#i's long

[adainesfroggieboggy]

oh and i am no longer high on life i'm now low on trauma

(basically a summary of my experience with septic shock (yeah.) below the cut. tw for emetophobia/periods/blood drawing/kinda just a lot of medical stuff)

soooooo on halloween, i got a stomach bug. i was super sick, all i ate that day was a slice of pumpkin pie, and while i was sitting on the floor of the shower with the water as hot as i could stand, i threw up. literally couldn't make it to the toilet two feet away. luckily for me we have a detachable showerhead so i cleaned all that needed cleaning and went directly to bed. i was awake that night just long enough to take my meds and some pepto and to breathalyze (while living in a sober living home, we breathalyze every night).

i was so sick this entire day that i had completely forgotten about the tampon i'd put in that morning. i slept all night and all of the next morning.

the entirety of friday was spent sleeping and uncomfortable. i was either boiling hot or freezing cold. i didn't take my meds because i was worried that they'd make me sick on an empty stomach and i didn't think i could eat. i didn't drink much water. i got up exactly one time to use the bathroom, and just felt like shit all around.

that evening, i couldn't really stay asleep, but i assumed it was just because i'd been sleeping for more than twenty-four hours. I tossed and turned and was in and out of sleep. my mind was really hazy, i was super groggy, and my body felt the kind of heavy you usually feel when you're sick. again, i had a stomach bug.

my housemates came in to ask me to breathalyze (if they hadn't needed this, i would not be writing this), and i was barely aware. i could focus for a few moments at a time, but i couldn't really speak or think straight. i remember bianca saying "you really don't feel good, do you?" and shaking my head in response. i can remember bits and pieces of this, like them coming in to get me up, my house manager threatening to call the ambulance if i didn't, someone (i know now that this was amy) giving me juice, which i apparently downed, someone (again, amy) putting my hair in a bun, and then nothing for a long time. blank, gone, black-out.

i came to with my house manager having come home from her date with her husband, and my therapist on the phone in attempt to keep me aware and communicative. i remember the phone on my chest and the sound of her voice, and then it's nothing again.

the next time i'm remotely aware, the paramedics were moving me onto a gurney. apparently, they tried to get me to straighten out from the little ball i was in, but i'd just curl back up every time they moved me. the only help i'm told i gave was scooting up when the paramedics asked me to. i don't remember the sheriff being there, i don't remember them taking my vitals, and i don't remember being given my iv.

the one paramedic i do remember was amazing. like exactly the kind of person you want to be helping you when you're in a medical emergency. when they put me in the ambulance, he sat with me, and he let me pick out the color of my next iv to keep me talking. we went lights and sirens straight to a hospital.

oh, and remember that tampon? i was in septic shock because it was still in.

from there, all i can remember is being wheeled into the er. i know i was in my own room down there, but from 10:00 pm until around 3:00 am, it's entirely gone. this is the most time i lost. i don't know if i was sedated, but i'm sure probably was. they asked me if i'd taken anything, and i told them yes. i'd taken excedrin. i was confused and unaware, so i apparently didn't say this, because i was placed on a 5150 hold, which didn't matter, because from the er, i went to the icu. my blood pressure was scarily low, i had sepsis, a high fever, and needed tons of iv fluids because i was also severely dehydrated.

i stayed in the icu on friday and saturday nights, and was given a slew of medications and fluids. i needed antibiotics, electrolytes, blood thinners, steroids. i had ekgs every four hours. i had my blood drawn at least four times a day. they tested my blood sugar twice a day.

i moved to a regular room on sunday evening, which is also when the 5150 hold was lifted. i hated the psych who talked to me. she insinuated i'd attempted suicide repeatedly, which i'm not sure how i'd do on purpose, and seemed like she didn't believe me. i was livid because here i was, lying in an icu bed, still septic, still with such low blood pressure they're giving steroids, blood thinners, and norepinephrine, and despite my insistence (and my house manager's, and my therapist's), she believed my history of mental health issues was more likely than the fact that i was sitting in front of her, telling her about my treatment and plans for the future. i know they're careful, but i was very, very obviously doing at the very least okay.

i stayed in the room, still waiting for my electrolytes to balance, until tuesday evening.

i am still recovering, mentally and physically. my heart rate sucks at balancing, i'm out of breath every time i move, and my body is sore. my legs and feet hurt and my arms and hands are bruised from blood draws and ivs. i can't sleep well without remembering my housemates' faces or my house manager crying or the paramedics at my bedside. i am recovering in lots of ways, and it's freaking exhausting. i'm literally falling asleep right now because i went to a ren faire for two hours today. i'm going to nap because i can take what i can get.

so yeah. don't get sepsis? if it can be helped? i made it out incredibly lucky - no organ failure, which is really common. i'm able to resume daily activities (if i sit down a lot and rest after). i'm as okay as i can be.

[lrndvs]

compliments from girls go hard

[lakanakana]

war never changes

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[bigskycastle]

school project, some drawings for my pretend game about a housefly girl called musca and her adventures in some creepy&wet place

[whiteshipnightjar]

Zoozve, my beloved

[bookwyrminspiration]

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[cronchy-baguette]

I promise

[michameinmicha]

Stumbled upon this random ship (in a fandom im not active in myself) that has like 150 works on ao3 which are all from just two people gifting each other fics about this pairing back and forth and theyve been doing it for 3 years... i think thats true love probably

[kedreeva]

Following the author of The Last Unicorn on Facebook is the only thing that makes being on that site worthwhile.

(source)

[boxmakesart]

Eldritch Miku omgggg

[kochei0]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

[ameba-from-space]

[miraclemaya]

this is problematic of me (joke) but i really enjoy the splashing of french into english speech or writing. just adds a pizzazz