#i've been thinking a lot about diane and how much i relate to her

[homunculusalphonse]

Ever wonder how much the fandom rooted for Princess Carolyn to find her well deserved happiness and how she was too good for Bojack? It’s pretty much contrasts with how the fandom treats Diane and how angry they are with how she didn’t appreciate Mr. PB even though it’s been spelled out clearly on the show that he wasn’t an attentive husband. Then again I don’t see anyone in the fandom ever trying to tear down Princess Carolyn.

Yeah, I've seen folks sometimes ignoring Princess Carolyn as a character, but I rarely see anyone outright HATING her, because like you said, we all agree that she deserves better than BoJack, her mother, and every other bad thing she went through.

I think there are a few things people don't understand about Diane. One is her trauma, which isn't like BoJack's or Princess Carolyn's. I think Diane's trauma had a more emotional impact on her, as in her family never listens to her and they often treat her like she's being almighty and preachy ("Oh, Princess Diane making everything about herself again"). That, and the "Cryane" videos, where her brothers film her crying when she found out her pen pal wasn't real. They're more emotionally neglectful and what we know as bullies, hence why people don't take the damage seriously. Even Diane probably thought that her trauma was "not as bad" as others, especially as she couldn't give examples or proof that her childhood was bad (and the brain often blocks memories to protect ourselves).

And even a non-abusive and well-meaning partner like Mr. Peanutbutter didn't respect or understand what Diane wanted. Despite her telling him over and over again that she doesn't like big gestures, Mr. Peanutbutter continued to do so. Maybe in his head it makes sense after his failed marriages, but that doesn't erase the fact he didn't listen to Diane, besides him projecting his exes onto her. Mr. Peanutbutter often gave her superficial acts of love, hence the recreation of Belle's room. He didn't bother getting real books, for that matter. Maybe it wasn't a public gesture like the previous times, but he still tainted Diane's comfort fantasy. And once again, he reinforces, even if unintentionally, that Diane's vulnerability will turn against her or humiliate her.

Finally, I think it's unfair for the fandom to compare Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane to PC and BoJack, because BoJack was an actual asshole to PC, who went through hell and back for him even when they weren't dating anymore. Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane were more incompatible than anything, and people overlook Diane's trauma because they see BoJack's, PC's or Beatrice's, and they just believe she's whining. But as someone who has a similar trauma experience to Diane's, it's still painful and lonely. And it's hard when you don't have any physical proof of the bad things that happened to you.

[conanssummerchild]

lukewarm takes with conanssummerchild time ‼️

in solaricks when rick goes back to dimension C-137 he seems just about ready to start at least trying to move on from hunting prime, he admits that he can't find him and even goes on to tell "diane" about their grandkids

yet this is him less than a season later

so, what changed?

well, this, obviously:

not to mention how traumatic that episode must've been for rick in general, having to revisit his past like that, the diane ghost ai. well, rick makes it pretty clear he's not exactly thrilled to be alive

so think it's pretty safe to assume that this was the first step to the rick prime relapse, especially since we know he went back and managed to snag a killbot

one could also argue that rick wasn't ever really over it, so it took very little to push him back, and while i don't think he was over it either, he did seem to start to want to be, morty saying this:

was all it took for him to step away from the base, though it's likely he returned in another moment, but still, that could've been later on

okay, anyway, into the actual point of this post, i think rick took small steps into falling back into finding prime, because even when he seemed to want to be bettering himself things kept going wrong, so eventually he decided, what was the point?

this is how i see it:

obviously preceding solaricks we have rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort, which i'm not gonna go into too much detail on rn despite it being one of my fav lore episodes bcs i wanna look at post-solaricks (but for pre-solaricks rickmurai jack is also worth mentioning due to him having to revisit his backstory with the citadel which is very closely linked to his time looking for prime/killing ricks) but go ahead and check out this post by dirty-bear-rick-sanchez for the best explanation i've seen on it and its effect on rick

anyway, so just 2 episodes after solaricks we have bethic twinstinct, and i've gone into this in a past post how this might have taken him back to his past so i'm just gonna copy paste it from my other post (summarised) bcs im lazy:

a lot of ppl theorise rick and prime knew eachother before he offered him the portal gun so if thats true what if beth and space beth reminded him of them and how he was (hypothetically) cheating on diane and then lost her forever at the hands of the man he was having an affair with and also lost his beth

which is why rick said "remember, its not just your ice cream you're forgetting, it's your family's" or smth. because he forgot his familys ice cream too much, and all that happened

also look at all the similarities between prime and SB's outfits

then 5 episodes after that we have analyse piss, where we see that rick relates to pissmaster, sympathises with him

i will never not reccomend this fic by abed-with-a-knife about how rick was taken back to his own struggles with suicide and such, but it's not only that, so many features of pissmaster's experience are things rick can relate to, his rocky relationship with his daughter, everyone hating him, i think in general it's pretty clear that this episode was made to link rick and pissmaster

anyway, the next episode after analyse piss is immediately a rick in king mortur's mort, and this is quite clearly rick's breaking point, obviously we know this is when he replaces himself with rickbot, following this scene:

rick tells morty not to take the sword and morty doesn't listen

morty says rick's boring and calls him a "drunk cranky fuck" which does seem to bother rick

despite him shitting on a similar insult in the previous episode

in ricktional mortpoons rickmas mortcation, the following episode, he says the reason he replaced himself was because of this, because he feels like morty doesn't respect him any more, and that:

so first the show wears away at his friendships and his past trauma and self hatred with rfotsm, rickmurai jack goes even further into his past, his relation with the citadel, his "crybaby backstory", etc.

then solaricks forces him to confront his past, specifically his relationship with diane and accept his future and his new family, while giving him a small clue to prime.

then bethic twinstinct, provided he and prime really did know eachother previously (which im a little on the fence on if i'm honest), reminds him of his guilt for diane and little beth dying and how he feels responsible for it by mirroring the situation with older beth and the "edgier" version of herself. after that, analyse piss continues to dig into his current relationship with a beth that isn't his own, and takes a shot at his suicidal tendancies and how he feels like "god hates him" or the universe is against him or whatever.

and lastly akikmm takes all of that that rick is already carrying on his shoulders and adds morty not respecting him or caring about him to it, and it clearly cause rick to finally snap. if all of this was building and the only thing keeping rick afloat was his codependant relationship with morty (as seen in solaricks when morty gets him to not go after prime just by showing his care) then morty (by no fault of his own) seeming to dismiss rick must make him think "what's the point anymore?" if no one cares about him, then he might as well complete his life-long revenge plot, even if it destroys him again

because no one cares about him, right? (dramatic old fuck, get him psycological help)

anyway it's almost 2am so my thoughts aren't as coherent as i would like and i'm too lazy to read over this post and check if everything is right and good

most of what i've said in this post is probably pretty obvious, i just wanted to lay it out neatly with images and everything (im so classy ik /j) it accidentally came out a LOT longer than i intended. what can i say i just love yapping on about rnm

[meta-squash]

Reading the Torchwood shooting scripts has been so interesting. I keep thinking about things that were cut and things that were added that aren't in the script.

In Greeks Bearing Gifts, the thought that Tosh overhears from Ianto -- "Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt" -- that line isn't in the script. That whole little scene isn't in the script.

And it's so interesting because it's a line that seems like it's going to lead to something. Like it's going to introduce a friendship or some sort of character development, or something with Ianto. And then it doesn't. The Captain Jack Harkness episode is the next time we get extended (emotional) scenes with Ianto.

Oh, and a scene that was cut from slightly later in the episode was Tosh going to down into the cells and using the necklace on a Weevil, and it's just a primal wordless scream of pain and fury. Which I find interesting because its replacement is almost a similar sentiment, but coherent and in an understandable language.

I'm glad we got a tad more Ianto with the addition of that line, but I've always thought it was so odd that it never went anywhere. It might have been interesting for Tosh to overhear Ianto's thoughts again, because it might have either reassured her (if Ianto was thinking lighter thoughts and the one she overheard was a fluke) or found her a sort of friend (if thoughts she overheard were similarly relatable).

I think they sort of established a connection between Tosh and Ianto what with him saving her from the cannibals and all, but it might have been nice to further than relationship in a concrete way in the show. If one of the ways might have been Ianto and Tosh talking after Mary, it would have been nice, them supporting each other and also relating on the whole "Jack killed my girlfriend" front. But also it would make the entire conflict in CJH that much more interesting. Ianto's trying to stop Owen because he knows opening the Rift could destroy everything, but if they'd established Tosh and Ianto's friendship more solidly, it would have made it a lot more obvious how much of struggle taking that stance is for Ianto. It also makes the contrast between Owen and Ianto more interesting too. Owen's loyalty to Jack as a leader/father figure vs Ianto's loyalty to Jack as a lover/leader, and then Owen's obsession with Diane vs Ianto's consideration (or not) for Tosh.

But back to the overheard thought. It's such a negative, depressed thing and I think it's at least mildly deliberate on the writers' part that neither Tosh nor the viewer knows whether he's referring to his injuries from the cannibals or to the loss of Lisa or to the Canary Wharf trauma or to all of it. And then we don't get that side of Ianto at all until CJH or the very brief bits in End of Days.

I know Torchwood is basically just Clinically Depressed And Horrifically Traumatized Bisexuals: The Show, but I think it's kind of a shame they didn't do something further with this little bit of characterization.

But! I also think that's why Ianto is fan favorite. Which is a thought for an entirely separate post.

[questinwitchface]

I’m considering taking a modern poetry course. Do you have any poets you like or any poetry writing sources?

Ooh that's exciting! If you end up taking the class, I hope it's a fun one.

As for poets I like, well, there's a lot, and I don't have time to list every single one of them here, so I'll just give you those that I consider to be my top five, though it pains me to leave so many wonderful poets off the list. In birth order, they are:

Langston Hughes - One of the big names of the Harlem Renaissance. I love him because he wrote about things that mattered in very accessible language, like when you read his work, you get what he was saying the first time, and then you can dissect all the interesting little intricacies from there.

Allen Ginsberg - One of the big names of the Beat Generation. I love him because he writes so bombastically. I don't know how to explain it in a way that makes sense necessarily, but try reading "Howl" (probably his most famous work), and I think you'll get what I mean.

Anne Sexton - Famous for her confessional style poetry. I love her because her subject matter - mental illness, gender, family relationships, etc. - is very relatable to me, and she has such a deeply personal style that when I read her, I feel like I'm talking to a friend about what they're going through.

Diane di Prima - Also a part of the Beat Generation, though not as well-known as the men. I must've read her book "Loba" (the 1998 version) fifteen times or more. She writes about femininity as powerful, and her work has often been compared as the "feminine counterpart to Ginsberg's 'Howl'" which I don't think is very fair to her because her work stands by itself. But anyway, she's amazing, and I really adore her work.

Nikita Gill - The only person on this list still alive and writing today. She's got a way with weaving poetry and narrative together that just makes me so enamored. Highly recommend "The Girl and the Goddess."

For poetry writing sources, I'm sorry to say I don't have much. Like I've said previously, I was really discouraged by my poetry professor in university, so I gave away all of my poetry writing books. That said, if you're just getting started writing poetry, I suggest googling "poetry forms" and reading about different ones, like the lantern poem, the ballad, the triolet, etc., and give writing them a try. Often, these will force you to write in a way that you normally wouldn't, and it'll feel kind of frustrating at times, but through that, you can learn a lot about poetry itself and about your own preferences. For instance, I absolutely hate writing villanelles because I find the form itself too constricting. I love writing lantern poems, though, because the limitations of the form makes finding the perfect words so incredibly important. It's a good place to start to figure out what kinds of poems you're into writing and why you like those things, and that's a foundation that you can build from.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to babble on about my favorite poets. Again, I really hope your poetry class is fun if you choose to take it, and I hope your teacher/professor is better than mine was lol.

[addictwoapen]

hatred of the name or hatred of the thing itself

i've always hated my name. Brooke never felt like an accurate representation of who I am and my personhood. It never seemed true, always something removed from myself. When I introduce myself as Brooke, I feel detached. Like I'm looking into myself from the outside.

I don't know where the hatred of the name came from, but it did stem from a few literary characters named Brooke who were always mean and rude and generally disliked. I didn't want to be her and felt I was fated to end up the same.

There have been countless times I've asked my parents how they came up with my name. It isn't a family one, my middle name unremarkable as well. Not Marie but another M regardless. They refrained from Elizabeth as a middle name because my initials would have been B-E-Z (be easy) and I don't think my dad wanted his only daughter to be construed as a slut.

But there is no fun history behind my name. My brothers both have generic names as well. Nothing fun, nothing familial, nothing with lots of thought.

I think for someone who feels all too much all the time I wanted my name to mean more than it does. Just a name picked from a list that didn't sound horrible with my father's last name.

Not that my grandparents have outstanding names, one Diane and one Joanne, but I think I would've liked to be a Diane. If I ever wanted kids I would name my daughter after Diane. She's a strong woman with a fierce intelligence and curiosity that has never left her in her 83 years. I would want to pass that onto my daughter, I think.

I don't know what Lauren wanted to pass onto Brooke with that name. I don't know if she thought that much about it, but I wish she did.

The legacy of "brooke" is relating to a "brook" or a small stream. With some origins in the 18th century. However, a pretty name for a body of water turned into "babbling brook". I've heard this insult well into adulthood from men who don't like the fact that I'm not softspoken or quiet about my opinions.

Maybe Brooke doesn't feel like a big enough name for me. It feels too small for my personality (which has been described as "big", although I'm still unsure if that's a character flaw or not). And I wish my name was more reflective of who I am. Kind and forgiving, but not forgetful. Smart and reflective, but abrasive at times. Sarcastic and funny, sometimes witty when I want to be (or when I've had a few drinks). I contain multitudes and I don't feel my name is reflected in that.

[nekrophoria]

OC Asks for Serena

requested by @goldenlegacy

Thank you so much! And again, sorry for the format. I hate the mobile tumblr version...

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

That switches on like a bi-weekly basis but...right now I'd go with a mix of Chloe Price (Life is Strange) and Diane (Bojack Horseman)

I fucking hate Diane...okay I don't hate her, I hate the way she acts sometimes...but I see a lot of familiar traits in her. Dunno what that says about me to be honest but...ah well.

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

🧟‍♀️👾🙃🍕🌚🎃

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

Our group home used to do these trips to the sea every summer, kinda like class trips if you will.

And I don't have a particular memory, it's kind of a giant blur at this point...but these times were really special to me. Probably the happiest I've ever been.

💖- have you ever been in love?

Yep...it happens.

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

1. a week off

2. a new desk chair

3. a giant meatlover pizza with cheesy crust.

...what can I say I'm a simple man...woman...whatever.

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

*moans* Honesty, rain makes me so fucking tired. I just wanna crash on the couch and doze off while the telly is running or something.

🍩- current mood?

Ooof... I dunno. It could be better. I'm a bit under the weather. It has been raining for days and *laughs* I just wanna barricade myself in my room until it's nice and warm outside.

❄️- what is your favorite season?

I have a sort of...love/hate thing going for all seasons *laughs*

Dunno...I like them all, but I get sick of them quite quickly. Right now I'm in a real summer mood but that'll probably change once it gets warmer. *shrugs*

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

In theory...yeah.

But I think I'm a bit too tense for that. *shrugs* at least that's what people tell me.

I just...i guess I don't enjoy that mushy stuff quite as much as I'd like to.

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

I'm a smoker...I...hmm...

*thinks for a bit* I talk to myself, especially when I'm doing chores I just sorta tend to narrate everything I do, but only when I'm alone *laughs* it's weird.

Umm...oh yeah and I tap my fingers on cups...or glasses when I'm holding them.

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

Oh! I got the perfect picture for this right...here:

There we go. That's pretty accurate.

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

I've got no fucking clue.

I feel like like people are intimidated by me? Which is weird because I'm like as harmless as it gets...if you don't piss me off.

But I guess I can be a bit...overtaking sometimes.

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

I really don't give a shit about the personality, it's more of a subconscious thing, if it clicks it clicks.

As for looks. Soft eyes are really important to me...not the colour just the look...i can't really describe it.

I don't care too much about the rest. Not too clean cut though...kind of a ruffed up puppy look? Think David Duchovny or Mark Sheppard...

It's weird...I feel like I have more of a preference when it comes to men? I have yet to find a type of woman I find like super unattractive *laughs*

Curves are a huge plus! In general a bit of pudge doesn't hurt...big eyes...I'm a sucker for eyes, okay?

I prefer women who look a bit more...harsh though. Okay not harsh but...rough around the edges? Imperfect? *laughs* I'll leave it at that.

⛅- what is your morning routine?

Umm absolute chaos.

I usually curse at my alarm for like 20 minutes...by the time I get up I'm most likely late for work already so I just grab some clothes, and coffee, slap on some eyeliner and hair spray and make a run for it.

💗- who do you miss?

No one in particular.

I...*smiles and shakes head*...nah nevermind.

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

*exhales*

I...okay...i'm not gonna go with the scariest one for this cuz...i don't really wanna think about it. *laughs nervously*

But...*contemplates for a few minutes* Alright. It was around Christmas time and one of my mum's boyfriends/dealers/I don't even really know what he was to her...I don't even remember his name...showed up at our group home and demanded to see us...me and my brother.

He was clearly on some shit and he was livid...Roy was hiding upstairs but I couldn't take it and snuck down...

One of our caretakers was trying to calm him down. But he went on about how he was gonna get us and that what they were doing was child abduction... and he tried to make his way inside.

I...i don't remember everything but the cops showed up and...he got a restraining order or some shit...I don't know...

Our caretakers gave us the "light" version of what happened and I spent the next couple of weeks being scared shitless that he might come back for us.

*smiles bitterly* Good times.

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

I definitely have a thing for older men.

I feel like there's a certain...power imbalance when I'm dating guys my age...I don't wanna generalise but from my experience a lot of younger guys perceive me as a like...substitute mum? No. Just no...

As for women...i haven't made quite enough experience there to have a preference. But...theres something about older...mature women that makes me feel things.

Huh...I guess age is a bigger factor for me than I initially thought.

[iwritepuns]

Okay.

I'm gonna say this here just bc I need to get this shit off my chest and then I'm not thinking about it again.

Recently I had a pretty bad falling out with someone I thought would be in my life forever. But this person incessantly continues to taunt me with their petty behavior. They act like I can't see all their subliminal posts on social media- I can. And it's not through my pet's instagram which they've conveniently blocked for some reason lol. They've kept me blocked which is cool. I personally unblocked everywhere because the energy that was flowing into that action was no longer conducive for me. I can see that this relationship is a million times over. Friendship breakups are difficult and can feel impossible to move on from. I haven't publicly said a word about this because of how painful it was, I've finally moved past the hurt and I am ready to process.

This person was a source of pain (one of many) in my life as of recent. But the way they always responded and fought with me during the tough times we had together, were always triggering and it's because I was reminded of my own personal traumas. And when I expressed this by saying I felt animosity and resentment as a result of this constantly happening, they really took one word and ran with it. The story has probably been spun so much for other people that it would be exhausting for me to unravel how shitty it is to shame and co-opt the narrative someone's valid response to another person's abuse by saying that their response hurts them- and that this "hurt" matters more. Logically speaking, it would be like if someone ran you over with their car, and then you said ouch you running me over hurt my leg and now I can't walk and then the driver said well I'm upset and hurt that you would accuse me of that! I'm upset that you're angry that I ran over your foot! Anyway. This person had a way of talking, gaslighting and manipulating myself and others to the point that I had to question my own sanity. To the point where they have somehow convinced other people that putting up with their abusive behavior is acceptable and part of the package you get as being their friend. Of course this was a problem once we were all held up to a standard where WE had to deal with our own toxic behaviors but that this person would be exempt from that same expectation. Secretly, in my heart I hoped and wished that one day they would just humble themselves to the point where they reached out. Hoped that this person would value our friendship more than their desire to be right when they are ultimately in the wrong.

Sometimes I got so angry I felt like I was back in the household where I grew up in with my abusive father. I realized I could no longer allow a person to make me feel this way, but I could also no longer personally allow this swarm of muck I felt in my soul. Part of my personal healing has been shining a flashlight at these feelings and nursing them back to health. Cutting off the source of it and laying down boundaries to protect myself.

So-

Lately I've been practicing focusing on me. I've dedicated my time to my creative projects and dreams again. I got so swept up all the time in other people's drama that I lost my focus on what really makes me happy. Therapy has been really helpful with that considering something like this has previously sent me into a spiral. I'm not gonna give this person the satisfaction of bothering me anymore. They can be miserable by themselves and that's fine. Misery will not be spread to me.

I will actively be holding my closest friends tighter and showing them how appreciative I am for their unconditional love. A quality in my friends that I realized is necessary in order to have a healthy friendship is humility. I'm lucky to have an abundance of friendships I cherish and people I know are real. And my sister who I know will always be there for me and is just as much my day one like I am hers. That's a relationship in my life I know will never change even after all the difficult things we've weathered. And that has less to do with blood relation, more to do with the humility we bring towards each other. We’ve adapted our arguing patterns to healthier level, we’ve kept into consideration what each of us considers abusive behaviors, and we consistently communicate about how to be better towards eachother.

Anyway that's all. It all sounds probably pretty confusing and that's because it is. I've attached this Bojack image below because the show reminds me a lot of this (in the case of the show Id be Diane, including the ending lol no spoilers)