#i'm sure this has been done a million times but i watched these two eps back to back last night and felt cracked open like an egg

[jacobglaser]

I'm not going back for them. I'm going back for me.

911 - 4x05 // 6x11

[turtlethon]

Hi there!! I’m such a big fan of your reviews, you did a great job with them!! 😄

My biggest questions would be;

Who’s your favorite turtle? And if you had to choose just five episodes from the series, which ones would be your all time favorites? 😁

Thank you!! Have a great day!!

Thank you so much for the kind words! For the record, I'm Team Donnie, always a big fan of the inventor/scientist archetype. (Also my favourite colour is purple, so he gets an extra point right there.)

I feel like when it comes to picking the top five episodes the natural inclination is just to pick the first five, and with good reason; nothing that came after S1 had as much time, care or money afforded to it. So just to make things interesting, I'm going to set everything from season one aside and pick five more episodes that I think also deserve to be celebrated.

5. THE DIMENSION X STORY

The Turtles having to fight their way into the Technodrome (and back out again) somehow never fully lost its allure. This one and "Shredder's Mom" both rank highly in my estimation, and while this is the less visually impressive of the two I think it wins out for how willing it is to mix things up, sending the Channel 6 regulars to Dimension X while two of the Turtles remain behind. Wild, far flung adventures that tap into the more sci-fi aspects of TMNT, and the cherry on top is that this is easily Vernon's best episode - it turns out he's more interesting as April's rival when he's doing well and she has to work to regain the upper hand.

4. THE NINJA SWORD OF NOWHERE

This one gets few points for innovation - Shredder and his crew jostling with the Turtles for control of some ancient magical artifact or high-tech invention is standard stuff for season three, and in this case, it's a dimension-hopping ninja sword. But rarely, if ever, has it been done this well. Splinter and Shredder battling in dimensional limbo is great, and the animation team handling this one really went above and beyond. Ninja Sword of Nowhere almost feels like it should have been held up as a textbook example of what a Turtles episode circa 1989/90 should be, a reference point that could be shown to writers or animators for what the show should be trying to acheive.

3. SPLINTER VANISHES

The intended 100th episode, even if it didn't turn out that way, and one that I remember feeling like a big deal while watching it as a kid that still held up upon revisiting it as an adult. I always know it's a really good ep when writing the entry for it takes hours as I agonise over it, trying to make sure I articulate everything I want to get across to the best of my ability, and I remember dwelling on this one for a looong time, thinking about how the story compels the Turtles - and us - to consider what happens when the adventures end, when it's time to grow up and move on. Probably the most emotionally resonant episode of TMNT '87, and even though Splinter does not come across well by the end of it, the journeys we go on with each of the Turtles as they explore their post-hero lives easily outweigh that. The fact that "Splinter Vanishes" accomplishes all of this and is a non-Shredder episode - when let's face it, they're more often than not filler shows - makes it all the more remarkable.

2. SHREDDER TRIUMPHANT!

I have mixed feelings about the show continuing into the Red Sky era because this episode, the season seven finale, felt like it had brought TMNT '87 to its natural end point. I love how it plays upon the sense that the Turtles (and the viewers) have that they've seen and done this all a million times before, and it quickly becomes apparent that this time things are different, that finally Shredder and Krang are competent and have learned from all their previous losses, setting the stage for one final showdown. All the main characters - the Turtles, Splinter, the Technodrome regulars and the Channel 6 crew - get their chance to shine and show how they've grown over the course of the show's run. A milestone episode for sure.

1. TURTLES ON TRIAL

I think for me this is still The One, the single episode outside of the first season that I'd consider peak TMNT. It's also the first episode I remember seeing on TV, which I think set me up to have entirely unrealistic expectations about how good Turtles would be; fortunately the rest of the run was still a good time even if we never quite got here again.

I like to see my heroes really have to go through the wringer, to have everything thrown at them and somehow just about make it out victorious, and so the environment we see the Turtles forced to contend with here, a city full of people who have been conditioned to be actively hostile towards them, while they're also dealing with the usual Shredder/Krang stuff, makes for compelling television. Yes, Clayton Kellerman and "On Trial" are a perfect encapsuation of the media landscape at the time - which still feels relevant today - but on top of that this is a gorgeous episode with some terrific battles between the Turtles and Shredder's bunch. It's simply the bee's knees. (Or should that be the turtle's knees?)

[petalsmooth]

I dunno if I agree was wearing nothing but admittedly eyes not what they used to be. This apparently the scene people upset by but I'm going to be honest...I don't think she haso to be naked but I can see why the fans wouldn't want a robe. Nor do I think it's necessarily putting her in an uncomfortable position just with a nightgown but only the actress could confirm that.

TBH I barely watch the scene. Not a huge fan. It has no build up and no follow through. After being forced to put up with Benedict's 101 million sex scenes this one ticks me off for how abbreviated it is. Their whole reconciliation felt an afterthought including the dance where they were blocked by all the dancers and Eloise and Francesca kept talking. And I know they won't like my saying it but the way it was directed with how grabbed his head felt too rough and not in a good way but feared for his neck way.

I basically consider we have one love scene and one makeout scene in the carriage and then this is just...a scrap thrown out to a fanbase that got screwed it's last few eps of time and development in deference to every other character. I might soften towards it if get enough scenes at later date to make up for it, but not sure. I really do think it was so badly plotted/edited. I mean if you just wanted to give them 20 seconds or whatever in THEIR OWN SEASON you could have done better than that if wanted to cut in on them mid way through. A simple having them kissing and rolling over on the bed would have accomplished same idea.

Like have her on him like they do there and they do that shared laughing thing they do, and then have him whip around with her underneath and them kissing and move to take the robe off before fading. Nicola stays clothed, implication if that Pen won't, you have some much needed levity after all the drama you put them through, and feature them in two different positions all in 30 seconds. Would this have been so hard to do? I guarentee would have gotten less complaints...

[pynkhues]

Hi! It may be an odd question, but have you always been someone whose productive? I mean we see that you have a job, u're writing, for both fics and books! and you interact a lot on tumblr(that must take time too, that i personally wouldn't associate with relaxing haha). I'm always amazed with people who juggle a lot of things and manage to get things done, so i'm always curious if that's smth's that comes naturally or if it's smth else. Again, sorry if this was odd haha, have a nice day(night?)

Hi! Thank you for your kind words, anon, and given it took me about a million years to answer this, I'm not sure I can entirely own being all that productive these days, haha. 🙈 But still, I'll answer this as best I can.

Some important context first though – my day job is only part time, which definitely gives me more hours in the week to do other things. I work three days a week – two days as an operational writer writing policies, procedures and editing highlevel strategic documents, and one day doing data reporting and administration. I used to do a lot of freelance copywriting and operational writing work on top of that, but the bottom fell out of the industry at the start of the lockdowns and pretty much all my freelance writing work dried up.

I've been lucky though in the sense that my book came out which helped to supplement my income a bit, and then I won an award for it which came with a cash prize, which has also been very important for me as it's taken some of the financial strain off me over the last year, which has meant I haven't had to get a second day job again like I probably would have otherwise.

So yeah, I want to be transparent about that, because as someone who's been on the other side many times before, I think it's really important to acknowledge that financial stability allows you to be more productive.

But yes! Advice! Okay!

Work out when you're at your most productive and your least

This I think is the most important thing. Pay attention to your habits – even keep a log for a week or so – and work out when you feel at your most productive and ready to get things done.

For me, I know that I'm most productive in the mornings, usually between 6.30 and 11am. I usually hit a wall then where I start thinking about lunch or feel a little burnt out, and it generally takes me a while to get back into the swing of things.

I frequently have another burst of productivity between 3 and 6pm, and sometimes 8 til late, depending on what's happened during the day.

It means 11 til 2's usually a bit of a slog for me, so I tend to try and pepper in different things in this time period that still make me feel like I'm doing stuff, but not necessarily things that are taxxing – I'll cook (something I personally find relaxing), do some exercise, either a pilates or yoga class, walk or swim, do laundry, call a friend or a sibling, I'll watch a movie or an ep or two of a show, read a book, answer emails and scroll through tumblr for a bit and usually answer some asks. If I'm in the office, this is usually when we have a lot of meetings, so that feels like time taken up that way too.

Then at around 2.30/3 I'll usually start writing / working again, and see what I can get through.

This can change – sometimes I might be slow to start in the mornings and find that middle of the day when I really get into things, but generally speaking, I know that the early mornings is when I'm best, so I try to plan my time accordingly.

Allocate your time

Once you know when you're going to be at your best, it really does become a lot easier to plan your days. Or weeks! I tend to work in blocks of two weeks. So twice a month I make a list of everything I want to do in that next fortnight, and it'll range not just from work, but to personal stuff too. Catch up with a particular friend, get a haircut (well, pre-lockdown, haha), read a particular book. I'll have that list in a notebook on my desk for the two weeks, and then each evening when I down tools I work out a loose plan of which of those things I want to do the next day.

Like for this morning for instance, I had:

work on lucky short story 7-9am

agent emails + review contract 9-10am

breakfast + walk + break 10-11am

Etc.

I'm not super stringent about the time frames really, either the daily or fortnightly ones, but they just give me a loose structure to the day / weeks so that I can know where I'm at and what it is I wanted to achieve.

What keeps me more honest and more on track though is treats, haha.

Work out what motivates you

As much as all this planning helps guide me, I also know that I'm extremely rewards oriented. If I didn't treat myself, I don't know if I'd ever get anything done, haha.

When I finish off my list, or finish a particularly meaty of frustrating task like a draft of a new story or finally handling something I'd been putting off, I give myself a treat. Sometimes it's only something little – I'll let myself take an earlier break, or make my favourite meal, or have a drink, other times it'll be something bigger – give myself the weekend off or buy a bunch of books or a concert ticket with friends.

I find knowing that I get something after getting through my list really motivating, and it's a great carrot for me to get stuff done.

Rewards might not be what motivates you though! I have a friend who basically gamifies his work by giving himself points on a whiteboard above his desk when he gets tasks done and other friends who find fear motivates them so have those apps that delete words if you stop writing (horrifying to me personally, haha), so it really can be anything!

Have a think though about what makes you feel great for getting things done, and use that as a driver for your own productivity.

Swallow the toad

This was advice an old colleague gave me years ago, and I'm still not the best at it, but it really is great advice and changed the way I work.

If you have a task you really need to do, but really don't want to do, it'll sit like a toad you have to eat on your desk. Every time you sit there to work, it'll be looking back at you, distracting you, and stopping you from moving forwards.

You know you have to eat it. That's why it's there, and the longer you put it off, the more warts it gets, and the more dread you'll have, so just do it.

Eat the toad. Eat it, swallow it, as soon as you see it, and then it's done. It'll taste awful, but the sooner you've swallowed it, the sooner you can eat the delicious things on your desk, and the sooner you can joke with friends about how gross that toad was to eat.

[cblgblog]

I'm curious about your take on Wakanda being wronged hard in FaTWS, and by Bucky specifically? I haven't seen many people talk about it, but I'm just angry and confused as to why Bucky was to careless and rude towards Ayo and the Dora Milaje, acting as if their anger about Zemo was an overreaction. Hell, Walker got more respect from him in the end than the Dora did

I'm looking at the writers' perspective here, it was their decision and I'm wondering why. What was the thought behind it? Why did they make Bucky so insensitive? At first I thought it had to be some arc, but nothing came from it. I'm wondering what made them look at this series and think "Yes, let's make Bucky screw over the people that helped him".

It wasn't just him wronging Wakanda, it was his behavior towards Sam too, how he was so ignorant during the cop scene, dismissive of Sam's feelings, and obsessed with the shield to a point of lashing out at Sam for things that weren't his fault. Why was this a choice that was made? Bucky didn't have much personality in the other movies, they could've done anything but they chose this, and I think more people should talk about how wrong that is. Not for Bucky, but for the black people in the series who were wronged.

Okay so here’s the deal. One, I’m white, so know that going in, take my take on this for whatever it’s worth accordingly. Two, I haven’t watched the eps since they aired, with the exception of a couple scenes, so my memory—not so much of events but of specific nuances of how Bucky reacted to them—isn’t fresh.

I say that last part specifically because of Bucky and his interactions with Sam, because ultimately they bother me much less than the Wakanda stuff, and here’s why. Bucky is, to varying degrees depending on situation and episode, a dick to Sam about the shield for most of the series. Undoubtedly. But I get that, to a point. He at least explains his feelings in 1x05, why he reacted like that, and admits he fucked up. He had all his feelings for Steve wrapped up, incorrectly, in that shield, so when Sam just tossed it aside (from Bucky’s perspective), it caused him to freak out/lash out. Which was never fair to Sam, but at least culminated in Bucky recognizing that. Sam keeps saying to him that the two of them have not lived the same experience, the shield and its legacy do not mean the same thing to them, and Bucky finally realizes that. He acknowledges that neither he nor Steve grasped the full reality of the situation, and he apologizes. Does that erase what came before? No, but it’s not supposed to. It’s him acknowledging his own ignorance and trying to do better.

So, at least there’s an arc there, which is the other reason his stuff with Sam bugged me less. There was an evolution in his thinking, there was a change from wah wah, you gave up the shield, to oh wait, I kinda get it now. He realizes that his reactions were wrong, even if his feelings were understandable. Which, on a human level, I think they were. It’s a very human thing for Bucky to equate that shield directly to Steve, and take Sam’s rejection of it as a rejection of Steve. It’s understandable how he got there, given the bizarre nature of Steve’s time travel shenanigans, the nearly endless nightmare that Bucky’s life has been since he fell from the train. Losing yet another 5 years when he’s already lost 70+, all the unprocessed guilt and grief that isn’t helped by him having actually the worst therapist ever, oh my God this woman sucks at her job, she’s funny, but she’s awful. His feelings, I believe, were valid, given everything that went down. His reaction to them—the lashing out, whining, refusing to see Sam’s side of it—his reaction was not valid. But at least he gets to a point where he realizes that. At least there’s an arc.

Could they have found a different way to create conflict in the series? Sure, and I’m not gonna argue with anyone who wishes they had. For me personally, I was okay with it. Bucky’s ignorance and misplaced anger made sense to me. Bit of an aside, one of the few scenes I rewatched for this (because Youtube and knowing exactly where it was) was the cop scene, because you referenced. I’m assuming you mean the bit where Sam gets stopped, gets the ‘calm down sir’ treatment. I didn’t think Bucky was a dick in that scene? He seemed aware of what was happening, given his angry, “No he’s not bothering me, do you know who this is?” It’s actually one of a relatively few instances in the first 5 eps where Bucky does seem genuinely aware that he and Sam don’t live in the same world, even when they’re walking the same street, right next to each other. So, as far as illustrating that, and Bucky coming out of his own feelings long enough to pay attention to Sam’s, I thought it was one of the better scenes.

So, Sam and Bucky, I’m less bothered by. Bucky and Wakanda? That’s a hot garbage fire.

Zemo’s whole inclusion here, and nearly everything related to it, was incredibly botched. He’s randomly rich as fuck now, and a Baron, to match his comics counterpart. Which is not only an incredibly lazy retcon, it kills much of what made his character interesting in CW. In that movie, it was one guy, working alone, limited resources, dedicating himself to his cause. If nothing else, you had to admire his tenacity. Now suddenly he’s got a butler and a plane and piles of cash? Where was that in CW? More importantly…why? What purpose did it serve, besides making him more superficially similar to his comic self?

Why did we detour to him at all? None of his plans ultimately affect the larger narrative all that much. He starts out in prison and…ends up back in prison. Why? Why would the Dora just leave him there? Ayo says that they will bring Zemo back to face Wakandan justice…and then they just don’t. They leave him in the hands of the same people who lost him to two random dudes who were able to bust him out of prison on their own, one of those dudes being an entirely human guy, no enhanced powers, no Serum. In CW, okay, T’Challa did a deal with Everett Ross I guess, fine. But once the Americans proved they couldn’t hold him, it made no sense that the Dora would just go, okay, here you go again. They aren’t Batman. They have no reason to keep throwing the baddies in Arkham Asylum to wait ‘til next week when someone breaks out again.

The Zemo stuff had no arc to it. The only worthwhile thing was Bucky proving to Zemo that he can’t be controlled anymore, but that scene could have come about in a million better ways than it did. Ultimately, the weird little team-up with Zemo feels very cliché and contrived. It feels like a trip down a side road that dead ends to nowhere. It feels like filler, which is a particularly terrible crime when there’s only 6 episodes in the damn season.

Bucky’s dickishness towards Ayo and the other Dora really is baffling, especially when the writers went out of their way to give us that flashback, a direct, show don’t tell indication of all the Wakandans did for him. And it’s not his feelings for Steve that have him acting out this way, or at least it shouldn’t be. Steve has nothing to do with this aspect of things. Steve obviously had trust in and respect for T’Challa, and there’s no reason to think that wouldn’t extend to the Dora as well. Strong, badass women who put it all on the line for their country? Yeah, Steve should/would get that. He would have broken Zemo out of prison, if he thought it was the right call to make, but he also would’ve been like yeah, I did that, I understand that I fucked you over, I’m fully prepared to accept the consequences of that once my mission is complete, I’m sorry it went down like this. See the, “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action,” he gives Phillips in First Avenger, after he goes to rescue the 107th. If it’s an authority he respects and acknowledges as having good intentions (Phillips as opposed to the Accords), Steve will ultimately give that respect back, even if he goes off to do his own thing first. He respected T’Challa and Wakanda. Bucky should have respected them even more, given his more direct connection, given the flashback scene in FatWS, given his acknowledgement that Wakanda and it’s people gave him a rare respite, a calm in the shit storm that’s been his life since 1945.

So yeah, it doesn’t make sense that he was so flippant and dismissive towards Ayo and the rest. It makes even less sense that they put up with it. It’s bad writing, that’s all I’ve got. The show is incredibly irritating, in that a lot of the plot-driven stuff is pretty fucking awful, but most of the character study stuff for Sam and Bucky is so good.

[zukoshotleafjuice]

The funniest thing about june teasing katara and zuko about being a couple is that she just sees a pretty girl and an attractive guy, both looking almost the same age which immediately makes her go "you two must be a couple" and it just reminds me of zvtara shippers, you know what i mean? I'm convinced one of the reasons a lot of ppl ship them is bc of their looks. katara being the female protagonist and also a pretty, smart and powerful girl & zuko, despite not being the male protagonist, being the most attractive guy in the gaang. Boom, a "bomb ass ship". It is worth to recall that "people ship zutara bc they projected onto katara and had a crush on zuko". And if they say they don't ship them for that reason, then it's bc they read too much between the lines in every interaction they have. So, back to june, she didn't even care if they had chemistry or if they were friends or anything, she just straight up teased them about being a couple lmao. Because in all honesty zvtara can be an appealing ship in anyone's eyes but THAT'S IT, it doesn't go further than that. I can be testimony of that😅Before even watching the show i was like june, one day i saw a zk fanart and was like "wow aren't those zuko and katara from atla? They look so good, she's gorgeous and he's hot" i already knew kataang was endgame and that mai was zuko's love interest but seeing zuko and katara together was pleasing to my eyes. However once i watched the show for the first time (2 months ago i think) i realized there was really no romantic chemistry between them, nothing, literally nothing, i mean, i wasn't even waiting for the zvtara content in the show that made ppl ship them so much, i was actually very neutral about ships, i couldn't care less about them, but i still realized nothing was happenig between them and that it was obvious since book 1 ep 1 that kataang was endgame. Zuko and katara were two teenagers from opposite sides of a war that tried to kill each other multiple times and when zuko changed sides they developed a completely platonic relationship. As i said, people either ship them because it's an appealing and aesthetically pleasing ship (water/fire, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, the common red & blue ship) or they just love reading too much between the lines, OR BOTH, because they were so thirsty about it they ended up convincing themselves there was romantic tension between them, that they liked each other and that zvtara was scrapped when it was never planned in the first place. Not to mention the reasons why they claim zvtara should've been endgame are based only on symbolism and things they have in common that are just so ??? Random. e.g. (i saw these on a post on facebook and the comment section was hilarious, it was full of ppl being sarcastic about it & making fun of it) saying they should've been canon bc:

1. "They both lost their mothers at a young age" (?)

2. "katara was good but had rage in her heart and zuko was bad but had good in his heart so it was like yin and yang, and that was the main purpose/topic of the show" (?)

3. "they both had alter egos (painted lady and blue spirit)" (???) this one sounds like saying maiko was canon bc zuko worked in a tea shop and mai worked in a flower shop😂

4. "Zuko was the only one who supported katara in taking revenge on her mom's assassin" (?) if you ask me, that just proves zuko is not right for katara, he led her to do something she was gonna regret later (not trying to hate on zuko, i love him, and since i love him i acknowledge his flaws. I understand why he thought it was the best thing to do, he's an impulsive and resentful boy (he would've done the same if it was his mom) and he noticed how thirsty katara was for revenge, ofc he wanted to help her + he wanted her to accept him and thought it was the right thing to do in order to gain her trust, but it wasn't) unlike zuko, aang tried to make katara come to her senses and do the thing that was best for her: forgive and let go, and it was basically what she did at the end. She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.

5. and the most ridiculous one, "they both saved each other's lives in the final agni kai"(???????) and the funniest part is that it was followed by "WHAT MORE PROOFS DO YOU WANT???". Honestly wtf did ppl expect? Did they expect zuko to stand there and watch katara die? Did they expect katara to just stand there and watch zuko lay on the floor & die? And this has been said a million times and i am going to join and say it once again: zuko would've done that for ANYONE from the gaang, he would've done the same for toph, sokka, suki and aang. Because he learned to care about them. As for katara, she would've done that for anyone too wtf she healed aang once too and even brought him back to life. (I wouldn't be surprised if zk shippers used that as a parallel for romantic zvtara proof bc they're just like that💀)

There were more "reasons" but they're just so stupid and taken out of context like "they care for each other" & "katara was the one who encouraged him to talk to his uncle" like yeah that's what friends do. Basically all zvtara shippers do is REACH.

Also, i just can't see it happening. I like the enemies to lovers trope, maybe if the writers really intended to make it canon, i would have been down for the ship, it would've been interesting to see how it developed, but,, they didn't, and later i came to the realization that if it would've really happened, it would've been so... weird. Time to bring up the "colonized and colonizer ship" and how some ppl feel uncomfortable about it. Besides the fact that a relationship between zuko and katara wouldn't have worked (they're incompatible af, katara is a girl with a strong character and zuko is a guy with anger issues that takes everything personal, they'd be at each other's throats 99% of the time) it's just weird to think that katara would choose to marry a man from the fire nation, the nation that caused a big war that traumatized her, the nation that took her mother away from her. Imagine katara ruling along with zuko a nation she despised for years. Fire lady katara doesn't sit right with me, and i'm sure it doesn't sit right with a lot of ppl as well. I don't see katara doing that, and yes, i know she forgave zuko, but still, she would've never done that 🤦🏽‍♀️ i think it would've been so OOC tbh.

Another thing i laugh my ass off at is when they say "zuko should've chosen katara instead of mai" as if they were ever in a relationship for zuko to say "ok imma choose katara i wanna be with her". As if katara was EVER an option for him. They never showed interest in each other, what's not clicking?????? And zuko only had eyes for mai, not to mention that despite zuko and mai had a rough relationship, no girl would've dealed with zuko's bs better than mai. Can you imagine katara dealing with zuko blowing up over everything? Because i can't. Also people saying things like "zuko deserves someone who is always there for him and listens to him" (and ofc they're talking about katara) like, ok, you hate that katara is aang's "therapist" but you want her to be zuko's therapist. Logic? Where? And I do remember mai being a supportive gf and trying to cheer him up multiple times. Did they watch the same show as me?

Zvtarians try to play the victims about how they were "robbed" bc some voice actors shipped them and from what i've read people who worked for the show suggested to go for zk, but that's stupid, it doesn't count as "they planned it but scrapped it, we were robbed". The only word that counts are the creators' voice and they have stated they were always rooting for kataang, so no, you were not robbed.

People are just so in love with the idea of zuko and katara together they really convinced themselves it was likely to happen. Honestly zvtara it's a fine ship as fanon but ppl ruined it for me and what i hate the most is when they ship it and hate on aang and mai at the same time and make them look SO bad to invalidate kataang and maiko. Saying aang is abusive and mai is toxic is complete ✨bullshit�� and lastly, it's ridiculous when they say the creators were cowards for not making it canon. They're cowards for not fulfilling your greatest childhood wish? Something they never planned? It is THEIR show. If you hate sm how things turned out then quit atla once and for all and go find another show that you know is gonna give you what you expect,,, it's tiring that they've been crying about it for 15 yrs , like, i joined the fandom recently but i can imagine how tired old atla fans must be of this.

OK so I have a lot of thoughts about this and firstly,,,anon I appreciate the dedication that it took for you to write  this, and I agree with many of your points. However, the attitude I have on this blog towards Avatar ships is far more neutral than what you’re saying.

Ultimately, romance is not and never was the focus of Avatar. Romantic development was always secondary or tertiary plot, and the entire show was far more focused on platonic relationship development. My attitude towards shippers on here - including Zutara shippers - is that people can ship what they want, as long as they’re respectful of each other and of the other characters that “interfere” with their ship. End of the day, shipping is irrelevant to the core of the show. 

People shipping something because they find it aesthetically appealing is honestly,,,fine. Personally, I think it’s reductionist, but I don’t care if you do because everyone has the right to enjoy media however they want to. 

That being said, we absolutely should call out racist or problematic tropes that we see, including ‘fire lady katara”. I also agree that it’s upsetting when people bash other characters in order to further their ship, as much of the bashing is also pretty racist and/or misogynistic. Calling that out, however, is separate from calling out every single person who happens to enjoy certain ships. 

“She didn't do what zuko expected her to do. She did what aang expected her to do. She didn't forgive her mom's assassin, but she forgave zuko, and she didn't do THAT thing she (and aang) knew would regret later. Aang knew katara and what was the best thing for her to do.”

I understand where you’re coming from, but I honestly disagree with this take. Both Aang and Zuko were approaching the situations from their own life experiences, but Katara didn’t do what either of the boys wanted. She chose her own path, by both sparing Yon Rha’s life but also refusing to forgive him. The episode is about Katara and her personal trauma and its focus should not be on her relationships with either Zuko or Aang. 

When I make posts such as this, it’s less about hating Z*tara and more about how this fandom focuses all its attention on romance and shipping, to the point where if you acknowledge a relationship’s importance it’s assumed you pair the two romantically. I don’t read Zuko and Katara’s relationship as romantic (for reasons that it would take too long to explain here), but their relationship development is extremely important, the two of them share tons of parallels and the final Agni Kai marks the culmination of both of their character arcs. Yes, Zuko would have taken the lightning for any of the characters, but it’s thematically important that it was Katara. None of this inherently means it’s romantic, but refusing to acknowledge the significance of the relationship between them is equally reductionist. 

This isn’t an attack on you, anon, and you’re 100% allowed to have negative feelings about a ship. But at the end of the day, it’s not worth getting this worked up over. If I were you I’d focus more on creating/consuming content for a ship you like than bashing ships you don’t!

[mittensmorgul]

One thing that stuck out to me about last night's ep was that with all the stuff Michael was saying about why Dean said yes, Dean never actually argued or refuted any of it. I'm not sure if that means that on some level its true, or if Dean *thinks* it might be true, or if its just Dean not wanting to talk about feelings.

Well, we know the data set Michael is working with, but like Metatron failed to understand the full emotional undercurrent of the data set he’d been working with back in s9, for example, Michael just… doesn’t really understand it.

(and with Michael, he doesn’t really CARE about understanding it, as long as he’s getting what he wanted– ie Dean’s silence)

Or to give another example. Toni Bevell’s kinda-sorta accurate (but occasionally outright wrong) but wildly misinterpreted data on the Winchesters back in 11.23 and s12.  (I started collecting this table of disinformation under the tag THE MURDER BOARD! but it eventually evolved into the men of letters vs hunters tag, because boy HOWDY did the MoL have some fundamental misunderstandings about, like… everything…)

But back to this specific scenario, because I think it’s important to look at what Michael said exactly here, because Dean’s response reminded me a heck of a lot of his response to Tony asking him about Benny in 12.02– you know, the vampire you befriended and brought out of Purgatory, she asked him, four years after Dean had last seen him, I mean… not exactly the freshest take on Dean’s speed dial there…

Michael: Well, this is fun.Dean: Get out of my head.Michael: You don’t mean that, Dean, not really. You may lie to them, but, deep down, I know you. I am you. You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other. And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.Dean: Shut up!Michael: You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes.

Let’s break this down point by point:

- You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.” Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.

Well, maybe Dean has thought that think in the past– like possibly during s4. I mean, in 4.16 he literally told Cas he’d made a mistake, picked the wrong guy to save the world. In his darkest moments, yeah. He’s probably thought Cas had made mistakes. I mean, in 7.02, while clutching Cas’s soaking wet coat immediately after his apparent death, and in the immediate aftermath of a horrific couple of days of feeling betrayed and abandoned by Cas in the worst possibly ways, Dean calls him “dumb son of a bitch” with a hitch in his voice and abject sadness and loss. I mean… This was s7 Dean speaking here, if anything.

And because Michael is Bad At Stories, he thinks this one out of context Bad Thought Dean had a long time ago is an accurate representation of everything Dean thinks about Cas overall. Because remember, Michael wasn’t trying to be honest here. He was trying to hurt everyone, to keep them distracted to buy himself time.

But to suggest that Dean really, truly feels that way about Cas, at his deepest core? It just… whoa that’s so far from the truth as to be horrifying, you know? If Michael actually believes that, then it just serves to prove how terrible he is at understanding stories.

I think it’s at least in PART Michael’s own judgment of Cas based on what HE believes about most of Cas’s actions in this universe, in direct comparison to the Castiel he knew in his own universe. And Cas has already passed judgment and dismissed Michael’s opinions on THAT.

But yeah, it’s also in part because somewhere deep down, Dean’s gotta know that this is something that Cas is afraid of– because Cas has TOLD him, multiple times over the years. From the end of s7 when Cas was ashamed and horrified and consumed with guilt over his mistakes, to the self-doubt that drove him to say yes to Lucifer in 11.10, to his painful need to bring a win home to Dean in 12.19… Dean understands this is one of Cas’s biggest issues. Therefore Michael would understand that saying this out loud had the potential to hurt Cas the deepest.

Let’s move on to the next point, shall we?

-And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.

Immediately after this, Dean breaks in with SHUT UP!

Because there’s got to be some kernel of truth buried in there. I mean, Dean wasn’t happiest hunting alone with John. We know that based on fourteen years of watching Dean struggle to pry himself out from under John’s thumb. Sure, he put on a face of bravado back then, even going back to when he and Sam were kids– like in 3.08 trying to convince Sam that John was some kind of superhero, and putting a positive spin on the horrors he’d spent his life to that point trying desperately to shield Sam from. This is not just a simple issue that Michael has laid down on the table. It pokes at one of Dean’s deepest fears– that Sam WILL abandon him, or will choose a different life, run away to pretend to be normal. And yeah, he’s had to confront that over and over again in the course of the series, but it still hurts. Even if he knows they’re at a completely different place now then they once were about this.

This also pokes at the Performing Dean facade that sprouted from having essentially been placed as the emotional middle man in their family– knowing about the supernatural and protecting Sam from it at all costs. It tore him up, and he erected this safety zone around himself out of self-defense. Yeah, that mask has slipped a lot over the years, and Sam’s had more than a few peeks behind it at Dean’s squishy center, but this was Michael essentially using the fact the facade exists at all as a weapon targeted to hurt both Dean and Sam. Because this is all part of that lie, that everything was hunky-dory with John, as long as they stayed in line and followed orders.

Because heck, that’s kind of how Michael sees himself. He followed all the orders and was disappointed by his father in the end. But unlike Dean, Michael never actually learned to deal with it. Never learned that his father’s orders were maybe flawed. Never learned to think for himself, or try to become better than that himself. He just went right on blaming his own father for his failures. And we KNOW that Dean hasn’t done that. (and I think we’re gonna see that borne out in 14.13, which I am SO excited for)

But this also hurts Sam, because Sam KNOWS that the night he left for college was one of the WORST nights of Dean’s life. It was writ plain on Dean’s face in 5.16, when he learned that it was one of Sam’s “heaven memories.” So again, this is Michael maybe not understanding the context, only reading “WORST MEMORY” and thinking he’s hurling it like a truth bomb, when it’s more of an expired stink bomb…

That said, let’s move on to what Michael thought was gonna be the kicker:

-You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes

Heck, maybe Demon!Dean would’ve had this thought. I mean, Demon!Dean kinda did say something like this in 10.03: 

Dean: You notice I tried to get as far away from you possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you. Maybe I was just… tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire, since… forever. Or maybe – maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life.Sam: This isn’t my brother talking.Dean: You never had a brother. Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what. I quit.Sam: No. No you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family. This family is all we’ve ever had!Dean: Well then we got nothin’.

But like Michael, Demon!Dean was kind of a nihilist, yes? He was driven to demonhood by the literal actual Darkness that only wanted to destroy all of creation. He didn’t care about ANYTHING. Not Baby, not Cas, not Sam… NOTHING. And his entire line of thinking here is just tainted by the worst thoughts he’d ever had on the subject. It was like talking to someone in the midst of a depressive episode. He couldn’t see any joy in anything, and that’s just not the Dean we know and love. It was the bleakest, most hopeless part of him made visceral.

But again, Michael lobbed this bomb entirely without context. The fact that Dean was ASHAMED after the fact of how he acted as a demon, and under the Mark’s influence. Because when he hadn’t had all the best parts of himself submerged into this darkness, we know he’d never in a million years feel that way about Sam (or Cas). It’s like Soulless!Sam telling Dean he just didn’t care about anything, because he didn’t have the equipment to care. So unless you can accept that Soulless!Sam spoke absolute truths about how Sam really feels, then you can’t assume that Demon!Dean truly spoke Dean’s honest feelings.

Because we KNOW why Dean said yes to Michael. It wasn’t about wanting to run away from his family. Quite the opposite. He was willing to throw himself on that grenade in the hopes of SAVING his family. And I don’t think that’s ever been in doubt, by anyone.

And wow, heck, this is getting long…

So I’ll just say, Michael was cherry-picking out of context moments from Dean’s memory bank and making wild assumptions based on them, while disregarding literally everything else we know and love about Dean in order to try and cause Dean, Cas, and Sam as much pain as possible. It was a delay tactic that he was almost relying on to either hit the mark emotionally and lead to immediate surrender, or else baffle and dazzle until his cavalry arrived to murderize everyone for him. And he failed. Because he’s just that bad at stories.

[rochibolettieri]

Thoughts on 4x10 “The Deep hearts core”

Hello! Anyone still reads this? I’m so sorry, I barely had time to sit in front of my computer to write something and yesterday I had no electricity, internet or battery in my phone so...awful day 

Well, there’s something with this ep that can’t decipher even now, I mean, I like it but at the same time I didn’t and the writer’s decision to change parts of the book and put more drama than is necessary bothers me a lot. I hate to be negative but I just want to yell at them WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FAVORITE SHOW??? There were so many beautiful moments that were missing and we won’t get the opportunity to watch them right now. But well, its already done so there’s no use in complaining, I just wish they listen to the critics and do something about it, maybe read the books for one.

Now, about the ep:

I loved the first parts, honestly live for the Fraser’s in the Ridge spending time together, Jamie/Bree bonding their relationship, this is the kind of content I want, from the little chats between them, to Claire/Bree folding clothes, the whole family eating together, tending to the animals etc etc etc. I LOVE IT and I wish there will be more.

Claire/Bree

How difficult it must be for Claire to advise her daughter in the matter of what would she do about the baby, if she wants to have an abortion or not, and more important if her daughter isn’t sure about the paternity of that child. And how difficult to offer herself of being the one who has to perform any decision Bree wants, being the abortion or the birth. For a mother who already had to say goodbye to her once, it must be terrifying to affront the possibility to let her go forever, I mean, what if something goes wrong? (It won’t, but let’s suppose) she would be blaming herself for not being able to care for her own daughter. But Claire let her make a choice, whether it would be going back to the future, or staying there and affront whatever happens.

Now I want to talk about the decision of involving the abortion thing into the episode. I know this is a subject that tends to bring a lot of discussion and don’t want to offend any of you but I honestly think is a clever decision, and putting Cait, a person who fights for the rights of woman is interesting. It wasn’t a wow conversation but at least is how it’s supposed to be. And with this I mean mother and daughter really talking about that possibility, and not making her experience a pregnancy she doesn’t want just because someone else made that decision for her, being Claire or anyone else. I know not everyone thinks like me, but in the last year, with the abortion movement here in Argentina, I realized about a lot of things, but the most important is that there always were abortions and most of them under horrifying circumstances, most of the times the woman who aborts does it in secret, with the fear that if they tell someone, they can exclude them from society, as if it were something bad, a big sin. And that is why it is marginalized, and becomes a taboo. I think it's great to talk about it, make it visible, so applauses for that scene 👏🏻👏🏻

As I said before, the scene when they’re folding clothes was a beautiful moment between them, so intimate, sharing things they miss of the 20th century, eventually missing a part of them they had to leave behind, and things they have in common after all, a relief for having someone who really understands what the other is talking about. For Claire, I think she has Jamie and can talk to him about how things are in the future, but they’re things he hadn’t experienced, but Bree had, and understands for example how modern music sounded, or the pleasure to have a proper toilet. I hope for more of these scenes in the future, is always a pleasure to see them sharing a pleasant moment/chat/whatever.

Jamie/Bree:

I’m still sensitive with how in awe Jamie is over his daughter, he loves her so much and is eternally grateful for having her there. The first scene, when he shows Bree she couldn’t fight against Bonnet and comforts Bree afterwards, was imo really special, but difficult to watch. Jamie knows the feeling of being raped, used as some other wants and without even resisting, and to have his daughter experiencing the same thing as him breaks him into a million pieces. So provoking her and then making her fight, it must be a difficult moment for him, I mean, he doesn’t think like that, he doesn’t want her to remember the incident, but he has to, so he can make her understand that even if she fought, it was in vain and wouldn’t make any difference if she kills Bonnet. Another bonding moment that I will treasure, even if is a hard one.

Another beautiful moment was the one when they look at Claire. Even if it hurts me when Bree refers to Frank as “my father” in front of Jamie (I won’t lie, I hate that. I know is his father for her and maybe isn’t on purpose but seeing Jamie’s face reacting to that breaks my heart into a million pieces), the change of his face when she says she went through the stones for him too is priceless. Again, he loves her so freaking much ♥️

Although, Bree’s reaction about what Jamie did to Roger was a lot. And that’s when the mixed feelings comes to me. I know she has all the right to react as she pleases, after all she was the one raped, and what Jamie did wasn’t good either. I mean, yes Jamie, you are a furious dad searching for vengeance after realizing what happened with your daughter, but beating a man nearly to death? Mmm I don’t think so babe.

The thing is that everything was a huge chain of misunderstandings that ended with Roger being sold to the Mohawk. I repeat what I said last week, it’s a part of the books that I never liked, even though I’m still angry with Roger he didn’t deserve it.

But let's get back to the big fight. I understand both bells, Bree's and Jamie's. He reacted by pure impulse wanting to defend his daughter, and she reacts by getting angry obviously because he sent an innocent man almost to death. Although I still believe that Bree's reaction was exaggerated, disrespectful and very demanding. In other words, hitting everyone, yelling at them and giving them orders about what they have to do is a lot. I don’t know, I was taught to respect the elderly, and however angry I am, I don’t behave that way. And it broke my soul when (again) she mentioned Frank to make him look like the hero who always treated her well but to Jamie like a savage who doesn’t know how to control himself 😔

Jamie telling Bree that she went to bed with someone for lust then faked the rape because she got pregnant was also overstepping, but once he finds out that the rape was real and with a different man, he gets really stunned, and really regrets having said what he said before. I won’t justify what he did, but the man fell into a misunderstanding, trap, however you want to call it, and once he learned the truth he can’t do more than ask his daughter for forgiveness and feel like shit.

We know that both have a strong character, they are stubborn and they want to be right, but so much drama makes me upset and the only thing I want is to skip that fight and go back to the first minutes of the chapter, adding that making Jamie the bad guy and having everyone against him breaks me (I think I already said it) and I only want to hug him and say everything will be okay 😭

I also read a lot of criticism of Claire for not taking sides with anyone. Come on, her daughter is on one side and her husband on the other, and for that matter she loves both, so I understand that it may be difficult for her to side with either of them. Could she have said something? Yes, but she did not. I remember reading in the book that when the two Frasers fought in that way it was preferable to let them get all the fury and not interfere. If I remember correctly, it was what Ian told her in the first book the first time J/C went to Lallybroch and Jamie and Jenny started fighting.

Although, I can only think in my mom. Even if she loves my dad, she always (or almost always) gets on my side. I don’t assume that Claire does it but for that matter she knows the true story. Perhaps also empathized by everything her daughter went through, I don’t know, nobody will know what was going through Claire's head in that moment, and because of this I am annoyed with the writers, if things are not clear there is something that doesn’t work, it’s supposed that the viewer doesn’t have to assume a character thinks one thing or another 🤷🏻‍♀️ But well, I do think she knows Jamie is really sorry and won’t get mad with him for that, at the end of the day, none of them wants to see their daughter hurt.

Roger:

I've already said it many times, and I'm going to repeat it: I don’t like Show!Roger, and at the moment that won´t change. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad seeing the man walking days and nights tied to a horse without the possibility of eating, having a drink or resting, and to that let’s add that he has been beaten. When I saw the ep for the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about 3x03 when LJG took Jamie in the same way and I thought, maybe when Jamie deigns to talk to Roger and mend fences with him, and finds out what he suffered, he feels sorry for that man, maybe remember those moments, that weren’t nice for him either.

I also though, how in hell does he have so many energy to be running in the middle of the woods trying to escape? I can’t run like that even if someone pays me for it, haha. But seriously, that scene was dense, like a lot of screen time just between a man escaping and a bunch of natives following him, with what purpose? It could have been used to add something else.

And the scene with the stone, well I’m still confused. I really though there wasn’t any standing stone in the book but in a post of a few days ago, some people clarified that I was wrong (thank you tho!). The only way I found of why he is so hesitant to leave or not is because he is really tired, that he has no strength to continue at a time when (maybe) he doesn’t belong. Maybe it's the only way he finds so that he doesn’t get caught again. But…what about Brianna? Wasn’t it that he wanted to escape to get back to his wife? It is obvious that he won’t return to the future, but that cliffhanger disoriented me. Anyone who likes Roger and explains to me what his thoughts may be?

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT! Murcasta omg. Have you seen that flirting? I’m already aboard of that ship and ready for that relationship to happen 🛳♥️ Sorry @boyneriver-fraser 🙏🏻

I know I'm complaining a lot about this chapter, but I really don’t know what to think. I always try to look around and understand why the characters do what they do, but idk, maybe it's a problem of the writers, of the editors that cut scenes that prevent the story from being fluid, maybe it’s just me. Anyway, let me know what you think and sorry for any grammatical mistakes, it’s 3:30 AM here and i’m sleepy 😴

PS: gifs by Giphy

[baronessblixen]

can you write something happy? maybe with the three of them? set in some indeterminate future? or an au? i'm drowning in post episode angst. which is great but help need fluff.

Anon, I tried. This is not as fluffy as I wanted it to be. I fear there’s no fluff at all. I really did try. It’s yet another post-ep for “Ghouli”.

Tagging at @today-in-fic

On their way home Scully cradles the surveillance tape inher arms like a baby. Her fingers dig into the plastic afraid to let go foreven one moment. Mulder glances over every once in a while, unable to utter asingle word. His own fingers tingle, his lips twitch. As soon as they‘re homehe is going to make copies. Those few minutes with their son are all they havenow and he is going to make damn sure they‘re not going to lose even a singlesecond of it.

Scully is quiet in the passenger seat as exhaustion tightens its grip onher; Mulder keeps glancing over making sure she is comfortable and once shefalls asleep, he slows the car, makes sure she gets to catch up on some muchneeded sleep. It might be his own own exhaustion that’s slowly seeping into hismind and his eyes, but Mulder has the distinctive feeling of being followed. Hechecks his rear-view mirror every few moments, but whenever there is a car inthe distance it is not the one he wants to see. Wishful thinking, he tellshimself. William, or Jackson, is not going to follow them. Their son is on hisown way, on his own route to somewhere. Mulder glances over at Scully, fastasleep. There is no regret this time, not even an inkling of it. He smiles,thinks of their son. He wonders what kind of music the boy will listen to,where he will decide to stop the car, what he will do. Mulder wishes he couldwitness it, be there. Some things however are not meant to be. 

By the time they get home, it is dark. Scully doesn’t wake as Muldersteers the car over the popping gravel and parks by the porch. He doesn’t wantto wake her. Her face is relaxed, seems happy. What if she’s dreaming aboutWilliam? Watching her sleep is an indulgence. She’d kick his ass if she knewabout it. That thought alone makes him smile. 

“Scully?” He says in a gentle, quiet voice. She stirs, but doesn’t wake.Mulder unbuckles her seat belt and the click is loud in the car. Scully sighsin her sleep, holds the tape in her hand more tightly. 

“We’re home, Scully.” A soft kiss on her cheek and a smile appears onher face. “You just have to wake up.” She grumbles, grunts. “Fine. I can carryyou inside.” Mulder gets out of the car and opens the door to her side. Tiredeyes and a smile blink at him.

“Here,” she hands him the tape, the plastic warm against his fingers,“let’s watch it again.” 

Mulder doesn’t know how often they watch it; they keep falling asleep,wake up and stare in wonderment, before sleep captures them once more. But now,shortly after 2 am, Mulder is awake. He tears his eyes away from the screen, awayfrom his son and Scully. He knows the sequence by heart already and yet itnever fails to amaze him. Mulder walks into the kitchen, yawns and scratcheshis chin. His mouth is dry and he pours himself a glass of water. As he gulpsit down, he sees it: there is something, someone, out there in front of thehouse. Mulder doesn't know where his gun is. But somehowhe feels calm, feels like he doesn't need to protect himself after all. Hesteps through the front door unarmed and hopes it doesn't squeak. He is in lucktonight.

Darkness out here is something he had to get used to back then. Now heknows it, can navigate in it easily. There is a car right next to his hiding inplain sight. Mulder recognizes it; how could he not? He's only seen it ahundred, no, a thousand times flickering over the screen tonight. His heart isso quick, so loud that he fears he will frighten the boy away. But as he comescloser he sees him there in the driver seat fast asleep. Mulder watches for amoment in disbelief. William, or Jackson, whatever he wants to be called –their son – is here. He is here at their house, in his car and sleeping. Justlike your mother, Mulder thinks and smiles.

He's seen this face often now; so often in fact that it feels familiar.He knows this boy, this young man. At least in his heart he does and that'senough. The boy licks his lips in his sleep and then, as if he's never even beenasleep, wakes up and blinks up at Mulder. No matter how often he's seen thevideo, this moment does it no justice. If he thought he knew this boy, and hedid until five seconds ago, he was wrong. The eyes tell him everything. They'redark now (but Mulder knew that), but still Scully's. The color doesn't matter.He opens his mouth and says something. Maybe his son's name. The boy furrowshis brows and throws him a shy, lopsided grin. They stare at each other, twostrangers yet father and son. William's mouth moves, but Mulder can't hear anywords. The boy laughs and Mulder wishes he could hear it. He needs to hear it. Comeinside, he thinks. William stares at him through the window, their eyes meetingthere.

"Come inside." He repeats louder this time. The boy doesn'tmove. If he starts the car and drives away, Scully will never forgive him.They've lost him once, twice, and if he counts the gas station then it makesthree times. He is not going to let go of him a fourth time. He gently knocksagainst the window, smiles. There's a dad joke here, he thinks. Later, maybe.Hopefully. 

"Come inside." Mulder says. He almost screams it into thenight. A moment passes, but Mulder doesn't lose hope. Not when it comes to his son.The car door opens with a soft click and a longer creak. The last time Mulderwas this close to William was a few days after his birth. His small, gentle bodyfit perfectly into the crook of his arm. Now the boy, the young man, standsbefore him, looks him into the eyes, and is only a few inches shorter thanhimself. 

"I went into the other direction first but… this was the only placeI wanted to go." Mulder nods as if understanding. He reaches out his hand,but doesn't quite dare touch the boy.

"You're always welcome here. Always."

"I shouldn't be here. My parents," he looks at Mulder, pausesjust a second, "my other parents are dead because of me. I don't even knowyou. I don't want to put you in danger." His eyes move about quickly, likea scared animal's. Mulder takes a deep breath, bridges the distance and toucheshis son's narrow shoulder. Still a kid. His son, after all he's seen and done,is still just a kid.

"We can protect you. We will." It's enough. For right now, for2 am on a cold day in Virgina, it is enough. They walk side by side, theirsteps matching, inside the house. Mulder wonders what the boy sees, thinks. Hewon't ask. Mulder puts his hand on his back and he doesn't startle. Scully isstill asleep, oblivious. The screen shows her and William at the gas stationand Mulder hears his son gasp. 

"We thought it's all we would ever have." 

"Mulder, what…" His voice wakes Scully. Though from her faceMulder can tell that she thinks she is still dreaming. He stares at their son,then at Mulder briefly, before her eyes fixate on the boy again. "You'rehere. You're really here." She gets up as if in slow motion and then shetakes the young man into her arms, holds him tight, as if he's done it a milliontimes. They're mother and son; they're no strangers.  

"Welcome home, Jackson."

"That's not who I am anymore," he says, stepping away fromher, "That is not the name you gave me. Is it?" 

"No, we called you William." Mulder says and the boy looks athim, mouths the name to try it out.

"We'll call you whatever you want to be called." Scully saysand throws Mulder a look. He can't help but grin.

"Is that like an inside joke I don't get?" William wants toknow; he is William now, Mulder thinks. Their son. Their perfect miracle babyalmost grown up. But only almost. Tonight is an interlude; they will have todeal with the boy's trauma, losing his parents, his seizures. The end of the world.But that's for tomorrow. They will have to get to know each other all overagain. A few days make him no father; the year Scully spent being his motherhas never been enough. They can start tonight. 

"I'll tell you all about it." Scully says with her voice fullof promise. They sit together on the couch, all three of them, without a singletouch of awkwardness between them. It's the way it should have been from thestart. Mulder hears his son's laughter finally, sees Scully's awe on her face. Tonightit's enough.

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #3 - "I'm just throwing stuff at things that I don't even know exists" (Isabelle)

I'm pretty nervous for this immunity challenge. Given that its a flash game roulette, I fully expect the other returnee tribe to get the highest score, so we have to strategize our point values for each game. I decided to play winterbells since no one else wanted to, but we need to put the lowest value there because I know there's no chance I will win it with people like Monty and Johnny who could end up playing it. If we strategize the points right, we could stay safe as well. I really don't want to vote anyone from our tribe off.

praying jj is the cheater

i was gonna make a real confessional, but ill save it for tomorrow. i'd just like to say i literally look like a CRAZY person scoring 2 billion in winterbells and not thinking it was enough when the other scores were 300k and 2 million. i gtg

YES We've won our third immunity challenge and it feels pretty good. I will say that right now I do feel kinda stagnant because you know we have yet to go to tribal council but yet at the same time I don't want to go. Honestly I've been loving the tribe Michael is truely the only one I question like their whole demanor becuase they felt almost like they where constantly trying to hand off their part of the challenge to literally anyone else but also with Collin mostly because he seems to be coming off kinda................forced is probably the best word for it. Well I don't know till next time ttyl

C7: https://youtu.be/fCmPRxLuFv8 C8: https://youtu.be/HH8tYuHGDFg

Going into tribal tonight SUCKS. I don't want any of us 6 going, but it has to be done. So far the discussion seems to be all about voting Chrissa out. My personal opinion on it is indifferent. Our conversations were pretty short and I was usually the one to initiate it. I feel more bonded with the other players on my tribe. I discussed it with Julian and it looks like that's the plan in execution at the moment. We have an alliance with JJ and I'm not sure if JJ knows yet because he hasn't said anything yet. As for Will, who I consider a really close ally, he had the same thoughts. Basically there's a lot of as long as it isn't me mindsets because it's a really difficult vote. Megan approached me about making a chat with us three together which is pretty interesting. It looks as though I'm in two chats now. One with JJ and Julian and another with Megan and Will. I'd like to think that's a good sign but the only good sign in a game is when the person who everyone said was going home goes home, so fingers crossed.

https://soundcloud.com/collin-vodicka-771937060/enlil-tribe-sucks

So once again, the Enki tribe has slayed the immunity challenges, however, I am one of the weaker people when playing comps. I am predicting a tribe swap next round though, but I'm also prepping for the possibility we have to go to tribal. I have made a really strong bond with Zach, and I am extremely close with Grace. I have started to get to know Adam, and I think Collin likes the "Team Grocery Store" thing we have going on since we are both baggers at grocery stores. I'm not that close with Michael or Cameron, so I wouldn't mind if one of them left if we had to vote someone out. But as of now, I am continuing to serve as a mentor to these new players and trying to give the full truth to them so that I have good relationships with them going forward. Also, last night I discovered a youtube link in the Idol System page of the Tumblr blog. It showed dancing crabs and the URL says "Step One." I did notice however that there were 140 views already when i found it the first time. So I assume someone already knows about the video on my tribe and has figured it out already. But it still does not hurt to try to get an idol. It at least gives me closure and gives me something to do while I let these newbies overplay the game like Zach is. Concerning the future of this game, if there is a tribe swap, I need to figure out how to get in good with these returnees. The newbie players are in a minority, however I am familiar with Megan Julian and JJ. I don't know anyone on the An tribe, but I guess thats the fun in getting to know people. I just have to be as nice as possible and try not to come off as a douche to them because they have played this game before. I haven't. The last thing I want is for people to think I am an entitled asshole. I want to stay civil and let people want to work with me instead of me forcing myself onto them. Finally I have a legit confessional LMFAO

https://youtu.be/ejn4YyJogo0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POLT6aOiJZs&feature=youtu.be

We won immunity! I was worried for a moment my score wouldn't be good enough cause I hurt my hand a couple days ago so I had to take lots of breaks to ice it. And i mean it was close...between first and second. Like damnnnn they got 0 points. That really has to be a hit to their tribe morale. But speaking of tribe morale, I really feel connected to my tribe. I've had a good time just talking to everyone. I think the person I've talked to the least is Abby but even then I really like her. I think there's a really good chance we swap after tonight's tribal, even though Johnny thinks it'll happen at 16. If we do swap, the person I want most on my tribe is Benji. Obviously since he's been gone from the community for ages, there's nothing linking us together so obviously like playing Malaysia with Isabelle, hosting Johnny in Flops, and hosting Lazio with Monty, not to mention the amount of seasons he hosted me in Pacific Islands (RIP). He's also very personable so I think he could gain us new allies. P.S. Prayer circle for Chrissa and Eric tonight, if I can swap with either one of them that would be a MIRACLE

me in my mesopotamia application: i dont want to end up in a ride-or-die pair. i always get fucked over and do worse than the person im aligned close with. benji: also if i didnt make it clear already you're my #1 in this game and the only way id write your name down is to win like im not going on call with the other tribemates and comparing notes i feel like im a lot more reserved around the others this was the first alliance i made and im sticking to it! me: you're my #1 too! no way i could write your name down either just in case that was not clear oifjeoijrf history repeats itself, baby! honestly its too early to tell if ill meet the same fate as i have in the past with my close 2s/3s (shoutout ash, sara, nick w + christine), but here we are. god as i sent that message i knew immediately it's gonna bite me in the butt later on. like i wasn't lying, i do really trust benji more than anyone else in this game BUT I NEED TO PLAY FOR ME this time! woof.

so i don't wanna talk to my host chat because drew is gonna not be proud of me and that's not okay I knew it from last night and today no one talking to me it's gonna be me no one ever wants me at merge so it's fine I could fight for it but JJ has given up so i guess that's it.

Things are... still good! We continue to do well enough in challenges that all strategic talk has been pretty much confined to agreeing to stay united and get everyone in the tribe as far as we can. It’s been surprisingly relaxed so far.

RIP Chrissa she didn't deserve this 

from chrissa's boot ep https://youtu.be/02a8QiaQG8M

Chrissa voted out 5-1