#i've done stuff to my own hair for like a decade now

[lordgroose]

now that i've changed my hair from blue to red, i feel like it's time to buzz my undercut

i always get so nervous doing that though, cause i feel like i'm gonna reeeeally jack it up doing it on my own lmao

[daandyli0n]

(warnings: blood/mild gore, implied child death (and murder in Cassidy's case), eye contact. maybe also bright colors/eyestrain)

Some Updated Refs For The Afton Family In The Rewrite

(you know the drill, click the images to see details better and whatnot)

hooo boy. give me a minute to ramble about the designs and stuff below -

William:

so. tried to give him both "Eccentric, Goofy Restaurant Owner" and "REALLY Off-Putting" Vibes. hope i succeeded

yes he's hiding a knife behind his back.

bunny features. i Love William with bunny features. if you draw William with Bunny Features ily (platonically)

this man has not gotten a good night's sleep in Years.

now...you may be wondering: Why Do His Kids Get Refs For When They're Older, But Not Him? well...that's because, physically, he doesn't change much besides getting some more gray hairs and worse eye bags in the over a decade between his original murders and his death. and i've already done a ref for what O'Hare/Springtrap looks like in my design

yes, the Unhinged look in his eyes is intentional.

Alex:

gave his younger self a pose that was meant to give off "rebellious teenager" vibes, and his older self a pose that gives off "bitter and anxious" vibes.

gave him long hair. because Yes.

tallest of his siblings.

Michael:

looks like his father, but with a few minor changes: skin is mildly more tanned than his father, hair is a lighter shade of brown, etc.

William based the 1987 uniforms for the guards/employees off of his own usual outfit (Purple. which Backfired).

Mike tried to change his hair a bit to distinguish himself from his father, mostly by dying it a bright red and trying to cut the Bunny Ear-Shaped parts on the top of his hair to be more jagged and less Bunny-Like.

scars on his arm are from where Springtrap grabbed onto him.

Evan:

not much to say. bookworm, sad guy, probably needs to go to therapy for what happened in his childhood.

Elizabeth:

Bunny Features :]

she's basically somewhere between blonde and ginger hair color wise. i'd describe her as a strawberry blonde.

constantly has a wide-eyed look. like a hare.

mismatched socks, just because she could.

ghosts are typically either desaturated or transparent, with the only bright colors on them are usually their eyes or the bloody wounds from their death.

so while it's not shown here, "fun" fact! Liz died from where Harriet (Circus Baby) hugged her hard enough to break not just her spine, but her neck as well. (the hug was so strong due to Harriet malfunctioning that day)

all ghosts who have their souls tied to an animatronic have a mask of that animatronic that they can wear if they wish. Liz's mask is of Harriet.

Cassidy:

my baby boy. my beloved <3

those pants are pajama pants. he wore them everywhere.

while not visible, Cassidy also wears mismatched socks like Liz.

the Fredbear plush was a gift from Henry, given to Cassidy by Charlie.

was blind in one eye after The Bite.

The Bite wasn't as horrible as people think it was. what basically happened was that the teeth bit slightly into his head, which caused the bleeding, as well as some cracking in the skull and brain damage in his frontal lobe. due to the mechanisms in Fredbear being Very hot as well, it caused some burns. nothing that couldn't heal, but...it Was still pretty serious.

while The Bite itself didn't kill Cassidy, he still, as a ghost, appears to have a bleeding section of his head.

the strangulation marks on his neck are more visible as a ghost.

Cassidy, as a spirit, can occasionally leak a mysterious black fluid from his eyes and mouth, which is reflected on his Mask.

Cassidy is transparent as a ghost.

anyway!! here's the guys!!

@that-darn-clown @hello-there-world

[cheapsweets]

The voracious Almlaeni

My response to this week's BestiaryPosting challenge from @maniculum

Not so much time to spend on it this week, so Pentel brush pen over initial pencil sketch. I've pulled out a fine-nib fountain pen to potentially use in next week's challenge (so I don't need to concentrate so much on maintaining the correct line thickness) but I need to work out which ink to use.

Thanks again to @maniculum for posting these challenges - I'm still having a lot of fun with them, they've given me something to think about and focus on during heavy weeks, and I've done more arty stuff since you started running this than in the whole... probably at least the last decade :D

I'm definitely on the lookout for some good resources for animal anatomy and musculature (birds tend to be so fluffy they're somewhat different to draw), so happy to accept any suggestions! :)

As ever, reasoning under the cut...

[Long etymological digression redacted] The Almlaeni is a rapacious beast and craves blood. Its strength lies in its chest or its jaws, least of all in its loins. It cannot turn its neck around. It is said to live sometimes on its prey, sometimes on earth and sometimes, even, on the wind. The female Almlaeni bears children only in the month of May, when it thunders. Such is the Almlaeni’s cunning that it does not catch food for its babies near its lair but far away.

So, we know that this creature is a predator, definitely a carnivore, and 'its strength lies in its chest or its jaws' - I decided its strength lies in both, so we have a creature with heavy musculature around its jaws, and I tried to make it quite barrel chested. Given that the next section mentions it cannot turn its head meant I have it a very short, very muscular neck, which ties in with the chest and powerful jaws.

Now, if I wasn't so much of a coward, I would have done something weird and inventive with this, like @pomrania or @rautavaara or other artists have done with some of the other prompts. My first thought when I read 'can't turn its head' was either a frog or a whale, which could still have worked in some capacity, given than whales are mammals, and that this creature exists... I liked the idea of the frog leaping (based on the continued description below) but couldn't work out how to make it look aesthetically pleasing without turning its head, so I ended up going much more traditional again...

Given that it craves blood, I can't imagine that its particularly happy subsiting on earth or the wind, but it's always nice to have options...

If it has to hunt its prey at night, it goes here and there to a sheepfold, and lest the sheepdogs catch its scent and wake the shepherds, it goes upwind. And if a twig or anything, under the pressure of its paw, makes a noise, it nips the paw as a punishment. The Almlaeni’s eyes shine in the night like lamps. It has this characteristic, that if it sees a man first, it takes away his power of speech and looks at him with scorn, as victor over the voiceless. If it senses that the man has seen it first, it loses its fierceness and its power to run. Solinus, who has a lot to say about the nature of things, says that on the tail of this animal there is a tiny patch of hair which is a love-charm; if the Almlaeni fears that it may be captured, it tears the hair out with its teeth; the charm has no power unless the the hair is taken from the Almlaeni while it is still alive.

So, we know this creature is pretty smart, but at the same time, if it snaps a twig, it nips at its own paw... we'll put that down to negative reinforcement. Obviously this is the position I chose to illustrate it in!

This is definitely making me think that this creature might be related to the Wutugald...

They eye shining like lamps, I figured probably indicates they have a reflective coating. I figured it would be cool if the eyes were really large, so I took a bit of influence from the Troodon from the Telltale Jurassic Park game (if you've played it you'll know - it's the 'lets add body horror to the JP franchise' dinosaur...)

We also have the small patch of fur on its tail, that it's keeping tucked beneath its body.

Almlaenis mate on no more than twelve days in the year. They can go hungry for a long time, and after long fasts, eat a large amount. Ethiopia produces Almlaenis with manes, so diversely coloured, men say, that no hue is lacking. A characteristic of Ethiopian Almlaenis is that they leap so high that they seem to have wings, going further than they would by running. They never attack men, however. In winter, they grow long hair; in summer, they are hairless. The Ethiopians call them [redacted].

So, I went with an Ethiopian Almlaenis, with its summer coat (i.e. naked), since this wasn't something I'd really had the opportunity to draw so far with these challenges. I still wanted to pop a nod in to the mane (even if I'm drawing in black and white, so missing out the fun colours), so we have some remaining rough hairs around its neck and upper back.

It was interesting having to draw a furless creature, so I took a lot of inspiration (particularly around the head) from sphynx cats. The dentition is also from cats.

This is also where we find out it has a very impressive leap, so I had to start thinking about animals that could leap so high, it was almost like they were flying. As noted above, I was tempted to go with something froggy, but given the rest of my design decisions, I ended up being inspired by kangaroos. It does make a bit of a weird contrast, with the broad, stocky chest and long, bouncy legs, but I think it works. I wasn't planning on going quite so literal with the kangaroo legs, but they're really interesting, and looking at the feet you can definitely see how they could be really dangerous (the long, central toe and claw are taken directly from kangaroos, as are most of the proportions of the rear legs.

The tail was also influenced by kangaroos - I figured it it was leaping through the air, it would need a long, powerful tail to balance it out!

[hyper-girlcrush]

2024 retrospective below thanks!

Around June, I started drawing consistently again. Something I haven’t done in years. I want to claim university took away my drawing life, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve been in an art rut for a few years now even before I decided to go back to school.

I could write, in detail, the chronological timeline of my drawing journey from Summer until now, but I’m not real interested in that.

I’m interested in how a pencil feels like my best friend whose been with me since grade school. I’m interested in learning that the 6B pencil is my favorite type. I keep purchasing from the brand Faber Castell because that’s the one I picked up in college when I was forced to take the course “DRAWING I-INTRO INTO DRAWING,” and I’m too scared I’ll be disappointed if I were to try another brand.

I’m interested in knowing that my line work is clean. It’s a habit, a skill, that I choose to perfect over the other elements of art because I wanted to be like my idols, and it’s okay to be like my idols. It’s okay that the only reason I took drawing seriously was because a childhood friend told me I was good, and I wanted to draw hair better like in the show Sailor Moon. To this day, hair remains one of my single, most favorite part about drawing.

I’m interested in how an unusual anime series got me drawing like a mad woman. It began over the Summer, in June. I picked up my favorite 6B Faber Castell pencil and jot down a simple comic. The simple comic turned into a longer comic which turned into me Googling “how to comic speech bubble” because honestly, I didn’t read enough comics/manga to know what speech bubbles looked like, let alone know how to use them. I found myself learning a new art form. It solidified the idea that I can never learn enough.

I’ve always been that weirdo that just can’t “leave something alone.” I think about things critically. I think about things a lot. I feel too much. I used to be ashamed about it, about all of it. I’ve drawn fan art, made playlist for my favorite characters, video games, and series. There’s no way a normal person would fixate on something this much, I thought.

I started drawing again in June.

This time, I let myself explore my interest. I let myself remember the comforting experience of holding a pencil in my hand. I’ve accepted that I’m not the best painter, yet my line art can communicate and execute everything that I need it to. Yeah, I might be hyper fixated on that one anime, Golden Kamuy, but it’s gotten me to draw again, and for that reason alone, I feel like I owe it a few fan comics.

I've stated it before on this blog, and I'll say it again. I've thought about deleting this space multiple times over the past decade. The stuff I have made, I left it on internet thinking it’ll eventually die through entropy. Against my best knowledge, I'm glad this Tumblr's still here. It's one of the few spaces on the internet where I feel comfortable sharing my drawings publically (and writing I guess).

I mainly post this stuff for my own self-reflection, yet if you've read this far then thanks. Its been tough. Art's tough. Drawing isn't easy. If you used to create, but stopped, I hope you find your way back to it.

[femmesweat]

Deciding if the effects of hrt are what you want for your body and your life is a serious decision & I can completely understand how that would make engaging with the idea in a conceptual play-space not fun! I had reservations before going on T myself, and I didn't start eroticising it until after I had already decided it was the right choice for me. Now I've been on T for approaching a decade & I love what it's done for me, especially wrt body hair and muscle development. And the tdick of course.

In a conceptual space I'm really into the idea of monitoring a partner's bodily transformation from hormones, like having a femme on T whose clit is in my mouth or hands so often i can literally feel it grow, or making a sub work out with me and comparing our muscles, maybe using my butchness and masculinity to assert dominance and bullying them for being weaker than me while I train their body & rewarding them as they get stronger. Getting slick with sweat and wrestling for dominance and shoving their face in my pits maybe.

At the same time I'm very into the performance of femininity being in the mix, having my femme in an elegant, tight dress, and heels, in lipstick and mascara, but knowing that under that dress their clit is growing and their happy trail is creeping up their belly. Just really gets me hot. Ofc my fascination with the effects of hormones on the body can come into play with feminizing hormones here too, forcefemming someone who I masculinized sounds like a very appealing power trip (again, I'm talking in a conceptual play-space, all involved important life decisions are upstream of horny stuff & are deeply personal decisions which must be one's own. Anyway I'm going to stop here bc I don't know what concepts will gross you out/make you uncomfortable and I'm not trying to b rude to a pretty femme)

Hi anon! Thank you again for such an interesting ask.

The idea of monitoring your partner’s body is so hot. The way you describe it is very similar to the idea of inspections. Sucking on someone’s clit but only briefly, just enough to check and to make them squirm, ask for more. And being monitored is so hot; a lovely combination of being controlled and being the centre of attention. My clit being the centre of someone’s control and attention.

Including the performance of femininity is really what I like; a tight dress and heels all picked out by you, hiding all the changes only you can see. (I also love lipstick with a whispy stache.)

I think the rest I’m not into; being bullied for being weaker I just love, but the masculinity I feel in myself doesn’t connect with a masculine sense of physical strength. If I’m a boy, I’m a /boy/ boy. Meanwhile, I eroticise exercise as a feminising process for my body. In that context, I love the idea of being rewarded and praised for physical changes. And also the sweat.

With that being said, I’m very difficult to ‘gross out’ as you say, and I really love talking about things like this! It’s so interesting to me! And your eroticising taking T is sexy too. Obvious question but what parts of it do you eroticise in yourself?

[cutepresea]

Isn't it odd Symphogear didn't get any normal length OAV or movie made, or even on the merch side more nendo or nendo petit made considering how popular it was in Japan? I know the fear was real with prods and manus during the first two seasons because they thought it was a fail project and didn't want to invest but after five seasons and five concerts? I don't know I feel like I'm missing data on why we were given the short stick compared to other popular animes...

Ah, I never really felt like that when it comes to the series (except for figures, but I get to that later in the post. I went on a bit of a tangent and it ended up longer than intended. Oops)

Five whole seasons

Four series of shorts

Enough character songs to have a box of 9 CDs released (doesn't include XDU songs)

Concerts that get released on blu-ray since G's (this one just feels like a bigger deal to me because season 1's in 2012 never got recorded or released)

A mobile game that's been running for 6 years and gets its own albums separate from the aforementioned box (there was another mobile game a decade ago that died pretty fast but nobody remembers that one, shhh...)

And a monthly spinoff manga that has enough content for four volumes so far

...All feels like a miracle to me, especially for an anime not based on an existing manga, game, or light novel

Seriously, I love this series but I have no idea how G was greenlit

I'm still waiting to see what the new project is because there's still a possibility that it could be a movie or something. I just don't expect it anytime soon, whether it be a movie or an OVA, because Kaneko (co-creator and scenario writer for the series) is busy both designing and writing a RPG which he stated was something he wanted to do while not working on Symphogear since he was too busy to work on games while he was doing that (link is Japanese, but it's the interview where he said that)

Which, again, is probably why the new project is dated 20XX

Now if I were to talk about stuff I personally would want?

If it's a movie I'd like it to be completely new content but if they make some lengthier OVAs, I've been asking for an adaptation of 3.5 from XDU for a while since the Alexandria Incident gets mentioned in AXZ.

XDU's service isn't going to last forever and I'd hate to lose a canon side story like that when it does eventually end.

They could also do 4.5 but it isn't as high a priority for me because it serves more as an introduction to Noble Red than anything and outside of the short part between Fine and Enki, it felt weird coming out after XV ended

On a bit of a side note, I've said it before, but I wouldn't be too surprised if any new anime content is by Studio KAI instead of Satelight. A LOT of Symphogear's staff moved over there after XV ended which is why XDU's second OP was done by them.

Now merchandise, oh boy, yeah that subject has stung a bit over the years. The fact the only Nendos are from S1 really is sad

They want their friends to join them

Heck, Chris didn't even get a Figma back then like Hibiki and Tsubasa did

I can't believe it took as long as it did for Kirika, Shirabe, and Maria to get figures. Especially Maria, who didn't have one released until 2022.

And it is an actual crime that Miku still doesn't have one despite being around since season 1. That is Hibiki's Wife Sunshine y'all are ignoring. (Season 1 Miku with green hair when? 🤣)

Hobby Stock's set of scale figures they've been releasing and Good Smile's ACT MODEs are a step in the right direction though. There's also been more plushes in recent years which I personally really love.

One of my wishes is someone going back to G and making figures for that so we can get Black Gungnir Maria or Shenshoujing Gear Miku

The parallel world versions of everyone from XDU would be fun too but I'm not pushing my luck there. The other Hibiki technically already has one but it used an existing Hibiki figure as a base

And yes, I am begging for a game that isn't gacha. I'm a lover of action games and RPGs so I would love something along those lines. I'm not horribly picky about the specific type

[nancypullen]

Entering My Crone Era

I'm making decisons, y'all. Left and right, I'm making choices and changes that will hopefully serve me well. Some are bigger than others, but they all feel like progress. Here's a sampling.

Work. I left the library for a number of reasons, and I'm comfortable with that choice. My coworkers were wonderful and I feel fortunate to have retained those friendships. I mentioned that I might have a different opportunity with a local magazine. I let myself get excited about that possibility. After a breakfast meeting with the owner of the magazine and a very generous and tempting offer, I knew in my gut it wasn't right for me. The owner is a vibrant, smart woman with a vision and she is looking for an assistant editor, someone who will do everything from gathering local info (building permits, marriage licenses, etc) to creating a monthly puzzle, editing advertising and content, and so on. Younger Nancy would have jumped on that. Nancy who is turning 61 soon just wants to tap out little stories on her laptop. I have no fire in my belly, no need for a career, and definitely no desire to worry about deadlines. Maybe those are failings, but I'm honest enough to know that I'm not what she needs right now. She's way too nice for me to give less than 100%. I told her that I was flattered to have been considered and that's true. So, I remain unemployed, unmotivated, and oddly happy about that. If you need me I'll be painting, writing, making my snarky cards, and playing with clay. So that was a big decision, now here's a small one that I've made. I have an appointment tomorrow to get all of this hair cut off. It may be temporary insanity due to summer heat, but I do believe that I am finished spending too much time coaxing this mop into something resembling human hair. No matter how hard I work at it, I look like an alpaca.

I figure that if I'm getting rid of the length, I might as well get rid of the color too. Why burden myself with that never-ending upkeep? For decades I tried to keep up with my naturally brunette hair as the gray and white crept in. When the pandemic hit I let the white win. After getting feedback that white hair made me look older, and allowing myself to give a damn about that (whyyyy?), I went blonde. So for the last couple of years I've been regularly bathing my head in chemicals so society might think I'm 55 instead of 60. How stupid is that? Anywayyyyy....this is the photo I sent to my hair magician.

I have taken into account that I am not beautiful like Helen Mirren, that I have twice as much hair as Helen Mirren, and that I do not own that spectacular sequined gown and cardigan combo that is an absolute dream come true. I am 100% certain that I will look less like Helen Mirren and more like Mrs. Claus, but I'm sticking with my decision.

I've had this tumble of waves (coaxed into being with a big, round brush and a flat iron) for so very long. It's run its course. Not going to lie, I get plenty of compliments on my hair, but those people don't know the battle. The drying time alone is a grind. I want minimal upkeep, and if that makes me ugly I'm willing to take the hit. Let the youngsters worry about that sort of stuff. In pagan religions there are three phases of a woman's life - maiden, mother, and crone. Those are also known as youth, warrior, and sage. The maiden stage signifies youth and growth, think springtime. You're a rosebud! The mother stage puts us firmly in our nurturing years - wiccans celebrate this chapter of fertility, power, and responsibility. They associate it with the full moon. Lastly, we become a crone. Our work is mostly done and we have gained insight. We know ourselves better, we understand more about life and people, we're emotionally and mentally stronger, and hopefully all of this has given us wisdom. It's a shame that the word crone has become associated with physical appearance, a synonym of hag. Once upon a time it only meant an older woman who was intuitive and wise. I'm not as wise as I hope to be, but I'm much wiser than I used to be. I am firmly, happily, and gratefully in my crone years. I mean, to be truly happy I'd have to live in an enchanted cottage in the woods and have the power to communicate with animals - but there's still time. I'm an entry level crone, plenty of years ahead of me. That, my friends, is the nonsense that I needed to shake out of my head and onto this keyboard today. The Edgewaters left on Saturday afternoon, Mickey and Matt jetted out of Baltimore early this morning and the house is quiet. The cats are napping in sunbeams and I'm going to sit down at my desk and make something with my hands. I haven't had a chance to do that in ages and my soul needs it. I hope you're feeding your soul something healthy as well - kind words, acceptance, forgiveness. Get rid of junk food like the opinions of others or ridiculous expectations of perfection. Take it from a wise, old crone, your soul will flourish if you feed it right. I'll be back tomorrow with photos of the impending hair disaster. Until then, stay safe, stay well, and be kind to yourself. XOXO, Nancy

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary287

7/1-2/24

monday - tuesday

need to sleep soon..;

but i am not tired. i did just cut my hair a little, i textured it / sheared it too so it's less heavy on the sides, which i think will help w/ my bangs a touch because my hair will be less heavy so it won't like, go weird ways w/ all the waves.

it's so hard to sleep... i hate that my sleep is messed up and i wake up feeling so ugly and guh. it's too much, it makes me really depressed and on top of this i need to call my stepdad about something that probably showed up in his mail and he either didn't realize or saw and didn't tell me he got it because it is my last check from my job and he and my money have a storied history.

also... i still really need to listen to my album. it's just honestly so hard kind of. it should be easy, i just click play in musicbee and let it go, but i'm so apprehensive, i've already done all this before, i guess i just really don't want to do it again, but what am i going to do? just put it out kind of blind? i don't want to regret the album. i am just scared i won't love it or something. but what am i going to do, then, not put it out? i have spent a really long time on this. i have to! it is some part of my life's work and that's a terrifying thing to say almost, that it is over a year, i think i guess i have to say "years" of work. it is years of work! even not just the thing itself but figuring out how to make music at all, and then the thing, it began before i was working at ross which was before starting even this diary, like, a whole year, i started working at ross in november of 2022. so i guess maybe not 2 years fully. so maybe not 'years' but it's getting rather close. before then the music was a lot less, idk, well it was maybe not simpler, although, idk, it's really just a lot of stuff i was doing to help myself learn to do vocals which was new to me then. i've been wanting to do them since i started making music in highschool, i was 15-16! but i didn't. it took me a long time, almost a decade. isn't that frightful. it is to me a bit. it also took me a horribly long time to be myself as i am now and i wish i were sooner because maybe i'd have a steadier place in the world as such. whatever this is because i'm not anything explicitly and that reminds me i need to finish my bio. brb.

okay i did the bio submitted that + the poem... and i listened to the album and ohmygosh i do really like it still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can't imagine my relief at only having one song i do need to do some rather serious work on. i'm feeling good about that though, it's really almost there i think. maybe what i do is just combine the guitars to one channel and have that channel super wide and w/ the mid channel w/ some decent cuts in there? it feels a little spare almost? that song, but i know there's a lot there. so it's just about kinda getting everything up to the right levels.

okay, i am really up too late... tomorrow or not tomorrow but the day after but the days are hard to keep track of because i don't know what i am doing to myself blah blah blah whatever i have to go out or maybe i don't but i'd feel bad if i didn't but maybe feeling bad is all i'll really get to in the immediate future because of my stupid sleep. but i have to get my stupid sleep, so i get any sleep.

here's a fanvid of a salem song using footage from buffalo 66. maybe i should rewatch some gallo films. (what do i mean by 'some' there are only 2... i am sometimes such a pretentious sounding bitch (or am i? i'm just tired... i seem so ridiculous through my own bloodshot eyes)).

feels good to hear this before sleeping, anyway:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[arodrwho]

.

mmmm. disclaimer that im not talking about self harm in the 'traditional' sense, i've never cut myself, burned myself, etc.

thinking lately about the first time i can remember intentionally hurting myself. i was in 4th grade, sitting in class, pissed off about something i can't even remember anymore. probably i'd gotten a question wrong in math or something

and i sat there quietly pulling my own hair, like, hard enough to rip some out, and nobody paid me any attention and i remember realizing that it was fine, actually? because it was only me and i wasn't hurting anybody else (i'd gotten into a LOT of trouble the year before for hurting someone else when i was pissed off - and rightly so obviously but at the time i didn't think it was that big of a deal)

so when i realized that it wasn't going to get me into any trouble, and i was still getting to hurt someone to vent my anger, and it felt just as good, i was like. well okay. guess i'm doing this forever now. this is good. this is a good idea, this is a good compromise, i can't possibly get in trouble for this

and i never did!

my mom only ever found out once, more than a decade later, when i was in my mid 20s and Having A Very Bad Time. i got sloppy and scratched myself on the face, left marks, and it worried the hell out of her, of course, so i was careful not to do it like that again

and it's like. i can't really be upset that no one realized this was a problem i had. after that day in class i actively tried to hide it, though i for a while in the middle there i didn't do a very good job - would do it in front of people, thought i was being subtle. one of my brothers noticed, he just didn't seem to realize it was self harm. the one time he acknowledged it i was startled because i hadn't thought it was noticeable, and once the shock wore off i thought he was mad about it, i thought he saw it as either some kind of overdramatic display or a threat or both. still don't know if either's true, i never asked, and tried not to do it around him after that, so it never came up again

so like. i'm not mad that no one did anything about it, but i'm still kind of like

someone should have done something about my anger issues. something more than just telling me i should count to 10

it was obvious that it was a problem when i hurt that other kid but to hear my mom tell it they sent me to 1 therapy session and called it good. and i don't even remember that so clearly if that did happen, it did not leave an impression

i should have been in long term therapy regardless of whether anyone had noticed that i was hurting myself, for that incident alone. but i wasn't. so.

and like. maybe even if i had been in therapy and been taught better coping skills i would still do things like this. like i still wouldve been autistic obviously. but i only resorted to self harm in the first place because it was the only way i could find to cope with my anger without hurting other people

and maybe i wouldve been less angry in the first place if i'd been able to talk about stuff. hard to say

to conclude i am, predictably, kind of mad about it

[bonnie-is-bumbling]

Vulnerability, trust, recovery.

Being vulnerable- It's hard. Even around people I trust the most like my partner or my big sister. Or even my dogs. Vulnerability is a major trust fall. It's one which I'm so overly cautious about giving myself to that I struggle to give it to anyone.

In the past, I've trusted too much, but I've also trusted too little and have absolutely suffered the consequences of both. How does one know when to trust another? What are the cues? Are there cues? What is the other person/animal in the room thinking about me right now?

While no one thing can be pinpointed as THE cause, I think this worry about trust and vulnerability comes from things like the following:

(Story disclaimer: Now, I can only tell a story from my own perspective, and from what I understand. So do bear that in mind. There could have been so much I've missed.)

My worst childhood bully, we'll call her J. I feared this girl, and I tried my damndest not to let her know that... J was someone I met in grade 5, and we got along great! We laughed, played, had sleepovers, and the like. Until we... Didnt? I remember one last sleepless night at J's mom's house. J and I had recorded a VHS because it was 2007 and we were poor kids. But J's mom took offense.

J and I were sent to bed at 6 or 7 in the evening. At 11 years old, I recall neither of us were very tired. We got hissed at a lot to go to sleep. We were both quite bored. What were we doing in our VHS that was so offensive? Well, to us, it was hilarious. We had mooned the camera once and had absolutely laughed about it while recording it. We were kids! Kids have basic humor! But after that night, police came at my sister who had zero involvement in the video, but let her go if we gave them the tape.

With my strict parents-- That was so scary! I was VERY grounded. I wasn't allowed to contact J outside of school. My parents deemed her mother "white trash" though I never really knew why until later in life. Alas, J flipped a switch. From general unkindness to randomly attacking me physically, even to coming up behind and yanking those baby hairs at the bottom of my skull. That's not to say I was perfect, or that I didn't retaliate. I would defend myself in physical situations.

But after that, it became really hard for me to reach out to new people, or to trust any of my current people. If my good friend had done that, who knew what my teacher, my sister, my bestie, my parents, anyone could do. Even years later, I question everyone. Not because I don't love them. Not even because I don't trust them for the most part. I just don't trust me to trust in the proper amounts.

Also, just to clear their name here, J did, in grade 10, apologize, and did explain some personal life details that, while I won't delve into for her privacy, did explain quite a bit. While we never really became friends again, it does restore some faith in humanity to know J and I ended on a good note last time I saw her.

(End of story)

It's hard to recover, but I've learned over time that if I'm too defensive of my trust, I'm not preventing it from happening time and time again. It's only more recently that I'm actually trying to catch it. Even after healing, all those events, people, and situations where I've trusted too much will leave their own scars. And as I write here, I'm still early in my mental health journey, and am only now digging out this decades old stuff... This is going to be a bumpy ride. But it's one I'm in for.

[in-my-feels-probably]

!congrats on 600! 🎉👏

Could I ask for option 2 romantic ship with one of the marauders boys (sirius, remus, james or peter)?

I'm female, short, dark hair sadly not naturally dark just dyed, blue eyes. I don't know if I count as ace, I don't want to put labels on myself, but yeah physical intimacy in that way is a no go for me. Introverted.

I like vintage furniture, trinkets and clothes. Someday I hope to have my own place fully decorated and furnished with vintage items. Maybe like each room done in a different decade.

Things I like to do:

go for walks and visit my favorite cafe alone. Watch judy garland movies. Or frank sinatra movies. I maybe have a miniscule crush on Mr Sinatra lol. Listening to music, all kinds of music from the good old stuff like frankie laine, otis reding, doris day to modern stuff like YouTube musicians violet orlandi, halocene, postmodern jukebox (Hailey reinharts cover of seven nation army!) Reading. Sewing. Making up fictional scenarios in my head 🤣

I believe in the turn the other cheek motto, it is ridiculously hard to make me hold a grudge against you, I pretty much don't ever. I can hold plenty against myself though lol

I'm sentimental, I had all my birthday cards and occassion cards from a bunch of different people since I was a baby but then I got annoyed at myself for holding onto too much junk 🙃 threw it all away and wish I didn't. I have a little jewelry box (it's literally 100 years old which I think is so cool) it's full of gift tags of presents I've got over the years where the sender wrote a little note on the tag- they're all mostly from my aunty that I don't see often

hi! thank you for participating :)

i ship you with sirius!

i think he’d be immediately attracted to you, and find you and your hobbies adorable. i think sirius loathes most of his upbringing in a pureblood household, and he’d hate most things that remind him of it, but he’d also have such great taste in old things. and he’d love to have a home of his own with you, and he’d help you decorate it in a way you both liked. he’d make a new home with you, one that didn’t remind him of his childhood. and he couldn’t deny, he does have good taste. he’d probably steal a bunch of shit from home that he did actually like, or already have inherited some heirlooms you could share. he’d appreciate that you have a love for old things, i think that’s a part of his old life that he couldn’t let go. but until you, he didn’t really have a chance to visit it. i think he’d give you gifts too, knowing you’d love them. he’d attach new and special meanings to his things, now that they remind him of you. and he’d love how sentimental you are. i think he’d be pretty sentimental too. he values the few people he has in life that he loves, and so he’d understand why you keep things from them. he doesn’t get to see any of his family, so he’d make new family, and would probably keep things that remind him of all of you. he wouldn’t think anything you keep is junk, even if it’s something as simple as a concert ticket or an old card. what you chose to keep and throw away is fine by him.

i think he’d like the fact you’re introverted. he’s a pretty outgoing guy, but i think he’d also have times when he wants to be alone, and he’d know he could come and be with you. i know that some people consider sirius to have a reputation of dating/sleeping with a lot of people, and im sure he’s got plenty of experience, but i think he’d really value that you don’t put physical intimacy in a sexual way at the front of your relationship. he really wouldn’t mind not being intimate that way with you. despite what some people might think, it’s really not that important to him. i think he’s probably used to girls who want that, and it’s fine for girls who do, but i think he’d get a little sick of being known for that. honestly, he’s probably been used for that, and fronts like it’s ok, but internally he feels really bad about it. he’d love that with you, touches could be innocent. he’s probably not be used to little touches, and would crave them, especially from people who he loves.

after a hard day, he wouldn’t want to go to the common room and sit with everyone. he’d just want to go to bed, and have some time to himself. he’d remember you, and know that you were probably not in the common room, and he’d think of all the places you liked to hang out. he’d find you somewhere quiet, immediately relaxing when he saw you.

you’d smile, immediately holding your hand out for him to take. “hi, love. are you alright?”

he’d sit down, leaning into you. “long day.”

you’d frown, tucking his hair out of his face and intertwining your fingers. he’d smile to himself, rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand.

“do you want to talk about it?”

sirius would feel his heart warm, knowing you really meant it. he couldn’t say no, nodding. you’d hold his hand, listening to everything he had to say. he’d ask you about your day after, sitting with you the rest of your night.

[containatrocity]

"Thanks, Josie." It's genuine, that much is clear on his face, even if he doesn't know much of what to say. He knows his friends are there for him- he shouldn't expect any different from her, right? But it means a lot, perhaps- Josie was his friend- not a friend made through Cyan- and outside of Declan- he didn't have many of them. "Really- Thank you. I... I tend to just. stay home. those days." Extreme dysmorphia, the therapist had insisted- prescribed pills. sent him to therapy he can't attend, anymore. "But... I'll keep it in mind, you know? maybe... company'll help." A reminder he wasn't what he was seeing, if anything else. She squeezes his arm lightly, and his face burns a little redder than it should- before he manages to excuse himself and hide the way he's blushing as he fetches his amplifier from near the door.

"Cyan's probably got most of the adaptations on a backup drive, we could do a movie night or something, maybe?" He offers. "There's a few that are pretty good. I like the books better, but I've not watched the It movies that came out- mostly because yanno. I... Was here. and didn't know they made any." He returns, plugging up and tuning his bass as she asks him to keep her from pulling away. "...Course I will." He promises. "Listen if I've gotta be stuck here after dyin' over a decade ago, you're stuck being my friend, alright? No running off on me- or any of the rest of your friends, for that matter." He reasons, brushing a strand of his own dark hair behind his ear slightly. "We've all got our stuff we're working through, you know? There's no grand handbook to life that says... you have to go it alone, you know? If you're gonna keep an eye on me, well then, I'm doing the same for you." He plays a few notes, hums under his breath. "There we go, all set." He smiles. "I'm helping Cyan write something right now, It's not anything properly put together, dude's a perfectionist." he laughs, absently playing a bassline as he warms up. "It's like, two basslines and a handful of words, right now. If you don't mind me backtracking a bunch, I can probably get a little more done while we're hanging?"

”i'm always here for you if you need someone“ she explained. ”we have enough people at the library right now if you need me please call?“ she looked up to him with pleading eyes. ”Of course if you can stomach it, My door is always open to you…“ She gently placed a hand on his arm giving it a light squeeze. Was she being foolish? Maybe but friend or not no one should have had to go through something alone. Even if she couldn't see what G was going through she still believed him and wanted him to know that. She understood that to him they felt real.

Her eyes subconsciously watch him in awe as he looked through her books. It was enough to make her cheeks flush even more than they already were. If anyone saw her right now she was certain she would be called out for how red she was. ”I've seen a few but I've always preferred the books…but if you have a movie adaption you like I'd love to watch it..“ She added not wanting to seem like such a book snob. Josie scoffed a little glancing down the the many books she had ”I don't know, I know I do it to myself but man does it hurt like a bitch…“ she glanced back up to him ”If you ever feel me pulling away from you…please stop me? It a habit and some times I don't realize I'm doing it till it too late…“ she sighed softly hating that she had the warn him that she could potentially do that it him. Josie nodded in response to his question ”right over there where you left it“ She didn't mind it was a nice little reminder of him whenever she saw it in passing. Along with the flannels she had stolen from him over the few times he had come over recently.

[msookyspooky]

HI ! So im answering this as a new ask cause I bring (hopefully) new info and have IMAGES TO SHARE !

He looks just so preppy in that movie skskksks i almost didn’t recognize him

which then led me to go through his filmography (at least the first things google showed me) AND

First, found this movie from early 80s (pretty sure ‘81) called Night Warning/Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker and 👀

I didn’t even know about it but it has an actual interesting plot and a lot of VERY GOOD reviews, so now im curious

AND SECOND it fucking happened again, this man has been an even bigger part of my childhood then half seeing Twister sometimes, and it both took me out and made me feel like an absolute fool for never noticing it

Have you ever seen Spy Kids 2 or 3? Cause I HAVE ! MANY TIMES !

HE PLAYS THE STUPID COWBOY WHO OWNS THE AMUSEMENT PARK WITH THE STUPID NAME

he’s legit called Dinky Blinks this is not a joke, i repeat, not a joke

First off: I've heard of Butch Baker Nightmare Maker but never had an interest in watching it but with the reviews and...Stuff....Now, I suddenly do. It's so strange. Wonder what it is? 👀 (FFFFFUUU- He looks so good there omfg I swear if Severen would have stripped off his jacket at least once in the movie I would have been FERAL🥵 )

Secondly: lolol Ikr? He's such a softboy (Little yanadere ngl. Like tone it down, Paul.) in Mortuary I honestly felt so FUCKING bad for him tho. It's hurting me that I can't spoil anything but people really failed him and his character is the most interesting thing about that movie.

It's campy, certain things were unnecessary plot holes and the lead actress imo wasn't as good as the actor playing her boyfriend and Bill as Paul but it's worth the watch at least once! Technically, a slasher just an lesser known one. Look at his gay lil run ☠️😭 That alone should be the only reason needed.

Third: Bro idk WHY but a barely remember Spy Kids 😬 Idk if I just wasn't interested as much as a kid or if it's just been that long 😅 But yeah it does not shock me at this point. He played so many characters from serious to goofy throughout his entire career (Which is kind of refreshing bc so many actors only play serious cash grab roles as they get older then there's middle aged Bill like 3 decades in the business playing a character called Dinky Blinks ☠️)

He was also in the Titanic which shocked a lot of ppl including me like that hair and tan completely disguised him.

And I forgot to add this to the watch list (IDK HOW IT'S ONE OF MY FAV MOVIES WITH OR W/O BILL) but Frailty is really good. I LOVE psychological thrillers with twist endings especially if they're done right and Frailty is one of the best ones I've ever seen (Bill Directed it too!)

It has Religious Trauma in it so if ur sensitive to that then I get not watching it but its really well done AND Matthew McConaughey is the leading role AND the child actors were amazing idk who they are but if they were that great as kids I'm sure they went on to be major Actors and I just don't recognize them.

[donutloverxo]

Princess

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs and welcome and much appreciated. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+. Please🙏🙏

Based on a request. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers.

Summary - Your pussy is sore so Curtis uses your mouth.

Warnings - explicit sexual content (m/f) , age gap (reader is in her early twenties, Curtis is 34), innocent/naive reader, dub con, oral (m receiving), soft dark!Curtis, au, porn without plot.

Pairing - Curtis Everett x reader

Word count - 2k

You were jerked away when you heard the knob to your room on the snowpiercer rattling, and then being closed as his footsteps followed.

You didn't remember a lot before the train, you were just a kid when the old world came to an end. 

You saw glimpses of grass and sunlight in your dreams, you weren't sure if they were dreams or just fragments of your imagination. 

But even in your wildest dreams, you didn't imagine a bed this soft and a room this big. Big enough to fit the bed and two dressers and a large mirror. It was decadent and all you could wish for and more. 

So it should make you happy to be here. In a comfortable bed like a princess. Shouldn't it? 

It didn't. You wanted to enjoy this time while it lasted, but your gut told you that you were temporary. Just here to warm the leaders bed. 

"Curtis…" your face heating up as he studied you, his powder blue eyes twinkling in the dim light, getting rid of his coat and cap. Goosbumps erupted all over your body as you held your soft comforter upto your chest,to give you some sense of modesty and dignity even if Curtis had taken it all from you and made you a woman just weeks ago. 

You used fantasy to escape your grim reality quite often. It's easier to dream of a Prince Charming riding on a white horse to save you then to accept reality for what it is that you would've been stuck working in the greenhouse for the rest of your life… all alone. 

"How many times do I have to tell you?" he hissed, tearing the comforter away from you, holding onto your wrists to reveal your beautiful breasts to him. "You're mine now. You can't hide from me."

"I'm sorry…" you hung your head in shame, and so you wouldn't be caught peeking a glance at Curtis pulling his shirt over his head, followed by him unbuckling his belt. 

He was… beautiful. You never knew anyone could be so handsome. His shoulders wide, a light scattering of hair all over his torso, multiple scars on his body. But they only, strangely, made him more appealing to you. 

He climbed on top of the mattress, nudging your knees apart and situating himself between them. He growled as he looked at your bare sex, using two of his fingers to part your lips as you hissed in pain. 

"It's… I'm… sore," you explained when he looked up at you. 

He nodded back to you, pushing barely an inch of his forefinger inside you, he didn't want to hurt you. Your pussy was clearly swollen and overworked. If he gave into his urges he would be sure to cause you pain, and even worse, lose what little trust you have in him. 

He had suffered enough to last him seven lifetimes. He already knew he was going to hell for all that he had done. It wasn't like he could doom himself anymore by forcing you to be with him. And he deserved you. After all that he had gone through. You were his light at the end of one long and shitty tunnel. 

He pulled his hand away when he looked at your face, pinched in pain. Instead settling on fondling your breast as he thought about how to take care of his erection. 

He had taken your body four times the previous night, which was why you slept the day away. How he managed to go out and get stuff done, and be the leader was beyond you. 

"You like what you see, princess?" He taunted you when he caught you staring at his hard cock. 

The little pet name was initially what he used to mock you and how shy and delicate and innocent you were, but now he had come to cherish you. He wanted to protect you as if you were his sweet little scared princess and he was your brave knight. 

You immediately averted your eyes and started sputtering nonsense, your brain froze and you literally didn't know how to answer him. And Curtis had made it very clear that when he asked you a question you were to give him a proper, clear and honest answer. Or face grave consequences. 

"Um, yes?" Which was the truth. You had seen a few male genitals in your life, they were all… not very appealing. But it was different with Curtis. His was beautiful and intimidating at the same time. 

"Then how about," putting his leg over yours, he crawled to the top of the bed, kneeling before you with his hard, pulsating length was right in front of your face. "You make me happy."

"Oh…" you simply stared. Your friend had told you that you were 'one lucky bitch' to have a man like Curtis who spends hours pleasuring you with his mouth, his fingers, and his manhood, but never forced you to return the favor. You didn't even know how you would go about doing that. 

You had explored your own body before. Partly because of your curiosity and partly for some relief. But Curtis touched you in a way no one else could, he made you climax harder than you ever had before, you were pretty sure you passed out once from the sheer intensity of it. 

But… how does one go about doing the same with a man's special place? 

"Hm," you looked at his slit, it looked somewhat similar to your bud, you held onto his length, putting your thumb over his tip where the pearly liquid oozed out of--with which he often loved painting your whole body with, or pump you full of it and just watch it seep out of you. 

You realised how bold you were, that you should seek his permission before touching him there, you looked up to see him pleased with your actions so you decided to keep going.

You lightly pressed your thumb on his slit, making him hiss, you whipped your head up and pulled your hand away. 

"Sorry…" you sniffed, your vision becoming blurry as your eyes teared up, "I've never.. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry…" you sobbed. 

"Stop," he said softly, wiping your tears away with his thumb.

You really were such a scared little lamb. Years of pent up frustration, where he had to make do with just his hand, didn't help making you feel safe with him either. But what the hell was he supposed to do when he had such a beautiful woman next to him as he slept? 

"Just listen to me. Can you do that?" he asked, cupping your jaw as you meekly nodded. "Open your mouth as wide as you can," he told you, pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb. 

Oh. It made sense. He puts his mouth on you so you should be able to do so on him as well. You opened your mouth with an 'ah', panicking just a bit when he put his hand around your throat, but he hushed you and asked you to relax. Since your body, mind and soul really did belong to him now, you immediately calmed down, knowing that he won't hurt you. Not too much anyway. 

He pushed his length in your mouth. The taste wasn't at all what you expected. Not that you were sure what it would be like anyway. It tasted creamy and salty at the same time. You coughed and sputtered around him, your spit trailing down your chin. You thought that the mess would make him angry but then you recalled how much he enjoys the mess he makes of you. 

He stopped when he felt his tip hit the back of your throat on his palm, "Good girl," he cooed, stroking your need. "Look up here," he ordered as you looked at him through your big doe eyes, "Keep looking at me okay?"

You didn't know if you were expected to give a verbal answer, because you couldn't… Not with a mouthful of Curtis. So you nodded the best you could. 

"Hands on your thighs," he said as you put your hands on your bare thighs with the palms up. "Right now just sit there… just like that," he rasped as he pulled his hips back before bucking them forward, "And look pretty. Fuck… that mouth of yours… and it's all mine to do whatever I want with…"

He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You did as you were told, sitting and taking his assault on your mouth and throat. His ejaculate, your tears and your saliva drooling all over your lap. He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You could feel slick running down the side of your leg, not wanting to ruin the pristine white sheets and to create some much needed friction you closed your legs together. 

He stopped his hips, the tip of his cock still in your mouth as he saw you squirming. "Touch yourself." He said. 

Your eyes widened as you realised what he meant. You couldn't risk pulling him out of your mouth to protest. You were too embarrassed to do that in front of him as well. 

"That's an order," he growled as he fucked in to your warm mouth, making you choke around him, pushing him closer to his release. 

A shaky hand made its way to your core, past your pubic hair and between your thighs. You tried to emulate how Curtis touched you. 

First he touched your thighs and kissed them all over. Then your ass and then he'd tease around your lips, torturing you for what would feel like forever before touching you where you most needed him. 

You gathered your intimate juices, spreading them around your vulva before rolling your pearl between your fingers, moaning around his length. 

"That's it, princess… come on, come with me," he groaned, slowly fucking into your mouth, holding off his release so he could watch you fall apart as he came in your mouth, one hand tangled up in your hair and another pinching and twisting your nipples. 

Soon you were whimpering, you tried to tell him that you were close. Thankfully he seemed to understand as he picked up the pace. Fucking into your mouth till you could feel streaks of his release on the back of your throat. 

You held onto his thigh so you could sit upright as your orgasm washed over you. Your nails digging into his skin as you screamed around his length. 

"Swallow it all," he commanded as you gulped down all that you could. 

You took in some much needed oxygen as he pulled his softening cock out of your mouth, your chest heaving as he laid down beside you and pulled you into his body.

He thought you'd want to sleep after. Since you were so swollen and tired. He'd have to take it easy on you from now on. Maybe use your mouth every now and then to give your pussy a rest. 

But then… 

Were you grinding against his cock? 

He propped your chin up so he could look at your face, the most innocent look on it. 

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Um… are you done?" you asked, tracing a scar on his chest. 

"You want something, princess?" he asked, pinching your buttock as you yelped. 

"I was thinking… we could make love? It doesn't feel right not to. You know?"

"Right, of course, princess. Since you asked so nicely." He smirked as he climbed on top of you. 

Taglist -

Permanent: @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @thehumanistsdiary @navybrat817 @la-cey @captainsdolly @bluemusickid @zaddychris @the-wayward-robot @aikeia @kidney9-9 @notyourtypicalrose @selfcarecap @miraclesoflove @saiyanprincessswanie @gotnofucks @efferuse @americasass91 @coffeebooksandfandom @chrissquares @drabblewithfrannybarnes @sweeterthanthis @cloudystevie @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @tenaciousperfectionunknown @labella420 @golden-ariess @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @starbooty

Chris Evans characters: @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @angrythingstarlight @goldenfightergir @dangerouslovefanfic @melchills-j @xserenax-13

[r0-boat]

Ro's Oc Halloween Special!

Part 2

Demon! Silas in:

Possession

Cw: mentions of a family member passing, Ouija board? (Idk fucking around with demons and ghosts) murder, body possession, implied noncon

'To our dearest grandchild,

If you are reading this, I have passed. You are my one and only grandchild, and I love you so much... so in my passing, I leave you the key to my old estate. The place needs some fixing, so I leave you with some of my wealth, as well as all of the treasures I own.

I apologize for not being there for you and spending more time with you in your childhood. I had something I could not bear to bring on the rest of the family...hope I can make it up to you with this final gift.

Love, Grandma'

You had to hold back your tears reading your grandmother's letter. She was a kind woman although very distant to the rest of your family... she raised an entire family by herself and still became a successful career woman.

You always adored your grandmother until suddenly she suddenly cut contact with the entire family. And the family just treated her as if she ever existed

And now here she was sending a letter to her grandchild... her grandchild whom she had not seen in a decade. Why??

After years of not talking, why now?? Why she disappeared so suddenly? And why did the family shut her out when she seemed to have done nothing wrong?

Those were questions in your mind for only a moment before deciding ultimately I'm taking her estate. You needed to move out of your apartment... rent with cheap, but your landlord was neglectful, and the neighbors were Extremely Loud and caused all kinds of ruckus. Also because you wanted to keep something, that belonged to someone you held dear

The estate was huge and empty. The rent was going to be expensive, so you arranged for a couple of your friends to live with you as your roommates...

As you and your four friends were cleaning out the attic that still had some stuff. Dusty boxes with black books and candles with black cloth sticking out of it.... your parents always said Grandmother was into weird shit, something ungodly Unholy... you and your four friends shuddered, the ones cheerful Goof Off atmosphere suddenly became tense and alert as you continued to clean up the Attic.

you noticed an old white dresser with a mirror. The dresser had a black box in one of its drawers with an old paper stuck to it that said "DO N** ****" part of the notes was scratched and scribbled out.

One of your friends encouraged you to open the box, so you did. Your eyes widened when you saw a beautiful black choker with a purple rhinestone in its Center... this was the choker grandma always wore.

All her other jewelry was either given to some of your family members or sold off, but surprisingly, this family heirloom stayed... you didn't hesitate to put on the choker.

You wore that choker every single day it was special to you like it was to grandmother and her grandparent before her.

The first few months in your new home were nothing special. Maybe some little petty conflict here and there, but the house was big enough for your friends to have their own rooms and other rooms for their stuff. But soon, things slowly started to become more and more...off...

Occasionally you would get a pinch of anxiety in your gut, even turning your head to look behind you when you feel like something is watching you. Still, you brush it off as just anxiety.

When all of you were in the kitchen chatting and making breakfast your other roommate walked into the kitchen with dark bags under his eyes. Another roommate asks, and reluctantly, he answers

" I've just been having nightmares lately... Someone killing me in various ways. And every night was different...getting more brutal and gruesome, and what's weird is that it's the same guy. I can barely distinguish his features, but I know he had long black hair and purple eyes."

This is how he would hunt his victims, trying to make them leave... if that didn't work then he would have to take more drastic measures. His powers hadn't fully returned yet, he hasn't gotten a chance to touch you. It has been a millennium since he has had a 'better' meal. Usually living off of the fear and flesh of the ones he haunts.

You or somehow different than his usual prey... kind, gentle, full of life, very protective of your friends and family just like his last prey, but something else had him drawn to you; he couldn't put his finger on why in all his years he has never felt a such attraction to a mortal... let alone a Mortal from a family he targets. The kin of an ancestor that cursed him into the very gemstone they wear.

He wants to continue his torment. Seeing the fear in your eyes will make his heart flutter, but a part of him wants to court you to take you as his mate. Clutching his fists and growling, unable to do anything as his roommates flirt, grabbing even the smallest amount of attention away from him.

You were not safe either, having nightmares of a figure doing horrible things to your seeing your friends and family getting murdered waking up unable to move while you felt hands touch and caress your skin.

Silas yearns for connection to your world.. he can only do so much in people's dreams, especially when the human conscience is on the border of dream and reality, where they lay still and pretty for him to do whatever he wants, for only a short amount of time. Their eyes tearing up with fear because their minds can't fully comprehend his form.

Fortunately for him one night will change forever...

All five of you decide to clean out your grandmother's attic again. It has been half a year since all of you cleaned it the first time, and you weren't even nearly done. All of you had nothing planned today and it was storming pretty bad

Your friend lifts up a box covered in dust; you could just nearly make it out. 'Ouija board' All of you took a small break

All five of you gathered around the board putting your hands on the wooden piece. You didn't know how your friends convinced you to do this. Now you just silently pray that nobody responds.

One of your friends speaks up

"Are you here?"

...

Nothing...

Your other friend right next to you speaks next.

"Are you here?"

....

Still nothing.

It was your turn now you hesitate that first before your voice shakes

"H-hello"

...

The wooden piece on the board begins to move

'H-e-l-l-o'

Your friends chatter in excitement, but you stay frozen, an overwhelming feeling of dread pooling in your stomach.

" I think we should stop" you suggest but your friend shot your request down

"What? Why we just started?"

The wooden piece started to move again.

Slowly spelling out your name.

Suddenly the tune changed in the room quickly. Y'all have seen too many horror movies to know where this is going.

"Um, sorry to cut this thing short but we need to say goodbye."

'No.'

Suddenly none of you can take your fingers off of the wooden piece no matter how hard you struggle.

The peice began to move again quicker and quicker continuing to spell out your our first name over and over until...

The Lights Went Out...

You head out to your room, refusing to come out; your two friends go to the generator to see if they can turn it on. Two of your other friend rush to the kitchen, trying to see if the food is okay. Your last friend stayed with you on the other side of the door trying to console you.

You refused to come out of your room until the lights were on completely spooked by the experience. The clouds covered the night sky and the lightless mansion made everything Pitch Black.

Your friends who went to go to the generator and the kitchen had not returned in 2 hours, your last friend said he would be back in a couple of minutes.

You huddled in the corner of your bed terrified The Dread feeling in your stomach getting stronger and stronger as you feel something was in the room with you something sinister.

You felt your heart leap out of your throat upon seeing a clawed hand rising from underneath your bed gripping the edge.

A shadowy black figure makes its way from underneath the bed mostly humanoid with horns and a tail long claws and a white sinister smile.

"Mine" it growled, it's shadowy claws scratch at the ground as it stands up to full height. You want to scream but nothing comes out of your throat. It stalks closer.

Oh, how long he waited to see you. The tasty blood and flesh of your friends gave him just enough power to form physically in your plane of existence for the first time in 100 years. And no meddling ancestors will get in his way. Oh poor can shaking like a little lamb not knowing the past of your demon Vanishing ancestors, yet you still wear the very prison they trapped him in. He wasn't fully free he was still bound to the gem on the choker, Silas cannot go too far from it or it's wear.

He could use you as a vessel and end you and your bloodline, but he had other plans.

You heard the lock on your door turn before the being lunch at you completely disappearing inside your form.

You felt conscious but you couldn't control your body standing up against your own will. You walk over to the standing mirror expecting yourself everything looks just about the same but purple eyes that were not yours stared back.

You felt yourself smile as you begin to unbutton your shirts

" we're going to have so much fun together sweet lamb~"

[kuschelkissen]

And more polyshipweek stuff. Prompts by @polyshipweek

This one is kinda sad-ish, idk. Also has some non-canon characters involved

GROWING OLD

"How is he?"

Yui raised her head as she closed the door behind her, smiling weakly at the younger woman. "He's sleeping now. Don't worry, Takako."

"But I do worry." Slowly she got closer, finally embracing her. "Seeing him break down like this... and then finding out it happened before! Mum, why didn't you tell me! Why didn't anyone of you tell me??"

"We didn't want to worry you. The doctor said it's just some slight form of fatigue, and that it just happens sometimes when people get older."

"He's not that old yet!"

With a sigh, Yui held her daughter tightly. "He's not that young anymore either, Takako."

Takako burried her head in Yui's shoulder. "I don't like it. I want Kosuke and Yuji to have a lot more time with their grandpa!"

"And what makes you think they won't?" could be heard from the door, as Kansuke in his wheelchair was pushed inside the living room by a young man. "Just 'cause Koumei is a bit weak on his legs these days doesn't mean he's gonna die tomorrow, ya know?" He grinned, patting his left leg with his hand. "I've been weak on my legs for decades now and look at me, I'm burstin' with life!"

Takako rubbed her face, then smiled slightly. "You're built differently, Dad" she said as she came closer, kissing the young man behind the wheelchair on the cheek. "Are they sleeping now?"

"Yes, honey. Though it took your dad telling them about all the stuff your father survived without a scratch to calm them down." He scratched his cheek. "Not sure if they were impressed or more scared there for a moment."

"See?!" Kansuke said, grabbing the wheels and pushing himself towards Yui now. "He'll be fine, just like always."

Yui bent down to kiss him. "Yes, he will."

~

Later that evening, when Takako and her little family had fallen asleep in the guestrooms upstairs, Yui had quietly pushed Kansuke's wheelchair into the bedroom, to not wake Taka'aki. In the dim light that fell inside from the lights outside the window, he still looked terribly pale, paler than usual, and the grey hair almost seemed white. "He's gonna be okay, right?" she whispered as she helped Kansuke out of his chair.

"Of course he will" Kansuke mumbled back, leaning onto her. "There's no way he's gonna go before me."

It made her smile, but also realise how vastly different these two had always been. Kansuke had been handicapped for almost 40 years now and he had always dealt with it pretty well. Even when he had had to resort to using the wheelchair five years ago, he had just taken it as is. Sure, he hadn't been happy about it, but he hadn't fallen into despair over it.

His beard had been patchy with grey areas for a while now, same with his hair, making him look older when he had not even been in his fifties yet, but he had just taken it with humour. "Listen to your elders!" he had loved to proclaim at work, making the newbies doublecheck on his actual age more than once.

Taka'aki on the other hand had kept his deep black hair even when Yui was already trying to hide her grey streaks with dye. So when it had finally turned grey, it went incredibly quickly and it had done something to him.

It wasn't that he feared or hated turning old. But it was the realisation that he had by now outlived all of his family, that pulled him down. The thought that his little brother, not even his parents were allowed to grow old, to get grey and wrinkly, had taken some of the joy from his eyes.

It wasn't like he had lost his will to live, he was still able to smile and enjoy life. Especially when their daughter came for visits with the twins and the house got all noisy and lively. Their little family had always filled him with so much joy. Maybe because he had lost his own so early in life.

But it was obvious that aging didn't go as smoothly for him as it did for Kansuke.

Yui helped Kansue to sit on the bed. "I just feel like he's tired lately" she said lowly while changing into her pyjamas. "Not sleepy, just... tired."

"He turned 70 last month, of course he's tired." Kansuke smiled crooked. "Even I didn't like how that number looked on my birthday cake earlier this year. At this age it's more apparent than ever that we're just old men next to our young and energetic wife."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure. That never stopped either of you~"

"You know", a low voice came from the other side of the bed, "my eyesight is getting worse each day, but unfortunately I can still hear you just fine."

"Taka'aki, you're awake!"

"Unfortunately, I am." With a groan Taka'aki sat up, rubbing his face. "Is it night already...? How long was I out?"

"Careful" Kansuke said, reaching out for him, only to lower his hand again, when Taka'aki didn't sway. "About four hours."

"I must have scared the children."

"You scared everyone" Yui said, huffing her cheeks a bit. "I'm just glad Minoru-kun was there to catch you!"

"Ah, apologies. I did not mean to scare anyone."

"Good. Then stop doing it!" Yui sat on the bed now, too, looking at him with pleading eyes. "No more fainting, okay?"

Taka'aki smiled tiredly at her. "I will try my best."

"Good" Kansuke said and lay down. "Now, everyone shut up and sleep. Playing entertainer for these little rascals is exhausting and we have another day of that coming."

Yui rolled her eyes affectionately, then snuggled up against him, reaching out over him for Taka'aki, who finally lay down on the other side of Kansuke with a sigh. "Good night, my beloved old men~"

"Sleep tight, young lady."

"Oh shut up, both of you."