#i've always felt so bad for cesar :(

[t0yac1d]

My Juliet, my special girl (C. Diaz x Fem!Reader)

I hope that she looks at me and thinks, "Shit, he is so pretty"

Warnings: gang violence, death, after Olivia's Quince, blood, contemplating suicide

Word Count: 889

It was the morning after Olivia's Quince. The morning after a beautiful party. The morning after Latrelle shot Ruby and killed Olivia.

"It's all my fault."

"I shouldn't have shown mercy to Latrelle."

"I shouldn't have gone after him in the first place."

Cesar blamed and hated himself deeply.

He hated what happened to Ruby and Olivia because in his eyes, that should’ve been him.

In his eyes, that should’ve been him who got shot.

In his eyes, that should’ve been him who got killed. 

I need to cry, but I can't get anything out of my eyes,

Cesar sat on the edge of his bed, eyes filled with frustrated tears that threatened to spill but they wouldn’t fall. No matter how upset he was, they wouldn’t pour.

Or my head. 

And oh my god, the night. That night kept repeating in his brain. 

The sound of the gunshot.

The sound of Ruby screaming his name before getting shot. 

The sounds of Geny and Ruben screaming as their son lay on the ground, bleeding out. 

Every little detail played continuously in his brain. It was like a record player stuck in a loop.

Did I die? I need to run,

Days went by without Cesar coming out of the house. He felt like an empty body, just moving on its own throughout the day.  

but I can't get out of bed for anyone.

He was scared. 

Not of Latrelle or any gang member after him. 

But of his friends and Ruby’s family. 

What if they all hated him? He wouldn’t blame them, but this was the last thing he expected that would break the group up. 

He couldn’t get out of bed to see anyone.

 Not for you,

Not even for the girl he wanted to live for. 

When he did get the courage to go outside, he went to school first. He wanted to see if everyone still wanted to be his friend. Because if not, then he’d just apologize and go away. Leave their lives for good and keep them out of harm’s way. 

When Cesar got to school, no one greeted him. It was like he didn’t exist. 

He hated how no one talked to him, but he couldn’t blame them. He took their friend away.

Cesar skipped a couple classes that day. He just sat in an empty and dark classroom, silently sobbing and crying. 

My sour boy is a pain, 

His chest hurt with each sob he let out, 

I wanna shoot him in the brain,

He doesn’t deserve to live. It should’ve been him instead of Olivia.

He feels like if he died, everything would be better for his friends. 

 but I'd miss him in the morning. 

But a part of him says that this isn’t the way to think. That what happened has already happened and there’s not much to do about it but move on and make amends.

It really hurts when I need to so bad, but I can't see her..

He missed you, 

My Juliet, 

He missed you so dearly.

My special girl.

The only girl that can really, truly help him through a time like this.

But I need to understand when I can power through,

Because he knows you’ll get him through this, and help guide him to the right choice here. 

Cesar pulled his phone out with shaky hands and sent a text to you, he was sure there were a few words that were misspelled, but you’ll understand what he meant. Hopefully. 

He sat in that classroom, patiently waiting for you to come to him. But this time alone helped him think to himself, about himself. 

Sometimes I act like I know, but I'm really just a kid.

He’s just a kid. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. All he’s really doing is causing problems.

With two corks in his eyes, and a bully in his head.

And hurting those around him because of his actions.

I wanna make a colour that no one else has seen before 

He wants to get out and do something with his life. He doesn’t want to be stuck in the gang for the rest of his life. 

I wanna be so much more

He wants to show everyone that he can make something of himself. That he’s not “Little Spooky”. That he’s Cesar Diaz. 

You walked into the classroom and saw Cesar sitting on the floor. You walked over to him and sat with him. You didn’t say anything to him, you just sat there and looked at him with a slight frown. 

You didn’t like this. He looked so exhausted. 

He had dark eye bags under his eyes, and even then they were red and puffy from the crying. He had tear marks on his face and his clothes were disheveled. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, resting his head on your shoulder, as you rubbed his back and lightly scratched his head while you held him.

“It’s ok Cesar.” 

He leaned back and looked at you with teary eyes, wondering what was running in your head as you saw him like this. 

I hope that she looks at me and thinks, "Shit, he is so pretty”

The one thing that was running through his mind at this moment was how you thought of him.

Something I can't believe..

[snoopyliker]

Joui: I wasn’t kind. And that's something I've always tried to be. But I think that after everything I saw and after everything we’ve been through... I was just scared, I was scared of her getting hurt even more, but I had no notion over my own strength and l ended up putting the life of a person, who had nothing to do with this, in danger. And at the same time I keep thinking... I'm not- I’m not feeling so remorseful.

Liz: It’s all okay, Joui. You are the kindest person I know. Believe me, these Ordo things, they fuck us up little by little, but you still have a lot of essence of who you've always been.

Joui: I’m afraid of… no longer feeling anymore empathy for people. I don’t know what to do.

Liz: You feel a lot of empathy for people, Joui.

(Guaxi: Do I hear that?)

(Cellbit: You’re listening, yes.)

Arthur: What do you mean you don’t have empathy? When I said I felt bad because of the red sweatshirt you took it off, man.

Joui: I never liked it.

Liz: You have a lot of empathy for people, Joui. You’re risking your life for days just to save people. And people you don't even know, people you’ll probably never get to know.

Arthur: On the first day that I met you and we saw that spider the first thing you did was grab me and pull me away from it.

(Calango: Okay, I punch the table and get up.)

Cesar: Joui, man! You forgave me having shot you in the face! You are the kindest person here. Stop with that.

(Calango: I sit down again.)

Thiago: What he said, dude.

Joui: I'm so sorry, guys. I will try to be better.

Thiago: You don't have to be better, you just need to be yourself.

Arthur: And so, if you get better, then… I don't think there's a way.

Joui: Okay. Thank you. Thank you guys.

(Bagi: I hug Joui again.)

Thiago: A group hug, family! Group hug, let’s go.

Liz: Group hug, come!

[ctorres74]

Let’s see, how do I put this…you’ve changed a bit. Opening up to Cesar, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, even if it’s just a little bit, it can be daunting. I know it might not mean much, but I’ve always thought that kind of thing deserves recognition. So, good job.

It didn't... feel good, if I'm being honest. I just felt like I wanted to cry. And I've never felt like that before, so... hah, weird experience for me. And not in a good way.

...I guess I feel a little less bad around Cesar now, though. Is that anything?

[shipcestuous]

this is more of a personal question and i don't know if you take these, but does anyone irl know that you ship incest? i always have to hide it and i feel like i'm making a terrible job at it, like when an incest scene comes up in a movie or something i have to pretend to be disgusted when in fact i'm rotting for it lmao

Personal questions are fine and this is a very relevant topic for the blog!

I totally get what you're talking about, Anon!

I don't know anyone who is an incest shipper like I am, but one time my friend confessed to shipping the father and daughter from Suburgatory, and I couldn't believe it, my mind was blown. I told her I could see what she was talking about, but I never even hinted at how extensive my own incest shipping was.

She had actually seen me react with genuine disgust to an unexpected scene of incest in Angels and Insects, which we had been watching together before I got into incest shipping. And she thought I was overreacting, but that was how I really felt about it at the time, although there was more than just incest to put one off about that scene and I think it may have been a combination things.

Anyway, it's remarkable she told me about Suburgatory despite the way I had reacted before (although that was 10 years earlier and she might have forgotten). And I wonder now why I didn't venture a little more confession on my part but I don't regret it, I think I must have had some instinct about it. Plus she was not as into shipping as I was anymore, even though we had both been very into it in our teens.

But I have heard from many people here on Tumblr that they have friends who are incest shippers, or siblings who are incest shippers, or they've told friends or siblings that they ship incest and it has been accepted even if the other person(s) didn't really 'get it'. You know your friends, so you would know much better than I would if they would never accept something like that, but based on what I've heard from many people on here, it's very possible to confess something like this to friends and have it go just fine.

In terms of hiding it, I would caution you not to act disgusted. It's counterproductive to "the cause", not that your friends are Hollywood producers or media or anything like that, lol. Although if they're acting disgusted and then looking to you to see your reaction, I can see why you would. I remember I was babysitting an older girl, she was like 10 or so, and we were listening to one of the Bad Lip Reading songs about Star Wars, and Luke was mentioning how pretty Leia was, and Obi-Wan is like, "I need to tell you something about that girl". And the girl I was babysitting and I were both laughing and making faces at each other like, you know, like Luke had some pretty disturbing news coming to him. So sometimes you just react the way other people are reacting no matter how you feel about it.

Not that you're looking for advice, but what I would advise you or anyone to do, assuming you weren't ready to confess to enjoying incest in fiction and incest shipping, is just say that it doesn't really bother you that much. You don't have to say you like it, but you can say it doesn't disgust you that much or whatever. It's kind of a middle ground. And that way you don't have to act or put on a show, and maybe it even clears the way for a future confiding.

And of course there's the tried and true course of confessing to liking a single incest ship a lot. Like Cesare/Lucrezia, Alex/Justin, Jaime/Cersei, whatever. Something popular. If everyone knows you like an incest ship, but for a long time it's only that ship, then you can later be like, "Oh, and this ship too, I guess. *shrug*" And build from there. Ease them into it.

Wow, I rambled. Sorry, Anon! Thanks for your question.

[eddieismypimp]

sweet thing

oscar diaz x reader request: oscar having a crush on a cottagecore hippie girl. requested by: @dazed-confused-happy , This is absolute ass but I hope you enjoy it lovey! I don't know anything about the cottagecore aesthetic so I really hope this is good enough!

Introduction: My name is Y/n. I had just moved to Freeridge with my dad after living with my mom my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I have a good relationship with my dad, I just preferred to live with my mom, but my father asked me if I would come stay with him for a while because he missed me and I just couldn't say no. I'm coming from England. My mother and I moved there after she got a job offer. It was a really amazing and beautiful place. Our second year there, we discovered this aesthetic lifestyle called cottagecore and it immediately struck my attention. I decided to change my entire lifestyle to cottagecore and I've been living like this ever since.

I've been living with my dad for almost two months now. I got a job basically as soon as I got here at Dwayne's bbq. Dwayne and my father are really good friends and that resulted in me becoming good friends with Dwayne's son Jamal and his friends. They were pretty great and I got to hang around Cesar's brother Oscar a lot which was awesome. When I first saw him, I was extremely intimidated but he's really not a bad guy. We talk and joke all the time, he's really funny. I don't have to work today because it's a Saturday so I made plans to go hang out with everyone today. I got up, got in the shower and got dressed. I added moisturizer to my hair and then left it in it's natural afro. (outfit):

I watered my plants and texted Monse to tell her I was on my way. We were meeting at Cesar's place today. They didn't tell me the plans but I'm pretty sure we'll probably just chill in Cesar's room. I got in my car and drove over to Cesar's. When I got there, Oscar and his friends were sitting outside. Everyone else must be inside. I thought. I walked up to the house. "Is Cesar here?" I asked Oscar. "I'm honestly hurt that you came here for him instead of me." He said. I laughed. He chuckled. "Yeah, he's inside." "Thank you." I said smiling at him. He smiled back at me. His smile is the cutest. I walked inside to find my friends chillin in the living room. "Hi guys." I said, setting my bag down. "Hey." They all said. "So, what's the plans today?" I asked sitting on the couch in between Ruby and Monse. "We're just gonna chill here until the party later." Cesar said. 'What party?" I asked. "Oscar's throwing a huge santos party later tonight." He said. "You should come, it'll be fun." He said. He knows I don't do well with crowds so I'm glad he's not trying to force me to go. "I think I'll sit this one out, I got some missing assignments I have to turn in." I said. "Thanks for inviting me though." "No problem, you're always welcome." He said. "If you change your mind, just come by." "Will do." ~time skip~ After about 3 hours of hanging out with Cesar and everyone, I decided now would be a good time to go home before hella people started showing up. "Imma go home guys." I said grabbing my bag. "Aww okay, thanks for hanging out with us today." Monse said getting up and giving me a hug. "Thanks for inviting me over." I said giving everyone a hug. I said goodbye one more time and walked out the door. "Aye, where you goin?" I heard Oscar yell as he walked up to me. "I'm just going home." I said. "You're not gonna stay for the party?" He asked me sounding genuinely upset. "I have a lot of homework to do, I'm sorry." I said. "I might come back over later though, depending on what time I finish my homework." I said smiling at him. "You better." He said pinching my cheek in a playful way. I giggled. "I'll see you later Oscar." I said walking to my car. When I got home, I worked on my homework for a while. When I finally finished all of my missing assignments, it was already 9:30. I decide to go and pick some strawberries from my garden outside and then go to bed. I put on my sandals and walked outside. As I was picking my strawberries, I heard a car pull up and a door close. I turned around and there was Oscar. "Oscar, what are you doing here?" I asked standing up and sitting my basket down. "You said you would come back over." He said. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, I got caught up doing homework." I said as he walked over to where I sat on the ground. He took a seat next to me. "Why aren't you at home enjoying your party?" I asked him. "I would much rather be here with you than at some stupid party." He said. I felt my cheeks get hot, luckily you couldn't tell because of my dark complexion. "Oscar, are you drunk right now?" I asked with a laugh. He laughed too. "Nah, I'm completely sober. I was just missin you." He said smiling at me. "You're goofy." I said. It was quiet for a little while as we sat there picking strawberries. "I really like you y/n" Oscar said. I didn't think much of it.  "I really like you too Oscar." I said smiling at him. He grabbed my hands gently which made me look over at him. "Everything okay?" I asked in confusion. "Yeah, everything's cool.." He said quietly. "I just wanted you to know that I think you're beautiful and really amazing." I didn't really know what to say. "It's okay, you don't have to say anything, I just couldn't hold it in any longer." He said letting go of my hand. He got up and started walking away. "Wait, Oscar." I said getting up too. He turned around. "I really like you too." I said. He looked at the ground and smiled. "That's a relief." I laughed. He walked up to me and kissed me