#i'm trash ik
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He's so nrnfhsjfhehshakww♡
#i desire him carnally#art practice#Art#enjoy my trash art#If you found the art I used as reference for this good job#jjk#jjk fanart#mahito#jjk mahito#My muse#i love him so much it's concerning#I hate him for his role but love everything else about him to an unhealthy degree#And yes#Two art posts in one day#I'm possessed ik#I can go on & on about him But I'll shut up#..for now
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my biggest pet peeve that does not matter is when people (especially native eng speakers) spell y'all wrong. what the fuck kinda words did you use to conjugate them into ya'll. on my knees begging you to tell me
#the trash speaks#you. all. y'all. the apostrophe is supposed to be the separation between the words#did you not learn this in grade school#''''''ya'll'''''' yeah ya'll ain't shit#sorry ik i'm just getting mean now but also. again. it frustrates me
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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#the pokemon anime episode is...... trash. as always#AND NOW MY BROTHER'S SAYING THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO GALAR OH GOD#ik he's joking but didn't they say they were going there ten thousand episodes ago. didn't they. bc i think they did#OH WTV i can wait i'm always waiting. always and constantly waiting#ok he just said all that galar stuff i saw is false too i'm gonna krill myself FLOPS OVER AND DIES
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So tempted to write but then I remember how terrible I feel when the inevitable poor engagement/bad stats hit and I just
Before deciding it's definitely better for my mental health not to 😭
#keep thinking my relationship w/ writing is getting better and then it nosedives again#ik it's a bad look on me but it's seriously so difficult to write when ik everything is gonna bomb 🙃#everyone tells me not to care about stats and I definitely shouldn't but my brain berates me for poor engagement regardless#I try not to compare myself to others but when fandom is so actively communal and opportunities for interaction are inherently linked to#fandom cred/displayed engagement metrics it's really tough 🙃#and then I hate myself for venting ab things bc it probably comes across as so pathetic and self pitying#and yeah it deffo is#but it's very difficult for me to be complacent with mediocrity/failure in my hobbies 🙃🙃🙃#trash talking#personal#vent#ahaha don't look pls I'm experiencing feelings
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#blossomfall#thunderclan#dark forest trainee#loner#I honestly just don't like her except for her name#regina george cat but with none of the charisma or funny aspects#legitimately just a bitch I'm sorry her and bumblestripe are trash#her being jealous of briarlight would've made sense had she been like idk a fucking kit when everything happened#but nah she was like almost a warrior that's rediculous#also blossomivy isn't cute imo#blossomfall bullies her and we don't do that bullyxbullied shit around here#not only that but she's also super xenophobic when she of all cats shouldn't be (ig it could be like making up for it but idk)#like bro your mom was a kittypet and your dad was a notorious traitor you honestly have no place to judge anyone#plus being a dark forest trainee just bc of her jealousy with her mom????#'im training in hell bc everyone around me has ostracized me and hated me for nothing I did' B: 'well my mom was mean to me for 5 minutes'#ALSO PLEASE SIMPLIFY THE DESIGN IF YOU NEED TO IK IT'S NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED IM SORRY
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Genuine question what the fuck do you do when your coworkers decide that you hanging out after you clock out while you wait for the bus means that you're Available to do whatever they think you should have done before you clocked out
#generally I'm not against like 'oh shit i can't believe i forgot to empty the trash cans outside' type shit#like ik that legally i don't have to and also legally they can't ask i think but like it's fine idc#but Jesus fucking Khrist i draw the line at stuff that takes more time for them to ask than it takes for me to do#and like again IDK it'd be fine if they asked me right after i clocked out or whatever#but being asked to walk for an entire 30 seconds to do something that takes three seconds to do over half an hour after i clocked out is
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I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation
#vark posts#dont rb#all i did was ask my dad and my sister if they wanted to play mc and an hour later i get some half assed 'idk'#ik that might not seem like much but this happens everytime i make some attempt to spend time with them#whatever i suggest is never good enough and i'm lucky if i even get texted first#they never personally inv me over and everytime ive pointed it out theyve spun it around on me#they even go so far as to ignore me and put me down in person#maybe its time i go low contact#i so badly want things to go back to how they used to be but nothin good is gonna come out of putting myself in this situation over and ove#i responded to the idk text with 'you can just say no. its not that big a deal' and ik thats gonna piss my dad off#so i havent looked at my phone since#nothin like family trauma to make me use desktop tumblr lol#sorry to vent this like all happened at most 10 mins since posting this#and im very hurt#anyways fuck them check out the shit i did today#i took out the trash + worked out + did the dishes + started a russian study journal#+ cleaned and disinfected 1 of 4 cobweb and spider covered chairs so now we have a chair for the dining table!#cleaned the chair outside on my apts front porch while it was raining so it was actually pretty nice and peacful#wasnt playin any music or anything just listening to the rain and letting myself get swept up in chair cleaning lmao#im a bad bitch as soon as im left home alone all day
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wait. sudden stroke of genius. animal trio but they're those character popsicles
#the trash speaks#if i have time and wrist power before i sleep after this last af attack. ik what i'm doing
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We really do live in an insane fucking world where someone can throw your fucking shit in the fucking trash and then the landlord can fine you for cleaning up the unsightly display of your possessions. In the trash.
#And then act like everyone in the household is equally responsible.#You know I think the person who destroyed my things and threw them in the yard is responsible for the fact that they are there. Crazy ik.#I have literal police reports about my insane ass roommate harassing me but i know we're all just dollar signs on the same paper to you.#☠️#'we can't prove you didn't do it.' I'm pretty sure I had a vested interest in my possessions being inside the house. And not in the trash.
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Hello!! I truly appreciate your kind words 🫶🫶🫶 Jason makes me feral so I'm glad I can come onto tumblr dot com and be feral with you all over him lol 🤝 thank you for leaving a nice comment!!! ❤️
Jason is definitely the type to go feral over his best friend he hasn't seen in years. Hear me out: he's alive again, and not only that, but he's huge. Strong. People are afraid of him. So the reader is in town, walking the streets, and they meet again, maybe when he protects them as Hood. And reader is ecstatic to see Jason again of course and he's the same but also, all he can think is minemineminemine and I WANT YOU. mans is down horrendous for his sweet best friend that he missed and he's been in love with them for so long and now that he has them, he's not giving them up
idk if this was a prompt but i got inspired <3 thanks for stopping by anon
jason todd x gn!reader. feral jason i guess, but really soft jason. jason who yearns to be yours. jason who'd do anything for it, even if it meant one sided devotion... and also, jason who is loved by you. 1.2k words
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"I don't understand why you can't come to my apartment."
"I told you why." Jason's posture is rigid but his tone is gentle. Because he has told you why he won't enter your home. Multiple times. Doesn't mean you don't challenge it every time you meet him on a random rooftop.
"It would be fine, Jay," you say. "I trust you."
"I know. But I don't trust everybody else," he says, words crackling through his modulator. That had frightened you at first; in fact, everything about a newly-resurrected Jason Todd had frightened you. From his height to the guns, you'd been sure that night in Gotham would be your last.
But then it had become clear that cheated death aside, nothing could kill his heart.
"You haven't visited in a while," you say.
You don't mean for it to sound accusatory.
"I know," Jason says. "Been busy. The Bats..."
And you knew. You knew the second you found out that Jason was alive that it would be like this, that he wouldn't be completely yours. He wasn't yours when he was Robin either, perhaps even less so.
And what's wrong with that? You have no right to ask him to be yours. To give you more.
But the recent distance has frightened you. Maybe it's for safety's sake, but your selfish heart wishes that he'd drop that for once.
Then again, there's always that dread in your stomach that perhaps Jason Todd doesn't love you the way you love him. And perhaps he never will.
"Well, I wish you'd call," you say.
This is wrong. You shouldn't be picking fights. Jason doesn't go dark out of cruelty, only necessity.
Jason sighs. "I can't. 'M sorry."
You cross your arms. It's chilly tonight.
"Do you even want to see me?"
He tilts his head. Dangerous.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to intrude," you say. "You're busy and all the stuff with B, I don't—I mean, I wouldn't hold it against you if you—"
Jason takes two long strides and closes the distance. You swallow the rest of your sentence as he backs you up against the brick exterior of an abandoned apartment. Your heart picks up. You're not afraid; the fear went long ago. You're just... something. You're something about Jason.
The last time you two hugged was after Willis' death. You'd wanted to wrap him in his cape, thought maybe that would make everything feel as small as he'd been.
Now, a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier, Jason clearly does not need a cape. Right?
He takes off his helmet, lets it hang on his hand. His other hand is by your head. You lean back, let your neck go on display. Jason doesn't miss the movement.
"What're you doing, Jay?" you ask levelly.
Maybe he thinks you don't notice this distance but you do. You don't want to push him to talk about it, because as upsetting as it is, you're still strangers to each other.
You are and you're not. He died and he didn't. You grieved and you didn't. You burn and... you burn.
But you're tired of being and not being. You won't let him keep you in emotional purgatory. If he's done with you, he should just say so.
"If you don't want to meet anymore," you start, and let the words hang in the air.
"I—" he starts, then swallows. He tosses his helmet to the side. He doesn't touch you, just hovers inches away. Jason smells like lilac and gun smoke.
"I don't think you understand... my devotion," he says, voice low. "How much power you have over me."
Your eyes widen. "Wh—"
His green eyes reflect the streetlight like a cat's. The sight stops you short. Jason Todd is hot metal on a knife's edge, and it would do you well to remember that.
His hands curl into fists. He shakes his head.
"Sorry," he whispers like a prayer. "Not tryna scare you." His chest rises and falls rapidly. "'M I scarin' ya, sweetheart? Tell me and I'll go home, shake it off. Wait forever. I can be good. Won't want what I don't deserve."
"I'm not scared," you say, and it's the most sure you've ever been. "Not scared of you, Jay."
He breathes a laugh, like he can't quite believe you. His breath is warm on your neck.
"You'd be the first," he says. "The only one."
This, you believe. This, you have wondered some nights, knowing that even Batman isn't sure what to do with a son who lives with death on his shoulder.
"You don't have to devote yourself to me," you say, because that makes you pause. Who are you to be his god?
Jason laughs again, strong and sure. He sinks to his knees in front of you. His white streak glows in the light.
"You think it's a vice?" he asks. He rests a hand on your left thigh, testing. You lay your hand over his, so he holds your other thigh too.
He hums. "You do. You think you're holdin' me hostage."
Jason takes a shuddering breath and flattens his palms over your legs. Then he leans in and rests his cheek on your leg, nose near the apex of your thighs. Your belly flips.
"Let's make one thing clear. My devotion is my only redemption. 'S the only thing that makes me believe I'm not all rotted inside. Makes me behave. In this world and the next, I'm yours."
"I... Jason, you belong to yourself, not me. I don't—"
"You don't have to do anything. If it's too much, then I'll disappear. You can carry on."
You stroke the exposed side of his face. He looks up at you.
He is still. You have made him still.
"I'm yours too," you say.
He shakes his head. "You don't hafta—"
"Do you think being yours is a curse?" you ask, gaze sharp.
"Don't promise something for balance's sake," he rasps. "I'll be yours without you being mine."
Your heart is still. He has made it still.
"I'll keep coming back," Jason whispers, eyes wide. "If you're mine, I can't leave. Y'don't know what you're doing. Don't give yourself to me."
"I do. I'm yours."
His grip tightens around your legs. Jason shakes his head.
"Don't do it," he says into your thigh. "I shouldn't have anyone. I'm-I'm only meant to be yours. Nobody's mine."
But you know. You can slide your finger along his teeth and he'll wait with his mouth open. You can touch his edges and he'll turn his cheek so you won't nick your finger. He would sooner chew his own tongue.
"It's alright," you say, and kneel. You dirty your knees right alongside him. "It's okay, Jason. I know what I'm doing."
His breath hitches. Jason presses you into the brick, tucks his face into your neck. His arms wrap tightly around your waist.
"Sorry," he whispers frantically. "'M sorry. You can push me away. Sorry."
"I won't do that." You hold him and let him take you. "I know you're good. I thought—I thought you were pulling away, and I..."
"I was," he admits, muffled in your skin. "'M sorry. Was the only way I could think of to let you go. You deserve better. Couldn't think 'round you, honeylove. Knew it was a death sentence when I found out that you still lived in Gotham."
"It wasn't," you say. "Best thing that's ever happened to me."
Jason huffs. "You say that now, but..."
"No. I say it now and I'll say it again. Keep me, Jason. I'll keep you too."
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Mattpatt is playing studio investigrave games its so fucking over
#This is not to trash the Devs in anyway#It's actually ready fucking cool to see them break into this level of recognition#This is instead to say I found them when it was still niche and almost a year later I'm watching a fandom actively death spiral as we speak#I'm tossing my hat in the ring these games below to the 14 year old fujoshis now#I'm 110% overeacting Ik but God this fandom got really annoying really fast what the hell happened :(
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I am once again asking if I can pay someone to tell me everything that is wrong with my writing ����
#more nighttime vent posting y'all 😩#actually fr going so insane tho I am incapable of publishing anything#I need to know what my biggest issues are from a reader's perspective or I'll explodeee#posting these constantly is such a bad look for me ik pls don't unfollow I promise I'm only a little insane#recently got a conment that was like. your prose is bad. and i was like. pls tell me how so i can improve! ty! and then they never responded#completely within their rights but it haunts me i NEED to know!!!#if ur pne of the .5 people who's read my stuff and has opinions pls share them in my ask box 😭😭😭#can be on anon 😭😭😭#trash talking#personal
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True love is me getting up at 7 to get to work early and leave early so I can accompany my bf to get a root canal cause he hates the dentist ❤️
#i'm so fucking tired but i love him so much#ik 7 is not early for a lot of people but I'm trash#and i slept very poorly cause its extremely hot outside#spag talking#queer
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Now I want you to write it too.
- fellow mcshep trash
Stargate Atlantis "Brain Storm"
Bonus: Live Bill Nye Reaction
#just rewatched this episode and. the epic highs and lows huh#I love McKay in this ep he's EXCELLENT.#but Keller's writing. Jesus Christ.#the whole time it's like. “I want to be in a relationship with you but I don't want you to be yourself at all”#she's so unsupportive and critical of him the whole time#like call him out on his shit absolutely he's a wanker (affectionate)#but don't stand there and let his peers shit on him & she just does not believe a word he says the whole time#and of couse he's fucking right#but she will not back him up until it's undeniable that he's fking right and even then. barely#she mostly just starts berating them all equally instead of only berating McKay#they are so willing to butcher her character to try and put her with McKay#it makes her seem like a genuinely bad person and I don't think she is#ik I'm McShep trash so perhaps I'm biased but it would have been SO juicy if he'd bought Sheppard#he's been to those kinda shindigs before#the discussions of his upbringing would have been so fking good#He would have put McKay in his place when he needed it but he wouldn't have let people actively ridicule him to his face#what I wouldn't give to see Shep at that function calling neil degrasse tyson a dick to his face#and bitching abt everyone on the plane with McKay#and “Rodney stop defending yourself to all these people you *know* you're smarter than”#now I wanna go write this#but I'll probably just piss myself off lmao#sga
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Also been playing MonHun again after finally getting over a certain hurdle and now I'm also having insane thoughts about my MonHun oc and his story
#i love MonHun#I don't play with anyone because I'm a hermit#but my also because ik I'm hot trash at the game#i played once with my friend and he made me realize that I don't know shit LMFAO
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