#i've been writing for a long time okay

[tildeathiwillwrite]

Rain, wildfire, clear skies for the ask game?

(in reference to this ask game)

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

Answered here!

🔥 Wildfire - Who is your most emotional character and why?

Hmmm tough call.

Jas is a spitfire, spends a lot of The Legend of Orian Goldeneye in a state of pissed-off (I would too, if I got isekai'd then arrested and a bunch of other stuff). She is also highly empathetic, when she's not angry.

Draven's much the same way, if we're being honest. His default state is more frustrated than furious, but he can also get ticked off really easily. In the first chapter of The Hunter, the Myth, and the Cure, part of his motivation for taking the job that got him into the Fells in the first place was because the messenger was just a kid affected by the attack.

And then we have Jarsali, the queen of bottling up emotions like bottling up lightning until it all comes spilling out at the wrong moment.

🌌 Clear Skies - How long have you been writing your current WIP?

The Hunter, the Myth and the Cure -> late 2021, though Octavian and Draven's first meeting was first written before that. So roughly three, almost four years.

The Legend of Orian Goldeneye -> January 2023 was when I started the first draft, and I finished it in September 2023. Jas as a character predates the first draft, in 2022 at some point, though I don't remember how long before. Definitely my youngest if you don't count Writemas or Forsaken.

Trials of the Six -> 2019. Earliest record is from an email draft in 2019 with the first chapter. It has evolved a LOT since then my goodness. Surprisingly this isn't the oldest WIP on the list.

The Watcher and the Thief -> 2018 was the early early early versions of this WIP, back when it was my D&D ranger's backstory. I don't think it started evolving until 2020 when I actually made the file for it, and the current draft didn't exist until around 2022. So yeah, that's my oldest WIP. It's not my first attempt at novel writing, I think this might be the third? The first was a shitty videogame fanfic, and if I recall correctly the second was also D&D style fantasy, but I don't think I ever made a digital file for it, so it only exists in one of my notebooks somewhere.

[silvers-starrway]

So the wildest thing happened where @mactheactor decided to dub over (if that's even the correct terminology) the Chaos Sonic animation I made!!!!

I'm still in utter awe about this like, hands down the coolest thing ever I've been thinking about this non-stop. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I do!!

[barfygutcheck]

sourdough starter snack

/recently found out that live yeast might ferment in the stomach for a while if large quantities of it are eaten. think noises, think expansion. so this fic happened. uhh/

Jackie’s dorm room was quiet, save for the hum of the AC and the rustle of pages turning as she sat in the living room, reviewing her notes. She had a tendency to stay up late cramming. It was just past midnight, and the dim glow of the kitchen light spilled into the living room.

Jackie had been so wrapped up in her studying, she hadn’t noticed the soft sounds of someone moving around in the kitchenette until she heard the faint scraping of a spoon against a bowl. She glanced up from her notebook, frowning slightly. An hour ago, Sawyer had settled on the couch (trying to be considerate of Jackie’s roommate), but it looked like her stomach decided otherwise — a thought Jackie couldn’t help but find stimulating.

It wasn’t unusual for Sawyer to raid the fridge late at night, considering her appetite, but checking on her anyways couldn’t hurt.

Jackie slipped out of bed, quietly padding down the hall. As she approached the kitchen, the sound of the spoon grew clearer. Jackie had a pretty good idea what she was about to find.

“Sully?” she called out, folding her arms over her chest.

“Hmm?” came a muffled response from the kitchen.

When Jackie turned the corner into the kitchen, her suspicion was confirmed. There, standing at the counter with a big mixing bowl clutched in one hand and a spoon halfway to her mouth, was Sawyer. Her eyes were glued to the bowl, completely oblivious to Jackie’s presence.

Jackie’s eyes widened when she saw the unmistakable texture and bubbles of leavening. The bowl wasn’t just any bowl. It was her sourdough starter — weeks of careful fermentation and feeding, gone, or at least half gone, if the looks of it were anything to go by.

“Oh my God, Sully. What are you doing?” Jackie blurted out, rushing forward.

Sawyer looked up, mid-chew, her cheeks full. She swallowed slowly, then grinned sheepishly, as if she hadn’t just committed what Jackie considered to be the culinary equivalent of a felony.

“Uh… hey, babe. Eating cookie dough… duh,” she mumbled through another bite, lifting the spoon and gesturing toward the bowl. “I didn’t know you made some. It’s pretty good, but kind of tangy. Want a bite?”

Jackie’s heart skipped a beat. Her brain stumbled over itself, trying to process what she was seeing as Sawyer scooped up another spoonful into her mouth. Cookie dough?

“That’s not cookie dough, that’s—” she said, her voice pitching higher with every word. She raked a hand through her hair, trying to figure out how to break the news. “That’s sourdough starter, Sully!”

Sawyer froze, spoon hovering halfway to her mouth, and blinked at Jackie. “Uh… what?”

Jackie rubbed a hand over her face, groaning. “It’s sourdough starter. It’s fermented! Not something you just eat… raw!”

Sawyer’s eyes darted to the bowl, then to the spoon, which she’d been licking, then back to Jackie. The confusion was clear on her face, but slowly, ever so slowly, it began to dawn on her that she might’ve seriously messed up.

“Wait…” Sawyer furrowed her brow. “So, it’s… not edible?”

“No! Well, I mean, not like that!” Jackie threw her hands up. “You don’t just eat it! It’s used to make bread rise. It’s filled with live cultures and bacteria—”

Sawyer flinched at the word “bacteria,” her gaze flicking to the bowl in her hands. “It’s alive?”

“Yeah, as in yeast! You’re supposed to let it ferment for days to make bread.” Jackie pressed a hand to her forehead. “How much did you eat?”

Sawyer placed the bowl down on the counter, eyeing the near-empty contents. She hesitated, then shrugged. “I dunno. Like, a lot?”

“A lot? Sully, that’s—” Jackie cut herself off, taking a deep breath. “Sully, that stuff expands when it’s heated up. Who knows how much of that is sitting in — in your stomach right now!”

Sawyer’s eyes shifted down to her stomach, which now seemed even more ominous with the knowledge of what was inside. She gulped, eyes widening. “It expands?”

“Yes. And I’m fairly sure it’s going to make you really sick if you’ve eaten as much as it looks like you have.”

Sawyer’s expression began to falter. A hand instinctively moved to rest on her abdomen, and for the first time that night, she looked genuinely worried. Her belly felt like a rock had dropped inside, pressing against her insides as it expanded.

“Uh… now that you mention it…” she said, her fingers prodding lightly against her belly. “I do feel kinda weird…”

Jackie watched. Typically, this kind of situation would have her blushing; Sawyer had a habit of overindulging and feeling the consequences. But this time, what she’d eaten wasn’t just a bad call — it could really upset her stomach. Jackie wasn’t aroused in the slightest, only concerned. “What kind of weird? Stomachache?”

Sawyer paused, her face scrunching up as she tried to gauge how she was feeling. “It’s not, like, painful. But it’s definitely feeling… off. Like, kinda tight. Heavy.”

As if her belly was starting to rise like dough. Like bread in an oven. Live yeast thrives in warm environments, and the human stomach is warm. Particularly Sawyer’s gut, since Sawyer was like a living, walking furnace, always overheating.

Jackie was already thinking through their options. Nothing in her two years of medical studies equipped her for a girlfriend who had mistaken sourdough starter for cookie dough, and she was unsure of what to do when that sourdough decided to fight back in her girlfriend’s belly. “Okay. Well, your body’s probably trying to process all that yeast. You just ate half a bowl of fermented dough, I mean, we need to keep an eye on this.”

Sawyer stared down at her stomach again, a flash of panic crossing her face. “Oh, crap. I thought it was cookie dough,” she pitifully blurted, as if saying it louder would make it somehow less of an issue.

Jackie shook her head, reaching out to gently push Sawyer into one of the kitchen chairs. “Alright, alright. Just sit down. You’ll wake Willow up.”

Sawyer plopped down into the chair, slowly rubbing circles over the front of her tank top. “I just saw food, and I thought—”

“You just saw food and thought, ‘must eat now,’” Jackie put in playfully.

Sawyer cracked a weak smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

Jackie stood up, fetching a glass of water and placing it in front of Sawyer. Even though Jackie had never seen Sawyer do anything this stupid before, she knew Sawyer had pulled some dumb stunts in the past. Jackie realized that all Sawyer needed was a little patience and attention, and she would bounce back like new. “Drink this. It might help a little.”

Sawyer obediently took the glass and sipped it slowly. She grimaced, glancing down at her stomach. It churned, making thick, sloshy sounds, and she could swear she felt it expand just a little more with each passing second. “Uh, Jackie, I think it’s getting worse.”

At this, Jackie’s eyes snapped to Sawyer’s midsection. She hadn’t noticed it at first, but Sawyer’s usually flat stomach did seem a little bloated, like it was already reacting to the mass of sourdough starter she had so thoughtlessly consumed. The sourdough starter wasn’t exactly the villain here — it was just doing its thing. And it must’ve been having a field day in Sawyer’s stomach, bubbling, fermenting the sugars and starches it could find.

It had taken weeks to build it up, feeding it daily, watching it grow into a thriving colony of yeast and bacteria, preparing it to make bread. And now, more than half of it was gone, sitting inside Sawyer’s stomach instead of turning into a fresh loaf.

“We need to get you to the bathroom,” Jackie said firmly, moving to her side.

Sully gave her a wide-eyed look. “You think I’m gonna be sick or something?”

“We’re not taking any chances.” Jackie grabbed her by the arm, pulling her gently toward the door — no easy feat when Sawyer had both the weight and height advantage at a full head taller.

A deep gurgle came from the depth of Sawyer’s stomach, echoing in the dim-lit hallway. “Oh man… I don’t feel so good…”

“Well,” Jackie muttered, helping her girlfriend out of the kitchen, “you did just eat a half gallon of live bacteria and flour — perhaps more.”

They hurried the rest of the way to the bathroom, where Jackie eased Sawyer down onto the floor beside the toilet.

Sawyer leaned against the cool tile, looking utterly miserable. Her face had lost its color, and her curls, damp with sweat, stuck to her forehead. She groaned softly, rubbing her taut belly. “I can’t believe I’m gonna throw up bread before it’s even bread.”

Jackie snorted despite herself. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Next time,” Sawyer said, her voice weak, “just label your bowls.” She could feel the heavy, bloated weight pressing against her insides, sluggish, bubbling uncomfortably as if everything inside was expanding and shifting, trying to find a way out.

It was only a matter of time before it all came rushing back up.

Jackie patted her girlfriend’s knee. “I will. But next time, just ask before you go shoveling random stuff into your mouth, dumbass.”

[suusoh]

I think a lot of people seem hesitant to write about Johan Liebert, believing there’s a need to portray him "accurately" or "seriously" or else don't write him at all.

This fear is completely valid and understandable of course; experiencing it myself. Most works in the "x reader" section tend to lean heavily toward psychological thriller and suspense, all crafted with such skill and depth with downright the most beautiful writing style ever. (can you tell I want to inject these fics right into my veins.)

I absolutely fucking LOVE these. Okay? let's establish that. I eat up these works every time, they clear my skin and water my crops.

What saddens me a bit is to think that starting out writers who read these fics, instead of getting inspired by such beautiful works, accidentally intimidate themselves out of writing for Johan because they think that is the standard of what a Johan fic should look like. I suspect many aspiring writers believe they need to meet certain "requirements" before they can write about Monster or Johan.

It's easy to think that you have to read countless analysis posts on monster, watch the series dozens of times, or have a good grasp in psychology and philosophy before you're allowed to write about him (guilty ✋️).

While it’s beneficial to understand a character well, I've noticed an underlying sense of "perfectionism" found within the fandom, creating this sort of cycle:

-> Look at the Johan/Monster tag: You see no "bad" or "inaccurate" fanfics—only well-written ones. -> Try to write for Johan: You feel your work will never match the quality or accuracy of what's already out there, so you hesitate to share it. -> Avoid uploading your fanfics: you think your work is "inaccurate," so you might as well not upload it. Someone might even bash you for it.

And then the loop begins at the top again. Breeding the idea that only meticulously researched, serious fics are worthy of uploading. I believe these amazing fics should be a source of inspiration to you to share your own stories instead of holding back. I doubt the authors of those fantastic pieces want anyone to feel intimidated. In fact, I'm sure that they, along with many readers, would likely LOVE to see a selection of variety and creativity in the fandom.

It's good to be cautious of your characterization, great even. It means you've at least put in the work right? But you shouldn't let the fear of making something "untrue" to Johan's character stop you entirely. It might help to look at certain fanfics as a way to guide you, but not to set strict laws on yourself. He’s meant to be an enigma, a puzzle to interpret in various ways. For example, one author might say he enjoys tea, while another might explain he prefers blue Gatorade in their story. The beauty of writing him lies in these interpretations!

( Also there are people on platforms like TikTok and YouTube using Johan as a mascot for the "sigma male manipulator". Writing Johan x reader going on a cute date as a little treat for himself with his newfound humanity is absolutely fair game at this point 💀 )

Numerous serious fandoms, like Sherlock, Hannibal, or Dexter, have their share of fluff and unserious fics that don’t delve deeply into character analysis. Yet they’re written, uploaded, and enjoyed by the community.

Fandom and fanfic writing should be a space and a chance for you to experiment and indulge in your creativity. That's what everyone is doing here, it's not a competition for "best writing". You shouldn't feel any pressure to write for anyone else but yourself and write what you wish to read. If anything, I'm pretty sure all the johan peeps are begging to have more people write, eating up any sort of writing like the dogs we are. woof woof bitchh!

You might think that your fanfic about Johan running away to join the circus is stupid, but somewhere out there is someone waiting to find and read a fic of Johan running away to join the circus.

[mixtapedoh]

vernon as highschool crush pls for lonely boy 🧍‍♀️

vernon my bestie beloved bastard ♡ you really are requesting for the people, lindsay.

;༊ — lonely boy

pairing: hansol vernon chwe x gn!reader genre: fluff, high school au word count: ~3.3k warnings: language, mild threats among friends, a lack of originality (but perhaps ameliorated by an understanding of the conventions of trope?)

olive's notes: firstly, hahaha.......... pretend like this wasn't something you sent me actual months ago.... and pretend like i gave the prompt the justice it deserves....... shhhhhh, i answer things in a timely manner and can still be considered a tumblr writer. secondly, this is quite glaringly based off of and colored by my memories of high school, so expect United States education system nonsense <3.

☄. *. ⋆ hansol vernon chwe x high school crush.

— the hardest thing about crushing on this fucker is that he's everywhere

simultaneously the biggest cryptid in the whole student body (if you had a nickel for every time your journalism teacher asked: "has anyone seen hansol this week?" to absolute crickets you'd be able to pay for at least 2 years of college) and also the most social person to ever grace your high school halls, hansol was everywhere all at once, and contradictorily, nowhere when you sought him out.

you wanted to avoid seeing him because of something embarrassing you were sure he had noticed? bam. right there beside you, sitting on the same row of auditorium seats for the assembly.

you wanted to catch a glimpse of him while the both of you were assigned to photograph the basketball game? viola. gone, nowhere to be seen; and yet your friend will tell you later that he was there the whole time, snapping the best photos of boo seungkwan's legendary 3-pointers (which you certainly hadn't missed, so where had he been??).

— yes, having a crush on hansol vernon chwe was exhausting. there was no way to save face — trust hansol to be there at your worst hours (like that chemistry presentation where the color palette you used for your PowerPoint was too light for the old projector screen to show properly, and so you half of your graphics were unreadable, inspiring your professor to dock 10 points, despite that fact that when you pulled it up on a computer screen - or any other device that wasn't an old ass projector at least 15 years out of date - the graphics were just fine and the detail above required). it didn't matter the specifics of the occasion, it was simple fact you'd always somehow manage, in your darkest moment, to look out and see hansol — always a kind smile, with something encouraging in his eye, despite, but still horribly, embarrassingly, and irrevocably present.

— and then, as it if weren't bad enough, hansol vernon chwe had the absolute gall to be unbothered, unfazed, unable to be rattled or shaken in any way, by comparison.

oh sure, you'd seen him cringe before at him friend's (mostly kwon soonyoung's) antics; you were familiar with the way vernon expressed any and all emotion with the whole of him — his every muscle tensing and twisting in a way so visceral and real, you could feel embarrassed, too, by just looking at him — but the envy was this: it was never at his expense that such feelings would arise. vernon was never embarrassed because of something he did or caused or felt. his life was far too chill and unbothered for that. others could be embarrassing around him, but all of his actions flowed so smoothly — rolled over the shoulders of everyone else.

the closest he'd ever get was doing something explicitly stupid just for the enjoyment of others. but, the catch was this: they enjoyed it !!!! it was funny and not cringe worthy !!!!! the net effect was positive.

it was infuriating. sometimes you weren't sure if you wanted to kiss hansol or strangle him with your bare hands.

— but let's take things back to journalism.

— because of course he took journalism.

not exactly the most exalted of the journalism students or anything, hansol was mostly known for his opinion piece articles and, of course, availability and willingness to go to any school event to take pictures and help fill in the blanks of the article anyone was writing.

he had friends in any and all school functions and events. from sports to musicals, science fairs to choir recitals, you could say, "is anyone going to this very obscure and random FBLA presentation?" or "did you know that the coding club is going to be attending an event at another high school this saturday?" and hansol would immediately perk up, pull out one of his headphones and go, "yeah, i'm gonna check it out. did you need a ride?"

— and it was because of that — his being everywhere, inescapable and offhandedly thoughtful, open and so easily warm — that these pesky feelings even started, in the first place.

— just when it happened is perhaps inconsequential (in all actuality, it likely started before your journalism daily exposure, just slowly, more of an itch at the back of your mind than the brash insistence it was, now) but it was definitely the fault of journalism. maybe that band and orchestra festival in 11th grade where you went with hansol to do a write up on all the high schools attending (placing undue emphasis on your high school's multi-talented band leader, lee jihoon, who could play half the instruments in the room), or maybe that series of debate tournaments you both covered in 11th grade, or when the two of you took over the baseball column that same year and when the heatwave spiked early, vernon would attend each game in sleeveless tops, always with an extra ball cap in tow since you would (conveniently, perhaps?) forget one of your own and the sun made it impossible to see what was happening, beyond.

yes, just when it hit was neither here nor there, because at the end of the day, the problem remained: you were hopelessly down bad for one hansol vernon chwe. fuck.

— and you couldn't escape him if you tried.

and trust me, at one point, try, you had.

— after all, at the beginning of your senior year, you somehow ended up being in the same spanish class as him and his friend joshua, and after a whole year (and subsequent summer break, when your journalism teacher found an opportunity to have a section of the city newspaper be dedicated to "the youth of journalism," and weekly, your journalism club was able to publish in the city newspaper) of crushing on hansol with a vehemence perhaps concerning, you knew you couldn't handle having to have embarrassing debates, conversations, and role play scenarios with him.

in perhaps two weeks you were in the counselor's office, exploring alternate class blocks. in the end, you were stuck in a ceramics course instead of your preferred electives, but at least when the unit on "la familia, el amor y todo lo interpersonal" came up, you were role playing as a couple alongside jeon jungkook, who couldn't stop making you wheeze with laughter from his overextention of the r at every available chance, rather than your crush, hansol.

(all it would have taken was one "te extraño" from hansol through your fake hand phones to absolutely floor you. someone call the school nurse, you're fallen and perhaps can never get back up again.)

— so you avoided him there, and even before that, during your junior year, you had mostly eaten off campus on your second schedule days when you and hansol had the same lunch hour and the risk of running into him at a time potentially embarrassing was at an all time high, seeing as nowhere was safe — the social butterfly he was, hansol managed to have business in every hallway of the school. not a single area was risk free.

yeah, junior year really had just been a mess of emotions you hadn't wanted to name, and so instead, elected to pointedly ignore. you were glad to say that while spending your hard earned money to eat out 2-3 times a week was a bit of a low, you had solidly moved out of that phase of your life by spring that year, and could stomach the risk of Being Seen by someone who had captured your attention so strongly.

and yeah, even though you had a bit of a backslide when changing spanish classes senior year (which could be chalked up to self-preservation, truly), you had solidly moved past that whole Avoidance Stage of your Crippling Crush on One Hansol Vernon Chwe.

— so hansol couldn't be avoided. that much was abundantly clear. and you had to interact with him in journalism and (god willing) be normal while doing so, and luckily, while all that exposure didn't exactly desensitize you to his overwhelming charm, admirable confidence, infectious smile, endearing jokes, comfortable aura, and oh so beautiful eyes, it had forced you to just,,,,,,, accept some things.

— accept that you had a raging crush on hansol, but that it could be managed... so long as none of your mutual friends found out.

— you were pretty sure that wonwoo knew, but at least he was ✨subtle✨ and generally checked out of things like that. genuinely, he could not care less, and so he made it no one's problem. you could probably tell him your most rancid, vulgar thoughts, and he would just file it away in his mind as: "nasty shit i can never unhear" and go about his day. compare that to your other mutual acquaintance, seungkwan, and well...

— but for the most part, it seemed that senior year was inching away, another year with a crush on hansol, and another year where you didn't say a damn thing and refused to leave anything close to a hint for him to pick up on.

— but mercy didn't exactly exist for you, now did it.

— the horrible series of Epic Fumblings and Incriminating Moments began in october, when hansol and joshua decided to make a podcast to convince the school that an AV club could be a fun addition to the roster of School Sanctioned Clubs (an idea they really should have had back in august

— the horrible series of Epic Fumblings and Incriminating Moments began in october, when hansol and joshua decided to make a podcast to convince the school that an AV club could be a fun addition to the roster of School Sanctioned Clubs (an idea they really should have had back in august — you know, when clubs were first getting registered and students were accosted in the hallways with club information slapped on astrobrights with strong ~graphic design is my passion~ presentation)

they had needed someone tech savvy enough to get them the podcast equipment and teach them how to use it (and just,,, do all the technical aspects for them 🥺👉👈 pwetty pwease 🥺👉👈 we're just silly boys who want to talk about random shit but are trying to pass it off as being Constructive in Some Sense so that it looks good on college applications) and so obviously their search had sent them in the way of wonwoo, who only seemed to have free time on the exact day and time you two would joint study for your college level government and politics course.

so of course he asked if the two of you could move your study sessions to a different location (he swore he could multitask? okay overacheiver) so that he could both study with you and help the stupidly handsome hansol and joshua with their brilliant podcast idea.

and of course, you'd forget the first time and wonwoo would conveniently not answer his texts for 20 minutes, allowing for the most embarrassing stage of him finally picking up his phone (on speaker?) to you yelling "jeon wonwoo, i will personally castrate you and throw it in the ocean so you can be eaten alive by the creatures birthed from the subsequent sea foam if you don't come to the library to study right now. i have been waiting for 20. minutes. where are you?" and hansol and joshua would hear you. and have the gall to laugh.

and of course wonwoo wouldn't even give you the grace of not having to show up to his house (your new study location) to study for the day. in fact, hansol gave him the brilliant idea of threatening to train an eagle to peck at your liver daily - not eating it fully, just put in it's beak and twist the flesh. since you can't grow another liver overnight, of course. don't you just love mythological punishment.

(and that wouldn't be the end of the embarrassing podcast adventures, either. the time shua cajoled you into being a special guest????? truly, you dodged a bullet not being in spanish with that fool. he's impossible to refuse and the worst of it was that he knew it.)

— or what about the december gift exchange in journalism?? that was certainly not your finest moment, trying to get chaewon to change names with you so that you could gift something to hansol (something lady luck had never granted you despite all the blood, sweat, and tears you sunk into this journalism group of yours), and he heard you, mid-conversation.

seungkwan had told you hansol had been talking about it later, and you quite literally saw him connect the dots in slow-motion as he recounted the story. "y/n, do you have a crush on hansol????" it would have been bad enough that he practically yelled the accusation in the stands of the football field, but then he had the gall to triumphantly gasp and break into hysterical laughter upon your clear embarrassment at being caught. it was during lunch! you're shared lunch break with hansol! who knew where that fucker was! he probably saw the whole exchange!

(in the end, chaewon didn't change names with you (she traded with some other journalism traitor so she could gift to sakura) and even though hansol didn't have your name, he got you something regardless, saying it was thanks for putting up with he and shua stealing wonwoo during your (once peaceful) study sessions. you had decided against getting him a gift regardless, and so you had to awkwardly seek him out during winter break to shove a poorly wrapped box in his hands, with a mumbled apology for your tardiness in gifting, something he pushed away cooly, as expected (but were those red ears of his from just the cold, alone?).)

— and then, well, once everyone came back from winter break and seungkwan knew of your crush on hansol... school became less a Place of Learning and more a Viscous Time Loop of Shutting Seungkwan Up Before He Spilled The Beans.

kicking him under the table. threatening his livelihood. slapping a hand over his mouth on one occasion because seungkwan couldn't take a joke and his retaliation of choice was calling over hansol right there and then and forcing you both to awkwardly sit in the bitter soup of Revelation.

— and then there was february. oh, february. how easy it is to loathe february.

— it was already hard enough getting through the embarrassment of valentine's day themed fundraising — every year, your literature teacher (who oversaw the student body officers — that first exposure to the cruel reality of rigged elections, a popularity win if there ever was one) offered extra credit for students who volunteered time to help the sbo's with their silly little business venture of "roses for $3, sugar cookies with shocking pink frosting for $2, heart suckers for $1, sonnets written by the creative writing and theatre kids for $7.

every year you volunteered for some reason or another - maybe your grade needed it, maybe you were doing sbo president seungcheol a favor because no one signed up, maybe you were following the stupid advice of seokmin and were doing it for the plot (code for: please don't leave me alone at the stand, i will buy you all the sugar cookies you'd like, just don't consign me to spending my lunch break in this particular layer of hell in solitude). this year was no different in you signing up to do time, but seungkwan sure was different, asking you every day if you managed to see if vernon sent anyone something (he had — soonyoung had convinced him to pitch in to send jihoon 16 sonnets, to be read aloud in the middle of class). if he had sent you something (he hadn't).

but when you got an anonymous rose sent to your 2nd class of the day, with a cryptic note attached, your friends wouldn't let you live it down all week. (who had sent it, though? they would have had to be very strategic as to when they placed the order — you had certainly never seen one for yourself in your daily exchange of goods, and seokmin was suspiciously tight lipped about the whole thing (very uncharacteristic of him — who had the ability to buy dk's silence, and better yet, how had they done it???)).

— yes, valentine's day was bad enough. but to add to the mix was always hansol's birthday. last year you'd gotten him a gift since you had worked quite a lot together during that month, and it just felt... normal. comfortable. something kind to do that wasn't weird in anyway. but these days, facing hansol was almost as embarrassing as it had been during junior year when you avoided the mere sight of him like seeing him smile would end in you contracting the plague.

as the day inched ever closer, you were seriously considering missing the day entirely. taking the day off. pretending to be sick. but that wouldn't get you out of seeing him the day after. and the day after that.

perhaps fleeing the country would be a totally normal reaction and solid plan.

— and then joshua invited you to hansol's surprise birthday party.

well. at least that cleared up whether you should get him a gift or not.

— to say that, at that moment and for the subsequent days afterward, were overthinking the whole thing would be to extremely understate reality.

you were about to pop a blood vessel over this shit.

wonwoo was invited, too (how charitable of them. making sure there'd be someone there to scrape you off the floor when you inevitably discovered the power of self combustion) and it was rather comical to see the two of you: cool and calm wonwoo, and you with the internal dialogue of WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHA

all holding a cute little gift between you.

— and the surprise birthday party really was a Legitimate, 5-Star, Genuine Quality, Surprise Bona Fide™ - a success by all measures. a shock in more ways than one: a surprise for hansol who had no idea the party was happening in the first place, getting called over for what he expected was a casual videogame night; a surprise for lee chan, somehow, when he saw that shua got you to come 15 minutes before show time to help blow up balloons - a shock so big he started to say something with a wild grin and was immediately dogpiled by mingyu, junhui, and hoshi; a surprise for all the friends amassed when you proved to be quite adept at party games like their incredibly convoluted version of mafia; and a surprise for you, later that night, when hansol offered to take you home

— the two you decided to stop at an empty playground before parting ways and see who could jump farther off of the swings. he won by a wide margin, but you had the skinned knees to prove your effort and the memory of hansol laughing so hard he could barely breathe — his smile so wide it could've filled you completely, banish any longing from your chest for a moment of unique closeness and bliss — and perhaps that was a consolation prize, enough.

but then you and hansol were on the swings again, seeing who could tighten the swing chain the most and spin the longest, and between the motion blur, you heard hansol admit defeat and when the swing stopped, his face was all too close to yours to shrug off as friendly, and his hands were holding the swing chain on either side, and when he spoke soft and low to crown you the victor, you kissed him.

and the biggest surprise of the night was when he kissed you back.

☄. *. ⋆

blog home

[solplease]

i've been very excited to post this but here are my ocs haha!! meet lune, cecilia, nox, and aster!

close ups, more info, and a more detailed relationship chart under the cut! this is gonna be a long post haha. there's also some more info about rowan!

cecilia's twin (he's the older twin) ((by two minutes. lol))

the type to go “here to here, i’ll buy it all”

he's got a temper

possessive, devoted, and jealous yandere

people think he's a tad bit insane (and he's self aware mostly,,)

gets into fights often

“want me to kill that guy for you?” (he’s serious btw)

he’s not nice lmao, but to you he is (in his own special way of course..!)

kind of like a cat who will proudly leave dead rats and leaves on your doorstep as a gift bc it thinks you can’t hunt for yourself

hates nox LMFAO

difficult to approach at first but once you get close he won’t ever let you go.

extroverted

LOUD. someone shut him up, this mf does NOT stop yapping bro

annoying as hell and he doesn’t know that lmao

if he absolutely has to, he’ll behave. but it's... odd

constantly needs to be doing something or he’ll get bored lol

has a bit of a sweet tooth (typical)

Bastard (not literally)

played the piano when he was younger with his sister, but he hated playing it

bad terms with his family except for cecilia

huge rebellious streak

shockingly will not kidnap you! everyone already knows you’re his, and he’s yours. and he won’t let anyone get in between you two. yay..!

hates it when you don’t pay attention to him (will absolutely start sulking too)

he’s impulsive but he’s not completely reckless

you probs shouldn’t trust him too much though he has good (????) intentions lol

seems silly (debatable really) but he’s dangerous.

half of the things he says sound like jokes but trust me, he means it. he’d do anything and everything for you, don’t forget!

shockingly pouty and whiny, only in front of you though

him and cecilia have matching bracelets from when they were younger which they both wear to this day

he’s oblivious as fuck, and an idiot

lune's twin (she's younger)

normal (somewhat) ((not really))

sweet and friendly

really likes giving gifts to people she cares about

jumps to conclusion and freaks out easily, but she’s subtle about it

constantly stressed (lune is her brother, so… i get it)

introverted (runs on a social battery)

says things without thinking sometimes

people pleaser

awkward as hell tbh, but it’s really not obvious because she’s good at putting on a front 

kinda has the ”””””princely””””” persona (i didnt know how to describe that better lmao

has abandonment issues

girlfail tbh

hardworking

shes really protective of her loved ones

likes cute things

has issues with her family but still talks to them (lune does NOT)

on really good terms with lune, they’re very close (even though he’s a huge troublemaker that stresses the shit out of her) ((if he fucks around too much she’ll give him a good smack))

packs a good punch

SENSITIVE…

potential yandere? still not too sure if i’ll make her a fully fledged yan but she def has some of the traits lol

her and lune have matching bracelets from when they were younger! (she wears it everyday!)

she doesn’t mean to put on a front it just kinda happens automatically lmao

could kill someone... probably wouldnt tho

used to play the piano with lune, she still plays it now too (as a hobby)

cunning and annoying

def the type to kidnap you

oddly sweet (???)

but also ominous as hell

docile with the one he loves

isolating and manipulative yandere

dislikes lune

nice but you can tell he’s putting up a wall (with strangers and friends)

introverted

wouldn’t put stalking past him tbh

he’s the type that wants to know everything about you.

he has a tough time interacting with others. he feels awkward in social situations

the type to go to a party and spend the whole time petting the cat in the corner (he would not go to the party in the first place tho lmao)

he’s not misunderstood tho, he just can’t socialize and doesn’t really want to

grabs the end of your shirt in an awkward situation (its kinda cute)

takes time to open up, but when he falls for you, his love is so strong, it’s almost overwhelming. so just accept him, alright?

shittiest sleep schedule known to man, like srsly, what is bro doing

this man’s brain probs short circuits every 5 minutes LMFAO go to bed you idiot

really good with his words, very convincing

loves cats

hidden piercings

careful and patient

is really good at taking care of others (but he would only wanna take care of you) you’ll let him, won’t you?

startles easily lol

elf oc

ditzy and kind (to you)

bit of a mean streak (not to you!) 

wants to appear princely in front of you

kinda stupid (a farce but not completely lol)

has a bit of a temper, but nothing too bad

clingy and cunning yandere

two faced

struggles with empathy (he tries, he’s not human, what’s he supposed to do!)

extroverted (?)

he’s really lonely

when he met you for the first time he was absolutely fascinated as he’s never interacted with a human being before!

BLUNT. he’s not used to convos… just give him some time!

at first it was simple curiosity, but that curiosity turned into something… deeper

he was completely alone before this, but now you’re here, and you’re going to stay, right? 

is obsessed with the idea of you staying here with him forever, so why do you keep talking about going home? can’t you stay here? 

but then you bring up the idea of him coming with you, well why didn’t you say that earlier! he's happy to come with you

It takes him some time to grasp certain concepts so please be patient with him, he’s not used to humans

he’s paranoid and hostile to other humans. it’s not fair, he wants all of your attention, so why is everyone trying to take you from him? he doesn’t like that everyone is getting in his way… 

he’s terrified of bugs. will scream incredibly loudly if he sees one lol

he pulled you through a mirror, that’s how you ended up in his land

so if you wanna go back, just ask and he’ll take you! 

gives you jewelry, expensive jewelry. (maybe he’s slipped on a ring before. haha. jk… unless..?)

prefers to stay inside your place because he really doesn’t like people who aren’t you lmao

don’t stray too far from him, okay? he’s always waiting for you

rowan (who i don't have a new drawing of rn </3 sorry!):

he absolutely hates not being a priority, so please don’t ignore him. please? he just wants you to love him.

clingy, devoted, and obsessive yandere

if you don’t reciprocate he might (unknowingly) try to guilt you into liking him back. will appear like a kicked puppy to really sell it (but it’s not an act lol he’s just like this)

at least his intentions are pure! (?????????) but is that better..?

if when (it will happen) you two end up together, he’ll give you the world if you’d asked for it

used to cut his own hair! :D (not great at it tho tbh)

very attentive and will work hard to keep you happy! just don’t forget that you’ll love only each other for the rest of your life. please don’t leave.

has tripped over nothing, will definitely happen again

here's the shitty relationship chart that i rushed </3 its very ugly im sorry HAHA

i really want to clarify that NONE of them will ever hurt you physically on purpose (they might have to pay up for emotional damages tho. they have your best interest in mind ig)

also i would say that they all share some traits like being clingy, devoted, possessive, obsessive, jealous, protective, and loyal. but if i specifically wrote it, it's probs just a bit more intense... just a bit,,, haha...

[moonchild-in-blue]

Not forgiving yall for making me believe Price was a proper Tired Old Man™. What do you MEAN he is canonically 38/39 💀

and what do you mean Soap is like? 27? sir you are but wee boy. where are your parents.

[deoidesign]

HI I think I sent an ask a while back about having recently found TaTA and a) if it came off as trying to rush/guilt you. I am so sorry because that was NOT my intent, and b) I can hugely guarantee you have at least one person who will eat up any return, no matter when it happens, because I care about the guys so much 🥺 really looking forward to whatever comes next!!

Oh, I appreciate this a lot thank you!

Tbh it's a stress I would have regardless of anyone asking me about it, I'm probably the biggest one rushing and guilting myself on it. Which might contribute to some of the burnout I had...

My complaints are more about people who are demanding "more content daddy" or asking me if I'm dead or asking on every single post I make where it is... Wondering when it's coming back is completely reasonable, it's been a long time! but there's definitely a line haha

my editor also keeps randomly scheduling me and then saying "oh, btw you're scheduled to return in 3 weeks. Is that alright?" And I have to keep saying no, that's not alright??? And then dealing with that process...

I could write an essay about all the reasons it's not back yet, but that doesn't help me feel any less pressured, and it doesn't help you all get the rest of the comic any faster...

As of right now I'm scheduled to and trying to return october 21. No official announcement yet cause I have to do a lot of work in that time, but it's my official goal at least. When we get closer I'll be able to say for sure whether it's coming back on that date!

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

The Winged Servant - 9

content warnings: dehumanization/insulting the whumpee, threatening many characters, discussion of murder, breaking and entering, life threatening situations, yet another sword injury, dissociation

prev chapter | masterlist

There were more footsteps. Not loud, not close, but loud enough. Close enough.

“Your, um, Your Highnesses-”

“Stay out of this, you stupid bird,” Prince Cardan growled at me, and I nodded quickly.

“My apologies, Your Highness.” I pressed my back up against the wall as the footsteps got louder.

“See? You can’t even keep your stupid pet quiet,” Prince Cardan snapped at his brother. “Do you really think you two could take care of Kieran as well as I could?”

“He’s not a pet, Cardan. Oh my god, you’re insufferable! I forbid you from trying to kill Kieran in my place.”

“Forbid me? You’re not exactly in any position to stop me.”

“Yeah, because you attacked me! Do you even hear yourself?”

There was a gun pointed at my head before I'd even realized anyone was close enough to point one. “No funny business, or I shoot you.”

 If someone aims a weapon at you, then you do your best not to let that weapon touch you. That had been almost my only order tonight. That, and follow the prince. I wasn't supposed to let the gun rest against my temple the way it did now, but if I moved away-

I took a shaky breath, opening my eyes despite the fact that I hadn't really noticed them close. The princes were in a similar predicament, frozen in place while guards pulled guns off of their waists.

“Your Highnesses,” I whispered, trying desperately to find out what I was supposed to do, but the guard with a gun pointed at me squeezed my shoulder.

“Stay quiet if you know what's good for you.”

Prince Cardan scoffed. “Yeah, right. Kieran isn't consistent enough to run a country, and this is proof! He's got free speech protected in-”

“Yeah, not for you. You are being searched for weapons right now, and I won't have you conferring with each other.”

He opened his mouth, but Prince Ryan interrupted. “Cardan, I implore you not to do anything stupid right now.”

“You know what, Ry? That’s your other problem. You use big words that no one understands and get mad that no one listens.”

“... Implore? That big word that no one understands? Seriously?”

“Please stop talking,” the tallest guard said wearily. He stood watching in the corner, his hand resting on a weapon but not yet pointing it at any of us. “Every day I thank my lucky stars that Kieran took over. Wright, will you handcuff them?”

Prince Ryan glared as his arms were pulled behind his back, but he didn’t resist, didn’t flinch when fingers dug into the gash on his arm.

“What about the angel?” the guard—Wright?—asked.

I hadn’t been searched. It was obvious, probably, that I didn’t have a weapon, that I hadn’t moved an inch. Not since those first footsteps, when Prince Ryan had told me not to move until he said otherwise.

“What about the angel? Handcuff him too. If he somehow is innocent, we’ll find out at his trial.”

Wright tilted her head at me. “Angel. Did you help the twins break into the castle or not?”

I blinked slowly. “Break in?”

She glanced at the other guards. “He might be in shock or something. In which case, he’ll need medical care sooner rather than later.”

“He’s not in shock,” Prince Ryan huffed. “He just doesn’t know what’s going on. Yes, he helped us break in, he just didn’t know we were breaking in.”

“You watched them kill people and didn’t realize they were breaking in?” she asked me, and I frowned.

“The royal family doesn’t need explanations to carry out their will, ma'am. I'm supposed to do as they say without question. It's not really- it's not my business if we're breaking in or not.”

She promptly handcuffed me.

Prince Ryan had let himself be handcuffed, so I held still and went where they put me.

Prince Cardan did not.

He didn’t stand a chance, without weapons and surrounded by so many guards, but that didn’t stop him from trying. That didn't stop him from punching two people in the face and lunging toward me and shoving me in front of him.

I didn't move away when a weapon swung towards me, barely flinching as a blade hit my arm. I was good, I was a good servant, I could be good and hold still when I was punished and-

“Onyx,” someone snapped, and I looked up.

There was blood running down my arm. Prince Cardan had been apprehended and was in handcuffs. I was in handcuffs. Prince Ryan was in handcuffs, and glaring at me.

“Come on, Onyx,” he said. “Don’t start letting your brain drift now. You’ve been doing well tonight; you need to do well for a little while longer.”

“Apologies, Your Highness,” I managed to whisper, bowing my head toward him.

He glanced at the guards around us. “Well. No time like the present to throw us in the dungeon, hm?”

~

We weren’t taken to a dungeon, or a jail, or anywhere else that I would’ve assumed that this Kieran person put people who tried to overthrow him. Maybe he wouldn’t bother putting us anywhere—maybe this was a temporary fix while we awaited execution.

In any case, the guards brought us to what looked like… a guest bedroom.

The princes both looked upset, but stayed compliant as they were brought to their knees on the carpet. It was- it was nice carpet. Our carpet was not this soft, not this plush. I would kneel on this carpet for years if they'd like me to, I thought. 

Prince Ryan did not look as happy as me with our conditions. “Is your king too much of a pussy to put us in a real prison for grown-ups? Or does he think that he can give us hugs and words of affirmation and we'll realize that we've been bad people all along?”

“He doesn't think we'll be able to shut you up, that's for sure,” Wright muttered. “Here's the thing. The king has never once tried to convince someone to work overtime when they didn't want to. That's not a grace you'd ever extended, but we've gotten real fond of him. If he doesn't want to work overtime, we won't make him.”

“He hasn't stopped searching for us for five years. He won't wake up from his beauty sleep to say hi now?”

“Nope,” Wright agreed cheerfully. “He won't. He can deal with you first thing in the morning, and not a moment earlier.”

“And we'll all just… hang out here until then?”

“Mhm!”

“And the other people you've caught?” Prince Ryan’s eyes were narrowed, glancing at the obvious exits of the room. “They're in prison?”

“Some of them. Lucia is on her way here to wait with you—you three are a bit more of a priority than everyone else you roped into this.”

Suddenly, the prince’s eyes snapped to me, and I whimpered a bit. What was I supposed to do right now? It was treason to refer to the royal family with their first names, but I hadn't been the one doing that. Should I have been telling the guard not to? It wasn't my place to correct humans on what to do. Was it?

“The angel,” Price Ryan finally said, and I let out a breath of relief as I realized he was still talking to the guard. “Is he… priority? Like the royal family?”

“The Rao family,” Wright corrected. “You're not what we consider royalty around here. But the angel is… well, we're not sure about him. So Kieran gets to decide when he gets up.”

“What about-”

“Mr. Rao,” she said slowly. “You're being a little too nosy. To the point that I think I might need to worry a bit about what you're planning. I suggest you shut up until Kieran comes. You might be able to get a few hours of sleep if you start now.”

He swallowed, but leaned back against a wall silently.

Something was wrong. Something had gone very, very wrong. We'd been breaking in, the princes had said, and we'd gotten caught. And this place was under Kieran’s rule, which was ridiculous because everything was supposed to be under Her Majesty's rule.

The guard here had not called her “Her Majesty.” She'd called her by her first name. That was treason, and yet no one had seemed surprised and no one had contradicted her.

The princes were being quiet, like they'd been told to. And the princes never did what they were told to, so something was wrong. Something was wrong and I didn't know what and I needed to stay quiet and I needed someone to tell me what to do.

And all I was allowed to do was wait.

~

Taglist (lmk if you'd like to be added/removed!): @kaleidoscope-of-thoughts @toyybox @rainydaywhump @risk606

[seventh-district]

Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.

This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.

[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]

For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.

Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.

Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]

Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!

Sam's Part

I was a ten-year train wreck

Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.

In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."

I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.

It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.

With a last-call longneck

Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.

I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad

This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.

I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)

Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back

This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.

If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.

Not your fault, I was scared to fall

This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.

Darlin's Part

You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back

We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.

"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"

Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."

Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"

"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.

"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.

"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.

Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."

They scoff. "I am being serious."

Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."

"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."

He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."

He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"

Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"

He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."

They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."

In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.

They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.

"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."

They think about dead stars.

They think about time.

"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"

They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.

They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.

"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."

.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.

Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers

'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)

[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]

Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined

Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.

The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.

Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to

These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.

I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.

"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."

Equally Applicable Lines

And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break

Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.

(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.

But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)

-------

[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]

[digisurvive]

Keep thinking how immature Aoi gets in Wrathful, I'm so delighted lol Think about it this way: one of the important lessons Iori Hida 02 has to learn in order to grow up is to be able to contextualize his actions within the possibilities the circumstances offer so he can choose what causes less harm or is more fair beyond strict adherence to clear cut rules. His extremely black and white morality signals how childish he is (and this is fine because he's 9, I find very endearing how righteous he wants to be). Yet, in Wrathful, Aoi basically regresses to that kind of inflexible mentality. Every body must obey strictly (which she reads as well behaved), everyone must know their place and not act out of it, there must be no fighting nor conflict. She holds no nuance nor compassion for anyone that doesn't follow her rules to a tee.

Aoi even struggles with paralysis caused by her moralitiy crisis, too. While Iori's about lying and thust tailored to the fact he's 9, at the core of it is struggling to reconcile how acting in a way that is fair clashes with his view of what is correct behavior, which trips Aoi up, too. She gets a similar blockage where she feels incredibly torn if what she wants to do goes against social order. Thinking about how she also felt Shuuji was being unfair, so she likely wanted to do something more than just keeping her juniors in line... And in the end, couldn't even commit to preserving harmony that way because of her self-doubt about her own capacities as leader and troubled convictions. It feels very pointed that in part 6, Aoi is promising to actually get involved in mediating the group fights, coming at the tails of what happened with Shuuji.

Anyway, I love how we get that peek to her internal struggles in Wrathful. Like she correctly identifies as part of the issue that she can't step out of what she considers correct (and makes a lot of sense how much she likes the flippant Saki lol), yet Wrathful has her doubling down. I love the irony.

I also really enjoy how different her spin on a scrupolous work ethic is to Iori's because their different social positions (Iori being the youngest vs Aoi always being responsible for others), their age and gender. Endlessly fascinating to me.

[earl-grey-crow]

.

[muirmarie]

thinking about the internal logic for the magic system for my original stuff again. thinking about the fact that i spent a year writing (good!) and did not touch my original stuff at all (not great lmao) and that now that i've got myself back on the right path (words!) and have tried to beat into my silly, stubborn head that the important thing is to get things done and out of my sweaty, scared hands instead of clutching them too tightly and far too long trying to focus on making them as good as they can be (sigh), i really, really gotta apply that to my original stuff this next year (SIGH) even when i really don't wanna (SIGHHHHHHHH) so. yeah. i should probably crack that sucker open again and at the very least reread it. AFTER i finish this fic that i was supposed to finish last weekend lmao (say it with me: sigh).

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😟

[softceleste]

The fact I honestly thought I'd pull off playing College Craze and being normal about it, and then less than a week later I've already played it multiple times, made a duel MC au, a Pinterest board, and recreated some of the PopMe pages, is genuinely not lost on me.

[its-all-papaya]

i would like to write an essay about my first season as a formula one fan - about choosing Lando Nowins in March and ending the season smiling about a WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP - but i finish seasons every few months, and i never actually get any of the profound, poetic words out. because the world keeps moving. i'll switch off sky sports and i'll open my work laptop and i'll forget to process that this is the last time i'll do that in 2024. i'll write game dates down in my planner and forget that i don't have to check the f1 schedule tab of my browser anymore, not for awhile. i'll watch other teams in other sports and cheer for other athletes that i love, and i'll never really let the sadness or the accomplishments sink in, because i'll never really remember to. maybe i'll watch another championship before march. maybe i'll win one. but i'll keep writing down dates - keep checking that tab - and in a blink, it'll be time again to wake up at 4am on fridays and grind my teeth on sunday mornings and smile when lando smiles and send 45 texts in a row, all caps, to people who don't care about oscar piastri. i won't spend days waiting for f1 to start again - i haven't got time to - but i know this: next march, when i wake up before dawn for round one, i'll feel all the months all at once. i'll think "how did i go so long without this?" and "is it really time again already?" at the same time, in the same way, and i've never done it in formula one, but i've been a sports fan long enough to know this: it's going to feel just like coming home.