#i've been so busy i haven't had time to check tumblr until now

[venusmage]

Commission/Life update for 2024

EDIT 9/16/24

As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.

I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.

The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!

------

Original post:

Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.

If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.

Information on what's been going on is below.

CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.

As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.

It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.

The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.

In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.

The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.

[orionsstory]

for the drabbles, “Sorry, bad habit.”

im so sorry this is like a million years late 😭, I've been super busy with work and real life so I haven't been able to write or even check tumblr 💔 but here we are !! some lemyanka for the soul :3 -

Wails rang out through Priyanka's apartment, the girl anxiously paced back and forth as she bounced a toddler in her arms.

"Nadiya, please...I'm trying my best here." She sighed as the toddler ignored her request, continuing to cry out. Priyanka was currently babysitting her niece, and it had not been going well. She thought taking care of a one year old would be a lot easier- but she was dead wrong.

Suddenly, she heard the doorbell ring. Nadiya cried louder as she rushed to open the door. Standing there was Lemon, and it suddenly dawned on Priyanka that she had invited her girlfriend over for a movie day, mentally cursing her poor memory.

"Lem, I'm sorry, I-"

Lemon interrupted her as she entered the apartment, scooping Nadiya out of Priyanka's arms. She began to rock the child, shushing her. Miraculously, it worked and Nadiya quieted down. Priyanka quietly closed her front door, confused by what was happening before her.

"Sorry, bad habit. I used to be a babysitter. She's hungry, do you have something for her to eat?"

"I, uh, yeah- hold on." Priyanka stuttered, digging around in the bag her sister had sent. 

The two sat quietly for a moment, watching as Nadiya ate before Priyanka spoke up.

"How did you do that? Are you some sort of baby whisperer?"

Lemon scoffed, "No, of course not. I told you, I used to babysit."

"You? Lemon, you used to babysit?"

"Yes, and I was a damn good one at that. It's not that hard to believe!"

"You hate getting dirty, and kids are like..." she gestured wildly with her hands, "the dirtiest things on the planet!"

Lemon shrugged, "I needed money and people paid well. I'll have you know, I was the most popular sitter in my town. Now, more importantly, why do you have a toddler?"

"She's my niece, I forgot about our movie day so I agreed to babysit. I'm sorry Lem."

Lemon waved her off, "It's fine, we can still have a movie day. Besides, you obviously need help."

"I was handling it!"

Lemon raised her eyebrow at the other girl.

"Okay, maybe I wasn't."

Lemon laughed and Priyanka cracked a smile, Nadiya giggling and waving her hands at the two.

The first movie of the day was a Barbie movie Lemon insisted on watching, saying it was her favorite as a child so Nadiya would like it too. When the toddler began to fall asleep halfway through, Priyanka attempted to pick her up again and take her to the bedroom to lie down. Unfortunately, she began to wail as soon as Priyanka picked her up.

"Oh come on! What did I do now?"

Lemon appeared behind her, stifling a laugh as she held her arms out for the girl. Priyanka handed her over, and Nadiya's sobs immediately ceased.

"You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe my own niece, my own flesh and blood, likes you more than me!"

"Cry about it." Lemon blew her a kiss.

Priyanka playfully scoffed as they returned to the living room, Lemon insisting they continue the Barbie movie. The time flew by fast after that, Nadiya woke up shortly after, and Priyanka and Lemon tried to keep her entertained until her sister arrived. Priyanka had to admit that seeing Lemon interacting with her niece made her heart flutter. Soon, Nadiya had left and it was just the two of them.

"So, do you wanna continue movie night?"

"You owe me dinner first. Babysitting is hard work, and you were no help." Lemon teased.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for your help," Priyanka kissed her cheek, "what do you want?"

They spent the rest of their movie night eating Thai food and watching old movies from their childhood. Lemon showed Priyanka some of her old ballet photos and she showed Lemon her favorite movie as a kid. While the day may not have originally gone as intended, Priyanka still thinks this may be her favorite date yet.

[iminyournotis]

I was thinking, "I don't even have any friends to be honest with, or tell my shit to, because everybody seems to have some kind of stake in my personal business," but then I remembered TUMBLR EXISTEDDD, so here I am.

1. Ended up snooping on my NINETEEN year old coworker last night because he skipped out on BK with me after work, and I got UNREASONABLY possessive, noticing that he was talking to the new girl at work, and I thought no WAY he's fucking her... She just started. (And he made a WHOOOLE thing to me abt how he doesn't want to hook up-- he just wants to find someone he loves and 'make love'. ((I was all, 'You're completely valid.' and then look at the camera like I'm in The Office then do the finger loop crazy sign at my head's temple, crossing my eyes. LOL.))) So I pulled back up after I finished getting BK alone because I was salty as hell and overly curious, and they were still there an hour and ten after close... I honestly scared them and embarrassed myself and I tore off.

2. Went to the gas station beforehand, because I had started smoking cigarettes again like a day or two ago, because I've been stressed about having Seb cock block his brother from me (and potentially for me. It's complicated.) and it lowkey feels like Caleb ALLLL over again, and it's making me lose my mind, so I'm back to stressedly chuffing.

Went to buy a pack, and this dude hollered in the gas station. I hollered back.

We were talking, I give him my phone number, I told him I'm willing to hook up, he's like 'alright, cool... Maybe pick me up later cause I need a whip,' I'm like, 'Okay.' Cue Burger King and checking where I shouldn't.

3. Go back to my parents' house and dude texts me asking if I was trying to link up... It's late, I tell him yeah anyway. I have work at 8:30, and it's already 11 or midnight by the time we're messaging each other. I end up pulling up to this bar I've never been to around midnight, and I end up taking him and his friend to get blazed out in a parking lot somewhere. Dude I was gonna hook up with doesn't smoke za, but his friend does. I get high and immediately get scared, because now I'm OVI, and I have two young Black men in my vehicle with me, and I get scared that some awful shit was fixing to happen, so I go, 'I'M GETTING YOU BOTH HOME SAFELY. I'm not pulling out until our seat belts are fastened, etc.' Went full mom mode. (Also, at this point, the young man I was with was 22, and his friend was 21. They thought I was younger than even them, which was hilarious. So another predatory woman moment for Mama.)

Drop 21 off. Go to drop 22 off next, but he takes me to this outfield out the way... We park, talk some; he hits it and as he's getting out of the backseat, I go, "Wait, did you finish?" He very non-chalantly said "Yeah," as he's putting his pants back on. I go, "... Did you cum inside me?" He responds pretty deadpan "Yeah." I'M LIKE "WHAT? Did you even plan on telling me???" He goes, "I mean, yeah." I was stunned. He's like, "I mean, you can take a Plan B if you don't feel safe." NFJSJFHJDN I was losing my mind. NOT the fucking point. He's like "Are you mad at me?" I'm like, "TO be honest, yeah."

I drive him back home, he forgets something in my car, I pull back around, he's tryna get me to stay at his mom's house with him for the night (which he pays rent at), I say no. I drive off. He goes, 'Actually, I forgot my hat, too.' I was like 10 minutes down the road and closer to home by the time I saw this message, so I'm like 'Man, I'm keeping it now. Sorry.' He's like, 'alright it's fine. lol.'

End scene. Oh, actually not, because by the time I get back into my city/town, it's like 3:30 AM. I didn't even wash my clothes, I still needed to shower, I haven't really been eating for the last week, so I thought, 'Fuck it. I'm calling off.'

Haven't called off a single time since starting, even through this lowkey nasty cold I had a few weeks ago. So my manager, who I'm WAY too involved with, was like 'wtf?? You're just not coming in?' I'm like yeah. She's like "What's your reason." All investigative. I'm like "Not been eating well. It's for my health." She goes, "Get well." I'm such a fucking loser.

So then I woke up like an hour ago at three PM, and here I am. ❤️ What the fuck is going on with my life, though.

[piracytheorist]

OKAY

I think it says a lot about my job that I was able to concentrate on it today and completely forget we GOT TRAILER

It was a mistake to check tumblr first thing in the morning, before I even got out of bed, but in my defense, I didn't expect it would drop at such a day and time! But anyway I did jump off of bed, turned on my laptop and recorded my face as I watched it. I needed to have that memorized XD

So, spoilers about the trailer below, and my own predictions about what each scene could be for! Reminder that I'm anime only, but have read the chapter that the first episode (probably) is based on, so for the most part I know what's going on, but for the rest I'm very much NOT aware :D Don't spoil me please :D

FAKE FAMBLY IS BACK

Manipulative Anya at her best! We love our gremlin!

Oh he's looking good :D

I fucking love this image. Look at Twilight pouting in the background. He doesn't understand why a child finds news boring.

WE GOT BLOOD WE GOT THORN PRINCESS IN ACTION LET'S GOOOOO

your honour I love him. Why does he look like he's ready to cry!

Ok from a first hearing the OP song sounds super cool. I feel like it's got "Mixed Nuts" vibes and I love it! I gotta look it up later!

Jeez Loid. Woman just woke up. Is that how he honeypoted all of his other missions?

Yor having a meltdown in the foreground and Anya being cute waking up in the background <3 I love my fake fambly <3

... okay. That's how his honeypots worked.

Yellow roses, if I'm correct, symbolize friendship. Interesting.

This is going to be a disaster and I cannot wait. Also I'm spotting Anya and Franky doing a horrible job at hiding in the left pic XD

My heart skipped a beat when I heard Anya's voice say "Moja-Moja" :')

Very sneaky. Much hiding. Wow. There's no way Franky thought this was working XD

The way all of this could have been solved with a "I tripped down the stairs and fell on my butt and now it hurts to sit" but hey we're getting a funny date how can I ask for more

Also the way Yor says that line my god

I am so ready for more Yor you have no idea

I gotta say, showing this moment is perfect for anime-onlies who haven't actually read this specific chapter. Loid just looks worried and Yor looks enraged. So many feelings for this episode XD

Are those macarons? What were the fucking chances that yesterday I went like "Next morning I'm gonna pass by that bakery that makes macarons". I haven't had macarons in years, yet I see one (1) advertisement about that bakery and its macarons and I go like yeah why not. Macarons. And now this. The fuck.

GREMLIN ANYA IS BACK

Honestly, her face in official merch is always a :D face with an almost unnaturally big smile all the time that I've missed her silly little face.

AH I WAS SENT THAT AS A MANGA SCREENSHOT!

Are those playing cards she's throwing? And is she reading someone's mind? I don't even care if she's cheating, good for you girl

Yeah, buddy, welcome to the real world.

I remember that line from the end of the bullet-in-butt date chapter, and I gotta admit I don't really like it... but the way Eguchi delivers it makes me think he's not like "Women amirite" but more like "All my years of training did not prepare me for how people are like in their day to day lives because spy training has skewed my perception of day to day 'normal'" and that's perfectly valid.

But also what the fuck is happening here. What is that cat. Why is Yor about to Thorn-Princess it. What.

So Anya goes on a studying rampage, fails, and ends up crying on her penguin?

This only made me sad, what the fuck. It looks like Loid and Yor are looking at her failing grades, and Anya is disappointed in herself. I will don my clown wig again and say "If Loid doesn't go and reassure her so help me GOD"

I... don't like the ending theme song. But that's mostly a matter of taste, I guess.

Aw.

They dare throw this to anime onlies when they know we won't get romantic canon twiyor content until three to five business years from now at least

The assassin group... I'm supposing he means the one Yor works for? How long does "for a while now" mean? Wasn't Yor working for them since she was a teenager caring for Yuri?

In any case, wow that's a very intense visual.

omg omg omg

from the colour and the angle this looks like a vision Bond has. Loid and Yor are smiling and blushing but why does it make me feel sad!!

I don't know if it's because of what is said in that moment (they look like unrelated scenes since the line is being said by a woman who I'm guessing is a fellow assassin working with Yor or something) but then there's this

And we just don't see Yor like that often, if at all in the anime so far.

What is Franky wearing? It looks like a military jacket or something. I wonder if that's just stylistic choice or it's something more important.

*snorts laugh*

Gotta admit, from a few tidbits here and there it looks like Twilight is finally gaining some more understanding of himself and his situation... but the way he says that just makes me think that realization makes him more concerned than anything else.

So I can say with conviction this did fix something in me. Though I guess the first episode will be the bullet-in-butt date, so it will take me another week to go into new territory. But! Bullet-in-butt date in 12 days! And new cool stuff to look for later on! I'm so happy!

(Again, I don't want spoilers for any of these. Just let me have my fun speculating :D)

screenshots taken from the unofficially subtitled trailer here!

[leportraitducadavre]

Hi. I apologize for the delayed response. I've been busy with Lunar New Year celebrations, and unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to check Tumblr until now. Here are the links that I sent in the foreshadowing ask https://www.tumblr.com/maoam/740334141571219456/chapter-182-beginning-of-sasuke-retrieval?source=share and https://maoam.tumblr.com/post/689252113529847808/narutos-feelings-in-kage-arc. I also apologize that I should have considered the possibility of you being wary about clicking on unknown links, especially given the current complex state of network security. I simply wanted to ensure my ask appeared tidy.

Hello there, I know you sent me an ask a long time ago about my opinion on these posts, I don't know Japanese so I can't say for sure if what she translated is correct.

What I can tell you, is that suicide amongst Japanese warriors was a practice that was considered the epitome of self-sacrifice towards an ideal. It was also an undying proof of loyalty, the ethos of Bushidō:

Ideas of the samurai code formalized earlier samurai moral values and ethics, most commonly stressing a combination of sincerity, frugality, loyalty, martial arts mastery, honor until death, "bravery", and "loyalty to the samurai's lord." The idea of a samurai code or codes was developed and refined centuries before the Edo period in the Kamakura period. (Source) Seppuku (切腹, lit. 'cutting [the] belly'), also called harakiri (腹切り, lit. 'abdomen/belly cutting', a native Japanese kun reading), is a form of Japanese ritualistic suicide by disembowelment. It was originally reserved for samurai in their code of honour, but was also practised by other Japanese people during the Shōwa era (Source)

I don't understand the comparison, regardless. Why do they claim a character (Darui) speaking of double suicide directly relates to Naruto speaking of dying alongside Sasuke (they used Japanese raws in one image, not in the other one, so I'm not sure the possible interpretation of the Japanese writing, did Naruto use the same "心中" that Darui used?).

The first example they present is from a specific character and his arc (Shikamaru), is he who introduces the notion (women being a problem), and is he who closes it, modifying his views (for a specific woman, Temari).

In the second case, it's Darui who introduces the notion (in a single bubble speech, not an entire page like Shikamaru to convey the relevance of his views), so how come is Naruto the one who closes it?

There's no mention of suicide, either, Naruto claims they'll die together, but the context implies a clash, a fight between them both, not a double suicide; furthermore, Naruto's statement is "If we really do take this all the way to the end, and we both die..." He's not choosing to die, and he's not looking forward to it either, he's listing it as a possibility, that if it happened, it'll mean that in the next life, they'd have no burden of being an Uchiha or a jinchüriki, being able to understand one another without that weight upon them. Having a "clean slate" to understand one another, of sorts...

Kishimoto used the name Monzaemon Chikamatsu as the creator of puppetry ninjutsu, and he is one of the most well-respected Japanese authors. Indeed, Chikamatsu was better known for his double-suicide stories (alongside his reflection of commoners within his plays), but Kishimoto likely used this name because Chikamatsu was, well, a japanese playwright of the jōruri, puppet theatrical art, ancestor of bunraku and kabuki; so likely his homage has more to do with Chikamatsu being "the father" of puppet plays, and less to do with the idea of "double suicide" (Chikamatsu is also mentioned in a completely different arc by Sasori when fighting Chiyo, there's no mention about his stories but rather, his relevance as a puppeteer).

About the second post... I don't know what to say, Hinata confesses as she ends her speech with "I love you, Naruto-kun", while Naruto finishes it with "I'm happy I knew you", the speeches are similar as they both focus on the influence of the other person in their lives and how they inspired them to move forward in their goal; they both idealized the other (Hinata -> Naruto / Naruto -> Sasuke) so in that front, I understand the parallelism.

Naruto uses this speech to morally downgrade Sasuke ("one bad move... and I could have been like you..."). Hinata's confession focuses on how she wants to be beside Naruto, moving alongside him, Naruto's speech is mostly about how he wants to "surpass" Sasuke (their fallout starts when Sasuke refuses to acknowledge Naruto).

I don't understand the "notice how Hinata is facing away from Naruto while confessing, while Naruto is facing Sasuke. It’s the same thing whenever Sakura is confessing, Sasuke always gives her his back. This is again intentional from Kishi." The reasoning is different: Sasuke turns his back towards Sakura because he doesn't want to face her (there's rejection, yes), and Hinata has her back turned because she's facing Pain. Naruto is paying attention to her. Meanwhile, Sasuke and Naruto are facing one another because they're the ones about to fight, so the context in each situation is completely different.

[anattemptatmeaning]

Meredith: First Time Caller, Long Time Listener - Chapter Two: Out the Dark

Additional Notes 1/10/2024: Made a couple edits for clarity thanks to beta reading from one of my besties off Tumblr! Author Notes: I'll beautify the post later - I'm exhausted and pumped up from a date with my partner and hanging with my homie that I haven't seen in-person close to a year. Crazy, huh? But we kissed! And I've never kissed before! History in the making! Anyways, I figured I'd drop this before life gets in the way again. Not much happens. Apologies. I've literally had all of this chapter written except for the last two paragraphs for weeks if not months now, but best to get it out of the way. I'm so excited for what's to come...the story of Meredith is near and dear to my heart and so help me, I will fight for her. Of course, if you're just seeing this, do read Chapter One: Fire Starting first! It's even shorter and pinned on my blog! ------ Tags: @nocturnest @brittklein18 @silver-spoon-paper-plate @luluartpop @pretty-little-mind33 Yes, I do keep track of y'all and really appreciate that you're giving me a chance. Seriously. Thank you. Please don't think I'm stalking you. Pretty please.

------ Chapter Summary: Without Lemon, Tangerine gets a job of his own. Theme Song: Johnny's Gonna Die - The Replacements

Word Count: 681 -------

Chapter Two: Out the Dark

One week.  One fucking week. 

More than long enough to take a solo job.  Extra income was always a plus. 

Against his better judgement of being fucking proactive like a professional, he couldn’t get the possibility of the whole situation suddenly going tits up off his mind, keeping Tangerine pathetically glued to his seat with the occasional fidget aside, eyes darting from anything akin to a pin drop.  

After hours and still on edge, he’s checked every nook and cranny of the house. 

Nothing bugged. Nothing hiding to ambush. Nothing out of the fucking ordinary.  

He’s unable to stay focused on his novel, the swashbuckling antics of the Three Musketeers only fuelling his panic. He isn’t D’Artagnan at the Bastion de La Rochelle, fighting off waves of an army; he’s Milady on trial, caught red-handed and marked for execution.

He thought about going to a pub, but he preferred to drink only after a job, and he hadn’t done shit that day.  

The familiar ringtone of his phone interrupts further thoughts, and he picks up.

“Hello?”

“These the Twins?” Deep. Feminine. Mature.

“One of them.”

“I see. Still able to take on new clients?” 

Why the fuck else would you call? “Yeah.” Sarcasm slipped in. He had gotten his fill of impertinent phone calls for the day.

“Perfect.” A tad higher-pitched. Pleasant. Mocking? “In the States, Saint Paul, Minnesota…” 

Saint Paul.

It had been seven years since the Twins had taken their only job there.

It paid 10 million American dollars and he leaped at the chance.

The job was right fucked up. He’d done his share of shit, but Saint Paul made Bolivia child’s play.

That being said, Saint Paul was a big part of why he and his brother were so feared and successful nowadays. And he figured he’d at least spare the decency of never showing up there again.

Until the right business opportunity arose, of course.

“...Central District, there’s a cop, Justin Geoffrey.” 

Justin Geoffrey.

The name was familiar. 

He hadn’t recalled meeting or killing the guy, but it rattled in the back of his head.

“Sparing details, he’s crooked.” Attempting aloofness. Actually aggrieved. “It’s. Personal. I want him dead. I’m willing to pay three million–”

Well, shit. 

“Consider it done. I’ll book a flight to Minneapolis.”

“Good. May I text this number?” More relaxed.

“Yeah.”

The line hung up. Within seconds, he receives a message from a contact identified only by a black-and-white square emoji.

🔲: Save this number and send a photo of Geoffrey’s body here. I’ll complete the wire transfer once you’re done.

The adrenaline coursing from the assignment of a mission pushed him to finally get off his ass and text Lemon.

🍊: Got a job. 

🍋: See? doing something with your time already

🍊: In Saint Paul.

Tangerine knew Lemon would take longer to respond after mentioning that. His foot tapped even quicker.

🍋: Are you okay?

🍊: What kind of question is that? I do the job and come right fucking back. Simple.

🍋: You’re amped up again bruv you’d never go back there

🍊: Until now. Client’s offering three mil

🍋: three mil is fucking insane but maybe this is a trap?

🍊: Wouldn’t they want both of us? And what was that about you not bleeding? Same thing, I’ll handle shit

🍋: I don’t trust this. Seven years and now you get a call from that place?

🍊: I’ll grant you that but things fucking change in seven years, once again three mil

🍋: This is Diesel shit bruv

🍊: Fucking again?

🍋: Just be on the lookout, I don’t like this at all

Tangerine lowered his phone with a huff. He routinely obtained what he needed for the job: ammunition, bulletproof vest, first-aid, holsters, weapons. All-in-all while slamming clothes into his suitcase, he was just relieved to do something of the ordinary in spite of the White Death bullshit.

Justin Geoffrey.

Tangerine clarified he had stolen the right ticket and left the house. ------

"Anger, which, far sweeter than trickling drops of honey, rises in the bosom of a man like smoke." - Homer

[loganthrives]

Just going where the hyperfixations take me I guess

Hey y'all, sorry its been a while. Wanted to do a lil personal update post. Under the cut to spare your dash in case you don't want to read my nonsense:

You might've noticed that I've really pulled back on social media lately. Tumblr is the only platform that I check even semi-regularly anymore, and the last two months its been not even a thought in my head to check it for the most part. Like, I went from checking it 2-3 times daily to not checking it for a week or more at a time, and not even noticing the change myself until recently.

This hiatus has only been semi-intentional - on the one hand, I am very easily emotionally impacted by the horrors of the world (ADHD emotional hyperarousal and justice sensitivity), and so I needed to take a biiig step back for my own mental health so I wouldn't go down yet another depressive spiral. That's had some mixed results for me, because obviously I can't just bury my head in the sand to pretend that the horrors are going to go away on their own, and I can't easily stop myself from caring about them either.

Just to be absolutely abundantly clear on my position, I still care about Palestine and want to see it freed from violence and restored. Black lives still matter and will always matter. Free Sudan and free the Congo.

I just... Being vocal about the problems of the world takes a lot more out of me than I myself often realize, and sometimes I need to/am forced to hibernate and rest my voice for a bit. Because I can be loud, and I can be belligerent and unforgiving as fuck when it comes to actual human rights abuses and literal genocide, but I am only one mentally ill and disabled queer person in Canada. I can only do so much and my voice can only go so far.

And, yeah, I know about the US election results. I've been posting a shitton of hopefully helpful links and resources to cure ballots, get your passports in order, and other support and resources for my American friends. I am also looking into asylum in Canada and how that works, and how it might potentially be extended to American expats in the future. I've already got one person I'm inviting to live with me as soon as they can get themself up here, but I might have to do more work and research before I can open my doors for more.

It hurts me on a very deep level that my impact is so sharply limited. I don't even have money I can donate anymore - all my roommates have left and I still haven't gotten this house renovated and ready for sale, so it feels like every month I'm walking on thin ice to make my bills work and still somehow feed myself. Part of me wonders whether I shouldn't just post rooms for rent again but then I definitely can't do the renovation work that needs to be done because it involves tearing out the main bathroom. Can't rent to people legally if I can't give them access to a shower or a tub. I feel stuck and unable to progress.

So, while I've been hibernating on my activism, I've been distracting myself with work and with Final Fantasy 14. I accidentally built a whole community where we do stuff together almost nightly, and its been a very inviting and fun distraction from everything. I honestly enjoy it probably a bit too much, and I'm actually getting to do the endgame stuff and content that I never got to do with any of my previous FCs, either because they were busy doing other stuff like running clubs and venues or because they were hyper toxic and constantly talked down to me about how bad they felt I was at the game. I was never bad at the game I just needed someone who had the patience to help me learn and not look down on me for every little mistake I made, and so I went and found a couple of someones who could do that for me, and now I'm basically running this shit myself.

I haven't been doing a ton of writing, though I've been thinking about my FF14 fic more than anything. Apologies again for anyone who was looking forward to more updates to my Undertale fics, and for all the writing I've promised and failed to deliver on 🥺 I stopped posting updates to Tumblr about my fic because I think most people aren't super into named WoL self-insert fics, but I still post the updates to my Discord.

If you made it this far and for some reason want to hang out with me, here's a link for my old Not Your Doll discord - https://discord.gg/G2QSa3c7wH . Its still active once in a blue moon and I post my fic updates to it, along with my activism rants and any links/things I want to share to either make you smile or laugh, or important info I think should be shared. It is also a mental health/vent space for those who need it.

If you'd like to hang out with me in FF14, my homeworld is Dynamis Rafflesia and I have the Thrives FC <THRVS>, feel free to message me ingame (character name is Logan Thrives) or submit an app to my small FC if you'd like to join up. I'm going to try and run consistent treasure map parties every other Saturday once mogtomes are over for characters who are level 60+ and have at least completed Heavensward. There is an FC Discord as well where I do all my events and things but its not exclusive to FC members and many friends have joined it. I'll give that link out privately to anyone who plays and is interested in joining my community.

Thanks for reading all my nonsense and for still sticking around and supporting me, even though I've been so inactive and quiet. I can't make any promised I know I'm not going to keep, but I do hope to return to writing and to being more active on here at some point. I do genuinely miss it.

Have a Nora pic for making it this far:

My baby girl will be ten years old in January 💜

[myspacerevivalist]

Social Media Hiatus

Just deleted every other kind of social media except tumblr for 24 hours. I already want to relapse. This is going to sound so ridiculous, but I had too much anxiety because my stupid crush wasn't texting me back on snapchat. I had to remove myself from this kind of the situation. And I figured, you know what, maybe this would be good for my mental health, so I pulled the plug temporarily last night.

Anyways, just want to let you all know I've realized we are all, truly and legitimately, addicted to social media. I want to relapse so bad. It's so mindless that I can imagine this is what quitting nicotine must be like, except with nicotine, you actually have physical withdrawal symptoms rather than just feeling like you don't know what to do with yourself and having anxiety that stuff is going on without you. You don't realize how much it impacts your life until it's ripped out of it.

And you're reaching for it every second without even thinking about it; the ability to use it constantly has been programmed into your mind so that your fingers open the app on your phone without you even realizing what you're doing. And now, when I mindlessly swipe over to open Snapchat, I'm greeted with the Guitar Tuna welcome screen instead? I cannot count the amount of times I've already done this today.

I just needed a place to rant about this, and I don't really count tumblr as social media because no one I know follows me, and I don't follow anyone I know. So that's why I haven't deleted it. I just want to know, so very badly, who has messaged me on what apps, and who has sent me some invitation to exciting and life changing plans. (But I know in my heart, as we all do probably, that I'm really not going to open my phone to any of that when I redownload everything, am I?)

I deleted TikTok a year ago and have never really felt much regret about that decision. Instagram, I could really afford to spend less time on, and honestly don't need to have. But Snapchat is the only one I think I can't live without. I'm going to have to redownload it because I have so many contacts on there that I don't have over text.

But maybe I'll learn from this and stop posting on my private story so much and so mindlessly, and maybe I'll stop checking snap scores to see if people really are busy or just ignoring me, and maybe I will actually learn to keep my phone in the other room sometimes. In spite of all the weirdness I'm feeling with all this stuff, I also feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think we could all benefit from taking a social media hiatus once in awhile.

[asagi-red-wolf]

What happened with the zines?

Hey Anon, I'm gonna keep this short as the subject is a little anxiety inducing for me so apologies if I skim over things

I had a severe mental health crisis in December of 2021, including a suicide attempt, after wich my mom stepped in and temporarily cut me off from my projects for my health- she tried to step in and help following my instructions but understandably it was quite an enormous undertaking for someone who had no experience with zines, project management to that scale, or even using social media or instant messaging, and it was incredibly hard for her to try to keep things up

Some projects fell apart completely, like the Miraculous magic zine, others were taken over by my very capable and extremely kind and lovely co-mods, like the Yuri On Ice zines

I tried to keep in touch with some of the co-mods via email as I no longer had access to my discord, but unfortunately, as I'm sure many are aware, emails get lost and eaten quite often, and on some occasions I lost contact with my mods and fell outside of the project

There were also some cases, especially with the Teen Wolf soulmates zine, where I had been left as the only mod for months and I was trying to get help from contributors to update the social media, as the Tumblr purge on my zine blogs left only the Twitters available and I had no access to them, but that only occassionally worked

Financial management was either given to other mods (in the case of things like the YOI projects), or was held onto wile waiting for leftover sales to hit, like in cases with the IchiRuki zine, wich I later found out was taken over by one of the other mods who I've been trying to get in touch with to iron out details with, as we still had packages left from the Russian mail ban that haven't gone out and I was reluctant to start leftovers until those packages (as there are quite a few) could find their ways to their owners, however, there were also cases like the Yugioh horror zine where the zine was actually overdrawn (in the case of the horror zine, we were short over $300, wich I had spent out of my own pocket to complete shipping on, I had needed leftover sales to happen in order to make any donations, not to mention reimburse me for the money I'd spent- wich, between all projects, ended up totaling around $2,000 just in terms of funding shipping to contributors- IE: what I needed reimbursement for (things like certain packaging materials, customs import costs, and adding embellishments to bookmarks/necklaces, wich all totaled around $1,000, I was paying for out of my own pocket anyway and sought no reimbursement- they were things I was happy to provide for the zines out of love for my passion projects)

If anyone needs to reach out to me privately I can connect you with one of my co-mods to confirm that I covered $2,000 of my own money in zine production/shipping costs- I only say "privately" because I don't want to risk her getting slammed with messages out of nowhere, but please be aware (as evidenced by looking at my archive on here) I'm not on Tumblr much these days, I own my business and it keeps me extremely busy so I rarely have any down time

I still love zines, I still purchase them on a regular basis, so I'm heart-broken that things went the way they did, especially as I had made some really great connections through them that I've now lost due to losing access to my discord, but the mental health crisis I went through during the last year or so of my working on them was very serious and I'm lucky to have had my mom putting safeguards in place that I otherwise wouldn't have had to keep things from getting.... permanent....

If anyone needs to receipt check me, feel free to ask, I don't have access to some of the information anymore like the Bigcartel data as I closed my Bigcartel account ages ago and the data went with it, Awesomemerch also went belly up so certain things that I don't have on emails (like the proofs for some of the orders) aren't available either, but I do still have all of my receipts from every project I've worked on in case anything ever comes up about it and I need to show a papper trail

I know alot of people were upset by what happened, and mostly confused as I dissappeared into the ether and had no way of directing people from my past blog to this one, as- for those who don't know- Tumblr deleted my account in 2021 under false claims of it being a spam account (still boggled by that one to be honest) wich was posted about on many of the zine socials and can be confirmed by several different co-mods, for some reason my personal blog is still up but because it was a sideblog and not my actual account I can't log into it- the login page just says "this account was deactivated" when I try- and I'm extremely sorry that everything unfolded the way it did, but I'm happy and relieved to see that several of the projects I left in my comods' hands did well, that was all I ever cared about

[talesalexandria]

The Drag Freakshow and Delayed Chapter Updates (personal)

Hello everyone,

I apologize if this is a low-energy post, I have a couple of updates and not all are good, regrettably.

First and foremost, yesterday was The Drag Freakshow and I had a blast! Drag isn't quite my thing, but there were so many fun people there and we were able to make a few sales! I even took part in a dance competition where I was tipped for my flustered performance, even though I lost, lol.

I suppose now comes the bad news. My spouse (they/them) and I are facing eviction at the end of the month. Because of our current living situation, our landlord will re-run an income check before our lease renews in April. My spouse just left an abusive work environment a month ago and is still looking for a job, while I haven't made a profit on my business yet (for context, I didn't make up my vendor fee at either the Rave'n Ball or The Drag Freakshow). So we're fully anticipating being kicked out of our home in two weeks.

If the way I depict parental figures in my story was any indicator (discounting Brighid; I NEEDED some semblance of love and acceptance from a family member) neither my spouse nor I have a good support network, especially a local one. Even if we got along with our folks, they all live in "Gay/Trans Panic Defense" states, so it'd hardly be safe, nor would we be able to get the medical treatment we need.

The vendor manager I've been working with has been very kind and helpful. She knows a few people who are looking for roommates in the Greater Denver Area and understands our living/financial needs. Nothing has come of it yet, but at this point, it's more or less our only option while we try to figure out income.

Needless to say, all this has been very distracting and has hardly let me get in a mindset to write or even edit the last few days (same with my spouse/editor). I have so much I want to work on, but I just feel paralyzed by fear and doubt.

I guess I can close out this update with a little good news. Next month, I'm signed up for two more events in Denver: the Kinky Circus @ Tracks and High Tea @ Ant Life (https://imgur.com/a/xxj5BTO).

Kinky Circus is a BDSM-themed event that utilizes all three rooms at Tracks and is supposed to have 1000+ people attending (unlike the Rave'n Ball and The Drag Freakshow. The former was goth-themed and only utilized two rooms, so only about 200 people attended; the latter was drag-themed and was at a brewery, so at most 100 people attended), so I'm really hoping this is a better event for us.

High Tea is a cannabis event with open smoking, so even though it's not quite my market (while the effects of demon pheromones in my universe are somewhat based upon the effects of antianxiety meds/cannabis, they're hardly the same), I'm hoping the nature of people attending means their wallets will be a little more open.

I also now have a lead on two more stores that might want to sell my books. Both are adult stores of some nature, so, with any luck once I know more and get in contact with them, I'll have four local stores that stock my books.

None of those events changes what we're facing, unfortunately, especially since the Second Edit isn't ready for bookstore shelves yet (and probably won't be until my spouse and I can figure out where we're living next month). I suppose this is as good a time as any to plug my Patreon, SubscribeStar, OnlyFans (not that there's much on there, dysphoria hasn't made it easy), and Tumblr. I also have my GoFundMe back up, and I have a website set up for online orders and donations, TalesofAlexandria.net (it's very basic right now, I'm not really in a mindset for web design; I hope you understand).

Until next time, hopefully with more uplifting news.

With love, Alexandria

[jsab-crisis]

Hey there

I only found this blog recently and I love it, the story line and the artwork along with it, it's a shame you had to discontinue the comic because I enjoyed it.

There are not many JSAB blogs that I like I'll say, but there's been a decrease in them as the hype went away, I found this in my recommended section after I was going through some hard times myself.

After Afrothunder left the community to fix her mental health problems (she was quite the inspiration and helped me through my darkest hours at one point) there wasn't anything left here in this community a side from a couple of blogs here and there I wanted to start my own blog.

But I ran into a major downfall almost immediately, how do you get people to look at your stuff, I know there are a lot of blogs that don't get noticed and run down to nothing but how did you do it or when did people start noticing your work?

I'm not asking for the sake of followers but for other people who are scared to ask this or have a blog of their own like me.

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it!

I'm still making JSaB art and I've started making a new JSaB AU centered comic (working on chapter 2 atm. 10 pages, fully colored, background + 6 characters) if that's something you wanna see (on my artblog, @zimcard-artblog ) . I haven't made some crisis-au stuff in awhile due to being busy but I'll get back to sharing more lore and other stuff like short comics and whatnot.

Also, yeah, JSaB has been up for awhile. 2 years or so? Man, back in the early days, there were so many early starting comics that were amazing. I honestly miss it back then and wished I was more active like I am right now. Ya' know, the community is still kicking- especially in different social media platforms from my knowledge. I, personally, do NOT suggest Amino. Safe yourself the trouble and back away from it.

Oh! Afrothunder is back from my knowledge but she is doing it in her own pace for the sake of her mental health, it's a genuine shame to hear how someone so talented and kind is being treated so poorly by a bunch of impatient, immature, and even heartless people over her work. This has happened to a lot of people who make popular comics online, often on their own pace, which they tend to run into a bunch of people who are very disrespectful of their personal lives. I've talked to Afrothunder Waaaaaaay back, made an ask collab once with her regarding Blixer and Cyan in this blog. We don't talk now but I like to think of her as an old friend because she was super nice and welcoming back then when we first started talking on the server, it was super neat. Wishing her the best and hope she's doing well right now <:]

> How did you do it or When did people start noticing your blog?

I think it's a matter of getting recognized enough so you can promote any projects you're working on. I started drawing fanart for JSaB the moment I finished watching the playthroughs, it eventually garnered an audience who are into the same media I was in which I gained new followers.

So, basically; get recognized. Tagging your stuff of said media you're basing your post about makes it easier for people to find it. Share some art, doodles, concepts, whatever you have and what you want to share with the people. Eventually you'll notice the numbers rising.

It usually went on like that for me until I end up having an idea- like, "Oh, I have an AU! I wanna share that AU and make a comic out of it!" And so I started sharing small concepts regarding the AU.

Sketches, doodles, designs, short comics, and explanations. It was like an early beta of the project I was working on and when it got enough people interested; That's when you kickstart the final piece that goes "Hey, I made a comic! Check it out!"

If you're doing it on tumblr, really advise to make another blog as a sort of archive for said comic because it makes it easier for people to find the comic and read back to it whenever they want to. Accessibility is key.

This actually applies for making askblogs as well or any sort of extra blog for something specific.

Then, with all of that, you go on your own pace. It's a hard start but you'll be able to go with your own flow, take your time, and remember to prioritize YOURSELF first before other things. If you receive any sort of hate or just weird messages, just delete them on the spot because you are responsible for your own inbox.

That's my two cents on it, hope this helps! If there's anything specific you wanna know. Just ask :3

[goodlifewrites]

Have you abandoned 'The Potters and the Weasleys'?

I haven't been on my tumblr in a while and missed this question. Obviously it's been answered with my latest chapter, but it did spur some thoughts I wanted to share.

I've taken several months in between chapters, something that isn't rare for fanfiction authors. I imagine most people don't press on these delays because they understand we write for free and also have lives and jobs and such. And many authors, when asked or when they just feel they want to explain themselves, usually cite the fact that life has gotten in the way. Or maybe just some writer's block.

But I want to offer up my own explanation why I've taken so long and probably will continue to do so until the fic is done.

While I am busy at times, I'd be lying if I said that life has made it difficult for me to write regularly. I'd also be lying if I said I am stuck creatively. The truth is that I do have ample time to write, and I know exactly the basic beats of how the rest of my story will go.

No, the biggest reason for my delays is simple lack of motivation. Call it laziness if you want, but I just don't want to write most of the time. I've realized that after a certain point in your story, when the new idea has lost its excitement and those scenes bouncing around in your head are already written, the act of writing itself becomes tedious and a bit boring. It feels less like writing something original and unique and more like checking off some boxes to make sure you are "being a good fanfic writer." I'm making sure the plot is moving along at a good pace, making sure the lines of dialogue are not on the nose and accurately reflect the characters.

Sometimes it feels like coming up with the idea for the story and the outlining are like creating a new app or some other exciting software. It will be revolutionary, change the game. You start having really fun collaborative meetings about the cool features and how the website will look. But then when all the fun stuff is decided, you have to sit down and start writing code or inputting boring data into spreadsheets. You know it's necessary, and in the end you'll have this completed product you can be proud of, but god would you rather do anything else in the moment than tap on computer keys.

I used to think that when an author stopped updating, they had run out of ideas or maybe just got way too busy with life or work. Now I realize its also possible they just don't enjoy it as much at that moment. It's become more work.

This isn't to dissuade people from asking for updates. Ask away! But keep in mind that we probably can't give you a timeline of when it will be updated because there is not some specific thing keeping us from writing more. It's writing itself that is causing the delay.

Or maybe this is just my experience. Would love to hear from other, better writers like @jenoramaca, @thedistantdusk, @annerbhp, @thebiwholived, @ginisbetterthanfirewhiskey

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

I've been busy with RL stuff all day, and haven't had much time to check Tumblr today. I so badly wanted to share everyone's gratitude and sadness about our show. So, with just 40 minutes left in my time zone on this anniversary of Carry On, I wanted to quickly say what the show means to me.

I suspect it will sound very familiar to other people's experiences with this gorgeous show.

I was absolutely a late bloomer to SPN. I didn't start watching it (with the exception of seeing half an episode here and there) until the pandemic hit. I started watching in April of 2020. I don't think I'm alone in that either.

We knew we'd likely be locked down for at least a month (who knew!! 🙄) so, I said to myself, what better time is there to start a 15 season show!! 😁

Well, my God! I never knew.

I NEVER would have imagined how one show would take hold. I never would have thought it would lead me to fall head over heels in love with a character and the incredible actor who plays him. (Check the name of my blog if you're wondering who that might be! 😉)

I thought, this is gonna be a scary show about ghosts and monsters, having no idea it was really about family, loyalty, bravery, acceptance, forgiveness, unconditional love, and the heroics of never giving up.

Carry On. Always Keep Fighting.

I have struggled since I was a teenager, with depression and more recently, with anxiety. One day, about 4 months ago now, it was just a bad day. Some stuff had happened that brought back childhood trauma issues and I fell into a very dark place and I was sure I was going to be down for the next few weeks like I usually was.

But I tried something. I was curled up on my bed crying, but I started to repeat the words,

"Always Keep Fighting"

"You are Enough"

"You are not Alone"

Just those 10 words over and over again. And in my mind, I was seeing, Jared, Jensen, and Misha saying them. I could picture them cheering me on. And for over an hour I did that until, I believed my imaginary cheerleaders. Then I pulled myself into a sitting position on my bed, turned on my laptop and watched about 5 hours of Cons on YouTube.

I'm not kidding when I say, I could almost feel my serotonin levels rising with every hour I watched the boys be their sweet, loving, goofball, funny as hell selves.

It made all the difference in the world and what may have been a month long bout of deep depression lasted only most of one day.

The boys had protected me, saved me, like the true heroes they are.

I'm so eternally grateful I found this show and SO grateful to have found all of you!! I love my weird little Tumblr community so much. I love my new friends I've found here and the unconditional, non-judgmental support I've found in all of you!

I love Supernatural.

I love Dean, Sam, and Cas.

I love Jensen, Jared, and Misha.

And I love all of you!

Carry On Wayward Son!

[mistchievous]

jess, jess do you know I literally already had this ask-page open to send you a message, because I haven't seen much of you on my dash, and then you yelled about my tags and now I'm VERY uhoh, oh no xD anyways ILY and I wanted to check in and tell you that I hope your days before the holidays aren't too busy and your foot is healing well 💕💕

You deserved to be yelled at! What the heck was that!? 😠

ILY2 THO I GUESS. 😤💖

And God. I know I've been a bit MIA around here the past few weeks. I've been on at times. Just not as much as a lot of you are used to. There's a very simple explanation for it really. Most of my activity on Tumblr generally happens when I'm at work. When I'm stuck at my desk with no actual work to do, I tend to just fuck around online.

But my broken foot has had me TRAPPED at my house. No work. No driving. No anything. I'm having to rely on everyone around me just to do things like get groceries or go to the doctor. And then when I'm at home day after day after day, it's just me and my cats.

I'm way too independent and extroverted to deal with this loss of autonomy and all of the isolation very well. So, it kind of triggered a depressive episode, and I spiraled a bit. Bipolar Disorder is a bitch.

Like, I slept until 4:30 in the afternoon one day. It's not great. But I'm working with my therapist and everything because she does not approve of me wasting away just because I'm stuck at home recovering.

So I'm talking to friends more and spending time with them playing games and whatnot. I'm also working more on podfics because she wants me to do something creative to both distract myself and to feel like I'm getting things accomplished.

Basically, breaking my foot has caused all kinds of chaos in my personal life.

So that's why you've seen a bit less of me on your Dash. 😂😭

But I have an appointment next week. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to go back to work on light duty. But getting to and from work is another problem, so who knows?

There's more than this really, but I'm working on it all. My online activity will return to what it was as my life gets back to normal. 😂

BUT HAPPY HOLIDAYS, DARLING! I HOPE THEY'RE WONDERFUL AND THAT YOU'RE DOING WELL. 🥺💖💖💖

[th3-z0diac]

I remember you saying *somewhere* that you were 17 but my adhd is going brrr and I don't remember where HAH-- Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're doing okay! I've been doing pretty good. Had my ups and downs, but that's how life is and I'm still going strong. :D Sorry for the late reply btw, I've been extremely busy lately and haven't had the chance to check tumblr until now kekw. I'd be interested in seeing you post more, but only if you're okay w/ it and have the time to. Good luck with uni, btw!!

AHHAHAHA okay, it must’ve been an older post then! cause i’ve been here for a while shit😅 Don’t at all apologize for not replying straight away, cause literally same and i know how life can sometimes get in the way. So, are you back at school or do you still have online classes? Either way, good luck💙

[shnuggletea]

InuKagWeek 2020

Alright, to those of you still here, thank you! To those of you who left... eh, it's your choice. Anyway, here is chapter two day two of InuKagweek 2020! Loyalty. @inukag-week thanks for the poster art and here’s my day two! Still working on my own art for this piece. Something I was working on a while ago and quit. Hence why Kagome looks way better if you ask me. Thank you @petri808​ for showing me a few tricks for my posts on tumblr!

Chapter 2 of 8 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Fanfiction link HERE

AO3 link HERE

Or if you’d rather, just reading reading!

Loyalty

If I'm being honest, I never had a job in food service. But I had to assume they were all the same mostly. Things like learning the names of the drinks and the regular customers as well as how to handle a tray filled with heavy things were to be expected. However, given my place of 'work', getting grabbed, touched, and pinched wasn't. Two weeks later and I was as used to it as you could be. When you go from living in a girls home, sharing a room, and counseling sweet innocent children to your own space in a mansion and bringing drinks backstage to the dancers, it would never feel normal.

The girls were nice enough though and I never saw Inuyasha which I was fine with. Mostly.

I'd even made friends with most of those that worked there. Some were just there to strip and make money so a little inexperienced waitress wasn't worth their time. Which was fine. But my favorite was a girl named Sango.

Her eyes brightened at the sight of me, a smile on her pretty face as she paused in putting on her fake lashes. I handed off the other drinks, giving Sango her whiskey sour last. "Oh, I do love the nights you're working Kagome."

"Which is every night?"

Sango giggled, taking a sip and moaning her appreciation of the flavor. "Yes. But you are so quick with our orders. The others take forever."

"I just don't want you guys going without some liquid courage. I couldn't do what you guys do."

Sango tisked her tongue at me as I leaned against her vanity table. "It's not that bad. I mean, the audition was a little awkward."

"Audition?"

Sango went back to her makeup, lining her lips with a dark red lipstick. "Yeah. Having to get naked in from of the boss? That was nerve-wracking, wasn't it? Naomi told me she had to do the same thing even as a server. You had to too right?"

I shuttered. So everyone had to do that? Inuyasha had slept with every single girl in this place as an audition? Was that what that was? I lost my virginity to a man like that?

I swallowed my disgust and the rising vomit in my throat, suddenly feeling a desperate need to get checked for STDs because he definitely didn't wear a condom with me, and pushed off the table. "I should get back to it."

"Yep yep. Don't want the boss to catch you slacking!"

As if he could, he was never here. Too busy 'auditioning' more girls. The only one here every day, giving me a hard time, was Koga. He was always somewhere around the club, waiting to bark at me for doing something wrong or touch me. It was never in an inappropriate place but it was still unwanted. A hand on my shoulder or a push to my back. Once, he patted my butt and I nearly tore his arm off. He hasn't done it since but I see him do it to the others all the time.

Returning to one of my tables, I leaned in to be heard over the loud music. The girl on stage now was talented for sure so I was always surprised when anyone gave me their attention over those on stage. Probably thanks to the required low cut top I had to wear. It wasn't even a top really, it was a vest and I barely fit in it. There definitely wasn't room for a bra. And the pants sat low on my hips so my skin showed all the time. Every time I leaned over, I waited for a breast to fall out. Not that anyone would mind, save for me.

Plastering a smile on my face, I listened as the guy I was attending rattled off a drink order as slowly as he could to keep me there longer. It was a struggle to keep my fake smile up. He finally finished, certain he was touching himself under the table the whole time, I fled to the bar. Far from safe, it still had fewer men ogling me at it.

I rested, waiting for my order and Naomi stood next to me. "Hey, Kagome? I'm not really sure I should say something but...there's a guy here who keeps sitting in my section and watching you."

I suppose stalkers were a normal thing here. It didn't mean I was okay with it. "He's watching me? With that going on?"

I thumbed towards the stage as Sango did a super sexy split on the pole. Not sure what I'd do with myself if I was ever that sexy but it was nice to dream. "Well...I've only been here a few days but yeah. I wasn't going to tell you until I was sure. I mean he's far less creepy than the other guy that watches you…"

"There are two guys watching me?!"

She grabbed my shoulders to reassure me. "I'm not really sure! I haven't even been here a week yet. But it seems like this guy is definitely here to watch you. He sits in the corner booth in the back so he can see you but you never seem to see him…" I gently pulled from her hold and made the quick decision to face the creep. "Wait, Kagome!"

I waved back to her, heading off towards the mentioned table. "Don't worry, I won't get you in trouble."

I didn't have to go all the way to the table, figuring out pretty quickly who it was. Shaking my head and growling a laugh in irritation, I walked right up to Inuyasha who looked a little taken aback that I seemed to notice him. Crossing my arms over my chest served two purposes; hiding my overexposed breasts and showing him how pissed I was at him in general. How the hell did Naomi not know who this was? She auditioned for him last week!

Setting his drink down carefully, he cleared his throat over the loud music and adjusted his seat. "I just wanted to check on you, that's all. See how my investment was holding up."

That wasn't good enough for me and I told him as much by not changing or saying a thing.

"This is my club, damnit, I can come in and do whatever the fuck I want."

"Yes you can, Boss," Koga said, coming up from behind out of nowhere. "Everything up to your standards?"

There was something about Koga. He said one thing but clearly felt another. Inuyasha had to be ignoring it, no way he missed the indignation in Koga's demeanor. "Everything is fine, Koga. Except for your customers getting too handsy with the wait staff!"

To my added irrigation, Koga put his hands on my shoulders as if to hold me steady. Never did I ever need another to keep me steady or still and now wasn't the exception. I glared over my shoulder at him but he ignored me. But then his hands popped off me as if burned and I turned back to Inuyasha who looked ready to kill someone. And that someone was Koga so he stepped further away from me.

"I'll..uh...I'll see what I can do about that, Sir."

Just the two of us again, I turned to leave but Inuyasha called out to me again. "Looks like you're blending in here. A real chameleon or just within your element here?"

Turning on my heel, I stormed back up to his table. Leaning over I put my finger as close to his face as I could. "I survive. It's what I've always done and those girls back at the home wouldn't if they were tossed out on the street. So remember that when you think I'm okay with any of this. With you, this place, getting my ass grabbed daily, or even going through your audition. I'm a survivor and I will survive this."

He had backed up a little in his seat but I'd rid the distance in an instant. Big golden eyes danced between my finger, eyes, and lips. "I can see that." I slowly removed myself from his bubble and he crossed his arms over his chest like he was the one wronged. "I said I was sorry the other night. I lost control and took things too far…"

"Do you say that to all the others too? Is this your blanket apology for using women the way that you do?"

He had been looking toward the exit but snapped back to me with my words. "What are you talking about?"

I huffed, pissed to the point of tears. "Fine. Play dumb. Stop coming here and watching me. I'm not going to screw up your stupid club."

He tried to say something but I really wasn't interested. It wasn't like we didn't live together, not that I ever saw him at home either. If he really wanted to talk to me, he could do it there.

I caught Koga grinning at me as I stormed away, feeling Inuyasha's glare on my back. All I could think was that I really had fallen into a den of demons somehow.

oOo

Checking every day, every hour, I didn't see Inuyasha return. A week had passed and he hadn't come back to the club. Meaning things went back to the way they were, not seeing or hearing from him at all. This time I was glad.

That is until I got to work on another Friday night.

The place was packed and Koga was far too pleased about it. "Kagome you're going on stage tonight."

"Wait, what?!"

"We're short-staffed and I've gotten requests. So you're dancing tonight. Be ready to go on after Kiki."

I was numb, staring at my reflection at the vanity that Sango let me use. She was doing something with my hair but I felt none of it. The only man I'd ever been naked in front of was Inuyasha and I was fine with that. It was a livable condition to my servitude. But now I was going to be naked in front of a ton more. As I said, the place was packed tonight so easily 50-60 people were going to see my bush.

"It's not that big a deal, Kagome, I promise."

"That's easy for you to say! You can dance! And you're super sexy."

Sango sat down beside her and frowned. "You're sexy!" When I frowned in return, she kept on. "You are! Plus, dancing isn't so bad. You're alone and no one is touching you. It's easy to pretend you're just dancing in front of your mirror. Stay out of the champagne rooms though. They touch a lot in there."

I'd heard about those rooms and had stayed clear the entire time I'd worked here. But I was a server. As a dancer, if someone paid to take me in there, didn't I have to go?

The question was bouncing around in my brain when the door to the dressing room slammed open. Inuyasha took a quick look around and when his eyes landed on me, they went from bronze to molten metal. The others squealed and ran while I was frozen in my seat, Sango stuck by me even as he stormed up and ripped me up from my seat. The only thing he said or did before dragging me out was grab a robe and throw it at me.

"Cover yourself."

In the bra and panty set I had worn there that night, cause no way in hell was I borrowing from anyone else, it was nearly my turn to go on but Inuyasha was taking us towards the exit. Koga stood near it, shaking with anger and...fear?

"I told you. I fucking warned you. She's not to go on the fucking stage. Ever. She can't even dance!"

"Look, I got requests, what was I supposed to do…"

"Tell them to fuck off, that's what! Jesus, what the hell do I pay you for?! When some asshole with a few bucks tells you what to do and you listen to them instead of me?"

Koga's head hung low but I didn't feel any pity in the slightest. "Sorry, Boss."

Inuyasha still had my hand in a death grip but he put his free one on Koga's shoulder. It was the kindest act I'd ever seen him do. "If anyone bothers you, you call me. Got it?"

I didn't get to see how Koga reacted, Inuyasha pulling us out into the night. He stopped, only to wrap his coat around me before shoving me into his car. The ride was silent until I could take it no longer. Anger was surging in me. Sure, he saved me but who asked him anyway?!

"I don't get you at all. You put me in a strip club to work but then get pissed because people want me to take off my clothes?"

"You're a server."

"IN A STRIP CLUB! What did you think was going to happen?!"

"I thought you'd do your fucking job!"

A dark laugh escaped my lips and Inuyasha turned to glare at me. "My fucking job? Interesting words coming from you. Considering you bought me to fuck you."

"I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to …"

I wanted him to stop apologizing because it made the loss of my virginity a regret to him. I didn't regret it, I had enjoyed it until he opened his fat mouth! "It doesn't change a thing! Your apology doesn't change that night and it doesn't make my hymen magically grow back! And it doesn't change your complete lack of care for my feelings on the subject either!"

"Lack of care?!"

"I know I should be thankful...that things could be a lot worse…" I really tried not to, because I didn't want to give him my tears, but I couldn't stop them either. "But it's hard to feel anything but resentment when I went from being surrounded by angels all day to working for the devil."

I cut my sobs off after five escaped and Inuyasha listened to each one. It made me wonder if he got off on them until he spoke again. "The devil huh? That's how you see me?"

Nothing more was said even as we split off to our rooms. The devil going silently into his and I could honestly say for the first time that I hated someone. Cause I hated Inuyasha.

oOo

I half expected Inuyasha to show up at the club again the next day. But with him nowhere in sight two hours in, I considered him a no show and went about business as usual.

Sango was happy to see me, jumping up as soon as I entered the dressing room while everyone else seemed surprised to see me as well. "Oh man, last night was intense. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Inuyasha is just...weird…"

"Weird? I thought it was hot as hell. I wish I had a boyfriend that protective. I was wondering why you were just a server all this time but now I get it…"

"Wait," I stopped her ramble with a gentle hand in her face, "that guy is not my boyfriend."

"Huh? Then who the hell is he? The way he dragged you out of here I thought for sure he made you quit…."

"What the hell do you mean, who is he? He's the boss!"

Sango's face and those eavesdropping around us twisted in confusion. "No, Koga's the boss."

I looked around, finding faces that agreed. "Wait...so when you said you auditioned for the boss…"

"Yeah, Koga. He made us all strip for him in his tiny little office. I was scared he'd do more but that was it."

I felt faint, my head getting light and my breaths feeling shallow. "But I thought… Inuyasha…."

"Kagome? Are you alright?"

Sango was holding me up off the floor and I gripped her shoulders tight. "Yeah, I just… need some air…"

If she didn't have her first set in five minutes, I was sure Sango would have gone with me. As it was, I wasn't sure I wanted the company anyway, following her finger to the back door of the dressing room.

It was freezing out, middle of January, and snow falling lightly from the black sky above. The cold helped my brain though, forcing the sticky feeling inside it to freeze so it would function.

So when Inuyasha said he was sorry...what had he said? He didn't mean to, that he lost control. Did he never intend to sleep with me? He was Koga's boss but not the boss of the other women? How did that make sense? It was if he had some kind of loyalty and he was actually showing it to me but I didn't understand or know how to take it.

Damn, now I hated him a little less.

"Hey."

So lost in thought, I missed the guy standing nearby, smoking. He took a step closer and I took a step back. It pushed me into the dark and him into the light. The bright red bulb at the end of his cigarette as he took a long drag and then tossed it. His features were sharp and dangerous looking, even with his long, wavy locks that softened his appearance. It was his eyes really, they were dull and lifeless and set on her.

"You're...Kagome right?" I really didn't like that he knew my name. "I'm a bit of a fan of yours. I'm Naraku."

He stuck out a hand but I refused to remove mine from their wrapped position around my chest. Naraku chuckled as he dropped the offer, digging in his pocket for something so I took another step back. A new cigarette and lighter in his hands, I still didn't relax, trying to slide towards the door. If he noticed, he said and did nothing as I grabbed a hold of the handle and pulled with all my might. But the door didn't budge.

"It's locked from the outside. Usually, the girls leave something to block the door but I guess they didn't tell you about that, did they?" he was grinning while my skin was trying to find a new home far from him. "Why don't you dance? You have a killer body and are so damn sexy. Does Inuyasha have a reason for not letting you? I must admit, it has me curious about your relationship to him."

"We don't have a relationship past employee and employer."

He shook his head, clucking his tongue at me. "Koga is your boss. Or...isn't he?" I fidgeted, looking for a way out. "Oh...I see… you belong to Inuyasha, don't you? Just what is your title then?"

My only choice was to walk around the building to the front, which I was about to do when the door popped open and Sango's head appeared. "Kagome? There you are! Sorry, I forgot to warn you about the lock…"

I was breezing past her, not worrying about the slip-up and Sango was glaring at Naraku. "If you ever want a change of pace, Kagome, let me know."

The door slammed heavily behind us and I couldn't be happier. Sango was still looking behind us as if Naraku had a key he forgot to mention. "You should stay away from that guy, Kagome. I'm not sure why he's even allowed near the building."

"Why do you say that?"

She looked back at me, her face pale. "Well...he snaked away a few of the girls that worked here a few years ago to work at his house or something. He promised them more pay and no stripping. But the last I heard he was sleeping with all of them and only some of them were willing."

I didn't bother hiding my disgust, nearly vomiting on the dark tile below us. Sango looked sick too. We were making our way back towards the front, Sango required to 'meet and greet' after her show and get tips. I was supposed to get tips too but I think they all went to Inuyasha or something. They could all go to the home for all I cared, I was loyal to the cause.

Naomi ran up to us as soon as we made it out of the hall and into the main floor. "Kagome, someone is here for you."

If it was Naraku again, I was just going to slug him and call over Koga. But it wasn't him. It was Mother Kaede.

And Naraku shows up, so you know there's going to be issues. Drama. Angsty drama. Weeeeeee...