#i'm. pretty happy with this vs like 2 days ago when i hated it

[xzyumi]

a moment in time

[willowsnook]

Right Place, Right Time (LN pt. 2)

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4

@seasonswinter @drdbnkl2008

It'd been a couple of months since the Dutch Grand Prix and your life went back to normal. Work, hanging out with friends, watching sports, walking your dog, the usual. The weather was starting to get nicer in Austin so you were in a good mental spot.

You and Lily had checked in every couple of weeks to chat and you had grown to really like her. About a month ago you had gotten a text from an unknown number.

L: Hey, this is Lando. Lily gave me your number I hope that's okay

Y/N: Lando who?

L: 🙄 very funny

Y/n: How do I even know this isn't spam???

L: [video attachement]

"Hey y/n, it's Lando Norris. You know the driver for McLaren that you met in August. Just wanted to say hi, okay bye."

Since then you had been casually texting, nothing crazy just pretty much sending memes back and forth. The Austin GP was coming up and your whole team was going much to Lando's delight.

The Monday of race week, you were in your office working when you looked down to see Lando calling.

Y/n: What's up?

LN: Nothing much just packing. I'm flying in on Wednesday.

Y/n: Coolio, I hate to do this but I have a meeting in 5 minutes. Can I call you later?

LN: No no it's okay. I was calling to see if maybe you could give me a little tour of Austin when I get in?

Y/N: Hmmm I am pretty packed this week hanging with Lily.

LN: Yeah but you can hang out with her when Osc and I are doing stuff.

Y/n: Fine, text me when you land and i'll figure something out.

LN: Cool, I'll see you then.

You said goodbye and hung up, leaning back in your chair. This whole situation was very strange to you considering you and Lando had spoken one time in person. But maybe he just needed a friend.

You were at happy hour later than day with two of your friends when the subject came up.

"So yeah, I'm picking him up from his hotel and going sight seeing and eating I guess," you said nonchalantly as you finished the story to your two best friends, Maggie and Jaelen.

"Oh yeah so casual," Jaelen said. "Just hanging out with a famous F1 driver. Nothing odd about that." You rolled her eyes and Maggie snickered.

"Did you like put a spell on him when you were there and now he's in love with you?" She asked and you flipped her off.

"I literally didn't do anything!" You exclaimed. "We just talked for a bit and I was being nice."

"You're just not like other girls," Jaelen mocked and you groaned. This whole thing was getting out of hand.

"I am excited for you guys to meet Lily though," you said. "She's cool."

"Sounds like it," Maggie said. "Girls night on Thursday right?" You nodded. You had planned a little girls night slumber party with them and Lily to just hang and watch movies and gossip. The usual activities.

------wednesday---------

The day had flown by at work and before you knew it you were heading out the door to pick up Lando. Your hair sat in waves down your back and you decided on a casual cute vibe wearing a cropped knit brown tank top paired with light baggy jeans. It wasn't that far of a drive to his hotel and you texted him when you got there.

Glued to your phone, you didn't see him walk up and jumped a little when the passenger door opened. He gave you a big smile as your eyes raked over him in a big gray t-shirt and black jeans.

"You are totally checking me out," he said and you huffed.

"I am not," you replied and he laughed.

"It's good to see you," he said sweetly and you smiled.

"You too, are you hungry?"

"Starving."

You pulled out and headed towards the restaurant, the two of you casually chatting about his travel and your work day. You found parking at the place and you both jumped out and headed in.

"Tex mex," Lando said looking at the menu with his face scrunched. "Isn't it just like Mexican food?"

"Yes and no," you said. "It's like American Mexican food so it uses more beef and yellow cheese vs. what you would get in an authentic mexican restaurant."

"What do they mean by a bowl of queso?" He asked and your eyes snapped up to him.

"It's just like a bowl of cheese that you eat with chips," you said slowly.

"And that's good?" he asked innocently.

"You are going to make me cry in public right now," you warned. When your waiter came over it was the first thing you ordered for the two of you.

"How long have you lived here?" Lando asked after you put in your orders.

"A couple of years actually," you said. "I grew up a couple of states north of here, went to college up there, and then moved down when I got the job at Monster."

"Do you have family here?"

"A couple of second cousins but my parents still live where I grew up," you replied. "You live in Monaco now right?" He smirked.

"Looking me up online now are you?" He teased and you blushed.

"I had to make sure you weren't crazy if I was going to show you around my city," you defended and he laughed.

"Yeah I'm in Monaco, I grew up in Glastonbury though," he said and you nodded.

"Is it hard being away from your family?" You asked and he shrugged.

"Yes and no. I miss them a lot but a lot of people involved in F1 live in Monaco so I'm not totally alone. It can be lonely though." You smiled sympathetically.

When your food arrived you waited patiently for Lando to try the infamous queso.

"Well?" You asked nervously. This was very important to you.

"It's pretty good," he said taking another bite.

"Just pretty good?" You questioned.

"It's like exotic," he said and you choked on the sip of water you had just taken a drink of.

"Exotic?? It's melted cheese buddy." Lando blushed and you laughed.

"Are you like a picky eater?" You asked and he nodded.

"Yeah I get a lot of shit for it," he admitted.

"I can't imagine why."

Conversation flowed over the next half hour while you ate, trading childhood stories and hobbies. Lando picked up the bill much to your protest and you headed out to your next stop.

"Mini golf? You really did stalk me online," Lando said as you pulled up to your favorite mini golf course that was peter pan themed.

"Yeah yeah, I wanted to make sure you had fun," you said.

"I would have fun with you even if we did nothing but stare at each other for two hours," he said cheekily.

"Yeah because I'm hot," you replied with a wink and he laughed.

Lando quickly realized that you were a pretty competitive mini golfer so there wasn't much conversation even though he tried. You complained about him distracting you multiple times which made him giggle.

In the end it did not pay off as he beat you by 5 strokes causing you to pout in the car.

"You realize I play golf like all the time," he said looking at you with amusement.

"Yeah whatever," you muttered and he laughed. As you pulled up to his hotel he turned to you.

"Come have a drink to end the night," he said pleading.

"I don't want to pay for parking," you countered and he waved his hand.

"I'll pay for valet come on," he said and got out of the car. You waited while he talked to the valet guy and then followed him in and towards the bar. You got a vodka soda and you found some comfy chairs to sit in. Right when Lando started to say something, someone sunk into the third chair by you guys.

"Mind if I join you guys?" You looked to see Max Verstappen with a drink in his hand casually sitting back.

"Not at all," you said.

"Max, this is Y/n, y/n this is Max," Lando introduced and Max nodded.

"Ahh the mysterious y/n," he said smirking and you turned to Lando who was looking anywhere else but you. The three of you chatted as you got to know Max a little more and the conversation naturally turned to the upcoming race.

"Are you ready for the race this week?" You asked and Max nodded.

"Yeah, don't have really any expectations so we will just see what happens," he said nonchalantly.

"Why not?" You asked.

"The car sucks so who cares," he said and you snorted.

"What?" He asked with an eyebrow raise.

"You've won the championship how many times now? And you expect me to believe that you really just don't care?" You asked incredulously. Lando leaned up about to say something but Max beat him to it.

"Tell me what you really think then," he challenged.

"I think it's so easy for you to fall into this nonchalant attitude because you're Max Verstappen," you said and he raised his eyebrows. "You've painted yourself as this self-assured confident guy so of course you wouldn't be worked up. But how did you get to where you are? By not caring? By not having passion? I don't believe it for one second."

He sat thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again.

"You know my dad used to always tell me that if I'm not winning, then what's the point," he said.

"I think the point is that you are doing what you love and trying to get better everytime because you love the sport," you said sadly. "Winning is just a bonus. And it's you in the car not him."

Max looked at you for a second before turning his attention to Lando.

"I can see why you like her," he said before turning again to you. He reached out and grabbed your hand, caressing his thumb over the back. "It was nice meeting you and thank you."

You bid him farewell before turning back to Lando who was lost in thought.

"I think I'm going to head home," you told him and he nodded. His hand rested on the bottom of your back as you walked back towards the entrance. Lando paid the valet guy and the two of you waited for your car.

"When can I see you again?" He asked.

"I'll probably be there Saturday for qualifying," you said and he frowned.

"That's a long time from now," he said and you smirked looking away.

"I'm hanging out with Lily buddy, she's my main priority not you," you teased and he huffed.

"I want to see you sooner," he complained.

"We'll see," you replied. Your car came back into your vision and you wrapped your arms around Lando's neck pulling him in for a hug. HIs arms wrapped around your waist and he kissed your cheek before letting go.

"I had fun tonight," he said.

"Me too," you replied. "See you Saturday."

"See you Friday," he said waving and you rolled your eyes but smiled as you got in your car.

[godsgamefreak]

After 1354 saves and just over 60 hours, I finally finished my Dragon Age II re-play, the first of its kind since the game came out 13 years ago. I toyed with it for a bit longer, I know I bought the Mark of the Assassin DLC and I think I even finished it, but I barely remembered it. But not a single proper playthrough in 13 years.

In that time DA2 of course got ripped apart by the media for the glaring issues of developing a massive RPG in 16-18 months, like the re-used assets (particularly in dungeons) but I had remembered enjoying it well enough as I played. Though, I also had issues with a lot of the Companions at the time too.

After being quite soured in my playthrough of Inquisition a few years later, I had fully dropped the series, with little to no interest in anything it was doing (granted it wasn't a lot, with Veilguard only just recently being properly announced) outside of the animated series on Netflix which was neat. But with Veilguard around the corner, and over 10 years of life under my belt, I thought... why not give it another try, see what's different?

Turns out both not much and also a fair bit. The not much was how much I enjoyed it - while certain mechanics don't work the way I'd like or aren't communicated as well (I'm very sad I couldn't truly be a proper tank, since enemy threat was constantly all over the place) I still had FUN with it. Since I remembered being meh on a lot of the Companions, I made sure to keep a particular eye on them this time around and I came to realize I understood them all a lot more this time around.

Merrill held a conviction, though a dangerous one, and while commendable to hold to it despite understanding the dangers... was completely blind to so much more. A great comparison to Anders, who was so much WORSE than I remembered, finally coming to a head if you question him during his Act 3 companion quest. I literally had to get up out of my chair in anger when he tries to threaten your friendship over his cause ("trust me even though I lied to you" like fuck off man).

Fenris was still overly grumpy about so much, but the reasoning is still solid, and it was nice to see him loosen up a little here and there. Agreeing to drop the mage freedom topic with Isabela and deflecting with a game of "guess my undergarments colour" was wonderful. Speaking of Isabela, I'm definitely older and care less about her darker side than I did as a "young and pure paladin" of 20 years old. I even romanced her, due in part to a similarity to one of my wife's OC's. Her romance story ends so sweet too, and her story is quite interesting. I wish the game had more time to expand on both Fenris and Isabela's stories and personal growth.

Varric and Aveline are still great, I love how they individually check in on Hawke through the game. They feel like the closest friends you have, in that they check on you just as much as you check on them, with no other major goals taking up their time and attention. Though the Aveline vs Isabela lines feel like they get a little too catty, there was one scene of them laughing over a drink once that made me happy to see they could get along.

My biggest regret is that Bethany is so absent from Act 2 and most of Act 3, not even making an on-screen appearance over your mother's death - the quest of which still hits pretty hard, though I didn't fully realize it until afterwards.

All in all, it was wonderful to re-play it, re-experience it, and play it in its complete form start-to-finish, and did exactly what I hoped: re-ignited my desire to care about this dark fantasy world, and make me excited to play Inquisition again. This time with less faffing about, more paying attention, and spending more time with Companions (and other major characters). I barely remember what happened in the game, so it's almost like finishing a re-play of DA2 before the big new game comes out. I hope I really find something I missed in my first DAI playthrough that makes me love it after hating it for 10 years.

[feministsouthpark]

Mrs. Tweak - Character analysis (Part 2)

Last time I only got to cover her introduction episode, but now we're here to see her roles in season 3 and beyond! She is next seen in Tweek vs. Craig. Which is coincidentally the episode in which Pam Brady - the writer whom I praised for crafting this character - appears in some live action footage. Helen has only one scene though, but at least it dives into her past a little.

Tweek: Dad, if some kid in school wants to fight me, what should I do?? Richard: Son, let me tell you a little story about when your mother and I first met. [gets up and stands next to her. Peaceful music plays] You see, a long time ago, there were a lot of guys who were after your mother. She used to be very attractive. Helen: It's true. I was. [Tweek bobs as he listens] Richard: Well, when I started courting your mother, there was this big muscular football player named Quib, who didn't take too kindly to me. He wanted your mother all to himself. And so, one day, he challenged me to a fight. [sits down, and both parent resume eating. Tweek waits for the rest of the story.] Of course, in typical suburban husband fashion, Richard is not trying anymore to court her, and talks about her attractiveness in a way that suggests that he only appreciates the beauty of youth, and not the beauty of a gracefully aging woman. Helen's response of accepting this thought however derives from the fact that she is not as happy and free as she was back then. She doesn't see herself as attractive, because she doesn't try. As a wife, her glory days are gone. She doesn't do her hair to impress anymore, she doesn't dress pretty. She doesn't do it for him, but neither does she do it for herself, most probably because she doesn't feel like she has the freedom to express herself, a wife who is not emancipated enough, even though she has strong beliefs of her own and not afraid to disagree with his husband. It just seems she has kind of given up on self-care.

Tweek: [after a long lull] Well? Helen: Well what, honey? Tweek: Nrr. What happened? Richard: Oh'd. I, I don't know. He moved away or something. Helen: Yes, I think that's right. Tweek: Rrrrr! You guys never help me! [the parents look at each other, and Tweek starts banging his head against the table] Your stories never go anywhere! I hate it! I want out! I want out! [the parents resume eating] So the story starts as an explanation of why they are together. But all we learn is that Helen had at least one other serious suitor, called Quib. It sounds like he was an aggressive fellow, and I'm sure Helen wouldn't be better off, if she had chosen him over Richard. But I also feel like she didn't chose herself anyway, and that inner unhappiness might be the reason she has trouble communicating with her son. She gets one other mention in the episode by the ever-so-critical-of-her Kyle, however it's just to manipulate Tweek into fighting with Craig, nonetheless, Tweek's reaction conveys his respect and appreciation of his mother.

Kyle: Yeah. And then Craig's family came on and said Tweek was the wuss, and then punched Tweek's mom in the hooters.

The third episode she appears in is Chinpokomon. Helen and Richard appear as an item, and she is yet to show interest in anything that isn't connected to him. The two of them are seem to be in a friend group with the Marshes, the Broflovskis, Liane and the McCormicks. Even before the Stotches were ever shown hanging out with these folks. The most sure friendship from here are the Marshes, since they were the ones who invited the Tweaks over. In fact, they are closer to the Marshes than the McCormicks, they get invited over by them again in Timmy 2000. Here is also the first time we see them along with Craig's parents, Laura and Thomas.

And Helen also developed a stronger friendship with Sheila, since the next time we see her is in the Broflovski home, when decides to speak up in her only speaking line through season 4 - guess what - to rip on Kyle whose kidneys are failing.

"Oh my, he looks terrible." - Helen Tweak about Kyle Kyle v. Eric rivalry who? Never heard of them, it's all Kyle v. Helen. Next time we see her is in prison, where she went over false molestation accusations, a town-wide motion against all grown-ups, launched by Kyle, who else.

Wow! I thought the Marshes never hang with the Blacks! But in S5 they did, and also the Tweaks and the Tuckers and the Stotches. The Tweaks regular appearances seem to be at this house, so today's character analysis quickly transformed into a Marsh family friend group study.

An instance when we see Helen doing house chores is in Towelie, when she is in the backyard pulling down some clothes she's had drying on clotheslines.

The scene is mostly about the soldiers being stupid and shooting at towels, but it also shows how she reacts to extreme situations. She is very much intimidated by their actions, but she doesn't scream or yell unlike the other victims we see in the same episode. Telling that she keeps her frustrations deep inside herself. Even appearance after her first episode (co-written by Pam Brady) she seems to be seen as a repressed and suppressed by Trey and Matt. Unlike some tumblr users, I don't actually think every detail they do roots in their care for characters whose name they often forgot, switch or they doesn't even name them, they care for their characters, yes, but a lot of details get lost in their memories. However why I think the depiction here is accurate, since they usually show any housewife as opressed, and Helen's clothing screams "tradwife", which is why she got to be the focus of this scene. She is as much of a stereotype as all the characters are.

Then we see her again in front of the Marsh house with her family. The crowd is in panic. Stan received a package from Afghanistan a few months after the terrorist attacks. Richard gives Tweek coffee and Helen is just standing there silently, frightened to her bones, looking with an empty stare, dead on the inside. Anyway, join me next time /probably tomorrow/, with analysis on her season 6 appearances! Have a nice day!

[faux-fires]

tagged by @ranilla-bean for the 20 questions meme!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 35

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 466,309. Hey, that's not too shabby!

3. what fandoms do you write for? Currently NONE. previously: dragon age, tsubasa chronicle, supernatural, fullmetal alchemist, legend of zelda...

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Your Princess is in Another Castle ("Dragons kidnap princesses, everyone knows this… except sometimes, they get it wrong. Or do they? A story about mistakes, misunderstandings, and flower crowns. Also Kurogane's non-stop never-ending suck of a life, and the idiot that causes all that chaos to begin with.")

For Better or for Worse ("A 'five things' fic, featuring five different times Hawke proposed to Anders.")

The Centre of All Things ("Hawke gave Anders a ring, after their first night together, and never quite told him what it meant. As Kirkwall begins to crumble around them, Anders struggles to strike a balance between love and the needs of the mages.")

Adjustment ("A year after the end of Act 2, Anders comes home late, and Hawke missed him.")

Bound ("Anders receives many gifts from Aggressive!Hawke across the years. He's charmed by most of them, surprised by others.")

most of my fics predate ao3 and while i backloaded the TRC ones on, I can't be bothered doing the same for the FMA fic i wrote 20 years ago. and the SPN stuff, uh, well, AO3 kind of did it for me! i woke up one day and an old archive i forgot my fic was on had been ported to the archive, all my spn fics helpfully attached to my account in the process. when i tell you i orphaned them at something like the speed of light -

5. do you respond to comments? Um.... I MEAN to, but.... i'm not great at remembering...? i really cherish every one i receive and i KNOW it's bad of me, i can only offer apologies.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i literally just write happy endings i can't answer this

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? how are defining happy??? look mikke takes the piss out of me ALL THE TIME for my definition of fluff, ever since i entered a fluff vs angst competition on the side of team fluff with a story in which one half of the otp was tortured and murdered (he got better)! *i* define a happy ending as one in which, during the course of the story, a character grows and develops. by that metric, an ending where the character loses everything and everyone they love but gains a mindset enabling them to find peace with the loss is a happy ending, TO ME. a sad ending, by contrast, is one in the character does not grow or change, and stays in the same state (or worse!) than they started the story.

so with that in mind, probably through a forest wilderness. people die! anders and hawke are rejected as monstrous by the people they tried to save! but they gained one (1) feral orphan and solved their relationship issues, d'awwww. <3

8. do you get hate on fics? nope

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? yes, but not in EVERY story. i find smut to require a lot of effort to write! there's complex choreography and emotions to handle... the only thing harder (HEHEHE) is fight scenes for the exact same reason

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i'm not interested in crossovers (blorbos from series a meet blorbos from series b) but i love a good fusion fic, where blorbos from series a have always lived in the world of series b. craziest... probs the trc/wow fusion fic i wrote for an audience of three people? idk i've written a lot! i dreamed of a zukka howl's moving castle fusion a few days ago (probably inspired by chiptrillino's gorgeous illustrations she's been sharing recently) so that was pretty fun, as someone who very, very rarely remembers my dreams.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? nope!

12. have you ever had a fic translated? yeah, to russian!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? yeah, @mikkeneko and i wrote a whole SPACE OPERA. well. half of one, i guess (oops).

14. what’s your all-time favourite ship? whatever i'm shipping at the moment

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plead the fifth

16. what are your writing strengths? EMOTIONS. also i think i write humour well?

17. what are your writing weaknesses? starting, continuing and finishing. /sob

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? even if you're fluent in that language, it alienates more people than it impresses, i think. i love using other languages as an easter egg (like rana has a character named with a cantonese pun in the iconoclast) but whole dialogue is like... very hard to pull off, and outright mortifying if you don't actually speak the language and just google translate it.

19. first fandom you wrote for? the legend of zelda! my irl friends and i (aged 13) had a massive shared self-insert 'verse going on. my first steps into fandom PROPER tho was with fullmetal alchemist.

20. favourite fic you’ve written? this is a complex question because how do you define favourite? swift illuminations was probably the most fun to write (anders vs hawke arm wrestling) and i always enjoy getting to write comedy - your princess is in another castle has my favourite lines i've ever written, for example:

"Can I go?" Yuui asked Ashura. Despairing it was, then. At least he wasn't naked. It was a low bar to meet in terms of presentation, but so far two of the six people in this room weren't making it.

these skies are breaking i've always been fond of because it's 35k and i wrote it in two days but the plot is uhhhhhh. missing. ash on the windowsill same sitch, 50k in 36 hours and my first completed multi-chapter fic but i wince at how clumsy it is when i reread it. i'm proud of a lot of my later dragon age fics because they contain better exploration of ideas and characterisation, so... idk. toss up!

but in terms of stuff i'm most satisfied with, probs 'how to love a god' this short character exploration piece i wrote for the anderszine. first time writing second person and because of the zine space limit i had a hard maximum word count too so i agonized over every word choice. i don't really edit my own stuff - i post it pretty much hot off the hoop - but i did actually enjoy doing it that time.

uhhhh so that's me. but i'm tagging.... anyone who wants to do this!

[oflights]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag, @teledild0nix; your post was great! also @phoebe-delia tagged me on this post a bit ago; i loved reading these so much! at this point, i'm not sure who has or hasn't done this yet, so i'm tagging anyone who sees this and wants to try it!

How many works do you have on ao3?

54 across 3 fandoms!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

1,382,065 😵‍💫

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now it's just drarry; i have also written for hockey RPF and before that, The Social Network, but a lot of that fic is locked on livejournal. before TSN i wrote drarry 😬 which is also locked lol i'm sorry

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. up the arbor to your door (and more) - Hockey RPF (2,889) 2. all the western stars - Drarry (2,819) 3. Bloom - Hockey RPF (2,759) 4. Brand New Colony - Hockey RPF (2,558) 5. Morning to Wake You - Hockey RPF (2,056) my sid/geno hockey RPF era from 2012-2014 was pretty consistent! i do think all the western stars is about to overtake the top spot though, which is insane when you realize those fics are 9 years vs. barely 18 months old 😧

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!! i make every effort to, though sometimes i get overwhelmed (i've fallen off a bit with The Star Splitter and it makes me super guilty!!! i need more hours in the day lol)

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am a happy ending aficionado!! i guess if you ignore the fix-it epilogue, the answer is we hid in catacombs, which is probably the best sid/geno fic i wrote. it was a breakup fic, of course, i remain obsessed with those!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i really cannot think of any standout happy ending hockey fics so for this one i will say along each garden wall. sugary sweet ending after what was a genuinely sad narrative; i think i took to heart the people who were like "Close Behind was so angsty we needed more happiness to wash it down!!" and while i felt like that didn't really fit Close Behind, it worked for this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

ha. yes! people were Not Happy about Close Behind. someone told me that i should tag it as the main pairing being Draco/Astoria and add an Ambiguous/Open Ending tag, which was very interesting and wrong. some comments i get are just odd, though. like someone got mad at me in The Star Splitter comments for naming a stuffed dragon Orion, who i guess was Sirius' abusive (?) dad?? i had no canon memory of that (and why would Draco care about that???). another person just objected to the entire premise of the fic, which i suppose is fair play if the premise of the fic is an actual philosophical argument, but yeah. it takes all sorts!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do! i like writing smut! happily, yes smut! i don't go too deep into it in every fic, though, and with drarry i've often let myself get more into plot than figuring out the best smut places. i'm in a spot mentally where i really want the smut to contribute to the plot in a significant way, which i think is a result of taking a two year fanfic break and reading nothing but literary/historical fiction in those years? idk i need to write more, it's a total shift from when i wrote hockey.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yeah, no, not for me!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i've had some plagiarism incidents, and i guess i ask for this as a serial fic deleter, but some of my fics are on wattpad and i'd prefer they weren't lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! a good few.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

lol i cannot answer this question truthfully. my all-time favorite ship is just whatever i'm hyperfixated on at the moment! drarry is probably a contender just because i circled back to it after years away. (am i in a getting back together fic with drarry??)

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i finish all my wips 🙂 honestly this is not a flex, i am terrible at abandoning projects and my brain will not let me off the hook ever.

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmm. i think characters, especially large casts of characters! i love to write big ensembles and flesh out characters even in big or small roles, plus their relationships with each other. i also think that i'm much better at giving my worlds/stories a sort of aesthetic now, if that's a writing talent? this is def a new thing to drarry for me, since i took that long fanfic break and wrote/read a bunch of original stuff.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i work at it, but i still don't know that i'm the best at describing things. i'm better at describing settings than people, that's for sure. i get bored with endless descriptions of someone's eye color and i find myself needing to justify character description with narrative relevance, which is silly.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm a big proponent of '"[English words]," he says in French.' Or like, 'He says something in French', if the POV character wouldn't understand it. i feel like it's less immersion-breaking and more fluid. i write in several languages but wouldn't expect readers to, and i normally write such a close third person perspective that i don't necessarily want the readers to have a translation of a phrase that the POV character wouldn't have, you know?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i think officially it was veronica mars?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i'll do one for each AO3 fandom! for TSN, it was Mulligan. for Hockey RPF, Contrapositive. and for Drarry, no surprise, Close Behind.

[theji]

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

[thweatted]

minor spoilers: I saw Sonic 2 because of course I did

Tuesday, 2 days ago, on the 12th, I saw Sonic 2. If not for Ghostbusters I would have seen both movies in the theatre back to back (I'm not a movie person). I was actually pretty hyped about this movie, unlike the first one where I was expecting pure cringe but at the same time I wanted to see how it played out, and it wasn't as bad as I expected. For this movie, as soon as Knuckles was announced I was ready for it.

The worst parts of the movie for me were the parts where main characters weren't on screen. The wedding stuff went on for too long, but I do appreciate the palm tree location. (I went back and looked at some Robotnik clips from the first movie, and he mentions a wedding out of town. Who knew that was foreshadowing.) There were also some things in the lore that got changed. I guess they did that for people who might not know Sonic lore, and it's just simpler with the changes. Still, I was like who protects what now? And how are these things also this other thing? Shouldn't this be floating? Some of the bar stuff seemed to drag, and ironically I found the dance off kinda cringe. I mean it didn't play out how I would've expected. I was like, breakdancing? Sonic's got this. But I guess it was more cinematic the way it played out, and you knew that cloning device was gonna be foreshadowing. Lots of foreshadowing here, but I do love a good payoff.

What I did like about the movie, Knuckles! He sounds like an old man, can't catch a break, but I thought they portrayed him well. I also like his CG model, his face is adorable. Cliche and cringe as that moment was when he says he thought Robotnik was his friend, I kinda felt bad for him. I also loved that moment where he punches the emerald out of Robotnik, like how he knocks the Chaos Emeralds out of Super Sonic at the beginning of the Sonic 3 game, and he's able to restore the pieces of the emerald later. Basically, any moment that referenced the Sonic games made me happy, like the snowboarding, the air bubbles underwater, we got our airplane, our mech boss fight, our Super Sonic. I love to see it. We even got a bit of a Sonic Heroes vibe in there, and another character teaser at the end. I thought Tails was portrayed well too, he admired Sonic, was tech savvy and super useful. When he made that comment about not being a field guy it made me think of the older games when Tails did more vs the newer games where he doesn't. And the credits, I enjoy those, but there's a moment that doesn't happen in the movie and I wonder if the story changed earlier in development.

Robotnik's character is still a little off for me. I like him but he's portrayed has sort of cold and uncaring, like a machine I guess or maybe just opposite Sonic's family, but the Jim Carrey-isms make him silly sometimes, and in the end he just seems kinda random. Like he's not so cartoonishly evil that the silly moments make sense. He's played straight as a threat and then does a silly thing. I love a villain with personality quirks, but this wasn't that. There were moments of that sprinkled in, but overall he seemed kind of random. Movie Sonic is what it is. He's still more wisecracking talking animal than an actual teenager, but I don't hate him so it'll do. I don't think we needed a moment where he calls James Marsden dad, but I get it, family bonds, old fam new fam, ok. I DO love to see him lose his rings though. How many rings does he have? Must be more than 50.

Overall, this movie, though it went on a wedding tangent, seemed more invested in getting game references in. I appreciate that even though the lore isn't exactly the same. And it managed to mention the Olive Garden without calling too much attention to the advertising. Right now I'm looking for audio clips from the first movie for something I can animate to, make some youtube content while I'm in job limbo. That last show ended recently, the next show starts in July. I dunno if I'm gonna stay in Canada to work on it or not, but I wanna use that time to get some fun stuff in.

[emmacornell]

Dragon Ball Challenge (you know Im gonna have to do it to ya) - ALL OF 'EM!!!

OKAY FIRST OF ALL

Thanks this was actually a ton of fun 😸

Second I tried doing this a few days ago but tumblr just said "nah" and erased everything I wrote so sorry this took so long to respond to lmao here's attempt number 2.

It's a long one folks Bleep loves making me write lol.

Favorite Character - Hehehehehe oh boy I wonder who my favorite DB character is? :3c Real talk i love so many DB characters but HO boy do i L O V E Raditz. I could talk for hours about how much i love him don't get me started

Favorite Villain - Oooh that's a tough one. Love Piccolo Sr., Z Broly is amazing (if we only focus on the first movie.), Goku Black is literally the best part of the Super anime (Zamasu doesn't count i can't stand him).

Favorite Saga - Namek! Namek saga is my favorite part of Z.

Favorite Couple - Bruh GoChi hands down. I love them so much. When i was a kid and had the biggest crush on Goku (before Raditz showed up lol). I used to be sooo jealous of Chi Chi cause thought she was sooo cool and so pretty and she got to marry Goku like she's living the dream. I miss Chi Chi i wish Toriyama wasn't weird about women.

Least Favorite Character - Buu. Every form of him. Yes that includes Uub. Sorry. Also fucking Tao Pai Pai. I've always hated him. Zamasu is annoying as fuck but he's tolerable when he shuts the fuck up (Goku Black is great but he is on thin ice for being Zamasu).

Favorite episode - How do I pick ONE?? Like Yamcha's intro, literally any tournament episode from OGDB, Boss Rabbit omg, when King Piccolo got his shit wrecked, RADITZ'S intro, that episode where Gohan gets trapped underground with a robot, the G i n y u s, T R U N K ' S INTRO, THE FUCKING DRIVING EPISODE LIKE COME ON, those episodes that take place after Goku and Gohan come out of the HTC and spending time with family and friends before the Cell Games makes me WEEP, when they break the fucking Z-Sword, Princess Trunks, the first time Goku goes 4 LETS GOOO, probably anything with SSJ4 Gogeta I have so much fun when he's on screen, Vegito showing up during the Black arc!!!!

Seriously how the hell could i pick one (1) episode?

Favorite fight - If i have to narrow it down to just one it's definitely gonna be Cell vs Gohan.

Most emotional moment - Ooooh a good follow up for the last question. The Father-Son Kamehameha. Like, c'mon that moment is just, bruh it's good okay? i'm getting emotional thinking about it now

Most epic death - Oof i'm stuck between King Piccolo and Cell. Those are both super satisfying.

Favorite Opening - I can't pick one there are so many bangers. Makafushigi Adventure, Cha-la Head Cha-la, Dragon Soul, Rock the Dragon, Dan Dan Kokoro Hikareteku, Chozetsu Dynamic

Favorite Ending - Again too many bangers. Romantic Ageru Yo, Zenkai Power, We Were Angels, Yeah! Break! Care! Break!

Favorite super saiyan form - 4 100% 4 ABSOLUTELY

EVERY TIME SUPER SAIYAN 4 NOTHING TOPS 4

I LOVE 4 SO MUCH FUCK OH MY GOD

Dragonball, Dragonball Z, GT, or Super? - Tie between OGDB and Z. GT is plenty of fun for how dumb it can be. Super exists.

Favorite Saiyan - gasp I can mention Raditz twice in one post? :3c

Listen. L i s t e n. I love him. He's great. If there's anything people will know me for it's for loving Raditz. I remember being six watching OGDB for the first time, having this growing crush on Goku having fun watching his adventures and wishing I could be one of the women in his life. Then he grows up, gets married to Chi Chi, and I remember thinking "Aww I'm so happy for him."

Then Z starts and opens with a beast of a man landing on Earth, wrecking shit, tanking hits, mopping the floor with what was supposed to be the strongest beings on the planet and laughs about it?? And THEN he drops the bombshell that he's Goku's BROTHER???

This guy became a FASCINATION for me. He hunts and eats an animal RAW. He flexes his power and strength literally every second cause he's hot shit and he knows he is. He's so fucking cool. He kidnaps his nephew and tells his brother to start committing genocide "or else". His whole shtick on screen is that he's this big bad mean and scary brutal warrior.

But then he does this thing. It's so quick, so easy to miss and ignore. His nephew is crying, wailing, losing his mind over everything. He's understandably scared. And yeah Raditz isn't gentle about the way he tells him to shut up. But he tells his nephew to "be brave".

That's when I was hooked. Why would such a "big mean and scary" guy tell his kidnapped victim to "be brave"? Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all? Is his "big scary guy" shtick an act? A farce? A mask to hide a softer side to him? I needed to know more I wanted to see what else this guy would do! And he's the brother of Goku! Goku manages to make friends with pretty much anyone! He'll wanna talk to the guy who is literally his big brother and the only blood family he has right?

AND THEN HE GETS FUCKING MURDERED AND WE NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN IN CANON EXCEPT FOR FLASHBACKS.

We were ROBBED I tell you.

I am SO THANKFUL that the games and supplementary stuff actually use him and look into his character, dive into the what-ifs and have FUN with him. I cling to any media with Raditz in it.

Favorite member of the Ginyu force - Jeice!

Favorite Frieza form - Third and Final.

Favorite quote -

"Fool! How could you?! You're a rare breed indeed my brother. Such a sentimental dope. You're way too soft to be a Saiyan warrior."

(Don't @ me this scene rotates in my mind like a rotisserie daily. In fact it was literally a tie between this line and the equivalent of this line in Kai.)

Favorite female character - Aaaaaaah i love so any women in DB how can i choose one. Chi Chi, Bulma, Launch, 18, Videl, Chronoa (no one said i couldn't talk about the games lol), Cheelai, 21, Pan, there's so many good women and we need to see more of them.

Favorite attack - Ok i'm stuck with Big Bang Kamehameha, Final Kamehameha, Stardust Breaker, and Bluff Kamehameha. (Can you tell i love Gogeta)

Best Vegeta moment - That fucking come from behind sneak attack he used on Cell to help Gohan finish him off will forever be the COOLEST fucking thing Veggie's ever done in the anime.

Favorite quote (again?) - Sweet if I get to say another one I'm using the one I didn't say earlier.

"You fool! In all my travels I've never met anyone as stupid as you."

Stupidest, most WTF moment - He. Ate. a fucking Dragon Ball. He fucking ate it. He just??? Swallowed it????? He just did that??????????????

Favorite "owned" moment - Does Oolong stealing the wish in OGDB for panties count. Cause not gonna lie that shit is kinda funny.

Most gruesome death - Z Broly fucking exploded that's pretty damn gruesome. So did Krillin so him too.

Funniest moment/episode - Look it's not even that funny but fucking 4Goge taunting Omega Shenron and pulling bluff kamehameha on him makes me giggle i love 4Goge so much. Also that time Krillin full strength chucked a rock at Goku's head cause he thought Goku would just instinctively catch it. Shit has me wheezing. Ooh! And the time Goku return-to-sendered Tao's grenade has me rolling every time fuck Tao lmao get fuckin rekt.

Best Goku moment - so many i love him. If i really have to pick i'm stuck again in that moment just before the Cell games where he just spends time with his loved ones. Those are literally the sweetest Goku moments and i get weepy thinking about them.

Coolest invention - Ok the smart answer here would be to say Capsule houses because i'd love to just drop a house where ever i felt like living. But the answer my heart wants to give is the Micro band.

Favorite form of Cell - Lil grubby larvae form Cell is adorbs. Imperfect is literally the coolest fucking design. I love Semi-perfect in an ugly way. Perfect is chef's kiss. I love Cell.

Favorite form of Buu - The one where he doesn't exist. Fuck Buu.

Why do you love Dragonball? - Oh god where do I begin? As a kid growing up mostly alone with a basic cable tv Dragonball was HUGE for me. This was my escape, to feel like I could go somewhere different, see incredible things, maybe even be someone else if I really wanted to. This was the thing I looked forward to every week. These adventures were inspirational, empowering. I felt like I was there, on the sidelines, in the background, cheering on my heroes as they triumphed. At the time I was the one lil black girl in a majorly white area. Goku was the weird kid with a tail. I felt like we could get along, pulled together by that universal "we're the odd ones out" feeling and be friends. When I saw Goku get more and more friends, it felt like they all became my friends too. These were my friends. It felt like I grew as they grew. I laughed when they laughed I cried when they cried. I feel like Dragonball might have shaped me as a person if I'm honest. Not fully sure how, but I couldn't imagine my life without it. Over 20 years later I'm still here. It's never left me and I know I'll never leave it. Even when it does dumbass shit that makes no sense (Future Trunks and Future Mai i am so sorry y'all fucking deserved so much better oh my lord).

[fricklefracklefloof]

tag game!! ty @pocketsizedquasar for tagging me :))

1- Why did you choose your url

my url is just the same un i use for other sites that i post art on (instagram, deviantart, etc) BUT the original idea came from when i was in... shudders... middle school... there was a short period of time where i kept saying "FRICKLE FRACKLE" as a substitute for fuck or something and then i just tacked on floof because i'm a furry

i've been wanting to change my url for like a month now i'm just too scared of change lol </3

2- Any side blogs?

not... really? except for @jesperofficial but that's a joke soc roleplay blog i don't use anymore

3- How long have you been on tumblr?

since 2019 i think? it's been over a year

4- Do you have a queue tag?

no because i rarely queue you get my posts when you get them

5- Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started this blog as a throwaway account because i wanted to join the grishaverse big bang. i didn't even want to join tumblr at the time but i wanted to be a part of the event more so i made it just so they'd have something to link back to LMAO. but then i started like... yknow talking to people who only used this site... and then i started lurking when i was really really bored... and then my friends convinced me to check the site like every day... and then i started posting only my fanart and then i downloaded the app on my phone and it was just downhill from there. sigh.

6- Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i just like guillermo i just really like how his face came out in that drawing he looks cute <3

7- Why did you choose your header?

umm i like using my own art for stuff like this bc it makes me feel better about using images that i've created myself instead of possibly stealing from someone else and i think that drawing was cute it makes me happy :) it's kinda old though i might change it plus the fact that i added like 2394587394587 filters to it to make it fit the pink aesthetic is showing painfully

8-What’s your post with the most notes?

this jon + the admiral comic i made a while ago :) it's cute i think it's a bit cheesy and also kinda old but i'm very very proud of how i drew the admiral in that one so i'm happy that this one ended up being my top post lmao

9- How many mutuals do you have?

shit idk i don't really like the whole "mutual" thing i think we should just be friends instead of pretending that we are

10- How many followers do you have?

405 :o i didn't know that

11- How many people do you follow?

368! i don't even remember who i follow sometimes lmao

12- Have you ever made a shitpost?

probably

13- How often do you use Tumblr each day?

at least once a day </3 used to hate myself for it but now i just embrace it

14- Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm i mean i GUESS you could call them fights i've gotten anon hate for stupid shit and have had um. Discussions with people about racism in the grishaverse but most of them were pretty one-sided i've never had full on reblog chains or Tumblr User Fricklefracklefloof Vs Other Tumblr User fights it's just. someone saying something and then me replying. i try to be civil.

although i did have a friend once (or ig we were just "mutuals") who flat out blocked me with no response after i said something mildly accusatory and i still haven't recovered from that </3 just communicate with me please goddamn

15- How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i get the point they're trying to make but they're guilt trippy and ultimately don't end up solving the issue they think they're solving. (i'm assuming we're talking about the human rights posts that are all like "if you don't reblog this you're a monster!!" etc etc.) yes it's important to speak up about issues but by telling people they Have To Reblog This Or Else it just... scares people into supporting something without going through the critical thinking about it. at least that's how i see it. you can't truly support something if you don't understand wtf you're talking about. reblogging something like that for the sake of reblogging it is just... well it's performative.

16- Do you like tag games?

yes :)

17- Do you like ask games?

YEA THEY SEEM FUN i've never done one before bc idk i'm scared no one's gonna wanna do it with me but yes i think i would enjoy them

18-Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

oh i know who is tumblr famous but i don't wanna out them like that

19- Do you have a crush on a mutual?

ahaha! ahahahaha! that's funny i'm not sharing that

tagging @souleatering (or whatever blog you wanna use wybie idk) @jawbonemage and whoever else wants to :)

[shadyb00ts]

A Chromatica Review

So I never really use Tumblr, but when I do go on here, it’s pretty much to review something long-form. As you can tell from my profile picture here, and from my glowing review of ARTPOP from 7 years ago, I am and have always been a Gaga stan. Just read the melodramatic first paragraph of my ARTPOP review and you’ll get the gist of how much I idolize this woman. Well, idolized. Past tense.

That’s not to say I suddenly hate Gaga–I’m still going to follow her career and listen to whatever she puts out. There have just been several factors this past year that have changed my perspective on how I view her, this album being one of those factors. But I’ll get to those later. First I just need to lay out all my issues with this album.

Yes, this is going to be that type of review, so if you’re a fellow Gaga stan that isn’t able to criticize her work, this probably isn’t for you. Otherwise please read to the end if you can, because this is honestly about more than just the album.

Issue #1: The Mismatch Between Music & Aesthetic

When the cover of the album came out, I was so gagged. Like, just look at it! It’s striking, and Gaga has rarely ever disappointed me when it came to visuals. Actually, I can’t even think of any visual choices she made in previous eras that disappointed me. Even in the Joanne era, the pink cowboy hat became iconic and all of her aesthetic choices fit with the overall vibe of that album cycle.

So naturally, when she revealed to us the new visual direction she was taking for Chromatica, I assumed it would give us some insight into how the music would sound. The aesthetic of this era always gave me grungy cyberpunk and heavy machinery tease. When I look at the album cover for example, I can hear a song produced by SOPHIE in my head, the clink-clank queen herself. (There were rumors that Gaga was going to or did work with SOPHIE but that was never confirmed, unfortunately for us.)

For those unfamiliar with SOPHIE, here’s Ponyboy, which was most recently used in the ad campaign for Beyoncé’s Ivy Park clothing line.

That was the kind of production I was more or less expecting when taking the visuals into account; dark, metallic, basically similar to ARTPOP’s production (to be honest ARTPOP sonically fits better with the Chromatica aesthetic; think about it). 

But what did we get? Light, garden variety dance pop, a stark contrast to what the album cover and the promo images teased us with.

In the album, we get these orchestral interludes that are beautiful but don't really mesh that well with the actual tracks. The songs don't have any orchestral elements by themselves, so the interludes felt a bit misplaced to me. I wish they'd incorporated more of that into the individual songs, so that there could be an orchestral through-line to give more cohesion, like what Ariana did in her album positions by using strings. However I will say, the transition from Chromatica II into 911 remains unmatched.

I get that the album is supposed to sound happy, that it was her returning to her “dance pop roots” and singing about serious topics like mental health over happy-sounding beats, because it’s supposed to reflect her current mental state. I get all that. But if that was the case, I think she should’ve gone with a different visual direction to match. Personally I wish she went a different direction musically instead, but even if it was just the other way around and she changed the aesthetic of this era, my opinion of the album would probably improve slightly, cause at least there would be cohesion between the visuals and the sonics.

I look at that album cover, and promo images like the one below, and then I listen to songs like Fun Tonight or Plastic Doll for example, and there’s a noticeable dissonance there. 

You might be thinking “why are you so hard on her for this?” and I guess it’s because I’ve always held Gaga to a high standard when it comes to how she links those two elements. Think of every era she’s had in the past, and you remember how the visuals always just worked with their respective albums.

And that’s before I’ve even talked about the videos. Oh lord, the videos.

Issue #2: The Videos Are Lackluster (Except For 911)

It started with Stupid Love, the lead single. I had mixed feelings about that song in the beginning, but because I was so thirsty for new music from Gaga at the time, I played that song like hell when it leaked and it was on rotation for a good while. But when Gaga premiered the Stupid Love video, I’m not going to lie; I really didn’t like it.

The whole “shot entirely on iPhone” schtick really did the video a disservice. I’m sorry but it had to be said. If I imagined the video with a higher budget and more of a plotline as opposed to just being a dance video, I think it could’ve worked a lot better and been a decent introduction to not only Chromatica the album, but this fictional world/planet that she’s created. Which by the way, she didn’t really deliver in that regard either. 

The concept of Chromatica being a fictional world could have been expanded on further; she could’ve showcased all of the different factions (I know they were called “tribes” at first but that’s appropriative so I’ll call them factions) and perhaps had an overarching storyline about how these factions are at war, and it’s Gaga’s job as one of the “Kindness Punks”, as she calls it, to bring everyone together for a rave.

This is why I will always say it: Chromatica needed to be a visual album. Just imagine the storyline I mentioned just now being turned into a full-length feature, and now imagine the album’s orchestral intro playing as they’re essentially opening the gates to Chromatica and Gaga discovers this world for the first time, and then it goes into the first song Alice where she’s meeting all the factions and getting acclimated to her surroundings.

Honestly I could go on and on cause I have thought about this for SO LONG now and I’ll never shut up about it. It’s just such a missed opportunity cause the concept was just begging for a visual album. Anyway sorry for my tangent: back to the Stupid Love video.

The whole “shot on iPhone” gimmick really was unfortunate. Like she really ruined the quality of a music video because she wanted that Apple check??? Come on, Gaga, there could’ve been some other way to secure that check.

And then there was the Rain On Me video, which definitely have visuals that are a massive improvement from Stupid Love because it was professionally shot and cinematic. But even that was another purely dance video with not much in the way of storyline. Not that storyline is always required for music videos, but I think specifically when it comes to Chromatica, not having storylines in the M/Vs does a disservice to the overall concept.

I guess my issue with these two music videos, but mostly Stupid Love, is that Gaga isn't fully utilizing her COIN. Like she's successful enough to the point where she has budgets for these videos and can go all out, but doesn't. She has the capacity for extremely high production value, but up until 911, the last video she did that had that level of extraness was G.U.Y. I miss the days when her music videos were an event. I still remember where I was and what I was doing the exact moment the Telephone video came out. That's impact.

Taylor Swift I think is somebody who really knows how to blow her budget on a video. Look What You Made Me Do may have been a terrible song, but I always thought the video was sickening.

Anyway, I have no notes on 911. She's a masterpiece. If there was a music video category at the Oscars, I'd be campaigning for it right now.

Issue #3: Any Other Girly Can Do This

The thing I always loved the most about Gaga's music was that nobody was doing it like her. Everything she put out always felt like it was distinctly hers and hers alone, it's unmistakable. Even in Joanne, despite that album being a major departure from what she normally did.

I know Joanne is a very polarizing album, even for Little Monsters, but personally I've always loved it. Joanne was an album that I always knew she would make and I thought was essential to her career and body of work. Despite her straying away from pop for a more earthy, grass roots sound, it still sounded very much like her music. Even from the first track, Diamond Heart, her DNA is all over that.

It's difficult to explain what exactly I mean when I say there's a certain signature "Gaga-ness" or that she has a very specific DNA injected into her songs. If you've been a fan of hers for a long time or followed her career, you probably understand what I'm referring to. It's the way she laughs maniacally in the beginning of ARTPOP on Aura, how she says "I don't speak German but I can if you like, OW!" and proceeds to recite broken German on Schei��e, how she invented the phrase "disco stick", literally the ENTIRETY of The Fame Monster.

These examples probably give you the gist of what I'm trying to convey. Gaga is fucking weird. She has always been fucking weird and I love that so much about her. And her brand of weirdness was so specific that if any of the other pop girls tried to do what she did, it would have been cringey as hell. To me, the most disappointing thing of all with this album was that this weirdness that was so uniquely hers was missing.

It's there in brief moments, in tracks like Sour Candy, 911 and Babylon, but most of the album doesn't really sound like her music. It sounds like songs that she wrote for other people, like her old unreleased stuff. OG Little Monsters probably remember songs like Second Time Around and No Way. These were leaked unreleased songs that Gaga had written for other artists, and even though they were absolute bops, they didn't sound like her. They weren't supposed to.

A similar feeling I had was when her song The Cure came out a few years ago. I genuinely thought that was something she wrote for someone else, cause even though it was a solid pop song, it absolutely had zero Gaga-ness and any current pop girl could sing it. This pretty much encapsulates how I feel about the majority of Chromatica.

I was gonna say it sounded like songs that were written for Ally, her Star is Born character, but I think even those pop songs from the soundtrack sounded more Gaga than Chromatica does. 💀 I can easily imagine Hair Body Face being on The Fame.

Final Thoughts

It's funny that the last review I had posted on here before this was my review of Kingdom Hearts III. The Kingdom Hearts game series is something that's very near and dear to my heart, and I waited a wholeass decade for the third game to come out. And then it did, and I was so disappointed.

So you know what happened after that? What helped me deal with my disappointment of that game was my anticipation for Chromatica, or at the time it was still called LG6. I had no idea I would feel the same exact way about this album the way I do about KH3. Now when I think of both of these things, I'm mostly frustrated by all of the potential and the missed opportunities, but I also look at them with a certain fondness. I had fun playing KH3, and I also had fun listening to Chromatica, despite both of them disappointing me overall.

In the beginning of this review I said that there were certain factors that have stopped me from idealizing Gaga too much. Firstly it's because I'm much older now, and secondly it's due to the sheer state of the world this past year. The pandemic really precipitated the fall of celebrity culture, and all of that made me really examine how putting someone on such a high pedestal can be damaging in the long run.

Gaga is a human being and I haven't agreed with everything she's done, particularly how she handled the whole R. Kelly situation back in 2013. And also the simple fact that she's a white woman, we know how a lot of the time they can't help but show their asses and are bound to disappoint us in some way. I'm forever grateful for her artistry and how she saved my life when I was a suicidal little eighth grader, but I'm also going to hold her accountable for any of her mistakes, and I'd be ready to stop supporting her entirely if anything she does ever goes too far.

Now I stan artists for fun. It's not healthy to idolize them to the point of revering them. I mean, I like to make jokes like that about Beyoncé, like "no way on Beyoncé's green earth", etc. But even she is just a person that we shouldn't deify for real.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Chromatica being a lackluster album and era ended up being a good thing, because it helped me grow out of idolizing celebrities too intensely. Chromatica was pretty much the best disappointment I've ever listened to.

If you've read all the way to the end, thank you! Writing this was very therapeutic but also stressful; this is a second draft cause Tumblr fucked up my first post. 😭

Anyway, SAWAYAMA & Ungodly Hour are albums of the year. Argue with the wall.

[realestshitieverwrote]

No.2 To be honest, I am fighting like hell right now to keep myself from calling or messaging her. I know that I should hate that women's guts with everything in me. But I can't? I've always been one to preach about "nothing is ever impossible... there's just things that we don't know how to do yet." She has done everything in her power to make me wrong. She's not quite there yet. She has shown me just how capable she is of being cold, calloused, jaded, and downright evil. I have seen her do and say things with a smile that I could never be capable of. If I'd had a clue of her destructive potential, I would have chosen to concede long ago. But the lengths she's gone to prove it are so utterly ridiculous that I'm still not buying her shit. She's let things slip way too often. I am far more observant than she thought possible I guess? Or I guess there is a minute possibility that she was playing me then too? Doubtful. I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, or a mental health professional by any means, nor would I ever make such a claim. What I am is a man who was struck with a horrible disease they call love. Watch out for that shit, it'll destroy you if you trust the wrong person. But without that risk... you'll never know what true joy and happiness feel like either? Myself, I'm gonna take in everything. I will endure the bad as much as the good and just hope that it's worth it in the end. From what I've seen in my own life so far... and believe me when I tell you it's been an insane ride... it only takes a tiny amount of good to make it worthwhile. I haven't spoken to her in a few days, since Christmas. I don't know how long I'll be able to hold off, this is the most trying experience i've ever endured. My patience vs. her stubborn will to be right is just not a fair fight. But when you add in the validation of having been right with so many guesses along the way, the faith I have in things working out the way God intended, the unbreakable strength a relationship could have if we made it through this, and then there's the knockout punch... I truly fell all the way in love with her. Once you get to the point that your love becomes unconditional, and you're anywhere near as loyal as I am... it makes giving up near impossible. As long as there's an inkling of hope it's worth fighting for. My best course of action now is to wait it out and hope she comes around. If I end up being wrong... I'll be damn sure I've exhausted every option possible. When you find what you've been looking your whole life to find, fighting to keep it seems like the only intelligent option. I did things that I know hurt her deeply, none of them were intended to. She also grossly misunderstood not just my intentions, but what she saw happening was grossly misunderstood. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get through the stubborn walls of fear and pull her back before it's too late? But I am gonna be one fucked up mess if I can't. Sounds so ridiculous, but to me...absolutely worth the risk. In the start of our downfall, she had thought me to be emotionally unavailable, unsupportive and inconsiderate. I immediately went a full 180 and pretty much kissed her ass for a few months after finding that out. I was doing everything I could to show her just the opposite. So far over the top that she thought it phony and started thinking I had some devious side plot? I just wanted the love of my life back and was willing to do anything for it. I can see the truth behind all her feelings and assumptions. I even understand how she so blatantly misunderstood so much. She thinks I never believed her and there have definitely been a few times since... but for the most part I always did. I'm beat and gonna crash because I'm exhausted. The story has just begun so stay tuned. This will be either an epic adventure or a catastrophic failure of epic proportions. Comments, advice, etc... are always welcome. Good night.

[beautiful-systems-dying]

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150. (Sorry that's a lot of questions, I'm curious?)

That is a lot Woah

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?Actually properly held hands? @mientxs exactly like 2 months ago, tho I briefly held my best friend’s hand a five days ago3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?the two mentioned in the above answer4. Are you easy to get along with?AAAAA I really don’t know I’m sorry

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I really don’t have a good answer to that sorry.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I hope so?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Deep? Umm a few days ago me and my best friend talked about our musicals (they’ve made and put a musical on stage, I have one in the making) and about philosophy so that

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?It’s not in english but it’s a random appreciation message to my best friend telling them I really really really appreciate them and that they’re an amazing person 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Shit, umm. You gotta die sometime (Falsettos), what would I do (Falsettos), The games I play (Falsettos), Don’t threaten me with a good time (P!ATD), House of memories (P!ATD)Just cause I’m kinda obsessed with them lately,

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?If it’s the front of my hair I hate it, if it’s the back yeah I’m down

19. Do you like bubble baths?Umm hadn’t had one in literal years, but I do like them I suppose

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t really know em whoops. but I have a pal who lives next door but umm. They’re kinda. problematic idk

21. What are you bad habits?I’ve too many. A few kinds of self-destructive behaviour. Idk man sorry.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Ummm I have no answer sorry fam I just. Don’t really have a real type so I don’t really have like a dream guy (or girl, I guess, if I get less gay again)39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Umm there’s this one store in the neighbour city called the fairy forest and the vibes there are so calm and there’s fairy figures and gem stones and merch for stuff and just. It feels so so good and calm and magical

40. What do you want to do after high school?Well, aside from like, be on hormones (but I plan on getting on em when I’m 18 at the very worst case which is still highschool for me) and get top surgery, really, idk.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Usually bad things lol. Either my mental state is getting worse or my voice dysphoria is really shitty or I’m going non-verbal/ semi verbal. I mean, it rarely means something good.

43. Do you smile at strangers?Yeah, mostly at retail workers/cashiers and drivers who let me pass.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?AAAAA IDK I’m a space nerd but I love the sea but the bottom of the ocean is terrifying so aaa. Space?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?*shrug*63. Ever been in love? ughhhh I hate the question but yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?*Sigh* I’ll have to get back to you on this one, I’ve never kissed anyone.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?....Don’t tell anyone100. How are you feeling?If only I knew

108. What should you be doing?I don’t think there really is anything right now

116. Are you listening to music right now?Yeah. rn a day in falssetoland is on

119. Favourite book?AAAAAAAAA Idk???? House of Hades? Simon VS the homo sapiens agenda?120. Are you afraid of the dark?Umm probably as much as the next person idk

122. Is cheating ever okay?I want to say no but I guess if it’s like arranged marriage you had no say in I guess that’d be fine?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Nooooooo125. Do you believe in true love?true lovenoun True love is a strong and lasting affection between spouses or lovers who are in a happy, passionate and fulfilling relationship.By this defenition, yes, absolutly.

127. What makes you happy?Lots of stuff? idk. Success, fun times with friends, affection and compliments, making something good, my ships, other people’s happiness, idk lots of stuff

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?this is... this is the same as 10...

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Open, otherwise my dog cries.

137. How tall are you?I’m really really really unsure but 160 cm? (which would be around 5′3 in american)140. Summer or Winter?Winter!!!!!!

142. Favourite month?Don’t think I really have one

145. Tea or Coffee?Tea

146. Was today a good day?No

148. What’s your favourite quote? Just one????? I can’t choose no way I’m sorry

149. Do you believe in ghosts? No? I used to. now I’m pretty sure I don’t

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

It’sIt’s a blank pageThere’s nothing thereIt’s we were liarswow

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