#i'm super sorry for delays

[megueggu]

i'm still stuck at home with my partner and we both have covid i could rly use some work for later ;_;/ if you would like to support me but can't afford art i also have ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/megueggu

COMMISSIONS all the info, examples, queue and terms of service you can find on my page now!

https://megueggu.weebly.com/   💜

[astro-b-o-y-d]

We'll see if I've got energy to write/edit today, but I had a BAD Brain Lying Moment yesterday, one that wasn't so easy to shake off. So I might take another day to recover from that.

[gaeulssims]

˗ˏˋWe got a messy eater in our midst´ˎ˗

Guava still hasn’t learned to eat without throwing her food around. Look at her being proud of it too. Prev | Next

[sharas-bae]

according to the ultrasound tech who did my echocardiogram my heart shows up so clearly it could be in a textbook and i could get a side gig as an equipment model at ultrasound conferences so. adding that to the list of oddest compliments i've received!

[clever-and-unique-name]

hello! i just wanted to say thank you for the illustrations/drawings you do of your experience with DID. they came across my dash today and i'd never heard anyone explain it like that before. it was helpful! anyway thanks for sharing your experiences!

I'm so happy to hear my illustrations and explanations have been helpful to you, thank you for taking the time to tell me <3

[therealsophiependragon]

Zuko was looking at Katara, stance stiff yet somehow fidgety at the same time, an awkward precipice between stepping closer or turning away. His good eye was hidden from Yue, arrested solely by their shared friend, but the scar blazed across his left eye did little to conceal what hesitated behind it. 

Longing is a funny thing. To someone undiscerning, it feels something like grief, a hollowed-out cove in the middle of a person’s heart. But there’s hope in longing, too, a hope like strings fastened between the chasm of whatever loss struck it to the object of desire. Hope that can be a guide���or, stretched taut enough, a blade. 

Yue imagined Sokka, kept somewhere within the brick and weathered stone of this labyrinth that passed for a city. People kept and mocked by the spirits she had spilled into this world, tucked into crevices and clinging to the fabric of a space they were not meant to occupy. Of longing that cut like grief, and amber acid that tasted like strength. 

Something twinged in her chest, and her grip tightened inadvertently. Katara looked up. 

“I don’t know where Sokka is,” Yue repeated, as that string began to draw out, “but I think I know how to find him.”

[strayslost]

The coughs that erupt violently from Ryuunosuke as he stumbles, barely able to keep his balance, are more painful than anything he's ever felt before.

Ryuunosuke is no stranger to pain - he knows it intimately, and it never leaves his side for long. So for a thought like that to cross his mind is no joke. Fortuately, the agony soon subsides as quickly as it came on; not leaving him entirely, but loosening it's grip on him until it becomes something he's more familiar with once more.

Still coughing, legs buckled inwards and grasping a hand against a wall for balance, Ryuunosuke can't help but feel grateful that Gin was the only one to see this. If it were anyone else... the thought alone makes him feel ill with disgust turned inwards, but if it's Gin - it's different. It always has been.

He's sure she must be worried. And she has good reason to be - the weight of the knowledge Ryuunosuke now possesses and the secrets held within him are heavy, barely believable even to himself, though he knows that they're real as surely as there are bones under his skin and blood in his veins. But he can't say everything at once. Instead, even though his mind is still racing and he can hear the sound of his heartbeat in his ears, he waits until he's recovered and stable enough to speak.

"...Gin... There's no need for concern. I'm- fine."

@memoryextrction ( starter for gin! )

[wisheswagered]

Frederick's expression is cold, and it's all he can do to hide the trembling in his arms as he faces the musician standing before him.

It's not like it makes much difference, at this stage. Frederick's already tarnished reputation has been falling further and further to pieces, lately - even now, he can see the way that people look at him; their whispered words and judgemental gazes difficult to miss. He wishes he could say it doesn't bother him, but even now, after everything... he can still feel a hot shame creeping through him when he allows himself to dwell on the way people think of him.

But it doesn't matter. He's sure that now, watching him talk with Antonio, people must be curious, making up stories in their heads and imagining all kinds of wild theories as to what they think of each other. Yet... only Frederick knows the truth. And the taste of death that this man has brought him, time after time, is one he'll never forget.

"Mr. Paganini. I must say... your performance tonight was excellent, as always."

@mccnstricken ( starter for antonio! )

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

It's a week later, but I still wanted to share my thoughts on Mission 71...! So here I go...!! 😎👍

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 71... You have been warned...! 👌

.

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

.

THIS CHAPTER WAS INSANE!!! 😵 LIKE, OH MY GOSH...!!! 😱

.

Okay, so.... When I first opened the chapter and saw the SSS in the beginning, I was like:

"OMG! YURI'S COMING TO THE RESCUE, BABY!! LET'S GO!!" 😆

But then I read what this man said and it made me mad...! 😡:

GODDAMN... 😰 I know that keeping the peace is important... BUT STILL...! 😾

Then, on the next page...:

THERE HE IS!! 😆

But then, Yuri is told that he can't get involved because Chihuahua Girl (Anya) would recognize him...! 😩 Which leads to these two scenes:

Though the SSS probably won't let him get involved, there's still a chance for Yuri to possibly disobey orders and help out the kids...!! 😆 (Hopefully...!! 😌)

Hell, Mr. Blackbell would've been down too there with guns a-blazing if Martha didn't tell him to calm down...! (Though, I believe that the two of them will still get involved somehow...!! 😌)

And when we return to the kids, we are given THIS REVELATION:

Excuse me... The bomb is "WHAT...?"

ENDO, YOU GODDAMN MADMAN!! 😵 WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US...!?

(Granted, I don't want Anya to get hurt, but I'm starting to think that Endo LOVES toying with our emotions...! FOR FUN...!! 😤 And yet, I am all for it...!!! 😌)

But then... Anya does THIS:

ANYA, YOU GODDAMN MADWOMAN!! 😵 ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE EVERYONE HERE A HEART ATTACK...!?

(I'm starting to think that Endo and Anya are the same person...! 🤔)

After Anya's shenanigans, Damian offers to have the bomb around Anya's neck put onto him, but ends up getting a bomb around his neck as well... Hearing all of his thoughts of distress, Anya comforts Damian and let's him know that everything will be okay...! ☺

This scene really warmed my heart...! 😊 I am hopeful for Damian and Anya to get a lot closer to one another soon...! 🤗

Then suddenly, the bus tires run over a spike trail... THE POLICE ARE HERE TO HELP!! 😲

But, is this truly the end of the road (see what I did there) for Billy Squire and the Red Circus...? We'll have to wait and find out next time on Spy X Family...!!

And that was Mission 71! I thought it was great...! 😁 This chapter had some great character moments, particularly from Damian (who we learn wants to be a politician one day) and Yuri (who might be finally starting to warm up to his sister's family...! 😄)

I definitely don't think that this next chapter will be the end of this arc... In fact, my guess is that this arc will probably end in the next 3 to 4 chapters (but that's just me guessing at this point... 🤷) I honestly can't wait to find out what happens next...!! 😄

Lastly, I wanted say that I had a hard time a few weeks ago, which is why I didn't do this review on the day it came out like I usually do... But, if this silly review of mine makes you smile, that's all I could ever ask for...! 💗

Anyway, I'll see you all in (possibly) a few hours to talk about Episode 20 of the anime (because I didn't get a chance to watch it yesterday... 🤒) I'll see you all in the next Mission...!! Take care...!! 👋☺

[kittykittyanon]

TACKLE HUGGGGGGGG!!

hi, bitty! :⁠^⁠)

SQUEEEHEHEHEEEEEEEE!!! GETS TACKLE HUGGED AWAWAWAWAAAA ☆⌒(>。<) ☆⌒(>。<) ☆⌒(>。<) ((/POS!!))

((me when i— me when you!! me when i you!! me when!! us!!))

HIYA HIYA HIYAAAA!!! the zeepiest of eepies!! the beepiest of zeepies!! what a wonderful ask to get during moon time!! it is very dark outside, and i am soso tired,, but you make me happyyy!!! i get eepy but i take one look at this and it's like the energy that's been running away from me this whole week ((and the week before that)) just zips right back to me!!

hihihihihiiii!!!! /e wave!! thankk uou for the asky ask zeepster!! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

[that-there-is-a-wierd0]

Headcanon: I’m thinking that part of why Billy and Old Friend’s relationship didn’t work out is because a large portion of it was built on the trauma bonding and co-dependency that living through the war instilled in them. When they finally moved out of the military village, they were faced with the fact that what they have is considered “abnormal.” Of course, in an attempt to seem like a normal relationship — and also normal people untouched by war — they bottled up their feelngs. But because they’re built on co-dependency, this lack of honesty with their feelings made them become angry at the other for not being able to sense a pain they didn’t know existed. Okay, that’s all, good night.

oughhhh :''''(( longing for a life they believe they'll never have because of their disabilities and being outcasted from society. I think both of them should have extreme insecurities, especially Old Friend with the pressure of patriarchy of have a normal family and to have a baby. Maybe that's why Junior was born; a sense of urgency and pressure rather than genuinely wanting and prepping for a baby.

[sezez]

The Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 trailer had me thinking of what to expect in the next chapter and there is a lot I want to see or suspect will happen. But there are mainly two things that caught my attention and I really want to tackle on it, so...

Poppy wanting revenge doesn't make a whole lot of sense:

I just wanna say I'm so glad we get to see Kissy again and it seems like she'll be The Protagonist's ally along with Poppy. But speaking of Poppy, I have some doubts if she'll stay as our ally because we all know what happened last time.

I guess we can now confirm what she is really wants; revenge of the monsters who tortured her, the toys and the Protag.

But who is she referring too? The toys or the scientists?

If it's the scientists then we know by now that ALL of the employees are dead in the facility, and that would mean all the scientists too.

"So why would she want revenge on them if they're already dead?"

But if Poppy is referring to the toys then we know who she really wants revenge on: Exp. 1006, The Prototype.

We all can see that the Prototype is like the big bad here, he is violent, smart but he is still a prototype. Base from the notes of Catnap when he first came into Playcare, he is rather a good and obedient toy but when he is in a room with Exp. 1006, he acts differently. Catnap acts like Prototype is his father, his master, his god. Leith was concern about that and he was right, Catnap right now is violent and will punish anyone who disobeys 1006.

So, if the Protag kills the Prototype then they would be free, he is no longer in control of the toys, right? Right..?

Well, as a good intention that sounds and it does sound good... It doesn't make sense.

If Poppy's plan works, then what? She and the other toys have no where to go and if they walk outside then people will obviously freak out, maybe even get captured by some sick people and they'll do the experiments again.

The person talking through the phone will be our guide:

So in the trailer we hear a man talking, saying:

"That thing, Catnap... The Prototype is his god... And this is what he does to heretics..."

And we get a shot of a phone that was shown in Project: Playtime. And the person was talking through something, his voice is glitchy and like he is talking into something hallow... Maybe like the phone..?

It seems like he knows Catnap treats Exp. 1006 as his god, what he does to toys who disobey him. And his voice sounds like he is tired, but desperate a bit. What if that man is alive in the factory, somehow? Or maybe his message was recorded into the phone as a warning to anyone who picks it up.

I imagine that maybe the Protagonist might ends up keeping the phone because the guy might call again or the phone has recorded messages, mostly talking about how The Protag can escape, solve a certain puzzle or info on a toy.

Other things I want Chapter 3 to have:

New VHS tapes showing more secrets of the factory

Collectables that can unlock a hidden room or something like that

The Protagonist gets a voice (I know this is unlikely but still, who knows)

More info of the Protag and Elliot

A employee who somehow survived, they can either be a threat or an ally

[multicolour-ink]

It will help us before the angst begins >:3

[the-commonplace-book]

stars shine the same podfic chapter three is finally rendering :3

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

do u have a favourite lonan and harrison moment?

oh my god SO MANY. One of the first is the veeeery earliest Lonanasona moment from wayyy back in 2015 (book 3 of Fostered, YA dystopian). 13-year-old Rachel was ON IT.

I think in recent years, it's the spin-the-bottle scene in Seventh Virtue which I shared before but I'll share again! I love this scene so much because they're actually flirting WITH each other

OKAY ALSO I love the scene in Feeding Habits when Harrison and Lonan are like we'renotgoingtosleeptogetherwe'renotgoingto- and then do HAHA.

All under the cut w/ my commentary!

Book 3 (2015):

Context is Reeve and Foster are a COUPLE & have been having a chill romantic evening while Lonan and Harrison are out on a ~~mission (let's ignore the fact that the mission is them visiting Harrison's dead girlfriend's grave as an olive branch between them because a) HE'S GAY and b) Lonan is the one who killed her :) ICING OUT THE COMPETITION?? /j).

I think they're 19 here! Scene with my commentary:

“You’ve been hanging out with Ris all day – how do we know that you two haven’t done anything?” Foster asks, and Lonan and Harrison’s faces go pale white. << WELL I WONDER WHY. They turn their heads to stare at each other, looking back in horror, before Harrison starts pacing around the room. This time, he’s slow, and lazy.

“I think – I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna throw up.” Harrison says, and does actually gag, but thankfully keeps his insides in. << NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE CONVINCING BABE

“You know,” Lonan starts, still pale white. “I second that. Foster you’ve just scarred me for life.” <<< ME WHEN I LIE

"What? It’s a… a perfectly normal and acceptable possibility –” << FOSTER SAID GAY RIGHTS

“Really Foster? With Loner? Oh my god, out of all of the guys in this world, you paired me up with LONER?” << the CAPS LOL

“Yeah, well why not? You both seem awfully close –” << HE RIGHT THO

Harrison screams loudly and does look sick to his stomach when I catch his face. “I’d rather die.” << FOR HIM YOU MEAN??

“Me too.” Lonan adds, and I laugh, crossing my legs and arms out in front of me. << LONAN THIS IS NOT CONVINCING AT ALL

“Let’s just all agree that we’re very busy people, and don’t have time to do… other things with anyone no matter their gender.” I say. <<< I SAY THIS TO MYSELF EVERY DAY

“Agreed.” They chorus together, and that’s the end of that.

More of that:

Shaking his head with a laugh, Foster wipes the back of his hand against his mouth and turns back to Ris. “How’d your trip go?”

“How’d your trip go?” Harrison fires back, head between his knees like he’s trying to calm the nausea. “All this love bullshit is driving me nuts.” << WHY SO DEFENSIVE HAHA THEY DEFINITELY FUCKED

“Is that because your feelings for Lonan are so strong –”

“Oh fuck you! If I liked a guy – and there’s nothing wrong with that – that guy would not be Loner –” <<< LOL

“You guys are practically a married old couple. You even have nicknames for each other…” << MEANT TO BE

Seventh Virtue (2021):

In the canon projects, Lonan and Harrison are :) disasters :) and Lonan also doesn't want to be in a relationship with Harrison (LIES but he's afraid lol), so there's so much angst at the foundation of their relationship. Seventh Virtue is different because their origin story is completely changed. From the start, they're attracted to each other and flirt from the moment they meet!

This scene has it all: Harrison DRAWING, sexual tension, banter, Lonan actually being a confident person!!! Everything they want in canon but suck too bad to have LMAO.

Context: Harrison is quite literally Lonan's prisoner <3 sexy <3

On Harrison and Lonan’s fifth unofficial date, Lonan brought dinner for two. Harrison had been scumbling a portrait of the man five cells over onto the concrete floor, or at least had attempted to. He’d managed to snag an HB pencil off the medic the second time she’d come to inspect his palm. She’d wielded a clipboard then, and had gone down a list of symptoms, most likely for sepsis. Harrison waited for when she’d finished ticking off each box with the pencil, then asked her to re-examine his wound. He said he’d felt a sudden burning and was concerned about an infection. With one hand clutched in the medic’s, he used the other to slip the pencil from the clipboard’s holster, and so, it was his.

He didn’t bother hiding this find from Lonan. Their mutual understanding was that Harrison would take what he pleased while in custody, and Lonan would be too impressed by his skill to reprimand him. At least Harrison hoped he’d be impressed. He was a thief, not blind.

“Have you come to poison me?” Harrison asked, gesturing to the silver pots Lonan had shuffled in on a red plastic tray. “I’ve always wanted to be poisoned. There’s something kind of sexy about never knowing the exact moment the poison really kicks in.” << LOL he's down bad

Lonan settled the tray on the ground. After a moment, he took a seat in front of it, taking care to adjust his freshly-ironed trousers. << typical

“You’re in CEO mode today,” Harrison said, mildly furious but also disgustingly satisfied by the clean wash of his blue button-up. “The last time you were here you were all Casual Friday.”

Lonan unscrewed the cap of the first pot. It steamed, swelled the holding cells with the scent of chili and anise. Harrison’s stomach lurched at the smell; in truth, he had not eaten well since his capture, and that must’ve been days prior, perhaps even a full week before. The man who did bring his three daily meals often dropped the containers purposefully so Harrison had two choices: starve, or eat off the floor like an animal. Sweat pearled on his forehead the more containers Lonan opened.

“I know,” Harrison said, trying to distract himself from his hunger by shading the portrait’s eye. Hatch, hatch, hatch. “You’re here to make me your official food taster.” Hatch. “You said you wanted to give me a job.” Hatch, hatch, hatch. “I’ll never know what I’m going to get.” Hatch. “Kung pao chicken or cyanide.”

“You’re left-handed.” << this delivery is SOOO Lonan

Harrison nearly took out the portrait’s eye. “What?” he asked.

Lonan undid the lid of the final silver pot; it shimmered with broth. He gestured toward the pencil, stubby and clutched in Harrison’s palm. “I’m going to have to confiscate that, you know.” Lonan laid out each pot on the cold floor, then unveiled two plastic plates, and a set of pre-packaged cutlery. “I hope you’re not allergic to anything.”

“So you cut me, arrest me, throw me down here, and now you want to dine with me?” << HA

“Yes,” Lonan said. He ripped open his cutlery packet, slipped out the black fork. As he unloaded bouts of fried rice, mounds of glossed orange chicken, and a generous helping of black pepper beef, he added, “And I didn’t cut you. You did that yourself.”

Harrison snorted. Oh god, he was starving. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep up the façade before he started drooling. “That’s because you were going to stab me in the gut,” he said.

“I wasn’t going to stab you.” << normal tuesday for them

“So what were you going to do with the knife? Use it to play spin the bottle with me?” << the LEAP LOL

Lonan arched a brow. “Would you like to play spin the bottle with me?”

“If you’re the one I’d kiss, then sure.”

This made them both smile, sort of. They equally bit their amusement for the other, tried to pocket it, ignore it, but it was there, their tangible joy. << EEEEE

“Please stop being stubborn and come eat something,” Lonan said, after a moment had passed.

“Please?” Harrison crossed his arms, slotting the pencil into his jacket pocket. “What else are you willing to do to convince me? You said I’m valuable, right?” << WHAT ELSE ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO CONVINCE ME HAHA

“I don’t think I used those words, but sure.”

“Then show me why I should accept your takeout instead of starving myself to death.”

Lonan sighed. There really was little to gain in Harrison’s challenge. He actually had not planned on starving himself to death, but the idea of using his life as a bargaining chip excited him. Whatever skill he had, he could use to push and pull Lonan. He was valuable. Still, he stayed exactly where he was, trying not to vomit at the smell of good food he certainly wanted so badly.

Harrison watched Lonan as he rose, slowly, dusting himself as he went, bringing his set of cutlery with him. There was very little point to this—the holding cells, all located in a damp, sunless basement, were akin to dust bowls. There was no way to avoid it. Still, he flicked lint off his good shirt, adjusted his collar. Then he walked toward Harrison and kneeled in front of him.

It was more of a treat than a threat to have Lonan so close. He was maddeningly put-together, smelled once again of vanilla and sandalwood. He was the type of person who likely carried a comb around with them—his hair was split perfectly down the middle, a thin, pale thread indicating his parting. When he looked at Harrison, his eyes like burning forget-me-nots, Harrison looked at the portrait he’d half-finished. This is why he didn’t understand what the sound was, a plasticky whirring, until he glanced back in Lonan’s direction. << THE WAY I'M ONLY NOW REALIZING THAT THE WAY LONAN CONVINCES HARRISON TO EAT IS TO PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE WITH HIM THEREFORE SUGGESTING HE'S GOING TO KISS HIM AHHH BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT'S WHAT HARRISON WANTS AHHHH

A plastic knife twirled along the concrete, slowing to a stop at Harrison. He should not have been surprised that this is what that godforsaken handsome devil had done. It was both sweet, and irritating.

When Lonan reached for Harrison’s injured hand that at this point, had healed almost fully due to the medic’s assistance, Harrison didn’t resist. A line of butterflies fluttered through his chest. Lonan’s touch was cold. Disastrously careful. He turned it so his palm was face up and they both saw its wide, neat stitches. The medic had done a good job. In a day or so, Harrison would be back to normal, like nothing ever happened. But still, Lonan held his hand. Then like a prince, he bowed his head and kissed it. <<< OKAY LONAN HAS GAME LONAN HAS GAME

Feeding Habits (2021):

I love this scene because it's just the epitome of... them. Trying to do everything right and still managing to do everything SO wrong, not communicating properly being their love language, etc, etc. Talking about murder right before they kiss, LOL.

Harrison breaks their rule, or maybe they choose to break it together. There they are, draped across a single mattress, one on each side. Harrison considered splitting the bed with pillows, though there are only two and currently two heads that need supporting. He also considered rolling off his side and crashing, literally, on the floor, but maybe it’s the wine, or maybe he’s just tired, or maybe it’s something else entirely, a weak pulse in his throat aching for something familiar, or the veil of something familiar at the very least. He doesn’t know what he expects. If, in some fleeting, idiotic thought, he imagines a reality where they’ll somehow find the other, fuse bodies. That they’ll swap skin, breathe into each other’s mouths. In reality, sleeping next to Lonan after all this time is so much like sleeping alone. << this LINE

“Do you miss him?”

Harrison startles. Though he’s so hyper-aware of the person next to him, the smallest amount of space he attempts to occupy, it’s surprising to hear Lonan speak. Harrison foresaw this trip as being one giant loop of silence. It’s past midnight now—he expected this silence to intensify by this point. In some ways, it does. When Lonan swallows, nervous or maybe in severe need of water, Harrison hears the way his body seizes against the mattress, like he’s stopped breathing in that millisecond.

“Your mother told me Foster boarded with you for a few months.”

“Boarded makes it sound so formal,” Harrison says. It could have been, and in ways, might have been, the distance between two friends enough to make things feel palpably strange. In the mornings, Harrison would find Foster already awake, and they’d greet each other, saying, Hello, Hello, How are you, How are you. It was no one’s fault but Harrison’s—it was much easier to live blandly, in a safe cycle of dullness. One day, Foster was there, making an effort, trying to be a friend, and the next, he’d packed up, probably doubting his ability to be a person for how little Harrison wanted to interact with him. Even now, it’s difficult to feel guilty, even though Harrison should be. He understands he did not deserve the hand he’d been extended, and also understands he had no obligation to take it, no matter how much he should have. It’s selfish, how easily he rejected Foster’s presence, but also human. Or at least this is how he justifies it to himself.

“Do you miss him?”

“Is this question about yourself?” << JSJDJNSKJ Harrison turns to him, his jaw peaked delicately in profile. Lonan doesn’t meet his gaze, but Harrison knows he wants to. The very dome of his eyes glimmer, straining against the need to move. Harrison wets his lips, inhales, and as if tempting the eyes, says, “I didn’t miss you, Lonan,” despite how much of a lie this is. << AT LEAST HE ADMITS HE'S LYING HA

This gets the reaction he wants: Lonan turns also, and there he is, an open face, ready, so easy to ingest. Harrison could do so many things to that face. << OH CHRIST He could pry it right open, unlock the secrets woven across it and take them for himself. He could scream into it as if it’s the gaping hole that once was his ceiling back at the apartment, a space that never ended and also a space he never wanted to leave. Instead, he lifts a hand, and presses it right against it.

Lonan is cyan in the moonlight, but unexpectedly warm. This is another thing that’s wrong. Where did he get it—all this blood needling his body? Since when did he live, this walking dead man?

“You’re dead,” Harrison says, or maybe he whispers this, or maybe he only justifies even uttering this because of the wine. Lonan’s skin twitches, and this is disarming, how it deliberately betrays what Harrison says. It should be easy to control. Things this hidden always are.

“Then who killed me?” Lonan asks. Everything about him hums—his chest, his lips, his throat.

Harrison moves. He shouldn’t. God, that wine. But there he shifts, close enough to hear the weak rattle of Lonan’s heart. He once knew this sound so well, but even now, its rhythm is so unfamiliar. “Could’ve been anyone.”

“But who?”

“Me,” Harrison says. “Or Eliza. Or maybe we did it together. So many possibilities and so many outcomes.” << will graham behaviour

This is true. If he thinks about it, Harrison can nearly visualize the alternate life paths that could’ve been triggered right on the motel wall. What if things had gone differently? Consider the butterfly effect: what would have happened all those months ago, had Harrison returned to Eliza’s apartment, brought Lonan’s gum back with him because he’s a good man, not a leech? What would have happened if Lonan packed whatever of his things he kept in that Vegas apartment, shoved them in a car Harrison didn’t own, and split the drive back to the east fifty-fifty? What would have happened if they’d settled in Brooklyn and not Manhattan, a more familiar city to Harrison, brand new for Lonan? What would have happened if they’d both gotten jobs at the same convenience store, spent most of their time working eight-hour days, but sometimes, and only sometimes, having enough time to lie with each other on a potential futon and watch rented foreign films they had no desire in returning? What would have happened if they’d turned into each other’s bodies, learned the places they could absorb into the other and allowed just that to happen—a blending of cells, one by one. How would they know one another—would they know one another? The minute change the hardwood floors would make depending on who stepped, the exact minute they’d usually wake up? Would it have been easier then, to fully convince themselves their relationship was right? Stable? Ready? What would have happened if they’d landed anywhere but here, at some cheap motel, sweating through their clothes because the heater is turned up so high? Oh, trapped in this initial condition. << this. paragraph.

Maybe they move closer to each other at the same time. Lonan’s wisped hair brushing Harrison’s forehead. Harrison’s hand heavying into Lonan’s living skin. Maybe this is just a single one of their infinite possibilities, where they breathe into each other’s mouths, so close they’ve nearly fused. Maybe this is just one outcome, where Lonan’s inhale rattles, and Harrison’s exhale does the exact same thing. One outcome where Lonan admits, “I’m asking about myself,” and his previous question doesn’t even need to be repeated. One outcome where Harrison nudges his top lip against a mouth he doesn’t know, but in another time could have, recognizing its unfamiliarity immediately as he says, “I didn’t think about you at all.”

I'M SCCCRRREAMING HAHA gotta analyze harrison's "i didn't think about you at all" for the podcast!

[mikewheelertm]

eddie munson. @munsontm ( cont. )

That wasn't how things should have gone,  but then again,  Mike came to accept that nothing ( or barely anything ) would ever go as planned anymore,  it was the reality they all had to adapt,  no matter how much he might not have liked it,  after all sudden changes were never something he was comfortable with.  However when fighting for his survival and trying to not get turned into one of those fucking gross goons,  well,  little did it matter how much he hated having to reroute to a longer path to get back to the others.

Because of course that was his main concern,  funny how getting back and not have anyone worry outweighted making sure he didn't got hurt,  hell,  in the back of his mind there was already a sting of apologies ready to spill out the moment he saw Will again.  It was Eddie's voice that cut his train of thoughts short and brought him back to reality,  and Mike found himself giving a hum.  ❝ Yes, sir. ❞  Despite their current situation,  there was the hint of mirth laced within his tone,  it was teasing even,  because of course he couldn't help but being just that bit of a little shit. 

He could have just stood there and keep watch,  but instead,  there he was,  climbing onto the hood of the car,  just so he was able to check further in the distance,  making sure there was nothing or noone approaching them,  they already escaped once,  they didn't need a repeat of earlier.  Fingers idly tapping against the handle of his trusted knife as he hummed a song under his breath.  ❝ The coast is clear. . . ❞  A pause,  just long enough for him to check on all fronts. ❝ For now,  at least.  I don't know how long it'd last,  though. ❞  Nose scrunching up.  ❝ I don't trust how quiet it is. ❞  And he didn't,  he learned pretty quickly to never trust when things seemed to be too calm.

A snort was brought forth by the question asked,  and Mike found himself shaking his head.  ❝ Right now ?  Absolutely. ❞  There was the slightest hint of a grin gracing his features,  even if the other couldn't see it,  but the way his tone was far too chipper,  it was obvious that he was far from being honest.  ❝ But honestly ?  I was getting bored stuck at patching the others up,  you know ?  Like yeah,  I'm good at that,  a pro,  but I needed a change of scenery,  the excitment of running for your life,  being more useful,  y'know ? ❞  He was rambling,  that much was obvious,  but there was a little bit of truth hidden in his words.  ❝ At least for once I'm not the one worried sick about you guys going out to find supplies. ❞

There was a beat of silence then,  a short lived one.  ❝ Do you think we'll find any art supplies at the market ? ❞  Of course he was thinking about that,  of course.  Perhaps he might try to find something for him to draw in the supermarket they were going to check up,  that was going to make him smile,  right ?  ❝ I mean,  alongside other stuff too. ❞  As if that didn't make it even more obvious what was his line of thoughts.  ❝ You should hurry up,  tho. ❞