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delaber · 3 years ago

Text

Coming Home

Note: The fic no one asked for but I still wrote because I had to. Pretty sure this will be my last Rafa fic. It’s been a ride. Thank you!

Words: 7.7K

It was one of those blisteringly hot days where all you wanted to do was to laze about in front of a fan with your feet up and eat popsicles in the hopes of cooling just a tiny bit down. The sun was scorching and there was little to no wind at all, making it close to unbearable to be out of the shade for more than two minutes at a time - but unfortunately, you found yourself stuck in the middle of a very sunny lawn at Nat's garden-themed birthday party. Several times during the day, you had caught yourself looking jealously towards the enticing pool area at the end of the lawn but unfortunately had to settle for self-administered time-outs in the shade under various palm trees that were lining the garden.

At one of said time-outs, the birthday girl Nat approached you with a huge smile and two drinks in hand, "oh, there you are!" She exclaimed happily as she reached the same tree as you and handed you one of the piña coladas she was holding, "I've been looking all over!"

"Sorry," you smiled at your best friend and accepted the cocktail she was offering you, "I needed to cool down for a bit," you said while fanning your hand in front of your face

"Ooh, great idea - make room for me," Nat too stepped under the shade of the palm tree and immediately started fanning her top, "Jesus Christ, it's hot today!"

"Well, you were the one to insist on not having gazebos for your party," you shot your best friend a small smile, "it ruins the aesthetic," you mimicked her words from a few days ago with a laugh.

"Oh, shut up!" Nat let out a chortle, "I clearly made a terrible decision."

"Yeah, you should always listen to me and Diggs," you chuckled while having a sip of your tropical drink, enjoying how it slowly seemed to lower your core temperature as soon as the cold liquid hit your oesophagus.

"Hey, speaking of; have you seen him?" Nat squinted her eyes while shooting her phone a glance, "he's not answering any of my texts."

"I talked to him over by the snacks a little over an hour ago," you pointed over your shoulder, "he said he had to take off for a bit."

"He had to take off?" Nat furrowed her eyebrows, looking directly at you with disbelief written all over her face. From her expression alone, you could tell what was going through her head; as Nat's long-term boyfriend, Diggs knew exactly how important her birthday was to her. "That's seems a bit out of character..." she mumbled sadly.

"Aww, don't worry - he'll be back in a bit."

"What was so important for him to do on today of all days?" Nat sounded crestfallen.

"Come on Nat, what kind of an errand could he possibly have to run on his girlfriend's birthday?" You rolled your eyes.

"...But he already got me a present," she fiddled with the shiny new bracelet around her wrist.

"Maybe he's getting you a surprise," you shrugged mysteriously.

"Really?" The sad look on Nat's face was quickly replaced by wide eyes accompanied by a broad smile, "A surprise?"

"Don't tell him I said anything!" you laughed.

"Well, did he tell you what it was?"

"Nope... He probably knew we'd end up having this conversation," you chuckled.

"Slick bastard," Nat muttered under her breath before her voice returned to normal, "well, I hope he gets back soon. Of course I'm excited about the surprise but I don't want him missing out on the party."

As if on cue, a loud clanking noise coming from the shrub-embedded gate at the other end of the lawn had both you and Nat whip your heads around; Diggs had stepped inside the closed-off garden with a huge smile plastered on his face, stopping as soon as his feet hit the soft grass. He scanned the area for the birthday girl, and when his gaze finally landed on Nat, you watched how his face immediately turned soft as their eyes met across the lawn.

"Ah, there he is," Nat sighed happily as she took in her handsome boyfriend.

"...yeah, but he's empty handed," you added with a sigh after a quick scan for a birthday present in his open palms.

"Oh, you're right. Must be something he can stow away in a pocket..."

"Or something that's too heavy for him to carry alone," you added.

"Either way I'm just glad he's back," Nat said dreamily and send Diggs a small wave to which he replied with a sappy smile and a wink.

"Ah, I'm third-wheeling so hard right now," you gagged and with a grin turned your back towards Diggs in the hopes of making it less awkward for yourself.

"Yeah, sorry babe," Nat was biting her lower lip, trying to contain herself as she gazed at her handsome boyfriend over your shoulder.

"You look terribly confused all of a sudden," you laughed as you took in Nat's furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah, he's just... standing there - why is he not moving?"

"What? He's standing completely still?" you arched an eyebrow, looking at Nat who still wasn't sparing you a glance.

"No, he's... looking for something on the other side of the hedges. And he's talking to someone - I think?"

"On the phone?"

"No... - oh wait, looks like he brought someone along."

"He brought someone?" you repeated curiously, "who?"

"I don't know. I don't recognise him..." Nat looked confused as she squinted her eyes, trying to focus on what was happening at the other end of the lawn. Then suddenly, her face changed, "- hey, is that...? No - wait... - Oh my god! It is!" She finally whipped her head around, looking directly at you with huge eyes, "he's here."

"...Who is?" you looked at her confused.

Nat didn't have time to answer your question before a male voice that you didn't immediately recognise rang from behind you, "Ey yo, Nat!"

"I'm sorry..." Nat whispered, "- but I have to..." she shot you a pained look before she moved past you with a squeal as she briskly walked away from the shade under the palm tree.

Confused, you spun around and scanned the lawn for Diggs and his mystery companion. Diggs had put on one of his more colourful outfits, and your eyes were immediately drawn to him and the smug smile he was wearing as he took in Nat who was now running at full-speed towards a sharp-dressed man to his right.

"Rafa!" Nat exclaimed loudly as she fell into the well-dressed man's arms, "you're here! I can't believe it!" she squealed.

The mere sound of his name made the hairs on the back of your neck stand while the blood quickly drained from your face. You instantly felt your throat go dry and your head dizzying as Nat's words rang in your ears. Rafa was here? Rafa as in Rafael? No, it couldn't be...

You adjusted your gaze slightly but sure enough; there he was. In the middle of the lawn in a tight embrace with your best friend. None other than Rafael Casal.

That. Fucking. Prick.

"You're kidding me..." you mumbled under your breath.

What the fuck was he doing here?!

You immediately felt your heart rate increasing and your palms getting sweaty as you took him in. He had grown a beard and cut his hair short, making the area above his forehead strangely lonely without its familiar swoop of hair that he had been so fond of back when you had known him. Your eyes travelled across his face that was plastered with the toothy grin you had once loved, and down to the strong arms that you had once known every vein of. There weren't any tattoos on his arms that you didn't recognise but he had definitely built more muscle mass since the last time you'd seen him.

You had to admit that even though you were more than regularly annoyed with him, he looked good - he just didn't look like Rafa. Not your Rafa at least. He looked more man than jokester, a ghost of the boy you'd once called yours.

When the tight embrace in front of you finally ended, Rafa straightened up and looked over Nat's shoulder, his green eyes immediately piercing through you. He did a quick scan of you from the tip of your sneakers to the top of your head, and if it hadn't been for the fact that you knew that you looked good in your new dress, you might have grown flustered under his intense stare - but you didn't. He could stare all he wanted and meanwhile use the opportunity to think about what he had let go of - what he was missing out on!

He looked you up and down a few times and when his eyes reached yours, he sent you a tentative look and a careful smile that you didn't reciprocate. After all, pretending that Rafael Casal meant absolutely nothing to you was something you had perfected over the years.

When he finally realised that your face would remain stone cold and without the smallest trace of friendliness, he quickly looked back at Nat and sent her a broad smile as she began mumbling something to him about how he was the last person she'd expected to see today.

Meanwhile, you used the opportunity to march over to Diggs and pull him aside; "what the hell do you think you're doing?!" You hissed at him, your voice so low that only he could hear.

"Oh, I'm just watching my best friend and my girl reconcile after years apart," he smirked, his eyes still locked on the two friends talking excitedly in the middle of the lawn.

"Don't get smart with me, Diggs!" You said through gritted teeth, "why the fuck didn't you tell me that he was coming? You know how I feel about him! He's a snake!"

"Jesus Christ," Diggs rolled his eyes, "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. If you'd known that I was picking him up at the airport, you would've ended up faking an excuse to leave before I'd returned."

"And with good reason! You know what he did! I don't want to talk to him!"

"You need to resolve this shit between the two of you," he shrugged, "You need to learn to be in the same room as him. It's been way too long already, and it cannot go on like this forever."

"Oh, watch me!" You huffed childishly, looking over at Rafa's dumb smile as he said something incoherent to Nat.

"Bruh..." Daveed cocked his head and sent you an unimpressed look, "He didn't come to mess with you. He came for Nat... He misses her."

"- but," you tried to interject but Diggs immediately cut you off: "- And before you say anything -" he continued, "- look at how happy she is!" he gestured to Nat who had now gone back to hugging Rafa tightly, "I know that her loyalty to you dictates that she has to hate him or whatever, but she has clearly missed him too. So if you can't do it for yourself, please just behave yourself for Nat."

A guilty pang hit your chest when you looked at Nat's happy smile, and you realised that she had cut off all contact with Rafa for your sake. "For the record; I never told her she couldn't talk to him," you mumbled.

"I know," Diggs nodded, "that's just how good of a friend she is."

"Alright... I'll behave for Nat," you sighed with a slight scowl before you quickly continued, "- but I'm not going to talk to him! No way!"

Diggs shot his hands in the air in a surrendering manner, "hey: normal, regular behaviour is all I'm asking for! You can ignore him for all I care - just be civil."

You didn't answer Diggs but instead continued to scowl as you watched Rafa and Nat having a giggle about something. The sound of Rafa's obnoxiously loud laugh swimming in your ear canals made your stomach go annoyingly warm, and for a millisecond you actually wished that he was laughing at something dumb alongside you instead of Nat - or at least you wished for it until you reminded yourself of what he had done, and the familiar anger towards him soon returned.

"Aw, come on," Diggs let out a laugh when he saw your angry face. He gave your shoulder a playful shove before he put his arm around you, "let's get you a drink - you look like you need it."

"Yes, I need it!" you groaned as he led you away from Nat and Rafa, "- and a big one too 'cause my dumb friends had my nemesis fly in from New York behind my back."

Diggs laughed a little at your miserable tone of voice, "cheer up," he chuckled, pulling you a little closer, "...and to be fair, I did the inviting. Nat had nothing to do with this."

"God, you're the worst," you mumbled as you reached the self-service bar, "I cannot believe you'd spring this on me after what he did!"

"Come on. It's been three years," Daveed shrugged and smiled down at you before he pulled out two clean glasses.

"That's easy for you to say when you weren't implicated in it," you mumbled sourly without looking directly at him.

"I may not have been directly involved, but you know I still got caught up in the middle," Diggs sent you a short look before he poured both of you a drink, "- and I still am."

"How?" You said incredulously, "I literally never talk about him."

"Exactly," Diggs shot you a sideways glance as he screwed off the cap of a tonic water, "you never talk about him. It's forced."

"It's forced? Since when is not talking about your asshole of an ex-boyfriend forced?"

"I know you miss him," Diggs said softly and sent you a careful look.

You forced yourself to scoff as you accepted the gin tonic from him, "I have no idea what you're talking about! I literally could not care less about Rafael at all," you looked across the lawn and immediately caught Rafa's gaze that was aimed directly at you. His eyes were huge, his gaze soft and longing. You thought to yourself that he looked as if he was the one who'd been wronged all those years ago. As if you were the one who had disappeared off to New York before royally fucking everything up. Which you absolutely weren't!

Rafa had been annoying as hell all night! Whenever you were no more than a few milliseconds away from letting down your hair and forget about the fact that your nemesis was attending the same party as you, you could hear his annoying foghorn of a laugh in the group of people next to you. And although you were trying your absolute best to avoid him completely, he still seemed to be all over, somehow always within a ten-foot radius from you, his cutting-torch-like voice constantly poking at your eardrums.

You were successful in avoiding him up until around midnight when you unfortunately were careless enough to lay down your guard for a few seconds too long, not realising that he had approached you at the self-service bar while you had been looking around for a lime for your drink. "Hey," you heard a low growl behind you as you were cutting the citrus into wedges.

You didn't have to look up from the table to know who the voice belonged to. "Rafael," you said neutrally while screwing off the cap of the tequila bottle you were holding, pouring up a couple of ounces of liquid without sparing him a glance.

"Hmm... Ra-fa-el," he repeated slowly, dragging out the name and smacking his lips as if savouring how it rolled off his tongue, "you know what? I don't think I've ever heard you call me Ra-fa-el before."

With your gaze still firmly placed on the tequila-filled glass in front of you, you arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything as you continued working on the cocktail, desperate to not give in to his antics.

You could feel his gaze burning on your skin, his eyes following your every move as you poured Cointreau into the cocktail glass and quietly waited for him to leave you alone again. He didn't budge, however, and when he realised that you intended to keep your silence, he quietly asked, "...How are you doing?"

"Great," you said and pressed your lips firmly together.

"Good..." Out the corner of your eye, you could see his head bopping up and down as he took you in, "I - uhm - I always liked you in green, you know," he grinned cockily. You knew he was just acting this way to get your attention but annoyingly enough; it was working for him. His comment made you dart your eyes towards him, shooting him an unimpressed sigh that he reciprocated with a careful smile, anxious to see if his compliment had tugged at your heartstrings. But even though his words had made your head dizzy and your diaphragm contract considerably, you still managed to keep a straight face as you took him in. His gaze was soft and satisfied, and a strange feeling hit your guts when you looked into his green eyes for the first time in over three years. Seeing the familiarity of his overly confident gaze made you realise that he hadn't exactly turned into the destructive villain that you had made him out to be after he had moved to New York three years ago. Behind the masculine beard and the buzzcut, the jokester with the soft chin and the long quiff was still in there. Your Rafa was still in there, and for a tenth of a second it made your heart ache as you wished for a time that he had long ago ruined.

He had clearly realised that you were checking him out because slowly, yet surely, his smirk grew considerably while he maintained eye-contact. It made you furious! He. Did. Not. Have. The. Upper. Hand. Taking in your angry expression, he shifted the weight on his feet while giving out a low chuckle, "I guess what I mean to tell you is that you look good. Like really good! - even when you're fuming."

"You look old," you stated flatly to make him stop feeling so overly confident.

To your dismay, however, he wasn't the least bit hurt by your comment but instead spluttered happily and let out a loud laugh, making the crow's feet around his green irises dance around as his eyes squinted tightly together in amusement. He looked irritatingly handsome, and it made you even more annoyed with him; he wasn't supposed to be amused by your low blow, he was supposed to be devastated!

You chewed your bottom lip as he annoyingly confident ran a hand through his beard and took you in with his forever playful smile. The fairy lights surrounding the self-service bar caught something shiny around his wrist as he caressed his chin, and you recognised the piece of metal immediately. It made you scoff, "you really still have that?" You nodded towards the golden band around his arm that you had given him for his 25th birthday some years ago. Even though it had been quite expensive, you'd figured that he had thrown it out long ago.

"You're kidding me?" He said incredulously, furrowing his brows and fiddling with the shiny links around his arm, "of course I still have this! It means a lot to me, I wear it every day!" He sent you a tentative smile, once again checking to see if he was so lucky that his words had defrosted you.

He wasn't.

"What?" He asked with an amused twinkle in his eyes when he took in your unimpressed face, "I swear; It's one of my most treasured possessions."

"Rafael... Just..." You let out a small sigh and folded your arms across your chest, "- just drop the pleasantries and tell me why you're really here," you demanded, "I highly doubt you're here to small talk."

"Aw come on - I'm just here for Nat's party. I didn't come to stir shit up. I promise!" He looked at you with honest eyes, still with a trace of a smile on his lips.

"Then why are you attacking me at the drinks table?" You were surprised to hear how steady you managed to keep your voice when it felt as if your entire body was shaking.

"I just wanted to say hi," he shot you a careful look, taking in every movement of your facial muscles, "You've been avoiding me all day."

"Wonder why," you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, looking away from him.

"I know it seems like an unnecessary question but are you still angry with me?" He asked, his smile still in place but suddenly a bit stiff.

"I was angry at first. Now I don't really care about you anymore," you smiled overly-sweetly.

"Yeah okay," Rafa's stiff smile faltered a bit and it looked as if you'd finally managed to knock him slightly off his course. This probably wasn't how he had imagined the conversation to go. It was a nice feeling to see him slightly panicked. "Ehm..." he smacked his lips, "would you like me to leave?"

"Yes," you breathed, but even you could hear the thickness of the lie in your throat. Even though you were keen on keeping your distance to him, you were still terribly curious as to why he had passed you up three years after your horrible break-up. After all, it had ended in lies and angry tears.

His smirk turned amused, and he could barely hold back a triumphant chuckle when he spoke, "I can tell you're not being serious," he tilted his head to the side.

"My God, you are insufferable!" you said through gritted teeth, "just tell me why you're here!"

"Well..." he licked his lips before he slowly stated, "Sofía's pregnant."

He had barely finished pronouncing the word pregnant before you felt the blood immediately drain from your face. "You're... having a baby?" You breathed and blinked a few times, bracing yourself for his answer. After everything that had happened, you couldn't believe that the mental image of Rafa with someone else was still able to make your stomach ache horribly, and you were immediately reminded of the fact that you hadn't left him because you had fallen out of love with him.

"Am I having a...-? Oh God no!" He laughed when he understood, "Sofía as in my sister! My sister is pregnant! I'm about to be an uncle. Tio Rafa."

You felt a wave of relief wash over you when his words finally settled, and the blood quickly returned to your cheeks making them unbearably hot. "Well, congratulations then, I guess," you mumbled, trying to conceal your flustered face.

"Thanks!" He smiled proudly and put on a goofy expression.

"I still fail to see what your sister's pregnancy has to do with me."

"Well, you see..." he licked his lips, "Sofía and her boyfriend are constantly talking about baby-stuff, and who in their lives are important to them, and insurances, and dying wills, and things like that - and I guess it kinda made me think about stuff in my life too," he gave out an awkward shrug, shooting you a careful look, "you know... Unresolved matters and so on..."

"...and then you thought about me?" You scoffed.

"Yeah," he nodded carefully, "I miss you."

"Rafael..." you closed your eyes and sighed in disbelief.

"Oof," he winced and it made you open your eyes and look at him. "- could you stop calling me that?" He looked pained, "It's - it's weird!"

"Well it is your name, isn't it?"

"I know, I know... Hearing it from you is just - it's just weird..." he mumbled while rubbing his neck, "only strangers call me by my first name."

"We're practically strangers."

"We are?" He looked taken aback.

You shot him a sideways glance, "yes, we are Rafael," you sighed and watched how his nostrils did an involuntary twitch at the sound of his given name.

He merely grunted while shooting you a weird look.

"What?" You asked incredulously, "you don't agree?"

"No. No, not at all," he shook his head, "I know you."

"Not anymore you don't," you turned back to your drink, stirring it a little just to give your shaking hands something to do.

"I know every freckle of your body..." he said quietly, his voice so full of emotion that it made your heart ache. "I know why you have a scar on your left knee," he continued, "I know all your guilty pleasures. What makes you tick. Your likes. Your dislikes. Of course I realise that we didn't end optimally but you can't pretend that we don't know each other," he ran a hand through his beard.

As soon as the words had escaped his mouth, you shot him an angry look, "we didn't end optimally?!" You hissed at him, "well, it was your fucking choice to end it that way, wasn't it?"

"Ah, so you are still mad at me," He stated flatly, taking in your expression.

You managed to turn off some of the fire you felt in your eyes before you spoke, "No I'm not, Rafael. As I said, I don't care about you at all," you said coldly, "Is that all? Can I go back to my best friend's birthday party now, or are you in the mood to ruin yet another one of my nights?" You shot him a deadpan look.

"I can't force you to talk to me," he said quietly, his eyes huge with disappointment.

"What do you even want to talk about?" Your voice was laced with frustration, "it's been three years! I've moved on - I don't need this, Rafa!" You wanted to smack yourself when you realised that you had let his pet name slip.

"I just want to apologise. Properly..." he said quietly while awkwardly rubbing his elbow, decent enough to let the use of his nickname slide.

"Apologising is not going to change what happened."

"I know... but you still deserve a proper apology from the guy who hurt you."

You gave out a scoff but didn't say anything.

"Look," Rafa continued, "can you please just give me ten minutes alone with you? Some place quiet. Ten minutes and I swear, I'll never talk to you again if you don't want me to. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I think we both need it."

You weighed the pros and cons. Maybe it would actually be good for you to get some closure so you could finally forget about him? You decided that you might as well try. It'd be nice to stop thinking about him for good. "Fine! You have ten minutes and not a second more!" you said sternly, "but let me be very clear about one thing: I am not doing this for you!"

"I know," he nodded slowly, and followed you to a deserted bench a little away from the rest of the party.

He sat down next to you with a content sound, "Cig?" he asked while holding out a crumbled package.

"I quit," you pushed the package away, your fingers briefly brushing over his. It made him smile slightly but he quickly concealed it by clearing his throat.

"Good for you," Rafa nodded while lighting a cigarette for himself, taking a long drag while looking at you. "So..." he said quietly, "I hear that you finally landed that job you used to work so hard for."

"If you just wanted to smoke cigarettes and small talk, we didn't have to go all the way back here," you crossed your arms.

"Tough crowd," he laughed, "come on. Just humour me for a bit... I miss talking to you."

You scoffed, "you have nine minutes and fourty-five seconds left, Casal."

"Nine minutes and fourty-five seconds," he nodded in agreement, "so... that job of yours - congratulations! Your hard work finally paid off, huh?" He tried again.

"Have you been stalking my linked-in?" You said sourly.

"Nah, Diggs gives me little updates," Rafa chuckled awkwardly, "-or he did for a while at least. Up until about a year ago when he got real angry with me," Rafa clenched his teeth tightly together, looking uncomfortable.

"Diggs got angry?" You said in disbelief. Out of the two, Rafa was definitely the hot-headed one.

"Oh shit, yeah!" He nodded with a laugh, "I know it's hard to believe because it's such a rare occurrence but that just made it so much scarier! For a second, I thought he would punch me in the face!"

"Well, that should teach you to keep your abnormally large nose out of my business," you scoffed slightly.

"That's what he said too," Rafa chuckled, "-and that if I wanted to know how you were doing, I should give you a call myself," he sent you a small smile, "- but I knew you would have my balls in a wrench if I suddenly called you up out of the blue."

"Correct."

He smiled, "yet here we are. Talking quietly without screaming at each other. My balls free as ever."

"You're lucky I left my wrench at home today, Casal."

He let out an amused snort and took another drag of the cigarette, "yeah, I can't believe my luck this evening," he smiled without looking at you, "hey, while we're on the subject of updates; I - uhm - I also want to let you know that I heard about your dad. I was very sad to learn about his passing."

You felt a sharp pain in your chest, and you held your arms a little closer to your chest, "Diggs told you about that too, huh?" You mumbled, unable to look Rafa in the eye. Even though little over two years had passed since your dad had died, thinking about him still hurt.

You felt Rafa nod beside you, "Yeah. He called me right after it happened... I know your dad meant a great deal to you. Meant a great deal to me too to be honest..." he sighed.

"I know..." you thought of the special bond the two men had always shared. Even long before you and Rafa had fallen in love, your dad had hoped that you would end up together.

"I was seconds away from flying home to see him off at the funeral, you know - but given how you and I ended things, I didn't think you should deal with me on top of losing your dad..." he shot you a sideways glance.

You decided not to tell Rafa about how you had woken up on the morning of the funeral, wishing that he had been there. Wishing that everything had magically gone back to normal overnight. Instead, you merely mumbled, "you should've come. My dad would've loved that... He always liked you."

"Yeah, I liked him too," Rafa nodded, "I still think about him every time I hear a terrible joke or see someone in a Laker's shirt."

"Oh god, all those fucking shirts," you groaned and thought of the hundreds of basketball shirts that your dad had had stacked neatly away in his closet. You couldn't believe that you had completely forgotten about them.

Rafa chuckled, "what did you end up doing with them? I imagine that you donated them in your dad's spirit."

"Naturally," you nodded and felt yourself uncross your arms for the first time since you'd sat down. "My mom kept one, and the orphanage got most but we auctioned off the rarest ones and gave the money to charity. That was what he wanted, you know."

"Ah, what an icon," Rafa sighed, "well, you should be proud of him and the work he did for the community. He was a great man. A proper role model for the bay."

You nodded in agreement while scanning Rafa. It was nice to talk about your dad with someone who knew him but who hadn't seen him fragile and sick. Someone who didn't think of him as his diagnosis, and you realised that for the first time since his passing, things actually seemed fairly back to normal. Sitting side by side with Rafa actually felt welcome and normal. Maybe you'd grant him a couple of minutes more of your time.

Rafa's eyes skirted away from you, and he nervously cleared his throat before he continued, "Uhm... not that it matters but did you - did you ever tell him about what happened between us?"

"My dad? No..." you shook your head with a sad sigh, "he loved you like his own son, and I didn't want to break his heart. So I just told him that we couldn't make the whole long distance-thing work."

"Oh, right... Thanks," Rafa nodded.

"I didn't do it for you."

"Still... I'm glad he didn't get to know that side of me. I'm not so sure he would've liked me if he'd known the truth about how I broke his daughter's heart."

"I'm not so sure either..."

"I - I hated myself after, you know," He looked over at you with a pained expression after a couple of seconds of silence, "I have never regretted anything more in my entire life."

"What? Not going to the funeral?"

"No. You know... What I did..." he said sheepishly.

"Oh..."

"The minute I woke up I - I wanted to undo everything," he looked at you pleadingly, "I felt so fucking terrible. Still do. I can't even think about it without wanting to stab myself. It is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever done, and I am so sorry for the pain it caused you," he said softly, "please understand that I didn't do it because I didn't love you. It wasn't because you weren't enough or something like that. You were perfect to me. I take full responsibility for the fuck-up, and I am so, so horribly fucking sorry!"

"Rafa, it's..." you gulped, the words somehow stuck in your throat. You were having a hard time acting as if his words meant nothing to you.

He carefully put his hand on top of yours before he continued, "do you think we would've been able to work around the long distance if I hadn't...?"

"Please don't..." you whispered and sent him a soft yet warning look, "I don't want to talk about what might've been."

"No, no of course not..." he nodded quietly, "I just - I can't believe it's been three years... Fuck baby I've missed you so bad," he carefully moved his thumb over the back of your hand and searched your face with furrowed eyebrows, "You have no idea of the relief I felt when I finally saw you today," he said quietly.

"Don't do this..." you closed your eyes and whispered.

Rafa continued as if he hadn't heard you, "I know we didn't work out the way neither of us pictured it but that doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that's ever happened to me..." he sounded desperate, and you couldn't look at him. The words he was saying was making you want to fall into his arms, "...I never should've let you go."

"Rafa," you sighed and summoned all your strength and looked into his glossy eyes, "you didn't let me go," your voice barely a whisper, "I broke up with you."

"I know, I know," his voice was oozing with pain, "but I hope you realise that I would've done everything to win you back. I would've come back to California if you'd only asked me to. Fuck the record deal."

"There was a reason why I didn't ask you to come back," you shot him a glance in warning, "you know that."

"Still, I should have done... something."

"You did exactly what I asked of you."

"Yeah... I stayed the fuck away from you," he mumbled. You could tell that he was replaying your last tearful conversation in his mind before he heaved a big gulp of air and glanced over at you with a valiant look in his eyes, "but I've come back to remind you who I really am."

"You don't have to remind me of anything... I remember who you were. What we had."

"Then let me be that guy for you again," he looked at you pleadingly.

"What's the point when you're still 3,000 miles away?" You sighed, "It's not as if we'll happen upon each other at the supermarket and go out for spontaneous coffees."

"Could be," he said with a small shrug, "I - uh - I'm moving back," he nervously ran his fingers through his short hair, "I want to be close to Sofía and the baby - and you."

"You're coming home?" You gulped. You couldn't believe him. Was this a good thing?

"Yes," he breathed, "And I want to try things out with you again. Please give me another chance..." his fingers moved from your hand to your knee. You briefly considered his words while you felt his thumb caress you through the green fabric of your dress. Right now, you were fighting hard to not give in to his embrace and the familiar set of lips in front of you, but you weren't sure how you'd feel about it come morning, so you remained poised.

He sensed your hesitation, however, and carefully put his forehead to yours "come on, baby," he said quietly and softly kissed your cheek, his lips warm against your skin.

"I don't know," you gulped as you involuntarily closed your eyes and breathed him in.

"It's okay," he said with whispered words, the stubble on his chin rough against your cheekbone, "you don't have to give me an answer right away," he gently kissed your jawline while his hand travelled from your kneecap to your fingertips, clearly desperate to remind you of what you could have back if you only agreed to let him in again.

"Rafa, I don't know," you said quietly although it was becoming harder and harder to remain steadfast and ignore his burning lips on your skin.

"Just consider it," he kissed the corner of your mouth, "I'll crawl. I'll beg," he whispered and pursed his lips against yours, "I'll do anything," he moved his body closer to yours, "just consider it," he whispered and placed a particularly gentle kiss to your already buzzing lips, "please baby."

You couldn't help yourself any longer and you involuntarily twitched your lips against his before you felt yourself being completely engulfed by him. The passionate kiss you shared was soft and bittersweet, reminding both of you of what had been.

His hands were caressing your neck and hairline and he hummed into your mouth as he savoured the feeling of finally having you kiss him back. "Fuck I've missed this," he gulped when he broke away and put his forehead to yours, his hand still on your cheek, "does this mean you'll at least consider it?"

"I'm still angry with you," you whispered without really answering his question.

"I know, love..." he caressed your cheek, "I was stupid," he searched your face, "it was a stupid mistake."

"Don't reduce it to a stupid mistake, Rafa," you whispered.

"Poor choice of words," he mumbled, "what I mean to say is that I hope you can forgive it," he placed a soft kiss to your jawline, "- forgive me."

"Even if I did forgive you, how do you expect me to ever trust you again?" You said quietly, and you knew that you couldn't dance around the elephant in the room any longer. "Rafa you had another girl's lips wrapped around your dick not even twenty-four hours after crying in my arms at the airport," you said with a heavy heart and watched him cringe his face at the harsh truth, "twenty-four after you'd sworn you'd do anything to make our relationship work despite the distance."

Rafa was still wincing when he spoke, "not that it's any excuse at all but I was exhausted and drunk and heartbroken," he croaked, "I had just left the love of my life behind in California... and this other girl was suddenly there and she got me high as balls and she-" he sighed without finishing his own sentence, "trust me when I say that it was the worst night of my life," he closed his eyes in a sad attempt at holding the tears at bay.

"Well at least you got a nice blowjob out of it." You smiled humourlessly, "I just wound up with all the lies you threw in my face."

"I never lied to you..." he mumbled, "I came clean as soon as you confronted me."

"How big of you!" you scoffed.

"Baby... I didn't tell you because I was so embarrassed," he gulped, the tears now evident under his green irises, "I wanted to throw myself off a cliff! I knew that if I told you, it would be the definite end of us," he looked at you with huge, bloodshot eyes, "I couldn't do that."

"I need you to understand that the worst part of it wasn't that you cheated on me. The worst part was that you pretended that nothing had happened at all," you couldn't tell whether the tears you felt in the corners of your eyes were from being angry or sad, "Imagine how dumb I felt when Diggs finally broke down and told me what you'd done," you said and Rafa suddenly couldn't hold back the tears any longer either.

"I wanted to tell you. Trust me, I wanted to," he sobbed.

"You had three weeks to say something to me for fuck's sake!"

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered.

"We facetimed every night for three weeks and you didn't say anything! You made a complete fool of me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" his eyes fixed at his own feet.

"Rafa, look at me!" you said in a harsh tone of voice.

Immediately, his red eyes found yours. He looked as ashamed of himself as he possibly could, "I was a coward," he whimpered, "-and I knew didn't deserve you."

"Then what makes you think you deserve me now?" You said coldly.

"I have spent the last three years trying to forget about you and what happened but no matter what I do, you still linger in the back of my mind. Even after all this time you're the only one I can ever see myself with. I always return to you. On sleepless nights, you're dancing on the back of my eyelids. I see you in other girls when I pass them by on the street. You're in all my poetry. All my songs. I think about you constantly. Maybe I don't deserve you but I at least had to try."

"Rafa you broke my heart," you looked him dead in the eye and he visibly gulped, "you betrayed my trust and you did it in the most despicable way I could ever imagine. It's been three years and I still cannot believe that you of all people would do that to me. You were my ride or die."

"I can still be that," he said desperately, clinging on to the last bit of hope he had in him, "I'm still that guy! The guy who cheated on you that wasn't me! I wasn't myself! I'm aware of the agony it caused, and trust me: I've learned from my mistakes," he looked at you resolutely before he whispered, "I'm still your ride or die."

His words made your stomach hurt and you felt the heat rise throughout your body as your throat clenched tightly together. You felt suffocated and stood up from the bench so fast that black spots distorted your vision. "I can't do this!" you said desperately, "it's too much!"

"Okay," he gulped, looking up at you with desperation written across his face.

"I have to go back to the party. Nat expects me to be there for her."

"Alright," he gulped. He was having a hard time concealing his obvious disappointment.

"Don't look at me like that!" you whimpered, "what did you expect? That you could shed a few tears and everything would be alright again?"

"No, of course not..."

"Then don't look so fucking disappointed! You're making me feel like the bad guy and I haven't even done anything!"

"I know," he gulped.

"Yet you still think a drunk conversation erases everything? That I will take you back just because you're feeling sorry? You obviously don't realise the damage you caused."

"Then tell me!" He too stood up from his seat, "I want to make things alright again," he pleaded.

"I don't need you to make things alright again! I was doing just fine before you showed up!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he sheepishly picked at his own elbow, "I just thought that maybe you felt the same way about me."

"I don't want you back!" You said roughly.

As soon as the harsh words had escaped your lips, you could see the heartbreak on his face; his cheeks paled, his lips quivered, a single tear left his right eye as he looked away. He ran his hand over the corners of his mouth, unable to look directly at you, "right," he said as a fresh set of tears formed in his eyes, "I'm sorry... I - uh - I had to try,” he sobbed although he was fighting to hold his voice steady, “I - uhm - I don't know what to say…”

"Don't say anything..."

"...so this is it?" His eyes found yours, "...for good?"

You nodded slowly but didn't say anything.

You watched how he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly without any words escaping him. He looked flustered, panicked almost when you turned around and stepped away from him. You could hear him panic-shift around behind you but he still didn't talk. He had probably expected you to take him back with open arms - anything but this!

Good. He deserved to fry a little.

And maybe you'd call him tomorrow. Just maybe.

#Rafael Casal #rafael casal x reader #Daveed Diggs #blindspotting #rafael casal fanfiction #rafael casal imagine #Bay boys

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i-write-sometimes-blog · 4 years ago

Text

Cold Eyes (Dark Rey x Reader) [Part 15]

Summary: As Rey finds the Resistance base you're finally able to reach through the Force to help them and a new plan rises. What can go wrong?

Words: 4,335

A/N: I've been waiting a long time for this chapter, it has just a lot of things and hope you like it as much as I do. One last chapter to go after this!

Rey found them. She had found the Resistance hiding in a distant planet. And now she was going to destroy them.

You could still hearing her words in your head after Brandon’s interrogation, or rather after killing him .“It’s time I put an end to the rebellion.” she said.

“Rey, wait” you rushed to said “No, there must be another way, Brandon said they’re weak, honestly I don’t think they last much on their own, you don’t need to do this.”

“Yes, I do” she said. “Before they get stronger, I want them gone now” she added.

“They were your friends, Rey” you told her, you had to find a way to stop her from committing something you knew she would regret. “You control hundreds of systems now, let them go.”

“I can’t do that. As long as the Resistance exist there will be hope and hope is a very dangerous thing, you should know that, Y/N” she said. You stopped for a moment thinking, then you followed her again.

“Then I’m coming with you” you told her trying to keep the fast speed she was walking through the Fortress on her way to the big ship destroyer of your own home world.

“No” she said without even looking back at you “You’re staying here”

“I can’t just stay sitting here” you said as your thoughts started to mix in the back of your head. “I-I need to be there. Whatever happens”

Rey stopped and turned to finally met your eyes.

“You’re staying” she commanded in a very serious tone “It’s an order.”

“Take me with you I need to see it for myself” you begged

“No, Y/N stop asking me to do that, I can’t” she said, her hand traveling to rest softly over your cheek “I don’t want you to get hurt, if I take you there… I’m sure you will get hurt somehow.” she murmured with pure devotion on her hazel eyes “It’s a risk I’m not willing to take, so please stay here.”

“Rey…” you said but she cut you off.

“Please.” she murmured “I would never forget myself if anything happens to you. I love you, Y/N” she confessed. The effect those three little words had on you was bigger than you ever expected, the warm sensation washing over your body grew bigger with a look at her sincere features and the gentle touch of her hand on the side of your face.

Couldn’t help to smile at her as your heart kept racing faster and faster. You closed the short distance between your lips to pull her into a delicate kiss and when she wrapped her arms around you you felt your body melting under her touch. If only things were different, if she wasn’t about to kill your friends you would have told her just how much you loved her as well.

“Be careful, Rey” you murmured inches away from her lips as you pulled away.

“I will” she said taking one last gaze at you trying to memorize your features, your hair, your scent, your everything just in case. Then she finally let go off you and joined Hux in the ship

Then she was gone.

And as soon as the ship ghosted in the sky the thoughts in the back of your head started to get louder and it got worse when you got back inside the Fortress. It wouldn't take much for Rey to arrive where ever the Resistance was hiding, they were running out of time and it was imperative for you to help them.

Running through the endless halls you found yourself in the training room, sitting on the floor as Leia had once taught you.

"Put your mind at ease" you remembered the General saying "Find peace and you'll find the Force"

But how could you find peace when your mind was in conflict? When the destiny of the Resistance lied on your shoulders. When Rey's confession of love was still making your heart beat faster and at the same time images of the terrible things she had done kept playing on your mind, hunting you.

"Concentrate!" You murmured alone in the room and for your surprise a thousand voices seemed to scream your name, calling you. And with them there was Brandon repeating over and over again the same words.

You're a monster. Just like her.

Memories from his face choking under your power, his words and then his death. You felt again that seductive pull of the wrong side of the Force but instead of making you feel as powerful as it had before this time you felt guilty, every inch of your body regretting the actions you did, blinded by the anger.

You tried to keep this feelings from washing over you, tried to keep the new lump from growing in your throat. You took a deep breath, you needed to focus now or you were going to break down in a matter of second.

"I'm one with the Force, the Force is with me" you murmured trying to put your mind at ease. "I'm one with the Force, the Force is with me" you repeated just like General Organa taught you. You didn't know if it was working but it certainly kept the negative and toxic thoughts away from you.

"I'm one with-"

"Y/N?" You heard a very familiar voice.

"Finn" you smiled keeping your eyes closed "She's coming, you have to get them out of there now" you said.

"Wait what you mean?" He said.

"Finn, listen. Rey knows where you are, she's coming right now with a ship with enough power to destroy a planet" you said founding your voice surprisingly calm "Please, you have to run. She's already on her way"

There was a small silence and then your heard his voice again.

"Fine, I'll tell General Organa" he said "If you're right we don't have much time."

"Protect them, Finn. Hide somewhere and survive" you told him.

"I'll make sure of that, Y/N" you heard him say. "But what about you?"

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me" you assured him.

"No, you belong with us" he told you "We can't just leave you there" he went silent for a moment but through the Force your sense him thinking. "I have a plan." He said.

*****

Rey had sensed something was off even before leaving Mustafar, but decided to ignore the feeling taking it for insecurity, she knew some people in the Resistance, they used to be her friends after all so she pushed those ideas aside, convincing herself they all had only used to find Skywalker.

But now that the big ship was in position to shoot at the small, insignificant moon she sensed that feeling again, something was wrong but she didn’t know exactly what.

“Don’t fire.” she commanded.

“Supreme Leader, we are in position already.” Hux said confused looking at his boss “Besides, we don’t have of any patrol X-wing, they don’t know we are here. It is our chance to take them down.”

“No patrols, doesn’t it seem strange to you, General?” Rey asked still looking down at the small moon through the big window in the control room. “Land immediately” she ordered.

“Yes, Supreme Leader” Hux murmured as she start yelling orders to the people in the room while Rey walked towards the exit, preparing herself to see what was awaiting for her in this place.

The big ship landed gracefully and again there was not Resistance’s ship to be seen, no blasters trying to stop the stormtroopers from invading the base, it was like a ghost town.

Quiet. It was very quiet.

Hux ordered a few reconnaisse teams to scan the area while he and Supreme Leader Rey stayed close to the ship waiting for information, an attack, something that tell them why the Resistance wasn’t here.

“It’s empty, Sir” Informed a commander trooper “All of it. It seems they left on a rush taking only the ships with them. We’re searching what’s left behind, Supreme Leader.”

Rey was no happy about the news, she was frustrated staring around trying to found out why they left. When she scanned Brandon’s mind she saw this place filled with people walking from side to side, repairing X-wings, nothing unusual, this scape wasn’t planned, was it?

“We did found this” the trooper said handing a datapad to Rey who took it without saying a word but gesturing with her hand for the soldier to go.

Looking at the small device she analyzed some of the files it contained, blueprints for some ships nothing she hadn’t seen before, there were also a few enters report-like, it was an usual thing in the Resistance to write papers about missions, Rey never found it useful until now observing the last enter of the datapad:

We’re in danger, we must go now. General Organa started the evacuation plan, we’re moving to Location A, she hopes the First Order doesn’t find us there. There’s a last mission but I don’t have the full information, I just know something it’s gonna happen in Mustafar.

“What is it, Supreme Leader?” Hux asked observing the concerned way Rey was looking at the small device.

"I need to get back to Mustafar now" she murmured. "We're going now!" She yelled rushing back inside the ship.

There was something the Resistance had planned in the lava planet and the only thing she had on her mind in that moment was you. She was worried about you, regretting letting you behind and now, as she saw it, you were in an incredible danger.

Rey couldn't lose you, not again.

*****

Walking from side to side of the small corridor you tried to ease your nerves, they would be there any moment now, your friends Poe and Finn, they were going to rescue you from this dark place.

It was Finn's plan. While most of the First Order's fleet was away chasing the Resistance's empty base was the perfect moment to take you out, especially since Rey wasn't there. It was a risky plan and you weren't completely sure all this operation was worthy just to take you back to the rebellion but Finn insisted.

You were nervous the plan wouldn't work, nervous to see your friends after all this time, afraid of the questions you knew they were going to ask and feeling the strange sensation you were betraying Rey, you didn't wanted to leave her, not at all.

Then you finally saw the Millenium Falcon approaching the Fortress and you stepped into the control room, as planned.

“What’s happening?” you said in a cold, confident tone.

"Sir, good you're here." the man in the control panel said recognizing you, everybody in the base knew and obeyed the Supreme Leader’s apprentice. "We have a rebel ship asking for permission to land."

"Permission granted.” you said hoping you had enough authority over him.

"I-I can't do that” he said “My orders are not to let any ship in until the fleet is back and report immediately to General Hux in case something happen.” He said.

“I give the orders now.” you said getting close to him “Tell the ship to land” you commanded and the man’s eyes filled with fear but still he managed to speak again.

“I don’t take orders from you, I’m going to report immediately” he said.

Well, apparently you didn’t have enough power over them.

"You're gonna let them land." you said weaving your hand in front of him.

"I'm going to let them land." he said and then he pressed a button to speak with the pilot of the ship "Control here, you have permission to land on the main platform."

"You're not going to report this." you said using the mind tricks again and you heard him repeating your words. First part of the plan, completed.

You rushed down the hall to meet the legendary ship feeling nostalgic to see it after all this time, seemed like it was a very long time ago since Rey appeared asking you to help her fix it, seemed like all those days fixing together the Falcon passed in another and very different life. You knew the smile of the pilot the moment he looked in your direction, you heard the known voice of the man already stepping out of the ship when he fastly walked towards you.

"Y/N" Finn said pulling you into a tight hug. "It's good to see you" he murmured.

"I can say the same." you told him "It's been a while"

"How do you stand the heat here?" Poe said joining you on the platform.

"It's better inside," you chuckled letting go off Finn "way colder, actually."

"So, how long have you been here?” Poe asked “And why aren’t you in a cell? I mean, when Finn said we were going to rescue you, I thought on something different from this.”

You felt his gaze scanning your body from head to toe, your good condition, not a scratch on your body that was covered with the black clothes, his eyes focused on the First Order’s insignia adorning your left arm.

“I see we have a lot to catch up, huh?” he said with a reassuring grin, you felt the weight on your shoulders a little less heavier. “So, what’s next in your plan, Finn?” he asked looking at his partner.

“Y/N, you said there was something important in the base.” Finn said.

“Yes, more bad news. They have bombs in every planet they control.” you explained your friends “They’re gonna use it if the fleet gets damaged or if the people in the planets rebel against them”

You saw the terror invading their faces.

“All of them?” Poe said, frustration on his voice, even fear. “But they have hundreds of systems already.”

“You know how to stop it?” Finn asked you with hope in his eyes.

“The controls are here, I’ve seen them before but I don’t know how to deactivate them.” you told them remembering the small console Hux showed in the meeting and the controller that was a device just a bit bigger than a datapad. “But maybe we don’t need to, without the controller they can’t activate it.”

“Fine, we’ll take it to the Resistance, Admiral Statura will know how to shut it down.” Poe added agreeing with your plan nodding softly.

All of you smiled. It felt like before, like when you used to go on missions together and feeling you were really going to help the Resistance instead of just hide. But your smile faded away as a big known ship appeared in the sky and more after it, suddenly emerging in the sky as they disengaged hyperspace.

“This is bad” Finn said.

“She wasn’t supposed to come back yet” you told them looking at the big ship as it started its slow way to land in the hostile planet. From the cruiser you saw a smaller ship approaching, you recognized the Supreme Leader’s fighter.

“Now what?” Poe said, aware of the ship coming.

“She has her own landing platform in the other side of the Fortress, hopefully she won’t notice the Falcon” you told them “Keep the engines running, if I’m not here in ten minutes go without me” you said walking inside the cold Fortress.

“Wait, where are you going?” Finn stopped you grabbing your wrist.

“I need to get the controller” you said “I can’t let the same thing that happen to my planet repeat” you added.

“Then we’re coming with you” he said.

“No. If she sees you all of this would be for nothing” you told him.

“Same if you don’t come back with the controller” Poe said.

“Stay here, trust me in this one, guys” you begged and after a moment Finn let you go.

With a last half smile you got inside the place you knew like the palm of your hand after spending all that time inside it. Rushing through the known dark, glossy halls you hoped this plan to work because if not, well, the whole galaxy was in danger.

You found yourself smiling as your reached the last bridge before the meeting room, it was one of the many bridges of the Fortress that allowed to see the lava that flowed through all the planet surface and it was always somehow terrifying to see the bright colors of the burning lava beneath you. But you reached the end of the bridge safely, only to almost stumble with a familiar body.

"Rey." you gasped when you realized who was before you "You're back" you sighed pulling yourself together. "How? Are they…?" You asked as if you were affected by what happened to the Resistance.

"They weren't there" was the only thing she said before wrapping her arms around your body and pulling you close to her, maybe a little to close. You could feel the fear in her but limited to hug her back unsure of what was going on. "I'm so glad you're fine"

"What's happening, Rey?" You murmured lost in her embrace. She let go off you just enough to meet your gaze.

"The base was empty," she told you "but I found a note, it said they were coming here and I just…" she struggled with her words for a moment "I thought I was going to lose you, I was afraid of losing you."

You cupped the side of her face, delicately caressing her skin as the warm sensation filled you once again, she placed her hand on top of yours and gave you a love filled gaze that melted your heart.

Her words, by the contrary were bittersweet you. A mix of pure love that made your heart beat faster, her soft eyes begging you to stay and at the same time they hurt, why did she chose this exact time to tell you this? Why now that you were going to betray her? You wanted to stay with her, no, you wanted her to come with you, to follow you, but you were not sure she would do it.

Fast footsteps echoed through the halls that disconcerted Rey who followed the sound looking over your shoulder. Hey eyes turned a darker tone of brown, frowning when her eyes caught the unexpected intruders. Turning your head a little you found Finn and Poe frozen on the other side of the bridge, surprised with the scene before them.

“What are they doing here?” Rey hissed in a way too dangerous tone without taking her gaze away from them.

She stepped away focusing her eyes now on you. You wanted to say something, trying to explain but she had already figured everything out.

“It was you” she murmured unable to believe it “All of this was your plan, you just needed to get me out of the planet” she said with anger on her voice as her hand traveled to the heavy saber hanging on the belt around her hips.

“Rey, wait” you said trying to approach her but she kept slowly stepping back “that’s not what happened”

“After all we’ve been through” she said, her tone starting to get rather louder, almost like a scream “after all I’ve done for you, you still choosing them over me!”

Rey took the double bladed lightsaber and held it secure on her hand now, weighting it, ready to ignite it.

“I should have never trusted you” She murmured “You’re gonna leave me, just like everyone else.” she hissed and you noticed the lonely tear rolling down her face, only one tear filled with wrath, sorrow, pain.

Betrayal.

You saw her closing her eyes for a brief moment while the tear continued its way down her face, it seemed to have the last of the good inside her and when it dropped away from her features she opened them again and she ignited her sabers lighting her face with the red light of the dark side that let you meet a new pair of yellow eyes that stared at you with pure hate on them.

Your blood froze in the instant. You had only seen this side of her once and terrible things happened when she was like this, consumed by the dark.

A sensation, almost like a whisper made you back away just in time to dodge her first attack, the light sword whizzed too close to your face as you fastly moved backwards trying to save yourself from the deadly weapon Rey swing from side to side.

Without a weapon, you had no change to survive this.

“Y/N!” Finn yelled throwing a small piece of metal he took out of his belt, just before the heavy door behind Rey opened and stormtroopers filled the place, blasting immediately towards your friends.

The small metal piece landed on your hand gracefully and in the right moment to defend yourself from a new thrust from the red sabers that crashed against your blue lightsaber.

Rey stopped attacking for a moment looking you up and down, you were not a challenge to her, she knew it and you knew it too but still she grinned.

“This should be fun” she said smirking already circling her weapon around her with a skilled grace while you held your own saber in hand getting ready for the battle.

The lightsabers crashed with a loud sound, it had started. Rey and you moved almost in rhythm, attacking or dodging the sabers moved from side to side. Rey’s thrusts becoming harder and merciless forcing you to move back and without even noticing you were in the middle of the bridge, fighting for your life with the woman you loved the most but the only thing she seemed to want was to kill you.

“I’m disappointed, Y/N” she said when your sabers meet again, she was putting way too much strength pushing your own weapon extremely close to your neck and all you could do was try to hold it so it wouldn’t hurt you. “I saw true power in you but still afraid to use it.”

The blasters kept flying across the bridge and from the corner of your eyes you caught your friends firing their blasters at the troopers, they needed help but so you did. Then you met Rey’s eyes once again and felt a extreme cold that froze you to your very soul.

“You hurt me, YN” she growled “and now you’re gonna die for that” With that last words she swung her saber away from yours and the very next moment you felt a burning pain just below your ribs.

Everything seemed to stop, you didn't hear the blasters from the troopers, neither the voices of your friends calling your name, they seemed to fade away. The only thing you clearly saw and heard was Rey holding her weapon steady and as your eyes traveled down you found one of the red blades crossing your body.

She stabbed you, Rey stabbed you and was looking at you like she didn’t know who you were. The feeling seemed so familiar, you knew this would happen someday, all those nightmares were warnings that you decided to ignore, premonitions that now were real. Your worst fear, your ultimate terror came true.

The time returned to its normal course and you heard then the worried scream from your friends that were watching terrified from the other side of the bridge.

Rey was still holding her lightsaber in place took a good look at you, her feral expression suddenly seemed to change, she looked rather terrified and then her eyes changed back to normal when she realized what she had done to you, immediately turning off her saber.

She took a few steps back speechless but in agony. You took the change to extend your hand to send her flying back across the place, she hit the floor harder than you expected, falling unconscious.

Finn and Poe finally defeated all the soldiers in white armor and rushed to your side, worried about your safety.

"We have to go now" Finn said and with the pilot's help he started to drag you out of the place, you let go a small groan.

Your wound hurt more than any of your nightmares but not as much the fact that she actually did it, after all the times she told you she would never hurt you, after the promise she made you, now broken.

"No, wait!" You were barely able to say "w-we need the controller"

"We have to take you to a medic now" Poe said.

"Then we did this for nothing!" you murmured feeling the pain spreading through your body.

"Fine, I'll go find it" Finn told you "tell me what I'm looking for?"

"Looks like a datapad" you whispered

feeling your body dying with every word and every breath. "You'll know. Go." With a last tiny nod he was gone.

Dameron passed your arm around his shoulders as he held your waist to help you walk as much as possible.

"Almost there" he told you when he saw the Falcon, you felt yourself dizzy, felt your legs weak. "Come on, stay with me" he growled almost dragging you the last few feets to the ship.

Poe let you in the one of the soft beds of the ship.

"Y/N?" he asked concerned.

"Still here" you murmured "where's Finn?"

Just in that moment he stormed inside the ship.

"I got it!" Finn said "Poe, get us out of here now!" Kneeling beside you he patched you up with a bacta patch. "This will do for now, stay with us. We're going home, Y/N"

Tagging: @cpt-bolter , @elvencantation , @jay-birf03 , @x-a-gay-disaster-x , @ridleysjazz , @hstoria , @iamafangirl-fightme , @leilei-draws , @hayley-the-comet , @snoot-snoot-toot , @1-800-depressedlesbian , @empresspalpatinee , @xgaygremlinx , @the-great-imagines-of-1812

As the ship started to take off you felt your body giving to the dizziness as the pain in your body finally made you fall unconscious right before the ship enter to hyperspace on the road to the Resistance.

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

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taenamseok · 6 years ago

Text

Small droplets ping against the metal bucket that sits in the middle of my living room, slowly filling it up. The landlord refuses to fix the leak in my roof, saying it'd be too expensive. I don't mind it though. Some may think my apartment isn't the greatest. The lack of insulation making it slightly difficult in the winter, but I'm not bothered. I keep many thick blankets in my house, so when it gets cold, I get to bundle up in them to stay warm. I also have a large window in my kitchen that faces the street. This is where I sit, watching the rain pour down outside, splashing on the pavement. Few people pass by, their colorful umbrellas adding beauty to the dull grey surroundings. I think of the water, how far it must've travelled just to fall onto my street. The rivers and oceans it must've flown through, the wonders it could've touched.

Life is beautiful

I carry my mother's frail body from the couch to her bed, empty bottles clinking as my foot bumps them. I've been doing this since I was fifteen. My father was gone before I was born, and my mother hadn't taken it well, drowning in alcohol. I've never once seen her sober. Through my childhood, I didn't even see her that much. She worked so many jobs to keep us alive, she was rarely home. Whenever she was home, she yelled at me or hit me whenever she looked at me, saying I looked too much like my father. I always hid in the closet with a flashlight, reading books that I got from the school library. My love of literature has only grown since. As I lay her down, she groans, rolling over to face me. "Namjoon..." she whispers. "You're such a disappointment." Those are her last words before she slips into a deep slumber. I kiss her on the cheek before I leave, stepping into the warm sunshine. Being able to walk out of there, no longer trapped in her clutches is the best feeling. I am free, able to do whatever I want.

Life is beautiful.

As I sit here, surrounded by my sobbing family members, I stare at the closed casket containing my grandfather. They lower it down into the ground, and my grandmother screams, sobbing into my uncle's chest. I've kept it together for so long, not letting go of my emotions. Her wails cause a single tear to roll down my cheek, her heartbreak causing my own pain. My grandfather was a great man. Out of all my family members, he was the only one that actually seemed like he cared about me. He would give me old books, read me to sleep whenever I went to their house because my mother got into trouble, he even taught me English to broden my horizons, being able to read more wonderful books. As the funeral ends, I walk through the graveyard, thinking back on fond memories. As I walk, I spot a small sapling protruding from the ground. I kneel down to examine it, and I smile. One life is taken, one is started. This sapling will grow into a strong tree, and I will come visit it, as a memorial for my grandfather.

Life is beautiful.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kim, I don't know how to say this." The doctor says, looking over his clipboard. I sit across from him, wondering what he's reading. "The tumor has grown to a size that would be impossible to operate on. I'm so sorry, you have maybe a year at most." He says. I let his words sink in. I thank him and shake his hand before exiting the hospital. I walk over the bridge with my hands in my pockets. A year at most. At twenty five, I'll be gone. It wasn't long, but it was good. I sit down on my favorite park bench, watching people pass by. I spot a young couple sat on a blanket, having a picnic together. They look so happy, laughing and smiling at each other. Love radiates off of them, and I smile, their happiness warming my heart. What a wonderful feeling that must be, being loved by someone, loving them.

Life is beautiful.

I sit in the small diner, chatter from it's regular occupants reverberating off the walls. I sip my coffee as the waitress cleans the bar around me. I've been coming here for years, the aesthetic relaxing me. As I look around, I see a new face. A young woman tucked into a corner booth, resting her head on her hand as she pokes at her food with a fork. She looks out the window, a small smile tugging at her lips as a dog on a leash passes by. She licks her chapped lips as she turns back to her food, yawning as she rubs her eyes.

She is beautiful.

I start to come to the diner more often, and she's there most of the time. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she just has a coffee and reads. It took three weeks to gather the courage to talk to her. I sit down at her booth, and her eyebrows raise. "Can I help you?" She asks. Today was a coffee and reading day, and I notice the title of her book. "Les Miserablés. That's a great read." I smile. "You've read it?" She asks, shifting in her seat. "I read it three times." I reply. "Isn't it amazing? The structure is phenomenal, and the description, the imagery, just, incredible." She rambles. She seems so happy. It's great to see a genuine smile on her typically somber face. We sit for hours talking about our favorite books. Her voice is so soft and sweet, I feel like I could listen to it every second of every day. Sooner than I expected, the waitress came to tell us it was closing time. We nod, standing up so she could clean the table. We stand outside, saying our goodbyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I say, not wanting her to leave. "It's Y/N." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She is beautiful.

We start seeing each other more. Instead of just the diner, we see each other at our houses, go out together, we even had a picnic together. I've never been so happy in my life. She's told me her past, how her parents abused her and kicked her out of the house at only fifteen, how she had to drop out of school to work full time to support herself. Through all she hardships she's faced, she still came out strong with a positive outlook on life. Through the darkness, she always saw the light, and focused on that, no matter how dim it was. I admire her for that. She's like me. Even with all the negativity in the world, there is always something positive, and she understands that. She is brave and sweet and caring.

She is beautiful.

She loves me. It took a month, but I finally told her how I felt, and she feels the same way. "I love you, Kim Namjoon." She said that. I kissed her too. Her lips were so soft against mine, like a rose. I want to be with her forever. However, I don't have forever. I told her about my tumor. She cried, and I apologized for making her sad. I never want to see her sad. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. Seeing her so upset hurts, and I make her look at me as I wipe her tears. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. I couldn't help myself that day. I shouldn't have wrapped you into all of this but I did. I'm so sorry." I tell her, a tear streaming down my cheek. She reaches up, holding my hands and placing a small kiss on my palm. "Namjoon, I want to stay with you until it's time. I will be with you until the end. I love you and I will never leave you." She says. I hug her tightly, shaking slightly as I cry silently.

Her words are beautiful.

These past months have been the best of my life. Every time I see her my heart warms up, my smile never fades. Knowing she still loves me makes the last year of my life worth while. I've learned everything about her, and the more I learned, the deeper I fell in love. After a few months she wanted me to move in with her, so I did. being able to hold her in my arms every night is the best feeling. She's treated me amazing, and I've given her the same treatment. I want to prove to her as much as I can how much I care about her. I can tell that everything is taking a toll on her. Even though she is drained, she still shows that she loves me. I don't want to leave her.

She is beautiful.

She brought me to the hospital. My head hurts so bad, I collapsed yesterday. I have a feeling today is the day. It's too soon. There's still so I wanted to do with her. I wanted to marry her, have a family with her, grow old together. She holds my hand as I lay in the hospital bed. She hasn't left since she brought me here. "Y/N, you need to eat something. Please, go to the cafeteria and get something." I beg her. "No. I'm not leaving your side. I promised you, until the very end." She insists. I smile sadly at her, and rub her hand softly. This woman has given me the best year of my life. I'm so lucky. "Tell me something beautiful." I request. She thinks for a moment, smiling when she gets an idea. "Do you remember the day we met? How windy it was out? The trees looked so beautiful swaying in the breeze, the leaves drifting through the air." She describes. "That picnic we had next to your grandfather's tree. The lilies we left there for him. I'm sorry, I must be doing a terrible job at this." She sniffles. "No, you're doing an amazing job. Please, keep going." I asks. She nods, and thinks again. "That night we were in the park, and it started to rain, and instead of running like everyone else, we splashed in puddles, danced, and sat and watched the droplets fall. The sound was so calming, and sitting on that park bench, the water soaking through our clothes, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain again without thinking of that day." She starts to tear up again. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you changed my life. Everything got so much better when I met you. Maybe in another life I can try to make it up to you. I'm so sorry." All of the good times we had were coming to an end. I'm so thankful she came into my life

She made my life beautiful.

A/N: We take so many small things for granted in our lives, not realizing that any day could be our last. Please, take this as a lesson of sorts, and enjoy the minor things in life. Watch a sunset, play in the rain, have fun. Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the time you have.

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