#i've been threatening myself to do this so here u go

[tiredassmage]

the many jackets and that one set of boots i must really fuckin’ like (i do) of cipher nine, lmao. base game - makeb edition.

if he starts collecting rifles like len did pistols, so help me, i won’t be able to handle the (lack of) inventory slots.

i’ll give you a ramble about them beneath the cut; that’s how these things usually go, right? xD (send help)

the red blade - hutta edition! fashion is an agent’s greatest weapon. agent gives me an excuse to dress them up from the second they’re born into the game and i milk it for all its worth. he needs to wear this jacket more often. he looks cozy in it. puts him in his thundershirt emotional support pirate jacket.

lightweight tactical - generalized home turf, lightweight ‘fit. glory to the empire and all that patriotic imperial officer jazz.

stealing theron’s jacket - he will inevitably actually steal theron’s jacket. eventually (and theron will steal at least half of his). but right now, he doesn’t know what a theron is. home turf overcoat good for getting caught in the kaas city rains and telling your enemies (hunter) that you have a better bitchin’ jacket than them. just a nice damn jacket.

for the resistance! - terror cell infiltration on balmorra. trying not to let sanju get himself killed. possible resurgence of the low-key comfy trenchcoat on makeb. when we need to look convincingly unimperial.

light armor stealth - “sir, your emotional support trenchcoat will not protect you from poisoned blades.” when i needed to put him in something a bit more physically protective than bubble wrap. a mask to open the tattooine arc because of suspected betrayal from the ghost cell contact. enough armor to feel not like a tissue paper unicorn on the frontlines of corellia, but not enough to turn him from a stealth operative into storming the bastion.

cold weather - the return of the king. alderaanian mercenary work. almost getting killed on hoth. the man, the myth, the legend, the return of one of his almost iconic outfits i had him wear way too much in his first playthrough. the outfit that made me realize he looks damn good in this green. (it’s a little unfair.)

casual - something a bit more off the job. something potentially for a defecting cipher agent. kaliyo drags him to bars and he has to look nice. kaliyo drags him to a lot of shit that doesn’t always go well, but at least he looks good dealing with it akdfndslfdsf.

belsavis - jostling with the bounty hunter for title of republic’s most wanted. orchestrator of prison heists. he’s not paying them in credits. smart ass, hard ass, nice ass. ahhem. (rip belsavis crew, he might’ve genuinely liked some of you if he hadn’t been ruthlessly using you to destroy a galactic conspiracy.)

sith intelligence - a little out of order. cropped up a few times as a dressier sort of uniform. good for play-pretending at more diplomatic aims on voss. bonus fact: he gets adopted by my emperor’s wrath post class-story to keep an eye on the bickering dark council. savosta is tired of their bullshit derailing the war effort and he is just one fuckin’ guy. him and tyr shaking hands about being done with this shit.

bonus!!!

imperial officer - i can’t keep a straight face too long. standard imperial officer affair. my brain is generating a generic bad guy (mustache twirling levels) imperial officer image every time i see him in this that just makes me crack. i’m still mad he looks good in this. i can’t take me or him seriously about it, but he looks good. and also putting him in the little cap shaves like 10 years off of him and then i get emotional about all of the damage the class story does and we don’t TALK about that sO. it gets to stay on the merit of i know this is something he’s worn at least once. nebulous interlude outfit. (the secondary color picked from this jacket not being black was INCREDIBLY jarring btw, it comes up this bright like red-orange thing and like holy facial hair of the emperor that was. hmm. that was a thing. that happened.)

[rebelfell]

spoilers for Special Delivery Cinematic Universe (SDCU 🍕) sort of but I gotta ask. did Eddie wait until we fell asleep to relieve himself of his massive boner? did he try to sleep it off? did he have a wet dream about us?? MORNING WOOD??? 🤨🎤 spill, Sarah‼️

Babe, have I told you lately I’m obsessed with you? Pls have something soooooo stupid from my brain for your troubles 😉

It didn't take long at all for your breathing to turn deep and even. No more than a minute after you came had you fallen fully and completely asleep. And Eddie might’ve drifted off right behind you, were it not for one very pressing matter.

Quickly and silently as he could, he slipped out from underneath your comforter and skulked off to the bathroom in shame. The front of his boxers were a mess—darkened with splotches of precum already beginning to dry and fucking freezing when they stuck obstinately to his skin.

He'd come way too close to blowing completely, rutting against your mattress over and over while he explored your folds and lost himself wholly in chasing your release. And he’d genuinely almost exploded when you reached down to touch him.

But he didn't want it to happen like that.

He'd been waiting for this so long, he didn't want to ruin it and your sheets in one fell swoop.

He was paying the price now, though. His cock was angry and aching, twitching like it knew you were still in the next room. Screeching like a little kid in the backseat of a minivan who spied the Golden Arches through the windows.

For like a millisecond, he considered taking care of it right there. There was a whole stack of fluffy hand towels on the sink just beckoning. He could probably sneak it out with him, burn it like it was a piece of damning evidence in a murder trial, use the pizza oven as an incinerator—

Eddie’s head fell forward, unable to even look at himself in the mirror at that thought.

What if you woke up? What if you heard him?

What if you appeared in the doorway with a coy smile and a flirty wink when you caught him in flagrante and asked if he needed a hand?

No, no, no, NO—thinking like that was not going to help this problem go away anytime soon.

But the pizza oven did give him an idea…

"Yyyyyyellow?"

Argyle answered his phone chipper as ever even at nearly two o’clock in the morning. And Eddie whispered his own greeting, glancing over his shoulder, keeping an ear out for you.

“Oh, heeeeeeey buddy,” Argyle replied, sounding entirely too pleased with himself. Outright smug. “Whatcha doin’ on this bueno notte?”

Reluctantly, Eddie admitted he was calling from your bathroom. And then had to pull the phone away from his ear as Argyle's loud whoop threatened to crack his eardrums.

“I fucking knew it, man! You're welcome by the way. So what happened? Did you stuff her crust? She tie your garlic knot?”

“Arg, please—”

“What?! I'm sorry, I masterminded this whole freakin' thing and don't even get the dirty deets? That's bogus, man. Last time I help you get laid.”

"Arg, seriously. I've got a problem here. I, uh...I got myself kinda worked up while we were…doing stuff. And now I’ve gotta sleep next to her—”

“Ahhh, gotcha. Say no more, compadre. As usual, I’ll take care of this,” he said.

"Wait, what? What are you gonna do?" Eddie hissed into the receiver, but the line had already gone dead. And not two seconds later, his phone buzzed in his hand as a message came through.

Eddie tapped the notification to open it and just about groaned out loud, barely catching himself in time to stop the sound as his screen filled with a grainy picture of Argyle’s fully bare ass.

dude, what the fuck???

desperate times, my man. u lowered your flag pole or do I need to break out the big guns? (the big guns are my nards)

Eddie rolled his eyes and started hastily typing back, only to stop when he realized the pressure in his lower half had been substantially relieved. He deleted the angry message he’d started to write and replaced it with another one.

keep the big guns holstered.

thanks

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ yeah, okay. maybe you're sad.

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm, mommy issues (dw there's A LOT of fluff and cuddles and hugging and it all ends up alright) this is just talked about but it can still be triggering!!!!! pls take care of yourselves!!!!!!!! my dms are open :)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ wasn't planning on posting this but i love validation. also, this is not like cannon ellie i guess?? i did a really bad characterization bc i used this as a vent and i just wanted comfort lmao. hope this still makes y'all feel seen or fucking something. btw this first part is really boring hehe, i wrote this when i was in a rush and in a train and i was tired and sad so i don't mind if it flops lol

i hate this so much idk why i'm posting this as my first pots. aghh. here u go ig. don't hate on me. bye.

(not proofread, sorry abt that)

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

you look so out of it

pull it together

we can love you

forever and ever

I've recently moved in with Ellie after weeks of looking for someone to move in.

I had checked other apartments, but this was the one that didn't smell like there was a corpse under my feet, hidden from the light beneath the floor and it didn't look like it was haunted by ghosts. The walls weren't chipping away, also, so that was a plus. There's no denying that getting used to living with someone else was difficult, but it was the only alternative to live away from my parents. Not to mention I had developed feelings for Ellie—she's beautiful, with those eyes and auburn hair, and her tattoos just make her look fucking badass.

After a few weeks, I settled in with her: we both have a routine, and established unspoken rules, and now it's comfortable living with her.

Tonight was a lovely night—I had already finished everything I had to do, and I didn't have an exam until next week, probably—until I got a call from my mother. I know I can't run away from this one. She always threatens to unroll me from college and take me home when I don't answer her calls. And I know she's capable of doing so.

“Hello?” I said as I went out to the kitchen, to take a glass of water.

“You know, most people say something sweet when they answer their mother.”

I roll my eyes, even if she can't see me. It was just a fucking hello.

“What happened, Mom?” I ask, not wanting to fight.

She takes a second to answer, “Well—I was looking at some resources and there are a lot near your area…”

She takes a second to answer, “Well—I was looking at some resources and there are a lot near your area…”

“Resources about what?”

“Therapy. Conversion therapy.”

It takes all of myself not to gasp, or cry. I don't know. I hear Ellie going out of her room, and walking towards the kitchen. I don't care if she's here; I haven't been caring about anything these past few days.

“Okay,” Is all you say. I don't know how to answer, or what to do. I leave the glass on the aisle with trembling hands.

“That's all you have to say?”

“I—I don't know what you want me to say.”

“‘Thank you’, maybe?” I stay quiet, I don't want to thank her, I don't want her to speak to me ever again. “You could also get therapy for, you know…”

“For what, mother?”

“The cutting. Your scars—I always thought they looked repulsive. No one is going to lov—”

I hung up before she could say anything else. I hate her. I hate my mother. I can't even believe she's a mother, let alone mine. I suddenly feel the need to hurt, and I hate to admit it, but my mother has always been right about the way they look—so I just shut my eyes and try to breathe. It always helps—deep breathing, that is. I have to remind myself that I'm clean. I've been clean for months. Maybe even a year, I lost count.

“You okay?”

Ellie's voice almost makes me flinch, already having forgotten about her. I open my eyes as she walks over to me and lays her elbows on the aisle, while I rest my back on the counter behind her.

I look at her, with a knot in my throat, “I'm fine.”

“Your mother…” She makes a pause, short enough to not make me go crazy, “Is she, like, a pain in the ass?”

I chuckle at that as I cross my arms, “Yeah.”

“If it gets too bad, you can talk to me. I don't mind. And my dad has some contacts, we can maybe scare your mother away.”

“It's okay,” I tell her with a smile. “I can manage.”

“I know,” She smiles, and I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest.

Before I say anything I regret, I go to your room with my door open—a technique I've acquired to avoid hurting myself.

I sit at my desk and look up conversion therapy first, I want to know what this is all about—I know that it's harmful to people in the community, that it leaves you screwed and fucked up. I don't like what pops up on my screen, so I close the tab and go to another one—where I search for therapy. The real one.

I went to a lot of therapy sessions, but my mother was always behind them, so I don't know if it ever was effective. I like this one a lot better. It should be helpful. It will help, I know that for a fact.

I'm having dinner with Ellie, which we normally do—today we ordered, since we were hungry and it always takes a little while to prep a meal—when I think to ask her about the topic.

“Do you know any therapy center?” I ask her. “Or the number of a therapist? Whatever.”

If she's curious, she doesn't show it. She stops chewing on her food, then looks at me; then continues to chew, and after she swallows she speaks, “Sure, I have some friends that go to the same therapist, so it's completely trustworthy, I guess. I can ask for the number.”

I wipe my mouth with the napkin on my side, “Yeah, that'd be alright.”

Ellie takes a sip from her cup and then looks at me, “You okay, though…?”

“I'm fine, just—you know, making sure everything's okay.”

She nods, “Got it—I was just asking.”

After my first therapy session, I ended up tired. My therapist—which feels weird to say out loud and even in my head—is a nice lady in her thirties who looks like a hippie.

I've realized I tend to lie a lot—I didn't talk about self-harm or my mother. Or anything else, really. Just about the movie Speak, and then almost cried when talking about the weather.

So, “Yeah, it went well,” is my answer when Ellie asks how it went, sitting in her car. She picked me up since I had taken my car to maintenance.

“Okay, then,” she says once the car engine starts. She connects her phone to Bluetooth, and we listen to music for a while. Ellie places her hand on my knee when I start bouncing my leg, which sends shivers down my spine and gives my brain something to think of that isn't any of my shit. “Do you want to go eat something?”

“Sure,” I accept. Her thumb makes little circles on my knee. I wonder if she knows what she's doing, her eyes are still fixated on the road. My heart does the flutter thing that it did a few days back again, and my core heats up.

She doesn't want you, I try to convince myself. She's your friend, she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think she'll leave.

When we arrived at the restaurant, we ordered a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we wouldn't finish if we ate it separately.

When we arrive at the restaurant, we order a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we won't finish if we ate it separately.

“So, how's work?” I ask when we're waiting for our food.

“It's going well, I guess.”

“You guess?”

"I just hate my boss."

I furrow my eyebrows, “do you want to talk about it?”

“It's fine, he just sucks. But well, Jesse is postulating to—you know, be a boss; that fucker.”

I chuckle, “Well, I like Jesse.” I soon realize what I said, and my cheeks go red. “Not in a, uh, romantic way or anything. You know. Fuck. He's just nice.”

“Just nice?”

“I like you better than him,” I blurt out, which only adds to my embarrassment.

Oh, oh.

I like Ellie.

Fuck, yeah. You do.

Who am I kidding, I knew I did. From the start—from the first time she looked at me, for the first time touched my hand and spoke to me; for the first time she played guitar for me and made dinner because she knew how tired I was.

Ellie is flushed. I can tell.

“Oh, do you?” She asks with a grin.

The waitress comes with our food, and leaves the plate. I look at her, she looks at me at Ellie and then leaves.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and lay my elbow on the table, with my chin propped up in my hand.

“What if I do?”

She bites her lip, looks at mine and then at the food, “The food's getting cold.”

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Did that actually happen, or was it my imagination? Holy shit. Shit! Fucking fuck.

It leaves me thinking, but my thoughts leave when I hear her laughter after I crack a joke.

We take the stairs up the apartment, and we laugh all the way up. We just laugh and laugh and laugh because she said something and now I'm almost falling to the floor from how much my stomach hurts.

“Stop,” I say when we get to our apartment door. I keep laughing because Ellie's laughing too and she can't open the door. “My stomach hurts.”

She looks at me and laughs. Idiot. I laugh, too.

“Hey!” We hear our neighbor say. “Quiet down!”

“We're sorry!” I exclaim back, as he closes his door.

Ellie giggles, “You're so fucking dumb, I'm not sorry at all.”

“Shut up,” I say.

“Oh, make me.”

And then—oh, god—and then, and then she looks at me as the curvature of my lips goes down, and then I kiss her.

I kissed her. I fucking did. Me, not her—not Ellie's brave and confident ass, but mine. The butterfly in my chest flutters harder when she kisses back. She puts both of her hands on my waist and deepens the kiss, while my hand moves from her cheeks to her neck, then finds its way to her torso.

Ellie manages to open the door without breaking the kiss, and then she shuts the door with her foot.

“We should—” I speak between kisses. “Ellie—couch.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay.”

Our tongues fight, but our souls mend and I find my way to her in every sense. 

[urmomspersonalwhore]

hi!! i love the way u write sm, also.. I've had this idea for a while!!!!! yandere yukong.. getting jealous bc reader was getting toooooo 'touchy' w other women and then yandere!yukong gets angry!! in other words, yukong tying up and manhandling the reader harshly b4 pounding into r mercilessly :33 (yukong has a dig bick >///<)

You two were at a party

Often, Yukong made you stay by her side whenever you were in crowds. Instead, you wandered off, conversing with other people.

As a greeting, you gave them hugs and even held their shoulders when laughing.

Your partner's eyes narrowed at your interactions with the guests.

Who do you think you are?

She started to become irritated, no longer able to control herself. Her hand wrapped around your arm.

"Sorry ladies, have to steal her for a bit." Her voice had a snarky tone, before dragging you away from them. You were a bit confused by the sudden appearance of her, raising a brow as you tried to question her actions.

"Yukong, wha-" The fox-eared lady pinned against the wall in a secluded room. Her hand covering your mouth to keep you quiet.

Even she wasn't making a single noise.

Her mouth attacked to your neck as she sucked and occasionally some bite marks. A whine left your vocals as you tried to protest,

"We can't do it here." You tried to say originally, unfortunately the hand covering you mouth made it muffled.

The large ears of hers, twitched from the incoherent words you made.

A small growl was made by her as she pushed you onto your knees. Her hands worked to take off her belt and unbutton her pants. She then looked back at you, moving her hands away to let you do the rest.

You gulped, moving her underwear aside to reveal the woman’s throbbing cock.

It was at least 7 inches. Honestly, you don't know how you've been taking it.

Your tongue wet your lips as you inserted it into your mouth. A groan escaped Yukong’s vocals. You bobbed your heard up and down, even licking it sometimes. Her hand reached to push your head deeper, causing you to gag. You relaxed, breathing through your nose before continuing to suck her off.

Once she considered it was wet enough, the kitsune-like woman roughly grabbed your arm. Making you stand up, again.

She ripped your clothing including your undergarments off of you.

“Yukong! How am I gonna cover myself up?” you whined to her, to which she responded

“And why not show your body? Since you love to let people touch you.”

Oh.

That's what it was about.

“I was just-” “Shut up” She turns your body around to be pressed up against a counter, aligning her shaft to your wet cunt. You held the edge of the wooden furniture for support as she slowly inserted her cock. A whimper left your trembling lips.

She gave false hope that she was going to be slow by the way she was going so soft on you. However, only a minute after she began thrusting so hard it felt as if she was going to slice you in half.

A hand held your hip while the other went into your mouth to lower the volume of your loud moans.

Gagging you with three of her fingers.

Her merciless abuse of your pussy made tears prick at your eyes. Threatening to fall every time she pounded you like there was no tomorrow.

Next to your ear could only hear the panting and grunting of Yukong. It sounded like a dog in heat.

“They can't..fuck you- like this can they?” she had managed to say between groans. You couldn't even respond with the fingers filming up your mouth so you shook your head.

You were practically sobbing and it thrilled her, the look on your face was enough to make her thrust even harder.

She whimpered as your walls tightened around her cock.

You wanted to beg for release but your mouth was too occupied.

With the way she was becoming messy and less coordinated, you could tell she also was close.

A hand was raised as it strikes your ass, and soon after her fingers left your mouth. Yukong grabbed both of your hands and restrained them behind your back, while her other hand with wet fingers pushed your head against the counter. Tears leaving a puddle below you.

You were certain that anyone who passed by the door was bound to know what was happening.

But she didn't care, she just wanted to ruin you. A loud almost scream escaped your throat as she hit that sweet spot so harshly.

She busied her mouth by leaving more marks on your back. Sweat rolling off the two of you.

Your vision was so blurry, especially from the tears.

She then turned you around. Hoistering you up to have you on the counter, papers, and documents flying around as she didn't stop her abuse.

The hand that restricted yours, now holds your hip with the other on your throat.

She panted heavily as her eyes were heavy, but still couldn't look away from the euphoric scene

She bit so fucking hard on your neck as she came inside you, not pulling out as to keep her hot and sticky fluid inside you. You whined, both of your cum mixing, some even dropping down onto the floor.

Once she pulled out, a pout forming at the empty feeling.

“We’re not done yet.” She growled to you, grabbing her belt.

Note

Hope you enjoyed it! Yukong is so😩

©urmomspersonalwhore — please do not copy, repost or translate onto any other platforms without my permission.

[mxqdii]

WHERE IS PART THREE

IM LITTERALY DYING TI READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXTTTTTTY

also I have a request

so reader is dating Sam or Colby (you pick❤️). Reader is alone at a haunted location with just Sam or just Colby (does this make sense?) say it was Sam, they are just the two of them and say there were trespassers and they were threatening the two and reader has a panic attack and Sam defend them (Sam or Colby) and calm reader down on the way home.

is that doable?

when part three comes can you tag my other acc

@anythingsamandcolby

take my breath away - c.b

pairings: colby brock x reader

summary: a day with the boys doesn't go as expected

warning(s): panic attacks, mention of ghosts (??) idk.

a/n: so i see u said just the two of them, but i only realized after i finished writing it... i'm sorry! i hope this is still okay 😭

not proofread

"are you guys sure this is a good idea?" i say as me, sam and colby enter the gate

"too late now! unlocking that gate took forever" sam says, walking ahead

"we're all gonna die" i mumble sarcastically, scoffing at the boys skipping together joyfully

we decided not to vlog this one, since, well..

we're trespassing.

it's okay though! atleast that's what the boys told me (and what i'm telling myself)

"hey, you okay?" colby, my boyfriend, asks.

"yeah i'm fine, just worried about being shot by a police officer" i say, giving him a look

"calm down, we'll be fine!" he speaks over confidently

"whatever you say" i groan

"woah! guys this place is so cool, let's use the spirit box here" sam yells from ahead, taking off his backpack and grabbing the box

we all listen, hearing a few random meaningless words, until...

my phone starts buzzing, which makes us all jump

"sorry, my alarm- it's midnight if anyone cares" i say, signaling for us to get out of here

"leave" the spirit box says

"yes please- wait was that the box?" i mumble

"trespassing" the box says

"run"

"guys i don't like this.." i mumble, reaching over to grab colby, looking over realizing he's nowhere to be found

"g-guys?" i say, realizing i've been left alone with only the spirit box

"guys this isn't funny. you got me okay? i'm scared." i yell into the distance, hoping to be met with colby's voice or sams laughter

but i don't hear that, instead something worse

the bushes besides me start rustling, and i feel tears brim my eyes

"h-hello?" i almost whisper

this is too much. i wanna go home.

my legs start moving before i can think and i run back to the car, hoping to find sam and colby there, but no.

i realize, i don't have the keys, leaving me in the dark parking lot surrounded by woods, alone.

okay, it's fine, i'm fine, i'll call them.

NO SERVICE

this is when i start freaking out, because what am i supposed to do now??

the only thing i can think to do, cry.

i let myself lean against the locked car door, eventually curling into a ball on the floor

i'm currently a sobbing mess at midnight, alone and cold.

the more i'm sat here with my thoughts, the harder it gets to breathe, causing me to panic.

i try to calm my breathing but can't, colby always helped me with panic attacks, i need colby.

i don't know how much time passed, but eventually, i felt hands on my shoulders and looked up to see colby

thank god.

"colby-" i try to say more but the words get caught in my throat

"shh, baby it's okay. breathe for me okay?" he says

he sits down to my level, pulling me into his lap

"i'm so sorry. we thought it'd be funny to hide but we got lost, i'm so sorry baby that wasn't funny, i know." he hushes my cries, helping me with my breathing along the way

his hands stroking my hair and his smooth rhythm of breaths calm me down,.

(even though his heart is racing)

i snap out of my panic, looking up at him.

i shove my fist into his chest, not hard enough to hurt bad

(as if you could)

"ow!" he says, almost out of instict

"never do that again" i huff

"never again." he repeats back to me, kissing my forehead.

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @anythingsamandcolby

[fanficsformyfaves]

And I've Been Meaning To Tell You, I Think Your House Is Haunted

Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

WARNING: ANGST, Emotionally and Physically Abusive Relationship with Father, Hurt to Comfort

PREFACE: After a fight with her dad, Reader runs back up to her room, when she hears someone at her window

A/N: Phone calls are Colored and in Bold!

Sidney and Billy aren't together and Billy and Stu are not a killers in this A/U!

"YOU'RE A SHIT DAD! YOU DRIVE MOM AWAY BY CHEATING ON HER AND NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU SOLD MY CAR?! FOR WHAT?! TO BUY MORE FUCKING BOOZE?!", I scream,

Shoving him backwards. Just then, my father slaps me across me the face, causing a gasp to escape me as a result. I hold the stinging hand mark on my cheek, as the ringing began to pick up in my ears.

"Bitch to someone that fucking cares", he spits,

Sitting back down and picking up another bottle.

"Kill yourself", I say under my breath,

Before storming back up to my room and slamming the door behind me.

My life was a living nightmare that I couldn't escape from. Ever since my mom left, everything went to shit. All my father ever did was turn to alcohol to fill that void and he used me as the punching bag to distract himself from his own misery.

I wanted to go with her, but she was already gone before I even knew what happened. The only reason I found out was by reading the note she left on the kitchen counter when I woke up that morning.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

As I sat on the foot of my bed, struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill and remembering the pain I felt on the day day she left, I hear something rustle on the other side my window.

"What the fuck?", I mutter to myself,

Getting back up. I reluctantly make my way to the window and open it to look outside.

At first, I don't see anything, but then I feel a hand grab at my wrist, making me scream at the top of my lungs, as I pulled away.

"Hey...it's just me", Billy reassures,

"Billy? What the-"

"I'm sorry. Don't hate me", he interrupts,

While climbing through to the inside of my room.

"What are you doing here?", I question,

"I heard you screaming from down the street", he answers,

Dusting himself off.

Billy and I met during sophomore year and got together a few months later. Him and his friends were the only people I actually enjoyed hanging out with. My dad never cared about me, so it was nice to have people that did. Whenever another fight would happen, they'd always insist on me staying the night at one of theirs.

"It's fine", I sigh in defeat,

Sitting back down on my bed.

"Doesn't sound like it", he joins me,

Before taking my hand into his.

"Look, I ain't gonna make you tell me anything you don't want to...but I'm worried about you, kid", he caresses the back of my hand,

As I nervously chew at my bottom lip.

"You know I'm always here to listen"

"It just sucks, Billy. He fucked up things up with my mom and now he's fucking things up for me", I explained,

He shakes his head, tucking a rouge strand of hair behind my ear. It was just then he notices the hand mark on my cheek.

"What the fuck?", he exclaims,

"Billy-"

"Did he fucking hit you?", he cuts off,

"Yes, but, it doesn't matter-"

"Like hell, it doesn't!", he yells,

Getting off the bed and rushing towards my door, when I make a desperate attempt to stop him by wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Billy, please don't!", I shriek,

Not wanting to make things were.

"That son of a bitch can't just hurt you and get away with it!"

"Billy", I sob,

Unable to hold back the tears from spilling any longer. His body softens and he looks back at me from underneath his arm.

"It'll only make things worse, please", I pleaded,

Seeing how distraught I was, he takes a deep breath and turns to hold me tight in his arms.

"Okay, fine"

"He'll hurt you too. Just...please don't"

I would've never been able to forgive myself if something happened to Billy.

"Hey, look at me", he says,

Pulling away and holding my warm face in his hands.

"I'm not letting you stay here. My old man's out of town for the week, so you can stay at mine"

"I couldn't impose-"

"It's not imposing, if I ask"

"I'd make me feel a lot better to know you were fine and what better way to make sure of that, then to have you stay with me?"

"I don't know, Billy"

On one hand, my dad couldn't give less of a shit where I slept, but on the other, I hated feeling like a charity case.

"Look, we could invite the gang over and watch some scary movies. I know you're a sucker for those", he suggests,

Making me laugh to myself.

"We could even stop by the store and get you your favorite snacks, obviously, it's my treat", he added,

Taking my hands into his. I couldn't help but sigh contently at his sweet he was. Every time we were together, it felt like nothing else mattered, except us in that moment.

"So?"

I take a moment, before finally agreeing.

"That does sound nice"

"Yes! Alright, pack your shit and meet me outside. My car's parked down the street, so I need to get it", he exclaims excitedly,

Pressing his lips go mine, as I giggle at his eagerness.

"I'll call everyone and let them know we're meeting at yours"

"Sounds like a plan. See you in a minute", he says,

Hurrying out the window. I pick up the landline and dial up Tatum and Sidney first. A few rings go by and they both answer at the same time.

Sid: Hello?

Tate: Hey!

Me: Hey, so, impromptu movie sesh at Billy's. Are you girls' down?

Tate: Hell yeah!

Sid: I'd love to, but my dad would freak if I asked to go to Billy's house

Tate: Then, don't tell him? Just say you're staying at mine

Sid: I don't know-

Tate: We're going

Sid: Tate!

Tate: Oh, come on, Sidney, I'll pick you up!

Me: I really want you guys there. I'm inviting the guys too and I'd rather not drown in all that testosterone

Tate: Exactly! We can't just leave our girl to fend for herself!

Me: Pretty please with the juiciest cherries on top?!

Sid: *Sighs* Alright. I'm packing a bag

Tatum: Awesome! I'll be there in 10

Me: Kk, see you there! Just gotta call up Bert and Ernie

I joke, before hanging up and putting in their numbers in. As I waited, I began stuffing my backpack with pajamas, toiletries, my books for tomorrow and a change of clothes.

The moment I was done pulling up the zipper, Stu finally answered the call.

Stu: Hellooo

Me: Hey, Stu! Got a minute?

Stu: Oh, I've got all the time in the world for you, gorgeous

Me: *Scoffs*

Just then, Randy joins the call.

Randy: Hello?

Stu: Ugh, why'd you add rat-boy?

Randy: If I'm rat-boy, what the hell does that make you?

Stu: Incredibly sexy in comparison?

Randy: You know what-

Me: Jesus, could we please cut the biggest-dick-contest short?

Randy: He started it!

Stu: Oh, grow a pair!

Me: GUYS!

I scold, finally causing them to fall silent.

Me: I was just about to invite you for a movie night at Billy's, but if you two fucknuts can't get along-

Stu and Randy: No!

Stu: I mean...fine. We'll behave, Ms.(Y/L/N)

He promises in a sarcastic tone, making me roll my eyes.

Me: Just get to Billy's

I eventually hang up the phone, pick up my stuff and climbed out the window. Just as he promised, there Billy was, waiting for me in his car. I hop in and he turns up the music.

"You ready?"

I smile and kissed him once more.

"Hell yeah"

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

[sokkastyles]

Hey!, I love your atla meta and zutara posts.

I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this. So if u don't mind, what do you think about this?

After a break from the atla fandom bcz the discourse lowkey left me exhausted and traumatized. This was'nt pleasant.

Maybe it's bcz this feels like someone read a zutara post and is trying to paint smth similar to it with maiko , but for some reason, this makes me feel kinda sick.

Thoughts?

I think I've responded to this sentiment before because there's a lot to unpack with the idea that Mai "loved Zuko unconditionally," because first of all, she didn't. Their relationship only began because Azula decided it would be more beneficial to bring Zuko back as an ally than as an enemy. If things had gone as expected, Zuko would have been brought back to the fire nation as a prisoner, and he would have been spending the trip home in a cell like Iroh instead of smooching Mai. We have no idea whether Mai might have been distressed by this possibility and the hand she would have played in it, and the show gets her off the hook from having to have feelings about it because things just happen to work out so that she doesn't have to and she gets a boyfriend instead of the knowledge that she helped destroy the life of the boy she had a crush on when they were kids. I actually asked myself once whether she would have cared, and even attempted to write a fic where I started out thinking that Mai would actually try to break Zuko out of prison, but that's not what ended up happening as I channeled Mai's character. Here's the fic by the way.

My point is that their relationship is conditional. It's conditional on Zuko choosing to side with the fire nation. That's why he has to break up with her when he realizes that's not what he wants anymore, and when he tries to explain that to her, she refuses to understand it. And then when she decides to get back together with him, it's conditional, too. She literally tells him never to break up with her again. That's not something you say to a person you love unconditionally, because unconditional love means allowing someone to make their own choices, even if it means letting them go. I'm not even sure you can claim Mai loved Zuko before his banishment, either, since all we see is her blushing once when they were kids. The most you can say is she had a kiddie crush.

I've also seen people say that she loves him unconditionally because she's willing to get back together with him despite not agreeing with his morals, and as I've already said, that isn't true, because she threatens him with ultimatums, and she makes Zuko promise something he can't keep. They broke up because of their differing morals, and since that doesn't change, Zuko is likely to do the same thing again, just like he did at the Boiling Rock when Mai thought he would just back down if she yelled and threw things enough.

But also, the idea that unconditional love in this particular instance is a good thing is something I have to question in the first place. Unconditional love is a lofty phrase, but there are absolutely things that SHOULD be conditional in relationships, and having the same morals and ideals is one of those things. Especially since Zuko is the Fire Lord and his beliefs about politics and ethics will affect the future of his country. This isn't just a difference of opinion, it's something that makes them fundamentally incompatible and it's never resolved. And using it to claim that Mai "loves him unconditionally" because she's willing to stay with him even though they have fundamentally different ideals rubs me the wrong way.

Which leads me back to why I think people make these arguments in the first place, and I agree that it's nauseating. Because often when people say this, they're making some kind of implication that Zuko was so horrible to her and he should be grateful to her that she's willing to stick with him. And not only is that a shitty thing to do to someone in a relationship, but it is not unconditional love. It's gaslighting. It's especially creepy because Zuko has already had enough of that shit in his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is, not despite who he is, and that kind of love is not real love to begin with. People are like "oh, but she saved him!" Yeah, she was the reason he was in danger in the first place, though. "Oh, but she put up with his anger and jealousy!" He was angry and jealous because she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her that he was hurting. "But she isn't his therapist!" Literally shut up. I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't think I've ever seen a fictional relationship be accidentally written like an abusive relationship the way this one is, and it's even worse given that Zuko already has a history of abuse.

And yeah, I agree I think people try to make this argument to counteract Zutara, because Zutara is so much about change. Zuko had to change to have a friendship with Katara, so to counteract people try to make Mai a more appealing partner because she "accepted" him even when he was a mess. But the thing is, as I outlined above, not only is this not true, because Mai isn't particularly accepting. But the other thing is that changing, becoming a better person for someone else, is a good thing. Not being fixed by a relationship, but being willing to become better for the person you love. Katara may not have loved Zuko when he was a villain, but she believed he could change, and that actually is unconditional love, the right kind of unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that makes people better and doesn't come with obligations. Mai loving Zuko when he's a confused mess isn't all that impressive since his abusive father and sister also "loved" him when he was enough of a mess to be kept under their thumb. This is abuser logic. And it's even more transparent because the second Zuko stands up for himself and takes steps to become a better, happier version of himself, Mai can't stand it and refuses to listen to his reasons, and then continues to act like he'll just shut up and put up if she tells him to.

This sounds harsh but a lot of it isn't directed at Mai necessarily, who is a fictional character who suffers from being underwritten and used by writers with an agenda. But the people who make these arguments that don't seem to realize how much they reek of abuse apologism, about a character whose narrative is so much about overcoming abuse? They can absolutely shut up.

Zuko doesn't owe Mai - or anyone - anything no matter how much she loved him or for how long.

I'd also question whether she made him "happier than we've ever seen him." Half those screenshots don't even show Zuko happy. Another one is when Zuko is commiserating with Mai over "hating the world." The last one is when Zuko is surprised that Mai doesn't hate him. So much for unconditional love.

[newlabournewromantics]

tbgb x panic! at the disco: comprehensive guide

from someone who's been a panic scholar since i was eleven and a tbgb scholar since i was fifteen (i know what im on about)

this is intended to be a positive and helpful informative etc post bc ive been seeing some terrible misinformation online about this specific crossover and I feel the need to correct it

ill list each album bar vlv and then list every song from that album which I believe is tbgb-applicable and newlab-applicable and give a/some particularly relevant lyrics ok lets go

most important ones r in red btw

afycso

only difference: "oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention, I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives"

london beckoned: the whole song?? literally like "slightly clever to just a certain extent" "make us it make us hip make us scene"

time to dance: was hesitant to include bc it is about a book but "give me envy give malice give me your attention" is so them (nothing else though)

i constantly thank god for esteban: "'cause I am a new wave gospel, sharp, and you'll be thy witness"

pretty. odd.

she's a handsome woman: ok to get this one you have to understand my own personal theory that this song is about a gay man coming to terms w his sexuality. trust me it works "wink, just don't put your teeth on me" etc

folkin around "you've never been so divine in accepting your defeat, and i've never been more scared to be alone." top ten panic songs ever btw

vices & virtues

let's kill tonight: "fate will play us out with a song of pure romance"

hurricane: "you and god both got the guns", "oh I'd confess, I'd confess in the room where i'm blessed, but he didn't come and speak to me or put my heart at ease", "fix me or conflict me, I'll take anything"

trade mistakes: "(don't) let me save you, hold this rope then I'll pull you in 'cause I am an anchor sinking.."

special note to say that the calendar isn't on here bc its literally explicitly unequivocally about mikey way and that's just the truth of the matter I can't twist it in my mind to be tbgb

nearly witches: "trembling hands play my heart like a drum but the beat's gotten lost in the show"

stall me: "a dark room in the wallflower garden of the party", "my moods are mercurial but I'm no mercury, don't hold your breath"

oh glory: "build myself a wall of unhappy highs and only my heart knows my head is lying"

I wanna be free: "everything seems to be estranged when you're alone"

turn off the lights: "turn on the charm for me tonight"

twtltrtd

vegas lights: "bored with looking good", "would you change it if you could?"

casual affair: "so the mess that we'll become leaves something to talk about"

far too young to die: don't even fucking want to talk about this one its the best song panic's ever released and its about tony blair and gordon brown can u imagine that full post coming soon xx

death of a bachelor

victorious: "all my friends we're glorious", "I'm like a scarf trick, it's all up the sleeve"

don't threaten me w a good time: ok I don't have any lyrics for this one I just want someone to do a tony blair edit to this song (tp if you're listening I'd support)

golden days: "the decades might've washed it out"

tgtbatd: look it almost has tbgb in the title

house of memories: this ones been tiktokified so im hesitant... "I wish I could believe you'd never ruined me"

pftw

none! crazy......

[ochrearia]

Idea 4 u to use if you'd like: Rare Pico head empty moment. Mayyybe brought on by him being sleep deprived, and BFGF mess with him (IN A PLAYFUL WAY NOT A MEAN WAY OFC)/ play along with it.

In-PoPr Universe, GF -> Cherry, BF -> Keith

"Holy shit. Look. Look at his face." Keith's voice was soft, but clearly struggling to be kept quiet and composed. "There is nothing going on in those eyes. No lights on at home. Holy fuck this is so funny."

"It's not funny, Biff." Cherry huffed. "He's been awake for three days straight. This has been one of the worst stretches of insomnia I've seen out of him yet. He's vacant-eyed because he's suffering."

"Yeah... yeah." He relented with a sigh. "But it's still a little funny. Just a little bit."

The demoness rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Pico?" She called softly, watching how it took a good ten seconds for him to even realize he was being spoken to. "Oh, you poor sweet thing. Come on, we're going to bed. Keith, wipe that grin off your face before I do it for you. I know what you're planning."

"Oh come onnnn!" The rapper whined as Cherry scooped the hitman up into her arms with ease. "Can't we just have a little fun? A tiny, teeny little bit of it?"

"No."

"You hate fun." He sulked. This was dramatic and so unnecessary, and he knew that Pico really needed to sleep. But also there was never any other time the man would be this brain-empty and it was so damn funny to watch him speak without a filter.

"Wha?" Pico mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds to try and refocus. "You've... made Biff upset. 'S not very nice."

"He's trying to make you say stupid things." Cherry rolled her eyes, rubbing her thumb across his arm. "And you need to keep your mouth shut and rest. Do not vocalize those thoughts in your head. He'll use it as blackmail later."

"You should vocalize them."

"Biff!"

"Okay!" Pico replied a little too enthusiastically. "I can speak my mind... Can do that. Mmm, you're warm Cherry. 'S nice. Like it."

Keith snickered at the way her mouth nearly dropped to the floor. She glared at him some more. "You keep enabling him and I'll lock you out of the bedroom myself."

A whine. "Want Biff with us. I don't wanna sleep without both of you here."

"Ooh, he got you there."

Cherry sighed incredulously, but she wasn't about to deny Pico when he threatened to stay awake otherwise. "Alright. Fine. Just... promise you'll actually try to sleep, Peeks?"

"I promise. Like the cuddle sandwich. Can't sleep without my partners. Don't want to."

Alright, he really did need to sleep. As much as it was funny to hear Pico talk without his normal inhibitions, this was less funny and more heart melting to the point Keith would turn into a blushing mess and Cherry unable to put her foot down anymore. They still gave him exactly what he wanted though, settling in for a long period of doing nothing while cuddling their idiot boyfriend. Thankfully it didn't take long for the ginger to succumb to Cherry's purrs, fast asleep in their warm and loving arms.

[sushisocks]

cmon you cant just say how queercoded sean is and then not expand on itผ(•̀_•́ผ)

/lh

My need to constantly talk about Sean MacGuire is really being indulged lately jnhbvbjnbh Thank u dear anon <3

oKAY so like, anon, I will be the FIRST to admit that me calling Sean queercoded might've been a strong choice of words all things considered (especially compared to ACTUALLY explicitly gay Bill Williamson which could go for queercoding considering it's only really explicit if you look for it or catch it). I read Sean as queer in a lot of ways, and that is probably in no small part because I'm queer myself. BUT in my defense, what am I supposed to take away from the developers cuffing Sean's jeans like that?? His queer little swagger???? The outfit with that haircut?????? That is a BISEXUAL MAN if I've ever seen one!!!

^me rn fr (always, about Sean and Lenny in particular. My gay Lenny headcanon is a lot more solid though, I'll be frank, and I'm honestly waiting to go the fuck off about it properly here some day lmao)

On a more serious note though, I definitely think Sean's admiration for Arthur can be read as a little bit of a crush in certain instances. Not that I particularly ship that pairing, but certain ways Sean responds to Arthur has always had me 🤔🤔 For example (and I'm really gonna out myself and how often i rewatch his missions here) in pouring forth oil, when Arthur gets mad forreal for a sec and threatens Sean (after Sean has a tantrum abt not being invited along which.... come on), and Sean laughs, there is DEFINITELY a crush-related way of reading that interaction & Sean's response. Not to mention the lil lookover Sean gives him I mean COME ON he's not even that subtle!

Not to speak of the fact that the first thing he does after being rescued from bounty hunters is ask Arthur for a hug - how many of yall Arthur Morgan horny ppl wouldn't die to do the same? Sean was ahead of the game. He's one of you, I swear.

I think Sean being queer makes sense with his personality too, as the sort of laid-back and easy-going one. Though I also think, given the time and the fact that I think he's bi, it's probably not smth he's ever thought very hard about? You know, heteronormativity etc etc, him and Karen having their messy thing going on etc etc, but Sean WOULD kiss a homie and not really have a problem with it. He'd just -- not think about it much harder, you know?

It's that same attitude he has, which leads me to believing if given the chance he'd be very gnc. I know I've said it before but I do headcanon that modern au Sean would def fuck around with skirts and makeup and nailpolish, and have a very loose relationship with his gender as a man at best. It makes sense to me, for someone who is both that easygoing, and has that sense of interest in societal issues, to at some point have the realization of 'oh gender roles are made up' and act accordingly, you know?

And then I'm also taken with, and sort of speaking from, this sort of perspective of the gang at large as very queer. Speaking of it in that academic way, as a sort of rejection of normative society - heteronormative society in particular - there's absolutely an inherent queerness to this entire gang of outlaws doing as they will. When being queer has always meant being ostracized from society, it is easy to read characters ostracized from society as queer; in this way, and in my opinion, the queercoding is inherent to this game, and these characters. It's there at the very foundation of their situation and way of living, and it's why I personally am never going to argue against any type of queer headcanon (and why I'm a proponent of many of them myself lol). Me seeing queerness in Sean and Lenny, is no different from me seeing it in Arthur and Charles, or Sadie and Karen, or Hosea and Dutch, or literally ANY other gangmember.

I feel like I went on a tangent here, again, as I am prone to do, BUT my main point is: Sean MacGuire is so so queer bcz I said so, and becuase why the fuck else would he be like that?

[borhapparker]

💋 - love letter for Joel with the prompt of meet cute gone wrong. Hopefully takes place in Jackson. Thank you and congratulations!

this is so cute! let's do it! i've never done a meet cute gone wrong so we'll see if y'all like this! thank u! (this is also my first joel fic ever so pls go easy on me!)

borhapparker's 1k follower celebration!

Jackson had been your refuge since the first time you encountered Maria and Tommy while searching for a safe place to spend the night. While they hadn't meant to pop in and disturb you, they were glad to find someone else they could invite into their newfound land.

While reluctant at first, there had been a lot of trust to gain, and Maria was a little harder to crack than Tommy. After weeks of working hard and observing their leadership in Jackson, you managed to prove to her your loyalty and trust, breaking that outer exterior she built around her, as you considered her family.

They knew you inside and out, sometimes making you feel like they knew you better than you knew yourself. But this wasn't always the case, and it somehow made you concerned when they forgot you never wanted to share a home with other people. Especially people that popped into your home with no warning.

While making repairs one day to your home, the one Tommy and Maria had let you choose for yourself, the front door had creaked open. Freezing, a chill crept up your spine, as you placed your tools down, before slowly heading to the door.

"Woah, Joel, this house is huge!" a girl's voice exclaimed as her voice bounced off the walls.

"It is a nice house, I guess."

There's two of them?

Placing your back to the wall, you hid from plain sight, wanting to hear them before they see you.

"Do I finally get a room to myself?" she asked as you heard the other person sigh.

"Yeah you can, Ellie." you heard them place their things down before the person sighed again. "S nice, gonna take some getting used to."

You slowly rounded the corner, a hammer in your hand from the box of tools you had at your feet. Just a precaution.

Quickly heading to the living room, where the voices were now located, you reached the unknown person, grabbing them in a slight chokehold with the hammer held next to their temple.

"Don't move." you threatened, as the person stiffened, before the girl, who you could now place a face to, pulled out her knife.

"Let him go," she threatened, as you smirked, "Or.."

"Or what? I have the upper hand here."

"Ellie, listen to her, drop the knife."

The girl relunctantly listened, dropping the knife on the ground and putting her hands up.

"Now, who are you guys and how did you get in my house?"

Ellie, the girl in front of you, tilted her head, both confused and angry.

"This is our house, what are you doing with a hammer?"

You sighed, "Fixing my house. If you guys didn't tell, it's inhabited already. So move on."

Pushing the man out of the chokehold, he stood next to Ellie, both of them now as confused as you were, none of the information they gave making sense.

"Who led you to this place?" you asked, lowering the hammer as they put their arms down.

"Tommy did, he said we could live here."

You shouted angrily, swinging the hammer as it stuck into the wall, before you stormed out, noticing Tommy across the way in his yard. "Tommy! Get the fuck over here, now!"

He turned, eyes wide, a slight smirk on his face before trudging over. "Y/n, everything okay?"

"No! Everything is not okay! Why the fuck would you give two random people my house to live in when we decided that was my place! I told you guys I don't like sharing!"

Tommy crossed his arms, "Maria and I decided you needed some company. Joel and Ellie came today and they need a place to stay. So they will be staying under the same roof. Besides, you have four rooms in that house, you can share."

Fucking Tommy and Maria messing with my shit.

"Fine." you sighed, crossing your arms.

Turning around, you paused, noticing Joel and Ellie watching the exchange from the patio, both arms crossed over their chest.

"Who are they anyway?"

Tommy smiled, exchanging a glance with the two strangers on your patio before turning to you, "That's my brother Joel, and her adoptive daughter Ellie."

Dropping your arms from in front of your chest, your eyes widened. "You're fucking with me."

He shook his head, smiling. "Nope. So play nice."

Walking to the patio, you pointed a finger at Joel, "We are not sharing a bed. Or a room."

"Fine by me." he shrugged, a slight smirk on his face.

At least he gave me a good-looking guest. Maybe he'll prove to be useful in fixing the house.

[angelbornaltruist]

ykw, I should be sleeping but instead I'm gonna say that I have SEVERAL g/t themed stories I would like to write and post here but unfortunately I have as much drawing skill as a grain of dust. So I'll just vomit some of my ideas here :) lmk what you think please, ask me whatever questions u want abt it, and if you feel inspired to create something from this, awesome! I like seeing the things I create inspire people

Also I want to add that I am exceedingly lazy, so many of the titles are just the two main characters with a conjunction between them.

Anyway:

1. Lyra and Tristan

A story I've been working on for quite some time, this one takes place in a dark fantasy world loosely inspired by dark souls and the old fairytales of hans christian anderson and the brothers grimm! In it, the world is dying, and giants and humans threaten to wipe each other out in the wake of a massive war. Our main protagonists are a giantess and a human boy who try to overcome their differences and out an end to the violence. There's a lot of fluff and goofy adolescent awkwardness with this one, and some kinky stuff too for the freaks in this community (me. I'm the freak). In this story I want to cover themes of overcoming hatred, the power of love and the importance of foolish hope. Also beeg lady kisses and cuddles are an important theme but anyway

2. Juliette and Willow

In a world where a third of the population was dramatically reduced in size by a mysterious virus, shrunken people are treated as pets and slaves at best and food at worst. This is a world I really want to cover in a lot of different ways, with a lot of darker tropes like vore, slavery, and other stuff, but Juliette and Willow is a sweet story about sweet things! Juliettes a simple office worker with a history she's trying to forget, and Willow's a ragged tiny who's on his last legs when Juliette finds him on the street one fateful day.A lot of mother-son fluff in this one, with some light sprinkling of overcoming trauma and found family.

3. My Little Knight - A Series

A series of blurbs and short stories where the main scenario is different people with tiny knights! I love knights, like a lot, and I love g/t stuff almost as much, so this is more just a chance to throw these two loves together! We've got princesses giggling and fighting over flustered tiny guards, we've got dragons kidnapping new iron-clad pets, and other stuff I'm too sleep deprived to talk about lol. Easily a more comedic series I want to do, more about silly fluff and goofy scenarios and beeg ladies than anything else.

That's just some of the stuff I wanna do for the community on this site. If u like what u read, or if u don't, please let me know! And if u want me to go to sleep so I can get to work on some of this stuff asap, please let me know! Consider this my official entrance into the g/t community. Ish. Maybe later I'll introduce myself or something, idk.

[totkdaily]

Day 57: Yiga in Lanayru, and Akkala

The tower I climbed in the Abandoned Lanayru Mine is a forge, and it's manned by a Steward. I think this is the first one I've seen in the Depths, and only the second I've seen outside the sky islands. 

Another Steward asks me to go to the Central Abandoned Mine - if I do that and come back here, it'll give me something. 

There's a Yiga building here with a journal.

They want to conquer the Depths, but they say they need to find every entrance to do so. The journal ends: "Glory to Master Kohga."

I hope that's just something they say. He fell into- oh. He fell into an apparently bottomless hole. Is he… is he here somewhere?? 

Surely not. But unease follows me as I gather the remains of zonaite in the mine. 

I can't see any more lightroots from here, so I head back to the Ulri Mountain Skyview Tower, thinking to head to Tarrey Town - and spy Dinraal emerging from a chasm! I chase to catch up with him, but I don't have the right gear. I only just grab a shard of his spike and a claw before the heat of his mere proximity threatens my life. 

I drop to the ground and land in the shadows of North Akkala Beach - right next to a shrine! 

I spend the early morning scaling the cliff up to the Akkala Lab. Didn't Robbie say he needed something from here? I don't think I've spoken to him in over a month. Still, I should check it out. I've always loved the Lab. 

I scale the outside first to enjoy the view from the top, but it's a grey and cloudy day. And… that's weird. There's a frog sitting in Robbie's sun lounger. And… it bears the mark of the yiga. I've got a bad feeling about this. 

I look for further clues as I head back down the lab. There's boxes of bananas at the base of the telescope. And from the front, it's obvious - frogs and banana crates everywhere. 

I summon the Sages, ready my gear, and knock. 

It's a closer match than I'd like, but I dispatch the Yiga guards. Inside, there's only a fashionista - Konba. It sounds as though he's been forced to work against his will to make the Yiga's outfits. He gives me the Yiga armor he just finished. I suppose I could use it as a disguise, though I dislike the idea of wearing it at all. Konba points out I'd need the whole set before I could pass as a Yiga member anyway. 

There's a Yiga journal here. They're interested in sourcing Zonai devices, as well as Zelda and myself. Even they haven't seen her. They say they're setting up traps to catch me, but I've only encountered the weird cucco prophecy scam, and that hardly seemed aimed at me. Don't pick up bananas on the road? I'd have hoped I would have spotted that one for a trap without the hint. 

There's a map with Yiga hideouts on it, I think. Let's see…

Here, the Colosseum, somewhere north of Death Mountain and the old hideout in the Gerudo Highlands.

There's also a travel medallion prototype, which I should probably give to Robbie. Was that what he wanted from here?

For now, I head down the hill to the East Akkala Stable, and stop at the shrine on the way. 

Penn's the first person I see at the stable. He mentions the god of horses is near here - I'd forgotten my dream about it! - and the suspicious lab, the mystery of which I think I've probably solved by clearing out the Yiga. But no news here of the Princess, so he's off! That was quick. 

I speak to a few people at the stable. Aya is preoccupied with the monsters on North Akkala beach- I must have missed them, but she'd like me to deal with them, please. Rudi says Malanya's at Bloodleaf Lake, north of here. Rudi would like a picture of Octorok Lake when the water's high and it looks like an octorok. Maybe in the rain? Atin's newspaper says that YunoboCo is restoring Goron City again - that's good. Khini points me towards the horse god, and then goes back to selling buns. I buy and eat one of his Malanya buns, and I feel filled with stamina. 

The korok at the back of the stable wants to go down the hill to meet its friend. I summon Peaches and hook up the wagon for transport. I can probably do this before bed. 

I ignore the blood moon rising behind me as we gallop down the hill. Which means it comes upon me right as I'm fighting off two bokoblins in a cart. 

When the Gloom clears, I reunite the koroks and take the knight's bow the bokoblins had. Then I take both the horses and carts back to the stables to bed.

[brainmaniaman]

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy)  author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is." 

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one." 

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change." 

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -" 

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -" 

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes." 

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people." 

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?" 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else." 

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it." 

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?" 

"Bubbles, look -" 

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it." 

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that." 

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out." 

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady." 

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag." 

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -" 

"Come on Julian don't be like that -" 

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to." 

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints. 

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing." 

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?" 

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together." 

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)." 

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?" 

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all." 

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us." 

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ." 

"Why are you really here, Julian?" 

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know." 

"And you know, family protects family." 

"I know." 

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family." 

"I know." 

"Anything." 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you." 

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here." 

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -" 

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?" 

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you." 

"You want to get to know me?" 

"That's what I just said isn't it?" 

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight." 

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else. 

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited. 

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?" 

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in. 

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal." 

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing." 

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?" 

"Southern United States." 

"What state?" 

"Texas." 

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against. 

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me." 

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?" 

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed." 

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?" 

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around." 

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?" 

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ." 

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?" 

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you. 

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?" 

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to." 

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ. 

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious." 

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?" 

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -" 

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy. 

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?" 

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so." 

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright." 

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -" 

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here." 

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you." 

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you." 

". . . that's alright with me." 

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds. 

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't. 

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me." 

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you." 

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt. 

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you." 

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on. 

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -" 

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say." 

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath. 

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"Oh, God, Julian -" 

"Fuck, (name)." 

"Julian -" 

"(Name), (Name), (Name)." 

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian." 

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?" 

[thesweetnessofspring]

hiiii,

i just wanted to say that i recently-ish finished the first book from the chaos walking series, and it completely blew me away!!! it was SO gripping!! the amount of times I almost felt too stressed to read on is a little embarrassing honestly 🙉

but beyond it being incredibly fast-paced it is soooo thematically rich and emotionally harrowing at times (u were right I did cry - rip Manchee 😔). also, idk why but todd really gave me finnick vibes... (more on that when I figure out a way to explain myself, but i'm leaning heavily on the exploration on what it means to be a "Man" that is very prevalent in this book...)

anyway... i'm going on holiday for a few weeks and I've already got the second book locked and loaded!!! thanks for the recommendation 🫶, i'd love to hear some of your thoughts on the books :))))

First I want to apologize for how long it's taken me to get to this. 😭But yay I'm so glad you enjoyed the first book!!!! It's one of those edge-of-your seat reads that also says a lot and draws really interesting and layered characters and the next two in the series only get deeper with characterizations as you get to know the other characters (which you might already know as you might have read the other two by now).

I wouldn't have really connected Todd to Finnick before! I'm interested to hear your thoughts on it.

Part of the reason I delayed answering this is because I wanted to read the 2nd and 3rd books again before giving my thoughts, only my copies of those are buried in my parents' garage and they're renovating so things are a mess but I wanted to respond sooner than I'll get around to digging them out and rereading. It's been on my mind especially with the week we've had. Spoilers and long rambling below

So of TKONLG, what really stood out to me this past read was initiation into being a man by Mayor Prentiss, what Todd discovers. That they take a 13-year-old boy and make him kill a man trying to escape their hellhole of a town, or else pick someone they simply don't like, and make everyone else watch. How Ben and Cillian had to be so careful with their Noise to try and save Todd and set him loose with only a dog and a knife (and perhaps getting Manchee when Todd was 12 wasn't so accidental).

I've especially thought about it this week with the election. That boys are told to be a "man" by putting their pride in front of the lives of others, to the point they were the ones doing the killing. Psychologically, that's an intense ritual bonding them into a cult and letting it change them, especially as trying to leave puts them in the position to be the one who gets killed. And that's not to include the way they'd murdered all of the women in town before that. Prentisstown created scapegoat after scapegoat.

I think most of the boys must have been told that it was they kill or be killed to get them to comply. A few like Davy were probably happy to prove themselves a "man". Todd fought the most, and it was only Viola being threatened that gave him enough anger that he could have killed Aaron. Aaron, whom he never liked and didn't have family or anyone that would ask for justice for his death and wanted to be the sacrifice. Todd still fought it, even though in the end, Aaron had to be killed.

Would killing Aaron have made Todd a man? Did Todd become a "man" when he killed the Spackle before? Did Viola spare him, or are they both "guilty"? Is there an exception for the kind of ruthlessness in which Todd was pursued to complete this mission? I like that these are questions Ness poses instead of telling us. And the plot only gets juicier from here!