#i've been lurking on my personal a lot lately so yeah

[osterby]

I'm a grown man. I hit "no" because my parents do not know my username or what I post about, but I think my dad is aware that Tumblr is one of my hangouts.

do your parents know about your tumblr account be honest

[marq-lynch]

I've only been a wrestling fan for a few months but I have to say with the nervous flutter about wrestlers lurking on Tumblr and fic sites and other traditionally closed-off fandomy spaces? I get it. On both sides.

But if I was a wrestler with the natural inclinations and curiosity to poke my nose into what people are saying in my industry outside of the dirtsheets, I would get really, really tired of the same six talking points regurgitated over and over on Twitter and Reddit threads arguing about ratings, whether X is washed up, the same fucking wank over and over floating to the top. I say this because I have tried to stick my nose into the wrestling Twitter and Reddit communities a few times as a new fan and it exhausts me already.

So yeah, I can see the appeal as a lurking wrestler on Tumblr for the exact same things we do.

Look at that! HD Gifsets of the matches! Showing off the moments that really made people pop and the moves that were incredible in more than just YouTube clips, filled with tagged commentary.

Oh fun, longer form commentary on where matches might go, pulling together histories of feuds and reigns, lighter hearted debates and shitposts all around.

A tagging system that actually allows some muting once in a while that people sometimes use?

And yes, fic, art, and objectification. Cheers, I have been working very hard on my pecs, my tits did look amazing tonight, thank you for noticing my costume details change.

Yes, we're horny, we're ravenous, we're transing your genders, foaming at the mouth, etc etc. But we've been here doing this for a while. I was doing this shit with a community on LiveJournal for Kayfabe Jon Stewart & "Stephen" Colbert back in 2009 and they knew and played it up for us too.

The weird pervert who is harmless but a good friend trope has gone way down lately, which makes sense given the current climate post #MeToo, but Kenny Omega on Being The Elite was a great example: in a sea of other dick jokes he was the ulti-perv they all still chose to hang out with. We on Tumblr are for the most part not bashing, harassing, haranguing, or spreading misinformation. We're just making art, noticing details, supporting work, and throwing out lewd jokes.

It's entirely up to the wrestling community if they want to hang out with us while we do those things, but it seems pretty clear that that is a vibe a lot of them are comfortable with, and some are happy to dig deeper into the weird shit we're making.

I just see a lot of people getting self-loathing about what they've been posting and I wanted to offer a different perspective. I've seen actors lose their minds being delighted at body pillows of themselves or mousepads of their supple tits. Adults are all different and none of this should be forced on anyone at conventions or tagged at them etc, but if they seek it out and like it? Well then, welcome to the Devil's Sacrament. Have fun, and personally I'm glad Tumblr is also your happy escape space.

[asylumdwellermoved]

YOU! YOU'RE BACK! (you probably don't remember me we only talked, like, once, but hello xjbx)

ANYWAY UM UH what about a reader/PC seducing* Harper and getting more than what they asked for

* (could be intentional or could be Harper going "they are CLEARLY looking at me like that because they want something, yeah?")

(I REMEMBER YOU YOUR BLOG IS ONE OF MY FAVS TO LURK ON

leaning somewhat into the second option bc i love the contrast of manipulative freaks being equally delusional <3

gn!reader, gn!harper, dub/noncon)

"So, how have you been feeling?"

A newfound hesitance replaces your usual quickness to answer. You watch the bright eyes in front of you shift, possibly noticing a dullness in them that you hadn't before. Before you can wonder if it's your mind playing tricks on you, you clear your throat and smile.

"Good...! Been doing a little better lately..."

The doctor smiles back at you, clasping their hands together. "I'm glad! I assume you've been doing those techniques I gave you last week?"

You nod, trying to let the rumors swimming in your head fade to just the back of your mind as you automatically respond to their questions.

You had been seeing Dr. Harper on Fridays for a good few weeks now. Up until recently, you had been perfectly comfortable. It was nice having someone to talk to, even if they were just doing their job. You have absolutely no memory of anything bad happening in any of your sessions. It was only when you had mentioned your recent help to Sydney and saw their skin bristle and received a vague warning in response that you started to worry. Mickey remarking on the doctor's "problems" not long after definitely didn't help. You knew how dangerous this town could be, and you definitely didn't want to be on the bad side of anyone holding your physical well being above your head.

"And that recent spat with that person at your school that you told me about last week? How did that go?"

"Ah, well... they put out a cigarette on me yesterday, so I kind of feel like it's a lost cause..."

If you just... suck up to them it should be fine, right? They seem at least somewhat reasonable. Bat your eyes at them and butter them up a little, and you should be airtight.

Their eyebrows furrow in concern. "Can I see the wound?"

You nod, hesitantly unbuttoning the top of your shirt to give easier access to the burn on your collarbone.

"A few more, please? I'm going to wipe it down and apply some vitamin E gel so that it heals a bit better, I need a little more space."

You oblige, trying not to look bothered, the collar of your shirt now draping over your shoulder. They get to work on gently cleaning your wound. You choose your next words carefully.

"Hey, Dr. Harper..." You don't realize how close they are until you feel the heat of your own breath coming back onto you when you speak.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for everything. Really. I've been doing a lot better lately, and I couldn't have got here without you."

A smile crosses their lips and they hum in contentment. "You're very sweet."

"I appreciate it a lot. At this point, I don't know what I'd do without you..."

You wince a little as that last part comes out, worried you'd be pushing things. You see the look in their eyes change and you freeze. They turn their formerly fixed gaze to your face. It looks almost like it flipped some sort of switch in them.

"I'm very glad to hear that."

You flinch from the feeling of the cold gel on your skin.

"You know, just between us... You're my favorite patient."

You double take.

"A-Am I really?" You feign a smile at their strange remark.

They light up at your reaction. "Yes, really. I'm happy that the feeling's mutual."

Wait... what?

You stiffen a bit, unsure what to say. You notice that their hand is ghosting further and further from the blistering as they touch your skin. And did another button come loose?

"That said, you can come to me for anything. When you're hurt, when you're anxious, when you're upset, when you're... flustered..."

They've gotten closer. The faint hospital smell on their clothes mixed with a slight unplaceable scent feels near suffocating now. When you feel their fingers twitch a bit you notice their hands haven't left your skin.

Ah. So this is what they meant. Not the Bailey kind of scary. Something entirely different.

They hesitate for a second, but waste no time in pressing their lips against yours, pulling you into them and quickly darting their tongue out, trying to force it in. You suddenly feel smothered at the feeling of what control you had being pulled out from under you.

"Dr. Harper-...!"

They pull back, shuddering at the sound of their name on your lips before putting a hand between your legs, a heavy heat of their own pressing against your thigh, grinding softly.

"If I knew I could do this while you were lucid, I would've a long time ago..." They give a breathless giggle like it was some sort of joke, looking straight at you but showing no recognition of the horror on your face.

The look softens as you start to squirm at their touch, watching their eyes flick to your lips again when a gasp slips out. They lean in again, peppering soft, closed-mouth kisses against your lips like they weren't slipping their fingers beneath your clothes to try to get you off at the same time.

"Shhh, I need you to stay quiet for me... Don't worry, when I make sure we have some time all to ourselves soon you can be as loud as you want..." They coo at you almost like they're consoling a child.

The pleasure-induced haze in your brain keeps you from dwelling on what they mean as they keep teasing you, playing with one of your nipples through your open shirt and closely watching your reactions as they pant and moan against your ear. Unable to stop from eventually reaching your peak, you writhe against them helplessly, unconsciously bucking into their hand. A shaky gasp escapes their throat and you notice a warm, wet patch had grown on the fabric against your thigh. Your stomach turns a bit.

They lock their lips with yours again, breathing heavy through their nose, only pulling away when it starts to slow. They stare at you in what looks like a strange sort of... adoration? As they bring their fingers to their lips, slowly dragging their tongue through the mess you made. Their glazed over, half lidded eyes widen a bit when they look at the clock. "Ah- I didn't even notice the time."

They walk back to their desk, nonchalantly sitting back down, rifling through their papers before pulling a pen out. The second you get the chance, you walk out on shaky legs without saying a word.

"Client exhibiting potentially self-endangering behavior. Institutionalize at next availability."

[landoscaring]

Honestly, I don’t even interact with it anymore. I follow a few fan accounts here and there but aside from that I basically don’t look through any f1 related tags.

I’ve been in a few fandoms over the years but the F1 fans are just so blatantly mean, it’s ridiculous. It’s arguably some of the most entitled fans I’ve ever seen in a fandom.

It’s really such a shame bc it didn’t used to be like this. It’s so simple to just be a good person idk why it’s so hard for so many people. I’m grateful to have found your account and to see your kindness.

hello! i'm a huge fan of your attitude. i like to lurk and post way too much on there, lol. but yeah, i completely agree. admittedly i've only been in f1-related spaces online for a short time (i basically just watched races before, lol) and i have to say it's a lot. esp when things don't go according to what people expect (which is just like, racing). anyway. i appreciate your words! 🧡 hopefully today goes better for us mclaren fans. i have to say lately i've veered more towards the side of being a major oscar fan (i'm three years older, do you think i'm allowed to say it's motherly instinct to wanna root for and protect the new guy?), but lando is also my #1. fingers crossed for a 1-2!

[sinspark4]

Roddy's Ghost Adventures

The Rake: This is the first video Rewind stumbled across after finding something called "The Dark Web" when searching for media for his crew mates. The video is distorted, corrupted, everything inside it is hard to make out or understand. All Rewind can gather from the feed is the panicked screaming of a human and glowing, yellow eyes. He does his best to clean up some of the feed but there are strange viruses lurking in the coding Rewind doesn't want to get anywhere near. He thinks he sees a forest, a house in the background, and a sign reading "Warren Park Trail, Montana." Then the video just ends. Abruptly. He took a moment to contemplate the recording before reading the caption.

Locals spoke of a creature known as "The Rake," a nightmarish being with sunken eyes, elongated limbs, and razor-sharp claws.

Legend had it that "The Rake" was once human, transformed by dark experiments or supernatural forces. Its first recorded appearance was in the late 1800s when it stared hauntingly at a family before vanishing into the night.

As years passed, more encounters were reported, each describing the creature's ability to appear and disappear, leaving behind an aura of dread. Witnesses spoke of its featureless face and guttural noises, claiming that even a brief encounter could plunge a person into madness.

Rewind snickered. This was ridiculous. They'd been on and off earth enough times they would have known if there were any humanoids outside of humanity by now. Some sparkling humans must have just gotten bored.

He ignores the twinge of discomfort ringing in the back of his processor and shuts his vocalizer off just in time to stifle the high-pitched yelp clawing up his intake when a bright yellow hand lands on his shoulder.

"Hey Rewind, whatcha got there?" Rewind turns his helm to stare up at his captain. Slowly, a smile spreads his lips behind his facemark. Oh this.....this will be good.

Log 1

Bots along for the ride: Rewind, Rodimus, Drift

Location: Warren Park Trail, Montana

Subject of interest: Urban Legend - The Rake

Notable Mentions: The air here seems....heavier. Shadows seem to somewhat defy sources of light. Rodimus has taken it upon himself to "Flame up" so everyone can see where they place their pedes. Drift's headlights help but they don't seem to penetrate the strange blanket of darkness. Walking around tonight in search of this legend has proven fruitless. Perhaps this is the first he can strike off the list? He will have to wait till they were back on ship and he had a moment to himself before he can review the feed. He's going to have to do a lot of tweaking before the video is comprehensible.

Here is the rendered photo without the drawn on Video Cam.

This is the first installment of my new mini-series. I am so excited to finally post this, I've had the rendered photo done for a while now and was just waiting on myself to finish up the companion comics.

This literally was entirely inspired from solely two things.

1.) As I was sketching Roddy for practice, the song "Dumb Ways to Die" came up on my for you playlist on Spotify. This kinda put in a little seed of sorts.

2.) My brother is starting to get into art and we often go to the cafe together to practice. It's great being able to have a critique buddy right there as you're working together. On the day after scenario 1, him and I went to the cafe and I had been practicing landscapes. My intent had been to make a fairytale like environment. I showed him, we looked at each other, and both stated. "Yeah that's haunted." It's like a light bulb went off in my head. A very very insistent light bulb.

And thus, "Roddy's Ghost Adventures" has been born! Stay tuned for future installments~

[archaeren]

Hi Ren,

it's lavenderlight over from ao3!

I'm crossing my fingers that the infamous tumblr-ask-box-situation won't swallow my message! xD

I hope I'm not overstepping (and I don't expect a reply) but I just thought I'd check in - I know you've got discord but I don't think I have the spoons currently to make an account lol

So, good old tumblr it is :D

Anyway - I wanted to wish you happy holidays and let you know that I've been thinking of you (and your depiction of Chui ( 〃▽〃) ) and that LC:LS meant quite a lot to me over the past year - and continues to mean a lot to me.

Honestly, I keep thinking (constantly!!) about all of the chapters so far, imagining how the story might unfold in the future -

So, yeah. I hope you're doing alright and I'll look forward to any possible updates!! <3

Wishing you nice company, a warm blanket and a hot drink of your choice for the holidays!!

OMG hello!! You're not overstepping at all, this is so sweet aaaaa!! <3 <3 <3 I don't know how to say that it means a lot to me that the story matters to you so much. I look forward to your comments on every chapter SO MUCH, they're so thorough and thoughtful, every one of them is like a little gift. I'm so curious what other kinds of things you find yourself thinking about the chapters so far and the ones that have yet to come! It really does mean a lot to know someone else is thinking about it so much. It's a rarepair--the number of English language authors including the migikisa ship at all (let alone focusing on it) can be counted on one hand!--in a tiny fandom. (Someone recently asked me about how many longfics were in the Eng JJ fandom and I was able to rattle off all their titles and author names... because there are only three of them, and one of them is mine. XD) In such a niche pairing, it's easy to feel lonely, especially as one of the sole creators for it. You can't help but wonder sometimes if other people think you're weird or even annoying for being so invested. It can feel isolating. So for someone to say it means that much to them... it's really validating. <3 I got a bit sidetracked lately by doing fanart instead of writing, which is most of why I haven't updated recently. The art brain has a stranglehold on the writing brain! (I started writing again on Friday so I could update on Sunday and then on Saturday I was gripped by the drive to draw Chui as a character from Cult of the Lamb and that consumed my entire weekend... oops.) Actually, you're the one that inspired that art shift. It was that comment you left on Chapter 14, where you mentioned reading a quote that said, “People hate their own art because it looks like they made it. They think if they get better, it will stop looking like they made it. A better person made it. But there’s no level of skill beyond which you stop being you. You hate the most valuable thing about your art.” I thought about that a lot after you said it and it really changed my perspective on my own art. I draw more now than I have in years, and I usually even like what I draw! Even though I can still see its flaws and still see my own influence on it, I've really made a lot of peace with that. It's been really eye-opening and empowering. I really want to get an LC:LS update out today or tomorrow because we're finally hitting the winter performance and the timeline of coinciding with IRL Christmas is just too good. I wish I could post one today and one tomorrow for the timing but I'm not sure I'll have time to finish them both and I'm not sure people would have time to read them anyway! I will probably content myself with one. XD Anyway, if you ever do decide to make a discord I would love to talk more! You can also just lurk in the server that's linked on LC:LS, though I feel like you would be a great addition to the culture c: Thank you so much again for messaging and I hope you have a wonderful holiday (with a few moments to spare for thinking Chui thoughts! I know I will be, hehe <3 )

[jean-dieu]

Aloysius Lavellan ramble : his family

Yeaaah Veilguard this Veilguard that but what about my Inquisitor that I love very much ? You can't blame me, I've only been into DA for 4 months so I'm not over with my Inquisitor.

SO. Who the fuck is Aloysius Lavellan's family?

Aloysius is the son of a dalish hunter and warrior (his father) and a city elf who fled to the dalish as a late teen/young adult (his mother). They both had quite hard lives, especially his mother who fled to avoid repercussion after she was framed for a crime she never committed. She was the only person present when the rich merchant she was working for was killed, and a bad faith testimony by a witness mentionned her lurking around at the time of the crime. Knowing she was more or less fucked, she was saved by a co worker who was persuaded by her innocence, an older human man, who hid her and helped her flee the city.

Both of his parents had their fair share of struggles, but promised themselves to manage to be happy and to build a family together. When she became pregnant, she was overjoyed, and she planned to name him Aloysius like the old man who saved her life back when she was still in the city.

The pregnancy was quite complicated for her, and she wasn't doing so well. After six months of pregnancy, she learned that her husband has been killed by human hunters in a skirmish in the forest. This shattering news made her circle in depression, the perspective of having a child the only thing keeping her afloat.

She went into labor earlier than expected, and it was rough. Really rough. Unfortunately, she didn't make it as the baby wouldn't come out, and she passed away. The Clan's Keeper, quite knowledgeable on medicine for her time, was at the very least able to save the baby, a small baby boy who most didn't think would survive very long.

She honored the late mother, naming him Aloysius as she would have wanted, and took him in as his rather weak health would need quite a lot of attention and care. Eventually, after a few dreadful moments of sickness and all where all thought baby Aloysius wouldn't make it through, he managed to recover.

He did remain a bit sickly throughout his whole life, especially in childhood, but OH BOY he lived.

So yeah, Aloysius doesn't really know his parents besides what he's been told, the tales of his fellow clan members and his Keeper. He's been told that he looks a lot like his mother, but has his father's nose. He's been raised by the Lavellan's Keeper, who took care of him from his birth to his adulthood. It's also the reason why his position as a First was a bit controversial as most thought he only got named because he's the Keeper little protégé.

[flightfoot]

Was rereading IDO again(because reading is easier than writing when you are in constant pain) I think Chloé x Alya is the couple I've explored that shape each other the most. Not just in the obvious reformation, but little things. they pick up each other's habits. They try on the behaviors they *like* in each other, and they show via mimickry how they've been paying attention.

Just something I noticed, especially in the date chapter. All the ways they were already doing it before Alya realized what was happening. She was late to realize because open caring interaction is common in her home, so that line is less of a gap when it is crossed.

Thanks again for inspiring me to explore it. :)

For any of my followers who don't know what generalluxun is talking about, this is referring to In Direct Opposition:

Alya Cesaire is a brand new student to Francis Dupont, to Paris even. The first student she meets is one Chloé Bourgeois, and Alya is determined to make a friend. Things advance Chaotically. Her new 'friend' is definitely a handful, and suddenly Paris has a supervillain and two brand new superheroes! Alya finds herself balancing a lot of things, trying to live up to her ideals and those of her icons. And then reality seems to contradict itself. As time progresses it seems to happen more often. Becoming a hero, battling villains, staying alive, working through friendships. Something is lurking, tweaking events at times, changing them, and no one seems aware. Alya will need all her wits to get to the bottom of this. Her investigative mind can only get her so far though, and then she needs to rely on her friends. This is not a foe you can beat head on.

Yeah I agree! I love how both Alya and Chloe affected each other, how they grew together. Of course Chloe's was more noticeable and happened first, but Alya's was still significant, with her committing to trying to get Chloe to be a better person. I loved how you had them BOTH grow, it wasn't just Alya "fixing" Chloe, it felt more organic and helped sell their relationship as being good for both of them later in the fic! Thanks for writing it!

[lansplaining]

golden core anon again! I haven't gotten the 7s translation yet, but in the ExR translation JC "retracted the whip, but it was already too late" and (a few paragraphs later) the hit actually landed on WN, leaving a scorch mark. I don't which is more accurate, but I've always had the impression that it wasn't really obvious for WN that JC was trying to stop the fight! I'm also 90% sure that WN wasn't lurking nearby to watch the whole exchange, so he's probably working with a lot of incomplete information here (in a lot of ways lol). as for why he immediately decided to deal emotional damage, instead of restraining JC or just punching him in the face (which would've probably made more sense to everyone and also might've made JC's day somewhat better in the end)… my personal interpretation is that WN was already pretty mad at the whole golden core thing? he initially respected WWX's desire to sacrifice the golden core for his brother, went along with his plan so that JC wouldn't suspect anything, watched WWX suffer during the surgery, then watched him destroy himself in the Burial Mounds without a core… and then realized that the guy who prompted so much self-sacrifice is… maybe kind of a dick actually? who has been treating WWX with nothing but anger and resentment whenever WN was present to see it? and now he's actually attacking him? "yeah no, fuck you, no blissful ignorance for you anymore, you should know exactly how much he has done for you and maybe then you'll leave him alone". (don't get me wrong, I agree that WN wasn't exactly fair to JC during the reveal, especially if you know that JC had sacrificed his core for WWX first, but I kinda get where he's coming from emotionally)

The Seven Seas has what I quoted, and yes, Wen Ning does intercept the blow that was going to hit Wangji. I don't speak Chinese and definitely can't get into the business of comparing translations, I'm very specifically talking about the experience of reading this translation and taking it as a story/narrative experience on its own.

I'm not saying that Wen Ning doesn't have personal reasons for revealing the golden core (though imo his emotional state as described both before and after is... weird, but that's part for the course with the unreliability of the narrator re: Wen Ning specifically), and I'm not saying the scene makes no sense. I'm literally just saying it's interesting that as a writer, MXTX chose to make the golden core reveal not actually the climax of a deadly conflict, or the only possible thing that could have stopped Jiang Cheng in his tracks, or even in response to Jiang Cheng actually doing something truly egregious-- it's yet another misunderstanding and disproportionate response to a situation someone bursts into without understanding.

(There's also the irony that right after this, Wen Ning thanks/implicitly forgives Lan Wangji because he spoke up for Wen Ning and Wen Qing before they were executed... but Jiang Cheng also spoke up for them-- to say nothing of facilitating the entire Burial Mounds grace period by arranging the fake fight-- Wen Ning just wasn't there, and it (also) didn't work.)

[naniskys]

thanks for the tag @sollucets i loved reading ur answers !!! 🫶🫶 i've been a little ia lately + busy with irl things but i'm slowly trying to work through the backlog of tag games 😅

1. why did you choose your url?

it's from the french words "la monnaie," which basically means small change. i found the word amusing when i first learnt it a while ago and i've been using it as a username practically everywhere ever since :]

2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them

technically no? i set up the ao3 feed for the dangerous romance tag on a sideblog pretty much just for my own convenience, but that doesn't rlly count lol

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i've been lurking on tumblr since ~2015, when you could actually use the website pretty functionally even without an account, but i only made this account in 2020.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i do! it's just "q" (although it's empty right now because i haven't been on much 😩😩)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i finally made a tumblr account after 5 yrs of lurking because of this one niche movie that had somewhat of a fandom on here and i wanted to interact lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

because fairy lights !! they're pretty :))

(i use this icon everywhere as well as my url, i think i've only ever changed it once on here)

7. why did you choose your header?

i had to go back and check my blog because i genuinely didn't remember what my header was 😭😭 but it's just a cute gif off of google that i picked coz i liked it :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

apparently this post about akkayan and raysand??? guess that answers the shitposts question as well LMAO

9. how many mutuals do you have?

quite a few !! is there any way of actually finding out the number? i have no clue, but if someone follows me i tend to check out their blog and if we have similar interests i'll follow back :] that being said, probably around 30-ish who i've actually interacted with beyond mutual liking and rbing hehe

10. how many followers do you have?

382!

11. how many people do you follow?

486 - definitely need to do a clean out tho because i follow a lot of random blogs from interests long gone by

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes lol

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

it depends honestly, sometimes several times a day for several hours (😭), other times i'll go a day or two without opening it <//3

14. have you had a fight/argument with another blog?

nah, if i don't agree with something i'll just unfollow and/or block

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

very unnecessary, i get that there's good intention behind it but it's honestly just annoying to see and will actively make me not reblog it 😭 (or at the very least i'll go back and rb a version without the addition)

16. do you like tag games?

HELL YEAH, i love yapping about things 🥰🥰

17. do you like ask games?

yesss they're so much fun !!!! (that being said, my askbox is so wonky that it never saves my posts as i'm writing and then it'll randomly crash and i just the ask altogether????)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

hmm i have no concept of tumblr famousness but just looking through my moots there's quite a few who i feel are pretty well known???

that being said, gonna give a shoutout to dee @distant-screaming who is the most famous person ever to me because i love love love their fics so much 😭😭😭 like have i ever fully watched nlmg? nope. do i still constantly go back and read her palmnueng fics? absolutely.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no i wouldn't say so :) i admire a lot of people on here and i love all my mutuals <33 (but in a platonic way hehe)

20. tags?

i feel like people have done this already (so no pressure + pls tag me in ur post if u've already done it !!) but tagging @dramalets @distant-screaming @winnysatang @hellswolfie @blackstar-gazer <33

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

One thing about me: I like community. I like to make people feel at home and welcome, moreso if they make me feel the same.

About two years ago, the husband and I started a guild on Mobile Legends: Adventure. Gained little traction in english, so we decided to switch over to french and go recruit in those channels.

Nowadays, we're a thriving community of 50 people with very rarely an open spot. I befriended a few of these people and generally just enjoy watching them having fun (I'm guild leader, fyi).

Yesterday, I was chatting with one of our two Swiss players who asked a lot of questions about my writing. Not gonna lie: it made me feel sooooo good that she asked. I do crave attention (don't we all?). And with my plans to get some stuff ready to self-publish, I figured I'd talk about the first story I intend to release.

I narrowed the theme down to: Vampire guy struggles with trauma and ends up encountering a creature more dangerous than himself that ends up playing with his head.

Her response was, basically: that's different, usually Vampires are shown as supreme beings, so it's cool that this one'd get manipulated.

I had to take a mental double take on that. Because: I'm so used to my world that, for me, this sort of situation is like... normal. Vampires are apex predators to be sure, but there's still more dangerous things than them lurking about, and this guy happens to meet such a being (with reason). It never struck me that this story could be interesting just because it shows Vampires in a different light. I guess I can no longer tell if something is 'cool' or 'different' because, well, my nose has been stuck in Aeyuu for so long that it sometimes even affects my perception of RL normal (for example, blue is warm, red is cold, yes my brain sometimes thinks these colours are inverted irl in terms of temperature).

All this to say that it made me happy to hear her thoughts, happy in a way that goes beyond excitement. It's a wide, calm sort of happiness, mingled with hope, mingled with premature contentment that reading my stories might make other people happy (even if the themes tend to be dark and tragic XD). This is the feeling I've been hanging onto lately, to try and get past the utter anxiety and dread of self-pubbing something and it 1. getting hated 2. getting ignored.

In that line of thought, I've finally reached out to an editor (on PillowFort) and gotten the first reactions to this story yesterday. A lot of it is pertinent. It sure as hell drove my anxiety through the roof since, y'know, there was criticism in there... but I'm also glad to finally be taking yet another step forward. And I'm liking their style, be it a bit too brutal for me in places, but then they do see things that I've either overlooked, ignored, or that need a tad better wording to make the meaning/reason clear.

Additionally: today, I find I have 7 more followers on here. Which... wait, just, wow? How? And I check my notificiations and see: oh yeah, I reached out in a nice, encouraging, honestly-me way to people. Not gonna lie: much as that is my personality, I'm also still autistic, chronically tired, and some days I don't have the spoons to socialize, let alone to like people. But when the energy allows, I enjoy just going to the quiet places and leaving a friendly message. Creating a sense of: you belong with the community, too.

This said, I do have plans to 1. write a real writeblr intro sometime, 2. make feedback asks available. With my potential/likely editor not being a pro but someone like me who is self-taught and picks up instinctively on issues, I feel like this is something I want (and am allowed!) to give out in turn.

Creating community, y'know? And the world I want to see, which is a world where people are nice to each other, help each other out, but also get to have boundaries and see them respected without a 'no' turning into an argument or anything. Utopic to be sure, but what's wrong with having ideals?

[lone-rhapsodist]

You know what... I don't have to do this. I don't have to get onto Reddit or Twitter for the purpose of sharing my project. I don't have to put myself through this. I am tired. Like, really tired. I don't mean physically -- forget the fact I stayed up late last night way past my bedtime -- I'm tired emotionally. Like, I have Twitter. I have a couple of Reddit accounts. I like certain aspects of those websites. I'm mostly a lurker -- I scroll a bit, I like a bit. Sometimes I retweet or leave a comment. But it's all very chilled.

On Twitter, I follow all the lovely Classics people I have met and/or admire for their very progressive work. I enjoy seeing what they're doing. Granted, there's a lot of academic stuff in it too. I'm not bitter about that. I simply lament the usual -- they're still there, stuck in their systems, pretending this is fine. Fair enough. I'd rather not engage with it. I'll stay there, lurking, waiting to see if and when the right thing comes my way. Something that resonates with my project. But I don't feel like venturing into the unknown.

I've already spent a significant amount of time and energy reaching out to people in my own name. I'm happy to keep trying, starting from my lecturer from uni, seeing how it goes. But I don't think I should, say, make a post about the project in my own name. I'm not interested in heated discussions started by randomers who clearly dislike my idea and therefore have no reason to interact with me but will do so anyway. And it would be even worse if I started talking about it under a pseudonym. I can feel it. Anonymity can be liberating. But it can also bring out the worst in people. I would rather not do that.

Similar thing for Reddit, but with a difference. I've actually been lurking on the main Classics communities for a bit now, and I've got to say, I've been pleasantly surprised by the general vibe of it. Everyone is very chilled, even in discussions about linguistics, which you wouldn't expect -- not if you're familiar with Textkit, at least (sigh). Today I even stumbled upon a post where I felt like I had something to comment for once, and it went down rather well! But then, if I wished to push my project onto these people? I don't know.

It feels stupid, wanting to promote a project like mine on Reddit, where they already have communities that do pretty much what I already do -- give feedback, advice, and a chance to socialise. When I think about this, a part of me even wonders what's the point of having a Discord server for the project when Reddit exists. But then, I realise, it's not the same thing at all. Because Reddit is Reddit and Tumblr is Tumblr, just like Twitter is Twitter and Tumblr is Tumblr.

The websites are just not the same. They are not at all interchangeable. There is a vibe, on Tumblr, that I have never felt anywhere else, and that is why I have been on this wonderful hellsite for over 10 years now (if you count the other blog -- "what other blog?" -- you will never know).

The websites have different personalities -- there's no other way to put it. Each has its pros and cons, but to me, Tumblr's pros vastly outweigh its cons. And most of these cons -- like the lack of forum-like functionality -- can easily be made up for... well, for example, in the way that I did. By creating a Discord server for like-minded mutuals. Like pretty much everyone else seems to be doing. And I feel like, if things have been alright so far with the server, it's because of the general vibe on this website, which is just its own wavelength. If I were to bring into the server people from Reddit or Twitter... it would be very different. And I don't want that.

I like sharing my Classics stuff here on Tumblr. I like finding like-minded individuals to extend friendship to and even invite to join the server if they wish. I like blogging about my life, my job, my project etc. But I don't want to break what works. So yeah. I'm just happy to keep it as it is. I am happy to keep Tumblr about what I'm doing here, and keep Reddit and Twitter about their own separate things.

And then if there is indeed a major breakthrough with the project -- say, for example, if something happens with that lecturer from uni -- then maybe I'll be happy to share it here on Tumblr, or on Reddit, or even on Twitter in my own name. But in terms of how I use these websites... I don't want to turn them into the 'marketing machine'. That whole having-to-tell-yourself spiel that is so widespread on the internet. The same evil spirit that turned blogs into a way to make money, a place to promote your business, a plaform for e-commerce. The thing that fucked up blogging to the point that any Google search about how to start a blog is now a hellscape filled with horror-buzzwords such as 'SEO' and 'monetisation'. You know, that one. I don't want to have to sell myself, or my soul. I don't want a fucking Carrd. Not until I can avoid it, at least.

So, for now, I think I'll just stop. I don't feel the need to push this any further. I'll keep Tumblr, I'll keep the server. I'll keep doing the things I do, and I'll keep it how I like it. And then, I'll finally feel free to move on to other things too. Things like that podcast which promises to be the solution to my writing problems. Things like writing poetry, which I restarted last year and would like to return to. Things like... music. Things that make me happy. Things that make me feel like I am doing something worth doing. Things that make me feel alive. I think that makes sense.

[terubakudan]

Sup. xD

No, but really. Hi guys! Long time no see.

I see that Tumblr's changed, and believe me I'm re-learning how to use it. xD

So, um...usual life update I guess, you don't have to read this but I have to get this out of my system or I'll go crazy xD.

Honestly I really miss blogging and talking about fandoms, hobbies and whatnot. It's literally been over a year since I last blogged and there's a reason for that: literally no work-life balance at my old job. I say 'old' because I finally quit this year!! I'm really glad to be out of that soul-sucking hellhole xD For reference, I used to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms as an auditor, think hard before going in haha. The pay may be good...but at what cost?

For a while even when I left I couldn't stop thinking about work, I would always worry that there's something that hasn't been finished yet, and believe me at that kind of job the workload is endless Orz. On the plus side I did get experience, but I'm waaayyyy more glad to be out than in, believe me guys, work-life balance is something that everyone should have, I don't know what it's like in other countries (do feel free to share, I'm quite curious) but there's a reason so many foreign professionals choose not to work in Taiwan:

The pay is low. Especially compared to Japan and South Korea. As of now minimum wage is NTD 26,400 (USD 836) per month, and NTD 176 (USD) per hour, the thing is it's seriously not keeping up with inflation here. Bento used to cost NTD 60~70 when I was in college! Now it's NTD 90~100 on average.

Hours are long. Not all jobs are like this, but you are expected to do overtime without additional pay in most.

A lot of bosses here just...don't know leadership skills? Like they know how to work, but are awful at teaching and leading subordinates. Both Mom and I complain that the EQ of some locals is quite low ^^" No seriously, you do something well and somehow it's always your fault xD People here can be too materialistic sometimes and don't spend enough time on enriching themselves and others. It's really the fault of long work hours as well as the cram school culture here.

So yeah..welp.

My new job (accounting staff at a SME) may be lower pay but at least I get to come home earlier now, which honestly is a relief. Also weekends off. You'd be extremely lucky to get a weekend off at the old job xD

In a way, my Dad spoiled our family xD Because he was too nice we got really used to this rosy portrait of Taiwan and the locals xD But yeah, Mom, Bro and I will find ways to carry on.

Well enough about that! I hope everyone's getting on well with their lives, even when it's tough, there are always ways to carry on. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

I haven't been 100% offline actually xD Just a lot of lurking xD

Some things I've been up to:

You are now looking at a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fan xD JJBA lives in my head rent-free and I don't regret it at all, I want to slap past me for not following JoJo sooner, especially as an avid fan of music and fashion. My brother’s pestering of me to watch it finally came to. I don't read manga, have watched Parts 1~6 (and made my Mom watch it with me ha xD she practically got almost all the music references xD) and am excited for a Part 7 anime!! Which could take forever sadly :( Along with Arcane Season 2, it’s been a while since there’s a show that I really look forward to watching, what with the current state of TV and movies nowadays. Too much on content and not enough on quality or well, basic storytelling even.

But I'm sad that I can't go to JOJO WORLD. QQ I really have a knack for getting into things too late.

My personal ranking: 2>5>3>4>1>6. This is just personal favoritism xD Each part has their own strengths and weaknesses and the writing in later parts is better as Araki has really matured as a mangaka and writer. But Part 2 is amazing. Period. I will not have it any other way. Special mention goes to this guy for simultaneously stealing my heart and *ahem* crushing (sorry) it, I have only cried for him:

He and Joseph should kiss.

2. I got into gaming again! Thank Steam really for letting lots of players save money on not having to buy separate consoles xD I got my brother to help me invest in a good gaming laptop, and it's just lovely. Some of my favorite games:

METAL GEAR RISING: REVENGEANCE

I got to experience Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and my god it's a MASTERPIECE. The OST also is just *chef's kiss*. The composer really did a great job with the music. The animation that plays every time Raiden uses Zandatsu is an absolute joy to watch xD My brother introduced this game to me through the memes, and he immediately regretted it when it was all I could talk about for a while xD But god slicing a Metal Gear in two while Rules of Nature plays in the background, how can you not squee?! xD

Mind you this is the tutorial boss xD I highly recommend this game, pure unadulterated adrenaline rush xD It’s so over-the-top and unapologetic, and just damn cool.

SEKIRO: SHADOWS DIE TWICE

I also beat Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. And as of now, it's still the best sense of achievement that I got from a game, it's the most difficult game I've ever played and let me tell you guys I'm good friends with the death screen xD

The adrenaline rush I got from beating Genichiro for the first time (and throwing the lightning back at him!!) as well as beating Sword Saint Isshin was unreal. At some point, the gameplay for me clicked, and it was immensely satisfying being able to perfectly parry the enemy's attacks. The clanging of swords is a sound that I absolutely love.

Though fuck Demon of Hatred xD. Joke I love the Sculptor character who I affectionately call 'Sculptor Dad' but come on you had to unlearn the game's combat system just to beat him. I agree that he's more of a Dark Souls boss than a Sekiro one.

Well deserving of 2019 Game of the Year 👏

DEVIL MAY CRY V

So you can probably see by now that I love action and hack and slash games xD I used to play Devil May Cry 3 when I was a teenager and even watched the Madhouse anime, the over-the-top-ness and Dante's quips won me over. Dante’s even the whole reason why I tried strawberries and now I love them xD So! It was only natural that I wanted to play DMCV, and I wasn't disappointed.

There’s a total of 4 characters you can play as, each with their own SSStylish gameplay, and I had lots of fun just sending the demons into the air while the extremely enthusiastic cast cheers me on xD

Also V is that Edgy Guy who’s a hit with the ladies xD My brother hates him but I adore him. He even said that I’m a sucker for the “starving artist” types xD Well…

HOW CAN I NOT BE A SUCKER QQ That smirk, dear god.

HADES

0:34 sold me haha 😂

You play as this really sexy Prince of Hell with daddy issues.

While Sekiro would frustrate me sometimes with constantly dying, every time I died in Hades it encouraged me to keep on playing, as whenever you die it actually advances the plot and unlocks new dialogue with the various characters, who are based on Greek mythology. If anything the game encourages you to die xD There was a time I was so determined to make it to the surface and when I did it was the next morning already xD

The art by Jen Zee is also just extremely gorgeous, and the OST by Darren Korb (who also voices Zagreus) is amazing. I also recommend Supergiant’s other games Bastion, Transistor, and Pyre. They are one of the best indie game developers out there. They put a lot of heart into their games, which is something a lot of AAA games lack nowadays.

Also I headcanon that Zagreus listens to Coldrain while hacking and slashing through hell. It just seems like a band he would listen to xD

And not to forget, but thank Supergiant for giving the option to romance this really sexy grim reaper xD I'm a sucker for the 'tsundere' types too, and let me tell you every bottle of gifted nectar and ambrosia was worth it. When he finally realized his feelings weren't unnecessary I squeeed.

DISCO ELYSIUM

Last but not least, an underrated gem.

Disco Elysium is one of those games that shouldn’t exist, and boy am I glad that it does.

It’s a choose your adventure game in which you play as a detective trying to solve a murder case with your partner, all the while getting to know the seaside town of Martinaise. Which once you get to explore it, isn't really that big and yet somehow feels huge, there's a whole fictional history that was created for it and for places outside Martinaise even, the worldbuilding for this game is insane. It also seems very real and similar to our own and yet it's all fictional, I really admire that level of detail.

I actually first heard of this game through an artist I follow on Tumblr, who draws True Detective and Disco Elysium fanart. I adore the first season of True Detective and never knew that MartyxRust does things to me. Read reviews about this so-called "True Detective/The Wire-inspired" game and was sold.

Also the developers really hit it out of the park with Kim Kitsuragi, god I love Kim 😭 One of the best companions that you can have out there. Whenever I felt bad and by extension made my player character feel bad (the game is choice-based, there's even an achievement called 'World's Sorriest Cop' xD), Kim would always be helpful and encouraging and god just the sweetest.

The humor in the game is also something I just found so charming, and the voice acting is perfect for every character, I find myself having fun mimicking the voices a lot. I kept pestering my brother to play this game, and his Evrart Claire impression is so spot-on, I myself like to impersonate the Fritte clerk with my 'm'kays' xD

Oh, and you can start a nightclub at a church. And believe me when you experience this scene in the game, it is glorious.

3. I had one of those 'happiest days in your life' moments: I went to see the GazettE's MASS final concert in Japan!! And the crazy thing is I specifically flew in just to see them, I was there in Japan for the concert and went home the next day. At the time I had booked my airline ticket thinking I would still be clocking in to my old job on Monday and well, I never thought I would quit xD

And silly me never thought that even Japanese trains could be late (the local trains at least), I was almost late to the 05:30 PM assembly time xD

By the time I got to the Budokan I was confused by the lack of banners and signs at the entrance at first, then I saw this procession of people in black heading to MASS (ha) and just knew. xD

And I thought I was the only one silly enough to fly to another country for a concert, then I heard Mandarin, English, Spanish in the crowd and thought: 'ah, music really brings people together'. It was beautiful.

Seeing the bouquet with the 'From overseas fans (Overseas fans より)' made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Too shy to take my own picture xD But glad to know I'm not the only one extremely happy to be there.

I tried to take a picture of this Uruha banner and it just kept flapping in the wind like Uruha during the heavier songs, so I just gave up xD

The setlist for that night, when they played Miseinen (未成年) I think I started tearing up QQ Frankly the whole night was so surreal I couldn't stop thinking about what I experienced on my way back to the hotel. And I stayed at a capsule hotel for the first time! Specifically this one.

The song they played after the concert was an instrumental version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and it was absolutely lovely. They even teased a trailer for a new release next year(!!) and a trailer for their Christmas concert A HYMN OF THE CRUCIFIXION ver.2

Their trailers are needless to say, cinematic. I'm sad that they removed all their older trailers off YouTube though :(

As of writing this, there are still stuff I want to share and fangirl about, but unfortunately I have to wake up to a job tomorrow xD If I could, I'd spend my days just doing what I love and not having to deal with stupidity at work. I just want to say I'm glad that there are things in life to enjoy and make going through the daily grind even just a bit easier :)

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hello my love

I haven't been on tumblr in AGES, usually I'm on daily even if I'm just lurking but I've been in such a slump. Anyway how are you?? Give me a life update ❤️ how is Franklin?

Missing your chat and I promise to check in more often

🌷🌷

awwwww 💜💜💜 hey baby I’ve missed you and think about you often and have been meaning to reach out to you but work has been so crazy lately. which I guess I can start my little update with:

works CRAZY!!! we had an event today I ended up giving a talk in front of like 300 people with such short notice. Went well though the feedback was amazing. Some people were in tears. And one wealthy person ended up donating a fuck ton of his money to us. So I’ve been on an adrenaline rush from all that and writing thank you notes to my coworkers and attendees and everyone who helped etc.

alsoooo I met someoneeee??? Kinda? Nothings official yet but I really really like him and it’s been very flirty and cute. He’s the opposite of every guy I’ve ever been with or liked or anything like that. Like he’s so kind and sweet and generous and ughhh I fear I’m down bad. also my uncle (who basically raised me cuz my mom had me while at university and I wasn’t allowed in the dorms as an infant lol so I was left with my uncle a lot) is coming to visit next week and he needs my help with some stuff. Excited to see him I think?! It’s always a bit awkward around family who remember/ think of you as a kid but we’ll see how it goes lol. Franklin is doing better and better everyday. Think he’s starting to feel at home finally. He goes out to play and his tail wags a lot and he’s finally back to popping and peeing outside like the meant to. When we first got here, he’d refuse to go to the bathroom and hold it for like two days until he couldn’t anymore and would just make a mess inside. BUT he’s finallllyyyy back to normal and starting to initiate play with other dogs. So I think he’s feeling good?? Ugh he’s as cute as ever and I love him.

yeah so in short shits been busyyyy but good. I’m making friends and trying to settle in. how’re you????? Miss you!! Tell me allll the things

[goldfades]

𝐈 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 / 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐂𝐄 / 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 ─ JH⁸⁶

TRACK 18 ─── IMGONNAGETYOUBACK

TTPD CELLY MASTERLIST !

౨ৎ ─ summary | almost a year ago, your whole was shattered by the one person you'd never thought would hurt you. and now you were back in the city where it all started with one simple mission ─ get him back.

─ word count | 2.5k

─ warnings | oof where do i begin, angst? obviously second-chance romance, slightly suggestive, mention of drinking/getting tipsy, jack being a cocky ass, slightly fluffy? idk just a lot of word vomit but yeah!

─ taglist |

─ ev's notes | yaya! first ttpd celly fic is out!! hoorayyeeee!!! also i've been listening to this album like on fucking repeat since friday and holy shit, this is probably my third fav now (sorry speak now). i also literally can't choose a fav but according to my music app, i've listened to so high school 72 times since it came out!!!!!!!!

YOU SWORE YOU'D NEVER COME back to New Jersey ─ but, here you were.

How you ended up here, tipsy and alone in this bar? You're not exactly sure. What you do know is that the night started in your childhood home with your parent's very expensive bottle of wine. And now you were here, in downtown Jersey in one of your old high school dresses that fits a little tighter than it did almost 5 years ago.

Your lips were stained red as you ordered another glass of Blueberry Gin & Tonic. You didn't know when you had started drinking Gin & Tonic but a lot had changed in the last couple of months. You didn't even know who you really were anymore, it was blurry.

And you could blame all of that on your high-school sweetheart ─ the person you'd thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. Key word: thought, as in past-tense.

As you swirled the ice in your glass, memories flooded back like a tidal wave crashing against the shore of your mind. The late-night drives down highway roads, the whispered promises of forever, and the way your heart used to skip a beat at the sight of his smile. But somewhere along the way, those promises faded into echoes, and the smiles became almost bitter memories.

It all came crashing down a few months ago. The pain was like a dagger through your heart, leaving you gasping for air in a world suddenly devoid of color. You lost the one person in your life who made you, you. You had to relearn who you really were without him.

And in the aftermath, you tried to pick up the pieces of your shattered and almost confusing life, but the wounds were too deep, the scars too raw. So you ran, running from the memories that now haunted you, seeking solace in the anonymity of far-away cities and unfamiliar faces.

But no matter how far you ran, you couldn't outrun the ghosts of your past. They followed you like shadows, lurking in the corners of your mind, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike.

And tonight was no different.

When your eyes locked with his familiar blue ones, a particular ghost of your past appeared. And you didn't miss the way you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw his now grown-out hair (you'd never let him grow it out when you were together) and his soft stubble that you always made him shave. But it suited him, he looked more mature.

But you weren't surprised, it almost seemed like fate. Almost. If it weren't for the fact that you knew, in the back of your mind, he always liked spending his Saturdays playing pool with his friends, in this exact bar. You pretended like you hadn't planned this entire thing.

And so you feigned ignorance, pretending as if you hadn't noticed him at all. You kept gazing at him, taking him in. You felt the anger rise in your body as your nose flared, beginning to think sober up again. You took another swig of your drink and turned away from him, you could practically hear the wheels turning inside his head as he analyzed you right back.

A few moments pass and as you predicted, you felt a tap on your shoulder. "Y/N?"

You met his gaze and it felt so much different from the last time he'd looked at you. He looked... surprised? Is that even the right word? You felt his eyes scan you up and down, the tight dress fitting you perfectly in his mind.

You, too, had changed since the last time he'd saw you. Your hair was slightly shorter and more put together, you looked healthier and more mature. Less like a teenager and more like an adult now, but that's just how aging works, right? Not only did your looks change, but the way you carried yourself.

God, you were sexy. Jack always knew you were beautiful, it was undeniable. But after not seeing you for months now, you looked like a dream ─ a hauntingly beautiful vision that stirred something deep within him. He couldn't help but be mesmerized by the way you carried yourself, with a newfound confidence and poise that spoke of strength.

He was at a loss of words. But it was Jack, of course he didn't let it show. He plastered on his award-winning smirk and let his gaze fall back on to your face. "I didn't know you were back in Jersey, you shoulda texted."

Your face contorted into surprise. Was he really trying to pretend like nothing happened? Oh, two can play that game. "I was just visiting family." Your red lips turned into a tipsy smile. "But you're right, I should've texted. How have you been?"

"Awesome. Is this seat taken?" Jack didn't wait for an answer, he just pulled out a chair and sat down. He glanced down at your drink, the smirk still very much evident in face.

God, how much you wanted to just smash his face in. But you swallowed the anger with your drink, letting him study you for a few more moments.

"Since when do you drink?" His tone was amused as he watched you swallow the liquid so effortlessly, like it was water.

Since you left, you wanted to shout. "Not until recently."

You watched as he leaned back in his chair, studying you with an intensity that made your skin crawl. "And what brought about this newfound appreciation for alcohol?" He asked, his tone still but the underlying curiosity evident in his eyes.

"Life." you said simply, your voice barely above a whisper. "Life has a funny way of changing things."

He nodded, as if he understood, but you could see the doubt flickering behind his eyes. He didn't know the half of it, didn't know the pain and the heartache you had endured in his absence. And part of you wanted to keep it that way, wanted to shield him from the truth of how much he had hurt you.

But another part of you, a smaller part buried deep within all the hurt and bitterness, wanted him to know. Wanted him to see the scars he had left on your soul, to feel the weight of the words left unsaid between you. But not to burden him, to somehow reverse all the pain he'd caused you.

"So, what have you been up to?" you asked, deflecting the conversation away from yourself. "Anything exciting?" By anything, you really meant anyone.

You saw the way Jack's smirk faltered as he shook his head. "Nope, nothin' new." But he knew that you knew the real answer.

Two months, it took him two months to move on from a 4 year relationship. "Really?" you asked, your voice laced with skepticism. "No new hobbies, no new friends, no new... interests?"

Jack chuckled, a sheepish grin spreading across his face as he leaned in closer to you, his gaze locking with yours in a way that sent a shiver down your spine. "Well, I might have picked up a few new hobbies," he admitted, his voice low. "But nothing as exciting as running into you here, that's for sure."

Despite yourself, you felt a small, genuine smile tug at the corners of your lips at his charming response. He had always had a way with words, a charisma that could disarm even the most guarded of hearts.

"There she is," his voice was soft as he watched the curves of your lips turn upward. "I missed that."

His words sent a warm flutter through your chest, a mixture of nostalgia and longing swirling within you like a whirlpool. Despite everything that had happened between you, there was still a part of you that missed the comfort of his presence, the familiarity of his smile.

"Well, don't let it get to your head," you teased, although the playful tone of your voice couldn't mask the vulnerability lurking beneath the surface. "I wouldn't want you thinking you can charm your way out of everything."

"I'm not trying to, trust me. I can't help it." Jack smirked as he shrugged. "And for the record, I did miss it. I don't remember the last time I've seen your genuine smile."

Your smile faltered as your stomach squeezed in anxiety. The last couple of months of your relationship was spent only arguing, and the smiles had become a rarity, buried beneath layers of resentment and hurt. You swallowed hard, the memories of those final days weighing heavy on your heart like a rock.

"Yeah, well, it's been a while," you said, your voice barely above a whisper as you fought to push aside the memories threatening to overwhelm you. "A lot has changed since then."

"I can tell," his eyes scanned your body and you felt your heart jump. He wet his lips as his blue eyes met yours again, a grin playing on his lips. "I remember this dress. You wore it at my draft party, I remember."

Your breath caught in your throat at his words, memories of that night flooding back with a rush of emotions. You remembered the excitement in the air, the pride shining in his family's eyes as he celebrated the culmination of years of hard work and dedication.

"Yeah, I remember," you said softly, your voice tinged with nostalgia. "It feels like so long ago."

Jack nodded, a wistful smile playing at the corners of his lips as he reached across the table to brush a stray lock of hair from your face, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. "I never forgot that night," he said, his voice low and sincere. "Or how beautiful you looked in this dress."

Your heart skipped a beat and you felt like the air was knocked out of you at his words. Goddamn him, his smooth-talk, and that damned cologne that made you feel high off of him. "Shut up," was all you could muster as Jack chuckled.

"Let's go take a walk."

And like always, Jack didn't wait for an answer. He just grabbed your hand and began walking toward the exit. Your mind raced as Jack's touch sent a jolt of electricity coursing through your veins. And despite your inner turmoil and the warning bells ringing in your head, there was a part of you that couldn't resist the pull of his charm, the familiarity of his touch.

You hated how he still had this effect on you and how confident he was, he always made decisions for you. You're not sure if it's really a bad thing, because how can something so bad feel so insanely good?

"Okay," you said softly more to yourself than him, your voice barely above a whisper. You allowed him to lead you away from the dimly lit bar and out into the cool night air.

As you walked side by side, the silence between you heavy with unspoken words and unresolved tension, you couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu wash over you. It was like stepping back in time, back to a simpler era when the world was young and full of promise.

Jack pulled you into his chest as you walked, his arm wrapping protectively around your shoulders as you leaned into him, seeking solace in his familiar warmth.

Despite everything, despite the pain and the heartache, a part of you still longed for the comfort of his embrace, for the reassurance of his presence by your side.

"The dress still fits you so well," Jack finally spoke up. You could feel practically hear the grin on his face as you rolled your eyes, a smile tugging on your lips.

"Yeah, well, it's a good thing I haven't outgrown it," you replied, your voice light and teasing as you leaned into his embrace subconsciously.

Jack chuckled, his arm tightening around you. "You'd look in a garbage bag, princess. You can never outgrow anything."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Jack." You quipped.

"It's gotten me this fair, huh?" Jack's tone was amused as you felt yourself roll your eyes at his cockiness. He let out a laugh as he squeezed your arms, the way he knew you liked.

You wanted to slap the smirk off his face but instead, you just shook your head at his teasing. He still knew you so well, even after so long. As much as you wanted to resist his charm, there was a small part of you that couldn't help but be swept away by it. Jack had always had a way of getting under your skin, of finding the cracks in your armor and worming his way into your heart.

"You're insufferable," you said, though the teasing lilt in your voice betrayed the fondness you couldn't quite suppress.

Jack chuckled, his laughter warm and infectious as he leaned in closer to press a kiss to your temple, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary.

"But you love me anyway," he said, his voice soft as he met your gaze with a knowing smile.

You couldn't deny the truth of his words, no matter how much you wanted to. Despite everything, despite the pain and the heartache, a part of you still loved him ─ had always loved him. Would you always love him?

You gazed back at him, his grin even bigger as his hand squeezed your arms again. The more you stared, the more you slipped back right where he wanted. Fuck, you were back.

Your hands came up to touch his soft stubble, one of the many new things about him. Something you never thought you'd like, you swore his clean-face was your favorite but he proved you wrong.

"You like it?" Jack asked, his voice low and husky as he watched you trace your fingers along his stubbled jawline. There was a glint of satisfaction in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the power he still held over you.

"Yeah," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper as you met his gaze, your fingers lingering against his stubble. "It suits you. You look... different, but in a good way."

A smile tugged at the corners of Jack's lips, his eyes sparkling with gratitude as he reached up to gently cup your cheek in his hand, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

"Thank you," he said, his voice warm with sincerity. "I'm glad you think so."

You smiled genuinely, the anger slowly dissipating as you looked into the eyes of the man you'd once loved, wholeheartedly. His face may have changed but his gaze was still the same, the same blue eyes you'd been drawn to from the beginning.

"Let's head back to the car, yeah?" His voice came out hoarse and low, you could hear practically hear the need in his voice. And again, you let him lead you back to his car and eventually, to his home.

Your lips curved into a smirk, you'd had gotten exactly what you'd sought out to do. You'd gotten him back, but who ever doubted you?

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↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[jokerownsmysoul]

I'm shamelessly and terribly late to this, but my late reblog doesn't compare at all to how much I loved it 💙 I've no idea how many times I've read this story to linger on every feeling no matter how sad it is, it's simply wonderful from any angle and any aspect. 🥹 I've always wanted you to write about it, I think this is an important part of him that deserved our attention 💙 and an important part of Penny too! She deserved this kind of understanding. You wrote Arthur's turmoil in the best way as always. I loved that you didn't shy away from his feelings and continued with his want to not interact with Penny without trying to sweeten his feelings towards her. I mean, in the movie he literally killed her! 😂 That was a beautiful and reasonable way to respect his feelings and the canon, while making it a little less tragic than what the movie gave him. But at the same time he had something to mourn, if anything for the "what ifs" he'll carry in his heart forever and the moments of joy he shared with Penny in the past, because they must had some. There's nothing black or white in these kinds of situations but always a gray area where to stand. ❤️‍🩹

The call was at once unexpected and as predictable as April showers. - already hitting hard! 🥹

Y/N held the phone to her chest, where her heart stuttered, and wondered how she was going to tell Arthur. He hadn't seen his mother since finding the Arkham file years ago, brought it to Y/N in an act of desperation or faith. - my heart! 😭 These first paragraphs of what is coming are heartbreaking ❤️‍🩹

For a man as warm as Arthur, the chill fit as well as a father's shoes on a teetering toddler, untied and five sizes too large. It reminded her too much of herself. - oh Arthur! 😭

If only figuring out how to handle a situation every single person would go through was as easy as a frivolous purchase. - yeah ❤️‍🩹

She'd visited in-laws before, just not like this. Jeff's parents had been...fine. Their connection had followed the latest etiquette guides, been a model of polite kindness. No sense of disapproval had lurked - but they hadn't mourned each other after the divorce, either. Whereas Penny and she had had one brief interaction, in which the older woman had paid her a compliment and cut Arthur to the quick. - I love how well you explained the difference between Jeff and Arthur's family. It's clear how different the situation is. Do sad 😭

It wasn't a vague veneration of mothers and fathers that'd brought her here, but an inkling of The Right Thing. So she stepped in. - I can't think of anything more in character than this. This is totally Sarah. Doing the right thing no matter how hard it can be. 💙 I love this. And I loved what Arthur's therapist told him as well when he (understandably) felt somehow betrayed by her choice. It's only about doing the right thing 💙 knowing Sarah, I would've been surprised if she had acted differently 🥹

Antique bouquets and scrolling vines splotched faded wallpaper, the tan of age and humidifiers. A bulletin board hung halfway up the wall across from the bed. Alongside Penny's name was the latest Christmas card Y/N had sent and a color photocopy of the Niagara Falls honeymoon photo, the one Arthur had goaded her into. [...] In the other, he blew on a wooden spoon just before tasting the tomato sauce he'd tried his hand at. / Her throat tightened. She'd maintained a fishline of connection in case Arthur ever changed his mind about see his mother. He hadn't. Had those photos and letters made any difference, brought a modicum of comfort? Or pricked whatever was left of Penny with reminders of what she'd lost? - 🩹🩹🩹🩹🩹 I think these are some of the most heartbreaking paragraphs of the entire piece for me. Sometimes memories aren't a source of comfort, they only highlight what we've lost, and she lost a lot ❤️‍🩹

yards of tubing that said no one had sat there since her admittance. - I could feel the sense of loneliness permeating the room 🥹

Using faint pressure, Y/N dragged it along her gums, first the top, then the bottom. A gesture she'd learned a lifetime ago. - Sarah is so kind. 💙

Had she been too scared to act? To protect her son? When Y/N had worked on family matter cases, money was often used as a thousand-pound cudgel. Penny and Arthur had lived hand to mouth. Had that poverty kept her shacked up with a monster masquerading as a man? - my heart! 😭

"You know, when Arthur and I started going out, he mentioned you'd taught him to dance. You told him any gentleman should be able to waltz. I'm so grateful for that, because I love dancing with him. All I have is two left feet, but he manages to make it right. You raised a wonderful man. My life is better for knowing him. I wish you could understand how lucky you were to have him, too." - 💙💙💙 it's nice how Sarah needed to tell these things to her. I love this part so much, it was very tender. girl! My heart! 😭

Kinder words might have come easier if she listened to the whispers of her heart rather than the stubbornness of her head. Yet, her heart had tuned into Arthur, not Penny. - 💙💙 of course it did 🥹

Y/N turned the dial to AM. "Ms. Fleck, you've had more than your fair share of hardships. They kept you from being who you wanted to be. From loving Arthur the way he deserved. I know it's hard not having him here. But you don't have to worry about him. He's doing well. He's safe with me. And…wherever you're going, you'll be safe there, too." - 💙💙💙💙💙 loved it. I'm glad Sarah took the time this with her, I like to think Penny felt reassured a bit! And I'm glad you wrote about her past too, Penny was also a victim of the system just like Arthur was, and despite all of the things that happened he loved her and shared nice moments 💙 not everyone remembers it. if we made a movie from Penny's POV about her young years, I'm sure more people would sympathize with her and what she'd to go through.

While her occasional digs stung, her admonishments when he'd reveal his sense of humor, she was the sole person he could feel comfortable around. - this is has been always of the saddest things to me. Penny is who he is, but was the only person he was comfortable with. It's hard dealing with that when he shared nice things with her or about her ❤️‍🩹 Arthur's mourning of the mother Penny could've been, the mother she was, and all his hopes, were as heavy as stones in my chest in this entire part 🥹

The mother he'd cherished and the woman he adored bonding over how important he was. - 💙💙💙

"And Arthur: even though you hated Penny, it's natural to grieve. For most of your life, you loved her. Give yourself permission for both." - 💙

The “Golden Years, My Ass!” mug must’ve been a bingo prize, because his mother wouldn’t have picked it out. Ladies didn’t swear. It clunked to the bottom of the garbage. - I giggled at this, the only moment of lightness in the entire piece. I would do anything to have this mug 😂

Y/N had asked if she could send photos and letters, but he'd had no awareness of how many she'd written. There must have been two dozen. - It's nice to "see again" the letters or postcards Sarah has been sending her all these years, mentioned piece after piece 💙

Last month he did two sets at open mic night and got lots of laughs. He's a diligent student when it comes to comedy. (Was he just as good in social studies?) I love your son very much. He's happy performing and seeing him happy makes me happy. - 💙💙💙

The scratching ballpoint echoed off the quiet of the apartment. Wetness burned the whites of his eyes. A defiant sniff as he wiped his nose. - that was a beautiful part 💙

But "he's happy..," "...your son..." Those twin phrases haunted, too close to Penny's secrets. - that broke my heart in a million pieces 😭

Throat narrow as a straw, he struggled to swallow. "Now I'll never know." / His forceful grip on her wrist halted her. He crushed her to him in a fierce embrace, buried his face in her stomach, clenched his teeth. Cried for the truth he'd never know, grieved the mother he'd never have. / Fingertips threaded through his hair, gathered his curls at the nape of his neck. When Y/N spoke, the gossamer of her voice turned him right side out. - you don't need me to tell you how much I loved this moment, so much that I wanted to draw it in pastels 💙 it's beautiful. I've no idea how many times I've read it! 💙

"You're my husband and I love you," she said, and kissed the top of his head. "Doe, Wayne, or Fleck." - this reminded me when in chapter 18 of WWH she tells him "You're Arthur Fleck and I love you" 💙💙💙💙 I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I loved the parallel a lot 😭💙 such a tender moment 💙🥹 I really love this piece so so much and I wish I could reblog it sooner. I've so much to catch up on 💙

The Loss

Summary: Arthur and Y/N come face to face with an inevitable step in the cycle of life.

Words: 3,874

Warnings: Angst, Swearing

A/N: Penny’s passing has been alluded to in Things Past and Stepping Stones. But I wanted to explore how these two would handle it in the context of the Watch What Happens series - and pay Penny the respect of being more than a specter in the background. While this story wasn’t easy to write, I’m glad I did it. Thank you to @iartsometimes​ for beta-ing! 💜And thanks to @sweet-nothings04​ for brainstorming and help with the summary! 🤗

The call was at once unexpected and as predictable as April showers.

Bowl of cheese curls in lap, Y/N and Arthur had settled on the sofa to catch My Favorite Wife, the seven o'clock feature on Gotham Movie Classics, the tale of a wife lost at sea and a husband moving on with a new bride. 1940’s Love and Laughter treat of the year, if the movie host could be believed. With Arthur’s arm slung about her shoulders, Y/N drifted on the lazy bliss of brainless entertainment, and he tee-heed at the same old jokes. The same old jokes suited them both just fine.

Just as the missing wife crashed her husband’s second honeymoon, the phone’s metallic ringer interjected. Perfect timing. Sucking powdered cheddar from her fingers, Y/N whisked her way to the kitchen and grabbed the receiver.

“Yes,” she confirmed. “This is Mrs. Fleck.”

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