#i've been in denver a couple days now and i'm living the life

[crow-talks-hockey]

fuck. k/cherov is leading again... sigh. at least when nate inevitably gets that lead back tomorrow IM GONNA BE THERE TO SEE IT 🤭

[aceghosts]

Five Songs, Three Outfits

I was tagged by @clicheantagonist, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @carlosoliveiraa, @marivenah, @onehornedbeast, @voidika, @nightbloodbix, @amalkavian, and @cloudofbutterflies92.

Tagging (Opt In/Out): @bbrocklesnar, @fourlittleseedlings, @alexxmason, @captmactavish, @captastra, @derelictheretic, @henbased, @theelderhazelnut, @direwombat, @strangefable, @cassietrn, @katsigian, and anyone else who would like to do this.

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your oc, followed by 3 outfits they would wear. (Because I'm a weirdo, I did this for all my OCs.)

Blue Murphy

Rocky Mountain High by John Denver

Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forests and the streams/Seeking grace in every step he takes/His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand/The serenity of a clear blue mountain lake

Raise Hell by Brandi Carlisle

You have a mind to keep me quiet/And although you can try/Better men have hit their knees/And bigger men have died

The World Ender by Lord Huron

I'm the World Ender, baby, and I'm back from the grave/They can run for their lives, but they cannot be saved/I'm the World Ender, baby, and I'm coming for them/They put me in the ground, but I'm back from the dead

Elijah by Matthew and the Atlas

Wish you could have talked to me/Found another way to be/Living hard don't sound so good/It's hard to get out of the wood

Elijah, you're too young to be lost/Elijah, don't fade out on the cross

Up the Wolves by The Mountain Goats

There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet/No matter where you live/There'll always be a few things, maybe several things/That you're going to find really difficult to forgive/There's gonna come a day when you feel better/You'll rise up free and easy on that day

Rooney Shepard

Uneven Odds by Sleeping at Last

Maybe your light is a seed/And the darkness, the dirt/In spite of the uneven odds/Beauty lifts from the earth

Too Close/Too Late by Spiritbox

Stranger things I've learned on the outside/Separated by an open door/I find it hard to reach the end of my timeline/Salivating 'cause I wanted more/Is this the end or is this the beginning?

I know where I wanna go/But it's too close/And it's too late this time/I know where I wanna go/But it's too close/And it's too late this time

The Foundations of Decay My Chemical Romance

You must fix your heart/And you must build an altar where it swells/When the storm it gains, and the sky it rains/Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away/And as you stumble through your last crusade/Will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays?

Jaded by Spiritbox

And I've always been ashamed that I wanna/Fall into a dream with my honour desecrated/Blood is jaded/I've never found a way to be honest/All I know is a place where I haunted memories faded/Blood is jaded

The Altar/Mary by Silverstein

At the base of the ivory tower/The bodies pile up/Lured you with a future but it won't exist/Shame you for a failure that they won't admit/Somebody has to die as a warning to the rest/Shut up and get in line, take what you can get

Hunter Delaney

Throne by Bring Me the Horizon

So you can throw me to the wolves/Tomorrow I will come back, leader of the whole pack/Beat me black and blue/Every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne

Alone in a Room by Asking Alexandria

All I needed was the last thing I wanted/To sit alone in a room and say it all out loud/Every moment, every second, every trespass/Every awful thing, every broken dream/A couple years back and forth with myself in a cage

Little Wonder by Architects feat. Mike Kerr

I wanna sing you a different song, one that's easier to swallow/(Everything is fuckin' fine)/We can dance, we can all sing along/We can say how we all wanna be saved, but it's еasier to follow

BFG Division by Mike Gordon

All My Life by Attack Attack!

You blinded my eyes now for way too long/Well I thought we were friends, but you proved me wrong/You got in my head with the things that you said/And you left me a mess now to top it off

There's one of us here without virtue/Look in the mirror, don't want to/You're keeping me down for your debut/But your reign is through

Sawyer Beaumont

Houdini by Foster the People

When I feel kinda bad and don't want to stress/I just pass it off on ability/Well, you got what you want and what you never knew/Perfect gift from me to you

Iscariot by Walk the Moon

Perhaps I lack some foresight (Should have known)/But, brother, you were so right/Sure as the setting sun/You can't trust just anyone

Own Worst Enemy by Robert DeLong

Always feeling like I made a mistake like I'm dropping the ball/Found the worst thing to say, ya/Never feeling like I'm getting ahead like I'm doing my best/'Cause someone did better

Firestorm by SIAMES

Now hold your horses/Why do you have to go down that road?/Get back on your tracks/No good can resist so much wrong/How bad you want it?/And how bad you need what is not your fault?

Canon by OVERWERK

Blake Maddox

a new moral low ground by Architects

One love for your enemy/Two steps from the edge of your sanity/Three strikes for the cavalry/You cut me close to the bone/Four walls that you'll never see/Five waits for a taste of humanity/Six feet, what a travesty/You cut me close to the bone

New Dawn Fades by Joy Division

An angry voice and one who cried/We'll give you everything and more/The strain's too much, can't take much more/Oh, I've walked on water, run through fire/Can't seem to feel it anymore

Final Girl by CHVRCHES

In the final cut/In the final scene/There's a final girl/Does she look like me?/In the final cut/In the final scene/There's a final girl/And you know that she should be screaming now

Hurt by Wage War

It still hurts/I can never seem to find the right words/I guess it's still the way the world turns/You break me, forsake me and show me everything that I can never be/It still hurts/It feels like everything just gets worse/But I can't be the only one at ends with this/To live until I've learned

Violent Delights by CHVRCHES

And these violent delights/Keep creeping into my nights/And they're reading my rites/And I'll never sleep alone again

Riley Callahan

The Faster The Treadmill by I Fight Dragons

Every time I say what I want to be/Someone says that's not how it's going to be/Come on, baby, quit your dreaming/Grab your things, the train is leaving/Time to pick that somewhere you want to go/Get there quick or drown in the undertow/Come on, baby, time is wasting/Choose a wheel and get to racing

Miracle Mile by Cold War Kids

Get outside, get all over the world/You learn to love what you get in return/It may be permanent, it may be peace of mind/But you have to slow down and breathe one breath at a time

Wanderlust by Valiant Hearts

Oh, I'll walk to the edge of the world/If it means I can chase this feeling one more time/I'll scream from the top of my lungs/From the mountain tops my body could never climb/I'll stare into the great unknown/Until the mesmer has overfilled my mind

The Hymn by FLOYA

Let my journey change me/I wanna see where the stars might lead me/I feel the heat envelop my heart/Setting sail for a new shore (New shore)/To find the light in my soul

Shy Away by Twenty One Pilots

Shed your modesty/Don't circle the track/Just break the cycle in half/And leave your skin on the floor

Emerson Wright

Doomsday by Architects

Souls don't break, they bend/But I sometimes forget/I have to do this for you/And the only way out is through/Yeah, death is an open door

The Summit by Spiritbox

I could not go on/Break me down and hold me 'til the dawn/Poison is the purposeful, it's gone/Desperate to find that beating heart/And run

Fighting Gravity by Of Mice and Men

If everything is where it's supposed to be/Then why does space just feel so incomplete?/If everything is made to fall into place/Why am I always fighting gravity?

Goliath by Architects feat. Simon Neil

Bury your head in the sand/Soon you'll be feeling the fangs/So sleep with two eyes open/'Cause jackals live by the candlelight

Me Against Myself by Wage War

Feel like I'm a broken shell/Hard to lie when you're overwhelmed/It still hurts when you're numb/Every walk becomes a run/It's getting hard to hold on/When you come undone

(For context, whenever I think of Emerson's style, it's directly inspired by Kurt Cobain.)

Dallas Warden (AKA Bellamy)

Take What You Want by Flight Paths

And it finally came the day/I start giving my heart away/For Heaven's sake, my bones will break/But you'll never own my soul, no

Rotoscope by Spiritbox

I can't take back the skeletons that haunt me frame by frame/I can rapture the imprints sent to bore into my brain/And I know that I feel the end is imminent

How long have I felt this way? Sign of the times/Shadows sway to light up my life/Trace the answers, tears have never made me/Change from violent delights

Perseus by Local Dialect

Salt by the Devil Wears Prada feat. Dayseeker

Some days I think I'm afraid of my shadow/I show up to fight at all the wrong battles/And I don't think my mind will be right 'til I/Pour the salt into the wound

Take Me First by Bad Omens

I lie to myself like it's not too late/Convinced the past can still be changed/We know it's gone, but I can't move on/I want to rewind, but it just replays

[nopeferatu]

I only read BB Mountain three days ago, and I haven't had a chance to see the movie or do any historical research yet, but I'm curious to know what you think Mexico signifies. I assume that Jack wants to go there because it's more tolerant of homosexuality, but I'm not actually sure if Mexico was like that in the '80s.

PS: I've only read the 1997 version published in the New Yorker. Haven't yet read the 1999 version published in Close Range.

See, I haven't done much in-depth research about it, but my conclusion (based solely on living in a city that borders Mexico) is that Mexico, esp border cities, represents this kind of place where vice is allowed to thrive within the narrative? If you ask a lot of Mexican citizens or people who spend a lot of time going between the U.S. and Mexico, they'll be the first to tell you that the Mexican government is very corrupt, and the justice system is, too. So I have a feeling that it's less that Mexico was more tolerant of homosexuality (just because Mexico largely isn't even really that socially tolerant of homosexuality today), but more that like... Jack felt comfortable enough being there knowing that cops would look away from the queer sex trade that it began to represent something akin to a haven for him.

Now whether or not that would have actually been true is a different story entirely, but I think it's a very Jack-thing to think, right? Like. He has all these romanticized notions of running away and starting a life together with Ennis, plans he doesn't think the logistics through all the way, because he is just eager to be with Ennis in the way he wants. So of course he'd suggest to Ennis that they meet up for their trips in Mexico—he's been going there all this time to get his own needs filled, and no one has said or done anything to him! But like. Shady back-alley deals that the cops look way from are very different from existing as a queer couple, which I feel is something Jack doesn't understand.

Either way, the larger thing that Mexico represents in the story is Ennis' inability to leave the environment he was born and raised in. Jack moves to Texas, Jack suggests they go to Denver (which actually does have a long queer history), Jack goes to Mexico to get the sex he needs. Ennis can't. He can't broaden his horizons bc everything about him is rooted in the hard and lonely Wyoming landscape. It's a common theme in Annie Proulx's other works, the idea of people being so bound to the land, so it makes sense that it appears here, too.

Also WOW. You're like... the exception to the rule now a days?? I actually really want to know your thoughts about some stuff if and when you ever get around to watching the film, because I always wonder how differently I'd feel about some things if my introductory point to this story had been the novella first and not the film. But I have a pdf copy of the short story in full, if you'd like for me to share it with you through email or something like that? It's not all that longer than the one that appeared in the New Yorker, but it does soooooo much to establish character and environment in such a short amount of time. Lmk and I'd be happy to send it your way!

[ultravioletfuture]

ULTRAVIOLET VISIONS: We Are Back Online!

May 10, 2024 - portal.rwb

Welcome back everyone to a brand new edition of ULTRAVIOLET VISIONS! It's been months since our last blog post on here and it's honestly been long overdue for some updates. Before I get into the usual music recommendations, discussions, and shoutouts, I just thought I'd give an update on everything going on with me and the label and some explanation for certain delays like with shipping and these blogs.

In August we will be hitting our 2 year anniversary since UVF's initial launch and it has been an absolute blast working on this project. Since Day 1, I've wanted to build a platform to emphasize and promote all of the amazing music I've been a fan of in this scene and giving them a place to really shine and highlight them for the hidden gems that they are. Every single release felt like such a great success in my mind, regardless of sales or numbers, but mainly just due to the fact that we were able to turn someone's digital release and give it a tangible, physical form. With music being so heavily emphasized in the digital space these days, there's a special feeling when getting to hold a physical release in your hand like a tape or a CD. Things have changed a ton since the start of this label (mostly for the better!) and it's been a hard time for me personally to balance everything going on in my busy life. I still have every bit of passion and determination inside of me to continue on with this project as when I first started 2 years ago, but I definitely feel like in the past year or so I haven't been able to live up to my ambitions and fulfill the goals I strive for. There's a lot more I could be doing to improve the whole experience on everyone's end regarding UVF and I really want to focus on just cleaning things up and trying to stay on top of new releases and updates. Currently we have a couple releases lined up for UVF that I'm excited to share, but I wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to put releases out knowing there are still delays for orders. Once all pending orders have been shipped out, I can't wait to continue on with expanding the UVF catalog and sharing more music with you all. In the meantime, please feel free to reach out to me with any concerns regarding your orders and I'd be happy to give you any info you need.

With all that being said, let's kick things off with a recap of all the latest updates regarding artists on the UVF roster!

UVF Updates

Spring Dream

On April 21st, TRUMAN! hosted the "Spring Dream" show at Complex24 in Denver, Colorado with most of the returning roster from the previous "Snow Dream" show. Truman was kind enough to invite me to play and with some planning, I was able to book a flight for the weekend and play my first ever live show!

Our trip to Denver was amazing and we had such a great time hanging out with everyone for the show! This was actually the first time I would be meeting any online mutuals so it was pretty nerve racking, but everyone was insanely kind and welcoming. Since starting our Lunar Data Garden project, Truman and I have gotten to know each other a ton and meeting in person for the first time was pretty surreal. Despite all the nerves, Truman was a great host and took us all around Denver. As soon as we landed we got some Korean BBQ and just yapped in person for the first time. The next day would be our one big day to pack as many things to do as possible before we had to really get into "show mode" come Sunday. We got these fire breakfast bagels, went to the Museum of Nature and Science, visited the Aquarium, stopped by a 4/20 music festival downtown, and ended the night at this super cozy bar with one of the best burgers I've had in forever. I swear all I was thinking of in my head after touring around Denver that day was "God a bacon cheeseburger and a beer would fucking smack right now" and when dinner came around it's like Truman read my mind immediately lol. Sunday rolled around and I met up at Truman's apartment to practice our sets when I met Sam (sigiliyph) and Aiden (Atekin) for the first time! They were super chill and we all practiced our sets for a couple hours before the show. Truman and I rode together to the show and bonded as we feasted on Wendy's Biggie Bags. When the actual show started, the energy was super sick and intimate in comparison to any other show I've been to. It's been a while since I've gone and been to any concerts or shows before so just being around people interested in similar music as me in this super underground venue was such a nice feeling. Without going into extreme detail over everyone's set, I just wanna say that everyone killed it and brought so much energy to the show that night! The whole night felt like it flew by so quickly and the thought of finally having to leave was starting to kick in. Shoutout to Luxury Noise, Big Baby Profit, Charlotte, Astrid, Aiden and Sam for sharing this night with and being super chill people to talk and hang out with! Thanks to Big Baby Profit for setting things up to get our set's recorded! You can watch both my portal.rwb set as well as the world's first Lunar Data Garden set over at the ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE youtube channel. The Lunar Data Garden set will also be compiled into a Live Album over on the LDG Bandcamp page so be sure to support us there as well.

New scarecrow_ Album, "Our Shadow"!

Progressive Vaporwave artist scarecrow_ is back with their latest album "Our Shadow"! After the release of their ambitious double album "Flora & Fauna", scarecrow_ returns with another 10 boundary pushing tracks that further expand their already vast and intricate take of the NUWRLD style. Starting off the album, "Awake" takes us on a 7 minute expansive journey through multiple different switch ups that somehow blend coherently into each other. The track ranges from it's bright and punchy vocal stabs in the opening to it's melancholic arpeggio passages in the midpoint. I love the way that scarecrow_ can pack so many different styles and layers into one track while constantly keeping the listener on their toes, waiting to see what happens at every turn. Other standout tracks to me include "Lover" for it's tight groove chaotic energy throughout the track. "Station" is a track that takes you on a slow journey down a dramatic path of hard hitting drums and waltz-like melodies. At the halfway point, the song comes to a halt and transforms into this eerie slow building vocal chant that increases in energy as layers of drums and synths pile on top of each other beautifully. The vocal refrains on this track are very reminiscent of something you'd hear on a Giant Claw record. The penultimate track "Separate" is an instant favorite of mine for it's mind boggling production. Easily being the glitchiest track on the album with chops that will leave your ears begging for more, "Separate" is what I can only describe as a stroke of pure genius and masterclass in song structure and creativity. One of my favorite tracks I've heard all year for sure. "Just For Now" ends the album off on such a bittersweet note, wrapping the album up beautifully with a bow on top before crashing into it's destructive and explosive end in the later half of the track. Overall, scarecrow_ proves themselves once again as being one of the most forward thinking artists to come out of the Vaporwave genre in recent years and continues to expand the sound of their already vastly diverse catalog. As always I HIGHLY recommend this album as well as any of scarecrow_'s previous works. If you go into this extensive catalog of music with an open mind, I promise you'll come out the other end with your mind blown. As the title suggests, when I first discovered scarecrow_'s music 2 years ago I was truly "Never The Same" ;) . As previously mentioned, scarecrow_ also released their last album "Flora & Fauna" on ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE! The album is available on CD and Minidisc if you would like to support both scarecrow_ and I in the process. Personally, this was one of my favorite albums of last year and I was super proud of how the whole CD and Minidisc design came out.

"Heaven's Medallion", a New Album under the Two Circles side alias, out://of//bounds

After the release of their all encompassing record "Inbetween Everything" back in December 2023, Two Circles is back with a brand new album under their more ambient/slushwave side alias out://of//bounds! "Heaven's Medallion" delivers us a heartwarming and enchanting collection of 6 songs that take your mind through a journey that can only be brought by Two Circle's signature charm. The first track "Amulet (魔法)" warps us into an empty plane as a heavenly landscape begins to slowly expand before you. The track slowly envelops every nook and cranny in your brain with its lush pads until suddenly you are stuck with a yearning melody as you stare into heaven itself. "Sailing the Cloud Sea // City Limits" is s slow 2 part endeavor as you traverse through this 10 minute trek. "Sailing The Cloud Sea" is a relaxing boat ride as you stare into a sea of clouds before you and lose yourself in the bright pink skies. Reaching the second half, the clouds begin to clear as we enter "City Limits" and view the city thats ahead of us. Beautiful ocarina melodies flood our ears as we arrive at our destination and dock for now. In "世界の木" , we are confronted with the almighty "World Tree" as we seek for answers from within through the means of connecting with the environment around us. A melancholic resting point to gather our thoughts before continuing on the rest of our adventure. Dawn approaches as "Eventide Nightfall // Moon In Front" brings us into a dreamy, spiraling lullaby where we can slowly melt away as layers of synths cascade onto the night sky. "The Balance of Many" leaves us to gather our things as our journey comes to an end. Pillowy synths build up as we connect one last time with the heavenly atmosphere that's been painted before our eyes. After travelling through clouds and dreams, "Heaven's Medallion" is there in the end, waiting for us to reach out and grab from the skies. As always, this new out://of//bounds adventure doesn't disappoint and will leave you filled with emotion and a sense of what I can only describe as 'home". With every new installment, I'm consintantly blown away by how effortlessly Two Circles is able to build entire worlds in front of you and paint sonic masterpieces for you to pick apart and add to your library of emotions. In case you missed it, Two Circles released their magnum opus "Inbetween Everything" on ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE late last year! Minidiscs have sadly sold out but the album is still available on CD if you'd like to pick up a copy and support both Two Circles and I. The album is also accompanied by a spectacular visualizer that's available to watch on the UVF youtube channel as well as Two Circle's youtube channel. I can tell they put their entire heart and soul into the visuals they created so I highly recommend you all check it out whenever you get the chance.

UV Spotlight

Moving on from all the happenings with our UVF artists, I wanted to share a couple albums that I've been a fan of and have had in my rotation recently!

"Accela" by Lila Tirando a Violeta

I discovered this album while randomly digging through Bandcamp a few months ago and have been pleasantly surprised with how heavy yet beautiful this album sounds. "Accela" is a mind-melting amalgamation of heavy distorted electronic music with brilliantly crafted sound design experiments sprinkled throughout. The album is entrancing yet abrasive leaving you stranded in this desolate landscape filled with prickly electronics and hellish growls. Definitely might be a more challenging listen and not for everyone but has definitely peaked my interest since first discovering it. The album is also available on cassette through their Bandcamp page if you'd like to support Lila Tirando a Violeta either physically or digitally!

"No More Tears" by Venus Death Trap

Venus Death Trap seems to be an artist that popped up out of nowhere but has made quite a splash with this latest record to come out on Business Casual. "No More Tears" is a brand new hour long record with 17 tracks ranging from bright, upbeat tracks like “You Know I Love You, Right?”, to more NUWRLD styled tracks like “Love Me” that are very reminiscent of albums like “I’ll Try Living Like This”. I’m always happy to hear any new albums in the scene that take heavy inspiration from acts like death’s dynamic shroud so this will be right up your alley if you’re looking for more music in that style.

"👁​点​击​と​👁" by 👁️‍🗨️📲

Legendary Vaporwave duo 👁️‍🗨️📲 delivered with a monumental new album, “I Click With My Eye”. Honestly, I couldn't give all my thoughts here and could probably do an entire video on this album, but in short, this feels like the ultimate culmination of Vaporwave as a genre up to this point in time. A time capsule of sound that has just taken the past 10 years of Internet culture and jam packing it into a 50 minute experience. The Visual Album that accompanies this album is a must watch imo and truly elevates the entire album to a whole new level. 👁️‍🗨️📲 has truly cracked the Vaporwave code and concocted a generational album. The album was released on Kats kill Records along with a beautiful vinyl release that currently has a couple copies left on overstock so grab one while you can!

"The Wrong Side Of The Soul" by アバドン

アバドン (aka Abaddon) released their latest record "The Wrong Side Of The Soul" towards the end of last year, and ended up on my AOTY list. The album is filled to the brim with Abaddon’s usual fusion of heavy electronic instrumentals and glitchy vapor fueled vocal sampling. Abaddon has slowly and slowly perfected their style and you can see them finally reach a point with this album where they are able to show off their creative ideas to the fullest. The album was also accompanied by a gorgeous cassette release under Cityman Productions so be sure to snag a copy for yourself!

"ミ​ラ​ー​リ​ン​グ TOWER" by NUWRLD Clubhouse

Every year, the NUWRLD Clubhouse discord server comes together to form a yearly compilation made by various artists in the mixtape club. This year we decided on finally making a remix compilation of DDS remixes titled "ミ​ラ​ー​リ​ン​グ TOWER"! The compilation features 36 remixes of various songs from the vast DDS catalog. This has been a big passion project for members of the mixtape club and we are super happy to finally have it put together and released! Unfortunately, the compilation is only available to mixtape club members at the moment, but many of the artists have released their remixes on their various platforms to check out. Nevertheless, the DDS mixtape club is one of the best things this scene has to offer and would be a great excuse to check out over 3 years worth of NUWRLD monthly mixtapes! Also big shoutout to Two Circles for coming up with the cover art for the comp since they did such an amazing job I seriously can’t get enought of it!

Finally, I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone out there that checks out and reads these blogs! Writing these blogs up has taken up a lot more of my time than I had expected which is why I haven’t gotten one out in a while, but I figured we were long overdue for a new post. As always, it would be greatly appreciated if you share the blog with your friends or anyone who might be interested and be sure to join our Discord as well as follow us on our social medias to keep yourself updated with all of our releases. Hope you all have a great Friday or whenever you end up reading this and I’ll catch you on the next blog post 💜

-portal.rwb from UVF

[fleurcareil]

BC: West Kootenay

Once back down Mount Revelstoke, I picked up a delicious poke bowl from a food truck to eat while waiting for the ferry across Upper Arrow lake... which instead of 30-50 minutes turned out into a 1h20 wait due to delays, mechanical problems etc. A bit of a shame, especially as due to the smoke there was not much to see! 😒

I had been recommended that this would be a good place to paddle which I can imagine on a clear day but I wouldn't venture on the water in these conditions... I might not find my way back! 😅 On the ferry we were laughing that the scenery was so extremely pretty, at least in our imagination 😝

After the ferry landed on the east side of the lake, I had one of the best experiences so far in my entire time in Canada; soaking in the hot springs of Halfway River! 😍❤ It's a bit of a trek to get there, first on a rough stoney road & then 100s of stairs down to the valley floor but it's absolutely worth it! There's 3 man-made pools of different temperatures (the hottest was way too warm), a few natural pools a little bit further and then the river to cool you down. I understand why people I spoke to have been returning for years on end, I could stay here forever ☺... there's no better feeling than to get really hot and then plunge head down into the cold water! Most people tend to only sit in the cold water not submerging their head, so I taught a girl & a few ladies the real magic of going all-in with the hot & cold cycle 🤩 (which they loved after the first shock)

Unfortunately I did need to say goodbye to the hot springs as I had another hour to drive to New Denver (next time, I'll stay at the on-site campground!), where I stayed at a hotel run by a friendly Chinese family, so had yummy Chinese food but the room was stuffy and hot 🔥, probably better off camping despite the smoke.

Over dinner, I had a great conversation with an older couple who has travelled the world including Scotland and Colombia so it was fun to exchange notes. It did also make me realize that although I very much enjoy traveling to explore new places, I get my real energy from living in a different country, building a new life there and getting a deeper understanding of the culture (like I did in Canada 😍)... I see my road trip as a farewell to this amazing country that I call home, and although it seems distant at this moment, I'm looking forward to starting a new life in Chile, so together with the worsening fires in BC it felt I was coming to an end to my travels soon. I still had 6 more nights in the Okanagan booked that I was excited about but perhaps after that it would be good to start my return. Fast forward 2 days (as per one of my previous posts); after having had terrible smoke in Nelson and more areas being evacuated I did cancel the bookings and returned east, not even making it to the Okanagan 😔

For now however, the next morning was slightly better and it made me happy to see some snow-covered mountains and semi-blue sky from my window! 😀 I was told that New Denver is a hidden gem so I walked around the old downtown and bought delicious orangy cake from the farmers market. Thereafter, I visited the Nikkei memorial centre at the location of a Japanese Canadian WW2 internment camp which had ofcourse shocking displays and a pretty Japanese garden (I've had my fill now of internment info though; I better hope Canada will never have a war with the Dutch or the French 😅). There was another Japanese meditation garden on the lake but by then the wind had kicked up a frenzy, signalling it was time to leave!

Driving across the mountains to Kootenay Lake, I stopped by in Sandon, which is billed as a ghost town but I didn't get a good idea of its history (I'm guessing mining ?)... currently, it's more of a repository of old trucks, train wagons and a whole collection of electric trolley busses (incl. one from Hamilton!) that are waiting to be restored and put back into use (questionable given their current state). The iced coffee was delicious! 😁

In Kaslo, I visited the SS Moyie Sternwheeler which had functioned as the only local transportation for the villages along the 105km long Kootenay lake until the road was built. The ship is beautifully restored and I can imagine this was pure luxury at the time!

After a well-deserved icecream and a chat with dear Priyanka 😍, I had quick stops at a strangely rounded covered bridge and some falls (of which I've also reached my limit now) and then on to Nelson. My tent site was a bit different on a deck high above the rest of the campground... put in extra stones to make sure I wouldn't roll off in the middle of the night. 😅 Delicious Italian food & local wine on a patio with live music capped off a good day ☺

Next morning though, the smoke was double heavy although it had cooled down 10 degrees overnight, and the bad news of fire evacuations kept rolling in so pulled the plug and canceled my existing reservations (they would have been nulled by the end of the day anyway because of the travel restrictions put in place for tourists), and booked new ones in East Kootenay on the way back to the Rockies. Feeling drab, I spent some time inside at the visitor centre and a restaurant but the smoke was everywhere...it did not only physically feel bad but also mentally it wore me down like a heavy blanket trying to suffocate.😔

I had driven by the Ainsworth hotsprings the previous day so went back and had some good time there... they also have a "cave" in which you can swim which was different... didn't beat the forest hot springs but the warm water was soothing anyway!

In the evening, I went to an Oppenheimer party at the cinema with live music & drinks before the movie, something completely different! 😀 I briefly met an interesting couple who live happily in Nelson & had met many years ago, after she had decided to grow roots in Nelson "because it felt home" after a summer job... gave me hope I'll have the same home feeling when I'll set foot in Chile!

Despite not having been able to truly experience West Kootenay as I had wanted to, I feel that this is an amazing region so will hopefully come back here another time, just not in August.

Wildlife: 2 turkeys, 1 bald eagle, 2 deer, 1 salamander

SUPs: none

Hikes: none

Hot springs: two 🤗

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary39

10/16-17/2023

mon/tues

i forgot to put the days yesterday, or i think even the entry before too. whatevs, i just need to remember from now.

anyways, here's a pic of me while in an h&m in that freaky mall:

maybe today will just be lots of pics cuz i didn't do a lot. i like, made ramen and worked on music. same 2 songs i've been trying to get perfect, i think i got closer with one, and then two other songs, i added bass to one, did some minor stuff to the guitar sound on another, just to get more transients out of it and idk, get it louder. but on the two songs i want to get right, idk, it's weird problems, there's like, a flatness maybe, i'm having trouble with, and then in one it's an issue of maybe i just need to bump the vocals higher, and then i dunno. whatever.

usually people write about how they feel in diaries, i do that sometimes only cuz i'm just so fixated on stuff that i think might hardly matter in terms of getting these songs right or like, living my life.

anyways, here are some photos:

i wonder if i could use these pics i took on top of the mountain for anything, i'd like to, if possible.

it's crazy how normal all this must be in like, the rest of the u.s. but to me the fall colors here and climate were super crazy and wonderful. i hope to go somewhere even more like that eventually, farther north in the fall, i would really love that.

anyways those are all like, the random photos of landscapes and whatever i took. i took a couple other pics that i think i can use for collages at some point, cover art stuff or something.

like:

i feel just like her, i think.

and:

this one already feels so wild, i kind of have to use it with something.

i didn't bring my digicam, cuz idk, it would probably be too much, and i didn't take the pics i have on there off yet, i have some fun stuff with a destroyed imac i found by my apartment's dumpster that i am def going to use, and some more bruise pics from me, bruise/hickey (lol).

anyways, i am sooo exhausteddddddd.

i don't know why, really, i guess is stayed up too late. maybe i didn't eat enough either. god, thinking on that, it was so hard to get water in denver, when we were in our hotel room we mostly just let icecubes melt and get water from that. the two bottles we bought (big ones) was not enough. in japan water was so cheap, for so much. it's like they wanted you to be alive.

i should sleep soon, though. i feel like woozy and i keep thinking the sun is about to be up because it's so bright in vegas and denver was so dark at night, i've never seen less effective streetlights anywhere and i am so not used to a lack of light pollution.

so, byebye!!!!

[talesalexandria]

The Drag Freakshow and Delayed Chapter Updates (personal)

Hello everyone,

I apologize if this is a low-energy post, I have a couple of updates and not all are good, regrettably.

First and foremost, yesterday was The Drag Freakshow and I had a blast! Drag isn't quite my thing, but there were so many fun people there and we were able to make a few sales! I even took part in a dance competition where I was tipped for my flustered performance, even though I lost, lol.

I suppose now comes the bad news. My spouse (they/them) and I are facing eviction at the end of the month. Because of our current living situation, our landlord will re-run an income check before our lease renews in April. My spouse just left an abusive work environment a month ago and is still looking for a job, while I haven't made a profit on my business yet (for context, I didn't make up my vendor fee at either the Rave'n Ball or The Drag Freakshow). So we're fully anticipating being kicked out of our home in two weeks.

If the way I depict parental figures in my story was any indicator (discounting Brighid; I NEEDED some semblance of love and acceptance from a family member) neither my spouse nor I have a good support network, especially a local one. Even if we got along with our folks, they all live in "Gay/Trans Panic Defense" states, so it'd hardly be safe, nor would we be able to get the medical treatment we need.

The vendor manager I've been working with has been very kind and helpful. She knows a few people who are looking for roommates in the Greater Denver Area and understands our living/financial needs. Nothing has come of it yet, but at this point, it's more or less our only option while we try to figure out income.

Needless to say, all this has been very distracting and has hardly let me get in a mindset to write or even edit the last few days (same with my spouse/editor). I have so much I want to work on, but I just feel paralyzed by fear and doubt.

I guess I can close out this update with a little good news. Next month, I'm signed up for two more events in Denver: the Kinky Circus @ Tracks and High Tea @ Ant Life (https://imgur.com/a/xxj5BTO).

Kinky Circus is a BDSM-themed event that utilizes all three rooms at Tracks and is supposed to have 1000+ people attending (unlike the Rave'n Ball and The Drag Freakshow. The former was goth-themed and only utilized two rooms, so only about 200 people attended; the latter was drag-themed and was at a brewery, so at most 100 people attended), so I'm really hoping this is a better event for us.

High Tea is a cannabis event with open smoking, so even though it's not quite my market (while the effects of demon pheromones in my universe are somewhat based upon the effects of antianxiety meds/cannabis, they're hardly the same), I'm hoping the nature of people attending means their wallets will be a little more open.

I also now have a lead on two more stores that might want to sell my books. Both are adult stores of some nature, so, with any luck once I know more and get in contact with them, I'll have four local stores that stock my books.

None of those events changes what we're facing, unfortunately, especially since the Second Edit isn't ready for bookstore shelves yet (and probably won't be until my spouse and I can figure out where we're living next month). I suppose this is as good a time as any to plug my Patreon, SubscribeStar, OnlyFans (not that there's much on there, dysphoria hasn't made it easy), and Tumblr. I also have my GoFundMe back up, and I have a website set up for online orders and donations, TalesofAlexandria.net (it's very basic right now, I'm not really in a mindset for web design; I hope you understand).

Until next time, hopefully with more uplifting news.

With love, Alexandria

[frugalhoe]

Day Off - 9/6/19

I made a ton of progress packing today!!

I ended up dragging my bookcase and all my packed up boxes into one of the spare bedrooms to free up my bedroom a bit more. Hopefully my roommate won't complain.

I stopped when I ran out of packing tape. Will brave the rain and buy a couple more rolls of tape later. I'll also need to get a dozen more boxes from work ($0).

While packing, I came across some cute shorts from when I first started stripping and they fit me well! Also I was wearing them the day fwb first asked for my number years ago.

I gained a bunch of weight due to stress and not having a cooking space in my current place and I'm happy the say I've steadily been leaning out and have lost about 30 lbs since January of this year.

Speaking of fwb...he seems happy about my upcoming move. Now we'll be living 15 mins apart instead of 45 mins. I plan to have him over after I get settled. I hope that now we'll spend more time together. I'm considering the possibility of things progressing further with him romantically but have a lot of reservations.

I treated myself to a new sex work book - Anything but a Wasted Life by Sita Kaylin. I'm about half way through Prostitute Laundry by Charlotte Shane and I'm absolutely loving it.

With my move, I'll finally be able to get a library card for the Denver Public Library. I'll be cancelling my Hulu & Audible for awhile and focusing more on reading in my limited free time.

9/6/19

[storyofmyownlife]

End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.