#i've been doing great waiting every month for an update but knowing it's one week away

[originalaccountname]

that one interview

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Equinox (Falk Maria Schlegel x Fem! Reader) FLUFF

Hello hello! I wanted to write something quick and fluffy just to kind of get back into the swing of writing, so who better to do that with me than my favorite scrungly guy. I will also say, now that seeing him face to face, I write Falk a little differently, so hopefully you enjoy the slight changes I've made to his character. More of a bigger posting update will be coming soon, thank you for reading!!

WARNINGS: None

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The hallways were abuzz with an unusual rush of energy as you made your way down to the library. You set off to your usual morning tasks: reshelving books, organizing the checkout logs, and doing some light dusting. You stumbled across a group of girls excitedly looking out the windows at the front gates. They call your name when you come into view, one of them jogging over to you, taking your hand, and tugging you in their direction. “I'm surprised you're not down there waiting,” one of them giggles when she notices the confused expression passing over your features, “someone doesn't know what day it is.” She follows up in a sing-song tone.

“What do you mean I don't know what day it is? It's the twenty… first…” Your heart begins to pound in your chest as you state the date out loud. 

“Mhm.” She draws out her hum, giving you a playful smirk. 

“I, um… excuse me, ladies, there's something I forgot to handle.” You respond with a bashful chuckle before slipping away. “I am such an idiot!” you exclaim to yourself. You jog down the hallway. Hopefully, there weren't too many people down at the front gate. You had been waiting for them… for him to come home for weeks.

The Autumnal Equinox was always a bit hectic around The Abbey. Sabbats always tended to get everyone a little too rowdy, and this time would be no different. You heard shouts from the kitchen and orders to make sure all the chefs had enough prep for the special meal The Abbey prepares for the Siblings every holiday. The Great Hall doors were open, and last-minute decorations were meticulously placed around the room. It seems like everyone is putting in their best effort to make the celebration of the Equinox something special.

However, you couldn't have been less concerned with the party if you tried. There had been only one thought in your head about seeing him again for weeks. The members of the High Clergy had been traveling to spread the word of the church for the past couple of months, which shouldn't have affected you and your role in the library. But, it got awfully lonely while they were away. You had your friends around The Abbey, of course, and the rest of the Siblings that resided here were all kind and wonderful people, but something was still missing.

You managed to get to the gates just in time to see them heading up the long stone driveway to The Abbey’s entrance. You wiped your hands down the front of your habit, your palms growing clammy as your eyes landed on Falk, a smile on his face as he talked with Attila. His gaze turns to you, his long strides gradually slowing to a stop as his eyes meet yours. His grin softens, a fond expression settling over his features as he studies the image of you standing before him. He claps Attila on the shoulder before parting from the other man, adjusting the strap of his bag where it had twisted before starting in your direction. He stops a few steps in front of you, both of you memorizing the image of the other all over again as you both struggle to find the right words to say. You can't help but smile slightly as you study his features. You hadn't realized how much you missed getting to see his face every day until right this moment: warm golden brown eyes that captivated you yet put you entirely at ease, the subtle sharpness of his smile that never failed to make your heart race, the slight shadow of stubble that covered the lower half of his face, you missed all of it. “How are you?” He finally speaks, snapping you from your trance-like state.

“Good,” you suck in a deep breath to steady your pulse, “better now that you're home safely.” Falk breathes out a flustered chuckle at your response.

“Well, I had to make it back to my favorite Mäuschen, didn't I?” His hand comes to rest on the top of your head, gently patting your hair. Your heart pounded as you glanced up at him through your lashes. He removes his hand from your head, his fingers gently combing through your hair to push some loose strands behind your ear. His hand grazes over your skin, coming to rest on your cheek.

“Father Falk?” Your voice trembled slightly as you spoke, the words bubbling up in your throat as you struggled to tear your eyes away from his. “I, um…” The warmth of Falk’s hand leaves your cheek at the sudden shout of his name, a group of Siblings barreling out of The Abbey doors now that someone has alerted them that the High Clergy had returned home.

“You, what, Maus?” he asks in a low tone. The intimacy of how he leaned in to speak to you, to ensure you knew that you had his full attention, sent a shiver down your spine.

“I'm just really happy you're home, Father.” You tried to muster your most convincing smile, but Falk saw through whatever façade you attempted to put on. As the crowd approaches, you attempt to slip off, only for Falk to catch your hand in his.

“You can stay, you know.” He remarks, offering you a patient smile.

“I'm afraid I’d probably just get in the way,” you respond with a weak, slightly defeated chuckle. “If you find yourself with a moment to breathe, you know where to find me.”

“Will I see you tonight?” You glance at him curiously. “For the party?” He finishes.

The party had already begun to slip from your thoughts. You opened your mouth to respond, only to be drowned out by the hoard of Siblings who had finally made their way down to where you were standing. Your hand slipped out of his as you took your chance to disappear into the chaos.

You hurriedly made your way back to the library, pressing your back against the cool wood as you allowed the door to slam shut behind you. You sigh, letting your head thud against the barrier. “I missed you.” You finally allow the confession to tumble from your lips once you find yourself alone.

You slide into the chair at your desk, smiling slightly as you see your handwriting on a tented index card. You pick it up, absentmindedly twirling it between your fingers as you allow your eyes to trace along the delicate gold letters etched into the book cover that sat atop the pile of reserved texts you had set aside by request. “Excuse me.” You scream as you're startled from your thoughts, clapping a hand over your mouth as you turn to look at who had approached the desk. Falk stood before you, his shoulders shaking slightly as he struggled to contain the laughter bubbling up in his throat.

“I'm sorry, Father–”

“No, really, I'm sorry; I thought you would have heard me come in.” He chuckles, gliding forward until he’s standing right in front of you. His forearms come to rest on the desk, his crooked smile making your cheeks grow warm as he casually leans in closer to you. “Surely I'm not that scary looking, hm?” He adds with a playful smirk.

“You're not scary at all, you just surprised me, that's all…” you trail off, fidgeting with the edge of one of the book covers as you pull the stack closer to you. “I happen to think you're rather handsome.”

“Is that so?” His grin widens slightly as his gaze scans over your features. “Well, coming from someone as beautiful as you, I'm flattered.” Your heart slammed against your ribs when you finally registered his compliment. His hand was warm as he took yours, thumb slowly running over the valleys of your knuckles. He breathes out a laugh at the difference between his massive paw as it engulfed your delicate fingers. His attention turns to your face; the subtle intensity behind his eyes keeps you firmly in place. “I don't believe I got your answer before we were interrupted earlier.” His expression softens, gently squeezing your hand when he feels your fingers trembling against his palm. “Will I be seeing you tonight?” Your mouth grew dry as you struggled to form any words in response. The question was so simple, yet Falk’s tone was so incredibly intimate as he spoke to you.

“I'll be there.” You finally managed to squeak out.

He lifted your hand slightly; his breath was warm against your skin. “Hopefully, I'll be able to steal you away for a dance then.” His eyes flicker over your features before he brings your knuckles to his lips. “Until then, Schwester.” He wordlessly scoops up the books you had placed on the desk between you, giving you one final lopsided grin before hurrying from the library, leaving you dumbfounded.

You couldn't believe it when you stood in front of your mirror. You were truly no better than a teenage girl getting ready for prom. You glanced at the chaos that had ensued behind you: a mountain of dresses covered your bed, practically every pair of shoes you owned scattered the floor, various piles of tried-on and later discarded jewelry, leaving you still standing in your bathrobe as you agonized over what to wear.

You had just finished putting on your earrings when there was a sudden knock at your door. “One second!” You call in response, grumbling as you trip over your shoes on your way to the door. You freeze as your eyes land on Falk, your gaze darting to the vibrant bouquet he held before returning to his charming, lopsided grin. “Falk?” You can't help the shy smile that slowly spreads across your features. “What's this for?”

“Well, I couldn't show up empty-handed. Now, could I?” He responds vaguely, slipping the bouquet into your hands.

“Well, that all depends on why you're here, doesn't it?” He chuckles at your playful tone.

“I'm here to ask if the beautiful young woman in front of me would do me the honor of accompanying me to the Equinox celebration tonight.” He motions to the gift he had presented to you. “Hence the flowers.” You share a laugh, carefully spinning around the bouquet in your hands to admire the vibrant oranges, golds, and reds.

“You… you want to take me?” Your voice came out soft, barely above the whisper, as if you spoke any louder, you would snap yourself awake from a dream.

“If you'll have me.” He responds with a slight nervousness in his tone. He holds out his hand for you to take, a hopefulness in his eyes as they meet yours.

“I think it might be the other way around.” You reply coyly, your cheeks growing warm as your fingers ghost over his palm.

“Please,” you can't help but giggle as he takes your hand and guides you through a spin. He smiles as he drinks in the sight of you. You're absolutely beautiful,” your breath hitches in your throat as he gently trails his knuckle across your jaw. Walking in there with you on my arm feels almost too good to be true.”

“Let me just grab my shoes, " you said as you began to turn. Feel free to come in, but I'll warn you it's a bit of a mess…” he glanced at you curiously. “I couldn't figure out what to wear.” You both exchanged a laugh.

“Well, I think you look incredible, Mäuschen.” You mumble out a flustered ‘thank you,’ Falk sticking close to your side as you head into your dorm. You set the bouquet in some water, deeply inhaling its sweet scent. “I'm glad you like them.”

“Thank you for bringing them for me; that was very sweet.” He shrugs nonchalantly in response, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Like I said… I couldn't just show up empty-handed.” He takes a few steps forward, allowing him to resume his usual position towering over you. “I honestly wish I had prepared a bit more.” He chuckles.

“Getting to spend the night with you is all I could ever ask for.” You admit softly, your eyes trailing to the floor.

“Well then, my dearest Maus,” he takes your hand, carefully bringing your knuckles to his lips, “why don't you grab your shoes so we can enjoy our evening?” Your heart pounded; you were sure Falk could hear it. You reluctantly separated from him, picking up the pair of heels you had decided on. Falk’s hand was warm as it came to rest on the small of your back. “May I?” He asks, taking hold of your shoes. He drops to one knee, taking your hand in his for a moment to bring it to his shoulder. He carefully moves your dress out of the way to delicately lift your foot. He easily slips your shoe on before resting or on his thigh, fastening the strap around your ankle and asking you if everything felt alright before repeating the process.

“Thank you.” You smile down at him. Electricity danced across your skin, where he lazily ran his thumb across your ankle. He takes your hands in his as he stands.

“Ready?” You nod in response, your grin widening as you watch him slowly trace over the contours of your face. “Beautiful.” He mumbles before breathing out a bashful chuckle. He tucks your hand into the crook of his elbow, “Let’s get going.”

You found yourself leaning into Falk’s side as you walked, hiding your face against his shoulder as you laughed at another one of his dumb jokes. You could hear the party raging up the hallway as glasses clinked together and the excited laughter and shouts of the entire Abbey broke apart the otherwise tranquil autumn evening. When you entered the room, it felt like every pair of eyes had landed on you. Falk squeezes your hand before confidently stepping forward. “Falk!” The crowd's attention quickly diverted as Attila greeted the two of you. He claps Falk on the shoulder, greeting each other jovially in German before turning his attention to you, “Sorry about all the staring.” He chuckles. 

“I thought I had prepared myself for that on the walk over here.” You respond with a laugh of your own.

“Just go have fun, don’t worry about them.” He leans closer to you to whisper, “Falk certainly isn’t.” He jokes. You glance at him over your shoulder, your heart leaping into your throat as you meet with his kind, adoring gaze. Attila straightens up, “I’ll see you both later.” He dismissed himself abruptly, surely trying to see as many people as possible before the night was over.

You turn to face him as Falk softly says your name. “Would you like to dance?” He offers you his hand, waiting patiently for you to accept his invitation. As you set your hand in his, a smile finds its way to your lips.

“I'd love to.” He tugs you in the direction of the dance floor. You can't help but laugh as he sweeps you into his arms, your heart fluttering as your hands rest against his chest. He takes your hand in his, the other settling against the curve of your waist.

“You look nervous, Mäuschen.” You share a playful grin.

“Can you blame me?” You reply softly.

“If anything, I should be the one that's nervous.” Your body instinctively begins to sway with his as he leads you around the floor.

“And why's that?” He carefully leads you through a spin before pulling you back to him.

“I showed up to a party accompanied by the most beautiful woman in The Abbey.” His arm fully encircles your waist, tipping you back towards the floor. “I just hope I don't manage to make myself look like a fool in front of you.” 

Your cheeks grow warm at his compliment, a soft laugh slipping past your lips. “Trust me, you don't have anything to worry about.” Your breath catches in your throat as he shoots you another charming, lopsided grin. His gaze drops to your lips, lingering there momentarily before meeting your eyes again.

You danced with him for hours. The pair of you never seemed to tire as Falk effortlessly spun you around the room. Your nerves quickly slipped from your mind, the jealous stares of other Siblings being entirely lost to the warmth that burned in your chest every time Falk made you laugh. Eventually, you noticed the once-raging crowd beginning to thin as the night started to wind to a close. “Why don't we get out of here?” Your pulse races as Falk whispers the simple question in your ear. You nod, laughing as he takes your hand and hurriedly leads you through the crowd.

Falk sighs loudly as he pushes through the door into the chilly autumn evening. Goosebumps immediately erupt across your bare skin, the oppressive heat of the party inside being sucked away from you in an instant. He turns to you with a soft smile, shrugging out of his jacket to draw it across your shoulders. He cups your cheek, allowing his thumb to stroke over your skin as he studies you languidly. “What?” You ask with a bashful smile.

“You're beautiful, Mäuschen.” He responds with unhesitating tenderness. “I'm sorry if you catch me staring. I just can't help myself sometimes.” He pulls you to him, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You wandered aimlessly around The Abbey’s grounds, just enjoying being in each other’s company. Neither of you wanted your time together to end, finding any excuse you could to lengthen the conversation. You paused at the distant rumble of thunder, jumping slightly when a raindrop splatters across your cheek. Falk grabs your hand, waiting for you to gather up your dress. You groan as you remember you're wearing heels. Falk chuckles, stepping closer to you to scoop you up in his arms. You let out a delighted squeal, your arms latching around his neck as he jogs off with you in his arms. It didn't take long for both of you to be completely soaked through with rain. He sets you down outside the greenhouse, the first unlockable door to shelter you came across. “I'm sorry about your dress.” He apologizes as he feels around the top of the door frame for the key.

“It'll dry.” You reassure him.

“I figured we could dry off here for a little while, wait for the rain to stop.” He explains as he finally slips the key into the lock. “I thought going for a walk would have been romantic.” He chuckles.

“Falk?” His attention turns to you as you softly say his name. “Would you like to dance with me?”

He chuckles as he nods. “I would love to, Maus.” He steps closer to you, “Here, let me help with your shoes. I don't need you getting stuck.” He meticulously helps you out of your heels, struggling to contain the grin that spreads across his face as he watches you step down to your normal height. You can't help but laugh as Falk gives you a low bow, offering you his hand. You gingerly lift your dress as you curtsy in response. Raindrops trailed down your skin; Falk swore you almost seemed to glow under the moonlight. He hums into the silence of the night, both of you moving in perfect synchronicity as you waltz through the wet grass. Falk bows once more as your dance finishes, bringing your knuckles to his lips before lifting you from the ground easily. The inside of the greenhouse was warm, immediately enveloping your whole body in a blanket of humidity as you hurried inside out of the rain. He carefully takes his sleeve, wiping away whatever water he could with his soaked shirt.

“Come here; I know where they keep some towels.” Falk smiles as you take his hand. You shake the handle of the supply closet, giving it a harsh twist before it finally gives way. It wasn't much, a few hand towels tucked beside a rickety old sink every used to wash up after a day of harvesting. You timidly raise your hand, carefully pressing the towel to his cheek to wipe away the ceremonial paint that now ran in dark gray streaks down his neck. Falk freezes under your delicate touch, his hands settling on the curve of your waist as he allows you to clean him up. As you slowly uncover his handsome features, a soft smile finds its way to your face. Falk was struggling to keep his eyes off of you; everything about you was just so perfect. The subtle curve of your lips as you cared for him just about made his heart stop.

“You'll catch a cold if you're stuck in that dress much longer.” He tuts, moving one of his hands to your shoulder. “Your skin feels like ice, Maus.” 

“I'll be alright-”

“There you two are! What the hell do you think you're doing out here in this storm?” It was Roel. The two of you startled apart; you yelped as you tripped on the long skirt of your gown. Falk’s hand shot out in an instant, steadying you, and he pulled you into his chest.

“How did you know we were out here?” Falk asks in a confused tone.

“I was doing a grounds check. Trust me, this wouldn't be the first time I've found someone hooking up out here, and I'm sure it won't be the last.” He chuckles. “But, from the fact you two look like a couple of wet dogs, I'm assuming this wasn't part of your plan.” You could tell from his teasing tone that Father Roel wouldn't let either of you live this down any time soon. The three of you rush back inside The Abbey, Roel giving Falk very clear instructions to ensure you get home safely before parting ways.

“Let's get you into something dry, hm?” He offers you his arm, and you gladly accept it as you lean into his side. Your hand slides into his, giving it a gentle squeeze to try and ease some of the tension that rolled off of him in waves. He seems to snap himself from his thoughts as he turns to glance at you. “I'm sorry I made such a mess of our date, " he suddenly admits with a chuckle.

“I don't think you made a mess of anything. Falk, I'm having a wonderful time with you tonight.” Your steps slowly come to a stop.

“After I got you caught in the rain and probably ruined your nice dress.” He responds incredulously.

“It's just a dress.” You rebuttal. You turn to face him, and despite how hard he tried to hide it you could see the worry laced into his features. Your hand slowly rises from your side, hesitating for a moment before it gently comes to rest against his cheek. Falk’s warm, golden brown eyes find yours. “I wouldn't change anything about how tonight has gone.” Your confession poured past your lips before you could stop it. “While you were away, I can't even begin to describe how much I missed you. Now, you're home. You asked me to one of The Abbey’s most important parties, and I got to spend the entire night wrapped up in your arms… Falk Maria Schlegel, I love being around you. Getting caught in some rain isn't going to change that. There isn't anywhere I would rather have spent my night than by your side.” He barely gave you enough time to finish your sentence before his lips were on yours. The air was instantly knocked from your lungs, your hands fisting into Falk’s shirt in order to keep yourself upright and to pull him as close to you as you could manage. His strong arms wrap around your waist, lifting you from the floor, leaving your toes barely skimming across the stone tile. His shoulders heave as he struggles to catch his breath, his eyes searching yours as you finally separate for air. You slide your hands over his shoulders, realizing he was making no move to set you down. Slowly, a lopsided grin spreads across his lips.

“You missed me, hm?” Your cheeks immediately begin to burn at the statement.

“Shut up.” You manage to respond through a flustered giggle. You let out a pleased hum as he pressed his lips to yours in a few short, sweet kisses. “Take me home.” You command.

He quirked an eyebrow at you, a playful smirk toying at the corners of his lips. “Yes, ma'am.” He sets you down for a moment to readjust his hold on you, his arm sliding behind your knees as he pulls you back into his chest. Swaying you with every step, Falk carried you back to his quarters so you could enjoy the rest of your evening alone.

Tag List: @spookyghostjelly @belnovacaine @obsessed-and-possessed @crexpy34 @eentheekipekke @iamsarahsaysso

[floras-imagination]

Robbers, forever? 🖤 matty healy x reader

CHAPTER 1

series masterlist

summary: Y/n and Matty break each other's hearts multiple times over the years, yet they find themselves unable to stay away from each other... and this is the beginning of their love story 🖤 authors note: This story is inspired by some of my fondest memories shared with an ex (but I've made some changes to better align the story with Matty's character), and each chapter is accompanied by poems I've written about that relationship. I've posted them on my poetry blog, so just click on the links you'll find in the chapters:) Hope you enjoy it as much as I do 💘 (i think it's so cuuuute) word count: 2,6 k warning: y/n struggles with a restrictive ed in the first few chapters (but it's just kinda mentioned in the diary entry at the beginning)

August 2012

Dear Diary, I wish I were stronger. I wish I could beat this illness, but I just can't. Every time I try to recover, I fail. I've been doing so well in the last few months, but it's always the same. As soon as I'm doing better I mess it up again. Why do I keep lying to myself? "I'm in control." "Just one more day." "I can stop if I want to." But I never do. A day turns into a week, and suddenly weeks have passed, and I can't control it anymore.

----------------

Y/n sat in her living room, having some dinner while watching the news. As she glanced at her phone, she noticed an incoming call from an unknown number.

After considering it for a moment, Y/n became curious, so she decided to answer. "Hello?"

"Y/n?", a male, familiar voice asked.

"Matty?", she asked slightly confused, immediately recognizing the man on the phone.

"Surprised?"

"Uhm... yeah, kind of, I guess. Haven't heard anything from you in ages. How've you been?"

Matty and Y/N have known each other from school. After they graduated a few years ago, they sometimes still bumped into each other in town, enjoying a nice chat and updating each other about their busy, somewhat messy adult lives. Though their paths seemed to cross every once in a while, they never really tried to stay in touch.

"Great, actually," he answered. "George and I got a bit bored, so I was wondering if maybe you wanna hang out with us?"

"Hang out with you?"

"Yeah, we'd pick you up."

"Okay, let me get this straight," the girl stated. "You and George got bored..."

"Yep."

"and out of all the things you could do, you chose to ask me if I want to hang out with you?"

"Now what's wrong with that?" Matty asked, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, to call someone you have never called before, asking them to hang out on a casual Thursday.

"Well, I don't kn... Wait! Where did you get my number from?"

"Doesn't really matter, does it?"

"It does matter somehow."

Suddenly, the sound of a car horn made Y/N jump.

"Nah. We're here by the way. You're coming?"

"Matty! It's 9:30; I'm already in my pajamas!" she exclaimed.

Matty laughed. "I don't care what you're wearing."

"And who even gave you my address?"

"Just get your ass out here!" he snickered into the phone. "Now!"

"You're insufferable!"

"Yeah, I know," he shrugged it off with a smirk.

"Give me at least a sec to put some clothes on." Not waiting for an answer, she hung up. Despite her confusion about Matty's suspicious call, she changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie, quickly grabbing her jacket and keys as she went downstairs to leave the house.

Matty sat on the passenger seat of George's car, his arm casually dangling out of the open window. "Hi, Y/n!" he greeted her with a big smile on his face, causing y/n's bewilderment to grow.

"Hi, Y/n!" George called from the drivers seat.

"Hi...", she hesitantly answered, shyly waving her hand toward his direction.

"Come on, get inside!" Matty said excitedly.

"Matty, I still don't kn..."

"Sshhh!" he cut her off, pressing his index finger on his lips. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Y/n opened the door and placed herself on the backseat, putting on her seatbelt as George started the engine, ready to drive off.

"How are you Y/n?" Matty asked.

"Uhm.. fine, I guess. Bit tired. I have work tomorrow."

"Are you still working as a nurse, Y/n?" George asked.

"Yes, I am. How's your music thing going?"

"Absolutely amazing", Matty answered immediately. "We're currently working on our first album. It's gonna be a fuckin' banger, isn't it George?"

"Oh, definitely!", George added.

"That's cool. I'm so happy for you guys. Can't wait to hear it," Y/n grinned.

"You're gonna be the first to hear it when it's done.", Matty beamed.

George shook his head, trying to hide a chuckle as he glanced over to the overly excited Matty. "What?" Matty reacted.

"Nevermind," George now laughed.

Matty shook his curls out of his face. "Idiot."

"Where are we driving?" Y/n asked as she slowly got more comfortable in the presence of her old classmates.

"I don't know," both Matty and George stated in unison, looking at each other as neither of them had a clue about their destination.

"Maybe we can park the car over there," Matty pointed towards and empty parking space he randomly saw.

-------------------------

After George parked the car, Matty quickly left the car to open the door for Y/N.

Their gaze locked for a moment, as she looked up at him from her seat "Uhm.. thank you," she chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're welcome," he waved it off. "Don't mention it."

George rolled his eyes at Matty's silly behaviour. "Ouch!" he squeaked, as Matty stabbed him with his elbow.

"Ah look! A church," Matty stated as the three of them were heading towards one of the city's churches. "Quite stunning, isn't it?"

"It's just a church, mate," George raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

"Shall we sit down on that bench over there? Hope I won't go up in flames. Wouldn't that be fun, huh?" Matty asked.

A slight chuckle left Y/n lips, as she realized that going outside with Matty and George wasn't as bad as she expected. She was actually glad that she picked up that call. A little bit of distraction from her mind and her self-destructive thoughts had been long overdue.

"Do you smoke, Y/n?"

"Nah, it's disgusting."

George threw his head back in heavy laughter before patting Matty's shoulder, who looked at him in his usual clumsy way.

"What is it with you today, George?" Matty asked, shaking his head. "You're acting kinda weird."

"Me? No idea what you're talking about," he kept on laughing.

Y/n was still standing in front on the bench, while only the two boys were sitting.

"Anyway," Matty looked away from George, turning his face toward Y/n. "You know you can actually sit down here beside me." Matty said as his curls were dangling in his eyes again. He pushed them aside with his hand as he continued, "We don't bite, you know?"

"Well, I certainly won't," George still couldn't get over whatever he was laughing about. "But I wouldn't be so sure about Matty."

Matty kicked his foot against George's. "I'm sorry about him. He's usually not like that."

"It's okay, I'd rather keep standing. I just wish I knew what he's laughing about, so I could join in," the blonde girl chuckled.

"No, I think it'd best if he kept it to himself", Matty said with a pointed look at George, his tone firm, implying he should refrain from sharing the source of his amusement. "... wouldn't it, George?"

"Ookayy... this is... weird," Y/n said while observing the two musicians, trying to figure out what was going on.

Matty knew why George was enjoying himself this much, but he didn't want anyone else to know, especially not Y/n. He instantly started to regret that he had told his long kept secret to his best friend earlier that day, since George was on his best way of ruining Matty's well-thought-out plan.

George cleared his throat as he finally pulled himself back together. "Mh, mh...," he hummed. After lighting his own fag he handed the lighter over to Matty so he could light his.

Y/N watched as he blew the smoke out, which slowly meandered all over his face before evaporating into the cold, dark night. As he slowly opened up his eyes, their glances met for a second but she looked down at her feet immediately, to avoid having any more eye contact.

"I kinda miss going to school with you guys," Matty informed them. "Do you miss it too sometimes?"

"Nah, certainly not," George answered, but Matty's eyes were fixed on Y/n.

"Yeah, I do," Y/n chuckled. "Do you know who I miss the most?"

"No, who?" Matty asked, before he quickly added "Ah, no, wait! I know it!"

Y/n raised her eyebrow, waiting for his answer.

"It's me!"

George and Y/n looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh damn, Matty. I wish I had an ego as big as yours," Y/n snickered.

"Yeah, well... okay. Who is it then?", Matty shrugged.

"It's Mr. Miller. I kinda miss his bad jokes"

"Haha, yeah, he was such a pervert, though."

"Yeah, I know. That's what made it so funny," she answered.

"I mean, he was only that funny because his jokes were so bad. Ridiculous." George added, slightly chuckling under his breath.

"Wait... doesn't he live over there?" The girl turned around, pointing towards a house across the street from the church.

"Uhm..," Matty thought for a moment before he continued "Yes! He does! He told us about the annoying chimes of the bell tower right in front of his house, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did. Wow, that's amazing. Come on, let's see if he's home," not even waiting for a response, she started to make her way across the street to Mr. Miller's house.

"Y/n!" Matty whisper-screamed, "Are you insane? It's half 10. He's probably in bed already, shagging his wife or something."

George laughed at Matty's words. "I'm in. This is fun. Come on Matty. Don't be such a wimp." He stood up from the bench they were sitting on, walking over to Y/n.

Matty was still sitting on the bench, his arms crossed in front of his chest like a little kid left behind by his parents.

"Matty!" Y/n turned around to call him once again. "Get your ass up!"

Matty rolled his eyes before he got up, slowly strolling over the street to where is friends stood.

"Who's gonna ring the doorbell?" George asked, looking at Matty, who immediately responded in denial. "Don't look at me like that! I won't do it."

"And you want to call yourself a man? Pathetic." Y/n snapped in annoyance.

Surprised but kind of impressed by her answer, the two boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"I'll do it then," y/n informed them before she rang the doorbell at Mr. Miller's front door.

After waiting for a few seconds with no answer, she decided to ring the bell again.

"I think no one's home.", George said.

"I told you he's under his wife!", Matty stated.

Y/n chuckled as she looked at Matty to respond "Yeah Matty, you might be right. Let's leave then."

"I'm always right. Don't know why no one's ever listening to me," he said as they walked back to their bench across the street.

Now it was only George who sat down again, while Y/n and Matty stood in front of the bench.

"Imagine..," y/n started as she turned around to face Matty "like what if they were really in there..."

"They were!" Matty interrupted her. "Believe me."

They both chuckled in unison at their silly and dirty imagination. As Matty sought eye contact again, she tried to cover up her mouth with her hand, feeling a bit insecure. This time, she didn't look away but locked her gaze with his, looking up at the curly-haired man. Suddenly, something seemed to click in her. The sound of his laughter touched her soul like rays of sunshine, covered in sweet melodies. Like the myelin sheath of axons, allowing them to reach her ears even faster than the speed of light. She didn't yet know that this exact moment would change her life forever. That this exact moment was the start of a series of memories she would never get rid of. She didn't yet know that if a magical creature offered her to relive one day of her life, she would unhesitatingly choose this one.

If she had known all this, she probably would have held onto this moment longer. Maybe her question would have been something like 'Can we stay a bit longer?' or 'Can we make this night last forever?'

But instead, she said "Can we go home now? I'm kinda freezing, and I have to get up very early tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure thing," Matty said. And even though he wanted this rather intimate moment between the two of them to last forever or at least a little bit longer, he slowly loosened his gaze from hers. "George? Come on, off we go."

George stood up, and they slowly walked back to the car, neither of them saying a word. It seemed as if something magical lingered in the air. George had noticed that something had happened between Y/N and his best friend — something that changed the entire atmosphere around them, adorning it with a sweet, metaphorical scent.

🖤[poem 1]🖤

As Matty was about to open the car door, Y/n stopped him. "Look! There's a firefly!"

"Where?" Matty asked, wildly looking around.

"Right there, in your hair," she pointed up to his messy curls. "Wait, don't move." She carefully reached out her finger to his hair, trying to let the little firefly crawl onto it.

"It's so cute, isn't it?" she asked, showing him the insect on her finger.

"It is. I've never actually seen one before. Have you?" he asked while admiring the glowing creature on Y/n's finger.

"No, I haven't."

"Look, there's another one," Matty stated as he pointed his finger in the air next to Y/n's face.

Just a few seconds later, they found themselves surrounded by hundreds of fireflies, their gentle glow illuminating the dark night around them.

George was already sitting in the car as he rolled down the window, curious why his friends were still standing outside of the car. "What's going on out there?" he asked.

Done admiring the fireflies, Y/n and Matty got in the car. "Man, you missed out on something. About a million fireflies were out there!" Matty exaggerated.

"Oh really? I see them all the time in my garden," George answered casually as he started driving.

"You must be kidding!" Matty stated in surprise.

"No, like literally almost every single night!" he laughed and kept on driving towards Y/n's house to drop her off.

🖤[poem 2]🖤

🖤[poem 3]🖤

--------------------

When George stopped the car in front of Y/n's house, she unbuckled her seatbelt, getting ready to leave the car.

"So, uhm... it was nice to hang out with you, guys," Y/n said.

"Yeah..." Matty started before he was cut off by George.

"Yeah, Y/n. I'm pretty sure Matty liked it too," George teased, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Thank you, George," Matty rolled his eyes at him. "But I think I can speak for myself, can't I? I'm a big boy, I suppose." He turned around to face Y/n in the backseat. "So, yeah. I loved it. It was fun. Maybe we can hang out again at the weekend?"

"Yes, I'd love that," she shyly smiled in response.

"Great."

"Okay. Well, goodnight then," she said, opening the door to get out of the car. "See ya, guys!"

"Bye, Y/n!" George waved.

"See ya!" Matty called out of the open window as she was already out of the car, opening her front door, waving goodbye with a smile on her face.

After she disappeared into the house, Matty immediately turned around, confronting George. "You fuckin' idiot!"

"What? What have I done now?" George laughed.

"George, I'm telling you...," Matty warned him. "If you ruin this..."

"I won't ruin anything, mate. I think you need to settle down a bit. Tonight went quite well, didn't it?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I think so," Matty looked outside the window, his tired head resting on his hand, his mind replaying the evening's events like scenes from a movie...

_____________

Let me know what you think xx

[lunerna21]

It's been such a freakin hot mess the last several weeks in my life, but I really wanted to talk about the recent update (or last month) with the JPN server

***SPOILERS FOR JPN SERVER AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***

When I tell you I was ready to see my sweetheart Kalim again, I actually started crying seeing his sweet smile again lol

AND VIL SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF ABOUT LANDING FROM DREAM TO DREAM WAS HYSTERICAL I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM SCREAM LIKE THAT

It was so sad though to think that Kalim didn't go to NRC in his dreams, and everyone questioning if he enjoyed his time at school

AND BTW THE SCHOOL?!?! LOOKS STUNNING I WISH I COULD HAVE MY DAD AFFORD A SCHOOL

....And then seeing a happy, go-lucky Jamil right from the start of Kalim's dream...

WHO ARE YOU?! STRANGER DANGER!!!

EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY AGREEING THAT JAMIL BEING THAT NICE WAS SO ICKY I HAD TO STOP CAUSE I WAS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT EVERYONE'S REACTION

Like nope that's disgusting I want the old Jamil this is definitely a nightmare 😭

The outfits for both Jamil and Kalim are stunning I honestly don't know which one I prefer more!!

AND FREAKIN EVIL BLOT JAMIL TRYING TO USE SNAKE WHISPER AGAIN ON KALIM WAS MESSED UP YOU DON'T DO THAT TO KALIM

AND KALIM BEING SO HARD ON HIMSELF IM JUST SO HAPPY KALIM IS ABLE TO BECOME BETTER FROM HIS PAST SELF CAUSE HE NEEDED GROWTH (even though he grew a lot also during Book 6)

And then jumping into Jamil's dream and seeing his handsome face!!!

LIKE GODDAMN HE LOOKS AMAZING I CAN PLAY JASMINE AND FALL INTO JAMILS ARMS HES JUST AHDFEAJFJ

And I know Jamil having to face his past self was so freakin important, and both Kalim and Jamil hashing it out was SO WELL FUCKING DESERVED

Those two having so much built up between them and I'm so happy that instead of talking it out they literally fought each other and addressed they conflict between one another

Both of their positions aren't ideal and both have it's pros and cons but at least Jamil and Kalim got through pretending everything was okay and instead hashed it out once and for all

When I tell you I was relieved at the ending, knowing we're getting closer to seeing everyone and adding Kalim and Jamil to the list was SUCH A GREAT FEELING!!!

NOW, WE HAVE:

OCTAVINELLE!!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE ABOUT THESE LITTLE SHITS, AND I MISS AZUL SO MUCH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE ABOUT HIM

And Jamil remembering every little dirty secret about Azul so he can just blackmail him later 😂��🏻

I cannot wait for the update tomorrow! We're getting so much closer to seeing everyone again!! (ACE AND DEUCE I MISS YOU SO SO MUCH!)

(Screen shot from https://www.youtube.com/@gasmask01

They post updates quickly check them out and give them love!!)

[abrushwithdeath]

((So, long awaited life update on why I haven't really been around in the last couple months:

I've been working full time all year when I was only supposed to be doing part time- this is fine, though, because the extra money is good and my sister and I finally booked a trip for next summer that we've been trying to save money for for 8 or 9 years, so that's great! But that does mean that I have a little less time than anticipated, and as a night owl who now has to be used to being up between 5:30 and 6 in the morning to get ready for work, that adjustment hasn't been easy ^^; But it's been made even LESS easy by the fact that about a month ago we took in a tiny kitten who was crying underneath our house. We named him Remy (after the one and only Remy LeBeau <3) and I love him dearly... but kittens are also a lot of work because they get into EVERYTHING. And they're so small that they can fit in small spaces that you didn't expect. On top of that, he's had to be quarantined since we got him because he still hasn't been tested for FIV (he had an appointment for his shots and a check up at the beginning of the month and my sister was supposed to ask them to test for FIV while she was there but she didn't... so now he has to wait until I take him next Tuesday for his second round of shots and see if they can do it while he's there THIS time). Being quarantined has meant we've had to keep him in one room at all times (which is what we would have done, anyway, while he's this little- it also allows for slower meetings of the older cats which will help them possibly get along better when they're finally around one another more). We will also be getting another kitten if he tests negative for FIV because it's not good to have just one kitten under 6 months, even with older cats around (there's something called "Only Kitten Syndrome" and it can lead to a lot of behavioral issues). Anyway- because of watching him, I've been only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night every night for a month and it's running me a bit ragged ^^; Then there's the worse stuff (tw: death, cancer, for those who want to avoid those and stop here): Early last month my grandmother passed away pretty unexpectedly after a week or two in the hospital recovering from a fall. Come to find out she'd had a stroke (and had been having a lot of mini ones that she didn't know were strokes and kept playing off as just "old age") and every time they stabilized her, she got bad again soon after. There was no funeral or anything, which somehow feels worse and has consistently given me this weird feeling of "did this really happen or not?" because I didn't even get a chance to see her in the hospital before she passed. My father also had a bunch of polyps removed from his intestines over the summer and the largest one came back testing positive for cancer. They just this week ran more tests and, thankfully, they cancer hasn't spread to his heart or lungs, but they DO need to do a pretty big surgery to remove a piece of his intestine very near to his colon which is a risky procedure because patients are more likely to bleed out when the surgery is done in that area. After the surgery, he'll be in the hospital for a few days to recover and for them to keep an eye on him, and then he'll have 6 weeks in which he can't really do anything except rest because he'll risk injuring himself and/or internal bleeding. Last week, my aunt's partner (they weren't married, but they had been together for 7 or so years) passed away and, while that didn't have a big impact on me (because I didn't know him well), it was still rough on her and some other family members, so that was also... not great.

But, yeah. It's been a rough couple of months and I'm very, very, tired. I do want to come back because I miss writing Rogue, but it's gonna be a little bit longer, especially with all the things going on with my dad. Thank you all for your patience and understanding in the mean time <3))

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[obae-me]

Two things!

Firstly: I will be accepting 10 requests!

I need to practice and just work on some things that aren't just my long form pieces right now. So, the first 10 requests I get, I will work on! My general rules are the same, no demoncest, no romantic Luke, etc, etc. I reserve the right not to do a request. You all get the deal by now. They won't be perfect, and they won't be extremely long (unless you tempt me with monsters or fluff), but I'll do 'em, and that's the important part.

Secondly: a general apology.

I know 'sorry's are not needed, it's not like I've taken money and ghosted or anything, but I hate just going MIA for so long. Also, I know it's not needed, but I thought I'd give a little life update for those that, I dunno, find it interesting I suppose.

TW for menstruation, blood, and general medical stuff

I posted here a while back- in the summer I believe- talking about how fainting is not as elegant as media makes it out to be. I talked about how I fainted and then just did my ha-ha's and got it out of the way. At the time, since the doctors at the hospital didn't find anything with their initial testing, we all chalked it up to a bit of dehydration, lack of sleep, and stress. I was inclined to believe them. I *was* bouncing between graveyard shifts and morning shifts and not sleeping well because of it.

Then the week after, I had one of the most painful periods of my life. I've not had great ones ever (who does?), but never enough to fully debilitate me. It was bad. Stabbing cramping pains strong enough to almost make me faint again. I was worried, but gaslit myself into thinking it's just because of the fainting the week prior; I had had extreme faintness and weakness all week.

My work at this time was coming up with stricter rules that would make things harder, and they told me that I'd have to apply for certain disability accommodations (like keeping certain medications I need close to me and not on a different floor behind a lock, so cool of them). So, I tried to find another job, one where I could hopefully sit down. So I spent two months working that all out. I have a temp remote one right now, yay!

The next month or two was fairly normal period wise. So I thought everything was 'okay'.

And then I stopped bleeding completely. No warning or anything, just...nothing. And it's particularly worrying because I've been on birth control since I was like 14 to balance out my hormones. So I waited till the month after make sure it wasn't a weird one-off. Still nothing. Went to the doctor and got a new kind of medication, and I waited a month. Nothing. And the pain is only ramping up every cycle (or the attempt of one). I spend two weeks of the month in extreme depression and pain, and then spend the two weeks after that picking up the slack. I haven't been able to write, haven't been able to do much of anything. My typical day is getting out of bed to work, order something to eat, and watch mindless YouTube till I sleep, I'm just THAT exhausted. Spoons? Nonexistant. Then, just a few weeks ago, I suffered some of the worst exhaustion of my life. I'm talking only being able to stay awake for 20 minutes and then having to take a nap, and doing that four or five times a day. I went through that for five days, and then on that last day, I practically collapsed and almost fainted again.

So I have my first Gyno appointment next month, and I am utterly terrified. So much of my life has been filled with doctors' appointments and testing, just for them to tell me they couldn't find anything, and it's either because I have anxiety or because I'm fat. *Love* the medical system. But then, on the other hand, I'm scared of them finding something severely wrong.

So, until December, I'm just...waiting. And, of course, I'm not trying to fish for sympathies. Just...sometimes, it's good to have something to treat as an echo chamber, and this blog sometimes is my cave to shout distorted worries to. I really *should* journal, I guess.

So! That's been my life since I last posted, really. And that's not even mentioning my grandpa who ended up in the hospital (he got hit by a RAM truck, absolutely insane, and he's mostly fine, what a trooper).

I'm really hoping that I'll have the energy to pour into my passions if we get everything worked out. And I'm really grateful to have this small community here for whoever is still sticking around, you all have been wonderful.

That's the end of the update! Maybe I'll drop the news if/when we make some discoveries on why my already defunct body is breaking down even more than usual.

Love you all!

-Mara

[ninja-muse]

2023 Reading Wrap-up

I feel like this year was pretty average in terms of my reading. Some great books, some awful books, a lot of books in the middle. And while I feel as if I kept hitting slumps, I don’t think my stats really reflect that. I kept reading and even though I didn’t hit my goal of 140 books, that’s more because I read more thick and dense books, spent more time writing, and am one year further from the direness of 2020 and 2021.

This also seems to have been the year of T. Kingfisher for me (and also Ursula Vernon). I read several of her horror novels, as well as Digger and a bunch of the ebooks she makes free for patrons, which are really easy go-tos when you want something light and right now. I was kind of surprised when I realized she was my top author because usually that’s Seanan McGuire.

And I read more ebooks in general, because why should I wait for two months for the library to get a physical book in circulation when I can wait two weeks for it to come in on Libby? I’m still trying to reserve Libby use for lighter, faster, less involved books, because I tend to end up skimming a little more and there’s something about physical paper that helps me retain info better when the text is dense.

Now, stats! Yearly total: 128, excluding rereads and picture books Queer books: 44 (34%) Authors of colour: 15 (11.7%) Books by women: 74.5 (58%) Authors outside the binary: 7.5 (5.8%) Canadian authors: 14 (10.9%) Off the TBR shelves: 39 (30.4%) Books hauled: 41 ARCs acquired: 57 ARCs unhauled: 60 DNFs: 9 Rereads: 3 Picture Books: 6

If you look at last year’s stats and the year before’s, I’m pretty much holding steady in terms of my diverse reading—a little more than a third queer, about 60% female and 10% Canadian, around 6% gender-diverse authors. I’m way down on authors of colour though, and I didn’t hit my stretch goal of 20 Canadians, so those are things I’ll have to pay attention to in the year to come. It would be nice if I could manage more queer books too, but that’s not something I’m going to try for quite as much.

Two of my reading goals for the year were to read more books from my TBR than I acquired, and to keep my ARC levels about even. Seems like I pretty much hit them! I expect that 2024 will see fewer book acquisitions because a lot of my 2023 haul was bookstore visits with my dad and we’ve now hit pretty much every store in the city. I was honestly kind of surprised that my ARC problem stands where it does. I was so sure that I was going to have at least 10 more incoming books than outgoing. Go me! My spring ARC purge really, really helped.

I did all right on the rest of my reading goals. All but one book read (The Great Cat Massacre), which was the real point of the list! I only managed to finish one StoryGraph challenge, if you don’t count my pages goal, and as always I failed to read as many classics as I wanted. I’m starting to suspect I’m not a classics person, despite my interest in history and historical fiction. If anyone has classics recs for me, let me know?

To be completely honest, though, I'm not sure I'm going to continue posting to Tumblr. I pretty much stopped updating my feed in the summer and I've felt more relaxed, both in terms of Things To Do Each Day but also in terms of my reading. When I was more active on here, I felt pressured to read diversely at all times and though I try to have a healthy spread of perspectives, I know that I generally don't and am therefore a bad person by Tumblr standards. I am curious what my mutuals have been getting up to this year so please, sound off! And let me know if you do want to see reviews and wrap-ups continue here.

(Friendly reminder that I'm ninjamuse on Storygraph and LibraryThing, if you'd like to follow me there.)

And if anyone’s interested, here are the rest of my year’s highlights:

Top Five Fiction (not ranked)

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Menewood - Nicola Griffith

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Top Five Non-Fiction (not ranked)

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, editor

Lay Them to Rest - Laurah Norton

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

Most Impressed By:

Shubeik Lubeik - Deena Mohamed

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

Most Disappointing:

Tortilla Flat - John Steinbeck

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

A Killing in Costumes - Zac Bissonette

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor - Victoria Goddard

Best queer book: Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Did I beat 2022? No. Did I beat my Best Year Ever? No. That would be 2021. Did I read more classics? Not even close. Did I read more Canadians? No. I held about steady. Did I whittle my TBR shelves down any? No. Was it a good reading year? Probably about average?

Breakdowns by month:

January February March April May June July August September October November December

[pebblysand]

[castles update]

hello 👋. i hope you're all doing well. i'm going away skiing for a week tomorrow and thought it would be a good time to check in and talk about how writing is going for a bit.

as some of you might know if you are regular readers of this blog/listeners of the podcast, i've been working on chapter 20 for about two months, now, and it's been.... difficult. i think it's karma coming back to bite me because chapter 19 was so easy but this one has been a lot of: write, delete, write, delete, look through my docs history, getting back stuff i've deleted, sticking them back on, writing again, deleting again, etc.

i think what i'm struggling with is the fact that writing family vibes and people having children is... not my forte 😅. first of all, because #fluff and particularly, #familyfluff is not my forte (lol) but also because as a member of the #childfreebychoice gang, it's required a lot of research, a lot of trial and error, a lot of going back and forth to figure out what i really wanted to say. castles is obviously a fic that doesn't just exist as rainbows and butterflies, and the difficulties of modern parenting offer plenty of opportunities to discuss systemic issues to do with women's rights, etc. (all the hugs and support to all the mothers out there!) but it's been hard to figure out what i wanted to write about, exactly, how to write it without just being like "babies are hard" and moving on, and basically, who i wanted mum!ginny and dad!harry to be.

i also think that as someone who does not have (and does not want children), i feel very illegitimate writing this, and thus paradoxically feel a sense of duty to do it right and perfectly, which is a doomed enterprise given that a) every experience of parenthood is unique and b) no one is perfect. i think it's been an interesting exercise, and it's one that is necessary in terms of where i want this story to go, but a very humbling one. i don't think i've struggled this much on any chapter in the past. add to that the extra technical challenge that i need to basically cover 13 years in two chapters, which is an outlining and pacing mindfuck ✨ and you've got a recipe for ... a lot of swearing and hair-pulling.

having said that, the good news is that i've made... progress. i have about 20k of stuff. very messy stuff that needs to be badly cut down and edited, but stuff nonetheless. i really wanted to get a first draft down before going on holidays but it's past 10pm, i have a podcast episode to edit before tomorrow night and i need to pack, eat, and sleep, so i'm throwing in the towel. it'll wait until i get back.

i think at this point in time, i have a publication date in mind (18th february), and i'd like to get 20 & 21 out at the same time. i kind of see them as a single unit, that "parenting" and "before hogwarts" stage, and i've also made a number of choices with 20 so far where i would like to write 21 before publication, just to see how they pan out. also, frankly, they're not the most interesting of chapter to me, so i kind of want to get them out and move on 😅. i think it's just going to be some of those chapters where i need to be okay with "good" rather than "great", which i always struggle with. there definitely has been some of those in the past (i hate chapters 9 & 12 with all my soul) and that's okay. we deal, haha.

so, anyway, that's sort of where i'm at. i really am so excited to write 22, 23 & 24, so i think that's what keeps me going.

i hope you guys have a lovely week ❤️

[osric-giroux-ffxiv]

Adjustments

Black Water Bay.

A place that had been discussed, built, grown over the last two years and yet he had never visited - had never intended to and never thought he would. Especially not after...Well, it didn't matter. He simply never thought he would need to visit. Not until the events of the last several weeks had transpired and made visiting a necessity.

Osric exhaled - a tired sound, turning the white envelope he held between his hands as he stared out over the ocean watching the water move in with the tide, his thoughts racing as they so often did these days. He hadn't intended for this to be a long visit and the only reason he was still on the island was because he was waiting on…

"Osric? The barkeep said you had stopped by and were asking for me. I didn't know you were coming or else I might've been around earlier in the day."

He stood, glancing over his shoulder at his sister's approaching form noting the two cups she carried as he turned to face her. "I didn't want to make a big to do of nothing. It's a simple visit. I just needed to attune to the atheryte…if I want to see the twins regularly I'll be needing to travel here and I thought it best to get that taken care of sooner rather than later. No point in traveling for hours when it's unnecessary. And -" he trailed off for a moment as the cup, a coffee mug, was offered to him. He shifted the envelope he carried to one hand as he took the offered mug with a small nod. "…And there was something I needed to discuss with you before leaving, so I had hoped that you wouldn't be away on business."

"Easier way to do that than randomly showing up and hoping for the best, Osric." Edalene narrowed her good eye in his direction as she took a sip from her mug, taking a moment to adjust the eyepatch settled over her left side where her left eye would have been. "A simple message would have confirmed that I'd be here. Seems much more convenient overall - just saying."

"Yes, well…I had to make this trip and you happened to be here - a win - win situation, really."

"Sometimes, big brother, you need to stop and think."

It was a struggle, to fight back the irritation. "I don't need a lecture, Edalene. I've had plenty of those in recent weeks from a variety of different sources." He exhaled, taking a moment to sip from his own cup before offering the envelope out to her. "This is for you."

The eyebrow over her patch quirked in curiosity, but she plucked it from his fingers regardless. "And this is what exactly?"She glanced around, spotting a nearby bench and moved over to set her mug down before moving to open the envelope.

"A copy of my updated will."

Edalene's fingers paused, as she slowly turned back towards her brother in suspicion. "Why?"

"Because the last will was created after the marriage - a year ago. Things have changed significantly since then - the divorce and the birth of the twins being the major events, and it needed to be updated." He shrugged, as if his response was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Great, wonderful. Let me be more specific. Why now? Your divorce was months ago. The birth of the twins was months ago. So this update also could have been months ago. The fact that you're just getting around to this now seems a bit…curious."

Osric shrugged again, this time glancing out over the water before lifting his mug to his lips once again, taking a longer sip, which in turn created a longer pause in the conversation - allowing him to gather his thoughts. Perhaps a fortunate decision, as it appeared for a moment that Edalene was considering picking up her coffee to throw at him.

"…I've had long enough to think about the changes I wanted…needed to make. And while I've every intention of moving into a line of work that is safer in the long run, I need to keep income flowing right now, and that means - "

"…you're going to take mercenary contracts again." Edalene didn't have to look at the papers to know what he was going to say. She sighed heavily, reaching up to rub the temple over her good eye.

"I am. I need staff to care for the animals when I'm away visiting the twins here and to assist with training I'm only one person. And that means additional income in the short term. Potentially the long term as well. Mercenary work pays well enough, particularly some of the more dangerous jobs, and I'm not willing to ask for additional assistance from anyone else. Those contracts could be good training opportunities as well, depending on the type of jobs available."

"Why though? I understand the training potential - MAYBE. But, surely there's some alternative for funding. I can forward some of what I make to you to supplement and I know you'd set aside a good portion of funds even prior to everything. If something happens to you -"

"Then what, Edalene? If something happens to me then the home and property in Coerthas, everything I own, all my funds goes to you for safe keeping until Idalia and Evran are of age. It's all there, in writing. Beyond that, what changes?"

"That's not what I meant, Osric and you know it." Her arms crossed over her chest tightly as she glared over at him the agitation clear in her tone and posture.

Osric sighed, walking over and setting his mug down before gently setting his hands on her shoulders. "Edalene…I've taken hundreds of contracts before and nothing has happened. It's how I made my living for years. And if something happens to me on one of these…then something happens to me. It's no different than if something happened to me in Coerthas training the wolves. The changes to the will still needed to be made. My aim is still to be here to see the twins grow up. Things are just complex right now and this is what needs to be done."

"Complex. Sure. I don't buy it." She huffed, uncrossing her arms and poking him hard in the center of his chest. "You made your living as a mercenary when you had nothing else going on. You didn't have children, Osric. There's something you're not saying."

"You're over thinking and reading too far into things. I need the additional income, these contracts provide it, and the will needed to be changed. Things happened to line up, that's all." He shrugged one shoulder easily before leaning in and pressing a light kiss to her forehead.

"I should be heading back…I've been gone most of the day already."

Edalene's brow furrowed as she looked up, still not entirely convinced. "If I find out there's more to it than this, Osric…"

"Then you're welcome to come yell at me all you like. It's certainly never stopped you before. Political circumstances and closed gates notwithstanding." He gave her shoulder a squeeze before taking a step back. "I'm just…slowly putting pieces back together, Edalene, that's all. And these contracts are part of that. I'll be in touch soon."

He offered a tired smile - one that didn't quite reach his eyes as he reached over and ruffled her hair before turning and heading off in the direction of the atheryte - leaving her alone with her now messed up hair, two coffee mugs, and her thoughts.

Conflicted, as she often was after talks like this - when he didn't want to tell her something.

Her gaze narrowed at his retreating back as she flopped down onto the bench, scooping up her mug with a huff. It didn't matter how old they got, her assessment of her older brother remained the same.

"Such a fucking…ass when he wants to be."

[ageless-aislynn]

Title: “Recreation” (3/?) Author:@ageless-aislynn​ Characters/fandom: Kai-125/M!Reader, Halo the series Summary: You wanted to take Kai on a date that she would love but your ideas are running a bit thin. Don't worry, though, ODST Jerry is here to help. 😉 Rating:  T (PG13) Length: 3,405 Spoilers/warnings: Set in the Silver Timeline of Halo the series, not the games or novels. No show spoilers. Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! 😉 A/N:  Annnnd it's been a while, friends. Since the last update, life has been all about stress, health issues and writer's block but I'm trying to get things back on track again. 🤞😣🤞

Thank you to @mrtobenamedlater for the suggestions on what sort of dates to not take Kai on. See, I was paying attention, lol!

If you also read "15 Minutes" (or you're checking to see if I'm going to mention anything about it 😉), the next chapter on it is also in progress. Ideally, it should also update at some point this month but I make no promises.

If you've been reading since the beginning, thank you for sticking around. If you're reading this at some later date, thanks for giving it a chance. However it goes, I hope you enjoy! ⭐💖⭐

Taglist: @laurenstacy610 @sporadicbelievernightmare @sarnakhwritesthings

I tagged everybody I tagged last time but, as always, if you'd prefer not to be, just let me know! And if you would like to be tagged in my Kai/Reader fics, just let me know! At the moment, I also write John/Reader, John/Kai and John/Cortana, so I’m glad to tag you for whatever you’d like. Also, if you’d like to be removed, just let me know as well, no hard feelings. 😉 💖

Halo fic masterlist ⭐

"So, what's the plan?"

You looked over as ODST Jerry fell into step with you. "Plan?"

"You know, for when your Spartan honey gets back from extended deploy."

Your I'm thinking over my options face clearly looked a lot like your I'm completely at a loss face. Wait, now that you thought about it, they really were one and the same in this case.

"Come on, man, you need a plan," he bemoaned. "You can't just try to wing it with a Spartan. Not a Spartan. She's worth the time, the effort, the thought, the whole thing. Don't you worry, though. Jerry's got you covered. Give me a few hours and I'll be back with some options."

He strode away with great purpose, leaving you staring after him, a bit flummoxed at having somehow gained an ODST Fairy Godfather.

All considering, though, you could definitely use a little of that "feet first" attitude when it came to dating.

You were on your way to the mess for lunch when, as if by magic, Jerry appeared next to you once more.

"I've been going over the options, running the numbers, all that," he began without preamble. "You know that big amusement park that opened a few weeks ago, tallest roller-coaster on Reach, guaranteed thrills for all?"

"That's where I should take-?"

"You should absolutely not take her there. Think about it, she can jump from orbit without so much as a pod! How exciting is some plain ol' roller-coaster going to be to somebody who can orbital jump in just her armor?"

You nodded slightly, conceding the point.

"Same thing with the games. Punch a bag to show your strength? She can punch the whole machine onto the next continent. Hit a target? She's a sniper, my man. Even with the lousy 'guns' they use for those things, I'd bet you a whole year's salary that she'd make every shot. That's no fun for her. She'll want to be challenged, she'll want excitement! You've got to give her something she's not going to get any other way or why would she bother, right?"

You went from nodding to shaking your head to finally just doing a circle with your chin. "But I'm not that exciting," you said. "That's going to be impossible."

Jerry whipped out his padd. "I made some notes," he said and flipped it around so you could read the screen.

You leaned down a bit, squinting at the print. "Um, you know I couldn't survive that one, right? And I'm just straight-up not doing that one, that one or that one," you said, pointing at the corresponding bullet points.

"If you're worried about where to find a marching band, don't sweat it. I know a guy," he said confidently. "I can even convince him to throw in the venomous carnivores for free."

"I don't know," you said with a slight grimace. "None of this is my style."

"Really? Not even number 15?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely not doing battlefield karaoke. Besides, where would I find an Elite who could sing?"

"I know a guy," he repeated even more confidently.

"Maybe some other time. But thanks."

He waggled a finger at you. "I'm not going to give up on you, buddy. Not after you opened my eyes to the wonders of yoga."

"Are you feeling more centered and enlightened?"

"Eh, that, too," he said. "But I'm going to make sure that you show that Spartan the time of her life, even if it kills us both, don't you worry!"

He gave your shoulder a friendly punch and disappeared into the crowd before you could respond.

You were on an early shift today, so you decided to do some recon in the city. There were a few fancy restaurants there, would Kai like something like that? There were also movie theaters, some quite elaborate. That movie in the park you'd been about to see before the emergency deploy, she'd said she liked it, so was it playing somewhere? She might like the chance to see it in a more elegant setting. Or what about live performances? Did she like plays? Musicals?

You realized you had no idea about her taste in music or entertainment. Or food. Or pretty much anything important, the more you thought about it.

Frustrated, you let your feet carry you out of the city into the outskirts. There was one place you could go to clear your mind for a while. Maybe some fantastic, Spartan-worthy idea would come to you, then?

Not long into throwing balls for the pack of rescue dogs, you'd gotten the feeling you were being watched. Surreptitiously, you'd scanned the wooded area beyond the fenced-in yard but couldn't spot anything suspicious. Even after casually checking out the buildings of the animal sanctuary behind you, you didn't spot anybody watching you from a window or around a corner. Often, some of the other volunteers would gather to watch you playing with the dogs but you really didn't know why.

Deborah, one of the other volunteers, approached after a while, calling your name in greeting. "Want a break? I'll take a turn if you want to go visit your best girl. She's in her usual place."

"Sure, thanks," you said, tossing the ball to her and giving the dogs still clustered around you fond scratches. You headed back to where you'd left your shirt hanging on the porch railing but it was warm enough you'd worked up a light sweat, so you left it off. You found a place in the shade on the ground next to the steps to sit, letting your hand turn palm upwards on the grass.

You caught a glint of eyes beneath the steps but didn't say anything, knowing it was better to wait.

It didn't take nearly as along as it once had before there was movement from the corner of your vision. You still didn't react, keeping your gaze forward, but when a slightly cold, damp nose skimmed your palm, your mouth twitched.

It wasn't until the furry body sat next to you, close enough for the wiry fur to brush your arm, did you look at the small, gray dog. "And how are you today, Gigi?" you asked very softly.

You moved your hand up onto your lap and waited until she shifted to lean against your leg before slowly and gently petting her back. She sat there stiffly for a few more seconds, then finally sighed and laid down with her head propped onto your thigh.

"You know, you're welcome to play ball with the rest of them," you suggested and she rolled her dark eyes to look skeptically at you. "Or not," you concluded.

You both watched Deborah and the rest of the dogs for a while, then Gigi abruptly tensed and darted back under the steps a heartbeat before you heard the crunch of footsteps.

"Hey, marine," Kai said as she came around the corner of the building, dressed in dark civvies, the streak of red in her hair barely peeking out from under her black knit cap with the tear on the edge. "Got room for one more?"

You were on your feet and striding towards her before you even realized it. Halfway there, you realized you didn't know what you were going to do when you got there but fortunately, she didn't have the same problem.

As soon as you were within reach, she grabbed you into a massive embrace. For a long moment, you just closed your eyes and held onto her.

"When'd you get back?" you finally asked into her muscular shoulder.

"Couple of hours ago. Been in debrief for ages. Though poor Chief is still there, so guess I shouldn't complain."

"You all right? No casualties?"

"Silver's in one piece," she said which wasn't really an answer but you figured that was all she could say.

When you leaned back, you expected her to let you go but instead she shifted her hold so to touch your face.

"I'm glad to see you," she said, her tone husky.

"Yeah. Yeah, me, too," you stammered out, feeling tongue-tied.

And then she kissed you and, in addition to feeling bereft of words, you had your breath stolen as well.

You heard a faint growl come from under the porch and Kai released you, murmuring, "So, who's your friend down there? They sound like they're considering biting my ankle."

It took a few blinks before your brain resumed functioning again. "That's Gigi," you said. "She's had a rough go of it, doesn't trust very easily. Usually she wouldn't call attention to herself like that, though."

"She must like you, then," she said with a slight smile, "considering that she's warning me to back off."

You turned, finding that Gigi actually had her head poked out from under the porch, her lips curled and showing teeth. "That's not very nice," you admonished in a gentle tone. "You're both Spartans, you should stick together."

Gigi gave a displeased barky growl at that and vanished into the shadows once more.

"She's a Spartan, huh?" Kai remarked, biting her lip as if to restrain a grin.

"Well, she came to the sanctuary already answering to Gigi so they didn't want to change it," you explained. "So, I told her that it was short for Gorgo, you know, the Spartan queen? I thought she should have a strong name, something to give her courage when she needs it."

Kai looked at you as if you were too precious to be real. "I like it," she said. "Well, Queen Gorgo Gigi would be a welcome part of Silver Team, if she ever feels like joining."

"One day," you said. "Or at least I hope one day that she'll feel safe enough to come out and play ball."

"You'll get her there," she said confidently.

"You think so?"

"Yeah," she said with an encouraging nod. "You're good with her, I can tell. She trusted you enough to come out from her hiding place and sit with you. That's a big deal."

You arched an eyebrow. "How did you know that? Can Spartans see around corners now?"

It was her turn to look a bit sheepish. "I saw from the woods." She jutted her chin in a direction across the yard through the fence. "I, um, might've been watching you running around, playing ball."

"Why?"

She gave a huffing laugh. "Probably for the same reason why you watch me do my deadlift routine."

"Because it's an impressive display of strength and agility?"

She waggled her hand to indicate you were close.

You thought it over for a second. "Because you're hot?"

She did an on the nose gesture. "You didn't answer me before: you got room for one more or do you think it'll upset Gigi if I sit in her space?"

You glanced back as if the small dog would offer a comment. Her eyes glittered in the darkness, which told you she hadn't completely withdrawn. "I think it'll be all right," you finally surmised. "If she seems to get distressed, we can move."

Kai nodded and the both of you took a place on the ground with you the closest to the steps. You sat there in companionable silence for a while, watching Deborah throwing the ball to the pack of dogs.

Eventually, Deborah came your way, gesturing to Kai. "Want to take a turn? They've about run me out but I'd like to give them a little while longer to play."

Kai bounded to her feet. "Sure," she said eagerly. "Just… throw the ball for them?"

"Just throw the ball," the other woman confirmed.

Though you had no doubt that Kai could've thrown it three days' drive away even for the speediest Mongoose, she tempered her strength to mimic approximately how Deborah had been throwing it. Soon, she was laughing at the antics of the pack as they raced around. You noticed that she would also deliberately throw the ball to some of the smaller or slower dogs, giving them their turn as well.

She also paid attention to when they began showing signs of being tired. "Should I let them rest now?" she asked.

Deborah had found a place in the shade to sit far enough away that Gigi didn't withdraw further. At Kai's question, she pushed to her feet. "Yeah, they seem good. I think they'll all have solid naps now, thanks."

Then, as Kai approached and gave her back the ball, she went on, "We're always looking for people for play time like this, or even just feeding and filling water bowls. If you'd ever like to spend more time with them, please feel welcome. I know they'd love it."

"Thanks," Kai said with a broad smile. "I'd love it, too."

"You'll make sure she gets in?" you asked, inclining your head towards the little gray dog under the porch.

Deborah gave a wry smile. "Don't worry, I'll make sure she gets that spot she likes tucked away in the linen closet."

You turned to Kai and gestured for her to proceed.

"You don't tell Gigi goodbye?" she asked, arching a brow curiously.

"Gigi doesn't believe in goodbyes," you returned, partially because you thought it would make her smile.

The toothy grin she gave you went straight to the center of your chest. "Something else we have in common, then."

The walk back into the city was much more pleasant now that Kai was at your side. She couldn't tell you much about the mission Silver Team had been on but that was all right with you.

After she told you that she hadn't had time to grab anything to eat, you diverted your course to find the little out of the way diner you often frequented when off-duty.

As it turned out, Kai had never before had the chance to discover the wonders of the classic hamburger. The elderly owners were quick to ply her with every conceivable variation they could concoct.

Kai's enthusiasm was contagious and her appetite was indeed Spartan-sized. In the time it took you to eat three generously sized burgers, she'd gone through perhaps a dozen. The happiness radiating from her made it difficult for you to not grin like a fool.

She waved them off when they offered to grill up another. "I'm stuffed," she demurred. "Couldn't possibly fit in another bite."

"But," the silver-haired woman asked, "what about dessert? Do you like pie?"

"Pie?" she asked, her tone perking up. And, as it turned out, yes, she did.

When you requested the bill, Kai snatched it off the table in a move so fast you didn't even see a blur of motion.

"My treat," she said. "You can pay for the next date."

Her casual choice of words surprised you. Once you were outside, having promised the owners that you'd come back soon, you fell in line beside her.

"Was this a date?" you finally asked.

"It was to me," she said with a tiny smile and threaded her fingers through yours. "It was actually the most perfect date I could've imagined."

For a moment, you couldn't seem to remember what words were. Then you cleared your throat and said, "I have something for you."

"Did you knit me a gun cozy?" she asked eagerly.

You gave what you hoped was a mysterious smile. In truth, you probably just looked besotted. That was okay, though, because it inspired her to kiss you again.

Kai had remained outside of the marine barracks as you went in to retrieve her present. As you joined her, you noted about a dozen ODSTs and marines lurking none-too-stealthily nearby. One of the privates took a step in your direction and, from out of nowhere, ODST Jerry intercepted him, steering him back into the crowd.

He gave you a covert thumb's up, then disappeared again.

You'd thought you'd done a decent job wrapping the present in plain gray paper, tied with a silver ribbon, but when you actually saw it in her hands, you couldn't help but notice how it looked like a lumpy mess.

You should've put it in a box and had somebody professional do the wrapping. It was too late now, of course, but as she stood just looking at it, you wondered if you should offer to take it back and try again.

But then she glanced up at you and her eyes shone with a surprisingly wet sheen. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I love it."

"But you haven't even seen it," you protested mildly.

"Don't have to. I love it already."

You would've expected her to tear through the paper in a split-second but instead she carefully slid the ribbon free, then undid each seam with careful precision. It was almost as if she had never been given a--

The thought hit you as if you'd walked straight into a wall.

Then the thought made you want to punch the wall. She had never been given a wrapped present before.

It was a good thing she was preoccupied with the wrapping paper because you'd never been that great at concealing your feelings, especially when something made you see red. Scuttlebutt about how Dr. Halsey had treated the Spartans had never been particularly kind but you suddenly had an inkling of just how very unkind the treatment had been. Spartans weren't unthinking, unfeeling machines, no matter what anyone had ever said. It was true that they seemed more… animated since Dr. Keyes had taken over the program but maybe that was merely because she was allowing them to be?

It was all way above your pay grade but your feelings for Kai—

Okay, yeah, you had to admit it at least to yourself: you had feelings for her. Pretending to be in a relationship had been only been pretend for you at the very start. Kai was easy to care about, easy to admire, easy to want to be around.

The kissing was also a fantastic perk to the pretending, of course, but even if that had never been a thing, you would've still wanted to spend time with her.

As she undid the final piece of tape, she glanced up at you again and whatever she saw this time made her straighten. "You okay?" she asked.

"Sure." Your attempt to clear all of those feelings off your face was obviously an abject failure, so you went with it. "Hoping you like your gifts."

"There's more than one in here?"

"Finish opening and find out."

She slowly peeled the paper back, as if loathe to have the experience end. Oh, you were definitely getting her more wrapped presents, ASAP.

"I noticed yours was torn," you said as she gently lifted up the black knit cap from the rest of the bundle.

She made a surprisingly squeaky sound as she turned it and the metallic thread of the embroidery along the wide brim caught the light. "Is this my sniper? And a Needler? A MA5C? These are all my favorite weapons!"

"I know," you returned, then grinned as she actually spun in an excited circle.

She yanked off her old cap and put the new one on with reverence. "I just wish I could wear it and look at it at the same time," she said and you gestured at the package she still held in her hands.

She lifted the scarf out next, making another squeaky sound as she took in the matching embroidered pattern across both ends. After throwing it around her neck, she looked at you, this time with heat. "Would you want to come back to my room so I can model these for you?"

You stared quizzically at her, about to point out that she was modeling them, wasn't she?

But before you could speak, she leaned in closer to murmur, "So I can model only these for you?"

You blinked. It took two tries but finally you got out a heartfelt, "Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

As she grabbed your hand and pulled you away, you passed ODST Jerry now in the middle of the group of rapt onlookers.

"I taught him everything he knows," he was saying with a proud sniff. "Now, c'mon, everybody pay up. Yeah, and maybe if you're lucky, ol' Jerry here will help you make a Spartan love connection, too."

[morningstargirl666]

When is The Big Bad Wolf Act 2 coming out?? Are you going to release monthly or all at once?? (I just finished the series and I’m in love 🩷🩷 no rush to write, just wondering if you have an idea because you have loyal readers waiting to love it!!! Have a great day <3)

Hello! Lovely to meet you and thank you so much for reading, that fic is a BEAST. So glad you enjoyed it!

So. When is the next update coming out? [nervous laughter]

Thing is, I told myself now I'm halfway i'll go back and edit, smooth things out before this fic literally becomes too long to tackle and that kinda...turned into a full rewrite?

I'm not changing the plot. That's exactly the same. But my ideas for the lore have changed since I first started writing and I wanted to add in a whole lot more of characterisation and set up for the chapters to come. I rewrote The Little Wolf back in December and recently did some tweaking to chapter 5 of it just this last week (I couldn't work out how to fix it when I first did the rewrite but I had an EPHIPHANY okay). So The Little Wolf is around 35k now, which is a huge difference to the 11k it was in November when I posted chapter 35 of tbbw. It's got tons of new scenes, a sharper forcus on the Mikaelson siblings not just Klaus and two whole new chapters. Of course, you've probably already read that as it is posted and you're a new reader, but that's what I was doing before Christmas, essentially.

As for The Big Bad Wolf itself...boy, where do I start. I'm approaching 85k on the rewrite...only on chapter 7. Which technically used to be chapter 6, because I got 5 chapters in before I added a new chapter. I guess that's a record for my restraint, at least.

So, in terms of what's happening: I'm re-writing tbbw. The plot isn't changing, but new scenes are being added, conversations are being tweaked, the lore is being more consistently fleshed out. Grammar for dialogue is being given a complete overhaul because that was a mess. But. Listen. It's so much better. It's so fucking better. I re-read the chapters I've done and in some places, the drafts aren't quite finished yet, like my writer brain is like fix this later BUT omg it's like, THE shit. It's so good. I've very excited.

I'm not sure how long it will take to finish. I might be able to stop halfway and post the rewritten/edited chapters I've got so far but I make no promises because I feel more inclined to keep going and get it all done in one. Some chapters won't need much work at all as they've been more heavily edited in the past (chapter 8 and 9 should be done pretty quickly, just giving them a facelift), while others I'm really ripping into. There's one chapter I know I'll either delete or delete scenes from to be replaced with something else (don't worry, the scenes will go into my deleted scenes fic on ao3, it's not gone forever).

So yeah. At the rate I'm going, I'm not gonna lie, it may take till the summer before I get all this editing done AND finish the new chapter 36 update - and you may get two new chapters at once, because it might be a long one and I might split it. But by the end of it, tbbw won't be 378k anymore. It'll probably be closer 450k. So you'll get a 50k+ update (along with some bonus stuff) to the whole fic and then a week later I'll post the new chapters (I used to post fornightly, a chapter every two weeks, and I'll go back to that when I'm done).

But yeah. I've written like, 110k since December, which for context is is closing in on the equivalent of the second book of TLOTR trilogy: The Return of the King was 137,115 words. That's an epic novel's worth. In three months.

An arguement could be made that I'm making this fic way too long but I don't really care? I love writing this. It makes my head spin and makes me tear my hair out but...it's so much fun too. And I get to rewrite canon, the way it should have been (we were so ROBBED 😭😭😭), so hey! It's free therapy too! I'm not going to stop as long as I'm loving every second.

Thanks for reading, and thank for listening to my insane plans! Hopefully, I'll see you there on ao3 when this fic is back for business!!

-And it WILL be back.

[reynanghugot]

[July 18, 2023 6:26PM] disclaimer: long post ahead. This might be TMI for some; you can skip it.

To those who are new to my dash [yes, I followed some in the last few months because I wanted to see new people], Hi, I'm Jelli! It was nice to be your mutual here.

As usual, I just woke up again because I slept late last night due to one of my major subject submissions at 11:59 p.m. Anyway, good evening. Well, maybe good morning if you are living in a different Time Zone. Here's a life update that you didn't ask for:

Well, I have a few more days before my one-week diet and my therapy. I've been waiting for this time to share what's really happening to me alone. I've been receiving messages lately; some were asking how I was doing, some were already aware of my health condition, which I have shared here, and some were just skipping those posts because that's really what they were supposed to be.

I've already mentioned this in my previous posts, [but let me repeat it again because who cares, right?] I was diagnosed in April 2023 with a non-toxic goiter and underwent surgery in May 2023. One week after I was discharged, my biopsy result came out, and I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcinoma [this is curable, by the way; it's just that I'm really scared at its finest because we have a strong family history when it comes to this type of illness]. Yes, you can do your own research on what that is [if you would like], but that was really the term that I would like to go for. In other words, I'm not yet done with medications, laboratories, and hospital admissions. Frankly speaking, it's really hard to accept it at first, but I really need to, because for me, acceptance is really the best thing that I can do to go on with my day while I'm waiting for my next doctor's appointment. I am just hoping for the best with my radioactive iodine therapy on the 31st. It might be a little harder for me and for my loved ones because I need to be isolated for 3–5 days and another 15 days once discharged.

Due to my health condition, I've been on leave since April 10, 2023, and I'm still not sure if I will go back to work or not. We'll see after my therapy and recuperation period. Despite my current situation, I will still be able to retain my academic achievement as part of the president's list from last semester. For sure, you were able to see it if we are friends on Facebook.

I was able to see my longtime friends from 2013 on July 9, 2023. I've been missing in action for four years due to personal matters. I had a great night with them and with our partners, just like in the old days. It might be a short period of time that has been allotted for that dinner because we have our priorities the next day, but it's really memorable for me. I am truly grateful to have them in my life.

There's nothing new that happened in my life during the second quarter because of my current situation. Aside from me trying my luck in freelancing because I really want to change the industry in which I am working, I am also just going back and forth to the hospital, and prior to that, I was given a chance to go celebrate my Birthday with @/niiiikkotin and @/p0poynawalangbasha weekend after the holy week last April 2023, visit Nikko's family mid-April 2023, and take a long week vacation with my family last May 2–5, 2023.

I think is the best thing that I could share here. If you will ask me, How am I doing? I am currently okay while I'm typing this. But still, not every day is a good day. I still have days when I'm at my lowest physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally, but I know how strong I am and I can get through this. A little progress every day is still progress for me. I hope everything goes well in the next few days.

If you reach this point in your reading, thank you for taking the time. We might not be that close personally, but I still appreciate you listening to [or, initially, just reading] my chika. Have a great night, and take care always!

[godbirdart]

any tips/reassurance for when u have lots of owed art (comms, trades, etc)? i get stressed over making people wait too long sometimes with just a few things on my list. u manage to make SO MUCH stuff for patreon and personal work combined each year?? must be magic no other way /pos

let me start with saying:

people are [generally] more than okay waiting for art!

you are one person. you can get sick, have emergencies, and you also need personal time as well! you're not a company, and most clients are very understanding of that. there will always be the one odd client that's impatient, yes. it does happen. but as long as you are transparent, communicate, and [as a bonus] have a public queue - you really have no reason to fret.

i have commissioned artists that took three days to finish art. i have commissioned artists that took three months to finish art. there is no "standard" turnaround time when it comes to commissions. every artist works at different paces, not every artist is self-employed. some have school or jobs that take away time from their art, and that’s fine! it is okay to take a long time to finish your work! just be honest.

let me elaborate [i’m gonna say client a lot but these can also apply to trades]

be transparent: if you know it'll take you a while to finish the art, write that in your commission post and/or order form when you open. make that the very first thing the client knows before any payment is exchanged. i like to write it in my order form and in my first email back when i'm taking on a commission, as it covers my butt and keeps the client in the know.

public queue: set up a trello or make a post/journal somewhere [such as furaffinity or deviantart] where your clients can go and see the progress of their work. if they can go check where they’re at in the queue there, they won’t have to stress you out by having to send you an email every week for updates.

answer in a timely manner: i have an autoresponder set up for my email. it lets clients know that a) i got their message and b) i’ll respond to them within a couple business days [if there are no other delays / holidays]. it takes away the stress of having to drop everything and answer my client right then in there, as much as my adhd brain panics and wants to do that. it also reassures the client that their messages are getting through and that they aren’t getting ghosted if i don’t respond for a day or two.

if there’s going to be a delay, tell your client asap! if you have an emergency that’ll impact your work, tell your client as soon as possible. you do not have to go into personal details, just be honest and say “hey, there’s been an unexpected event that’ll cause a delay in updates. i will try and get an update to you as soon as i’m able. thank you for your patience!” and leave it at that. the majority of your clients will be understanding and grateful for the update.

be professional. a little professionalism goes a long way. you can be more lax with trades as usually you're doing that with friends, but if a client checks in to see the status of their commission maybe write "thanks for checking in! here's what i've got so far" and attach a WIP or "thank you for checking in! i don't have an update for you yet but will try and get one to you soon! thank you for your patience!". some artists merely say "i don't have an update sorry", and sure that does work, but it may come off dismissive to your client and they're not going to feel great about waiting. it's okay to not have an update yet when messaging people back! just be honest about it.

if you’ve bitten off more than you can chew: refund them. it's not bad business if you have to refund a client. if you find you've taken on more work than you can handle, or just cannot fulfill a client's commission - you absolutely have the option to simply refund them. be sincere, apologize for their time, thank them for considering you, and tell them you hope they'll consider commissioning you again in the future.

i hope this reassures you a bit! i 100000% understand the stress from making people wait in the queue for a long time. i’m the exact same way!! but rest assured they’re not going to get mad at you for having to wait. like i’ve already said multiple times; just communicate and be transparent and you’ll be fine!

[amywritesthings]

good morning, friends! i just wanted to pop on here really fast to clear up some confusion from my inbox/some replies i've received. i hope this does not come off as rude or upsets anyone who may have asked, but i just need this off of my chest.

i am not abandoning silver underground. the outline is written, the ending is finalized, and we have about 10 chapters to go. i finally posted my first piece of writing in nearly 2 months and it was something new, so i can see why people are confused.

that being said, please be respectful that i am enjoying my hobby and exploring new ideas! i do not get paid to write 70K words in under 6 months. all of my work comes from my own free time.

i write all of this out of love and excitement and fixation. i do recognize just how crappy it can be to be waiting for an update and not get it when an author returns -- believe me, i have GAD and the fear of disappointing strangers is constantly on my mind lol. between the last couple of chapters of SU not performing as great a la comments/reblogs in comparison to the earlier chapters, a lot of life events and obligations irl squashing my creativity, and my own mental health, i struggled plenty with knocking out 5-8k chapters a week or biweekly.

i am so proud that i wrote a novels' worth of free story between march and september. i've written ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS this year alone! and i have managed to keep a social life, career, romantic relationship, etc. it's such a mind-boggling achievement, and i'm damn impressed with myself for doing so.

but please be respectful when you ask about my other works. i know most of you started out only caring about my mando content. that's fine! then it was eddie munson, then the last of us. then it was attack on titan -- and maybe baldur's gate 3 isn't your thing! i've been known to jump fandoms as my fixations wane and grow, and i do not mind updating people about if i'm working on something or not, but all i ask is to not harass or shame me for not updating a certain work in a timely fashion because...

well, because i don't owe anyone anything. this is my hobby. i am compensated through reblogs, comments, inbox messages, and engagement -- and then i get up in the morning to work my normal job, lol. i'll write what strikes me and return to works when the inspiration hits.

thank you to EVERYONE who has contributed to engaging with my work in some form. you are the best. the reblogs seriously make me emotional. the inbox messages and comments on ao3 make me WANT to write. i am so grateful for every soul that clicks on my content and touches it in some way or another.

if you read all of this -- go do some stretches and drink some water lol

xo amy

[broccoliboix5peepeeman]

Midoriya-sensei AU

Chapter 12: Sports Day

I've decided I'm going to officially change updates to the 15th of every month, because I just don't have to time to post twice a month considering the chapters seem to be getting longer (who's fault could that be? ^^') and I don't want to disappoint

Also, I made a POLL regarding a minor side plot, so let me know if you're interested or not!

Part 11 | Ao3 | Part 13

[Sunday 8th October]

Me [1812]: I'm sorry im watching ths news and.erm did you jut use YOUR FIRE???

Me [1813]: Thats so amazing you look great I'm so proud of you!

Me [1814]: I will be screaming to you about this next time I see you but for now I'll just scream over text

Me [1814]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1833]: 🔥

***

Izuku, understandably, felt extra excited when he walked into work Monday morning. It had been over a week and not only had Shoto taken what he’d said to heart, but he’d actually started training his fire!

Initially, Izuku had been concerned—Shoto’s replies had been slow and abrupt since their hangout, and Fuyumi had even noticed that he’d been staying back at the agency later than usual—but after his friend’s shift yesterday evening, a phone call had quickly put those worries to rest. It turned out that Shoto had simply spent the past week training his left side; he’d even called for private coaching from Eraserhead and Endeavour, the latter of which was surprising but logical.

‘He’s not a complete bastard wank anymore, and what good is my father if I can’t take advantage of his knowledge?’ He could practically hear the shrug in Shoto’s voice. ‘He was pretty helpful, and Eraser was his usual brutal self. I learnt a lot.’

‘I’m really glad!’ Izuku’s cheeks hurt from smiling. ‘So you’re feeling more confident?’

‘The past week’s been hell, and I still have a lot of catching up to do, but yeah.’ A pause. ‘I feel confident to begin using my… my fire, in the field.’

Izuku honestly couldn’t wait to see Shoto’s growth. He was already so proud of his friend, and he knew his family would be too, especially Rei. It was a huge step—he was going to need to compile a new notebook dedicated solely to Shoto's left side.

He was still grinning about it, even as he walked across the field, setting up the obstacle course for the students.

Part of Izuku was also thankful for the timing, as Shoto's news was what was currently suppressing the anxiety bubbling in his stomach. After all, today was sports day, and while the event was typically one of his favourites in the academic calendar, they were also using it to implement their last minute plan to help Hiru.

They couldn't afford for anything to go wrong.

‘Hey.’ Fuyumi walked over, smiling gently. She’d already finished helping one of the other teachers set up the beanbag toss. ‘How’re you doing?’

‘Ask me again in approximately eight hours.’ He chuckled humorlessly as he lined up the tunnels, before positioning the skipping ropes on the other side. 'I'll be honest, I'm feeling a nervous poop coming.'

'You sound like Natsuo.' She snorted, immediately reaching down to help him with the equipment.

‘I’ll take that as a complement.’ He stuck his tongue out in response. ‘Thanks.’

His lower body grumbled with discomfort and he pulled a face. ‘Once this is finished, I’ll pop over. Just the sacks left after this.’

‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll finish off here.’ Despite her kindness, there was an assertive air to her voice which told Izuku that she wasn’t accepting no for an answer.

That was fine with him.

‘Really? Thank you! You’re the best honestly!’ He immediately dropped everything and ran to the building. Once inside, he beelined for the staff toilets. ‘Thank fuck…’

Once he was finished, Izuku checked his phone to find that it was only a few minutes before the first bell. Luckily, his classroom wasn’t too far. Anxiety still lingered in his body—he suspected it would for the duration of the school day—but it wasn’t overwhelming; he still smiled brightly as he greeted his students and took the register, before leading them to the assembly hall. They had all come to school in their PE kits, so it was rather amusing to see them wearing their usual school shoes instead of their trainers, due to being inside.

Izuku then took his place next to Fuyumi, like clockwork, and the two of them watched the other students filter in.

‘Did you get sorted okay?’

‘Yeah, all good.’ She shrugged. ‘Did you have a good poop?’

‘Y’know, I’m still not sure… but I certainly needed it.’ He answered shamelessly. There wasn’t really a filter between them at this point—they’d seen their students do more horrifying things over the years.

The Head soon began with the usual topics—reminding the faculty about the HQA information session that was coming up in a few weeks—before he eventually brought up the giant elephant in the room.

‘I can practically hear you all vibrating with excitement, even without my quirk, so no point delaying. As you’re aware, today is sports day!' He paused while the students cheered. 'This year, however, we’ve put a special twist on it…’

Usually, grades were kept separate—the two classes competing against each other—but this time, there would be four distinct teams: Lemillion, consisting of classes 2B, 3A and 4B; Dynamite, including classes 2A, 3B and 4B; Shoto, of which Fuyumi’s class, 1B, was a part of, as well as 5B and 6A; and All Might, encompassing the final three classes—Izuku had been fierce in his demand to be put on the latter team. So, while each grade would still go around each activity together as a whole, the allotted points they’d accumulate went to their designated teams.

That meant that Hiru and his antagonists had to rely on each other to win, and the prize was a trophy for each winning class.

The formal reason behind the team set-up was to encourage the different grades to support each other and build a rapport. Hopefully, it might also allow certain individuals to reflect on their differences.

Hopefully.

‘Now that you all have your teams, it’s time for the schedule.’ The Head brought up the next powerpoint side, showing a table. ‘Some of you will notice that your homeroom teacher is running an activity. That is why each grade will walk around together. So, for example, grade one will follow Todoroki-sensei, while Midoriya-sensei runs the obstacle course. Make sense?'

A sea of heads immediately bobbed up and down.

The Head smiled. 'Great! Now, your teacher will also have a copy of the schedule, so there's no need to memorise it…'

There were a few more minutes of technicalities—a few kids clearly becoming impatient—before everyone was finally released. While Fuyumi gathered their students together, Izuku quickly made his way back out to the field, along with a few other teachers. Some parents were already congregating around the activities, eager to support their kids. He smiled in greeting and exchanged pleasantries with a few, but otherwise remained silent as he waited.

He rocked back and forth on his feet, imagining all the different outcomes of the day. Hiru was the fastest runner in his grade—probably the older ones too—due to his quirk. That was why they’d deliberately scheduled the whole school for the relay race at the end of the day. That way, they could set it up so each team could cheer each other on for the final event.

His thoughts were interrupted before he could truly get lost in them, as a flock of children suddenly swarmed the field.

There were five other events, not including the obstacle course and relay. Tug of war was fairly self-explanatory, as was dance; along with the bean bag toss—throw as many beanbags into your team’s basket as possible before the time runs out—and the cavalry battle. Admittedly though, the latter wouldn’t be as impressive as UA’s infamous cavalry battle due to the lack of quirk usage.

The event that was often the most confusing for foreign students was oodama, but that was just because of the name, which was just “giant ball”. Essentially, each team had to carry a giant inflatable ball together to the goal point; if they dropped it, they’d have to start again. Izuku really hoped Hiru had brought along his personalised cover for his quills, otherwise they might have some issues with that one.

‘Namaste, Midoriya-sensei!’

He smiled as the sixth graders surrounded him, all bowing simultaneously. They were the year below his previous homeroom class—when he’d had India for global month—so naturally, they’d all joined in during the legendary “Namaste phase” and made sure not to let it die out entirely.

Indulging them, he put his palms together and bowed.

‘Namaste, bachche! How're you all doing?'

He snorted when they immediately began speaking over each other—clearly excited—and waited until they’d all calmed down before taking them through the usual rules. There would be six races, with roughly ten students per race. Then, the winner of each race would enter the final, and points would be assigned based on their placement.

It wasn’t too difficult considering the sixth graders had already done the course before—with just a few minor changes—but once they’d moved on, his next group was the first graders.

‘Hey, Sensei!’ His students greeted excitedly. ‘We just did our dance routine!’

‘Did you?’ He gasped. ‘How did it go?’

‘It went really well!’ Hana jumped up and down. ‘Our parents all watched as well, which was super fun! Okaasan took pictures!’

‘We didn’t win though.’ Haku pouted, crossing his arms as class B joined them.

‘It was really close!’ Fuyumi tried to placate. ‘You were all really good! Like professional dancers!’

‘Like Pinky?’ Izuku offered, knowing his students would appreciate the comparison. When Fuyumi quickly agreed, they brightened up significantly, and he explained the rules.

It ended up being a close one, but after the first set of races, the finalists were decided: four from class B and two from A. Luckily though, Hiru and Touta managed to bag the top two spots, bringing the scores to a tie as they went off to the next activity. Izuku waved farewell as he quickly prepared everything for the second graders.

By the time lunch came around and the scores were tallied, team All Might were in joint second with Dynamight, while team Shoto was in the lead. It was pretty close, which was to be expected—especially to build suspense and competition—but it still made Izuku nervous.

His leg was twitching.

'Stop overthinking.' Fuyumi nudged him from where they were sitting: a picnic bench in the playground, as the children played around them. 'We've set everything in motion, it's up to the kids now.'

'I know.' He sighed, exasperated. 'But I'm a worrier!'

'And I'm not?' She scoffed with a laugh. 'Come on. There's nothing else you can do for now.'

'Only because I haven't thought of something yet.' He argued weakly.

Maybe there was some way he could figure out a plan to have the different grades work together, or set up an ethical way to jeopardise-

‘Nope. Not going there.' Fuyumi interjected, before slurping up more noodles. He must've been staring at his bento for too long and mumbling out loud. 'Tell you what, I'll change the subject. How was your weekend?’

Not even subtle… but Izuku chose to take the bait. Worrying made his stomach hurt.

‘Pretty uneventful…’ He shrugged, using his chopsticks to move his food around. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't quite keep the smile from his face as his mind recalled a certain hero. ‘Y’know, other than the obvious. You?’

‘Yeah, I was pretty much the same.’ She laughed halfheartedly. 'You really must be nervous for Hiru, considering you haven't even brought up Shoto until now, and that was with some prompting.'

'I've just not had the time to properly gush about it.' He placed a hand over his chest, then eyed his friend cautiously. 'Plus, I wanted to check first: how're you feeling about it?'

She flashed him a grateful smile, then shook her head affectionately.

'It's… I'm feeling hopeful, I think.' She pursed her lips, pondering. ‘It was just… surprising, to say the least. As you know, we were all concerned about him the past week, but then, before he went to work yesterday, he told us to keep an eye on the news and promised that it was nothing bad…' Her tone turned sarcastic. 'That didn't worry us at all.’

‘Of course.’

‘So we kept the tv on during dinner, then all of a sudden, okaasan called my name, and I rushed in, and on the screen was Shoto using his fire to catch a villain, like some kind of fever dream!’

She hesitated then; Izuku tilted his head to the side.

‘Was that good or bad?’

‘Oh, definitely good!’ She was quick to clarify, then looked down at her noodles in thought. ‘We just… never expected it. Shoto had always been so against using it in combat. Something must’ve happened.’

She paused and slowly looked up to meet Izuku’s eyes. ‘Hang on.’

He chuckled nervously.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘You never said what your argument was about when you hung out at the house, just that you disagreed on something. Come on, spill.’

As she looked at him expectantly, Izuku tapped his index fingers together and bounced his legs under the table.

‘He kinda… told me about why he didn’t use his fire, so I kinda… to sum it up, basically called him immature and explained why he was being dumb.’

‘Izuku!’

‘I know, it was stupid, I don’t know what I was doing. I guess I was just…’ He faltered. His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it. 'I was just…'

‘Being your usual self.’ Fuyumi eventually finished for him, causing him to look at her quizzically. ‘He’s needed telling for years, but he’s stubborn and all of us were afraid of the consequences. Our family’s been through so much, we didn’t want to risk breaking it again.’

She sighed. ‘After everything that happened, I think he’d resigned himself to not using his left side… because otherwise he’d have to admit to not “giving it his all” against Touya. He didn't "try hard enough" to save him, if that makes sense?’

‘I didn’t think about that.’ Izuku murmured, guilt immediately washing over him as he slapped his forehead. ‘Of course he feels responsible for what happened, and I was so insensitive.’

He groaned, twitching as he recalled the argument. He made several more little noises of annoyance and shook his head. Fuck, it’s a wonder he doesn’t hate me…

Fuyumi regarded him carefully, chewing the inside of her cheek. She was used to his stimming by now, so didn't mention it, which he was thankful for.

‘I don’t know what you said specifically.’ She began slowly. ‘But whatever it was… it worked, so don’t beat yourself up too much like I know you’re currently doing.’

‘You know me too well.’ Izuku snorted. 'Gahhh, I just… he looked so sad and angry.'

‘He’s been sad and angry for a while, but he used to be worse.’ She conceded, but her tone wasn't accusatory. ‘Therapy has done most of the work to get him where he is today, but he’s always been so adamant about his fire… until now. You don’t need to feel bad for telling him what he needed to hear, promise.’

Izuku tightened his lips and searched her expression.

‘Are you really sure?’

She snorted.

‘If Shoto hated you, you’d know it by now.’ She told him simply. ‘Has he messaged you today?’

Izuku paused.

‘Well, yeah... He wanted to wish me luck.’

‘See?’

‘All right, all right, fine.’ Izuku smiled despite himself, as he took his phone out of his pocket. ‘It was really thoughtful-’

He paused when he realised Shoto had actually messaged him a few minutes ago.

‘Yeah, he fretted over the wording for ten minutes this morning.’ Fuyumi divulged—Izuku doubted her brother wanted him to know that little bit of information—before taking a sip from her drink. ‘So you’ve got nothing to worry about… and I know that smile, you’re looking at his messages, aren’t you?’

‘Hush.’ He stuck his tongue out, but before he could unlock his phone, one of his students suddenly appeared at his side. ‘Oh, hello, Nagisa-chan.’

‘Hi.’ She swung her arms out. ‘What happens when you die?’

Fuyumi choked on her drink, while Izuku just took a moment to process the question.

‘Erm… me specifically, or just people?’ Despite asking for clarification, the answer would remain the same: he didn’t have a clue.

‘Well, is it different for you?’ She tilted her head to the side.

Point taken.

‘I’ll be honest, Nagisa-chan, I’m not sure.’ He admitted. ‘That’s the thing about dying… you can’t really come back and let everyone know what happens.’

‘What about people who die and then they come back to life with the electric oven gloves.’

Izuku’s left eye twitched.

‘You mean a defibrillator?’ He asked, slowly.

‘I like my name better.’

‘Yeah, me too.’ Fuyumi chipped in.

Izuku hoped the name comment would distract her from the question, but alas, Nagisa continued to stare at him expectantly.

‘Er… well, I guess if they’re brought back to life, they couldn’t have been truly dead?’

‘Even Jesus?’

‘Do you… believe in Jesus?’

‘Not really.’ She sighed, looking over at where some students were playing hopscotch. ‘So what DOES happen when you die?’

Izuku bit his lip to prevent any muttering—he could go to various lengths about different religions and their beliefs, along with potential theories—but figured no one would appreciate that.

‘What do you think happens?’ He asked instead.

‘Hmmm.’ She placed a contemplative hand on her chin. ‘Probably… if you’re a good person, you turn into a dog or maybe a butterfly, but if you’re bad, you turn into… a wasp.’

‘A wasp?’

‘Yeah. No one likes wasps.’

‘What about good people who don’t like dogs?’ Fuyumi asked.

‘I guess… then maybe you turn into your favourite animal if you’re good.’ She twirled some of her hair around her finger. ‘And if you’re bad, you turn into something you don’t like.’

‘I can get behind that.’ Izuku agreed, then finally asked what had been on his mind since the start of the interaction. ‘What made you ask the question?’

‘My goldfish died last night.’ Nagisa pouted. ‘Okaasan flushed Floella down the toilet.’

‘That’s sad.’ Izuku frowned.

‘Yes, very.’ She put the hair she was playing with in her mouth and started chewing. ‘Anyway, see you later, sensei.’

Before he could say anything else, she sprinted off to join those playing hopscotch.

‘That was lovely.’ Fuyumi commented, as the two of them watched her go.

‘I think I have whiplash.’ Izuku deadpanned, before finally looking at his phone.

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1239]: Hope it’s going well

Me [1250]: So far so good! How’s work?

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1251]: On my lunch now, so can’t complain

‘Mei-chan, don’t you dare put that worm in your mouth!’ Fuyumi suddenly shouted, before bolting off towards the aforementioned student. ‘It’s every other day with this girl.’

Izuku snorted, then scanned the playground. The rest of the children seemed to be enjoying themselves, whilst most parents chatted with each other around the many picnic benches; some families stayed together, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Me [1253]: Same… 7 more minutes left tho

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1254]: That’s rough buddy

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1254]: What time do you get off?

Izuku furrowed his eyebrows.

‘Have you finished your lunch?’ Fuyumi was suddenly at his side, a little out of breath. When he nodded, she scooped up his container. ‘No problem, I’ll pop these back in the staffroom while you chat up my brother.’

‘I am not-’ He faltered when she quickly sped away out of earshot, then grumbled as he turned back to his phone. ‘I wish.’

Me [1255]: The school day finishes at 3 15 but I won’t be leaving till half past. Why?

He tapped the edge of his phone as he waited for a reply, periodically monitoring the students.

Shoto-kun 🙏 [1257]: Just wondering for when Fuyumi comes home

Izuku tried not to feel disappointed with the answer.

Me [1258]: Fair enough. Anyway, I gotta start rounding up the kids. Speak to you soon!

He quickly put his phone in his pocket and got to his feet.

Once everyone was organised and lunch was officially over, Izuku left the first graders with Fuyumi and jogged back over to the obstacle course, anticipating the fourth graders. In truth, he handled them relatively easily. They were especially boisterous, but the rowdiness didn't manifest into disobedience, and the parents watching from the sidelines cheered them on in good sport.

It wasn't until they left and grade five appeared that Izuku felt anxiety return. He tried not to let it show as he explained the rules to the students, who seemed particularly riled up, as teams All Might and Shoto were currently tying for first place.

'Ugh, I hope those annoying first graders don't ruin it for us!' One rolled his eyes, while his friend groaned with frustration.

'I bet they do! They're so useless!' Hiru hadn't provided him with names, but Izuku knew enough to suspect who the bullies were. 'Especially that mutant porcupine-'

'Have you got something you want to share with everyone?' Izuku interrupted, stern. When the rest of the grade turned to share at the duo, embarrassment flooded their cheeks and they shook their heads. Izuku tried not to pay attention to the way some parents turned to whisper to one another and even point at him. 'Well then, I hope you were discussing the rules, because it’s time to split into teams.'

His smile returned as he continued on with the event. However, his eyes did occasionally scan certain individuals for longer than he usually would.

'Is that him?' He'd hear some of the adults whisper. 'The Quirkless one?'

He'd heard similar questions and hushed comments throughout the day—not all malicious, mainly curious—but right now, Izuku was struggling to ignore them. Maybe it was because there were parents among them who were overtly and dangerously quirkist. Realistically, he knew that he was safe and that he was doing his job to the best of his ability, but he still felt like he was under the spotlight; if he fucked anything up in front of them, then he was setting a bad example for his fellow HQ community.

Luckily, whispers aside, the remaining forty five minutes passed without any incidents, and Izuku exhaled with relief once he was left to pack everything away while the students and parents made their way to the athletics track. It was only a brief interlude—it was easier putting everything away compared to setting it all up this morning—but he welcomed it all the same. It gave him a chance to briefly recharge and gather his bearings.

Once everything was sorted, he—along with a few other teachers who had also been on clean-up duty—jogged over to join the rest of the school. It was loud, many voices cheering and whooping. From the look and sound of it, the third graders were competing, which meant that there were only two more races left.

He hadn't missed the final then.

Izuku spotted the first graders sitting together with Fuyumi, and smiled as he strode over

'How's it going?' He nudged her gently and joined her on the grass, leaning back on his ankles. He tried not to alert the students of his presence so they could enjoy the race. 'Miss anything?'

'Your initial predictions were right, as usual.' She crossed her arms and nodded towards the blackboard by the finish line. 'If team Lemillion win, which looks like it's about to happen, then no matter how team Dynamight do in the grade two race, they still won't be higher than third. That puts our kids competing for the overall first place in the final round.'

'Seriously?' His eyes widened. 'I never expected it to go that smoothly, especially considering I don't know the other grades as well as ours.'

'Yeah, but I distinctly remember walking into your classroom after school to snap you out of your three hour strategizing session because housekeeping was about to kick you out.' Fuyumi shrugged. 'Once you get fixated on something, that's it, so I was pretty confident with what you'd come up with... even if it requires me having to console my poor students after their inevitable defeat.'

'Look, it's not my fault the fastest first grader is in my class.' Izuku grinned when Fuyumi mock sneered at him. 'I just hope it's worth it.'

His friend hummed, but didn't comment further, as the race came to an end. As expected, team Lemillion won—which meant both teams were out of the running for first—but that didn't prevent the second graders from giving it their absolute all in their race for third place. While that was going on though, Izuku tapped his class's four candidates on the shoulder.

'Hey, sensei!' Hana and Tomoyo both exclaimed, while Hiru waved.

'Are you here to escort us to the start line?' Touta asked, straight to the point.

'You bet I am!' He smiled, gesturing for them to get up. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Fuyumi do the same with her students. 'Are you ready?'

'Yes!' They jumped up.

'Do your best!' Haku called out, prompting the rest of the class to shout their good luck.

'I believe in you!' Nozomi pumped her fist. 'Show them what you're made of, Hiru!'

'Gotta go fast!' The aforementioned giggled, as they made their way around the course.

Instead of the typical 400m relay, they had painted a track half the size; therefore, to run a full lap, each student participating would run 50m. It was the ideal size, as it meant everyone had enough space to spectate, including the parents.

By the time they made it to the starting line, the penultimate race concluded, as teams Dynamight and Lemillion shouted accordingly—the cheers outweighing the groans of the losing team. Izuku wasn't quite sure who had won, until he heard Tomoyo inform Touta that Lemiilion had made a last minute comeback and had beat Dynamight by one point.

'Alright, everyone!' The Head announced through a loudspeaker; Izuku winced at the volume. 'Has everyone enjoyed today?' He paused as the field filled with whoops and excited "yeah"s, before continuing. 'It's time for our final race of the day and the battle for first place! Show some support for the first graders!'

Amongst the noise, the students got into position and the first runners were given their baton.

'I was telling the others about how you can start running before your partner gets to you.' Touta informed Izuku. 'That way, there's no stopping, which could slow the race down, but I also told them not to start running too early. Don't worry, we practised yesterday during playtime!'

'Is that so?' Izuku nodded in understanding. 'How did that go?'

'Very well! I'm confident we'll win!' Touta nodded firmly, before getting on the ground into the proper position, unlike the other student, who was just standing normally and side-eyeing him.

Izuku quickly stepped to the side and gave a thumbs up. Anticipation set in as the Head counted them down, and suddenly they were running. Touta—ever idolising Ingenium—had an intense look of concentration as he hand chopped with each stride; somehow not losing the baton.

True to his word, Tomoyo started running as he came closer—not too fast and with her arm stuck out ready—and the transition was fairly smooth. Despite Touta's start, the race was still neck and neck; the class B girl running against Tomoyo was very fast—Izuku could feel Fuyumi’s smirk from here—so they quickly took the lead. His heart almost burst as Tomoyo’s face went red in her attempt to frantically catch up, but it was no use.

It wasn’t over yet though. Once the baton went to Hana, they were able to make back some of the gap. By this point, everyone was cheering and shouting—Izuku included, whilst trying not to let the desperation show in his voice—hoping for victory. Hana did well to pick up their pace, and once Hiru started running, nothing could stop him; he easily overtook his opponent and sprinted towards the finish line. His quills shook where his sports shirt had been modified, his nose bounced with each step, but his face was determined, focusing only on one goal.

Izuku looked around him, searching everyone else’s expressions. Most were watching with amazement, others with delight, whilst those on team Shoto were clutching their heads in anguish. When his eyes scanned over the fifth graders from earlier, he was glad to see them staring at Hiru with wide eyes; their mouths agape with shock. That was progress, at least, and when Hiru crossed the finish line—an easy victory—they punched their fists in the air and cheered with everyone else.

Izuku let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and turned back to Hiru—who was being crowded by the rest of class A—and joined them in their congratulations, making sure to commend the other runners as well. The background noise all mingled into one, so once he'd said his piece, Izuku made his way back to Fuyumi, a smile on his face…

Until he passed the adults.

'To let a mutant participate in this event is ridiculous.' He overheard one of the parents complain. 'They clearly have an unfair advantage.'

‘Exactly! That’s what I’ve been saying for the past three years!’ Another chimed in. 'They should have their own category or something, especially when the normal kids aren't allowed to use their quirks.'

Izuku's jaw tightened and he turned.

'Excuse my intrusion.' His heart pounded against his chest. What was he doing? 'But I hardly think a children's sports day warrants any extra categories based purely on physical attributes—we don’t split the beanbag toss up depending on height, after all. Plus, one member of class B's relay team also had a heteromorph quirk, so I don't think there was any "unfair" advantage.'

'Of course you would think that.' The first parent rolled her eyes. 'Everyone has an advantage over someone quirkless, so it's all the same to you.'

Wow, no hesitation there.

That stung, but Izuku wasn't about to submit.

'I have a joint-honours degree in both teaching and quirk studies, with a postgraduate specialisation in the development of quirks.' He replied, easily. 'So I don't think you can just write me off as not knowing what I'm talking about simply because I'm quirkless, which is a prejudiced argument if I've ever heard one.'

'Well if you're so smart, then you should know about how these genetic mutations are illnesses-'

'Illnesses?' He couldn't help but scoff. 'Do you believe everything Speak Out tell you? Do you know the studies they cite are super dodgy and often anecdotal?'

'That's because the scientists doing peer reviews are politically motivated.'

'No, it's because the studies' methods are shi- rubbish, and the word "illness" is thrown around too liberally.' Izuku remained steadfast. Luckily, they hadn't attracted a crowd yet, but he could tell some of the other parents were looking at them. 'Anyone with critical thinking knows that.'

'Are you saying I have no critical thinking?'

'Well, if the shoe f-'

'Midoriya-sensei.' Fuyumi suddenly appeared at his side, her smile placating. 'Why don't you let me take over? Kimura-san and Shimizu-san’s children are in my class. I'll meet you in the staffroom.'

She looked at him deliberately, but Izuku didn't retreat straight away. He held her gaze for a few seconds first, clearly not happy about the situation.

'Alright.'

Casting the parents one final glance, he took his leave. As he made his way through the crowd though, he clenched his fists tightly and bit the inside of his cheek to prevent any angry muttering.

It's always one step forward, two fucking steps back.

***

'So, you told me to ask again in eight hours.' Fuyumi said as they walked out of the school building. 'How're you doing?'

Izuku sighed, kicking a small stone.

'At least the kids are acting in a friendly way.' He tried to focus on the positives. 'Those fifth graders even called Hiru cool.'

'Yes… But that's not what's on your mind.' Fuyumi stated pointedly. 'It's that conversation with the parents that would’ve escalated if I hadn’t intervened.'

Izuku chuckled humorlessly, still staring at the ground.

'You got me.' He conceded, spreading his palms in surrender. 'It was just so frustrating.'

'I know.' Fuyumi waved at the school caretaker over by the bins, prompting Izuku to also wave politely. 'I wasn't able to talk much sense into them after you left, I'll be honest, but I pointed them to the information session we'll be hosting—they said they'll be there.'

'Yay.'

'You stop that now.' She swatted him without any real malice. 'You were the one who…'

Izuku turned to look at her when she trailed off, only to find her staring at the school gate, mouth agape. Confused, he followed her gaze and baulked when he saw red and white hair.

'Shoto-kun?'

The aforementioned was leant against the wall, still in his hero costume, and scrolling through his phone. When he noticed them approaching, however, he pocketed the device and nodded in greeting.

'What a lovely surprise.' Fuyumi sounded almost amused. 'What brings you to this side of the world?'

'Midoriya told me what time you'd both be finishing, so I thought I'd walk home with you.' Shoto answered easily, like this was perfectly normal behaviour. 'I figured if he was going to scream at me, may as well do it in front of an audience.'

'Scream?' Izuku took a moment to process what he meant. 'Ooooh, the texts. I said I'd scream at him next time I saw him because he used his fire… Good screaming.'

'I was beginning to worry.' Fuyumi snorted. 'Good idea. Izuku could definitely do to let off some steam with a distraction.'

Shoto's expression immediately shifted into concern.

'That bad?'

Izuku sighed.

'I'll tell you about it later, but for now…' He paused for dramatic effect. 'Tell me everything about your fire!'

By the time they parted ways—the Todorokis turning left at the crossroads and Izuku going straight on—he couldn't deny he was definitely in a better mood than he had been an hour ago.