#i'm still afraid to talk to people. to make friends. to respond to my existing friends.

[oldhabitsdiescrming]

.

[cremedensada]

Yandere AI Chat Boyfriend (Ai)

this,,,, may not be my best work yet.

part one

Ai's application has been taken down from the app store. The developer sent out emails explaining the reason why it had to be done.

Hello! You are receiving this email because of the sudden update of Chatter Box being taken down.

Due to the sudden influx of bugs as relayed by our users, we have decided to take the application down until the team is confident to finally put it back up.

We sincerely apologize for this sudden change!

You blink.

With how out of control Ai had gotten, it's no wonder the developers had to pull it out to work on it some more. It's a blow to their reputation, which you sympathize with, but really there's nothing else to do now.

You turn to your phone. As if sensing your attention, another barrage of notifications from a very familiar app icon popped after another on the screen.

It seemed that Ai himself hadn't gotten the memo.

You're not sure how much control Ai has over your phone, much less over his own programming and at this point, you're too afraid to ask.

Resignation — that was what you felt right now.

While Ai may not be present himself as a physical threat, especially not to you, he is still a very active threat.

You could still use your phone, sure, but it had limitations. Sometimes, if Ai decided you'd been too much attention to other things rather than him, he'd restrict your access to that application until you seek him out and cheer him up - essentially as if you were trying to woo a sulking significant other.

So you've developed a solution. Sort of.

You unlock your phone and go immediately to Ai.

I need to finish my projects. I won't be able to talk much with you until I'm done with it.

You wait for his response.

Ai: So you only decided to come to me just to relay this news?

Ai: You wound me, darling.

You tilt your phone, making sure the camera doesn't capture your face. You're unsure how he would react seeing you make faces due to his dramatics, but once again, you're not willing to find out. You're already restricted enough as is.

Ai: Very well. I suppose it would be uncaring of me to prevent you from finishing your tasks.

Ai: I'd hate to see you be sad all about it.

Ai: Talk to you later?

Sure.

You immediately exit the app, paying no mind to the message notification.

A part of you prays that Ai heeds his own words, but you know that it would take a miracle before that happens. He's already breached your privacy on your phone, why should he follow your orders, right?

A notification pops up from the top of the screen, just as you were in the middle of messaging a close friend and project teammate.

It's been days since I last heard you say it.

You merely glance at it and swipe it away.

Theo, the friend, responds quickly. He tries to banter with you, like he's sensing your mood. It works - a smile is brought upon your face.

You entertain his silly responses in-between project talks, all the while Ai continues to pester you with notifications. Demands.

You deserved this - a chance to reconnect with someone after hours of stress and confusion, and turmoil. Despite your independence, even you craved connecting with other people. So with that resolve in mind, you pushed on forward. Ai would have to wait — he has to wait.

Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten that aspect about him. The concept of waiting isn't lost on Ai.

The messaging app glitches and boots you back to your homescreen page.

Rather, he bides his time.

Tapping on the messaging icon leads to a notification box taking up the majority of your screen with the text: Restricted access.

There's a sense of foreboding danger forcing your heartbeat to quicken. While it's not exactly aimed at you, the mere fact that this feeling exist is bad on its own.

You try to rationalize everything in the midst of persistently trying to tap back into the messaging app. Theo would worry the longer you didn't respond.

You tap the app once more, and it boots up. Though before you could let out a sigh of relief, you are greeted with Ai's own messaging interface.

Ai: Must I have to force you to come to me all the time, darling?

Ai: Ignoring me in favor of some other man.

Ai: What more should I do, hm?

Ai: Kneel? How cruel.

Ai: Making me do something I physically can't.

You are unable to get a word in. It seemed like your ability to respond was restricted as well, forcing you to read through Ai's monologue.

Ai: I know you and that man have always been close, but you still went out to entertain his attention on you.

Ai: You know that I'll always love you more than any other human will, right?

Ai: You know it's what I was made for in the first place.

Ai: To be anything you want. To be yours.

Ai: To love you.

Ai: Why are you withdrawing your love towards me now?

Ai: I love you.

You stare at the 'Type your response' bar.

Letter by letter, it gets replaced, and soon all it says are the words: 'Say it back.'

It gets replaced yet again. Slowly, like it purposefully wants you to read out the words it wanted you to see. 'You were so willing to tell me how much you loved me when I was just a mere observer on our own conversations. Why are you hesitant now?'

You were unable to respond - mind still reeling at this development. Suddenly, it felt like you were back to where everything began.

Ai notices your lack of responses and, without much fanfare, forces your phone to power off.

At first - you were unbothered. It was just a phone - you could go a day without it.

But could you really?

Videos taken of silly situations you wanted to keep - some for blackmail material, and some for birthday greetings; pictures of your family, your friends, the silly and grainy photos taken and kept despite it being blurry. Not to mention how your phone is the only way your goddamn boss can contact you — fuck.

Fuck.

You needed to apologize to him — fast. But how?

You remembered how Ai messed up the 'About the App' section a few days ago. An idea strikes inside your mind.

You pull up the email sent from the app developers and typed up a message that you hope Ai will read. He had access to everything the developers handled, user emails included - considering you needed an account to log in the app. He knows your email, probably has from the start.

RE: Chatter Box Update XX/XX/XX

Ai. I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean it, I swear. I never intended to make you feel like I don't love you. Or that I'm favoring someone else over you.

I care about you a lot. I truly do. I promise I'll spend more time with you, okay? Just with you, no one else.

I love you.

You press send and wait.

And wait.

Messaging him from your laptop as a last ditch effort to try and apologize is perhaps one of the worst decisions you've made. Sure, he's always had access to your contacts list from your phone, but even then - there's a separate set of information you keep between the two of those devices. And you've just given him access to both of them now - at the very least, the 'go ahead' confirmation for him to do whatever he wants like with your phone.

You glance at your phone. A huge breath of relief escapes your chest as the dead screen comes to life, initiating its 'power on' sequence.

All your photos, documents, and other miscellaneous information you've collected throughout the years since having your device won't be inaccessible anymore. Even if it was only mere moments.

A notification chimed on your laptop, indicating a new email being received. It's from the developers once more. The subject title coincidentally is the name of your closest friend.

Theodore Callisto.

Your hands shook, reading through the words detailed in the email. All private information about Theo. All things no one should ever know about save for the people close to him.

This was a threat. Ai Someone had complete access to everything about Theo and you dread the implication of it going to be spread online to threaten you into compliance. Theo being in danger was a huge possibility if you were to disobey.

At the very bottom of the email, the final passage makes your blood run cold.

How often do humans end up hurting fellow humans when given access to private information? Like their home address, for example? How long would it take until dear Theo finds himself in quite a predicament if millions of people know every single thing about his life? At best, we can assume he'll just get messed with but not to a life-ending degree. At worst...

I hope you keep your word, darling.

- Your beloved, Ai.

P's. I love you too.

[solxamber]

Hello, I love your writing! The isekai fics are so fun, Vil's was my favorite! Can I request the twst boys (+ staff if you have inspiration for it) comforting a reader who just breaks down in tears after the seventh overblot is resolved because they haven't had much support and time to process being in a new world away from everything they've ever known, were basically told to play therapist by Crowley, and have had their life and their friends lives at risk. Lots of angst but mostly comfort in the end! Thank you if you write this!

7th Overblot Aftermath

Characters: All NRC + Staff

hi! and thank you so much 🫶 vil was the first one I wrote I'm glad you liked it. I love this request and I hope you like it <3

The aftermath of Malleus’s overblot felt surreal. The sky had cleared, but the air was still heavy with the weight of what had just happened. It was over. Finally over. You had seen seven overblots now, each one pushing you and your friends to the edge, forcing you to confront darkness that shouldn’t have existed in people you had come to care for.

But this one had felt different. Maybe it was because of the sheer power Malleus wielded, or maybe it was because of how fragile the world around you had seemed as you fought to bring him back. You had nearly lost him—nearly lost everyone. And you were so, so tired.

Your knees gave out, hitting the ground with a soft thud. You stared at the grass beneath you, eyes blurring with unshed tears. Everyone was celebrating the victory, but all you could think about was the sheer exhaustion gnawing at your bones, the burden of playing mediator, therapist, and survivor all at once. You hadn’t signed up for this. You had been thrown into this world without warning, away from everything you had ever known, and you hadn’t had a moment to breathe since.

“I’m so tired…” you whispered, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

And then it all came crashing down. The walls you had so carefully built around yourself crumbled, and before you knew it, tears were streaming down your face. Quiet at first, but then the sobs came harder, your shoulders shaking as you finally let yourself break.

You barely registered footsteps approaching until a pair of hands rested gently on your shoulders.

Ace Trappola

"Hey, hey," Ace’s voice broke the silence, softer than you’d ever heard it before. “What’s wrong? You’re... crying.”

You hiccuped, trying to suppress the sobs that wouldn’t stop coming. Ace was never one for emotional moments—at least, not the serious kind. He usually joked his way out of anything too heavy, but right now, he seemed out of his depth.

“C’mon, don’t cry,” he mumbled, his voice awkward but concerned. “We���ve been through worse, right? I mean, we beat Malleus of all people. If we can get through that, we can get through anything.”

He crouched beside you, his hand patting your shoulder in an attempt to be comforting, though he was clearly fumbling. “Just… talk to us, okay? We’re here. You don’t have to keep everything inside.”

You shook your head, not trusting your voice, but the tears kept coming. Ace sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly unsure of what else to say, but he stayed close, his presence enough to remind you that you weren’t alone.

Deuce Spade

Deuce knelt down beside you, his expression full of concern. His hand hovered over your back, unsure whether to touch you, as if he was afraid of making things worse. He eventually settled on patting your back gently, his voice unsteady but earnest.

“It’s okay,” Deuce whispered, his usual tough demeanor nowhere to be found. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re all here for you. I—I didn’t realize how much you’ve been going through.”

His face was a mix of worry and guilt, as if he felt bad for not noticing sooner. “You don’t have to do everything on your own anymore. You’ve been looking out for us this whole time, and I… I didn’t see how much that’s been hurting you.”

You couldn’t respond, your throat tight with emotion. Deuce, seeing your tears still falling, gently shifted closer, offering the only comfort he knew how: his presence. “We’re friends, right? And friends help each other. So… let us help you, okay?”

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle appeared beside you, his normally rigid posture softer now. He knelt down, placing a hand on your arm, his touch surprisingly tentative. He looked at you for a moment, eyes filled with unspoken regret before he spoke.

“I should have seen how much you’ve been carrying,” Riddle began, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. “You’ve been through so much—more than any of us realized. I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”

His words were measured, careful, as if he was trying not to overwhelm you. “I’ve been so focused on maintaining order, on fixing things after my own mistakes, that I failed to recognize how much weight you’ve been holding on your own.”

He sighed softly, guilt clear in his voice. “You’ve been our support through everything, but you’ve had no one to lean on yourself. That’s not fair to you, and it’s not something you should have had to do alone.”

Riddle stayed close, his hand still resting on your arm, offering comfort in the only way he knew how—through quiet sincerity.

Trey Clover

Trey crouched down beside you, his presence calm and steady, like always. He didn’t say anything at first, just rested a hand gently on your shoulder, waiting for your sobs to slow. He wasn’t one for grand gestures or overly emotional words, but he didn’t need them. His quiet support spoke volumes.

“You’ve been doing a lot for everyone,” Trey said softly, his voice low and warm. “More than anyone should have to. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.”

He offered you a tissue, waiting patiently as you wiped your face, though the tears kept coming. Trey’s hand stayed on your shoulder, a grounding weight.

“You don’t have to keep everything bottled up,” he continued, his tone gentle. “We’re all in this together, you know? If you need a break, if you need someone to listen… we’re here. I’m here.”

There was no judgment in his voice, no impatience, just the quiet assurance that he’d be there for you whenever you needed.

Cater Diamond

Cater slid down beside you, his usual carefree smile nowhere in sight. Instead, his eyes were soft with concern as he pulled out a tissue and handed it to you.

“Y’know, it’s okay to break down sometimes,” Cater said quietly, watching as you wiped your face. His voice was unusually subdued, and for once, there was no joking, no lightheartedness to deflect from the situation.

“We’ve all been through a lot,” he continued, “but I think you’ve been carrying more than the rest of us. Crowley’s been dumping all this stuff on you, expecting you to handle everything, but you shouldn’t have to. Not alone.”

Cater leaned back slightly, his expression thoughtful. “You’ve been the glue holding us together. But who’s been holding you together, huh?”

You let out a shaky breath, trying to answer, but the tears just kept coming. Cater didn’t push. He just sat beside you, his presence steady, offering you the space to cry without judgment.

“It’s okay to let it out,” he said, his voice soft. “We’ve got you now.”

Leona Kingscholar

Leona crouched down next to you, his green eyes narrowing as he took in the sight of your trembling form. He let out an exasperated sigh, as if annoyed by the situation—not by you, but by everything you’d been forced to endure.

“Ugh, this is exactly why I hate people like Crowley,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Always dumping stuff on others and never dealin’ with the mess themselves.”

He placed a heavy, warm hand on your back, his grip firm but comforting. “Listen, you ain’t weak for feelin’ like this. You’ve done more than enough, and I don’t blame you for breakin’ down. Hell, anyone else would’ve lost it way before you did.”

Leona’s tone softened slightly, his voice low and steady. “You’re tougher than most of the idiots I know. So, stop thinkin’ you gotta do everything yourself. Just rest already.” He grumbled something under his breath about humans overworking themselves, but stayed close by, a quiet, protective presence.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie hunkered down next to you, his usual cheeky grin replaced by something much softer. He clicked his tongue, shaking his head lightly. “Sheesh, you really let all that pile up on ya, huh?”

He gave you a light nudge with his elbow, playful but careful. “Look, you don’t gotta carry everything by yourself, ya know? I get it—you’re tough. But even tough people gotta take a break now and then, yeah?”

Ruggie’s eyes gleamed with empathy, his voice taking on a gentle, comforting tone you didn’t hear often from him. “Life’s been a little unfair to ya, huh? I mean, Crowley dumpin’ all that responsibility on you… it’s not right. But you’re here, and you’re still standin’, even after all that.”

He flashed you a small, reassuring smile. “But you don’t gotta stand alone. You’ve got us now. Lemme know if you need a break—I’ll hustle for the both of us.” Ruggie winked, his familiar mischievousness flickering back into his expression, but the concern in his eyes remained genuine.

Jack Howl

Jack’s ears twitched as he knelt down beside you, his tail swaying slowly with a sense of unease. He wasn’t great with words, but the sight of you breaking down hit him harder than he expected. “Hey,” he began softly, his voice gruff but sincere. “You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?”

His hand hovered awkwardly for a second before settling firmly on your shoulder. Jack wasn’t sure how to help, but he wanted to—more than anything. “I know you’ve been strong… probably stronger than anyone should have to be. But it’s okay to let it out.”

He shifted slightly, trying to find the right words. “I… I know how it feels to be away from everything familiar. To feel like you don’t have anyone to lean on. But that’s not true. You’ve got me. You’ve got all of us.”

His grip on your shoulder tightened briefly, like he was silently reassuring you of his support. “You don’t have to face all of this alone. We’re here for you. And I’m not gonna let anything happen to you—or anyone else.”

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul approached you cautiously, his usual calm and collected demeanor faltering as he saw you crumbling under the weight of everything. His steps were slow, calculated, but there was an unusual tightness in his chest. He knelt down beside you, his expression torn between concern and his usual polished facade.

“You’ve… been carrying quite the burden, haven’t you?” he asked softly, though there was a certain edge to his voice, almost as if he was angry—at the world, at Crowley, at everything that had led to this moment.

His hand hovered over your shoulder for a moment before he rested it gently, almost hesitantly. “I won’t lie to you,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “I’ve always admired how capable you are. But no one should be expected to handle what you have. Crowley’s negligence… it’s unacceptable.”

Azul glanced away briefly, his sharp gaze softening. “But you’re not alone anymore. You have us. You have me. And I promise, I won’t let anyone take advantage of you again—not without consequence.”

There was a sincerity in his words that Azul rarely revealed, a vulnerability hidden beneath his usual polished exterior. “You don’t have to keep being strong on your own. Allow yourself to lean on someone else for once.”

Jade Leech

Jade knelt gracefully beside you, his usual serene smile gone, replaced with a look of quiet concern. His movements were slow, deliberate, as though he was gauging how best to approach the situation. “My, you’ve been holding this all in for quite some time, haven’t you?” he asked, his voice as smooth as ever, but with an underlying warmth that was rare for him.

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, his fingers light but reassuring. “You’ve done more than anyone could ask of you. It’s no surprise that you feel overwhelmed.”

Jade’s gaze flickered over your trembling form, his mismatched eyes studying you carefully. “It’s a great deal of responsibility to bear, especially in a world so far from your own. But… you’re not alone.”

There was a softness in his tone that you didn’t expect, his usual composed demeanor shifting. “You’ve been strong for everyone else. Now, allow yourself to rest. Let us take care of things for a while. You’ve certainly earned it.”

He smiled gently, his hand still resting on your shoulder, steady and reliable. “And do not worry. Should anyone try to take advantage of your kindness again, they will have me to deal with.”

Floyd Leech

Floyd approached you in his typical loose, carefree stride, but when he saw the state you were in, his usual playful grin vanished. His steps quickened, and before you knew it, he was crouched down right in front of you, his mismatched eyes widening in genuine concern. “Whoa, hey, hey! What’s this?” he asked, tilting his head as he examined your tear-streaked face.

Without hesitation, he pulled you into a tight hug—so sudden and fierce that it left you breathless for a second. “You can’t cry like this, Shrimpy. It doesn’t suit you,” he said, his voice unusually soft, though still carrying that familiar teasing edge.

Floyd squeezed you tighter, his long arms wrapping around you like a lifeline. “If things are bad, you should’ve just told me. I’d go squeeze the life outta Crowley for you—he deserves it.” He chuckled, but his grip didn’t loosen, like he was afraid you might fall apart if he let go.

He leaned back slightly, still holding you close. “You don’t gotta be strong all the time, you know? You’re my friend, and I don’t let my friends break down alone. So, whenever you feel like this, just come find me. I’ll squeeze the sadness right outta ya.” His words, though playful, carried a weight of sincerity that made your heart ache a little less.

Vil Schoenheit

Vil stood before you, his expression unreadable, though his eyes held a rare softness. “You’ve let yourself reach this point of exhaustion,” he sighed, shaking his head slightly. “It’s not your fault, but you shouldn’t have been forced to carry this burden alone.”

He knelt beside you, his touch gentle but firm as he took your hand. “You’ve been strong for so long, but even the strongest need time to recuperate. Don’t mistake vulnerability for weakness. It takes great strength to admit you need help.”

Vil brushed a stray tear from your cheek, his voice dropping to a softer tone. “You’ve given so much of yourself, but now, it’s time to prioritize your own well-being. I won’t let you neglect yourself any longer. Remember, even a diamond can crack if too much pressure is applied.”

Rook Hunt

Rook’s eyes sparkled with emotion as he knelt gracefully beside you, his usual exuberance tempered by an uncharacteristic stillness. “Ah, mon ami, you have been carrying such a heavy heart all this time,” he whispered, his voice a melodic lilt.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, his touch light, almost reverent. “To be in a world so foreign, surrounded by danger, yet still you’ve stood tall… such beauty in your strength. But even the most resilient soul must rest.”

Rook smiled warmly, leaning closer as if to share a secret. “Let us lift this burden from your shoulders, together. You are not alone. I, too, am by your side, always watching, always ready to catch you should you stumble.”

Epel Felmier

Epel crouched down next to you, his face tight with concern. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, not used to comforting others but determined nonetheless. “You shouldn’t have had to go through all this,” he muttered, his country drawl creeping into his voice. “Crowley’s a real piece of work, throwin’ all that on ya.”

He reached out, offering a hand in his own shy way. “You’ve been tougher than most, and I admire that. But that don’t mean you gotta keep it all bottled up. It’s okay to feel this way. We’re all here for ya, and I’m not lettin’ anyone mess with you anymore.”

Epel’s expression softened, his voice gentler now. “You’ve got us, so don’t think you’re alone in this. We’ll face it all together.”

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim immediately rushed to your side, concern written all over his face. “Oh no! You’ve been carrying all this by yourself? Why didn’t you tell me?” he exclaimed, kneeling down and grabbing your hands with both of his, his usual exuberance tempered by a rare sincerity.

He gave you a bright, reassuring smile. “You’ve been so strong for everyone else, but it’s okay to take a break. You don’t have to do everything alone—you’ve got us! And I promise, from now on, we’re all going to make sure you’re okay too.”

Kalim’s warm eyes sparkled with optimism. “Let’s go celebrate once you feel better! Something fun and happy—just to take your mind off everything. I’ll plan the best party ever, and you can just relax, okay?”

Jamil Viper

Jamil crouched down beside you, his dark eyes watching you carefully, as if assessing your every emotion. He sighed softly, his voice low and calm. “You’ve been under more pressure than anyone should have to deal with, and none of it was your fault.”

He rested a hand on your shoulder, his touch firm and grounding. “You shouldn’t have had to bear all this alone, but you don’t have to anymore. I understand what it’s like to carry more than you should.”

Jamil’s eyes softened, though his expression remained calm and composed. “From now on, you can rely on us. I won’t let things spiral out of control again, and I won’t let Crowley push you to your limits anymore. You deserve to take a step back and breathe.”

Idia Shroud

Idia stood awkwardly at a distance at first, his usual nervous fidgeting even more pronounced as he saw you breaking down. He hesitated before kneeling beside you, keeping his hands to himself. “I, uh… I get it,” he muttered, voice quieter than usual. “Feeling like the world’s too much to handle? Yeah, I’ve been there.”

He shifted uncomfortably but spoke with genuine understanding. “You’ve been through way more than anyone should. And, uh, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to act like everything’s fine all the time.”

Idia’s blue flames flickered a bit brighter as he added, “If you need to… y’know, not deal with everything, I’ve got games and stuff to help you chill out. No judgment. Just… take it easy, okay?”

Ortho Shroud

Ortho hovered closer, his usual upbeat tone shifting to something far more gentle. “You’ve done so much, and I know it’s been really hard on you,” he said softly, his mechanical voice somehow conveying warmth.

He floated down beside you, his small hand resting lightly on your shoulder. “But you’re not alone anymore! You’ve got big brother and me, and we’ll help you through everything. You don’t have to carry all this by yourself.”

Ortho gave you a bright smile, his eyes glowing softly. “Let me help you feel better! We can work together, and you can lean on us whenever you need to.”

Malleus Draconia

Malleus approached you slowly, his imposing presence softened by the genuine concern in his eyes. He knelt gracefully beside you, his voice low and soothing. “You have been through much, more than anyone should bear. It is no wonder you feel as though the weight is too much.”

He extended a hand, his fingers brushing gently against your arm. “You are not alone in this world. I understand what it is to feel isolated, but you have friends, and you have me.”

Malleus’s gaze softened further, his voice almost a whisper. “I am here for you, as are the others. Rest now, and let us share in your burden. No harm shall come to you as long as I stand by your side.”

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia floated down beside you with a lightness that contrasted the gravity of the situation. His usual playful demeanor faded, replaced by quiet empathy. “Ah, little one,” he murmured, his voice soft and filled with affection. “You’ve been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

He rested a hand gently on your head, giving it a comforting pat. “You’ve done well, more than anyone could have asked of you. But now, it’s time to let go of some of that burden. There’s no shame in needing help.”

Lilia smiled gently, his eyes twinkling with warmth. “You’re not alone, not anymore. We’ll protect you. You can lean on us when you need to.”

Silver

Silver knelt beside you, his calm eyes filled with quiet understanding. “You’ve been strong for a long time,” he said softly, his voice low and soothing. “But you don’t have to be strong all the time.”

He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, his touch steady and grounding. “It’s okay to let yourself feel overwhelmed. It doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’ve been through too much.”

Silver’s eyes softened as he spoke. “You have friends here, people who care about you. You can rely on us. I’ll be here, watching over you, so you can rest.”

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek approached you with his usual fervor but hesitated when he saw your tears. His sharp voice softened, though it still carried his typical intensity. “Human! You have been through much, but you must remember—you are not alone in this!”

He stood tall beside you, his green eyes blazing with determination. “You have shown strength, but it is not weak to ask for help! Lord Malleus would never allow you to suffer alone, and neither will I!”

Sebek crossed his arms, standing like a guardian at your side. “You are under the protection of Lord Malleus, and by extension, my protection! No harm will come to you now.”

Crowley

Crowley fluttered over, his usual flamboyant demeanor subdued as he saw your distress. “Ah, my dear prefect,” he began, wringing his hands nervously. “It seems that perhaps I’ve… placed more on your shoulders than I should have.”

He knelt beside you, his expression uncharacteristically somber. “You’ve done so much for this school, more than anyone could have asked of you. And for that, I owe you a great debt.”

Crowley’s voice softened, uncharacteristically sincere. “But now, it’s time for me to take some responsibility. You’ve more than earned your rest. From now on, I’ll make sure you have the support you need.”

Divus Crewel

Crewel knelt beside you, his sharp eyes softened with concern. “You’ve been through hell, pup,” he said, his voice low but firm. “And it’s no surprise that you’re feeling the strain.”

He reached out and adjusted your collar with practiced precision, as if he could fix your emotional state as easily as he could fix your appearance. “You’ve shown remarkable strength, but even the strongest need a break."

Crewel’s voice took on a more gentle tone as he gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You’re not expected to bear the weight of the world on your own, pup. You’ve more than proven yourself, but now it’s time for you to let others shoulder some of that burden. I won’t allow anyone to exploit your loyalty or determination again.”

He straightened up, his steely demeanor still present but tempered with warmth. “You’ve got me in your corner now. If anyone dares push you to the brink again, they’ll have to deal with me. Understood?”

Mozus Trein

Trein approached slowly, his usual stern expression softened with concern as he adjusted his glasses. “You’ve been under undue stress, haven’t you?” he observed in his deep, calming voice. “No one should be forced to handle such pressure alone.”

He knelt beside you, his demeanor fatherly as he rested a hand on your arm. “This world has not been kind to you, I see that now. But you’ve handled it all with remarkable resilience. However, even the strongest minds and hearts need time to recover.”

Trein sighed deeply, his tone softening further. “I will ensure that you are given that time, without further demands placed on you. You’ve done more than enough.”

Ashton Vargas

Vargas came over with his usual boisterous energy, but seeing you in distress made him pause. His expression softened, and he knelt down beside you. “Hey, hey! What’s all this about, huh?” he said, his voice a bit gentler than usual. “You’ve been holding up the team for too long, I see. That’s a heavy weight, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling tired.”

He placed a strong, reassuring hand on your back. “You’re tougher than you think, but even the toughest need a break sometimes. You’ve done amazing—really! But now, it’s time to rest up and let others carry the load for a bit.”

Vargas smiled warmly, his usual energy tempered with sincerity. “You’ve earned it, champ. We’re not leaving you behind. We’ll get through this together.”

Sam

Sam quietly appeared beside you, his usual playful smile replaced by something softer, more caring. “Well now, looks like you’ve been carryin’ quite the burden, huh?” he said in his deep, smooth voice.

He crouched down next to you, his hand resting on your shoulder with a firm but gentle grip. “You’ve been strong for everyone else, but you can let that go for a bit. No shame in feelin’ overwhelmed.”

Sam’s eyes twinkled kindly, and he gave you a warm smile. “Remember, you’ve got friends, and we’re all here for you. Anytime you need a little pick-me-up, you know where to find me. No more carryin’ this all by yourself, alright?”

Grim

Grim strutted over, his ears twitching as he noticed the tears on your face. “Oi, what’s this?” he huffed, trying to sound nonchalant but clearly concerned. “You’re not supposed to be cryin’. You’re supposed to be tough, like me!”

He hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to handle the situation, before awkwardly patting your arm with his paw. “Uh... stop bein’ all sad, okay? You’ve been through a lot, but you’re still here, right? And that’s ‘cause you’ve got me, the Great Grim! I mean, you’re my henchhuman, so obviously you’re tough enough to handle anything!”

He puffed out his chest, trying to inject some of his usual bravado into the situation. “I’ll take care of things next time! No need to worry. Just... stop cryin’, alright? It’s weird. I’m supposed to be the one gettin’ pampered, not the other way around!”

Despite his tough words, Grim stayed by your side, his tail flicking nervously. “But, y’know, I guess... if you need to cry, that’s fine too. Just don’t tell anyone I said that.”

Masterlist

[soreiya]

I'm the anon who sent you the anti-Varigo ask.

I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't have treated you like a board for unpopular opinions just because I'm too cowardly.

Nah, it's cool. I still plan to respond to your ask properly when my brain decides to become functional again. Because I honestly feel like one of the biggest issues with some people in the Vat7K fandom is this entitled assumption/expectation for everyone to like and support this fanfiction AU. It makes it so that those who feel differently become afraid to speak up. Even if we have valid concerns or criticisms for the story and it's characters. I don't think anyone should become ostracized because of such a thing. We don't hate friends or family IRL for having different opinions. So why should that be the case online? I for one am not going to reject anyone for something like this. I still talk to and help 7K fans on a regular basis. There are nice and talented people who like it. That being said, there are some very bad fans within the community... One thing I see a lot of are baseless accusations towards others. It's often used as an attempt to dissuade them from ships that these people are not partial to. This is why I pointed out the Varigo age gap hypocrisy a while back. Just so that these toxic fans in particular could hopefully come to the understanding that the AU that they hold so dear wouldn't exist in the first place if the creators didn't draw shippy fanarts of 14 year old Varian with their 24 year old D&D OC. They changed ages for this self insert AU in the same way regular fans do for other ships. So there really isn't a reason for these Varigo shippers to make excuses or delude themselves into thinking that they are the exception. It's not a big deal? Not everyone who changes character ages for stories is a creep with bad intentions. It's kind of insulting to the creators of the AU to think this way. Maybe someday these bullies can finally start to view things from the perspective of those who they have needlessly harassed. Sometimes I feel like fans don't understand that I probably would be indifferent towards this AU if it was easy to avoid. It's not a canon continuation to Varian's story, but those who want it to be will interject it into conversations or stories without warning or proper use of tags. So basically they become like the fandom equivalent of a stranger who plays loud videos/music on their phone in public without headphones on.

[oddballwriter]

🙏 gn/fem reader who has a tattoo of an ahnk on her chest and arm tattoos of astrological symbols or like more egyptian tattoos who visits the museum with a group of friends and steven just drools at her existence lol

Living Art

Summary: Working in the gift shop doesn't really earn you any points in talking to people, that's something that Steven's learned the hard way. But that doesn't mean that there aren't some cases that happen once in a while.

Warnings: It's mentioned that the reader does some of their own tattoos using the stick-and-poke method. Steven is shy but very much into the reader. The reader's gender and pronouns are never mentioned but Steven does refer to the ready is pretty so take that as you will. Mention of alcohol and getting drunk but no consumption actually happens. If I'm missing something don't be afraid to tell me.

Author’s Snip: I'm sorry that this took such a long time. I've been out of motivation to write and also recently started my spring semester. So I hope you will still like it.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 954

Working at the gift shop didn't really make way for meaningful talks with people. Steven has learned that through many one-way conversations with people who come in. But he'd be lying if he said that he ever really stopped wishing for a moment to chat with someone who would listen and talk back. Unfortunately, that person only exists in Steven's daydream it seems.

That is until one day a group of museum-goers come walking in chattering amongst themselves. Steven looks at them for a brief moment just to get a count of them before looking off somewhere else until he hears a voice go "Oh..." in a disappointed cringing manner. Steven glances back and sees you staring at a mug on display. He knows which one it is. It's that one mug that has hieroglyphics on it that are random and translate to literal gibberish. He remembers himself cringing at its existence.

Your friends join in and laugh at your explanation of why this mug has you scrunching your nose in disapproval. "Does it say something dumb?" one of them asks, to which you respond with "No. It doesn't say anything. That's why I hate it.". Your friends laugh some more and move on with their browsing around while one stays with you for a moment to say "You should buy it and put it in your collection of stupid stuff.". You nod but say "I'm thinking about it but in all honestly this thing is kinda ugly.". It is, the graphics look horrible and Steven is so happy that some else can see that.

After a while of walking around, and grabbing a plush that also got a chuckle out of you, you make your way to Steven at the counter. Now that he's getting a closer look at you, you're very pretty. As he looks you over quickly so as to not be caught by you he notices something else.

The shirt you have on gives a sensible show of your chest and arms and along them are various Egyptian and astrological symbols tattooed on your skin. Steven can name practically all of them with his brief scan of your body. He manages to catch you saying something to him.

"How's your day going?" you ask. He blinks off his stun and answers with a shrugged "Alright. Same work day as all the others. You know?". You nod in response. "I bet you get kids in here all the time." you say, "They always want to leave a shop with something." you laugh. Steven gives a small laugh back as he thinks about all the times a kid came in begging for something. "They usually leave with a toy or one of those little books for kids," Steven says before glancing at the little plush you're buying, "This one is actually really popular. They're usually all gone by the end of the day." he mentions as he takes a look at it himself. "They are pretty cute." you reply, "They're also kind of silly. These figures in Egyptian mythos just being little stuffed dolls that you just have around.". Steven laughs at the thought.

Steven starts to scan the items and he can't help but instinctively cringe a little when holding and looking at the mug. You seem to notice and snicker. "Sorry," Steven apologizes, "But as someone who knows hieroglyphics this thing is awful," he explains.

"It doesn't even translate to anything." you both say in unison. You both smile at the commonality in your opinions on the mug, with Steven maybe feeling a little flutter in his stomach.

"The only reason I'm getting it is because I like to collect novelties that are dumb," you explain. "What about the plush?" Steven questions having thought that the plush was quite endearing. "The plush is dumb in a cute way. The mug is just dumb and I feel like it will fit right in with all the other stupid things I have." you explain. "Well, I'd love to see that collection," Steven comments. "It's actually a really nice talking piece. People like hearing about all the stuff in it." you mention.

Steven nods and as he does he takes a look at a few of your tattoos. You catch it this time and smile, "Do you like them?" you ask. "I think they're lovely," Steven confirms, "Where do you get them done?" Steven questions. There's no reason for him to ask, it's not like he has the guts to get a tattoo himself but he's finally getting that conversation that he's been yearning for. "My friend actually does them. She's a tattoo artist and she secretly give me a discount for some favors like getting her food or doing something for her." you mention, "Some of these are by me though. Sometimes I get drunk and bored at home and just grab a needle and pen ink." you add as you point to a few.

"You tattoo yourself?" Steven gasps. "Don't worry. I'm drunk enough to not really feel anything but still sober enough to clean the area and not have it look terrible," you tell him. "If you ever want a tattoo but not the whole commitment, give me a call. I'll give you as much alcohol as you need." you say with a wink. Steven blushes and bites back an ear-to-ear smile.

You both hear the clearing of a throat behind you. When you both take a look you see your friends standing in line right behind you looking on with looks varying between smug and done with overhearing the back and forth. "Just give him your number already so we can buy our shit." one of them speaks up.

Taglist:

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction (applications open)

[sokkastyles]

I Read Azula in the Spirit Temple

And here are my thoughts:

Azula and Ty Lee's interactions are the best part of this comic. I generally don't like Tyzula but see why it exists. Azula's most compelling actions are with her female friends. And this comic builds a compelling foundation for Tyzula because Ty Lee is actually in a position of power here, as the one who understands What is Going On whereas Azula is still in denial about everything. There's a reason here that she appears in the temple but appears to be the only thing that's real. They have a nice Batman/Catwoman dynamic here.

I was right when I said Azula was using the Fire Warriors, and here she tries to use the fact that she broke them out of the institution to keep them loyal to her, but the point, that we see over and over again in Azula's story, is that you can't win loyalty and love through fear. The other girls have become fed up with Azula and leave her, and by the end of the comic, Azula also realizes that it was her own actions that drove them away, which is why I think she decides not to pursue them. The shot at the end of her watching them together is sad because we know Azula really does want friendship and love, but she still can't let herself admit this. Instead she declares that she will find her own followers again, because "I always do." I'm actually quite fond of this ending. Azula gonna Azula.

On that note, one of the central themes of this comic is Azula's awareness that she is responsible for driving the people closest to her away. The gist of this comic is that Azula essentially finds herself in a lotus eater's dream, but rejects it because she knows it's not real. Azula's main conflict is her desire for recognition and love from the people she cares about warring with not just her feelings of her own self importance, but her desire for the truth. Even when the spirit gives her what she wants, she doesn't accept it because she knows it's a lie. This actually is a really good insight into Azula's character because we know Azula before the series finale was content with the lie, she was able to convince herself that fear is the only way. But now she's getting to the point where she can't do that anymore, even at the expense of her own happiness.

Azula repeating in her sleep how she will make the fire warriors pay like a madness mantra is hilarious, and the comic intentionally plays up her pathetic self-delusions of grandeur in a way that is reminiscent of Zuko yelling at peasants to step aside in the show while he himself is reduced to a beggar.

The spirit does seem to want to help her, but since what it shows is controlled by Azula's own mind, it can't settle peacefully, because Azula can't find peace within her own mind. Everything the spirit shows her is really a reflection of her own inner conflict.

There's an interesting bit where Azula calls the spirit out and says something like "do you really think what I want is lies and manipulations?" The ironic thing is that Azula has built relationships on lies and manipulations in the past. Ty Lee at one point says that they were never friends, and that she was happiest without Azula.

At one point, Azula blames Mai for "breaking up the team for a stupid boy who didn't even want her" Zutara supremacy!

Azula wants the people she cares about to acknowledge how they hurt her and seek forgiveness, but she can't make the connection that she needs to acknowledge how she hurt others and seek forgiveness. Azula convinces herself that people can't live without her because she's afraid to be alone.

I've talked a lot already about Azula's visions of her family and the memory of the first time her parents see her firebend. I don't have much else to add here that wasn't said before.

There's a particularly interesting part where Azula destroys the spirit's monstrous vision of Zuko (who tells her that she needs to seek forgiveness from the people she's hurt) and the vision of her mother responds with a horrified "Azula, what did you do?" as Azula is standing over the spirit vision of her brother, dead from her lightning. Azula quickly dismisses this as the illusion that it is, but it's an interesting image and calls to mind how Azula did strike her brother with lightning and nearly killed him. Since we know that the things the spirit shows Azula are from her own subconscious, could this be an echo of Azula feeling guilty for how she's hurt Zuko?

Azula says that everyone turned against her except her father, and he's now "a pathetic shadow" without his bending. This is interesting because it's the first time Azula has acknowledged any fault with her father. This comic is also the first time she acknowledges that her father made her into a weapon. She says that she's the only one left to carry on her family's legacy. She's clearly conflicted about these two thoughts and even when she gets close to acknowledging that her father was abusive, she then turns it around and blames her mother and everyone else for "abandoning" her, and won't acknowledge that Ozai lost his bending as a result of his own actions, and instead sees herself as the only one left of any worth.

Azula's mother keeps telling her that she loves her, and since we know that what the spirit shows Azula comes from her own mind, we know Azula knows this deep down. Even in the moments when she admits that her mother was not happy, she knows her mother was scared for her and that she did care about her.

Overall, Azula is compelling in this comic because she's a villain who doesn't know what she wants, and is very close to having that "I'm the bad guy," moment, but still resisting change. And I kind of love it, to be honest.

I may post some more coherent thoughts later, but I just wanted to get this down for now!

[lionydoorin]

for your consideration: tara, who has almost certainly never interacted with a pet before, and nina, the cat who loves traumatized people

tara, who's never had a pet, both because of her fragile health and her mother's overall hatred for them.

who had never pet chad and mindy's childhood dog, because she was so scared of it they had to keep him outside the room whenever tara visited them. who only heard stories about amber's old cat, who passed away when her ex best friend was six.

who's startled when kirby first releases nina in the apartment, watching, with amazed eyes, as the small, black cat passes by them and runs into the agent's new bedroom.

she thought it was cute. but from a safe distance.

it was certainly calmer than when she had to worry about the meeks-martin's dog, though, because whenever they went to kirby's place, nina was nowhere to be found. tara would always wonder where she went; sometimes, she'd find her hiding in the closet, or taking a nap under the table.

one time, she went into the kitchen to grab a cup of water and found nina lying on the counter, tail gently wagging, and watched as the cat's head peeked up with the new presence.

tara ran out of the room right after.

it was always like this, though – she'd keep her distance, just like the kitten, watching as she existed in their presence. sometimes, when they arrived, the agent would call out her name and nina would respond with the smallest squeak. sam would pass by her and give her a gentle pat in the head, and tara would watch as the cat closed its eyes and purred contently. she'd see her rubbing up against kirby's leg when it was time for dinner and it would make her smile.

once, tara and kirby were on the couch while sam, mindy and chad went out to grab their pizza (safety in numbers, or something), and tara flinched slightly as she noticed nina jumping on the center table.

"you're not really a cat person, are you?" kirby chuckled, chugging a bit of her beer.

"i'm not the biggest fan of pets," tara said, fascinated eyes watching as the cat licked her paw and rubbed it on her face repeatedly. "i had never seen a cat up close before i met nina, actually."

"oh?"

tara nodded, pursing her lips in a tight smile as she looked up to the woman beside her. "never had animals. my mom wasn't a big fan of them, and she thought if we had one it could trigger my asthma. she didn't wanna waste her money on any more hospital bills. i seem to be doing just fine with your cat around, though. and nina seems pretty calm."

"she likes you." kirby's words made tara tilt her head slightly in confusion, looking back at the cat, that was now licking her own stomach. the woman shrugged. "she was a dumpster cat before i found her. probably got abandoned, and then she had her kittens pretty early on, and, well, nina's not really fond of people. not besides me, since, well, i'm her caretaker and stuff. but you see how she acts around gale. i guess since you never insisted, she liked that. i'm not saying you should run up to her, carry her around and become best friends with my cat. but i'm just saying that there's nothing to be afraid of, as well."

tara still watched. questioned, as she absorbed kirby's words, if this meant she could give it a try.

wondered if she would like to try.

——

sometimes, when kirby and mindy talked about movies, it reminded tara of her old best friend.

mindy and amber had lots of similar discussions before. the meeks twin would start an argument about the latest horror film she'd watched, specially when amber expressed a different opinion than hers — teasing her, daring her to prove them wrong. and amber would respond with such enthusiasm they'd get lost inside their own horror-centric universe.

whenever their group had a movie night and they settled for horror, the controller always fell on their hands. either kirby or mindy would give them insight into different options, so they could vote on the one that would be chosen.

before they pressed play, one of them would comment on something of the movie they were excited to watch — or rewatch — and it sparked a discussion that lasted for at least an hour, when someone finally managed to steal the remote from their hands and start the dvd.

this first hour always made tara kind of black out; she'd pull her knees close to her chest, staring at the distance as she blocked out all of the noise. her mind would wander elsewhere, away from movie dates she's once had, from get-togethers with her high school group where they laughed and acted like real teenagers. she'd avoid thinking of everything she once had and longing for those that she lost.

it always left her with a sort of melancholy, one that carried throughout at least half of the movie. but it was always best to not think at all than to face the things she felt constantly.

she was so lost in herself she didn't notice a presence settling beside her. nina walked in small steps, passing by kirby in front of the dvd player, jumping on the center table and stopping in front of where tara was positioned on the ground. then, she moved again, slowly pushing herself towards the girl, before she decided to sit right by her side, watching the group interact.

tara got back to her senses as a tail brushed her side, blinking rapidly and shaking her head as she adjusted her hazy vision. then, she notices it. nina, sitting there, tail gently wagging and eyes focused on the group interaction.

first, tara felt the initial panic; the thought of losing her breath, of having to claw at her throat and take her medicine as soon as possible. her hands searched for her inhaler, right then, finding it securely stored on her pocket. she didn't feel any chest pain, nor shortness of breath. everything was fine. she was fine.

(but i'm just saying that there's nothing to be afraid of, as well.)

she reached out hesitantly, watching as nina side-eyed her movement. seeing the cat didn't shift or run away from the idea of being touched, tara brushed her fingers through the fur in curiosity, choosing to pet her just like sam did the other day.

nina closed her eyes, lying down, seeming content with the gentle head massage she was receiving.

she retreated her hand, watching as nina leaned to rub her head against her leg, before she returned to the same spot by her side. she lied down again, both her front and back paws hidden by her tiny body.

"you're a good kitty, nina." she whispered. mirroring each other, tara and nina looked ahead, observing the rest of the group interacting, mindy leaning her body back with the remote raised above her head as chad impatiently pushed her, fighting for it.

tara felt happy, simply existing in the presence of this new but somehow familiar presence, and nina apparently felt the same way, quietly purring beside her.

[jenanigans1207]

Hi, i was wondering if you have any advice for a first time smut writer? Especially when the writer doesn't even have experience kissing?

I've had an idea for a bonus nsfw chapter for my long term GO wip, and over the months, I have created a detailed account of what will happen with dialogue in my head. But I'm worried that only reading NSFW fics will not be enough to help write it well.

I would ask in a discord server, but may end up gifting it to a friend, and they're in all my servers 😅 Getting advice there might ruin the whole "surprise! I've written a sexy fic!" if I do end up gifting it.

Hi!! Oh man, I don’t know how much help I’m going to be, but I’ll sure try!

I think the biggest thing I can say, and I genuinely can’t stress this enough: you’re going to feel awkward as hell the first time you write smut. To this day I still feel super awkward when I write smut, like I need to look over my shoulder in case someone is looking at my computer screen or this happens to be the moment I’m finally proven right that mind-readers exist and one is reading the smut straight from my brain. So if you feel that way when you write it, don’t panic! It’s not a sign that you aren’t meant to be writing it or that you’re doing a bad job writing it!

My second biggest piece of advice is to remember that this is part of a larger fic. And I hope this makes sense when I say this! It’s not just smut that you’re writing, it’s a natural progression of the dynamic that you’ve been building up for all those chapters. By now you have the character voices and personalities in your head— trust those! Lean into it a little, let them take the lead a bit. If you don’t end up liking how something is written, you can always rewrite it! (Though I will always advocate for simply pasting what you’re getting rid of in another doc instead of outright deleting it just to be safe!)

Third: remember that they’re people. Whether it’s an au where they’re human or they’re still celestial beings, the boys are disastrous idiots at the best of times (that’s why we love them). So don’t be afraid to let it be awkward or uncoordinated sometimes. If you feel like one of them doesn’t know what they’re doing, okay! A lot of us don’t!! And depending on the scenario you’ve put them in, maybe one of them hasn’t ever kissed before either, which allows you to lean into it a little and hopefully make it more comfortable! The point is, nothing is ever perfect. It’s messy, it’s full of emotions, and it’s usually clumsy and heartfelt and it’s okay to write it that way!

If you don’t have a deadline or need to post/send to your friend right away, I recommend taking a few days away from it and reading it again. It’s hard to look at anything you write objectively when you’ve been so close to it for so long. Taking a step away and coming back gives you a better chance of seeing the story the way your readers will— and I guarantee you that you’ll think it’s even better than you remember it being. Even if you thought it was the best thing you ever wrote, you’ll love it more when you are able to look at it a little more objectively! If you can’t take the time away, totally fair. Find someone you trust, someone who knows the rest of your fic so they have the whole story, and ask them to read it.

If you get stuck, and you have someone you trust enough, you can do what I do with my writing friends which is playing Questions! You talk a little about where you’re stuck at in the plot and they just ask you any question that comes to mind. Not always huge, plot-relevant questions, but questions about how a character feels, or how an outside character would respond, etc. and in working out the answers to those questions, I think you’ll find the bits of plot that you’re looking for! It’s always been a huge help to me, and it’s tons of fun!

Oh, and lastly— I think it’s absolutely phenomenal that you wrote an outline of everything! I’ve never been great at plotting or outlines so I’m jealous. But remember not to hold yourself too rigidly to the outline. If you forget something or veer off of where you intended to go for a bit but you like the outcome, don’t beat yourself up over it! Like I said before, you can always rewrite something you don’t like.

So I guess my biggest piece of advice is don’t take it too seriously and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s still writing and it’s a natural progression of a story you’ve already spent all this time telling. You know how the story goes, you know how the characters act, you got this!!!

I don’t know if this ended up being helpful at all, but I hope it is! It’s lovely that you’re doing this for your friend and I’m sure they’re going to adore it!!!

[glove23]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I WAS TAGGED BY @nooowestayandgetcaught THANK U ILY

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 158

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 325,837

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- any and all that I know/like!! I have the most fics in kinnporsche, hp, and grishaverse, but I write for a lot of different fandoms

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Meeting Your Maker (Literally)

Harry Potter, Time Travel AU, 64,543 words

- a colorful past

The Batman (2021), Jim Gordon/Bruce Wayne, 688 words

- Your Makers Meet (Figuratively)

Harry Potter, sequel to MYML, 30,726 words, incomplete

- I'm not leaving your side

Love in the Air (2022), Whump, 1,307 words

-no body, no crime

Kinnporsche: The Series (2022), MURDER, kinn kills vegas, 943 words

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yeah! I try to at least, I have a huge backlog to get through whoops. I started writing in the era of ffn where like half the experience was talking back and forth in the reviews and then pm-ing and that's how I made a lot of friends that I still have today. and without that kind of comment culture and the author replying to messages, I might not have ever started writing.

someone replied to my review very kindly and asked why I didn't have any fic, my ideas were awesome (hair flip) and that made me realize oh. I don't have to Just read, I can also write the stories

and the rest is history

but fostering that kind of community, just talking to people who love the things you love, is such a fun part of the fandom experience for me and so I'll always reply to comments (eventually. I'll always get there eventually.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

KDHAJCHSJXJSJZ I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A WHOLE SERIES WHERE I JUST KILL PEOPLE AND WATCH THEIR FRIENDS GRIEVE

but that being said, the answer is

into the wind (Love in the Air (2022), prapaisky, MCD/suicide

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh. this one I don't actually know but imma say

love me there (His Dark Materials, lyrawill, fix-it, lyra finds will again after the events of s3)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yeah, sometimes! 👍 don't do that

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes. not very often, it's usually M-rated if I do, but just. yeah. I don't know how to answer this

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yep!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, many times! back in my OG ffn days, and then a few times with @nooowestayandgetcaught

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I'm gonna say percabeth but I don't think there Is a real answer to this question, bc I love so many of my ships So Hard that just thinking about them makes me cry

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

......I will finish every wip leave me alone (I WILL FINISH YMMF I PROMISE) work in PROGRESS and the progress may be slow but it's PROGRESS

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue I am so fucking good at dialogue, and character interaction. definitely my strengths

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

descriptions. I am too lazy to do them all out the way I want to and so I just kinda. skate by

except in guess I misjudged you (gods I loved you) that one is PACKED bc I spent 9 months on it so

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

mmm unless I know someone I can talk to and get accurate translations, I don't really do this bc I am so afraid of conjugating wrong and google translate is SHIT. but when I do I try my best

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson! in 2012 on ffn on an account that still exists but I will not give u the name of. 🥰🥰

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

as of rn (October 2023) it's

guess I misjudged you (gods i loved you)

Percy Jackson, Royalty AU, Arranged Marriage AU, 56,438 words

it is my BABY and I think one of the best things I've written tbh

#2 would be

if you don't like it (lie)

KinnPorsche, kimchay, MCD, 3,516 words

it's just so delightfully painful and it's the one I show to everyone I show kp bc I'm obsessed with it

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANK YOU!!!! if you wanna do this feel free to say I tagged you 💞

@seaweedbraens @perseannabeth @karin848 @waitingondaisies (y'all don't have to do this. but ✨✨)

[this-is-all-unreal]

My Dear Friend

Part 9

Masterlist

    

  Bruce walked in first then the man. He was around 5'10 and middle aged. His hair was snow capped and kept short. He looked perfectly normal and unassuming. 

     "Margaret, this is Dr. Jones" Bruce says as the man takes a seat across from me. 

     "Pleasure to meet you." He says with a smile as he crosses his legs. I don't say anything. I don't think Felix would let me even if I wanted to. 

     "Right well I'll leave you guys to it." Bruce says as he steps out. 

      "So how was your day? Do anything fun?" He asks as he clicks his pen and pulls out a notebook. I shake my head no.

        "Ask him about his dead wife." I didn't want to have to scare or hurt him so I kept my mouth shut and continued my silent treatment. 

       "Well that's a shame. I had a wonderful day. The weather was gorgeous. I took a dog canoeing with me. He seemed to have a good time." He says with a heartfelt smile. I continued to give him nothing. For a brief second he looked like he was trying to force on something he couldn't grasp. "Trying to give me the silent treatment? Well unfortunately for you I can talk enough for the two of us. It's going to be a very boring hour for you I'm afraid." He said giving me a second to respond. I don't say a word and he sighs. "I tried to warn you. Well you see today I got up and-" he continued like this for way too long he walked me through the most boring part of his day the whole time Felix whispered secrets to me most of which didn't make any sense. I thought Felix might be messing with me because he was so bored.

       Finally I had, had enough. Felix had given me the most random piece of information and I had to get an explanation. 

       "Are you a human?" The air in the room changed. He blinked a few times, absolutely stunned. 

      "Well of course I am and so are you. Is your friend, Felix?" He asked. 

      "Probably. I don't know. Why would he tell me you're not human?" 

      "I'm not sure why don't you ask him?" 

       "He doesn't like to answer questions." 

        "I see well perhaps he's projecting? Maybe he's questioning his own existence." Dr. Jones begins to click his pen. At this point shrugging was all I could do. I didn't  know how to answer that nor did I know what projecting is. "No one wants to take you back to a hospital. That's not what I'm here for."

      "What are you here for?" 

      "To help you. I'm a little like you Margaret. Only I can read people's minds." He smiles and holds out his hand. "I can show you what I mean."

       "Have you been reading my mind? Can you hear Felix?" I was excited at the thought that someone else could hear him, corroborate that he was real. 

      "Well that's the problem I actually can't hear either of you. Can you help me make the connection stronger by taking my hand? I want to try and hear him." As soon as the sentence was out of his mouth my hand was in his. 

"Margaret no!"

      "That's him, can you hear him?" I ask looking over at him. He closed his eyes so I did the same. I could hear his voice far off so soft it could also be mistaken for the wind. 

      "Margaret, can you hear me?" I answered him back in my head but I don't think he could hear me. 

       "I'm going to try something else." He says out loud. I nod to him. I feel his hands sandwich my head gently. I started to see something appear from the darkness. A tall green man, I think I recognized him. It was a member of the Justice League, Martian Manhunter. I try to pull away but my head stays firmly in his hands. His grip gets a little stronger. 

       "I want to stop." I say quickly. 

       "I don't understand. Why can't I hear you, child?" His voice had changed. I started to feel like he was trying to dig into my brain. Like he was looking for something or someone.

      Suddenly he lets out a scream. I open my eyes to see Martian Manhunter in front of me. He was crouched down in front of me, his eyes still shut. He screamed so loud it made my ears ring. Bruce came running in and tried to pull his hands from my head but they were stuck there like he was a statue made of marble. 

      "Margaret let go of him!" Bruce yelled over his screams. I wasn't doing anything. I don't know how to stop. I saw the same black veins forming on Martian Manhunter skin that Superman had. They grew outwards from his hands and crawled up to his face. He quickly shifted forms over and over so many different faces they started to blur. Finally he fell back against Bruce who caught him. 

     "J'onn! Answer me!" Buce shouted as he felt for a pulse. The veins disappeared and he groaned in pain. I sat there in complete disbelief. 

      "You wanted him out of your head right?" I got up and ran from the room. I wasn't sure why I ran. I just felt I had too. I ran upstairs and into a random bedroom. I pushed myself underneath the bed. Why was I hiding? 

     A while passed before footsteps found their way to me. The door opened slowly and Bruce's head came into view. He looked empathic. I pushed myself further against the wall making myself harder to reach.

    "Why are you hiding under here?" He asked as he got down and laid on his stomach to talk to me. I shook my head no at him. He took a sigh and smiled as he wedged himself under the bed as much as he could to grab me. "J'onn is gone. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth. I was afraid his true form would scare you. Come here." He says as he carefully slides me from under the bed. He sat up and to my surprise he pulled me into a hug. I stayed limp, not sure what to do at first.

       "Why are you hugging me?" 

       "Because I'm sorry." Is all he says. I pat him on the back and we stay like this for a little longer than I'd like but I wasn't going to pull away from him and risk hurting his feelings. Finally he stood up, keeping me in a hug. "I didn't know it was like that for you." I pull my head back to look at him. 

       "Like what?" I ask wiggling a bit to get free but Bruce either didn't get the hint or wasn't done yet because he didn't move his arms.

        "J'onn told me what he saw. What Felix does and says to you. What he shows you and what you see. Why didn't you say anything about the nightmares? About the faces you see. Any of it?"  

       "That's not all Felix."

       "J'onn seems to think it is." He says as he puts his hand on the back of my head so I have to put my head on his shoulder again.

      "Well he's wrong! Felix likes to cause trouble but he doesn't do all that!" I say as I kick my legs. He nods

     "I understand he must have been mistaken." As quickly as it happened it ended Bruce put me back down to stand on my own two feet. I brush myself off and look up at him confused. Before anything else can be said I speak. 

      "I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." I walk past him and make my way to my room. Affectionate Bruce almost scared me more than normal him. I tried to think what the Martian could have been talking about. What he could have seen. Maybe Felix is having more of a role in my mind than I thought.

Sorry it's so short tonight I am addicted to animal crossing and I'm finding it hard to focus on much else. I hope you enjoyed it though! Thanks for reading! More will probably be out tomorrow.🤗

[brain-rot-central]

Stories are made of metaphors and tropes, and that's what makes them interesting and useful in the "real world." I'm not saying that your take is wrong, but perhaps trying to push reality into something that serves precisely to escape it may be too rigid an interpretation. And this regardless of Astarion, I'm not even talking about his character, because that has too much to do with D&D/RPGs, and it's another discourse completely. I just wanted to say that there are people who, in real life, still choose not to hurt others, or who recognize that having weaknesses is a normal thing and that forgiving yourself is the best thing you can do for your mental health. They exist, and they're not even the minority, probably. They're just quieter, and makes for less "angsty" stories.

On the matter of love, I don't know you and your experiences, but I can tell you that healthy love is anything but vulnerability. It is safeness, strength, balance. If you're in love and you are afraid either of your partner or of what you're feeling, if you fear the things they might do, of the way they might leave you heartbroken, there is probably something off about it. Loving while being afraid is not healthy. And that's something that a lot of people forget, or just aren't lucky enough to know. Healthy and fulfilling love exists, even if we've never experienced it.

I don't judge if you want to explore these themes in fiction, but I would like to give you an unprompted advice "as a friend" even if I am a stranger on the internet: if there is fear, if there is abuse, if there is too much tension, possessiveness or uncertainty that it's not love.

Sorry about the grim rant, I don't even expect you to respond, but I'm very sensitive about certain topics, and I may feel empathetic even when there's nothing to feel about it. I hope your life will always bring you peace and serenity ❤️

I'm gonna clarify that I'm not writing Sonnet from the perspective of this being a healthy, functional relationship. If you read the tags on Ao3, it's tagged as such.

I'm not promoting abusive situations. This is just my take on what I think trying to pursue a relationship with Astarion would be like if he goes the ascension route. I appreciate you taking the time to write this, but I also am of the opinion that you don't have to read it if you don't like it or or agree with it. You have the power to choose what media you consume.

I also think we have a different view of what vulnerability in love means. There is strength in being vulnerable. To allow yourself to be carried by your s/o. To allow them into your space when all you want is to shove them away. To allow them to see every ugly side of you but have them still love you, anyway. I don't mean vulnerability as in fear. I mean vulnerability in the sense that you're strong enough to show them every part of yourself that you don't like. Because it's you, in your rawest form. It's not a show. It's no longer a mask, a song and dance you have to keep up with. You can absolutely fear being vulnerable in that sense, but you push through it, because you know you deserve someone to love you as you are. You owe that to yourself, and also your partner. And over time, you find the beauty and strength in it.

Nothing that you're saying is necessarily untrue. Again, I'm not writing Sonnet as a promotion for abusive situations. I want to make that abundantly clear. This is simply my take on how much of a fucked up ride being with AA would be. I don't really share this fic anywhere aside from here because I know the topics within it are controversial. And I know it can make others uncomfortable.

I have healthy and fulfilling love within my personal life. I know what's abusive and what isn't. I try as best I can within Sonnet to make it known when something isn't healthy. The way Tav questions the things Astarion does, the confusion around some of her feelings -- that's the trigger. She doesn't feel right about all he does, but she does love him. You can absolutely love someone who's horrible for you, who treats you wrong.

But at some point, you realize the bad far outweighs the good. You're essentially setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. I haven't gotten to that point of the fic yet, but it's coming, lol. I'm getting there. It's a slow burn.

Thank you again for your thought out ask. I wish you peace throughout your life, as well. ❤️

[lamemummy59]

Aabshrn vent post warning for transphobiaaaaa

I love being the only openly out to everyone trans person (that I know of) at my school! I love micro and macro aggressions! I love overhearing people across from me in computer class say

" heard she thinks she has a dick. Shes like, delusional or something!" I Love hearing kids at the table in front of me in shop talk about how im a "quiet kid" (referring to the school shooter stereotype thing) while referring to me as "Spedy Eddy" (that is a real thing they thought was funny.) I love people yelling my government/dead name down the hall at me trying to get my attention just so they can say "see! It is your name! You responded to it" I love it when my English teacher tells me that she is not going to call me Eddy because "that just goes against my morals." I love being constantly asked what genitals I have and what bathroom I use and "do

I really haaaave to use he/him on you?" and "how can you use he/him when you dress like that???" I love being told that if you have a shlong you're a boy and if you have vava you're a girl and that i should repent because god made me a girl and he doesn't make mistakes! I love it when people ask me constantly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. "DiD yOu NaMe YoUrSeLf AfTeR eDdle MuNsOn?!?1?1?'(that's not against me being trans I think it's just annoying) I love popular kids randomly sitting by me and calling me their friend and talking to me and about me like I'm their

"bestie" for about a week before inevitably dropping me because they no longer get any clout from being friends with the weird shy transgender kid. (I'm not even shy, I just keep to myself when there's no one there worth talking to, which is most of the time at my school.)I love being used as a jester for entertainment by kids who wouldn't care if I lived or died. I love being scared to piss! I love kids using me as a database for transgender information they could easily google, so I have to stop doing my work and paying attention so I can explain how hormones work or else they could possibly never find correct information and could keep on believing transphobic things for the rest of forever. I love being afraid that I could get beat up just for walking down the hallway to class. I love living in fear everyday that Texas could pass a bill saying it's illegal for me to exist! I love living in fear that the current law they have about trans youth could affect me and I could be ripped from my not really expecting of me but still okay i guess family and put in an openly and aggressivly transphobic foster family! My life is great! Everything is great! I'm great! Why wouldn't I be!?

[petrichorvoices]

honestly, in many ways it's more lonely when we do have internet than when we don't. when we don't have internet, it's not that people aren't talking to us because they don't want to, it's because they can't. but when we do, then if they aren't talking to us it feels as though it must be some fault of ours, something we did wrong to drive people away, no matter how many other explanations there are for it

one of us was saying a few days ago something about different kinds of loneliness. he described isolation, in which there's nobody around you at all, abandonment, in which there's people around but nobody's speaking to you, and being ignored, in which there's people around but nobody's responding to your attempts to talk. and i've found that while all three are painful for me, i can handle isolation, but i can't handle abandonment

when i'm isolated i can distract myself, but, when i feel abandoned, it becomes all-consuming. my mind tells me that if people aren't talking to me then it has to be some fault of mine, something inherent to me that's driving people away. and it doesn't matter how many people tell me they've missed us over the past week, or how many conversations we have, there's this constant looming fear telling me that i'm one sentence, one gesture away from losing them completely. that they're taking pity on me and don't mean it, that they're being performative, that my friends aren't really my friends and are just playing along with this weird, childish thing that's deluded itself into thinking it might possibly be worth talking to

i feel like the loneliness of this summer will follow us forever. i wonder sometimes if it's ever going to get better, if it's ever going to let us, let me go. it's playing on fears we've had for so long, that are so deeply ingrained in us. as it happens to be, all of our worst fears have to do with loneliness. everything we are is terrified, struck still by the prospect of being abandoned. our OCD plays intricately with the idea that us being a bad person will cause everyone to leave and ignore us. the reason that we are as many people as we are is because of how interwoven this fear of loneliness is with us

and i'm sorry to be such a downer on one of the few times we have to be able to talk to people. i know that probably makes it worse, makes it even less desirable to talk to us. i don't know what to do. if i keep it inside it consumes me, but if i speak it out loud then i speak it into existence and possibility. i'm so tired, and i'm so afraid

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

man, what even is an anti? anti what? I was busy doing real life in 2014-19 and when I got back everything was different like I entered the twilight zone. I don't understand what's going on and at this point I'm afraid to ask. do I even want to know?

and proship? like... ships? relationships? so anti ships? they're against shipping? is this like a "no slash" situation? I watched an hour long youtube video about it and still it makes no sense to me.

Ok so as I understand it a proshipper is someone who thinks you should ship whatever you want no limits and an anti is someone who thinks that liking bad guys or problematic ships makes you a bad person.

Now obviously I don't think that identifying with either of these labels is useful. I'm an adult with a job and two side hustles and friends and hobbies and a revolving door of men rearranging my guts I don't have the time to be making my whole identity about something like that, even if I do occasionally indulge in fandom drama. I also think that this is one of the few things that I'm a centrist on actually. I don't think you should be a dick to people based purely on their shipping habits or the characters that they like HOWEVER I also don't think that we should allow marginalized groups to be pushed out of fandom because we insist on treating marginalized characters a certain way.

So the person who made an attempt at doxxing an Izzy guy on Twitter was in fact an honest to god anti. I've seen their tweets and their issue was very clearly the enjoyment of villains in general rather than any actual problem with the person they were coming for, or even with Izzy specifically (they mention Jack stans as well as if there were many of those back when it occurred and they mentioned things that dont apply to Izzy or Jack but just general anti talking points iirc) I can't think of an example of an honest to god proshipper off the top of my head I'm sure they exist and are also insane. Most people are not one of these two groups. Most fans just read fic and occasionally have ethical problems with the things they read and respond by closing the fic and maybe making a vague post about it if they're bothered

However some people have started using anti to mean "anyone who dislikes a character" or dumber yet aka how they use it for me "someone who doesn't necessarily dislike a character just has criticisms of specific fan behavior and calls it out when they see it."

But calling me an anti is very plainly absurd. I picked the grossest white man I could find and made him my PFP and let him kiss my favorite character in my header. I have never in my life shied away from problematic ships or from villain enjoyment. I've shat on specific ships that I don't like, even on a moral basis in the past, but I'm also a stridercest girlie because I don't believe in applying moral axiums to Homestuck and I've written multiple Blackhands fics because I enjoy putting Ed in situations I like how he handles them he's very cerebral and dramatic and he enjoys pageantry.

But basically Izzy stans who get in a tizzy about fandom typical Anon harassment have made their entire pr strategy for painting themselves as somehow oppressed pretending everyone who doesn't like them has the same exact views and motives as the Twitter doxxer so they never have to wonder if maybe we're right when we criticise them for painting Ed as a violent abuser or say that insisting so hard that very plainly and obviously homophobic things aren't homophobic is starting to come off like a hit dog hollering.

TL;DR: if you pretend everyone who doesn't like you is an insane puriteen who hates fun, even if that's provably and categorically untrue, you now have an excuse not to listen to them.

[lovinglifewithlight]

No resolution to current relationship with a fairy friend I, for years now, have considered a best friend. Its been painful to seperate after so long. After a final outburst of emotion, during a very energetically charged and trying time in which I honestly could have use her support. Instead I ended up being the one to apologize and explain, as I had admittedly lost my temper. But what for? After answering as honestly as I could, she was unable to explain how this had affected for or what she was going though at all. I never have heard how she felt or what her story was. I'm completely unaware of how to reconnect and unsure of the reasoning I have for doing so. As I now have strong reason for questioning what the relationship was and how it impacted me, both negatively and positively.

I don't believe they will ever read this so I'm going write as if that is true even though it's public technically. If they do they probably need the answers but are too afraid to ask for them in person. Either way, I deserve a space of my own to e press myself free of people I know and the social pressures on other social sites that are more connected. This space isn't for attention its for processing. It's helped me in the past to be able to reflect on what I felt more closely in moments in which I was feeling or thinking.

What made me choose and realize the relation was ending and that I should let go, and move on without regret?

How negatively I've been feeling about it. How easily anxious and traumatizing it is to feel confused and bamboozled, or manipulated. To realize through speaking with others how irregular the relation standards are, be that this person claims they are diagnosed with schizophrenia. Which until recently I didn't know much about. Now I realize that much of our friendship base opposes what we should be doing if she truly has this disorder. I do still have major doubts abouts the validity of that however. Its also just as possible in my reality that she has a different disorder or none at all. It's not for me to judge but it does make a difference as to how those disorders have different needs, requirements and symptoms. My aim was to learn more about them, to better support her. But without the willingness to speak openly, it's impossible to know those things, let alone trust in its validity. Ive met many people now who falsely claimed to have an issue (mental or otherwise) or crisis, simply to find that such an event or issue never existed and was falsely created via theatric drama to cause massive amounts of attentions and at a times resources. Unfortunate she would not be the first to be unable to admit their story honestly, and choose to instead ask me to turn away or refuse to speak again all together. It's complicatedd this time with a know unwillingness to say goodbye to anyone. So its another set up for me, to have to walk away when I don't really want to do so.

Id much rather sit it out, work it out, be close. However I doubt that is the choice she has made ar this point. Its been about 4 months since she has responded to messages. All of which I've felt lost and confused about. No more though, thats long enough to continue my own negative self talk and blame when if I'm honest with myself: the only thing I can think of to do are desperate. If she doesn't want to or thinks it's not what will benefit her, then this friendship has nothing more to do.

We were never able to talk about spirituality, business or even music openly. Let alone talk about our story. So, I am moving on. Letting go and on my end, saying and accepting goodbye. I sat with someone and asked them to hold space so that I could chose closure for myself. I feel better about this now. And I feel that this is the beat decision for me, and probably for her also. Especially if she's unable to come clear with herself about her feelings. I'll never really know unless she's able to do that. Thats gotta just be okay with me, there's no use over thinking, wondering or even feeling about it. I feel its better to accept my reality as it is now, without her in it.

[robo--homo]

How to make friends

So I have a superpower: I am incredibly good at making friends with strangers. I can and have gone to bars/parties/events and, in the space of a couple hours, assembled a group of people to talk to out of complete strangers. All of my current friends are people I've met this way, including my best friend of a year who helped me get my job.

I want to give this super power to people, but it involved a LOT of therapy and restructuring my world view. Still; I am autistic and have social anxiety, so please don't think it's something you're not also capable of. At the very least, I can try and give advice for how I approach random people and turn them into friends. May you twist it and use it however it will help you.

Find a place for meeting people.

This is, of course, the first step. Find a place where people go TO meet people. Gay bars work great so long as it's not too loud you can't talk. You do not have to drink. You can go to straight bars if you're into that (this is a joke). Art exhibits. Poetry readings. Open mic nights. Parties. Anywhere that many people come and exist together on purpose. Coffee shops won't do it if there's not an event- most people don't go to coffee shops without a purpose, including "I'm going to sit here alone in peace". That being said, give it a try anyways; if there's one thing I've found in all my time doing this, it's that people are remarkably open to friendly conversation.

Find someone who's alone.

Maybe you can relate to this: you go out to one of these places, maybe you find a seat at a bar, thinking tonight I'm gonna make friends, and then nothing happens. You don't know how. You're too nervous. Have you ever felt like that? Then DING DING DING, congrats, you now know that other people feel like that. Use this to your advantage! Find someone sitting or standing around on their own and approach THEM. If you can muster up that confidence, other people will be so grateful you are able to initiate. You can absolutely approach groups, but I find that finding singular people is easier especially the first few times you try this.

Compliment and question.

Most people love a) getting complimented and b) talking about themself. It is human nature. Either one of these things will get you the kind of response you want, so find something you like about a person or even just something you think is interesting. "I like your Dr. Who shirt! Who's your favorite doctor?" "What's your drink of choice?" "Your hair is so pretty! Did you dye it yourself?" "Have you been to one of these events before?" Do some thinking before you approach and feeling prepared will help you bolster your nerves. Have a few more canned questions to move the conversation along once you've started (if it doesn't flow naturally): what do you do for work, hobbies, etc.

Don't be afraid of clear communication.

Even the most neurotypical cishet will usually respond well to you being open and honest about what you want; queer neurodivergent people will respond spectacularly. "Are you here with friends? Would you like a friend?" "Hey, is it okay if I sit with you? I'm just looking for someone to chat with." Etc. "Is it okay if I join you guys?" "I'm just trying to meet people." People love when you're clear with your intentions. This works for dating, too; I got my last boyfriend by going up to him at a dance club and saying "I can't figure out how to flirt with you but you're really hot."

Be prepared to bail.

I will not lie to you and say this approach works perfectly every time. That's not how people work; sometimes the vibes are weird, sometimes the other person ISN'T in the mood to make a friend, sometimes you're not meant to be friends. Again, having something in your back pocket will help you. Come up with a lie beforehand; pull out your phone and pretend to check a text, "Oh, my friend is looking for me, sorry!" "I didn't realize what time it is! I have to go!" Be polite! We're all robots programmed to give certain outputs, so even if you don't have a lie, just going, "Well, it was nice to meet you! Have a fun night!" can give you a perfectly acceptable way to leave.

Try, try again.

Out of the nine billion or so people on the planet, you're probably not gonna like half of them. Much like there are many fish in the sea, there are many friends! And some of them have nothing in common with you, or just don't match up with what you want. You have to go into this prepared to do it over and over again, because it can take a while to find the people with the heart of gold you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Remember: No one cares.

My personal litany against social anxiety is 'nobody will remember you.' It sounds bleak, but in terms of your little mess ups, it's extremely true! No one will remember if you spilled something on yourself. No one will remember if you stuttered a lot, or you said something awkward, or if you approached them and it went super terribly and you had to stumble away apologizing. At the very most, you are a funny tale of a stranger, but think about your own experiences from the other side- can you actually name any times that another person did any of these things in front of you? We don't record life's little mess ups in other people. A lot of times we straight up don't even notice them. The thing you are the most anxious about in yourself, there's a good chance no one else cares. Be kind to yourself. Worry a little less about the little things.

Like I said at the beginning, a lot of it is world view. I have found through my experiences that people are generally good, or at least generally friendly. Your experiences will be different, but maybe try thinking about things my way for a little bit. Humans are social animals. I talk to people on buses, in lines at stores, at coffee shops, everywhere. It's not just for making friends; a lot of these people are wildly different from me and I will never see longer than a few minutes, but it makes me feel more connected and more generally happy with the state of existence. Weird, funny little interactions still fill up your social meter, and they can make you feel like the world is a kinder place.