#i've been thinking about this video a lot recently. i finally want to live. it's so weird to want to live but i do. it's still so new to me

[becca-e-barnes]

I've spent a while indulging my own fantasies on here recently but I've been tailoring this one so I need to talk about it

I'm obsessed with the thought of sharing your naughtiest, most depraved fantasies with dad's best friend!bucky and him giving you a safe space to try them out.

You almost think he's forgotten all the filthy things you admitted one night, cuddled up in bed together until a few weeks later when you're making out in the kitchen after dinner and he leads you upstairs to his bedroom.

He's placed a chair in front of the TV and your heart begins to race because he's surely not doing what you think he's doing. He couldn't be letting you live out the fantasy you've never shared with anyone else.

He kisses from your shoulder, up your neck and you're glad that he can't see your excitement when he's standing behind you. "Sit down". He whispers, placing a final kiss behind your ear and for once, you're happy to do as he tells you.

While you sit down, he flicks the TV on and starts playing a video you recognise within a few seconds. It's one you'd taken together not too long ago.

In the video, you have your face close to the bedroom carpet, your ass in the air and Bucky is behind you, recording in a mirror, pounding into you in a way that had you cumming mindlessly on his cock. You have one hand barely supporting yourself while the other rubs your clit frantically and although it's the start of the video, you already look over pleasured.

"You see how fucking gorgeous you are?" Bucky brings you back down to earth, kissing along your shoulders while he shuffles the skirt of your dress up, dragging your panties down your legs and letting them fail in a little wet heap on the floor.

Your own moans in the video are breathtaking, you almost didn't know you could sound like that. "Look at you. You take it like a pornstar. I can fucking hear how messy you were." He's right, the video captures every tiny little wet sound your eager cunt makes for him and you hang on every last one.

You hear a quiet click and a faint buzz starting and that's the only thing that could draw your attention away from the video playing in front of you. God, he really did listen to you.

Bucky presses the wand between your legs and even on the lowest setting, the sensation against your clit makes you squirm.

"Keep watching. I'm pretty sure you cum in a minute or two and I don't want you to miss it." Bucky's so smug, holding your chin gently in one hand while he makes your body quiver with the other.

He clicks the toy up a setting, rolling the head right where you need it most.

"Such a pretty little slut. You just want me to fill your holes with cum, don't you? You're desperate for me to cum in you, I can feel you trying to milk it from me. You have no idea how warm and wet and perfect you feel. Might fuck you until I'm totally empty. You know you'd like that; being so stuffed full of my cum you can't sit up without it spilling out of you." Bucky in the video fucks you through your first orgasm and you get to watch the way your body trembles and your eyes roll back.

You're so close just watching yourself but that doesn't suit the man kneeling beside you. He takes the wand away, making sure your impending orgasm fizzles away, despite your protests.

"You cum when I say you can sweetheart, and we've got a lot of videos left to watch."

[katnisspeetaprim]

Broad Day Light

Min Yoongi/Reader

Im so sorry if this is bad. i haven't had time to properly edit this. I've been sick again recently, but I wanted to get at least something out for you guys!

Warnings: Injury, crowds, anxiety, established relationship, idol!au

Word Count: 1203 M.list

Walking down a busy street in the middle of the day shouldn’t have been an anxiety inducing task, but here you are. That’s all it’s felt like these days.

You and Yoongi went public a few years ago and paparazzi and sasaeng’s had mostly started to leave you alone after a few months, just the odd personal space invader here and there, but you learnt to live with the new found attention.

Fast forwards to 2023 and Yoongi’s solo tour was well under way. With a world tour came massive media attention, and with media attention, came paparazzi.

You weren’t famous, so having people run up to you with cameras was a surreal experience.

You tried your best to shield your face, but it was to no avail as the group of photographers bolted towards you from across the road.

‘Y/N! Over here!’

‘Are you going to any of the shows!?’

The group of men had effectively blocked your path, not allowing you to leave.

‘Please let me through. I have somewhere to be...’ You mumbled and wrapped your arms round yourself as you kept your head down and away from the cameras. You started forcing your way forwards.

‘Y/N! Yoongi and Halsey have been acting close! Did something happen between them!? Is that why you aren’t on tour with him?’ You know you shouldn’t dignify these people with a response, but the gall of implying that Yoongi would cheat on you with someone that had become a good friend to the both of you... It was enough to make you rage.

‘Of course not! They are good friends, now let me through- Ah!’ As you forcefully pushed your way through the crowd, you didn’t realise how close you were to the curb.  Your ankle rolled, causing you to topple over into the road.

Your hands, arms and knees were all scratched up, along with a twisted ankle. At least no cars were coming so you wouldn’t get run over. Though that seemed like a more preferable situation than the one you were currently in.

‘AH!’ You shakily sat up and grabbed your ankle, causing you to hiss out in pain.

‘Please just leave me alone!’ You screamed out and swiped out at the paparazzi circling round you.

‘Hey that’s assault! She just tried to hit me!’ One of the men shouted out, trying to garner sympathy with his fellow low lives.

You were all but breaking down into a full blown panic attack, when all of a sudden you felt a wave of hope flow through you when you heard the shouts of police officers approaching the scene.

‘Hey! What’s going on here? Out of the way!’ They pushed through the crowd and one knelt next to you, whilst the other two pushed back the group, ultimately threatening arrests if they didn’t dispurse.

‘Miss? Are you ok? Are you hurt?’

‘My ankle- I think it’s twisted!’ You whimpered, trying to hold back your tears.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll get you to the hospital.’

Hours later and you were finally able to go home. With a lot of help from your best friend, you were now sat in your living room, feeling sorry for yourself with your poor ankle all wrapped up.

The scraped that littered your limbs weren’t too bad, just a little sore. Stories had hit the web pretty much immediately, along with plenty of videos of the incident, filmed by multiple people.

With any luck, Yoongi would be too busy to even think about going online...

-Incoming video call from Yoongles-

Ah well. There goes that idea.

After a slight hesitation, you pushed the green answer button.

Yoongi suddenly appeared on screen. He’d clearly changed out of his concert gear and was now clad in comfy sweat pants and a jumper.

And he looked pissed.

‘Hey Yoongi...’ You trailed off, trying to sound normal.

‘Seriously? You going to pretend nothing happened?’ He stared at you in disbelief.

‘You should have called me when it happened!’ He continued on, raising his voice ever slightly.

You looked away from the screen, feeling guilty that you tried to keep it from him. Of course he would see the articles, so it was pointless to even try.

‘I’m sorry...’

Yoongi  took in your defeated appearance and groaned internally for adding more upset to your already stressful day.

‘No, I’m sorry for shouting. When I saw what happened, I just got so angry.’ He paused for a moment before shaking his head. ‘You got hurt because of me...’

‘Yoongi no!’ You sat up straighter, trying to reassure him. ‘This isn’t your fault. At all!’

He nodded slowly, but you could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn’t believe you.

‘I’m going to send you the number for one of our bodyguards. If you need to go somewhere, get him to drive you.

Yoongi suddenly moved the phone in his hands. He was clearly texting you.

You couldn’t help but smile at your boyfriend.

‘Yoongi! I’m sure they have better things to do than look after me!’ His message however, had already pinged on your phone.

‘You got attacked in broad daylight Y/N. Seems pretty serious to me.’ Yoongi deadpanned as he stared you right in the eyes.

The smile fell from your face. You couldn’t argue with the fact that you would feel a lot safer with someone escorting you...

‘I won’t be going anywhere for a while. My ankle is all screwed up.’ You joked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

You didn’t get to see Yoongi often these days, given how in demand he was. The last thing you wanted to do with your precious time together was be miserable.

Yoongi smirked mischievously.

‘Maybe you’ll stay out of trouble then.’ You drew back in mock offense.

‘Excuse me!?’ Where has the compassion gone to?’

‘I’m sure you’ll survive.’ He said, trying to hold back his smirk.

You couldn’t hold back and began to laugh for the first time that day.

‘I wish I could be there for you’ Yoongi suddenly spoke over your laughter. You immediately went quiet, knowing that Yoongi was still upset by the days events.

‘It’s ok. This is enough, for now.’ You smiled gently and gestured towards the phone screen separating the two of you.

‘Remind me again why you couldn’t come with me?’ Yoongi groaned and slumped back in his chair.

‘You know why. I couldn’t get off work.’ You giggled as you also snuggled down into your chair.

He frowned before once again beginning to type on his phone.

‘What’s wrong?’ You enquired curiously.

‘I’m not there, but Tae will be close by tomorrow. I’m sending him to check on you.’

‘Oh my god!’ You exclaimed with a laugh. ‘I can’t convince you I’m fine can I?’

‘Definitely not.’

You and Yoongi spent a long time on call together that night, making the most of every moment.

It was only after ending the call for the night, did you notice Taehyung had sent you a message.

Hey noona! Hope you are ready for a home spa day tomorrow!

P.S, Please tell Yoongi-hyung I made you happy... He’ll kill me if I fail!

[rainbowsky]

On GG's album, and hints of what was to come

As everyone here likely already knows, I'm completely losing it over the news of a full album from GG. There's a lot more to all of this that I haven't yet discussed, so let's dig into it. I have thoughts...

Disclaimer: Most of what's discussed here is rumor and interpretation, and could be inaccurate. We'll find out what's really happening soon enough!

I never dared dream that GG would put out an album. I have been begging for crumbs of a song for years now, it would have seemed completely outrageous to dare to dream of an entire album!!!

But now that it's on its way, and I've heard more info/rumors about the release (more on that in a bit), I can look back over the past year and see some signs that have been there all along, of what's to come.

More on the release

Promo has already begun, and we now know more about the release schedule based on what's posted on the streaming platforms.

The songs will be released in 3 waves, with the first wave happening on the 12th, the next one on the 19th and the final one on the 26th.

The physical album is going to be coming in December, and there are some tantalizing rumors about what that will include:

The album cover was drawn by GG.

A Xiao Zhan Studio red gift box containing various items including postcards, t-shirts etc.

There will be a CD version and a limited edition vinyl version.

A music video is also rumored to have been completed. This has been confirmed, and will be premiering on the 12th.

Clues we've had all along

What's interesting to me is that for months I've been posting updates about changes to XZ Studio's business license, that have been clues to what GG might be up to.

In January a license was obtained to establish a domestic performance agency.

In March that license was expanded to include services for film production and live performances.

In June there were some legal trademark applications made, pertaining to office supplies, calendars and paper gift wrapping.

And now we know that he's releasing an album, at least some editions which will likely be sold with bonus gifts, paper products and packaging (I think this is a very credible rumor because if he's going the physical album route, it's likely designer GG will want to do special editions like this).

Licenses recently purchased protect the studio's exclusive rights to produce and sell such items.

We also know GG and his studio love to produce stunning high quality videos. Was there ever any doubt that he'd make a music video? Maybe even more than one.

Licenses purchased earlier this year give the studio the right to produce such commercial videos.

And there's another license that is associated with live concert performances! I think it's highly likely we'll see a concert from him in the coming year or two.

Generous GG

As Fat Shrimp mentioned, the songs will be free on streaming. This has made a big impression on some fans, and there has been a lot of discussion about it, and about how much this album will have cost to produce, for GG to give it away for free (here's a compilation of some of the comments via Nili, and another from Estefanita).

People have expressed so many thoughts about this. Everyone agrees that it's almost unheard of to give an entire album for free. One or two songs, maybe, but just as a teaser for the full album - which must be paid for.

A lot of people have talked about the 'old days' (ack, I feel old!) when people would buy physical albums, often after having heard only one or two singles on the radio (although where I'm from people could go into a record store and listen to the full album before buying).

They say that he's opening himself up to that evaluation before people are expected to commit to paying for it, and that it's very generous and honorable, but that it will also open him up to being heard more by passersby who wouldn't otherwise be willing to pay for the music - therefore expanding his possible audience.

I personally think there are a few possible factors contributing to why he chose to share his album for free:

To me, this feels almost like GG's bigger 'debut' as an independent solo singer. He's finally releasing music entirely on his own terms. He wants to share and celebrate that with the world, as a gift to the world and to the fans. "I'm here. Please enjoy."

He's inviting people to listen to his music and judge for themselves whether it's worthy of their investment. It goes along with his personality as someone who wouldn't want people to associate any sort of 'buyer's remorse' with something he's sold them. He's always saying, "people are free to like or to hate," and this is his way of giving people that choice without judgment. "Listen and if you like it, buy it. If you don't, that's fine too." By doing this he's likely to build a bigger audience than by doing a traditional release, because everyone has a chance to hear and evaluate him without any up-front investment.

He wants to avoid any possibility of a repeat of what happened with Spotlight, where he was criticized because fans were buying dozens of copies as a means of boosting sales, and then bragging that their idol was the biggest seller of all time. He doesn't want fans to spend all their money on his songs or on boosting his 'sales', nor does he want any perception that the success of his album was bought by fans.

He could be bargaining on making more overall sales via charging for only the physical copies than by selling both, due to the expanded interest a free release is likely to generate.

He has confidence in what he's created, and is happy to share it openly.

He's doing this out of the joy of it more than anything else, and money isn't a central factor for him.

To me this approach, along with the stated plans for rolling all of this out, feels like a marketing plan, and we all know GG has a professional background in that kind of thing.

Yes, all those other elements of artistry, generosity and magnanimity come into it as well, of course. Marketing is treated as a dirty word, but we must remember that every marketing plan is based deeply in the values and intent of the individual/organization doing the marketing, and is focused on their goals.

I feel that his plan will have considered the factors I mentioned, and will be aligned with his values, intentions and goals.

This is just my take on it, of course. Only GG and his studio really know for sure what his plans and goals are.

Can't wait!!!

Whatever his feelings or plans are, I can't wait to hear this album, I can't wait to buy it, and I can't wait to see what kind if interest and critique it generates!!

I also hope that this is just the beginning - that he will be releasing more music, and hopefully doing concerts in the future.

[coolprettyleo]

screaming, crying, perfect storms - ryan leonard ☆

wc: 1.3k

tw: angst. new beginnings. depression. yelling?

ryan leonard x oc

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

frankie was doing good, cool, and fine. everything was just fine, and that little 'just' was enough to make everything not fine for the youngest hughes.

the girl felt stuck in a never-ending loop and she had no idea how to get out of it.

she had recently come to the realization that everyone she knew was making progress with their lives. they were either already doing what they loved or were working for it.

while she stood and watched, stuck. she didn't know what she loved; it's not like you can sleep in your boyfriend's arms for a living, right?

the poor girl was just bored with her life. sure, she had friends and a boyfriend and had finally managed to pass her classes, but at the end of the day, that's all she had.

she needed a change and she needed it fast.

frankie and summer were currently walking through the streets of nyc. frankie had fallen into a depression and summer being her best friend had decided to take her on a shopping spree in hopes to uplift the girls poor mood.

they had been playing around in one of the dressing rooms when a tall beautiful woman approached them.

"hi, I've been watching you two for the last twenty minutes, and you guys are gorgeous. my name is eloise simons, and I'm with IMG Models. I think you two would be perfect for this new summer collection; I'm going to give you two my card and you guys can go ahead and give me a call if you want to set a meeting up," the lady said, handing them a card that looked pretty legit.

the two girls looked at eloise speechless, not knowing whether or not she was joking.

"i know this is very out of the blue but I have a vision and a good feeling about you two and I just need to act on it" she said with a smile.

"thank you. we'll have to talk it over, though," summer said as frankie had seemed to go mute. the lady let out a smile.

"that's better than a 'no'. please, if you even have any questions or concerns, just give me a call." she said before bidding the girls goodbye as the best friends eyed each other with a wild look.

"if this is a prank, it's really mean," frankie said, breaking the silence.

"it's not," summer said, looking the number up and it, in fact, being real.

"oh my gosh, what are we going to do," frankie said as summer smirked.

"we have three months off" she cheekily smiled

"are you saying what i think you're saying?" frankie said

"a new york summer?" summer said excitedly as they both jumped up, squealing.

___

frankie walked into her apartment with about twenty bags to find ryan, will, gabe, jacob, drew, and aram sitting around her living room. playing video games.

"what the hell," she said, eying the boys as ryan stood up and helped her with her bags.

"you said i could invite the guys," ryan said with a smile

"I know, but it never sounds like a lot till I see them," she said as they all waved at the girl.

"wait, is summer back, too?" gabe asked as frankie nodded. the boy quickly stood up and bid goodbye to his friends before walking across the hall to his situationship.

"we're gonna head out too," will said, standing up, eyeing the rest of the boys who didn't move.

"i'm comfy" drew whined

"forts," will say with a glare as he huffed and stood up along with jacob and aram. the boys gave frankie a hug and bid ryan a goodbye before walking out.

"how was your day" ryan said as he put his girlfriends bags down.

"amazing! you won't believe what happened," she smiled, thinking about eloise.

"what happened? what did you even buy?" he asked nosily as he looked in some of the bags.

"a whole bunch of cute outfits. I bought you some things, too," she said as she pulled out some items in the bag for him.

"this is sick" he said as he eyed them. frankie smiled as he tried it on for her, watching him. she smirked before pushing him down onto the bed and straddling him.

"you look so handsome," she said, kissing his neck as he squeezed her sides.

"you're in a good mood," he smiled, looking at his girlfriend. he had been really worried about the mood his girlfriend had been in these last few weeks. she was either always mad or sad nowadays, and it made him happy to see her so happy.

"yup. I got a job today," she told him as ryan eyed her warily. don't get him wrong, he loved her but she was lazy. he thought hell would freeze over before she ever got a job, a job in new york as that.

"a job?" he said confused

"yeah, it's for the summer but if I like it I might end up doing it forever-"

"what kind of job is it?" he asked warily, seeing as she was tiptoeing around the fact of what the actual job was.

"modeling," she said as she squealed.

"you want to be a model?" he asked confused.

"well, I don't know yet. summer and I got scouted today and we want to give it a try. but if I like it I'm going to keep doing it" she explained

"what about college?" he asked. he was excited for her, really, but he was afraid she was being irrational. a thing he learned about his girlfriend is that she did things without putting much thought into them.

"well, I haven't thought that far, but I'll drop out if it comes to it," she said as ryan raised his eyebrows.

"why are you looking at me like that" she asked with a frown. she was honestly getting annoyed with how ryan was taking this. she was so excited and his reaction was honestly ruining her own.

"this is a big decision, frankie. I don't think you're thinking it all the way through-"

"i am thinking it through. that's why i'm only trying it-"

"you just said you're gonna drop out"

"I said if it came to it," she said, getting off his lap. she didn't like the way he was acting.

"i just think you're not thinking it through-"

"stop saying that! i'm not some naive little girl!" she said, getting frustrated and raising her voice.

"don't yell at me," he said in a serious tone that irked the girl to her core.

"I'll yell if I want." the stubborn girl stood her ground.

"i just want you to think about what you're doing-"

"I'm not some dumb kid, ryan!" she said taking the bags off her bed.

"well, you're acting like one," he said below his breath, but the youngest hughes had heard it, and it shattered her feelings. he knew one of her biggest insecurities, and he decided to gut her with it.

"get out," she said shaking her head with watery eyes

once ryan saw those sad eyes, he knew he screwed up.

"babe-"

"please just go. we'll talk tomorrow," she said, sniffling as he came to wrap his arms around her.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry," he said in her hair.

"i know. I just want to be alone, please," she said, pulling away.

ryan eyed the girl, his girl, wanting nothing more than to beg for forgiveness on his knees all night, but knew he screwed up and she needed her space. he nodded before kissing her cheek and walking out.

leaving frankie to sit, cry, and drown in her thoughts. more sure than ever that she was going to go through with this.

[cementcornfield]

https://www.tumblr.com/cementcornfield/754280825602932736

Hi new to this fandom and was told this is the Joe’marr blog . I’d love to know your favorite moment between these two and how would you describe this dynamic cause it seems like Ja’Marr don’t play

Hi anon, welcome to the fandom and to joe'marr in general! and lol yes i do definitely post about them a lot!

ja'marr does NOT play, i agree! neither of them do about each other i'd say <3. i've described my perception of their dynamic a few times in asks (and! important to remember it's just my perception because we don't actually know any of these men personally) but here goes way too many words about it below the cut 🫡

differences and similarities

to me, they're two good friends who are seemingly very different, but complement each other well, and are actually very similar on the inside! ja'marr is outwardly more extroverted, warmer and friendlier, while joe isn't cold, necessarily, but he seems to take longer to warm up to people in general; he's never friendly just to be friendly ("he'll walk right by you and not smile" per ja'marr), and, despite recent appearances lol, is more of an introvert. (although honestly, ja'marr recently has said he's starting to prefer staying in playing video games and joe has been more out and about! so it seems like they may be rubbing off on each other!) but at their core they're both stubborn, strong, brave and have an edge to them that i think they've recognized in each other since day 1 (all those fights at LSU practices! a love of taunting!)

taking care of each other

they care about each other a tremendous amount and it seems like they are always trying to take care of each other in their own ways. ja'marr with his (maybe???) buying joe clothes and taking him out and wanting him to live his life (he must be thrilled about France Joe), and always defending him in the press (and on twitter lmao). joe always getting in extra throwing sessions with ja'marr (including and most importantly ja'marr's rookie year when he was struggling and they'd stay after practice getting extra work in), always talking up ja'marr's talent and intelligence and work ethic in the press, and he basically guaranteed him a spot on the team during the 2021 draft.

mind reading - good

they've known each other for 6 (SIX!!) years now and according to both of them they "don't need words" to understand each other at this point. which is maybe my FAVORITE thing to analyze about them lmao. because that's definitely obvious on the field. i don't think i really understood how special their on-the-field connection is (despite announcers and coaches and analysts talking about it constantly!) until i finally started understanding how the game actually works (lol i didn't watch football until 2 years ago and started understanding it even later). like, ja'marr's ability to know when to break out of his route, when to improvise when joe needs him to, and joe's ability to know exactly where ja'marr's going to be??? and all of this is happening in SECONDS while people are actively trying to bring them down through any means possible?? that's such an impossible feat and it's one they pull off all the time! and this translates to off the field for them too. one of my favorite clips ever is ja'marr describing how he can tell how joe's feeling just by how he walks in the building, and that joe can do the same for him. "i know him like the back of my hand, he knows me like the back of his" like??? ok boys! that's some soulmate shit actually!

mind reading - bad

BUT on that note, i do think that, ironically, this ability to "read each others' minds" sometimes could lead to miscommunication for them! or at least it could lead to them NOT saying things that maybe they should say out loud. i don't have a lot of concrete examples here (obviously because if they're not saying things to each other they aren't saying them to the press) but there's an interview where ja'marr's talking about his hip injury. and how he "never talked to joe about it" but he "knew in his mind that he'd come back when joe needed him" which ???? what are you talking about ja'marr?? the double mind reading there of a. expecting joe to know that he'll come back when he needs him but also b. expecting himself to know when joe would need him! like! that seems really complicated, you could just, talk to each other? maybe?

ja’marr also said that joe didn’t believe him when he told him that his presence was enough at practice, that joe thought he was joking (i guess it’s not commonplace for ja’marr to come right out and say how important joe is to him and the team! so joe probably wouldn't know what to make of that rare moment of sincerity!)

and i think they aren't talking to each other about contracts (which, fair enough, that's business), but people sure were asking ja'marr about joe's contract anyway (and they're starting to do the same for joe about ja'marr!) and we all remember a lot of ja'marr's comments that came around to bite him lol. and, i have NO proof for this one besides my projections/feelings, but i wonder if joe's worried at all about ja'marr's contract this year. if he's worried that if he doesn't perform, ja'marr won't want to stay. now, ja'marr tells the press (and twitter. and his twitch chat. and his dad.) that he wants to stay with joe, but does joe believe that? has ja'marr ever come out and actually said that to him? or is he expecting joe to just know that?

(oh man i wrote a lot in that section, and i have so little actual evidence, but it's something i love thinking about! i don't want them being too cutesy or perfect tbh. they're flawed! they're men raised in stoic sports culture and honestly i am so sure they suck at communicating. i'm sure they've had misunderstandings. i'm sure they've argued. and that's so important!)

balance

i think another thing i love about their dynamic is that ja'marr is such a good check for joe. if you haven't noticed, joe kind of runs the organization lmao. from day 1 he's been involved in the play calling, drafting, overall culture and philosophy. and that's his right! he is good at all of that! he's The Franchise (worshipped throughout the team, the city, half of the state!) and, in the beginning, i think ja'marr felt that way about joe too. joe led him to a perfect season and a national championship in college and then a super bowl his first year in the league! he himself said, right before the super bowl in 21, "he's like a god to me" which is...just a WILD thing to say about your friend :') like??? the devotion? the loyalty?? okay ja'marr!!

but, then they lose, and ja'marr "coaxes joe out of bed" to go celebrate anyway. he gets to be the one to see joe at his absolute lowest and he's the one to build him back up. and i think that really affected their dynamic from then on, to the point that ja'marr became the only guy to think of joe as an actual human being in the organization. i don't think (until very very recently with zac) that a single person other than ja'marr ever said no to joe (the way joe stayed in that titans game last year despite being hurt, at risk, and losing by so much cemented that for me!) ja'marr was the ONLY ONE to say that joe should sit out as long as he needed to for the calf. the only one not celebrating (in fact, he seemed PISSED) when joe was running around during preseason games despite not being fully healed 😭 the only one saying "come on joe let's go out" instead of just coming to him (and it seems that's finally worked lol) and joe NEEDS that. he needs that desperately! someone who will support him but call him on his shit, someone who sees him as more than just his abilities and wants what's actually best for him!

teasing <3

finally (oh my god this is SO LONG) i really enjoy how playful they are with each other. joe tends to be very Stoic and Serious (not all the time, but it's a tendency) and i think ja'marr is good at bringing him out of that. he's talked about how back at LSU he would joke around with joe and it took him a long time to finally figure out how to make him smile and laugh. and i think that's a skill he's perfected over the years! every mic'ed up between the two of them, we get to hear them tease and mess with each other. "you see that big blue thing over there??" "you couldn't overthrow me and get me in stride?" "my guy you were wide open!" (ja'marr's hands on joe's hips the entire time) "you're looking pretty slow" "be serious" and "he said you underthrew him" "yeah right" and "i ain't gonna lie, you look slow as hell" and "i'll start taking it off for you ja'marr" and "joe swears he's sneaky fast" and "hey man you're so cool!" and on and on and on! i HATE that we've never had a long form interview/podcast with BOTH of them on it because my god i want to know what an actual conversation is like between them. but i think it must be a lot of that. a lot of fond jokes, compliments hidden in teasing; we see them laughing together so often <3 and of course we CAN'T forget the UFC moves they practice on each other :) "we mess around every now and then".

the end

okay i'm stopping myself because oh my god this is so much. anon i'm sorry, you absolutely aren't going to read all of this. but it's been two years and i STILL apparently have so much to say about these two. it's ridiculous. i'm ridiculous. (but so are they!!)

[sugarcult]

Liam, I wrote up this big, long letter for you, and it seemed like nothing came out right or like it just didn't sound how I wanted it to. So I guess I'll just do my best.

Years ago, I remember other fans being obsessed with Diana when it came out, and how many fans said that One Direction had saved them. I didn't think I could relate because I wasn't actively suicidal or self-harming at that time, and I guess I thought all that was a little overdramatic. But in the last two weeks, I've been thinking it over, and I really think 1D not only changed my life but saved it too.

When I first started being a fan of the band, it was 2012, and I had no idea how hard my life was about to become. I guess you probably felt like that too, in retrospect - when you auditioned for X Factor, and you were put in a band by surprise, and you strapped in for this wild ride you couldn't have anticipated, with the highs and the lows that came with it. I remember feeling so much joy listening to 1D, watching silly videos, meeting new people, writing and reading fanfiction. I invested so much of my time into 1D during the active years of the band, at first because I wanted to and it was fun, but now that I'm older and I have some perspective, it wasn't really that simple.

I had a really hard home life in those years. I was in high school, and I didn't have supportive parents. I remember at many points feeling like nobody understood me - not my friends, not my family, or anyone at school - except, in some weird way, One Direction and their fans did. You guys created an atmosphere that was so uplifting and supportive, that prioritized things like mental health and social justice, having a laugh and still being kind. These are all things I really needed in my life.

I didn't make a friend in the fandom until about 2016, so for the entire duration of 1D being active, I was doing my solo thing. I had other people I kind of interacted with during that time, but not any real friends I stayed in touch with. My entire high school career was me being a 1D fan basically alone, and I think I forget that sometimes because I have a lot of 1D friends now. But at my most vulnerable, and in my most formative years, the only thing I really had was One Direction. And I have been thinking a lot about how much of that fun, welcoming, supportive environment was exactly those things because of you. I felt so much support just being in the proximity of the fanbase and the band. I had something to live for, even when my home life was terrible, when my friends abandoned me, when my grades started slipping. I didn't have much sense of identity or self-awareness at all at the time, so it didn't occur to me until recently how much harder and more emotionally volatile those years would have been for me without One Direction. And when I finally did start processing all the hard stuff I had gone through a couple years later, my friends in the fandom were there for me in a way most people couldn't be. I'll be forever grateful to them, and to all of you.

I always felt like you saw me, and like you got me, and like we had the same priorities and values about how people should be treated. I guess that's because you had been bullied yourself and knew what it felt like to be treated unkindly. It really hurts me to know just how much unkindness you continued to receive all the way to the end. I think people saw your joy at the success of your loved ones and your continued pride in the band as somehow disingenuous, but I know it wasn't, because I see so much of myself in you.

I hope you know how many people truly loved and admired you, and how much good you put out into the world, and that the bad that each of us has done does not negate that. Without you, I wouldn't have lived this long. It sounds dramatic, but now that I'm on the other side of the hardest years of my life, I know I couldn't have made it through without you and your influence. You have been and still are a light to people on every continent, people you've never met, who have never been in the same stadium as you. Actually, in ways you don't know and in ways that can't be quantified, you have changed the lives of so many people indirectly. You changed my brother's life, for one, by helping me become someone who could be resilient and strong for him when he needed it. You changed my dad's life by making me someone who can teach others compassion. You've made my son's life possible, by helping me be strong enough to be here so he could even be born. And for every fan you've had like me, you've touched the lives of countless other people indirectly in the same way. The good you have done may be hard to see sometimes through all the noise, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I hope you knew that in those final days, and I hope you know it now, wherever you are.

I've found it really striking, how many of the people who knew you feel the need to say they hope you're finally at peace now. I wish that didn't say so much about how hard things were for you the last several years. I wish I could have been more vocal and let you know how much change you had made in my life and how much I love you. I wish I could have been more supportive than just a person you might see through pixels on a screen, although I know you had many loved ones who supported you in life too. The grief we are all feeling for you feels some days like it has stopped the world.

It's been a while since I've truly lost someone, and I think the last few years have made the impact of loss hit a lot harder than it used to. I understand now why people turn to religion in times like these. It's for hope.

A lot of other people have said it, but I hope in my heart that it's true:

You will find me

In places that we've never been

For reasons we don't understand

Walking in the wind

You shined so bright, and you still do. But I would have loved you even if you hadn't.

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JANUARY DEV LOG : "LOG 1, WOOHOO!"

Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, or are just stopping by, let me introduce you to this post to really set the tone.

For 2024, I am going to try to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.

First things first, big news!

HYPERSOMNIA IS NOW AVAILABLE TO WISHLIST ON STEAM! (LINK)

After a while of back and forwarding with Valve, I've finally got a Steam page to call my own, and MAN is it bizarre seeing my weird little RPG in my Steam library. Like, that's my logo, and my key art, and screenshots of MY game, that's so weird. It doesn't feel real. BUT IT IS!

And, I would really really really really really appreciate it if you would consider wishlisting the game on Steam. It helps with the algorithm, and my happiness because I like seeing numbers go up, it feels good.

I even drew this as a announcement/commemoration for the page going live.

(P.S; if you couldn't tell, I really like Half-Life, it's one of my favorite game series.)

Secondly...

A new trailer is in the works! We were accepted for this year's MOTHER Direct (4th time baby, whoo!)

The trailer has been coming along well, I hope to show more battle oriented clips that I've missed the last few years, like special moves.

Can you believe I've never actually gotten to adding those in the game? I mean, they come set-up in default RPG Maker projects but I've never gotten around to revamping them until now, year 4 of engine work. Isn't that strange?

I also hope to improve on editing in the trailers. Whenever I finish a trailer I come back a few months later to notice minor points where I was kinda sloppy.

I'm not much of a video editor, (I only learned so I could edit trailers on my own) but I'd like to keep them at a good presentable quality. You gotta have standards with that kinda stuff, it's important!

OK, TIME FOR THE ACTUAL GAME STUFF. HERE WE GO.

Abilities are now implemented! And work! Wahoo!

In HYPERSOMNIA, players are able to switch abilities between party members. I find this a really interesting mechanic for how simple it seems, you get to choose who plays what role in your party. I think this is HUGE, and opens up a lot of unique scenarios for the game's encounters. I've had this planned for years, as far back as 2021 if I can recall, so it's super cool seeing it in game.

Mapping is being worked on!

I've also been working on mapping out more areas of the game! The forest part you hopefully saw in the last trailer is almost completely mapped. I've been working on the second part to it and am hoping to finish it sometime soon.

Mapping forests really suck. THOUGH, almost all the maps for the first chapter of the game are done! That's just another step closer to the demo. (Which, FYI, will be on Steam and Itch! ^^)

I've also been working on re-spriting older scenes!

This one's been really fun to do, I've been going back and redoing older stuff from the 2022 trailer, like this train! It's weird seeing it side by side, because you can definitely see where it's come from but at the same time, it looks so different.

(Also side note, these sprites are CRUSTY! EWWW!)

Lastly, Script and Music updates!

The script for HYPERSOMNIA's first act has been completed! with just 37 pages of just cutscene dialog alone! We're also currently working on wrapping up NPC dialog! Not much else to say.

And music is being worked on!

Music has been making some progress! I like to lay out demo's for areas I'm mapping out to help make both the music and scene come together. (Also, to help break up the eerie silence when playtesting...)

Speaking of music, FIREBALL, the games main battle theme, was recently delisted on our YouTube channel.

We did this because we decided we wanted to resample FIREBALL, and found that it's best to not have the song uploaded until a complete, final version is made. At least for the demo, it could possibly change before the final game but that's a bit too far in the future for me to think about fully.

Hey! Thanks for reading the whole dev log! Unless you just skipped to the end, you should probably go back up and read it. there's a steam page now. and some cool ross art at the top. you're missing out!

I hope this was like, readable to you all. I'm new to this whole dev log thing, so if you read it all the way through, let me know! It'd be cool!

I'd like to use this portion to pretty much just advertise Unique Indie RPG's.

Have you ever seen that strange purple square at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd HYPERSOMNIA trailers?

Yeah, that! That's UNIQUE INDIE RPG's, which is a Discord community for you guessed it, Unique Indie RPG videogames developed by people like me! Or you! Or whoever! Who cares!

I help run it with some of my friends, and we all share cool stuff about our videogames! There's a ton of other SUPER cool RPG Maker games there like Astral Guard [LINK], or SOMEWHEN [LINK], or even MOMOinc [LINK]!

And of course, HYPERSOMNIA. It's a really laid back community, we're all super chill. Come swing by! We'd love to have ya, and SHOW US YOUR GAME!

[LINK TO DISCORD SERVER]

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

[fuckyeahbaldursgate]

Viconia - Plot Support extraordinaire

Just to preface this as I don't want this to seem like I am hating on BG3 as a diehard fan of the original series because I really do love BG3. I've completed it twice now and think it will absolutely be joining my annual rotation of BG1/SOD/BG2 playthroughs but it has its problems, much in the same way that the originals themselves have problems as well.

So after my Sarevok post I wanted to treat Viconia to the same critical analysis as unfortunately I think she also gets the short end of the evil plot stick. I get it, evil characters can be hard to get right but again similar to Sarevok, in my opinion, her character regresses to evil Shar mook number one rather than actually being Viconia. Worse still she's entirely at the mercy of being wrapped up in ShadowHeart's backstory.

Anyway this is a bit of a deep dive into Viconia's issues in BG3. Spoiler warning for both BG3 and BG2.

1. No Grey DeLise.

Again, similar to Sarevok, another prolific voice actor that has done recent video game work seemingly not approached for the role. I can't help but think that some of this is down to the rushed nature of act three generally and Larian just having to get whoever they could for the job in the time that they needed it. Unlike Jaheria and Minsc there's no attempt to mimic her original VA or get someone who sounded like her so she ends up sounding completely and utterly different.

This version of Viconia sounds haughty and stuck up which while the original Viconia VA has a degree of arrogance, she is also pretty sultry. Haer'dalis even comments that she has 'the throaty voice of the most expensive courtesan' and Viconia deliberately plays on the stereotype of the sensual female drow with certain male party members for her own benefit e.g the male Bhaalspawn, Edwin, Sarevok and even Anomen (I cover this a bit here and here).

2. Her in game design...just isn't great.

Let's be honest, combined with the voice, Viconia's design basically makes her unrecognisable. She looks like a generic old drow lady to the point that I did have 'Is that meant to be Viconia?' moment when I first met her.

Now I appreciate there is minor controversy with Viconia's original BG2 portrait (which is probably the most recognisable image of her) because the artist actually used a famous porn star as the base for it.

For info, this was a common practice at Bioware at the time as they used to use lots of different images as bases for portraits. They finally got into legal trouble for it in NWN where due to various copyright claims they had to change quite a few portraits.

More recently, I think that Beamdog actually did quite a good job of recreating a faithful adaption of her original portrait in Siege of Dragonspear while presumbably navigating the original copyright issue.

In comparison to her BG3 portrayal, my first impression was she looks incredibly old. Now as far as I'm aware we've never been given a canon age for Viconia but we do know she was around for House DeVir being defeated by the Do'Urden house so she has to be at least 100 years old by the time of BG1... but her character level is between 2 and 6 (depending on the party's XP) so a relatively inexperienced cleric. With that in mind I definitely assumed she was on the younger side (maybe 200-300?). Either way 5e elves can live between 750 to 1000 years although there are instances in the Forgotten Realms books of drow living to over 2000. Now tack on the additional 120 years for BG3 in my mind it would definitely put her in the middle aged category but not necessarily anywhere near the end of her life. Critically she would be aging much slower than Jaheria but with those wrinkles she looks WAY older than her. I honestly feel cheated of an interaction between the two about how hagged and old Jaheria looks in comparison to herself.

In terms of her outfit, although initially she wears the Sharite mask and hooded outfit, which is good for concealing her identity, we eventually end up with Viconia in a spider adorned dress. This seems like a strange choice given the spider motif when she literally stopped worshipping Lloth for Shar - maybe she's being ironic? The lack of armour,when she's a cleric that knows there's a good chance she's about to have a fight seems kind of stupid. If you do choose to fight her, she then looks entirely comical in her light dress accompanied by an enormous oversized shield and mace.

For me though this really identifies her design problem: her leather armour was a critical part of her original design. Given that we only see portrait style headshots of BG characters, the decision not to include her leather corset with the three straps and the head band is really what makes her unrecognisable. It would be like removing Minsc's head tattoo or Jaheria's braids or Sarevok's armour (which even with all the problems I talked about in my post, at least he got to keep that).

My hope is that some enterprising modder out there makes a more BG2 accurate version of her in future. Larian, please give my lady her leather armour back or maybe even a justicar outfit!

3. Ignores her BG1/2 alignment, motivations and twists her original epilogue.

Now I do appreciate BG3 deliberately assumes that the events of BG1/BG2 are a little bit fluid, which Jaheria confirms this when she talks about the bards that tell stories of her slaying gods or bedding them depending on which one you listen to. But the game goes onto confirm certain events in Viconia's history that don't really make sense:

A.) The game confirms that Viconia did travel with the Bhaalspawn but not for the entirety of the game. Minsc informs you that after trying to dissect Boo she was expelled from the group. I have to admit this story didn't gel with me at all because it implies Viconia is some sort of chaotic evil idiot (reminder: Viconia is neutral evil with a 16 INT score and 18 WIS score in BG2) who would deliberately provoke a giant raging berserker man by murdering his beloved pet. Like that's the sort of thing I could see Xzar (who is completely and utterly mad) doing but not Viconia. What benefit would she get out of it? Maybe it would be a good tribute for Shar but that would be a pretty short term benefit. In fact in BG2 Viconia offers begrudging respect to Minsc for his effectiveness in battle, she knows he's powerful and she wants to be on the right side of that. Minsc for his part does what he does with many of the female characters, particularly in BG2 and makes her a proxy substitute for Dynaheir offering to protect her. That's not to say she won't insult people (Aerie and Jaheria or characters who she perceives as weak often get the brunt of it) but she's generally smart enough to stay out of an actual fight. Important to note that in any of NPC conflicts that end in a fight in BG1/2 (e.g. Kivan, Ajantis, Keldorn) it's never Viconia that's starts the fight.

B.) The Waterdeep cult.

In Viconia's epilogue, which you only get if you kept her for the end of Throne of Bhaal and you didn't romance her, Viconia goes on to do a few things which you can see below (obviously massive spoilers for BG2) :

So it feels like Larian has taken the first part of this ending but nothing else, which really leaves a lot of questions. We know Shar isn't entirely happy with Viconia based on her diary entries so why is Shar still giving powers to a woman that basically killed a whole bunch of her followers? Why is Viconia still working for a goddess that hates her? Why is she so accepting of Shar's plot to groom Shadowheart as her replacement? Why on earth hasn't Viconia got the fuck out of dodge, which is pretty much what she has been shown to do in the past? And this comes neatly onto my next point.

4. Viconia is just a plot device for Shadowheart.

I love Shadowheart and I love her arc but honestly Viconia being the Mother Superior just felt like a way of inserting her into the game in a way that didn't really fit especially when Viconia's diaries in BG3 show that she knows that Shar intends for Shadowheart to essentially replace her as one of her prominent followers/chosen. The whole plot ignores two critical points about Viconia and her backstory:

Firstly the reason Viconia left the Underdark in the first place was because she refused to sacrifice a child to Lloth and Lloth turning her brother into a drider after he saved her from being sacrificed. Now Viconia is many things, she's self serving, cruel and dedicated to her own survival at the expense of anything and anyone else (quintessential neutral evil through and through) but at the same time she threw away her position, caused the downfall of her house and got most of her family murdered to save a child. You're telling me she would then willingly go along with Shar's plan to deliberate plan to kidnap and repeatedly torture a child for YEARS whilst also training said child to replace her? My girl doesn't have many lines in the sand but harming children definitely seems like one of them. I actually wandered whether Shadowheart not liking to harm children / prefers saving them is not just about her being a secret Selunite but also a potential a hint of Viconia's influence.

Secondly, that plot seems to ignores Viconia's other primary driver, which is to survive: it's why she leaves the Underdark, it's why she travels with the Bhaalspawn, it's why she worships Shar and it's why she murders an entire cabal of Shar's followers after one person betrayed her. Now if we ignore that she has qualms about children, you're telling me that she would instead essentially train her replacement to be an amazing cleric who is 99% likely to murder her? I'm pretty sure Viconia would have tried to kill Shadowheart way before her becoming a justicar or simply skipped town as she has done before.

The alternative?

Personally I would have liked to have seen Viconia ultimately involved in a plot to overthrow the Mother Superior or maybe doing something even crazier like going after Shar herself out of revenge following her fall from grace after the events of the Waterdeep cult. Maybe she works with the Absolute to get her revenge and keep her divine powers - hell who better to help Ketheric with the Nightsong in Shar's temple then an ex priestess of Shar?

If not the Absolute then Shar's got plenty of enemies and Viconia has converted before. Maybe she could have joined the team to achieve a particular goal while giving fans of the original series the opportunity to have one of the original evil characters to join the crew. I would have loved to see the contrast with Minthara who is still fairly fresh from leaving drow society and a complete blunt instrument compared to Viconia's more subtle ways. Maybe Viconia would take the paladin under her wing, maybe introduce her to a new patron god (something I don't think is ever explained is how Minthara still retains her divine powers given neither Lloth or the Absolute are fueling them anymore). Shevarash the elven god of revenge, would be a fantastic fit for both of their back stories (which would also be a nice little throw back to Viconia's heated / sometimes fatal arguments with Kivan in BG1) presuming that Viconia could get over her disdain for the elven pantheon by that point in the timeline. The fireworks with Jaheria of course would be grand while Minsc I feel would be very conflicted given his mind's tendancy, as noted above, to sub in any female magic user as Dynaheir.

[lady-phasma]

It’s me again 💝

I’ve been in the Hotd fandom since the show first aired but got really into it once adult Aemond showed up . I’ve dabbled in a bunch of what I call creator content, fics , imagines even editing videos … I just don’t seem to find my people or I have people and they talk for awhile but then ghost . I try not to stress cause I get it we have lives and that shit comes first but it’s just idk sad when I try so hard and I’m lost in the crowd if you will. I’ve reached out to people via dm and I usually try to comment and give my opinion to get some interaction . Perhaps I’m making a bigger deal than I should . I would love to come off anon and dm but I just don’t wanna be judged and I say this even though I know people reading this will think pathetic . It is what it is

Hi 💝! Thank you for writing again! First, no negative self-talk on my blog. 😊 It's not a rule exactly, but I don't support it. Maybe you follow me, that's irrelevant, but I doubt that the demographic of my followers will think anything about this is pathetic. Outside of them, if they think that, they can block me and then we don't have to worry about their opinions, do we?

Now that's out of the way, don't worry about coming off anon. You don't have to or you can decide later. I answered another ask and said this and it bears repeating:

Feelings are valid, but they are not always truth.

Maybe it is a big deal to you at this point in your life. It has been to me at other times (not on Tumblr because I was on a near-10 year break from it). I don't like to give advice because I'm not in your shoes. I can only offer an ear to listen and my honest opinions.

Keep creating!! Whether it's in a fandom setting or not. I only write what I want to write. I only make gifs of what I want (or need for a fic). Make things when you feel inspiration or even if you don't. Drop your imagines in here if you want. Especially (but not limited to) excitement you have during the second season! There is going to be so much lovely chaos during the second season. We are all going to have thoughts!

As for your experience on your blog, follow more people, reblog with comments/discourse (if it's kind and not hurtful). And try not to compare yourself to others. I know it's difficult when notes on a post feel so damn good, but they aren't always immediate. And be yourself. I don't mean any of this as advice - it's just how I behave on here. Try not to try, just be.

I am so glad you've been in the fandom since the start! I stared my HotD experience on AO3 because I had been on there for years. Then a conversation in the comments in October 2022 got me on Tumblr for the first time since 2013/14. I'm so glad it did! There has been drama (I took a hiatus from Jan 2023 until March 2024) but there has been more joy and fun than that for me. I do that on purpose.

As I've said before, there were about 9 million viewers for the season 1 finale. That's a lot of people. More than I can imagine. So, if I were to offer advice it would be this: this time around for me I have been looking at the tags I follow more often than I used to. I look at posts that are like-minded: kind posts, funny posts that don't make fun of any part of the fandom, and posts about niche characters/elements. Then I look at that blog further, check out older posts to see if they have my same values (or close), and if so, I give them a follow. People don't always follow back, that's okay. But I get to see their positivity or inclusivity and that enriches my experience. The Nettles community is one of the best out here and I am so glad I get to be a part of it. We don't always agree but it's so fun to find a part of another aspect of the fandom. I throw my net wide because there are so many of us.

Lastly, like I said in a recent answer: what do you do to make others feel heard? Do you comment on posts when people express that they are lonely in a fandom? Do you give them a hug emoji or a "hey, I see you" kind of reaction? I do these things when I see those posts because what we put out comes back to us. Treat others how you want to be treated. That's not to say you haven't been doing this but if you haven't, maybe think about why - are you shy, judgmental, unsure how it will be received, or other motivations to keep scrolling?

I want everyone to have a great time in this or any fandom. This fandom in particular needs more positivity and inclusivity. I didn't get the nickname auntie for nothing. 💕 But it's never forced or fake. Come back to my inbox any time and as often as you like. We don't have to keep discussing this unless you want to! Is Aemond your favorite? Which episode do you dislike the most? Are you excited about something in particular for season 2? But there is no expectation or obligation.

[djthed]

3D Test Animation of my Character!

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Been once again super busy with work lately, but found some time to sneak in getting this little project done!

I've recently changed up my profile pictures to use a character design that I can actually credit to myself! I will always love Leafeon and will miss using them as a profile picture, but the biggest problem with using them as a way to identify me is that they aren't really my character or my design. And my own iteration of Leafeon's model isn't that derivative anyway, nor would I really want it to. And also considering how long I've been a FiM fan, I think it's a long time coming that I finally make a design of a pony for myself to use as a sona!

With that said, when it comes to this model, I started working a bit on it a few months back. Mostly in the coat coloring and headshape department. The head topology is the same as before, but now I have controls in the rig that can change the head shape to feel more "stallion"-like. For how I tuned the shape for my character, he's kind of got a shape in-between a full on mare and stallion head shape.

Work ceased for a while as I got involved working on a project called "Billie Bust Up!" (which I will talk more about later if that got your attention, don't worry!). It's been very busy, but the past week I decided to sit down and get this done on my own time. I did a few streams where I would work continuously on my model, like getting all the hair done, and working on all the animation. You can find all the VODs to these in the Live section on YouTube Channel. I really like doing livestreams, as it has a very VERY obvious affect on how I am able to focus, and makes working on things a lot easier and more efficient. I want to do them more again, I miss streaming a lot. Maybe for BBU I'll find a way, but only time will tell.

This animation was really fun to make. Haven't really done super dynamic quadruped animation since I was involved in the G5 pony game, so it was nice to get at it again to refresh my skills there. Didn't feel too hard, so that's a good sign I wasn't getting too rusty. And rendering was not nearly as bad as you might expect. Talked a bit about this during my Marina commission about my new methods of denoising renders that were done in Cycles. This entire render uses a flat 128 sample count, and using my new methods that keeps noise temporally stable and then denoise after, it produces a very VERY nice result. Once I rap up releasing this animation, I'll try to finally record a guide, or at least the process I take, on how I get this done, as it's definitely a viable option in a lot of cases.

Thank you guys for sticking around during my staggered activity on this channel! Once I started getting involved in real animation jobs, it's been tough finding a good balance between my own personal animation projects and actual animation work. And lately I've been feeling the urge to actually try to find that balance so that I can do both. Hopefully I find it, because I miss this!

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Special Thanks to my Patrons!: interru Katharine Berry CyberPon3 Nathan Copier StableCoder SteveLynx Subserial Guillaume Troton

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[enlitment]

Books tag game time! Thanks @marcusagrippa for the tag ✨

Last book I read: Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions

Confessions... not going to go into it in this post. It's a wild ride for sure. But if you're interested in mental health (issues) in the 1700s, it's a fairly interesting source material.

Book I recommend:

I've recently finished Carlo Ginzuburg's Cheese and Worms. It's an absolute classic! It's also a fairly quick read. I'd recommend it to anyone who's curious to see how modern historical research doesn't have to just be about famous kings or medieval battles (or if you want to read about an unhinged oddly progressive 16th century Italian miller. Menocchio is the best and I adore him!)

Book I couldn't put down:

That usually happens with murder mysteries, since I want to keep reading until I find out what happened. One of them is Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose (also a classic, and definitely an interesting spin on the genre),

the other is Stuart Turton's The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. Nothing to do with history but it's so unique and so good! The best way I can describe it is that reading it feels like playing a video game, in the best way possible. It also opens up some interesting philosophical questions at the end. I've been (unsuccessfully) trying to convince my friends to read it for a year now 🙃

Book I've read twice:

I've read a lot of books multiple times for my final high school exams, but the two I know I've read twice for reasons unrelated are Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange (I rant about it any time I get a book ask, so I'll refrain from it here) and George Orwell's 1984 (I was obsessed with it in my early teens for some reason).

There are a lot of books I loved in my teens that I would be curious to read once again, to see if my perception has changed. It did happen for 1984 and Hamlet, so it would be interesting to see if it's the same case for other works as well!

A book on my TBR:

Gosh, so many. But one is Plutarch's Parallel Lives! I'm so curious about it but still haven't gotten around to actually reading it. I've only read short passages so far and I want to fix that! (Though good news is my grandparents actually have a copy in their library so I'll just snatch... um, borrow it at some point)

A book I've put down:

It used to happen quite a lot, but ever since I've started basing my reading on Tumblr... no okay, in all honesty, I've put down C. S. Forester's Hornblower and didn't get back to it for years. Although I love the tv series, I just couldn't get into the book. But I still kind of want to give it a go at some point in the future.

A book on my wishlist:

I've been obsessed with the Introducing Graphic Guides recently and I just want to collect them like Pokemon cards!!

They are very digestible and so, so good! I read one on Rousseau and Machiavelli, I bought one on the Enlightenment which I'm saving as a treat, but I need Žižek as well... and Foucault... and Romanticism...

A favourite book from childhood:

I know there recently was a movie that was... not good, but I loved Philip Reeve's Mortal Engines. It was this sort of steampunk-esque fantasy book which had a really interesting female protagonist. I mean I'm only just now realising how subversive it was that the main heroine was fairly unlikeable and very flawed but still someone you were meant to ultimately root for?

There was also a parallel about social darwinism – the world of the book had cities flying in the skies that were devouring smaller cities, robbing them blind and enslaving their populations. The governments had a flimsy quasi-philosophical justification for all this, but the heroes of the books were fighting against the status quo. Looking back, I still think the series was pretty cool!

A book you would give to a friend:

Recently borrowed Émilie du Châtelet's Discourse on Happiness to my friend after she went through a break-up. I'm hoping É's words of wisdom might help her!

A book of poetry/lyrics you own:

Catullus (a Czech and an English translation) of course!

I've also recently bought Ovid's Letters of Heroines in a second-hand bookshop and I'm looking forward to getting into it.

A non-fiction book you own:

A fair amount of biographies of old white dudes, to the surprise of noone...

but to give a little more interesting answer, I do own all the books by Jon Ronson. He's a British journalist writing about current issues and I find him to be both really funny and really insightful!

His books about the psychiatric industry (The Psychopath Test) and modern-day ostracism (So You've Been Publically Shamed) are especially good and I'd recommend them to everyone!

Currently reading:

Voltaire's biography - Roger Pearon's Voltaire Almighty. It may not be a prefect academic source, but his writing style is great and I'm really enjoying it so far!

I'm also on-and-off with Hilary Mantel's A Place of Greater Safety. I think I'll save it for once I start uni again.

Planning on reading next:

Denis Diderot's The Nun! I'm super curious because it sounds like a really interesting book for understanding sexuality and gender in the enlightenment era.

tagging @chaotic-history @my-deer-friend @theghostofbean and @iron--and--blood ! No pressure of course ✨

[civilotterneer]

so you picked an otter as a sona cause you swim a lot makes sense, but why a north american river otter specifically? also why'd you become a furry/when?

(btw civilotterneer is a FIRE username. goated af for that)

Well, it's an interesting story, but one that'll make sense after some wine, I'm sure. Trying to understand the machinations of my mind is like reading a boring quantum physics textbook that'd be more entertaining if burned for s'mores.

Short answers:

North American because I AM North American. Also freshwater swimming mammal, which is what I am IRL.

Why: basically always was a furry gamer (played animal races in every video game or DND thing), just decided to be real about it instead of hiding it internally

When: January 2024

That quantum physics textbook is written out below should you want the full deal and answers, as well as the famous Civ IKEA story.

North American, well, yes, I am

Otter=swimmer. Same page, right? Well, I initially was going for a sona that was a mammal and swam. I thought about a beaver, as they build things like damns and live in water, but didn't like the look as much. I narrowed onto the mustilid family because I like the snake cats, as Ze Frank calls them.

North American River Otter was actually because, well, I'M North American. Being from the US, I was wanting something at least from the same continent, but I was also wanting something that swam in fresh water, since that's what I swim in. The NA River Otter, was just the right amount of all of these.

When and Why

As to when and why: the why is probably because I've always been a closeted one. I always played the Khajiit Skyrim character, the Leonin or Dragonborn DND character, the most animal-like race of any game where you get to pick your character. I had a lot of furry hate for a long time cause I saw it as disgusting. Funnily enough, this was my take on being gay as well, so I guess I can blame my Christian raising for that. Turns out, the stuff I was repulsed by the most were later revealed to be aspects of myself that I likely hated because they were a part of me and I didn't actively realize it.

I can't really tell you why I was this way, just that it's always been a part of my life and its only as of recent I decided to reflect on it and live it without hiding. I also came out as bisexual (I'm currently mostly just gay, but I wouldn't mark out finding the right woman to marry still), about a year and a half before becoming a furry, so the path was kinda laid out towards getting over those old self hates.

The when is probably officially January 2024, but I started investigating around December 2023 when I decided to commission a ref sheet for what I thought would be my sona. But later, after finding @galileogb's otter model for VRChat and attending PDFC, I fell in love with this model and the idea of furry, and thus it was my sona.

The IKEA Story

There was one hiccup in that month of January, however. Just before finding Civ's model, I wasn't happy with that sona ref sheet I had gotten, and I couldn't redraw it in personal art for lack of ability. I had been questioning whether being a furry was what I wanted, so around that time, I decided to give up the idea. BUT, I was driving to Phoenix to go to IKEA and grab some furniture, and somehow I was stopped for lunch and learned that PDFC, Phoenix's early January Fur Con, was occurring. Somehow, I thought it was a good idea to just see what was going on. While I basically just sat in a corner for the whole time, a very nice, older lady sat next to me, asking how I was. She had an awesome opossum suit that was veiled, and kinda looked like a Dishonored character but with green accenting. She really made me gather up my courage to take a second look at furry stuff cause I wasn't sold by just being there alone. The next day I found the Civ base model, and the rest is history.

I think I can literally blame three things for finally giving in to becoming a furry: IKEA, that nice older lady, and @galileogb. I can't really thank yall enough. I hope to go back to PDFC this year and give that lady the real thanks she deserves if I can find her.

On the case of the Civil Otterneer name, that was just a random perfect thought I had. I knew I'd impart my civil engineering work into my sona cause if this sona was going to be as large a part of my life as my work, then there should be some reflectivity. Then, I just thought Civ was a good shortened 'name' for him to be personable after coming up with the whole thing.

Story time finally over. Anyone got another bottle?

[krissiefox]

Sonic The Hedgehog (2020) Movie Review!

While I was sick recently, I was holed up in my room trying not to infect the rest of my family. I'd been reading Sonic fanfics in the meantime, and this gave me the idea to finally watch the DVD I got of the the 2020 Sonic movie, and then of course, I wanted to write a review, because it's fun (and my wife seems to like them)! I'll put a divider here, because this review does contain spoilers for most of the plot points, so this is your warning before you read on!

To get the unfortunate bits out of the way, the movie had a rough start, with the strange first design of Sonic becoming a social media trend of snark and negativity that I remember making me pretty depressed. In response to the backlash, Paramount changed up Sonic's design to something cuter. I've heard mixed claims saying that during this time the artists for the movie were abused with crunch, while others claim this didn't occur, so I'm not sure about whether or not it happened, but I hope not.

A worried Sonic ball, hiding from badniks....

With that unpleasantness out of the way, the movie eventually finished and came out, and at-least on tumblr I saw a lot of folks seemed to really enjoy it. My little brother expressed interest in watching it with me, so eventually while out shopping with my wife I picked up copies of the first two movies.

This movie does commit the act of "Hollywood Video Game Adaptations" by largely changing the source material and basically creating another AU for the Sonicverse, and I know that's a turnoff for some, so this wouldn't be every one's cup of tea as many folks would prefer something rooted in one the already established Sonic worlds. I was able to enjoy the film though, and found it quite cute, sweet and funny. It also gave warm fuzzies to see my favorite childhood video game hero in his first big screen movie adaption.

The Story follows Sonic as he is ousted from his home world by his owl mom to live on Earth, after a tribe of echidnas attacks their house. Sonic is ordered to live in hiding, and is given a bag of magic teleportation rings that he is to use only in an emergency to escape to another place.

As ordered, Sonic lives on Earth in secret, in a town called Green Hills. He spies on the humans and enjoys learning about Earth, but is still very lonely as he isn't allowed to interact with them. Some of his favorite humans are a local couple that he has named "Donut Lord" and "Pretzel Lady". One night, while playing at a baseball field at night, Sonic gets so upset about his isolated life that he causes a massive power surge with his speed, drawing attention to his location.

Dr. Robotnik meets Donut Lord!

The government calls in Dr. Robotnik (and his minion/boyfriend Agent Stone), whom in this universe is an earthling rather than a resident of Mobius. He is played by Jim Carrey as a delightfully fun and strange villain throughout the film. He takes over the search for the source of the power surge, and eventually closes in on the cave Sonic has been living in.

In a panic, Sonic decides he'll need to bail on this world, though he hates the thought of having to do so, being so fond oft it. He sneaks into Donut Lords home to use one of his teleport rings, when Donut (aka Tom) finds him and shoots him with a tranquilizer dart gun. One of Sonic's rings opens up and since Donut's shirt made Sonic think of San Francisco, that's where the portal leads to and Sonic's rings end up there.

After getting to know each-other, Sonic and Donut end up fleeing as vigilantes both from the government and Dr. Robotnik. Eventually they make it to San Francisco, Sonic gets his rings back, and he has a big showdown with Robotnik where he ends up sending Robotnik through a portal to the mushroom world he was originally going to go to. Donut Lord and Pretzel Lady end up adopting Sonic, and the movie wraps up as Sonic sees his new bedroom in a really sweet scene. Mid credits, we also get a teaser showing Tails arriving on Earth!

One of the movie's more badass looking scenes.

Outside of the aforementioned issue that creating an entirely new Sonic AU for the film will alienate some folks, my only other criticism is that I would have liked to learn more Sonic's owl mom, as she seemed pretty cool. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the film quite a bit. It was colorful, pretty, Sonic was adorable, Robotnik was very funny, and Sonic's new friends were quite likeable. Definitely a recommended watch for anyone curious about the film. :) I may end up watching the sequel sometime soon, too!

[jabbage]

I keep seeing a post floating around from an aspec person saying how they'd been made to feel monstrous and broken and wrong.

I went through those feelings in my teens and twenties and had some really dark times. I think that society gives us such limited views of what happiness and success look like, and it can be crushing. If you're someone who knows you're not going to pair off or get married or have kids, it's hard to know what a happy domesticity looks like?

I'm in my early 30s now, and I'm so contented with my life. I thought I'd share a little, in case it gives anyone a bit of hope to see one form a happy life can take which isn't perhaps the mainstream?

I wake up to find my little cat purring on my chest, and I give her a cuddle.

I get dressed in a new suit I've brought. I realised recently that off-the-shelf clothes never fit me right, so I've been saving up money to have them adjusted at a tailor. It fits perfectly now and I feel great in it. It's taken a while, but I feel like I've finally nailed a style for myself.

I walk to work, through the park so I can admire the flowers. This takes longer, but it gives me some exercise and I enjoy having the time to think. I stop off at a shop on the way and get some nice sandwiches, my favourite kind of pastry and a drink. Normally I make a pack lunch, but this is my weekly Tuesday Treat.

I have a morning meeting with some of my coworkers, who I feel value me and my work. Personal organisation in my worklife has been a struggle for me, but recently I realised I'm one of those folks who probably has ADHD and wasn't caught by the system. Just knowing this has given me so many new tools which are designed for the way by brain works, and I feel so much more confidant.

For the rest of the day instead of staying in my office I work on a picnic table in the sunshine, occasionally stopping to watch some skateboarders. At lunchtime I eat the food I bought, and I chec discord and catch up with online shenanigans. I enjoy having friendships I've forged with people across the world. I love to visit people and to travel, and my independent lifestyle gives me chance to do that. I also like having people over to stay. I like to say I'm like Bilbo Baggins, I live along in my little hobbit hole but if you come round I'll cook you an elaborate dinner and put you up for the night.

After work I go on a free guided history walk around my local area, and find out about lots of little historical things of interest I hadn't seen before. I also meet new people. Even if I never see them again, it's nice to have that moment of connection. When I get home, I video call with my parents and we share our news with each other.

I cook a quick dinner - these days I don't put pressure on myself to do anything too elaborate. I figure if frozen chopped onion and ready meals help me to eat moderately well and keep healthy, I'll use them. I have some cream which needs using, so eat it with some absolutely monstrous strawberries.

I check my personal emails with my cat purring away on my lap. I've got a little side gig writing and illustrating. I worry that I'm not very good and It doesn't make me much money and I know I'll never be famous (do I even want to be?!), but I do enjoy it. Sometimes I'm confronted with a pile of rejections which can hurt, but it's all good stuff today: the money from a book I worked on came in. There are some more details about a talk I'm giving at the British Library later this year. My agent is sending some possible opportunities my way.

I still have a few hours before bed, so I work on a creative project for a bit. Not something I'm being paid for today: it's a personal craft project. I realised a while ago I have a bad habit of monetising everything, so now I make sure to set aside time in the week to work on things that will be presents for myself or friends.

And then when it gets to about 11, I snuggle under the covers and read PG Wodehouse. I giggle. A lot.

It's been a hard slog, but I suddenly find that I'm a very happy person. There's no partner-shaped or child-shaped hole in my life. I'm content. Every life has highs and lows of course, some days are better than others. I'm sure I'll have many troubles to face in the future, but I consider my asexuality to be a positive and joyful facet of my life.

[the1975attheirverybest]

asks about palestine

I know I keep posting memos every two days now but clearly they’re still very much needed. 1. let me be clear, when a humanitarian crisis is ongoing, if you’re a human being it is absolutely on you to speak up. 2. everyone can do SOMETHING. whether you’re a journalist, a poet, an engineer, a pilot. Use your skills in support of the cause.

3. My friends and mutuals can attest to this: I've struggled to figure out if it’s worth having these discussions openly on here because, as you guys can see, any time that I do that, things get insane very quickly. But, as we are now well over 200 days of genocide and ethnic cleansing, an astounding number of people remain uneducated. I never know what the reach of this blog is. Obviously I’m a matty healy smut account. Not a celebrity or public figure. But if anything I, or anyone else, have to say can help teach even one more person, then it’s probably worth it.

4. I’ve put together several lists of resources over the last few months. Including this and this. I’m happy to including Israeli news outlets (that do journalism not peddle propaganda) if yall would be interested. Let me also recommend, once again, Hasan Piker’s coverage. He’s covered Israel-Palestine for 10+ years now. Since his days at TYT, way before twitch. So he has a lot of info and context to offer that you won’t get from more recent contributors. His YouTube channel consists of long videos (1 hour+) taken from his streams. His editors take the time to go fact check and cite the stuff that he says off hand. So you can get more sources that way too.

5. with all that in mind, I’m happy to keep this discussion open and ongoing. If you want to learn more, ask questions, discuss things, I’m happy to do it. WHAT WE WILL NOT BE DISCUSSING HOWEVER IS WHETHER OR NOT PEOPLE SHOULD CARE. The humanity and dignity of Palestinian lives has never been and will never be up for debate. If you spout rhetoric that approaches that territory, I reserve the right to delete your asks.

FINAL NOTE: it’s important to remember that Zionism, like many other forms of fascist propaganda, has been ingrained in many people’s thinking as a result of western culture’s imperial ambition. It takes time to unshackle yourself from that sort of thing. Especially if you’re Israeli or grew up around the conflation of Judaism and Zionism. Be patient and respectful to others.