#i've been going for years but ...like i understand bc i don't make any efforts in socializing

[ghostoffuturespast]

Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...

[fr0stbearer]

the loneliness is hitting so bad 😂😂😂😂

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #191

1. Hi! Yesterday I found a highly specific fic on tumblr and i started reading it, but I lost it and somehow I can't find it in my history. I had found it on tumblr, under somebody shitposting that crowley and aziraphale decide who tops or bottoms every evening based on who received the check... the actual fic's plot is that one evening they're dining and crowley tries to joke that waiters always give him the check because they think he tops, but he took for granted that Aziraphale hadn't understood the joke so he laughs it off, but Aziraphale DID and he gets irritated about it. They go to Aziraphale's place, they try to talk it out and smut ensues. I think Aziraphale says at one point "I don't always want to be your stupid friend". But I'm sure there was a reversed wall slam. Help me if you can, please?? - anon

2. Hello! I am looking for a lost fic that I couldn't find in my AO3 history or your tags :( It's Aziraphale POV, takes place mostly in the bookshop. Aziraphale is excited to make a human friend who asks what A.Z. Fell stands for, and Aziraphale panics and says "Anthony." Human friend asks Aziraphale to a lecture (or the like) and Aziraphale says yes not realizing it's a date. Crowley overhears him being called Anthony and cracks up, and human friend mistakes A and C for a couple. If you or any of your followers know what this fic is I'd be so grateful! Thank you! - @smallspaceplant

3. Hi guys, first off I'd like to thank you for all the love and effort you put here, and it's helped me loads! I'm looking for a fic that I read a long, long time ago. It was so long ago that it might have been posted on ff.net, I really can't remember. I'd like to think I've read it about 10 years ago, but can't be sure. What I do remember is that Aziraphale fell and went with the name Zira or maybe Zirah, favored a cane with intricate carvings that Crowley(not that name though) gave him, and he used that to, a, sort a problem with the extra baby, and Crowley(or whatever his angelic name was) found blood on it and was understandably freaked out. Does anyone remember this fic? - anon

4. Hello! I’m looking for a fic and I only have a vague recollection of some scenes so I completely understand if you can’t pin it down! It’s 100% book omens, and I’m pretty sure it was written before the show came out. I’m also pretty sure it’s less than 10k words. Crowley and Aziraphale sleep together for the first time and the next morning Crowley is having Thoughts about whether this was considered a temptation. Aziraphale shuts it down and kisses him again. They show each other their wings. In the end, they kind of go their separate ways but agree to meet up again some time in the future. Again, sorry for the lack of details! - anon

5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where god sends Aziraphale to another timeline? Or something? Because the apocalypse happened and god said something about him being happy and Aziraphale can’t be happy without Crowley (I think Crowley became a star after death) He ends up being polite but super distant with Crowley in this new timeline bc Crowley’s last words were to leave him alone Begging for anyone to help🧎🏻‍♀️- anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[viviennevermillion]

hello!! i'm absolutely in love with your writing and your posts!! (they're so inspiring seriously)

anyway- i was wondering if i could request Blade with a chronically ill s/o? no specific illness required! just the reader generally being under the weather a lot and exhausted, and how he reacts & takes care of them :)

thank you!! have a lovely day/night <3

With a chronically ill s/o

✧ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ: thank you so much for the request! i feel this bc i've just been diagnosed with two of 'em chronic illnesses (GERD and cough variant asthma) this year and it's been wearing me down before i figured out how to properly manage it. i hope you like this request! also you said i'm converting you to sampo so i'm adding him to this post.

if any readers would like to be on my star rail taglist, feel free to notify me (+ for which characters you want to be tagged). if i find you're on my dni, i will block instead.

✧ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: i'll be there — gabriella bee

✧ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ: blade, sampo

✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: none

Blade is a very patient and attentive boyfriend. He already thinks existence is a pain so he does whatever he can to make sure you feel better and comfortable. When you have a particularly bad day he'll definitely stay with you if you want him to.

When he first learns of your illness, he makes sure to do enough research to understand it. Kafka found him sitting at a desk with a stack of books about your condition to make sure he's prepared for anything. She'd lean against the door frame with a smile on her face, watching him for a moment before making herself known. "That's so sweet of you", she chuckles and Blade turns his head. "Mind your own business."

Kafka definitely snitches and tells you about how much effort he put into understanding you and your condition

He makes sure to talk with you about it as well. He asks you what symptoms you have, how they feel for you and what you found helps you when you feel under the weather.

Literally asks Elio to predict what your condition will be like in the coming days. If it's a day where your illness flares up particularly bad, he makes sure to get all the items that help you and medications you need in advance.

He does not tell you that he does this; you just think the Stellaron Hunters are very medically prepared.

If Elio predicts that you'll have a particularly good day, Blade makes sure to take you out on a date. Maybe a picnic in nature or a nice dinner somewhere where there isn't a chance of someone trying to arrest him.

He listens to what you say you need at the moment. If you need space and rest, he will happily oblige but if you feel better with his comfort, he'll lay down next to you and wraps an arm around you from behind, snuggling close to you.

Blade has a satisfied smile on his face when he finds you in a peaceful sleep despite your symptoms or pain. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, careful not to wake you. He feels you snuggle closer to him in your sleep and it makes his heart flutter to find a smile on your face.

If he feels like you might need to eat or might be hungry when you wake up, he pays someone to bring you a nice (and suitable) meal to your doorstep. When you wake up, he asks you how you are feeling and tells you that he hopes you had a nice rest while nuzzling your cheek. "I got you lunch", he says softly and exactly in that moment the door to your room opens and you get your meal.

He assists you with whatever tasks may fall on your plate if you're ready to accept his help. He makes sure the other Stellaron Hunters go easy on you and don't give you any tasks that you feel you might not be able to handle on days where your illness flares up.

If you sent him a text message saying you're not feeling well and need his comfort at the moment, he'd literally drop everything to be by your side.

Blade has lived for a long time and he has seen quite a few cases of chronic illness so he's fairly adapt at being there for you. He's worried about you sometimes but he also knows you're living with chronic illness every day, so you know best what helps you and he trusts that you will take good care of things and reach out to him when you need him.

If you need a distraction, he'll be happy to read to you or play a board game with you or take a walk etc.; whatever you feel up to in the moment!

Sampo is super worried about you at first when you tell him you have a chronic illness because he's super inexperienced with the topic and has no idea what to do whatsoever. So he asks you what that means for you and what exactly your illness is, but there's definitely unrest in his voice.

With time, he fusses over you less and learns to correct some of the worst case scenarios in his head when you told him about it. Sometimes you need to bonk him with a "Sampo, I'm not dying" reminder but he's getting there.

Of course he could look up your condition in books and inform himself about it properly like Blade, but this idea does not occur to him. Instead, if you tell him that you're feeling under the weather, he just like,,,, gets everything, just to be sure. He reassures you that with Natasha around, you'll be in good hands and he promises to her not to try and scam her anymore so long as she takes good care of his love.

You text him that you're not feeling well and that your illness is flaring up and two hours later Sampo enters your home with four comically large bags. "Hey love, I'm home", he calls out to you, "I didn't know what you needed, so I got everything to be sure."

And he really did get everything. You rummage through the bags and raise an eyebrow at him like: "Sampo, what in the name of the Aeons is all this stuff?" There's 3 additional blankets, a hot water bottle, several over-the-counter medications, a couple of prescription meds that Sampo swears he "actually had a prescription for, don't worry about where I got them", healing crystals which he knows are "probably a scam, but there's no harm in trying and they compliment your eyes"; herbs, soup and medical equipment.

A lot of it has actually 0 to do with your condition but he wasn't 100% sure, so he just brought it. You may not need a humidifier, but you own one now.

The highlight is when he says "hold up, there's one more thing", exits your place and comes back a minute later with an entire echocardiac machine. You might not even have a heart condition. "Sampo...what- did you steal that?", you raise an eyebrow. "I found it and thought it might be useful, so I borrowed it", he says and kisses you to distract you from the topic.

Needless to say from that day on you only send him out with a shopping list and tell him to only explicitly get what you told him you need.

If you ever have any heart symptoms he's like "See? This is why we have the echo machine." "Did you learn literally anything?", you shake your head and sigh.

Sampo may not be the most adapt at handling your chronic illness, but he's got the spirit and Natasha is willing to explain things to him as well.

Regardless of how you're feeling, Sampo always manages to make you smile at the end of the day.

When you need rest he's more than happy to cuddle you and spoil you. He'd wrap you in a blanket and repeatedly kisses your temple, whispering to you that he loves you. "Don't worry", he speaks softly and kisses your forehead, "Sampo Koski will always be here for you. I'm sure you'll feel better soon. At least you don't have a Stellaron in your body." "What's a Stellaron?" "Don't worry about it."

Overall, he's confused but he's very dedicated.

[halimpark7]

I came through my dress. It was too short and I don't have a 6 pack right now to pad my self-esteem.

I felt embarrassed, fat, ashamed, that I walked around Los Angeles for idk how long, with a cum stain on the back of my dress of where my pussy would sit and spill juices through my panties.

..........

I hide from embarrassment. I'm open about almost everything.

..........

After so many stalkers/surveillance/gang stalking/bullying. I am open with my private life and my public life. it's one in the same. If I'm naked on my phone, I'm naked in other places.

I'm not sure if it's for everyone but I've always been this way. You're less crazy if you don't hide things.

.....

I don't want to do onlyfans, I'm not interested in sex work, I use my body and life to reach my personal and professional goals. Be the best me (my thing of the moment).

I had slut jobs in the past and they only took from me. More money than they gave. It was painful, humiliating. I starved, people laughed at us. I didn't know how to stop being crazy.

I am more humiliated that I couldn't stick up for my friend, that I've never learned how to be a friend.

I am less concerned for myself. I walked around with cum on my dress and I live in a van.

......

I really don't want to go to hell. My childhood was very painful. No one loved me, everyone used everyone. And I had to change who I was if I wanted any money from my parents.

..........

Today, I try to face things with as much of me as I can.

Did I want to eat dinner ? No, but Mike asked me to and gave me money to.

............

It's much easier to "save money" and not do the hard thing of loving yourself.

Neglecting, apathy, depression kitty, they all feel good. It feels comfortable to slowly die.

Don't believe me?.... Let me prove you wrong.

Where are you settling? That's your slow death and you like it, too. It's "comfortable" " easy" "it's what your parents did".

It's programming.

.........

My idea of hell is different than others. I remember like 4 of my past lives. I was tortured and sexually abused in an asylum in one, was a whore in another, a murderer, and a crazy performance artist in my last one.

I don't know if I ever had children. Today, I guess it's a goal of mine. I had to grow up and understand love, first.

I've never understood love.

...........

I've understood lust, I've known flattery, people pleasing, lying, and narcissism. But love, real love, feels different.

It feels like free work. Volunteering for someone or something you care about. Pushing yourself to excel.

If you've never been in love before. It's exhausting to learn. It's feels way better to lie and pretend love someone.

...........

Love,

It's always doing the right thing. Because you only want more good times and good things to come to you and your lover.

It's brushing your teeth and self care bc you want to be clean and so close to him, so close to her. Not about looks, but purity, so endless tantra can exist.

So we can all be there for each other. Providing, loving, fulfilling, Marathon sex.

It's like knowing there's going to be problems, probably a lot of them, but wanting to do anything so you can have your problems with them, rather than no problems, without them.

Money doesn't mean anything next to real love. It just means making it and spending it so you can make him happy.

It's about being so close that you'd wait over 10 years to have sex again, so you could do it with the right person. So you could feel like a virgin, so you could want to always be so connected, begging for him to stick it in. Crying to ride him. Please PLEASE can I fuck your dick. PLEASE. I need it.

I need you more than anything. I don't want anything, anything, anything, without you.

.................

And that's what love feels like. Effort. For someone very specific. Doing anything for that screaming orgasm.

..................

I'm too crazy for anyone else. And I'm mean.

What is the world and all the world's wealth, if you don't have real love?

You just have mosquitoes. Fleas. Parasites.

And when you're uncool or old or poor. No one cares. Not really. "Some friends you are."

......

Whenever I was bad. Abusive. Violent.

My parents didn't figure out how to love. They just stole from their kids, and everyone else they could so they could be "cool" and make money.

I was because I felt the urge to. I couldn't help myself. Something came over me, over my eyes and I was abusive. I was screaming.

Like I was a puppet to my parents black magic. They wanted me to fight with everyone. "I told you she's a burden." "You're crazy!"

I didn't understand that when your parents hate you, it's because they hate themselves.

Child abuse.

It's a treacherous road back to sanity. Gaslighting from childhood is so confusing.

And no one can teach you anything bc you don't trust anyone in order to listen.

You are everyone's enemy and your own biggest hater.

.....

Support me! Cashap-halimpark7 venmo HaLim-Park PayPal hapark7 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ytdn]

Finished Veilguard

so, I finished Dragon Age Veilguard having played all 3 previous games right before it (hence why I only started after christmas) and here's my thoughts having finished 5 minutes ago

SPOILERS AHEAD obviously

THINGS I LIKED

SOLAAAAAS. Like, he was the main reason I was excited for this game, how he got treated would be the make or break for me and I'm soooooooo happy that he was written with exactly the respect he deserved. He was proud, he was compassionate, he was a backstabbing dickhead, everything was perfect and I looked forward to every one of his talks with Rook. and I, being a solavellen truther for 8 years now naturally picked the change his mind ending and I got my reunion which is all I really wanted (I would have liked if it was longer but I understand its not solavellan simulator even if I want it to be)

GREY WARDENS I have loved them since Origins and I'm soooo glad they got a big focus along with the blight like in my heart that's what dragon age is all about (and naturally I rolled a Warden so it worked soooo well for me)

On that subject, I was very impressed with how well they integrated the Origins into the plot/dialogue like if I didn't know better I would say the story was written for an Elven Warden (it could be the case that its different for other faction/race combinations but idk)

They put soooo much effort into the character quests like its funny coming from just playing Inquisition where some characters have like a 5 minute character quest and others its an hour, here all 7 playable companions have fully realised multi part quests with bosses and everything

the gameplay is the most fun I've had in DA, sorry I don't like quasi-tactical gameplay so them committing to full action rpg is great for me

this is probably the best "presented" dragon age game and part of that is just because of the passing of time (and also showed me that I really haven't played any recent games except for BG3). There was 0 jankiness, the graphics were beautiful, the music is beautiful and the environments were really fun to run around in

the plot itself was extremely well paced, we didn't have the huge amount of downtime that Inquisition had, the shortness of Origins or the all-over-the-place-ness of DA2

THE LORE! I was so pleased seeing everything we'd speculated about was right :D

I liked pretty much all the companions with Davrin and Bellara being my standouts (Davrin especially bc I romanced him :D)

The whole end section from the Point of No Return was just... stunning. Like, I've never expected DA to have a good ending sequence - the siege of Denerim is laden with bugs, DA2's ending is dramatic on a character level but contrived as fuck, and DAI's ending is so sudden that everyone considers an expansion pack the real ending. Here though we got a 5 hour extravaganza of gauntlets, boss battles, and what I actually did not expect (see my thoughts later) actual character deaths that stuck. It was a complete mood whiplash and I loved it.

The Siege of Weisshaupt is getting a whole bullet point bc as setpieces go it was absolutely stunning, I really felt the panic and the terror fighting the blight and by the end of it I was shaking. Also Giant Ghil'inan face was hilarious.

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE

You know the line about characters written like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy? well uh if you want an example this is what a significant amount of the dialogue especially in character quests is. Like I was rolling my eyes at multiple points bc the script would just not! let characters get angry and stay angry! The worst was after Weisshaupt when I thought there was gonna be some good friction between Davrin and Lucanis and it was just. cut off. I wasn't expecting DA2 level of character friction (and that wouldn't be good anyway, I have my own problems with DA2's character system) but like. Inquisiton level would have been nice!

Specifically on Lucanis he was very disappointing as a character for me bc they introduced him as a guy with a demon stuck in him and they barely explored. Like the last guy we had with that issue was Anders and well. I was expecting more with Lucanis?

Emmrich was another character I liked but I wish they hadn't made his choice to become/not become a lich be about saving Manfred it felt like a cheap way to avoid the actual moral/ethical concerns.

There felt like a lot of punch pulling in quests with killing people. like I should have got the option for Lucanis to stab his cousin, and in Bellara's quest I groaned when we found out her brother wasn't evil really and all her stressing over having to kill him was for nothing. This is probably why I liked Davrin and (the final part anyway) Taash's character quests my favourite bc they did not pull the gruesome punches. And also why having to kill off two of your companions in the finale shocked me so much bc the game had lulled me into thinking they didn't have the balls.

Some of the "Outings" and "Conversations" felt like the worse parts of a genshin character quest like sorry you are wasting my time going on a date. please tell me your tragic backstory and fuck off thanks.

I'll have to look at what divergences are available but from my PoV the first time round the only "big" choices are Minrathous vs Treviso, how you treat Solas (and I assume you can change your mind on that in the end) and who dies in the finale. Now true, they've been decreasing the amount of choices ever since Origins but like it felt very obvious here especially with character quests, like I should have been able to get Lucanis to kill his cousin (can you tell I hate that guy). This does make me wonder about replay-ability overall.

EDIT: Oh yeah I wish we'd seen more of the Butcher bc that one conversation turned him into THE most interesting villain and its sad thats all we got

EDIT: something that bothered me in early game and I kind of forgot about but now remembered is how like. blase everyone is about the elven gods coming back and being evil? like thats a dozen levels of religious blasphemy there. and it was a real shame they didn't have any elves following them bc like. they should!

THINGS I AM NEUTRAL ABOUT

I am kind of sad there wasn't really a political plot here (like the Landsmeet or Wicked Eyes) but then again I hated Wicked Eyes so I'm not gonna miss it

The absence of the mage-templar conflict makes sense and I absolutely won't miss it but it is crazy playing this right after DA2 and DAI where its such a big part of the plot and people's characterization. Like there's a big inbuilt friction that just isnt there.

I never thought they'd kill off Davrin at Weisshaupt for obvious reasons but like I wish they'd given a better explanation that "blights weird now idk". Like I was genuinely expecting Razikale to pop up again bc Davrin hadn't killed him properly or something

villains were completely one dimensional psychopaths but again, DA has never been known for its good or interesting villains. They were more successful and fun than Corypheus anyway.

I was slightly annoyed that there wasn't an apostate that betrays you and then I realised that's Solas. Again.

I wish there'd been more cameos from previous games but again I understand why they would limit that bc its mostly fanservice. Also since I picked Treviso I assume I miss a lot of Dorian content with the Shadow Dragons.

Taash's storyline did have me rolling my eyes at various bits bc well, its pretty on the nose. But her voice actress is amazing and really sold it and her whole final quest made my cry buckets.

Varric felt a little boring for me for most of the story but then we got the reveal at the end and I was like huh. that makes sense.

so, thats my thought vomit immediately after playing, I will probably change my mind a bit after letting it settle but basically like every other DA game, its got good bits and bad bits. and I will admit that the final questline ups my rating of the game a LOT like before I would have given it a 6-7 but now I might even give it an 8. idk.

anyway now I can finally unmute the tags and see what people are discoursing about lmao.

[melodic-haze]

Lisa mentioned!!! I don't know much about the issue with her being flirty with the traveler and honestly, it sounds like people are nitpicking for something to complain about, but she's so cool!!

it sucks that the only thing people notice about Lisa are her looks (very pretty though) and flirtatious behavior when there's so much more to her! Not only is she the best Akademiya student they've had in the last 200 years, but she's also ridiculously strong. Varka wanted to make her a Captain right after Lisa joined, and it's stated that they would've been much stronger if she accepted that offer. Lisa has some of the coolest lore too and for some reason, no one talks about it??? She isn't even taking things seriously and she's already at this level of strength. She knew that she'd go crazy if she went down the path of pursuing knowledge no matter the cost, and a determined Lisa is NOT something that Teyvat would survive

For the other two that I definitely also agree with, I apologize if I get any of the lore wrong since I haven't done much of the Inazuma quests other than the main story (which was a while ago), but Kokomi, man!! Everyone was so hyped up when she first made her entrance, but then she suddenly just disappeared? In my opinion, the quest would've been cooler and had better lore if we spent more time with Kokomi than that Taipei (?) guy. No one talks about this either, but her ability to lead people is super impressive! Everyone doubted Kokomi when she first became the Divine Priestess since she was just a kid, but she proved them all wrong. Now, everyone trusts her and looks to her for help. Kokomi's skill as a leader is insane, and I really wish they did more with her lore 😭

Miko, man... No one talks about her unless it's to debate whether she's gay or manipulative!! She's only mentioned when people are talking about Eimiko and it sucks so much how seemingly no one sees how selfless and loyal she is. Miko was alone for 500 years!! I'm sure she had friends, but even those would only hurt her eventually since they would've passed away as well. The one person who experienced the same things, the one person who understood her, and the one person who she probably thought wouldn't abandon her like the others left her in her time of need without even saying goodbye. But Miko still waited! Even if she knew that there was a chance she'd never see Ei again, she was loyal enough to wait despite that. Miko gave up the very thing that gave Ei the authority of an archon without hesitation just for someone who had a chance to save Ei, the traveler. This is just my opinion, but I think Miko only really helped the people of Inazuma as much as she did as her way of preserving the eternity that her friend sacrificed so much for. She's so so kind and beautiful and loyal and selfless!! Whether you ship Eimiko or not, it's undeniable how Miko was such a good friend to Ei despite Ei not exactly reciprocating the same efforts.

Wow that is a lot of text. I am so sorry HAHAHAH 😭 There's no need to reply to this ask, I just saw you mention those three and wanted to ramble a bit hsjsh

Ik it's been a WHILE since this was talked about but I just wanted to 😊😊😊 put this out here BC YOU UNDERSTAND ME❗️❗️❗️ YOU UNDERSTAND ME SO HARD

DON'T WORRY ABOUT WRITING A LOT BTW FEEL FREE TO YAP ALL YOU WANT HERE HAHAHAHA I'M DOING THE SAME ANYWAY I just. Really love this specific trio :( I'm gonna cut this though cuz LOOOOONG ASS HELLL)LLL

Maybe I've just been on the wrong side of the fandom for long enough that I've seen complaints about Lisa and how she interacts with the Traveller ig (mostly due to the whole 'Traveller is a minor!!!!!' debate which......no energy is worth that age-old debate I'm ngl). SHE HAS SUCH INSANE BACKGROUND and so much of her is worth exploring????? Like I REALLY want them to go back to Mond and fully explore characters like her and Kaeya bc of how much they've got going on. While they're pretty, sure, there's so much more of interest beyond looks like it's actually WILD that Lisa has this much power despite her not visibly having some sort of indication she's blessed or has anything secret going on beyond her EXTREME capabilities

Not to mention tbh she seems like she'd be nice to have a nice nap with I'm gonna be real and put that out there 🤷‍♀️

IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE LORE DW IDK JACK SHIT PAST INAZUMA AHAHAHAHAH but omg??? No yeah they SHOULD have put her and Teppei under the spotlight for a bit more. I get they wanted to show Teppei and his easy closeness with the Traveller, but I do feel like seeing a genuine connection between a leader and her citizen, a strategist and her soldier, until the very end would have been so???? Like it shows how both sides are important to the other bc they're acc quite dependent, it'd show off a LOT more depth between them. BONUS if, like I've said before, Kokomi had a hidden sort of grey morality and/or she KNEW about the Delusions but turned a blind eye for the sake of winning. It would've put Watatsumi AND her character AND Teppei's in such a conflicting yet important light, showing how Inazuma' sinner conflict's actually fucking things up everywhere beyond just "lol haha foreign intervention bc funny lmao". Would Kokomi get bad rep? Maybe, but at least then people won't just disregard her as some one-bit chr that appeared in a fit of bubbles and did nothing else

You're ABSOLUTELY right in saying that she had her own selfish-sounding goal of keeping Inazuma basically upfloat. I'm not going to pretend that this woman's selfless as hell and would do anything and everything for her country cuz she won't unless Ei or a close friend (whom most, if not all, have died long ago) told her to. I saw an Eimiko poll in twt at one point where it was like "would Miko choose Inazuma or Ei" and NEAR EVERYONE chose Ei. On B side majority agreed that Ei would be the complete opposite which. Is REALLY sad but MY POINT IS!!! She chooses to live by her instincts, to base her decisions and devotions to what she knows and what she adores bc she had No Choice but to basically grow up like that. With that in mind, she could have EASILY shirked her responsibilities and went on to live with amusement as the Only focus she has, but instead she actually chooses to devote herself to the role her best friend relied on her for. She is so??? Absolutely devoted and beautiful in the soul I love her so bad and she's such a lonely being :(((((((( I NEED TO KISS HER I LOVE YOU MIKO

I just. I really want and need them to be talked about more man :( they deserve so much attention compared to whatever they're getting rn 😞

[impathearted]

ok feels weird for me to articulate this without just catching up on riptide and then talking on it bc i'm worried im over reading into it or making incorrect assumptions without potential further context

but i'm on episode 41 and it's hitting me like a fucking bus so i wanna at least post it for my own records or something idk

with ollie i feel like ik it can be interpreted as kinda silly of like oh haha teenager we accidentally kidnapped a second time that now lives on our ship haha i feel like there's a horror element to that on a story level? of like this haha silly side character archetype that is then affected by the direct actions of a main character who was fulfilling their flaw who is then forced to go from adolescence to young adult hood literally overnight. is terrified and scared bc his entire body changed and he's been terrified and scared already for months.

he has no say in where he is or what he's doing, he's not consulted for any decisions that could affect their wellbeing because he is a child and he is the silly side character. he is brought from that background silly voice - insane character idea space to this "i am going through the horrors and it is your fault" role.

and it's horrifying! because chip is aware of his role in that and this humanizes ollie to such a degree for him that he suddenly realizes that this kid does NOT want to be here. that because he did want to be on a ship as a child, he has this innate reaction that everyone would want that. he never even questions until that moment that not wanting to be ON a ship was an option.

and i feel such dread in my stomach at the idea of like. imagining im a 15 year old boy who is upset with my mom and i go hide on a ship thinking it'll just annoy her or start another fight. that i will go home tonight. that i will see her over dinner and we would be mad at each other but at the very least we would still be in the same room! and then to in such a short amount of time, be out at sea with a stranger more than twice my age, who is going through an entire identity crisis and was a part of the occupying military force in my town and is now declaring he is a fucking pirate.

this loud, enthusiastic man who is kind but unempathetic to my situation. who is now the only person in your life and who i suddenly have to rely on for survival in a life i've literally never even considered before. to be dragged into the mess that is desire island. to then be kidnapped and be threatened directly with death. to have everyone directly be honest that it was a dangerous situation. its not my mother sugar coating rough things to keep me from being worried.

its being dunged into the deep end socially. i'm dismissed because i am a child but i am not treated as a child. i am infantilized but not respected.

and then suddenly the only person who's actually made an effort to get to know me, falls into his own personal cycle of destruction and i get a little to close.

to imagine being reassured that you just need to help, that this one person who you feel remotely any form of comfort is asking you to just help him and hide this weird compass you don't know shit about besides that it will show you the thing you desire most. to not understand that everytime you look at it, it is changing you. it is altering who you are fundamentally.

to go from that child to that adult with no transition. that would be fucking terrifying. hes already doing it socially but then is forced to do it physically. this child has gotten literally zero choice and has now had every autonomy he ever possessed stripped of him.

[fairlyxlocal]

i haven't slept enough to know whats going on anymore lets do this. sorry idk how to shut the fuck up

NAME? : Dean (n or nyx is cool too idc)

PRONOUNS? : they/zir

MOST ACTIVE MUSES? : on this blog, pandora, genesis, and zack. cloud is like on a leash but i'm yanking him back. i'm tired. i have an oc (mostly oc) blog and i have this little bastard tanuki that's probably the most active overall.

EXPERIENCE/HOW MANY YEARS? : writing wise, since i was like 13? but i was the kid playing warrior cats on the playground. don't @ me

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT? : i am selective about smut and will take 200+ years to reply, randomly get so physically repulsed i never want to do it again. it's like an impulsive decision and i just cannot do it most of the time LMAO sorry. fluff is nice. idk maybe i'm boring basic as shit but slice of life is pretty enjoyable. angst doesn't really do anything for me anymore? it's just... a thing.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES? : haha,,,, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i physically cannot start with long stuff, unless i'm doing a generalized open (and i rarely do those bc the idea of putting in that effort and it just having 0 notes forever is a Curse) -- i start short and kinda vague unless plotted? but i can get REALLY long and rambly. unfortunately like 90% of my genesis threads are a good example of that. in most cases (genesis excluded) long replies take me forever.

PET PEEVES? : lack of communication, i think is the biggest. if i'm doing something that's making you uncomfortable or you feel like i'm pushing something, you gotta tell me directly. like i'm not saying i'm autistic bc i think it sounds nice, if you don't directly tell me, i do not know. i will not know. i will keep doing xyz thing until i am corrected. until you tell me there is a conflict with your mouth, i will assume there isn't any. i've been hypervigilant in my real world life my whole life, i cannot do it in a space where i can't even understand what a "omg" response means contextually. i can't guess feelings and man i'm so tired. uh that's the only major thing that's happened to me as a writer on tumblr <3 please communicate with me. i'm a bundle of anxiety but i'm happy to communicate and work things out. (much less of a deal now, but... following me based on a faceclaim, somehow avoiding all of my muse information/threads and being surprised that i'm not writing Stiles Stilinski or Alice from Twilight -- actual examples)

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE? : unfortunately, yeah. not even the one you're probably thinking. cloud is my first thought, we have the same mental illnesses <3 i can joke about it all i want, cptsd with the associated did/dpdr, depressed, autistic -- i have thought so much about the similarities and there's so much comfort with him but also like that risk of vulnerability. genesis as well, autistic theater kid with an obsession with a piece of literature (genesis' is more respectable), trying to find purpose within prose and trying to find place in the world. wanting to be wanted, wanting to be loved after being neglected. middle child. mental illness and other fun body/brain issues. sometimes i write canon muses bc i have ideas, sometimes bc i relate? and yeah there's a level of putting yourself in them, there always is! but genesis and cloud specifically are very similar to me without like... me doing too much. i'd say ocs again but i don't really put much of myself into ocs. with canon muses, it's.. already there. deku from MHA is another good example, but like @xplosionbomb is the only one who can back that i am just deku irl. oh ig everyone is pretty queer in some form or another, and usually mixed.

TIME TO WRITE?: yes. depends. i'm disabled, chronically ill, i work full time and i'm a college student. if the stars aren't aligned, it's not happening. i hyperfixate pretty bad too. i like writing!!! i will be SO FAST or like. 3 months later... it varies. either i'm audhd or just severely autistic, jury's still out LMAOOO so it's kinda like. i dunno. when it happens it happens. i'm trying to get back into other hobbies though!

tagged by : @escortingsecrets im sorry if i tagged the wrong blog im not sure ahts going on

tagging : come back with a warrant (you aren't obligated but!! if you want to, @warofthebeasts @annjiru @sacredflorist @geraniumplant )

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3799

good lord.

the last, like, 36 hours have been so fucking stressful.

tw: friendship problems, toxic friendship. end marked by a meme or something.

i have had a fandom friend for about two years. she's been sweet and fun and silly and good to talk to, but any time i have taken more than 20 hours to reply, she has some at me accusing me of abandoning her when i reply. so i have had to spend many days in the last two years stressing over how to reply so she believes me that i have been just BUSY and not ignoring her or abandoning her.

this has happened multiple times. everyone i have spoken to about it has told me to block her. i have always given her another chance to be kinder and more understanding while resolving to be more communicative. i have done so. but this was my last straw.

i have done my absolute level best to be kind, respectful, and pacifying in my responses to not set her off again. but she's taken my words and actions in bad faith time and time again and i got tired of it.

so this time i told her point blank a few things, like i have done nothing wrong, she has impossible standards (of wanting to talk to me every single day and never going more than a day without messages), she should get therapy, and that i am capable of and allowed to feel more than one feeling at a time (just because i went to bed happy doesn't mean i'm not fucking upset about losing a friend).

but i told her that her needs and my abilities didn't match. i would not be able to live up to what she needed from our friendship.

i have spent HOURS crying about losing her as a friend. HOURS. time i will not get back. effort i will not get back. and while im happy i got to be her friend, i wish she believed me.

i've had to block her on all of the platforms where she and i were connected. if she gets better and owns her own shortcomings, separation anxiety, and abandonment issues, she can contact me somehow. until then, it's not my responsibility to worry about.

and yeah, i'm fucking sad.

but i still wish the best for her. and she's a good person, but she needs to get help. she's been toxic for me. i don't use that word lightly. but us not being friends is probably for the best for both of us. (the good news is that she's been making more friends recently, so her ditching me because i wasn't capable of living up to her needs won't leave her friendless. and that's good, because i know she worries about that.)

so. that's been most of the last day and a half for me.

anyway, after dealing with that, joel and i spent the day playing arkham horror. we finished the campaign we've been working on for a while, and it was both exhausting and frustrating because joel's character was defeated during either two of or all three of the scenarios we played today. my character was NOT built for fighting, so being the only investigator left and getting all the enemies on me at once did not work well lmao

also tmi here lmao

but also today, i have been feeling pressure on my bladder ALL DAY. i've felt like i've needed to pee but i haven't peed much when i've gone. and i started bleeding today, but it's not like a normal period bc the blood is all fresh, so i'm super concerned that my IUD has gotten dislocated?? which could potentially be reeeally bad 😅 so i gotta go to the doctor and check with some imaging that it's in the right place. i hope they can get me in tomorrow or sometime this week/weekend.

done tmi lol

and joel and i went out this evening after finishing our games and went in search of card sleeves, chips and dip, and dinner. we were successful in our endeavors, and we came back around 10:45. joel requested i wrap the gifts he got for our friends and i very happily sat and wrapped a bunch of gifts. i did GREAT. really proud of two of them. it's pretty impressive, i gotta say.

and now joel and i are in bed. my heart is still sad but my shoulders are lighter. gifts are wrapped, i've got one thing to worry about, and that's about it because my insurance will pay for my doctors appointments.

and i did talk to leo today on and off - his shift was today, so i talked to him while he was there a tiny bit and then after he left. man's horny on main and i fully understand lmao

so that's been my day. i'm so tired.

[theflyingfeeling]

random thoughts and highlights about the gig at Tapiola Festivaali today 🖤

first fucking row 😭

so idk if it was that that made the show feel exceptionally good, and I find it difficult to rank the BC shows I've been to in any order of excellence, but I'd say this one would go pretty high on that list; their energy was unmatchable and, as always at BC gigs, I truly had the best fun I've ever had 🥺

(which is why I'm still a little dumbfounded and emptyheaded and will probably spend the entire tomorrow crying because I miss them so much and have no idea when I'm gonna see them again jdkdkfjkfkfkf can't they just drop some tour dates for next year soon or at least the "big show" they keep teasing us about so I can experience the serotonin boost of buying another BC concert ticket and have something to look forward to in my sad little life ahaha)

but yeah anyway I am so fucking horny for Aleksi y'all. Wanting him carnally was NOT on my bingo card for this year but here we are 🪦

like. He' just so confident and booby. You know? Cocky bastard. I'd let him *** inside.

@ss4nni caught his stick and we all got to hold and gawk at it. I may have even licked it a little (siis for real sillon kun mukamas nuolasin sitä ni mun kieli oikeesti koski sitä vahingossa lol sori Sanni 🙈)

(too Finnish didn’t understand: I pretended to lick it for the lols but accidentally licked it a little for real. Please pray for me to regain my sanity one of these days)

I definitely am may be a little delusional about a bunch of stuff but I feel like I made eye-contact with Olli one time and then another time when I was doing a little thigh exercise for Left Outside Alone (just pumping up and down instead of just squatting lol ain't just some random dudes gonna tell me what to do)

I waved at Aleksi one time when he came over because yes that's how desperate I was for an interaction with him and he mercifully acknowlwdged my efforts by looking at me and giving me the tiniest nod. So yeah I think I'll name our first-born son Tapio & y'all are invited to the christening 🥰

(unrelated to BC but Abreu performed before them and she winked at me because I'm hot stuff 😌)

got to witness many many many cute Olli/Allu moments (mostly touches) with my bare eyeballs, I feel so blessed and nourished I think I'll live on this for the rest of the year 💗 (she says, knowing very well she will indeed be sobbing her eyes off tomorrow and the whole next week most likely)

I think they all were genuinely impressed by the audience's energy (or at least the first row was fucking fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥) and I know they praise the audience at every show but I'm still gonna go ahead and take their every sweet word as a personal compliment <3

I loved seeing Niko so much? He's a tiny guy and loves crouching so it's not always easy to see him from farther away lol and he was wearing sunglasses the entire show (it was cloudy) but behind the glasses I like to believe he looked at me/us many many times Niko Niko Niko I love Niko 🥰

And Joel was so happy too 😭 happy Joel = happy me, automatically and every time, I need to know when I get to make him happy again by going to see their show, he deserves it and I deserve it 😭😭😭

So yeah, once again BC did what was said on the can: made me forget all about my pathetic little problems and I kinda need that in order to survive so if you need me I shall be refreshing their social media like a junkie asking random passers-by if they happen to have any speed on them, eyes red and visibly shaking because that's how bad I need my next fix

Many many thanks to everyone who hung out and came to say hi!! You all are some of the best people I know, I don't know how you tolerate me or if you even do lol but I'm always laughing so much when I'm with you and I'll miss you guys as much as I'll miss BC 💕💖💕💗💓💞💖

[tempenensis]

hello, i just wanted to say i discovered your blog recently and i love it so much. i’m studying Japanese (i’m at a very amateur lvl) bc i really want to be able to understand manga in its proper context and nuance. as well as be able to read all the extra contents. bc i noticed in JJK fandom there really isn’t a lot of translators around (there’s 2 or 3 i can think of). and i keep wondering why that is, and i wanted to know your opinion about it?

i’m asking bc after reading your blog i got the sense that your passion for JJK deteriorated over time… and i also noticed some other Japanese users who had JJK fan accounts abandon them. personally i think Akutami is a great writer and still delivering exciting chapters, so i don’t think it’s bc of the story.

is it bc of the fans? i know i have been really tired of them on the non-Japanese side. when i told someone how off-putting s/t/s/g shippers are to Japanese JJK fans she wouldn’t believe me and got really hostile. but my gut feeling is like what you’ve shared on your blog. that their (Japanese fans) general feeling is that the behavior from them is too wild. still, she told me she would go ask a Japanese person herself lol…

sorry to bring something negative to your inbox. it’s hard for me to find other JJK fans online who aren’t like that. so i wanted to msg someone who maybe has similar feelings to me.

anyways thank you again for your blog and translations, i hope you have a good day and i hope JJK can be a sincerely enjoyable thing for you again.

Hi, anon.

i noticed in JJK fandom there really isn’t a lot of translators around (there’s 2 or 3 i can think of)

Yeah. Firstly, we actually have official english release now, which is nice, but it means that there's less need for fan translation of each chapter weekly. Another might be because jjk is harder to translate compared to other manga, with its convoluted explanations. there's also an incident where a "neutral" translator getting harassed by the shipping fandom. I don't think anyone doing translation want that particular drama.

your passion for JJK deteriorated over time

For me, any manga is usually more of a fancy fleeting interest. But I somehow I got too attached to jjk lol. My actual interest is gacha games. But I've been following jjk since 2019, even before the announcement for the 1st season of the anime - which means it's been 4 years for me in this fandom. Honestly the fandom only got very bad that I can't stand it the last year. Burned out with added bad fandom makes me less motivated taking care this blog, but I promise I'll try to keep some effort for this blog until the last chapter of the manga. Keeping my distance from the fandom is my way to keep up my interest now, ironically

Like I said in a few posts before this, there's no help for that side of fandom. I'm really too tired to care about them. Best we can do is block and ignore it. At least fix the behavior regarding leaks

[seelestia]

Congratulations for the RESULTS YEAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! YOU DID ITTT!!!! GOOD LUCK FOR THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR LIFE!!

Since I'll be taking it(spm) this year with so little amount of time for preparation, I don't know anymore, especially a lot of things in life have been.. hueh.. I don't know if I'm ready for it, my first exam results for this year, yes good, but I am still not sure of everything, myself mainly.

Sorry for rambling, huwa, I'm so nervous it makes me want to escape school but in order to do that I need to go through that big thing first..! And I'm really sorry, but do you have any study tips? Preparation tips or any other tips for spm? I'd really appreciate them!

(and it's so nice I can have someone to talk about this, thank youuuu!!)

(oh and sorry if I talk too much about it, maybe I'm bringing some bad memories, I'm sorry)

THANK U !!! graduating from highschool has been the biggest relief i've ever felt... i still have more in store for me in the future but at least, that's one gone :') can't wait for u to get thru it too! just hold on a little longer T_T

also, it's ok to worry abt the future! i do that too and it's inevitable - but make sure it doesn't prevent u from staying stagnant in the present. ur future is a result of ur present and luckily, we are all in control of our present so u still have time. make the most of it, i believe in u! 🤍

this feels a little funny to write, but i do have tips! here are some of em:

identify, maintain & improve. in order to get a good grip over all ur subjects, u need to identify which subjects u do well / excel at and which ones u struggle with. evidently, u'll have to direct more efforts towards the latter - but make sure to keep maintaining subjects u do good/average at! as an example, i struggled with math so i focused more on doing more math exercises (which thank god, paid off 😵‍💫).

write ur own notes and by that, i mean: write notes in ur own way! there is no 'correct' way to make notes imo. don't pressure urself to make ur notes look 'pretty' or 'aesthetic' (but ofc if u want to or it makes writing notes fun for u, go ahead!). after all, we make notes to help us understand and simplify complicated stuff (it's giving catabolism /j) !! extra tip: i always add commentary to my notes so i laugh & rmbr them better. e.g. i was making notes abt the types of white blood cells once and i scribbled “we owe it all to u queens" LOL.

use ur free time well. if ur someone who already has a set schedule, all the better! but if ur like me and prefer a more 'free' style, i suggest allocate a tiny bit of ur free time like 15-30 minutes a day to do exercises for one subject. just a little smth to keep ur brain gears turning amidst it all!

ur efforts have to be more than ur teachers. if u really want to excel, u have to do beyond what ur teachers give bcs they only provide u the tools to success. if u want to get there, then u gotta pave the way urself! to put it practically, u can finish the hw ur teacher gave u and do more exercises after that to help sharpen ur understanding more. so, it's kinda like voluntarily giving urself more hw! i'd tie this to the point above bcs that one technically counts as giving urself hw but in a chill way ^^^

lastly, this is less general and more applicable to just spm (i think? i've yet to do my research on education systems in other countries) so i'll use some native language here - tgk soalan exam tahun yg lepas² !!! so u'll familiarize urself with how those yg menggubal soalan make the real deal. doing trial papers & more is the way to go ><

[nonhumanwithin]

hey mod, i am having a uniquely fictionkin problem. ive never been in any 'kin drama' so i am hesitant to give this issue any weight. so basically, my best friend keeps claiming characters that are close to my kintypes as his kintypes and its freaking me out!

logically, i know that A. he is super oblivious when it comes to my feelings (and oblivious in general), B. kintypes are involuntary and he cant help how he feels, C. im a very skeptical and paranoid person. but this is like the fifth or sixth time and i am creeped out!

the last time he said he was a person i have complicated feelings about, i got pretty upset. i usually try to keep it to myself but this time i told him, bc i felt it was obvious how i feel bc i talk about said person. i guess it wasnt, because he just kinda looked surprised and clueless and said he had no idea that i felt that way about that character. and i also got confused and stopped being upset, because how can i be when he didnt know? i dont know.

and the other thing is, his kin experience is intensely fluid. he has few permanent kintypes, he'll say he is one character then say hes not the next year. i dont think theres anything wrong with not knowing who you are yet, but in this context its fuelling my paranoia. theres kintypes on his list that dont have anything to do with me at all, so im not sure.

i think im influencing him somehow? like maybe this is his subconconscious effort to get closer to me? i guess another person would be comforted or flattered, but it makes me nervous and flighty. my friend tried to say that he was thinking he might be [character who is my daughter in kincanon] and i straight up ignored him. i glossed over it because how the fuck am i supposed to react??? im feeling prickly and paranoid that one day he will try to say he is [character who is my wife] and i'll. probably blow up. but making up scenarios to get mad at in my head isnt any good.

i dont know, i dont think hes doing this on purpose. its just CREEPY. please, do you have any advice for me? am i being hysterical? am i imagining problems where none exist? im struggling to not make HIS kin journey about me, but its difficult when so many coincidences keep popping up.

Firstly I wanted to say I've never had to deal with an issue like this with fictionkin, so feel free to ask around some more or maybe someone with more advice could respond to this post!

I don't think you're overreacting, for what it's worth. Even if it is just coincidence, I think it's pretty normal to connect the dots when it keeps happening. You're right to question it, imo.

You know your friend a lot better than I do but to me, it does sound like he is likely being passively influenced by your kintypes. He's probably going through a time in his life where his identity is very volatile and easily molded by changes in his environment. I don't know how old he is but it's very common for younger people to go through phases like that, especially those with mental disorders or trauma. I would know, I was exactly that way as a teenager and young adult lol. I can't blame him for that, but if you are uncomfortable with him suddenly claiming kintypes that are connected to yours, I can understand why.

Maybe you could try talking to him about all of this? Maybe seeing his perspective will help, or maybe him seeing your perspective will help him realize something about himself. Not calling him out but just having a discussion, seeing what's up. You could express that it makes you uncomfortable, and maybe find some kind of solution or compromise. He may not be able to control his kintypes, but he could talk about certain ones less around you if it weirds you out. Or perhaps seeing your discomfort with the connected kintypes will switch that subconscious influence to not have those kintypes as often anymore.

Your discomfort is valid and you are allowed to have boundaries even if they seem silly on paper. Your fictionkin identity can be a very vulnerable part of you and it's understandable to be a little sensitive about it. There's nothing wrong with that :) You can still respect his identity even when establishing boundaries to make yourself more comfortable.

[rayanlovestaylor]

btw me continuing to post & rb taylor content doesn't mean i ignore or am unaffected by the silence on g*za </3 and no, i don't "hate" her, no i don't have some belief she can end a g*noc*de with a snap of her fingers, no i dont wanna fight w ppl about it lmao. as a lebanese american, people i care about not finding it necessary to acknowledge our pain & show solidarity with grieving fans all over the world, hurts me. the only reason i care is bc i do love taylor. i've looked up to her for half of my life – she's brought me so much joy, some of the best memories i'll ever make, articulated so many growing pains and complicated feelings of mine, and inspired my own writing. that doesn't just go away, and i dont want it to ! i still engage with media that makes me happy during tough times. but it should be okay for me & others to still want to hear even the tiniest something to show that she hears us. not just as an artist/entertainer, but fellow human. i dont think she's a z*onist or a bad person – it doesn't align with anything i've learned about her character over the years she's chosen to share the innermost parts of herself with us. i dont think it's about money or followers, like pls there wouldn't & couldn't be a dent, and i think she's smart enough to know that. yes i hear the safety thing, it was my first thought 8 months ago... but now, there's been so much time to navigate any & all concerns, to ask questions, to get informed, to find other sources/on-the-ground journalists/grassroots efforts to uplift, and to craft a public statement that takes all that into account but unequivocally condemns the g*n*c*de. yes, she's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't – 'tis the tide of her entire career. so if that's the case, why not stand with what's right? if people are going to scrutinize and misrepresent anyway? might as well show them where your heart truly lies. especially when there is time and energy put into responses like the gaga comment... we got bigger fish to fry ! n e ways. this is more for me than anyone else, to express my utter confusion bc i just don't understand :( no matter how hard i've tried.

[izloveshorses]

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

omg i have so many of these it's embarrassing!!! i can't remember what i've shared on here but.... i want a dimya rogue one au so so so bad.

listen. it would only appeal to Me. the overlap is so narrow lol. but god.... god it would hit. i think i wrote a tentative outline of what it would entail but never wrote out any of the prose and idk if i want to put in the effort, frankly bc writing in the star wars universe is a little daunting asjdhfk. i think there are like some minor details that i'm struggling to make work in my mind and then i start to think i'm just forcing an idea only i would be interested in reading. but overall... it would work.

anya would be the daughter of a former senator and she witnesses her parents getting taken away when she's very young for reasons she doesn't understand, and then she hides with her grandmother (who plays the saw gerrera role in this), but then eventually ends up alone and fighting for herself on the streets. dmitry would have to be a bit of a blend of han and cassian i think-- he's got the cold detachment and self hatred that cassian does (<3) but he is also a silly goose, so. han. he was a smuggler/forger but then was recruited and now works for rebel intelligence, his father was a separatist. he doesn't follow protocol very well but he gets his work done so they tolerate him lol. and vlad would play the role of k2so <3 and gleb is of course krennic/space javert, a middle management officer with a new promotion

i think to me why i want this to work so bad is bc, thematically, what these stories say about identity and purpose are so similar. jyn and anya are both so scrappy and desperate for something to hope for, i feel like that would mesh well. and their stories are so tied to the concept of identity and home (!!!!!!), the scene at the end where krennic (gleb) asks her, after encountering her so many times, and jyn (anya) stands taller and embraces her name,,,, it's so similar to the still/neva flows reprise it makes me so crazy !!!!!!

and god, the romance. two people who are very lost and have lost Everything,,,, somehow find each other. and though they are typically slow to trust and are used to betrayal they meet each other and it's just like. they know they can trust this person, somehow. "trust goes both ways." and don't even get me started on the "I'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad." "Welcome home." exchange,,, i will go crazy. and they inspire each other to be better and there's that spark of hope again and for once they're not surviving they're actually living with purpose again.... it's so good. it's so dimya, thematically. "the mirror hurts" etc etc. and on a less serious note there's the complete disregard of personal space, the mindless and comfy touching, the arguing, and the height difference. it's got everything you could ask for.

so this is the fic i want... so bad. but it's been so many years since i originally had the thought and idk if i'm brave enough to venture into the star wars lore lol so idk if it will ever happen. but know this: it would be so good!!!!!