#i've done every solution out there online and it's just not gonna get fixed

[overtake]

Weekend Warm-Up | 2024 Miami Grand Prix

[bumblebeerror]

thank you for that response, it was unusually sweet.

find another coping mechanism, you say? but which one? i feel like i've tried every coping mechanism that exists in the universe, and none of them worked. plus, i feel like a coping mechanism is just a temporary fix of my "symptoms". i need a genuine solution that's gonna cure me of my "condition" and help me develop as an individual. i'm not sure one exists though.

thank you for your wishes. i hope things get easier too. but i really doubt they ever will. and sometimes i really to struggle to envision my future.

Here’s the thing - coping mechanisms in the short term are absolutely band-aid solutions, and that’s why harmful ones are so strongly discouraged; because in the long term, those coping strategies become pillars of your mental health. So if you start coping with say cigarettes, in the short term - it’s not that bad. It’s lowering your stress. The problem is that in the long term, it becomes the thing holding your mental health together.

I’m going to suggest once more the idea that medication may make it much easier to start one of these coping strategies, and make it more manageable to get into a habit with any that work. I understand you talked about refusing medication, but antidepressants/most psych meds in general really aren’t Happy Pills - they’re more like a life jacket keeping your head above water while you learn how to swim. They’re not made to be long-term for the most part, if that helps at all, it’s not like they’re for-life.

All coping mechanisms you stick with become long-term solutions, it’s just that, y’know, life tends to not stop in one spot so you can figure things out once and for all. Extremely rude of it really. But the way your coping strategies translate into the long term tends to influence new coping strategies.

It’s why ADHD folks are extremely vulnerable to gambling addiction. ADHD robs your brain of the baseline stimulation it needs and doesn’t reward you for finishing tasks - most folks get a little boost of serotonin/dopamine when they finish something! But for an ADHD brain, there’s only the vaguely exhausted relief that the thing is no longer actively stressing you out. Gambling feeds into that lack of stimulation and provides hits of dopamine and serotonin. That feedback loop becomes a long term coping strategy in the form of addiction, meaning that as life becomes more stressful, the person will seek out gambling more often, desperately searching for that hit of dopamine/serotonin that their brain won’t give them otherwise. With gambling as the coping strategy for a lack of dopamine/serotonin, the person will return to gambling for an escape from further life stressors, even if gambling is the cause of them - because that coping strategy has influenced the rest of their coping mechanisms.

So when people say you need a coping mechanism what they really mean is you need to pick a coping strategy that you feel can be 1) easily integrated into your life, 2) can be applied widely, 3) will not unnecessarily harm or endanger you and 4) will replace or implement a system that makes you feel good if possible while you are doing the thing.

So if you’re someone who’s largely at home, mostly online, a coping mechanism you could introduce is a limit on doomscrolling - possibly with a reward of some kind for avoiding doomscrolling entirely. Just as an example.

The things you choose to use for this should be tailored to what you need. You identify a problem, you try out a possible solution, include a reward, and don’t include a punishment.

I use an app called Finch. It lets me write out tasks for myself so that I can remember what I haven’t done in a while. It has little quests for me to finish that talk about how I’m feeling and record that as a way to track my progress, and rewards me with the game’s currency to buy little dress up clothes and shit with. I like decorating things, dressing up little characters, the reward helps motivate me to finish tasks. There’s no punishment for not doing so, but the reward of my effort being celebrated and dumb little dress up things is enough to keep me doing my little daily tasks. I won’t say it’ll work for you - it’s just what I use because it gamifies taking care of myself.

But there’s endless coping tactics out there. I’d trawl through any articles by folks who also have depression or really anything that catches your eye. Mental health confessions blogs are surprisingly helpful.

I guess the thing to keep in mind is that a single coping mechanism won’t fix everything permanently - it’s that learning how to implement coping mechanisms effectively will make solving problems with your life and mental health easier as time goes on, until they build into healthier habits and mindsets.

[dreadfutures]

it's been a tiring week, I've had students cry in front of me, tell me how lonely they are, tell me they're convinced it's week 2 of the quarter and they're so far behind they're never gonna be able to catch up. And I think I've managed to help all of them get to people they need on campus to make things at least a little more manageable.

talking to disability services and getting accomodations is really scary when the culture you're raised in doesn't believe in disability or mental health at all, or consider it shameful to ask for help. getting food stamps comes with all sorts of ideological baggage. but fuck man, if you don't have to work two jobs and can get food stamps and use those 80 hours to study for your chem and bio classes, do it!!!!! no one has to know!!! so many things are protected and private and just waiting to make your life easier so you can do the important things, like studying to be a doctor

all the rich kids are taking the shortcuts and acting entitled to every accomodation and care and extra time and easier settings to Life. and brown kid culture is the opposite. self reliant, self sufficient, and sucking it up because you gotta be strong and avoid shame at all costs. that's gotta change.

i checked in with a bunch of students since talking to them, and they seem like they're getting their footing. it's not too late! it's never too late! you can fail your ochem class and do really bad in your other ochem classes and still end up going to get a PhD in a chemistry that is half built on organic chemistry. It's possible!

You only know it's worth it if you try. And if you give up at the start, you'll never know what you're missing out on--or discover what you don't like.

There are a lot of facets to being a doctor. Do you want to be a doctor, or do you just want a career that has face to face time with people? do you wanna be a doctor or do you want to take samples and analyze them and find out what's wrong with someone? do you wanna be a doctor or do you want to study disease? do you wanna be a doctor or do you want to revolutionize healthcare or expand access to programs?

every individual has a different answer and only you can find out for yourself if this chem class is gonna get you one step closer to chasing what you really wanna do.

The only thing that can truly truly stop you is giving up before you begin.

It's not gonna be easy! I worked two jobs and discovered all sorts of health stuff in college and was often miserable and certainly wasn't the smartest person in the room like, ever. It was really hard. But I did it. I clawed my way into accessing the things I needed to make it Doable.

There are two students I have who have already said, joking through their tears of frustration: "idk what to do, I guess I might as well drop out! haha!"

And I'm not kidding, but that's a fucking death sentence right there. Joking about that shit and getting so emotional and flippant puts the idea solidly in your head as a possibility.

When I have students who make comments like that, I know I might as well just walk away! because I know when I try to help them, even if I offer to do everything for them to get their problem solved -- wifi chip in her computer is busted so she can't do the online homework. guess what I have resources to get free computer loans on campus, and there are computer labs in the 24/7 library that are NEVER used, and I have SOLUTIONS as well as sympathy...

I know when a student says something shitty about themselves like that, they will REFUSE any and all help.

They are convinced they're hopeless and helpless. So therefore it's not worth helping them, because Nothing Can Fix This.

Guess what? It would be a lot less work to help you than some of the other students who are even further behind! and I am still trying to help regardless! but nope pessimism and self sabotage disguised as irony and humor have cut out the Rational part of the brain....they've decided theyrr done for.

You know that when you get upset, your brain gets flooded with hormones that make it difficult to think analytically?

it's really clear from the outside, lemme tell you.

I worry for my students, but I think the vast majority of them are gonna be good, and I am really happy. These are the parts of teaching I love the most. de Broglie equation and bullshit aside, sharing my fuck ups and experiences and knowledge and SEEING students enroll in the free tutoring, or knowing they reached out to therapists, or knowing they joined an org I recommended, is really worthwhile and special

[funkymbtifiction]

Hey! I've been typing myself as an ENTP for quite a time. Your answers to my many questions helped me to reach that conclusion. Though being an Ne-dom and an enneagram 9 makes me question my type now and then :)

If you claimed to be a Ne-dom and never questioned your typing again, I'd side-eye you. ;)

Recently I've been researching about stereotypes and wrong assumptions about some types. One of them is ENFPs being your typical manic pixie dream girl, being openly emotional, and specially, underestimating their capacity to being logical.

FP's generally are not 'openly emotional' and really hate losing their cool in front of people. I tend to cry easily and loathe it (even if I can't say why I am crying or explain it or even understand it half the time), but I know an ENFP 3 who remains totally stoic and in control over her outer emotional expression at all times. *is jealous* But yes, strong Te is nothing to trifle with and makes us pretty factual.

A couple of hours ago a neighbor of mine was helping me to figure out why my internet connection sucks. Not sure about his type yet, but he seems to be an ITP. I've been trying to find a solution for a long time ago. I've tried different methods and nothing seems to work. After I ran out of ideas I just figured that we needed to get another router, which was something I considered since the beginning but I wanted to try other possible solutions first. My neighbor came to help and try as many methods as he could think of. I knew everything he would try wasn't gonna work since I already tried them and told him so. He kept thinking for some time which I found quite annoying since he ended up reaching the same conclusion that I did: we need a new router! What was annoying it's that his thinking was slower than mine and he kept coming back to consider methods he should have discarded by that point. If he's a Ti-dom, I assume that my Ne being stronger than my Ti makes me a little bit intolerant of him (or anybody) being slower at reaching the same conclusion. He kept endlessly wondering "why" when the time to wonder had already passed for me. Might be a case of ENTP being annoyed that ITP takes so long to process information. Or perhaps I'm not as meticulous as a Ti user is and I'm actually an ENFP whose Te kicked in. After trying various methods without getting any result I reached a simple solution: "bye old router, let's buy a new one". And see no point in kept thinking "why" since there was nothing left to do. And nobody else could think of any other solution.

Honestly, it could be either one. An ENTP whose favorite thing isn't fixing routers and who just wants the damn thing to work is just as likely to throw that hunk of junk into the trash as an ENFP! But I think an ENFP would reach that point sooner, since the ENTP would probably try to hack into the router more skillfully and try a variety of inward-outward fixes. Lower Te is somewhat stifled in that it heads for the most objective fixes every time, and when they've run through those (or tried everything they word-searched online), they abruptly conclude that it's hopeless and throw it in the trash.

When deciding between the two, I'd read through my tags (enfp x entp) for examples, and think about whether when you need to get things done, you employ Fe by charming people into going along with you or use Te in telling them what to do, which is the most direct and efficient route. :)

[curovogel]

Theoretically, critically examining myself can lead to self improvement. In reality, sometimes I really fucking hate myself for everything I've done (and not done). I guess there's a difference between introspection for development vs beating yourself up for every little thing, but it's pretty fucking elusive because I can't seem to move away from the latter. I don't expect a reply, I just wanted you to know I admire that you're working on your mental health. I'm trying to too.

Everything’s better in theory.

I set my alarm on two of my phones to that cowboy yelling meme, set the volume To BLAST Super Loudly so I’d be startled out of bed, and you can imagine the rest.

Seriously, under the cut:

I’m gonna reply to this anyways, even if it took me a while, because I feel like you don’t send in an ask if there’s no reason to reply. You could have sent something like, “I admire that you’re working on your mental health. I’m trying to too.” and that was it and I would have been like, yeeehaw, let’s go! Both of us, let’s go!

But no, you didn’t. And that’s great! That you somehow see my inbox as this place to tell me what you’re thinking and maybe? checking my blog in case I did reply? Who Knows. I think it’s also great that you don’t expect anything back too, even if you did tell me. Because that means that you know that I’m not here to solve any of your problems and that you have to take actual action to get over these mental health issues that you are experiencing. And I have thoughts on it, of course, so I will just type, of course, since you aren’t expecting a reply, of course.

Most criticism is pointless. I’m not looking to be better at certain things that people criticize me for. Creative writing, for example. I’m not looking to be better at creative writing, because I’m not interested in a career in creative writing, it’s a hobby, and it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m the best, it just matters that it makes me happy. If it doesn’t make someone happy that they have to tell me I’m bad at it, then cool! Their lack of interest in spreading love is heard but not received since I love myself and their words don’t affect me! Have a nice day!

Feedback like “you’re not good at THIS” without recommendations on how to improve is pointless. Presenting a problem without a solution is pointless. Giving unsolicited advice is pointless. Giving bad solicited advice is pointless. If you can’t give proper feedback, then don’t offer it. Correcting people does absolutely jack shit; enjoy those two seconds of feeling like the smartest person in the room while the person you corrected feels downright fucking awful. Unless the person did something that will get them or others hurt, just leave them be.

With respect to proper feedback in areas that I am looking to be better at, I only want to hear it from qualified candidates AND have those candidates tell me how to improve. I’ve been published three times. I don’t need to listen to every freshman that can’t keep up with me when I didn’t create the paper with them in mind; I listen to the reviewers for my papers because they’re typically well-established in their damn field. Sometimes they’ll be like, “your conclusion is weak,” but then they’ll ALWAYS follow up with “needs more data to drive the point home” and then it’s back to the lab. My reviewers have hardly left a comment that was just a complaint.

Trust me, scientists love to talk. 

Introspection for development is oftentimes a one and done deal because when I think about it, I make a plan to improve it, and then I set myself up for that plan. When I think, it would be nice if I was more athletic, then I go out and improve myself. I start running in the mornings because I hate getting sweaty and it’s only cool when the sun hasn’t come up yet. Then, later, if I think, I could be better at exercising, then I’ll be like, well I’m really good at running, maybe I’ll run for five miles in the morning instead of three. I examine myself from a new and different angle and improve another part of me. Not every bit of me that I improve is perfect, but it’s better than it was. And that makes all the difference. I never think about the same part; I’m not like, god, I’m so lazy, every single day, but sometimes I’m like, it would be nice if I could find a way to sneak ten miles into my weekend runs instead of five.

When I say one and done, I mean more like, I know my flaws, I know how I’m going to improve it (because I have a plan and I know that I can stick to this plan), I’m good to go. There’s no need to revisit it unless the plan needs to be changed. On the other hand, beating yourself up for every little thing is like this constant pestering that happens every single minute. Like, god, I hate this part of me, god, why did I even try that, I hate this, I hate myself, I hate this. The language also changes to a more negative tone. You can’t do anything, so why bother? Why bother fixing yourself when you know you’ll fail? It’s so hard to struggle viciously and then to fail. It’s so tiring to try and then not succeed.

I think that it’s SO SO SO HARD to move away from that mentality. I recently read a book that my therapist gave me called The Four Agreements. There’s probably a PDF version online if you’re interested in reading it. And one of the quotes really stuck out to me:

The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. […Every] time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again.

And this is true! Our memory punishes us again and again for doing something dumb. Everything that you hate about yourself or that you did that was embarrassing, you will remember forever and in perfect clarity. But judging yourself in this light is exhausting. It didn’t help me, it doesn’t help the people who love me, and it doesn’t help anyone.

I don’t know if any of these words help you at all, but these are just my thoughts. You are free to do whatever and free to think whatever and free to be whatever you want. If you are free to criticize yourself, you’re also free to say no! I’m tired of hating myself! I’m tired of feeling this way! I’m tired of being me but I’m also tired of being the me that hates myself. You’re working towards improving your mental health. I’m working towards improving my mental health. We’re two people connected via the internet, working to improve the mentality that we’re suffering from. 

Even if it takes you a while, I hope you stop thinking so badly about yourself. You’re kind enough to reach out to me to say these words. You can be kind to yourself and say those exact same words. Have a great day. If you want to talk, my ask box is always open.