#i've been on holidays for almost 4 weeks now and even then i still think about stuff i did before leaving and i have to stop and breathe

[albonium]

i've been awake since 5h30 and i keep thinking about not renewing my contract in april. i could chill all summer and then try to find a new job in september 😭

[manchesterau]

zee manchesterau’s 2024 fic round up

I just want to start off by saying a big thank you to everyone who has ever reblogged or liked my writing post on here, the people who take the time to read the things that I put out on ao3, and those who even leave a comment and a kudos. It means so much to me, you all have no idea! I'm shit at replying to people but just know I read every single thing that's ever been sent to me, thank you all so much!!!

This year was the year that I broke my 4 year writers block. I'm not kidding when I say I mentally could not write anything, and I almost gave up on writing completely which absolutely devastated me as I've been a writer all of my life. I thought that I didn't have anything else to say, and that no one would want to listen but I was so wrong. I found inspiration again through dan and phil, but it was the lovely comments of support by this fandom that pushed me to write more. I ended this year with 10 fics on ao3 and a few ficlets on here and I'm still shocked that I was able to have written so much. Thank you, and I hope to share so much more with you all next year.

Fics under the cut ↓

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Phil wakes up to a still bus and the sounds of Chicago traffic. (tour bus ficlet)

Saturdays are theirs. (Phil proposes with dips)

Prompt: could you do something with them just waking up and being all lovey dovey while sleepy? Just sweet morning kisses and cuddles and softness all around please?

Prompt: helloooo for the fic prompts thing… cat and bear halloween 2009? pls (no pressure)

ao3

thinking of new ways to do each other

The stream ends but their night isn't over just yet.

fall in love again and again

Two days into their holiday while lounging by the villa pool that they rented out for the week to ensure maximum privacy, Dan has a thought: I’m going to marry this boy.

a bit ridiculous

And it would all feel a bit ridiculous if Dan wasn’t so madly in love.

exhale

The first leg of the tour has just ended, Dan and Phil find a way to relax in their hotel room.

stop the world i wanna get off with you *series*

A domestic night in the life of Phil the vampire and Dan the witch.

here come the dreams of you and me

So he and Dan are a thing now. Phil doesn’t really know what thing they are but it’s something he knows he wants to hold onto and never let go.

change

Everything is carefully controlled and he wonders why it seems that coming to Australia loosens his self-restraint.

15 Years

Their lives, forever intertwined.

healing hat

It’s only then while he’s about to climb back in bed and text Dan that whatever he ordered just arrived that he notices his head has settled down and he can actually blink without it hurting.

push and pull

They’re nowhere near ready to be done, and Phil isn’t always patient when it comes to most things but when it comes to fucking Dan, he has all the time in the world.

[leasstories]

Nothing else matters (part 1)

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

TW : Eating disorder

You and Eddie have been dating for two months now, you met thanks to your little brother Dustin Henderson, who asked you to replace Lucas at a DnD game. You've been part of the Hellfire ever since then and Eddie and you slowly grew closer, until one day he confessed his feelings towards you, afraid that you would laugh to his face or friendzone him. But everything worked out perfectly as you were feeling the same way, and the two of you started dating. You've been planning your road trip for a month now. You're really excited but also really nervous, Eddie doesn't know that you struggle a lot with food. You always find an excuse not to eat with him or not to eat at all, but now you're going to spend an entire week with him and hiding your eating disorder will be really complicated. Deep down, you know that you could tell Eddie, that he wouldn't judge you, but you still fear that he won't want to be with someone like you, someone "broken", well that's what you think of yourself at least. You think you're broken. You also know that this will sadden him and even maybe hurt him.

You're in your room packing when you hear Eddie's van pull over in your driveway. You finish packing quickly before heading downstairs. When you arrive you can hear Eddie and Dustin having an heated conversation about DnD, you smile at the sight of your brother and your boyfriend getting along so well, it's like a dream for you. When he sees you, Eddie walk towards you and kiss you on the lips. As soon as his lips touch yours you hear your brother mutter "gross".

After saying goodbye to your brother and mom, you take Eddie's hand and walk towards the van. He opens the passenger door for you, before heading to the driver's seat. He pulls out of your driveway and the holidays can finally start. You're going to a city named Shipshewana, it is 4 hours away from Hawkins. When you arrive on the highway, Eddie takes your hand, you spend the ride listening to the new mixtape you've made for him.

After 2 hours of the van ride, Eddie stops for lunch, he stops next to a forest, you take out a blanket and lay it on the floor, while Eddie takes out a basket full of food. Only looking at it makes you sick, but you don't know how to tell Eddie and you know he probably spent hours making this, so instead you sit on the blanket, hoping that Eddie won't notice that you're not eating. Eddie starts eating before noticing that you didn't take any food.

"Don't you like anything I've made" Eddie says with his mouth full

"It's not that..." you say, trying to put your thoughts into words "You know I never ate in front of you."

"And ?" Eddie asks, clueless of where you are getting at

"And... I... I have eating disorders" you say hesitantly but also ashamed, you don't even dare to look at Eddie.

Eddie takes your hand in his and look at you "I don't know what to say YN, but I wanna help you, help you eat properly. We can start with a small thing, what do you think about a cherry tomato ?"

You nod and Eddie hands you a cherry tomato, you stare at it for agonizing minutes.

"You can do it YN, I know it" Eddie says, trying to encourage you. At his words, you end up eating the cherry tomato, but right after you feel guilty and Eddie can sense it.

"You know, tomatoes are basically almost only water, and they don’t have a lot of calories, I don't know if it helps you to know that but I wanted to let you know" he says reassuringly while lightning up his cigarette.

"Thank you" you say "Thank you for taking it so well, I had never opened myself this way, to anyone."

"Did you think I'd run away for something that's out of your control" Eddie says amused.

You shyly look at the ground before answering "You deserve better than someone as broken as me"

"You're not broken YN, you're going through something tough, yes, but I'm here, I'm always here, by your side, no matter what. I'll be here every steps of the way and we'll go through this, together. It doesn't matter how long it takes. I love you and nothing else matters"

You smile at Eddie's words before kissing him, a tear roll down from your cheek and fall on Eddie's, he pull away and wipes your tears. "Don't cry Angel"

"It's... it's just what you said... It's so beautiful Eddie, thank you, thank you so much"

Eddie pulls you in a hug before putting the food back in the basket. You both go back to the van and Eddie drives again, he think about the fact that he booked a restaurant for tonight. What should he do, cancel ? Ask you if you're okay with it ? Keep the surprise and pray that it won't trigger you ? Eddie ends up telling you "I had made a reservation in a restaurant for us tonight, do you want me to cancel given..." he looks for the right words, knowing it is a sensitive topic. "Your relationship with food" You wince at how he put it which makes Eddie apologize right away "I'm so sorry I didn't know how to put it into words"

"It's okay" you answer, you then take a deep shaky breathe before saying "Don't cancel the reservation, I wanna try. Thank you so much for the kind gesture"

"Are you sure baby ? I can cancel, it's no big deal" he answers

"I'm sure" you answer

You spend the rest of the ride listening to first the mixtape you made him for your two months anniversary and then the mixtape he made for you before you even got together. The mixtape you made was mostly filled with songs from The Rolling Stones, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Bon Jovi while the one he made was mostly Dio, Black Sabbath and Metallica.

After 2 more hours of driving, you finally arrive at Shipshewana, Eddie parks the van at the edge of a forest.

You head out of the van and go for a little hike in the forest, at some point you start feeling dizzy and being pale, Eddie can see it. "You want me to piggyback you ?"

You smile at the gesture "Are you sure you can? Am I not too heavy ?"

"You're far from heavy, and I can, I promise" Eddie piggybacks you and you head back to the van.

You put the blanket in the back of the van and you lay in the back, cuddling.

"At what time is the reservation?" you ask

"9 pm, in 3 hours" Eddie answers

"Oh my God !" You say

"What ? Do you have second thoughts ?" Eddie asks, concerned

"No, not at all, I just didn't bring an outfit to go to the restaurant, or even to go out at all !" you answer

"That's fine angel, don't worry about it. You can just wear your jean and that black Metallica crop top I made for you" he answers

"But it's not fancy enough to go to a restaurant" you say

"It is for me" Eddie says grinning

You go through your stuff in your bag and pull out the Metallica crop top, you take off your shirt and put the Metallica t-shirt on, you then look down at yourself, self conscious of your curves and start being anxious. Eddie can tell you are anxious and looks at you concerned before saying "What's wrong baby?"

"Don't I look fat in this, I mean we can see my tummy and-" you're cut off by Eddie

"You look beautiful. Life is ours, we live it our way, nothing else matters. Please never care for what they do or think, you are beautiful to me. Besides, I really love your tummy" Eddie says while kissing it. You giggle at his touch.

"Stop it" you say in between laughs. Eddie stops after five good minutes and says "Do you wanna do your makeup ?"

"Yes please" you answer out of breathe from all the laughing.

"I'll be right outside if you need me"

You do a nude makeup before heading out of the van, Eddie stare at you in awe before kissing you on the lips. "I love you" he says

"I love you too" you answer.

Eddie goes to the passenger side and open your door for you, before heading in the driver's seat, the drive to the restaurant last 10 minutes. Eddie parks and you get out of the car. Eddie insist on putting his bandana as a blindfold on your eyes so you don't see the restaurant before arriving inside, after complaining for 5 good minutes you finally give up. Eddie leads you to the restaurant, the walk lasts about 5 minutes, he then sit you down on a chair before removing the blindfold, you look at your surrondings and see that it's a fancy restaurant.

"Eddie you shouldn't have..." you say

"I wanted to surprise you, and looking at your facial expression it worked" he answers playfully.

A waiter hands you the menu before heading back to the kitchen.

"You can eat anything you want sweetheart" Eddie says

"Eddie this is too much... You can't afford this" you say

"I've been saving money for it, don't worry Sweetheart, take whatever you want."

You go for the caesar salad while Eddie orders a Beef bourguignon. While waiting for the dishes to arrive you can't help but bounce your leg, stressed about the idea of eating a whole plate, and Eddie can tell what's bothering you because he says "You don't have to finish your plate Sweetheart, besides, you got this, I believe in you"

"What if I disappoint you" you ask, self conscious

"It doesn't matter if you eat one fork or the entire plate, either ways I'll be proud of you" he answers honestly.

The waiter brings you the plates. Since your plate has been in front of you, you've been looking at it with a frown.

"Would it help you if we share your plate" Eddie asks

You nod before saying "Yes please, I think it would help me"

Eddie grab a fork and start eating in your plate, you imitate him but once the fork is in front of your mouth you stop, with teary eyes "I'm sorry Eddie, I can't do it"

"Of course you can sweetheart, this is delicious, please give it a taste. Let's do it together" Eddie offers

Eddie takes a fork of your salad before saying "One, two, three" he then puts the fork in his mouth and you imitate him. You take your sweet time chewing before swallowing. You're on the verge of crying but you hold it back. Eddie put his hand on yours before saying "I'm so proud of you, you did amazing baby"

He finishes his dishes and offer you a dessert even though he already knows the answer is no. Instead he then asks if you want a coffee to which you say yes. Eddie orders your coffee and some chocolate cake for himself. When the dessert arrive you ask "Can I taste your dessert"

Eddie look at you proudly before feeding you a bit of his dessert "I'm so proud of you" he says once you swallow. Then Eddie goes to the counter to pay and you both head back to the van.

"My tummy aches" you say

"It's gonna be find angel, I promise" Eddie says reassuringly. He knows how hard it is for you and is as supportive as he can, without pressuring you too much, and he is so proud of you for tonight.

Eddie parks back to your spot before getting out of the van and opening the passenger door for you, you both head to the back of the van and cuddle, Eddie whispers sweet nothings as well and expresses how proud of you he is for tonight in your ear and you fall asleep in the arms of your beloved.

The next morning when you wake up Eddie isn't next to you, you start worrying until you hear him cursing, you get out of the van to see what's happening and you see Eddie struggling to make some fire.

"I'm sorry I woke you up" he says, mad at himself

"You didn't wake me up" you answer while stirring.

You sit next to Eddie before asking "What are you up to?"

"I was trying to start a fire, 'cause I don't want you to freeze, it's a little bit cold this morning"

You smile at the gesture. "You don't have to baby"

"Of course I do" he answers

"Okay so let me help". You help him starting the fire and after 20 minutes of struggling it's finally done.

Eddie clears his throat before saying "I know it's a sensitive topic, and you don't have to accept but do you want to go grab some breakfast at a diner ?"

You know that if you answer no Eddie won't eat this morning and you don't want him to starve so you nod before saying "Sure, I'll just grab a coffee though"

"As you wish" Eddie says before climbing on the driver's seat. You climb on the passenger seat and head to a diner.

You go sit on a booth while Eddie orders two coffee and a French Toast. When the order is ready, Eddie come back with it. You look at Eddie's French Toast debating in your head if you should taste it or no, you know it would make Eddie proud, and he didn't even force you to eat this morning, he is so understanding about this whole situation. After several minutes of huge thinking Eddie cuts your train of thought "I saw you looking at my French Toast, if you want we can share it" he offers

You look at it hesitantly before answering "I would love that", Eddie looks at you proudly and put his plate in the middle of the table so both of you can reach it. You start eating a little piece of the toast, it tastes good but as soon as you swallow it you imagine how much calories there is in there and start panicking, as if Eddie understood he grabs your hand for emotional support before saying "I'm so so proud of you baby, you don't have to care about the number of calories, I know how hard it must be but your body actually needs food in order to function correctly"

You smile at his word before sipping some of your coffee.

After breakfast, you start visiting the city of Shipshewana before stopping in a small restaurant. You order a salad while Eddie order an hamburger with fries. You manage to eat half of your salad. When you head out of the restaurant Eddie kisses the back of your hand before saying "I'm so beyond proud of you for this lunch baby, you did amazing". You then visit the city hand in hand. At some point of the walk, your tummy starts aching, you try to hide it from Eddie, not wanting to ruin the walk but Eddie knows you all too well and knows that something's up.

"Are you okay baby ?" He asks concerned

You force a smile before answering "Yes, sure"

"I can tell something's up baby" Eddie says, even more concerned

"My tummy aches from all the eating earlier. I'm sorry for ruining our vacation week..." you say feeling really self-conscious and sorry.

"You're not ruining anything, besides your health is the most important thing so please don't feel sorry" Eddie says while putting his hands around your shoulders and holding you close to him. You smile at him.

"Do you want to sit down somewhere so you can rest a bit" Eddie asks

"Only if it doesn't bother you, I want you to have a great time, not to have to deal with my crap you know..." you answer

"First of all it doesn't bother me at all, as long as I'm with you, nothing else matters, second of all your crap is my crap too now, I won't let you struggle alone, we're in this together, I'm here for you and I'll always be"

You smile at him with teary eyes while going towards a bench in a beautiful small park, you sit down next to one another and Eddie takes your hand in his after having kissed your forehead. You put your head on Eddie's shoulder and both look at the kids playing in the park, an old couple holding hands. Seeing this couple both you and Eddie are convinced that you wanna grow old together, you wanna experience life together and nothing else matters.

Part 2 here

[screambirdscreaming]

I've found it useful, over the past several years, to pay more attention to the seasonal changes. Not just the gestalt of the season, but the specific timing of things, the changes in the sun angle and day length. Which of course means marking the equinoxes and solstices, the longest and shortest and middlest days. But also - and actually more informative to me - the days halfway between these. Around the solstices, the day length is changing very slowly - a week passes with little difference. Around the equinoxes, things are shifting fast, from one week to the next the change is palpable. And the tipping point on this curve is halfway between.

For example: halfway between the fall equinox and the winter solstice is Halloween. And on Halloween I'm often sitting out on the steps watching the evening progress, and dark is certainly coming before it's terribly late, but there's still an appreciable amount of evening - not like in December when you step outside at 4 pm into practically full dark. And it used to be that sometime in November the dark would catch me somehow off guard - how little daylight is there now? But these days, I'll sit outside on Halloween thinking "it's getting dark pretty early these days, huh" and then remind myself: you won't see this much light again til February. We're going into the long dark now. And it helps me, to be prepared for it. And it makes it feel more real and solid, on winter solstice, to say we're halfway through it - when I've been watching for it the whole time, and not still scrambling after being bowled over by the dark sometime in late November.

And then in February, on groundhogs day, you're at the halfway point again. After weeks of slow lengthening you're finally gaining daylight fast enough to notice. Regardless of what the winter weather is doing, light is coming back.

And then there's the equinox, and halfway after that is May Day - the start of the long days of summer. If you're watching for it, there's a sweeping change in growing things around this time - I don't have exactly the words for it, but everything is rising to meet summer.

And then there's summer solstice, when the sun gets so high that the shadows all change places and the days are so long it's almost too much. And it's even a relief, a week or two later, when the sun's dropped enough that things don't feel quite so seared.

And the long hot days drag on for a while. Long enough that it starts to feel a little antsy for change, like you've held your breath for too long. Like you're forgetting something, or running out of time, but you're not sure what for.

And then you're like oh: it's the first week of august. The other turning point day, the one with no modern name or tag-along holiday. And I don't know, but it feels fitting somehow. Like this restlessness is the space of an unmarked holiday. Like something I should know what to do with but I don't.

[choicesmonthlychallenge]

Choices August Challenge 2023

This month's challenge will be a little different. The previous host had to back out so I am taking over... however, I was already planning on hosting 2 celebration weeks in August, which with the 2 book clubs would leave me with 5 events, and that's too much, even for me. So we're making August a combination month!

PlayChoice Game's 7th birthday is August 17th, so instead of having a birthday week, I'm including prompts for this event below and it'll run through the entire month of August.

There will also be prompts for Hollywood U + High School Story, as it's been one year since PB pulled those games. Without their success, we might not have gotten Choices.

Also, I've rescheduled sibling appreciation week a few times, so let's just add that in.

I also have some August holidays and summer prompts.

And lastly, similar to @choicesprompts, if you have a WIP from a previous challenge or event from this year that you really want to finish, feel free to submit it here too (regardless of the prompt). Let's clean out some WIPs.

Any of the prompts below can be used with any story/characters. They do not have to be used in the context of the "theme" they're posted under.

Happy Birthday, Choices!

In addition to the prompts below, posts celebrating Choices and your favorites (MCs, LIs, Friend Groups, Books, etc), will be accepted regardless of if a specific prompt is used

baking a cake

blowing out candles / making a wish

the perfect gift

surprising them with their favorite flowers

surprise party

spa break

"I'm sorry did you just call my/your birthday my 'womb escape'??"

“Are you crying? Please don’t cry, I didn’t think the gift was that bad-"

"I never liked celebrating my birthday."

"I don’t think fighting for my life is an acceptable way to celebrate my birthday"

"I’d rather eat you than cake."

"Put down the frosting!"

Hollywood U + High School Story Appreciation

Just like last year's event, any and all HWU and HSS content will be accepted regardless of if a specific prompt is used

movie premiere / red carpet

behind the scenes

coffee (all the coffee)

library dates/sneaking around in the stacks

falling asleep watching a movie

classes at HWU related to your MC's field of study

"Does a ninety minute movie really warrant this amount of snacks?"

"Your taste in movies is so bad"

"I love you but I'm not watching _____ again" -----

prom

graduation

High School Reunion / Where are they now?

school clubs

skipping class together

putting secret notes into the other's locker

being paired up for a project/presentation

"I accidentally grabbed your notebook" (What do they find, doodles, writings, poems, songs, little hearts with their initials?)

"It's finals week and you forgot we have a history exam?"

Sibling Appreciation

Any and all content that is focused on siblings in the fandom will be accepted regardless of if it fits a specific prompt

teaching their sibling about/how to do something

teasing each other

being overly protective of sibling

"Could you just stop talking for once?!"

"Don't blame it on me!"

"Thanks for being there"

"Can you pick me up?"

Siblings would help you bury a body, but they wouldn’t bring out the trash for you, no matter how nice you ask.

August Days

any August holiday

August 4: International Beer Day ; National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day

August 5: Sandcastle Day

August 6: National Friendship Day

August 9: Hold Hands Day

August 10: National S’mores Day

August 12-20: National Heritage Week

August 18: National Couple's Day

August 26: National Dog Day

August 27: National Just Because Day

August 30: National Beach Day

Summer Prompts:

popsicles

sidewalk chalk

camping

fairs/festival

fruit picking

stargazing

iced coffee

sunglasses

Making summer playlists for each other

“it’s absolutely sweltering, how can you still want to cuddle?!”

“do we have any ice cream left?”

"Summer's almost over…"

“I couldn’t help myself… All the ice-cream flavours looked so good!”

Remember, you can also submit any WIP you have that are based on previous prompts from any 2023 event.

2023 Monthly Challenge Prompt Lists:

January ❤️ February ❤️ March ❤️ April ❤️ May ❤️ June ❤️ July

Guidelines + Rules

Submitted works will be featured on a weekly masterlist

Every form of creative work can be submitted: fanfiction, drabbles, moodboards, edits, drawings, poems, songs, sketches, and more—all are welcomed.

Work from any book and story from the Choices (and Pixelberry) universe are welcome (new and old alike)!

You can participate as many times as you want during the month

Clearly list the prompt your used

You can combine submissions for this event and others

Please add a cut to avoid long posts and exposing other fans to triggering/disturbing content.

If your work is NS*W please label it as such and use appropriate warnings. Adult content should be hidden under the page break.

You can get creative with the prompts. It can be a variation of the word and/or concept. It doesn’t have to be exact or literal. If the word inspires a train of thought that led you to something different, put that in the notes and send it in! Have fun with it! Make them work for you! The ultimate goal is just to find joy in creating!

Please tag @choicesmonthlychallenge​​ and if you’d like to add me you can do so as well~ @lovealexhunt​​​ (feel free to DM me your work too since Tumblr tags are fickle)

[shojislady]

2. SO SCANDALOUS

"-ess.. princess. wake up, we need to get ready. kacchans making pancakes right now."

grumbling, she turns over to look at her clock. it's 10:15am, izuku let her sleep in a bit. today, the class was going out to the mall then the arcade to have class bonding time. with everything that's gone on, from the USJ incident and the tension from the sports festival, to the fight with stain (where endeavor unfairly took credit, causing the girl to have a "slight" hatred for him), and even the final exams, having to go against All Might with Bakugo and Midoriya, it was just a lot to handle. they're just kids, and kids need breaks.

walking into the bathroom, the girl began her daily morning routine.

"damn.. i look ROUGH..!" she said as she looked in the mirror. her bonnet looked as if it was trying to run away, her tank top was all twisted up, right boob was up in russia while the left one stayed home in america. she had eye boogers all around and her angel bite piercings were no where to be found.

she slept good.

"you know what... let me just wash my face right now and i'll do everything else after i eat."

her face care routine consists of ; black african soap, witch hazel, hydration drops, and a bit of coco butter.

finishing up and putting away her stray boobs, she found one of bakugos stolen hoodies and made her way downstairs.

(i would just like to add that she sleeps in boxers so yk that ass lookin fat 😋)

"good morning guys!" she greeted everyone, with a slight smile and wave. almost everyone was up, with the exception of a few people.

"hii y/n!"

"mornin bestie!!"

"Good Morning, Y/n! Glad to see you awake!"

and so on and so forth

"mornin angel.. im making your pancakes right now, but there's bacon on the tiny burner and i made u a tiny omelette. those burner thingies really come in handy, you know?"

"its a heating tray, katsu. and yes, that's why i bought them." she bought them for holidays like christmas and american thanksgiving, but since there's 21 kids living in one dorm, it's used more than expected.

"is that my fucking hood?? i've been looking for that for weeks!" bakugo exclaimed, turning around to give the girl a plate so that she could fix her food. "when the hell did you even- whatever.. as long as i get it back."

(Spoiler Alert, he doesn't)

"erm.. anyways..! so guys, what time are we supposed to be leaving??" asked y/n, going to take a seat next to shoji.

"Well, we're trying to leave for the mall around 12:45 since it isn't far, then leave the mall no later than 4:30-5." yaomomo began to explain. "I was able to rent the arcade from 6:15 to 10:30, food and drinks included, along with lazer tag , and we get the option of going in the bounce area, so when we get there just let me know."

"damn yaomomo... i knew you was stacked but DAMN!!"

"ong, bro's LOADED.."

"i'm calling you if i need to bailed out of jail."

"honestly guys it's not much, i just want us to have fun and relax as a class while being safe!" yaomomo said with a small smile on her face. she was literally loaded, like pockets so deep they could fit 3 gallons of milk each, pockets so swole they need an ice pack, pockets so fat they need they own TLC show type rich. but even so, she didn't like to flaunt her wealth. she'd rather use her money to pay for gifts and events for her friends, rather than to flex some diamond earrings or a gold necklace. She's still a teen girl though, so she still loves to go shopping. The girl is really just happy that she's found friends that actually love her for her, and not for her money.

"you're so cute yaomomo! i love you!"

"well thank you y-"

"if anyone, i mean ANYONE fucks with you, call me. these hands are rated E for Everyone. my fists are activists. i dont care if they're old, young, tall, short, fine, ugly, gay, straight. I believe in equality, and with equality comes equally distributed ass whoopings jus-"

"OK, n/n! i think momo gets how much you love her! since you're done eating can u help me?" midoriya interrupted the girls small rant.

"you gotta face the consequences of last night huh? you should've listened to me, but yeah i'll help!"

"you dont have to rub salt on the wound!" he whined. "i'll get stuff and meet in your room again?"

"sounds like a plan, izuku!" she replied, getting up to grab her plate and bring to the kitchen.

"OoOh y/n~" jirou began to tease. "last night? your room AGAIN? what scandalous activities have you been up to?"

"chill kyo, its not like that! he messed up his hair on his own and we always hang in my room bc its more.. welcoming.. then his."

"i know, y/n! im jus messin' with ya."

with her plate in hand, y/n walked into the kitchen where bakugo resided. he was cleaning and putting away the dirty plates before he started to soak the pans.

"so, the nerd fell asleep in your room again huh?" he asked, washing a plate.

"yeah, he started to doze off a little while after you left, so he slept with me."

"i dont know why you guys dont just ask eachother out yet. you two are basically in love with eachother."

"katsuki, you know how i feel, and you know how zuku is. im pretty sure if he would act the same way with the rest of the class as he acts with us if he just trusted them more." she informed, getting ready to wash her plate before bakugo snatched it.

"don't even try it." ever since they could crawl, they've never let the girl lift a finger. hungry? chef katsuki at your service! scraped your knee? Dr.deku to the rescue! and yes, they know that she's the perfectly capable and well off to do these things on her own, but why should she when she has two men to do it for her?

"anyways. we've all known eachother since literally birth. i see things, i observe things. you two are literally inseparable. im pretty sure y'all first words were eachothers names. you know how you act around him, you see with your own two (or four) eyes the way he acts with you, and im pretty sure he peeps it too. just ask eachother out already and stop being pussies for fucks sake!"

"oh my gosh?? shut the fuck up?? you're so damn loud??" she said, slapping him in the back of his neck.

"aye. try me again and we gotta tussle. i'm not deku. i'll will beat the black off you. i strike so much fear into your melanin pigmentation that it will come to me."

"whatever katsuki, u can run me my ones later, i gotta go help zuku now."

"ight then angel, u better be ready. see ya later."

with that, she finally left the kitchen and headed towards her dorm to meet izuku.

.*•

"finally.." the boy sighed. it's now 11:45 am, and they (she) just finished detangling, moisturizing, and somewhat styling his hair. at this point, her fingers and wrists were tired, her back was aching, her feet were sore, and she had the very violent urge to go back to her black roots and pop this nigga with the comb.

"I know damn well YOU not heavy breathing like you did some work. all yo lazy ass did was sit there and watch Netflix. YOU COULDN"T EVEN HOLD THE DAMN SPRAY..."

"I'm sorry, ma. thank you so much, I should've listened to you last night. now do you already have clothes ready? or do you need to pick something out?" he asked, pulling her into a hug and rubbing her back.

".. you better be so lucky i love you. but yes, i need to pick. have u chosen?"

" yup, right before I came to wake you up. so i'll help you if you want?"

"yes please"

taglist: @ast4rg1rl

I FINALLY DID IT YALL..

and i already started the next chapter🙏🏾

well i split this chapter up into 2 to make things easier on me and y'all!!

so if its not out by next week then i'll post something embarrassing 🙏🏾

BUT ILL BE IN DUBAI FOR A WHILE SO JULY 13th IS MY DEADLINE

anywho

when i show outfits and stuff they're just there for ppl like me who can't visualize that well <3

WELL

UNTILL NEXT TIMEE

[xx-faux-fox-xx]

First Ever Edblr post damn

So Ana and I have been on weird terms for years and years now but I'm starting to try and get back on track. Normally I just lurk on here not post but figured meh might as well post up at least once. Little things I've found as an almost 30 (god I'm too old for this 😭) year old.

Stats first I guess?

5'9

SW 230 in Sep. 2023

CW 157 Jan. 2024

GW 130

UGW 120

1. Hismile toothpaste? Best shit ever tastes like a snack sooooo many flavors, no Cals (technically would be 1 cal per 100 grams but if you don't swallow it you're good)

2. Peach Mango C4 zero cal and I get mango smoothie mix, basic generic store brand frozen fruit, mix it with that nice 70ish cal snack that I'll sip on for HOURS

3.Food scale, food scale, food scale. Idk man I'm mistrustful of portion sizes so I weigh everything.

4. I always estimate higher vs lower ESPECIALLY dealing with homemade recipes.

5. Speaking of homemade recipes verywellfit has a recipe calculator that I looooove to use to figure out cals and nutrition in different foods. (You can also use it to figure out the cals in recipes your family/friends make especially for holidays if you ask for a recipe and say it was really good they'll give it to you and then you can know what you're intaking roughly.)

6. Gum or Mints are your best friend genuinely they are. Same with water, tea, black coffee.

7. VITAMINS ALL THE VITAMINS. Seriously though I see people say it all the time take your dang vitamins.

8. Cardio and anything that works your heart is a MUST I think we all know Ana goes for muscle and your heart is a muscle so if you don't do shit else for exercise do some cardio something to keep your ticker ticking properly.

9. Try to note when you're the most tempted to binge/when you do binge, what's your mentality like? Are you depressed, stressed, manic, whatever figure out what is potentially triggering those binges emotionally. Then try to figure out how to handle them, for me with BPD opposite action has been a huuuuge help. I want to binge because I'm sad? I'm taking a walk instead to get my stupid lil houseplant self some sun and fresh air even if I'm annoyed the whole time.

10. As a former (and still sometimes) junkorexic don't do it all the time. But if you wanna have a day, a week, whatever where you live off nothing but Code Red Mountain Dew, an Oreo, and sheer audacity most certainly have at it. But try to eat at least one fruit, or a yogurt, something that's some actual sustenance. That was me from 15-19 and occasionally I still do that so I get it.

11. Don't be too delulu you may well reach your UGW and realize you STILL aren't satisfied or you don't look like the th1nsp0 pics you have saved. We aren't all gonna be able to look like that, especially for the older friends of Ana it's hard AF man 😭

12. Be safe, this shit is not easy to live with and to a point it is hazardous. Be aware of yourself, your condition, as best as you can possibly be. Don't get 🏥-ized just be smart about it.

13. Most important one do it for yourself. Fuck doing this for a boy, or some shit like that. You're doing this for YOU because this is the flesh vessel you have to spend the rest of your life in. If you do it for anything other than you there's a chance you lose that motivation but realize you're stuck with you FOREVER. Don't you want to be able to like the person you see even if it's just on a surface level? As someone with mental illness(es) I'll never be fully happy with me as a person but I can at least not entirely despise what I see on the outside.

Idk hopefully this helps someone this will probably be one of the only times I actually post cuz again I'm too old for this really 😂 being nearly 30 still doing this disordered stuff feels so silly to me but aye mentally ill for life I guess.

[iantimony]

last tuesday of 2023!

i thought about making this my Yearly Roundup for last tuesday of the year but i think instead i will make this a normal tuesdaypost, and do a big yearly reflection on friday or saturday for last shabbos of the year :)

listening: twilight mirage, still in that holiday special, episode 23. the way that there are eight fuckin episodes for that special........in part 1 or 2 they make a comment how they might have to do three parts and i was like. lol. lmao, even. i'm in the bit right now where they're doing an election and it's very funny. thisbe as the debate moderator made me laugh out loud.

reading: the best part of the game awards this year was the fashion, alyssa mercante: i looooved some of these looks. love the art corset on slide 4, jay-ann lopez on slide 15, the pleated dress on slide 17, the MATCHING BABY ON SLIDE 19, and the author's whole everything on slide 20.

sff's big fat problem, r. k. duncan: i was already aware of some of the stuff talked about here but i am definitely guilty of having less overt things - i.e. goblin emperor reference in there - totally fly by me. i feel like i saw a lot of people talking about rowling's fatphobia after she went mask-off but she is definitely on the more malicious end of the spectrum, it's a much much much more baked in problem than people give it credit for. thinking also about the locked tomb, which i love, but also makes some very weird comments about ortus that i did not clock at all until someone else pointed it out. just something i'm thinking about lately.

the world is hard, dinner doesn't need to be, julia turshen: what it says on the tin. some recipe ideas, cut down to mental bare essentials.

old growth, brawlite: saved the fanfic for last. obsessed with this. it's so so good. the format is a really neat idea that i don't know if i've seen done before. like, using the 'comment section' to point out 'things in the background of shots'? genius. i am eating it up. i should have signed up for this exchange. maybe next year.

playing: fallow. i might buy some games that are on sale tho lol, i've seen both pyre and ghostwire: tokyo recommended this week. latter is no longer on sale unfortunately but i am noting it down for later.

watching: the fashion industry hates older women, mina le

history of bathing, bernadette banner

aaaand a short film that a grad student in my department made as a project. it's. not good. like i'm happy that he's doing hobbies or whatever but this short film commits the cardinal sin of being neither good nor bad, Just Boring. 2/10.

making: the [redacted project] is almost done!! i have 10 rows left. each row takes me about 15 minutes. i will definitely finish it by the end of the week, fringe and all. no pictures yet for obvious reasons but it will be in the first tuesdaypost of the year for 2024! the biggest challenge now is the point of contact on my left hand where i rest the knitting needle against my middle finger is aggravating on a sensory standpoint from overuse, so i have been knitting with one glove on that hand which has helped a lot.

there was a preview of these last week, but i added finishing touches to my gavle goat holiday cards! i used a metallic sharpie to add some horn embellishments and wrote a little note on the back, and mailed out a bunch :)

misc: the first christmas eve/day of my life where i didn't get chinese food!!! shock, horror, etc. i'm at my roommate's family's place so i experienced a real christmas situation. it was fine. her family & their home is like ... hallmark card vibes and idk how i feel about it. i want wonton soup :(

[nobodysdaydreams]

THIS WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOSH! (or my reaction to Wolf359's "Change of Mind")

Well dear readers, you've been hyping this up a lot, so I'm pleased to finally be able to bring you my reaction to "Change of Mind", because I, Bods B. Nobody, have finished my finals, so I get to relax now.

Hahahaha...just kidding. No, no, I have a TON of stuff that I've been putting off to study for finals and write essays that's almost as bad as the finals themselves. Almost. Man I hate logistics. Doug and I really are the same person. I think it's the ADHD, but of all the fictional characters I've seen, he is one of the most surprisingly relatable.

I'll be reacting to this while doing chores, but please enjoy! And I apologize in advance if I don't react again for several weeks, I'm visiting family and friends for the holidays and won't be able to sit down for a while. But I hope to listen to season 4 soon!

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom

Change of Mind:

Oh hi Lovelace. But which one are you? Alien robot clone Lovelace, or the original?

Or maybe someone or something else?

And do you know who you are?

Oh a lucid dream!

Flashback to the old crew! Interesting...Hello Hilbert. I'm not learning how to spell "sell burg". Selburg. is that it?

I see what we're doing. You're gonna make me like the old crew and make me listen to them die and all of Lovelace's trauma? Oldest trick in the book: utilizing flashback land at the right time. Why don't you just take us back to Doug's car crash well you're at it? Oh! Or maybe we can listen to Minkowski's husband hear that his wife died? Oh, no, wait, take us to when Hera tried to escape Pryce's facility, I actually want to see that.

Oh she and Lambert seem to have a bit of a rivalry going on. It's like Doug and Minkowski. They annoy each other, but if anyone else tries to hurt them, they'll go nuts (and probably feel real guilty no doubt).

"Everything alright?" When is it ever alright? This entire show, I don't think we've had one alright day.

Only a matter of time before Hilbert pulls some BS.

LOVELACE IS DOING THE INTRO I LOVE IT! I love when they change who does the intro (I say as I'm sure to eat my words when Cutter and/or Pryce does it).

I'm sorry I have a hard time keeping track of the names. At least Lambert has a distinct voice.

Oh do these two other characters have a bit of thing going on? I love the accents. It's a good way to help me distinguish them, even though I still can't tell who is who. oh yeah Hilbert I know. And geez man no need to be a buzz kill.

Lambert, the people who wrote the manual are sadistic lunatics who need to be imprisoned.

Ah Australian accent guy!

preach it Australian accent guy: "Zip it sir!"

"There's good stuff in these manuals, or they wouldn't be up here either."

Hm. Not sure about that one Australian guy. But we can't be right about everything.

Oh but he is right about Cutter. Cutter DOES get creepier every time. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

"I AM NOT" ...wait. Is Lambert voiced by... (*quick and careful google search to avoid spoilers*) ...Zach Valenti, yeah I heard it that time. Well that explains the nasal voice.

I love how Doug and Sam are both communications officers, and yet so different from each other.

I love Rhea. But I do wonder. Why does she only communicates by beeps? At first I assumed it was because she was an earlier model, and Hera was an upgrade with a voice for easier communication. But then Pryce had that line of "There is a reason I give these things my voice...". But it seems you didn't always have to do that Pryce. I wonder what Rhea did that made her so nervous?

Message from Command? The empty man again? Oh..."your complaints will be processed upon Lovelace’s return to earth?" Cutter was probably giggling to himself when he wrote that.

BOX 953? BOX 953? FINALLY!!!!!

I swear. Cutter and Pryce intentionally send up the most organized, by the book, responsible person they can find up paired with the most ADHD, I don't care, I don't want to be here person they can find just for the purpose of making Hilbert miserable when he has to listen to them fight.

"Who will fight for what is right?" Yeah, I'm sure Lambert and Lovelace will, unlike you Hilbert.

Ah yes the big box. The mysterious big box. We're finally gonna open the great big box. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎊🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Is it an alien? Is it a death machine? OH THE SOUND IS BACK!

Right the bolts. But we can do it, please please do it, I've waited a long time just open the box. Shut up Hilbert, no one cares what you have to say, I just want the box open, and you are gonna betray everyone anyway because you're crazy and think Cutter is gonna use Decima for good stuff, but he's gonna use it for eugenics, calling it now, because, guess what? When I was studying for my final, I realized from my lecture notes that "Goddard" is the name of a eugenicist who later apologized for his work, but not before other eugenicists took it and ran with it. And I don't believe that's a coincidence.

🎶 Opening the box. Opening the box. We're finally opening the great big box! 🎶

And..........

.....it's a....machine thing. A weird mechanical machine thing.

...

Okay!

6 openings on the machine...PUT YOUR HANDS INSIDE?

No. Nope. Not doing that. Don't like that. Don't do that.

Oh that sounded painful. That sounded...

Gross. Cutter.

THE WAITING ROOM?

...

THE WAITING ROOM?

I SWEAR THAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR TMBS PARALLELS IN EVERY MEDIA I CONSUME BUT COME ON. IT HAS THE SAME NAME. THE SAME NAME. And I suppose the first fandom you join tumblr for never truly leaves you, does it? I've only spent about a year on this site, still learning.

Mental blank space? Oh gosh this is gross.

"Of course it's inside your head. But why should that mean it's not real?" Dang it Cutter I was gonna use a similar line in my fic and now I can't. You just can't stop giving me reasons to hate you can you? It's like an Olympic sport to him. Props to the writers though.

Imprint of Cutter's personality? That's the worst personality you could have picked.

Oh I see. Lambert's complaints did this... oh dear... well he's gonna learn his lesson about complaining now...

Complaining = Cutter's torture box.

He's taking them on a "Field Trip?"

With Cutter? I doubt it. *camera cuts Doug moaning*

What happens if they don't solve the mystery before time? And is there even a real timer? And why do I get the feeling YOU KILLED THE CREW CUTTER?

"Talent show went wrong or some sort of incident" I love the irony. I also wonder whether or not some of these crews are clones or whether these trips have happened before. It's a possibility.

Oh great. Australian man has people he cares about on earth. You guys really want to rip my heart out on this one don't you?

Oh who is this? What captain? Who's surrender? Explosives? For who's plan? Who is paying for it? What?

Well. What a nice obliging fella. I love Australian man. He's one of my favorite characters. I'm sorry about name thing.

"From A to E, all my love" Interesting. I wonder that too. Not sure we have characters by those names. Well, Alana, but she's dead and that doesn't really fit her.

Oh a diary. Emily. Who is coming? Are these people supposed to be "fills ins" for them. Like to show them what might happen if they went crazy or rebelled against Cutter? This is messed up.

Someone would do that? ...oh. If this was a real event, Cutter is making Hilbert live through it all over again. Which means Hilbert has to act like he doesn't know what's going on but also does because they are being timed.

I hope they use that for comedy: Hilbert: "oh look! Clue! I mean um...I think, I was not here this did not happen I do not know."

Katherine who? Who destroyed the samples? ...four glass tanks.

What um...what happened to the fifth glass tank? The spiders? Something worse?

Oh my gosh. The heartbeat coming from the box when Doug found it. The fact that it was so large...no wait, this is a simulation, never mind. I thought I had something there.

Cutter you can't edit the simulation that's not fair. Back on the Hephaestus? Why do I doubt it. Oh Rhea. Good work Rhea! But um...I have my doubts...

"A shame not to know" it is, but it would be even more foolish to investigate.

"I have a weird feeling we're not at rock bottom yet...I don't want to crash into it..." oh you have no idea Lovelace.

"It could be important" not in the way you think Lambert. Not in the way you think Lambert.

"There's a thing following us" I knew it wasn't over yet.

The empty man cometh.

...Oh great. Lovelace that's not funny. Doing stuff like that triggers the dramatic irony.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Dramatic Irony Cometh.

Ah! Here it is. Who said "Tell me about it?" Was that Doug? How would that even be possible? Was that Cutter? This is weird. I can't tell whose voice it is exactly.

Oh Australian man is getting closer to the truth. Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it Hilbert?

"Is anyone there?" Someone is always there.

Aw poor Rhea. She knows what's happening to Fischer. :( Or she's mocking Hilbert.

"How did I end up back here?" You're still in the simulation.

Who is there? The empty man. He escaped his box! Or you're still in the simulation. Or both.

Rhea is calling out your BS Hilbert.

Dmitri?

How does she know his name? And why do I think Rhea isn't the one doing this. I do like the idea of the ship's architecture changing.

No change in the star. Yet something is happening.

Empty men time!

Or...empty...dog? Time? What's with the growl?

Wings? Tentacles? A what? Monster YOU imagined?

Well then. We're still in the simulation.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't figured it out." Who is that?

Is that Cutter? Why did he sound almost normal for a second. Oh no that is him.

A singing telegram would be nice.

"So we never made it out?" ...in more ways than one.

Yeah. Rhea can't be here. She's not connected.

Called it.

...um. Who is THIS?

57 COPIES? Aries. Don't like her. Is that how it's spelled? Aires? Eres? Erase?

If it's in your heads she very much CAN hurt you.

And the temporal stuff is interesting. A story out of order. So technically...oh my gosh there are so many theories I can make out of this. But I gotta keep cleaning so I'll just let the episode play out.

The next room? When does this end?

Ah Hilbert. I was wondering where he was.

A week of time? TIME DIALATION?

Okay...if anyone has seen black mirror and saw my entry for Pryce on my post about Christmas music that reminds me of Wolf359 characters, you'll know that I already know that Hui is about to come out of this a scarred and desperate man. (some of you might already understand what I'm talking about...)

This is terrifying. Hui has to be horrified. Lovelace...oh and they're making Victoria ask for the clues, this is cruel. The speed up sound effects make it so much worse. It really is like Black Mirror.

Also... is this aging him? And a week of time...is that an earth week? We're talking about earth weeks right?

Took something from the person who killed them. Okay. Another clue.

Are you sure Selberg? If this is an old memory that Cutter is showing him, then I think he would be...unless this is different than what Hilbert experienced before.

"Everyone would have gotten spaced" ...right. Is there gonna be a big twist where they all got blown out the window on talent show night in season 1 and everything we're seeing is a simulation of their consciousness.

Ah the alien clones are here! Which means Cutter has known about them for a while.

They could also both be fake. Or both real, if they make an AI copy of his consciousness.

Additional medical exams? oh really getting into the questions now.

"I'm not Fischer" ... okay, but you have to have them both do it though...

...or not.

Okay so Fischer is the Australian one. But he could be fake too you should test him.

Good, asking them both questions. Smart. Good work Lambert.

I hate dark rooms too.

Change of Mind?

Sudden Death?

"If both of you press don't, you get to go up to the bridge"

IT'S THE PRISONERS DILEMMA ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE ALL MY FANDOMS CONNECTED?

Lovelace Do, Lambert Don't, delete all Lambert's memories of manual, brain rejects desire to read? Don't do it Lovelace. Don't do it.

Lovelace Don't, Lambert Do, all crew will think he's the commander.

Guys this should not be tempting.

Both press "Do" they get liquified.

Okay. So I was right about the dilemma. Eres shut up. Stop trying to liquify their brains! Now this is an AI I believe was created by Pryce and Cutter.

Oh she's making Lambert tell the truth. Lambert this is the part where you tell her it's okay to press do because you'll press don't. It's not worth it, throw in the towel. NOT TIMES UP!

Let's not be stupid.

Lambert: Don't. Good job Lambert. Thank you Lambert.

Lovelace: Don't. Good job Lovelace.

End of the game? Why do I not believe you?

End of the line? I don't like that. Why is Lovelace by herself? I don't like rooms that are just for one person. Those never go well.

Ah. The bridge. Is that Eres? She sounds young. Oh she's apologizing. Aw, she hoped they'd make it and was only programmed to hurt them. This is...so sad. Oh dear. A gun.

"You should fight this" "And what?" "This is what they made me for. This doesn't have to be sad."

"Just because someone made you something doesn't means that's all you're going to be" VERY true, both for the alien clones and the AI.

Oh great it's Cutter. Oh HE kills her. Why am I not surprised.

Another message? ✉️

"Training program might not be up to international law. By ripping up this paper, you are absolving us." I'd save that paper forever.

So the training program was wiped? Eres is gone.

Rhea: "It's just the way they programmed her, back off."

Oh poor Rhea 🥺

Aw Victoria is trying to cheer him up. I wonder what he does remember. A bad dream? Interesting.

That's nice, they're reading together. Not much time left in the episode. I wonder what's left.

So...wait. What was in the box when Doug went to open it? Was it the same machine? He said he heard a heartbeat.

At least Lambert and Lovelace seem to be getting along. Those kinds of experiences really do bring people together.

Ah more music. 🎶🎶🎶🎶

Cutter???

Why this day? Cutter you idiot. It's obvious. And she is going to mess you up someday Cutter. Dramatic irony cometh Cutter. Dramatic irony cometh.

Ah Doug is back! Kepler shut your mouth, I still need you to grab your redemption arc or drown in Whiskey. And you better make your choice quickly, because we only have one season left. Tik-tok errand boy, tik-tok.

Ready or not. Empty man cometh!

[sappho-shalom]

CONVERSION UPDATE ?!

Long time no see!!! So I think in my last update I said I was considering enrolling in college and guess what? I did! It's just community college and I'm doing it part time and I'm not entirely sure what subject I want to focus on, but I'm a few weeks into it and so far it's been going well. I also got a job which is great because I've needed one for awhile lol. Also, re: sims 4 jewish cc, I never was able to get sims4studio to work (I consulted many forums) so I don't think that's happening anytime soon sorry!!

But anyways, what everyone is here for: conversion updates! I've started studying with a partner, she's older than me and is marrying into a Jewish family so she's a little more knowledgeable about certain things compared to me, but it's still cool to have a partner and she’s really nice! I think the first time we met together with the rabbi we were discussing the Akedah and he asked us why we thought G-d would command Abraham to do something like that, and I had just finished my first watch of Good Omens season 2 so I pulled out some references to the Book of Job and he seemed very impressed with me LMAO.

But more importantly: I've finally been to services! My first service was Rosh Hashanah so, to quote my rabbi, I was kind of thrown into the deep end LOL. I was a little anxious (although less than I thought I would be) and it was kind of awkward when everyone but me kissed the Torah (and of course everyone was watching bc I guess you face the Torah when it’s carried around the room? I learn new things everyday!), but I really enjoyed it!! I was worried I was going to get bored or something (it was a 3 hour long service) but I ended up adulting for my mom who kept asking when we could go home lol. I also went to the Kol Nidrei service which was nice, there were way more people!! I also got to take home a tzedakah box (except it only takes coins and this is the 21st century so I never have coins LOL). OH and last week I got to light Shabbat candles for the first time!!!! But not really, it was Thursday and we were just practicing (and I butchered the Hebrew). BUT I did ask the rabbi and he said I could start lighting Shabbat candles myself!!!! I'm genuinely so happy and excited about it.

The synagogue also has services for Sukkot and their own sukkah which I wanted to go to but the first one was a potluck (I hate cooking) and I almost went to the second one because they had pizza but then I found out that we had to pay for an entire pizza ourselves ?!?! I don't have money for that LOL. (Okay that sounds a little mean lol, I was just expecting it to be like everyone chips in $5-10 and there are enough pizzas ordered for everyone to get 1-2 slices, not $14 for your very own pizza!!)

I've been working Friday nights a lot but I finally worked up the courage to talk to my manager so after this week I'll be free on Shabbat evenings and hopefully go to Shabbat services (or just just spend it at home LIGHTING MY OWN SHABBAT CANDLES BC THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO NOW?!?!?!)! Sorry if this post is a little all over the place or there's too many exclamation marks, I'm genuinely just so excited. It really feels like studying is starting to ramp up, although that probably has something to do with all the High Holidays lol. Anyways, I think that's it!

Chag sameach!

[neoncaptor]

putting under read more for irrelevant lifeposting lmao

i feel i should give myself more credit for the amount of healing i've done over the past (almost) 4 years...

granted i don't know how much is dissociation and how much is genuine healing but i at least feel like i'm on more stable ground yknow.

seeing/hearing certain words doesn't make me panic anymore. i don't give people the benefit of the doubt so much if i notice red flags. i put myself out there more but i'm also more at peace with letting people drift away if they don't seem interested in maintaining a friendship with me. i'm more prepared for people to betray me and less likely to romanticise friendships with thoughts like "they'd never do that to me" because boy... even if they wouldn't at one time, people change and then they will 100% do that to you. maybe you could call that trust issues but i feel like it's also not healthy to trust others Completely. there needs to be a happy medium between "things ok to trust someone with" and acknowledging that other things are a risk and that you should be reasonably prepared for betrayal without letting it consume you.

i had a last straw moment actually that kinda solidified everything i've been through with different people over the last 10 years lmao. i happened to see a good friend from primary school in a café and she was SO happy to see me, we hugged twice and she said to me: "I'll message you later and we can get lunch or something." in fact, I'm pretty sure she said she'd message me later twice. i was in such a good mood the rest of that day because it felt like i'd genuinely rekindled a friendship.

anyway, a week or so later she still hasn't messaged me so i decide to message her first in case she forgot. i bring up lunch plans and she says she's on holiday but we can do it once she's back - yeah that's fine sounds great. she never messages me again

it was a trivial thing but it just really made it sink in for me that no matter how genuine someone seems, no matter how genuine they think they're being, people don't often really mean what they say. (i do because i'm autistic LMAO but hey.) but the thing is - other people DO mean what they say. i made a good friend shortly after that event because we were both genuinely interested in knowing each other. it's fine to let people drift and not be sad about it because there will be other people who respond to you with just as much enthusiasm. i don't know, maybe one day she'll betray me, but that's not my problem yet and hopefully i'll feel okay about it or see it coming before it happens now.

basically this is all a very long way to say... when people show you who they are, believe them 🫡

[steamishot]

leveling up (or not)

i've still been listening to a lot of sara payne's rock solid relationships episodes and it's been very uplifting to me as she provides mostly great life coaching (for free!). one episode stood out most to me recently, which is about leveling up. she talked about playing mario and going on to the next level. with every advance, there is failure. you die, you try again, you keep trying until you beat the level. otherwise, you're stuck at the same level and always winning - this although nice, gets boring and unfulfilling. as a student, we go through all the grades K-12, then in college year 1-4, etc. so there's always that feeling that we're growing incrementally.

in my professional life currently, i feel that i've been playing on the same level and constantly winning. it's definitely boring and unfulfilling. there are pockets where it's busier and the work is new and more challenging - but this usually only lasts a little while and it becomes boring again. especially during the holiday season, i feel like no one wants to be working and its been really slow! at least on the outside, it appears that i have received a promotion this year, so it is an instance of leveling up. after reflection, i want to resume my studies in accounting and possibly aim for a CPA.

furthermore, i used to be more goal oriented when it came to working out/exercising. i can think back specifically to during covid where i would track my running speed and consistently run 5Ks multiple times a week. also, when i did copilot for two months (?) and leveled up in weights to the point where i surprised myself. now, i am mostly doing hot yoga and youtube workouts - but for the purpose of maintenance, not growing. i've even recently started searching for easier workouts as i feel lazier, and had no motivation to use my heavier weights. this also made the workout feel more boring and unfulfilling. the podcast episode really made me think of all the areas in my life that i am not leveling up in. so, for the past two days, i've put in more effort into my workouts and it definitely became more challenging and rewarding.

i started playing duolingo and learning japanese as a replacement to social media. at least for this, there is a clear indication of a path forward (unit 1 -> 2, etc).

i will start therapy with kaiser mid-december. i want to delve in to my need to put myself on the backburner. for example, i'd rather focus on someone else's career (aka matt's) instead of my own. i've always prided myself on being "selfless" and helping other family members, being the reliable one. why i avoid being the "main character" and feel more comfortable as a supporting cast.

this is part of the reason why i felt so down about matt's job search being unsuccessful thus far. i became totally tunnel-visioned about this that i had very little else going on for me (AND vice-versa). because i had so little going on for me, i needed to latch onto his thing to feel some sense of purpose. to be honest, it's probably the latter moreso than the former.

to make life more interesting and intentional/purposeful, i'll need to set SMART goals for myself. 2024?

edit: i attended hot yoga today, even though i almost didn't feel like going. matty always has a little story at the beginning of class. today, he talked about beyonce and her film renaissance now out in theaters, and the commentary about her daughter blue ivy receiving criticisms from online haters. despite the criticisms, she continues to show up and try her best to get better. he inspired us to say "i can" instead of "i can't". this was completely coincidental to my theme of wanting to level up recently, so i tried harder than i normally do in yoga class and felt proud of myself.

quote: “Very rarely does pursuing our dreams feel like anything other than a lot of effort clothed in self doubt.” Self doubt is part of the deal. Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.

[witchwolflea]

Nothing else matters (Part 1)

TW : ED

Summary : You’ve been with Eddie for two months now, and you’re going on a little road trip together but what happens when your boyfriend, Eddie Munson, finds out that you have eating disorders during your little road trip? How will he handle this situation ? 

A/N : I recommend listening to 'Nothing else matters' by Metallica while reading this.

—————————————————————————————————

You and Eddie have been dating for two months now, you met thanks to your little brother Dustin Henderson, who asked you to replace Lucas at a DnD game. You've been part of the Hellfire ever since then and Eddie and you slowly grew closer, until one day he confessed his feeling towards you, afraid that you would laugh to his face or friendzone him, but you were feeling the same way, and the two of you started dating. You've been planning your road trip for a month now. You're really excited but also really nervous, Eddie doesn't know that you struggle a lot with food. You always find an excuse not to eat with him or not to eat at all, but now you're going to spend an entire week with him and hiding your eating disorder will be really complicated. Deep down, you know that you could tell Eddie, that he wouldn't judge you, but you still fear that he won't want to be with someone like you, someone "broken", well that's what you think of yourself at least. You think you're broken. You also know that this will sadden him and even maybe hurt him.

You're in your room packing when you hear Eddie's van pull over in your driveway. You finish packing quickly before heading downstairs. When you arrive you can hear Eddie and Dustin having an heated conversation about DnD, you smile at the sight of your brother and your boyfriend getting along so well, it's like a dream for you. When he sees you, Eddie walk towards you and kiss you on the lips. As soon as his lips touch yours you hear your brother mutter "gross". 

After saying goodbye to  your brother and mom, you take Eddie's hand and walk towards the van. He opens the passenger door for you, before heading to the driver's seat. He pulls out of your driveway and the holidays can finally start. You're going to a city named Shipshewana, it is 4 hours away from Hawkins. 

When you arrive on the highway, Eddie takes your hand, you spend the ride listening to the new mixtape you've made for him. 

After 2 hours of the van ride, Eddie stops for lunch, he stops next to a forest, you take out a blanket and lay it on the floor, while Eddie takes out a basket full of food. Only looking at it makes you sick, but you don't know how to tell Eddie and you know he probably spent hours making this, so instead you sit on the blanket, hoping that Eddie won't notice that you're not eating. Eddie starts eating before noticing that you didn't take any food. 

"Don't you like anything I've made" Eddie says with his mouth full

"It's not that..." you say, trying to put your thoughts into words "You know I never ate in front of you."

"And ?" Eddie asks, clueless of what you are getting at 

"And... I... I have eating disorders" you say hesitantly but also ashamed, you don't even dare to look at Eddie. 

Eddie takes your hand in his and look at you "I don't know what to say YN, but I wanna help you, help you eat properly. We can start with a small thing, what do you think about a cherry tomato ?"

You nod and Eddie hands you a cherry tomato, you stare at it for agonizing minutes.

"You can do it YN, I know it" Eddie says, trying to encourage you. At his words, you end up eating the cherry tomato, but right after you feel guilty and Eddie can sense it.

"You know, tomatoes are basically almost only water, and they are not a lot of calories, I don't know if it helps you to know that but I wanted to let you know" he says reassuringly while lightning up his cigarette.

"Thank you" you say "Thank you for taking it so well, I had never opened myself this way, to anyone."

"Did you think I'd run away for something that's out of your control" Eddie says amused.

You shyly look at the ground before answering "You deserve better than someone as broken as me"

"You're not broken YN, you're going through something tough, yes, but I'm here, I'm always here, by your side, no matter what. I'll be here every steps of the way and we'll go through this, together. It doesn't matter how long it takes. I love you and nothing else matters"

You smile at Eddie's words before kissing him, a tear roll down from your cheek and fall on Eddie's, he pull away and wipes your tears. "Don't cry Angel"

"It's... it's just what you said... It's so beautiful Eddie, thank you, thank you so much"

Eddie pulls you in hug before putting the food back in the basket. You both go back to the van and Eddie drives again, he think about the fact that he booked a restaurant for tonight. What should he do, cancel ? Ask you if you're okay with it ? Keep the surprise and pray that it won't trigger you ? Eddie ends up telling you "I had made a reservation in a restaurant for us tonight, do you want me to cancel given..." he looks for the right words, knowing it is a sensitive topic. "Your relationship with food" You wince at the expression which makes Eddie apologize right away "I'm so sorry I didn't know how to put it into words"

"It's okay" you answer, you then take a deep shaky breathe before saying "Don't cancel the reservation, I wanna try. Thank you so much for the kind gesture"

"Are you sure baby ? I can cancel, it's no big deal" he answers

"I'm sure" you answer 

You spend the rest of the ride listening to first the mixtape you made him for your two months anniversary and then the mixtape he made for you before you even got together. The mixtape you made was mostly filled with songs from The Rolling Stones, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Bon Jovi while the one he made was mostly Dio, Black Sabbath and Metallica. 

After 2 more hours of driving, you finally arrive at Shipshewana, Eddie parks the van at the edge of a forest. 

You head out of the van and go for a little hike in the forest, at some point you start feeling dizzy and being pale, Eddie can see it. "You want me to piggyback you ?"

You smile at the gesture "Are you sure you can? Am I not too heavy ?"

"You're far from heavy, and I can, I promise" Eddie piggyback you and you head back to the van. 

You put the blanket in the back of the van and you lay in the back, cuddling.

"At what time is the reservation?" you ask

"9 pm, in 3 hours" Eddie answers

"Oh my God !" You say

"What ? Do you have second thoughts ?" Eddie asks, concerned

"No, not at all, I just didn't bring an outfit to go to the restaurant, or even to go out at all !" you answer

"That's fine angel, don't worry about it. You can just wear your jean and that black Metallica crop top I made for you" he answers

"But it's not fancy enough to go to a restaurant" you say

"It is for me" Eddie says grinning 

You go through your stuff in your bag and pull out the Metallica crop top, you take off your shirt and put the Metallica t-shirt on, you then look down at yourself, self conscious of your curves and start being anxious. Eddie can tell you are anxious and look at you concerned before saying "What's wrong baby?"

"Don't I look fat in this, I mean we can see my tummy and-" you're cut off by Eddie

"You look beautiful. Life is ours, we live it our way, nothing else matters. Please never care for what they do or think, you are beautiful to me. Besides, I really love your tummy" Eddie says while kissing it. You giggle at his touch.

"Stop it" you say in between laughs. Eddie stops after five good minutes and says "Do you wanna do your makeup ?"

"Yes please" you  answer out of breathe from all the laughing. 

"I'll be right outside if you need me"

You do a light makeup before heading out of the van, Eddie stare at you in awe before kissing you on the lips. "I love you" he says 

"I love you too" you answer. 

Eddie goes to the passenger side and open your door for you, before heading in the driver's seat, the drive to the restaurant last 10 minutes. Eddie park and you get out of the car. Eddie insist on putting his bandana as a blindfold on your eyes so you don't see the restaurant before arriving inside, after complaining for 5 good minutes you finally give up. Eddie leads you to the restaurant, the walk lasts about 5 minutes, he then sit you down on a chair before removing the blindfold, you look at your surrondings and see that it's a fancy restaurant. 

"Eddie you shouldn't have..." you say

"I wanted to surprise you, and looking at your facial expression it worked" he answers playfully. 

A waiter hands you the menu before heading back to the kitchen. 

"You can eat anything you want sweetheart" Eddie says

"Eddie this is too much... You can't afford this" you say

"I've been saving money for it, don't worry Sweetheart, take whatever you want."

You go for the caesar salad while Eddie orders a Beef bourguignon. While waiting for the dishes to arrive you can't help but bounce your leg, stressed about the idea of eating a whole plate, and Eddie can tell what's bothering you because he says "You don't have to finish your plate Sweetheart, besides, you got this, I believe in you" 

"What if I disappoint you" you ask, self conscious

"It doesn't matter if you eat one fork or the entire plate, either ways I'll be proud of you" he answers honestly. 

The waiter brings you the plates. Since your plate has been in front of you, you've been looking at it with a frown

"Would it help you if we share your plate" Eddie asks 

You nod before saying "Yes please, I think it would help me"

Eddie grab a fork and start eating in your plate, you imitate him but once the fork is in front of your mouth you stop, with teary eyes "I'm sorry Eddie, I can't do it"

"Of course you can sweetheart, this is delicious, please give it a taste. Let's do it together" Eddie offers 

Eddie takes a fork of your salad before saying "One, two, three" he then puts the fork in his mouth and you imitate him. You take your sweet time chewing before swallowing. You're on the verge of crying but you hold it back. Eddie put his hand on yours before saying "I'm so proud of you, you did amazing baby"

He finishes his dishes and offer you a dessert even though he already know the answer is no. Instead he then asks if you want a coffee to which you say yes. Eddie orders your coffee and some chocolate cake for himself. When the dessert arrive you say "Can I taste your dessert"

Eddie look at you proudly before feeding you a bit of his dessert "I'm so proud of you" he says once you swallow. Then Eddie goes to the counter to pay and you both head back to the van.

"My tummy aches" you say

"It's gonna be find angel, I promise" Eddie says reassuringly. He knows how hard it is for you and is as supportive as he can, without pressuring you too much, and he is so proud of you for tonight.

Eddie parks back to your spot before getting out of the van and opening the passenger door for you, you both head to the back of the van and cuddle, Eddie whispers sweet nothings as well and expresses how proud of you he is for tonight in your ear and you fall asleep in  the arms of your beloved. 

The next morning when you wake up Eddie isn't next to you, you start worrying until you hear him cursing, you get out of the van to see what's happening and you see Eddie struggling to make some fire.

"I'm sorry I woke you up" he says, mad at himself

"You didn't wake me up" you answer while stirring. 

You sit next to Eddie before asking "What are you up to?" 

"I was trying to start a fire, 'cause I don't want you to freeze, it's a little bit cold this morning"

You smile at the gesture. "You don't have to baby"

"Of course I do" he answers

"Okay so let me help". You help him stgarting the fire and after 20 minutes of struggling it's finally done. 

Eddie clears his throat before saying "I know it's a sensitive topic, and you don't have to accept but do you want to go grab some breakfast at a diner ?"

You know that if you answer no Eddie won't eat this morning and you don't want him to starve so you nod before saying "Sure, I'll just grab a coffee though"

"As you wish" Eddie says before climbing on the driver's seat. You clim on the passenger seat and head to a diner. You go sit on a booth while Eddie orders two coffee and a French Toast. When the order is ready, Eddie come back with it. You look at Eddie's French Toast debating in your head if you should taste it or no, you know it would make Eddie proud, and he didn't even force you to eat this morning, he is so understanding about this whole situation. After several minutes of huge thinking Eddie cuts your train of thought "I saw you looking at my French Toast, if you want we can share it" he offers

You look at it hesitantly before answering "I would love that", Eddie look at you proudly and put his plate in the ,iddle of the table so both of you can reach it. You start eating a little piece of the toast, it tastes good but as soon as you swallow it you imagine how much calories there is in there and start panicking, as if Eddie understand he grabs your hand for emotional support before saying "I'm so so proud of you baby, you don't have to care about the number of calories, I know how hard it must be but your body actually needs food in order to function correctly"

You smile at his word before sipping some of your coffee. 

After breakfast, you start visiting the city of Shipshewana before stopping in a small restaurant. You order a salad while Eddie order an hamburger with fries. You manage to eat half of your salad. When you head out of the restaurant Eddie kisses the back of your hand before saying "I'm so beyond proud of you for this lunch baby, you did amazing". You then visit the city hand in hand. At some point of the walk, your tummy starts aching, you try to hide it from Eddie, not wanting to ruin the walk but Eddie knows you all too well and knows that something’s up. 

“Are you okay baby ?” He asks concerned 

You force a smile before answering “Yes, sure” 

“I can tell something’s up baby” Eddie says, even more concerned

“My tummy aches from all the eating earlier. I’m sorry for ruining our vacation week…” you say feeling really self-conscious and sorry.  

“You’re not ruining anything, besides your health is the most important thing so please don’t feel sorry” Eddie says while putting his hands around your shoulders and holding you close to him. You smile at him.

“Do you want to sit down somewhere so you can rest a bit” Eddie asks

“Only if it doesn’t bother you, I want you to have a great time, not to have to deal with my crap you know…” you answer

“First of all it doesn’t bother me at all, as long as I’m with you, nothing else matters, second of all your crap is my crap too now, I won’t let you struggle alone, we’re in this together, I’m here for you and I’ll always be” 

You smile at him with teary eyes while going towards an bench in a beautiful small park, you sit down next to one another and Eddie takes your hand in his after having kissed your forehead. You put your head on Eddie’s shoulder and both look at the kids playing in the park, a old couple holding hands. Seeing this couple both you and Eddie are convinced that you wanna grow old together, you wanna experience life together and nothing else matters. 

[ms-demeanor]

uh, if you think you are going to need a new computer in the next six months and you have money to buy it now, and you have been able to find it in stock someplace, go buy it now.

It is my actual, professional, real-life job to buy computers for businesses and right now that is basically impossible.

I found one computer that will kind-of work for someone who has been waiting on an order that WE'VE been waiting on from our vendor for a month and when I placed the order for that computer it was almost sold out. I don't even know if I'm going to get an email tomorrow saying that the order was cancelled due to stock imbalances.

Look at this:

My Lenovo rep sends me an inventory of what's in stock with the big resellers nationwide every two weeks. This shows that there were about 400 Lenovo Business desktops stocked through the whole of the US. There are normally at least a couple thousand split up among various vendors and part numbers.

This inventory is from a month ago, all of those part numbers are currently at approximately zero. When she sent me her inventory update last Friday it was all for chromebooks, no desktops or laptops.

I have to get monitors for an office, a total of 8. The main vendor I use was out of stock and so were two of the other ones I have accounts for, so I waited a couple days. I saw on Wednesday at 10am that the main vendor had 197 of the monitors in stock at $134 each. I went to place the order at 11am after I was out of the meeting and there were only 4 left in stock and they were at $158. I managed to find 8 monitors for my customer today, but they were not the models that matched the ones currently in her office and she had to choose between keeping the same price but getting monitors that need a converter and only having a one-year warranty OR getting the same brand (though a slightly different model) with the same inputs and the same warranty but paying $50 more per monitor.

It has been a pain in the ass to buy graphics equipment for years, and there have been ups and downs with HDDs and SSDs and RAM, but this is the biggest overall "everything computer related" shortage that I've seen and that includes the run on laptops last year and various other floods and disasters that have taken out big chunks of the supply chain.

SO my advice is to try to keep your current devices running as best you can, do some preventative maintenance and make some backups and make sure they aren't getting heat stressed.

If you can afford a computer right now and you think you'll need one and you've found one for a good price, go get it.

Black Friday/holiday sale computers are usually pretty crap but if you think you may need to get a computer at a discount, that's the time to look for one and now's the time to start saving for it. Just make sure you're getting a relatively new processor because a lot of people are unloading stuff with older processors at low prices because they won't be compatible with Windows 11.

RAM, HDDs, and SSDs are actually pretty stable at the moment so if you think you can get your computer to limp along for a while longer with an upgrade instead of a replacement, try that.

Remember: if you kill your laptop screen you can always plug it in to an external monitor, and if you kill the keyboard or trackpad you can plug in USB devices instead of using the built-in components. If your battery is dead but the computer still works when it's plugged in, you can often replace the battery cheaply. If your battery is swollen, remove the battery and discard it, but remember that you will likely still be able to use your computer when it is plugged in.

Try to take care of your tech and treat it gently for a while if you can; don't yank out cables, don't drop shit, don't keep drinks around your devices and if you have pets or if you smoke, consider opening up your device and cleaning up accumulated ash/dust/dander/hair etc.

[twinklelilstarkey]

Hi. Au Dad with Roope Hintz? I don't think that I've ever read any of those. I hope that you are enjoying the holidays. Merry Christmas from America.

A/N.: OH ABSOLUTELY!! We do need Dad!Roope. I hope you're enjoying your holidays as well, my love, Merry Christmas ❤️

First time on ice - Dad!Roope Hintz

Words: 2.4k+

Type: Fluff

Summary: Roope's little boy goes ice skating for the first time.

Warnings: Dad!Roope. Mentions of pregnancy without marriage (Y/N and Roope are still just dating).

Y/S/N = Your son's name

Today's a big day. Roope has been dying for this day to come ever since his little boy was born. He can feel his body vibrating with excitement ever since he got up from bed this morning, so much that he wouldn't be surprised if he actually exploded.

Like any other holiday season, the Dallas Stars are having a family skating day. They're quite fun when you have someone to be there with you. Usually, players bring their parents, siblings, and kids, and when those can't be there, they take their girlfriends or even their friends.

Roope's family skating days never consisted of a lot. He started to bring you with him after you had begun dating since his parents are all the way back in Europe and unable to visit just yet. And that's pretty much it. You were there for all of his family skating days ever since the start and he would not have it any other way. You would skate around him, and with him and you two would have your fun every year.

After the solid (almost) 4 years of dating, aka, almost two years ago, you had a kid. A baby boy.

This baby boy has been the highlight of Roope's days ever since he was born. Roope's schedule doesn't exactly let him constantly be there for both you and him, but he does his best to help you out when he's home and make the best of the time that he has.

Now, the baby is already a toddler as he's practically reaching his 2-year-old birthday and he now walks, runs, jumps, breaks things, and babbles in both English and Finnish. Overall, he's one very hyper little human that owns the entirety of his dad's and mom's heart.

Last year, when family skate day happened. Roope was hoping to get Y/S/N in skates, and so were you. He was practically making a countdown on his head of that day, coming closer and closer, and it was making him the happiest person on earth.

But Y/S/N got a cold that week.

Not one too bad, but it did make him cranky. He did end up going to the family skating anyways, but he refused (with his whiny sounds) to put on the baby skates and, especially, get close to the ice. He had spent the whole time under his thick jacket, wool beanie and scarf, and with his little gloves - all of it to not let him get worse from his cold - and in Roope's arms, of course, constantly leaning on closer to him and snuggling in, and very much away from the cold, cold ground.

Roope didn't get too upset. Of course, he did want to see his kid have little skates on and try to move with his help, but, at the same time, he would never force his kid to do something, especially when he's already sick and in that bad of a mood.

And many people, when hearing him talk about this, do ask him 'why don't you just take him to the rink on a normal day?', but he never has a clear answer for them. It's just that he had planned this whole day in his head for more than a year. Gosh, he has been envisioning this day with all his teammates ever since he held the baby in his arms for the first time. He just wants to replicate what his imagination had created in every aspect.

That is exactly why a month before today, Roope has been focused on his son like crazy. Wrapping in all the blankets like a burrito whenever you would open a window or step out to the balcony - worried that any cold wind could make him fall sick again. Running after him when he goes off in the park with the other kids so he doesn't get hurt in the slightest of ways. Not trying new food so that he doesn't get an upset tummy.

Roope had this in the bag.

To no one's surprise, when today came, Y/S/N was more than okay to go skating. Roope doesn't think he ever had this big of a smile on his face in his life.

This morning started off as chaotic as possible as Roope spent the whole morning cuddling with his son instead of getting anything ready for the day, but, you stepped up to help. Making everyone get out of the house with time to spare (and even get good outfits for all the pictures).

After the drive over to the stadium, funnily enough, Roope doesn't let you be the one to get Y/S/N from his seat. Again, everything needs to go according to his plan, so, of course, you let him.

Roope carries him through the parking lot while holding your hand at the same time and continues on with his conversation about a particular toy truck with his toddler.

Right as you enter, many of the teammates and their families come by to say and wave their short 'hi' to the two of you, and, of course, the little guy - who still needs to get used to meeting new people, as he uses Roope's neck as a refuge whenever someone walks on closer.

All sorts of things like, "How have you been?", "You look great", "Today's your boy's big day, isn't it?" and "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you!" are most of the things that went on and on during your conversations. And all the mentions of today's special moment make Roope's smile even wider every time.

But, as always, the guys do need to have their morning training before the whole families come into the ice, so your conversations were cut short when someone announced the time to the group.

"I'll see you in a bit?" You ask your boyfriend.

Roope looks away from your toddler to you and with his little grin, he nods. Slowly, he does pass down Y/S/N to your arms and lays a kiss over his head and another on the side of yours.

"Have fun." You tell him before he steps away.

(...)

Roope goes off to do his job, but, while working, his mind just kept on reminding him what will be happening in just a few minutes.

When already at the ice, his heart also didn't behave like normal. Pumping quicker than ever before, especially when he would look over at the glass and see you with Y/S/N in your arms, pointing at him. All the cute smiles his toddler gave him when he passed by him and the giggles he let out when he tapped the glass with his stick, throwing his little head back to your shoulder.

His heart melted into a puddle every time.

As soon as the final blow on Bowness's whistle sounds through the entirety of the rink, Roope just feels like he's going to explode. It's all going to start now.

You let many of the families go in first since you didn't want to be with a shy toddler in the middle of all the commotion. And only after it clears out a bit, someone from the staff passes you the right size of skates for Y/S/N. As you look up, you notice Roope coming into the benches at the same time you do.

"Hi." He tells you with his big cheeky smile, excitement more than readable in his face.

"Hi." You tell him back.

He takes off his gloves and passes down his helmet and stick to someone from the staff team. You sit down on the bench beside many other moms doing the same thing you'll be doing and sit Y/S/N over your legs. Roope squats down in front of you and begins to help you with putting on the skates on the fidgety toddler. Starting with taking off his little shoes.

Roope still has to go to the locker room to get his gear off like his teammates are currently doing, but he would not forgive himself if he missed fixing up his little boy's tiny skates.

You watch as your boyfriend just smiles and answers every babble of some words in Finnish, sometimes even laughing with what your baby keeps on telling him. Roope's curly blonde hair sitting at the top of his head, not too squished from his helmet, and his smile just as big as ever. Practically making you fall in love with him all over again.

After tightening the laces, Roope runs to the locker-room (which almost made him fall as he tripped on a cable), and right as he walks through the doorway, he's already stripping out of his gear - keeping on some of it like everyone else, but enough to make him more comfortable throughout the whole skating.

He runs back - this time, careful enough to not trip - to find you in the exact same place, talking to one of the wives, and already with your skates on.

Right as his baby's eyes land on him, his little arms stretch towards him. Roope, when close enough, picks him up and lays a hand at the small of your back, casually ending your conversation to pull you with him to the gate that leads to the ice.

You're the one to step foot in first, turning back to see Roope holding onto Y/S/N close to his chest while stepping in as well. You two skate to a more empty area to not ruin any kid's race or something along those lines, and Roope begins to lower his toddler to the ground.

"Ready?" He asks the toddler.

He nods while biting his lower lip, almost as if a bit lost in thought.

Y/S/N's feet touch the iced floor and he looks down at it, finding it a bit strange to step on it with the blades. Roope holds onto his little hands and forearms as he hunches over him, and begins to use his own feet to make the two of them move just a few inches.

You stare at the two of them, heart melting and eyes practically already watering at the cute sight.

Roope's smile is ginormous and his tone is constantly soft to his kid, all while he tells him how to kick out his little feet to be able to skate 'just like dad'.

After only a few minutes, Y/S/N begins to get the hang of it, kicking out his tiny feet while being held onto by his dad. He looks up at you and Roope for reassurance a few times, and that makes you two love the moment a little more every time.

As Roope tells him littles "you're doing it!" or "good job", the overall happy feeling was more and more readable in Y/S/N's face. Especially when he would just let out similar sentences to himself.

"'m doin' it!" He says, louder than Roope, in his cute little voice.

You skate beside them the whole time, watching them carefully while giving a few of your own vocal encouragements as well. But also being the one that notices all the looks everyone's giving you three. The bright smiles, especially by Roope's teammates, as they know how much this day means to their forward.

After some more minutes, you switch with your boyfriend as his back begins to kill him for that awkward position he was in the whole time. Which you two had to laugh at as he held both of his hands by his back while letting cackles of pain.

You squat down and just hold your toddler steady over the ice as he looks up at his dad cutely. Yet quickly, he looks back at you and gives you a toothy smile, holding out his little hands to your face and giggling as he would touch it.

"Are you having fun?" You ask him, getting a large and enthusiastic nod from the little one.

Roope, after some time, squats as well and that steals the attention of the toddler once more. You and Roope are in between a very short distance, your arms can easily reach out to get to either of you, so Y/S/N is more than safe in between you.

You turn the toddler around and Roope puts his warm hands over yours. And that's when you notice that his hands are there but his hold really isn’t, all while he begins to encourage the mini-him to try and kick out some steps on his own.

Might be a bit too early to do this, but why not try?

Poor Y/S/N did try, and he lost his balance in many of the tries. His butt would never hit the ice as both your and Roope’s hands were there to hold him, so, that only meant that he never really lost faith in himself.

For this reason, he still continuously kicks his little feet towards his dad as he holds onto Roope’s jersey sleeves the whole time, still while fully trying his best.

After much, much trial and error, a loud gasp leaves your lips.

Your toddler, unbelievably, is able to skate the whole small distance between the two of you practically on his own (even though he had your hands there the whole time), but the sight of him doing it, completely broke Roope.

He pulls his son into a hug and lays kisses on the top of his head, congratulating him while at the same time, looking up at you in disbelief. And that's when you notice how teary his eyes are.

"Awn!" You say out loud at the sight of your boyfriend and give him a big smile while getting closer to him.

Your hands lay over his cheeks, comforting him, and you give him a quick peck on the lips. Roope smiles too, finding humor in his own display of emotions and your quick response with comfort, and you two stand back up.

The two of you get back on congratulating your toddler with many tickles under his open jacket and kisses on his chubby cute cheeks, and all while he giggles loudly. His little beanie-covered head is thrown back as he tries to get away from the two of you, and you could not ignore the look on Roope’s face as he looks down at his son. His eyes would move over to you, time and time again, almost as if not sure who to look at for longer.

And his eyes were filled with only one emotion...

Pure and utter love.

Love for you. Love for his baby. Love for his little family.

My requests are open!!

Masterlist ~ Taglists

[cultivating-wildflowers]

Books of 2022 - December and a Wrap-Up

December. The final month of a strange year for me. The month upon which all of my literary dreams and ambitions came to rest. And I asked myself: "Do you really think you'll actually get to all of those books before the new year?"

Answer: "Well, I got to some of them!" I had almost given up on reading any Narnia this year. In the end I've only started the series, but it's something. And I achieved just about every other reading goal for 2022!

Total books: 9  |  New reads: 5   |   2022 TBR completed: 0 / 21/22 total   |   2022 Reading Goal: 83/60

November | January

#1 - Witch Week by Diana Wynne Jones - 4/5 stars (audio)

The cast in this installment was excellent. I appreciate that DWJ can write children characters who act like children, down to the dangerous pettiness and antics. And the ending was splendid. I do wish Chrestomanci had shown up sooner, though.

#2 - The Magicians of Caprona by Diana Wynne Jones - 4/5 stars (audio)

This seems to be the most popular book in the Chrestomanci series, so I was eager to get to it. And I can see why it's so popular.

My only complaint was that I couldn't really separate Paulo and Tonino in my head. They weren't very distinct to me.

#3 - The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien - 5/5 stars (reread)

*drags myself across the floor by my fingernails* I did it.

I started this book at the end of August, got about four pages in, and stalled out. Which was quite the shock considering how well I did with the first two, and even with the Silm last year. By November, this book was haunting me. At the start of December I still had...well, most of it left.

But I did it. Barely.

I 100% do not recommend reading this in a public setting. I worked through the ebook at work (the holidays are our quietest season) and the amount of times I had to catch myself before I started crying? Ridiculous.

I need to make sure I don't wait a good 15 years before I read this series again.

#4 - Aberration by Cathy McCrumb - 5/5 stars (audio)

I cannot recommend this book--the entire series, really--highly enough. I came across the first book, Recorder, a while ago and went into it with pretty low expectations. The story I found blew me away.

Of all things, Recorder had a considerable impact on my identity as a pro-life person. The main character, whose only name is an alphanumerical designation, is part of a class of citizens who are "Gifted" to the government as preborn children (via transference to artificial wombs, iirc) to be raised as tools of the State: Recorders. Our Recorder's journey starts when a series of catastrophic circumstances upend her identity and she breaks all the rules by caring for the people she was sent to monitor.

If that sounds dry, that's my fault, lol. This series is up there with Murderbot for me, and shares a lot of the same themes and plot devices, only the Children of the Consortium series was written from a Christian worldview. And not clumsily, either, or in the way so many modern Christian novels are written. It is timely, sincere, heartwarming, and action-packed. Also there are cats. In space. (And giant bugs, sorry.)

Recorder ended on one heck of a cliffhanger and I've been eagerly anticipating Aberration. When I found out the audiobook was on Hoopla immediately following its release (the narrator is pretty great, too) I definitely squealed. I didn't take the time to review Recorder, but the first few chapters did a great job of refreshing my memory without dumping a lot of review.

Aberration was a solid sequel, building on the first book while developing its own well-paced plot. The cast gets to be a little unwieldy, but I love them all.

Now to wait for the next installment....

#5 - Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel - 5/5 stars (reread, audio)

I first read this book in 2019 while pretty new to my brief job at the gardens. I remember it was eerie but enthralling, and that was about it.

Finally I've reread it and I think I enjoyed it more this time through. The writing style is my favorite sort, up there with Catherynne M. Valente. I really don't know what else to say about it except that it's good, and I'm sorry Ruby didn't like it 😅.

#6 - Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne - 4/5 stars (reread) - 80th book of the year!

I say "reread" but I couldn't begin to guess when I last read this book. I remembered nothing at all about it. It was sitting on my list for me to read again at some point in the hazy future, and then tada! A tumblr read-along to fill in the gap left by Our Good Friend Jonathan.

A fun enough adventure, and the ending definitely made me laugh. I love Passepartout. Sad there weren't actually any hot air balloons.

#7 - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - 5/5 stars (reread)

I had about given up on getting to this story in 2022, until I realized.... It's almost Christmas. You gotta read this at Christmastime. Luckily Hoopla has ebook copies (and audiobooks but I'm spoiled by the Radio Theater production so meh). Since work was quiet thanks to the holidays, I did enough reading to quickly mark off this nostalgia read.

The rest of the series is definitely on my list for next year. It's been too long.

#8 - Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card - 4/5 stars

It took me just over a month to read this book, because for the first half I couldn't pay attention.

And then, in typical Card style, the second half made it all work. And I cried. And it felt like a good bridge between the other stories.

Technically this is part of the Ender's Game series (I think??) but I chose to read it after half of the Ender's Shadow series so I didn't spoil the rest of that series. After this I've got two more books in the Shadow series, including one that was released just last year, and one stand-alone-ish novel, and then?? There's another novel series but it's co-authored and I don't know that I'm up for that. Otherwise, there's just a lot of short stories. So I'm almost done!

#9 - The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis - 5/5 stars

One of my forgotten reading goals this year was to read more of C.S. Lewis's essays/nonfiction, and to this point I haven't managed it; but the little poll I ran a while ago brought up so many good recommendations that I requested one of them from the library to switch up my reading.

Naturally I deluded myself into thinking that because I chose a small-ish one, I might manage to read it in time.

Ha. I barely finished it today, on this the final day of 2022.

But it was so so worth it. I need to get my own copy so I can go over it again with a highlighter and then pass it along to my father.

DNF

The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge - Thanks to Tumblr, I've had Elizabeth Goudge on my radar for a while. I'd meant to start with The Bird in the Tree but was itching for a smaller read, so snagged this from the library.

I can see the appeal, but I think I finally understand people who don't like most or all of the Anne of the Green Gables series. The Old Parson felt like a character L.M. Montgomery would write, his only purpose to add an obstacle so Maria didn't work out all of the mysteries immediately. "Excessive female curiosity is not to be commended" sir. She'd never been in your church before and was just trying to get a good look at it. Honestly, a lot of the book felt that way. Unless I miss my guess, Maria goes on to solve the problems of Moonacre and Silverydew simply by acting where adults wouldn't. I know children need and enjoy seeing characters like themselves solving problems and saving the day, but usually it's because the adults can't help or refuse to listen or something; this was a different kind of uselessness.

Maybe it's because I was subconsciously comparing this book to The Perilous Gard, which also looked at the importance of stewardship and sustainability of the land, but the characters there actually...did stuff to help.

(Side note: I've actually seen the lackluster movie adaptation of this book and, as often happens to me, had no idea it was based on a book until recently.)

AND NOW...SOME STATS!

Statistics, yeah!

Of all of the books and series I wanted to get to in 2022, the only two I didn’t manage were rereada of Narnia and The Fairyland Chronicles. I read the first book of each and got no further.... I also wanted to read a little more C.S. Lewis (at least his nonfiction) and Terry Pratchett, but that’s ok. Next year.... Maybe.

General Stats:

Total Books read: 84

New Reads: 55

New Authors: 24

Audiobooks: 45

Nonfiction: 7

DNF’d: 19

2022 TBR:

Read: 15

DNF: 6

Didn’t Get To: 1 (the only way to read it was to buy it new and I never got around to that)

My Top Five Anticipated 2022 Reads:

The Lies of Locke Lamora - DNF

Walking on Water - 4/5 stars

Dust - 3/5 stars

The Unsettling of America - 5/5 stars

The Game of Kings - 4/5 stars

Top Five (New) Reads of 2022:

Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bjuold

The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery

Clouds of Witnesses by Dorothy L. Sayers

Recorder by Cathy McCrumb

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope

2023 Reading Plans:

Keep up on reading non-fictions. I have eight on my hard-and-fast TBR, covering a variety of topics, with another half-dozen waiting in the wings. Every year I get a little better at this goal, and every year I feel a little smarter.

Finish the Lord Peter Wimsey series. I have #’s 8-11 to go!

Get back into Discworld. This was part of a secondary goal for 2022. I kind of want to reread the Tiffany Aching series so I can finish The Shepherd’s Crown with a refresher under my belt. If I do that, I’ll have completed three of the subseries! (Depending on how you count the Industrial Revolution/Moist von Lipwig series, as there is some cross-over.) Whether or not I reread Tiffany’s series, I do want to dive into another subseries as well (either finish the Witches or try Death.)

Read from a wider variety of authors. My list this year is an effort to branch out: different time periods, different backgrounds, different nationalities, different settings; even some different genres (eeek).

Continue my on-going quest to find more quality modern Christian writers. The list is still a little thin for 2023, so shout if you have recs! I still lean hard into speculative fiction, though I’m angling more for the adult audience range these days, but I’m open to anything of quality. My biggest issue here is access to these authors, since the ones I go for tend to be less well-known and not available through the library.

Read 50 books. Because I gotta have a number. Am I aiming low? Sure. Will I adjust once I hit it? Who knows.

And finally...

Top Five Anticipated Reads of 2023

Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Crime and Punishment* by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Sea of Tranquility** by Emily St John Mandel

Phew, this was a hard list to narrow down....

*or The Brothers Karamazov but I still can't decide.

** what's this?? a semi new release?? wonder of wonders!