#i'm sorry it's a poor treat!

[zephfair]

Trick or treat! 🐈‍⬛

Omggg, I'm so sorry I'm late! I'm terrible! I would unload all my leftover candy on you if I could! 😭🤣

I'm trying to think of something creative to give you for a treat, but I'm coming up blank. Then I started re-reading some WIPs, trying to figure out which one sucks the least to finish, and I came across a scene that made me LOL and I don't remember writing it so I'm going to share it with you.🤣🤣🤣

It's from the comedy I was trying to write about Adam having to go golfing on short notice with his boss in order to secure a big deal, and Ronan is super-awesome helpful, as always. 👍😂

He was reading up on the country club's course on the tablet and watching a golf pro’s instructions on the perfect swing on his laptop when Ronan’s request for FaceTime came through on his phone.

Adam rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and accepted.

“You’re still wearing clothes?” was the greeting that made him sigh loudly.

“We’re not having phone sex tonight, I’m too stressed out.”

“Sex can help with that,” came the reply followed by a loud crunch.

That made Adam look at his phone for the first time then double-take. “Are you really naked, in your childhood bed, eating potato chips while trying to seduce me into phone sex?”

Ronan popped another chip in his mouth and asked crunchily, “Is it working?”

“Not even a little bit,” Adam said dryly. “Unbelievable, Lynch.”

Ronan just shrugged his bare shoulders. “You just get home from work?”

“A little while ago. I’m trying to learn how to play golf.”

“D’you google ‘how to play golf’?”

“Yes, and it was surprisingly unhelpful and overwhelming at the same time. Did you know these assholes say it can take a lifetime to ‘establish the proper swing’? Who the hell has time for that?”

“It’s all a waste of time and money,” Ronan said sagely. “Think of all the sex we could be having while those old rich idiots waste their time on swinging their thing. I’d rather be helping you swing your thing.”

“You know, I have to agree with you there.”

“Maybe they do this rather than having sex with their wives.”

They shared a snicker, then Adam sighed. “There’s too much, Lynch. I can learn the basics on paper, all the terms and technical shit, but I don’t have time to play a round or even schedule a lesson I can’t afford at the country club before we go.”

“What about going to one of those places where you just hit the ball as hard as you can? Gansey took me to one once when we were visiting his family. It was fun until the dude told me I wasn’t supposed to be aiming for the staff cart. How was I to know they weren’t a moving target?”

Adam snorted in amusement despite himself and typed rapidly. “A driving range? That it?”

“Sure,” Ronan said.

“Okay, there’s one right outside of town, and yes! They’re open until seven tomorrow night. I’ll call first thing in the morning and reserve a time. I can maybe get a couple hours in practice. There’s even staff members there, so maybe someone can give me pointers.”

“Great. See, I told you that you’d figure things out. Now, about that sex…”

“Still a no, Lynch."

“Well, how about you keep bitching and complaining and just let me listen and watch.”

Adam narrowed his eyes at him. Ronan raised an eyebrow, unimpressed at his attempt at intimidation. “You really wanna get off to me bitching and complaining?”

“I’ve got nearly a decade’s worth of experience at it. What can I say? You stressing out gets me hot,” Ronan deadpanned.

[horizonzerodawnaesthetic]

Headcanon time! Banuk edition

So we already know that there are many many different Weraks within the Banuk tribe. We also know that they all have their own way of going about things, with different levels of intensity. The White Teeth (the werak associated with Ikrie's questline), for example, is very strict about the survival capabilities of its members, as new recruits must be able to survive four days and nights alone on a glacier. It's doubtful the White Teeth are the only werak with these ideals.

So with that in mind, that leads me to this question: what happens to the babies? Now it's fairly simple to imagine that a member of these weraks who could not keep up with the extreme lifestyle would either be ostracized or die trying to keep up (and in some cases left to die). But I feel that a baby would be treated (slightly) differently. Yes, a child is incapable of many of the actions required by the werak they were born into, but they have the potential to grow. Their weakness isn't a failing at this point, it is an inherent aspect of children which (in the eyes of the werak) can be overcome. I doubt many weraks would leave infants to die (though it's not unheard of) and that's where this headcanon comes in.

It is a common occurrence (at least to the degree that it isn't considered strange in Banuk culture) that the children of these extreme weraks are left in the care of other weraks. Some may know their heritage, others may not, depending on their birth parents and the werak that raised them. Should they wish to become a member of their parent's werak they are usually just as welcomed as any other Banuk.

Some weraks have many of these orphaned children because their land borders that of several extreme weraks. This may even become a part of their identity. Other times there may be only one due to one or both of the groups being nomadic. I believe the extremist weraks would want to be rid of a child as soon as possible, if a nearby werak recently had a birth then they're in luck, they won't have to wait for the infant to be weaned off of milk if they are able to pay the mother to raise the child. Otherwise they will have to wait.

Additionally, the parents of the child could be shunned by their werak as well. Obviously such a werak is no place for children, but people are people and sometimes babies happen. If the child becomes a large burden on the werak, I could see both parents being shunned until the problem is solved. (There's also something to be said here about how childbirth isn't something you just bounce back from and go back to roughing it on a glacier, but this headcanon is about orphans.)

Long story short, it isn't uncommon for weraks to raise the children of these extreme weraks. Many of these kids will remain in the werak they were raised by, some not even knowing they weren't born a part of it to begin with. Others will strive to join the werak of their parents, even if they don't know who they are. And yet others will feel abandoned, not feeling as though they belong to either werak. They might choose to strike out on their own or join a completely different werak.

A/N

WHYYYYY don't we know ANYTHING about Banuk family units??? do they even stay with their parents or is it a group thing??? literally the only people who mention having alive family is Ourea and Aratak and they're siblings. Do parents actually raise specifically their kids or is it like a whole gaggle of moms and dads working together on shifts? Are there weraks that function as giant daycares/boarding schools? I'm just trying to make some sense out of all this. One thing is for sure though: the White Teeth are not gonna keep kids around but kids are still gonna happen. That's life (literally).

[mad-hunts]

[the-blossica-fan]

I remember seeing a post wherein Matilda is akin to "the soulmate goose duck of enforcement"

That is to say, she causes relationships to happen around her just by her existing between two people 😭

Oh, she was talking with Druvis III and Lilya joined in the conversation? Boom. She later learns they're now dating.

That sort of thing 😭😭😭

Why the heck did I not see this one? I'm so sorry 😭😭

Taking this into consideration, Matilda would 100% be frightened of this power.

It all started when she joined in a conversation with two random classmates, later on they started to date and she thought it was nice!

Then Jessica and Blonney

Then Windsong and Vila (I do think they had an interaction because of the kids)

And then she began to pale.

Poor Matilda gets no girls (Kanjira is there but Matilda is, let's be real, she's oblivious)

She does NOT want to get in between Vertin and Sonetto. This power must not be used for the wrong purposes (she low-key scared they begin to date if she gets in an interaction). Also since Matilda is very superstitious and believes in a lot of things about the stars, she's so not talking to them at the same time.

Ended up dating Kanjira and she still doesn't know what (she pulled by accident LMAO)

[essektheylyss]

I am obsessed with how narratively convenient Lark's divinatory abilities are. She's the only one of the protagonists who is both pragmatic and has a working sense of self-preservation, so having some internal impulse that is actually the guiding hand of the cosmos pushing her into doing the REALLY stupid shit is both necessary and really useful.

Like, I am the type of writer who kind of scoffs at the idea that characters are beyond the writer's control and will completely screw over your outline, because on one hand, a sensible outline will follow the characters' personalities and tendencies anyway. Obviously in an ensemble cast you will need to do some wrangling, but in theory your characters are responding to varying degrees of stimuli in order to maneuver them into the places you need them to be for things to all come together in the end.

But more importantly, "curse from god" is the funniest and easiest way to push any character to do things beyond the realm of reason when necessary, and frankly, what the fuck is the point of playing god if you don't embrace that?

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[can-of-slorgs]

Im dying at your tags on that last anon 😭😂 youre now the dr.sloth pinup artist that neopets needed

Not the title i wanted to craft for myself when i started this blog but hey, it brought us such good memories like

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Welcome back to the Yuko Lives AU. Today I'm showing the results of messing around with an incorrect quotes generator.

Starring: Majima's usual nonsense, Yuko being sillypilled, and Nishiki's Eternal Suffering as a result.

[aquanutart]

After saving the land before them Zelda and link were tied and they need to sleep. So they went on there Horse to the Village to Link’s house. As Zelda was so happy she was also glad to know that all that had happened was all in the past.

Zelda was so happy to not be in the Castle trying to stay awake. Everything was fine now she was with Link. When they got about 4 hours away Zelda saw that there were some people out in the distance. She had not seen people in forever she said to link to set up camp for the night and she would go talk to the people and she would come back with some food so they could cook.

Link looked at the people in concern I will be fine just go set up camp he nodded his head. Zelda loved to see the blue sky and the birds and the sway of the grass she never wanted to it to end. When she started talking to the people they were a little of but she just thought that they were excited to see her they just offered bananas to her. All at once she remembered that Link told her about a Yiga clans they would look like a normal person but they were not.

she screamed “Link” he came running at full speed and right on time the Yiga clan members were not the week kind but the much harder to kill ones. One did have a bow though Link killed the one with a sword first but the one with a bow was so fast Link told Zelda to run back to camp she didn’t want to leave him alone but she went behind a big rocks and hid.

Zelda Hurd nothing but a sweet sound of a little bird chirping in the distance. Then she heard a scream it sounded like a link she ran all the way to him the Yiga was not dead but it retreated because it has fulfill its duties. It had shot Link right in the chest with his bow 4 times he was wheezing and gasping for air. Link grabbed two of the arrows and pulled them out. Zelda squinted with fear she knew that it needed to be tended to right away. But all she had was bananas and a small cloth she was watching him grab the other two arrows and he was pulling them out. He Was in a great amount of pain. She tried to talk to him for the very first time she said �� we need to get you to a stable first but we then will rush to Hatnao village”. Link tried to speak but the pain took over.

“shh you need to save your strength right now” Zelda said. She could tell that he Was in A lot of pain. Blood started to turn his clothes red and Zelda new that she will need to hurry or he wouldn’t make it! she said to him can you get on the horse he said. I-can try-to get on…. She was getting so worried that he wouldn’t be able to make it. She helped him get on the horse and they started to ride.

after about an hour or so it started to get worse they were about 20 minutes away from the staple. And he fell off his horse Zelda jumped off and rushed to the side. He was Groaning with pain as much more blood came out. At this time he was as white as the cloud He was barely breathing and struggling when he was. They finally got to a stable she found some cloth and wiped off the wound with some water. He was wincing with pain she didn’t want it to be painful but she wanted to be clean.

she turned one of the horses in so they could ride together in and he can rest. Zelda did not notice how much blood he had Lost buddy was struggling because of the blood loss they were almost to the village about only 30 minutes away when it started to get worse blood was rushing out now and Zelda was worried. The time before his eyes were open but his eyes started the clothes slowly.

Zelda knew it had to be because of blood loss or was that the reason she turned around and stop the horse she put her hand to Link’s for head he had a very high fever. She knew that the fever was going to cause some pain and some discomfort but she knew she had to get to the village that was all of her concern. when she made it to the village people came running out of their houses link was not awake anymore so They took him to his house and laid him down on the bed. Zelda fell asleep on the bedside Well they tend to his wounds.

She was still very worried for him but than her friend pura came in she said check it her normal thing she looked at link and said what happened Zelda explain to the story as pura made some food on the stove for when he woke up and fore them of course. They talked for hours then Link woke up wai-r am I… don’t worry you’re in your house he fell back asleep after about 20 minutes he was obviously exhausted from blood loss and a fever. After he was all better and able to walk again I Zelda and him continue their adventures as one! The end. Thank you so much for your kindness and your help for your love and kindness always gives me energy.❤️❤️❤️ I just want to ask if you can draw like a little seen out of this you are such an inspiration to me 😊

Hello! Thank you for all your kind words!! I'm really happy if I can give you energy; thank you for all your kindness and positivity as well! I always see you tagging people just to say nice things to them; it's really sweet and always makes me smile! 😊😊💖

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I really enjoyed reading it!! I don't take requests, but I did imagine this based on your story! (I'm sorry if it's not exactly what you had in mind!)

[daxite]

are people really mad that of all things shadow is actually kicking ass in the movie trailer, come the fuck on lol

[unbearable-lightness-of-ink]

justice for sam, sam deserves the world and should be allowed to have whatever he wants

[zorosroronoas]

desperately need ppl to stop comparing the acolyte to the rings of power, they are not the same.

[heartbeetz]

Crash mutuals. N sane trilogy was $15 the other day so I am finally going to be playing it. :)

[volfoss]

Every book I get closer to becoming the joker

[adhd-merlin]

I'm glad I wasn't in the fandom in the 2010s actually I think the Gwen-hate would have driven me insane

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

GRANDPA ??????

Come here, I'mma show you who's a grandpa

*runs towards you*

*trips on your crown*

*back is now Tetris*

HHHHHHH nooo blue i WHEEZED