#i've also emailed them asking if i could just pay even a tiny bit of it

[t-lostinworlds]

hello! gosh, i honestly have no idea what else to do anymore. i've been such a huge ball of anxiety these pass few days and i feel like i've got no other choice ://

so, enrollment for the next semester is this Monday (in 4 days), and idk why my school decided to do it during this time when most ppl don't get paid until the last day of the month/next month. as if that isn't enough, enrollments are also on a time limit and now that we get to decide our own schedules, it's also a race on who gets the subjects first. and if you can't pay for a percentage of the tuition fee upfront, you're going to get delisted so you have to pick your subjects again. the later you enroll, the fewer timeslots. so i could end up having a 6-9pm which isn't safe for me in this city especially when i commute alone. even worse, our tuition for this semester is much higher for some reason and we weren't warned about it.

i can't ask for financial aid from my school yet bc it's required to have at least finished 1 year before you're able to. i'm still trying to look for student/personal loan options bc most i've seen so far require a monthly that i just can't afford rn and it only covers 1 term instead of a whole year so it's not really that sustainable :(( (i don't live in the US btw so it's not a "start paying when you graduate" thing. taking out a loan means i still need to pay monthly while in school on top of other expenses, which as you can imagine, feels more like a burden than it is helpful.) i've also tried looking for scholarships but most only support stem/business courses bc this country isn't nice to artists so that sucks.

i honestly have very little money saved and with the sudden increase in tuition, it's hard to cover half of it even with my parents' help. and again, nobody is getting paid until next month so money is already tight as is with it being the end of th month.

so long story short, i need some help. the first installment for the fee (converted from my currency) is about $600. BUT. NO PRESSURE. i'm only asking those who have extra to spare. and any and all amounts are welcome. it's already going to be such a huge help. hell, even just a simple reblog to boost this already helps a ton.

but also, my commissions are open! so if u want to have a lil story in exchange for just a tiny bit of help, that'd be great too <3

here's my kofi and my pypl

again, no pressure! even a smallest amount already helps a lot. and also, pls do reblog to boost. i really appreciate you! i hope you're having a wonderful day <3 don't forget to take care of yourself too. sending you wonderful people love always ❤️

tagging some mutuals under the cut for a boost bc sometimes this doesn't show up in the tags anymore (but also you don't have too!! you can ignore this if u want alskalks)

@selfcarecap @hollandsmoose @shellshocklove @tanaka-drew @agaritas @userholland @thecodyexpress @annab-nana @hollandweather @annathesillyfriend @cumholland @jasntodds @quethekillerqueen @worldoftom (ily guys, i hope you're all safe and well ❤️)

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

Hi! Obviously ignore this if I'm asking something too personal, but you've mentioned that you're in the process of converting to judaism and I've been wondering how did you start? I've done a good bit of research and think it's something I'm interested in, but I have no idea what the actual process of conversion looks like, much less where to begin. Obviously feel free to ignore, or send me towards someone else, but thought I'd ask!

Hey no worries, anon! So, I will preface this by being forthcoming and saying I got partway through the conversion process, was forced to move, and ended up in a different part of the country with only one shul nearby whose rabbi (and community) are… very unfriendly to converts. They don’t SAY they are, but a few months of attendance and a handful of meetings with the rabbi with regards to conversion really hammered home that neither my wife nor I felt even remotely comfortable converting here, considering it’s a very personal and often vulnerable process, and wherein you have to actually like… trust and communicate with the rabbi you’re working with. So my conversion, while I still consider it “in progress”, is in an indefinite stall until we can move somewhere else or can reliably get to the next closest shul, which we currently cannot for various reasons.

ANYWAY. I started by doing a lot of research. Mostly I was just looking into… all kinds of religion, including Islam actually, because I missed the community and the structure and the spiritual anchors of my very conservative evangelical christian upbringing, but I didn’t like or want to return to the actual, y’know…. beliefs and tenets of Christianity. I found Judaism and just… the more I read and researched about the beliefs and the general culture of questioning and grappling with things within it, the more I felt like I’d found a people who I could understand, and a religion that understood me and would allow for me to be uncomfortable and question why things are taught certain ways and so forth. Which was one of many things that drove me away from Christianity, as I was not good at the whole “blind faith” thing. (they insist it’s not blind, but if you’re not supposed to question god then… what else IS it?)

At that point we were living in upstate new york, and the nearest reform shul was very small, did not have a permanent rabbi (there was one for a number of local communities that cycled around every few weeks), and really while they were officially reform they seemed to as a community have a practice and beliefs a lot closer to something like reconstructionist or humanist Judaism. I went to shabbat services on fridays there for a few months, and they were very nice but said they were very much not a usual reform congregation and that I should probably actually convert somewhere with a permanent rabbi and that was a bit more traditional, but that in the meantime they were more than happy to have me attend services and events with them. They were very sweet and I did appreciate that opportunity to accustom myself to the general pacing and content of a friday night shabbat service.

At that point we get to the part that you’re actually asking about, and I’m sorry if you’re just like “OH MY GOSH MAGS PLS JUST GET TO THE POINT” which is when we moved back down to Florida and I actually properly started the conversion process with a rabbi! I started out emailing the local shul and saying that I had just moved to the area, I was not Jewish but was interested in possibly converting and had been attending services at a very small shul up north, and is it all right if I attend a few shabbat services while I consider converting? I will say, I have never been told “no please don’t attend” about going to shabbat services, but especially with the world the way it is, and me being new and not knowing anyone in the community or having anyone to vouch for me, I prefer to ask beforehand so that they know to expect someone new who is reaching out and less likely to be a threat.

Anyway after a couple of weeks at that shul, I already loved the people and could tell I would get on pretty well with the rabbi, so I emailed her again about setting up a meeting to discuss converting. We had the meeting, talked about why I wanted to convert, what would be required of me, etc. She got me set up with a book list and some books from the shul library, gave me a reading assignment and asked me to write down any thoughts or questions I had, along with some other things that were kind of reading comprehension stuff, and told me to email her when I had finished so we could have another meeting. She also stipulated that she would have me live and practice through a full year of the Jewish calendar at minimum before she’d declare me ready to go to the mikvah, and we’d meet regularly, I’d do a lot of reading, I needed to attend a beginning hebrew class for adults that would be starting again over the summer, attend services (both weekly and holiday) as much as possible, and engage as much as possible in the community. (I really loved them. I was a soloist in the Purim spiel that year and I had friends and once I’d finished converting and could join the synagogue I’d already been needled to join their tiny choir and it was just a great group of people.)

Aaaand then we had to move due to things outside our control, and I couldn’t attend as often due to being a heck of a drive away (in a car with no A/C, in Florida, in the summer) so I tried to shift over to a closer shul whose rabbi my old rabbi knew, but it was High Holy Days and then he was travelling for some studies and couldn’t start doing anything like conversion until that was all over, and then we had to move again and now we’re here and have a very unfriendly rabbi and congregation, so we don’t attend services right now.

…………all this to say: you’ve done some research and you think you’re interested. Next step is to find the nearest shul that is of the movement you want to convert in, and call or email them and just let the rabbi know where you’re at and ask if you can attend some services respectfully to see if you still feel drawn to Judaism when engaging with it directly. If so, let the rabbi know, set up a meeting, and go from there. It’ll take time, a year at the LEAST and usually longer even if you DON’T have the sort of issues I’m currently having, but if HaShem is calling you home, it’s worth it.

(and if your rabbi requires to you take any classes or what-not, most organizations that run them that require you to pay some kind of fee offer scholarships or reduced tuition if you’re not financially able to enroll in them initially, so be sure to reach out about stuff like that, too.)

[pbandjesse]

Today was weird. I didnt sleep great and when James's alarm went off I was like dizzy I was so tired. James left me in in bed and went to get ready. I fell back asleep. And he went to work.

I slept until like 930. I didnt feel a lot better but I knew I had to get up and go to my meeting with Brian. I was not looking forward to it though. I don't like confrontation and I didn't really know how this was going to go.

I left here around 10:15 and like downtown. James was at Taney so that he could be there before and after the meeting just in case. So that was really nice of him. He left his sunglasses somewhere and his charger here at my place so I brought him those things and then went over to talk to Brian.

It was a productive meeting. Basically I got in there and he told me that when he got the email he was really bummed out for the rest of the day. And I feel bad that I bumped him out but I also really needed to say all of those things. All of it this how I was feeling and I didn't want to let it stew like so many other people seem to do when they have a problem here. I still really like my job and I really like the people I work with but I can't let something like this just fester and feel like no one ever heard me. A lot of things were cleared up. It turns out it wasn't just photographs of me the stack was pretty big. And the board member that apparently took the pictures actually belongs to ships company. The people that are reenactors that come once a month. And when he brought it up Chris and a whole bunch of other people on the board shut them down immediately. They said that it was inappropriate and that that wasn't the way to go about dealing with uniform issues. I did feel like that could have been said to me earlier when everything went down last week. But I'm glad to know that management at least seems to be standing out for us. Apparently Chris also want to Brian after I confronted him on Saturday and was very upset that I was upset. Brian says that pretty much everyone in management and above knows about me and how hard I work. And that felt nice that I am being acknowledged inside the company even if I don't know about it. It's just the way that the museum is structured makes it hard for people above us to really get to know everyone on Frontline staff. I think it's something that should be addressed and Get to know us and work with us but I understand that there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that we don't know about. But like I told Brian and I wrote in my chapter for the book that I'm working on I think that the Frontline staff should be given some more information about what's going on behind the scenes. It only makes our job better when we know what's going on.

We ended up talking for an hour. And it was decided that I'm going to just move to the weekends. I'll do overnights and Fridays. Brian very much made it clear that he doesn't want to lose me. That he wishes more people had my attitude. And he was upset that I was upset but he wanted to try to make it better. He also really took it to heart my comments about working hard on the tasks but not being able to be fully qualified because we just aren't running the programs. I'm so I am now officially a museum educator and my pay has been bumped up to go with that. He also told me that as a company they are looking into the pay and general because we're not competitive to other museums anymore. And all of that is definitely going to help. We'll just have to see what happens but I do feel like I was listened to and that helps. I really would like to help make the museums culture better. And I think just my positivity will help that. And I think it has already especially with the new people coming in. We just have to see what happens now. I'm still hoping to get that other job but knowing that even if I just want a couple hours in the morning that is something that they can do. I didn't exactly know that they would be accommodating. So it's cool to know that They are willing to work with me.

I was going to be a couple minutes late to my shift but it was fine. I biked over to Constellation after I said goodbye to James. Sean had called me and texted me a whole bunch of times worrying about where I was. But it was fine. I was at the desk to start and I finished editing my chapter for the book. I'm pretty much completely done. It's about five pages single-spaced. And the woman whose compiling the whole thing seems to really like it. She's just going to change some of the formatting but we both agree that like where it went is really good. So I'm excited about that. And I got a copy of the book and I'm going to pay it so that's always nice.

Eventually Stephanie came down and took the desk for me. I went upstairs. It was such a beautiful day up on Deck. There's wind and it wasn't a lot of customers but the few people I did talk to it which is so nice. These three brothers, old old men, had all these questions and I think they were just asking each other but then I started answering them and they like lit up. They came over and they were asking all the stuff. And they were like we're so glad that you're not just a ticket taker. It was a very funny. So when I was outside they talk to me a little bit more and they were just really really nice.

Brian came back over to Constellation because he ask during our meeting if I wanted to finish up the other tests ASAP. And the one that's been the problem has really been commence firing. The one where we actually fire the cannon. And that's really been a problem because the last two weeks every day I've been there it's rain. And you can't practice in the rain. But it wasn't raining so he came over and I learned how to pack a charge. Put the gunpowder in the tinfoil and hit with a hammer. And then he had me pull up firing pin for the first time. I actually almost fell over doing it because I pulled a little too hard and hit myself in the arm with the little metal hook that holds the primer into place. But I did it in one pull. And it was loud! I was surprised. I guess I never really considered that the actual primer is loud as well and not just the gunpowder part. The Mercury and gunpowder that's coming out of the copper tube is also causing an explosion it's just tiny. But I did it and now I get to keep practicing and I'm going to get to fire the cannon. That's crazy.

Around 3 one of the ships that are coming for Fleet Week finally crested into the harbor. I think it's called the godspeed. It's a recreation of the Jamestown ship that brought over the first people to Jamestown. And it was so tiny. But they sailed here from Jamestown and that's really cool. It was really neat seeing it, and that's the first time I've seen one of the ships actually come in the harbor and not just already be there when I get there. But then it was time for me to leave. I went and got changed and across the street. I had a pretzel and a soda and I went home.

I stopped at the grocery store for milk and eggs. And then I came back here. I was pretty tired but I had wanted to clean and stuff. I didn't know if I could make that happen. I have a snack and then I went and got in bed and I slept until almost 7. I was pretty Delirious what I got up. I had to clean I had to make art. So I did vacuum at least the bathroom and the kitchen. I need to do the rest of the apartment or so much cat hair in here. But at least I did that. I went and worked in my studio for a while. I'm really really pleased with myself for these little details I'm doing in the diorama this week. Plant ones are always really hard for me so I hope this one looks good and all the work that I put into these little shelves it's not for nothing.

And now I'm just hanging out my living room. I think I'm going to go take a shower and watch maybe a movie. I'm hoping to wake up a little bit early tomorrow. Try to get some stuff done before work. But we'll see I'm not that concerned about it. Tomorrow's the first day of Fleet Week. I hope it's fun. We do have a couple ships that pulled out so we'll see what happens. I think it'll still be pretty good.

Good night everyone. Sleep well

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

William/Mark was ostracized the other night

Thats why the news about the non-rapes occurred in Oklahoma news because it was regionally broadcast that it occurred in 1999 by qE2

Before a longer story; I just want to say we understand. And no one blames you nor harbors ill will towards your prior belief of understanding.

I just hope you understand the truth and you welcome him in your community as he wishes to be. I further wish you understand he's a true hero and none of this would happened without him. But if youd like to treat him as a normal person no different than you, then thats great. It is what we prefer most because we want everyone to be treated like kings and queens.

He is my true soulmate and he has had to hide that from me and all that hoopla.

I and a previously legless Abu burned down the eQ2 Okmulgee & Oklahoma buildings she owned while he was in jail over a stolen bike that he did not steal.

Jennifer Landsberry had a clone as did William.

Like he's some planet needle like grass needs to grow on.

eQ2 was not quite able to perfect chest hair back then. It was always like a porcupine. She also didn't know how to not make it grow on clones. She could get the scientists to pick out the eggs without for humans but could never do clones.

Clones come from the prostate and sperm for men and for women, where girls wetness comes from and her ovaries. That's all I'll say. Because she did some crazy after that. And that's way too much information even if no one says they're gonna do that... Its been happening since the 70s but i figured it out in 1984 and 1986 then some one listened in 1994.

So Mark William knew he had a twin But not a clone... Nor did anyone know Jen was a clone. But she was. Then a Stephanie clone kept messing me up and kept me and Mark William apart for enough time for the qE2 to realize she could do more in her plans.

The whole William clone was a mess... He would beat Jen up and she would call me and he would hit her in front of me.

And a whole lot of shit.

And since my real man was in jail and the clones would constantly lie and covet for the qE2... I was lost. And so was all of Okmulgee.

So I came out here to New Mexico. And for the last 19 years I've lived like any lost Okmulgee person. In misery and Hell. Poverty and sadness. Alone but not lonely.

So, i understand believing lies. I wrote William only when I was getting married and pregnant but not after, just 2 baby pictures. Because then i got legally married.

Once after my divorce and told him not to write me if he wanted anything more than pen pals. So he did not respond.

In the last letter i wrote him how escaping jail (with his clone that was arrested for arson) was his choice but how all the cops knew Jen did drops and how the clone had a cell phone and called Jen everyday. And so in legal belief a jury of 10 would 100% decide without discussing that he should be set free. So he should demand a better prison and early release but not parole nor probation. Just release, by the time he was 30 or 40, his choice.

Look at that baby face. He was just a little lamb when they locked him in.

So I did check about 2 years later and he did indeed make two moves and was at a low security prison in 2014.

Alexis Dejoria and William LeGrande began exchanging emails in 2016.

She and Kim Kardashian got him permanently released this summer by paying cash for his release. Which then he turned around and demanded 2x the amount from qE2 and he paid them back exactly what they paid the queen.

He had to promise not to approach me until she was dead. Because i don't approach people or talk to people in like stores unless i see they need help making a purchase or reaching something. Then i offer advise if I know the topic or my arms if i can reach.

And I certainly wouldn't approached him not being aware of clones.

I only found out he was released 6 days ago but i have seen him all in my neighborhood walking around sucking on a lollipop.

Which made me always think "one of us is a sucker but Idk which one of us" because im so used to people following me for different reasons, rapists not wanting to get caught and hiring people to intimidate me, undercover law enforcement, hired hitmen, qE2 I know now, Abus, and all kinds. So I knew he was a follow but how or why i Didn't take my time on.

I would more focus on the times I saw them. I thought that was more important than as to why.

Eventually someone would try to kill me to my face or wouldn't. And if law enforcement did their job, i wouldn't even notice.

So that's why i would count so i could find out how they bypassed security to Kill me to my face. Just in case they did get that far.

So there's a whole ton of his clones under the bunker at my Uncle's. All ready to rip people apart at any time. Of course they're good clones so they have Armageddon protection on top of the qE2 so even Fire don't bother them.

His twin always has a yoyo. And William has always carried an old old yoyo string in his pocket. Until Declan lit it on fire (to prove he was human) after doing karate moves on it. In 2008.

He was fucking lit crazy trying to get the string while JJJR held him back with Matt's help. And I thought it was hilariously funny.

So Declans sub father bought a whole yoyo for William to get the string out of. And Declan made a string ring and bracelet for him.

And he was pleased but was not happy his string was murdered and burnt. So i held his hand although he tried to take it away like i allowed his string to be and I explained "I know how that was the link to your only family" and he wanted to prove his point in loud breath "now now you've proved your point you won't even give me your hand" he slid his hand closer to me but looked away pouty "or even look at me" he slid his eyeball to the corner "now thats better." He wiggled his fingers of his hand i didn't touch "oh now you want me to hold it?!?!" He nodded so I held his fingers "I know how that wa the only link to your family" and he yanked away his hand and turned away to pout. Then sighed and reached deep into his other pocket

"I had two! One for me and one for him!"

"Oh forget it! Now my speech is ruined!"

"Uh no! Im not! Give me the other yoyo!" Said Declan "the other yoyo! I need it! So you can match don't worry about it"

"But I needed two to prove it was -- wait finish your story i bet it was magic..."

"What? Oh. Well Declan burned it for proof you're not a clone, you know after he... Killed it... And So what I was going to continue to say. Honey are you even listening?"

"Shh" he told Declan "let her finish"

"I can't. I need to see little Declans face when i finish, now that you mention it."

"No You don't! I'll be fine!!!"

"Then you'll need a tissue I'll be right back" Declan always turns so no one sees him crying. Just like I do

"Okay as i was saying. Now you have a new family. With us and with--"

His mouth dropped open and he jumped up and ran from where he moved to let Declan size the jewelry to where I stood after dropping his tissue for him on his back like a half sash like George of the Jungle

"I knew it!! I knew it!! That's what he was just saying too!! He said Annie had told him when they were in the room. He wanted to know why you were laughing and why you were happy when he did something bad thats why he made the ring for me! Why do you look so ... Do you want to finish?!? Here measure me!"

"Dec..lan!"

"Oh thank God. I needed that. Wait. I got snot"

"Why do you look so... What? Is it shock??"

"Uh huh" i sunk into the couch and began to cry droplets of tears like rain

"Honey! What's wrong?!"

"Nothing! Every thing is just perfect!!"

Declan gasped and jumped up from his squatted position and gsve me a hug and kiss on the cheek "thanks. I needed that!"

.... See i had been dealing with clones for a few years and a bunch of Declans dad's clones and twins so I was used to people looking familiar. He told me his name was Mark. So I didn't ever realize I was talking to William LeGrande.

He went by Mark because they did like CIA codes to escape. You didn't want to miss your "mark" in their Harriet Tubman land.

And he didn't sleep in my bed.

But I felt more comfortable with him than I did with anyone in my life. Only a bit more than my daughter. Tiny almost unnoticeable amount.

*Declan's soulmate was murdered by an evil clone for punishment for being independent. So Declan's independent ass told me. So I told him i would give him a soulmate because we were both similar thinkers. When he asked. So William got a free pass out and a "regrowth" which they used an injection for. And we made my kid. But inwas drugged then on Xanax so.