#i've fallen so far behind i dont know if i can still call this the 31 days of halloween but you know. i do what i want.

[bekalawson]

WALLS CLOSING

October 5, 2023

“How was it your fault?” he asks, sympathy dripping from him like sweat.

The day grows short. The October night-air chill sends its warning of the cold to come. You finger at your sword belt, tracing along until you find your hilt and grip it. You have to make sure it's still there. That it hasn't gone anywhere. 

It's the same type of night as that one. How was it my fault, she asks. Had she been there, there’s no doubt in your mind she would’ve thrown blame at you. She didn't see. She didn't see what you did. If she had, she’d cut you down right now out of principle.

Down the way, the new moon nestles behind the clouds past the spiral building. Where it all happened. It's as if the moon herself hides her face from you. Another chill pushes you back a month ago, helping you recount your sins.

Your head grows number by the second as your family's screams fill your head. This one looks different, you think, but they don’t all look the same. You could tell most of them apart if someone lined them all up in front of you. Although, if these things managed to form any type of collaboration, this world would be finished. It's already gone halfway to hell. No, they're all different, but there’s something about this one that feels different to you.

Just like the others, this one towers over us. It has to be over seven feet. Its grimace promises a vicious onslaught. You, your mother, and your sisters refuse the fear that boils in your bellies. You have slain a few of these kaiju already. More of them, you have strategically retreated from. More often than not, you’ve been forced to watch people get swept up in these kaiju attacks and ripped apart.

The beast you fight now slips and dodges every attack. In fact, it has you and your family on the defensive. You dip into the crumbling remains of a house, attempting to steal a breath. 

But the kaiju appears right in front of you. Its fist drives through the wall where your head was a second ago. 

You dash throughout the house. Up the stairs, crushed now as it smashes them with two giant fists. You slide beneath its vapor beam and leap over the banister, back down to the first floor. Through the hole it just created, your mother, from outside, releases a clip into the beast's belly. It lets out an ear-rumbling growl. You run out to meet your mother and sister, preparing for another strategic attack. 

The beast stretches its arms wide, destroying the rest of the house as it grows in size. It emerges utterly unscathed, rubbing its belly where it's been shot, and you realize the growl was more of an annoyed grumble. If you and your family are to take this one down, you're going to have to use the power you claimed from the last kaiju you defeated. At the instruction of your younger sister, the three of you ate the heart of the beast, granting each of you a different ability.

You set up in formation around the block, but it's quickly broken when the beast scoops your mother up, dragging her by the ankle. It swats your sister like a fly. You watch the breath leave her lungs as her back cracks against a stone. You can hear it snap from here. As much as you wish for it not to be so, you don't need to be a doctor to know that's it for her. Your sister will not be coming back with you.

Your mother’s bloodcurdling cry breaks you from your stasis. You swallow the scream that threatens your throat and draw your blade. Scanning the area, you find all you need. It’s like taking note of all the exits at a function, in case you need to high tail it out of there. An old highway sign sits behind the head of the beast. You read out the scratched-up paint: “Twenty-five.”

You warp from where you were to the green sign, feet already propelling you forward as you grip the hilt of your sword, grit your teeth and aim for the kaiju’s nape. Too bad for you that the beast isn't brainless like a lot of the others. It turns to backhand you, but you seek another number. Quickly now. “Fifteen!” you shout, and you find yourself smashing against a black house door. Again, you spring from the door and over an upturned car. You aim for the ankles, but faster than you can react, the foot rises and comes falling over your head.

A blast, and black smoke throws you to your back. Your ears ring, your eyes burn, but when they clear, you see the beast's foot clear of the black smoke and you wheeze through it all. On the far end, your sister's last hurrah: she lies, stiff, up against the stone that broke her. She’s unable to move, but that's no problem for her. She was granted the power of homing. A twitch of her right index finger is all she needs to send another freeze grenade right into the beluga’s chest.

When the dust settles, you find that your sister only made it angry. It grunts an annoyed growl and sucks your mother into its flesh. 

You reach for your sword again, only to find yourself grasping at air. You search and search, but all that's left is the sheath. 

You watch your mother sink further and further into the beast, wailing for freedom, all while your sister sits barely conscious, with a broken back and who knows what else. Your chest becomes tight, like someone placed a rag over your airway. You don’t know what to do. 

Helpless, all you can do is drop to your knees, hyperventilating as you watch the last of your mother disappear. You watch the beast stalk over to your sister, finish her off. Likely its last meal of the night.

You’re brought back to the present moment. “The next thing I knew, I was kneeling alone. In the same spot as the night before. My sword sheathed at my waist. So yeah, it was my fault,” you tell him.

[0thsense]

11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 16

A/N- FINALLY an update!! 🙈

Please like/share/comment etc 💕

I was woken up the next morning with Bucky kisses! The best way to wake up!

"Doll" i heard him mumble before pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder, then i felt him kissing my neck.

"Mmmm Buck...."

"Wake up pretty girl...."

"Nooooo" i moaned but started to giggle when his hands started tickling my sides  "thats cheating..... stop!"

"Are you awake?" He laughed.

"Not by choice but yes, im awake"

"Im sorry but its important"

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothings wrong but i think i found us the perfect house! I called to ask about a viewing and they said its a popular lot and its gonna be snapped up quick..... butttt i managed to get us in to see it.... well Pepper pulled some strings....."

"What? Slow down Buck...." i chuckled trying to take it all in.

"Sorry I'm just so excited for you to see it! its perfect for us and the kids...."

"Okay baby, what time do we have to be there?" I smiled, i loved seeing how happy and excited he looked and id do anything and everything in my power to keep that look on his face.

"We have an hour"

"Okay I'm up" i nodded as i got up from the bed, Bucky grabbed me for a kiss before i could go far.

"I really think you're gonna love this place!"

The house Bucky took me to looked huge as we drove up to it, a solitary, two story house with a wrap around porch surrounded by woodland. I smiled instantly, it was exactly what we had been looking for.

After walking around the property with Bucky i found myself looking out of the huge floor to ceiling windows at the back end of the house that over looked the prettiest meadow.... this place really was perfect.

"What do you think?" Bucky asked wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I love it Buck" i smiled up at him "i can see us living here"

"Me too, I'm so glad you like it.... I've kinda fallen in love with the place"

"We can't afford this though....." i said sadly.

"Yes we can, all you have to do is say yes and its ours"

"Are you being serious right now??" I turned in his arms to face him, my eyes wide.... he had to be joking!

"Deadly. We'd have to sign for it now to secure it though. So are you 100% sure that this is the house for us?"

I nodded quickly with a huge smile "100%! But how? Buck this place...."

"Is ours. I knew it from the second i saw it. I have money and Pepper put in a good word for us....welcome home" he beamed before pressing a kiss to my lips.

When we got back to the tower i sat down with Wanda gushing about how beautiful the new house was. Telling her about the meadows and woodland that surrounded the property.

"I mean its like something out of a movie! Its perfect.... its like my dream home"

"Oh my.... Y/N this place is stunning.... can i move in with you?" Wanda laughed.

"You're more than welcome to come stay whenever you want theres plenty of room"

"I'll be sad to see you guys leave again but I'm so happy for you and Bucky. This is a big step for you guys"

"We'll still stop by all the time it'll be like we never left"

"You better!"

"Of course we will. I still can't believe we have a house! I was not expecting this when i woke up this morning. I didn't even know Bucky was house hunting in his own time, we always done that together"

"Im not surprised, Barnes is sneaky!" Wanda laughed.

"It was so lovely seeing how happy he looked while we were at the house Wand's. Gotta say i was not expecting to wake up and go buy a house this morning! I actually thought Bucky was a little mad at me...."

"Why would he be mad at you?"

"because he found me training with Steve yesterday" i shrugged "he's worried he's gonna loose me and the kids"

"Well thats just crazy.... you'd never leave him"

"I know that but its obviously a problem with Bucky. He feels threatened because of the kids...."

"I get where he's coming from i guess"

"I do too but he's wrong. Id never go back to Steve, for so many reasons but i have to have some kind of civil relationship with him, he's the father of my kids at the end of the day and he's gonna be in our life" i shrugged "I don't wanna spend the rest of my life fighting with Steve".

"Do you think.... never mind" Wanda shook her head deciding against saying whatever she was going to say.

"What was you gonna say Wands?"

"Its just, do you think Bucky found that house as quick as he did to get you away from Steve? maybe he feels threatened having you under the same roof...."

"No.... we were already looking"

Was Wanda right?? Did he find the house so suddenly because he felt threatened... jealous even?

I spent the rest of the day constantly thinking about what Wanda had said and it was driving me mad!

Once the kids were down for the night Bucky and i decided to watch a movie before bed. It was about halfway through when I finally had to ask Bucky about the house.

"Hey Buck?" I looked up at him, my head was currently in his lap as his fingers ran through my hair.

"Yeah doll?"

"I need to ask you something....."

"Sure, what is it?"

"its just Wanda said something earlier and now thats all i can think about......"

"What did she say?"

"She just asked if us finding a house so quickly was because maybe you wanted me away from Steve?"

"No....of course not. I'll admit i was a little pissed after seeing the two of you yesterday in the gym.... i couldn't sleep, so i sat up looking at houses" he said looking unsure if he should be admitting how much he it got to him yesterday.

"I'm not gonna lie and say im not glad we'll be away from him though" he smiled "he's getting too comfortable around you and i dont like it".

"Bucky Barnes are you jealous??"

"No......" he blushed

"You have nothing to be jealous of babe i promise. You're the only man for me"

"What if im not enough....." he asked sadly avoiding eye contact. I sat up suddenly taking his face in my hands to make him look at me.

"You are more than enough and i love you so much".

"I love you more"

"Thats an argument you'll never win" i shrugged giving him a smile before leaning in to kiss him "how about you take me to bed Barnes and i'll prove it".

"I can never say no to you doll" he grinned before literally tossing me over his shoulder and running towards the bedroom.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Saving grace tags @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam

@captainchrisstan @ms-betsy-fangirl

@damnaged-princess @farfromtommy @lbuck121 @billweasleey @heathens-takeitsl0w

@lacontroller1991 @supervengerslock

@mariswritingforfun @thummbelina @broco8 @ineffableg-irl @writeroutoftime @ek823 @cap-just-said-language @xxloki81xx @death-unbecomes-you @bellemile @buckyandsebastian @afuckingshituniverse @i-ran-out-of-fanfics

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

[whosaskingwrites]

A Thousand Times (Osamu x Reader)

A/n: I'm gonna be real this took so long because I just didn't know what to do? And then I started a various! Haikyu x reader. But I got this done finally so if you've been waiting for this one here it is. Also I just really like putting Osamu through the ringer huh? I'm so sorry bby. And Forget You beat out Unrequited for top one-shot recently!

WARNINGS: Angst. There's one mention of assault as well. Told from third person Osamu p.o.v

Date: Friday November 6th, 2020

Details: 5 pages 1,800 words

Theme: Star Tears- The victim cries tiny star-shaped tears. They are extremely painful and eventually cause the victim to go blind. They produce a dim glow and make a light 'Tinkling' sound when they hit the ground. The blindness can be cured if the person the victim loves makes a statement of love and means it.

Angst Masterlist

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

There were so many other ways this was supposed to go. He thought while he looked at her. She stood twirling around the white dress catching the light and sparkling. She was beautiful to him and of course someone else thought so or else they wouldn't be here right now.

But here they were. 'Maybe' he thought if he hadn't been a coward then it would have been him dancing with her in a suit while she wore a white gown. It would have been him telling her he loved her. It would have been him calling her Mrs. Miya as they danced. Maybe he should have told her the day of their first date. While he helped her pick an outfit she had been panicked.

"Calm down Y/n," She scoffed in response "Calm down? Samu you and I both know I've never been on a date before. And now I'm going on one with my childhood best friend!" He watched her his heart rate picking up as she held up different clothes in the mirror.

"It's not that big of a deal y'know? He's known you pretty much your whole life," He stated feeling uncomfortable helping her. Maybe making her more nervous would be a better idea so she'd cancel and they could spend the day together. "I guess you're right but still! It's different now!" She stated. "Okay just...Treat it normally and you'll be fine,"

She went into the closet coming out in a cute outfit that fit her b/t figure just right. "Alright Samu I'm off. Wish me luck!" He waved by as she ran out the door a bright smile on her face and excitement in her eyes. He stood heading back to his own house with slow steps.

Arriving home he closed the door to his room intent on hiding away from everyone. He laid down staring at the ceiling as the familiar burning sensation built up behind his eyes.

"Fuck," he mumbled when he heard it the soft twinkle of a star tear and the pale glow that lit up a small area around his bed. More of them fell sparking pain in his eyes and across his face. The pain followed the trail left behind by the glowing stars and despite his best efforts to shove his palm into his eyes and stop the tears it didn't work.

"You know I didn't even think they liked each other!" Osamu tuned into her moms voice and then he heard his own mother speak and he sighed. "I know! I always thought she'd end up with Osamu not...," He tuned out knowing what they were talking about. He didn't need to listen anymore.

"Samu what's wrong with ya?" Atsumu was looking at him with judgement. His arms were crossed in front of him clearly upset and honestly he didn't blame Atsumu. "Nothing's wrong with me," He answered him. "Bullshit," His own eyes narrowed at his brother "I just don't like it okay?" Atsumu rolled his eyes "I told you you wouldnt," Atsumu voiced.

"Osamu," He looked to the right his eyes meeting the blank pair of Kita's. "Kita," he answered back watching Kita gesture with his hand. He stood following Kita outside throwing one last glance over his shoulder at Y/n as she danced around with Aran her dress sparking like freshly fallen snow.

"What is it Kita?" He asked when the two of them were outside. "You have to let her go Osamu," Kita voiced quietly. "I cant let her go," He said back. "Osamu...You shouldn't love her...Not when it causes this," Kita gestured to his face where the star tears were already prevalent. 

"And you especially shouldn't love her now that she just got married," Kita sent him a pointed look. "I would go blind over and over if it meant I could love her," He answered the male staring forward. The wind softly brushed them causing their hair to flutter. "Osamu...We all know we didn't expect it to go this far...but he loves her so you have to let her go," They heard a series of dull thumps against the ground turning they saw Atsumu jogging over.

"Hey what are you two doing out here?" Atsumu stopped as he got closer a wide smile decorating his face. "Oh we were just catching some air y'know," Kita easily responded handing Osamu his handkerchief as he stepped infront of him, blocking him from Atsumu's view. He wiped his eyes quickly hiding the star tears before they could give him away.

"Shouldn't you be inside Tsumu?" He voiced at his brother while said male hummed. "Ah they don't need me in there right now. Sakusa’s getting drunk and Bokuto’s dancing with Y/n," He flinched at the last part of the sentence. Though Atsumu never seemed to notice "Isn't Bokuto drunk? Are you sure they should be dancing?" Atsumu shrugged at Kita's question. "I think they'll be fine," Atsumu adjusted the sleeves of his button up with a hum as if he was truly thinking it over.

"You know maybe I should go-," "There you are!" The group looked past Atsumu. Y/n was there a bright smile on her face her hands were wrapped into the skirt of her wedding dress. Her head was tilted to the side eyes crinkling in pure mirth. "Hey what are you doin' out here?" Atsumu asked turning to face her. "Ah Bokuto passed out Akaashi and Hinata are sitting him down now. But I think the party is wrapping up soon," she giggled it was a light sound and God did Osamu love it.

"Alright we'll be back over soon. Kita can you bring the lovely bride back to the party?" Atsumu asked with a small smile. "Alright ya flirt," Y/n said with a laugh taking Kita's arm as they walked back. Atsumu sighed as he sat down. "So...I know you're upset about this...," Atsumu started off quietly.

"Im not upset Tsumu...I had my chance and I blew it," He voiced. Atsumu sighed as he stood up heading back to the party. "Hey Tsumu," He said looking at his brothers back. Atsumu turned back facing him with a questioning look. "You told me that if at any point I wanted her you'd back off...I know that deals off the table now so just...don't hurt her okay?" 

Atsumu shook his head "Im not going to hurt her Samu...She's everything to me," He raised a hand up to push his hair back the light from a nearby lamppost reflected off his ring. "You didn't even like her at first," He scoffed.

"Look Samu we all know you like her!" Atsumu claimed with an eye roll. "No i don't. You're just being stupid," He denied quickly just like every other time. "Alright fine Samu. I'll give you a deal," he rolled his eyes at his brothers provocation. "What?" He asked "You either ask her out by the end of the week or I do," Atsumu challenged.

He scrunched his nose in distaste "You don't even like her why would you ask her out?" He asked. "To spur you on. If you tell me to back off at any point I will y'know?" Atsumu said. "So you're just gonna string along our childhood best friend for this?" He asked incredulously. "No she'll get over it," Atsumu shrugged. "No. I'm not letting you string her along," He stated.

"You're right I didn't," Atsumu hummed in agreement. "But I love her now and that's what matters," He stared off into the distance with a smile. "You remember the day I told her I loved her? It was an accident too," he laughed.

They were playing at nationals. Atsumu and him were third years now and Y/n was watching from the stands. She wore Atsumu's jersey and everytime they looked at her she made a face at them before trying to get away from the guy next to her. Atsumu glared at the guy mumbling something under his breath "Let's finish this game," he angrily said. Sending one last glare at the man.

They finished the game with a service ace from Atsumu and as soon as the whistle blew Y/n raced down to the court the strange guy following her. She showed up on court with a smile "Tsumu!" He turned and on instinct Atsumu smiled as well. "Y/n," she hugged Atsumu while his nose crinkled. "Babe I'm all sweaty!" She pulled away placing a kiss on his cheek. "Dont care! I'll be outside okay?" She said skipping off.

Only five minutes later they were leaving the building looking for Y/n. Only for the team to pause as they spotted her. She stood trying to get away and the stranger that was in the stands with her was harshly gripping her wrist. "Come on baby I just wanna show you a good time!" "No thank you!" Atsumu moved first separating the two while grabbing the collar of the man. 

Osamu grabbed Y/n holding her close to him while she held on just as tightly. "Hey! Why are you putting your hands on my girl!" Atsumu yelled. He wasn't paying attention too busy trying to sooth Y/n the handprint already forming on her wrist. "You're okay," he whispered into her hair line.

"Y/n," He was thrown back into reality then remembering that no he wasn't the one dating Y/n. "Tsumu," He let go of her watching her throw herself at Atsumu and he held on to her just as tightly. "Fuck you alright babe?" He said catching her arm and seeing the bruise. "Im okay now," she smiled at him. He didn't know what his brother was thinking in that moment but he just watched Atsumu kiss her and pull away. "Im glad you're okay...I love you Y/n," she gasped then and smiled again. "I love you too Tsumu,"

"I remember," he got up following his brother into the party he stood off to the side watching them as Kita and Suna came over. Atsumu reached Y/n and kissed her Atsumu's voice carrying as tears started to drip down his face. "Ready to go Mrs. Y/n Miya?" She laughed taking his arm. "Of course Mr. Atsumu Miya," and as they walked out the last image he could see was Atsumu and Y/n looking at each other matching smiles on their faces.

Her dress sparkled next to the black suit Atsumu was wearing. They were holding hands matching rings sparkling on their hands. His vision faded until it was just black but despise that he smiled.

"Take care of her okay Tsumu?"

___________________________________________

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[shybre22]

Okay so I wanted to do a few posts in defense of my favorite pairings Sasusaku, Ichihime, and Todomomo, because I've seen them get bashed quite a lot. Today I'm starting with Sasusaku.

Sasusaku common hate: Sasuke treated Sakura like garbage,why does she love him,Sasuke never cared about Sakura, sasusaku is sooo toxic.

" Sasuke treated Sakura like garbage" Ok Sasuke never treated Sakura like garbage where are they even getting this from?!... are they referring to when he called her annoying? Because he was right..he wasnt being a jerk, she was basically bashing naruto for have no family and remember Sasuke also had no family either so she was also indirectly making fun of him too.. as much as I love Sakura everyone could agree she was being a brat, she didn't know better sure..so that where Sasuke comes in. Sasuke just told her that her making fun of someone for being all alone in the world made her annoying..and it did! No one can argue that. He wasn't trying to insult her.. Hell if that was an insult it was super weak and he could've called her something worse if that's what he was going for..like a snobby privilege brat.. for example..but he didn't..he was just trying to explain loneliness to her and when she didn't get it her called her annoying.

Maybe their referring to when he said she needed to stop flirting with him and hone her ninjutsu..and told her she was worse than Naruto in that respect. Again not treating her like garbage he was telling her the truth! She needed to focus on her skills to improve their team dynamic not her crush on Sasuke! He was just being truthful, bluntly yes, but it was needed. Because after both of those instances..it made Sakura rethink her actions..ie inciting character development. After he called her annoying she thought about how Naruto felt and wanted to be nicer to him after that. And after he said she was worse than naruto she reflected on it. Also he made up for it later on during the chunin exams when he cheered her up

Sasuke Uchiha, the aloof guy who doesn't play nice with others and the guy who "supposedly" treats Sakura like garbage..not only noticed her being upset, where even Naruto (the guy who likes her) didnt, but Sasuke went out of his way to pay her a compliment to make her smile and bring up her confidence! I mean look at his smirk in the bottom panel...oh yeah he so doesn't care.

Oh yeah let's not forget the Forrest of Death..when Sasuke wakes up and sees Sakura hurt.. I mean he must dislike this girl strongly right..its not like he almost killed the people responsible for her beating her..

Yeah because when you treat a person like garbage and dislike them..you care if they get hurt and beat the dog snot out of the ones who did it to them..right?

Did the antis maybe mean when he knocked the apples out of her hands?? Firstly you have to think of the frame of mind he was in..he had just had an encounter with Itachi, you know the man who responsible for his suffering in the first place, and pounded him into a pulp and taunted him about not being good enough and not having enough hate. Remember what he was thinking about as Sakura cut the apples??

He was thinking about how he couldn't do anything to stop Itachi from trying to take Naruto and how he couldn't save Sakura from Gaara but Naruto did..he was feeling powerless and frustrated. Besides if he really didn't want Sakura there or to cut apples for him..he would've told her to get lost and that he didn't want her there but...

He let her hug him and stay in the room with him while she peeled apples for him. Sasuke wasnt being an ass to Sakura. He was frustrated and angry in general at that moment he felt so far away from his goal it hurt, he had trained so hard for years and for what? To be no closer to his goal..his reason for living..letting all that hate and feelingings of uselessness fester and fester until it boiled over and Sakura, at that exact moment, happened to push an apple in his face like he was a baby who couldn't do it on his own.. and the result..

The bottom image even parallels his expression with Orochimaru, showing he wasnt in his right frame of mind at the moment and he was being overcome with vengeance and Orochimaru's influence, the curse mark. I feel this also is seen from Sakura's point of view not just the readers..its foreshadowing his descent into darkness.

Getting back to my point.. He wasnt treating her like garbage! He frustrated at his own lack of power and just so happened to take his frustrations out on the nearest person...Sakura.. and dont forget Naruto, he fought him to appease his inferiority complex at the time. Let's not forget he was a pre teen boy who was dealing with so much for a someone his age and to have your lack of power rubbed in your face by the very person who took everything from you would have made anybody lash out...and let's be real here..how many times has any person lashed out at even people they love because of anger? Not saying it's right, but it happens.🤷‍♀️

Plus after Naruto and Sasuke's fight Kakashi comes in and lectures Sasuke about having new precious people..and guess who he thinks of along with Naruto..

SAKURA! Imagine that the girl he supposedly doesn't care about and treats like garbage is on his list of precious people..

I wonder if Antis mean when Sasuke thanked her and knocked her out so she wouldn't follow him or scream for help to stop him?🤔

Okay so I always say this..if Sasuke treated her like garbage or didn't care why would he stand and listen to her confession..not only that but he actually spoke back to her..explaining his reasons for leaving.

Sakura is pouring her heart out to him and it does affect him..make no mistake, at the bottom it shows Sasuke with a blacked out pannel..which shows the impact that Sakuras words had on him. In fact he cares about her enough to say he doesnt remember calling her annoying..because at this point in time she is no longer that loud, bratty girl she was when they first made genin..she was a precious friend and comrade to Sasuke. Then we find out he does remember because what does he call her after she asks to help him with his vengeance and abandoning the village and her family and friends with him and confessing her undying love to him.. he says "you're still annoying" showing her he does remember.. so why did he call her that after saying he didn't remember calling her that only minutes earlier? Maybe because..it was the only way to deter the current conversation so he didn't have to answer her..or maybe because she had gotten to his heart through her words so much..that it almost made him falter.. and that annoyed him..maybe both.

Then the fateful Thank you..

Honestly if Sasuke didn't care he wouldn't of had this little heartfelt goodbye with Sakura..he would've knocked her out the second she tried to talk him out of it and left her there...but no he let her say her piece and he said his..even kishimoto mentioned this felt like a conversation between lovers.. Sakura confessed her love and while Sasuke didnt confess back he also didn't say he didn't feel the same either..I feel at this point not only was he still too young but he was still too goal oriented and scarred and hurt to except her love or even explore if he felt the same way about her, which is why he probably didnt deny or comfirm. Sasuke knocks her unconscious gently and then carries her to a bench..if he didn't care or treated her like trash he wouldn't left her on the ground and knocked her out long ago.

Now shippuden is a crazy roller coaster for Sasusaku fans..but even so I still dont feel he treated her like trash..

The first reunion is rough..Sasuke has been isolated for two years letting his hatred burn with no distractions so he's obviously colder. Now I hear antis all the time swear that Sasusaku is an abusive relationship.. Now my favorite rebuttal is " How can their relationship be abusive when their not even in a relationship"! At this point in time Sasuke and Sakura are technically enemies..now Sakura and Naruto may still see him as a friend but..they still know to be cautious around him as if he were an enemy..they even know they might have to fight him and drag him back by force.

Antis also love to use the "Murder" attempts to trash the ship. I use quotations because like I said earlier they are technically enemies at this point and it was Sakura who initiated combat each time and Sasuke literally just defended himself..Sakura and Naruto..as far as Sasuke was concerned were just in his way of vengeance and trying to get involved in his business and stop his goal..so of course he tried to stop them by any means necessary. At that point he didn't see them as friends anyway

Now during the land of iron Sasuke had fallen so victim in the curse of hatred ( yes it's a real canon thing so dont try to write it off) but even at his lowest he still didnt hurt Sakura at first sight..he attacked when he knew Sakura was there to take him out when she hesitated to kill Karin. We know this because if Sasuke really just wanted to kill everyone in his path he would've tried to kill Sakura on sight..I mean after all he did hate the village and everyone in it at the time right? He did express his desire later to kill Kakashi right? Didnt he boast about how he'll turn everyone's laughs into screams of anguish?

Yet he didn't try to hurt Sakura until he learned of her motive.. he saw her hesitate.. then he tried to kill her..because there would be no reason to come up behind her in a sneak attack..to trick her so he could kill her while her back was turned as some antis say..no Sasuke was way stronger than her at the point..stronger than most jonin and even took on all five kage and didn't die..there is no reason he would need to trick Sakura to kill her.. so he did want her to join him at first then he saw her true motive and struck before she could.

Again he wasnt treating her like trash she was just in the way of his goal and tried to stop him with deadly force...plus he was so twisted by hatred and Obito that nothing really mattered to him at that point not even himself really. Like I said these are the best times for the ship but we have to think of everything Sasuke endured. Especially mentally.

On a side note..

I think i need to point out that Sasuke treated Naruto far worse than he treated anyone else in the series,calling him names, expressing the wish to kill him a few times, and actually attempting to kill him more than a few times ..and he called him his best friend so if you wanna get on a ship for being toxic or treating the other like trash..look at that ship before you point fingers at Sasusaku..

Also for the antis who complain about Sasuke or Sakura being terrible characters and hating them..remember Gaara is a very beloved character and great kage and he use to kill people to make himself feel alive so much in fact his sand reeked of blood but the fandom let it go..Neji almost killed Hinata over something that wasnt even her fault and talked down on others telling them they were born losers and they cant change that.. but he changed and all is forgotten..the fandom forgives.. Obito is literally responsible for Naruto being an orphan and ostracized by the village but he changed and helps out a bit in the war..Naruto forgives him..the fandoms applauds it.

Sakura..said something rude once when she was twelve, and had a super crush on a boy when she was twelve that turned to genuine love that she never gave up on, was kinda annoying because she was twelve.. wasnt that strong because she comes from civilian parents and had no one to teach her anything at a young age like her peers..she changes all of those (minor) flaws..fandom never forgives..wont forget hates her.

Sasuke..one of the most tortured souls of the series..was made to watch his family get murdered by his own brother over and over was now alone and wanted vengeance..achieves it find out his brother was ordered to do it by his own village everything he knows is a lie..a higher up stole all his clansmen eyes and ordered the slaughter on his family.. kills him and attacks everyone out of pure rage because basically his own birthplace and the whole government system screwed him over.. he seeks vengeance for said screw over..finally comes to his senses..again..no one forgives..fandom: he needs to suffer more.. 🙄

Anyways back on track in the war arc antis love to say Sasuke didn't care about anyone but Naruto.. first off..there's a literal war going on so he's kinda busy trying to keep the world from ending and not dying so.. yeah. But we find out later he does still care on some level.

When Naruto calls him out when he said he only saved Sakura and Kakashi because they were next to Naruto.. then Naruto counters and reminds him of the bridge when they were fighting Haku..when his body moved on it's own.

Then Sasuke got real quiet and his eyes are blocked by his hair so we cant see his expression..telling us..Naruto was right!

I also knew it was BS because if he only wanted to save Naruto he would've and knocked everyone else out of the way.

Another thing antis spout is he was mean to Sakura when she asked what was going outside the susanoo to which he replied " why do u wanna know you cant do anything".

Again I'll admit it was very blunt..Sasuke needs to work on his tone yes..but again..he wasnt wrong.. he wasnt treating her like garbage..he was bluntly telling her the truth in a very dire situation. They literally, at the time, were the last four people on earth..so his bluntness was understandable.

There is another scene before the infinite tsykoyomi that shatters the illusion Sasuke doesnt care once again.. when he first told Sakura to be on guard when she was healing Kakashi's eye..then later when Naruto pops back up and Sakura is asking Maruto a qu6about how he restored Kakshi's eye he yells " I told you to be on gaurd....Naruto" obviously he didnt tell Naruto..which he himself points out he didn't tell him..so it lead you to believe he was talking to Sakura again..since she was the one distracted again.😉

Now when the second confession happens you can see Sasuke obviously was impacted again by Sakura's words..so much his foot was shaking and we get a full panel of it shaking. Then the infamous " You're Annoying" again with a different face..almost a pained fake smile. Then he puts her in a genjutsu.

Now most Antis say he denied her when he said he didn't know why she loved him and didn't have a reason to love her..but Kakashi jumps in and says the line " you only need a reason to hate someone"..which is true. Sasuke even says he knocked her out so she would follow and get in the way like last time..last time they almost killed her remember.. and he admitted that her feelings are chains from a failed past..and even thought of his family while talking about Sakura..

So Sasuke again listened to Sakura confession..acknowledged her feelings..even thinking about his family as he did acknowledge her love..and he admitted he knocked her out so she wouldn't get between him and naruto..knowing last time she almost died...hmm weird for Sasuke considering he was still under the curse of hatred and he apparently doesn't care about Sakura..

Then lastly Sasuke's apology.. every anti said it was too simple and Sakura gave in to easy. Firstly even though Sasuke probably only indirectly hurt Sakura by going down the wrong path and leaving her and the village he actually never hurt her intentionally like he did Naruto..Kakashi..The Five Kage..Hell even almost killing Karin,then giving her a half assed apology,imo she definitely deserved more than a sorry js.. but he felt the need to sincerely apologize to Sakura..and Sakura even egged him on saying "sorry for what" and he replied with everything I've done until now..

Out of everyone he apologized to Sakura..he hurt her yes..but even Naruto..his best friend, the one who got his arm blown off by him, didn't get an apology. Or Kakashi the man who was his teacher and mentor who he tried to avidly kill, and helped get him outta jail and wonder free didn't get an apology...but Sakura did..and idc who says otherwise..that means something

Sasuke even shared a forehead poke a special gesture shared between him and his once beloved older btother.. just with her.

Everyone can say what they want about this ship but I know Sasuke always cared to some extent and he never treated Sakura like she was garbage. Sasuke had problems yes..anyone would in his situation..he made bad choices..turned his back on his home and friends but he never really stopped caring and so many scenes in the manga obviously show that. After all no one valued love more than the Uchiha right. Sakura's unwavering love, I feel is also something to be admired not mocked.. she went from a young girl with a shallow crush to a woman who never gave up on the one she loved and it played off in the end and that's powerful..honestly the world needs more love like that...this world is so full of pettiness and hate that unconditional love is refreshing.