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#i've been crying about it all day and i just.
hollowtones · 17 hours
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my month-late PAX West post (& a catalogue of some things I saw and did and bought in September / late August)
PAX West was very fun this year. It was my first ever PAX and it was my first convention at all in maybe a decade. Any excuse to see friends is a good one & I love hanging out with the RTVS crew whenever I have the time and money to travel. ^_^ I even got to see some friends I've never seen in person before!!! (Thank you to Jill and Evan for the "Petal Crash" pin & thank you to Taxi for stealing my name tag by accident.)
I am very shy, and I have very severe social anxiety that causes me a lot of problems in my day-to-day life, so I almost didn't go to the RTVS meetup. People there were very sweet, though, so I'm glad I did. It feels very heartening to have people come up to you and tell you what the things you've made have meant to them. It was very hard to not cry. LOL
If you stopped by to say hi, thank you very much. I've been thinking about it through all of September and smiling a lot about it. ^_^
The rest of this post is largely pics of things Puzz and I picked up for ourselves. (And a little bit of talking about some other things we did.) I thought it would be fun to catalogue them. I tend to be a little thrifty, so I got to splurge on my wife. LOL
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These were mostly things we got for Puzz because I didn't want to worry about lugging things home in a suitcase. But she keeps telling me they're our things, which makes me smile every time I think about it. Some of the pins are for me. I'd like to put them on my backpack... Hopefully they don't fall off. Jackie and Dodogama are friends.
The "Chicory" bag is a bit of a funny story. Puzz and I saw the "Beastieball" booth in the corner of the indie section. Very fun demo. Very cute booth. They have cool merch! I thought I saw Lena Raine working the booth, and I got really shy & nervous about making a poor impression, so I just kind of hid behind my partner. (I wish I had said hi, in retrospect... but we live and we learn...) So we just kind of shuffle off to the merch desk and talk to a very nice man there while we pick up some things. I work up the guts to say that I really like these games and that they mean a lot to me!! The guy says, well thank you, that means a lot to me and the team. Wow! Real swell guy, I'm thinking to myself. A day or two later Puzz and I are out to lunch with some friends and I just suddenly go eyes wide & mouth agape because I put two and two together in my head and realize Oh holy shit that was Greg Lobanov wasn't it. LOL
Puzz found a cheap copy of "999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors" for the DS at a retro game store's pop-up. They also had "A Bug's Life" for Game Boy Colour and a strategy guide for "Gex 3", both of which I wish I had picked up.
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Mr. Basculin was a gift from Jake. Good news! Mr. Basculin is still alive.
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This is all stuff that was given to me as gifts. (Aside from the con badges. They make you pay for those.) You've probably already seen the Bibi that Jake made me. "Chicken Run" was also from him. "Zapper" was from Puzz and the Gumby game (& the Bad Boe sticker) was from Scorpy. These games fuckin suck asshole!!!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with them & I'll cherish them forever. I also got a little rock and a human dog keychain.
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I think Scorpy said a fan gave this to him at PAX East to pass to me eventually. I'm having a hard time reading the @ on it, but on the off-chance you see this: thank you so much. Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed. I want to get myself a little picture frame for it. (This is the first time someone's given me fanart like this before, and it made me very emotional. LOL)
Puzz and I only got 2-day passes for PAX, so we spent the rest of our time in Seattle hanging out with friends and seeing the sights. I don't feel like digging all the photos out right now, but we went to a really fucking nice jazz club (Dimitriou's Jazz Alley - great ambience, really good food, we saw Keiko Matsui live which was life-changing), we visited MoPOP (I hadn't been in years! It was alright! Puzz had some capital-t Thoughts about the whole place which was fun to listen to!), we rode the trains, I got a big bag of Dicks, we walked around downtown. There was this really nice coffee shop that I keep having dreams about, so I hope I can go back to Seattle soon. (Or at least eventually, next year.) Then we went to Portland for a day to say hi to a friend because the state was nearby.
Then we went back to Puzz's place in California. Then there was a major heatwave & a bunch of wildfires nearby... So we didn't have the chance to get out much in September. But that's okay. We've both been tired lately & I think we both badly needed some dedicated Not Doing Things time. It's just a shame that it was enforced by Dangerous Weather Conditions.
We got to visit some local friends and I got to try out more Bog-Standard Mediocre American Food. (Dunkin Donuts is just Tim Hortons. Olive Garden is kind of scary but the salad was really good and the breadsticks were fine. I had a middling hamburger from Jack In The Box tonight. Their milkshake was very good. I'm sure I'm forgetting others.) I went to a Macy's for the first time and the layout of the store made me have a panic attack. We went for nice walks and saw lots of nice critters and plants. I got to swim! I watched a mediocre PlayStation presentation! I turned 30 years old! Puzz took me to a very fancy and really nice Italian place for my birthday, in case you were worried that I was only eating garbage here. LOL
We got a lot of books.
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Maybe too many. Also a Miles Davis vinyl for myself & some Gunpla as an early birthday gift for Puzz. And also the cookbook was a gift from family. But I'm very excited to tuck into more of these, hopefully soon. Some were for me and some were for Puzz but knowing us we're going to go "hey, I liked this one, you check it out" or "hey, I didn't like this one, but maybe you will" for a lot of them. I'm gonna start with "Annihilation" and the game essays book. ("House of Leaves" is a second copy for us, because my copy was originally Puzz's and I wanted them to be able to read it too.) I don't have room in my bags for much more than what I came here with, so we're gonna ship some of the books to each other when we're done reading.
It's been a very nice month... I feel very thankful to have a life full of love like this. I don't think I have anything else to add to this post! Thanks for reading.
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writersblog20 · 14 hours
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Sick baby🍒
Neighbor!Joel Miller x reader 
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Credits to the very talented : @a7estrellas 🫶🫶
Summary: When sickness catches you and you seemed to be doomed to take care of yourself, your hot older neighbor is going to make sure you get better.  (Lots of fluff and comfort)
Warnings: age-gap (Age of reader isn't classified but is in mid 20s). Mention of neglect and ptsd but NO details of traumatic events in itself. Sickness and hints to anxiety. Pet names like: baby girl, sweetheart, princess etc.  I'm sorry if I missed anything else.  
Words: 3.1K (I could've made this shorter, but I didn't) 
A/N: Hi.... So, I'm back? Sort of? Anyhow, here's a soft fic after 2 (or 3?) years of hiatus. I'm not dead just anxious and traumatized but I'm trying to get back to writing again! Please take it easy because I've been out of training. Anyway, I want to try to write about Hugh Jackman as well! So get ready for that, but also give me a second hahaha. I hope Youa'll are doing good!  
Sick baby 
It all started with a throbbing headache and the feeling of thorns in your throat. You groaned which made get an entire cough attack. You wiped the tears away from your eyes from coughing so violently. You felt exhausted and sick. It was in fact, that time of the year again for getting a cold.  
You made your way downstairs to make some tea. You looked into the cabinets for some honey but groaned when you remembered you had to do some grocery shopping today. The thought of having to go out of your house made you want to cry. You felt emotional, horrible, weak and sick. You just wanted to curl up in bed and someone to take care of you but that wasn't happening anytime soon.  
You heard the car door closing outside and it caught your attention, as it always would when he would arrive home. Your insanely hot, sweet and older neighbour, Joel Miller. You had a huge crush on him since you moved into your new home, and he helped you with your moving boxes as he saw you struggling. A couple of days later, when you got all settled, you made him some muffins as a toking of gratitude, and he invited you in to have a cup of tea.  
It didn't take much to get a crush on your older neighbour. He was incredibly handsome, sweet and you had a thing for older men, and he just made you turn into a complete puddle every time. He seemed to notice that you got flustered and shy around him and he absolutely loved it, which he made it now a mission to get you shy and flustered around him. It made his chest feel all warm and fluffy, something he hadn't felt in years that it turned him in a grumpy old man. Except, you made him feel happy and fuzzy inside. He would never admit it, but it was true. He was so very intrigued by you. For him, you were a sunshine even though you were alone a lot of the time, he saw you as someone very special for your age. He caught you more times, watching old movies. Like 1925 and 1950 old movies. Or when you caught you walking to your front door with new records in your arms. The times he caught you outside on your own porch, completely indulged in your book that you were reading at the time, a cup of tea next to you, a blanket over your lap as the rain hit the roof.  
He caught him staring at you so many times. Joel was a difficult and sometimes troubled man but when he looked at you, he found peace and serenity. The kind that he had been looking for his whole life, and now that it was in front of him, it scared him deeply. But no matter how hard he fought that feeling and wanted to keep a distance between the two of you, he found himself even closer to you. There was one thing he noticed, you were alone for most of the time, and it made him curious.  
One night, when the two of you had a beer on his front porch, he asked you why and how you were able to move into a home already at your age, hoping by asking you that question, he would get to know why you were alone a lot. You told him that you would tell the part of why another time and went straight to the how. He figured it wasn't a nice story and it wasn't. Let's just say for now that you didn't have a relationship with your parents and that it truly was for your own good. You had to leave your parents' home for your own safety.  
One evening, you stood in front of his door, soaking wet by the rain, and tears streaming down your cheeks. It left a hole in his chest seeing you like that and he felt instant rage, knowing that someone was the cause of how you felt. The moment he saw you, the features on his face showed deep concern as he pulled you into a tight hug as an impulse. When he opened the door and saw you like that, he had an overwhelming feeling to protect you. He pulled you inside carefully as he shushed you softly. His hand on the back of your head as he carefully tucked your head against his chest. He placed multiple kissed on the top of your head.  
You told him about the altercation that you had with your father. That was the moment you told him everything. You babbled so much that you struggled to get through your own words. “C'me here sweetheart.” he told you, held your hand and let you to the kitchen. He lifted you up on the counter and set you down while he quickly made some tea. Your make-up was all over your face and he got a soft cloth, made it wet and gently wiped it over your face to get the remains of your make-up and tears away. The soft look that was on his face, made your lip wobble again and gave you new tears on your cheeks. Joel looked into your eyes and his eyes softened even more as his heart broke for you. “Oh, baby girl...” The softness by a man and the feeling of safety and how secure and taken care of you felt, was new to you and it brought you to a completely new breakdown. Joel pulled you in a hug again and tucked your face into his neck. Even though you were on the counter, Joel was still taller than you. It was at that point that you've started to became emotionally attached to Joel.  
~~~~~~~`~~ 
You looked out of the window and thought about asking Joel if he could go to the store for you, but you felt so fatigue that you couldn't master up the courage to ask him, knowing that you would be too shy right now. Yes, you've shared that intimate moment together but since that night, your crush turned into love. You were head over heels for your neighbour.  
You sighed, which got you into another coughing attack. “Fine” You grumbled and heard that you had almost no voice left. You nose started to run and you knew that it would be better if you went to the store now before it got worse. 
You quickly went upstairs and got your oversized hoodie and sweatpants, throwing them on, brushed your teeth, cleaned your face and quickly did your hair. You noticed that you looked horrible, and a wave of warmth came over you. “A fever? Already?” you sighed and quickly got your stuff to go to the store.  
You got all the groceries you needed and headed home. You got so many extra things to make this cold disappear as soon as possible.  Once you got home you tried to get your bags out of the car, but you felt a hot wave go over you again, started to get dizzy and felt so weak that you couldn't even lift the stupid bags out of the car. You were already out of breath, and you started to mutter curse words in yourself.  Your vision started to get warry and black and you had to hold yourself to the car 
“Woa, take it easy baby girl.” Joel ran to your aid and held you, looking worryingly at your face. You held onto Joel now and slowly started to get your vision back but with a major headache... A migraine. “God fucking dammit...” you muttered, and Joel looked a bit in surprise at you. He never heard you curse before. “You okay there baby doll?” You held your palm to your head and groaned. “I'm sick” you spoke up louder and he was finally able to hear your voice correctly. Without saying anything he held his hand to your forehead, feeling how warm you were.  
“Let's put your things inside and get what you need but you're coming with me after. You're burning up.” he told you and got your stuff out of your car. You felt your heart skip a beat from nerves. “I ehm...” Joel ignored you and got your stuff. You wanted to get one bag out of his hands to help but he shot daggers at you for even thinking about getting a bag out of his hands.... ever.  You quickly looked down as if you were in trouble and Joels look softened and got your hand in his. “You're too good for this world princess.” he remarked and helped you towards your house.  
You unlocked the door and Joel hinted for you to get in first. He made his way to your kitchen and unpacked your stuff, putting it away and keeping the things, he figured were for the cold, in the bag so he could take it with him to his house and nurse you back to health. You were shuffling on your feet and Joel looked up. It was pretty clear that you felt uncomfortable and not really knowing what to do. It wasn't Joel that made you feel uncomfortable but more because you weren't allowed to help and you felt like a burden.  
“Why don't you get the stuff that you want ready, and we can head back to mine in a minute.” he proposed softly. You nodded, giving in silently. You made your way upstairs and gathered some stuff, but you felt so exhausted and out of breath that you sat down for a moment. You felt so terrible that the tears started to gather in your eyes. Your head and mind were so preoccupied that you didn't hear Joel. He softly knocked at your door, scaring you a bit. You quickly wiped away your tears, even though he'd seen you cry before.  
Joels gaze was so full of care and gentleness at that point that you couldn't stop crying right now. “What's wrong sweetheart?” he carefully kneeled before you, holding your hand and his other hand stroked your hair. “I don't want to burden you, Joel. Or take up too much space, change your schedule and stuff. I’ll be alright by myself.” you told him, but you couldn't even convince yourself of that right now.  Joels hand that stroked your hair, went gently over your cheek and his thumb and finger held your chin and made you look at him. “Princess, you will never be a burden to me, at all. I like your presence around me. Sick or not. You'll never take up too much space and you are allowed to be yourself around me. I want you to feel safe, secure, comfortable, loved and adored enough to be yourself around me. I know it's difficult for you, with what you've been through, but I promise you, I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Let me teach you what it's like to be cared about and loved.  I want you to be with me so I can take care of you, and I promise you, you'll never be a burden to me. Let me take care of you right now baby girl. You deserve it. And secretly I know that you really want to right now.” he playfully told you and gently poked your side.  
You couldn't help but smile a bit. “Okay...” was all could say right now, and it was more than enough for Joel as he got a big grin. “Let me help you pack up sweetheart. And if you need more stuff, I can always walk back.” he told you and kissed your forehead. He asked you where your pj's were and put it in your bag, with your toothbrush and all the necessities for now. Joel already chose to give you his hoodies for when you got cold. It was easier, so he didn't have to take much with him but the biggest reason was so he could see you in a hoodie and sweatpants that were his. He saw your book at your night cabinet and got it in the bag as well. “You need anything else princess? If we forgot something, I could get it in a second, that's no problem.” He told you convincingly. “I think we're good.” Joel hummed in satisfaction and gently helped you stand up and helped you down the stairs.  
He got your grocery bag, your keys and locked your door. When you got into his house, he placed the grocery bag on the floor for a second and helped you up the stairs towards his bedroom. You felt butterflies in your stomach seen you've never been upstairs before. 
“Don't worry, I changed the sheets this morning.” he told you but honestly, you wouldn't have mind if he didn't. He placed you gently on his bed and you looked around for a bit. “Why don't you take a shower to freshen up a bit and I'll get you some tea and fruit when you're done, hmh?”  You nodded and he showed you the bathroom. “I'll get you some towels and your pjs.” he told you and you nodded, looking around for a bit and feeling out of place.  
When Joel came back, he flashed you a comforting smile “Yell if you need anything or when you need help sweetheart.” he told you and you smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Joel.” you told him and he smiled, closing the door.  
After your warm shower, you felt exhausted and wanted to sleep. You got into your pj's and crawled into Joels bed. You snuggled into the pillows and pulled the sheets up to your chin, getting comfortable. It still smelled like Joel, giving a comforting and safe feeling. Like you were finally able to relax and be taken care of for once. You closed your eyes and gave into the tired feeling. 
You didn't know how much time had passed but you were awakened by Joel stroking your hair softly. “Hi baby girl, I made you some tea and some fresh fruit. You can continue sleeping if you eat and drink something.” he told you softly and sweetly as he sat beside you on the bed. You nodded, getting up. Joel adjusted the pillows behind you and walked around the other side of the bed and sat next to you, handing the tray with the fruit, tea, water and painkillers. “Thank you, Joel. I mean it. This means a lot to me.” Joel couldn't help but smile almost proudly. He gave you a kiss on your forehead. “Thank YOU, for letting me take care of you, and trusting me. That means a lot to me as well.”  
You started to feel a bit more comfortable and slowly finished the food he gave you. Joel handed you the tv remote with a wink and you searched something to watch on it. Joel got up to put the tray away but you were quick to take his arm. “Please, stay with me.” Joel melted by your big puppy eyes and smiled “I'll be right back baby girl.” you were content with his reaction and let go of him.  
Joel was as fast as lightning at that moment because he was back in a blink of an eye. He got next to you again and made himself comfortable before hinting to cuddle with him. Your heart was filled to the brink with love. Your head was on his chest and you grabbed onto his shirt before making yourself comfortable. Your eyes started to feel heavy while Joel softly massaged your head. His breathing and heartbeat calmed you down “It's okay baby girl, you're safe here. Get some sleep.” He whispered and in response you snuggled even closer to him and gave into the much-needed sleep.  
~~~~~ 
When you woke up, Joel was gone and with that, it left a sort of emptiness in your heart for a second. The tv was still on with the sound softly echoing through the room. You heard some pans clink together downstairs and you felt at ease, knowing Joel was close by. You sniffled your nose and hid underneath the blankets again from the cold. You heard the rain violently hitting the roof as it covered the sound coming from the tv.  
30 minutes later, Joel came upstairs and you peeked a bit from the covers, looking at him. He smiled warmly at you. “I made you some soup. I promise you, this will get you back on your feet.” he told you with a proud smile on his face as he gave you the tray with the soup. You saw that he had, once again, cut some fresh fruit for you, had a bottle of water and some lemon tea with honey. You smiled shyly “Thank you Joel.” He sat down next to you. “I missed you when I woke up.” you told him honestly without really thinking. Joel smiled proudly again and his cheeks changed in a pink color. “Well, I'm glad you did” the realization of what you had said, kicked in and you felt your cheeks heat up and immediately turned shy again. Joel noticed, and knew it wasn't the time to joke around right now. “But don't worry, I won't go anywhere, princess.” He interlinked your fingers through his and placed a kiss on the back of your hand. You leaned more against Joel in response, not really knowing what to say, so you tried to show his through getting closer and luckily, Joel picked up immediately on them and let out a gravel chuckle.  
“You stay here as long as you need. Even when you're better. Or when you feel like shit, you can always come here. See it as your second home, doll. You're always welcome here, and.... I really like you here.” He looked at you and for the first time, you could see Joel a bit nervous as he confessed to you. “I really like it here too. But only because of you...” You shyly admit, hoping he would catch on what you said, which, of course he did. “Same here, princess.” he gave you lingering kiss on your forehead, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. “I'll make sure you're better soon, baby girl. But for now, what old classic movie do you want to watch?” he asked you with a smile, making you giggle.  
You were down bad for this man but in the end, you were very glad and happy that it was this man.  
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skyward-floored · 21 hours
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*shakes can at you*
Sad headcanons? Headcanons? Sad… things?
It’s been such a bad day I need to inflict suffering on my blorbos
SORRY I DIDN'T GET TO THIS SOONER I've been busy and kinda exhausted lately. I hope today was better for you anon :( Here's a few sad headcanons tho! I mostly stuck to lu, I hope you don't mind.
Legend has recurring dreams about being reunited with Marin. Especially during lu, since the faint possibility of him somehow meeting her again during all this time travel stuff is often on his mind. The dreams always feel real. The dreams always hurt.
Twilight has days he just hates getting out of bed. He doesn't want to leave his house. He doesn't want to do his work. This doesn't really work in lu since he's got something driving him, but he still has days where he just goes through the motions and struggles to do much else.
Wild doesn't let anyone do anything to his hair, because the one time he let Wind put a braid into it it felt... eerily familiar. Small hands pulling and weaving gently at his hair, fingers brushing through the strands. He nearly started crying and he doesn't know why. So the hair is off-limits.
Sky talks to the Master Sword sometimes. He tells her about his day and asks her questions even though he knows he won't get a reply. He often does this while he's on watch at night. Time sometimes listens.
Warriors needs his personal space. If you get too close to him unexpectedly you will be getting a knife pulled on you. He didn't used to be like that.
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oldbutchdaniel · 7 hours
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it's iwtv fanfic friday and everyone's getting involved
some recs from all corners of the vampolycule <3
someone buy me roses by indigostohelit lestat/louis, e, 3.2k words
Lestat's frown deepens. “My God, Louis!” he says. “I am not some petty voyeur. My motives are noble. My heart is unselfish. Frankly this is an act of chivalry. Please take off your pants.”
(one thing about me is i go crazy for a religious metaphor. also louis is sooooo catholic in this. it's awesome)
it's been a long, hard twenty year summer vacation by moonieangel aka @loumandivorce louis/armand, e, 7k words
"Let me," Armand said. Louis looked down at him, uncertain, but his pupils were already dilated until the rings of green fire were almost invisible in his eyes. "I haven't been able to drink anything properly, recently," he said, as Armand knew he would say. "And?" Louis' jaw clicked shut. He looked affronted, almost embarrassed, and Armand was strangely delighted at the sight. "You're going to get off on sucking a soft cock?" he asked in disbelief. (Armand and Louis travel.)
(*aggressive tiktok influencer voice* if you haven't read this yet literally what are you even doing with your life. this is such a defining loumand fic for me it's crazy. it's like their true essence on paper. what loumand is like at home. it's so good. sooooo good)
He's Piano; You're Not Forte by Galadriel armand/daniel + armand/lestat, m, 4.2k words
The Vampire Lestat's album has just dropped, and it's causing discord in the Armand-Molloy household.
(armand is SOOOOOOO good in this. i love you obsessive armand. it's been too long since i've reread this one. going to do that now actually)
two-headed mother by tisiphones armand/lestat, e, 8.7k words
"Poor darling," Armand says, and the condescension in his voice is so awful and so offensive and Lestat wants to curl up in it and never, ever leave. "It's okay to let yourself be taken care of for just one night. You can't help what you need." --- It's Lestat's last night in Paris. Armand makes it a memorable one.
(yeah. this one's just. yeah. fellas is it gay to do a roleplay where your boyfriend pretends to be your mommy. probably not gay but it's definitely something)
every few centuries, somebody reinvents the coven by katplanet armand/daniel/louis/lestat, e, 20.5k words
Daniel asks Louis if he's sure when he first suggests it. He asks him again a few days later, to see if he's changed his mind. He makes a psychic collect call to Lestat, of all people, and asks if he's sure. Asks Armand if he's sure when he accepts the invitation, when they're packing, when they're on the way to the airport. When they're walking up to arrivals, Armand’s grip crushing Daniel's fingers, Louis smiling at the back of the crowd with his hands in his pockets, casual as anything, like they do this every day. They're all sure and sure and sure, so Daniel lets Louis pull him in with one arm, Armand with the other, and hug them both while a planeful of tired New Yorkers filters out around them into the muggy bayou dark.
(look okay i know this fic is mostly smut and all but it literally made me cry multiple times. it changed my worldview. it made me see colors previously not experienced by the human perception. it's everything to me. if you haven't read it just like. please please do.)
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tragedy-of-commons · 19 hours
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PUNCHES A HOLE IN UR WALL AND POKES MY HEAD IN. HI GWENNIE!!!!! major congratulations on ur milestone u lit deserved it sm thank you for everything uve done IM SO PROUD OF YOU ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡
may i please request romantic w dan heng + "ive spent my whole life building walls around my heart, yet somehow, you managed to slipped right through them." feel free to tweak it however u see fit!!! <3
"I've spent my whole life building walls around my heart, yet somehow, you've managed to slip right through them."
Your confession is candid, whispered through a thick haze of tears. The heaviness of your statement doesn't escape Dan Heng entirely, but it's overshadowed by the weight of your head lolling against his shoulder.
The thing you're accusing him of sounds like a grave sin when you put it like that, but then again, maybe it is one. Maybe the unintentional fondness he harbors for you is meant to stay that way - meant to stay a secret.
For a long time, it was his one guilty pleasure, loving you. But now, as you cry and shatter just out of arm's reach, Dan Heng finds no solace or reprieve.
He doesn't know what to say or what to do; he hadn't meant to endear himself to you at all. Quite the opposite, in fact - only speaking to you when necessary, guarding his cards just as close as you guard yours.
However, the smallest of cracks plague even the largest of dams, worsening day by day until all the water bursts from its reservoir, engulfing everything in its wake.
Both of you are drowning.
Dan Heng says nothing, still as a statue. You continue, much to his relief and his distress.
"It's weird, right?" you hiccup. "That… that we both wanted to stay strangers, but we ended up like this anyway."
Trembling further, you nuzzle against his side. It almost seems like an invitation for him to provide comfort, but you know him well enough. He doesn't trust himself to assuage your pain, and even if he tried, you'd just shut down. Is your bond that superficial? And if so, why does his heart pang so forlornly at the notion?
The best thing he can do is let you get this out of your system. Despite how he's been floundering to form a response all this time, Dan Heng speaks without thinking. "I'm sorry."
He is. He's sorry that he let you get this close. He's sorry that you won't let him wipe your face clean with a cheap tissue. He's sorry that you're just a little too much like him.
You laugh, devoid of mirth. "Platitudes are r-revolting. Will you kiss me?"
"No," he whispers, stroking your hair awkwardly. His fingertips prickle like he's been toying with sewing needles. "You don't… you're vulnerable--"
"You're the one shaking."
Dan Heng kisses you.
It didn't take much of his strength to gently but desperately maneuver you to sate his hunger (wicked self-restraint), getting lost in the plush of your lips that taste of salt. For a fleeting moment, he registers that the thing responsible for the flavor are the tears rolling down your cheeks.
It doesn't explain the dampness of his own, though. A man like him hasn't cried so viscerally in years, not when everything he loved had rightfully been ripped away prior to his rebirth.
He came into this world with nothing but the weight of his previous sins on his back - and now that he has been made to care about something, no, someone - Dan Heng is reminded that he is not absolved of his crimes.
He is not absolved of his love for you.
You return the kiss with equal fervor, confirming this sentiment. Between the melding of mouths, you pile insult on top of injury, the sting heady and aware.
"I love you…"
An appropriate reply comes to mind, taunting and eager. Dan Heng doesn't stop it from flooding out, teeth gnashing against yours while he chokes on the words.
"I'm sorry," he repeats.
Both of you drown.
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🏷️: @akutasoda, @aviiarie, @lowkeyren
a/n: anddd... that's a wrap! um, sorry for the angst, rennie. i wanted to go out with a bang. thank you for your request and for making this event so special for me <3
event post here
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One For The Road [6]
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Cecil Dennis x afab!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals •Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | requestinfo• ko-fi •
Series Masterlist
Summary: You need to get some answers.
A/N: Ahh, we have reached the end! A massive thank you to @thexsanctuaryx for beta reading this series! <3
Warnings: Cecil crying (a lot), talk of pregnancy, anxiety, there's a happy ending, swearing, please let me know if I've missed a warning!
Word Count: 1319
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Your first instinct is to leave. Just go. Walk out and drive home and delete his number and never talk to him again. 
But then his panicked face and pleading eyes echoed in your mind, reverberating to the point of madness. 
Just go. Walk out and drive home and delete his number and ignore him for a few days.
But that seemed cruel too. 
You’d only just been doing whatever the hell you and Cecil had been doing recently. Neither of you had talked about what you actually were and besides, it definitely seemed like Danielle and him were no longer seeing each other, or sleeping together. Or…
You needed to know. At the very least, you owed yourself answers.
So, instead, you moped around the house a little, picking halfheartedly at the pancakes Cecil had been making, the ones he’d finished now cold. 
In the rush he’d left his phone upstairs, so it wasn’t as if you could message him about when he’d be back. 
You didn’t know when Harry would return either. Part of you toys with the idea of leaving a note or message for him to contact you when he gets back, just so you could go home and sidestep any possible awkward conversations. 
Just as you are considering what to write, the front door slams open with the kind of force that should have, but luckily didn’t, rip it off its hinges. 
Cecil bursts inside, wide eyed, sweaty, and panicked. He looks delirious, like he’s run twenty miles in the desert with no water. 
He almost doesn’t notice you sitting at the kitchen table as he falls inside, but he manages to stop his body from running up the stairs and grabbing his phone when he sees you. 
Your name falls out of his lips nervously, a whispered mumble that breaks a little at the end. His eyes teary. 
He takes a step forward, his hands twitching at his sides as he goes to reach out for you, but he stops himself. 
“She’s not pregnant.”
You don’t get a chance to answer as all his words come out in a rush of sound. 
“She’s not pregnant, I promise, look I even got the doctor to give me proof.” He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his jeans. “It’s got her signature and the doctor’s contact info, you can check it all online too, make sure it’s real. She said you can call her to confirm that Danielle’s not pregnant, I explained to her, to the Doctor, she was really nice, she said she’d talk to you and-”
“Cecil,” you say softly as you stand and take his shaking hands in yours. “It’s okay.”
“Danielle– we slept together a few times about two months ago, but I always used a condom, always, and they didn’t break. And then we stopped hanging out because she’s…”
You wait, giving him space to finish as you stroke his hand.
“She’s kind of mean, and then we don’t talk, she blocks me and suddenly a few weeks ago she messages me saying she’s pregnant and I’m the Dad and I need to send her all this money.” He looks up at you hopefully. “I, I don’t have that kind of money… She wanted me to go to the first doctor’s appointment and, I think she really did think she was pregnant, but she wasn’t. And, and she told me the date, it was next week. For sure. I remember, I have the message, I can show you. It wasn’t today. Otherwise… otherwise…”
“It’s okay.” You give him a reassuring smile and take the doctor’s letter out of his hands and place it on the table. 
“You hate me…” His voice completely breaks at the end, his face crumpling as the dam bursts and tears start to flow. 
“Shh, shh, shh,” you wrap your arms around him quickly, holding him close and squeezing him tight. You rub his back as he weeps into you, burying his face into your neck. “How could I hate you, hmm?” You kiss his temple and he cries harder. 
“You hate my kisses that much? They make you cry?” You tease lightly, trying to cheer him.
He shakes his head rapidly, still sobbing, but trying to stop. “I love them.” He insists through tears. 
“Yeah?” You kiss his temple again, and then his cheek.
“Yeah, yes, I love them so much, I love you.” He blurts out and then sobs harder in the beat of silence that follows. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-”
“Shhh,” you lean back so you can hold his face in both of your hands and look into his eyes. “Why are you sorry, sweet thing?” 
“I, I, I,” he hiccups and swallows trying to force his tears down. “I thought you’d be gone and never speak to me again, and I ran all the way here back from the doctor’s because I didn’t want to be in the car with her for a second longer, and you hate me and now I said I love you and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
You stroke his cheeks with your thumbs and kiss his lips lightly. His breathing hitches. 
“Cecil,” you say softly, “take a seat and I’ll get you some water.” 
He shakes his head, “Can I hold your hand while you get water?” 
You smile, your chest heavy and you nod. 
He holds your bicep, pressing his forehead against your shoulder as you fill a glass. He sits when you guide him to the table and takes the water when you offer it. He drinks quickly, trying to swallow as much as possible to please you. 
“Hey, don’t choke.” You say gently, taking the glass out of his hands - half full - and sit down next to him. 
He looks at you sadly from under his wet lashes, little shudders of his cries echoing on his body. “I get it… if you don’t want to ever see me again.” 
“Cecil,” You stroke his hair and he presses his head to your hand, closing his eyes. “It’s okay. I promise.” 
His eyes snap open as he looks at you, confusion and shock plastered all over his face. “You…?”
“Me…?” You tease a little. 
“You don’t hate… you want to…?” 
“I want you dummy,” you smile and kiss him again gently, a soft brush of your lips to his.
He moves after you quickly, deepening in kiss and moaning softly. The moment he pulls back he’s crying again. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he waves his hand and wipes at his eyes, “happy tears, happy tears.”
“You’re so sweet.” You give his hand a little squeeze. 
He shakes his head. “I’m a piece of shit. I should have told you… I just didn’t…” He sighs, “I didn’t want to put you off. You’re already so kind and hot and put together, and I’m just-”
“Shh.” You grin and he smiles back. “Besides, we’re not… we never talked about being… you know. We never set any boundaries.” 
He nods. “I’d like to… be like… going steady.” 
You can’t help but giggle at the sincere way he says it, the honesty in his tone just causes joy to bubble in your chest. 
His smile widens as you laugh. “Is that a yes?” 
You nod. “Yes.” 
He grins wildly and kisses all over your face repeatedly until you're laughing so hard you almost can’t breathe. 
“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckles as he moves back. 
“Stop saying sorry.” 
“Sorry.” 
You snort and then pause. “Would you still like to come over to mine?” 
His eyes widen a little, glittering in the light. “Three day food and fuck weekend?” 
You let out a bark of laughter and nod. “Three day food and fuck weekend.” 
He kisses you again, sweetly this time. “I don’t deserve you.” He whispers against your lips.
“That’s okay. I don’t deserve you either.” 
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archangeldyke-all · 5 hours
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hai!!! ik ur requests are open again and the thought of sweet shower sex with sevika has been plaguing my mind recently... 😵‍💫
god i need her.
men and minors dni
"where're you going?" sevika whines as you untangle yourself from her grasp. you giggle and kiss your sleepy girlfriend's pout.
"i gotta shower before i fall asleep. i stink."
"no you don't, come back here." sevika groans, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you back down to the bed. you laugh.
"c'mon, sev. i'm still in my work clothes and everything."
"but what about our cuddles?" she whines.
you can't keep yourself from squealing a little bit as you wrap your arms back around your girlfriend. "you're so fuckin' cute. who knew you'd be so clingy once you became mine?" you ask. sevika huffs.
"fuck off. you got me all used to cuddling and now you're cutting me off cold turkey. this is abuse."
you cackle. "you're so dramatic. i'll be gone thirty minutes at most."
"but then i'll fall asleep without you, and the best part of fallin' asleep is that i get to hold you the whole time." she pouts. your heart swells, and you kiss her forehead.
"so come shower with me."
this makes sevika blink one of her eyes open, looking at you with a salacious smirk. "yeah?"
you giggle. "c'mon, i'll go start the water."
sevika scrambles out of bed, stripping as she jogs to the bathroom ahead of you. you just laugh.
in the bathroom, you don't even get a moment to appreciate the sight of your naked girlfriend before she's on you, stripping you with impatient hands.
"slow down! we got nowhere to be." you giggle as sevika nearly tears your shirt off.
"it's cold as fuck out here, i need to get under the water." sevika pouts. you giggle.
"i noticed." you say, pinching her nipples. sevika squeals and smacks your hands away, glaring at you as she crosses her arms over her tits.
still, though. despite the way she's shivering, and the goosebumps on her arms, sevika insists that she help you into the shower first, holding your hand like a gentlewoman to assure you don't slip as you step over the lip of the tub.
you groan as the steamy water starts to beat down on you, instantly relaxing you after a long day. sevika's arms wrap around your waist, her body pressing flat against your back, her chin hooking over your shoulder as she gently sways the two of you.
for a few minutes, you both just stand under the spray, relaxing in the warmth and the feel of each other.
"i missed you today." sevika whispers at one point. you smile, turning around in her arms to wrap your own around her shoulders.
"i missed you, too, baby." you say, slowly scratching against her scalp. "duck down a bit so i can wash your hair for you." you request. sevika hangs her head a bit, and you carefully massage her scalp, enjoying the way she melts at your touch, the soft little sighs she lets out each time you give her head a good scrub.
"don' get shampoo in my eyes." she grumbles. you snort.
"i've been washing your hair for years, sev, have i ever hurt you?" you ask. she giggles.
"there was that one time..."
"that time you insisted you didn't need to rinse your hair out before going down on me!? that was all your fault baby." you cackle. sevika just grins, and you tilt her chin back and start rinsing her hair for her.
"still got you to cum before i started crying, though." she says. you snort.
"and then i nearly had a heart attack when i opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend sobbing between my legs."
sevika chuckles guiltily. "well, what about now?" she asks. you blink.
"what about now?" you ask.
"am i good to go?" she asks, gesturing to her hair. you nod.
"all clean."
"good." she says with a smile, grabbing a washcloth and lathering it up in your body soap. "my turn to take care of you." she says simply, starting to scrub the cloth on your back.
you relax into her touch, letting her scrub away all the dirt and grime on your skin from a hard day's work. she's gentle and loving as she works, pressing kisses to your skin once she's scrubbed it, carefully taking the time to work a few knots in your shoulders out.
you snort when her hand starts trailing toward your cunt, gently elbowing her from where she stands behind you. "what're you doing?"
"mmm, taking care of you?" she guesses. you giggle.
"what happened to miss. i-need-cuddles?" you ask. sevika snorts.
"this counts." she says as she starts to circle your clit. you giggle a little.
"just make it quick. you know the water heater runs out after twenty minutes-- i don't wanna ice bath tonight."
you can feel her smile on your shoulder. "i'll keep you warm, love." she promises as she works a finger inside you.
her free arm is wrapped around your waist, keeping you pinned to her chest. you relax against her solid form, leaning your head back on her shoulder, moaning as she starts to slowly suck a hickey into your exposed neck. "you feel so good." you sigh. sevika squeezes your waist and kisses your cheek.
"so do you. you're dripping around my fingers." she whispers. you giggle.
"we're in the shower." you point out.
"no, no, this is all you." she says. you huff a little laugh, though you don't doubt her. sevika always manages to make you messy.
"lemme turn around." you request. sevika lets go of you for just long enough for you to spin around in her arms. you sigh when her face comes into your view, cupping her cheeks as she pulls you back toward her chest, her hand sliding down between your bodies to continue what she's started. "hey, beautiful." you greet her.
sevika's cheeks are flushed, both from the warm shower and from the compliment. you giggle and kiss her nose, cherishing the sweet smile you get for it, before leaning forward and kissing her properly.
"hmmm." she hums happily against your lips, her fingers picking up their pace inside you as you start licking into her mouth. you've got one arm draped around her shoulders, and with your free hand you start to grope her ass. sevika giggles and breaks your kiss. "you're obsessed." she admonishes. you just smile and give her a quick smack. she squawks. "hey!" she laughs. you grin.
"hurry up 'n make me cum so i can take you to bed and bury my face in your ass." you request. sevika's eyes flash with lust and she groans.
"i thought we were gonna cuddle?" she teases, even while she adds a second finger to your cunt.
"y-yeah, my tongue is gonna c-cuddle your ass." you reply shakily as she starts pressing against your g-spot. sevika cackles, then she launches forward to press her grin against yours.
it's quiet beside the sound of your gasps, the water hitting the tiles, and the occasional smooching sound coming from the kisses sevika's peppering on your body. her thumb starts to play with your clit in time with her thrusts and you squeak. "close?" sevika whispers.
you nod, your head falling forward until you're resting against her shoulder. sevika presses kisses to your scalp while her strong arm wraps around your waist, holding you up as she fucks you closer and closer to your orgasm. when you cum, you gasp a needy "sevika!" and then start to tremble in her arms.
she fucks you through it, letting you catch your breath before she pulls her fingers out of your cunt and pinches your chin, kissing you passionately as you pant against her lips. "fuck, you're so beautiful. can't believe i get to do that to you-- get to make you fall apart like that." sevika murmurs.
you giggle. "i'm so in love with you." you sigh. she grins like you've just handed her a check for a million dollars.
the shower sputters a bit, and then you both squeal as the spout starts shooting icy cold water down on you. "fuck!" sevika cries, reaching out to smack at the tap. "fuck." she says again when the water's finally off.
you can't catch your breath through your giggles. "i told you this would happen!"
"sorry! i got caught up in you..." sevika says between her shivers. you snort and wrap her up in a towel, before pushing her toward your bedroom.
"don't worry baby. my tongue's got a date with your ass that's sure to warm us both up."
sevika cackles, and your heart soars.
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bangtannism · 1 day
Note
Lol speaking of other shippers being jealous of what JK and JM have and blaming the company for why their fave pair don't have it, I recently came across a reel from a Jinkooker page, showing moments from AYS and captioning it "this is what a friends vlog looks like so the company didn't mind showing it" and compared it to those pictures where JK and Jin took a trip together or something and JK was carrying his camera around, and of course they made the excuse that "the company" is gatekeeping the footage because they couldn't hide how they were a couple😅
I laughed so hard when I saw that. It's really all the same arguments from different subgroups of the fandom, they all cry "Bighit is hiding my ship/Jikook is fanservice". It looks like it's solely a Taekooker narrative simply because they are the loudest and most unhinged, but really, all non-Jikook BTS pair-that-has-JM-or-JK-as-one-half shippers are keeping their ships afloat with this narrative. Yes, including some Vminies (I've seen this lot parroting Taekooker narratives when the joint enlistment of Jikook was announced, and mind you they are the same people who were also so smug about Vmin definitely enlisting together)
I know deep down these people know that even if it was their ship spending so much time around each other and orbiting one another, it still wouldn't be the same. They'd never come across as suspicious. Jungkook was openly spending time with Taehyung and there had been an uptick in Taekook moments since 2022 compared to the few years before then and not ONCE did I see other shippers cry about "Bighit forcing Taekook down our throats" or accusing Taehyung of being a "fanservice king" (those accusations were only coming from toxic Jikookers) and "feeding his minions" the way they've always accused Jimin and still do to this day even though he doesn't mention JK nearly as much as Tae does.
Jikook as a ship was on a little bit of a "break" and Taekook had Taekookers convinced they were doing a soft launch and would become official quite soon & not once did I see Jinkookers, Vminies or Taejinners talking about "Taekook is hiding my ship". Even during that time, still, it was Jikook getting those allegations.
No, what makes the Jikook ship so polarizing was never about the quantity of their interactions but always about that special chemistry, that special tension they share between them. And everybody and their mama knows this - the only difference is that most of us hate it.
"the company" is gatekeeping the footage
yes, yes, a very popular assertion. bh/hybe is apparently sitting on a mountain of tkk, ymn, vmn, and jnkk content. (side note, i usually do not judge peoples ships at all but jnkk .... brother eugh.)
It's really all the same arguments from different subgroups
yup. 🙃 everyone is weirdly obsessed with calling jikook fanservice because it hurts their feelings that jikook not only spend time together, not only enjoy the time they spend together, but also come across more couple like than any other duos. it MUST be fanservice that theyre acting like that! it MUST be scripted!! (the cognitive dissonance goes hard in some of these folks.)
It looks like it's solely a Taekooker narrative simply because they are the loudest
nothing to add to this, i just agree. there's more tkkrs than other sub-groups so of course we would see it more often from them.
there had been an uptick in Taekook moments since 2022 compared to the few years before then and not ONCE did I see other shippers cry about "Bighit forcing Taekook down our throats" or accusing Taehyung of being a "fanservice king" (those accusations were only coming from toxic Jikookers)
to be fair, the uptick happened during ch2, so it wouldn't make much sense to say bh was forcing them (not that some other sub-groups ever feel the need to make sense, but that's a them problem). tkk are good friends and had more time to hang out and i love that for them and i do think most jikookers readily admit that tkk love each other. fuck the ones who don't, because it makes them no better than the people they criticize.
No, what makes the Jikook ship so polarizing was never about the quantity of their interactions but always about that special chemistry
that's exactly it, anon. jikook is viewed as a "threat" to all other ships that have jm/jk in them and therefore they take the brunt of hate. they simply would not get the hate and attention they do from other sub-groups if people were not so hellbent on "disproving" them. (weirdo behavior fr.)
i saw someone asking what shippers actually have some sus proof and underneath the comment mentioning jikook, there were tkkrs trying to tell everyone that jk never wanted to be on ays, doesn't like being around jm, etc. you would never catch me behaving like that or even thinking like that, because it simply does not worry me when jm or jk hang out with other people. it reeks of jealousy and insecurity.
no matter who jm and jk spend time with, it simply will not be the same as the moments they have together. whether friends or more than friends, their bond and chemistry is just special and anyone who doesn't want to admit that is lying to themselves.
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stormysunday9 · 2 days
Text
I've been editing this for too long now and I just need to put it out into the world. The ending doesn't feel quite right...but maybe that's because this story just isn't done yet!
Featuring: happy Joe, some 18+ stuff, and a bit of cheese.
The Missing Piece
I was now five blocks from work and the man who had  stepped out behind me after I locked the door was still following closely behind me.
I started to panic, I was at least another ten blocks from home. It was starting to get dark. I was 5'5 and all I had to protect me was my lunch bag and the yogurt I didn't eat. My heart was pounding. I didn't need to turn around to see him, I could sense him there.
This was a pretty affluent neighbourhood, maybe I could just pretend I lived here. I walked past a couple more homes, then started the journey up one of the long driveways, not daring to look behind me. When I reached the front door, I pretended to unlock it, hoping I'd sold my story to my creepy shadow. When I twisted the knob, the door opened easily, and since I was no longer thinking clearly I just stepped inside.
After a moment of relief from being off the street and into safety, I looked up to see a very tall man standing in front of me with a look of both shock and concern fleeting over his icy blue eyes.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry! There was a man, I don't know, he's been following me since I left work! I still have so far to go, I was getting scared, I didn't know what to do, your door was unlocked, I didn't mean to come in...." I was still tripping over my words as the man placed his hands on my shoulders and tried to meet my wild eyes .
"Hey, hey." He said firmly but calmly. "It's ok, you're ok. I know, I saw him on the camera, he was following you up the drive. Do you want me to call the police?"
"No, I don't think so. I don't know. I didn't even get a good look at him." I replied. "Do you mind if I sit down?" I asked embarrassingly, the adrenaline was fading and I felt like I might fall over.
"Yes of course", he ushered me to the couch, "and my security camera, I have a clear shot of him on there."
"Oh smart. Ya I can get an image from there then, I'll file a report tomorrow. I'm so sorry for all this." My head was finally starting to stop spinning and my heart slowing down, allowing me to take in my surroundings a bit more clearly. This was a very nice house. Very clean. No clutter. I looked over my shoulder to see him coming back from the kitchen.
He carefully sat down near me on the couch, being sure to leave a full cushion's worth of space between us. He handed me a glass of water and said, "I'm Joe, by the way."
"Hi Joe", I responded, and took a quick drink of water before adding, "you should really lock your doors."
He let out a chuckle and a grin spread across his face. "Well, in this particular instance, I'm kind of glad I didn't. My manager was supposed to be stopping by, so I left it open."
"Oh my gosh, let me get out of your hair then. I don't want to get you in trouble with work! I just need to call an Uber." I started searching my bag for my phone.
"I would like to drive you home if that's ok. Not sure how many more strange men you should add to this day." He raised an eyebrow at me, presumably waiting to see if I was going to laugh or start crying.
I laughed. "That's very kind, but what about your manager?"
"Don't worry about that, my job is pretty secure," he smiled, "let me grab my keys and my shoes."
I noticed he was wearing slippers currently, slippers which I could only describe as old man slippers. He did seem to have an old soul aura about him. I followed Joe out to his garage, that housed multiple vehicles - a very flashy sports car, a futuristic looking truck, and a Mercedes G Wagon. And it looked like we were taking the latter. He must be some kind of tech mogul, I thought to myself, but what's a tech mogul doing in the middle of Ohio?
When we reached my house, which was about an eighth the size of his, I turned to look at him. I couldn't help but think how warm those cold blue eyes looked. 
"Thank you so much, seriously." I said. "You're a real hero."
He chuckled. "Would I be able to give you my number?" He asked.
My wide eyed expression must have given away what I was trying to keep my mouth from saying because Joe immediately spoke up.
"Not like that!" He backtracked shaking his head, "just in case you need more security footage, or a witness statement of something. Or anything at all really. I'm usually around. Except Sundays. I work Sundays." 
I handed him my phone and he quickly typed his number in and handed it back to me. 
"I'm Casey, by the way" I said as I stepped out of his truck. 
"Hi Casey," he smiled.
"Lock your door, Joe!" I yelled over my shoulder as I walked to my front door.
I saw him give me a hand to forehead salute through the passenger window. I walked inside, locked my own door, and peeked out the window, just in time to see him pull away.
---------------
The next couple days were less eventful. I had security cameras installed at the shop. I filed my police report at the station. And I ordered some bear spray from Amazon. I was glad when the weekend finally rolled around, and on Sunday headed over to my friend Jess' house for our weekend supper tradition. Jess and her husband always hosted, and our other friend Kate and her boyfriend joined, and then me, the obligatory fifth wheel. The boys usually watched football and us girls caught up on gossip and played board games.
The girls and I were playing a very distracted round of Uno while the boys yelled at the game on the TV. I casually glanced over at the TV after being served multiple miss a turns in a row, and what I saw put my heart in my stomach. 
Unforgettable icy blue eyes.
"Ummm, who is that, Trevor?" I anxiously asked Jess' husband.
"Joe Burrow.", Trevor replied.
"I can read the screen, Trev, I mean who IS he?"
"The quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals. And you're a disappointment to the whole state of Ohio for not knowing that."
"Harsh, but ok...and like, he's pretty good? Or what?"
Trevor rolled his eyes and turned to look at me, "ya he's like top three in the league, easy. Why, Case? You finally gonna become a football fan?"
I excused myself from the Uno game that I was never going to win anyway and grabbed my phone from my bag. I searched my contacts. J...O...E...
Joe with the Unlocked Doors.
There he was. And with a sense of humor at that. I opened the contact and began to type.
Wow. Your overconfident sense of job security makes so much sense now!
Presumably he wouldn't be texting back anytime soon. Based on the tv screen he appeared to be rather busy at the moment. 
Later that evening I was laying on the couch, working on a bracelet I was making and watching Netflix when my phone lit up.
Shocked Pikachu gif. (Classic choice.) So you're not a football fan then?
I just don't know anything about it. But today I learned Joe Burrow is the quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals. And that sometimes he leaves his doors unlocked. 🤷‍♀️
Ha! Both of those are true. I'm glad you texted.
It was a shock response.
I'm glad anyway. So now you know what I do, what do you do? Aside from walk into strangers houses, of course.
Cold.
I'm actually a dog groomer. I make pups pretty for a living. I have a little shop on Hudson, which is where I was walking from when I broke into your home.
That's unexpected, and so cool. Love that you've got your own grind. 
Well my grind doesn't garner me multiple vehicles in my garage, but I do love it. It only affords me my old Bronco that starts half the time, and not at all in the winter.
Is that why you walk?
Sometimes. But I do like being outside. And "that day" I chose to walk. Looking back, evidently a poor choice.
Maybe not all bad since you met me?
Haha, I dunno, I got to meet the quarterback of an NFL team and didn't even ask for an autograph! 🫤
Funny. Maybe don't think of me as that, just think of me as Joe.
...with the unlocked doors! 
Exactly. 😉
We continued to message back and forth, joking and laughing while also learning a bit about one another, when I looked at the time on my phone and couldn't believe how late it had gotten.
I think I better get some shut eye. Early start tomorrow. Nice chatting with you. Goodnight, Joe!
Goodnight, Casey. Sweet dreams.
It took me a while to fall asleep that night. What is happening? He's so nice. And absolutely gorgeous. Now that I could think about him a little more clearly and not in a fear filled state of adrenaline...wow. He had to be a full foot taller than me, with what appeared to be the strength of a Greek god, and the fluffiest, wavy hair that was just being begged to have hands run through it. And a little curl that kept falling onto his forehead no matter how many times he pushed it back. And those eyes...oh my gosh those eyes. 
Pull yourself together, Casey! I scolded myself. I was being ridiculous. And I needed some sleep, it was back to my not so lucrative grind tomorrow.
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Monday morning I was back in my element. The Bronco started, my first dogs of the day were settled on the floor around me, my coffee was just right. Maybe it would be a good week. With my headphones on, and high velocity dryer blasting, I almost didn't hear someone walk through the door. I looked up, startled so see a man with a hoodie pulled over his head and wrap around sunglasses on his face. He must have seen the fear in my eyes as he immediately reached up to push the hood off his head and replace it with his sunglasses.
Joe.
I felt my face flush. I turned off the dryer and put my headphones around my neck.
"What on earth..." Was all I could get out.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just figured that you saw what I do, so I wanted to see what you do...I hope that's ok." I could see a worried look in his eyes.
"How did you find me?" I probably should have reassured those baby blues, but I was still so confused.
"Well you told me your shop was on Hudson. And there was a dog groomer on Hudson called Casey's Place.....so I guess I'm a detective?" He was still feeling out if he'd made a mistake.
I laughed. "That's fair I guess. You googled me?!"
He let out a chuckle. Those seemed difficult to evoke from him, but I felt like I could make it my full time job just to hear the sound and watch the corners of his eyes crinkle.
"You haven't googled me?" He asked with mock accusation.
"Actually, no," I admitted, "I think I'd prefer to learn about you from you."
He smiled, "well I guess we've determined who's the better person then!"
He suddenly sat on the floor cross legged, and the three dogs already on the floor immediately ran to him and began climbing and licking him maniacally.
Jealous, I thought. But only said, "well that's a good sign."
"What is?," he asked while trying to avoid getting dog tongue directly in his mouth.
"Never trust someone your dog doesn't trust! And they seem to love you."
This time he blushed.
I lifted the dog on the table down to the floor so he could join the fun. 
Joe tried to untangle himself from the dog pile and stand back up. "I was wondering if I could take you to lunch?" he asked, barely making eye contact.
Wow, is he...nervous? I wanted to say yes so bad, but I was the only one in the shop today, and I couldn't leave the dogs unattended. 
"Could I take a rain check?" I asked, hoping my eyes didn't look as desperate as I felt.
"Of course," he replied, "I knew you were working, I'm sorry."
I gave him a little pout, and the corners of his mouth turned up. 
"I'll talk to you soon!" He said and quickly turned and walked out the door.
My heart sank. Did I just turn down Joe Burrow on a date? But my job, I've worked so hard for this shop, and surely he gets that. I hoisted the dog back onto the table and got back to work, while my heart continued to chastise my brain for being too responsible. Then my phone chimed. I looked at my watch to see a message from Joe. I pulled out my phone to open it.
Do you like onions?
Well...I guess he still wants to get to know me? First what I do for a living, now my produce preferences?
I typed back, Yes with a question mark.
Message read, no response.
This man is an enigma. 
And then 10 minutes later my door dinged and in walked Joe with two greasy paper bags, a tray loaded down with drinks, and a smile that could light up the dark.
"You still have to eat, right?" He said with a shrug of his big, broad shoulders and began to spread out a selection of burgers and fries across the grooming table that wasn't currently in use.
"I got you a soda, a milkshake and a coffee because I don't know what you like yet." He explained 
Yet. Oh my gosh he was adorable. I melted, perhaps obviously.
I pulled up two stools, suddenly a little unsure if one would even support Joe's enormous size. He sat down and it looked almost comical.
"I'm so sorry," I apologized, unable to choke back my laughter, "I don't normally cater to football stars". 
He brushed it off, quickly. "All good, a lot of furniture is too small for me. Or I'm too big for it. Whichever."
He took a big bite of a burger while I grabbed a couple fries, unable to take my eyes off him, trying to understand what these last several days were coming to. My overthinking brain couldn't take it anymore, and I just spit out "Why me?"
Joe turned to me, looking straight into my eyes, with surprise. "What do you mean?", he seemed genuinely confused. 
I took a deep breath. "Well, like, you're you. You're obviously super attractive, you're a famous athlete, you're talented, smart, focused, funny, kind, charming... I'm sure you could have your pick of anyone in Ohio - no, in America. Maybe even Canada too. And then, I'm just me."
"You think I'm attractive?" He said, eyebrows raising, blue eyes mischievous.
I rolled my eyes.
"But seriously, Casey," he continued, "I'm intrigued by you. I love that you know who you are, and what you're about. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're focused. And honestly, I kind of liked that you didn't know who I was."
I could feel the flush of red flowing up my face, I've never been good at accepting compliments. Especially from this remarkable specimen of a man sitting so very close to me right now.
"I really don't think you're giving yourself enough credit", he continued, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the day I laid eyes on you. I wasn't going to push it, but when you texted me yesterday, I knew I didn't want to let you get away." 
He placed his large hand on my thigh, I think to comfort me because he could tell I was overwhelmed, but it had the opposite effect and made my heart beat 10 times faster.
"I like you too, Joe. I just don't know what this would look like. Dog groomer dates NFL superstar? I'm an introvert. Sometimes I get anxious if the grocery store is really busy."
Joe burst out laughing. "Maybe just don't overthink it, and we can see what happens?" He smiled, his eyes pleading with mine, feeling like they were reaching in and pulling directly on my heart. A smile started creeping across my face, despite my best efforts to convince myself there was just no way this was happening, and then Joe leaned in and planted his full, beautiful lips on mine, leaving absolutely no doubt that it really was. 
------------
The rest of the week was bliss. Late nights facetiming until we fell asleep, Joe stopping in with coffee for me at work (now that he knew that was my drink of choice). I was living for getting to know and understand him. I'd never known someone so focused, so loyal. He was incredibly intelligent, loved his family, he was thoughtful, awkward enough to allow me to believe he really was human, and so adorable when he tried to flirt. And probably most surprising, he was quite introverted too, preferring to keep a small circle, and still navigating the fame that he had now achieved. 
I also learned that the day before game day, as far as anyone in the world is concerned, Joe Burrow does not exist. He takes the day to focus, watch tape, and avoid distraction and chatter at all costs. He definitely takes his job seriously, but I get it, he loves what he does.
So Friday night he picked me up to go to his place for supper. He wanted to avoid a public outing, to avoid the media storm that was sure to follow. I thought that sounded like a great idea. He pulled up in his white G-Wagon around 7pm. 
I climbed up into the passenger side. 
"Did you lock your door?" He joked.
"Hilarious.", I replied, "why do you always drive this thing? Don't get me wrong, you look hot as hell behind the wheel, but I know you have a garage full of choices."
He blushed and tried to hide his smile. "Those were all phases I thought I was going through I guess. This thing is my favourite. And the least conspicuous". 
He put the vehicle in gear and reached across the console to hold my hand. It was a short drive to his house, despite us living in very different neighbourhoods. We walked into his house that already smelled like food as his cook was busy preparing game day prep-appropriate nutrition. We sat down on his oversized couch (he seemed to have purchased furniture more suited so his size), and he turned to look at me. He grabbed both my hands in his, making them all but disappear. 
"I have a question for you," he started.
Uh oh. Serious Joe was also unreadable Joe. 
"Oooook," I said nervously.
He squeezed my hands. 
"It's nothing bad, I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my game on Sunday. You don't have to sit in the suite, I can get you tickets for the stands. You can bring friends if you want. Whatever you want."
Oh boy. There is nothing I wanted more than to be there to support him, cheer him on, watch him do his thing, see him in those tight pants in person... But I wasn't sure I was ready for that kind of debut yet.
"Joe...."
He could sense my reservations immediately.
"It's ok," he reassured me, "I wanted you to have the invitation, I totally get it if we're...not there yet." He seemed genuine, but also a little sad. Damn those puppy dog eyes.
"It's not that, I just haven't really told anyone about us yet, I wasn't even sure there was anything to tell, and I barely understand the game, and if at any point you'd be there with me I'd be all for it, but I know that's not how game day works. I will be there, and soon....I think I just need a little more time." My eyes were pleading with him to understand. 
And of course he did. He wrapped me in a big hug. "I'm looking forward to that day, and it makes me unreasonably happy to hear you talk about the future, even if you're just talking three weeks from now." He was grinning like a fool. I was absolutely falling for this man.
"I have a proposition, perhaps a bit of a compromise. What if you come to my place after your game. I would really like to see you, especially if I have to be Joe-free tomorrow." I tried my best puppy dog eyes, and they seemed to work.
"I can do that," he agreed, "but if we don't win, I can't say how good of company I'll be".
"If we don't win?!" I mocked, "well that doesn't sound like Joe Burrow at all!"
He laughed. That was still my favourite. They didn't come easily, but I would spend my last day trying just to hear that beautiful sound. 
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Sunday afternoon I plopped down on the couch with a coffee, a blanket, and my phone. I turned on the tv to the game. And suddenly felt very, very nervous. I wasn't sure what the superstitions were about talking to the players before the game, but I decided to send Joe a quick text. Knowing him, he doesn't even look at his phone prior to a game. 
Have fun today. We're the lucky ones, getting paid to do what we love ❤️
He replied with the kissing face emoji: 😘
Swoon.
I spent most of the game googling - offside, the pocket, roughing the passer, why are they punting, what is a punt.....this was gonna be a steep learning curve. I also spent part of the game covering my eyes when Joe was about to get hit. This was so intense. It was a hard fought game, but three hours later the Bengals finished with a loss by two points. Now I was even more nervous. I was about to meet After a Loss Joe. Knowing how seriously he takes his job, I knew losses must hit him pretty hard. 
45 minutes after the game ended, the G Wagon's headlights shone into my front window. Well, he still came over so that was a good sign.
I opened the door to him not standing as tall as he usually does, but he still wrapped me in a hug and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. 
"Hi", I said softly, meeting his eyes. "I'm proud of you, that was amazing to watch". 
He offered a small smile and walked across the room to collapse on the couch.
I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of tea  and him a glass of water, then joined him in the front room. I set the cups on the table, and sat down on his lap, running my hand through his freshly washed hair. He wrapped his long arms around my waist and rested his head against my shoulder. I didn't say anything, just listened to him breathe, while I breathed in his fresh shower scent, and enjoyed how small I felt on his expansive lap, with his strong arms enveloping me. 
Eventually he swung his legs up onto the couch and scooted down so he was laying down, taking up the whole length of the couch. He moved me to the side so I was tucked in between his body and the back of the couch. I rested my head on his chest.
"I just hate letting the guys down," he finally spoke.
I didn't offer a response. I didn't think he was looking for one.
"I fumbled that snap, I don't even know how, but that was about to be a big play, and instead it was nothing."
I pushed myself up onto my elbow so I could see his face. He stared at me for a minute.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" He asked.
"What could I possibly have to offer? I spent the whole game googling terminology and covering my eyes cuz I was scared you were gonna get hurt!" I admitted.
Unexpectedly, his face relaxed, and he laughed. 
"If it helps, I thought you looked great, I found the game really exciting, for what I understood, and I kinda hoped you were gonna show up here in your uniform still because wow, apparently I love a man I uniform." I said with a knowing look. 
"Is that so?" He asked, a smirk on his face
He sat back up, and scooped me back onto his lap, this time so I was straddling him and looking right into those beautiful eyes. He stared at me for what felt like forever before saying, "You're my missing piece." 
"Sorry?" I replied, confused.
"It's just, I have everything I ever could have wanted from life, and I couldn't figure out why I still wasn't where I wanted to be. This is the first time I've ever held onto a little hope after a loss, because I still had something to look forward to. I was excited to come here. It's you, Case. I was missing you. And now here you are. And I'm sorry to tell you, but now that I have you, i'm never gonna let you go." His face was so soft, relaxed, certain.
I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. His sincerity made me emotional. I didn't risk speaking, as I knew my voice would give away how much I was feeling for him in that moment. Instead, I leaned into him and kissed him deeply. His tongue forced it's way into my mouth, playing tag with mine. I ran my hands through his hair like I'd been dreaming of doing all week. 
He slipped his hands under me and lifted us both off the couch in one swift movement. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, still kissing his mouth, his cheeks, his neck. 
He gently laid me down on my bed, and I shimmied my body up to my pillow. He climbed onto the bed on his hands and knees, hovering over me like a real Bengal tiger about to devour his prey. He started at my forehead and began working his way down, kissing every inch of me. He pulled down the shoulder of my shirt and planted soft, yet hungry kisses on my bare skin. He then pushed my shirt up, exposing my belly, kissing me more. I pulled the shirt over my head, exposing my bra. More kisses between the exposed parts of my breasts. Down to my belly button, where he began to unbutton my jeans. 
"You're so beautiful" be breathed out between kisses. 
"Hold on," I begged, and pulled his shirt over his head. I almost gasped, taking in every inch of his expansive, muscular torso. A bruise on his bicep, a scar on his belly, and the most phenomenal abs I'd ever seen. 
"You're ethereal." I panted.
"Your vocabulary is so sexy", he grinned, and continued planting kisses all over me. He pulled my jeans down and kissed his way back up my legs. When he made it to the warm, increasingly wet place between my legs, he sat up on his knees, taking in all of me. I should have felt self conscious, but instead I felt safe, even beautiful. I pulled him back into me and began sliding his track pants over his hips. He wasn't wearing underwear. His cock sprung out, erect and very large. I looked up at him, he was waiting for a response. I may have whimpered.
"Is this ok?" He asked.
"I can't think of anything I want more", I replied, perhaps a bit desperately.
He slid my panties down and let his fingers enter me. I couldn't have been any more wet, but the feel of his hard length rubbing against my thigh as he fingered me was making me feral. 
I put my hands on his shoulders, drawing his attention back to my face. "I want you," I panted, "all of you."
His face was flushed, and he smiled. He positioned himself back on top of me, and slowly pushed his hard cock into me. It slid in easily with how wet I was, and filled absolutely every bit of me. When he finally bottomed out, I gasped 
"Are you alright?" His face showed genuine concern. 
"Never been better," I reassured him. I wrapped my legs around him, taking in every inch, while he kissed my neck and thrusted into me, slowly, steadily. I was digging my nails into his back. He felt so good. I never wanted him to stop. He continue to place soft kisses down my neck, on my breasts, letting his tongue linger on my nipples. Despite how strong this man was, he couldn't have been more gentle and attentive. 
When his face was near mine again, I told him to roll over. Excitement flickered over his eyes, he smiled, and obeyed.
I straddled him and began grinding my hips against him. In this position, he went even deeper into me, I could feel him in my belly. I couldn't stop staring at him. The more I took in every perfect angle of his face and body, the quicker my body forced itself against him. My clit rubbing against his abdomen in my own slickness, I could feel myself reaching my climax.
"Are you close?" I breathed, holding onto him tightly.
"I'm ready when you are," he smiled.
I began rocking harder, faster, reaching around to cradle his heavy testicles, watching his face writhe in exquisite pleasure until I felt every nerve in me release while I pulled him in even deeper and tighter in the throes of orgasm. I felt him buck his hips into me while moaning in pleasure, savoring his own release. I collapsed onto his hard body, completely blissed out. 
He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered "wow..." Between ragged breaths. 
I rolled off of him and curled in beside him as tightly as possible. His arm around my back, mine draped over his perfect torso.
"After that, I won't be going anywhere either, just so you know." I told him while tracing small circles with my finger around his chest. 
"Nothing would make me happier," he smiled, and turned to kiss my cheek. 
I guess I better start figuring out how to be a little more comfortable in crowds....
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A conversation needs to be had regarding the democratic party
I've been particularly harsh when it comes to clout chasers regarding Palestine and the instant gratification the world seems to want without putting in the work.
But I want to talk to the Pro-palestinian supporters as well as the online leftist and liberal groups as a whole.
Now, up until Trump's first strike in july, I always thought they MAGA was deeply unified. It didn't matter how awful their leaders treated them, it didn't matter how much disdain their leaders showed them, they always fell in line to vote for Trump and lowkey, I respected it as they, for every single fault they have, loyalty was not lacking on their side.
Meanwhile, I was growing furious with my side of the fence because there was always fighting. I just wanted us all, for a single moment in time, when so much was at risk, to stop the infighting, unite against s common enemy, and defeat the dictator wanna-be once and for all.
Because I know that while MAGA have the cult-like ability to become a homogeneous being, we on the left are basically a bunch of ideologies mushed together under the blue umbrella.
Yesterday, I wrote a blog about how empathy was lacking and it's true. Palestine supporters are willing to throw America under the bus, where marginalized people like trans, minorities, disabled and elderly people will be the first to be hit if Trump wins, followed by white women.
But empathy is a two way street and a lot of people on the left are forgetting that Palestinian lives are being lost every day. The BIDEN administration is acting like an abused housewife to Netanyahu by refusing to even look him in the eye and pull support and while Harris believes in a ceasefire and a two-state solution, she still believes in the ally ship between Israel and America and believes they have a right to defend themselves.
And if we are real, America is the big sister to Israel. We basically taught them everything they needed to know in terms of being colonizers and unabashed murderers.
And keep in mind, im not talking about all Israeli people. I know plenty who are standing with Palestinians both in the states and outside of it.
I'm talking about the Zionist settlers that relish in Palestinian deaths, like Netanyahu, while also crying the victim because of what happened on October 7th (even though he was warned of Hamas attacking several times and still did nothing but that's a conversation for later)
As Americans and those on the left, we need to have a deep conversation with ourselves and ask two things.
Why are part of the left willing to overlook genocide?
And why the other part doesn't care about their own people and their plight?
Neither of these questions are easy to answer but I'm willing to give it a shot.
The first question is a simple one.
2016.
The year where everything went wrong. Hillary Clinton decided to run for president. The dems wanted this and they did everything they could to support it. They threw Bernie Sanders under the bus, this infuriating the youth, they propped Trump up to give her an easy win, and they were arrogant enough to ignore the blue wall. All of this, and the baggage she had from decades of slander, Russia's interference, and Comey's Benghazi investigation literally a week before the election took a flawless victory to a stunning defeat.
After that. Four years of fuckery that left the entire country shaken, where every day seemed like a new low. But what made it worse was the laws that were gutted, one of which made Covid so much worse, the 2 surpreme court judges being pushed by Turtle McConnell, leading to Roe V Wade being slain. among many other things.
It took a near decade but many people on the left are battered and fearful of another Trump win, especially now with Agenda 47/P2025 on the horizon.
Because of this fear, and the guilt that many feel by not holding their nose and voting for Hillary in the first place is causing an overwhelming overreaction by doing "blue no matter who." People claim that "Blue Maga" is real, and they are right. But it's not because of the same reasons as MAGA.
MAGA exists for people to be their worse selves. They can be ignorant, belligerent, racist. Sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic because Trump has allowed those bigots to come out of the shadows and be legitimized in the political world.
"Blue Maga" is created by fear, guilt and understanding of what is at risk by Trump winning again and further making things worse for all.
Because of the Israel-Palestine conflict getting mainstream, some people feel that they need to focus on their own situation before anyone else's, some people (sad to say) really don't care about something that isn't effecting them, some also have Zionist viewsx and a small amount can't forgive them for celebrating 9/11 the day it happened. Whatever the case, they want to stop Trump and MAGA by any means necessary, no matter who gets in their way.
Now, the second issue is also a combination of a lot of things. A lot of the protesters (correctly) feel like genocide is absolutely something that should be fought against, especially as its using our tax dollars to fund said genocide. It also doesn't help that thanks to the internet, a lot of them are scarred from the images and news reports they were bombarded with on various social media sites regarding Palestine.
Something like death and human sorrow is never easy to forget. I was a little girl living in Chicago. I've already saw a lot of death. And then after moving to Vegas, 9/11 happened and seeing/hearing the bodies splatter on the ground, the screams, the...everything was harrowing.
I don't blame anyone being emotionally disturbed by it all.
And as I've railed about many times, many social media people have hopped from supporting Ukraine to supporting Palestine for the social justice moral purity points to make themselves look good.
Also, you have the sleeper agents that are using Palestine as a way to help MAGA and Russia win the elections along with Pro-Hamas supporters (not Palestinian supporters. They get conflated often so I have to make the difference) using this to reveal their antisemitism.
But for a lot of young people, this is their first really big social movement so they are throwing everything into it because they are at the stage that they believe that they can make a movement that will sweep the world ala the civil rights movement, conveniently ignoring how much strategic planning, pragmatism, peaceful riots, and patience it took.
However, much like "Blue Maga" they've decided that Palestine is the end all be all and damn anyone or anything that gets in their way.
This leaves them blind of the suffering of their own communities. They don't rage over homelessness, the cost of living, the stagnant wages, the rampant discrimination, disenfranchisement and disinformation that is going on. And they sure don't see how women are being made second class citizens right in front of their eyes.
They either don't see it, believe that all these things are "first world problems," outright think they another Trump presidency wouldn't be so bad and that people were exaggerating, even though it took until the 20s to see how Trump's presidency really tore apart this country, they think its karma, or the worse case is that they don't care about what Trump will do because they think they are in a privileged position to not be hit with the worse that can happen.
So this is where we stand.
Now we have to ask what to do about it?
Truth is, what can be done?
The democratic party is in a state of flux. Many conservatives have come out to support Harris in an "the enemy of my enemy is my temporary friend" deal including resident devil Dick Cheney, Biden continues to bow to Israel due to the alliance they have, and third party candidates have been revealed to be MAGA in disguise.
One side believes that teaming with a demon to slay a devil is a necessary evil while the other side fears this is the proof that Democrats are going further right.
But if half of the democratic party refuses to vote due to Palestine, the people who are fearful of what they can lose will go to desperate measures to survive.
My verdict? We really need ranked voting.
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pensiveant · 1 year
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Please send good vibes / keep your fingers crossed / pray / etc. for my cat, he's very ill and we don't know if he's going to pull through 😣
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mobius-m-mobius · 11 months
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Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#just a wizard gentleman and his butler 🪄🎩
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year
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I think it can be true that certain lifestyle changes can help with pain and disability, but people really overplay how those changes will affect people's lives.
I've found that exercise has helped my back pain - I have had chronic back pain that PT didn't touch, but exercise has helped. However, what hasn't changed is what exasperates that pain, and when my pain is especially exasperated, it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I'll be in my bed trying so hard to get out, and I'll be seeing white. So, yes, exercise helped me, but it did not save me. That's an example of what I mean.
It's fine to give (solicited!!) advice to people about how to manage things like this. But I'm begging people to be realistic about this. Lifestyle changes can only do so much, and disabilities are - surprise! - disabling.
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neo-punks · 2 months
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i just fucking love neopets so much 😭
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deoidesign · 4 months
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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priceofreedom · 8 months
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funny how everyone seemed to adore Zack until he started having more screentime...
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