#i've been leaning into the second label more and more lately

[bashful-berry]

so i used to be happy when people misgendered me the other way than what i was used to (like they thought i was a trans binary person)

but lately it's getting actually annoying

like i've been getting more acceptance and positive reactions and people not treating me like a a person of my agab but a person unrelated to it (rarely "perfect" as in seeing me as nonbinary but welp, in this society imagining a person truly outside the binary of male-female gender is hella hard work)

so maybe i got spoiled?

spoiled trans twenty something can no longer stand (the other kind of) misgendering

[tobecatherine]

Nightmare Comfort

Part 2

Okay ya'll, it's been a very long time since I've found a character that has made me want to write like this. Once I got to romancing Gale in the second act I was hooked. I've read so many good stories lately that I decided last night to write and see what comes out. Please keep in mind I am still only in act 2 of the game so I don't know the ending. So some details may not be accurate.

I will warn you, it's a little depressing to start but apparently it's something my brain needed to get out. I would probably label this as sad, mixed with fluff and if enough people want me to continue, there could be a spicy second part.

To set the scene, picture this: It's been a few months since you returned to Waterdeep with Gale after the end of your travels. Ever since slowing down your mind has been racked with guilt, feeling like you don't deserve comfort you start to push Gale away.

Please be kind:

First person

Gale/Reader

Word Count: 2332

Nightmares had, in some way, always had a hold on you. But once returning to Waterdeep with Gale, they seemed to have gotten worse. It started with small, repeated dreams of the battles you fought together that pushed you to do things that normally would have been out of character for you. Haunted by lives you couldn’t save, the people you had failed. They would slip into your dreams every few weeks, reminding you of where you had been. It didn’t matter how many you did save, in your mind, only the ones you failed mattered deep down.

When you would wake, for just a moment, you would think you were back there, in the heat of battle. But as your body regained its senses and you’d open your eyes, you’d see Gale’s slumbering face, listening to his soft breathing. Just having him so close would bring you back to reality. It made you glad that you didn’t move much in your sleep. The shame you felt over this, you couldn’t tell him. You knew he’d listen but you also knew he would want to fix it but in your own way, you felt like this is what you deserved. So you let the dead haunt your dreams, doing your best to hide your growing exhaustion.

As the nightmares became more frequent, it felt almost like it was becoming a ritual to wake up and just take in Gale’s sleeping face. You would spend hours just gazing and scanning every wrinkle, dimple, freckle and scar he had. The thought crossed your mind that if you did this long enough you could memorize the slope of his nose and the curve of his cupid's bow and maybe, just maybe, the picture perfect image of him in your mind could chase away the bad dreams. 

Tonight's nightmare was especially bad. You stood there, the day you thought you had lost Gale forever. The moments replaying in your mind as you watched him die, shedding tears over his body because you weren’t sure he could be brought back. While your party had found a way to revive the love of your life, the feelings of mourning were still all too real. When you awoke, you felt tears on your face and when you opened your eyes the comfort you sought wasn’t there.

Panic arose in your chest as you sat up quickly to see where he could be. Your eyes scanned the room, coming upon the open doors that lead to the balcony. There, in the pale moonlight, you could see Gale standing shirtless, leaning slightly against the door frame, his back to you as he gazed upon the stars. While you couldn’t see his face, his body language and the energy you felt from him, you could tell something was wrong.

Quietly you removed the blanket that covered you on the bed you shared. The air was warm on this night so you had gone to sleep with nothing on other than one of Gale’s tunics. Slowly you raised yourself off the bed, walking slowly up behind the tall striking man in front of you. As you reached him you wrapped your arms around his waist, your hands gently placed on his belly, leaning forward just enough to rest your forehead against his back. In automatic fashion Gale’s big hands rested over yours as a long sigh left his lungs.

You could feel the guilt in your throat coming up like bile, wanting nothing more than to tell him everything you had been feeling but you still couldn’t bear drowning him in your issues. You need to be strong, perfect, beautiful, all the things he tells you you are every day. If you couldn’t do that then you failed him too. So instead you pressed close into his back, tightening your arms around him, worried that at any minute he could just drift away into a cloud of smoke.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked, ever so softly. So softly that you almost missed it but you had felt that familiar rumble from his chest as he spoke.

“You knew?” You asked. A lump in your throat forming as you try not to speak louder than a whisper. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted you to come to me… I… I knew something was wrong but I could tell that you wanted to handle it yourself so I didn’t push. You are beautiful beyond comparison but you are also stubborn and bullheaded. But the longer this has gone on My Love, your nightmares aren’t as silent as you think they are. It breaks my heart to see you struggling like this and I can’t just sit back and wait anymore,” He said, turning around to face you, still holding your hands. “I’m starting to think you don’t trust me.”

Gently he raises each of your hands to his lips, leaving small kisses along your knuckles before placing each one so you're holding him around his neck.. The hair on his face tickling your skin almost made you smile but you found yourself still looking at the floor, your heart at your feet. With another sigh, Gale laid one hand against your waist, keeping you close to him. The other carefully raises your head by the chin to look at him. Gale’s eyes look longingly into yours as his hand cups your cheek. 

For a moment you relax, tilting your face into his palm, feeling your body relax for just a moment. The heat from his hand felt comforting against your skin. 

“I’m sorry, none of this is your fault. You have done so much for me. I didn’t want to add another burden to your plate.” you say, lip quivering. “I must look pathetic… I am pathetic.” 

You watch as Gale’s brows furrow and the corners of his mouth point downward. His thumb brushes against your bottom lip to calm its quiver. His eyes search yours for understanding, recognition. “Where is the strong brave Druid that I fell in love with on the road?”

You can feel your gut clench, you didn’t have an answer, he was right, this wasn’t you. “I’m afraid I lost her,” You replied, your fingers twisting curls with the hair on the back of his neck. You were sure Gale was going to end this, ask you to leave because you weren’t the girl he fell in love with anymore. Tears flowed freely down your cheeks now. It felt like a dam had burst behind your eyes.

At the sight of this, Gale wrapped both arms around you, with one smooth motion he lifted you into his arms, carrying you back to bed. You were sure he would just lay you there and walk away but instead he sat on the bed, resting you carefully on his lap, cradling you in his arms.

“Every day you tell me how you love me, you reassure me about the choices we’ve made. Why won’t you let me do the same for you?” He asked softly. “You can’t keep bottling up all these feelings. I  don’t understand why you insist on suffering in silence but if that’s what you need then…. I want you to cry for as long as you need to and I will hold you for as long as you need me to.”

With his words, suddenly a flood of emotion burst forth. Pressed against his chest you let yourself sob, groan, and scream. Muffling yourself against his skin, you let out the rage and anxiety that pent up for the last few weeks. He was right, you shouldn’t have bottled this up, the heat in your chest made you feel like you were in the throat of a dragon.

It took a few minutes but you soon realized Gale was whispering in your ear. Straining your ears to hear the soft words he spoke. Between your sobs and frustration, you could hear him say, “I love you.” “my heart has never ached more for anyone than it does for you.” “I will be here for you always, you just have to let me in.”

For the first time you could admit the truth. “I’m scared,” You said, finally regaining control of your breathing.

“What are you scared of, my sweet?” Gale asked, now rocking the two of you back and forth.

“Of everything.” You said, taking deep long breaths now as you come down from the all too embarrassing tear filled journey you just took in Gales arms. Moving ever so slightly you rest your head on his shoulder, wishing your nose wasn’t now stuffy so you could breathe in his scent.

Softly you let your lips kiss the soft skin of his neck, admitting to yourself that this really had gone for too long. So, you started to let it all go.. There in Gale’s arms you tell him your whole story. You admit that before the whole venture started you had been alone for quite some time. It has made you view sharing things with others a burden because who could you trust when you were mostly alone. You spoke about those you failed and how they haunt your dreams but the biggest fear of all, was the fear of waking up and realizing Gale had only been a dream the whole time.

At the mention of himself, Gale chuckled. “You aren’t going to lose me. The road we traveled was a rough one, and even with everything I know, I would trade all the stars in the sky, all the air in my lungs, even all my books just to spend every last moment I live with you.”

Your eyebrows raise as he mentions his book collection. “You’re really serious,” you said, lifting your head to look at him with surprise. You search his face for anything other than the serious look he now wore.

“I don’t joke about my book collection sweetheart,” he said, gently placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I don’t deserve you, I feel like all I’ve done is trick you.”

This time Gale placed his lips against yours. Slow and soft, his hand moving to rest on the back of your head, his fingers running through your hair. You’ve known Gale was one who showed his love more than he spoke about it, but he was good at both nonetheless. You could feel the pure emotion he put forth in his kiss. He took his time kissing each section of your face, wanting you to feel as loved and precious as he viewed you. When his lips found yours again it was like your heart was suddenly being filled with more love for this wizard than you ever thought possible.

Once your lungs ached for air you finally pulled away from his lips. Gathering your composer you finally explained the rest of your insecurities, you finally explained your fear of losing him and how it felt to feel your heart break into a million tiny pieces from the uncertainties of his survival that day.

“Every day I get with you feels like a dream… and when I sleep… the nightmares are my reality. Everything has just felt too good to be true. I’m sorry Gale… I know this side of me isn’t what you signed up for,” you tell him, your eyes meeting his.

Gale leaned forward, kissing your forehead for a long moment before pulling back and resting his own against yours so you could share each other's breath. “My love, when I asked you to marry me, I meant it. There is no one in this world or in the heavens that I have loved so fully and who has made me feel like just being me is good enough. I want to stay beside you, no matter what life brings. Be that nightmares, blissful dreams, fights, love making, every moment I get to spend with you makes me feel like the luckiest man alive.”

“I have never loved someone the way I love you,” you say in return. “That’s why it scares me so much. Now that all of that is behind us, it’s like my mind won’t just let me be. We’ve been through so much, we’ve shared so much. What if I ruin this?”

“I won’t let you,” he said simply. “I will just have to remind you how loved and cherished you are.” With that Gale tilted his head and caught your lips in another kiss. Gentle and sweet. You could feel love move through him, making your heart skip. “I have an idea that might help… maybe not right away but with time I think we can change the way your mind has tried to trick you.”

“I’d do just about anything to make this end and get to just live… here with you,” You say softly.

Sitting up straighter Gale smiled down at you in his arms. “Good, I love you… we’ll do this in two parts. First, every morning, I want you to tell me five things that make you happy. It doesn’t matter what they are or why they make you happy. You just need to remind yourself that there are plenty of things that bring you joy. Then second, I want you to tell me something we could do together that would make you feel better.”

Your cheeks flush from the first thought that crossed your mind when he said this. A small smile creeping onto your lips as your teeth start to lightly chew on your bottom lip. “Like making love under the stars like we used to?” You mumbled. Sex felt like it should be the farthest thing from your mind, but the stolen nights the two of you shared on the road were some of the most comforting and happy moments you remember having in your whole life. 

With a smirk and a chuckle Gale nodded. “That my love, I can provide.”

[so-sangthearcher]

GVF and crying!reader

warnings: just a touch of angst

Josh

You've had a terrible day.

From people pissing you off at work, to spilling your lunch on the floor, to the grocery store being out of the one thing you needed, the only thing you stopped for.

So when Josh called and said he'd be home late from the studio, you broke.

"That's fine, see you in a little bit baby," you said, willing your voice not to crack, wiping at your eyes. "Are you okay?" You heard Josh's voice crackled through the speaker, "Yeah," you sighed, not wanting to keep him any longer, "'M okay. I- uh. I'm gonna get started on dinner, Love you." your voice cracked on those last two words, and you hung up before he could say anything else.

You dropped your phone onto the couch cushion next to you, curling in on yourself, and allowing the tears to flow freely down your face. You let out a short sob, wanting nothing more than to be held by Josh, but he was working late, and you felt awful bothering him over something so trivial. So, you sat for what felt like years, hoping you'd be calm by the time Josh did get home.

Through your tears, you didn't hear the front door open, Josh's sudden presence going unnoticed until he spoke. "Baby, what's wrong?"

You jumped at his voice. "Josh?" you croaked, sniffling and wiping your face, "W- I thought you had to stay late?"

"You sounded so upset on the phone, I thought being here with you was more important."

You cracked at this confession, a fresh wave of tears pouring from your eyes. "I just had such an awful day, I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like you needed to come home," you stuttered out, burying your face in your hands.

You felt Josh's palms against your cheeks, "You are the love of my life, I want to be here when you have awful days, to hold you and make you feel better. I came home because I wanted to, because you're worth it." He said gently, eyes shining. You sniffled again, leaning into his touch, letting him hold you like you so desperately needed.

After you calmed down, tears finally stopping, you told Josh about your day, apologizing once more before he stopped you. "Babe, you are allowed to have bad days, do you know how many times you've made me feel better have a shitty day? So many times I've lost count! If me being here to hold you is what makes you feel better, then there's no where I'd rather be. Plus, Sam was getting on my damn nerves. So you really saved me," he teased, making you giggle. "There's that smile," he sighed, before moving to press a sweet kiss to your lips.

"Now, let's order thai food from that place down the street." he said, making you laugh and roll your eyes. How'd you ever get so lucky?

Jake

Jake wasn't one to have over the top emotions, he was a level headed man (most of the time). You were the polar opposite, you suppose that's what made you two perfect for each other. Balance was the thing of like, you know.

Though, you couldn't help but look back on the first time Jake saw you cry.

It was about 3 months after you had officially started dating, putting a label on it, you were his and he was yours. And with comfortability, came arguments. No one said love was easy.

Jake had been coming home late, coming home reeking of alcohol, not bothering to say hello, or even acknowledge your presence. It was a trend you were getting tired of, but when you brought it up to him, it was the same response. "I'm fine babe, you know how you get. Emotions are a little dramatic," He'd say, brushing you off, reacting only in the slightest.

And you'll admit, you were quick to anger, quick to react, really. But for the second week in a row of this behavior, it was really grating on you. You missed the man you met.

So one morning after he came home, smelling like the bar, you struck up a conversation.

"Jake, babe. I- I have to be honest, I'm a little worried about you," you started, voice soft. "Don't be," He said flippantly, not bothering to even glance at you. "Jake, please." You urged, finally catching his attention.

"Are you really that bothered about me going out, y/n? It's not that serious," he scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I don't want to start an argument-" you started.

"Fine, then let's just stop here."

"I just-"

"I said, stop."

"Jake-"

"Y/n, ENOUGH."

You gasped at his tone, tears making their way to your eyes. You willed them not to fall, worried at the reaction they'd get from your boyfriend. "I just... I miss you Jake. I-if there's anything I can do..." you trailed, voice wobbling.

He finally looked at you, noticing the way your eyes shined, tears threatening to spill. You blinked, allowing them to stream down your face, looking anywhere but his face.

"Y/n..." His voice was soft.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so. I try so hard to be good to you, and I'm fucking it up. I love you, so much. I- I was scared. I've never-" He paused, voice getting caught in his throat. He sniffled before continuing, "I've never felt this way for anyone before. I don't know... How to do this..." He shook his head, his own tears falling from his eyes.

"I want to be in this with you, Jake. I want all of you, not just what you pretend to be. I love you," you breathed, pulling his body into yours, feeling the way his tears wet the fabric of your shirt.

In that moment, your emotions were equal to each others, and you felt stronger in your relationship ever since that moment.

And you know, that when you cry, so does he. Because even though he doesn't show it, he feels just as deeply as you do. And that's why you two are meant for each other.

Daniel

Danny tended to be an emotional man despite his outward appearance.

He wasn't afraid to laugh or cry in front of you. He only really hid his emotions when he was infront of the crowd. Willing the tears of overwhelming pride not to fall.

You loved this about him, you loved the way he wore his heart on his sleeve, it made you feel like you could too. Still, you seldom cried, and even less so in front of others.

Watching him on stage always made you feel some type of way. But tonight, the first show of the tour, you were beside yourself. The way they all lit up, their smiles enough to light the stage by themselves.

It was a truly beautiful experience.

They went through the show with no mishaps, watching the boys pass out the roses, watching Danny toss his sticks into the crowd. The way the fans rallied around them was heart warming, and you were honored to be a part of it.

For some reason, as Danny exited the stage, you were overcome with the emotion of the show, all the joy, and excitement crashing down on you, tears springing up to your eyes. Danny rushed towards you, pulling you into his sweaty embrace. You couldn't even bring yourself to care about the sweat that dripped off his curls.

He pulled away to smack a kiss on your lips, "did you like the show?" he breathed, that toothy smile gracing his features. You took a deep breath, and gave him a watery smile.

"Babe what's wrong?" worry seeping into his tone, eyes searching yours for an answer.

"I'm just so proud of you," you whispered, voice cracking, "I- I don't know. I just- I love seeing you do what you love, it makes me happy."

He smiled at you, "So... Happy tears?" he asked.

You let out a watery laugh, and nodded, "Yeah, happy tears." You sniffled.

"Good, for a second I was worried I was gonna have to start groveling or something." He teased, making you scoff. "I'm glad you liked the show, babe." He said finally, leaning down to give you another soft kiss, and wiping the stray tears from your face.

Sam

Being clumsy and liking to hike wasn't a great combination. You've tripped over air before, and willingly going to a place full of rocks and holes isn't the best idea.

But you loved to hike! So you and Sam packed Rosie in the car and headed off.

The day started off fine, you taking Rosie and trucking ahead while Sam stayed back a few feet, he'd brought his film camera and wanted to get some photos of the day. So far, you'd made it through with nothing but a stumble, and you got a little too comfortable, a little too confident in your balancing abilities.

You handed Roses leash to Sam and jumped up onto a rock, "Careful, babe!" Sam warned, aiming his camera at you as you posed, capturing a few moments.

You clambered of the rock with no issues, throwing Sam a confident "I'm doing great." But that notion was short lived as you stepped in a slick spot of mud, and promptly met the ground. "Fuck!" you said out of surprise as you fell, the rocky ground cutting into your knees, stinging tears rising to your eyes.

Your ankle twinged as you shifted, "Ah shit, y/n. Don't move, babe," Sam fretted, not noticing your tears. You sniffled as you shifted, tears from pain and embarrassment finally falling, "Y/n? Are you crying? What hurts?" Sam said, kneeling in front of you, Rose rounding to lick you in the face. You sniffled and pushed her away gently. "I'm fine," you muttered, cheeks burning red. You don't know why you were embarrassed, this was a common occurrence, but combined with the pain and the distress of ruining the day.

Sam brushed the stray hairs from your face, "will you tell me why you're crying?" Sam asked, worry etched onto his features. You turned away from his gaze, tears still streaming. "Well. I guess I'll just have to cheer you up," He sighed, standing straight.

You arched your brow at him, "knock knock" he started, and you sighed. "Y/n. Knock. Knock." He insisted. You rolled your eyes, "Who's there?" you croaked. "Babe will ya get the door!" he called, grinning stupidly. You couldn't help but giggle, "That was so stupid, Sam."

"Ah but it made you smile, didn't it?" he sang, thrusting a hand towards you to help you up. You groaned as you stood, rolling your ankle a few times as you did so. "You sure you aren't hurt?" Sam asked, softness seeping into his tone.

You smiled at him, "Yeah, just a couple of scratches, my ankle hurts a bit too but I'll be okay. I was mostly embarrassed." You said with a blush.

"Oh well now that just won't do! We both know I'm the embarrassing one!" he scoffed, looking around. He spotted another hiker down the path a little ways, "Hold on." He said, mischievous glint in his eye.

You watched as he walked up to the hiker "'Scuse me, sir. I really had to go but I'm not sure if I did it quite right... Can you see if there are any stains on my shorts?" He said loudly, causing you to stifle a laugh as the fellow hiker grimaced and sped around him.

"Sam, you are ridiculous." you laughed, smile unwavering. "Well, yeah. I had to get even." He said seriously.

You rolled your eyes fondly, but you knew he'd do anything for you, and you'd do the same in return.

[snixkers]

Coffee Stains

Pairing: Elle Greenaway × GN!Reader

Hurt/Comfort

For: @thenightmaredrowns

Content Warnings: Light cursing, mentions of hostage situations, Elle throws something, mentions of trauma

Summary: Everyone thinks Elle is fine after being held hostage on a train. You don't agree.

Author's Note: I've been WAITING to write something about Elle, she deserved so much better!

Feedback is always welcome!

Requests are OPEN

You were worried. It had been almost a week since Elle had been held hostage in a train, cuffed and helpless while the rest of the team did their best to save her.

She was always headstrong and independent, but lately, she was more withdrawn. Everyone assumed she was probably just embarassed, but you were sure there was more to it.

Elle sat at her desk with her coffee in hand, opening her emails and responding to the important ones. No banter with Morgan, no teasing Reid, no gossip with JJ. In a whole team of profilers, how were you the only one who noticed?

You leaned over the dividers, trying to make small talk and see if that helped. "What did you order this morning?"

She just shrugged, checking the label and taking another sip. "Some chocolate latte.".

Not to be put off by her cold attitude, you pushed through. "Is it any good?"

She shook her head, her tone becoming slightly more annoyed as she realized what you were up to. "Actually, it sucks."

"Oh. What's wrong with it?".

Elle just stood up, throwing her coffee into the nearby wastebasket, splattering her clothes and your own lightly. "Order your own if you're that interested."

You stared after her as she left, noting everyone else's startled gazes matching yours. After a few seconds, you slipped off to the bathroom, knowing that's where she usually went to be alone.

You knocked once, twice, three times, trying to get her attention. She swung the door open, narrowing her eyes.

"Can you just leave me the hell alone?"

The door started to swing closed, but you stopped it with your foot. "Please, Elle. Just talk to me?"

She sighed, all the fight going out of her as she leaned against the sink. "Fine. But you only have a couple minutes."

You nodded gratefully, watching her try to wipe the coffee stain off in vain. "That's enough for me. Elle, we have to talk about the train."

She shook her head, throwing away the paper towels and straightening up. "No."

"Elle, you said I had a couple minutes. You've been acting differently ever since then, and I know it's difficult for you to talk about it."

She rolled her eyes as her body language became more guarded. "Did Hotch put you up to this? Or maybe Gideon?"

You just shook your head, keeping your voice level. "I'm doing this because I'm worried about you."

She looked around the bathroom before turning away from you. "You don't have to be worried about me."

You crossed the bathroom, looking her in her eyes and shocked to see tears collecting. "I already am. Please, talk to me."

She sniffled before letting the damn break, bursting into tears and burying her face in your shoulders. You patted her back awkwardly, waiting for her to speak.

Elle took a second to wipe her eyes before looking back up at you. "I'm an FBI agent for an elite unit, but I was still as useless as the rest of the civilians."

You nodded sympathetically, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I know, I get it. But it's not your fault. You were caught off guard."

She shakes her head, sniffling again. "It's not just that. The team functioned just fine without me. I bet if I left, they'd have a replacement in no time."

You shook your head quickly, trying to convince her how crazy that was. "No, listen to me. We were struggling without you. You're important to this team."

She hiccupped softly, nodding half heartedly and turning to the mirror to start washing up. "Alright."

You splashed some water on your white button-up trying to get out the coffee stains from earlier. She laughed slightly as she saw them, looking apologetic. "I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry."

The coffee was definitely going to leave a stain, but you reassured her that it was okay. "It's fine. You made it less boring."

[brighteststar707]

Hi I want to request tipsy with V please. It's been a while since we properly talk Faye and I'm so excited to read the things you will write for this event!

It has been so long since we last properly talked, isn't it! I hope life is treating you well, Xela. It's been so long since I've written for Jihyun but I had a lot of fun with this request and I hope I did him justice!

Tipsy Date

✦ Jihyun x Reader

A half-empty bottle of wine sits between your knees, and somewhere in the back of your mind you are aware of the condensation that's collecting on your legs and making you cold. The grass rustles in the breeze and  tickles your skin.

You are content. With the view: flowers and greenery as far as the eye can see, the sun and clouds overhead and the scent of grass filling the air. With the company: Jihyun is buoyant today, filled with an infectious joy and slight hint of mischief you're indulging. With the drink: wine, a gift from Jumin from a recent visit.

Jihyun had whipped the bottle out of the fridge this afternoon and insisted on enjoying it outside in the fields surrounding your home. The weather had been temperamental lately, and he had spent the past few days holed up in his studio, appearing only every so often to give you a peck on the cheek and bring you into the studio to ask for your opinion on his latest piece.

The drink has gone to your head already, as you warned him it would after your first sip. At the time, he had only grinned in response, as if this was his plan all along.

Your legs are bare, you are more relaxed than you have been in a while, leaning back, basking in the sun and taking in the sight of Jihyun in front of you. His cheeks are slightly flushed, both from the drink and the sun overhead.

He rubs the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Do I have something on my face?”

You squint for a second, then shake your head. It wouldn't be the first time he has walked around with a drop of paint or charcoal smudge on his cheeks.

“No, why?”

“You've been staring for a while. I was getting worried.”

You giggle. You have both come a long way in the time you have been together, but sometimes the old insecurities peek through. It's ridiculous to you, in this state, that he cannot understand how he still enraptures you.

“I'm just enjoying the view.”

Now it is his turn to laugh. It's a silly line that somehow still works on him after all this time.

“I should have brought my camera,” he says. “The lighting and the scenery are perfect for some portrait shots.”

“We'll just have to come out and do this again soon. Wine and all.” You reply. He recently started giving you photography lessons and you already had a small collection of snaps forming.

You agree with him, though. The clouds in the sky today remind you of a painting of a moody artist - wispy white under more defined silver-lined clouds. The breeze becomes a gust, and you can taste a storm in the air.

You can see it already, the two of you in front of the fireplace tonight, heads still light and stomachs full of something hearty, listening to the pattering rain outside and knowing you have each other safe and warm.

You pick up the bottle and bring it to your lips once more. It's a fine wine, and you make a mental note to take note of the label later.

You hold out the bottle in front of you and jiggle it slightly in front of his eyes.

“It's almost empty. What's the plan now?”

He takes it from you and finishes it off, tipping the bottle all the way back.

“I'm not sure. I hadn't planned this far ahead.”

“So your plan was just to get drunk in a field?”

“Yes. Romantic, isn't it?”

“You're no better than a teenager.”

He laughs again. “Maybe not. But you must admit it's fun.”

You find you don't have a contradiction to make. You feel light and buzzy, and were it not for the rain you're sure is coming, you could sit here all day. 

He smiles at you, pleased at this little back-and-forth. It has become the language of your love, these little teasing exchanges, punctuated with smiles and little prods and laughter. Easy and happy.

“Hold that pose,” you say suddenly, reaching around in the grass for your phone.

He raises a quizzical eyebrow but otherwise sits obediently.

Your phone camera is far less professional than his camera, and it doesn't quite catch the depth of the clouds and sunlight. What it does catch, however, is the glow of Jihyun's cheeks and the affection and softness in his eyes.

[coffeecat1983]

Mario Bros Then and Now (feat Tony and Arthur): Home Sweet Home

Time: Early June 2023. Luigi pushed open the front door with his shoulder, turning once he was inside. He had a medium sized box in his hands labelled 'books'. It had taken a lot of work but the Bros were finally moved in to their own home in the Mushroom Kingdom. Over the course of a few weeks Peach had snuck a small army of toads in to Brooklyn at night to gather the packed items and take them back through the warp.

The last thing to go was the furniture with Giovanni and the twins helping out. Even the beds had been dismantled and transported down to the smallest bolt. Once the Bros broke the news that the house was built, Marianna had gotten into the hall closet and pulling something out, handed it to them at the dining table. "I've been saving this for when you two move. A little piece of home." Luigi teared up and Mario was speechless. It was more of the wallpaper from their bedroom. It had gone up in their new room. The toads worked with love and care to put it in place, and once it was done Giovanni and Arthur got to work putting the beds together. Meanwhile Marianna and Tony helped with kitchen items and the living room. Now the Bros were alone in their new home, and Luigi had just brought in the last box that had been left outside. Setting it down, he heaved a sigh. "Phew, I think this is the last one." he grunted as he stretched and popped his back. "Moving through a warp made moving cross-country look easy, huh big bro?" His brother didn't reply. Leaving the small entryway, Luigi found his older brother standing in the living room, surrounded by boxes. His cap was off and his arms were folded. He looked, Luigi thought, lost. "Mario?" he was gentle as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You okay?"

Mario didn't look at him, instead his gaze remained on all the boxes. "I didn't think it would feel this weird." he finally said. "Bein' in our own place." "You having second thoughts?" Luigi silently admitted to himself that he had been worried about the move. Out of Brooklyn was one thing, but to a new world altogether, well that was terrifying. Mario let out a soft laugh. "Nah, no second thoughts. Just we've always been in that apartment. Now it's a whole house for us. Uncle Art and Tony aren't across the hall, Ma, Dad, Papa Sal, they won't be here when we get up…" "Heh, I see what you mean. It is kinda weird." Clearing his throat, he went over to a box and opening it, took out a video game and held it up. "But h-hey, we can stay up late now playin' games!" he set the game aside and pulled out a movie. "Or watch movies as loud as we want, there's no other houses close by." His attempt to cheer him up worked, he made Mario laugh. "Yeah, you're right, Lu. How about we get your music player set up and start unpackin'? Oh, and Ma wants us back tonight for dinner." Luigi's eyes lit up and digging in his pocket, he pulled out his little music player and turning it on, cranked up the volume.

That evening in Brooklyn, the Bros were surprised to find the whole family gathered for dinner like it was Sunday evening. "What's all this?" Mario asked as they entered to cheers from their relatives. "Hey kid! Gotta celebrate you two gettin' your own place." Arthur said, holding up a wineglass. Marianna slipped behind the Bros as they were taking their seats and leaning in, kissed them both on the cheek. "My boys, so proud of you two!" she beamed. "How's it feel havin' your own place?" Marie spoke next. Mario let out a soft laugh, glancing at Luigi. "It, ah, it feels, well…" he hesitated. "Weird?" Tony volunteered. Mario's shoulders visibly relaxed. "Y-Yeah, that. Just, not being so close to you all is really different." Tony sat back, arms folded. "Sound familiar, Art?" Arthur groaned past his sip of wine. Setting the glass down he shook his head. "God, that first day in the basement felt like the Twilight Zone…"

August 1999.

Tony stepped back, taking in the sight of the freshly made bed. He swallowed hard. Seeing the powder blue of his bedspread all alone without Arthur's yellow and white stripped spread nearby was jarring. "Beds are made." he called as he went to the kitchen. Not getting a reply, he popped his head around the doorway. His twin was in the living room, rubbing his arm as he stood surrounded by boxes. His hair was ruffled, the loose strands hanging down nearly to his eyes. "Hey, lil bro, you in there?" Tony teasingly waved a hand in front of his face and Arthur jerked, coming out of his thoughts. He sputtered and waved his hands, playfully pushing Tony back. "What're you doin', ya idiot?" he said with a laugh. "There you are. You okay? Looked like you were lost." Shuffling past the boxes of movies and comic books, Arthur plopped down on the secondhand couch they had gotten. "I feel lost." he softly admitted. "New place, not having the family with us," he looked at Tony, "seperate rooms." Tony sat beside him, sighing. "Yeah, definitely weird. We've always had people around, and shared a room." Arthur quietly agreed. They couldn't afford one of the upper apartments that would give them a room big enough to share, and with Marianna expecting her babies, they had to take what they could get to give their old room to their nephews. Something that neither resented, but it meant a big change and it was hitting them hard. Tony sat back, looking at the blank walls. "I mean, yeah we got separate rooms but we got the whole place to ourselves." He nudged Arthur and jerked a thumb towards a long, thin box. "And Gio never liked posters on the living room walls…" Arthur broke into a grin as he caught on. When Marianna came down in the elevator to see how the twins were doing, she found them both singing as Arthur hung up movie posters and Tony filled the bookcases with their movies and music. "Hi Ma!" Tony waved before turning down the stereo and going to give her a hug. Her eyes sparkled brightly as she entered and looked around. "Well look at you two! You're gonna turn it into your own place in no time." "You like it?" Tony asked nervously. "I know Gio never liked posters in the living room." Marianna laughed. "Oh he's stubborn! I think you boys are doing a wonderful job. But how about a break and some dinner? Can't have a good sleep in a new place without a full stomach."

"We had a good sleep all right," Arthur finished the story. "Passed out on the couch together watching movies!"

Giovanni shook his head as he folded his arms. "Thankfully you two moved on a weekend and didn't have work the next day." "Gettin' to the point," Tony said, "I know it feels weird but give it time. It'll feel like home pretty quick." After dinner and a movie with the twins, the Bros made the trip back, both stopping outside the house. The little porch light by the door cast a warm and welcoming glow. "You know somethin', Lu?" "Hmm?" Mario smiled at his little brother. "Feels good to be home."

END By "CC"

[babytarttdoodoo]

i love your prompt fills! <3 so, a prompt for me: jamie and roy go out for a beer again, they don't have a fight this time! platonic or romantic is fine, wtv you prefer, i just want them to have a nice time lol

I actually had so much fun writing this and it very quickly became what could be the start to my post-S3 universe that I've been spinning headcanons and lore for.

Because of that, it ends a little weird, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.

---

Jamie was picking at the edges of the label on his beer bottle. His thumbnails had scraped a nice little mound of soggy, gluey paper onto the shiny surface of the bar and didn't show signs of stopping.

He'd elected for a seat near the door. If this all went sideways, he wanted to make a quick retreat before it came to blows. Again.

His phone buzzed.

From: Roy Running behind. Be there in 5.

Well, he wasn’t being stood up, at least.

To: Roy No worries mate. I’ll get a round in 🍻😜

Jamie flagged down the bartender and asked for another beer, not bothering to replace his own barely touched bottle.

True to his word, Roy strode into Bones & Honey a few minutes later, predictably dressed down in jeans and a leather jacket. Jamie had opted for a nice shirt this time, since his (albeit designer) hoodie had left him feeling out of place on their last outing, even before it got ruined.

He gave Roy a little wave to catch his attention and smiled when he drew close.

“Heya, lad. Just got you a beer, that okay?”

Roy grunted, taking in the two drinks and the pile of scraped up label. His eyebrows did something complicated.

For a moment, Jamie thought Roy was going to berate him for having alcohol and felt indignation swell in his chest. He could do what he fucking liked during the off-season, thank you very much.

He didn’t, though. His gaze lingered on Jamie’s hands around the bottle for another second before he took his seat without complaint and all the fight response deflated from Jamie’s hackles as Roy took a sip from his own waiting beer.

“Sorry I’m late,” he offered, clearing his throat. “Had to drop Phoebe off at her mum’s.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jamie said. “How is she?”

Roy narrowed his eyes, unfairly suspicious of a perfectly innocent question. “My niece or my sister?”

Jamie snorted, freeing up some of the tightness in his chest. “Phoebe. But if Ruth’s been asking about me…?”

“She fucking hasn’t.”

“Right, then, the nine-year-old it is.”

He grinned cheekily in the face of Roy’s eyeroll, sure he wasn’t imagining the faint twitch of a smile.

“Phoebe spent two hours explaining why she’s planning to cover her room in magic plants or some shit for the summer solstice and only shut up when I gave her ice cream so, apparently, she’s getting weirder. But, yeah, she’s fine.”

Jamie nodded, considering. “Mint. Kids are fucking bizarre. It’s brilliant.”

The quick little exhale of air from Roy might have qualified as a laugh if Jamie were feeling generous. As it was, he was more preoccupied by how… weird Roy was sitting.

He was rigid as a board on the plush stool, leaning decidedly away from Jamie with a hand gripped on the edge of the bar. It looked as uncomfortable as fuck.

“D’you want to move?” Jamie suggested, wondering if the high seat was messing with Roy’s knee, or back, or some other old man body part. “There’s a free table over there.”

Roy’s eyes followed Jamie’s gesture to the booths set along the back of the room and he shook his head. “This is fine.”

“You sure? ‘Cause you look one sneeze away from falling over.”

Roy sighed heavily and made a visible effort to relax, settling more comfortably. “There. Better?”

“You tell me, mate,” Jamie said, bewildered.

Roy grunted again and took a long pull from his beer. It seemed to fortify him for voicing whatever was spinning around in his head.

“Thank you,” he eventually settled on, growling like the words had been dragged unwillingly through his clenched teeth. “For. Suggesting this. We didn’t… I didn’t know if you still wanted to be… Friends. After.” He waved a hand around, gesturing to their surroundings and clearly referencing the last time they’d been there.

“Oh.” Jamie blinked, pleasantly surprised by the admission. “Well, yeah. Didn’t get much of a chance to straighten all that out, did we? I were on a plane fairly quick after the season.”

Roy nodded, staring back at the bartop with that same intensity Jamie could now recognise as discomfort with the subject matter. Or, at least, mostly that.

“Keeley didn’t go with you.”

It wasn’t a question but Jamie answered it anyway. “Er, no. Doubt you’d have wanted to be trapped with me on the other side of the world after all that, either.”

He had been disappointed when Keeley emailed to say Barbara was going to be accompanying him ”for the sake of their professional relationship”. It was fair - it still hurt.

Barbara turned out to be a surprisingly good laugh, though, and was very protective of their contract. In turn, that meant she was militant about ensuring Jamie was taken care of on every shoot and that he got a say in what went to production.

She even kept up with their entirely GIF-based text thread after returning home. It was nice.

“Wouldn’t have minded a free holiday.” Roy broke into Jamie’s thoughts with a shrug and it took him a second to catch up to the conversation again. When he did, he scowled at Roy’s poorly disguised smirk.

“Eh, it weren’t an holiday! I was working! Don’t need to be rude just because no one‘s wanted to take your picture in the last century.”

Jamie sniffed and took a sulky swig of his beer.

“Oi.” Roy knocked their shoulders together. “I’m just joking. I know you work hard.”

“Yeah, well, everyone would do if it were easy, wouldn’t they?”

Roy tilted his head in a ‘fair point’ kind of way and shifted to face Jamie, instead of being actively primed for an escape. “Got anything else lined up for the summer?”

Jamie hummed and shrugged. “Driving up to Manchester next week. Not staying long, though. Mummy and Simon are going on holiday for most of August. Might see if any of the City lads are about.”

“Didn’t realise you still talked to that lot.”

“Not many of the first team. But there’s guys on the reserves and doing PT stuff now that I came up with. We still try to hang out when there’s a few of us in the same place.” Even though Roy seemed more curious than judgemental, Jamie wondered if he was about to be accused of divided loyalties.

He would definitely be at risk of a hefty fine from the team for ‘cavorting with the enemy’ if he ever went on a night out in Manchester during the season.

“You got any friends like that?”

“A few.” Roy’s face turned pensive. “No one from my Sunderland days is playing anymore but I’ve been invited to weddings and shit. Stopped talking to anyone at Chelsea when I left.”

Jamie scoffed. “What’d you do that for?”

The immediate tension in Roy’s jaw made him regret asking but, to Jamie’s surprise, a moment later he took a deep breath and offered an explanation.

“I didn’t want reminders. Wanted to… fucking… disappear. Fuck off and… be forgotten.”

Jamie gaped. “But you’re Roy Kent.”

Roy barked a laugh. “Yeah. Suppose I forgot that for a bit.”

Jamie huffed and shook his head, draining the rest of his beer to cover the warm feeling in his chest at making Roy genuinely laugh.

“Alright, then, you’re an old weirdo with no friends. What are you up to for the rest of the summer?”

The good humour deflated out of Roy again and Jamie immediately regretted whatever had tumbled out of his mouth to cause that reaction.

“I, uh, I’ve been talking to my doctors a lot.” He looked down at his beer, grip turning white-knuckled around the glass. “Looks like I need a partial knee replacement. Soon, if I want to be… fucking upright by the start of the season.”

“Fuck,” Jamie exhaled lowly, glancing down to the leg in question and worrying again about the high bar stool. “They can fix it, though?”

“Theoretically. Said that last time, though, didn’t they?”

Jamie blinked. “What last time?”

Roy turned to him with a furrowed brow. “Oh, right. That was before you came back.”

“You, er, you had to have surgery, then?” Jamie felt vaguely ill. “When you retired?”

“Yeah. Small one. Didn’t help like it was supposed to.” Roy shrugged. “Artho-something. Just made it worse, then better for a bit, then back to a shitting mess in the span of a month.”

Jamie nodded, processing that. Any thoughts he’d spared to Richmond that summer had revolved about Ted and the little army man he still had in his trophy case. He’d avoided thinking about the game that got them relegated as much as possible. Fucking awful night all round, that had been.

Thoughts about Roy, when he let himself linger on them, had been ugly, tainted with guilt and resentment.

His tongue darted out to nervously wet his lips.

“Well, let me know when you’re out of commission this time, yeah? Need me coach to get me back in shape, don’t I?”

Roy chuckled again, smaller this time, and Jamie instantly felt lighter.

“Alright, fair enough.” Roy indicated the empty bottle Jamie was still titling around between his hands. “Same again?”

“Yeah. Yeah, go on then.”

[diogenescynic2288]

Sunday Sermon 2: On Laws

Happy Sunday to all again. I am once again writing to you as Pope Orion Orangutan Omnibenevolence Kosmos Yes or POOKY.

So, the last sermon I delivered might have seemed to offer instruction, advice, or command in regards to chilling and maybe being nice. That was not my intent. It was at most, a suggestion. I am not an Enlightened One. I'm not more in touch with the Divine than anyone else.

While I'm writing these, I do invoke my Discordian Pope title. That does not make me an authority. I took the expensive route to Discordian Papacy: I bought a ten dollar used copy of the Steve Jackson Games printing of the Principia Discordia and then made a fifteen cent photocopy at FedEx Kinkos of the page with the Be Your Own Pope card. That does not elevate me above anyone else. All who decide to join the Golden Apple Corps of Eris are equally in the Discordian Papacy.

I'll own up to a thing: back when I was in late high school or my year of college, I came to identify with the label of anarchism or libertarianism coming to it from left-leaning reasons. For instance, at that time, gay marriage was a controversial issue and not yet legal across the United States of America, and I had a simple stupid solution: marriage is no longer a legal status for anyone straight or gay, the government just doesn't do marriage anymore. Marriage equality achieved.

Anyway, as a budding anarchist, attempting to have a consistent moral philosophy of life, I started thinking about Christianity, particularly the church my parents had been raising me in. If top down authority and distinctions of station are evils when talking about the world of human politics, are they any less so when applied to religion? Long story short, maybe God exists, but he's a tyrant and All Clergy Are Bastards.

Today's reading is from The Gospel of Mary Magdalene I'm drawing my wording from The Essential Gnostic Gospels translated by Alan Jacobs published by Watkins 2009:

Then Jesus greeted them saying, “Peace be with you all.

Take my peace into your Selves; be watchful so nobody leads

you astray claiming “Look there, look here for the son of man.”

I tell you that the son of man is within you all!

Seek him inside; those who search diligently

and earnestly shall surely find him.

Then leave and preach the truth of the Kingdom

to those with ears to hear;

don't invent rules beyond those I've given.

Don't make laws like law-makers do

or else you'll be held back.”

After he had said this he left.

[I'm skipping a bit to get to the next part I want to quote]

Mary answered, “What's concealed from you I'll tell;

I saw him in a vision and I told him.

He said, “Blessed are you that your strength

wasn't shaken by my appearance,

for where the heart is lies buried treasure.”

[another skip still Mary talking]

When my soul had conquered ignorance it rose up

and saw the fourth power, which assumes seven forms.

The first is darkness, the second desire, then ignorance,

fear of death, power of the flesh, foolish reason,

and self-righteous pedantry.

These are the powers of anger and doubt; they ask,

“From where did you come, killer of men;

where are you heading, slayer of space?”

My soul replied, “What bound me is dead,

what enveloped me has been vanquished;

my desires are over and ignorance is no more.

In this life I was freed from the world

and the chains of forgetfulness.

From now on I will rest in the eternal now;

for this age, this aeon, and in stillness.”

So today's lesson from POOKY is: Yeshua and Miriam also say no laws, free yourself from ignorance and pedantry.

Good Day of the Sun unto you all.

[negative-speedforce]

Crisis on Infinite Earths - E-2002 Edition

might make this a series, might not, here's some recommended listening if you want to get emotional

"The sky- it's red." Hailey stood up, looking out the window. "Crisis has started. We should go."

Siv nodded. "You're right."

Hailey hesitated for a moment. "There's nothing we can do, is there?"

Siv shook their head. "I don't think so. If the sky's red, most likely, it's already too late."

"I'm not ready to die." Hailey took a deep breath. "I mean, I've already died once, but twice?"

"It's a lot. I know." Siv took Hailey's hand. "Want me to grab a couple bottles, for the end of the world?"

Hailey sat down next to Siv. "Yeah. I guess. Get the 2014 Merlot, the one in the grey bottle."

Siv stood up, walking to the kitchen, where they took two of the wine bottles from the counter, bringing them back to Hailey's bedroom. "These ones?"

Hailey nodded, putting down her phone. "Yeah. Cell service is down, by the way." She took both the corks out, tipping her bottle against her lips. "If you could talk to anyone right now, who would you talk to? What would you say?"

Siv thought for a moment, taking a sip from their bottle. "My sister. Her name's Esme. We were close as kids, but drifted apart as I got older and my dad started showing very clear favoritism for me. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry. Fuck, I miss her so much. I haven't seen her since I was eighteen. Part of me is scared that she'll hate me for what I am now. What about you?"

"Me?" Hailey pondered, studying the label of her wine, adjusting her position so Siv could lean on her shoulder. "Probably Arya. They're basically my fairy godsibling. They saved my life, back in Afghanistan, and I've known them since I was six. I just want to see them one more time, tell them thank you for everything they've done for me."

"It's funny, isn't it?" Siv wiped wine from their lips with her sleeve. "Out of everyone we could be with for the end of the world, it's you and me. It could be some kind of poetic justice, since we're enemies of a sort, or perhaps, it's just coincidence or fate. But, if I had to spend the end with anyone, I'm glad it's you."

"Me too." Hailey put her bottle down. "Sky's getting redder. Are you still holding out hope?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Siv lay down next to Hailey, who quickly moved to a lying position to curl up next to them. "I've learned not to hope too much. Maybe I'm just grizzled and bitter."

"Maybe. Or you might have a point." Hailey stared up at the ceiling as the light in the room went dark, a harsh red glow as the only illumination. "Siv, listen. There's not much time left- I think that light was the sun. I just want to say, I think I'm in love with you. A lot."

"Honestly?" Siv replied, rolling so she was facing Hailey. "I have those feelings too. I wish it could have been better between us. I promise, if we get a second chance, things will be better between us."

Hailey watched as a wave of light spread through the city, obliterating everything in sight. "Close your eyes. Please."

"No. I know it's the end. But I just want to see you."

Hailey watched as the wave drew closer, averting her gaze down to Siv's deep grey eyes just before the wave hit her condo. She stroked her thumb against the scar on Siv's cheek as searing light burned through both of them.

Siv could feel her body being torn apart (again), and as time seemingly slowed to a halt, they pressed their lips to Hailey's, allowing their last moments to be spent with the woman they loved.

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

100% Dynamite! Ska, Soul, Rocksteady & Funk in Jamaica 1998 / 2015 Reggae / Reggae-Soul / Reggae-Jazz / Funk / Rocksteady

Got a terrific batch of tunes for you all today, provided by top-quality UK label Soul Jazz Records, an outfit that's best known for re-releasing all kinds of crate-dug, dusty funk, soul, and jazz music from the 60s and 70s. Basically, when it comes to the super cool niche that specializes in plumbing the extensive and obscure depths of various musically rich bygone eras, Soul Jazz's slew of compilations are often regarded as being among the best.

And something else that Soul Jazz has specifically been afforded the opportunity to excel at is Jamaican music. In 1998, they were able to launch their acclaimed Dynamite! series, a collection of compilations that someone like Island Records founder Chris Blackwell has referred to as the "University of Reggae." National legend Coxsone Dodd, who ran one of the country's most renowned record labels and recording studios, Studio One, gave Soul Jazz access to their archives, and it's allowed them to put out a near-constant stream of Studio One material since the late 90s.

So, this here is the comp that happens to kick that whole relationship off. First released in 1998 as a set of 14 tracks, it was reissued again in 2015 with five more songs added. And it simply does not disappoint. Two things that you can always come to expect from 60s and 70s Jamaican music are tremendous instrumentals as well as covers of popular songs that are shaped, bent, and made to fit the country's own distinct musical aesthetic. And this compilation supplies that pairing in droves—though not exclusively—by jumping from songs like The Marvels' 1972 reggae rendition of Aretha Franklin's "Rock Steady," or Bunny Clarke's 1975 version of William DeVaughn's all-time soul classic, "Be Thankful for What You Got" (🎶Diamond in the back, sunroof top, diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean, gangsta Whitewalls🎶 ), to hypnotic instrumentals from the likes of Lennie Hibbert and his vibraphone-laced "Real Hot," and Jackie Mittoo's keyboard-and-organ-funk groove, "Stereo Freeze."

Now, I mentioned Chris Blackwell labeling this whole series as the "University of Reggae" before, but if you look at the tracklist here, this album doesn't really seem to represent your typical 101 class. There's no Marleys, no Wailers, and no Peter Tosh. I'd contend that most of these songs, while they're made by popular Jamaican artists—though not household names among the reggae-uninitiated—they don't tend to be among their most well-known hits. Some of these were released as A-sides on singles, but most of them appear to be non-singles and deep cuts off of different LPs.

So, for the most part, this isn't really one of those surface-level, already-done-dozens-of-times greatest Jamaican hits types of comps; nothing appears to be *especially* obscure, but most of these fantastic selections aren't what you'd expect to be on a reggae comp either. But then again, this whole strategy is what has gone on to make Soul Jazz Records such an exceptional label for three whole decades in the first place.

Either way, while I wouldn't consider this a Jamaican music starter pack, if you don't really know the first thing about it, this set will show you, to an extent, what it was capable of sounding like in two of its most impactful and formative decades, as it took cues from the US, with funk, R&B, soul, and jazz, and also concurrently developed its own unique sound through a succession of ska, rocksteady, and then eventually, reggae.

An amazing compilation of old school Jamaican fare, from a...dynamite...label whose output is always worth checking out. And to push this lame pun even further, I am totally...blown away...by this first installment in this long-running series. I admittedly don't have a sizeable collection of Jamaican comps, but this is definitely the second best one I've ever come across, and by far the most eclectic. 

(The best one I've ever heard is the Shanachie label's The Power of the Trinity: Great Moments in Reggae Harmony, by the way. On both Spotify and YouTube.)

Highlights:

Toots & the Maytals - "Night and Day" The Marvels - "Rock Steady" The Upsetters - "Popcorn" Bunny Clarke - "Be Thankful" Tommy McCook - "Green Mango" Lennie Hibbert - "Real Hot" Johnny Osbourne - "We Need Love" Horace Andy - "My Soul" Jackie Mittoo - "Stereo Freeze" Cedric "Im" Brooks - "Give Rasta Glory" Dub Specialist - "Granny Scratch Scratch" Bunny Brown - "I Love the Way You Love" Phyllis Dillon - "Woman of the Ghetto" Lloyd Robinson - "Cuss Cuss" Sound Dimension - "Drum Song" Ken Boothe - "Is It Because I'm Black?"

[jeonggukkiepabo]

CRYSTAL SNOW ❄ MYG

SUMMARY: Christmas has always been a stressful time for Yoongi: buying presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies, you name it-Yoongi does it. It wouldn't be so difficult if Yoongi had someone to help him, but all he has left in his life is his beautiful daughter Ara.But maybe this year, he won't be all alone.

GENRE: christmas fluff  ❄ a bit of smut

WORD COUNT: 7,3k

WARNINGS: f l u f f, single parent yoongi, kindergarten teacher y/n, oral, satoori, domestic christmas vibes :(, mentions of death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: the secret collab is finally here! thanks @kimtaehyunq​ for letting me join💞 i’m so excited to read the other fics as well! & thank you Mags for doing this amazing banner I think this is the prettiest banner I've ever had. 🤧 Tysm love💞

MERRY CHRISTMAS

People usually say she looks a lot like her father, but all Yoongi sees in Ara is his wife. Wherever his daughter goes, his wife's ghost follows, the memory of his teenage love and the wonderful years they spent together until she left their lives.

Min Dasom died almost one year after Ara was born, her death coming too sudden for anyone to bid their last goodbyes-leaving her husband and baby heartbroken and alone.

It was awful, Yoongi won't be able to forget that one night the police called him, telling him that his precious wife drowned in the ocean during her monthly trip to the beach with her friends. 

Ever since that call, Yoongi has never stepped near a beach again, never felt hot sand between his toes again, never went swimming again.

It was hard, being a single parent and Yoongi was tempted to give up many times, but seeing Ara grow and bloom into the beautiful girl she is now, Yoongi is beyond thankful that he survived the pain and sorrow.  

He never drowned his thoughts in alcohol because his sunshine always looked at him with her sad little eyes, almost as if she knew what he wanted to do and hugged his legs tightly until Yoongi set the bottle away and picked Ara up and spent the night cuddling her.

Things got easier as soon as Ara was old enough to finally go to kindergarten, allowing Yoongi to work more hours and on a daily basis again. It's not like he needed a lot of money, it's just that Yoongi needs to work. 

He's used to working all the time, he's always been-because working doesn't give him time to think about the tragedy that is his life.

Money wasn't an issue for the Min family, Yoongi used to be one of the most successful pianists and producers in South Korea, but he gave up on that as soon as Ara was born, just to have time for his family.

His friend Hyunjin offered him a job as a songwriter and composer at his own label JinHit Entertainment. 

Yoongi could work from home whenever he wanted and needed to, but the studio Hyunjin set him up was way better and filled with new technology that Yoongi loved playing and experimenting with.

The acclimatization to her new daily routine wasn't easy for Ara because she wasn't used to having women in her life-until now, it has always been Yoongi and Ara. They ended up switching kindergarten two times before Ara came into the one that you've been working at for a while now-instantly falling in love with you.

The first few days with your new reference child we're quite… interesting because the little girl was full of action and so curious about every little thing in the room that you couldn't sit still and talk to her father for a while because Ara grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the next game she wanted to play.

Her father, Min Yoongi, sent you an apologetic smile as he watched you play with his daughter from a distance, giving you time to get used to each other and build a bond. You winked at him as you took a seat next to Ara and started to explain the rules of the board game to her-impressed about how well she was understanding them.

It didn't take Ara a long time to send Yoongi home, waving him goodbye and pressing a loud kiss onto his lips. "Go and work, Appa! Uncle Hyunjinnie waits for you to make good music!"

Yoongi looked at her with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to leave? Just to go and work? That is rude, princess."

You giggled and hugged Ara as she ran over to you, Yoongi long forgotten.

"Would you like to bring your dad to the door, Ara? I think he might be sad if you won't. Remember: he won’t see you for a few hours and you don’t want your dad to be sad during lunch, right?"

Ara giggled but nodded nonetheless and grabbed Yoongi by the hand. "Hurry!"

Yoongi looked at you in shock, desperately trying to hold in his laugh. "I think you gave me Ara's evil twin instead of my sweet little princess! Where is my nice girl that always kisses Appa goodbye?"

You shrugged your shoulders playfully as one of the other kids asked for you to help him with building a big tower out of building blocks. "Have a nice day, Mr Min. Oh and make sure you won't forget about our appointment on Thursday! I don't think it'll take longer than an hour, it's just to talk about Ara's development so far."

Yoongi was one of the few parents that were always punctual, not even a minute too late-and the only parent you've never felt any kind of rage towards. Not only that, but he attended every kindergarten fest, always prepared little cupcakes for Ara's birthday to bring with her to kindergarten and share with her friends.

May was rolling around quickly and you were as eager as always to craft some little gifts for the children to give their mothers. 

You prepared some candle wax and melted it so the kids could fill it in plastic forms and add glitter and scent to their preference, just to have a nice little gift to give. 

Most of the kids had fun, some of them were a bit grumpy because they got glitter all over themselves, but there is one little girl pouting and trying not to cry in front of them, not even touching the wax.

Ara.

It breaks your heart every time, knowing that Ara's mother died years ago and that she probably had no other woman in her life because you’ve already heard that her father works quite a lot. 

Squatting down next to the little girl, you gently pinch her stomach just to hear her little giggles. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't you want to make a nice candle?"

Ara looks up at you, one single tear slipping out of her eye. "I don't have a mom, so no candle for me."

You coo, playing with Ara's hair as you stand up again, leading her towards the crafting table.

"That doesn't matter, Ara. I think your dad will be happy to get a candle too! We can pick a different color than pink, what do you think does he like the most? I’m sure we will find something!"

Ara taps her chin, smiling slightly as she thinks about Yoongi's favorite color. "Black! He wears black clothes! Always! Do we have black glitter, Y/N?" 

She scrunches her nose at the first few oils, but one scent really lights up her face. "This smells like Appa! Can we use this?" 

"We do, I didn't put it on the table because usually nobody wants it so it sits on the shelf, all by itself. I think the glitter finally deserves to be used!" You smile at the kid, grabbing the small container of glitter from the shelf and handing it over to Ara.

"We do have a few scents, would you like to smell them? Choose whichever you think smells the best and we can put a few drops in the wax,' you offer the bowl of different oils to Ara and help her open the lids.

Ara holds up the little bottle of rose oil and you smile to yourself. Black roses, that really seems to fit the impression you have of Mr. Min.

"Of course. Now, let's mix the glitter with the wax and we can put it into the mold. Alright, now stir it while i put in a few drops of the rose oil, okay?"

You guide her through the process, talking to her and listening to her rambling about the piano lessons Mr. Min gives her on a regular basis, just because Ara wants to be like her favorite man in the world.

"He is a great dad, Ara. You're so lucky to have him, I know that he must be sad sometimes too, but you're such a sunshine and help him as much as he helps you," you hug her from the side, enjoying the way Ara leans into the hug as well.

"I want a mom, but Appa is almost like a mom! He lets me paint his nails, goes to ballet with me and always bakes princess cookies for our tea parties!"

Ara giggles as she dips the wick into the liquid wax.

"Appa needs a woman to love, the only dates he goes to are work-dates with uncle Hyunjin," she says.

And yes, you think so as well.

One day around September, you decide that it’s definitely hot enough to prepare the blow-up outside pool for the kids, allowing them to change into their swimsuits and let them play around, even adding some bubbles to the water to let them experiment.

Mr. Min smiles at you, his gums fully showing and you can’t help but smile as well as you hear his words.

“And I think there’s no job that you could do better than this one.”

You’re sitting next to the pool on a bench in the shadow, reading some books to those few kids that don’t want to hop into the water as Ara jumps out of the pool.

“Y/N, come inside as well, it’s so nice!” She jumps up and down, her wet ponytail dripping onto her shoulders.

You pout, pointing to the kids next to you. “I can’t, you know that some of the kids are still afraid to go into the water with so many other children around. Maybe next time. Now, go and enjoy it, it’s super hot and I don’t know when autumn will come around and surprise us with bad weather!”

Ara nods quickly, hopping back into the water and continues splashing some water around with her friends, but she glances at you every few seconds. Then, she whispers with her two best friends before all three of them nod as they look at you.

Suddenly, they run towards you, surprising you with wet hugs and loud giggles, leaving your white summer dress almost see through.

Suddenly, there’s someone clearing his throat right behind you and you wish you could sink deep down into the pool once you see that it’s Mr. Min. 

“Girls!,” you can’t help but yelp, the cold water causing you to jump up from the bench. Yet, you laugh with them, the cooling really helping you with the heat.

“You can’t just do that, Ara. Look at my dress now, you can almost see through it, you’re lucky that the parents won’t come in within the next two hours, otherwise they would see me like this,” you try to look stern, but to be honest: you would have done the same if you were Ara.

“Ara, why did you do that?,” he asks with his calm voice and tries his best not to look at your hardening nipples under the dress. 

Ara’s bottom lip trembles as she looks at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just thought it would be funny…”

Mr. Min turns to you and bows slightly. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t have done that. And well, I came to pick her up earlier because we will visit her grandparents over the weekend. I should’ve informed you earlier. Is there any way I can help you with your… erm, dress?”

Mr. Min nods at you, picking up his-still wet-daughter as he looks you up and down slow enough to leave goosebumps all over your skin once again. 

You blush, shaking your head as you grab Ara’s clothes and hand her to her father.

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, it’s not your fault-and a water fight is too much fun to just not do it, right, Ara? It’s sunny enough so I’ll just bring the bench into the sun and I’ll be dry soon enough! I hope you’re having fun with your grandparents, Ara! Have a nice weekend, Mr. Min.”

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, really. You don’t know how many children happen to call one of us mom without realizing it. It’s nothing too wild, I’ve gotten used to it and I think especially in Ara’s case… It was supposed to happen, you know? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your private life, but I suppose you’re not seeing another person and Ara isn’t growing up with other females, so she takes those she sees here as a female person to bond with, you know?”

“Thank you, mommy! Oh… I mean Y/N..,” Ara quirps as he turns around in her father’s arms, even though it doesn’t look like she’s really sorry at all.

“Ara!” Mr. Min gasps as he looks at his daughter. 

Yoongi shakes his head. “I haven’t seen another woman ever since my wife died. Ara is the only woman in my life, the only one I give all my love to. She deserves it,” he sighs. “But you’re right, I think another female person would really help her with growing up. I just don’t want to introduce her to some random woman I might not even want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this egoistic?”

His honest words hit you, knowing how lonely he must be, all alone with his little girl and a bunch of work he has to do. “It’s not, Mr. Min. You don’t have to date just because you think it would be the best for Ara. There are many single fathers that raise their kids perfectly fine and I think you’re one of them! Ara never tells bad stories about you and I think you’re doing a really good job, spending all of your free time with her and allowing her to experience so many fun things. I’ve met so many ‘happy’ families that didn’t even manage to pack breakfast for their kids, so really, don’t break your head over something like this! I’m happy that Ara accepted me so much and that she always comes to me whenever she has a problem. This is why I chose my job.”

Over the next few months, Mr. Min is all that’s on your mind, even though you know how unprofessional it is, but he’s even kinder to you than he’s been before. You usually have a small chat with every parent whenever they bring or pick up their children, but Mr. Min makes sure to always catch you and ask you about your day, if there’s anything new in your life and you can’t help but ask him about his work and the songs he’s been working on as well.

“Ah, it’s really stressful right now. I’m working with this band that’s debuting soon and we have to prepare and finish the entire album I wrote about five songs for. They’re really good but still so young, I think the oldest is 16? Or was it 17? Whatever, that’s like ten years younger than me! I think I’ll grow grey hair soon when I keep on working with such young idols,” he sighs playfully as he helps Ara to put on her shoes and jacket. 

“I mean, you’re not that old, Mr. Min. Don’t worry-as long as you keep that handful smile you will look like you’re straight out of some perfume poster. But I’d love to listen to one of your songs! I mean, if you’d let me,” you smile with honesty as you hand Ara her backpack. 

Mr. Min shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he opens his Spotify account. He types something in and turns the screen towards you. AGUST D, it says. You scrunch your eyes at the name, trying to remember where you’ve known it from, but it doesn’t ring a bell right now. 

“I’ll make sure to listen to some of your songs, I hope they aren’t too sad though, I prefer my music to be more… pop and rock?”

You cringe at your own words, hoping that the man knows what you were trying to say. 

And fuck, you did like it. Turns out that AGUST D wasn’t some softie that plays guitar lullabies, no. 

Yoongi cracks a grin, then winks at you playfull before he takes Ara’s hand after she said goodbye to you.

“I think you’re going to like it.”

AGUST D seems to be one of the best rappers in the music industry that you’ve ever been listening to. He sounds so aggressive and fast that you needed to listen twice to some of his songs to understand what he was saying, but you ended up adding much more songs into your playlist than you’d like to tell him.

But you did tell him.

“Oh, I’m not doing that crazy rap thing anymore. It was a phase, I guess. By now, I use the name to help smaller musicians and trainees, produce their songs and write their lyrics. It’s better to do so with a bigger name, but AGUST D died a long time ago, I guess I killed him.” Mr. Min says the next day.

"I mean, as long as you keep all of them on Spotify, I'm alright with that. Most of those songs match my aggressive driving vibe and I can't imagine driving to work without it." You try to joke before you realize what it must've sounded like. "Oh lord, I didn't mean it like that!" 

You blush, trying to hide your reddened cheeks in your palms, but Mr. Min just laughs it off.

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. I usually play Love Talk as soon as i leave this building."

He even has the audacity to wink at you before he leaves with a grin, causing Ara to coo.

"Appa really likes you if he teases you!"

And the teasing goes on and on, there’s almost no day without a snarky comment from Mr. Min or a sarcastic comment from you-but neither of you takes those words to heart because that’s what you need in your lives, someone to laugh with, someone to make jokes with.

Even though there are plenty of other children in your group and so many parents you talk to daily, the only one you’re happy to see in the afternoon is Mr. Min.

The summer is long gone and fall said goodbye a few weeks ago, December came around and your little crush on Mr. Min isn’t as little anymore-and you can’t help yourself but wonder if he might be into you as well. You’ve shared a few noons talking about Ara’s development and if she’s ready for school next September, but most of the times you didn’t talk about the girl for more than thirty minutes before one of you switched the topic to something more private as the man leans closer to you and locks his gaze with yours.

You’re not as nervous around him as you were before and you can feel him starting to open up towards you as well. Yet, you’ve never met outside of the kindergarten, knowing it would be way too unprofessional and you’d never want to ruin the wonderful bond you share with Ara just because you’re desperate to jump into her father’s lap and call him Daddy too.

You’re not one of those women to go into a club and have a dirty one night stand with a random stranger, but you’ve been too busy to actually go and meet people, so you’ve kind of gotten used to being alone, even though you’re really missing late night cuddles and Disney marathons.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’ve been strolling through the mall for a while now, looking for some christmas presents for your friends and family-but also wanting to treat yourself because work has been more than just exhausting lately.

You’ve been handling the entire group alone, having a lot more smaller children because new kids have been coming to kindergarten and having to deal with so many parents alone can be pure hell. Sadly enough you’re living all by yourself, only having a few close friends that don’t understand why you’re even doing this underpaid job and your last relationship crashed almost two years ago.

The mall looks amazing, beautiful christmas ornaments are hanging from the ceiling and there must be someone playing the piano somewhere because the soft melodic tunes fill the entire mall, reminding you of Mr. Min once again.

You just stepped out of a lingerie store, something you’re really passionate about even though nobody but yourself sees you in it, but you love the feeling of lace on your skin, love how beautifully the soft colors compliment your skin and love imagining Mr. Min ripping the soft material off you.

The small paper bag in your hand, you look around for another shop that might hold the next christmas present for one of your friends. 

“Appa, please! I already have a picture but we need you to have one too!”

You know that voice too well to ignore it, searching the area for the small owner of it, giggling as you found her. Ara and Mr. Min are in the Santa area of the mall that gives you the ability to sit on Santa’s lap and take a picture with him as you tell him your biggest christmas wishes.

But the little girl is not sitting on Santa’s lap, she’s trying to push her father towards the man with the fake beard, clearly wanting him to sit down on that lap.

You giggle, walking towards them just to find out what’s going to happen.

“Ara, I’m too old and heavy for poor Santa, I think he prefers girls your age-wait, no not like that. I think he likes boys and girls-ugh. You’re driving me crazy, princess. Look, there’s a few other kids wanting to have their time with Santa as well, why don’t we just leave and try to find some more presents from the giftshop here, hm?” The man tries to talk his daughter into leaving the uncomfortable situation, but Ara is as stubborn as ever-she always gets what she wants, especially from her father.

“But… I want you to have pictures with Santa too!” She pouts, looking over at the confused Santa before she hears your giggle. “Y/N!”

Mr. Min turns around, a shocked expression on his face and a soft pink tint on his cheeks.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. What a surprise.”

You giggle even more, stepping closer towards them. “Hello Ara, good afternoon Mr. Min,” you bow slightly before accepting the little girl’s hug. 

“I see, you really want to sit on Santa’s lap, but Ara doesn’t want to let you because she’d be embarrassed.” 

Yoongi hums in agreement. “Horrible, those children. I mean, I just want a nice christmas picture with Santa, but you know how they are… right before puberty hits them.”

“Y/N, Appa doesn’t want to take a picture with Santa, would you sit on his lap and take a picture for me?” Ara looks up at you with her big eyes and like always, you can’t say no. Instead, you hand Mr. Min your bags-not thinking about the fact that one of them is from the lingerie store-before taking Ara’s hand and walking over to the smiling Santa.

The picture is quickly taken and not even five minutes later, Mr. Min hands you your bags, whispering, so Ara wouldn’t hear you. “I think the peach one will suit you the best.”

Ara nods and rips the bags out of Mr. Min’s hands to show you her cute dresses and bows while the man just stares at you with an open mouth. Did you really just say that to him? 

You gasp, hiding the bags behind your back but who are you to deny the fact that this man is the exact reason you stepped into the store?

“Thank you, I hope someone will get to see them before Christmas. It would be a shame to waste those pretty pieces for some lame mirror selfies,” you smile innocently before squatting down next to Ara. “Did you buy something nice yet?”

“Appa, we wanted to get hot chocolate, can Y/N come too please?”

Yoongi is speechless once more as he quietly follows his daughter and her kindergarten teacher towards the mall’s cafe-realizing that he shouldn’t have chosen his tightest pair of skinny jeans because somehow, they got quite uncomfortable as soon as you arrived.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at his daughter before he picks up all the dresses that Ara tried to shove back into the bags. “If she wants, she’s welcome to join, but I think you should ask her first, maybe she is busy.”

You blush at the invitation, not sure whether to accept it or not-but you’re not one to decline on hot chocolate. Smiling at Ara, you nod. “Show me where to get the best hot chocolate, I’m craving something sweet and thick down my throat.”

He watches you as Ara grabs your hand and swings them around with a soft giggle, heart warming as he sees your fond smile.

Ara talks about you a lot-hell, Yoongi asks about you a lot whenever Ara doesn't want to talk about you but watch her favorite show.

It's unprofessional and probably not allowed, Yoongi knows, but Ara leaves for school in March anyways, so who cares? 

It's obvious to the both of you that you're interested in each other, the flirting and teasing coming to a point where Yoongi can't wait for another snarky remark of yours.

And now that he has the chance to sit and talk with you outside of your workplace, you just chose to buy a bag full of fucking beautiful lingerie (yes, Yoongi looked inside, no, he doesn't regret it).

Ara leads you into this beautiful cat cafe that apparently has "The best hot chocolate and bubble tea, but it's too cold for bubble tea… Can they make hot bubble tea?" as Ara says, earning a harsh "no" from Yoongi, because that's something he wishes for as well.

"Go find a place with Mr. Y/L/N, Ara. I'll get your order, yeah? What can I order for you?" Yoongi looks at you as he pulls out his wallet, giving you some time to read the menu.

"Oh, the candy cane hot chocolate, please! And please, as long as we are not talking inside the kindergarten, call me Y/N. I mean, you've seen my underwear, I think you deserve to call me by my name."

Yoongi blushes, nodding and rushes towards the cashier to order your drinks. You smile at the man, then at the cats-they look somewhat similar-before you sit down next to Ara who is currently petting four cats on her lap.

"They're adorable," you coo, "Do you have any pets?"

Ara nods with a big smile and hands you one of the cats, a pretty one with orange fur and big eyes. 

"I have a turtle! Gukkie gave it to me and Appa didn't like it first, but I love her!"

You enjoy the cat's purring as you gently stroke her chin. "A turtle sounds lovely, I hope you can show it to me one day."

"Oh, that won't be a problem, I can invite you for dinner and Appa will get shy and red in the face, but he wouldn't say no because he's super soft for-" "ALPACAS! I'm soft for alpacas, haha, here we go, three hot chocolates."

Yoongi appears with a pained expression as he places your hot chocolate right in front of you.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you smile at the man and Yoongi swears that his heart stopped beating for a second. "I'm soft for Alpacas as well."

Right after you all finished your drinks, Ara decides that it’s time to walk through the mall once more, just to make sure that Santa is still there and will take another picture with hot chocolate-filled Ara. 

“Did you enjoy your date with Y/N, Appa?” She looks up at her father as you walk towards the mall. Yoongi trembles, blushing brightly. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a date, Ara. Don’t assume things like this, it’s rude,” he mumbles as he gently pets her head to make sure she isn’t hurt by his comment.

You giggle, whispering loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I really liked it, Ara. Your Appa can be funny if he wants to.”

The picture with Santa comes out pretty, even though the man groaned as two grown adults decided to sit on each of his legs, the bright smiling Ara kneeling in front of them. But it’s really worth it, because Yoongi’s smile never leaves his lips this evening, gums showing beautifully on the picture and you quickly make sure to get a copy of that picture as well.

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “So was this a… you know?” It’s endearing, how shy he suddenly seems to be. You’ve never seen him like this. Stressed, overworked and happy - yes. Shy and blushing? Never.

You nod with a soft smile as you lay your hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, I’d like that to be a ‘you know what’, Yoongi.”

You can't even tell when the two of you officially started dating, but you'll never forget the first kiss you've shared during one of your walks-thanks to Ara for snapping a picture of it. Yoongi's hands wrapped around your waist, eyes clenched shut and lips curled in a soft smile as fresh snow fell down on you.

Seeing Yoongi at work wasn’t as weird as you had expected it to be, it’s quite the opposite. He’s attentive and lovely, bringing you fresh croissants or donuts every morning or puting little chocolate for you and Ara in his daughter’s lunchbox.

He’s caring, picking you up after your shift to invite you to dinners and walks through the forest with Ara, because that little girl just loves walking in the fresh snow that has started to fall recently. She takes pictures of your footprints with Yoongi’s phone and makes him promise to print it for her to hang up.

“Of course I can, Ara. You’re already wearing your sleeping clothes and you’ve brushed your teeth with Appa, so hurry up and pick out the book you want me to read!” 

Ara grows closer and closer to you, until that one day where you stay over the Min’s house for dinner, she asks you to bring her to bed.

“Can she, Appa? I want her to read my favorite bedtime story to me! Please, Y/N,” Ara looks up at you with a pout, her beautiful eyes-that remind you of Yoongi-sparkling with admiration. 

That girl really makes your heart melt, combined with the soft smile that Yoongi gives you. And suddenly, you feel like you’re meant to be here, helping that man that you’ve grown so close to, helping the girl that lost her mother way too early and maybe even helping yourself with accepting that love really comes unexpectedly.

You gently tuck the soft blanket over Ara and place her favorite stuffie next to her as you smile at the girl fondly. "Sleep well, Ara," you whisper quietly, trying not to wake her up.

"Kissies, please," she mumbles sleepily and makes grabby hands towards you.

"Ara, I-" "Please," she whines and opens her eyes, tears starting to build up.

"Okay, it's okay, Ara." You swipe her hair out of her face before you plant a soft little kiss onto the girl's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Y/N. Will you be there tomorrow morning?"

Your smile fades, unsure if you really want to tell the little girl the truth. 

"Probably not, I have to get ready for work. You know that I love to wear dresses on Thursdays and I didn't bring mine. But we will see each other in the kindergarten!"

"Okay," she whispers before she falls back into a quiet slumber.

Yoongi has cleaned the kitchen in the meantime and poured more wine for the both of you to enjoy in front of the fireplace.

"She really adores you," he says as you sit down next to him, sipping the rosé Yoongi bought just for you.

"And I adore her. She's an angel. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with her, Yoon."

Yoongi blushes again, shaking his head. The greyish blonde hair got messier as the evening passed. "No, Y/N. You're the first mother-figure Ara has, I have to thank you in both mine and Ara's name. I know that dating a single father is a lot, but you're accepting my family so well… I never thought I'd find another woman in my life again. Ever since my wife died, it was hard for me to even look at other women, let alone build up something like a relationship with them because I always felt bad. But that's what she would have wanted for me. To love again, to not waste my last handsome days," his lips curl into a smirk before he shakes again. 

Then, his sharp eyes met yours and soften within seconds. 

"I… I don't know if it's the right time, we've known each other for two years, we've been officially dating for only three weeks, but I think I won't change my mind about it-no I know that I won't change my mind. I love you, Y/N. And I know that Ara loves you too."

You gasp, lips beginning to tremble once your eyes meet Yoongi's. "Yoongi…," you whisper before you place your glass on the table and basically jump onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

"I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I love you so much, Yoongi. I've had this stupid crush on you ever since you saw me in that wet dress, ever since you've shown me your music. Ever since I've seen you being the wonderful father you are-and that's so sexy, you can't even imagine."

Yoongi smirks as his hands find their place on the curve of your ass. "Sexy, huh? Me, doing the laundry and cooking dinner? Or me walking Ara to kindergarten with the homemade lunch boxes? That turns you on?"

You laugh, hiding your face in his neck as you lean closer to press your lips against his ear.

"All of that-and the way that you love Ara with all your heart, that's maybe the sexiest thing about you."

The man groans as he grabs you even tighter. "I never thought that sweet talk would turn me on even more than dirty talk," he laughs shakily as he wiggles his hips slightly to get into a more comfortable position that won't suffocate his hardening erection.

You sigh, sit up and run your hands through his hair. "Isn't all of this too early? I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall so fast, but here I am, ready to go every step with you."

Yoongi nods before he presses a peck on your nose. "Same, but we have all the time on earth. Ara wants us to get married by tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll survive it if we decide to postpone it for a few weeks."

You giggle as you look over your shoulder to the fireplace. "Did someone ever suck you off in front of a fireplace? Isn't this the definition of Christmas?"

The man underneath you gasps in shock. "No, but… I mean, I… You don't… have to?"

Laughing, you slide out of his lap and onto the floor, thankful for the soft carpet. "I want to, bubs. I wouldn't do something either of us isn't comfortable with. I assume you're alright with it?"

"Of course, but… I guess nobody ever did it because they wanted to, but because they feel like they had to?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, obviously disappointed in his previous partners. 

"It's as much fun and pleasure for me as it is for you, believe me, Yoon. Now lay back and enjoy, yeah?" You give him a calming smile as you open his pants carefully, then sliding them down his toned legs.

You press kisses all around his thighs to warm him up to the feeling, knowing that it has to be overwhelming to have some that close after all that time. Then, you gently remove his boxer shorts as well, leaving him bare and proud in front of you.

You groan as you start to stroke his cock, earning a low growl from Yoongi. "So beautiful," you whisper, then you take him into your mouth, getting a feeling for the weight on your tongue before you start bopping your head. 

Yoongi tries to contain himself, knowing that Ara could wake up every second, but alone the sight in front of him could make him come with a scream.

Instead, he cups your cheek, feeling the bulge that he causes there. Another groan leaves his lips. 

You look up at him, smirking-or trying to, with a mouth full of cock-and leading his hand into your hair, using it to push you down even more.

Yoongi's eyes lighten up. "Really?"

You almost laugh out, but you're doing your best to contain yourself and nod, placing your hands on his thighs to stop whenever you can't take it anymore. Yoongi is long and thicker than the average you've had before, but it's a challenge that's worth it.

He pushes you down slowly, enjoying the hot warmth of your mouth and then your throat as he pushes in-surprised that you didn't really gag around him.

Spit trickles down your chin as he moves faster, thrusting his hips to meet the movements of his hand and enjoying the gurgling sounds you make.

He comes far to quick for his own liking, shooting his load down your throat with a quiet groan. "Fuck."

You giggle as you swallow what he gives you, standing up to sit back on his lap to kiss him.

"You're welcome." 

Then, before you can grab your wine again, he flips you around and goes on his knees in front of you. "My turn," he smirks, eyes shining dangerously behind his fringe. 

"Yoongi, I-," you try to say, but he shushes you with a sloppy kiss.

"I know that I have to, but believe me: I love giving pleasure more than receiving it."

You pout, hands running through his soft hair.

"I didn't shave…," you whisper, a bit ashamed because you didn't come prepared, not thinking that this would be happening today.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow.

"Do you think I am a 15 year old, pre puberty fuckboy that cares about shaved pussies? It's natural, love. Even if you can't believe it: I grow hair too, nobody is freshly shaved every day. I don't mind that, okay? Now, stop pouting and let me do my work, will you? Can you be a good girl and do that for me? All you've got to do is lean back, open your legs, throw them around my shoulders and let me devour you."

His shameless words turn you on, you can't even deny it-especially not when your panties are that damp. So, you naturally obey and help him to remove your pants.

"I told you, peach is your color," Yoongi groans in his deep Satoori as he looks at your clothed core. The peach colored lace has darkened from your arousal and the man can't help it but press his face against the material, licking one bold stripe over it.

Nobody has ever done that to you, rather pulled them off in a hurry because they thought that body fluids were disgusting, but Yoongi didn't seem to mind as he gently bites your folds through the lace. 

"God," you moan in pleasure as Yoongi finally pulls your panties to the side and spits onto your pussy, making it even wetter.

You're a whimpering mess as soon as Yoongi's tongue is on you, flicking and playing with your clit, collecting your juices and spreading them all over your pussy. You've read about that before; men eating pussy like they're starving, but Yoongi is somewhat different.

He eats pussy like he wants you to always remind it, to make you obedient and never being able to enjoy anyone else doing that job.

He does it well-of course. His tongue is as fast as he's been spitting rhymes on his mixtape, and you're more than thankful for that.

He doesn't even get to use his fingers before your orgasm approaches you, strong waves of pleasure hitting you as Yoongi keeps on kissing and slowly licking you through your high.

Then, he grins at you. "Round two, here we go."

And this time, it's not only his tongue working wonders, but also his fingers stroking you on the inside until they found your spot. 

You press your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from screaming out loud, hips bucking wildly as you come for a second time within less than ten minutes. And again, Yoongi guides you through it and softly caresses your stomach.

"Fuck, I love you," you pant as he comes back up and steals a kiss from you.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed properly," he whispers and takes a large sip from his wine. 

You can only agree.

You've started to spend the nights at Yoongi's more often, bringing Ara to work with you and helping Yoongi with her and the household whenever you can. Your relationship blooms beautifully and Ara is the happiest little bean when you're around.

Obviously, you spent Christmas with Yoongi and Ara as well, buying little presents and enjoying the comfortable atmosphere with the family.

Yoongi gave you a spare key to his house, so you're always able to visit them, spending the nights there and soon enough, you moved in.

❄❄❄❄

The Christmas after that, you surprised Ara with the adoption papers, telling her that now that she's in school and not one of your kindergarten kids anymore, she'll be able to finally call you Mommy (not that Ara minded before, you just felt weird and guilty about it).

And here you are now, preparing the huge breakfast for your third Christmas around, smiling at the ring that adorns your finger. 

"Smells fabulous, Mama," Ara says as she runs towards you and falls into your arms.

"Do you want me to help you with dessert, Mrs Min?" Yoongi asks as he presses a kiss onto your cheeks. You lean into his touch, shaking your head. "It's almost done. You can go into the living room, I'll be there in a minute to open our presents, bubs."

Yoongi prepares the fireplace, lightens some candles with Ara and lets his daughter hand out the presents. 

"I have one more for you, Yoon," you whisper as you hand him a small box.

"Oh? Can I open this first?" He tilts his head curiously, shaking the light box.

"Open!" Ara squeaks and sits down between her father and you. You nod with a fond smile as Yoongi lifts the top. Then, silence.

"Really?" He whispers with teary eyes.

"Yes, finally," you smile, "Ara, you'll become a big sister!"

Yoongi sniffs, hugging his family tight.

"And she'll be the best sister in the world. Merry Christmas, loves."

[nightswithkookmin]

Jimin is a pretty bOY

This is a continuation of our discussion on my last post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I think I agree with all of it.

Not sure how I feel about the calling eachother out bit or near scolding of others in the comments. Please let's be welcoming and respectful of others's thoughts regardless of whether or not we agree with it. It's ok to hold diverse views. We do after all come from different backgrounds and have accumulated different experiences and I think it plays out in how we see things. Everyone's opinion is valid. Plus, I purple yall.

Now, do I think he is trying to pack on muscles........? Yes. He said so himself in Festa when he said he would rush to the mirror when he thought he had gained some muscle only to find out his biceps looks like a muscled kindergartner.

He also said lately he's into exercising and staying in shape which is true because for quite sometime now since early this year he has been talking about how "weak" he is in their Vlives and have even given instances of him not being able to do certain things- certian simple and easy tasks- which is typical of him I'd say. He's always talking about how "weak" he is especially around JK and juxtaposing that with "but JK is so strong" which I'm sorry but I have to smirk at right now cos it's such a typical gay pick me simp thing to do. We've all been there.

Do I think he's trying to be a muscle bunny or revert back to his body shape around debut? Absolutely not. But I do think he is straddling the line of toxic masculinity which is what the conversation is about.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to stay in shape or even enjoying work outs. Last night I ran downstairs because I had left my stew on the stove and now this morning I called renew my gym membership because I discovered running can be actually fun to do... No. No it's not. The gym instructor would have to come for me kicking and screaming.

RM have said even though JM looks skinny and fragile he is one of the strongest within the group. Besides, this is not the first time he's expressed interest in working out and building his body- hello, on Era?

I remember people complaining he looked too buffed up in that period on SNS and PJMs quickly jumping in to clear the searches for it. The choreo for On required agility and endurance and required the members- not just JM build up some definition in their muscles.

We've seen them go through all that. So it's not simply a matter of black and white staying in shape or doing it because he feels pressured to do so. Especially, when you consider that he's undertaken some pretty unhealthy measures in the past in attempts to lose weight or soften out his body post these muscle building, weight gaining periods and we've always chalked it up to his dance and how as a contemporary dancer he has to look a certain way or this or that to try to justify and make sense of it. Next you, know there are six chapters of break the silence of him talking about all the dark places he's been, the pressures to look his best for his fans or for his job and all these other painful stories he's shared with us over the years. And it's like, but why? Why do this to yourself?

I'll never forget the look he gave JK when JK was talking about wanting to build muscles in one of the interviews for the promotion of Be- I think I made a post on it. When JK noticed JMs disapproving glare he backtracked saying he would want to stay skinny after gaining all that muscles.

I mean if I'm to be honest, he was bound to crack at one point. The signs were there being surrounded by all these men who adhere to the traditional aesthetics of a masculine body- from Namjoon to Taehyung.

I wish y'all will steer the conversation in this direction and make it more about gender norms and expressions and breaking stereotypes and diversity in the body aesthetics of men.

Jimin is a man too. He just isn't what people traditionally will label masculine. Androgynous is more an apt word in my opinion. How many times have I said, I think Jungkook hetero passes because his body aesthetics is quintessentially what most associates with a masculine man?

Breaking gender barriers is not just about embracing feminine apparels- that teeters on cross dressing quite frankly and can be a bit performative and baity. Then you have to consider their culture in itself has an inherent pro gender diversity feel to it.

Now, let me explain my problem with the Klout ad campaign a little bit.

Do you see how Tae stands out? And I'm not saying this to fuel the "Tae was their fav" debacle. It's the 007 feel... I'll explain in a bit.

Most often, alcohol advertisers as well as most advertisements intended to sell to men often try to appeal to men's internalized ideals of masculinity or try to shape and define what a man or masculinity should look like. These ideals are so often toxic and detrimental to men and mostly women too.

Take a look at these ads for example. All I had to do was google search ads for men.

Real men drink milk and look at the image they present as real men. This blatantly implies if you don't look like this, if you are not a strong cliff climbing man with abs you are not a real man.

The second image is subtle. I call it the 007 slash Kingsmen-esque ideals of masculinity. It portrays men as sexy cool badass- works out but isn't too buff, filthy rich or middle class, wears Rolex, designer clothes, is kind but has a mean exterior and is every 13 year old wattpad girls's dream of a man. In fiction, you see this kind of masculinity in characters such as Edward cullens to Christian Grey. And a lot of ads for men alternate between these two ideals of masculinity.

Do you see how they modeled Taehyung in these ads after this kind of masctheme? Tae looks the same in almost all the ads. 007 sexy cool badass.

Now, I may not be a makeup beauty guru or MUA or whatever, but one thing I've picked up on especially when it comes to makeup for men- BTS and Kpop idols mostly is that, they soften out the harsh features on their faces and make them appear more androgynous or effeminate to suit the Kpop look and they ditch it entirely in different settings.

So for instance, Tae and Kookie's natural hawkish eyebrows tend to get softened around the arch and edges- don't know how the fuck they do that- but it appears less in your face intense most times when they wear make up in kpop related contents.

However, in certain other contents that lean towards a certain gender theme those features are emphasized. Not to say hawkish features are masculine features. Just saying in men, Kpop idols, my observation is they soften those features out with makeup or surgery.

Now, take a look at JM in these ads and look at everything from his posture, make up, hairstyle and brows. It's as if someone took an eraser to his androgynousity and erased his feminine side. Take a look at his photo above and compare it to the ads.

I am not a man. But I feel the gender look they went for, intended to appeal to men, tapped into a rather outdated stereotype of what man and masculinity should look like.

What is a man?

What should a man look like?

What aesthetics of masculinity is Jimin gravitating towards now? And I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking the expression of his gender. Time and again, he's talked about how looking a certain way made him uncomfortable in the past because he was constantly fighting his feminine side. He is androgynous. Sometimes he leans more into his feminine side. Other times he leans more into his masculine side but this is the only time he's leaning into his masculinity that makes me uncomfortable to watch because like I said it bothers on toxic masculinity.

He's said whoever he was, the version fighting to look masculine, that wasn't him. So forgive me if I worry whenever i see him suppressing his feminine side and acting like 'one of the boys.' Him staying in shape is not synonymous with him erasing a valid part of himself or suppressing it. He can stay in shape, celebrate his masculinity and still be FILTER.

What I'm saying is, this not a conversation about him exercising. This is a conversation about an ad erasing his feminine side and boxing him into a narrow expression of his gender and how that might be affecting his view of himself especially in the way he's been gravitating towards a certain masculine aesthetics and how that could be toxic.

Tae has said the same thing and BTS have agreed the JM as of 2019 was the real JM according to them.They said he was that way- suppressing his feminine side, because there weren't much songs and choreos that suited him and so he had had to bend himself to fit with the others.

And so when I see him leaning a certain way I tend to wonder if his exterior environment is playing a role in that. I hope you can understand that.

He is a contemporary dancer and strength and flexibility are prerequisites for his craft. The company go out of their way to incorporate contemporary dance in their choreos for JM's sake which helps solve that problem of him trying too hard to look a certain way.

May be I'm projecting. May be my little brother is effeminate and I've always recommended Jimin as a role for him to tell him not to try to look different just because other boys look different. May be I've seen him try one too many times to kill himself in the gym trying to build on muscles and getting frustrated with himself because he ends up looking like someone else. You can't gym the queerness away. Society will never let you be who you want to be so you might as well flip it the middle finger.

These boys are being shaped by their environment. I hate to say this but the environment they are in isn't exactly progressive and the longer they stay in there cut off from the outside world...

Flying out helps. Meeting different people and being exposed to different cultures and conversations on gender expression helps.

Anywho, these are just concerns I have. Will have them till I see that's not where he is headed towards. But let's not act like these ad campaigns do not and can not psychologically impact these boys especially as these advertisers are not looking to tap into their own definition of gender and masculinity but shape it and redefine it to appeal to the demographic they intend to market to.

I think this is just a grey area for me. Rather than try to change JM to look a certain way in order to sell alcohol. I think the ground breaking thing would be to have a man who looks like JM show us how someone like him would sell a can of drink. I think that would be revolutionary.

Signed,

GOLDY

[bireggiemantle]

Jabitha at a Cider Mill? Maybe picking pumpkins or apples? Having donuts and warm cider?

sorry this took so long I've had a lot going on lately but tysm for the request :)

The smell of fresh donuts hangs in the air, sweet cinnamon blending with the gusts of cold wind that brush along their cheeks. Jughead vaguely remembers visiting the farm as a kid, when his dad had to lift him in order for him to reach any of the good apples, but he hasn't been back in years.

It's chillier than usual today, so the crowds are fairly thin. Of course there are groups of children running around and trying to carry pumpkins bigger than their own heads, but for the most part they're easy to avoid.

They allocated a couple hours for this after the Sunday lunch rush, Tabitha thanking the others for covering their shifts before throwing on her jacket and pulling them both out the door.

"What kind of apples did you need for your pie?"

Tabitha makes an exaggerated gasping noise. "I don't discriminate against apples, Jones. All apples are good apples, and as long as they're sweet they're going in my pie."

She had suggested they come here a couple of days earlier after promising him the best pie in all of Chicago (and in all Riverdale) in return. They already found three small pumpkins, which Tabitha suggested they place around Pop's to really get in touch with the holiday spirit. Currently the pumpkins are safely nestled in a fishnet bag in Jughead's left hand, his right hanging in the space between them, fingers interlaced with Tabitha's.

"Grandpa asked me to grab him a couple too. His turnovers are almost as good as my pie."

She leads them towards a section labeled "honeycrisp", lightly tugging at Jughead's hand as they make their way down the first row.

The lower branches have all been picked clean, but the tops of the trees are littered with fat, red apples. Tabitha sighs.

"Hoist me up?"

"You're kidding."

Tabitha shakes her head. "Either you're helping me up or I'm jumping up there myself."

Jughead rolls his eyes, but obliges, putting down the bag of pumpkins and placing both hands along the narrowest part of her waist.

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

He lifts her up slightly, just enough for Tabitha to get her footing on the thickest branch she can find. He's hesitatant to let go, his hands lingering on her waist, afraid of letting her fall.

She has to remove his hands for him, giving one of them a squeeze, then letting go completely.

"I'll be fine. I'm a big girl after all." Tabitha reaches for a nearby apple, inspecting it for a second before tossing it to Jughead. "But you'll catch me if I fall, right?"

"No promises."

Tabitha scoffs.

"But I'll try." Jughead adds with a smile.

Tabitha finds a few more apples from the tree, handing each of them down to Jughead below. Theres about five or six honeycrisp in the bag when she decides she's ready to move on.

"You gonna help me down?" she asks, extending her hand out to him.

Jughead takes it with his left hand and returns his right one to her waist, guiding her as she jumps back down the ground.

Just like before he doesn't let go immediately, instead holding her there in front of him.

"Hey." she says.

"Hey yourself."

Tabitha leans in closer, her lips hovering close enough that he can feel her breathing. "We're never gonna get to all of the apples if we just keep standing here."

"I think the apples can wait."

Tabitha raises an eyebrow and gigles, but she's interrupted by Jughead closing the distance between them.

Tabitha pulls away first. "As much as I'd love to keep kissing you, I'm pretty sure the orchard closes in less than an hour."

"Shit, that's early."

"I know," Tabitha starts, rejoining their hands and stepping into the next row over, "but it's the only one in Riverdale."

They end up leaving the farm with an entire bag full of apples, a dozen apple cider donuts, and an extra pumpkin for their apartment. And yeah, Tabitha does make a great apple pie, but Pop's turnovers were pretty damn close.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Thank you @appleciderpinegar for the fun prompt and thank you @iceeckos12 for the beta! This ended up going in a very interesting direction but it kept the theme of the prompt so enjoy!

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Tim and Martin are working late. A mysterious sound distracts them. 

Word count: 1.3K

Rated: G

Tw: none

Tim groaned, threw his pen on the desk, groaned again when it rolled onto the floor, and hauled himself out of his chair to pick it up.

Martin, blinking rapidly, pinched the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses; he could feel a headache coming on.

"Jesus, what time is it?" He half mumbled at Tim's direction.

"Time for these bloody statements to label themselves." Tim said, shoving the whole cursed pile away from him. "Way past work hours, if that's what you meant."

Martin looked up at him bleary eyed from where he was trying to type up a written statement. He's been stuck on the same sentence for the past five minutes, trying to figure out the writer's infuriatingly indecipherable handwriting.

"Just a bit more and then we're done for the week." He said, more to himself than anything.

"Screw deadlines, I've got places to be!" Tim threw his pen once again, this time pointedly ignoring its second plummet to the floor.

"Tim please, let's just finish this and then go. You know how Jon gets." Martin begged. 

"Don't I ever." Tim muttered and leaned to pick up the mutinous pen once more. 

They settled into a tired silence, interrupted only by the sound of typing, pen scritches, and the slow, rhythmic drip of water. 

Wait. Drip of water? 

Martin stopped typing and  glanced around. The sound seemed wrong somehow. He listened a bit more, trying to figure out why, but failed. Shaking his head, he resumed typing. But it just kept nagging at him. The constant gentle tapping of it.

A moment later, he realised what was wrong. For one, he'd never heard a drip in the archives before. Was there a new leak somewhere? And secondly, it came from a completely wrong direction. The kitchenette was across the room to his right, the washroom was way too far to be heard here, and the source of the drip was decidedly from neither.

"Tim, do you hear that?" He asked.

"The sound of my relaxing night slowly ambling away to find greener pastures? I've been hearing it for the past hour, Martin." Tim sighed.

Martin rolled his eyes. "No Tim. That sound. The... That drip."

Tim looked up. Silence fell as Martin let him listen. For a moment it was quiet again. Tim opened his mouth, probably to make fun of Martin's overactive imagination, when it came back, now at a slower rhythm than before.

"Huh," Tim said, tilting his head, "I wonder where that could be coming from."

"Not the kitchen, I think."

"Oh god, you don't think there's a leak from upstairs?" Tim looked around again, more on edge than before. "I swear if we have to dry off another mountain of moldy statements I'll-"

"Okay, Tim. I'm sure it's fine. Let's, let's just look for the source." Martin got up, relieved to finally stretch his legs and get his blood properly circulating again.

"Fine, better than whatever I was doing anyway." Tim muttered and got up as well.

The search was harder than they expected.  They found that the noise stopped every now and then only to resume at very irregular intervals. It also echoed through the space in a way that did not help their hunt.

"Found anything?" Martin called from where he was checking behind the yet to be organized shelves near document storage.

"Nothing here." Tim's muffled voice was heard from further past the shelves towards the entrance. "I swear, just looking through this mess now is making me want to fly to Malaysia and never look back. You are invited to join me if you want. We can jump ship together. Run off towards the sunset hand in hand." Tim said archly as he came back to the main area, winking at Martin.

"Tim, is there something in your eye? You should get that checked." Martin responded dryly, though he couldn't help the small quirk of his mouth. 

"Oh, boo. You know you want to."

"What I want is to find the source of the leak and go home." He decided to give up on finishing today. It'd gotten way too late as it was. 

"Oh, fine. Though if you ask me, this place needs a bit of an elemental touch, be it water or fire." Tim wiggled his eyebrows.

Martin snorted and shushed him as the dripping resumed. He looked around, suddenly having a sneaking suspicion.

He began walking slowly in a specific direction, and his intuition was confirmed as the dripping sound became sharper.

He approached Jon's office quietly, motioning Tim to join him. Tim silently followed.

Martin knew Jon was in. He was always in way after they all left, even on late days. He also knew making noises in the assistants' space was fine since Jon's door was always closed. Which is why Martin was surprised to find the door ever so slightly ajar, the dripping noise becoming more pronounced as he approached it, along with some quiet rustling of paper.

He turned to look at Tim and whispered, "It's coming from in there. Can't he hear it?"

Tim shrugged and Martin quietly peered into the room through the crack of the door.

What he saw took him a moment to process.

He supposed that he’d never seen Jon at these hours, and had no idea what his work process was like when no one was around. But he never thought it would be so different from the way he worked during regular hours.

It was...very different.

For one, Jon wasn't sitting on his chair. Jon was perched on his desk, one leg up, his chin resting on his knee and one leg dangling off the edge. In one hand he was holding a document up to his face, squinting at it in a very strange angle from above his glasses, which were nearly falling off the edge of his nose.

His second hand... Martin didn't understand how he was doing it, but with his second hand's finger and thumb he was tapping at his cheek, opening and closing his mouth to its rhythm, making an 'o' shape each time he did.

Each tap produced a sound perfectly mimicking the drip of water. Perfectly.

As Martin finally managed to comprehend the scene unfolding in front of him, he had to suppress the loud snort that was threatening to force its way out of him.

"What is it?" Tim said curiously, inching nearer, leaning under Martin to peer into the room as well.

Tim took a second. Then scooted back quietly, straightened and walked back and away towards the kitchen. Martin turned away from the door, red faced from the effort of  biting down on his amusement, and watched as Tim walked into the kitchen and began cackling loudly to the point of wheezing. Martin turned back to look one last time. Jon didn't seem to notice them at all, nor react to the gasps coming from the other end of the work space. He just kept tapping his cheek and swinging his leg like nothing in the world could stop him.

Martin took a moment to soak in the scene again. Something about it gave him a fluttering feeling. He didn't understand what it meant, nor did he want to. Instead he closed the door as quietly as he could, cutting off the sound once more, and walked back to join Tim.

Tim looked at him, struggling to breathe.

Martin looked back.

"Not a word of this leaves this room." He said sternly.

"Please, Martin, only Sasha, I'm begging you." Tim slowly collected himself.

"Fine. But only Sasha. Not a word to Jon. Leave him be, please."

"Okay, okay, fine. I will." Tim threw his arms out in acceptance. "But you have to admit. That's one hell of a talent."

[shiiko529]

this goes along with a previous post where TKB broke into Ryou’s apt in the middle of the night - its a couple of days and some drama later

-------------------------------------------------

   It was raining harder now as lightning flashed overhead, the puddles deeper as his feet splashed quickly through them.

   "Ack!!" Ryou barely had time to cry out before he was face down on the pavement. A slow sigh followed by a groan as he silently berated himself for his clumsiness. Not only was he completely soaked, but now it was going to take even longer to get home. He winced as his ankle screamed at him while he tried to carefully climb to his feet.

   "You look like a drowned cat."

   His heart nearly stopped at the sudden voice cutting through the rain next to him. Between the late hour and the storm, no one else had been on the street. He relaxed in relief when he identified the owner of the voice.

   "You really are helpless without me, aren't you?"

   Ryou's head drooped at the jab.

   "C'mon."

   He wasn't expecting the cloak that was suddenly wrapped around his shoulders, still warm with the Egyptian's body heat, and his surprise only intensified upon realizing that the other boy was intending to carry him.

   "You've got about 5 seconds before I just toss you over my shoulder."

   Disliking the idea of being carried like a sack of grain and aware that it wasn't an idle threat, he gingerly hobbled over and climbed onto the warm back.

   "What were you even doing out this late? And in the rain no less."

   "Er, " the question caught Ryou off guard, the spirit of the Ring had never asked about his actions, but then he wouldn't have needed to. "I was hoping that Atem-kun might remember your name."

   There was a slight bristle at the mention of the thief’s enemy. "Ha. The Pharaoh never heard my real name. I could've told you that."

~

   Having deposited the smaller boy in front of the couch, the Egyptian reclaimed his rather soggy cloak along with the boy's school jacket to hang up.

   "Strip," he commanded, dropping a towel on Ryou's head as he turned and started towards the bedroom.

   Placing the dry clothes he had gotten on the coffee table, the thief motioned for the towel currently wrapped around the thin boy, causing him to look away in silent refusal.

   "We used to share a body, I've already seen you naked. Hell, I've taken a piss for you before!" the former spirit almost shouted, annoyed. There was a tiny flinch, but otherwise no reaction. "Quit acting like a fucking girl and give me the damn towel!" His patience having run out, he reached out and yanked the towel away.

   Shivering, Ryou quickly shrank down onto the couch wrapping his thin arms around his body, face turned away in shame.

   First, the thief's eyes widened in surprise - the pale boy in front of him was barely more than skin and bones, every rib clearly visible. Every. Single. One. Next his eyes narrowed in anger - how could yadonushi have done this to himself? The kid had always been thin, but this was disgusting. Then he closed his eyes as an emotion he hadn't known before meeting this boy washed over him: guilt. This was -his- fault. "Please don't leave me." the boy had begged after the conversation, if one could call it that, with Marik on the way back from the Battle City finals.

   Lowering himself to the couch, he gently wrapped his arms around the fragile figure and carefully pulled him into his lap.

   Leaning into the warmth, Ryou gave in to the tears. He was cold, tired, hurt, embarrassed, and most of all confused. This… stranger, that his friends readily labeled as evil and a villain, who was gently stroking his hair was, to him, the most familiar, and the most comforting, person in the world. For the second time that week, Ryou cried himself to sleep, only this time, he knew it was real.

   A single question ran through the Egyptian's mind as he carried the sleeping boy to bed, 'If I hadn't come back, would you have simply wasted away?'

next scene

[sapphos-darlings]

Hey! I have a big question here. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a while, so I'm searching for sources or sites with accurate tips or information. I've read the Masterdoc, but I have seen many people say it's not reliable. Are there any other sources where I can find more signs/tips/etc to "find out" my orientations? (speficically to find out if i'm really a lesbian or not). Thanks!

Hi, Lavender here!

Ah, the questioning phase. Perhaps calling it a questioning ‘phase’ isn’t that accurate though, it makes it sound so temporary and unimportant, when we are actually constantly learning and growing throughout our lives, and no part of your life, no matter how temporary, isn’t so unimportant that you can just wave it off.

People are right though. I don’t know what masterdoc you’re referring to, but it is unreliable. Sexual orientation is not a horoscope, a personality type or an illness that you can diagnose.

The only source for the question “what is my sexual orientation?” is you. There is no personality test, online quiz, master document or any other shortcut like that. The only question that you need answering is “who am I attracted to?” and honestly, you only find that out by living your life, having experiences and pondering on your own wishes and hopes.

I can totally understand that not having all the answers and struggling with something that feels very important and urgent is frustrating, but there really isn’t a test you can take on these things.

Other people’s experiences and whether you relate to them or not are honestly pretty unimportant at this stage. Of course it’s wonderful to find things you share, but you don’t need anyone else to tell you who you are attracted to or what you want. Those are things that come from within you, and are not handed to you from anyone else. No one else is an authority on you.

That said, I could share some experiences. Again, I will mention men on this post! This is your warning. (Good heavens, a second time within a week).

For me my orientation has been very steady for 15 years since I started thinking about it, but I have friends who have struggled more and had several questioning phases down the line too.

For me, I was in middle-school when crushes started actually turning serious for me and other kids around me. There were flirty texts, hanging out together, attempts at dating, and also suddenly new sensations in the form of hormonal teenage sexual desire. During that time, I fell for my best friend, which I realized because I wanted to hold her hand, spend time alone with her, felt so special and wonderful when I got confirmation of being her best friend in return, and hugs from her caused me to feel so warm. She didn’t return my feelings, but I did come to a conclusion that it was that crush thing everyone was raving about, and I get those on girls.

I was surrounded by straight girls, and everyone was talking about boys. It felt like all the time, and I just didn’t get it. It was dawning on me that the girls around me felt something when they looked at guys: Men were handsome and made them giddy, they wanted to lean against them and kiss them and be seen and held in return. During late night biking trips we did, there were giggly conversations about sex and what we might like about it. All theoretical, all very jokey, but also very curious, and together our friend group was building an idea about what it might be and what they liked.

I never felt anything like that. I look at a man and see a human sure, but he’s just about as interesting to me as a house plant. The idea of having him touch me, or thinking about a man - no matter how cool and fun and hot - in a sexual situation with me feels unnatural and makes me recoil.

So, lesbian. Fairly simple, when I had crushes on girls and my sexual desire focused on women, and a thought of a man makes me turn completely cold.

Then again, I have many bisexual friends. Most of them are women and prefer other women, but they have still had crushes and fantasies about men and some have had actual boyfriends. A friend of mine sort of checked her bisexuality some years ago because she’s been interested in pretty much only women, but then suddenly had a very fiery even if brief thing with a man. It’s just she doesn’t meet many men, and ever fewer are actually interesting and make her interested. She is interested in men rarely, but she has that potential. So, bi.

Another friend of mine likes women and very feminine men. I call her jokingly “a very bad bisexual” because she basically wants women or men who look like women. She also has severe trust issues regarding men, so she leans heavily into her attraction to women. She is basically 98% homosexual and doesn’t act on that remaining 2%, but men are still a part of her sexual attraction and fantasies, and she’s open to the possibility of some absolutely singular and wonderful man coming into her life one day when she’s ready for it. So, still bi.

Basically we know our sexual orientations by simply meeting people and letting our sexual and romantic desire do its thing. We have had crushes, girlfriends, some boyfriends, talked about our feelings with each other, kept diaries, and so on.

Honestly, in the end sexual orientation is very simple. It’s very important, personal, exciting and affects many things, so it does feel confusing and overwhelming at times especially when you haven’t explored it much yet, but you are what you are. You have the experience that you have, you are the person you are, and just getting an accurate label doesn’t change anything fundamentally.

It is also very possible that you simply haven’t felt anything serious yet. Love and desire are things you sort of know when they happen. Again, time is what you need.

You have your whole life to figure this out, and anyway, it’s the loving and desiring part that’s fun and wonderful about your sexuality, not labelling it.