#i'm very normal about this AU obviously 😂

[valiantstarlights]

[Urban Fantasy Spy AU] Try to Hide Your Hand

Agent Hob Gadling and Tech Officer Dream Endless go on a mission together to extract Agent Ethel Cripps from Fawney Rig.

This is a @dreamlingforukraine fic commission for @seiya-starsniper. ✨️ Thank you for your generosity and your patience 🙇‍♀️ Sorry I went kinda crazy with this. But I had a lot of fun worldbuilding, so 😂

The title is from the song, "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell, which is the theme song for the James Bond (Craig) film, Casino Royale.

CW: Dark themes because the Burgesses and their goons are the scum of the earth. There will be murder and noncon pet play, but the noncon is only on Burgess and Co.'s part. Dream and Hob are communicating with each other all the time and everything is consensual between the two of them. I promise there's gonna be fluffy fluff in the end. 🙏

Hob sits with his legs spread open, Dream kneeling between them, his dark head of hair resting against the junction of Hob's pelvis and thigh, and he hates it.

To be clear, he doesn't hate Dream. Not right now, anyway.

No, it's the situation they're in that he hates in particular right now.

Agent Ethel Cripps, The Agency's undercover spy assigned to monitor and report on the Burgesses, reached out to Head Office less than a month ago and said she wanted out. She has requested that she be extracted ASAP.

'I'm pregnant,' she said in her encrypted voice mail. She sounded so near to tears that it moved Hob's heart when he first heard her message. 'I want to get out of here.'

According to her file, Agent Cripps has demon blood. It's weak enough that she doesn't have the same strengths and weaknesses as her ancestors, but she still retained the classic half-demon appearance. Her file included a photo of her: a young blonde woman with delicate curving white horns complementing her short bob. She had been smiling in her picture.

Hob hasn't gone on to a mission with her yet since she's only been with The Agency for less than a century, but he heard that she was good at her job, feeding The Agency rare but important information about the Burgesses' human and creature trafficking schedules, resulting in many successful rescue operations.

Thus, her case was deemed urgent and important enough for The Agency to send in two of their best to extract her: a field agent to be the face and the muscle, and a tech officer to make sure the three of them get in and out safely without setting off any alarms, potentially leave listening bugs behind or retrieve important documents, and arrange for transportation, accommodations, and other essential minutiae.

Unfortunately, the two people assigned to take on the mission are Hob Gadling and Dream Endless, and everyone who has been in The Agency for more than a couple of years know that the two of them do not exactly get along.

More unfortunately, they have to pose as a human master and their half-other pet, because it's the standard within the Burgess family. Roderick has his own pet, and so does his remaining son. And so does everyone who is anyone within their ranks.

All half-other pets have either been trafficked from somewhere or were born in captivity. They're effectively modern day slaves.

Hob (a full human with an immortality mutation) has been working for The Agency for around 600 years now. But he remembers the day that certain bombshell was dropped on him and Dream.

Dream (a half-eldritch being along with his siblings, and who has been working for The Agency for longer than Hob has been alive) had sat so still on his side of the table that he could have been mistaken for a statue.

Hob had immediately protested. Slavery of all kinds repulses him, and though he dislikes Dream's guts, he would not have him act as someone lesser than him. Having had to go undercover as a slaver in the 1700s had been his worst mission, and he would rather not repeat the experience.

Death, Dream's older sister and their direct superior, listened to his tirade patiently, before telling him that other avenues have been considered; of course they have. But going undercover as a human master and his half-other pet is the one avenue that guarantees the highest chance of success.

All they had to do is show up at one of the Burgesses' casinos, have Hob win enough rounds with Dream as his 'companion,' commit enough violence where cameras are located, and they would soon be invited to Fawney Rig. Once there, Hob will be invited to play against the captains and the lieutenants. He'll have to win until they get into the same game as Agent Cripps and her human master.

Agent Cripps had not disclosed just who her human master is, which leads The Agency to believe that it might be either Roderick or Randall Burgess. Hob is going to have to win a bazillion games.

"If it's the games you are worried about," Dream said, speaking to him for the first time since they entered the room, "you need not worry. I can count cards, and have quite the skill for card games. We will, of course, have to devise a reliable method of nonverbal signals between the two of us so we can communicate with each other without saying a word; but it shouldn't be too difficult."

"Yeah," Hob spat at him. "Because that's the thing I'm most worried about."

Dream had frowned at him and said, quite stupidly, in Hob's opinion, "What else are you worried about, then?"

Hob had scoffed in disbelief, stood up, excused himself, and headed straight to The Agency's training salles to let out some steam. He imagined he was punching Roderick and Randall Burgess's faces, all the while cursing the day Dream was dropped on his head as a baby because that is the only reasonable explanation why he can be so fucking stupid.

He must have been at it for an hour when he realized that Dream was in the same room as him. He wondered how long the man had been standing there.

"What do you want?" he snapped. He didn't mean to. He's just so, so mad. At Lord Time and Lady Night. Who must have dropped Dream as a child for a minimum of fifty times. "You here to tell me the mission is important? Because yeah, I know."

"I'm here to remind you of your duty to The Agency," Dream told him. "I was under the impression that you didn't need any reminding, and yet, here we are."

Hob snorted and wiped the sweat out of his eyes. "Yeah, right." Like Dream would stoop so low as to take time out of his day to find where Hob is just to insult him. "What's the real reason you're here?"

Dream fidgeted minutely. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed, but Hob did. "I have agreed to go on this mission," he said, "and I would like for you to be my partner."

For a moment, it was so silent in the salles that a pin drop would have sounded like a gunshot.

"You fucking what?" Hob demanded. "Why the fuck would you agree? And why in god's name do you want me to be your partner?"

'You hate my guts,' he didn't say. 'You'd rather go down ten flights of stairs than share an elevator ride with me.'

Dream let out a laborious sigh, like Hob is being the stupid one here. "The mission will require my partner to be indifferent and occasionally cruel to me. I had thought that it would be an easy task for you."

Hob was actually getting a headache from this. "You thought it would be easy-- Dream. You know that kind of play has to be consensual, right? And maybe that's not how Burgess and his goons do it, but it's how it's done, normally. Please tell me you know that."

Dream pursed his lips, no doubt offended by Hob's perceived slight to his intelligence. Whatever. Hob was already so fucking tired. "Would you rather another tech officer accompany you on this mission, then?"

Hob immediately thought of Eleanor, but just as quickly dismissed it. He and Eleanor dated a while back in the 1500s, but she was married now, and going on this mission would be weird for them both. But he's not going to tell Dream all of that, so instead he asked a question of his own. "What about you? Wouldn't you rather go on this mission with another field agent you actually get along with?"

Specifically, Hob was thinking of Corinthian (who is a vampire? Hob isn't sure), who oozes sex appeal every second of his life, and was Dream's favorite field agent for always returning tech in repairable conditions, even if he has to lose an occasional eye for it.

Or heck, maybe even Shaxberd, that stuck-up, mousy-looking simp (who is definitely a were-sewer rat). Hob didn't think he'd do a good job playing as Dream's human master believably, though.

"No," Dream said to his shoes. "You are...adequately competent in what you do, and data shows that the two of us working on this mission together would result in a higher chance of success. It is why my sister called for us in the first place."

Hob mouthed 'adequately competent' to himself and incredulously shook his head. "That might be the nicest thing you ever said to me in 600 years, and I still feel insulted."

"Good," Dream quipped. "You should be grateful I didn't give you any more praise than that, else your head become too big to fit through The Agency's doors."

Christ. Hob could already see how many headache pills he's going to have to take if he goes on this mission with Dream.

Not that he has already decided to go.

"Fine," Hob said, and turned his back on Dream to face the training dummy again. Time to wallop Dream's parents for child abuse once more. "I'll think about it."

"Think quickly," Dream said, and also turned to leave. "That is, if you can manage to do so without hurting yourself."

Just to spite him, Hob immediately called Death and agreed to be Dream's partner as soon as Dream left the salles.

--

And now, a couple of weeks later, in the dungeon below Fawney Rig, Dream is on his knees between Hob's legs, wearing only a black diaphanous robe and bejewelled chains, both functional and decorative, breathing on Hob's (still) clothed dick (thank god), while Hob plays with Roderick and Randall Burgess, along with five of their most trusted advisors. Two have already lost, and they have gone up to their rooms to lick their wounds and perhaps take their anger out on their pets.

Everyone had laughed when Randall shared that thought, and Hob did too, even if he felt sick to his stomach while doing so.

Hob takes a deep breath as subtly as he can. Roderick Burgess is sitting on his immediate right, and he supposes it means that he's sitting in a place of honor, regardless of how dubious that honor is. Next to Roderick is his son Randall, next to Randall is an empty seat where one of the advisors who lost had been sitting, and next to the empty chair is the machine that serves as the croupier.

Hob is surprised the croupier is not a sentient being, but he supposes that even advisors cannot be trusted not to cheat. The game, really, is how best to cheat without seeming to, and so far, Hob thinks he's winning.

Because Hob, personally? He's not that good at cards.

But Dream? Dream is a goddamn shark, and it is only thanks to him that Hob even got this far.

On the other side of the croupier sits an elegant old East Asian woman named Mrs. Chu, to her right is an empty chair where another advisor who lost had been sitting, next to that is a large bruiser of a man named Mr. Melendez, next to him is a walrus-looking guy named Mr. Wallace, and on his right is Hob, who had been going by Mr. Rupert Gadlen for the past couple of weeks.

And of course, all the pets are either on their knees on the floor, or on their master's lap. Dream had signalled to Hob that he'd rather be kneeling on the floor, and Hob signalled an 'okay' back, even as he made a lewd comment to get Dream to drop on his knees.

The group had laughed warmly at him, thinking that he really is one of them. Hob had immediately signalled his apology to Dream right after he sat down.

Also, it turns out, Agent Cripps is posing as the pet of Roderick Burgess himself. So that's fun. She's sitting on his lap with her back towards them, and Hob doesn't know how they're going to signal each other what the plan is, but Dream signalled him to leave it up to him, and so Hob did.

He trusts Dream.

They might dislike each other for a multitude of reasons going back 600 years, but he trusts him when it comes down to it. And he has trusted Dream to win all his games for the past couple of weeks, so he'll trust him this final night.

And then they'll finally be able to go back home and put this entire mess of a mission behind them.

Hob almost shot an entire room full of Fawney Rig security personnel the moment one of the guards clapped a power suppressing shackle around Dream's neck, and he's been gritting his teeth for what seems like two entire weeks straight, thinking about Dream shivering and cold and being treated poorly since this mission has started, so yeah. He's so fucking ready to complete this mission.

Preferably by shooting everyone in sight as a parting gift and burning Fawney Rig to the ground.

But he will not shoot until Dream signals him to.

And Dream has been feeding him information about the other people in the room via Morse Code to his leg during lulls in the game, so Hob knows who the biggest threats are, who is doing poorly financially and can't afford to be reckless and lose, and in what order he should shoot when Dream gives the signal.

Hob replies to Dream with a pat on the head for 'I understand,' a gentle tug on Dream's ear for 'Repeat,' and a firm squeeze on his shoulder for 'Continue?'

The 'continue' sign is mostly for the games. Hob would caress Dream's cheek and press Morse Code on his skin telling him the cards on his hand as well as the cards in the middle of the table, and Dream would squeeze his ankle once for 'yes,' and twice for 'no.'

And then there's an entire separate system on just how much money Hob should bet and how he should come off as: cocky or unsure, neutral or reckless.

Hob may be a little in love with Dream's brain as he had Hob learn all these signals before the mission. Just his brain though. Because Dream as a teacher has a lot of room for improvement. Like, an entire ballroom's worth of room.

Hob places the blame, once again, at Lord and Lady Endless's feet.

"Mr. Gadlen?"

Hob's gaze snaps to Mr. Wallace, the walrus-looking guy to his left, as the man waits for his response.

A quick glance around the table shows that no one has folded yet.

'Yes,' Dream signs. 'Raise.'

"Raise," Hob says obediently, and slides a couple more stacks of chips to the middle of the table after Dream taps out how much he should raise.

"You're pretty ballsy for a newcomer," Randall Burgess says, and pinches his pet's nipple, making them cry out in pain.

His pet is a twenty-something brown-skinned man wearing the same kind of robes as Dream, but in green. He looks miserable and drugged out of his mind, arms chained behind him, his balance on Randall's lap precarious.

Hob bares his teeth in a facsimile of a smile. "Well, you know what they say: no guts, no glory."

"Indeed," Roderick Burgess says to Hob's right. For now, he seems content in ignoring Agent Cripps on his lap, and Hob hates that he's thankful for even that small mercy. "I built this family's fearsome reputation with my own two hands from the ground up, and doing so got me covered in guts."

The remaining advisors chuckles at that, and so Hob does as well.

"That sure would explain your vigor, sir," Hob dares to say. He knows beforehand that Roderick favored boldness and praise from his underlings, and Hob has met a lot of people like him in his previous missions to know just how to play him. Because Roderick might be old for a human, but Hob is many times his elder.

Roderick stares him down for a moment before laughing. Right on cue, his advisors laugh along. "I think you would do well within my ranks, Mr. Gadlen," Roderick says. "Lord knows I need more bold and competent people around me."

Hob has heard the rumors about Roderick killing his other son a couple of years prior for being 'too weak.' He doesn't wonder if it's true. He knows it is.

"I'm flattered," Hob says. "Truly, I am. But I hope you still think well of me after I steal everyone's money tonight."

This time, there were no laugh cues, because everyone genuinely laughed at his audacity.

"Oh, yeah, I like him," Randall tells his father. "I think he'd do well managing the casino in Vegas or our chop shops in Leipzig. Whip the guys into shape and possibly bring in new customers."

Roderick hums and studies Hob over Agent Cripps's shoulder. "What say you, Mr. Gadlen? Joining the Burgess family is one of the best decisions you will ever make in your life, and we don't often ask people to join."

"Why invite me, then, if you don't mind me asking?" Hob asks. "I only wanted to win some cash a couple of weeks ago, and now here I am."

"Talent," Roderick says simply. "I've learned to recognize it over the years, and you have it in spades. And other than that, we can see that your morals align with ours, and that is a rarer thing nowadays. Tell me, have you ever killed a man?"

"Yeah," Hob says. He puts a hand on Dream's shoulder, just as Dream puts one hand around his ankle. Hob ready to ask, and Dream ready to give the signal, if need be. "Brief boxing stint in my twenties. A couple of thugs tried to rob me on my way home. Showed them what they were looking for."

Randall, to Hob's disgust, had dragged his pet to sit over his crotch area and was grinding against the man's ass. "How did you kill them?" he asks breathlessly.

Hob looks straight into Randall's eyes as he says his next words. "One of them got his head bashed against a wall. The other's head I cut off using the door of a closet that someone had thrown away."

Randall moans and continues dry humping his pet. Hob does not look away or make a face, but he makes a note to make the fucker's death slow and painful. Have him bleed for hours, maybe.

"Creative," Mrs. Chu says. Her dress made her look like a glittering red insect. "And have you ever went to jail?"

Hob smiles at her. "No, ma'am. And I never sent anyone to jail either. Why let them live for years when you can take their lives away yourself? I'm not one to deprive myself of the thrill of killing."

"Good," Roderick says approvingly. "Very good. I think you're exactly what we're looking for, Mr. Gadlen." Then, unexpectedly, "All in favor of him joining us?"

As it turns out, not everyone was on board. Mr. Melendez, the bruiser type, sitting on Mr. Wallace's left and partially covered by the man's bulk, and who has mostly been keeping silent this whole time, is very much against Hob joining the Burgess family right this second.

He threw his cards on the table, slammed his fist against the table's surface, and made the chips rattle and neatly stacked chip columns fall.

Roderick looks impassively at the man, visibly angered by his previously perfectly arranged chips now a disorganized mess in front of him. "Is there a problem, Federico?"

"A problem?" Federico Melendez repeats. "The problem, Mr. Burgess, is you letting a whelp join the family out of the blue when I had to wait for years to be given an invitation. And have I not proven myself to be better than him? Am I to be replaced?"

"I remember your initiation," Randall sneers at him. "The fact that you took too long to finish only means that you are, deep down, just another weak-willed piece of trash."

This is new information, evidenced by how Dream frantically taps, 'Initiation?' against Hob's thigh.

'IDK,' Hob taps quickly. Hopefully Dream knows what that means.

"Why you snivelling brat--"

"Enough," Roderick says, and looks to Hob. "Mr. Gadlen. Kill this man and you will be considered for our initiation."

As Mr. Melendez rages at Roderick's words this time, Hob squeezes Dream's shoulder. 'Continue?'

Dream hesitates, then squeezes Hob's ankle once. 'Yes.'

Hob smiles grimly, but gamely stands up. "Sure," he says. "I don't know what initiation you're all talking about, but I'm always down to fight someone to the death." To Mr. Melendez, whose first name Hob just learned a minute ago, he says, "Sorry, man, but you heard the boss."

--

Hob makes quick work of it, and was nauseated to see that, upon turning away from the bloody pulp that had been Mr. Melendez, he is greeted with the sight of everyone at the table in various states of undress, all of them in compromising positions with their pets.

Thankfully, Dream is left to sit and wait for him. If anyone had tried to touch him, Hob knows he'd start shooting every sick bastard in the room regardless of Dream's lack of command.

"Excellent job, Mr. Gadlen," Roderick says from his seat, which has been pushed back to allow Agent Cripps to service him. Hob's trigger finger twitches, but he does not look away. "And what artistry. We've never seen a man so beautifully murdered."

"Never," Mr. Wallace agrees. His pet, an androgynous smoke being, is facing Hob enough that he can see their dark misty tears falling down their face.

"Now he has to go through the initiation, Father," Randall begs. His own pet is bent over, head low on the ground but fists clenched.

"Please, Roderick," Mrs. Chu says. "He will make a good replacement for Federico." Hob cannot see her pet, which he had noticed earlier was some type of dragonoid being, but that's probably for the better.

Mr. Melendez's pet, meanwhile, is currently cowering in the corner of the room. They look to be an anemone-like creature, and had curled in on themselves every time Hob landed a hit on their now deceased owner, implying that Mr. Melendez had been physically hurting them when he was still alive.

Hob bites the insides of his cheek to keep from screaming.

Soon, he tells himself. Soon, I'll rid the world of their slavers.

"Everyone in agreement?" Roderick asks the room at large.

A chorus of 'aye's were heard, and Roderick inclines his head like a benevolent god. "Then we shall commence the initiation."

"What about the game?" Hob asks as he sits back on his chair. What? He's really looking forward to stealing everyone's money (with Dream's help), and using it to fund the therapy bills of every half-other currently in Fawney Rig.

"We can continue after," Roderick assures him. "Now. The initiation."

Hob waits. He could feel Dream put his hands back on him again, ready to signal him. He places his own hand on Dream's shoulder.

"It's nothing nefarious," Roderick says, which just makes Hob certain that it absolutely is. "You need only to fornicate with your pet in front of us, orgasm, and you will be considered as one of us."

Hob stops breathing.

He's pretty sure Dream has stopped breathing as well.

But everyone was looking at him, and not at Dream at the moment, and he has to focus. "What's the catch?" he asks, feeling his heart beating against his throat. He cannot. He will not take Dream against his will.

"No catch," Mrs. Chu tells him. "But we do want a show."

"It's been a while since we've seen a good show," Mr. Wallace agrees. "Not since Randall, I believe?"

Randall laughs. "Yeah. Alex was so pathetic I had to take his pet from him." He shakes his pet's shoulder roughly. "Isn't that right, Paul?"

His pet, Paul, starts crying, and on the ground below him where his tears fell, flowers start to bloom.

Jesus Christ. Hob really is looking forward to killing every single one of them.

"Well, Mr. Gadlen?" Roderick says. "Will you give us a show?"

Hob is sure they'll kill him if he says no. He doesn't need Dream squeezing his ankle once for 'yes' to know that. But still.

'Continue?' he asks Dream.

A harder single squeeze, and he can almost hear the accompanying thought that goes with it. 'Yes, you bloody idiot!'

"Yeah, alright," Hob says. He sure fucking hope Dream knows what he's doing. "Up you get, baby."

--

Unbeknownst to Hob, Dream had secretly been communicating with Agent Cripps throughout the night. Ethel's long forked tail had been tapping Morse Code against Dream's foot under the table the entire time, and most of the information she gave him he had relayed to Hob.

Dream glances at Ethel now, and sees the fiery determination in her eyes. As Hob lifts him up on the table, Ethel gives him the tiniest of nods, and Dream immediately pinches Hob's arm hard.

The signal to wreak havoc.

A split second later, Dream has dived under the table as both Ethel and Hob draw their guns and kill the most important members of the Burgess family.

It barely lasted a minute.

--

"Thank you," Ethel says, as the three of them stand in front of the towering inferno that used to be Fawney Rig.

As soon as the last body hit the ground, Ethel had told the androgynous smoke being to teleport Hob into the remaining advisors' rooms, and Hob had done his duty and helped free those two advisors' pets as well.

And when every innocent party is safely outside, Mrs. Chu's half-dragon pet had set the mansion ablaze.

"Don't mention it," Hob tells her. Dream was a little off to the side, making phone calls to rescue personnel, while a group of a dozen or more half-other beings watch as Fawney Rig burns. Most of them were crying and holding on to each other. Hob was glad he managed to get a bunch of blankets so they could wrap themselves in it.

"No, seriously, thank you," Ethel insists. "I felt like I was going insane back there, and I hated every second that I exposed the two of you to their vile world."

"You can say that again," Hob mutters. "Christ. So Randall killed his own brother?"

Ethel looks around and steps closer to Hob. "No," she says in a low voice. "He made Paul do it. He used to be Alex's companion, but...well... It's one thing to dote on a pet and another to love them."

From within the group of half-others, Hob could see Paul with tear streaks on his face and flowers at his feet, holding onto Mrs. Chu's half-dragonoid who, Hob can see now, has a large acid burn on one side of his face.

Now, Hob never goes back to saying old curse words, but he feels like this is an appropriate time for one. "God's fucking wounds."

At this point, Dream joins them. For some reason, he steps closer to Hob than he normally would. When Hob steps back, Dream steps even closer, and gives Hob the stink-eye while doing it.

Hob doesn't know what the fuck his problem is, but he's too tired to think right now. Let Dream be weird. All he wants is to get back to headquarters and maybe eat some fries and drink a chocolate milkshake.

"Thank you for the rescue, Mr. Endless," Ethel tells Dream. For some reason, she has stepped back from Hob.

Great. Two half-others being weird.

"You are welcome," Dream says. Then, in a more gentle voice, "Will you be keeping the baby?"

"Oh, yes," Ethel says, determined. "I really want to have a baby, but I was told decades ago by The Agency doctors that I would have a hard time getting pregnant. Now that it happened, though..." She laughs, and it only sounds a little bit broken. "My child will know exactly what their father was, but I will teach them to be better. I might have hated everything I witnessed while being the elder Burgess's pet, but I'm proud of myself for managing to survive."

"Are you kidding?" Hob says incredulously. "Agent Cripps, you're a fucking badass. I was in there for six hours tops and I want to drink a gallon of brain bleach. And you lasted for years? Comic book superheroes have nothing on you. You're an actual goddess. I present thee pregnant people food at the foot of your temple."

"Stop flirting with a pregnant woman," Dream snipes beside him as Ethel laughs. It sounded lighter than her previous laugh, though, which had been Hob's goal all along.

"He wouldn't," Ethel tells Dream, her eyes twinkling. "Not when he has you."

"We're not together," Hob says, at the same time Dream says, "He does not have me."

Ethel just smiles at them. "Alright," she says, just as they spot The Agency's helicopters in the distance. "If you say so."

--

As soon as they drop Ethel and the rest of the half-others who had been kept as pets at Fawney Rig in Medical, Hob and Dream, without a single word, walk together towards Death's office.

Her half-phantasm secretary told them she was in, but that she is currently taking a conference call and would therefore be unavailable for at least another half hour. The secretary then told them that she was going to grab a quick midnight lunch from the cafeteria, and if they want, they could wait.

They nodded tiredly at her as she phased through a wall, and immediately slump on the long couch outside Death's office.

Or, to be more accurate, Dream goes to get a couple of hot bottled tea drinks from a nearby vending machine, bonks Hob's head with one of the bottles to make him take it, and drops gracefully beside him.

Hob, on the other hand, just straight up sits down, exhausted, and slouches like a drunk starfish, his head resting on the wall behind the couch.

As soon as he felt the warm bottle hit him gently on the forehead, he automatically grabs it, then turns his head a little to look at Dream sitting beside him.

He looks tired as well. It had been a draining, two-week long mission, and Hob doesn't think he looks any better himself.

"Do you need aftercare or something?" he asks, because they still may not like each other, but Hob has always been a caring person. And if Dream doesn't like it, then he can suck his dick. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

"Why, are you offering?" Dream asks. It's a testament to how tired he was that his words don't hold the usual sting in them.

Hob grins, unable to stop the fond feelings blooming in his gut and equally unable to stop the fondness from showing on his face. Fawney Rig must have truly driven him nuts. Did he really just think that Dream looks so cute when he's being bitchy?

"Maybe," he says, and Dream catches him with a smile on his face. Dammit. "Why, you wanna cuddle?"

Jesus, Gadling. Get a grip and stop running your mouth.

Dream wheezes. He sounds like a dying goat. "Perhaps," he says. His eyes are twinkling. Hob knows he shouldn't find his laugh endearing, but he does. He probably needs to go to Medical to get his head checked out. Dream gestures to Hob's lap. "May I?"

Hob knows, intellectually, that this is a very dangerous game of chicken they're playing. If they don't stop, Hob is gonna wake up one day with Dream Endless on his bed, lovely in his half-asleep state, Hob with two cups of coffee in his hands (and maybe even an entire breakfast tray heaped with food), and both of them will be wearing wedding rings.

"Sure, go ahead," Hob says, trying to look inviting and possibly only succeeding in looking like a beached jellyfish. "That is, if you're capable of not falling off on your ass."

"You will find," Dream says, as he stands up more elegantly than Hob will ever do in his life, "that I am capable of a great many things." He then plops down unceremoniously on Hob's lap and immediately cuddles up to him.

Despite his words, Hob's arms automatically hold Dream in place to prevent him from falling off. He knows he still smells like blood and gunpowder from earlier, but Dream doesn't seem to mind. "Don't fall asleep on me," he warns Dream.

"Zzzzz," Dream says, like a goddamn bee.

Hob barks out a laugh at that. He's so ridiculous, honestly. Why doesn't he know that? It has literally been centuries since they started working together. He feels like he should know that.

"I hate you," Hob tells him, but his tone is enamored and, strangely enough, having Dream on his lap like this is serving to be a great aftercare for him as well.

"You love me," Dream mumbles, already sounding half-asleep. His knees must be hurting from kneeling most of the night. Hob starts rubbing them gently, but scoffs at Dream's words.

His other hand cards gently through Dream's hair, the motion lulling them both to a deeper, more relaxed state. They're going to have to wake up before Death's secretary comes back, and then debrief with Death. But having Dream in his lap, warm and pliant, feels so good that Hob finds himself closing his eyes as well. "You wish."

--

'I do,' Dream thinks, before he falls asleep completely, feeling safer than he's ever felt in eons.

--

Death finds the two of them curled up together on the couch thirty minutes later, and discreetly takes a picture of the two before gently waking them up.

It's regrettable that they have to debrief when they are obviously exhausted, but the earlier it's done, the clearer their memory is.

Dream and Hob peaceably goes into her office and gives their report, but she does not fail to notice how Hob has yet to let go of Dream's hand upon waking. And more than that, Dream is holding Hob's hand with both of his in his own lap. Both of them seem unaware of this new development between them.

Death hides her smile behind her teacup as she sips some calming tea and allows them to continue giving their report.

--

Bonus:

"Agent Gadling! Do not-- oh, for goodness's sake. If you are incapacitated and captured, I will not hesitate to bench you for a century."

"A century, huh?" Hob's unfairly seductive voice says through the comms. Dream hates it. He always have. And now that Hob knows why he does, he's exploiting Dream's weakness. "You gonna tie me up in bed, too?"

A couple of other tech officers giggle at that. Dream sends a scathing glare towards them, and they quickly scurry away.

"I will tie you next to an anthill."

"Yikes," Hob says cheerfully and ducks behind a wall. "Still not sorry, though. I know you've been wanting to have a petrified pseudodragon egg, so I got you two."

Dream does not swoon. Because that would be undignified.

"You risked capture to get me a couple of petrified pseudodragon eggs," he says in his sternest voice. Not the sexy stern voice that Hob likes, but the I'm-gonna-beat-your-ass-and-send-your-soul-straight-to-Hell voice. He shakes his head. His boyfriend is just so fucking stupid sometimes. "You are aware I cannot simply sit on them to get them to hatch?"

A hail of gunfire interrupts Hob's laughter. Dream watches on the screen, heart in his throat, how Hob evades his pursuers, runs down a garbage-strewn alley, and hitches a ride on a passing delivery truck.

He lets out a breath he doesn't know he's been holding. "I hate you," Dream tells him, so he knows. He must always be reminded.

Hob, through the hidden camera pinned on his lapel, shows Dream the two jet black pseudodragon eggs he got from the villain of the week's evil lair. One of them is pure black, and the other has a line of white running down the middle of its shell. "You love me."

[radioactivepeasant]

Snippets: Free Day Thursday

As per the poll results, we are giving Damas stress via Just Plain Silliness. It builds character. Not that I needed an excuse to Inconvenience Characters in the first place 😆 it's become my favorite way of writing anything. Not Angst or Adventure, but Aggravation of Character in ridiculous ways 😂

This falls into the Trespasser au (last "episode" of that found HERE) a bit before the second Arena fight in the game.

The king of Spargus, Jak decided, was a killjoy.

For a city where strength and survival were supposed to be the most important traits, he sure didn't like any of Jak's demonstrations of strength or survival.

"You can't race Leapers in the middle of the market."

"Don't swim over the reef."

"Stop antagonizing the monks."

"You can't race Leapers on neighborhood roofs, either."

"If I told you not to swim over the reef, why would you assume I'd be okay with you feeding the sea monster?!'

It was like he was vehemently opposed to the mere concept of fun.

Jak folded his arms and tried not to roll his eyes while Kleiver complained about the scuffed up suspension and undercarriage on the Dune Hopper. Sure, he'd cut it a little close on the broken bridge, but he'd gotten away with the artifacts and left the Marauders in a two car pile up, so who was the winner, here?

Not Jak, apparently.

Damas listened to Kleiver yell about how he'd have to redo the entire suspension -- a gross exaggeration -- and how there was half a metalhead stuck in the undercarriage. Now that, Jak hadn't known about. When had he run over a metalhead?

"Hey! We didn't do that!" Daxter protested, "How do we know you didn't put that there last time you drove?!"

"Because I don't take the Hopper if I plan to do a run down Turquoise Canyon!" Kleiver snapped.

Damas steepled his fingers in front of his mouth and examined the damaged vehicle.

"One of these days, kid, I swear to Volcan-"

"What?! I got the job done, didn't I?" Jak protested indignantly. "Did you want the Marauders to get their hands on a functioning power cell?"

Damas’s jaw tightened so much that his mouth appeared to be folding inward. He inhaled slowly, and let it out again, ears twitching while he was very obviously counting to ten.

"There are no jumps in the canyon," he said slowly, "So how did you manage this?"

Jak shrugged nonchalantly. "The 'rauders chased us out to the ruins," he explained, "Ran out of turbo, so I had to get creative with the jump."

Kleiver started swearing very creatively under his breath. Damas turned an interesting shade of red.

"That does it."

The king grabbed Jak by the channeling ring and near dragged him out of the garage before Kleiver could clobber someone with a wrench.

"One more stunt like that out of you," Damas threatened, "and I'm entering you into an apprenticeship. Let's see you foment chaos with an actual structure in your day."

"You're not gonna do that," Jak scoffed.

Damas’s eyes narrowed. "Try me."

Jak did not take this nearly as seriously as he ought to have. In fact, he seemed to regard the threat as more instances of Damas "worrying too much". Damas did not worry too much! If anything, he wasn't worried enough about the insanity this young unknown relative had brought into his city! More than one advisor or guildmaster had been privy to the king muttering darkly, "I'm either going to kill him, or start training him myself. I'll let you know when I've figured out which."

And of course, Jak kept being Jak. Climbing the Arena walls because he saw a Precursor orb someone had dropped. Messing around with some kind of evil alien satellite on the beach. Inciting other inhabitants of the youth barracks to join foot races in the barrack halls in the dead hours of night. And he seemed to regard all of this as perfectly normal behavior. It was like all the impulses he'd had to shove down in Haven, all the ways he'd had to be perfect to fit under the yoke of that terrible word, hero, everything came crashing down in Spargus. He had almost no limits here, and that kind of freedom seemed to awaken a wildness that was above the paygrade of the dorm supervisor.

It came to the point where Damas was actually allowing the kid to go out into a sandstorm, just to get some of that boundless energy out! It wouldn't have been his first choice. Or even his tenth. But the storm rolling in was much larger than anything else they'd seen that summer. And for all his recklessness, Jak was their fastest driver.

"Four scouts have not reported in," the king told Jak and Daxter. His face was grim. "Two just set off their emergency beacons. At the rate this storm is going-"

He shook his head, cutting off his sentence.

Daxter had worried that Spargus would be another Krew situation at first. But here was the king of the cranky lizard-riders, flipping out because a handful of scouts -- one of the lowest ranks in the city -- weren't accounted for before a deadly storm.

In Haven, their absence wouldn't have even been noticed until roll call.

The old timers in the market were right, weren't they? "King's eyes see all." This guy watched everyone like a hawk, didn't he? Daxter wasn't sure if that bothered him, or if it just reminded him of Jak.

He supposed that was fitting, considering the two were probably related, no matter how in denial Jak seemed to be about being an Heir of Mar.

"Where's the Crawler right now?" Jak asked.

The mobile sandstorm shelter wasn't invincible, but it could take a lot. That would be the scouts' best bet.

Damas looked out the windows, glaring at the dark clouds as though he could hold the storm back by sheer force of will. It took a moment to hear his voice over the water.

"The Crawler is in the steppes at the moment. She's not a fast vehicle, Jak. I need you to get those scouts to either the Crawler or the city."

"I will."

Damas turned a stern look on them both.

"No stunts. These are people's lives we're talking about."

"I know!" Jak sputtered, a little offended. "And I won't bust the car up this time, so Kleiver can give it a rest."

"No. I'm serious, boy," Damas warned, "If it comes down to abandoning the car for shelter or trying to drive in the storm, you leave the car. Do you understand?"

Jak huffed. Damas had seen him outrun sandstorms before! What was so bad about a slightly bigger one?

"I got it, I got it," he grumbled.

Damas glared.

"No. Stunts. You get back here in one piece."

"Okay, I got it already!" Jak groaned.

"Jak-!"

"I know, Dad!" Jak complained.

An instant later his eyes widened.

The water suddenly seemed much louder than usual.

Daxter wasn't even sure any of them were breathing.

Three pairs of dramatically widened eyes darted back and forth between them as silence built up like steam under pressure. It was going to erupt sooner or later, the question was how.

Damas made a very small, strangled noise in the back of his throat.

Jak snapped out of his moment of horrified realization.

"Uh. I'll let you know when everyone is accounted for!"

He pivoted and bolted for the elevator before Damas could see his entire face burn crimson.

A guard at the back of the chamber opened his mouth to comment and in one rushed tangle of syllables Jak hissed,

"Youdidn'thearanything!"

Damas didn't blink for a good two minutes after Jak had left.

He didn't move for a good two minutes.

He stood exactly where he'd been, staring blankly at the empty elevator shaft.

The captain of the tower guard, an older man named Cephus, left his place by the windows to lean into Damas’s peripheral vision. He waved slightly, and the king finally blinked.

"Are you alright, sire?" Cephus asked.

Damas made a curious wheeze before speaking through a groaning inhalation.

"Oh no."

"Hm!" Cephus stroked his long beard. "Guess the wild one imprinted on you! Do I offer congratulations or condolences?"

Damas nodded slowly and stiffly.

"....help."

There could not possibly have been a worse time for the monks to finally send him the results of the blood test.

[cacodaemonia]

1st of all big fan, devoured RC!AU. It's fantastic

2nd of all, I could get lost in your sw resources tag that thing is awesome

3rd Do you have any references for Waxer and Boil's buckets? (Sorry in advance if you've already posted them, and thank u again for all the boxer content 💖)

Aw thanks! <3 I haven't written in the main RCAU for ages, but I'm still plugging away at the Open Skies sub-AU haha 😂

Ah I'm glad that's been helpful! I mostly tag for my own organizational purposes and I know there are some gems in there—especially from @gffa and @fox-trot! My 'sw refs' tag has a lot of overlap, but also includes a lot of image references for fanart or describing things in fics, so that one might be useful, too?

And yeah! I'm not sure if you want Phase I, Phase II, or their ARF helmets, haha, but I know I've got plenty of refs for all of those, so I'll toss them in here...

Boil:

Waxer (The second image shows the back of his Phase I helmet, which is hard to find shots of, in the background behind Boil being awkward 😂 So he had the little droid silhouette on his helmet back then, too):

And some shots of both of their helmets (Waxer is on the far right in the last image—you can see his tally marks):

Their ARF helmets seem to cause a lot of confusion, as I've even seen merch that doesn't show the little Numa painting on Waxer's helmet, and most people seem to mix up who is who in that Landing at Point Rain episode (probably because the writers seem to have done so, as well, since they gave Boil the more cheerful dialogue while having Waxer complain—but maybe he was just having a bad day! 🥺).

There's also the horizontal band of gold paint Boil has under his visor attachment to match the paint on his regular helmets, as well as a grey stripe along the top of the helmet that's lined up with the red triangle on his visor attachment. Waxer has his 'crest' stripe of gold paint, of course, and it continues under his visor attachment a little bit, too. Then he's got his tally marks and snoot triangle. :D

One thing that I only noticed recently is the very faded ship silhouette (or however you interpret the black design on his other helmets) on the left side of his ARF one. In the second-to-last image above, you can just barely see something on his left side, but the only way I knew it was more than just dirt was because I have a little figure with the shape painted on it. Which is also not very visible:

(Thankfully, I don't think I've actually done any images where you can see the left side of Boil's ARF helmet, so I shouldn't have to add that to any of them, haha. Hopefully I haven't mentioned anything about the lack of symbol in any of my fics, though... XD)

I'm still unclear what is going on with the paint on his and Waxer's spaulders in the ARF episode, because it's obviously faded/been scuffed in places, but sometimes, Waxer seems to have an unpainted right spaulder, and sometimes there's a stripe??? His little figurine is the opposite, though, with a striped right spaulder and an unpainted left one. Meanwhile, Boil's left spaulder looks like it could be all painted gold, like in the figure above, but other times, it seems to be a normal stripe??? Who even knows—I'm guessing that the texture for their models got messed up during the production of the episode, so they're inconsistent. Personally, I'm just sticking with 'matching stripes on both sides,' like the rest of their armor. 😂

Anyway, I hope that helps!

[sesshy380]

Time for my breakdown of the four main characters for my WereKat AU! (Forewarning: This is going to be a long post and there will be a lot of images)

Throwing a tag to @resuri-art! You are the reason this AU appeared in my brain, therefor you must suffer the consequences! 😂

I'm going to start with Bakura, since he's kinda the most 'normal' out of the four (I use the word 'normal' very loosely)

(Click each image for better viewing)

Bakura is the only Human in the group. He's not like most Human's however, as he was found and raised by Naga when he was very young. He knows he obviously had a human family once, but he doesn't remember them.

His Naga family had to learn a lot when it came to raising a Human child ('They eat HOW many times EVERY DAY???'). Can you picture little Bakura trying his hardest to unhinge his jaw like his Naga sister, Dia, so he can eat a rat whole? He developed some rather unique eating habits due to this, which is how he first met Ryou.

Being that he's Human, walking into a butcher shop that specializes in Therian meats got him some very unpleasant looks. The proprietor wasn't very thrilled either, and was giving him a hard time. Cue Ryou's entrance.

Ryou is a Vampire (despite his very not-vampire aesthetic). But he's not just any Vampire, he's from one of the most highly respected Ancient lines: Necrophades. Despite his elevated status, he’s never felt like he belonged among Vampire society. He’s viewed as an outcast since he doesn’t share their hierarchical standpoint on things, but because of his status there is nothing the other Ancient lines can do about it.

Ryou doesn't follow the typical Vampire tradition of feeding off thralls, but instead prefers other, more ethical sources. His meeting with Bakura came about when he went to visit his regular butcher, who he pays well to save the blood of the animals he harvests.

Ryou found Bakura to be quite intriguing, and after some time the two began dating and moved in together.

Humans are notoriously monogamous, while the other races (due to their longer lifespans) are known for having polygamous relationships whenever it suits them. Being that Bakura was raised by Naga, his views when it comes to relationships is similar to Ryou's. Which is why he eventually found himself with not one, but two partners.

Say hello to the little spitball of energy and attitude that is Kat.

(Second image is to show off her markings when in her standard appearance)

Kat is a Felidae, which is a feline Therian (were-beast). She's pretty secretive about her background, only mentioning that she is the illegitimate offspring to a Kemati noble.

Bakura met her at the very popular casino/popular hotspot, Geal'drache, where she works as a cocktail waitress serving drinks to the patrons. She didn't treat him with the same disdain most people treat Humans with. They started talking, and as soon as he mentioned his boyfriend being into tabletop RPG's, her inner nerd flooded out.

No one really knows when it happened, but it started out with Kat coming over for campaign nights, to coming over to plot new campaigns, eventually staying the night on occasion because of how late she and Ryou stayed up plotting new nightmare mode campaigns, to her just suddenly living there. Somewhere along the way, Bakura acquired himself a Therian girlfriend. He's not really complaining. Everyone's cool with it, so why should he?

Then Ryou's old boyfriend, Amir, came back into the picture.

(Yay! Amir has markings too! He was my fave to design! His hair so floof!)

Amir is a Leona, which is a lion Therian. His brother, Marik, is the current King of the Kemati nation, and their older sister, Ishizu, is Marik's advisor to the crown. The three also have an older adopted Pantera (panther) sibling, Rishid, who is Marik's personal guard.

Long before Ryou met Bakura, he and Amir spent some time together as a secretive couple. Due to the politics involved in Amir's life, he couldn't be openly seen with Ryou. When Marik ascended the throne (due to a very unfortunate 'accident' that befell his father one night), Amir felt stuck between his duties and his secret lover. Ryou made the decision for him and told him if and when things changed, to come seek him out.

It's been ten years, but Amir hasn't forgotten what Ryou said...though, ten years isn't much when you live for centuries.

Amir found Ryou again, but was a bit shocked to see who he was now living with...and openly in a relationship with. He always knew Ryou to be a bit...eccentric...when it came to who he dated, but Amir never could have imagined Ryou with a Human.

Amir, like most everyone else, sees Humans as less than the dirt beneath his feet, and tolerates them simply because that was what one did. The idea of being in a relationship with one? Disgusting.

But, he hates the idea of losing the person he cares about most due to his own prejudices, so he simply tolerates Bakura's presence for Ryou's sake. The fact that same Human is also dating his childhood friend/devils advocate has nothing to do with it.

Seriously...his old flame and his childhood friend??? What's so special about that human?????

And there you have it! Four crazy people that are now living together and have their own weird relationships with one another!

Oh, bonus! Forgot to add that Therians like Amir and Kat have TOE BEANS (which is why their shoes are designed the way they are, so that not only is there room for toe claws, but also so there is room if they shift into a full beast).

(I cheated, because I can't draw feet any more than I can draw hands. Pinterest image that I used as a base trace here)

[flamingostalker]

bran my friend in my phone do you have favorite hobbit fic recs to share? I’ve read some of the big ones but spelunking around ao3 as if I am bilbo in the dark is not giving me great results

HELLO my fellow friend in my phone!! Yes I have quite a few😂 I've been taking WILD risks and reading A LOT so please have some of my favs I've found so far:

Sansûkh (obviously) (M) - once in a lifetime transformative work, did insane shit to my grieving brain.

The Riven Crown (E) - I think this one also gets recc'd a lot but it DESERVES IT. I love a good courtship/marriage of convenience situation. This also goes through the nitty gritty of survival through the winter and injuries as well, which I like to read. Satisfying slow burn and hilarious ending.

In the Shadow of Mountain Kings (E) - INSANEEEE fili/oc fic. Retells the company's journey. Don't be intimidated by "major character death" tag, as far as I remember nobody major dies? At least definitely none of the company dies.

lay your troubles down (E) - Bilbo fucks Thorin out of his goldsickness basically but like. much more fuvked up than that in a touch starved/afraid of intimacy kind of way. fucked me RIGHT up.

On Chokeberries and Mushrooms (NR) - Bilbo trying to keep himself from being a burden to the Company, even though he knows he physiologically needs more food than they do. I'm very normal about food.

Green-Handed (G) - sometimes...a hobbit's hands turn green...to cope??? Like a modified Hanahaki disease type of fic. Very fun.

Oak and Mistletoe (T) - AU where Thorin has a mysterious illness where he can't appreciate any sensations. Bilbo does mistletoe magic on him to help. Very cute.

Something to Start With (T) - Thorin and Bilbo thoroughly convinced the other doesn't want to see them. They start talking again because Bilbo notices the GIGANTIC GAPING HOLE in Thorin's foot🥰 hooray for romantic wound care

You Got Me (G) - the company gets to know Bilbo and gives him gifts. VERY cool moments in here for the Nori appreciators especially💜

The "Dying" Hobbit (T) - Oin mishears Bilbo and the whole company thinks he's dying when he just has a little cold. Gandalf doesn't help. Mostly very cute but the Fili and Kili scene SNIPED my ass unexpectedly and did make me cry😂

Twist, Twirl, Dance, Clap (G) - the company teaching Bilbo to dance! very cute🥰

Confidence (T) - trans men Bilbo, Thorin, and Fili that's not porn🥰 you would not believe how hard that is to come by. Not much to this one I guess but I just like holding them in my hands💜

The Color of Possibility (T) - Bilbo saves Thorin from Azog's blade, but now Thorin refuses to see him. And the company is being very unhelpful with trying to arrange a meeting🤔

May Your Forge Burn Bright (E) - AU where Bilbo on a whim purchases the smithy in Bree where Thorin works. Lots goin on in there to keep you reading.

Something Blue (M) - Bilbo/Thorin marriage of convenience but fili/ori subplot as well. Thorin "married Bilbo for political reasons" you know how it goes. Also, Dain gets reallllll comfy with Bilbo🧐

And those are all the ones from ao3 that live in my head rent free! I have more if you like, but I will say I also look at xreader fics and imagines and shit. Always fun to see what the girlies are saying.

[alj4890]

Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

(Maxwell Beaumont x Olivia Nevrakis) in a Choices The Royal Romance Crackship AU

Masterlist

A/N Sorry this took so long. I'm the girl who gets the flu each year in the dead of summer, instead of the winter like a normal person 🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyway, on to more enjoyable things! The Court is at Lythikos. After replaying TRR, I forgot how the things Maxwell says and his reactions could be interpreted into him actually liking Olivia in the two Lythikos chapters. Naturally, for this storyline, I ran hard with it 😂 This chapter focuses on that first day there.

Chapter 2

The Royal Palace, the Duke of Ramsford's chambers...

"Maxwell?" Bertrand snapped. "Are you paying attention?"

Maxwell remained silent as he stared out the window. His thoughts were focused on a wild variety of revelations. After the previous day's time observing Liam and Riley play croquet and then last night's sneaking out for cronuts, he could see that Liam had a definite favorite amongst his many suitors.

It continued to give him hope, not just for himself, but also for Liam. He'd never seen the prince react the way he was with any of the ladies they'd grown up with. Maxwell could tell that Riley seemed just as crazy about him. If things continued to move along like he thought, he would be lifting a glass of champagne with the rest of the nobles in honor of their engagement in a few months.

The rest of Maxwell's thoughts, as usual, were filled with Olivia.

The conversation he had with her outside her room the night of the Masquerade Ball revealed that she preferred it when he acted like himself. He couldn't help but be pleased to hear that. Perhaps his idea to be more casual and aloof was going to pay off in the end.

It has to, he argued with himself. This has to make her finally see me.

He also couldn't help but notice her looking at him curiously the day before at the derby. When he didn't go up to her to even say hello, her eyes narrowed. Usually, he'd have remained by her side, making outrageous bets in the hopes of seeing her smile. It'd been hard to merely nod her way then turn his back on her. He wondered what she was thinking at that moment.

He'd then done the same at the Queen's tea later on. Olivia's frown followed him over to where Riley was sitting after the croquet match. He hadn't even bothered to look for her, at least not obviously. He'd instead watched her from the corner of his eye.

If his actions kept him on her mind in trying to figure out this new version of himself, then it would all be worth going against his very nature.

His worry now was how to behave at Lythikos.

Should I change it up or--

"MAXWELL!"

He jumped, turning quickly towards his brother.

"Sorry!" He automatically replied. "I um, well..."

Bertrand groaned.

"Maxwell, I have to return to Ramsford." He began again.

"Why?" Maxwell asked.

"Why?! I just went into a detailed explanation on why I'm not journeying to Lythikos with you and Lady Riley!"

"Oh." Maxwell said a touch sheepishly. "Right. Sorry."

Bertrand sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Can I trust you to make certain Lady Riley behaves herself appropriately at Lythikos?"

"Of course you can!" Maxwell replied, slapping a reassuring hand upon his brother's shoulder. "You know I'll make sure she has a great time snow skiing and all."

"That's not what I'm worried about!" Bertrand grumbled. "I'm worried about her bringing attention, the wrong kind of attention, upon our House!"

He narrowed his eyes at Maxwell.

"Don't think I've forgotten what I'd hoped was a joke of yours about finding an indecent woman to represent us."

"Come on, Bertrand." Maxwell folded his arms. "You've seen for yourself that Riley has been a perfect lady since she arrived."

"She does appear to be all you've promised." Bertrand said. "I suppose I have little choice now."

"You can't send her home, even if you wanted to." Maxwell pointed out. "Liam is crazy about her. Now, the public wants to see more of her with him."

"True."

Maxwell held his right hand up while placing his left over his heart. "On my honor as a Beaumont, I swear only the best of both me and Riley will be shown at Lythikos."

"I can't very well argue against that type of reassurance." Bertrand's lips curved into a slight grin.

"You and I made sure no one could ever doubt the word of a Beaumont." Maxwell added, grinning even more.

"That we did." Bertrand patted Maxwell's back. "Let's go awaken our chosen lady and give her the details about this next event."

*****************

Lythikos...

Olivia watched from a window in her library as Maxwell's limo pulled into the drive. She knew she should already be outside to greet them, but she wanted just a few more seconds behind the curtains to see how Maxwell acted with Riley.

She didn't know why her curiosity was notched to an eleven over his odd behavior, but she was determined to see if Liam's new suitor was possibly stringing both men along.

Her eyes narrowed even more so to see Drake and Hana getting out of the same limo.

Well that's odd, she thought.

She ducked down when Maxwell glanced over towards her way. Cursing herself for that ridiculous reaction, she crawled out of view and hurried to greet them.

"Welcome to Lythikos." She announced from the front steps. "I hope you will take advantage of all the beauty my duchy has to offer."

Before anyone could properly respond, she waved towards her butler standing at the ready. "Harris will show you to your rooms. Please let him know of any needs you might have."

Olivia cast her typical smirk and took off towards a frozen pond that already had a gathering of nobles.

"Join us when you're ready." She added.

She glanced back to see Maxwell help Riley with her luggage. A slight frown formed on her lips when she noticed the two laughing over some joke.

Her temper simmered as she faced forward. No matter how distracting Maxwell was at this moment, she was determined to focus all her attention on Liam. After all, the prince was the whole point of this social season.

I despise the mystery that is Maxwell Beaumont. He can act weird all he wants with that barely attractive American. If he wants her, then he can have her. See if I care.

***************

"C'mon Riley!" Maxwell urged. "We need to get down to the pond."

"Okay, okay." Riley struggled with a sweater she was pulling on. "Geez, Max. It isn't like the ice will melt before we get there."

"I know." He mumbled. "I see that Liam is already out there."

"He is?" She hurried over to the window. "Looks like most of his suitors are out there too."

"Yeah." Maxwell's brow furrowed the longer he watched the group skate.

Riley gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah! I'm great!" Maxwell held her coat up for her. "I'm only anxious to get our future queen out there for some fun!"

Riley laughed as she slipped her arms in the sleeves. "I'd love some fun."

"Then you shall have all the wintery fun you could possibly want!" He slung his arm along her shoulders. "On the suitor front though, you'll have to work hard to catch Liam alone here."

"I figured." She gestured about the mansion. "It's what happens when you have a home field advantage."

"Yep." His smile dimmed. "Olivia isn't going to waste this opportunity to win Liam."

"Max?" Riley stopped him once they were outside. "Do you think this is right?"

"What?"

"Me trying so hard to win Liam?" She turned towards the pond, eyes narrowing in thought. "I mean, if he wants someone like Olivia or Hana or anyone else out there; should I be breaking that up?"

"But he doesn't!" Maxwell exclaimed. "He has to humor them because that's who Liam is. He's too polite and thoughtful to tell them he's already made his choice, i.e. you."

Riley shook her head, a smile forming. "You really believe strongly in your candidate."

He smiled once more as they walked to the pond. "I can't help it that the Beaumont's are backing the right lady."

He took her hand and squeezed it.

"Liam really is crazy about you." He whispered.

"You think so?" She asked.

"Not only do I know, I'll prove it." Maxwell helped her lace up her skates before he did his own.

The pair stepped out on the ice.

****************

That was a close one.

Maxwell ran his hands over his face as he thought back to his rash action on the ice. He tried to excuse his impulsive behavior as a means of helping Liam and Riley find a moment alone together, but he knew the truth.

I didn't want Olivia with him.

He stared into the flames of the crackling fire. What had he been thinking? Yelling out for Olivia to watch him spin. He'd nearly blown the whole cool, aloof noble persona he was cultivating by acting like he was twelve years old again, trying to get her to notice him.

Thank God for Penelope.

If she hadn't clapped and begged him to teach her how to spin like a professional figure skater, he might still be acting out in front of Olivia. Penelope's attention gave him a chance to once again ignore the one he wanted most. Olivia's frown formed the moment he turned away from her. Her perplexed expression when she rejoined Liam and Riley helped him keep as far away from her as he could.

When everyone decided to go snow skiing, he knew he couldn't join them. He'd probably break his neck in trying to impress Olivia. So, while his friends headed towards the ski lift, he escaped back into the manor.

Unable to sit still and dwell on how badly he could screw this up, he pushed himself off the couch and looked about. He needed something to distract him from his worries. His attention landed on a pair of crossed swords over the mantle.

I'll go check out Olivia's armory, he decided. That'll take my mind off things.

He lost track of time as he toured the impressive display of weapons and torture devices the Nevrakis had been fond of for centuries. As he got near a wall covered with war hammers and flails, he heard voices coming from a nearby vent. There was one in particular he recognized.

That's Olivia!

He leaned closer to hear what she was saying.

******************

Olivia's Ballroom...

"Harris?" Olivia called out. "Were you able to find the items I asked about earlier?"

"I was, your grace." Her butler answered. "I took the liberty of placing them in Lord Beaumont's chambers as you requested."

"Good." She eyed her ballroom and the work done to have it ready for the next evening's special event.

So far, it was exactly as she pictured it. Her lips curved as she imagined dancing with Liam. Her ballroom always sparked romance with the soft lights of the chandeliers combined with the wide expanse of windows showcasing the wintery beauty of Lythikos. Once everyone saw her in Liam's arms against that perfect backdrop, there would be no doubt that she was meant for him.

The other ladies will be forced to give up, she thought with glee. My history with Liam alone puts me in the top spot. Add in everything else I possess and it will be proven to be a lost cause for those poor, pitiful suitors.

"Your grace?" Harris cleared his throat once more to get her attention.

"Hmm?" Olivia refocused.

"Is there anything else I should put in Lord Beaumont's room?"

"Not at the moment." She checked the time. "Everyone should be returning shortly. Have the footmen prepare the refreshments in the main drawing room."

Harris bowed on his way to do as she commanded.

Olivia left and began to mentally prepare to steal Liam away from everyone. Along the way, she noticed Maxwell running down a hall towards her right.

She almost called out, then stopped herself. She still wasn't certain what was going on with him. The one thing she did know was that she was tired of how often this mystery that was the new Maxwell Beaumont was getting on her nerves. She detested anything she couldn't figure out quickly.

Her hope was simply this: that the old Maxwell would return once he saw the surprise in his room. When that happened, she'd interrogate him over who made him change.

She still suspected it was Riley. He was perfectly normal before she stuck her big nose in Cordonian affairs. Now this woman was trying to befriend everyone. Olivia wasn't buying her sweet, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth act. Everyone had ulterior motives for doing what they did.

She would find out the American's and then make her regret ever coming to Cordonia.

*****************

Maxwell took the main stairs two at a time. He nearly tripped twice as he made a mad dash for his chambers.

I gotta know what she had put in my room!

His door bounced against the wall once he burst inside. Breathless, he quickly scanned the guest room for anything out of the ordinary.

Is it a cool weapon? Maybe a letter finally telling me she's been crushing on me too?!

He shook his head

No. It wouldn't be that.

He noticed a silver covered tray sitting on an end table near a wingback chair.

He lifted the lid and gasped.

"SHE GOT ME CHEETAH CAKES!"

Maxwell slapped his hand over his mouth for that outburst. He rushed to his open door and peeped out to make sure the hallway was empty. He blew out a relieved breath to see that no one heard his undignified excitement over a sugary treat. He hadn't reacted like that since he was eight years old and first tried the perfection that was simply Cheetah Cakes.

He couldn't believe she remembered something so insignificant like his favorite snack cake.

But why did Olivia go to the trouble to find these for me? Does this mean she like likes me? Or am I just wishful thinking again?

He didn't know. He only knew that this made the trip here that much sweeter, literally and figuratively.

"I'll see you in a few hours." He said to his cakes. "Together, we'll celebrate the awesome duchess who sent you to me."

Feeling a lot happier than he had mere minutes ago, he went downstairs to wait on Riley.

*****************

The Main Drawing Room...

Olivia eyed Maxwell from across the room.

He's doing it again!

Maxwell was sitting next to Riley, grinning that dimpled grin of his and listening.

Since when did he ever just listen? He's always got some story or joke or anything that makes him the center of attention! Why is Riley able to be at the center? Why is he not mingling with everyone else? He hasn't even come to me like he normally does to brag about his skiing or whatever he did when he disappeared earlier.

And what in the hell is Drake and Hana doing hanging out with her??? I get why Liam has to be nice to her. That's just how he would be with anyone. But Drake?! There is nothing more unnatural on this earth than Drake Walker going out of his way to be nice! Come on! And is Hana that stupid to think Riley is a friend? She's in competition with you, you idiot! You can trust no one here.

Maxwell, can't you see it's all an act? As soon as she loses to me, Riley will reveal her true self. Then you'll be hurt because she isn't as sweet as you think she is. Are you falling for her? Is she actually playing both you and Liam?

Olivia couldn't take another second of their happy little group.

"Is everyone enjoying all I've provided?" She asked.

The group stilled. Drake and Hana eyed her warily. Riley nodded while Maxwell spoke.

"I've always enjoyed my time with you, Olivia." He said in a soft, unassuming tone.

Olivia blinked over that. She wasn't certain how to take that statement. Normally she'd chalk it up to his crush on her. But that damn tone! How was she supposed to interpret that now?!

She did not like him pushing her off balance like this. Searching for anything to make her world seem normal again, she zeroed in on the half eaten eclair on Hana's plate.

"Drake, did you notice the treats I had the staff set out?" Olivia smiled at him.

She knew he wouldn't like where she was going with this. A little verbal sparring with some carefully executed jabs would be just what she needed to recover from Maxwell's mysterious ways.

"What about it?" Drake asked.

"I remember how Savannah loved eclairs. She plowed through them as if they were the last on earth." Olivia laughed. "I guess we should all be grateful she isn't here or else no one would have a chance at the buffet."

"Don't," he hissed, "talk about my sister."

Drake glanced at his watch and stormed out.

"Wait Drake!" Olivia shouted with a giggle. "I'm not done--"

"Shut your damn mouth!" Riley snapped.

Olivia whirled back towards her. "Well, well. Look who has a soft spot for Cordonia's most popular commoner."

"Leave him alone." Riley commanded, getting to her feet.

Olivia's smirk faltered when she noticed the sad, disappointed look in Maxwell's eyes. A slight pinprick of guilt washed over her.

"As fun as that was," Olivia straightened her shoulders, "I should be on my way. I promised Liam a personal tour of my duchy."

She left the small group, doing her best to avoid Maxwell's unwavering gaze.

[loveydoveylex]

Do rayman and lex have children? and if not, do they ever plan on it?

OH, BOY. this is a fun one, because...

I've never wanted kids. it's never spoken to me and I probably wouldn't make a great parent. not putting myself down, just an objective fact. I'm not interested in it. and I can imagine ray would feel similarly. if we want to take care of kids, we're always free to babysit globox and uglette's lil rascals 😆

HOWEVER, that has NOT stopped my mind from making me have dreams at night about us having a kid... so... consider that a Certified Raylex AU/Spinoff.

I haven't drawn him yet, but his name is atlas! because my brain said that's his name and I said oh okay. I didn't even get to decide 😂

he's half stargazer, half... whatever rayman is, haha. the lil guy takes after lex juuust a little bit; he's got underdeveloped antennae, though they're never going to fully develop, they won't grow out like lex's. they're more like little nubs. but other than that, he doesn't get any Cool Alien Features, lmao. he has no tail, and he's not going to be able to grow wings, either. he DOES, however, have colorful glowing markings all over his skin! almost like cool bioluminescent freckles.

he's VERY cheeky and loves to poke fun (definitely got part of his personality from rayman… lol). he can be kinda rude at times… he'll learn though. maybe. he can and will pull off pranks on literally anyone and everyone (not even polokus is safe). I don't know why, but I also kind of have a strong urge to make him, like, a skater kid? XD he's 2cool4school or something.

I have yet to draw him but this has been brewing in my head for a few months! maybe I will one day.

and yeah, inhabitants of the glade can't conceive normally, there was alot of magical bullshittery involved as well as help from polokus because, y'know, he's, like, GOD. either way, atlas is sort of their biological offspring in that regard? I'm OBVIOUSLY not going to go into details on this blog for very obvious reasons but all you need to know is ✨magic✨ hahah!

AGAIN THOUGH. this is not Canon to the Raylex Timeline(tm). we are very fine having our little 'family' just be us two ❤️ but in a "what if" scenario, you get atlas!

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

He's a biter, you know.

details and un-shaded version (and also lineart version) under the cut:

I meant to draw this for peterfel week and made the sketch in like, literally February but didn't get around to finally finishing it until now… lol… well it's done now!!!

i dunno if i love how the dark shaded version turned out...

These are my base colors, but I guess I just felt like spending a couple hours with color overlays and fucking around to make the final moody blue version lol

as an aside the bokeh is a brush by Bunabi/Eriart which you can find as a freebie on her patreon - i saw it and was like omg wait i could use that

...the buildings are also brushes (well the windows are)

anyway here's the lineart

I also used a chain brush of course cause I ain't fuckin drawin all of that lmao —I used a brush from this set, they're pretty nice

😻 there she is oh i also used a diamond stamp 😂 the lesson to learn about me is if i can use a brush for something that would otherwise be tedious and it looks decent i will because i am lazy. unless i only have like a Single instance then I'll usually just draw it but when I have more than one it's either brushes or copy pasting lol

Felicia's outfit is a mix of sources, inspired by both her original costume, with the furry chest (in this case unzippable) as well as obviously more modern sexy latex outfits and so on... but i did NOT give her cleavage to her bellybutton cause I think that's dumb. though. to be fair in this case it would be more justifiable 😂

i love drawing her long long hair (angel medina's fault tbh) (sensational spider-man my beloved...)

rawr 😼

he's trying very hard not to laugh 😂 but he's into it, he's having fun

the muzzle ended up being like multiple designs from photo refs mashed into one so idk... how realistic it is other than the nose-forehead piece which was the same on both my refs. admittedly it looks a little loose but 🤷 still looks nice 😏

claws 😏

I also drew Peter in the classic suit, which I don't normally do, but I was doing more of the comic book look here instead of my own AUs and so on lol

he broke the cuffs so he could touch her butt 🙄 god peter don't you know how much real leather BDSM gear costs (don't tell him)

this new pen tablet is a lot of fun, it's way more comfortable to draw on and the increased pressure sensitivity makes it a lot easier to draw my favorite thing to draw: peter's arm hair 😂😂

the only weird thing is if I press down medium or harder while I'm drawing it... creaks? which is very funny, my old pen did not do that. it really is weirdly like using a felt tip pen or a very fine point marker. except it's plastic.

shoes. it may be classic style but I can never resist giving Peter sporty soles lol I know some people hate that but I just think it looks nice and I can handwave the sticking away as electrostatic forces or something. negative charge. electron transfer. blah blah blah. (in my AU i decided Peter has both electrostatic sticking that encompasses his whole body and ALSO adhesive secretions so if he gets his hands and feet bare i guess he has double the sticking power lol)

shaded versions just cause

tits

i really like drawing latex lol

also if you're wondering why i didn't give peter a boner to match his red face well i have an out and it's that long ago i decided he wears a dance belt under the costume so as not to inflict the outline of his dick and balls on the people of NYC on a daily basis, and dance belts are first of all designed as mentioned to smooth out and hide that outline but also you wear them with everything pointing north and the waistband is like 5 inches wide so i don't think he has to worry about his little buddy escaping LOL (though I'm sure it's possible it would be more visible... i didn't bother trying to google it lol)

really i just didn't feel like trying to draw a boner 😂

[nebulouscoffee]

Troisha and kiradax for the shipping ask game?

YESSS thank you for these picks!!

Tasha Yar/Deanna Troi- ship it

What made you ship it?

I always thought they were neat- they have incredible chemistry, and they really did come off as very immediately and obviously into each other lol. A lot of their scenes together are just Very Flirty! They also play off each other in ways that are quite fascinating, both in terms of personality and aesthetics.

But!! I am being completely serious when I say I only became insane about this ship after reading your 'Skin Of Evil' fic (link for anyone who wants to read it- it's very good) and all of our wonderful discussions and increasingly specific troisha AUs. So, thank you!

What are your favorite things about the ship?

The contrasts between them- and then, the unexpected similarities. The way neither of them have ever felt like they truly belonged anywhere (not even in their own bodies). The way they both see themselves as "broken" in certain ways (but not each other). The way they both fear loss. The way one of them basically grew up in poverty and has always been invisible to society at large, while the other is from an "aristocratic" family and has always felt overanalysed and dissected... In a sense, one of them joined Starfleet for a more comfortable life with better opportunities, while the other did so to escape a lavish life & suffocating "opportunities"- but fundamentally, they are both empathetic (in vastly different ways) and driven by the desire to help people. They both seek privacy; crave agency & space. Tasha was only around for one season, so I appreciate that they gave her relationship with Deanna importance- they stand up for each other, they admire each other's (very different) qualities and strengths- they even share a few giggles! Which is so wholesome when you think about how Deanna spent most of her youth feeling odd and out of place (being a mixed kid) in Betazoid high society, and Tasha had a violent childhood on a failed colony. I think the space they can give each other as two adults who never really got to be themselves as kids, to like- figure themselves out, and experiment with what all they can and want to do, is really lovely

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

... Is it unpopular to ship Troi/Riker/Tasha? I don't actually know enough about troisha fandom to answer this, sorry😂

Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys- ship it

Yayyy one of my favourite DS9 ships! I got kiradax twice, so I'm going to do Kira/Jadzia here, and Kira/Ezri for the other ask.

What made you ship it?

Once again, the fascinating dynamic re the way they get along despite very apparent contrasts and differences (some of which may even seem irreconcilable- but they aren't, not to them!) Boosted of course by the insane chemistry. I mean, who was normal about that one drink scene from 'Dramatis Personae'? Not me🕺🏾

What are your favorite things about the ship?

*car dealer slaps hood meme* This bad boy can fit so many identity crises in it

Seriously, this pairing is so rich for explorations of both their inner worlds, and their fascinating relationships to their outer worlds! Kira, so fiercely protective of and devoted to Bajor- Jadzia, a joined Trill who never wants to go back home. Kira, aged beyond her years through a harrowing life as a child soldier- Jadzia, aged beyond her years via a 300 year old slug. Kira, the devoutly religious- Jadzia, the Starfleet science officer. Kira, the secret romantic who plays it safe- Jadzia, the unhinged xenophile who leads with her heart. Kira, the "traditionalist" who actually has a history of breaking the law- Jadzia, the "rebel" who actually constructs her sense of self so much around social structures and popular opinion. Kira, who deflects with anger- Jadzia, who deflects with humour. Gosh I could keep listing more and more and more but I don't want this to get too long so I'll just say their fire/water aesthetic thooo and move on hehe

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I understand (and appreciate) the desire to de-centre male characters in fic; especially given that canon was, on the whole, inarguably more invested in male characters & relationships- and it's also very true that once Jadzia/Worf and Kira/Odo got together, both women's screentime started to revolve around Worf and Odo more and more. I also firmly believe Kira & Dax deserved more screentime together in general, so I totally get the restorative value in doing this! That being said, some (not all- but still an appreciable amount of) kiradax content just doesn't feel quite them to me- and what I've realised is, this happens when fic just de-centers the men in their lives so much that now, they seem downright unimportant to Kira and Dax? At which point they start to feel ooc (to me). Like I understand not liking Kira/Odo- but a Kira Nerys that doesn't even think about Odo, like at all, not even in a platonic way, just doesn't read like Kira Nerys to me, you know? She cares about him so much! He's one of the most important and influential people in her life- and he was long before they got together. Same with Bareil, and Shakaar- I get that a lot of people find these characters and/or relationships boring, but they are hugely significant to Kira's arc- & those episodes reveal so much about her beliefs, her faith, her politics, the way she engages with the world, what makes her tick as a person. I feel the same way about Dax- the Klingon stuff is an important part of who she is. Idk, this isn't even something that really bothers me- I still happily read all the kiradax fic I'm vibing with even if it does this! But I have noticed kiradax fandom is not very fond of (or at the very least, indifferent to) Worf and Odo, and I just don't personally relate

[aclosetfan]

Honestly your perspective on the blues being really toxic for each other really interests me as it's a perspective I don't really see shared all that often. I think it's an interesting interpretation of their relationship with one another even though it's not how I'd portray it myself, but it is a bit of release in waves upon waves of sickeningly sweet and high energy interpretations of the blues.

Honestly, I've always interpreted their relationship as a lot more mellow and melancholy, but maybe that's because how I headcanon the blues personally as they'd get older. Given their life factors, their roles as mediators, and how their siblings would often treat them (particularly in the case of Boomer), I always thought that they'd develop depression and mellow out a bit. Boomer being like, very obviously and disconcertingly depressed (which is something Brick and Butch would come to feel guilty about looking back on how they treated him growing up), while Bubbles ended up as a more "functional" masking depressed person who could still pretend to be peppy. I don't think their relationship would be high energy cutesy or heavily clashing particularly. Just, melancholy, mellow and sad but intimate too. They'd get a lot of solace with one another but not in the way the fandom usually thinks they'd get solace.

I know I'm def in the smallest of minorities here and I have a pretty depressing outlook on the blues as characters. I think its nice to see interpretations of the reds, blues, and greens that aren't just photocopies of popular fanon (which often just entails poor copies of their characterizations in MtH without understanding why said characterizations actually work). And I think that you do a really good job with that in regards to your work, I think your takes on characterization are really good too (your recent ask about Buttercup was spot on and nailed a lot of issues I have with fanfiction in regards to the characterization of the greens).

They're really well thought out in your work even though I don't always agree with your characterization, but I guess that's more so just a consequence of the ruffs being pretty flexible in regards to characterization inherently so a lot of different interpretations can come from the same characters. I think this happens with the puffs too especially with aged up AUs trying to figure out what direction their lives and personalities would take, but it's not as varied I don't think.

Apologies for rambling in your inbox. Your writing is good and your interpretation of the puffs and ruffs as characters is refreshing.

Don’t apologize and thank you!! I think everything you said about the blues is honestly a completely fair criticism (even tho I know you didn’t actually write a criticism 😂) of my characterization of the group!! I use humor and deflection irl to undermine the personal stuff I’ve been through and really admire people who, despite it all, remain positive and don’t fall into the same depression/anxiety trap that I fall into. So, I don’t let this group stay sad for very long. There’s always a “happy” ending. I also believe that it’s more in line with the universe of the canon show.

Actually, one of my fics, acting normal, which is forever on my mind but never on paper, explores the sadder side of being a hero and destroys the blues romantic relationship entirely but leaves them as maybe friends for the first time. And there's this idea I have about Bubbles relationship with art that's on the sadder side. Truly, I do enjoy sad stories with mellow, often dependent relationships, but because I know who I am, they can get hard for me to write. I’m one of those people who gets into the headspace of what I’m reading and writing, and it affects my mood lol!

That being said, the blues are perfect characters to utilize in those melancholy stories, especially Bubbles, but that's because we know more about Bubbles than we do Boomer. She's a "happy" character, she's cute and bubbly, and a joy to be around. But sometimes people who smile the brightest are the saddest. Her character having mental health issues is a great way to explore depression and anxiety in all its forms, especially the type that presents in "people pleasers."

But writing those types of stories can be really taxing, so watch out! Take breaks! Be kind to yourself!

At the end of the day, no matter how someone characterizes one of these characters, if they're passionate about it it's going to be a good fic!

[gatheryourships]

I mean... Yeah, that's true, lol. I'm just a bit embarrassed I don't have my character figured out as much as you and others is all. Although part of that is that I haven't spent much time thinking about her. But I think you've inspired (and certainly encouraged!) me to not just think but write more about her. Thanks for that btw! <3

Lmao, ain't it just? Hahaha. That's true. But her mom is just trying to make sure her daughter is set up and okay. She's just trying to be good mom. And as far as anyone there is concerned, who realistically expects a fellow commoner from their hometown to become a huge, well-known hero known across the land? Literally no one. And it's because of idolizing heroes from stories meant for children that she's even like that to begin with. It's a grown woman still clinging onto childhood in their eyes, not a future Hero of Faerûn.

Oh, nonono. Not an arranged marriage. Just the normal "Hey, it's time to find someone and settle down with. Just make sure they're good and responsible and hopefully already have a job of some sort (like a farm or a profitable profession of some sort)."

It only sounds that way because I have so little I've fleshed out for her and the dad thing I had only come up with the previous bit I wrote before scrapping it and starting all over again. Also, I was very tired, lmao. I promise she has a good relationship with her mom. It's just buried under all that busy house work. 😂

Yeah, and also I can't help with tragic drama, lol. But, more importantly, she can't be a hero yet. Not before BG3 events. 😉 I also wanted her to be a bit wet behind the ears, so to speak, hero-wise at the start of BG3 events. She's just a woman with a sword, who only knows how to use it in a basic sense. Barely has any experience at all. And through BG3 events better learns not just how to use her sword but how to be "hero".

That and I really liked the connecting theme of using I Want To Live (the song everyone lowkey associates with Astarion) with her via the playlist I made for her. A "nice" little low moment, where she feels alone and hopeless in comparison to later when she's in a(n actual) relationship with Astarion. Two people's own loneliness and helplessness coming together in solidarity and companionship.

Oh. Um- Yes. Lol. There's a couple main ones for her set within the game's story. And then there's plenty that... well, aren't. 😂 Not entirely sure within all of them if they're exactly her, but close enough they count I suppose. I'll talk about the two main ones here. (If I don't scare you off by horrible and dark they are lmao, oof.) But let me know if you want to hear the other, many AU ideas I have that I will probably write one day (maybe in another millennium or two lol).

The first is obviously Durge!Rosenna. Resisting Durge, of course. I imagine it’s pretty similar to main Rose. Grew up pretty similar, wanting to be a hero, all that. Albeit with a slight, ever growing dark bloodthirsty edge to it all. Gets in a fight with her mother. Leaves. The same.

When she wakes up, on the mindflayer ship, she barely remembers herself. And with a little bit of time that’s all she remembers. Fight with her mother and going to leave. Except as she learns/remembers later is that in her anger she let her dark urge completely consume her. And she went wild. Basically if anyone were to ask about that little hamlet today, it doesn’t exist anymore. It’s a complete ghost town.

From there she went to Baldur’s Gate like she always planned and instead of a hero’s path instead leaned further into her dark urge and Bhaal, eventually teaming up with the other two Dead Three avatars. It’s not until BG3 events she gets mentally knocked back to a morally good, wanting to be a hero version of herself again that things change, thankfully for the better - for her and for everyone else.

The second is spawn!Rosenna. Part of my role reversal AU for her and Astarion, where Rose is the vampire spawn and Astarion (not a vampire spawn, literally just a normal elf - not pale, at least not abnormally pale lmao) is a hero/adventurer type. Think a mix of British Victorian vibes/looks mixed with a Spanish roguish swordbuckler.

Rose has the same backstory (again lmao), except that was 200 years ago. She went to Baldur’s Gate to be a hero and took a job that ended up turning into rabbit hole of one thing after another. Which lead her… straight to Cazador. About to unravel his plans and ultimately possibly reveal him as a vampire (she hadn’t quite gotten there yet, but was quickly getting to that point), he knew he had to deal with her. And with her little rabbit hole adventure, he realized how clever and smart she was (aka: useful). Also, what’s more cruel than to turn a hero into a monster themselves, the very thing they live to fight and destroy.

Instead of a more suave, sex-forward approach like main game Astarion does, she goes for a more innocent, demure (almost romantic) approach. (I suppose a better way to explain it is instead of masquerading as a tempting seductress, she pretends to be an innocent, inexperienced pure maiden instead.) Which our wanna be big hero Astarion unfortunately falls head over heels for when she pulls it on him in order to assure her safety with him and the group. (A Hero and his poor damsel in distress! The story writes itself! …doesn’t it? 😒) (In fairness, this version of him is literally 39. He doesn’t have the 200 years of trauma and distrust he learned from it all. Instead, Rose has that.)

Also, something I realized the other day, was that I had accidentally created a perfect, heartbreaking parallel theme between the two. The wanna-be Hero and the folk hero who’s live was taken too soon and never became the Hero she wanted to be. Where as time goes on, Rose finds herself not just caring for Astarion but trying to warn him against such a path he’s so determined to take. But in turn it helps teach Astarion how to become not only a better person himself but a better hero. And maybe who knows, maybe she ends up being a Hero after all. Even after BG3 events. 😉😭💖

So, because @gunslingerorchid asked, here's a post about my self-insert Tav, Rosenna.

-

I’ll be honest I don’t have a whole lot about her fleshed out. And even trying to write this up for you, so much got changed and rewritten a number of times, and even this response is a complete start over from the very long and honestly confused lore bit I wrote.

Basically what I wrote for the fake BG3 intro post I reblogged on here is pretty much all I got, lmao. But I’ll try to give some more info, as much as I got nailed down right now. Maybe some more that’s not so concrete yet either.

Um, so. Rosenna is an only child, born and raised by a farmer and his wife (last name undetermined) in a little hamlet (also name undetermined) located along the Chionthar river a little ways down from Baldur’s Gate.

Right around that little nook maybe, where the red dot is. I still haven’t decided which side of the river it’s on. But around that area. So that’s it’s between the Fields of the Dead and the Woods of Sharp Teeth.

Rose (for short) lived a nice, little life with her parents. Helped her mom with house chores and what not as commoner daughters do. Also helped her dad a little with the farm - probably a bit less common for daughter to do, but eh. She likes helping and only doing house chores drove her crazy. And it’s something different so she was fine with it, despite getting a little dirty sometimes because of it. Also it was spending time with dad, so… That’s nice. xD

From a young age, Rose had been immersed with stories about heroes. Not necessarily intentionally mind you. Just parents telling their kid stories, censored versions of course. And from there, as she grew up, just got into reading stories about heroes herself.

And between having a good, kind, caring heart and just being a feisty, determined woman who only wants to do right she naturally felt an inclination towards such a life.

However… her mother had another plans for her. Not out of ill-will, just normal life plans that a commoner daughter would typically live. Help her mother until she (Rose) found someone to marry, which her parents were starting to push that onto her, except Rose didn’t have much interest in that. (Yet, anyways. Hero thing first, romance later possibly, ya know.)

What Rose did have an interest in was going to the docks and rubbing shoulders with people who came from Baldur’s Gate and even elsewhere afar, wanting to hear real stories of adventures and journeys from real people that they’ve had, especially recently.

Now it’s here where I’m unsure whether to spin it off as how she picked up some sense of handling a sword. One way is that because going to the docks and rubbing shoulders with strangers is obviously a terrible, dangerous thing to do and her father (and mother) become worried for her and so her father (who’s also maybe part of the citizen militia for the little hamlet - no standing army) decides to teach her (in secret/aka behind mom’s back) so she stops trying to go to the docks (and possibly end up kidnapped or worse one day). Fun, nice, gets interaction with her dad. But like, I just realized it’s the same as the other self-insert for another character I like/liked. So, since I’m already doing that plotline with another character, I’ll probably go with the second option then lmao.

The other one was an idea I had before but was unsure about it (then not now) where she does meet someone from the docks. Not a romantic interest, but thankfully a friendly and honorably decent person. He obviously realized that she’s young (20s, since I didn’t mention that before) and a bit starry-eyed, but she means well and was looking for more in her life, more than this little hamlet could give her. He befriended her and indulged her in giving her stories of his travels and interesting little adventures and happenings he found himself in every time he came into town (only ever stopping by, as did anyone else whoever found themselves at the docks there). Eventually, he himself buys her a sword and trains her how to use it.

From there to BG3 events however… One day it’s too much. Rose’s reckless immaturity has become too much for her mother. So Rose and her mother got in an argument. Her mother had not been oblivious to Rose and her love of heroes, but had hoped that Rose would grow out of it as she got older (she didn’t, it only grew stronger). And enough was enough. It was time to be a grown woman, look for a partner, and settle down and become not just a wife but mother herself. To say Rose was unhappy about this would be a completely understatement. After a yelling match with her mother, Rose quickly packed some things (including her stashed away secret sword) and left home. She got on the first ship to Baldur’s Gate and that was that.

For a year, Rose tried her best there. She got jobs. But they weren’t great. Didn’t pay great. By the end of it, things were… pretty bleak, mentally speaking for Rose. (In my playlist, as confused as it is with this summarization of character, I literally have The Parting Glass (Walking Dead version) followed by the instrumental version of I Want to Live from BG3. I think that says plenty.)

The next morning as she’s going about town is when the mindflayers come and she gets unfortunately (or technically speaking, quite fortunately) snatched up. (Only way to become a hero is go on a crazy adventure right? 😉)

[lea-andres]

So I have a very interesting question 🙋

when it comes down to patience and her birth how exactly did bark and jewel handle the pregnancy?

how did family/friends/etc react to this?

did anyone ask any weird questions about there love child? If so how was that handled?

I’m just so curious 🧐

Thank you for asking! I love talking about their little fuzzball. 🥰

I'm gonna give the answers for my main lore, which applies to most of my AUs as well, but I do have a couple AUs where Patience was an accident, so obviously it'd be a little different for those.

So, Patience was planned... for the most part. A couple years into their marriage Bark and Jewel decided they wanted to have a kid. They had trouble successfully having her, that took about another year maybe.

They kept quiet about trying for a baby, initially. Bean knew because he lives with them, and Tangle and Whisper eventually learned because Jewel accidentally let it slip to Tangle, but none of their other friends or family knew until they were actually having Patience.

They were working with a doctor to make sure Patience was gonna be okay (OC inbound, potentially). To everyone's surprise, Patience wasn't the first bug/bear combo ever (though she was the first jewel beetle/polar bear combo), but there haven't been many. And there definitely weren't enough to predict anything like gender, coloration, etc. All they could do was just make sure she'd be a healthy baby, the rest would be a surprise when she hatched.

Now, admittedly, I've taken biology and thrown it out the window a bit. So if you're anticipating a completely 100% scientifically accurate pregnancy here... Sorry. 😬

Jewel lays eggs, I decided. I haven't abandoned biology with that aspect, but we're pretty much abandoning biology at this point forward. Unlike the days(?) it takes normal beetles, Jewel didn't have Patience's egg for a couple months. The rest of the time, they kept her egg in an incubator and heavily monitored her.

Patience hatched late, which leads into one of the biology things I kept. Polar bears are only born during the winter months, so Patience didn't hatch until mid-Decemberish. She was ready to come out before then, but the polar bear genes kept her in the egg until winter.

Anyway, shortly before to shortly after Jewel had Patience's egg was when everyone else started finding out Bark and Jewel were having a baby. Opal moved back in with Bark and Jewel once they found out they were having a baby, her plan was she was going to stay with them until a couple months after Patience had actually hatched to help the new parents make the transition and get used to having a new baby in the house. She was... Surprisingly helpful and mature about the situation... For Opal. 😂 Bark and Jewel were more than happy to have her help.

Bean was also quite surprisingly mature about the whole thing. Bark and Jewel weren't certain at first if they could trust him alone with their baby, but they learned very quickly they could, 100%. Patience inherited Bean's loyalty to Bark. He'd die for the kid, he'd kill for the kid, he'd hide bodies for the kid. Jewel started joking their baby had TWO dads after a while. He can't be trusted with anyone else's kids, but he can be trusted with Patience. He's the first choice for babysitter when Bark and Jewel need one.

Tangle and Whisper have two kids by the time Patience is born (they're going to end up with four altogether! I've posted about Briar the Squirrel and Ivy the SugarGlider already, and I'll post about the lovely sloth twins they adopt once I have them all figured out! 🥰), so they can be trusted with the baby too. For the most part. Tangle did drop baby Patience once, but she was fine. Tangle almost wasn't though. (Jewel almost killed her)

Oh, they got some weird questions about Patience. Everything from confusion about what she was, how she and Bark had successfully had a baby together, to some judgements about how they were raising her. Bark usually responds to every super personal question with silence and a glare, Jewel will clap back at people sometimes. The most popular invasive questions they get are "Don't you wish Bean would move out so it could just be you, your husband, and your new baby?" And "Isn't your baby going to overheat in all that?" (Referring to the onesies they usually keep her in, because Patience is cold blooded.) Again, Bark responds with a silent glare, usually. Jewel's usual response to those two are "*scoffs as if the person asking was an idiot* No."

Marzipan came into the picture when Patience was 5, and by that point everyone had a bit more of an idea of what was going to happen and the judgemental questions had lessened slightly.

If there was anything I missed, don't be afraid to let me know! Sorry this turned into a novel, I have a lot of thoughts about the baby BugBear. 🥺

[cha-melodius]

Procrastinating, I somehow ended up watching real-pilot-reacts-to-plane-stuff-in-movies videos, so: how about an AU where Illya, Napoleon and Gaby are airline pilots? Bonus points if either Napoleon or Illya (or both?) used to be army pilots originally.

Ooh, this is interesting! I always love an unusual AU idea, and although I've seen a lot of flight attendant/traveler AUs, I don't think I've ever seen a they're-all-pilots AU.

I wish I knew more about airline pilots' lives, lol, but I love the idea that Napoleon and Illya are both former military. I imagine it would make itself known in different ways; like, for Napoleon, he'd take every opportunity to resist the strict, regimented life (to the extent that it's possible, obviously he'd still have plenty of regulations to follow, but it wouldn't be as strict as the military), but Illya would still be very disciplined and have little tolerance for what he sees as Napoleon's frivolity. I like the idea that Napoleon is extremely competent and professional, but he appears otherwise (as in canon), and so Illya immediately dislikes him for that. I'd say Gaby would be a younger pilot, maybe in need of flight hours as a co-pilot? (Lol I don't know how this works exactly. Obvs there would need to be research.) Maybe she works with both Napoleon and Illya at different times, getting experience on different routes and with different pilots!

They first meet when one or both of them take a new job with a new airline (UNCLE air, anyone, lol?), but I'd set it up as them constantly running into each other in staff lounges or airport hotel lobbies around the world, when they both happen to fly in to the same location. Initially, there's a lot of friction and they don't really get along, but over time they start growing on each other. They end up talking about their respective military service. They play chess games. They argue. Napoleon flirts, and Illya rebuffs him, though he ends up enjoying it a little too much. As they both fall helplessly for each other, they both think something more could never work, because all they get are these stolen moments together.

Putting the rest of this below a cut because it's a little spicier lol. I would 100% write this as a friends-with-benefits storyline. The opportunities to have them fucking in all kinds of odd, inappropriate places and situations? Absolute gold. Plus, it's perfect as starting off as very transactional: we both find each other very physically attractive, and when we happen to end up at the same place at the same time, it's easier to get a bit of a release together rather than trying to pick up strangers at the airport hotel bar. Plus, since they only see each other infrequently and don't work directly together, there's never any chance of it getting awkward, which sets you up for the most exquisite mutual pining while fucking situation. Gaby, of course, knows (more than she wants to), and initially she's like fine, whatever, it's your business, but eventually she starts wishing they'd just get their heads out of their asses and admit what they mean to each other.

One storyline I'd never be able to resist is: Illya needs to hitch a ride on one of Napoleon's flights in the jump seat to another airport to meet his next plane/crew. Make it a long-haul flight, for sure. Half the time, he's back there making little pointed comments about Napoleon's piloting, not anything outright critical, but you know. Just saying. Oh, you do that? Normally this would be definitely Not Done but they're friends/fuck-buddies at this point. Illya thinks it'll just mean he's wound up when they land and they'll have some really scorching sex, but then Napoleon corners him on the plane (Gaby's flying it, don't worry, lol) and they join the mile high club. So unprofessional. So exceptionally awesome. After that, Illya's got nothing to say for the rest of the flight. 😂

Well, I have to say I'm surprised by how much I ended up plotting out about this one, lol. So thanks for sending this in anon!

[kingreywrites]

Eugene Fitzherbert. Do it. You know you want to.

Ask game

i really, really do 😂 thank you

First impression

Since I saw Tangled pretty late, my first impression of him was created by posts I saw about him, mostly the ones saying he was the most "normal" person in the disney universe because he kept being surprised by the songs and the magic, which I found funny asghdj i kept seeing the scene just after the cave scene and him being so traumatised by the glowing hair that he starts talking to a chameleon made me laugh

Impression now

he's my beloved, the sun of my nights and the moon of my days, the only man to ever man, the greatest–

ghdjdj seriously I still think he's funny but now I also see all the other great things he is too and I love him very much. I love his whole relationship with identity, I love how witty he is, I love how soft and in love he is with Rapunzel, he just... has a lot of qualities I appreciate, and flaws I also love

Favorite moment

that's the WORST question how am I ever supposed to choose?? i guess i'd say the death scene because of how much i adore it but if he's on screen chances are that i love what's happening ghdjsjs oh i also adore any moment he has with Kiera in the series, they're all amazing!!

Idea for a story

well ive got a lot asgshjs i'm not writing much lately but i never stop thinking about Eugene Fitzherbert 😔 lately i've had the idea of an amnesia AU post-series because I think it'd be really interesting (and i was inspired by conversations with @der-sonne so i blame Ana entirely for this), and also an AU with like, Rapunzel as a kindergarten teacher, and Eugene as the guy who helps out at the orphanage and makes sure that all the kids get to school, making both of them meet. This is cliché as hell but I can't stop thinking about it 😭

Unpopular opinion

what is even unpopular idk, i guess i think his vanity is not that bad of a trait compared to what other people might think? not that unpopular, but you know, i do think it'd be interesting to address it more, not necessarily as a ~trauma response~ or a joke but as a genuine character trait that defines him

Favorite relationship

obviously his relationship with Rapunzel. He has a lot of great ones but his love for Rapunzel, the way he's ready to sacrifice everything for her, the way he's so happy and proud of everything she achieves is a huge part of why I love him so much

Favorite headcanon

Reader Eugene. Like, we know he used to read the Flynn Rider books, we know he used to read them to other orphans, but we were never actually told that he read different things as a kid or even as an adult and yet i'll never be able to let go of this. Him and Rapunzel bonding over books, him being more into fiction and her more into informative stuff is one of my fav HC ever (so much that I forget it's not canon asgjdgh)

[thatoneao3writer]

By any chance could you give loose descriptions of all the TT villain/hero outfits? You don't have to go into much detail because there's a lot of people!!

When I have a chance I'd love to draw some of these idiots n I'm sure some others feel the same.

Also in the crack au spirit, I can imagine Skeppy in nothing else other than a bloody cropped hoodie because he thinks that'll make Bad notice him. 😂😂

Oh! I was actually thinking about this in the showers earlier XD

Tbh whenever I think of the TT heroes/villains' outfits, I typically just imagine them as how people usually portray their DSMP personas. But I have some ideas for certain characters tho! (And I'll think of more as I go :v) (I am so sorry if some of these won't make sense or won't look good, I'm not good with clothing T~T)

Sam would (obviously) wear a creeper mask. Like how we always see dsmp!Sam with a trident and a sword, you'd usually see hero!Sam with a multipurpose fighting stick (read: Robin's fighting stick but it has so much more use and looks like a modern day metal trident). He also has golden metal gloves with a matching bulletproof vest over a dark green hoodie since he doesn't really care for style and opts more for practicality. He wears platforms tho. Don't mess with this king.

Ponk wears his signature Supreme mask with a red tinted visor! (it is made of special material that looks like cloth on the outside but is actually sturdy metal. Don't adk me what, this is all made uo XD) His overall color scheme is red, yellow and black. The only real robot parts of his are his legs and left arm, everything is normal. But he wears a full body robot suit for extra protection. I won't say that he's bulky, that's just the suit XD

Puffy... Just imagine a modern pirate. Lmao, you know how pirates have baggy clothes? Makes those tight fitting like Black widow's thing but with a red pirate coat over the black base. Pirate hat with a plain masquerade mask! (High heels for this Queen)

Since Ant doesn't really have a civilain life, and just shapeshifts into animals, he just goes around in any comfortable clothes he could grab. (lazy cats) But you'll typically see him wearing a cozy looking soft brown turtle neck.

BBH would be wearing something similar to his dsmp skin, but it looks more like a cloak than a hoodie. It reaches down to his heels. (idk what he'll wear underneath help)

Ranboo would wear a black and white half-n-half spiderman suit white red and green eyes. His spider logo is purple that has a small golden crown on its head, as horrible the color combination may sound. (have you seen this man's house? Yeah, he designed his costume) He rarely uses his fire breath, so he doesn't bother doing anything about uncovering his mouth. (Don't ask me why I have a marvel hero in a DC au... just dont ><)

Tommy in a spandex what will he dooooo. He's Kid Flash what do you expect me to do?? His color scheme is red white and yellow. More white, least yellow.

Dream would just wear a neon green hoodie and his mask. But he does have a unitily belt that carries all his dangerous weapons. Also, he has a huge ass gun strapped behind his back.

Sapnap would wear something similar to BBH, but his is red with a hint of faded orange at the bottom. And it only reaches to his knees. He's wear black boots, skinny jeans and a plain white shirt underneath. I dunno if this man has style or nah. He also keeps his face demonic (four red eyes and fangs). Oh, not to forget his horns and white bandana tho!

I'm keeping the Skeppy crop top costume XD. He'd also have diamonds covering the top of his face like a painted glitter mask lmao.

Quackity won't have a costume because that would ruin his element of surprise.

Velvet... I got nothing man, please help me T~T

Niki would wear spandex too (Imagine miraculous lady bug but cooler), but with scaley accents on her hands and feet which makes it look like she's wearing gloves and boots. Her color scheme is very light blue, very light pink, and very very subtle yellow. And scaley blue mask!

If you have suggestions or better ideas, please don't be shy to tell me! I'm happy to hear some much more better deaigns than these ones. And if you ever want to draw the TT AU characters, you don't have to follow my descriptions, I would love to see your own twists and designs for them!

Anyway, I feel like I did terrible and I just wish what I described were legible and understandable lmaooo. I hope they look better than I think (i think its terrible-)

[sothischickshe]

3, 14, 28 and 38 kthxbye 💖

All right well I clearly didn't think this through, these are hard!

3. Thing(s) that makes you most violently angry about writing?

I mean, I dunno about violently angry, but I find it FRUSTRATING when I read a portion and I can TELL there's something off about it, but I can't tell what (cos how to fix if you dunno what the problem is).

And normally I can't figure out what's wrong with it till I've posted it 😂

 14. What's one of your favourite writing tricks to employ?

Mm, dropping subject pronouns at the beginning of sentences if I think I can get away with it. I think that's closer to how people actually speak/mentally monologue? (also, yknow, English is a functionally pro drop romance creole etc etc etc.) so if there's a para and it starts like: x does y, the subsequent sentences might go: does z too. Has c. Eats b. (without the repeated specifier of the x.) I actually think that's LESS ambiguous than using pronouns a lot!! (cos sometimes you got a lotta ppl hanging about innit.)

Obvs it's not always appropz, but I think combined with tight pov it works as kind of... Focused in? I also think it can help to vary sentence structure. And im also very into punctuation as rhythm, so that kind of format, especially with short sentences, can work very well. I am not a grammarian so I can't explain properly when or why I feel it works, but it's something like... The subject of the sentences has to still be clearly and obviously the same?

 28. What are some things you're unlikely to write but would like to read more of?

Ooh, well I love reading outsider pov, and I think I'm unlikely to write a lot of it.

I'd love to read more nonlinear stuff, and I'm not sure I could pull that off at all!!

I'm toying with the idea of writing something in the second person cos it's awesome but idk if I ever will. Also anything in an unexpected tense!! Second person future perfect????

Actually unhappy endings? I don't always write happy happy happy endings, but I don't really write harrrrrrd unhappy endings either.

More genies??? 😂

Creative AUs that put the characters in a completely different world and set up, in a way that feels organically in character. (I really like reading these but have no particular desire to write something like this.)

(that's all for GG ff, if unclear)

38. Detail a way that the English language has personally offended you

WHY ISN'T THERE A SINGULAR FORM OF OODLES? I ONLY WANT ONE OODLE YOU POS LANGUAGE, FUCK UUUUUUU