard that sometimes when people experience childhood trauma they can develop some old childhood habits when they feel unsafe or triggered by someting, as a form of defense mechanism (like sucking their thumb when no one notices, rocking back and forth in a nervous way, isolate yourself in a specific place, don't talk at all, shut down with hobbies when they feel unease, bite or scratch their own hands with the nails as way to express anger or anxiety, trouble sleeping and in some cases even having bed wetting problems) - It's actually more common than we think, and I've always wondered how a orphan girl that was neglected all her childhood, saw people get killed and kill themselves in front of her and was almost molested by a creep never had psychological problems resulting from roots of her childhood in specific. So, yeah, maybe a fic where joel is noticing some problems with ellie and somehow knowing what is this coming from, and feeling guilty because he feels like he was also one to blame for her bottling her feelings on the road because he told her on the road they shouldn't talk about feelings. Did she had habits like that on the road and he didn't notice? When she saw him mutilate people and be violent, did that affected her too? She was dealing with stress on their journey and he stopped her from talking about it? Or when he feel and she had to be the adult...God, how could he forgive himself... And now he wants to comfort her and provide her safeness every time something triggers her, wants to create an habit of talking about her feelings everyday. Like he is her personal diary.

hi! thank you for sending this, sorry it took me so unbelievably long! this is definitely one i could see being continued eventually, i feel like i just scratched the surface here really. i hope you like it!

old habits die screaming

length: ~1.2k words tags: joel & ellie; canon divergence; nail biting/picking/peeling; technically self-harm? but without the intent to do harm; more like a stress reaction; joel is ellie's parent; ellie is bad at feelings; mentions of nightmares;

She’s doing it again.

Joel stares at Ellie’s wrecked cuticles, scabbed and picked at, the nail beds bitten down as far as possible, and feels worry sink like a boulder into his gut. No wonder every time he’s around lately her hands are in her pockets, or she’s actually wearing her goddamn gloves for once.

She’s been hiding this from him again.

He’d noticed it first after Silver Lake, when the temperature started to lift and they started to shed their winter layers. Fingernails chewed down to nothing, hangnails picked and pulled until they bled. And then getting to the hospital only to find it empty, no trace of the Fireflies or where they’d gone…it’s a wonder she hadn’t peeled the skin clean off her hands then.

It’s stress, the book he’d borrowed from Jackson’s library tells him. Stress and repressed emotions that need an outlet somewhere.

Repressed emotions, Joel thinks now, looking down at her hands. She’s curled up on her bed, fast asleep, and he’d just stepped in to check on her before going to his own room. But the moonlight slicing through her window had illuminated her hands just right and now he stood here, transfixed.

It’s his fault, Joel knows that. He’s the one that told her all those months ago that they keep their histories to themselves. That they didn’t have time for tears on the road unless something was seriously wrong, and that she was cargo.

No wonder she’s making herself bleed rather than talk to him about what’s bothering her. And now he’s gotta fix it.

—

Joel’s awake before Ellie the next morning, coffee brewed and the strainer with her tea ready and waiting. He thinks for a second about making her some eggs, but he’d heard her tossing and turning last night while he’d been lying awake thinking over his repeated failures. She’d had a nightmare, and she frequently woke up nauseous the morning after.

He’d wait on the eggs.

Ellie’s up not long after, shuffling to her seat at the coffee table with a yawn and giving him a small, grateful smile when he sets her tea and the jar of honey in front of her.

“Sleep okay?” Joel asks.

Ellie shrugs, not meeting his eyes. “Yeah.”

He should have expected that answer, honestly. Joel lowers himself to the chair across from her, hands wrapped around his mug. “School goin’ alright?”

Another shrug, another quiet “Yeah.”

God, he’s so damn rusty at this. Then again, he never really had to pry with Sarah - she always told him about her day in excruciating detail, every passing interaction she had, every step she took. And Ellie when he first knew her wouldn’t have taken much prying to get information out of. But after Silver Lake - and Joel still didn’t even really know what had happened to her there - she’d retreated in on herself, giving mumbled one word answers more often than not, and that had only changed a little when they’d come back here and started settling in.

Joel thinks again of the book from the library, the one from the early 80s about listening so kids will talk and talking so kids will listen or whatever the hell it was called.

Share, it had said. Make sure you open up enough so that your children feel safe doing the same and it’s not a one-sided relationship. Make sure they know that they can come to you with their problems and that you’ll be willing to listen.

“I had a nightmare last night,” Joel says, and Ellie’s head snaps up. It’s only a slight bending of the truth - he hadn’t really slept at all last night, but he’d had one the night before. “We were in Kansas City again, when that horde came up outta the ground.” He blows out a breath, eyes drifting out the window. “And my gun kept jamming every time I needed to fire because they were comin’ at you.”

Ellie’s grip on her mug tightens, skin bleaching white at the knuckles. “You still have nightmares?”

He hadn’t thought he’d ever be admitting this to her. Ever since they’d made it back here Joel had tried to be steady, show that he was alright and he liked it here in the hopes that it would be modeling a way to adjust for her.

Apparently, it had had the opposite effect.

“Probably every week or so,” Joel tells her honestly. “Not always the same ones, and when we first got here it was more like every other night. But yeah, I still have them a bit.”

Ellie’s eyes have dropped from him to her mug of tea, staring down at it like the dregs of it will have all the answers. “Me too,” she whispers, so quietly that if Joel hadn’t been as intently focused on her as he was he probably wouldn’t have heard it. He doesn’t say anything, just waits to see if she’ll continue. “A couple times a week lately. I had one last night where –” she sniffles, sitting back in her chair with her arms wrapped over her stomach. “Where we were in Colorado and you died in the basement and I couldn’t get out of the steakhouse and –” Ellie hiccups, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks.

Carefully, Joel reaches his hand across the table to her. An offering, if she wants it. He can see her weighing whether or not to take it, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything. Ellie still struggles with the idea of relying on anyone, whether she’d admit it or not. They’ve come leaps and bounds since that first mistrustful, angry conversation in his and Tess’s apartment, but a few months in a safe space isn’t enough to undo nearly fifteen years of suspicion and solitude.

Ellie sniffs again, her jaw working back and forth, before she finally reaches forward and clasps his hand. Joel squeezes it gently, waiting for her to look up at him. “I’m alright,” he tells her softly when she does. “And you’re alright. And I know this is a lot to get used to here. But baby, I am asking you –” Joel rotates their hands until hers is facing up, the damage to her nails on display. She tries to pull it back, relenting when Joel squeezes again. “Come talk to me when somethin’ is botherin’ you, alright? You ain’t…you ain’t gotta tell me all the details, don’t need to say more than you’re comfortable with. But I am askin’ you to please come say…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “Just come say you had a nightmare, or say you’re sad, or even just say you need a hug. That’s all. You ain’t doin’ this alone, kiddo.”

Ellie just sort of looks at him for a moment, eyes rimmed in red. She seems…small. Withdrawn, unsure, five seconds from shattering into a thousand pieces, and until she speaks again Joel thinks he’s maybe made a horrendous mistake, and that all she’s gonna do now is retreat even further.

But then she gives him a wobbly nod and says okay and Joel knows that at least now, they’ve made a start.

thanks for reading! you can find the full ficlet collection on ao3

[kit-williams]

Hello! The Cuckoo Anon is back again!

Something more Fluffy with some existentialism sprinkled in I've had stewing in my mind. Could also be interpretted as soft yandere. Hope you enjoy.

You'd never considered getting an Astarte, and quite frankly you'd have to admit it came down to both reasonable and unreasonable factors.

Reasonable being cost, both in time and finance. Even if most Space Marines could care for their own basic needs, you'd feel bad if you couldn't provide other enrichments. Art Supplies and Makeup for Emperors Children or Blood Angels, a proper training area for World Eaters and War Hounds, nests dark and secluded enough for Night Lords or Raven Guard. All things to consider when bringing home a new large friend.

Even if you weren't financing a personal sparring ring in your back yard there would be fees and regulations to consider, not to mention travel to and from these places alongside your already cramped schedule.

In less reasonable factors, or so you thought them to be, was fear.

Dying to an Astarte was seen much like dying to the mishandling of an exotic pet or by an unfortunate encounter with a wild animal.

At worst more onus seemed put on the human for poor decision making, at best it was deemed a tragic accident that nothing much could be done about in the aftermath.

There was still culling of known human killers. And your mind wrestled not with the morality of putting down a dangerous being, but how strange it seemed for such powerful intelligent beings to be at odds with their niche.

Some feral, some domestic, some neither, yet all of them...all of them had to be human on Some level right?

They're just larger, and speak differently, but all are hominid forms under that ceramite so why...why-

You could feel your brain starting to hurt, as it often did when these thoughts surfaced.

Well right now you didn't want to think deep hard thoughts about the mysterious beings you shared the world with.

Instead you were going to let your skates do the thinking for you, and let your brain get swept along in a sea of bright colors, cheesy music and dancing on wheels.

Your local roller rink wasn't as close as you might like it, but the drive was worth it so you could practice your hobby. After a long hiatus due to personal life things, you needed to clear your head with some mindless fun.

While not a professional by any means you'd become a regular here, and you have to say, you picked up some nice tricks over the years.

As you walked in the place was a buzz with the weekend crowd. Sunday might be the less busy of the two days, but there was still a lively population within.

You didn't mind though, the rink was actually a place you preferred to visit while busy. Too few people and it just felt dead, too many and you'd struggle to not feel overwhelmed.

Truly, the perfect happy medium.

...aside from the hulking Astartes accompanying their various humans both on and off the skating floor.

This was something you were used to at this point, but it still felt awkward maneuvering not just around regular sized people, but their gigantic body guards, especially when you needed the restroom and already had your skates on.

Then there were the times children would approach you asking how to do certain tricks. Explaining to a child how you learned to skate backwards was already difficult with the loud music, now you had to sweat under the intense gaze of their family Space Marine keeping an unflinching eye on you.

And don't even get started about the encounters you had accidentally bumping Into others.

People are clumsy, people on wheels even moreso, and you'd be a damn rich fool if somebody paid you for everytime you narrowly avoided a child with no situational awareness while on your own set of wheels.

Now multiply the fear of harming someone else by accident, by the fear of an angry protective space marine seeking retribution. Not a fun concept.

Fortunately, any mishaps you did have hadn't ended with a bolter stuck in your face or a chain sword through your spine. The rinks owners didn't allow weapons on the premises.

You supposed most human and astarte were intelligent enough to understand that a roller rink carries a higher than average risk of collision.

"Thank the throne for that." You muttered with a chuckle, using a phrase common enough amongst Astartes to have been translated. You pondered what kind of throne deserved such reverence, as you slipped on your pads and skates.

Once geared up, you stood, and with practiced ease carried your bag to the cubbies.

But now a new issue. The lower cubbies were full, you'd have to stretch to get your bag into the higher ones.

Shuffling onto your toe stops, you clumsily lifted your duffel bag upwards. Your balance was well enough, but it was a strain, and your bag seemed to protest by sagging down against your lifting, like a wet sack trying to fall out of your hands rather than overwhelm you with weight.

Which is exactly what Almost happened as your next bid to push/throw the bag into the desired cubby resulted in it bouncing and falling back to you.

If not for a large magenta ceremite hand coming over your head and catching the duffel with ease.

Your surprise was palpable, as you slowly turned your gaze; sliding up the arm to the hulking shadow behind you.

Note to self, don't wear both earbuds while distracted Ever again.

The magenta and gold clad space marine met your gaze. His helmeted face betrayed no emotion, and despite the chorus of the skating rink around you, it felt like all you could here was his breathing. Just that raspy...Breathing behind the mask.

Surely, he could hear your heart hammering, as he stood above you, arm still holding the duffel bag you'd been struggling with a moment prior against the cubbies.

More or less holding you against the cubbies as well.

Neither of you moved.

...

........

..................

Okay you couldn't take it anymore. "Can...can I help you?" You asked, trying to swallow the nerves that made your throat tight.

The marine, Emperor's Child your brain noted, twitched from his stillness and actually looked...surprised?

If you hadn't known any better you'd think he was just a stunned as you were a moment ago. As stunned as fully armored astartes could look anyway.

The minor expression passed in a moment, before he simply pushed it the rest of the way into the high cubby.

He said something in his Gothic tongue, seemingly an apology, then turned on his massive heel to walk back towards a small group of mostly other Emperor's Children.

As he left you found your voice. "Uh hey!"

The Astarte turned for a brief moment.

"Th-Thank you! I appreciate the help!" You called brightly over the music, making sure to smile inspite of your still frayed nerves. You even gave the big fella two thumbs up incase he didn't understand.

And then your embarassment won out and you quickly hurried onto the skating floor with your face burning and heart racing for an all New reason. 

Maybe...maybe having an Astarte wouldn't be so bad.

---

Meanwhile the space marine returned to his group of battle brothers. They'd discovered this recreational location, and more or less set up operations here after their leader bonded to one of the business's owners.

The influx of humans and their space marines made it an ideal location to conduct trades of goods and information.

While their situation was...unorthodox, I Ithio couldn't find it in himself to raise complaint.

His brother's were content, some even more so having found their bonds. He wouldn't deny he'd felt a certain yearning for that closeness. And now he may never get a chance to Feel that with how he'd fumbled his introduction.

"So...your little Bird of Paradise has finally reappeared." Salvali chortled.

Matisse chimed in. "They seemed to take the encountee better than you did brother! Regardless, I think a celebration is in order tonight!"

"Please stop," Ithio groaned, embarassed though he was grateful the humans around them couldn't understand nor see his burning face.

All he had to do was say Hello, and he couldn't even do that!

He'd tried So Hard to restrain himself when he'd seem them walk in. After so long of not seeing them he feared he'd have to take drastic measures to find them.

But they just Strolled back into his life and in turn he'd Strolled over, intending to help when the perfect moment had presented itself. Practically a gift wrapped golden opportunity to make himself known to his Bird of Paradise.

And he Froze. Frozen up! Iced over the moment their eyes met. By the throne and stars above he wanted to melt into the floor.

"Ah don't feel too bad, there's always next time." Salvali assured patting him on the back.

But would there be?! What if you were so put off you never came back. He'd have to find you, he Wouldn't live without you the way he had the first time you vanished. He couldn't take that! He couldn't-

"Uh Hey!" Ithio broke from his dooming and turned back to see you, calling to him.

Marines in general may not have the best grasp of the ancient terran languages, but Emperors Children are not general Marines. Language is but another artform, and Emperor's Children Pride themselves on their art.

"Th-Thank you! I appreciate the help!" Your sweet voice reassured him, your smile though unsteady was so genuine. You even gestured with your thumbs to show your approval before you scurried to the skating floor.

With his superior sight, and the aid from his helmets tech he could read the blush on your face, the race of your heart. All the other noise faded into the back of his mind as he replayed your words and watched you take the floor.

Oh...oh sweet Bird of Paradise.

FINALLY GETTING TO THIS ASK

I mean I think anything I write gets interpreted as soft yandere because that's what I'm good at. We will see where this goes if he gets thrown into the non canon husbandry (because that seems to be where the yandere husbandry boys and stupid sexy Gabriel hang out)

Husbandry Taglist: @egrets-not-regrets @liar-anubiass-blog

You tried not to think too hard when you skated. Enjoying going round and round doing a few tricks just simple ones and you only fell onto your ass twice. But now you were probably about to eat wall as you skated to not run over a fallen child and you were moving so fast.

You still hit something hard but the way you're scooped up as well decreases the momentum you feel as if you just slammed into the wall or the other barrier. You feel weightless for a moment as you hear the whirl of your skate wheels still go as you brought your arms to your chest to try and minimize the impact damage. You look up at the ceiling with owlish eyes as you look up at green eye lenses that are looking down at you.

Ithio felt his hearts beating hard as he moved fast to get to his Bird of Paradise from smashing into the wall and getting bruised. He feels you move in his arms as you look at the small child who started this all... who was pulled out of the way but not fast enough that you nearly fell over them as you just close your eyes as Ithio watches you lay back in his arms coming down from the rush of adrenaline. The skate ref skates on over to make sure you're fine.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks to the Astarte." You say just patting the twin headed eagle on his breastplate and Ithio feels his hearts flutter happily. You lean on him as the referee skates off and she tries to hop out his arms and Ithio selfishly keeps you just a bit too high for you to feel comfortable to leave his arms. "Um... hey big guy?" You say nervously as the blank look of the helm looking down at her was bringing back that itch in the back of her head...

Ithio was starting to feel nervous... and his mind started to race again... what if she was already bonded? What if she didn't want him around. He feels his mind race and everything about him simultaneously melt as he was actually holding his beautiful Bird of Paradise... sure the dyes at the tips of her hair had faded but they were still so vibrant in his mind.

"Brother... are you okay?" Ithio heard Salvali over the vox.

"I'm fine." He lied as easily as he breathed. As he put her down.

"Well this is twice you helped me out... um I could buy you a drink?" You say trying to not feel the danger that being stared down by an Astartes brings.

"I never..." He finally speaks and his voice is so airy, "never got to tell you how pretty your hair was dyed when I saw you last here." He was happy he finally managed to tell the beautiful bird of paradise that of course her feathers were pretty... how marvelous she looked with her hair long and splayed against her back like a colorful bird's tail.

You smiled up at him not expecting that answer.

Salvali, Matisse, and the others watched from a distance.

"He's doing it... he's doing it!" Matisse said laughing softly.

"Well he's finally talking verses standing there holding her awkwardly." Salvali says as he watches Ithio put her down and her eyes seemed to be focused on him as she talks.

"Do you think it's a bond or just affection?" Matisse asks out loud to no one really but Salvali just shrugs.

"Does it matter? Feels like it's been ages since Ithio has been happy and see him fawn over a pretty bird makes me feel like we've got our brother back. Well it's almost time for Astartes skating are you going to try?" Salvali changes the topic and teases his brother. As the two laugh leaving Ithio to continue to cling to the words of his little bird.

[jungkookjeon0007]

The House Party | Part 1 (JJK X MYG FF)

☆ summary: Fresh out of high school, Kim Su-Jin has always been sheltered by strict parents and has walked a straight line all her life. She made a promise to herself that once she went to college and was out on her own, that she would finally cut loose and have the fun she always wanted to experience. In college, she meets some of her best friends within the first week, and soon the opportunity arises for them to go to their first party. While there, her life suddenly gets thrown into a whirlwind when she meets a group of 7 extremely handsome boys. Two of them in particular caught her interest and that’s when her life changed forever.. ♥️

☆ pairing(s): min yoongi x jungkook x su-jin.

☆ ratings: (18+) for detailed sex scenes + harsh language. SMUT SMUT. Double lip piercing JK, full sleeve tattoos, long hair Min Yoongi, dark theme, threesome, polyamory.

☆ genre: smut, angst.

☆ word count: 1.65k.

☆ a/n: I am really loving this story! There will be a second part to this posted either tonight or tomorrow, but if you really enjoy it and want a full book... LET ME KNOW and I can make it happen! Please make sure to share, comment, and like to support my little hobby. I love making stories for you to read and it warms my heart all of the messages I have received from how everyone loves 'Night in Vegas'. <3

☆☆☆☆☆☆

"Okay, next victim!! Jungkook, truth or dare." Namjoon exclaimed as he rubbed his hands together menacingly.

"Dare, Hyung."

Namjoon tapped his chin as he thought,"I dare you to kiss Su-Jin's neck for 1 minute, making her moan at least once. If you fail, you take 3 shots."

Jungkook turned to see that I was already smirking at him. "What are you waiting for, Kookie? Are you not up to the task?"

He smiled back as he moved closer, "I'm always up for this Jin, especially if it's with you-" Without warning, he picked me up and placed me gently in his lap.

"Taehyung, start the timer." He said, never once taking his eyes off mine.

"Anddd GOOOO!" Taehyung yelled as he pressed start on his iPhone.

Jungkook smirked, quickly finding my neck with his blazing hot lips. He kissed, licked, sucked, and bit at my sweet spot, sending shivers straight down my spine. I bit my bottom lip hard, trying to hold back the moans that were threatening to already leave my quivering lips.

He grabbed my hips, moving me on top of him, and as I was grinding on his semi hardened erection, I questioned myself on just how much more I could take.

"15 SECONDS!!!" Taehyung yelled out again as the intensity heightened.

Jungkook started to grind back, whispering how good of a girl I was being for him then gently bit my ear lobe, breathing his hot breath into my ear. That was the last straw and I broke, not being able to take any more of this torture. A loud moan escaped my lips as he smirked in satisfaction. The timer ran out right after as I opened my eyes, hearing the chant of his name echo throughout the circle we were all sitting in.

"Damn, I have to admit... that was the hottest fucking thing I've witnessed." Taehyung said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Several of the others agreed, nodding from around the room.

"Such a good girl you were for me, Jin." Jungkook whispered into my ear as he tapped my butt, signaling me to stand up.

I crawled back to my spot beside him, straightening out both my clothing and hair. I was so engulfed by the game that I hadn’t realized someone else within the circle was eyeing me heavily, wishing that it was the two of us instead of Jungkook and I.

———-

The game proceeded for a few more rounds but once everyone grew tired of it, we moved on to spin the bottle.

Whoever the bottle landed on had to go in the nearest closet with the spinner for 10 minutes. What they did within that time frame was their own choice, but they had to make it the full time, or they had to take 4 shots.

The first few rounds didn't go as planned because someone always left earlier than they should've. But now, it was my turn and I was sweating from the nervousness that suddenly took over my body.

The bottle spun for what seemed like ages until it finally started to come to a stop. When the bottle landed, everyone, including me, gasped at who was sitting on the opposite side... Min Yoongi.

"Yoon, you have the choice to go or not, which will it be?" Jimin asked.

Yoongi smirked at me, showing his beautiful gummy smile before speaking. “Let's go, Princess."

He motioned for me to follow him as I did without hesitation.

Jimin escorted us and before going in, he told us the rules just like with the pairs before. "Okay, you guys have to make it 10 minutes in there without coming out too early or you have to take some shots. Are we clear?"

We both nodded in agreement.

"Perfect! Enjoy!" He opened the door as Yoongi motioned for me to walk in ahead of him. "Ladies first."

I blushed profusely and walked into the closet, him following close behind.

Once we were in and the door was shut, we stared at each other smiling.

"So, what do you want to do in here for 10 minutes?" He asked, staring intensely into my eyes.

"Hmm.. How long have you known the other 6 guys?" I asked, trying to make the situation less awkward.

"I've known them for several years, they are like my brothers."

"I can definitely tell you guys are close." I said as I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah, we most definitely are." He replied, gulping in what appeared to be nervousness.

I smiled. "Your turn."

He looked at me in confusion. “What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes with a smile, “Ask me a question, that way it kills time faster."

He smirked, realizing my intentions. "Ahh, okay I get it."

"Do you miss where you lived before?"

"Yes. I do very much." I replied, looking down at my fidgeting hands.

"Your turn, princess."

I thought for a moment before speaking, “Are you interested in anyone currently?"

I could have mentally face palmed myself for asking this stupid ass question. Out of all the questions I could have asked, I fucking chose that one. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

He took a deep breath as my heart began to pound harder in my chest. "I think I'm starting to be."

“Oh." I didn’t intend to sound as disappointed as I was, but it slipped.

"Mhmm... What about you?" I stared into his eyes and saw him glance down to my lips then back up to meet my gaze.

"I think I may be starting to as well."

"Interesting." He said as he took a step closer to me.

"Your turn." I said in a whisper as he was now so close, that I could feel his breath fanning against my lips.

He looked at his phone."We still have 6 minutes and 27 seconds left... Want to make them count?"

"What do you mean?"

"Excuse me for being so blunt, but I really want to kiss you, is it okay if I do?" I stood with a blank expression painted on my face, processing what he’d just said.

I wanted him to kiss me and the tension between us was so intense, I nodded my head. He stepped closer, grabbing my hips as he pulled me into him. The moment our lips touched, I melted into it instantly as it felt like our lips were meant for one another.

The kiss started off slow but after a minute, I began to run my fingers through his hair as he gripped my ass. It felt so good to feel him touch me.

"Fucking hell.” He mumbled between kisses.

I did nothing but smile as I pushed my tongue into his mouth while simultaneously rubbing his hardening member with my upper thigh. His hand found its way under my shirt as he palmed my breasts in such a way that made me feel goosebumps all over my body.

Unfortunately, our moment ended all too soon as the door swung open, revealing a shocked but very impressed Jungkook. "Oh my gosh. You guys actually made it! Great job and honestly, so damn hot. I mean shit!"

We backed away from one another while smiling then walked out of the closet. "Way to go you two! I'm surprised you guys were making out like that, I’m sure it was fucking awesome!"

Yoongi and I looked at each other and smiled shyly as the game continued.

———-

[Yoongi's POV]

“Let’s go dance!" Su-Jin said as I was standing with the guys, drinking a beer.

My friends all turned to me waiting for a response, as they know I don't like dancing, but how could I say no when she is looking this cute? I rolled my eyes, sighing heavily. "Fuck it.."

The guys cheered as we all started dancing. I admit it was fun until 'Turn Me On' by Nicki Minaj and David Guetta came on. That’s when Kari, Su-Jin’s best friend, grabbed Jimin and was dancing all over him as Su-Jin came over to start dancing with me and Jungkook. When the chorus started, she turned around in front of me while dancing and every part of me wanted to grab her hips to pull her in but I couldn't get my hands to cooperate.

Jungkook saw that I was struggling and whispered in my ear. "Hyung, just dance with her."

About that time she spun around and looked at him with pleading eyes, "Kookie, will you dance with me?"

He was shocked and I could tell he wanted to say yes, but backed out. "I absolutely would Jin, but I am going to get another drink with the guys real fast. Yoongi can dance with you though!"

"Yoongi! Dance with me." I stepped up as she pulled me to the center of the floor, thanking him with my eyes as he left with a nod and smiled.

The beat thumped through the air as we were in perfect sync while dancing together. All of a sudden, she pushed her butt into me and started grinding. I couldn't help but let my hands wander over her amazing body, feeling the alcohol start to take over me. She threw her head back on my shoulder as my lips automatically grazed her neck, making her moan just loud enough that only I was able to hear. This fueled me more, and I gently kissed her neck as my hardening erection rubbed against her ass.

If we keep on like this, I don't think I'll be able to control myself because I was starting to get horny. All I could think about was this beautiful girl underneath me, screaming my name.

[arcane-vagabond]

Okay, so I've gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but here we are. Long post under the cut.

I realize that I tend to post updates fairly often. However, I am not a machine, and I do actually have a full time job. The only reason I've been able to update like I have is because we've been in the off season. Eventually, things are going to pick up quite a bit and more than likely, I won't have as much free time to post like I do now. With that being said, I will try to get updates to you guys as much as I can, BUT there seems to be an attitude going around (not just towards me, but towards many other authors on here) that we should be updating almost every day. This is not feasible. Do I love that you guys love my stories so much? Absolutely! And I love talking about them with y'all. However, this is a hobby first and foremost. I am not being paid to write these stories and everything that I do post, I post for free. So, it's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox asking when I'm updating again after it's only been a week. It's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox for requests with not even a please or thank you, just a demand for something.

Which brings me to the next point. I don't mind taking requests. In truth, I'm a little backlogged right now, so until I can catch up, specific requests are closed. I will still talk about the stories with you guys, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a drabble until I can catch up on some of the ones that have been sitting in my inbox for about two months now. Along this same line, I really don't appreciate people coming into my inbox and telling me that you like my writing and then turning around and insulting it. I also don't appreciate when people come into my inbox and ask me to write an entire AU with specific scenarios while also insulting the way I write my characters. I love hearing about the different AUs you guys wanna see me do, but when you are sending me paragraphs of specific things you want to see in the AU, then it's no longer just an idea. At that point, you should be considering writing it yourself because it's not my original story at that point.

To clarify, there's a big difference between "I think it would be really cool if you wrote a mob AU and the reader could be a waitress or work in a bookshop or something" and "You should write a mob AU where the reader is a waitress and gets caught in a shootout and this character saves her! But then it turns out the waitress is secretly working undercover to bring down the mob boss and there's a shootout where this thing happens and then the characters have this specific conversation and then..."

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I swear I'm not. But it's frustrating when I can tell some of you don't even read the actual stories before ragging on them and then submitting a request in the same breath. It's also getting a little frustrating when I have the tag list at the top of my posts (with the trigger warnings) and I'm still being asked to add people to the tag list. I try to be accomodating and understanding, guys, but things have been a little much recently, and I just felt like I needed to say something. I know I'm not the only author on here experiencing this sort of stuff, and I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm speaking for them, but please start reading the author notes and the trigger warnings and what the author has posted before the actual story. And please stop pestering the authors on here about when they're posting. I know some people post daily, hell, I used to be one of them back when I was unemployed. But we have lives outside of this website guys, and a lot of us have plans with the holidays upon us as well as mental health problems with the changing seasons.

Again, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I think people tend to forget that there are actual people behind these accounts, and while we love interacting with and giving you guys content, sometimes we need a break too. I know I have other hobbies other than writing, and sometimes I just need to take a step back so I don't get burnt out and stop writing altogether. Just show a little compassion and courtesy, y'all, that's all I'm asking.

Happy Holidays, and I hope to have something out for y'all this week if not a couple things. I have the entire week after Christmas off, but I don't know how much I'll be able to write given I have to go get my car fixed now and I have plans with some friends.

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}