#i've been helping set up a book fair and there's a lot of these as per usual. tempted to take one and read it before we actually open

[walterdecourceys]

i'm so addicted to those middle-grade occasionally memoir-esque graphic novels to be honest. they are very formulaic and often not particularly compelling but i love reading them for some reason

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

i watched conclave and now I really want to know more about all the drama with cardinals, how do you find out about that kind of stuff?

Ohhhh boy. Where to even begin?

Well, to start with, a lot of the cardinals in Conclave are based on real people! Bellini is obviously Carlo Maria Martini (right down to having a surname that's a mixed drink), especially in the book, where he's apparently Italian rather than Italian-American (I love that, unlike with Lawrence, who's also Italian in the book,* they didn't change his name; Stanley Tucci is eminently capable of playing an ItAm guy named Aldo Bellini <3). Martini was a "liberal" Archbishop of Milan who for much of the 90s was widely expected to succeed Pope John Paul II but ended up stalling out at the 2005 conclave.** Tedesco has a lot in common with Raymond Burke, an archconservative cardinal who's still alive and very vocal in the media, although Burke, conversely, is American rather than Italian. (America unfortunately has a very conservative local Catholic Church in general these days.) Tedesco and Burke even look similar, right down to the campy, "muffled sounds of 'Good Luck, Babe!' playing in the distance" fashion sense and body language. Tremblay has a similar career trajectory to Marc Ouellet, who, like Tremblay, was widely respected and seen as pretty middle-of-the-road until serious scandals started coming out. Adeyemi doesn't seem to be based on or inspired by any one real person, but the virulent homophobe who isn't that reactionary otherwise is a very common type of sub-Saharan African cardinal, perhaps most prominently represented currently by Fridolin Ambongo Besungu. Like with Adeyemi, I can see Ambongo picking up steam but then imploding over the course of the next IRL conclave, although it would be uncharitable to Ambongo to assume it would be for the same reasons. And so on.

(Benitez is an ideal, rather than someone inspired by a real person or ideological type, but there are cardinals who've had similarly high-stress and altruistic career and life trajectories, like Marco Zenari, Pierbattista Pizzaballa (which is seriously his name),*** and, in fairness to him, also Ambongo, who is Congolese and is regularly physically threatened by political and paramilitary forces within the DRC.)

As to how one learns more about this, you could start by setting news alerts for some of these people's names--Matteo Zuppi, Luis Antonio Tagle, Pietro Parolin, Peter Erdo, and Victor Manuel Fernandez are other names to potentially watch--or reading some books that have been written recently about the current politics of the Church, the Curia, and the Francis papacy. There's one called In the Closet of the Vatican that is incredibly scurrilous, as its title would suggest, but a rip-roaring read if you're not too concerned about forming possibly-unfair negative opinions of some of these guys. There are also writers like Austen Ivereigh and (gag) Edward Pentin who've made whole careers of being Vatican Inside Baseball Understanders, especially since Pope Francis was elected in 2013.****

In general I'd say Conclave is a very good representation of the way these people think and act, especially the constant tension between venal ambition and genuine belief that they are participating in a divine agency in the world. The tendency in non-Catholic and even some Catholic circles is to assume that only the former is present, but people are complicated.

I hope some of this helps, anon!

*I looked it up and in the book he's called Jacopo Lomeli. I've never seen this surname before, but apparently some real people do have it.

**The Catholic Church has its own ideological spectrum and there are ways in which liberal, progressive, conservative, etc. are not very useful terms, but for broad purposes they work here.

***Patriarch of Jerusalem, the only Palestinian cardinal (cardinals are counted as "from" the countries that they lived in when they became cardinals, not necessarily the countries they're from originally; in his case his country of origin is, unsurprisingly, Italy). As you might imagine, he's been in religious news a lot lately.

****Francis, or Jorge Mario Bergoglio as he was then, is widely believed to have been the runner-up at the above-mentioned 2005 conclave, which produced Pope Benedict XVI.

[celtrist]

This was a planned thing I had around the time I had this little rant (appreciate everyone who's bothered reading that thank you!)

Seeing as we have three canonically Asexual characters, I thought each of them having a different romantic orientation (and varying asexuality on the scale) would be fun and neat to show the variations to the orientations! But I was really stumped on Mammon since I was pretty set on Alastor and Octavia, but Mammon not being any form of aromantic didn't feel right, not terribly ooc, just definitely felt a bit more like "he's the leftovers" sort of thing when divvying up the romantic orientations. But lo and behold, the new episode of Helluva came out and helped solved that little quandrie. So here are my thoughts below on each!

Alastor (Loveless Aromantic) If you've seen my rant, you probably have a good idea why I labeled him as a "loveless aromantic" (meaning in this sense I'm talking about, he just wouldn't have any form of romantic affections or go into something like a QPR or the like). And I do genuinely think he would be! But I know there's A LOT of bias for Alastor NOT being aromantic (or at least open to some sort of relationship), and I will admit I might've been a bit biased here too! I've just seen a lot of love for only specific parts of the aro spectrum that "allows" Alastor to get with someone, and I wanted to give some love to the aro spectrum that gets little to no appreciation (plus I do just genuinely think he'd be this). If you don't agree, all is fair ദ്ദി（• ˕ •マ.ᐟ The point is, I realize I'm probably in the minority here. Plus, it's all a guessing game more or less until something is officially stated, which probably will never happen for any of these three.

Anyway, like I said, I just don't see Alastor really getting as close to anyone even as a QPR. At the VERY LEAST, not in a QPR that has a lot of romantic parts to it (kissing on the lips, cuddling, etc.). My man wouldn't have any interest in marriage or anything romantic, he's very happy on his own and probably gossips about OTHER people's love lives. Then again, he seemed pretty close to cracking when he heard Charlie ranting about her own love life... With that said, I do think he DOES like the company of others, he's VERY social after all. But actually, getting intimate with someone? Mmm, that doesn't feel right for him to me. A kiss on the cheek or PERHAPS a cuddle here and there at most, but nothing like bathing with someone or kissing with tongue. He's also a man of the roaring twenties, so you KNOW how he thinks about intimacies that might have no romantic/sexual connotations by themselves (like bathing with someone) are romantic on their own just because being that close to someone was seen that way in his time. Plus again, I just don't think he'd be interested in that stuff as is (potentially he could be both touch-starved and touch-aversed. And oh boy, wouldn't that be a conundrum!) On one hand, I like and can see Alastor being sex-repulsed, on the other I can also see him just feeling nothing towards it. Considering Angel's "advances" in both the first episode and the pilot, he does have a bit of a strong reaction towards sex, but nothing crazy either. I can see him being lukewarm to the subject (so he could read a book or read a script out loud with sex in it), but he could be repulsed when it actually INVOLVES HIM. I can definitely see him somewhat annoyed with the subject for how everywhere it is though.

Octavia (QPR Aromantic) It's a little hard to pinpoint, but I can personally see Octavia getting into a close QPR sooner than Alastor, but maaayybe only be a hair. Octavia could possibly get into a platonic relationship with someone that would have remnants of seeming romantic. I do think she's probably the most sex-repulsed of the three, if in part because of her father's inclinations that he doesn't seem to hide even when she's around. Honestly, I feel like we still haven't seen enough of her to get a good grasp on this aspect of her character in if she would be interested in getting as close as to a QPR with someone. But I'd certainly like to think so, because damn does our girl need it. Her falling into some sort of relationship would probably be hard seeing as how her parents' relationship was so awful. So she could be hesitant about doing something like that.

Mammon He was the big toughy! And while his advances on Leviathan might have been meant in a more platonic way or just for show to go against Ozzy's and Bee's romantic relations, I'm going with what's there! So Mammon seems like he could be straight or bi/pan. But I don't have a hard grasp on which so I'm tossing that in the air. I don't think he'd be sex-repulsed just because of how "sex makes money". Like, there's no question that sex appeal is a big part of business even if something isn't even that sexual. So while I think he's not largely interested in doing anything sexual, I can see him being okay or even lukewarm to the subject, maybe just not getting the appeal entirely. Maaaayybe he's sex-favorable? Of the three I would imagine he would be the most likely to be sex-favorable, but I dunno.

I like the idea of Octavia being the only one aware as to what her orientations are. Alastor is... well he's Alastor, and Mammon doesn't seem like he'd be too interested in the details of things. Just that "there's straight, gay, and the between area".

[helluvathings]

Some thoughts on Ozzie's response at the trial

One moment that caught my attention, and I've seen a few reactors comment on it too, is that Ozzie's defense of Blitzø's right to a fair trial is lukewarm compared to Bee's. She gives a character reference, speaking about him almost fondly, while Ozzie offers one understated line.

He speaks lightly, but isn't that the kind of phrase usually accompanied by a side-eye and a pointed, "You do have a good explanation, right?" And I've seen a lot of Ozzie call outs for not just "sharing the truth," since he "knows what's really going on."

But the more I think about it, the more I feel like his slight involvement probably makes things look worse from his perspective. Tbf, the dialogue disparity could be timing constraints and wanting to make use of Kesha. Still, I honestly suspect Ozzie knowing more than Bee would make it likelier he'd be reluctant to outright vouch for Blitzø's character even if he supports a fair trial.

I do plan to touch on a few separate points. But the BIG thing I haven't seen brought up: Ozzie is the only person in that room who may know the extent to which Blitzø's use of the grimoire has actually, undeniably endangered Hell. I feel like this fact has sort of slid from people's minds, but as a reminder:

IMP obliterated part of Ozzie's ring directly outside his club. In a setting where there are likely security cameras, and at the very least, his bouncers were shown to be in the general vicinity. And there were cherubs with high tech battle suits visibly involved. Assuming Ozzie investigated this, his additional knowledge isn't actually in IMP, Stolas's, or Blitzø's favor at all.

Rewinding to touch on what Ozzie actually knows about Stolas and Blitzø's situation:

Ozzie is aware that Stolas has feelings for Blitzø.

He could guess, if he ever thought about it, that Blitzø must’ve been getting to earth a different way beforehand since his business precedes the crystal. However, he's never told this. Depending on how much he cared to look at the particulars, it possibly didn't occur to him at the time (though if he looked into the Lust Ring attack, he likely figured it out).

He also has no confirmation that Blitzø has feelings for Stolas. Fizz has probably speculated, maybe he shared Blitzø had come to Lust for toys—but Ozzie has only seen them together at Ozzie's, when he was more concerned with helping Fizz revenge-ruin their date than drawing any relationship analysis (except in the ways that helped him revenge-ruin their date).

Ozzie may also know about the anti-Blitzø parties, or at least that Blitzø has a poor history with relationships. Fizz knew his "love life [was] a pile of shit," and that giving the stage to Verosika during House of Asmodeus would get results, so at the very least, he seems familiar with Blitzø's bad habits. If Ozzie doesn't know Stolas is different, a very possible explanation might be that Blitzø had been using Stolas’s feelings to get the book. Not "forcing himself," but not really Lust King-approved.

I.e. Ozzie can assume “not forced,” but not “mutual feelings,” or “Blitzø did nothing wrong." Blitzø has also told him one of his skills is "killing things without giving fucks," so again, the background knowledge of Blitzø isn't necessarily a good thing here.

Then after Apology Tour, Blitzø went into a depression slump and probably cut off contact with friends, including Fizz. From Fizz and Ozzie's perspective, the day Blitzø got the crystal, his thing with Stolas outwardly ended, and he likely never shared much about what happened (if he didn't deflect outright). Fizz may have noticed and commented on Blitzø acting strange, but the circumstances are ambiguous.

To summarize: Ozzie can guess Andrealphus is full of shit, and that some sort of setup is happening. But he doesn't know "the truth," in the sense he could speak up and clarify everything.

What else he possibly knows:

IMP had a massive fight with well-armed heavenly beings in the middle of the Lust Ring.

This was shown to have caused substantial damage. Loona destroyed what looked like one of his buildings, on top of other property destruction, right in front of his club. If they had security cameras, Ozzie probably knows this. Like I mentioned before, two of his own bouncers were outside, alongside dozens of witnesses. If he investigated at all, there are ways he could piece together what happened.

A frequent reaction has been, “Ozzie knows everything Blitzø did was above board, he could’ve clarified.” But Ozzie has a lot of facts that actually look awful? Depending on what surveillance caught from that fight, Ozzie very well could've connected IMP to cherubs coming to Hell. To his ring specifically.

Two conclusions to be drawn from this:

If Ozzie has recognized as much, he hasn't said anything. Which is both him already covering for IMP, but it also means he's hiding something Satan would desperately want to know.

Ozzie has a legitimate reason to be upset at Blitzø and Stolas for bringing him into this. First because Stolas wasn't up-front about the formerly illegal details of Blitzø getting to earth (let alone moments like in Truthseekers where there's already been major transgression). Then afterward, when the spillover of their indiscretion caused damage to his ring and possibly got Lust Ring demons killed.

Ozzie is involved enough that all this could cause trouble for him if he's implicated

I've seen people say he'd be immune because of his rank. But while he'd physically be fine, Mammon was already going at him and Bee about their partners. Mammon has also threatened that Ozzie would "regret revealing" his love for Fizz, in pretty clear foreshadowing. Ozzie has a big, well-known weak point.

Also, Blitzø was on trial about unlawfully going to the human world (or doing it "unwittingly" as a pawn of the evil Mastermind Stolas). And this all happens while he has a registered Asmodean Crystal on his wrist. He even tries using it to get to Stolas while they're dragging him away. The more Ozzie speaks up, the more closely Blitzø is examined, and the clearer it is that Ozzie is involved with something illegal.

The legitimacy of Blitzø's behavior on Earth is a bit dodgy as well. Remember how Verosika let Blitzø win that bet because she was wary of getting into trouble for the conspicuous monster? They’re clearly supposed to keep a low profile. If Ozzie linked IMP to the Lust Ring incident and realized they've been stirring up trouble topside, his lack of interference may indicate he's already making allowances he legally shouldn't be.

Do I think the imagery of Ozzie and the other Sins falling in with Satan during the song may go complicated places? Possibly. And Ozzie clearly did want to help after Fizz’s text and seemed to feel he couldn’t. I don't think he's exactly blameless, in the sense he's aligned with a messed up system here. I also have no idea if the writers considered any of this, or if we're ever going to see Ozzie's thoughts or feelings about the attack on Lust. Maybe that was just a cool fight scene to set up the cherub/DHORKS threat, and it won't have further relevance.

But honestly, the fact that illegal use of the grimoire brought trouble to Ozzie's doorstep makes me more willing to shrug off his muted response at the trial. Even if Ozzie isn't aware, Blitzø and Stolas's lawbreaking led to an attack on his ring. If he is aware? It’s already iffy to expect he'd stick his neck out in a hopeless situation where it’d only get scrutiny turned his way. Wanting him to do so despite associating IMP with a heavenly threat and massive property damage? That's a big ask.

Maybe overthinking, especially if it’s revealed he doesn’t have much intel on the Lust Ring attack. But I feel like Ozzie knowing more about Blitzø's situation makes it harder for him to intervene, as opposed to easier. He may even have legitimate reason to feel like IMP has been endangering Hell, but has kept quiet for Fizz's sake.

Mostly, I wonder if it's coincidence that the show made that Lust fight visually, noticeably destructive, then next time we see Ozzie, it's Bee vouching for Blitzø's character, while Ozzie's statement focuses on getting an explanation. Her defense seems to be "he's cool, I don't think he'd do this." Ozzie's is more coded like, "It's fair to see what he has to say." Like maybe he's thinking it would be in character for Blitzø to have done something illegal and ill-advised that puts Hell at risk, so he'll stick with a safer defense. And honestly, I love Blitzø... but I also get why Ozzie might be ambivalent.

[gffa]

It has been about eight months since I came back to BATFAMILY fic and this will be my ninth set of recs, which means I'm at about 500 or so for this one fandom, which is kind of blowing my mind a little, but also tracks pretty well, given how amazing the fic in the fandom can be. There's just so much that's scratching the itch of softer Batfam content or really digging into the angsty possibilities or exploring the characters in ways the source material won't/can't or just finding a dozen different ways to hit my id straight on and make it such a fun, exciting experience to be swimming through all this amazing fic. And, in that vein, yeah I may have a Dick Grayson Is The Most Important Guy In The World Problem, but I also have Dick Grayson Is The Most Important Guy In The World Solutions which is basically a metric truckload of fic by incredible authors and trying to lure more people into crying about these characters with me because I AM CRYING A LOT ABOUT THEM because fandom has PROVIDED ME WITH THE TOOLS TO DRAG YOU IN AND I AM GOING TO USE THEM. And, okay, I've got some good Jason, Tim, Damian, Babs, Steph, and Bruce stuff in there, too. Fandom is great at helping me get some really great variety in, too! Basically ALL THE BATS ARE MY LOVES AND I WANT TO DRAG OTHERS IN WITH ME.

BATFAM FIC RECS - BABY DICK IS THE CUTEST FERAL ROBIN I'M NOT HEARING ANY ARGUMENTS: ✦ Robin is Looking for a Sidekick by Writer_loves_tropes, dick & bruce, 4k     Eight year old Dick Grayson is already a crime fighting Robin and he needs a sidekick. Batman seems like he would be a good choice. Robin and Batman has a nice ring to it. Bruce has thoughts about that. aka, How could Bruce resist adopting this tiny child? ✦ The Pancake Predicament by Lightsider, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.1k     On his second Father's Day at Wayne Manor, Dick decides to make pancakes. -or- The reason Dick's not allowed unsupervised kitchen use, which isn't fair. The pancakes were delicious, and he was 10! ✦ Counting Elephants by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & alfred, 3k     When kidnappers break into the manor, Dick runs straight to Alfred. Alfred will do anything to protect his family. Or, Dick gets scared, and Alfred is a badass. ✦ World's Finest: Christmas Morning by WingFeathers, dick & bruce/clark & ma kent & alfred & cast, 9k     Twelve hours of a Christmas morning in Gotham: Bruce foregoes sleep and grapples with change, Clark navigates Christmas at Wayne Manor and his boyfriend's emotional distance, and Dick gets the best presents. Also: Ma and Pa Kent and Alfred are the greatest. ✦ There is a Monster at the End of This Book by Trekkele, dick & bruce & cast, vampires, 2.6k     There was something deeply wrong with Bruce Wayne. This wasn’t exactly news, of course. Opening any one of the local Gotham tabloids would give you plenty of evidence to back his claims up, but Tyler liked to think his profession gave him an edge, an added insight into the strangeness that was Gotham’s ‘beloved billionaire’. ✦ Safe by Jinmukang, dick & bruce, 2.5k     Or, a baby Robin wakes up very lost and very alone in the middle of Gotham. ✦ Stars, Hide Your Fires by FidotheFinch, dick & bruce, 10.8k     Dick Grayson doesn't want to leave the circus he's called home his entire life. When he overhears Pop Haly talking to a strange man about sending Dick away for 'training,' he decides he'll do whatever he can to stop it. Even if he has to make a deal with a demon. ✦ It's who I am by Tiredteengaer, dick & bruce & wally & artemis & conner & kaldur & m'gann & cast, 44k     how each member of the team found out Robin's real identity. ✦ Drowning, Headaches, and being beaten by Penguin by PandasandDucks1, dick & bruce & wally & artemis, 1.7k     He couldn’t breathe. ✦ The Eldest Wayne's by Remarcely, dick & bruce & alfred & cast, 3k     ‘With all their talks about how to behave, Bruce had the upmost faith in Dick to talk to the other Gala-attenders with respect under his supervision. When Dick grew bored and wandered off, entirely unnoticed by a Bruce deep in conversation, he’d be lying if he pretended that faith didn’t waver’ Or Bruce and Dick throughout the years as they slowly learn how to be a family.

BATFAM FIC RECS - ADULT BATSON AND BATDAD ARE MY KRYPTONITE, I FOLD LIKE WET CARDBOARD FOR THEM: ✦ Rebalancing by SirenAlpha, dick & bruce & damian, 2.5k     Bruce was back from his trip through time. Dick expected to heal up from surgery, head back to Blüdhaven, and be Nightwing again. He did not expect Bruce to have a discussion on the nature of Batman, Nightwing, and if Robin really only needed one of them. ✦ Capitulate by Antiquity, dick & bruce, 5k     After Wally's death, Bruce tries to hold Dick together before he shakes himself apart. ✦ No Good Deed by I_Have_To_Get_Off_This_Planet, dick & bruce, 1.2k     While trying to stop a robber, Dick breaks two ribs. It's not a good time. ✦ Superficial Wounds by fleetfoot1, dick & bruce, ~1k     Bruce swore softly as he tilted Dick’s face to the side, his gaze flicking down the bruises covering his cheekbone. Dick swallowed, before opening his mouth. “I--” his voice cracked on the syllable. God, he was just so tired of arguing. ✦ fabric (frayed but holding) by Tevya, dick & bruce & cast, 5.1k     A few months after Dick returns to speaking terms with Bruce, he gets stuck in Gotham with the flu. ✦ aristocracy by brandywine421, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & alfred, 2.4k     "I really wish it was for a different reason. I - need a favor." "There are no favors between us, Dick, you know that," Bruce said, moving around the desk to take the seat beside him. "Tell me." "God, it's so stupid, I - could handle it myself, but - I don't want to. I just want - I just want to forget it ever happened," Dick said. That didn't sound like Dick. "Tell me," he repeated. ✦ Memories Fade by Lady_of_Lorule, dick & bruce & cast, 2.2k     “Miss Gordon sent in her daily report and Master Tim called to inform you that he will be in San Francisco for a few days. Also, Master Dick is upstairs.” Bruce froze. “Dick is here?” “Yes, sir.” “I thought he was in Central City visiting Wally West.” Alfred raised an eyebrow, pale eyes piercing. “It seems that he is back, then. I believe he is waiting for you.” ✦ On-Call by motleyfam, dick & bruce & jason & oc & cast, 1.6k     Kiran Devabhaktuni, medical doctor and close family friend of the Waynes, agreed to join them for one more Thanksgiving at the Kent Farm. It's a good thing he did, too. ✦ a day before midnight by batofgoodintent (crownedcrusader), dick & bruce, 2.1k     After you lose pieces of yourself, they don't always fit back the same. - Post-Ric Grayson.

BATFAM FIC RECS - EVERYBODY LOVES DICK: ✦ the more i look inside (the more you're real to me) by starsonthewalls, dick & bruce & john/mary & tim, 2.8k     Dick tensed defensively. “It’s not like I can do anything about that, Dad,” he grumbled, accepting the glass to clear his throat. “You know how B is about patrols.” “And who is ‘B’ supposed to be?” his mom asked. “One of your video game friends?” Dick froze- what did mom mean, who is B? ✦ You Won't Wake Up Alone by DawnsEternalLight, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian, 5.2k     Dick's captured and drugged and probably about to die. The last thing he wants to do is die in front of his family, especially not his baby brothers, all he wants is to be with Bruce and feel safe again. ✦ Jason's Gift by Neoinean, dick & bruce & jason & tim & barbara & cast, 17.3k     As Dick’s birthday goes from mediocre to bad to worse, he finds himself so wrapped up in the chain of events that he fails to correctly piece together the clues. Will he discover the truth before its too late? ✦ they don't know me and you by konan_konan, dick & bruce & jason & tim & barbara & zatanna & cast, de-aged!dick, 4.5k     "The cold helps neutralize him," says Bruce, talking about Dick like he's a threat. "It'll keep him from hurting himself," says Barbara, talking about Dick like he's a child. They're both correct right now, and Jason hates it. ✦ If You Don't Know by TylerM, dick & bruce & jason, 10.2k     An exploration of Sick!Dick Grayson from little and big Jason's point of view. Because I honestly don't believe in there ever being too many of the same damn fic.

BATFAM FIC RECS - JASON TODD IS AN ASSHOLE CAT, I'M GONNA THROW HIM AT THE OTHER BATS BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY: ✦ bury me softly by Nokomis, jason & steph, 4k     After a tunnel collapse, Stephanie and Jason bond while trapped together.

BATFAM FIC RECS - DICK AND DAMIAN WERE THE BEST BATMAN & ROBIN, I'M NOT HEARING ARGUMENTS ABOUT THAT EITHER: ✦ ties bind none by eryndew, dick & damian & bruce, 2k     Bruce discovers a son. Repercussions and choices follow. ✦ restless heart by emavee, dick & damian, 2.3k     It’s ridiculous to act like this one weekend really means anything in the grand scheme of things, but he can’t help it. It isn’t fair. He only gets these few days, and now Grayson is up in space fighting aliens or whatever and Damian is alone on the couch watching Jeopardy by himself. Or: Dick goes off world and Damian misses him ✦ Need To Know Basis by WordsAblaze, dick & damian, 1.1k     day sixteen, where damian has zero tolerance for dick hiding injuries from him… ✦ a killer time by konan_konan, dick & damian & alfred & bruce, 4.1k     The vent cover clatters to the floor, and Dick flings the knife at Croc, trusting that he's going to be a more of a threat than his goons. Croc roars in pain, or maybe just rage, and Dick scrambles toward the vent, Damian already inside, and - And Killer Croc grabs him by the ankle, slams him into the wood. He feels something break, and he gasps, hardly able to catch his breath. Some sort of metallic clang echoes from behind, and he thinks if Damian comes out of the vent and gets us both killed… ✦ as love carries its strength, but not its labels by AlterHarpia, dick & damian, 2.7k     Bruce is on a trip beyond Earth’s Solar System for longer than he intended, making Dick and Damian fall into an old pattern. “I'm not Batman.” A mere reminder, perhaps, but when said to Damian it always sounds like an apology.

BATFAM FIC RECS - BATKIDS ALL HAVE MANY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE ALL PETTY ASSHOLES AND/OR WONDERFUL BABIES AND I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE BEING: ✦ a study by bernard dowd by cv_angels, tim/bernard & conner & cassie & bart, 4.8k     Bernard opens the laptop, spinning it to face Tim with a flourish. It’s a powerpoint with a truly hideous red background, and Tim feels a moment of relief that Bernard isn’t breaking up with him before he registers the words on the slide. REASONS WHY TIMOTHY DRAKE-WAYNE IS A SUPERHERO, A STUDY BY BERNARD DOWD. ✦ princess carry by CreamofTomatoSoup, tim/bernard & duke & tam & damian, 3.1k     Tim almost gets shot during a public speech, which is a pretty average Tuesday. Being rescued by his civilian boyfriend, however, is not. ✦ beep beep!! by CreamofTomatoSoup, tim/bernard & bruce & dick & jason & tim & cass & duke, 6.1k     Bernard learned to drive from his henchman uncle. The last place he expects to use this skill is at a dinner with his boyfriend's family. ✦ little menace by InkpotSprite, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & alfred, de-aged!tim, 16.2k wip     "Did a two year old just outrun you?" Jason asked, wanting to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Bruce clenched his jaw. "I didn't want to hurt him." He growled. "Liar!" Tim piped up from under the desk. Jason was starting to like this version of his successor. ✦ It Wasn't Supposed to Be Like This: I wouldn't Change a Thing by Grayson1996, bruce & dick & steph, 4.1k     She smiled tightly at him and stiffly beckoned him forward. If Bruce had to guess they weren’t close in the future, or perhaps she just didn’t know him. Regardless he stepped forward, though he didn’t turn to look at the figure on the bed just yet. For a moment the two simply stared at one another before Stephanie rolled her eyes at him. “Here’s where you apologize for pushing me against the wall.” Bruce felt guilt stir at the words despite the fact that she was clearly joking. ✦ in the lungs by hellsreluctantheir, tim & steph & cast, 2.8k     It went bad the way things always went bad. All at once. Steph had taken out two thugs (and maybe picked up a sprained wrist though she wasn’t counting her chickens before they hatched) and Tim was almost finished up with his third, when she saw him get launched backwards, head hitting the railing at the side with a resounding clang. She saw him slump to the deck, saw him struggle weakly as the thug pulled him up by his cape and looked at him for a moment, before tossing him directly into the Gotham River.

BATFAM FIC RECS - I SAY THIS IS A BATFAM REC LIST BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA SHOVE THOSE ASSHOLES OUT OF THE WAY AND READ SOME SUPERFIC: ✦ Troublemakers by Kannika, clark & lois & conner, ~1k     Introducing Conner and Lois is the worst mistake Clark has made in a long time. Because they're getting along. ✦ oh brother by corvidspectre, conner & lois & jon, 1.2k     “So what are you being for Halloween?” Kon had asked when he got to the Kent's place. “Superboy!” Jon smiled, making Lois chuckle under her breath. ✦ Gut Feeling by Ao3time, lois & conner, 18.7k wip     Lois Lane rescues a teenager who looks a lot like someone she knows...

BATFAM FIC RECS - TAKE THE ANGST DIAL, TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN, AND BREAK THE KNOB OFF, THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR: ✦ my threads are coming loose by dizarys, dick & talia & cast, ~1k     “Oh good, I see both you and Bruce are on the same page about unrealistic expectations for grieving,” muttered Dick. Talia sucked her teeth and turned back to the grave, long hair swinging. The sound was so much like Damian’s iconic tut that fresh tears welled in Dick’s eyes. ✦ Fatherhood; a Knife that Never Stops Cutting by minnow_doodle_doo, bruce & dick & alfred, no powers au, 2.1k     There always seemed to be a thread that tied all their histories, from Alfred to Bruce back to Dick. Repeated over and over. And now it seemed that Dick found that the thread had been longer than he first thought. ✦ Tap Out by withthekeyisking, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian, read the tags, 4.8k     Dick knows the importance of tapping out in training, so your partner doesn't accidentally hurt you. It becomes instinct, so heavily ingrained in him. He doesn't understand why his brothers don't do it, too. (Until they do, and it's too late.) ✦ A Death in the Family by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & jason, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 12.4k     The Joker has killed Jason Todd. Bruce tells Dick immediately, and Dick returns to the manor. Bruce will do anything to keep his remaining son safe and close. Dick thinks it's the grief that's keeping him exhausted. ✦ Car Crashes and Hot Chocolate by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 2.3k     Dick almost dies trying to escape Bruce. Neither of them are happy about the outcome, and so they talk about it. This is a follow-up oneshot for A Death in the Family and is set before Into the Gilded Cage. This can technically be read alone, though it does have spoilers for A Death in the Family. ✦ Into the Gilded Cage by PrincessMariana , bruce & dick & tim, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 17.5k     Tim investigates if Dick Grayson is being held against his will by Bruce Wayne. He somehow ends up spending the summer with the two at Wayne Manor. It might be a prison for Dick, but the more Tim stays, the less he wants to leave. This follows A Death in the Family, but you don't need to read that to read this. It might be useful, though. ✦ The Third Robin's Flight by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & tim, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 13.7k wip     Tim accepts his place as Bruce' third - and most loyal - son. When his mother dies and his father returns to Gotham, Tim once again must pick a side, but Bruce never lets go of his children easily. Meanwhile, Dick struggles with the ramifications of finding the Joker, and Bruce remembers why Batman needs a Robin. This follows Into the Gilded Cage. ✦ Family Crisis by librarylexicon, bruce & dick & tim & cass & steph & leslie & barbara & selina & amy & cast, read the tags, 78.1k wip     At the close of the gang war, Batman uncovers an attempted deception concerning the life of his former protégé Stephanie Brown, and suddenly nothing is as important as his family. While Dick seeks absolution, Tim struggles with grief, Cassandra searches for belonging and Steph rebuilds her sense of self, Bruce faces the return of ghosts from his own past and psyche. (War Games AU) ✦ New Again by dustorange, dick & bruce & thomas wayne jr., 10.1k wip     “I’m not a good man,” says Thomas. “No," Dick hesitates, then comes closer, "but you're not an old man either." (a.k.a. Earth 3's Thomas Wayne Jr. "helps" Batman and Robin get back to their world, only for Bruce alone to be sent back, leaving Dick stranded in Earth 3—with Thomas.) ✦ not anything, anymore by emavee, dick & bruce, 2k     Bruce kicked him out four months ago. Apparently these particular kidnappers didn't get the memo.

✦ dreamer by day by justbeyondstars, dick & bruce & jason & tim, 5.3k     In the next room over, Jason and Tim are laughing, and it startles Dick back into his body to remember he’s not alone. He feels impossibly empty, unmovable, untouchable. He almost forgets he's still on the phone until a voice says, “Is there anything I can do for you, Dick? Anything you need to make this easier?” Or: Dick is a lot of things to a lot of people. After getting some bad news, he has to grapple with the fact it might not always be enough. ✦ watching the world go dark by daringyounggrayson, dick & bruce, 3.5k     It wasn’t that Dick was suicidal exactly, but if an opportunity came about where he would have to actively save himself from death, he might just let go. He might not be suicidal, but he's not self-preserving either, and it’s becoming a real problem. Luckily, Bruce is a worried parent with a few detective skills. ✦ hold me like water (or hold me like a knife) by dizarys, bruce & dick & tim, 2k     Dick's recovery after a amnesiac year as Ric Grayson is taking longer than expected. And has some difficult side effects.

BATFAM FIC RECS - SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO TAKE ALL THE SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE ROOM AND STAY SOFT FOR AWHILE: ✦ And There Was Only One Bed: Family Edition by RandomReader13, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass, 1.7k     “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Dick stood on his toes to peek over Jason’s shoulder into the hotel room and grimaced. “Uh, Bruce…” “There was a mix-up with the reservation,” Bruce grunted. ✦ so everyone's just a fucking scalie huh by destiny919, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass, 1.1k     "Birds are animals, Jay." "What the fuck? No. Aren't they basically reptiles?" Jason demands. "First of all, no, you're thinking of dinosaurs, which is what they actually are in the Flintstones. Second of all, reptiles are animals." "Bullshit." "Okay, I..." Tim pinches his nose. "Okay. I think I see the problem here." "Yes, Todd sustained a traumatic brain injury the other night and didn't see fit to inform anyone before we left on this inane trip." ✦ The Batmobile (and other Bat things) by JeanjacketCarf, bruce & dick & clark & justice league, 2k     “Batmobile?!” Barry looked incredulous. It was clear he was missing the point of the story. “He called it the Batmobile? Out loud? In front of you?” Clark shrugged. “Yeah, twice. I’m sure I heard it right.” “Batmobile, my god,” Barry said shaking his head. “I can’t believe it.” Or Apparently, the Bat-Man is not a cryptid, he's a guy who gives his stuff silly names ✦ Vampire Bats by Sohotthateveryonedied, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & duke & cast, 4.1k     Despite the many, many obstacles, having his kids turn into vampires isn’t as tragic as Bruce anticipated it would be. Whenever one of them is grounded, all Bruce has to do is hang a cross on their door and they’re sufficiently contained. And the energy boost has been incredibly helpful on patrols. ✦ Adventures in Batsitting by raven_of_hydecastle, bruce & dick & clark & lois & justice league, 10k wip     "What, you're telling me the great Batman couldn't stop a nine-year-old from sneaking out?" Green Lantern scoffed. "At least come up with a believable excuse." It was Batman's turn to scoff. "Like anyone else could do better. If you can keep Robin off the streets for a week, I'll buy you a Porsche." *** AKA The JLA stages an intervention with Batman to get Robin off the streets. it goes downhill from there.

BATFAM FIC RECS - THROW BABY DICK AT BATTISON, C'MON DO IT, IT'LL BE HILARIOUS: ✦ though the sun and sky may fade (all shall be remade) by queenofthestarrrs, dick & bruce & alfred, 1.8k     Dick Grayson asks a lot of questions. ✦ My Little Robin by tyrianzzz, jim & dick & bruce, 1.6k     After being Partners with the Bat for so long Gordon tries not to question his life choices. Until Robin comes along. ✦ I Wish My Father Had More Sons by shipNslash, bruce & dick & jason & alfred, 9.4k     Jason Todd and Dick Grayson, from strangers to brothers to enemies and back again.

[the-colourful-witch]

Artsy Update :)

Hi everyone, it has been a while since I posted. I've been incredibly busy with a few high-demand projects for which deadlines are approaching swiftly.... *send help please* However! I did continue the Valentine's Day couple series. Here are the final three sketches I did:

Hinny, Jegulily and Jegulus <3 I have to say that while I enjoyed doing these sketches, this style is not exactly my thing :) I love doing character line-ups and story illustrations more, but trying different poses and practising new colour combinations was a lot of fun. I had a blast :) I'm sorry if your favourite ship hasn't been drawn. I could only do a few in the time I had. But there's always next year! <3<3<3 As for the other things taking up my time at the moment... I have a big deadline for a picture book I'm working on. Only five more weeks to finish. When April comes, I'll (hopefully) be done with it and then I'm taking a teeny tiny holiday to rest and gather energy for new projects! I might actually leave the house for that... :)

The other big thing was my first art market of the year! I had a stand at Fantasy Fest in the Netherlands last weekend. I prepared a lot for it, making new prints and stickers and even creating some brand-new artwork :) The result was a booth filled with colourful goodies! I sold a little less than I had hoped for during the weekend, but I did have a lot of great conversations and managed to put a smile on people's faces with my art. And that is the most special thing in the world <3

I loved my little booth. The lighting was great and I had some lovely neighbors with whom I chatted all weekend. My mum also came to help for a day and she stood in front of the booth to play the very convincing 'interested customer', drawing in some more curious onlookers :) I love her, she is my number 1 supporter <3

Now, these are some of the new (and older) products I designed for this fair:

This is the Fantasy Characters collection: a series of 12 fantasy characters in a cool set! I made these specially for the fair and had so much fun with them. I picked out a nice paper, got to design a cool border to tie the whole thing together and even wrapping the sets in a colourful label was so so fun to do! I will definitely do more projects like this in the future. It's the best!

I created a bunch of prints from some of my traditional artworks. Most of them come from the book of fairytales I illustrated last year. They were a hit! Especially the map. That one was my bestseller :)

And of course, I had to add fanart, too. I sold a couple of Marauders band posters. That made my day. It was so cool to meet fellow fans :) (All of these are available in my shop, by the way, in case you're interested :)) Last, but not least: I made STICKERS! In January, I bought a Cricut machine for the first time and after postponing for a month to learn how to make it work, I managed to create these sticker packs:

They are my favourite new creation. It's so cool to be able to make my own stickers! I have four sets: Toads and Toadstools, Owls, Ollivander's Wand Shop and the Stars and Moons doodle sheet.

The little stickers are super fun to fill in empty spaces in your journal and the big ones are a showstopper for any surface. I already stuck a bunch of them on my planner, phone and sketchbooks... I have no shame. This is the best thing I ever made :)

I had a lot of fun!

I am looking forward to more cool art in the near future. I have one more project to finish. A picture book that has been a rollercoaster and not in a good way... I'll be happy when I've got my work done on that. It's still going to be a lovely book, it was just the publishing house that I had some trouble with. I will share something on the book whenever I can :) Right, I'm going to stop yapping! If you made it all the way to the end, thank you! You're amazing! Hugs, Fleur

[novantinuum]

Reformation ref sheet for an AU Steven (named "Astra") who's been invading my brain since like,, April. It's VERY wide, apologies. There's a lot going on here because this man is incredibly old and has poofed way too many times for varying reasons. (See This post for how I headcanon that Steven can poof and still be considered a hybrid being.)

While I will not talk in huge length about certain aspects of his AU on this blog due to some of it involving strong NSFW themes, there is a ridiculous amount of other lore I've developed over time for Astra, and I love him to death. He is my sad, lonely mans who I metaphorically hurl against the wall like a sticky hand when I need to feel something.

This version of Steven will likely never have any kind of full ass fic or comic made about him. Despite that, I do enjoy sharing some art and fun character lore for him from time to time. So, I might as well finally give followers like... literally ANY context for him. I've had this ref sheet for a while and just have never gotten around to throwing it on here, LOL.

Ridiculously long dump about my guy under the cut.

Subnote, this was supposed to be a quick post but I can't help myself and wrote you a fucking BOOK under the cut because I love my guy so much UWU

(Content warning I guess for like, extremely vague mentions of Steven/Steven later on.)

-

The huge tl;dr of Astra is as follows: he's a version of Steven who exists for SO long that he basically transforms into something of an ancient, lonely god.

He's outlived every single person he once knew as a child, and so as a result is starved for affection. At the same time, being vulnerable is the absolute scariest thing for him and he's really shit at navigating relationships, F.

The guy is THE most powerful living creature in his entire universe by the end, and yet remains a soft-spoken, (generally) benevolent soul. He dedicates himself to acting as caretaker for the vast, populous world he exists within, and to maintain the continuing legacy of Gemkind. A big discovery that occurs in this AU is that Gems are in fact susceptible to entropy over the span of millions of years and will eventually fall "inert," (but not him because of weird hybrid biology stuff he honestly sees as more of a curse than a blessing) so a huge plotline early on in Astra's lifespan is trying to either find a "cure" for this issue or to develop a means by which new generations of Gems can be created without the reinstatement of Kindergartens so Gemkind doesn't overtly go extinct.

-

But, to start... this Steven diverges off a point in canon- this is the timeline where he actually takes up the Diamonds on their offer of the throne in the movie, believing he may have a better chance of heralding true societal change working from the INSIDE rather than stepping away. Because he pours himself so thoroughly into his role on Homeworld and his mind is continuously occupied by this purpose, he never experiences the events SU: Future, nor does he develop his "pink mode" (yet...) or corrupt at all.

However, he's also so engrossed in his work that he's... kind of a shit boyfriend to Connie as years go on. (In that he's not terribly attentive... always super busy... their visits are often cut short, or few and far between.) Their relationship never really goes anywhere as a result, though Connie wants it to. To be fair so does Steven, but he's so scared that everything he's worked so hard to organize and set up in this new era will fall apart if he steps aside from his role for even a moment that he can't allow himself to follow that want.

At some point here he learns he can poof through a complete freak accident, and that's where things really begin to change in this timeline.

It takes a good few months for him to reform, but once he does he's back at it with all his work on Homeworld pretty quick.

The thing is... he doesn't have an innate physical need to eat or drink or sleep anymore, because he now consists of entirely hard light. It mimics human biology to an insane degree, so he COULD do all those things, but he doesn't need them to persist. So... he kinda takes this as an excuse to cut those activities out of his schedule entirely so he can spend more time focused on his duties as a diamond.

Connie is NOT a fan of this, and this leads to some debate and tension within their relationship. That being said, they remain an item...

Up until out of nowhere, Connie dies in an accident on Earth while Steven is off planet in a place where he doesn't have any contact with them for a few days. By the time the Gems are able to get in touch with him, it's far too late to resurrect her.

The kicker? In the autopsy it's discovered that she was a few weeks pregnant when she died.

Steven is emotionally gutted by this... and the thought of what could have been... and poofs.

The guy is understandably destroyed when he comes back in his next form, and his form reflects that- his gem flips as a sort of metaphorical severing from his own humanity.

He spends a long while in a deep depression at the loss of his childhood sweetheart... at the loss of any potential for (as far as he sees) a "normal" human life. There's a part of him that resents the choices he's made to end up in this present, but like, there's still work to be done.

And as the years move on, a LOT of that work is mitigating the growing relations (for better or for worse) between Gems and humans as humanity stretches their legs and reaches out into the stars. Humans kinda get... really aggressive in their expansion though, and quite territorial, and it leads towards some inevitable conflict between them and Gemkind. This time, with them more at fault. Things get so spicy that some groups of humans and Gems go to war.

Steven tries to mitigate one of these situations at the front lines- and gets poofed by a disgruntled Gem, speared straight through the back because she (kinda wrongly) assumed he would take the humans' side due to his ancestral ties to them.

When he reforms this time, he is glowing a perpetual pink. The Gems don't really know what to make of this, but he seems to be in perfectly fine health otherwise, so they assume it's just a normal aspect of this new neutral form.

And while this isn't something Steven has context to figure out until like... billions of years later, what's actually happened is that he's entered a permanent pink mode, pretty much. Guy's just got that much bottled up, unaddressed trauma.

He spends a long time in this form, and over all these thousands of years oversees the slow return to peace between Gems and humans... their marriage as a space age federation... and their deeper exploration of the galaxy. Beyond their home solar systems exist a bounty of alien species they've yet to meet... some friendly, some less so. There's definitely some conflict that crops up amidst the local galactic neighborhood when Gems and humans show up on the playing field here, lol.

But all-in-all, Steven develops a fairly peaceful and predictable routine during this reformation- living more like a Gem than ever before. He's still got the Crystal Gems at his side through all of this, and they are some of his greatest confidants.

And then... without any warning... Gems begin to go inert. Amethyst is among them.

Some of them simply stop reforming after they poof... especially those who were older Gems, or who have been cracked before. Steven and the other Diamonds using their powers together are able to "fix" this at first and "jumpstart" their reformation, but it's just a bandaid of a fix- these Gems will fall inert again pretty soon. And the longer they persist without poofing from alternate causes, the more unstable their form, power, and memory becomes. (Think of this as Gem dementia at its late stages,,, oof.)

The bottom line? Just like organics, Gems aren't immune to the forces of entropy. Sooner or later, their gemstones will decay from the inside out. Stubborn to find a way to save the ones he loves as he watches them slowly deteriorate all around him, Steven dedicates himself to trying to find a cure. But deep down, a part of him recognizes the futility of this. What he believes Gemkind actually needs to do is to develop a means of rebooting Gem incubation that doesn't destroy planets, so they can rebuild their quickly dwindling population and keep their legacy alive.

The big problem with this is that Gems take a SHIT load of energy and resources to properly incubate, so that puzzle will take a long ass time to sort out. There's kinda a lot of chaos that happens during this time. The reality of their own blunt mortality freaks out a bunch of Gems, and Steven has to do damage control with the heads of state for a lot of other alien species.

In the interim, all the Crystal Gems and some of the Diamonds (White is still in the picture, though) end up falling inert. Pearl is the last of the CGs to do so.

Steven is understandably SUPER gutted about this, and poofs yet again. (Lol notice a theme? Poor mans keeps poofing from friggin' anguish. Help him.)

After reforming with barely any changes, it's right back to work for this guy. He and the rest of his team of researchers are unable to find any cure for Gems decaying and falling inert, but they do end up making huge leaps and bounds in other kinds of tech. One of these advances allows Steven to finally deep-scan his own gemstone down to the atomic level to check for decay- this was previously a process that was very invasive, and came at the risk of irreparably damaging a Gem, but not anymore.

He expects to find evidence of the same micro decay that's been slowly eating away at the rest of Gemkind within his OWN diamond, but the thing is...

He just... ISN'T decaying at all? Even though the sheer age of this gemstone itself should suggest otherwise? As it turns out though, his existence as a hybridized being makes him kind of... an anomaly. When he first reformed all those thousands of years ago, all the data within his gem- data that would otherwise be susceptible to decay- was translated into genetic material. DNA that's woven entirely out of hard-light... but, DNA that has also been constantly regenerating itself thanks to a combination of all the intricate biochemistry surrounding the human telomere and his healing powers.

In other words, he is incapable of falling inert from natural causes, like micro decay. He's functionally immortal. Unless someone shatters him (or... heaven forbid... he shatters himself) he simply can't die.

Which, all of a sudden, makes his race to save Gemkind from their quickly approaching extinction all the more personal. Because if he FAILS- then he'll be the very last of Gemkind. There will be no one else left in this world who is even remotely like him. (Humanity has mixed and mingled with the galactic locals so much by now that they're very much unrecognizable from what they once were.)

His spirit is very nearly broken by this discovery, and he is severely tempted to throw all his own principles out the window and just sanction the construction of new Kindergartens again, if only to keep the dwindling Gem populations up and birth new generations. Perhaps surprisingly, it's White Diamond- the last Gem left who Steven actually knew since the very beginning- who urges him to reconsider. To not give up on his own morality, to not revert all the miraculous changes he's worked for these long few million years.

The big shift in the tides is when he discovers the means to jump to alternate timelines, and thus the existence of the greater multiverse. This allows him to gather intel and ideas from a far greater spectrum of sources.

And eventually... it's with the aid of many alt versions of himself from other lines across the multiverse that leads to him finding a suitable, eco-friendly solution to his Gem incubation problem. (This is the aspect of this AU I cannot discuss in length for discretion's sake. Use your imagination. Or don't, I don't care.)

The following two sections, I'll be talking more about the broad thematics than anything else. At this point, know that there are now new batches of Gems being created all the time. Gemkind is no longer at risk of any extinction, but now- like any stable organic species- new Gems are made at the same rate that they fall inert.

So, the BIGGEST thing here with this reformation is that this is overtly where this guy picks up the name "Astra." Why a name change? Well, after White finally went inert, leaving him the last Diamond in existence within this line, it basically just felt... upsetting to him, to continue to go by a name that every person he ever loved used for him. Thus, the new name is overtly a means to distance himself from that past, and from that pain. (It's also a name he chooses while thinking back to a meaningful conversation he had with White, back before she went inert, oOF. I'll probably yell about that at some point in another post.)

So, too, is the lack of any tangible facial features. He HAS a face, but others just can't see it. He subconsciously obscures it from almost everyone's sight as a means of avoiding vulnerability. One might also have noticed by now that this guy's proportions have gotten like, really strange and sorta "stretched out" over time the larger he becomes... and this is intentional, as it's yet another way he's just becoming more inhuman in form, yet another way he's internally separating himself from those humble human origins of his.

But here's the thing, though.

Deep, deep down, to be human and to live a simple human life is basically all he's ever craved. It's everything he feels he's lost forever, with the death of his Connie. And instead, he's kinda stuck in a hellish sunk cost fallacy of his own making, acting as eternal caretaker for this world that- no matter what he does to try and make it a better place- will never quite be PERFECT. Thus, in his mind, even though he's literally fixed Gemkind's BIGGEST problem, he can't Stop. He can't Rest. He simply can't allow himself himself to lay down and Sink Away into the unknown.

And even if he could allow himself to do so, he is so, so scared of walking that path alone.

If he's going to die... he wants that end to be at a lover's side.

How, though, is someone who's basically a god supposed to find anyone in this multiverse with experiences they can remotely relate to?

Well... ultimately, Astra finds that it's far, far easier to build up a close relationship with varying versions of himself than anyone else. He's... kinda trash at it, though. This guy has so much bottled up Gunk in his head and is so starved for any form of affection that he has a habit of throwing WAY too much of himself into the relationships he engages in, and expecting that same level of commitment in return. There's one relationship with an alt Steven he's in for a while that ends up pretty unhealthily co-dependent before it fizzles out, and then another where he assumes the individual is committing to this partnership for the long run, but then no... actually Astra was always pouring more into this dynamic than he was receiving in return.

This second relationship, when it ends, is pretty devastating to him- since it was one that lasted for like, a LONG ass time. Unimaginably long. We're talking billions of years, here.

Uh-oh! And now he's even more distanced from other people. Folks can't even parse his actual chosen name at this point- except he isn't really consciously aware of this for a while?? It's yet another silent cry for help, yet another internal defense mechanism specially intended to keep others from truly getting to know him. Because every time he does... stars. No matter what he does, he keeps getting hurt. Almost everyone he knows and loves is torn from his life eventually... if not by death, then by some form of tragedy... and he's just so, so tired.

He wants literally ANYTHING to change in his life. He craves some new form of purpose. He craves the attention of someone who might love him as passionately as he loves them.

For a while, he almost believes he's found that- in yet another close relationship he forges with an alt version of himself- but while this other Steven does care for him immensely, it's only as a friend. Which kinda kills Astra, because he's like, lost in the sauce levels of In Love with this guy. There's a LOOOOOOT of story I have here with this, oh my god. If I am thinking about this AU I am usually thinking about this Old Man Yaoi. The great bulk of it is very NSFW themed though, so y'all getting the cliff notes.

The MOST important thing to know though, is that Astra both makes intense leaps and strides in once again allowing himself to be vulnerable with this man, and ALSO kinda intensely fucks their whole mutually agreed situationship up. It's messy. I am crying and wailing at these two old dumbasses. Jesus fucking christ.

But then, it's in the aftermath of this whole deal that an individual named Orion comes into the picture.

Orion quite literally falls into Astra's world by complete accident, but it's a very lucky accident- because she is a diamond hybrid version of Connie from another universe who- beyond a few differences- has a strikingly similar history to his. The big difference, though? She never found a means to create new Gems without Kindergartens, so she was the last of just a few thousand Gems who existed in her entire line. Part of a deeply endangered species.

This version of Connie arrives in some very deep mental turmoil, and so Astra does his best to give them a stable home and a place to heal. And while a past version of him might've been tempted to throw way too much of himself into the slow building rapport they have, he's blessedly Learned a thing or two from the past few major relationship experiences he's had... and chooses to like, ease up. Just offer himself as a friend first and foremost, should they care for one. Man learns restraint, lol.

And it's a damn GOOD thing that he does, because out of the genuine friendship they foster, Orion is the one who ultimately falls in love with him first. The relationship that's established here is one that's balanced, a true partnership where they simply make each other better people. It's through Orion's encouragement that Astra eventually reconnects and makes up with that last person he had an intense relationship with, even.

In time, Astra truly grows to thrive with Orion in his life. He becomes a far more open, vulnerable person, someone who feels safe to truly exist as who he is, to bare every complicated, battered facet of his past to those he trusts. While he may have taken the LONG road to get here, he too heals. And as a result...

One day, Astra simply stops glowing entirely. Shrinks down to more reasonable proportions. He stops hovering around on automatic, stops subconsciously scrubbing the memory of his face or name from people's minds. He stops denying his truest, deepest self- the reality that he was born an organic being, and raised as a human.

The burred reality that all he's ever truly wanted since the day his first lover died is to be a parent.

To live a quiet, simple life with the people he loves.

For so long it was a mirage of a future he thought he'd never chase down, but for how much he made all the wrong choices the first time around, now he has a second chance.

And so in my brain, that's exactly what happens. Astra and Orion start a family together and continue to act as guardians over this universe for many years to come, until- after they are satisfied with the long life they've lived together, and their children have moved on to start forging their own paths- they eventually pass Beyond at their own will in each other's arms, ending their impossibly long godhood at peace.

I really don't know how to end this post lmafo, so I will simply say: if you somehow read all of this, holy shit you are so brave. Thank you for engaging with my insane ramblings. Have a nice day LOL FUIHSNUFSJG

This man haunts my brain so much I missed two off ramp turns on the highway the other day while thinking about him. Help me.

_

(EDIT: 6/10/25)

Oh and also by the end she's trans, that's also important to know. That's like, ENDGAME-endgame level stuff though, so lol. She's the one who bore the pregnancy for her and Orion's child and that experience kinda Fully Awakened some feelings that had been there for a long while but had never fully been Acknowledged and given a name until then, lol.

[presidenthades]

Compromise Arc 1, Chapter 1: Behind the Scenes Commentary (surprise!)

I'm rereading what I've published so far of Compromise so I can get back into writing it. As I reread, I figured I might as well start my Behind-the-Scenes commentary.

Compromise is going to be a very long fic. I consider Chapters 1-9 to be Arc 1. Arc 1 is 80k+ words, AKA around the same length as a standard novel, so Arc 1 is like an entire fic by itself. Also, I want to start now because if I wait until Compromise is completely done to do the BTS, it'll be such a long time that I might forget a lot of my initial thoughts while writing…

I will NOT include any spoilers for anything post-Chapter 9! Spoilers for anything from Chapters 1-9 are fair game, as is anything mentioned in other stories like Daemon's Handbook and The Golds.

And now we begin. :3

First, the fic title. I struggled a LOT with picking a title for this fic. Eventually I went for "Compromise and Being Compromised" because it gave Jane Austen vibes (Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility), and Luce and Aemond are a quintessential romance novel couple with all the romance tropes.

The chapter titles have a theme of ambiguity. A lot of them have double meanings. Chapter 1, "Raqiros, Raqiarzy," stems from Luce's little mix-up of the two High Valyrian words when she introduces Aemond to Arrax. (But we all know that he is both.)

Part of the reason that Compromise is such a long story is that the story starts when Luce and Aemond are kids. I felt it was important to show where their relationship started, so that their falling out hits even harder. So the fic opens with a glimpse of their "normal" dynamic, just before everything changes at Driftmark.

The opening scene is Luce hiding from the maids. Although she is quite bold, she tends to hide—literally and figuratively—from her problems. She can be willfully blind to things she doesn't like, e.g. Rhaenyra and Daemon eyeing each other while Laenor's in the room. Also, notice that she has a habit of pulling her hair in front of her face when she's nervous; she is trying to "hide" behind her hair.

Luce notes that Rhaenyra is distracted by Laena's death. Laena's funeral means Daemon is coming back to Westeros, which is a Very Big Deal for Rhaenyra after Daemon's been gone so long. There is a parallel with Luce and Aemond later, after Aemond comes back from the Stepstones.

Part of Luce's character journey is trying to live up to the extremely high standards that Jace sets. Quite a few times, Luce asks herself, "WWJD—what would Jace do?" Sometimes the answer is a good thing, like helping her sister. But at other times, Luce tries too had to be somebody that she isn't, and that just makes her unhappy.

Realistically, the Targkids should have separate lessons. The boys and girls would be separated at least; they might even all have their own maester and/or septa. I imagine the Red Keep has a fairly large number of maesters and septas working there. But I love the idea of throwing them all into one classroom, so I came up with an in-universe justification.

Slight tangent: I read a lot of historical nonfiction. A lot of what I read in these historical nonfiction books never makes it into my fics. But there was a book about the history of paper which led me to the conclusion that even in the royal family, they aren't letting the kids use paper willy-nilly at lessons. In an era where STUFF costs a lot, it makes more economical sense—even at the most elite tier of society—to have kids use reusable writing slates for most of their lessons. Anyway, tangent over.

The maester who teaches the lesson is named Maladon, because I wanted to draw upon the "mal" association for "bad."

I love the scene where Luce and Aegon fight over the seat next to Jace. It exudes sibling energy.

Luce hates being picked up. Aemond is the first to rebuke Aegon when Aegon picks her up.

Joff is a very smart kid. She's also the youngest in a huge brood of siblings and stand-in siblings. She is desperate to catch up and keep up with the others. I'm pretty sure she taught herself to read and write out of sheer stubbornness. I actually have a draft for a fic that's basically Joff writing in her diary. The very first entry looks like this:

MY NAME IS JOFF. TOODAY IS MY FIVETH NAMEDAY. THIS IS MY NEW DIERY. HEL SAYS I CAN RITE ABOUT WHAT I DO AND FEEL EVERY DAY. TOODAY I EATED NO VEGEBLES. TOODAY IS A GOOD DAY.

Helaena's scribble, "The butterfly comes west upon a wind of tears," is 100% about Rhaena coming to Westeros for Laena's funeral.

It's easy to dislike Maladon, but imagine his POV for a moment. He has three ideal students: Jace, Aemond, Daeron. Can't ask for better pupils. And then there's Aegon, the raunchy class clown; Helaena, the space cadet; Lucera, the constant truant. He's hoping Joff will fall into the first camp of ideal students, but…well, we see what happens at the end of the lesson. LOL.

Joff quickly susses out there's bad blood between Maladon and Luce. Joff loves being told she's smart, but she REALLY doesn't like people dissing her sisters.

Maladon is in quite a pickle. Joff is a princess, so he can't use force to get her to stop biting (laying hands on a royal is a big no-no). He has to hope someone else will help, which Jace does eventually.

All the Targs really love that weirwood in the Red Keep, huh? 1000% foreshadowing for Luce and Aemond's Hunsford proposal failed proposal down the road.

Luce finds the act of making leaf crowns calming, similarly to how she enjoys knitting and other activities that require her hands. She has trouble sitting still for long periods of time, so being able to do something with her hands is immensely relieving.

Aemond and Luce practice reading and writing together a lot. Luce really misses their reading sessions once she moves to Dragonstone.

"I'm one of the Children of the Forest." It seems like destiny when Aemond comes across that book later, with the illustration of a Child who looks like Luce.

Nine Voyages by Maester Mathis is a book about Corlys mentioned in A World of Ice and Fire.

Luce thinks it's no big deal to ask Corlys about his voyages, but that's because she is Corlys's beloved granddaughter. Aemond knows very well that Corlys's affection for Luce does not transfer to Aemond and his siblings…but this changes after the Stepstones.

I spent way too much time thinking about the natural state of Aemond's hair LOL. Young Aemond's hair is wavy. Adult Aemond's hair is pin straight, although it looks wavy when wet. Apparently puberty can change how curly/straight your hair is, so I decided that's what happened to Aemond's hair: it went from wavy to straight during adolescence.

Luce starts out wanting to let her hair hang loose like all the other women around her—Jace, Rhaenyra, Helaena, Alicent—but she's wayyy more physically active than the others, and she's very resistant to braids. Once Rhaena comes into the picture, Luce figures out the best way to care for her hair and compromises (big theme in the fic!) with putting her hair in nets when needed. But Luce will always most love letting her hair down, literally and figuratively.

I thought of a whole backstory for Vermax's egg. Vermax is green and orange, so her egg had similar coloring. Do you know who else has green and orange coloring?

So I had this thought that Alicent really liked the colors of the egg, and Viserys promised to let one of their kids have it. Either Aegon (as the eldest) or Aemond, who was newly born. Then Jace was born, and Rhaenyra really wanted the egg for her firstborn, so Viserys let Jace have it instead. And that's one of the reasons that Alicent was so bitter when Jace was born.

"Dragons are not tools for flirting." IDK Aemond, seems like Aegon is doing a much better job at getting the girl lmao.

My 500+ day (at the time) streak on Duolingo for High Valyrian culminated in me translating the very simple sentences in this chapter.

When Aemond says, "It should be raqiros (friend) not raqiarzy (beloved)," Arrax basically shakes his head like, "Nah, bro, she got it right the first time."

Since Jace and Luce would definitely not be up for the Pink Dread in this verse, Aegon uses Daeron as his assistant. But Jace figures out what's up, because she knows Aegon so well.

Six Maids in a Pool is the canonical song about Florian and Jonquil, but I think GRRM only wrote one lyric, "Six maids there were in a spring-fed pool." The other results I looked up seem fanmade, so I came up with some lyrics of my own. As was mentioned in The Golds, Jace looooves this song.

"One of the court minstrels was a bit drunk." Luce is willing to lie when the situation calls for it, but she was kind of telling the truth if you consider Aegon a court minstrel.

Luce implies that Rhaenyra is tone-deaf. LOL.

Honestly, Aegon sets a pretty high bar for romantic gestures. Luce is constantly hoping that Aemond will do the same thing for her, but it just doesn't come naturally to Aemond. Just as Luce eventually learns that she doesn't have to be a replica of Jace, she also learns that her relationship with Aemond doesn't have to be the same as Jace/Aegon.

Luce's meditations on the word "compromise." Title drop!! One day she's going to look back on this conversation and laugh.

Even in her panic about the storm, Luce is a girl's girl. Can't let Rhaenyra suspect that Jace is meeting with Aegon!

Chapter 2 Commentary

[enjoyvoidblack]

Melanie King deserved better in a lot of ways, but I've decided one of them is that she should've been born a decade or two earlier and gotten the chance to meet Gerard Keay.

Imagine if, instead of being snapped up by Elias for having "a life shockingly lacking in any meaningful connections", she could have made contact with the only person around who's both just as isolated and angry, and equipped with the setting's one and only productive plan to do something about it. Gerry's bookburning is one of if not the only bits of real, tangible good succeeded at in the course of this story - something not even Gertrude's many sacrifices managed to fully achieve. He took terror out of the world. He prevented who knows how many people from experiencing Leitner's horrors, and he did it with a flaming abandon that would have validated all of the anger Melanie sought a home for in that bullet when it had no other.

Those two couldn't have saved the world, but they could've ripped a damn good hole in the things that tried to claim it before it went out, and I think they would've both been much happier for it, especially Melanie. Just imagine what could have been, if they'd gotten one long road trip crusade together instead of facing the world alone save for whoever thought them handy as a tool. Imagine Melanie during season 4, on the road and able to funnel all her restless rage into something that actually deserved it. Going wherever she wanted at top speed instead of being stuck with containment and waiting, being able to say "it's not bloody fair" and get a "damn right it's not" in agreement instead of distraction and pushback from people more preoccupied with stopping the things they'd already had their own time to process. Gerry burning books in a Tesco parking lot with Melanie as lookout. Melanie kicking the pile hard first before he lights it up. The two of them helping each other touch up their roots in a rest stop bathroom. Just Imagine.

[komuite]

Dick Grayson-centric Fic Recs!

Surface Pressure by geminus_17

Study on being the (not perfect) eldest and the sacrifices that go along with it. Mentions of Tarantula and Blockbuster. A very satisfying read! Here's a sample from the fic:

“So I must calm down Todd lest he relinquish my sword,” Damian mused. “But how do I calm down a magically homicidal maniac?”

Ask Bruce , Dick didn’t say. Bruce would only ask him and be ten times more awkward about it. “It seems he’s stressed about the uptick in crime…Maybe you should help him get Crime Alley under control.” Dick held his breath because Damian always came to him when he wanted advice but the kid only took it if he thought he came up with it. A lot like his father.

Savior Complex by Arwriter

In which Dick goes nonverbal after Bruce comes back, but nobody notices! Everyone in the Batfam treats Dick unfairly, but after the hurt there is very satisfying comfort!

“He’s being a child.” And then Jason was staring right at him, and Dick couldn’t bring himself to look away. “We have the right to be pissed at you after everything that happened, Dickhead. Things are weird right now, if anyone should get that it’s you. The least you could do is admit you fucked up with Tim and give us all some time. Ignoring everyone to try and make us feel like shit isn’t fair. You know damn well Bruce has enough on his plate right now, and I don’t have time for your bullshit either. No one does.”

Home Again, Jiggity Jig by Living_Free

A comedy/crack fic that also works as a fix-it! Set during the whole "Ric" Grayson amnesia mess. One of the funniest fics I've ever read, can't recommend it enough! (Two samples because I'm obsessed:)

/Damian sat up to look at Dick. “Not even I? Forgetting Todd or Drake, even Father, is understandable. But I? Our bond transcends the stars, you said so yourself!”

Jason mimed retching onto Tim’s head./

/“Be of calm mind, Grayson,” Damian said. “Todd is merely projecting his insecurities that no one will hold his hand onto us.”

“That’s not true, son,” Bruce said, and then held Jason’s hand. Jason nearly died on the spot, becuase his dad was holding his hand in public, oh my god, people can see./

One Thousand, Three Hundred and Nine Hours by TheSilencer

Literally one of the best fics I've ever read. Basically the rest of the batfam are trapped in a time loop that ends with Dick's death, and the story is told from Dick's POV on the timeline he gets saved! Be warned, there is light(?) gore.

The older man sighed and pulled down the cowl. "It has been suggested to me that I'm demanding too much. That having you check in at least once an hour is -"

"Ridiculous?" Dick asked. "Absurd? An excessive show of paranoia?"

Bruce's lip twitched up. "A bit much."

what's past is prologue by Icestorm238

A time-travel fic where Dick goes back to his post-Robin but pre-Jason's arrival self, with the goal of saving Jason. Incredible dynamic between Dick and Jason that's just so sweet to read, and interesting plot twists and reversals that I won't spoil ;)

Dick struggles to temper his excitement when Jason opens up to him about his love of literature. That had never happened the first time - he’d found out second hand from Alfred, hadn’t thought much about it, hadn’t realised just how important books were to Jason, hadn’t cared to learn back then. When Jason returned to them it had been treated as a known hobby, and still not one he shared with Dick.

[vindicated-truth]

I've ruminated a lot about how Joowon doesn't process social cues as a normal person would, for reasons that may be due to his nature or to his upbringing: he's read as someone who's either neurodivergent / autistic, or a survivor of childhood trauma with CPTSD—or quite possibly both.

I realize this because with both Dongsik and Hyeok, Joowon completely misunderstood what the two of them were trying to tell him—that both of them were just trying to protect him, each in their own way.

In Busan, Hyeok told Joowon this:

"Joowon-ah. A good boy like you who learned everything from books and believes the world is just and fair shouldn't get involved with a nutcase like Lee Dongsik. He'll make use of you in every single way, and nothing will go your way. You struggle, and you put up a fight. Then he ends up devouring you. And like that, the end. "It's okay, Joowon-ah. We can't help it. How can you, who had a privileged life, win against a guy who had to tough it out on the streets? You could never win unless you were reborn. That's why I, who also lived a tough life will do everything I can to— "Just leave everything to me."

What Hyeok has been trying to tell Joowon here is that he, as Joowon's hyung, his surrogate older brother, will be the one to do all the dirty work in Joowon's stead, because Joowon couldn't possibly understand what it's like due to the privileged life he leads.

Joowon, however, interprets it as a dare.

'You have to be reborn. You have to be exactly like Dongsik.'

And that's exactly what he did: he followed Hyeok's advice according to his own interpretation of what Hyeok told him. (He even thanked Hyeok for it, which meant he clearly understood it as advice but with an entirely different interpretation.)

It's why post-Episode 8, I don't look at Joowon as a "worse" version of himself, but I see him as doing his best to be Dongsik 2.0. After all, that's whom Hyeok told him to be like.

He did exactly what Dongsik did with Minjeong's fingers and Lee Geumhwa's burner phone: he planted his own evidence so that the police would take notice. Dongsik himself has figured this out, even if he didn't know or understand why Joowon suddenly chose to follow his lead.

What Joowon did in planting Yoon Mihye's death certificate and the fishing line used in Kang Jinmook's suicide in Nam Sangbae's vault is the same tactical strategy Dongsik did.

Dongsik knew that even if he did call to report on his discovery of Minjeong's fingers in the Kang basement, all it would lead to is a possible indictment of Minjeong's mutilation, but not necessarily her disappearance and death (since he has no evidence to support otherwise). Dongsik would have no way of proving that Jinmook killed her—or all the other women whose bodies still haven't been found, including his own sister.

Similarly, Joowon planted the fake "evidence" in Nam Sangbae's vault because he has no way of reporting that Sangbae has been stalking Jaeyi in Busan without endangering her (because at this point he has no clear idea what Sangbae's intentions are in tailing her); while at the same time he has no other way of trying to find out Jaeyi's intentions without alerting Sangbae to her whereabouts, which is exactly why he also blackmailed her with the dashboard camera footage.

Joowon, with his intellect, used these strategies knowing that neither Sangbae nor Jaeyi will be indicted for it. He knowingly planted the evidence because he knew that with the video footage of multiple people going into Sangbae's office, Sangbae won't be indicted for it. He knew that Sangbae would still be safe and will very likely be released. And he knew that Jaeyi won't be indicted either, despite the dashcam footage, if it's true that she had nothing to do with Jinmook's death.

Joowon is smart, and he isn't cruel. In both Jaeyi's and Sangbae's cases, he knew that the evidences he "manufactured" won't be enough to indict them. He just did all these to push things forward and set the ball rolling for the police to take notice—exactly like Dongsik did with Kang Minjeong's fingers and Lee Geumhwa's phone.

And exactly what Hyeok, in Joowon's understanding, told him to do.

Similarly, during the meal Joowon shared with Dongsik after Joowon confessed his father's crimes, Dongsik told Joowon this:

"About that recording, I saved the file using different methods. So that if you get out of my sight, I can spread it right away."

What Dongsik meant about this is that he was worried for Joowon's safety, especially because what Joowon just vowed to do—bring his own father down—would likely bring Joowon into the line of fire too.

But Dongsik never wanted that. Which is why what he meant by threatening to expose the file if Joowon disappears is that he actually would be willing to give up the chance to indict Han Kihwan for his sister's murder if it meant Joowon would be safe. If it meant, in releasing the illegally recorded evidence, that Joowon can come back to him safe and sound.

This actually speaks volumes about how Dongsik has come to truly care for Joowon because he is, in essence, going against everything he has ever said to Lee Sangyeob, once upon a time: No citizen shall be placed in double jeopardy.

Dongsik knew that in releasing the illegally recorded file, without the pertinent evidence to back it up, would erase the chance for Han Kihwan to be indicted if he's released due to lack of evidence. Yet despite fighting all his life to find his sister's murderer, he's actually willing to forego the chance to finally indict Han Kihwan if it meant Joowon would be safe.

(It's partly the reason too why he refused to hand over the recording to Jihwa when she asked for it, because Dongsik has to make sure he has that ace up his sleeve so that if necessary, he can also protect Joowon with it.)

Joowon, however, once again interpreted it wrongly. It's because he's the son of the murderer of Dongsik's sister, because he had just vowed to bring his own father down, and because of his own rigid moral compass that he holds everyone up to, including himself—

It absolutely does not compute in Joowon's mind that Dongsik would be doing this for his safety—that Dongsik was worried for him.

Instead, he hears it for the threat he believes it is: If you disappear and don't follow through with your promise to bring Han Kihwan to justice, I will release this recording even if it meant it will destroy your life too.

And it's not even that Joowon cares about ruining his own life—he makes it very clear that he doesn't—but that he's determined to prove to Dongsik that his vow wasn't an empty one and that he would see through it no matter what.

Which is again, exactly what Joowon proves, over and over again, until the end when Joowon, while calmly aiming a gun at his own father, asks Dongsik himself to finally handcuff Han Kihwan after 21 long years.

What I'm trying to say in pointing out both scenarios with Hyeok and Dongsik is: Joowon listens. He actually follows what is said to him, especially by people whom he has a great deal of respect and care for.

He just couldn't interpret any of it as people caring for him, because he grew up in an environment where people didn't care for him, where the very people who should have cared for him the most either sent him away (his father) or abandoned him (his mother).

(Hyeok, the only one who has ever stayed, was initially paid to be there. It had never occurred to Joowon that Hyeok would eventually still choose to stay for him.)

The idea that someone worries about him is unknown to him, heartbreakingly so, which is why he couldn't interpret it that way.

And I think, if we keep this in mind when we reevaluate his actions again when we (inevitably) watch the show again, it'll go a long way in understanding Joowon a little more than just being the two-dimensional arrogant little prick that he was initially set up to be.

He is so, so much more than that.

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 34

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Also, Merry Christmas! I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past few weeks, but I finally got a chance to write again and wanted to get this short part to you before Christmas. It will act as the finale to the first book of A Sweet Mishap - I definitely want to continue writing about this couple, but I think this is a nice way to wrap it up for the year and I'll come back with a sequel in the new year.

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of violence, rape, therapy, depression, sex

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I rise early, with the sun like usual despite not having to work today. I refuse to get out of bed until I absolutely have to. But I prop myself up with an obnoxious amount of pillows and drag my laptop over from the empty side of the bed onto my lap. I’m determined to submit all my assessments today before my session with Dr. Katelyn, slowly removing stresses one at a time.

I carefully read through each word and sentence making minor edits as I go and then with a deep breath hit submit on each one. For once, I actually feel highly confident with my essays, knowledge and with the grade that I hope to receive. Despite working myself to the bone all semester with so many priorities to balance I feel I actually managed to submit work that I’m proud of. I attribute it to my steadily improving mental health and clarity.

Once I close down my college tabs I decide to try to do a little planning of my own for the summer. Jensen’s organised so much, a lot that I don’t even know yet–just that he’s got surprises that I’ll like. I grew up in such a small area, yet I know he’s mostly lived in the larger cities, so my plan is to give him more of the country. I research diners and hiking trails and make sure some of my favorite spaces are still operating. The list of things I want to do is extensive, but I know, as much as I want to take the full three months, Stewie will need me back at Mamma Jo’s. He’s agreed to a month so far, but I could tell even that long concerned him. He only agreed becuase he knows he can rely on the juniors, which I promised to train up before I leave Thankfully, most of them have a lot of potential and are fast learners. As I’m searching through sites a Facetime notification pops up and I answer instantly.

“Hey Darlin’! You look comfy.”

“Good morning, Handsome. I am, but there is one thing that would make me comfier…”

“Less than a week and you can fall asleep in my arms every night for a month.”

“Except when we visit my parents…”

“Yeah, except then. But you’ll still be nearby, not a country away.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait! I was actually just researching places I want to take you back home.”

“Really? Any hints?”

I shake my head, “Nope! You’ve got your secrets, I’ve got mine.”

“Fair enough. You got therapy soon?”

“Two hours.”

“They’ll probably need me on set by then. I just wanted to check in while I had a chance.We’re pushing hard to be finished by Friday, I have no doubts. Then there’s just the wrap party that night, then I’ll see you.”

“I wish you could come to my last show…”

“I wish I could show you off at the wrap party. But it’s okay, we get a whole month together in Texas and that means so much more.”

“I really can’t wait. I submitted my assessments this morning, so I’ve just got therapy, a few more shows and my last few shifts at the cafe. I’m counting down each day and each road block. You know I’ve brocken so many of my New Years Resolutions, and I couldn’t be happier. And I owe most of that to you, so thank you.”

“Anything for you. I love seeing that smile on your face, especially knowing I helped put it there. But that’s just it, you’re doing all the work, I’m just here to cheer you on and offer support when you need it. You really are a star, I just want to watch you glow and reignite that spark that others tried to dim.”

I smile at him, then bite my lip as I remember I conversation from my last session with the doctor. “Jens…I thanks…Also, I’ve been meaning to…” He stays ever patient and smiles as I ramble, letting me get there on my own, “I talked to Dr Katelyn last week about my issues with intimacy and some fears, concerns, thoughts about our holiday. I know we’ll be alone alot and likely sharing a bed while we’re at your place and I just…I want to be open to things, but I feel like I’ve never-Nothing’s really ever been on my terms. I’ve always just gone along with what the guy wants. She suggested that maybe I should treat this relationship like a first. Like I’m in highschool and we’re touching each base. Slow and at my pace.”

He nods the whole time. “Of course. Everything is on your terms with me. I’d never push. I’m happy to cuddle, maybe make out and if we don’t have sex during the trip that’s fine. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like I’m expecting anything, because I’m not. I just want to spend time with you. And if you decide it’s too much to sleep in the same bed every night, you can go into the guestroom whenever you want. We can make sure it’s set up nicely for you so you can have a comfortable escape when you need it. A space that’s all yours and I won’t ever go into unless you want me to. We can set it up on the first day if you want. You can choose whatever decor you want.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. But Jens, what if…What if I want to…you know, have sex at some point?”

“If we get through the first three bases and you are 100 per cent on board and comfortable with going the home run then we tackle that base like all the others. Slow and at your pace. And if we start and you need to stop then you just tell me and we stop, but I’ll be reading all the signs your body gives me and if I think it’s too much I’ll stop it, just like last time.”

I nod, “Okay. Do you mind if I continue to talk to Dr. Kate about it today?”

“I hope you do. But you never need my permission to talk about anything with her. There’s no NDA here, and even if there was it wouldn’t pertain to our relationship. Anything between us is fair game. I think you already know that, but I’ll remind you as much as you need, that will never change.”

“Thanks.” I glance down at the time on my computer screen. “I should start getting ready.”

“Alright, Beautiful. I’ll talk to you tonight. Have a good session and a great day.”

“You too-You have a great-You know what I mean.”

“I do. Bye.” He blows me a kiss as he ends the call and I can’t help but blush. As I drag myself out of the comfy bed and into the shower I think back to that day in December. I really did win the lottery when I accidentally spilt that hot cocoa on him. That was the best sweet mishap I’ve ever made.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala

@lmg14, @superrey, @kamisobsessed

[unforth]

This is gonna seem so random but I think we’re all looking for a little escapism today. I see you’ve read Golden Stage! As someone very new to danmei…any recs for similar stories? I guess I mostly mean danmei but with a solid plot outside of the romance. Sadly I’ve already read all MXTX’s stuff.

*waves* HELLO ANON. YES. I am happy to discuss this topic or literally ANYTHING that isn't *gestures vaguely*.

I've read a fair amount of danmei, and I really liked Golden Stage. What I personally loved about Golden Stage was the politicking, which is something I enjoy tons in most books, and that plus the romance really made the book for me. If you're similar - which it sounds like you are! - here are some titles I've read that spring to mind:

Thousand Autumns by Meng Xi Shi (officially licensed, all volumes out): a wuxia novel about an evil sect leader, Yan Wushi, and the fallen leader of a noble, upright daoist sect, Shen Qiao. The politicking is complex and excellent, and it's most definitely romance-lite. Yan Wushi is a horribly wonderful little gremlin of a man, and Shen Qiao is in my top three fave danmei characters with Chu Wanning and Xie Lian, for an idea of the kind of person he is. Highly recommend.

The Fourteenth Year of Chenghua by Meng Xi Shi (unlicensed; I read the Chichi translation, tho there are some issues with it). Intensely political historical fiction about a low-level but capable administrator during the Ming Dynasty, facing up against the corrupt court of the Emperor and the Emperor's favorite concubine, with the help of a morally upright military officer. It's also romance-lite. Heavy politics/romance-lite is kinda Meng Xi Shi's...thing. The show "The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty is loosely based on this book.

Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo (unlicensed; the fantranslation has unfortunately been deleted, though at least some of it is still on the Wayback machine): a historical-esque (but not set in a specific time period) story about a disgraced former top-exam-scorer who returns to the capital out of necessity to help his charges, and his encounters with his former...crush? ...captor? ...it's complicated... who is now the most feared right-arm of the Emperor. I'd say, of all the titles on this list, this is the one most similar to Golden Stage in terms of the balance between the politics and the romance.

The Imperial Uncle by Da Feng Gua Guo (officially licensed, only one volume long): the uncle of the Emperor has a reputation for scheming that he, himself, thinks is entirely unwarranted. This book is first person, and Prince Huai is a delightfully unreliable narrator. The romance includes some misdirection (I'd consider who he ends up with to be a spoiler) but I really enjoyed this historical-esque political drama.

So...those are the ones that spring to mind from what I've personally read. :D Others may be able to toss some other recs into a reblog or the comments. I hope you find a book you love, anon!

ETA ACK I FORGOT ONE I WANTED TO INCLUDE!

Copper Coins by Mu Su Li (recently licensed by 7s! will start coming out late next year): wuxia historical/fantasy China setting, about a celestial dragon who was gravely injured and is now trying to get healthy again and also figure out who hurt him, and the stolid monk who very begrudgingly starts helping him. This one is less political but has a similar mystery vibe, and the main ship are a lot of fun; their dynamic is similar to Wangxian.

[baronessvonglitter]

if love be rough with you, be rough with love | chapter 9 | "i want you to want me"

Dave York x f!Reader

Word count: 1,423

Summary: you and Dave have a real conversation about your expectations of each other as you rekindle your relationship. Smut ensues (duh)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, Dave shames Carol for having a life outside of the home (he just rationalizes everything, doesn't he?) but it's meant more as bait to get the reader back, oral sex (m receiving - in his fancy SUV of course, and in an alleyway of course), come swallowing, fingering, possible soft!Dave (?), pet names ("sweetpea", "good girl"), no use of y/n

Series Masterlist

You agonize over what to wear to meet Dave. You're already twenty minutes late by the time you go to the coffee shop. Let him think your lateness is you pulling some kind of power move to keep him waiting. He deserves it.

The cafe is quaint and warm and smells comfortingly of aromatic coffee and freshly baked bread. It's almost like something out of a romantic movie, except women who willingly enter into affairs with married men aren't typically the heroines, and quaint little bakeries are never the backdrop for illicit liaisons.

But when you spot Dave in a corner booth, his smile changes your mind. It's hard to ignore the once-over he gives you, his hungry leer an indication that what he said on the phone last night was true: he really did miss you.

A smile flits across your face as you approach him, not wanting to give too much away in the first few moments of your reunion. He has to come to you. He's made the first few steps in reaching out and setting up this clandestine meet-up. "Hey," you greet him, sliding into the seat across from him. "Good to see you again." He stands in a gentlemanly welcome, only sitting down when you do.

"It's great to see you," he replies, and there's more warmth in his face than you can recall ever seeing before. It's the same look he wears when he's with his family. "I'm glad you agreed to see me."

"You made it sound terribly important. Unless it was just a ruse to get me to come out here. I have a lot on my plate, as you know."

Dave looks chastened and you can't help feeling a little bad about your standoffish manner, but you need to keep the upper hand. "I think it's wonderful that you're going back to school. You're a woman with great potential, and you can do whatever you set your mind to."

You almost laugh. "Did you really ask me to come here to give me an inspirational speech? I sucked your dick while your wife was in the next room with her book club. I think we're way past formalities."

He has the nerve to smirk, and you glimpse a bit of the man you've come to know in your secret doings. "I want to talk about what happened, but mostly--"

"Are you going to buy me a coffee or not?" you interrupt, pulling out your compact to check your makeup.

It seems he likes this new you, and you watch as he goes to buy your drinks. You have a feeling you know what he's going to ask, and it's going to be quite an effort to deny him. You haven't even considered going back to how things were. Would you?

He returns with the drinks. "I've apologized."

"You have."

"I could have handled it better," he admits. "You haven't asked anything of me during our time together, and I appreciate that. The least I could have done was to handle the situation with more discretion."

"I was upset, but you were fair. We're already in a sticky situation and I wouldn't want to worsen things between us. You're my employer."

"Well, I've been thinking about it," he says, the tips of his fingers resting on the white paper of his coffee cup. For a brief moment you remember the feel of those fingers inside you, the way he muffled your moans with his hand or, sometimes, with his necktie. "I've never been with a virgin," he says quite plainly, as if he's saying he's never been to Australia, or he's never been skiing.

You take a moment to process this, because it feels like he's speaking another language and you have to take a moment to translate it. "Never? Really?"

He shakes his head. "Not even Carol was a virgin when we met. Not that it made any difference to me."

"You said you don't want me to develop feelings," you remind him.

He takes a long look at you, and for once you feel you hold up to his scrutiny. "I think it could be different with us. You've maintained discretion. You're a bright young woman, you know what you want. You're okay with the fun we've been having so far?"

You nod. "Of course."

"I'd like to continue," he says softly. "Would you?"

This is exactly what you'd asked yourself just moments earlier.

"Not the same as before," he says quickly, reading your hesitation.

"Meaning you want to fuck me," you say it for him.

He smiles, looking shy, but you know he's not. "Yes. I want to fuck you. I've wanted to fuck you since the day you came to interview for the position."

You give a sharp intake of breath. He knows just where to get you to make your walls come down, and all this time you thought you were in control. "I felt the same.."

He looks pleased with himself, yet flattered.

"What about Carol?" you ask. "You're okay betraying the mother of your children?"

Dave sighs, expecting this question to come up. "She's a great woman, and we do love each other. But you know how she's busy all the time, chasing her personal ambitions. If she stayed at home more we wouldn't need you," he points out. "Our marriage has become more for appearances now. Something I'm supposed to do. And when you've been together as long as we have, things get comfortable."

"What's wrong with comfortable?"

He shrugs. "Exciting beats comfortable any day."

Your heart beats like it has wings, and you feel that heartbeat somewhere else too. Dave makes sense, but everything he's saying is almost mean. Carol must have no idea what her husband's proclivities are, or she would not have invited a younger woman into their lives to essentially house. But really, all Carol's guilty of is being married to a man you desire.

"I could never ask for commitment from you, not really.. I'd never get it," you state plainly.

"True," Dave admits. Then in a sudden, very un-Dave-like fashion, he grabs your hands across the table. "I was almost catatonic when you were gone. I barely went to the office, and when I did I spent my time at my desk, my mind a million miles away. I struggled to sleep and often found myself dreaming of you."

"Dave!" you gasp, but you don't dare let go of his hands.

"It's my last-ditch effort to influence your decision," he confesses. "But it's the truth, all of it. I want you to be mine."

This is what you've been wanting to hear, not just moments of hot, whispered words because of your praise kink. You wanted, if not romance, affection. You can live with that.

"Okay," you say at last. "I'm yours.." You look into his deep brown eyes and you both smile. "So.. what happens now?"

His fingers are threaded through your hair as he thrusts into your mouth with enthusiasm. He'd stayed away from Carol, only fucking his hand when his needs were absolutely necessary, wishing it was you. In the front seat of his SUV in an alleyway, you're practically on all fours, deep-throating him, hungry for the taste of him after all this time. "Good girl," he mutters, palming your breast through your clothes. He pushes your panties to the side and strokes your clit, wanting you to come, loving the vibrating feel of your moans around his cock, the way your mouth tenses up when you're so close to the edge. "Here it comes. Be a good girl and swallow all of it," he pants, and you wonder how he can manage words when you're both in such a carnal frenzy.

He explodes in your mouth just as you come apart from his aggressive touch. As the pleasure ebbs over you, you artfully swallow every stream of cum, your hand pulling upward from his base, wanting every single drop he has to give. And when you're taking a moment just to come down from that high, you tell him, "I want you to fuck me."

His eyes darken with lust. "Now?"

You nod. "Backseat."

You can tell he's trying to keep it together, trying not to frighten you before he's had a chance to have you to himself. "For your first time you deserve better, sweetpea. I'm getting us a hotel and we're gonna fuck in high thread count sheets," he insists, and starts the car.

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dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

[authorjoeypaul]

GETTING BACK TO TWO BOOKS A YEAR

For the past few years I have been, at most, publishing one book a year. I went through a period before that of doing two, one year I did three, and I will never do that many again, but my usual was two, and I was happy with that. I stopped doing two for a few reasons. One, I had a book ready to go to the editor, but decided that I did not feel like it was at the right stage. So I pulled the release and spent more time on it. Two, I didn't want to have an odd number of books, so I went with one the next year to even things out. And three, my former editor changed careers and for a time she thought she might be able to manage, and then realised that she wouldn't, and I had to wait to find a different editor, and then because it'd have been another odd book year, I waited until this year to do two. So how does it feel? To be back in the two books a year, the balancing of covers, reveals, pre-order, editing, and all of the things that go along with it? Well right now I have one book at the pre-order stage. I've done absolutely everything I can with it. I've edited, proofed, and the final version is all uploaded and ready to go. It's with ARC readers now, and so there is very little I can do with it. The second book though has just gone to the editor, and I've had back a couple of my edit letters ready to start my edits in May. I have the front cover for it, the cover reveal all planned, and then all the other little bits and pieces coming together. 

I'm also revising one of the releases for next year, getting that ready to go to the editor in November, and it's a lot to cope with, a lot to get done. I can certainly remember how stressful it was before, and it's a little less stressful now, but still up there with the angst and anxiety and the worry. It's a lot of work. I know I've already said that, but I truly don't think non-writers really do grasp the amount of back end work that gets done before a release, and that's trad and indie because we both go through a number of different stages that are about the same. That said, I like doing two books a year, which is why I came back to it when I could. I liked having less than a year, or a year between series releases, and I liked the way it helped clear some of my backlist, since I have a fair few books there already and I'm pretty set drafting wise for a number of years. I like being able to release and share my stories. It's something I work hard to do, and something that has taken a lot of balancing and juggling and all the rest, but has also opened me up to the possibility of keeping this going so long as my editor and everyone else involved is on board with that. Releases, for indie anyway, they cost money. There are editors to be paid, even before that sensitivity readers who also need to be paid. I have to pay my cover designer, I have to pay for things that you wouldn't think about simply because I use those platforms to help with my promo images and the like. There is a whole lot of money that is behind, at least, my releases, and I have to really be sure both that I can manage it, and also that I'm able to put in the work. After all, I'm chronically ill and disabled. I don't have unlimited energy and I don't have anything really to pull from should I need help of some kind. But are they worth it to me? Yes, very much so. Getting back to two books a year was always the goal, and it will remain that as long as I'm able to sustain it, but it does take a lot out of me, and it would anyone. But if it's something you have the means and ability to do, and mostly, if you want to do it, then it's worth it, and that's about it really. Any questions? Lemme know in the comments! 

Follow Joey to be kept up to date with the latest news regarding Joey and her books.   

[literaticat]

Hi- I work in a field that's been all but decimated by the new administration and I'm struggling to control my anxiety. My book comes out in 26 and I suddenly feel so much pressure for it to do well and to sell my option. I know we shouldn't look to publishing as a source of financial security, but day job-wise things are looking really dire. It also feels kind of awful that 26 is still a year away and I'm dreading what could very well be a whole year of anxiety and worry in the lead up to pub day. Would love to hear any advice you may have for how to cope. Thank you.

I'm so sorry this is happening to our country, to our most vulnerable populations -- and to you specifically! Like, there aren't really words. IT SUCKS feels a little mild!

With all the caveats that, hey, I don't know you, maybe talk to people who are boots on the ground where you are and can actually help you IRL, maybe get a therapist if you don't have one or get on anti-anxiety meds while they are still legal, yadda yadda:

It seems, from a total outsider's perspective, you are feeling anxiety and worry and dread and pressure for a VERY REAL REASON -- the day job stuff, the government stuff, etc. -- and, since this is all so fricking weird and absurd and unprecedented and bigger than you and out of your control, you are transferring those feelings into the book stuff, because at least that is a more manageable thing to focus your psychic energy on. Does that track?

I guess I'd urge you to try and separate those two things out if you can? Like YES there are a lot of horrible things going on, and they potentially have serious consequences for the world and for you specifically. You feel anxiety, of course, shit yeah you do, fair enough!!! But those feelings don't need to be tied together with your book release or other bookish stuff.

Your book is just... a book. Like all due respect, it's awesome that you have a book coming out, but stressing about its release a year in advance feels like a not-great use of your energy.

If you've built up the book release as this ALL-IMPORTANT THING in your mind, well, I hate to break it to you, but spoiler: it's gonna be a real let-down when it happens, no matter how well it goes, because books coming out aren't actually inherently life-changing or even interesting. You are setting yourself up for a massive anti-climax.

So please, take the pressure off yourself. This is a self-made "problem" -- the pressure is coming from inside the house! I promise you that your editor and agent and whoever else in the actual publishing business is NOT thinking of your 2026 book release as the be-all/end-all of your career.

Yes: This book MIGHT change your life -- but probably will take a lot of time for that to happen, and it most likely it will happen in a such a gradual way that you don't even know it's happening. Even if the book is a unicorn-like smash hit out of the gate, it will take many months or even years for royalties to come in, and once the brief headiness of celebration wears off and you've changed your bio to read "Bestselling Author", it's not going to actually change your day-to-day world as much as you might imagine. If (as is more likely) it just does fine, and trucks along as most books do -- that just looks like "nothing" while it's happening, but it can be just the beginning of a whole-ass career. It will be the start of your building an audience, it will introduce you to new opportunities, etc etc, months or years down the line.

As I've said numerous times on here and IRL: The best thing you can do for your book is to WRITE MORE BOOKS. This is very much a LONG GAME!

So If you can figure out how to separate the LIFE stuff from the BOOK stuff, and silo those two pieces away from one another, then perhaps you can make some changes on the LIFE side that might help with the anxiety? And then the BOOK stuff can be a welcome escape hatch rather than another source of anxiety.

For "changes on the LIFE side", I'm talking a) figuring out how to manage your anxiety (via meds, therapy, cognitive-behavioural methods, whatever it is) -- and b) Tackling TANGIBLE things you can physically do in your community and home that might ultimately make you and your loved ones and your community better off. (I'm working on a list of such things for myself, which I'm happy to share at some point, but this is getting too long already!)

The point is, MAYBE if you can get your anxiety under a bit more control and feel like you are actually doing something useful IRL rather than just "spiraling into madness" -- then the book stuff will feel less consuming and you can approach it like a (hopefully fun!) JOB rather than an anxiety-trigger. IF Writer is now a job, you just have to DO IT, right? So what can you work on?

If you have an agent: Talk to them! (If not, talk to your editor). Maybe you don't have to wait until your book is "out and does well" before you sell your option book. A lot of times, I'm able to sell option books well before the next book is actually released -- so if they think that's the case, you can spend time now working on that option book material. If that doesn't seem possible, for whatever reason, maybe there's a different kind of book that wouldn't fall under the option that you can try your hand at. The point is, you don't need to spend your "book time" fretting about some nebulous thing that is happening in 2026 that you have literally no control over today - instead, spend it working on something new. Or even several somethings. Experiment! Have fun! Channel your Book Energy into THAT.

I can't promise anything, of course -- nobody can! But I can say, you are significantly more likely to be able to transition into a successful writing career if you are WRITING THINGS rather than FREAKING OUT.

Best of luck, wishing you well, and please report back closer to your book release time so we can celebrate with you in a totally normal and NON-FREAKED OUT fashion! NO PRESSURE! <3