#i've barely done digital art since the start of this year so i am a bit rusty

[shrimpfriedeggs]

played imperishable night!!!

[aestherians]

sorry to be a hater of sorts. but you are not an animal, or whatever else other than a human that you happen to identify as.

it is not about wanting. it is about BEING, and if you look in the mirror you’ll realise you’re just a human. it doesn’t make a difference if you struggle with it. get over it. a lot of people have to get over it. you cannot be indulged in a fantasyland 24/7. quite simply, grow up

Huh, I don't think I've gotten one of these asks since 2017...

First things first, starting off a rather hateful and concern-trolling message with "sorry" doesn't alleviate you of any potential harm done. You're trying to upset me. You're rude, you're mean, and you clearly realize it, since you're only willing to say these things anonymously. Don't try to soften your blows by apologizing preemptively. It's bitchy at best and belittling at worst.

I'm gonna take a guess and say this is a copy-pasted message, since you couldn't even be bothered to name my therio-/kintypes. How many other people have you tried to upset with these messages? And for what reason? What's your goal? Is the world not cruel enough already?

But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since these kinds of messages have become such a rarity, and since I haven't written anything for this blog in months. Consider it an invitation to reach out again some day, once you've mulled things over. I'll get vulnerable with you and lay myself bare, and in return I hope you'll consider seeing me as a person, instead of just a target for your anger.

You say reality, identity, and self-perception ('cause that's what this is; that's what otherkinity is) is about being, not wanting. I say that's an oversimplified worldview.

Who can we be if there's nothing we want? A person without desires is hardly a fully realized person. The identity of the person who wants something is as genuine as the identity of the person who has achieved something - even if they're perceived differently, and their material realities are different. The musician who dreams of going platinum, but who never gets out of dingy bars and self-published mixtapes, will still see a musician when she looks in the mirror - even if others just see a mediocre hobbyist. Even if others compare her to professionals, natural talents, and nepo-babies, whose achievements she can never hope to reach. Should the wanting musician let others define for her what it means to be a musician? Even if her music is bad and she'll never hit it big? She wants to be a musician. She plays because of her desires. She lives her life according to her wants. Does that not make her wants a part of who she is?

To some extent you are what you want. The line between wanting and being is blurry.

I do want to be nonhuman, on some level. I'd gladly give up this life to live as a gnoll. I suppose my desires are fantastical, but no less so than those of the poor musician who dreams of going platinum. Should she stop playing because she'll never achieve her dreams? Should I stop calling myself a gnoll just because I'll never have the body of one? I act out being a gnoll, through my digital persona, my fantasy scenarios, and my art. I do what I can to be a gnoll. I am as much an embodiment of my desires as the mediocre hobbyist musician is.

Have you ever gotten what you wished for?

I collect trading cards as a hobby. After years of searching, I got some of my dreamies and completed parts of my collection. I felt satisfied for a day, but the satisfaction quickly turned into boredom and listlessness. My instincts (be they human or gnoll) crave the hunt more than the kill. I get a greater thrill out of wanting than achieving. I wouldn't be happy without my unachievable desires.

I think, on some level, to want is to be.

And while my wants may be strange, at least they don't involve deliberately trying to hurt other people.

[tolbachik-art]

How does one become good at drawing planets

Hey, thank you so much for the kind words & the question!

I'm still definitely a beginner, and have a long way to go, but it really warms my heart to hear you say that. For starters, getting over any perfectionism you may have is a big must!

I know a lot of people always say this, but practice, time, patience, doing studies, and having fun are the most important ways to get better!

I'll walk you through my progress, and what I've done to get where I am today with things! I will warn you, it did turn out to be a long winded post. If you want the jist of it, you can scroll to the bottom!

So, I've been doing digital art since say, mid 2015 or so. I didn't have much of a grasp on art, and while I grew up loving space and space exploration, I didn't quite understand how things worked.

On August 2nd, 2015 (when I was just 15), I posted my first piece on DeviantArt.

This was my first foray into space art. It may not be the best, but I remember being very excited about it, and actually making a piece like that.

This first piece is a big sign of what issues I would face with space art until very recently; a lack of detailing, leading to a soft appearance.

This would plague me for quite some time; I would put very little effort into detailing, and wouldn't even zoom in on the canvas for quite some time. I would do things from afar, not wanting to zoom in for some weird reason. This can be seen in the following paintings, as well.

This one, also of Neptune, was posted two years after the first one. The framework is kind of there, but only barely. The perspective is off, and once again, the detailing is too minimal and too soft. On top of that, the shading isn't nearly as harsh enough. Compositionally though, I was starting to get a grasp of some basics.

There would be a brief artless period in my life from 2017 to 2020; every once in awhile, I wouldn't do art for a few years. Then, suddenly, I would get back into it and put out several pieces, all before growing quiet once more.

2020, once Covid-19 started happening, would see the return of me to the world of art now that I was suddenly without a job.

Once again, Neptune will be a demonstrator of how my skills changed.

I was starting to get there; in terms of composition, much better than my older works. Coloring is a bit off, but overall, I was starting to actually understand how art works, and why things like detailing were important. One big thing here though; I was still painting with color. That would be one of the last big things for me to get over, although I didn't even know it then.

From the period of 2020-2021, I made a lot of paintings and mission patches for my one friend's KSP youtube series (seen here).

Doing what were essentially mini paintings, I learned a *lot* about composition and detailing. I think the one I spent the longest on was Heywood, in which I did my best to follow imagery from Voyager. Looking back now, however, it isn't quite accurate; that's the south pole! I still had a lot to learn in regards to doing accurate portrayals of celestial bodies, down to inclinations and the like.

Anyways, doing all that really burnt me out, on top of doing free art for people I didn't even know. That's another big lesson; only do gift art if you feel up to it, and for a friend. Do not do it for strangers.

It wasn't until late 2022, in September, that I actually finished a piece again. My illness had been pretty bad, leaving me bedbound for quite some time. However, during that time, I hadn't lost my skills thankfully.

This would be one of my first somewhat decent portrayals of Jupiter and one of his moons, using SpaceEngine for getting reference images and making sure all the parts were in the right place. This would set the groundwork for later paintings, as I always use SpaceEngine now to make sure I have the orientations and sizes of things in the sky right! It's been an invaluable tool, I quite literally don't know where I'd be without it.

Anyways; after that, it was very sparse once more, up until quite literally this year. Sickness sprung up again, and I had a rough winter due to the loss of my grandfather to Covid-19, among other things.

2024 saw, in my personal opinion, the biggest and best change to my art yet.

PAINTING IN VALUES!!!!!!!!!

I cannot stress this enough; understanding what values are, and how to see them in every day life literally changed my entire perspective on things. On life! I cannot go outside anymore without comparing and contrasting values of objects and natural phenomena.

This was before values. Not bad, but still not great. Detailing was getting there. This is from March 27th, 2024, and was part of an art trade with @dan-asd of their worldbuilding project.

And this, this is 3 months later, from July 16th, 2024. Commission for @corvidist, my very first. This was a massive leap in the way I understood and processed the world around me, and in turn, what my art looked like.

Everything is in values. Your phone, with the seemingly pure black LCD touchscreen to the blue and purple phone case. The clouds, with their bright white tops and dark bottoms. The river, with the murky green waters contrasting with the bright orange stones. All values, just differing shades of gray with color added! Everything is light! Everything is the absence of light! Light is the entirety of your piece; you just have to understand where light falls, and where it doesn't.

Apart from that, everything is just rudimentary shapes and lines. The universe is made up of different kinds of lines and shapes. Entire worlds can be reduced to light and lines, people can be too. You just need to know what to look for, and how to process that into artwork.

I cannot stress how much understanding that, and doing tiny little paintings really helped me get a much better grasp on things.

Take some time, get a small canvas out, and paint your favorite celestial body. Take as much or as little time as you need, and just have fun with it. Play with color, play with values, whatever your heart desires!

Once you're done, take a step back, and compare it to the picture. Analyze what areas you didn't enjoy, and what areas you did. Look for what doesn't line up with the picture, and think of how you could better approach it. Think of how you can change the lighting to make it seem more real, what effects are needed to bring it to life.

Art is the process of taking what you love, and putting it to paper (digital or not!). Focus on what you enjoy doing; it will all come naturally with time. You'll start to pick up on things, big and small, that will bring your pieces closer and closer to what you want it to be.

And please, for the love of everything that is holy, have fun with it and don't overthink it! You will be so disappointed in yourself if you hype yourself up for a piece, only for it to come out not the way you expected. That's ok! That's part of learning! It can be disheartening, but if you take the time to look at how and why you don't like the piece, it'll come out so much better next time around!

Talk to people, too! Talking with my dear email-pal Eduardo was my first step into understanding astronomical art, and thinking on how to improve my work. He really helped me step into the right direction when I was just starting out, which I am still eternally grateful for to this day. I think of him and his work often; he really was a massive help.

In more recent times, talking to @whirligig-girl helped me to get a better grip on realism, and how better to portray celestial bodies. She was a huge help in giving me pointers for fixing up my View From Amalthea piece, as well as the ones that followed after. Talking to artists more experienced than you and getting critiques is always a huge help; it can really show you things in a new light!

Speaking of, don't be afraid to let a piece rest and marinate for a bit. A day, a week, or even a year. It doesn't matter. You will come back to it, and you will see new things you never saw before, and think of new ways to improve upon it. I have a piece that's been in limbo for YEARS, and I still have yet to actually get to paint it (the top one, the alien one (i will never finish that Uranus piece though lol)). I have it perfectly envisioned now, so waiting really did pay off in the end.

Essentially, it all boils down to this:

Everything is light, or lack thereof.

Don't overthink it, and have fun.

Do not do free art for strangers.

Everything is shapes and lines.

Step back and look at your pieces, deconstructing them in your mind or on paper.

Examine your everyday life, and see how everything interacts in terms of values and color.

Do studies, please god, do studies they're so fun and eyeopening

Warmup! Warm! Up! WARMUP!!!!! They are critical to getting your mind in the art headspace! You will feel less interested and less focused otherwise!

Don't worry about your medium, just do what you enjoy and works best for you! There is no such thing as a perfect brush!

Talk to other artists in fields you enjoy!

I love talking about art, I really could go on for hours, but I will stop myself here.

You decide what you get out of art; it's your skill, your time, so do what you desire! These are only anecdotes about my experiences with art; they aren't universal, but I do hope they've helped. If you have any questions, any questions at all, don't hesitate to reach out!

Lastly, here are two resources for you for any future artworks you may do:

I got this book many years ago, but the lessons it gave me were invaluable. I mean it; they helped me to understand the importance of doing studies, and for detailing!

Paid membership, but an organization dedicated to doing astronomical art. I have yet to join, but I've heard lovely things about it! Hoping to join later this year, funds allowing.

I will finally end this here. Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day!

[bellhopping]

merry christmas fellas, here's my little summary of art

Generally I'd say I've improved a lot throughout this year. Got a proper drawing tablet, switched drawing programs, finally begun working on using more then one type of brush... it's certainly been journey! A journey with many ups and downs, but one I am glad I went on anyhow.

Under the cut is individual uploads of every piece of art in this image, alongside a writeups about their creation. Cheers!

[1/25/23, Medibang Paint]

Starting off with a pretty alright one, drew this to commerate the release of a game I'd been interested in for the past 4 or 5 years. I think it could use some tweaks, but for something drawn in mobile medibang I'm still pretty proud of it.

[N/A, N/A]

This is where my february drawing would go... IF I HAD ONE !!!

I did not draw much digitally in February, on account of my tablet randomly breaking right at the start of the month. I did draw some stuff traditionally, but I don't feel like fishing it out at this moment lol

[3/31/23, Krita]

One of my first proper drawings in krita, and of a character I should really draw more of. This was made for trans day of visibility & comes with a trans pride palette to boot, though I ended up choosing the normal palette since the other one kind of sucks. Also could've done better on the posing, but I was still getting used to the ins & outs of drawing tablet usage so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[4/22/23]

Drawing I made for earth day, honestly a solid contender for best thing I've drawn all year. I did pretty good on the pose, still dig the background a fair bit, & overall think the piece came out damn cool!

[5/12/23, Krita]

An expirement with line thickness, featuring one of my favorite ocs. Despite it's roughness you can tell I had gotten a hang of Krita's core functions by now.

[6/17/23, Krita]

Cover art for the prolouge of CAT-Astrophe Comic, the webcomic my brother & I have been working on. Overall been really happy with my work on the comic so far, I've slowly but surely been getting better at each part of the process and am still making good progress on pages n such ^^

[7/9/23, Krita]

Fanart of a character from a game, drawn for my pal Rinbin after they bought me Rain World. This single handedly inspired me to draw more robots, definitely one thing I 100% intend to follow up on next year.

[8/1/23, MS Paint]

Drawn based off of someone elses post, I don't remember what it was really. Honestly still really damn proud of everything in this!!!

[9/7/23, Krita]

Drew some snakes/snake adjacent pokemon for snektember. I'd say this is around the point where I "mastered" krita, by this point I actively knew how to use a majority of featues & had even begun downloading outside brushes.

[10/20/23, Krita]

Overhaul of a character I made & barely used in 2022, her name is now Olive. I based the whole squidog thing off of something in a dream.

[11/26/23, MS Paint]

Fanart of a webcomic I really fucking like !!!!! Not much more to say I just really dig this one, fucking love drawing in MS Paint.

[12/20/23, Krita]

And, as if to repeat last year, I end this one with a DreamSide main cast image!

Really proud of how much all of my designs have improved throughout the year, from the small tweaks to gigantic overhauls! I finally feel ready to take the next step forward, so to speak.

And that's everything! Thank you all for your time, and accompanying me on this journey. It was certainly a rough one in many aspects, but every year is rough for me so I've gotten used to it. See you all later :>

[alphaofdarkness]

Hi!

Just wanted to say that youre an amazing artist! You're really inspiring ❤️

Maybe you have some tips for an artist (who draws a lot of oc content) about how to develop his account or such?

Omg howdy there! I admit I was taken aback when I saw this this weekend (°ヮ°) I was admittedly very busy as family and friends were over to see me graduate with my masters! Still so,,, much in befuddlement but am extremely happy and proud of myself for making it! (◕‿◕✿) 🎓 I've gone and done it y'all! ✨

Me? Inspiring? (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) imposible ah （〃▽〃）

I went off on a ramble just based off information that came to mind, I hope this helps. My advice is always so scattered and everywhere, I do apologize if I have missed anything! Everyone does these things differently and this is just based off my own experiences and what I've seen over the years!

As for your question my friend, first of all! Amazing to know a fellow artist, I hope I have a chance to see your artwork and oc content some of these days ahead! ^^

Second of all, I had to think a lot about this because I've essentially had random bursts and moments when it comes to trying to focus on my personal stories and oc content. I have many Oc's and self inserts in different fandoms that kind of boost me in some relevance within those areas of interest and followers too.

However, for my own personal stories Ocs, I love posting and putting my content out there and I have been doing it for a fair amount of time since I started using tumblr; posting most, if not a lot of it, on this main blog of mine. I later started a side blog specifically made for that content to post and to look through aesthetics and inspiration for my characters and world building -> @wewillbelegendary. I will say it has been hard to keep up with posting directly there as it is like starting a blog from scratch and love using my main blog. Honestly, I tend to alternate a lot it just depends, I reblog it on there at as I have more traction on my main.

But I do highly recommend you at least considering having a separate oc blog, if you are still growing a blog in general, I highly recommend it as it will be a nice concentrated area for all of your art on oc content. That can grow into world building, character inspirations, art development, so on and so forth! Also using appropriate tagging system to help guide others to your content and so people can see it in those specific tags! There are plenty out there especially those like #digital art #artist on tumblr #original content #original characters, etc. I am sure there are many more that I have used or others have and it just depends on the subject of the content entailed.

You may have to reblog several times through your main blog to gain traction from your followers or audience, engage with other posts and other people content to gain some relevancy with them too! Follow other content creators like them too!

If you have been drawing them for a long time, post artist development of your characters over the years to show their initial concept to where they are at now! Post your sketches in all their bare bones (I fail at this sometimes~ but I highly encourage you!), you can be direct with your wording or give a hand full of sentences to explain the post to give others insight. Post about what inspired you to make that specific content for your ocs like song or quote inspiration.

Overall, a lot of it relies you posting consistently, if you really want to gain attention to your work! It won't all happen in a day or a week, even months. I don’t think there is a set time people post on here, I tend to do so in the mornings during the week to Saturday and tend to spread my posting after two days when I have a handful of art to post! Also double or triple reblogs in the afternoon or following day depending on interation!

You have to motivate yourself to post about your work and gain others attention to notice you! I have since calmed myself down from such a mindset though (sometimes I get anxious because I haven’t posted or done art and that’s okay, don’t stress or push yourself over if you haven’t!). I post my oc content because I am proud of it, if it gets noticed then I am happy, even by a few or handful of people. I am giddy when people reblog, more so when small tags are added in 🤍 sometimes my content isn't always liked or reblog and that is okay! There is no shame or worry about deleting and reposting again another time too. Hell, I know some people often tweet or repost on instagram their works again so others don't have to search all the way down to the initial post!

I also recommend posting on other socials as well! Instagram is such a good place for that! With similar tagging systems! Maybe on twitter too, but it just depends and you are also limited on the tags and characters you use. Everything kind of cumulates when you have more at hand!

Honestly, it has been a while since I have posted oc content in general, I had some burst inspirations earlier in July and recall rambling about it to my fellow mutual on here about it 🥺 she is such a dear friend and love rambling about each other's ocs, self inserts, and f/os. Make friends who will indulge in your creations and in theirs!

I sincerely hope that this information helps you some! Again, I have always been more of a self insert and shipping fandom artist with a healthy handful of oc content posted over the last,,, 12 years overall,,, oof (；・∀・) and more or less 4 years for self shipping content.. I, personally, have always just safeguarded my ocs because I wasn't the best at talking about it/them? I suppose? Gradually, overtime, got out of that mindset and became more confident about showing my characters and bits of information about them, at least in main story. Especially, with the encouragement of others I consider good friends here on Tumblr 😌

I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day and that you steadily grow your content overtime! I hope to see some of your oc content one day! 🤍✨

[threshasketch]

Wow, so apparently today is the 8th anniversary of me starting this art blog. I started Threshasketch in the September of 2015, and my main blog the year before in June.

In that time, I've gone through drawing OCs, fanart for numerous fandoms, traditional style line work and pencil sketches, digital line work and coloring, painting photo-real style, and so, so many chibi art pieces. Art has been my rock through some really hard times in my life. Posting cute chibis to brighten somebody else's day helped brighten mine.

Since 2015, my country has gone through three different presidencies, the world has gone through (and is still quietly going through) a global pandemic, and I've gone through years of struggling. Most of that struggling has been in the past 5 years, but boy does 5 years sound like a lot of time to be struggling for basic living things like heat and food.

Things were really bad just a few years ago. At one point I only had electricity four hours per day, because I couldn't afford gas for the generator. I uploaded digital art because "scanning" (taking pics of on my phone) traditional line art was hard when the place I was living was so dark. Patreon and art commissions were the only reason I had money for food on many occasions.

I've had to move three different times in the past four years. I got rid of or lost a lot of my belongings to live in a small space. Had to deal with rats in my living space twice in as many years. Had to take my 23-year-old cat to the vet to pass peacefully AND help my parents take their little dog with heart failure to the vet to pass peacefully in the same year.

Did I mention I had major abdominal surgery this summer with months of recovery time? Yeah. That actually went really smoothly. I didn't realize how bad my health was getting for the past few years because it was a gradual problem, but I was exhausted all the time, unable to do much physical activity, and super anemic. Just passed the two month mark since surgery, and am feeling so much better it's shocking remembering how bad off I was before. Cripes, I should have done this years ago.

So why, if art has been a coping method for me, has this blog had barely any updates for years? Well, I overextended myself on art commissions, which made my art escapism into a pressure thing. It's nobody's fault but my own, but several of those commissions did not get finished, and that made art into a guilty thing, so I sort of...shut myself down on Tumblr, because drawing for fun seemed wrong when somebody was waiting on me to finish their art piece. So I stopped drawing at all for a long while. That helped nobody—it just made it so that I wasn't warmed up enough to draw the commissions, either.

I'm just now getting to where I'm financially able to reach out to the people who paid me for commissions and refund them. I've refunded several already. If you are one of my art commission customers, you'll be hearing from me, I promise. I haven't forgotten you, I have every commission I ever took in a list saved on my computer.

Speaking of financially able, I'm no longer supporting myself with art and Patreon alone. For most of The Pandemic Years I've been pouring all of my creative energy into becoming a full-time indie erotica author. I write my own stories, I paint my own covers, I do everything myself. It's the most fun job I've ever had, honestly, and it's paying my bills. ♥

I've managed to build it up into a monthly income somehow, and this winter is looking a lot less terrible than last winter. In general, my living situation is now stable, the roof doesn't leak, the lights all work, hell I even have a functioning shower and the ability to have running hot water.

Anyway, yeah. It's been a rough go of it, and this art blog has been around through it all. I got a new art tablet for my birthday, and drawing feels like being carefree again. Here's to many more years of art. ♥

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[blargh-chicka-honk-honk]

I still consider myself an artist, but if I'm ever forced to say so aloud (or in writing that anybody will read, like I did just now) I feel so wrong about it. Why? Because I barely draw. I'm an amateur at best, and haven't practiced in any seriousness since I dropped out of college 2-3 years ago. So I'm not really, am I. I can draw sure, but not as good as I should be able to. I'd made my peace with that... I thought. See, I'll often admire other people's art (without jealously or anything, just admire it because it's good) but I never watch speedpaints, or timelapses of their progress, because last time I did (in college) it made me feel bad about myself, and I'm not one to go looking for that.

But I just watched one.

And I realized.... Yeah, I mean I haven't practiced really, but I do still draw, the reason I can't get anything looking "professional grade" is because when I do draw, it's on a crappy free app on a laggy phone with a cracked screen and no stylus. Like, I still have the skills I learned.., they're a bit rusty but they're there.

Here's some of the pieces I'm fond of that I've made recently.

And like.... I'm proud of these. The lines are wobbly and the edges are too sharp and the backgrounds need work and what even is shading and I can't just not outline things, but!!! They're good! They're actually pretty damn good! I'm proud of them! Especially when,

my screen is a spiderweb and makes my lines wiggle,

if i press too hard my cursor slides across the screen and gets stuck in the lower right hand corner until I restart it,

I don't have a stylus,

my phone will freeze up and if I click on something while it's like that it will sometimes delete what I'm working on in it's entirety (only happened 3 times but I have a grudge),

And the program I'm using doesn't allow for certain tricks I see other people doing in their digital pieces (like resizing bits that you drew the wrong proportion and changing canvas sizes after starting and working multiple layers at once)

Oh yeah and the reason"I can't just not outline things" is that my app will use any guides i draw as if they were outlines and if I try to delete the layer that has the outline on it, the other layers all get random splotches of outline that didn't QUITE delete all the way, and they are all only a few pixels big and it's impossible to find all of them, until, of course, I think I'm done and I go to upload it, only to discover i uploaded absolute shit that looks like if visual snow fucked a rainbow and made a filter on Snapchat.

I've been judging myself by a weighted scale for years, and I don't think I'm going to be able to stop, but I'm thinking maybe I should save up for a tablet or something. Maybe even a computer. Something that can run a proper drawing program, with a touch screen or touch screen compatible with a cheap tablet or. Idk. I don't know what this means from here on out, but it feels good to not be bad at what I love...

It feels good to be an artist.

[bobbi971]

Tips on how I improved in digital art in two months

After a good old break from art, here is my take when it comes to improvements

My first tip is to find and invest in a good art book. Get to learn your basics. In January, I decided to buy my first art book from the editor VIGOT - Dessiner, mode d'emploi LE CORPS HUMAIN. It cost about 30€ and that came with an exercise book. I studied the first part of the book for a good while. I have yet to finish but for me it's not a race. I am taking my sweet time because I want to understand the little things first. Things I sadly wasn't able to learn younger. Since I have started, my proportions have gotten so much better. I am happy about the results and even though it doesn't teach anything about color, just improving my technique was enough to have this result.

I say this because, sometimes we're o accustomed to a way of doing things that we don't see how it's not beneficial for us. I had to get rid of my old ways of doing things to learn more. So, even though sometimes it's harder said than done, try something new. Do something different and always keep learning.

My second tip would be "Don't base your skills on others talents": I am someone who feeds on art, I love looking at what others produce. This isn't inherently wrong. It's good, you get to see different styles and get to support fellow artists. The problem comes when you start comparing yourself ... which is exactly what I did and then I ended up giving up for a few months. I had a huge crisis in my capacities after looking at my art and seeing what others could do. One day I broke down. Creating is a part of who I am, putting my love aside just made me feel miserable. My life felt empty and I hated it but, whenever I tried creating, I didn't feel joy anymore.

It's not important if what you make is "sellable". All that matters is creating, when and if you want. Not to make anyone else proud but for yourself. By improving your technique and just having fun during your creative process, you will already see huge changes and this will encourage you to go further. If you're feeling that you're not progressing, learn something new and don't feel like a failure if you need to start from step 1. That's what I learnt and now, I can see the difference. If you're going to compare something, do so between who you are now and who you were 2 months ago. Give yourself time to rest your creative spirit, maybe you need a break and that's okay. Find what makes you happy and don't feel bad because you need to rest, or relearn. We need to be nicer to ourselves.

Find confidence in your style and work on it: This is my tip. Yes, we all have our style and our signature. Some people find it earlier than others, good for them. If you're similar as me, you could spend months, even years looking for what makes your art special. I just barely started to find mines, I am 27 and I've been drawing as long as I can remember. I though I loved manga, then I thought I love renaissance oil paintings, then I thought I loved digital and then came back to painting only to go back to digital. And now, I am looking for new ways to make my digital art better by mixing medias.

All of these requires different techniques.

I never mastered none and I am not ashamed of saying it, I just love learning different styles. Now, I am starting to find mines. My characters always seem to have big eyes, that's because of anime influence from my childhood.. and even though I can draw small ones... I want to keep the big eyes. I love realism so my coloring style is closer to this but not too much because I also love the comic style.

I mean, there is so much we can say. Just look (and I say this loosely) for what makes you unique and work on that. My way is to keep all my art, even the ones I dislike and analyse them. It's easy to pick apart what you didn't succeed. But... I am sure there is something you love about your creation. Find it, and then ask yourself if you'd like to add something similar to your next creation. Then, just keep repeating this process and tweaking your new creations little by little. If you don't like it, no problem, don't do it anymore or find a better way. Soon enough, when you'll take a look at all your recent productions... you will find similarities and soon enough, you'll start figuring out your style. This takes time, practice, experiencing with various medias and taking risks. Trust yourself that you have all the secrets inside you.

Be yourself, let your creativity speak, and have fun most and foremost. You can't skip on training but you can skip on being hard on yourself <3

Please reblog if you liked this post and live a small comment or a heart, this encourages me as well to continue because I can see that this post is helping you -- Sending universal love to all of you

[lvlsrvryhigh]

LVLSRVRYHI-050: The Dance Pit | The Levels Are Very High

Hi Anuradha, how's it going? I usually start these things with a bit of an intro, so for anyone who doesn't know: who are you? Where are you from? Hi! It’s 3am and I think I’m finally done answering all these questions!

My grandfather named me Anuradha, though I’m still not 100% sure on how to “correctly” pronounce my name. I was born in Bangladesh, a year before Maluma. My star sign is a Capricorn and I’ve been living in the South Bronx for the past 21 years.

What are some of your early musical memories? I remember hearing Usher's Confessions album everywhere in 2004; Burn, Confessions Part II, and Yeah on rotation. That and Gasolina. That’s when I remember paying attention to music more (I think I’ve blocked most memories of MTV’s TRL out of my head), and then came the emo phase of ’07.

I also remember, though this isn't particularly musical, enjoying the Spice Girls lollipops that came with the stickers which is earlier in memory.

Whilst you run parties and a mix series as The Dance Pit, my first introduction to you was through (I think) the second issue of your zine Club Etiquette and then I kind of worked backwards from there. What first pushed you towards organising a zine? How did the specific idea for Club Etiquette come about? Mungo asked me if there were any parties he could play when he came over in 2015. I told him if I couldn’t find any, I’d put one on, which I decided to anyway.

At the same time, I was going to the club pretty regularly and would see the same people and we would always talk about what annoyed us, both on large and small scales, so thought a guideline would be handy, to be more conscientious of one’s surroundings and others. My school radio station (shouts to WBAR!) used to create zines, so thought that would be the most direct (least-bureaucratic) method. Since it was a guideline on “club etiquette,” that’s just what I decided to call it, although I still think the name sounds a bit bougie and will probably change it at some point.

My background is in activist theatre, so I was taught that anything I take on has to have a greater social purpose, cause what’s the point otherwise? (Don’t @ me with “art for art’s sake” – it may be for some people, but I have no time for it when so many other narratives don’t get heard).

Whitney Wei's illustrations that adorn the covers and grow throughout the pages of Club Etiquette provide the zine with this homemade warmth that carries over even into its digital copies, something that usually gets lost in the move to screens and online spaces of discussion. Did you find that it was important for you to produce the zine with that physicality in tact? Yes, shouts to Whitney! And Carmela Tzigana (who drew the Vol.6 cover). All cover aesthetic skills and most illustrations are credited to Whitney, who, regardless of the landscapes or deadlines I throw at her, manages to create something grounded and finely-detailed.

It makes me happy that you say that the physicality carries over (cause there is def some blood, sweat, and tears in some of those physical copies). I also really don’t like reading on computer screens, so if other people don’t mind and get past that, that’s great!

Tangibility, in a larger sense, is super important to me. Being able to cross over what’s written in the zine and enacting it in physical club spaces (or everyday life) is the reason why it was made in the first place. Theory is cool and all and part of the process, but actually putting ideas in practice is how I grow, and know what works.

A lot of Club Etiquette's material is necessarily born out of very personal and difficult experiences, but you also focus on some of the more lighthearted or even mundane aspects of club-going - 4am foodspots, hangovers, health tips, tv picks etc. I tend to find that these are the parts of the zine that fill me with the most nostalgia (for faceless nights I've mostly forgotten). What was the idea behind including them? How do you find the balance between them and the more serious aspects of each issue? I love the mundane. I also think there’s often a glamorization of going out needing to be the “best, most peak, night” of one’s life, like having a couple of nights where things get hella turnt is chill, but for me to constantly be at that level, I couldn’t do that. My club schedule is pretty routine and focusing on how to make up for lost sleep, or what to eat after I’ve danced for five hours straight, or what I watch when I don’t go out is really necessary for my survival.

Finding a balance between having both serious topics and lighthearted ones can be a bit tricky; I definitely don’t want to trivialize bigger issues by talking about/placing something silly right after. However, I do think that joy is also an integral part of our lives, and humor can be a place of learning as well. It’s the whole “I am not bound to one narrative” idea (that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talks about in her TED Talk), that I am not defined by only my traumatic experiences, but my day-to-day comforts too.

I also just watch a whole bunch of children’s television, so I’m trying to learn from that how writers can discuss heavy topics but not bombard people with negativity. Also, a very much large shout-out is needed for everyone who contributes; their perspectives make up so much of the humor and joy in the zine, and I really am grateful for the club community here that practices what they preach <3.

New York sits at this juncture between North, South, and Central American dance cultures which, at least this is in the impression I got when I was there, in turn, maintain musical interactions with and influences from the UK. You yourself have relationships that spread throughout this geographical club axis (from the stuff you've done with Hiedrah Club de Baile to your Dance Pit NY parties and UK tour dates). How much has the influence of this environment bled into the zine, your sets and/or the parties you put on? Is there anywhere else you could see yourself living? I want to preface my answer by acknowledging the “first-world” privilege of made-up “border” (by this I mean borders are arbitrary in conception but have very-tangible effects) mobility that I have. I have been immensely lucky to have been able to experience Club Viral, HiedraH Club de Baile, and the Salviatek nights in Monterrey, Buenos Aires, and Montevideo respectively as well nights in the UK before that (with HDD and the Hub-before-it-was-the-Hub <3) and each journey has definitely bled into every aspect of my life, as seen through my sets (which are all over the place), with the different translations of the zine, and through the djs I book.

I grew up and still live in a predominantly Afro-Latinx and Afro-Caribbean community so bachata, reggaeton, and dancehall are what I’m surrounded by most and I think that influence is clear in what I play. I will say though that it is irresponsible to just play the sounds and not give anything back to the communities who create this music both locally and internationally, so I’m still figuring out ways in which to support producers, djs, and club nights that have taught me so much that goes beyond just promotions or social capital. I think it can be easy to fall into the trap of appropriating sounds, so it becomes really important to *listen* when people say it makes them uncomfortable when you’re playing certain music. I want to believe there can be collaborative exchanges in music, but ultimately, under capitalism, someone will always reap the benefits off of the exploitation of other cultures, so I have to just be hyper-vigilant about what I play, who I play it for, how it affects them, and how I can give back.

For me, people rather than place define what home is, so with the hope that in the future all visa requirements and borders will be abolished, I would very much like to go back to South America (back to Argentina & Uruguay, and to the western coast this time around, but also with a much overdue visit to Brazil) and the UK (further north this time!) for an extended period of time to hang with people I very much consider family and give back what I can.

There's a growing tendency at the moment towards abstraction and experimentalism in tracks and sets, attempts to push (or destroy) the boundaries of what a dance track can be or how two (or three or four) tracks should be mixed together. Feeling and hearing an artist's intent in a way that I've barely even considered before is exhilarating but there's also been times when I've missed a certain concreteness. Come New Years - when I caught up with you in London - I was really just itching to dance. Is it important for you to get that sort of physical reaction to a set or a blend? What does dancing mean to you? I started djing, or rather selecting music, for friends who loved to dance when no one else would. So every time I dj or make a mix, I always have someone I know in mind who I want to dedicate the set to, they all just happen to be people who dance a lot. Getting a physical reaction to a set isn’t necessary, people react to music in their own way, but dancing may just be inevitable :)

Dancing is how I show my gratitude to djs and other musicians (in addition to showering them with compliments :3). It’s only a small token of appreciation for the continuous experience of listening to their music.

Talk me through the mixes - how were they recorded? What led to the two parts? It’s been three months since you have asked me to do this(these) mix(es). About a month ago, maybe, I chose to split them because my temperament was changing so often (I blame the weather, the 2+ retrogrades, etc.) and also my attention span was/is decreasing daily.

The first mix is definitely for when I’m in one of my angsty moods, and am placing expectations on others, when I should just let them be. I also wanted to try constraining some parts in the mix to just highlighting certain instruments.

The second mix I made so I that when I play it on my monitors, my neighbors can listen to even more Bad Bunny than they have already been blasting onto the block on a Sunday. 

Both mixes are heavily influenced by my travels at the end of last year.

I live-recorded these (way too many times) and added any extra effects on audacity.

What do you have planned for the rest of 2017? I’d really like to continue the translations series of the zines, and there are def a couple more zine release parties in store for this year. My annual tarot card reading said I’ll find a new skill which will be my life’s work in October, so hopefully that’ll happen. As I mentioned above, I’d like to visit all my friends if possible, maybe finally make that mixtape hehe.

But most importantly, curating netflix for my mom and volunteering locally to facilitate and preserve music, arts, and community spaces in my neighborhood when displacement is already happening.

Finally, if you had to pick something for people to listen to immediately after these mixes what would it be? Trick Answer: Go watch Steven Universe, give your eyes, ears, mind, and heart a treat. (That and Silver Spoon too please! - oh but also listen to Common Sense).

"Night" Tracklist

Sand Pact - Fervor w/ Nato - Cerita interlude Bad Bunny - Soy Peor (Axel Caram remix) DJ Nervoso - Djj Kala - Boriken Brazilian Percussion - Samba-Reggae 2 Cardi B interlude MC Lustosa_Shaded Pistola (MM edit) Gigi - Cah PayTay (Reply) Lechuga Zafiro - Suave Pero Rugoso (Diosa Tayhana remix) w/ TT The Artist - Worst Bday interlude Badgyal (Prod. Plata) - SMTHIN LIKE THIS x Dholi Taro Dhol Baaje Karaoke Version Aggromance - 1noche x Leokarlo - Intro ‘New Era’ x Dj Fofuxo - Raizes “Nu Guetto Qui Ta Bater” BAD$ISTA - Last night* Raman Saran - Dhak (Drum) Lechuga Zafiro - Orquídea T-Ney Kid Cala - Blue Magic (Loris Remix) Soda Plains - Espalho Meu Passo w/ Toshiro Masuda - Orochimaru’s** Theme interlude MC Linn da Quebrada - Mulher Totó La Momposina y sus tambores - Rosa FUNERAL - Cumbia futura Shivam Gupta - Durga Theme DJ Nervoso - Areia x Rebecca Sugar - Here Come’s a Thought Steven Universe - Rose’s Room dialogue***

*my phone# is on my last mix, call me up (thru facetime/whatsapp, bless) **i dont support/sympathize with orochimaru, they are a creep ***I hope Steven will be ok

"Day" Tracklist

Dj Valet - O começo Dj Nk - Caipirinha Vany-Fox - Me vs World Bk(blackinhO) - Funana [Batucada] Badgyal - Dinero (Prod. FAKEGUIDO) Bad Bunny ft. De La Ghetto, Zion, Bryant Myers - Caile (Dj Arturex & Dj Kris Club Version) MC Katia - Arrocha Das Fiéis (DJ Xaropinho) Conejx - Parvada w/ Bryant Myers ft. Bad Bunny - Un Ratito Mas interlude* Yxng Bane ft. Kojo Funds & Wizkid - Fine Wine Gage - Throat (Street Mongrel Riddim Version X Talkdunsk Remake) DJ Spinall ft. Wizkid - Opoju Yandel - Encantadora (El Kechu DJ Cumbia base Remix) Anuel AA - Ayer (Elián Acapella Remix) Epic B - Wicked Riddim Javed Akthar - Azeem O Shaan Shahenshah Instrumental Vybz Kartel - Fever (Dj YaMtZa Remix) Florentino - Bloodline x Florin Salam ft. Denisa - Cineva Ma Suna Cu Numar Privat deejay jeff love c pikachu 2pekes (Pininga Edit) Sikuri - Aamado Murlo - Hunter Tina Savage ft. Don Jazzy - Eminado (DJ Yoko Champeta Remix) Superficie - Febre Do Vale Joha - Me Llama Glolaluz - Me Controlas FUNERAL - Reverberacion Antenas ———————————————— J Hus - Did You See x Sikuri - 0

*use condoms! + Special thanks to Callosum, Mungo, Becky, and Michelle <3