#i've given myself a headache before lol

[mogai-headcanons]

OH MY GOD YOU LIKE RUSTY LAKE IM INSANE OVER IT <3

IT'S ONE OF MY SPECIAL INTERESTS I'M SO AUTISTIC ABOUT RUSTY LAKE

i've played every game at least five times (i'm actually in the process of a full series replay atm)

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Two

Summary: The morning after the disaster that was your engagement party has got your head pounding and you're not even sure what your next move is gonna be. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 5k~ Warnings: Explicit Language (maybe idk I can't remember lol) an argument and idk that's kinda it lol and ofc barely edited lmao a/n: I'm putting out part 2 early as a thank you for all the notes and just the over all interaction you all have given my blog and this story so thank you. I've barely written anything for part 3 so there's gonna be a bigger gap between uploads so forgive me but be sure to check out my other stories as well in the meantime 🥰 Requested by: @kkusadmirer 💜

Hearing the birds outside is the first thing that brings me out of the dream state I had been in. I open my eyes and scan my surroundings and notice that I'm still at Jungkook's house. "What happened last night?" I say aloud, rubbing my eyes and sitting up before laying back down, getting an instant head rush.

"Y/n?" I hear Jungkook from the other side of door. "Come in" I say before thinking twice, not remembering anything about what happened last night. "Good morning sunshine" he says quietly, walking in with a glass of water and pain killers and I sit up slowly as he comes closer.

"How did I end up in here?" I ask and wordlessly thank him and take it real quick and start chugging the water while waiting for his response. "I carried you" he replies leaving me choking at the image.

"You carried me in here?" I ask, embarrassed that he had to take care of me like that. "Yeah you pretty much passed out on me so I kinda had to" he laughs, rubbing my back hoping to help me stop coughing. "I'm sorry I kinda don't remember anything" I admit and I see his face fall a little leaving me panicking again.

"Did I do something stupid?" I cringe and he laughs at whatever memory he has leaving me even more nervous. "No don't worry you were just being cute" he teases and I let out a breath I had been holding, thankful I didn't make too much of a fool of myself, or at least by his standards.

"I'm sorry I guess I lost control a bit" I say, looking down at my hands, embarrassed that I had given him so much trouble to deal with. "You know you say sorry a lot for someone who doesn't really have anything to be sorry about" he say and I sigh, not believing his words but not having the energy or brain capacity to argue.

"Hey" he says, tilting my chin up to look at him, you're fine y/n don't worry. I'm just glad you let me be there for you. I couldn't let you leave in the state you were in so thank you for trusting me to take care of you" he says while rubbing his thumb up against my cheek and all I can do in response is blink, so caught off guard by the sudden skin ship.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, letting go of my chin and taking the water glass from my hand. "Yes and no. Honestly I feel like I'm gonna throw up" I admit without thinking twice. "I mean I-"

"It's okay, you really did drink a lot so I'm not surprised. Let me at least make you some soup so you have something in your system" he says and I nod which satisfies him. "I'll let you know when it's ready" he continues and I nod again, watching as he makes his way out.

I hold my head in my hands, begging for the medicine to kick in so this pounding in my head goes away.  Although I know though that the onset stress of not knowing what happened last night is the real cause of this headache. 'What happened last night?' I question myself silently this time, going through everything that happened yesterday but the part after me coming back inside the house after everyone left is still a little fuzzy.

I sit and think for a little while longer and before I know it Jungkook is knocking on the door again. "Foods ready" he says with a sweet smile making me forget how exactly I'm supposed to respond. "Is everything okay?" he asks, coming to sit on my side of the bed. "I just, I really don't remember what happened last night" I say and he nods and thinks for a second before responding.

"How about this, lets get some food in you first and get you feeling a bit better and then I'll tell you. Okay?" he offers, tilting his head at me and I nod after thinking for a second or two. "Great, now can you get out there on your own or do you think you need some help?" he asks and I quickly go to shut down his offer.

"No Jungkook that's okay I can manage" I say and throw the covers off of me and slowly get up off the bed and I hear him chuckle a bit. "What are you laughing at?" I ask, confused as to if he's making fun of me or not.

"No, no it's nothing. I'm just surprised you called me Jungkook on your own this time" he says as I start to stand and my heart rate picks up, not even realizing I had done that. "Well you wanted me to call you that right?" I ask shyly, but I lose my footing when I stand up, still a bit weak to my dismay but before I have a chance to fall Jungkook catches me and pulls me onto his lap.

"I-" I start but am caught off by the proximity and the memories of last night start to flood my brain and I rest my head on his shoulder just like I did before I passed out.

I groan and he laughs at my reaction, "It all coming back to you isn't it?" he asks and I nod, not daring to make eye contact with him. "I can't believe I asked you to do that. I'm sorry" I say and try to get off his lap but he pull me back on it with his hands that are firmly placed on my hips.

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong" he says, brushing the hair that had fallen on my face out of the way. If I couldn't breathe before I definitely can't breathe now, especially since I catch him looking down at my lips before quickly flipping them back to my eyes.

"Okay" is all I can manage to choke out and before he's able to do anything else I quickly get up off his lap and walk out of the room, needing to break the tension that had started to build between us.

'What the fuck am I doing? Kissing my best friend...well ex best friend's dad? Like what the fuck is wrong with me?' I walk into the bathroom in the hallway to get an extra five minutes alone so I can try to stop my heart from racing. Who would've thought that in less than twenty four hours I would have a mental breakdown not once, but twice in this same bathroom. 'Why does this shit always have to happen to me?'

After taking a few more breaths and washing my face I walk into the kitchen where I see Jungkook enjoying his morning cup of coffee, or should I say afternoon cup of coffee as I check the clock seeing it's already past two.

"Did I really sleep this late?" I ask, cringing at the thought of yet again inconveniencing him. "Yeah but don't worry I was planning on having a lazy day anyways" he says, reading my mind and motioning for me to sit down at one of the stools on the island he has in his kitchen.

He turns his back to me and starts preparing me a bowl of soup but I can help but check him out, his strong broad shoulders that lead down to his small waist and accompanied by his ass and thick thighs I could just-

"Here you go" he say, placing the bowl in front of me and I quickly bring my eyes to the food he's given me. It smells strangely like home, almost as if my mom had made it for me when I had been sick as a kid. "Thank you" I say quietly and take a bite, moaning at the warm and rich flavor that hits my tongue without even realizing what I'd done.

"That good huh?" he asks while leaning back on one of the counters with his arms crossed over his chest. "Oh- um, yeah. Yes, thank you" I say, quickly tripping over my words but he just smiles before taking another sip of coffee and I quickly go back to eating my soup. This time quietly.

"So what are you planning on doing?" he asks casually after I've finished eating, as if I know what he's talking about. "What do you mean?" I question after taking a drink of water, him having refused to give me a cup of coffee until I had at least drank two cups of water.

"You live with my daughter right?" he questions and my whole mood turns upside down. He takes notice of it and quickly back pedals, "I guess I should've waited for you to wake up a bit more before asking you that" he says, now offering me an apology cup of coffee.

"No it's okay you're right. I probably should figure out what I'm gonna do. To be honest I think I'll move out. Just because being in the same space that I used to spend time with them in just sounds like I'm setting myself up for heartbreak" and he nods at my reasoning but I decide to continue anyways, verbally processing it all.

"If I stay there I'll be reminded of all the good times we had and the many memories we made together and I don't want to be haunted by those images. Plus a fresh start sounds perfect to me" I say and he continues while adding the perfect amount of milk and sugar to my coffee, weirdly.

"So are you just going to stay there until you find a place?" he asks and I think about how awkward it's going to be just working around her until I find that perfect place. "I was thinking I could probably ask my sister if I could crash at her place for a bit" I say thinking of the first solution that comes to mind.

"But doesn't your sister live on the opposite side of the city from your internship?" he questions and I slump at that realization. "You're right. I guess I'll just have to wake up a bit earlier" I say, trying to figure out how to remedy this problem full well knowing it's been hard enough for me to wake up and get there on time even though I only lived ten minutes away.

"Why don't you stay here?" he offers and my whole body straightens up instantly, "You would let me stay here?" I ask, my eyebrows raised as high as they possibly could, surprised that he would even offer something like that and he nods in response.

"You would let me stay here?" I question again, clarifying if I heard him right. "Yeah why not? I've got plenty of space and it's not like we're strangers or anything. Plus your internship is only about ten minutes further from here than where you live now" he says, making good points as to why I should take him up on the offer.

"I couldn't possibly do that to you. I mean I wouldn't want to disturb your life like that. But thank you!" I say, shutting down the idea right away but he persists nonetheless.

"Again, I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to. You're more than welcome to stay here and you can even move upstairs into one of the bigger bedrooms. Plus I have a storage unit that I haven't really used so you can store any big pieces of furniture you might have" he continues, trying to convince me even more and when he sees that I am about to refuse again he comes up with a compromise.

"Stay one more night. Tomorrow's Sunday right? That way you won't have to worry about work or anything like that so we can just relax and talk about things over today and tomorrow and then you can decide what you'd like to do" he says and it gets me to think about it for a second which makes him hopeful and ultimately I end up accepting.

"I guess I could stay one more night" I say and he gives me a half smile which some how makes me more nervous than a full one and so I take the first sip of my coffee that has honestly gone cold by now.

"Perfect. Did you want me to go take you to your place to pick up some clothes that you might need?" he questions, jumping at the opportunity to be helpful. "No that's okay. I drove here so I have my car out front" I say, shutting his next offer down but he make another good point that has me second guessing myself.

"Are you sure you want to drive when you're hungover? I don't think I can let you do that" he says, falling into a protective mode which is endearing but I don't think I could take advantage of him like that since he's already done so much for me. "I'll be fine Jungkook don't worry" I say and he nods his head respecting my choice and I let out a breath, happy that I don't have to fight him on this one too.

"Okay, did you want to borrow some more of my clothes so you can shower before you go?" he questions and I smile awkwardly, happy that he offered but guilty that he yet again is helping me out.

"I'll be back in a sec" he chuckles and walks past me, placing a hand on my back as he passes by which makes me sit up straight at the feeling and I watch him as he jogs upstairs to go retrieve said clothes.

He comes down seconds later with the clothes, a towel and even a toothbrush in hand. "Thought you might want one of these too" he says and I accept it all sheepishly before excusing myself and making my way into the bathroom.

How am I even supposed to act in this kind of situation? Like my ex best friend's dad who I kissed last night while I was drunk is now offering to let me stay here so I can move out of the apartment I share with his toxic daughter that my boyfriend cheated on me with. Like this is just way too much weirdness for me.

I shake off those thoughts and get in the shower to quickly get rid of all of these roaming thoughts and just hope and pray that somehow things will work out and I can settle into a new normal with my own place as soon as possible but I guess that luck just isn't on my side these days...

~~~~

After getting out of the shower and getting dressed I dry my hair with the hair dryer I happened to find under the sink and try to make myself look as presentable as possible so when I go back home I don't look like the complete mess that I know I am on the inside.

There's no reason I should be showing any kind of weakness around Jina or Jared so I just need to get in and get out of there as fast as I can so I can avoid as much awkwardness as possible. Being hungover doesn't help this situation in the slightest so I just really hope that she's not even there.

Walking out of the bathroom I'm met with a freshly clean Jungkook, scrolling through his phone while sitting on the couch and he quickly turns his head once he notices I've finished up.

"You feeling okay" he asks, always concerned for my wellbeing and I guess I just need to chalk it up to the parent side of him. Maybe that's all this is? Maybe Jina hasn't really given him an opportunity to be her dad in a while so he's just seeing me as another daughter he wants to take care of. That makes a lot more sense so thinking about it now I think I can go into this with a lot clearer mindset than before.

"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better thankfully" I say and head to the guest room where I stayed last night. "If you wanna just throw all of that into the washing machine I'll get a load going later on" he calls after me and I simply do as he asks and then head back into said bedroom.

"Hey Jungkook have you seen my phone?" I question while throwing the blankets around, trying to figure out where I could've put it. "Yeah you left it out in the living room last night so I put it on the charger when I woke up. Here" he says and I jolt at the sound of his voice being in the room with me, full on expecting him to still be on the couch.

"Thank you" I say while holding my hand out to take it with the other one placed over my heart, trying to calm down after the shock of him getting here so quickly. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" he chuckles and I wave off his apology, not seeing any need for it. "It's fine don't worry about it" I say and once I unlock it I see call after call after call after call from not only Jared but Jina, my mom and my sister, with just as many text messages to match.

"Looks like you're really popular today" he jokes, trying to make light of the situation. "Not for the right reasons" I mumble and lock my phone, not bothering to sift through the hundreds of notifications just yet.

"I've gotta head out and get a few things at the store so why don't you come with me? We can stop by your place to get your things and then this way you can help me pick out some groceries so we have stuff that you like as well" he says while grabbing his keys and instead of trying to refuse I simply nod and follow him outside.

We get in the car and drive silently to my place but once we get a bit closer I stop him. "Would you mind parking around the corner? It's just...well I don't want Jina to see you driving me around and make a big deal about it" he nods his head and without a fuss pulls into the coffee shop parking lot around the corner.

"Is this alright?" he questions and I nod and get out of the car. "Let me know if you need any help. She's my daughter so it's not like she would do anything drastic if I was around" he says, referring to her sometimes short temper. Plus with these added hormones there's no telling how she gonna be reacting to things now that everything is out in the open.

As I make my way to the apartment I check my phone to see if she's still sharing her location with me and thankfully she is and I see that she's still at work so hopefully if move fast enough I should be in and out before she comes home.

Walking into the apartment it looks as though she's started gathering her own stuff up in boxes, almost as if she's getting ready to move out. I appreciate the fact that since she fucked up that she automatically volunteered to move out but she's more than welcome to keep this place as far as I'm concerned.

I jog back into my room, reminding myself of the task at hand and I grab my duffle bag and start putting as many things as I think I'll need to get me through at least a few days in case anything happens. Better safe than sorry right?

My last stop is the bathroom where I pack up my shampoo and conditioner as well as my skincare products and throw it all into a plastic bag that I'm able to place easily on top of the rest of the items in the bag but before I'm even able to finish getting the rest of my toiletries together I'm greeted with the sound of Jina walking in.

"Y/n?" she calls out and I swear under my breath, trying to think of a way to make this whole situation as quick and painless as possible. "Y/n?" she says again, rounding the corner and finding me in the bathroom where I've started to pick up the pace and throw things in haphazardly wanting to get the fuck out already.

"What are you doing?" she questions me and I walk past her and back into my room and throw the bag in my duffle bag and zip everything up. "Please don't ignore me" she says in pretty much the most pitiful voice I've ever hear out of her and I scoff and roll my eyes. "You don't have the right to be acting like that. I'm moving out so don't bother moving out if you want the apartment" I say and throw on a baseball hat and walk out of my room and make a b line for the front door.

"Y/n please talk to me" she pleads and it's taking everything in me not to slap that 'poor me' attitude out of her. "You wanna talk? Let's speed this up for the both of us alright? You slept with my boyfriend behind my back, got pregnant and ruined my relationship and now I'm moving out. That pretty much covers everything if I'm not mistaken so let's just call this conversation over. I'll be back to pick up the rest of my shit later so don't touch anything" I say quickly without giving her a second to get a word in.

"When's later?" she asks and I roll my eyes at her pitiful excuse in trying to keep me here. "Whenever the hell I feel like it Jina. Sorry I can't make everything magically disappear right away" I say and turn to grab the handle but she just keeps going.

"Where are you staying?" she has the audacity to ask and I smile and shake my head at her stupidity. "Why would I ever tell you that? So you can come bother me with your lame excuses of apologizing. Or oh yeah even worse telling Jared where to find me so he can do the same thing. Why don't you guys do all of us a favor and stay the hell out of my life" I say and walk out the door, making sure to slam it right behind me.

While walking back to Jungkook's car I try my best to calm my breathing so I can hide what happened from him. There's no reason why he even needs to know that she showed up so might as well keep it to myself.

As I get closer to his car I watch as he looks up and sees me coming and gets out to grab my bag from me. "Is this everything you wanted?" he questions, taking it from me and placing it in the trunk. "Yep that's everything. Or at least enough to get me through the next few days" I say and get in the car with him following suit soon after.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern now laced all over his expression. "I'm totally fine, why do you ask?" I question in the most awkward tone of voice I've ever heard come out of me. "Because you're shaking" he points out and grabs one of my hands, holding it between two of his.

"No it's okay I'm fine" I say, my voice now getting wobbly, matching the shakiness of my hands. "Something happened in there didn't it?" he asks and I shake my head but he raises a questioning brow at me which has me nodding a moment later, admitting to what happened. "Jina came home" I say and take a shaky breath in and out, trying to keep myself from crying.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he questions and I quickly shake my head and he nods his and lets go of my hand and turns to start the car and pull out of the parking lot but as soon as we're on the main road again he reaches out for one of my hands and holds onto it again, not letting go until we get to the store.

~~~~~

Grocery shopping with him feels weirdly domestic and felt as though we had done it dozens of times before, with both of our methods on how to shop quickly and efficiently matching up perfectly and so time flies and before I know it we're already putting the groceries away in his kitchen.

"We make a pretty good team huh?" he says and tossing me an apple and I catch it in time, further proving his point. "I guess we do" I say amusedly and take a big bite out of it. "No I'm serious! I swear whenever I go alone I always end up forgetting one of the most obvious ingredients and with your help I don't think I forgot a single thing" he says taking a bite of the apple he had gotten for himself.

"Well I'm glad to have been of some help. I feel bad since you've been doing nothing but taking care of me for the past twenty four hours and I haven't been able to give you anything in return" I admit, twisting the stem of until it pops off.

"You've given me plenty in return" he laughs off, as if I had said something ridiculous. "Oh yeah like what?" I ask, taking another bite of the apple and leaning back against the counter.

"You've definitely given me quite a few laughs today" he says and I scrunch my eyebrows together knowing that he's just making fun of me. "And you've definitely made my day a whole lot more interesting. Plus I learned some new things about you" he says and I gulp at that last part, knowing I've definitely overshared with him quiet a few times.

"Like how you prefer green apples over red. How you prefer white bread over wheat and that you get shy whenever I get close to you" he lists off, the last one obviously catching me off guard.

"I-" I start but I'm frozen in place as he gets closer to me and I just realized how I've backed myself into a corner. "Jungkook I-" I try again but my efforts die in my throat when he places his hands on either side of my hips, trapping me against the counter, staring at me as if he hasn't eaten in weeks.

"Do you wanna tell me why that is?" he asks, tilting his head almost taunting me. "I don't know what you're talking about" I say, doing my best to remain level headed. "You sure about that?" he asks and I nod my head in response, not trusting my voice to stay steady this time. "Then why are you holding your breath?" he says while placing his hand on my neck and using his thumb to press down on my chin, encouraging me to open my mouth which I do with almost no hesitation.

"I don't know" I whisper but he leans in closer, bringing his lips closer to mine. "I think you're lying" he say, his warm breath fanning my face, promises of pleasure hidden behind those words and it has me whimpering at the thought. 

"Y/n, earth to y/n" Jungkook says, bursting the bubble of the incredibly inappropriate daydream I had been having in front of him. "I-i'm sorry what was that?" I stutter, making it clear that I hadn't been paying attention. 

"Maybe you're running a fever" he says, walking over to me and placing the back of his hand to my forehead, his cool hand causing a shiver to run down my spine. "What makes you say that?" I ask, looking up at him, taking in his features from our closer proximity. "Because you're burning up, and your whole face has gone red" he says and I feel my cheeks getting even more red at his observation. 

"Are you feeling alright?" he asks, making purposeful eye contact with me. "Yeah I just, I think I need to go lay down for a while" I say, finding the easiest escape route possible. "That's probably a good idea. I shouldn't have kept you out for so long" he says, guilt clouding his expression and I take one of his hands in mine without giving it a second thought making him jolt for a second but tighten his hold around mine just seconds later. 

"I'm fine don't worry" I say with a small smile, "It was my fault for drinking so much. If I'm ever around you again and there's alcohol involved could you do me a favor and stop me from drinking so much" I laugh, trying to lift his spirits and it seems to do the trick. 

"Of course darling" he says and places a kiss on the center of my forehead. "Now go lay down, you really are burning up" he says, having felt the heat radiating off of me from the kiss he had graced me with. I smile up at him and nod my head before turning around and heading back to my room. 

Living with him might not be so bad. It's been a while since someone's taken care of me or even shown me such simple kindness without needing anything in return. I'm not sure if it would be the smartest decision but I'm definitely warming up to the idea...

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[zuffer-weird-girl]

Anon: heyyy girl! How have you been? I must say that your blog, no matter when, is still STUNNING. I follow you since the bazooka squad era lol. Can you pretty please make a request for me about Chisaki? One where he is been howling his ass on his office since pops kinda grounded him with paper work but reader comes and just straight up takes him out... kinda like kidnapping but in a good way?

You smiled kindly at the precept who let you in inside the house and made your way with a happy aura that wasn't quite frequent on the shie hassaikai, but it was sure much like a breath of fresh air.

Although your smiled dropped when you noticed the leader discussing something with some scared precepts before they hurried off when the old man just pointed his finger at the door you just came in with a very stern and rather loud '-now before I change my mind'.

You stepped outside of the way of the precepts and frowned at the elder massaging his temples with a head sigh.

"Good afternoon pops." You muttered and the old man immediately stopped his actions to look at you and give you at least a kind yet tired smiled.

"Good afternoon (Y/n) my dear, how have you been?" He fixed his posture as you walked a bit closer to him.

"Same old." You giggled "How are you though? You sound tired..."

"Tired?" The elder chuckled but you gulped when you saw his right eye twitching "I'm fucking pissed off actually."

You widened your eyes... in all of the years you've been here you never actually heard a swear coming from this man's mouth... well, until now at least.

"U-uh-"

"Your boyfriend just simply refuses to listen." He chuckled a bit darkly "I tell him to NOT do something and guess what he does? The exact damn opposite." He ranted on as you nodded a bit, still not quote recovered at seeing the usual calm and collected pops so... irritated.

"I swear he gives me more headaches than all of my years inside this fucking organization and I've been here practically all of my life." He sighed while pushing his Grey hair back before looking at you "I apologize my dear, I will just go lay down a bit to calm myself down."

"I-is okay." You smiled a bit "just try to calm down a bit yeah?... is chisaki-"

"On his office." He grumbled while rubbing his head "I gave him something to do, not simply fuck up all my hard work to not have the police on my ass at least." He muttered and your jaw fell.

Alright, He was definitely pissed at your boyfriend.

You took some steps and knocked lightly on his door but heard nothing.

"Love? Is me." You knocked once while calling "Can I please come in?"

You had to put your ear on the door to finally hear a grumble as you sighed and shrugged. Close enough to a answer.

As soon as you entered and closed the door you didn't know whether to laugh or gasp..

There was at least five piles full of documents on Kai's desk. And it wasn't small piles, no, they were big. Similar to those cartoons when a character is at their work.

Kai hated taxes and hated to do these kind of work inside the yakusa... so judging by the tired yet pissed look of your boyfriend, this was probably his punishment given by pops.

"Oh honey... what did you do this time?" You accidentally let out as Kai only glared at you.

"If you're here to mock me or give me a scolding about my ideas to put this sorry place back on their glory days not being 'right' than just get out of here." He growled and you blinked... pops did scared you a bit when he growled, but your boyfriend? Nah, you were used to his bad mood.

"I didn't do neither of these, I just asked you what did you do to make pops put you in this kind of work... again." You lifted your hands up in a signal of peace as he only grumbled.

You shaked your head a bit before walking towards where he was sitting. He didn't stop what he was doing until your hands started to massage a bit his shoulder... he did tense up a bit at the start but soon you heard a little sigh and his body soon started to relax, little by little.

You snorted but that was enough for him to glare at you once again.

"Care to tell me what happened?" You lowered yourself down to put your head on his shoulder as he scoffed. "Not going to?"

Another scoff which made you roll your eyes at his attitude, until an idea popped as you smiled mischievously.

His breath caught on his throat when you started to plant kisses on the exposed part of his neck, and you couldn't help the giggled escaping your lips at feeling his skin shiver the slightly bit.

He muttered your name in warning as you kept kissing all of his weak spots.

"Tell me what happened" kiss "you might even feel better" kiss "please?" Another kiss "I want to try to calm you down a bit." Kiss

It was silent for a bit until he sighed deeply, hanging his head backwards a bit but enough to bump softly with yours. You removed yourself from the crook of his neck to watch from upwards his face which was clearly more relaxed, eyes closed and no more his eyebrows scrunched which surely would gave him wrinkles before his 40s.

You waited for him to peak his eyes open before silently suggesting to take off his black face mask and he only closed them once again, silently letting you removed the mask to see his whole face on all its glory. You smiled at seeing the signs of some of hair grow in his chin as you gently carreseded the area with your thumb as he grunted.

"Forgot to shave?" You asked as you felt your fingers being slight tickeed by ghe small facial hairs of his.

"Didn't had time." He justified, his frown coming back nefore you kissed his forehead.

"I like it. It suits you. Makes you even more senior than usual." You kissed his lips as he scoffed later.

"Disgusting."

It was a peaceful silence until you felt one of your hands being picked up by one of his bigger gloved hands. He brought close to his face, smelling the scent of the soap or hand sanitizer you used due to his mysiphohia and he couldn't help the warm feeling as he planted a small and almost shy kiss on your hand afterwards.

You smiled at the gesture, feeling all warm and fuzzy yourself at how far he had come over his own mysophobia just for you.

"There was this one specific minor gang on the center of Tokyo." He started, staring at your hand he hadn't let go of "A bunch of imbeciles, yet they had some.. "merch" I was quite interested in. It had a vicious effect on the brain and would lead us to gain some money to-"

"You were dealing with drugs again, weren't you?" You muttered.

"... you sound disappointed."

"Well, kinda. I know your intentions are good love but... it's just isn't right." You sighed, knowing your ideals were very much different. Kai could be extremist and radical sometimes on things he wanted and believed, quirks being a very much example of it.

You felt himself letting go of your hand and standing up from his chair, and for a second you thought you had angered him again but he just looked at you with solemn eyes.

"You're better than me as a human in many ways. Yet, I want this organization to come back as being a respected and powerful one. The method we've been doing for these last years is not working." He spoke as he took some steps and sat on the couch of his office, legs spread and arms resting over it "Some rules need to be broken to get our goal."

"But that's not right still love.." You dared to speak as you walked near him "Besides, you always end up on a fight or using your quirk on someone..."

"That is just a consequence, but is worth it." He growled at the ground.

"Is it?" You muttered "I.. I keep worrying about you or if you're okay almost all of the time now."

"You don't need to."

"Of course I need to!" You exclaimed while taking a seat next to him "Kai, I love you. You're my boyfriend. And I care and worry about you... don't you feel the same about me?"

Silence... and you sighed. You knew he felt the same way, but sometimes you couldn't help but think your man was way too complicated...

"Is what he wants." He broke the tension "thats something that he wants for so long... it would be the only way to pay him back to what he had done to... me." He muttered, staring ahead of him as you frowned.

"... I know you want to pay him back love, but maybe you being his successor is already enough."

"Is not." Kai muttered "trust me... is not."

You frowned before scooting closer and looking at him. His golden eyes looked at you for a bit before sighing and lifting one of his arms to allow you to hug his torso.

You laid your head on the crook of his neck as his gloved hand remained in your scalp, while both of your hands and his other one were on top of each other.

"You didn't change my mind about much things I did, but... I'm glad you came here. To check on me, I guess." He muttered and you couldn't help bit to snort.

"You're so stubborn." You whispered before looking at him, his stoic face no where to be seen as he scoffed at your words.

"Look who is talkin-" He widened his eyes when you kissed him once again, the hand that was on top of his now sweetly holding the right side of his jaw.

"You were saying?" You giggled at his red cheeks and those golden eyes glaring at you before he grabbed your both cheeks "Mh!"

"Shut up you brat. Didn'tyou want to calm me down? Then be quiet." He muttered huskily near your lips before kissing them again

Safe to say, he wasn't finishing those taxes.

[purplesurveys]

1823

Would you rather have another job?  I would, but the job market sucks and it's been a challenge trying to apply to new ones even though I had been actively looking every day of February. I got a little impatient so I've ultimately settled for a new role, still in my current workplace – so I've still resigned from my current post, but the new role will allow me to continue to be in the industry I like while removing the shit I don't want to deal with and had originally resigned over.

Did you ever live in a house with more than one story?  I currently do. It was the house I grew up in that didn't have an extra floor.

What room of your home do you spend most time in? My bedroom, since it's also my workspace.

Is your second toe longer than your big toe?  Just super slightly, but yeah.

Have you ever given yourself a tattoo?  Nope.

Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother?  Not really.

Do you have health insurance?  Just Philhealth. What are some medical issues you’re currently dealing with?  Just what I'm presently sensing as anemia, but other than that there aren't any.

Why did you last take pain medication?  Can't even recall. I just apply a cooling ointment whenever my back and shoulders are sore lol, and I've been proactively lessening my Biogesic intake because I don't want to be too dependent on it every time I get a headache.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father?  I find that my smile and mouth are similar to his. I think my eyes too? Idk but in general I'm the most well-balanced among me and my siblings when it comes to genetics haha, so it's hard for me to tell which of my features look more like my mom's or my dad's.

How about your mother?  My overall face structure? IDK IT'S REALLY HARD TO TELL LOL

What personality traits do you wish your children would inherit from you? I take pride in how devoted and loyal I am in my friendships, so it'd be nice for my hypothetical and likely-to-never-exist kids to get that from me. Also, passion for their hobbies! I'd listen to my kids ramble on all day about whatever it is they're interested/invested in.

What parts of the world are your ancestors from?  Philippines, and that's pretty much it lol. I don't think I have ancestors from Spain.

Have you ever had a strange pet, outside of the normal animals people keep?  No.

Do you believe in astrology?  Hell no.

Do you drive an electric car?  No. It just wouldn't be the smartest decision to get one at this point as we barely have the technology or network to make owning an electric car a feasible long-term thing. Philippines was already late as it is when it came to the internet, so I imagine it would be the same - perhaps even longer - with the electric cars.

Do you like facial hair on guys or do you prefer the clean shaven look?  Eh, it depends on how they look with the hair.

Who was your first celebrity crush?  It was a tie between Zac Efron and Ashley Tisdale, haha.

Are you good with kids?  I honestly don't know. I was good with kids before as a First-Born Asian Daughter™ lol, but I haven't been arounds kids in YEARS so idk if my abilities still hold up.

Are you usually late, early, or right on time?  At this point tbh I'm a mix of all three. I try to make it on time but it sometimes also depends on how invested I am in the thing I'm supposed to be at. I arrived at the Seventeen concert by 11 AM, but at work I will sometimes arrive at 10:30 AM lol.

Are you good at applying makeup?  I'm horrible at it, but that's also because I'm not the least bit interested in makeup.

Do you like pastel colored hair?  It's alright!

What do you think about the most?  Career options, opportunities to take care of myself or find new hobbies...I've been getting paranoid about mortality lately as well and I hate it.

Do you like to see it snowing outside?  I wish I could experience that, but I don't live in a country with snow.

Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house?  Nopes.

Have you ever been in a choir?  I have not.

Do you look older or younger than you actually are?  I used to get 'younger' all the time, but idk now. Work may have aged me physically enough to start actually looking 25 hahaha.

When is the next time you’ll be up on stage?  I'm assuming June because my mom has asked me to host a surprise party we're doing for my paternal grandparents. I never committed to it, but I know ultimately it'll come down to me hosting anyway lol.

Where did you spend your last birthday at?  I was just at home. My friends came over though.

What was the last show that you watched a full episode of?  Friends.

Is there anything you need to work on doing soon?  Little bit, yeah.

Were you ever a boy or girl scout?  I was not.

Do you take your medications in the morning or at night?  I don't take any medication at all.

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch?  Nah, merch is usually next to impossible to get when you're from an Asian country that's not Japan anyway. The merchiest I got with YouTubers was going to the first-ever YouTube Fanfest haha.

What is the best type of donut?  I like a good classic – chocolate frosting with sprinkles! My favorite local doughnut shop also makes this fantastic roasted brown butter brioche doughnut that I could have every day.

Do you like thrift stores?  Not the first place I would go to, but still willing to check them out.

What is your town known for?  Aesthetic cafes with shitty food, car accidents, pilgrimages, and our waterfalls. We're all over the place lmao.

Have you ever used a fake name at Starbucks?  I once referred to myself as Audrey as in Audrey Hepburn but it came back as fucking Aujie hahahaha. Haven't really done it since because I don't see the point.

What color is your lava lamp?  I've never had one.

Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character?  We were too short on money for my parents to be spending overpriced Lisa Frank shit on me.

What’s your favorite movie that you remember seeing in the theater?  Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Do you know anyone who has ten cats?  I think Val may have? She posts about her cats all the time and it's always different ones every time lol.

Have you ever had a cat?  My sister had Arlee.

Have you ever had a dog?  Yes, three of them.

Have you ever any other kind of animal?  Yes.

Have you ever had a pet rock?  That I never have.

What were you voted in the senior class polls?  We don't have that tradition.

Who was your favorite teacher in high school?  My music teacher. I never even liked what she taught, but she had a teaching style that let her relate life lessons to whatever music theory she was explaining at the moment and that resonated with me all throughout high school.

Do you want to give your kids common names or unique names?  Common, but not too mainstream in that they can still stand out but also not get bullied.

What collection are you thinking of starting?  I currently collect BTS merch and I plan on continuing it, especially since I'm not even done getting all the albums yet.

Do you organize your clothes by color?  No, I just have them fixed according to article of clothing.

What do you want to name your first child?  I've stopped having a go-to pick for a name because I've also stopped wanting kids.

List ten favorite girls names.  Mia, Scarlett, Charlotte, Emilia, Harper, Elliott, Lily, Juliana, Rosie, Dylan.

List ten favorite boys names.  Seth, Liam, James, Lucas, Julian, Matteo, Noah, Owen, Jacob, Leon.

What season do you want to get married in?  Continued from last night. We don't have seasons but I'd pick out a colder month – so anywhere between December to February.

Is your Pinterest cluttered?  I don't use Pinterest enough to make boards.

What is your favorite insect?  None of them.

What bugs scare you?  All of them, but especially cockroaches.

Who picked your name, your mom or your dad?  My dad picked my first name, my mom chose my second.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a significant other’s arms?  Sure.

Do you have a television in your room? If you do, is it one of the old school big ones? Or i it a new flat screen?  I do. It's a flat-screen but it's not a new TV – it was originally from our living room until we got a new one last year. Anyway, the TV I have is like 16 years old.

What was your favorite cartoon or television show as a child? What about movie?  I liked Spongebob and Drake & Josh. For movies, Toy Story was and continues to be my favorite.

Did you have sleepovers at your friends’ houses a lot as a child? Or did your friends come over to your house more often?  No. I was never really allowed to, but also I didn't have many friends so eh. As for me, I lived in a very crowded duplex so the house was never the most visitor-friendly.

Do you have any significantly older siblings?  No, our age gaps are small.

When opening presents on Christmas or birthdays, do you first try to guess what is in the package? Do you tear the wrap off slowly, or just rip it to shreds? Are you polite no matter what the gift, and say you love it anyways?  I rip it to shreds haha, and yes I always say thank you.

What happened last time you got drunk?  I dropped a wine glass and injured my foot.

What are you listening to?  Friends.

Which parent do you feel the most affection for?  My dad.

How do you feel about God?  "If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness.” A quote that reached fame by being found carved in a concentration camp wall. And I will forever agree with it, violently so. <– I like this answer. < There you go. <--- yep. < That's the best answer yet, because that's exactly how I feel with the shit I went through growing up.

Which platform do you use to listen to music on the most?  Spotify.

Who do you care about the most?  Myself and my dogs.

[fentrashcat]

So I was going to make a joke about the orbit "embrace the ding" commercials that have taken over my Spotify, but realized there'd be no context, so... first post specifically about my tics 😅

⚠️this is my experience, everyone with tic disorders will have different experiences. Tics that mention injuries will have a ⚠️

I got diagnosed at 17 due to a DRAMATIC increase in frequency, but was told things I explained were indicative of tics already. I ended up being told to do occupational therapy for I think 12 weeks? It's hard to remember. The only thing that ended up being helpful was naming my tics, trying to recognize their triggers if they had any, and learning to recognize the "prompt" i get that makes them happen. So this will just be a quick run down of my tics (some common now some less so). I can't explain how my prompts differ, but I'll explain each named tic and their known triggers. I named them to amuse myself so some names are dumb lol.

"Heebie Jeebie Shake"- the first tic I remember ever having, a jerky full body shiver, no known trigger

"Head Jerk"- a quick jerk of my head to the right , random trigger, triggered by sudden loud noises. This one cane happen once or over and over, too often and it makes me dizzy or gives me a headache 😅. This is also the one that ended up getting me diagnosed.

"Bob and Weave"- Complex variant of Head Jerk, involves most of upper body kinda ducking moving to right. Only trigger I can recognize is a long spell of other tics that I wouldn't classify as an attack. Very rare and annoying.

"Spit"- head goes forward, kinda sounds like a tiny sneeze. Random.

"Dolores Squeak"-only happens after Spit, but not after every Spit. Originally started as an echo of it while watching the movie, and then it stuck. Trigger is just Spit tic or sometimes Dolores in Encanto

"Take Off"- sounds like I'm imitating a take off, head usually goes forward with it. Less common now but started when we were going over rockets in physics class 😆

"Click"- Tongue click, developed as a pair with Whistle, and they can either happen together or alone now. Random trigger. My friend got me to watch Hereditary after this development and I answered most of the clicks in the movie with my own 😅

"Whistle"- a two tone whistle that thankfully does not sound like a wolf whistle. Used to be paired with Click but now can stand alone. Usually random trigger, but if previous Whistle wasn't "good enough" I have to repeat it until it's right.

⚠️"Fling"- right hand flings up and back, random trigger. This is the one I end up hurting myself with the most, hitting car windows, walls, a door, a fridge, a car dash (leading to possibly a partial dislocated wrist), and a desk. This one also caused me to spill boiling water on my hand before, and lots of minor burns (latest burn is entirely on me tho lol)

"Throwing Hands"- when my left hand joins in the Fling, usually triggered by excess Flings.

"YEET"- if I Fling with something in my hand, there's a good chance my hand will open and the Fling becomes a YEET. I classify them separately bc they have different prompts, and if it's a Fling, my hand doesn't loosen. YEET is normally triggered randomly, but also when I'm trying to do paperwork. Pens/pencils are the most common YEET victims but my phone, fidget toys, game controllers, plush toys, rubber ducks and water bottles are also on that list.

"Kicking Off"- right foot kicks, and when I wore flats it would ofen just kick my shoe off. Random trigger, and the reason I now always cross my legs when I sit. However, it's started happening when I'm trying to fall asleep which is annoying.

⚠️"The Bad One"- this one is triggered by extreme negative emotions, normally anxiety or stress. Every muscle in my body just kind of seizes tight, and it always comes in fits. I've given myself bruises because it hit while gripping my arms. It's also the one that will cause me to leave work bc once it starts it won't stop until I go home. After it I knock out for a few hours bc it's exhausting.

I think that's all the named Motor Tics, so here's the Verbal:

"POP"- I say/shout pop at various volumes, random trigger. Rare now

"Bing"- Pretty rare, trigger seems to be thinking it's gone. It shows up every like 6 months like "I'm still here". This one's kind of musical sounding? Bell like. Developed as a pair with Ding, but I may have had these when I was younger. Not sure, just basing off something my mom said.

"Ding"- similar to Bing in sound, but still very common. Random trigger but more commone when I'm sleep deprived, over caffeinated or both.

"Rando"- so this is a catch all for weird shit that has the same prompt. Some examples include "Qwelf on a shelf" (a board game my friend had, made me think elf on a shelf), "grading English papers" (talking about a missing red pen I had thrown, a friend said it went to hell and the devil was- and I filled in), "23-19!" (a customer's order came to like $23.87 and I tried to say their total was 23-19, in the tone from Monsters Inc), as well as completing lyrics I hear in conversations (meaning someone uses a phrase that happens to be a lyric, I answer w the next lyric) or random commercial jingles out of no where.

"Duck-Duck!"- so this one is my favorite tic, ngl. It's triggered by extreme positive emotions or excitement in general. Rubber ducks were one of the first things we found after my diagnosis that was a good fidget. I'm not sure what exactly, but my brain LOVED them. This tic only developed about 3 years ago though, even though I hadn't used rubber ducks as my go to fidget in about 5. I have had a Duck-Duck fit once, and had to stay seated bc I almost fell down, but don't remember the moment that caused it.

I hope these make sense, as I'm writing this while hiding from thunder lol. I might do more in depth info on tics as it comes up, but I'm just going to talk about it when I think about things 😅

In better news, my burn is already doing a lot better so hopefully plush prototype soon

[noble-6]

Wassup yall!

Luckily i remembered about the existence of this app. lol. Another life update entry i guess? Here we go ->

Life hasn't been that great. I mean yeah aside form studying, I've been having fun! Socialising, playing football, a bit of rugby. To be honest, this entry won't be a fun life update. Basically I'm here to rant. Can't do it on twitter cause all my friends are there. No one wants to hear my problem. You can say this place is a safe space for me (even if you read this you might be a stranger to me lol but feel free to read !).

Academic wise, I think i'm fumbling my degree. Yeah! I've started my degree last march. I'm in my first year first semester. At first I was excited ! Learning new things, coding, doing homeworks. No for real i did all the homeworks they gave me, for the first 3 weeks. But then it all sort of fell off like domino pieces because of Raya celebration. Don't get me wrong I love Raya, it's just that the holidays distrupted the college timetable A LOT. I mean replacement classess were all during the night or the weekends. Quizzes were held every week, assignments, crappy lecturers.

Tonight I just had my mid term test 2 for this one subject. It was at 8pm. While i was on my bed that evening(i slept after studying) my lecturer of said subject just released the score for quiz 4 of the subject. I actually tried my best for that quiz. I studied, rewatch the lecture recording, made notes. I had high hopes that i wouldn't get a score below 5(full marks was 10). You know what i did get? 1. 1 out of 10. After seeing the result, I honestly didn't know what to do. "Should i go and take the test that night? It's pretty much worthless if you think aboht it". I could say the feeling was worst than a heartbreak( i wouldn't know i've never experience it before). And then i started to think about this other subject at which my carry mark was also pretty low. Not only this subject has assignments to submit, it also has a final exam. So that's twice the headache i need to face for 1 subject.

I'm 24 this year and since this is my first year degree, I should be graduating when I turned 26. A lot of my friends has started working this year and here I am just starting my degree. Talk about being late. Now i have a mid-20ish-lif crisis(?). I'm starting to think I'm not smart. I mean all my life I thought I was average. Like yeah straight after highschool i played alot. But I've always thought if i really did focus on my studies, I'd be average. Now I'm not so sure. I think I'm 90% conviced that I'm below average. You know how theres smart students who scored straight A's, then there's above average students who scores 3.5 and above, and then the average students who scores 3.2 and above. I used to think I was average. Right now i think i'm just stupid. I studied, however i still didn't score. Like what does that tell you? You're not smart enough for this course.

So let's talk about my backup plan. As of right now, plan A is to finish this degree and get a job in the it industry. Plan B is work part time whilst studying this degree( to avoid me doing nothing at all). Plan C is to enroll in those google coirse where they give you a certificate upon completion(data analyst, web developer etc).

Plan C looks to me the more realistic approach given the situation I'm in. The only downside is I won't have a degree to my name. And that's bad for my future. It means it will be hard for me to climb the corporate ladder. I may be stuck in the same job position until i retire.

But let's be honest here, the only logical thing to do here is to finish the degree. Everyone else agree with this. Even you! Stranger who i don't know, reading my post somehow. I should just push through this upcoming 3 maybe 4 years of university life. It'll be over before i know it. I know i can do it. I just have to believe in myself again. Find that spark.

It all comes down to the basics of life you know? How my relationship with Allah is, with my family, friends. I need to do a lot of self reflect to become a better version me. Maybe not the best version, but just better than yesterday at least.

Wow! That's a lot of rant. Hahahaha. Yeah i just need to vent out you know. Maybe the next time I do my life udpate I'll be writing some good news! Maybe.... we'll see.

See ya!

[ii-zi]

aaaaa got concern over my health bc of the 15 days period flow thing. i wasnt able to get my school issued medical care stuff on shape in time bc the pandemic started, so currently i do not have a free healthcare provider, plus im in exam season (for the next 1-2 weeks), i have school from 7am to 6pm, missing a single class stresses me immensimely, and i have so much homework to do jsjajjds

that being said i am trying to get help, though. i do have a pcos diagnosis but i’ve never had any issue even remotely similar to this (quite the contraire, i barely even have a flow most of the time), so i’m genuinely concerned too jsjajjs. however the fastest i could probably get an exam done is on friday, and who knows when i could get a gyn to look at it lol (plus the fact that it’d cost money bc general hospitals are filled to the brim rn and either way i dont have free healthcare)

[o-king-of-suns]

Hi ^^ I've recently found ur blog and read ur meta. Ur analysis is great! I'm kinda new here but I've seen so many ppl talk about Levi's guidebook page, referring to it as "the confirmation of what Levi was solely fighting for in the final battle i.e revenge by fulfilling the promise" I'm sorry if this has been pointed out before but as a Levi fan who believes otherwise, I'd love to read ur interpretation. Also u also believe the GB is implying this? I think ppl are having the wrong impression.

Hi! :) Thank you so much! I am glad you liked my meta! English is not my first language, so I try my best to express what I want to say.

Almost everyone agrees that the final guidebook is just an ABSOLUTE hot garbage! xD At this point that no one is taking seriously anymore! xD It straight up contradicts what happens in the manga, has VERY reductive and nonsensical descriptions of the characters and is FULL of errors.

The main reason to why many people have issues with Levi’s part (apart from it having nothing new or because it mainly focused on the promise) is one word that was used in the text that has been translated by some biased people into “obsessed”.

I asked 3 Japanese people (including my teacher) about the word that was used in the text and the meanings that I was given were: (be) dedicated to; have an uncompromising commitment to ; to really focus on; to be determined to; etc. From what I understood, this term is always a headache as it truly depends on what the writer wants to convey and what it “feels” right in the context. "Obsessed” is like, the most reductive reading of that word, and it's the exact word that Er_ris chose to use xD

Japanese is often qualified as vague, and it CAN leave room for interpretation. For example, the word (きれい) Isayama used to say Levi was the opposite of Rorschach could mean "pretty" or "clean" based on the context, but here's the thing: Rorschach is notoriously ugly, so it makes sense that Isayama meant that Levi is "pretty" (and it IS officially translated to "pretty" ), but I have seen MANY Japanese people say that Isayama meant "clean" not “pretty”! This word meaning in the text literally and solely depended on Isayama's intention even causing translators to get confused and translate it to “pretty”! If we look at the context of Levi’s character description in the last gb, the last line mentions that after his final mission, Levi “meets his friends with a calm heart”. Why would Levi be able to meet his friends with a “calm heart” if his entire arc was about him being “obsessed” with a personal goal and revenge?! Is this why he salutes them and they salute him back in the final chapter?! I am 100% sure that the word “obsessed” was not the one that the person who wrote the description wanted to use.

Now let’s stop talking about language translation and focus on Levi in the manga xD Is the gb version Levi the same Levi whom Isayama described as "as an existence more superior to myself" during Levi’s statue reveal just last March?!

You know, when I asked my native Japanese teacher to help me translate Isayama's statement about Levi, she sent me a 4 minute voice note breaking down the terms Isayma used and explaining how much respect the person speaking (Isayama) has for the person he's talking about (Levi). I was embarrassed to tell her that the person he’s speaking about is actually a fictional character lol

Isyama used 頭 の上がらない which literally means “can’t raise someone’s head” but it actually means “can’t raise someone’s head in front someone else for how much respect they have for this person”

Now let’s look at Levi’s actions in the manga to see if we can reach to the same conclusion.

Levi is one of, if not the most, perceptive characters in SNK. In one the official short stories, he was described as a person who is able to “know the true nature of Man”. For Levi, Zeke is a man who cheered with satisfaction as he threw rocks through fifteen year olds. He’s the person who nonchalantly explained to Levi the process of gassing an entire village of unsuspecting civilians and flinging them into an eternal nightmare in order to weaponize their bodies. Zeke’s manipulations are the origin of almost all of Paradis’ problems, whether it’s encouraging Marley to ramp up aggressions or pulling shady shit with Kiyomi, Yelena and the Jaegerists that destabilizes their already vulnerable island. And what’s worse - because we’re reading a story where torn-up characters are often excused by circumstances of coercion or perceived necessity - he doesn’t care. He feels no remorse. He wants to do this. Levi doesn’t know Zeke’s ultimate reasoning of course, but he recognized through the smoke of the campfire a man who doesn’t give a fuck about the wishes and agency of others. Who will force his own will on a race of humans and call it mercy. AND YET, Levi stays with him for  A WHOLE MONTH in the forest bringing him books, drinks and a pillow to sit on. He keeps asking him about what happened in Connie’s village trying over and over to understand him. And then the guy transforms Levi’s own teammates in front of him, forces him to kill them and taunts him with their suffering. Levi perceives a person who’s arrogant enough to consider his cruelty compassion as he decides whether the lives of their children are worth living.YET, Levi decided to keep him alive because he believed that it is what’s the best for Paradis; a decision that eventually caused Levi’s severe injuries and the activation of the Rumbling!

During the final battle, Levi offered to act as a bait for Mikasa so she can try to bring back Armin and risks his life TWICE to save Jean and Connie risking his chances to ever fulfill his promise to Erwin.

Please tell me now that these are actions of an “obsessed” man who is only focused on killing Zeke and revenge.

The first time Levi mentions the vow after the time skip, he says: “Erwin, I think I will be finally able to fulfill the vow I made to you that day. Your deathS had meaning. At last I will be able to prove it”  Levi clearly associates giving meaning to his comrades’ deaths WITH fulfilling his vow to Erwin. This is the line that proves that the vow has always meant something more.

Levi made a promise that came to represent the fulfillment of the goal all his former Survey Corps comrades laid down their lives for. Slaying the Beast Titan took on symbolic stature, a tangible way of giving their sacrifices meaning - especially in a world where the circumstances had drastically shifted and enemies, allies, and other were suddenly seen from a completely different perspective.

In Ch. 136, Levi remembers his friends and reflects upon their sacrifices and what they meant. They did not sacrifice their lives to “trample the lives and hearts of others”.

We never got a SINGLE panel in which he says that he fulfilled his promise! In the last apparition of his fallen comrades, Erwin isn’t even in the center. He salutes his fallen comrades for devoting their hearts for humanity and they salute him back for honoring their sacrifices.

If there is one thing that Levi was “obsessed” about, it is him trying to give meaning to the deaths and sacrifices of the people who truly devoted their hearts to humanity and whom he truly loved

[sharpwin101]

“EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”

N.B. Hey guys, I'm re-uploading this narrative due to previous grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. mistakes. I'm completely bad at proofreading lol, and didn't take the time to read over, but after receiving some very impactful feedbacks on twitter, it gave me the motivation I needed to somewhat correct these mistakes🤞hopefully enough, finishing this fanfic, which I must say I'm quite excited for you guys to read.

  S2 EP16 “EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”,

  CHAPER 1

I don't get it?  As tears stream down her cheeks,

Her thoughts raced as she remained in front of her bathroom mirror long enough to get agitated by her own self-pity. 

She understood that harboring such feelings would not only be self-destructive, but would keep her trapped, she was mentally stronger, and refuses to let it sabotage the barrier she has construct throughout the years.

She knew conquering and embracing Max’s indecisiveness, was just a question of time. That continues to fail him terribly, repeatedly, to define them, what they meant to each other, wondering how much longer, if not impossible, it will be for him to embrace and overcome his own fetters to unleash what he truly feels. 

Will he ever? she’s impel to believed, naively unaware of her imperceptiveness to his true desire, behind his barriers, causing her to suspect mistakenly,

Questing “does he feels the same” 

She paces back and forth, flipping her heels off with a small grimace, scattering them on the floor.

Fervently turning to her living room, with an instant wipe of her tears, in the direction of the liquor cupboard, pulling the first wine bottle her hand came across, desperate for a wine opener, she run-walk towards the kitchen, leaving nearly all of the drawers open while probing through.

She spotted the opener. Yes, yes! Clutches it obstinately, relieved. 

As she holds the bottle inverted between her knees, she struggled to open it a bit, her mind still being indistinct after their encounter, temporarily forgotten how to open the wine bottle.

(The wine cork flew free)

She hastily turns it to her head, gulping it down as if she didn't have time to consume it a bit slower, inadvertently spilling it on her. 

Crap!

Returning to the bathroom in search of her robe, while undressing herself and gulping more wine down her throat.

Being the clean freak she is, immediately after, she brought her clothing towards the laundry room, as she senses the impending intoxication looming over her.

(Crash)The wine bottle slipped from her deft grip and shattered on the floor. 

she slowly slumped to the floor, leaning against the laundry door for support grappling to sit up. While her clothes slowly unfold from her arms, As she casts a longing glare into space.

She ruminate aloud, frustratedly. 

What is wrong with me? Staring up towards the roof, as though she was seeking answers to all of life's unanswered questions from a greater Entity.

Why I’m I so unlucky?

I fought on, knowing that I wasn't even sure whether I'd be ready too, if you chose me then or now, she added, laughing.

All the walls I've worked so hard to build, comes crumbling down whenever I see, I can’t comprehend it. 

As she gently holds the nape of her neck, breathing deeply, with her left hand  supporting her head, while facing down. I don't want to lose control; I can't lose control.

You say these significant things,

you look at me in the way you do, and then you do nothing?  How can I fight for that?

You asked me why I did what I did, despite the fact that you already knew the answer. I asked you to define us; 

what exactly, this, we are?  as she motioned for answers

I've given you so much, and I tried so hard not to but it's as if all my rationale goes out the window when you're in danger. (laughing sarcastically at her self). 

For God sake, you yelled at me.......... whenever I try to help.

I have these fantasies about you before getting out of bed, I've tried to ignore it; believe me, I have (laughing) 

now I'm just here talking to myself.

As her gaze wandered around the room, she became irritated by the smashed wine bottle. 

   “ FIGHT FOR US”,

CHAPERT 2

(KNOCKING) She tilted her head, confusedly glancing towards the front door, wondering if it was the alcohol or someone was actually at the door.

Struggling to get up from the floor, as she continues to listen attentively to hear whether the knocking was coming from her front door. She slightly slipped when grabbing for her phone on the kitchen counter, to check the time.

11:43pm

Tightening her robe as she wiped her face, pondering, a few names flashed through her mind, But why would they not call? silently muttering to herself. Her phone started to ring as soon as the knocking ceased. Resuming her attention to her phone, which lids up, displaying "Dr. Max Goodwin” with a slight discontent look, she responded, still gazing at the door, nervously biting down on her index finger.

What, what do you want? She answered. 

"I'm at your door; will you let me in?". Quickly swallowing her saliva, her heart races, instantly lowering her phone to her side, with a million thoughts rushes through her head as she looked at the messed she had created, quickly ending his call. She began picking up her clothes from the floor and rushed to the washroom, staring at her flushed face, unbothered at this point and didn't care whether he noticed she was crying.

She trudged towards the front door, spotting her bed slippers and pulls them on.  Briefly pausing before opening the door.

There he was, standing in front of her. Casually dressed, in blue jeans, a grey    t-shirt, and his black jacket, which she had seen him in before.

Trying not to look into his eyes, but he has already peered right into hers. Struck by how small and delicate she looks outside the walls of the hospital, becoming completely lost in her eyes, unable to speak. 'Um, I... What are you doing here? she asked, before he could finish his sentence.

Were you crying? With a slight head tilt, she rolled her eyes irritably as she turns her back on him, leaving the door ajar. What are you doing here, Max?, her voice raised rather than normal. The frustration in her voice perplexed him. I wanted to ‘Um, before noticing the shattered wine bottle on her floor. 

As she reaches to get the mob and dustpan from the storage area adjacent to her kitchen. He watches her as she teeters, shutting the drawers that she left open earlier.

As she approaches the spilt wine on the floor, she kept her eyes lowered trying not to look him into his. He detects her shakiness as she extends the broom over the shattered wine bottle. No! he said, with no intent, to say it so loudly. Reaching his hands towards the broom.

Let me help, she still persisted. He gently withdrew the broom from her grasp when she walked away towards another section of her apartment, as his eyes followed her.

He disposed the shattered glass in the trash can, placing the mob and dustpan into the already opened storeroom.

In search of her, he returned to the living room area. noticing she had her back to him, curled up on her couch in a sitting position, fully wrapped in a blanket that matches the color of his shirt.

He stood behind her for minute before approaching.

Placing his hand on her shoulder as he walks to the side of the couch. She shivers at his touch just enough for it to go unnoticed while still looking down.

Seating next to her, he tries to get her attention. Helen, she did not respond. I'm sorry.... As he questioned. Are you okay? Placing her right palm on her forehead, displaying a tiny discomfort. She muttered, I have a minor headache. ‘Um, do you have any pain relievers? Instantly patted his forehead after, quickly realizing she wouldn't be able to take it seeing that she was drinking. Hastily corrects himself, do you want me to make you some tea? she fixes her gaze on him.

Please let me make you tea, while he makes his usual puppy eyes at her.

She gave her approval with a nod. Where are your…...? Instructing him with a finger while drawing the blanket back up to her shoulders. He stood up lively, walking towards her kitchen, absolutely taken aback by how tidy and organized her apartment looked.

Already knowing what kind of tea because they both enjoy it the same, reaching into the pantry for the box of tea bags on the lower shelf, pulling a cup from the washer and placing it on the hot water kettle. He spoons in 1/2 teaspoon of sugar exactly how she likes it. While leaning his back on the counter.

As he waited for the water to heat up, he indulged in his thoughts, gazing around her kitchen.

The whistling from the kettle stopped, with relieved he turned around, adding the hot water to the tea bag and returning to her,

With a wide smile on his face, he hands her the cup, she noticed he didn't have his wedding ban, she looked into his eyes as her hands extends to take the cup. He noticed that she noticed, with a little distance between them, he sat beside her in silence. 

on her third sip of tea, he glances at her and proceeded to apologize.

I should never have let you walk out that door, ‘I, I.... I have tried to hide this.  It's been hard,

It almost drove me completely insane. As she looked at him, intently listening 

I've tried to hold back, since the day we met.......................... It's been eating me alive knowing I felt this way while being married and had already started a family,

but I can't deny that I haven't felt this, not any more, he remarked, shaking his head.

For the longest time, I felt guilty, knowing I had felt this way about you,

if I let you slip out of my life, without trying, to fighting for us, I will not survive it, 

I see you, Helen. it’s just that sometimes it takes me a minute, to remember what matters more than anything, you.

He drew closer to her, as she sets the tea cup on the center table. Helen, 

I’m ready to fight. Fight for you, for Us. 

Every time you've been near me, I've wanted to do stuff to you, imagining what it would be like. 

You are undeniably BEAUTIFUL and sexy, and I need to have you, in all the ways I have been dreaming of.

She swallows her nonexistent saliva as he got closer. With her mouth partially open, uncontrollably batting her eyes at him. She searches his eyes, while he searches hers for permission, to touch her, intimately. Placing his left hand on the right side of the back of her neck sliding his fingers upward, gently holding on to her hair, a rush of adrenaline prickled her stomach, as he watched the whooshing of her breathing, thinking how soft on silky the growths of her hair felt.

She needed him to touched her, she needed to grip him closer, but her body was weak, weak to his touch. As they stared intensely at each other, their faces being only a few inches apart, tightening his grip on her hair, causing her to slightly tilted her head back, finally freeing of her temporary paralysis, she grabs hold to his muscular arm with her left hand, while clutching his side with her other hand.

He knew he was in charge, and she wanted him, his lips being a inch closer to hers, her eyelids, fill down slowly closing.

Their lips touch, as their bodies tingles, her chest rises, left her feeling like she had no air. The instant chemistry they felt, was uncontrollable. His thinking slowed when his lips met hers. Time becoming unknown, as if he were in a dream, how warm and crazily soft her lips were.

As they draw each other deeper and further into each other's sanctum, thrusting herself up with a knee for support. 

Has he pauses, looking intently into her eyes, slowly begin rolling her robe over her shoulder.

In complete awe of how clear and smooth her skin appears, while stirring her down. He notices she was wearing a black lace bra that matches her thong, which complemented her skin tone well, lost in her eyes, before entirely removing her robe. As she gets back up on both knees, yanking his jacket off, while he impatiently helped her to removed his shirt.

Unbuckling his belt, she unzip his jeans. Holding her by the lower portion of her cheeks, he punches his tongue into her mouth. Resting his back on the couch, hoisted her up on top of him.

feeling her body, with both his hands on her waist, recognizing how small it was in comparison to her hips, being considerably wider. She bends her knees and places her hands on the couch over his shoulder. As his tongue trails down her neck, while unclipping her bra, struggling a little.

Carefully pulling it off, her hands fill to her side, looking down at him, when he stroked her breast with his hands, causing her head to fall back uncontrollably, as a rush of adrenaline went to her vulva, gasping harder as he places his mouth over her tit, slowly sliding his hand into her thong concomitantly.

He gave her a look, realizing she was already lubricated, as she gasped for breath somewhat dropping her upper body backwards as his hand quickly supported her back, her mouth flew wide open, when he slid his index and middle finger in an upward motion on her clit.

She moaned loudly as he stroked it faster, her body slipping in and out of his grip, being a fraction of a second from an orgasm, he halted.

He hoisted her up positioning her back laying on the couch, with one of his hands intertwined with hers above her head. He opens her legs slightly with his bent knee, while she bends her knees up to give him access. Passionately kissing her while caressing her clit with his right fingers. Her heart races. As he drags his tongue in between her breasts, he releases her hands as he went down further, trailing his tongue towards her navel, causing her tummy to jerked.

He elevates his head up as he pulls himself down more to her vulva, while holding on to her hips. He tasted her, swiftly clinging to the cushion behind her, unable to keep her legs steady as he licks her clit. (she rapidly gasp for air).  

She weakly tries to pull him up, with her orgasm being at it’s peek, moving back towards her lips, as they exchanged sensual glances. Using his hands as a support to keep himself upright while holding on to his already-erected dick. He puts the blanket under her back to elevate her slightly.

Penetrating her. Max, she screamed, quivering and gasping for breath, as she looks deeply into his eyes, attempting to caress the side of his face, (while she bit her bottom lip, as he went in deeper, she clutches onto him.

His sweat drips on her skin, as he moans, they couldn’t get enough of each other.

As he penetrates deeper, harder and faster inside her, he tightens his grasp around her waist. As they drew closer, their moans became more even louder.

Fuck! he shouted as he ejaculated his semen into her, simultaneously in the instant of her orgasm relief. They both felt to the ground. Looking at each other, completely in awe. 

He extends his hand to the side of her face, pulling her in, to cuddled her.

[eridanromantic]

I know it might be weird to ask you this, but you’re like the only system I know so.

How did you tell the difference between if what your experiencing is dissociation and you splitting up your self into ‘parts’ as a way to handle the involuntary actions and reactions caused by a trauma response (ex. If I do something way out of left field for me, my brain just goes ‘la la la that wasn’t you’) or if it’s being a system.

I don’t know if what I’m doing is just my brain pushing off things by saying ‘look that wasn’t you . Stop. Shh’ or if me splitting up myself into different ‘people’ when I’m out of it is a sign or something or if it’s just symptoms of my trauma disorder and I’m not a system.

I’m sorry if this is weird.

i put this under a read more because it was pretty lengthy. i asked the host directly on this, and this was his response.

i think it'd be best to do your research.

if you *are* a traumagenic system, you do seem to experience more non-possessive switches, where it's more like you 'become' that alter instead of "oh my body is being taken control over", but it seems to be? a mix of both. it can happen.

as for the first bit of "how do you tell the difference between dissociation and splitting alters", we personally tend to get headaches before splitting, [but our host has confirmed we do split without headaches, this is something he's said in the past that he didn't say in this rant], but yeah. most of the time when we tell we're getting a new alter for *sure* is the headaches. dissociation really differs from alter to alter for us, so we can't give an *exact* on that, sorry.

i'd reccomend doing your research and maybe also asking other systems about their experiences with dissociation to alter gaining.

i *will* say, with the last part of the "or if it's just symptoms of my trauma disorder and i'm not a system" thing. we have PTSD, diagnosed. it's totally possible to have more than one trauma disorder due to the trauma you've been given.

i will also say with the "look, that wasn't you, shh" thing, if you are a system, it's most likely headmates telling you directly that you may be a system. i've [our host] experienced something similar where i [he] heard headmates arguing a lot and i [he] just sat there like "lol haha this is normal" so honestly, the best advice i can give is do research.

i personally like @/anti-endo-culture-is for help, they're pretty chill and welcoming with questions about systems. however, they have their own recommendation, which i don't have on hand right now, sorry.

anon, i hope you figure it out soon. best of wishes.

[mythicamagic]

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? - no.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? - my Chihuahua, Teddy.

03: Do you regret anything? - yes. I regret not being there emotionally for someone but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I now try to be more conscious of how everyone's doing.

04: Are you insecure? - yes.

05: What is your relationship status? - perpetually single.

06: How do you want to die? - in my sleep lmao

07: What did you last eat? - an oreo. They're overrated.

08: Played any sports? - I used to play hockey and be a good swimmer, thing of the past tho.

09: Do you bite your nails? - Nope!

10: When was your last physical fight? - ohh hm long time ago. I think I was 15-16.

11: Do you like someone? - kinda but it's not gonna happen

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? - I think so, years ago XD

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? - Nope

14: Do you miss someone? - Yep

15: Have any pets?- joint own Teddy with my sister

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? - pretty good!

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? - ha Nope.

18: Are you scared of spiders? - the big ones freak me out but I know they're just dummies. I don't mind the small ones.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? - yes, provided I keep my memories of this time.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? - not applicable XD

21: What are your plans for this weekend? - do nothing

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? - Nope none never

23: Do you have piercings? How many? - my ears are pierced

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? - Art and English

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? - yup

26: What are you craving right now? - Any kind of food lmao pizza would be nice

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - no, but I've turned a couple of guys down.

28: Have you ever been cheated on? - no.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - no.

30: What’s irritating you right now? - I kind of have a headache bc I teeth grind a lot and need to stop that loll

31: Does somebody love you? - platonically yes

32: What is your favourite color? - sky blue

33: Do you have trust issues? - hm...I'd say I'm skeptical but not to the point that it impacts my relationships with friends

34: Who/what was your last dream about? - really horrible actually, was about animal experiments. Then some guy was driving me somewhere, very odd.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? - I think it mightve been my brother in law last year but I'm not sure he noticed, I prefer crying alone.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? - lol no. If anything I cut people out of my life too quickly

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? - eh, apathy is the best policy.

38: Is this year the best year of your life? - I've had a strange year. Had a great time chatting to online friends, worked on myself mentally by going to the doctors, trying to become a tad more independent and adult and less harsh on myself. I'd call it a gentle growth year

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? - never had one

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? - lmao no

51: Favourite food? - indifferent to food but I guess pasta

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? - no

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? - looked at my phone

54: Is cheating ever okay? - for me personally no.

55: Are you mean? - sometimes

56: How many people have you fist fought? - two

57: Do you believe in true love? - for other people yes. I think I've seen it. In my family though I don't think I've witnessed 'true' love between spouses.

58: Favourite weather? - Warm sunny day but not too hot

59: Do you like the snow? - its pretty to look at but I don't like walking in it

60: Do you wanna get married? - it's a nice thought XD

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? - might sound patronising. Depends who's saying it

62: What makes you happy? - simping over fictional characters, walking Teddy.

63: Would you change your name? - my last name yes.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? - nope bc I kissed Teddy's forehead

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - I don't have any guy friends

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? - nope

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? - the male cashier. He looked very tired, must be because it's around Christmas time XD

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - my sister

69: Do you believe in soulmates? - no

70: Is there anyone you would die for? - yes. Theres a couple of people.

@ochrosia ask and you shall receive, you cruel woman XD

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

July

hello everyone, welcome back for another monthly update! hoping you guys are well wherever and whenever.

this month thankfully not much happened, just a few highlights here and there. let's start with the most important one: i was chosen as my childhood best friend's bridesmaid!!!

not like the commonly find bridesmaid rite these days, i actually was given a list of tasks since my friend didn't have an event organizer. i got to be the 'mobile' bridesmaid meaning i had to follow along my friend and her husband, keeping a bag with me filled with water, tissue, all of our phones, basically essentials while the couple greeted the guests. there were three bridesmaids, the other two are my best friend's best friends in high school. i'm glad to announce i made friends with them too! 😂 during the wedding ceremony, the bridesmaids got to walk the bride to the place where the soon-to-be newly weds gave their vows. it was super tiring, i was already at the venue since 5.30 AM and also one of the last few people leaving at 3 PM, but spending time with my longtime best friend (and her husband lol) made it worthwhile.

the best part of July might be when i finally get to go to Tasikmalaya, my hometown! i think i can safely say this city is my comfort place. though the water is icy cold, the air is so fresh and i always feel calm looking at the surrounding green. i got to visit my grandparents' graves, i've missed them so much. it was a healing trip, even though it was just for a short 2 days 2 nights journey.

then mid July got me into a lil headache. the story goes like: i bought a DW plush doll, the original vintage one, a preloved one that i found it from eBay for my mum's bday. a friend of mine went to the United States for holidays so i consigned her to get it, and she said i can use her friend's Manhattan NY apartment address to ship the doll to. this one went well actually, bought it for $18 and shipping fee $8, so in total $26 or Rp 391.000,- roughly. then it went downhill: my mistake was not checking back with my friend whether she would be returning to her friend's Manhattan apartment, while i already gave the green light for another friend of mine to ship a monkey NASA keychain to the same address. you guessed it, my friend already moved state to Boston MA! and when i asked if she would go back she said yes to NY but it'll be to Brooklyn NY (which is $100 in Uber fare if she were to go back to Manhattan NY) so i was super frustrated! this might mean i 'lost' my other friend's package because my friend couldn't get ahold of it. in a flurry i ordered another of the very same keychain to the Brooklyn NY apartment my friend will go back to, but this time she said i only have time until July 25th before she move to another state. desperate, i chose USPS' Priority Mail service though it costed me $9 just for shipping while the keychain is just $7 lol. the drama was the tracking didn't update for a whole day!!! i cried literally cried big fat tears because i thought my package went missing or will arrive late, but alhamdulillah thank God it arrived early on July 22. now it's all good, just currently waiting for my friend to go back home to Indonesia on August 5 to get my packages hehe

a nice closure to July would be seeing lots of my seniors getting accepted at favorite universities for their postgraduate and second professional degree school! i aspire to reach the same step one day, let's hope it all goes well!

other than those mentioned above, really, nothing much happened and i love it hahaha i will never stop emphasizing how i love my mundane and quiet life.

idk if this is end note worthy but i don't have a crush towards anyone anymore LMAO at least for now! this topic has been plaguing my mind for a while, i even considered have i not yet truly moved on from my past, but really after long hours of talking to myself i figured out it's just me finding it grueling to have a new love interest... and honestly? i'm very comfortable like this anyway, i'm so much more focused on my personal stuffs including continuing higher education and extending my career 😆

that's all for this month. see ya in August!

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Bonus Drabble 3

Summary: Morning sickness has hit you hard today but Jungkook's always there to take care of you no matter what mood you're in (A little glimpse into their future together) Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 2.3K~ (honestly got carried away with this one lmao) Warning: Talks about pregnancy and throwing up lmao. Suggestive language but I think that's it lol a/n: This was an ask I got and again I wrote soooo much for it compared to how long my drabbles usually are so I figured I would give you guys a little peek into their future together and do a longer one 🤭 (written in almost one sitting so yeah barely edited) Start from the beginning

I slump down on the floor, taking in the cool bathroom tiles under my knees as I throw up for what felt like the millionth time today and I have to will myself to not lay down, seeking comfort from this constant nausea I've been granted with these past few weeks.

"It's okay baby I got you. Let it all out" Jungkook mumbles next to me, holding back my hair with one hand while he rubs my back with the other. Trying his best to provide some sort of comfort in my darkest hours.

Okay that was a little dramatic but morning sickness sucks alright. And by the way, such a misleading name since I've been puking my guts out morning, noon and night.

I lean my arm against the rim of the toilet and lay my head on top of that, the dizziness settling in moments later leaving me hurling again.

Once I've finished after spending what felt like hours kneeling in front of that toilet I'm finally granted some solace, although that nausea had now been replaced with a splitting headache.

Jungkook had suggested I take a nice long bath. One that's a little on the chilly side so it'll hopefully help the dizziness subside.

He's made it no less relaxing though, giving me a new bathtub pillow with candles lit all around (unscented ones of course since strong smells have been another thing that has made me sick) and my regular ginger ale slushy he always makes me every time I get sick.

Although he tried to leave me be so I could relax but I was able to easily convince him to get into the tub with me, begging him to massage my feet. Something he was honestly more than willing to do.

"Anything for the mother of my child" has been his favorite phrase to use ever since I got pregnant and it makes me melt every time he says it.

"You feeling any better?" he asks, having moved up my legs a bit to massage my calfs as well. "Yeah, thank you" I mumble since any loud sounds or bright lights are just the cherry on top of the things that are trying to prolong this headache.

"That's good" he says giving me a soft smile, a pained expression hidden behind it, wishing he could take away some of my pain. 

"We're coming up to the second trimester right? The doctor says morning sickness usually stops once you finish up the first" he tries to encourage me, hoping to give me a light to see at the end of the tunnel.

"We've got about two weeks left" I say, sinking down further into the tub, dreading the thought of living like this for the next two weeks. "I'm sorry Bunny. If I could I would take all of this away and put it all on me. I hate seeing you like this" he finally admits what's been on his mind recently, even though it's been very apparent with every look he's given me.

"You know that I love you right?" he says, moving closer to where I am and gives me a kiss before sliding in next to me and and moving me over to where I can sit between his legs, making me lay against his chest.

"I love you too" I whisper, taking one of his hands and playing with it while the other one rubs my baby bump that's getting bigger and bigger everyday. "You're so strong for doing this for us. I'm so proud of you" he mumbles against my neck, kissing the skin there and making me truly feel so loved.

I just feel so complete with him. Like there's nothing else in the world that I could possibly want. Except for this little bean that makes me puke up every single thing I dare to eat.

"How big is it right now?" he asks, referring to the pregnancy app I downloaded. "The size of a Kumquat" I giggle, thinking about the fact that a baby that small could make me so sick.

"What's a kumquat?" he chuckles right with me, confused by the unfamiliar fruit. "It's like a mini orange but...not" I say, not super confident in my answer. He laughs again and I sigh before continuing.

"It's like the size of a really big grape...but it's citrus" I say, trying to help him visualize it but he just laughs at my efforts, switching from rubbing my tummy to hugging, pulling me in as close as he can.

I pout when he still hasn't made moves to tell me that he kind of understands what I'm saying but he just trails a few more kisses down my neck instead.

"Should I go get some next time I go to the store?" he says, changing to feather light kisses making squirm at the ticklish sensation. "You want to eat our child?" I say, turning around in his embrace, breathing in the most dramatic gasp I can muster and he rolls his eyes at me.

"You know what I mean" he groans and I respond by giving him a kiss, one that's more full of life than they have been for a while.

"The bath made you feel that much better huh?" he smirks, taking in the light in my eyes again. "Yeah, also you helped me feel better. Just a little bit" I say holding up my pointer finger and thumb bringing them close together.

"Just a little bit huh?" he says, cocking a brow at me and I know I've made a mistake, or a terribly terribly delicious mistake. Maybe a little bit of both.

"Yeah just a little bit" I say, challenging him. He quickly stands up and gets me out of the tub, drying the both of us off for a few seconds before pulling me into the bedroom and throwing me on the bed. I giggle at his actions and watch as he crawls on top of me while cup the side of his face, bringing him in closer to kiss me.

"Seems like I should try a little harder huh?" he chuckles dryly and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I wonder what the baby might feel when that happens. Do they know how nervous their daddy makes me feel sometimes?

Once we kiss for a little bit I push back on his shoulder, take in a deep breath and then push him off seconds later, running back to that same place, kneeling before that porcelain throne yet again.

He trails in after me after having put on a pair of boxers, kneeling down beside me and again trying to comfort me.

"I'm sorry" I say, trying to calm my breathing after having finished and he chuckles. "It's okay it's not your fault. I guess it's just gonna be something we gotta get used to" he says and I furrow my brows, questioning his words.

"We'll have to start being careful so we don't wake up the baby once they're here" he teases and I roll my eyes, laughing along with him at the thought of being interrupted by our children late at night.

"Hopefully that won't happen too often" I breath out, starting to focus on my breathing to stop myself from retching again. "You just gotta learn to be a little more quiet" he teases, poking me in the ribs making me push his shoulder lightly but he sways right back over to me.

"It's not just me you know" I scoff and he continues to be amused at my efforts of defense. "Whatever" I grumble, standing up and flushing the toilet before cleaning myself off again and brushing my teeth.

"Come on Bunny you know I love you" he says following me back into the bedroom and over to the closet so I can pick out something to wear to bed. "I also love all those pretty little noises you make for me" he whispers in my ear, caressing my belly again but for more sensual motives this time.

I throw one of his t shirts over my head, trapping him under it for a second before he pulls away from me so I can put it on the rest of the way. 

I forego wearing anything else since I pretty much sleep naked most nights. The t shirt being a relatively new edition to provide some sort of warmth if I have to rush to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I pull back the covers and lay in bed, him following close behind and getting in next to me, pouting from the feeling of being shut out from the silent treatment I'm giving him but he gives me time to take a breather. 

"Can I hold you?" he asks in a tentative tone, not wanting to push it but still wanting to be close to me. Instead of answering I reach my arm back and grab onto his and throw it over me, taking his hand and placing it on my belly where he immediately starts to caress it, bringing those fluttery feelings back again. 

"I love you Darling" he mumbles into my neck after having come closer, my back up against his chest again, our legs tangled together while he encompasses me in that love that is truly palpable. "I love you too Daddy" I mumble with a smile on my face and he smiles against my skin. 

"Should I start calling you Mommy?" he teases, rubbing my belly and making me laugh. "Maybe when the baby gets here" I say, and he leans down so he can be eye to eye with my bump and starts talking to the baby. 

"Hey there you little Kumquat, you better let Mommy sleep tonight you got it? She's getting cranky with me when all I wanna do is love her" he says and I wack him upside he head, leaving him groaning in fake pain and I laugh while he continues to talk to the baby. 

"See? All I was doing was telling you to treat her better and then she goes and hits me. We're gonna have a serious talking to once you get out of there missy!" he says, and I laugh again, now choosing to run my fingers through his hair instead. "And now she's rewarding me, I don't know if I should praise you for that or still scold you" he pouts. "Be nice to the baby he doesn't know better" I chuckle and then he looks up at me, shocked at what I'm insinuating. 

"You hear that? She called you a boy! How rude. You're obviously a girl" he counters, the two of us still at odds on the gender of this baby. "How are you so sure?" I question, curious as to why he's been so dead set on thinking it's a girl. "I looked it up" he says sitting up so he can state his case. "Oh really?" I say sitting up and mirroring his posture, the both of us with our arms crossed over our chests. 

"Yup it says that excessive nausea is primarily linked to girls" he says, clearly proud of himself. "Oh yeah?" I question, cocking a brow at him (a habit I've picked up since I've been with him). "Yeah" he says, leaning over me to grab my phone on the nightstand, unlocking it and looking it up before showing me an article. 

"See" he says, and I roll my eyes. "Just because one article says that doesn't mean-" I'm interrupted by him grabbing my phone out of my hand and going back to the google results page before giving it back to me. I scroll and scroll and scroll and see that a vast majority of them support his claims. 

"Ha! Look!" I say, picking out the one article that says it's linked to boys. "Grasping at straws aren't we?" he chuckles. "Whatever" I huff and lay back down.

We get back into that position we had been in before, him leaning over me to talk to be baby again. "Goodnight baby, sweet dreams. You know I love you no matter what you are" he says and places a kiss on my bump making me caress his head again, wondering how I got so lucky. "But I secretly hope you're a girl" he says, mumbling it right against my stomach as if him continuing to say it would change the outcome. 

"Alright Daddy say goodnight for real this time" I chuckle, signaling him to lay back down so we can go to sleep. "Goodnight my love. See you soon" he finishes, placing one last kiss and laying back down to hold me again. "I swear you sweet talk that baby more often than you sweet talk me" I tease and he pinches one of my nipples in response. 

"Hey! Those are sensitive" I whine and he chuckles, tapping twice on my hip telling me to calm down. "Lets go to bed grumpy" he says, pulling me closer when I try to push him away. "I swear both of you are always ganging up on me" I grumble and he chuckles. 

"It's our job isn't it?" he says moving his hand this way and that on my belly almost as if he was doing a secret handshake with them. "I swear" I breathe out and all I hear is him starting to have a conversation with the baby again.

"Love you Mommy" he teases, acting as if he was the baby and roll my eyes. He follows it up giving me a similar sentiment, this time deepening his tone and saying it right in my ear. "Goodnight Mommy, love you" he says, placing one last kiss on my neck "Goodnight" I whisper back leaving him holding me tight, finally settling down. 

I'm greeted a few moments later with the sounds of his soft snores, my forever lullaby. "Love you too Daddy" I whisper barely loud enough for anyone to hear but it brings me comfort, knowing that soon those words will be echoed throughout our home for years to come.  

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26 before 27.

Hello dear old blog of mine,

It's currently February 21, 11:19am and I'm chillin' at csun. I have some time to kill before class so why not vent about my feelings ? 🙄

So this weekend I decided to go out for my birthday celebration and it was pretty fun!! I'm still 26 at the moment so I'm savoring every moment I can being 26 still. My goal this year was to get a messed up as I could because I wanted to make it a memorable birthday lol. This year my birthday is 02/22/2022. I'm never going to see these numbers again; therefore I have concluded this year is my year and I will take it by the balls.

This Saturday the 19th I went out with my co workers from my gym job and Lorena and my cousin and my brother. It was such a good time and I did get as messed up as I aimed to. Apparently I fell at the club but I don't remember feeling the fall, my friend Alejandro caught me lol. I couldn't really stand and my vision was really really blurry. The following day I had the worst headache and unexpectedly threw up and I never throw up. This was probably the worst hangover I've had, which means I completed my mission lol. I wanna say I remember most of what happened but I'm honestly not sure 😅

This year I decided to give myself two new birthday tattoos because I'm honestly addicted now. I got a lotus flower on my forearm and two fish on the top of my arm. I'm happy with my tattoos because of course they have meaning. and they are extra meaningful because I got them on the year of 02/22/2022. My family doesn't know I got two additional tattoos so they're going top be surprised for sure lol.

Of course there are ups & downs throughout the year but I rather focus on the positive. This year is my year and I will make it mine. I will get everything I want and everything I need. I am manifesting only good things and health for all my friends and loved ones. & of course me too.

If I'm being honest, right now at this moment I'm having mixed emotions because I'm happy because I'm blessed to have had a great birthday celebration and happy to see another year in my life, but the situation with Marco is still kinda lingering. I won't go too much into it but I know for a fact I just want to be done with it already. I'm exhausted and I've been exhausted and deserve so much better than that asshole. Whatever though, shot happens and life goes on.

To my future self, here's a reminder to always put yourself first and don't let anyone get you down because you are an amazing person that deserves better than what you've been given. LOVE YOURSELF. <3 💜💜💜

oh and also my sister is pregnant! I'm predicting a boy but let's see what little peanut comes out to be. ❤️❤️❤️❤️