#i'm sorry i like my men a little feminine can a guy LIVE??

[yixiangs]

feel like I'm speed running my way into becoming the family sheep ever since my family from overseas came to visit. i fear i cannot act normal to save my life, which in this case IS what is at stake here

[genderqueerdykes]

Just another trans man chiming in. I didn’t realize how bad things are going until I tried to go to a queer meet up in the next city over.

I live in a very rural area where I 1. Can’t get a job because it’s my hometown and everyone Knows and 2. Can’t make friends because everyone Knows. But I haven’t had a car in ages so I was stuck.

Well, finally got a car (and a job! Where the men treat me like an Other and the women treat me like I’m afraid of periods despite having had many and they’re aware of this because Everyone Knows) and went to said meet up.

With in the first hour:

1. I was infantilized by and condescended to by a cis woman who was almost 10 years younger than me and thought she could enlighten me on the trans experience.

2. Told by a transwoman (who she herself said she identified as Very Woman) that all trans men “get over that and figure out they’re at least a little non binary or effeminate” when sharing that I felt like a “binary” masculine trans man.

3. Was told I couldn’t identify with MY womanhood because I don’t feel feminine at all (even though I’ve been a man for 6 years and a woman for 30)

4. And basically ended up alienated in a corner because I couldn’t engage with anyone without being treated like a toddler or having jokes made about how I look like a cis dude bro (I kind of am a dude bro. I go surfing and snowboarding and I really love wearing tee turtle graphic tees with joggers and these really cool boots) and they werent friendly jokes.

So yeah. You have it just so easy as a trans guy and it’s really cool and awesome being pushed out of your own community for being yourself.

jesus christ, i'm so sorry you've been through that, but thank you so much for sharing your experience. i'm noticing a disturbing pattern of trans women and transfems violently, proudly misgendering trans men for no reason. can we please stop this?

[leidensygdom]

I gotta say, one of the wildest radical transphobes' talking "points" is probably bathroom discourse. I can't even put to words how utterly detached from reality it is. It's terminally online stuff.

So, bathrooms. I don't know if somehow other people's realities are somehow vastly different from mine, but I feel like the extreme clear divide between "men's" and "women's" bathrooms is just not real. Where I live, stalls are often gendered, but how much they get used in that way is far less consistent.

For example: If the place had only the space to make one bathroom accessible, it's gonna be the women's bathroom. Always. It doesn't mean only disabled women have access to bathrooms- It means that the women's bathroom is also going to be used by disabled people. And this is common. Really common. Maybe it's because the women's bathroom tends to need more space- For pad dispensers and trash cans, for baby-changing stations (yes, I hate that these are only on the women's bathroom usually), and so on. Now- You see a guy enter the women's bathroom. Are you gonna micro-analize if the guy looks disabled enough to use it, or are you going to wash your hands and go on with your life?

Again, baby-changing stations are almost always located on the women's bathroom. It sucks- It should be in all bathrooms. But it's how it is. You see a cis guy enter with a kid. Or maybe not even with a kid- Just enters, wanders around, finds the baby-changing station, gets a diaper from the dispenser and leaves. Are you gonna throw a fit or just let this guy handle his kid?

Bathrooms get cleaned on the regular. A lot of times, you may wanna go there, and get told it's being cleaned, and just get asked to use the other gender's bathroom. Cleaning can take hours. If the men's bathroom is being cleaned and everyone is now using the women's, are you going to deem the bathroom to be the world's unsafest place or are you just go take a pee and leave?

Fucking hell, sometimes the stall you want to go to is incredibly dirty. It happens. No need to get on details. Just the kind of stuff that makes you want to not use it. Or maybe it's clogged, or maybe it's not working. Maybe there's a note saying "Broken, do not enter". Do you cry about it or just go find another stall- Which may be on the other fucking gender's bathroom?

Most times I'll use whatever bathroom is available. One is busy? Ok, let me get to the other one. I'm AFAB and while I don't present femininely, I still look like a woman to most people. Have I ever been in danger because I cleaned my hands besides someone with a dick? No. Grow the fuck up. This isn't even rare. People will switch bathrooms for speed. People will switch bathrooms because one of them is out of paper. Because one of them is out of soap.

The mall in my current city recently installed "Family" bathrooms. They're not being marketed as unisex, or inclusive, or anything. Just "family" bathrooms. For everyone. They're great. It's the bathroom everyone will use- Men, women, anything in between and outside of that, kids, disabled people, etc. There's a bunch of stalls adapted to different needs. There's accessible stalls. There's pad and diaper dispensers. There's stalls that have a big toilet and a little toilet so parents can go with their kids. There's tall sinks and short sinks- So disabled people and kids can reach.

And, to nobody's surprise, there's no reports whatsoever of any sort of assault in them.

I'm just. I don't know. I'm sorry you can't detach the existence of a dick near you from immediate assault. I don't know why that changes in the context of a bathroom- I've never (in my long life of using whatever bathroom) been in danger for that. And I'm talking as someone who has had some unsavory experiences in other situations. Grow the fuck up and maybe stop basing your views on imaginary scenarios y'all need to come up with to justify your hatred of a minority. Maybe if y'all got off your keyboards and went outside for once, you'd realize bathrooms work much differently from whatever weird ideal you have formed about them.

[strongheartneteyam]

I wet you like water but she stained you like blood.

Chapter 2

Pairing: widowed!dilf!Jake Sully x younger!female!human reader

CW: angsty as hell, Neytiri is dead in this AU, unrequited love, older man & younger woman relationship (y/n is in her 20's), feeling like you're only there to fill in the gap someone else left (Neytiri, in this case), mentions of death and being a widow, complex feelings, talks of trauma, CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, mentions of sex, mentions of sexual fluids, reader feeling guilty about being with Jake not long after Neytiri's death

Not proofread. And I can't even read what I just wrote, without even correcting it, because I have to feed my cat and take care of dinner right now. I'm just praying this stuff makes sense. I'll correct any mistakes as soon as I can. Sorry in advance lol This amateur writer here never has enough time on her hands...... 🥲

Chapter 1 𓆩♡𓆪

You're so much older and wiser

And I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

𓆩♡𓆪

Jake was a widowed father of 4, he was an attractive, responsible, charming, older man. And he was also funny when he was just chilling, hanging around his friends or his family. Last but not least: he had a delicious "dad bod", a word people came up with to describe older men who are still toned but have some cute fat here and there.

You were a girl in your 20's, a young xenobotanist living in Pandora, who used to spend her nights alone, eating cup noodles, watching and rewatching old TV shows from when the planet Earth was still a place where humans could actually live in, and feeling lonely. So, when Jake Sully got his eye on you, you fell head over heels for him.

You knew well you could never replace Neytiri. Even after her death, she still had a place in Jake's heart that nobody, not even you, would ever be able to claim as yours.

Still, you could not let Jake go. Still, you insisted in staying. Still, you didn't seem to love yourself enough to say to yourself "I deserve better" and wait for a guy who actually loves you, not one that seemed to only love your company and well... your body most of all, as it seemed.

Okay, maybe you shouldn't think this bad of Jake. You knew he felt really connected to you, in a deep level. You two would talk late at night and he would always be vulnerable and tell you about real personal and deep stuff about his life - the one in the human body and the one in the na'vi body -, while the both of you would eat roasted meat and fungi, up in some tree in the middle of the Pandoran forests. But you knew he did not love you. Even if you could feel his heart beating fast through his chest when he kissed and touched you, away from everyone, never in front of anybody, because you two were adults and knew damn well that situation, him seeming like he was so happy and living his best life with another woman, a much younger human girl, who was at an age where she could actually be his daughter, wouldn't sit right with anybody, not human, not na'vi - given that he had children that were still mourning the death of their mother (one of them being a little girl, Tuktirey).

That sacred feeling, love, was saved inside of Jake's heart for Neytiri, his deceased mate, even after death. He bonded with her through tsaheylu. You, as only a human, no neuro queue to connect with his in sight, knew you could never compare to that primal bond he had experienced with her. But worst of all (you felt horrible saying "worst of all" but you knew you didn't mean it like that, like you didn't care about other people's feelings), Neytiri was the mother of his children. She might be with Eywa now but you knew Jake would always remember her looking all beautiful and incredibly feminine carrying his first born, Neteyam Sully, and his other two biological children in her belly (Kiri was adopted after her biological mom died, a dear friend of the couple, Grace Augustine. Kiri was a miracle kid. Her mother was bearing her inside of her body after her own death, inside the lab. That was crazy stuff your human mind would never understand, you thought. Only the na'vi could understand the magnitude of Eywa's power. You yourself knew she was strong and respected her but didn't love and worship her like they did.)

Thinking about the way Jake must still adore the memory of Neytiri and think about her and even cry missing her gave you a big lump in your throat and made you wanna throw up. You felt like the worst being in the Universe thinking like that, but you swore, truly, that feeling that way was not you being a petty selfish girl, jealous of the man you were currently in a situationship with and not even considering to have some respect for his grief and the grief of his children - who had just lost their mother -, but it was actually the love you felt for Jake manifesting in your body, in a psychosomatic way. The pain and desperation you felt thinking about the possibility of him never getting over Neytiri made you sick to your stomach, it made the bones inside of your flesh ache.

The first time you saw him talking to Norm one day at the lab, his tall, large frame in all its glory, his blue skin so beautiful, his dark blue stripes adorning his whole body in intricate patterns, his long brown hair falling on his toned back, his tail looking so cute, reminding you of a kitty cat.... "I'm fucked" You thought to yourself. "Am I really catching feelings for this older na'vi man who will probably never want me in this way?! Damn, he's still mourning his dead mate.... Neytiri died not even a whole year ago... I must be evil to be thinking about him this way at this moment. Stop that, you crazy stupid heartless girl."

You looked at him again and he was smiling, his fangs touching his lower lip. He had such a cheerful, precious smile, even though you knew he had been through a whole lot of pain and trauma in his life. "He must be really strong and resilient. That's beautiful." You thought to yourself

Jake Sully had the right amount of muscles but still had soft flesh in all the right places, his tummy just perfect enough for you to be able to squeeze it if you wanted to, his thighs thick but the muscles were balanced with sweet softness. He made you feel a raw kind of heat in your lower belly and think about him just before sleep, like you were a damn schoolgirl. Sometimes (okay, many times...) he made your panties slick with your own juices when you imagined him taking you in his arms and kissing you hard, dominating you like you were his. Which you wished you were. Until one day that wish was fulfilled. You were in cloud nine when that happened.

Jake had been in the marines back when he was human and lost the movement of his legs, being left needing a wheelchair to move himself around and do day to day activities. He lost his twin brother back on Earth, too, after he - Tommy - had been mugged. And now, he had just lost his wife to death too and was left alone to take care of his 4 children. Poor thing must have PTSD, if the na'vi brains were able to have the same disorders as humans brains had. You didn't know, to be honest. You were a xenobotanist. Your area of expertise was the biology of extraterrestrial plants, not the biology of extraterrestrial bodies.

The fact that he still was capable of irradiating happiness through his eyes, smile, voice and overall presence made you weak with admiration. And love, you must say. Because thats what you were: weak and in love, all for and with Jake Sully.

Too bad his feeling were not even close to being the same as yours. He loved you as a friend and he lusted over your body. He wanted to protect you from any harm anyone could ever do to you. The bitter part of it all is: he could never protect you from the harm he himself did to you. The harm being giving you pieces of what could be his love, but it wasn't. That was the worst crime he could ever commit against you. At least that's what the pungent pain deep inside the arteries of your heart told you. Every night. Every time you remembered he didn't love you, but he loved Neytiri. Everytime you got reminded of the fact that you were alive and she was dead but you still were not his favorite.

Goddammit. How did you end up competing with a dead na'vi woman over a na'vi man's love? You sure were losing your mind.

But falling in love with Jake Sully proved to you that you were not the nerdy science girl who used to always put reason first and feelings last, that you always thought you were. Not when it came to love, at least. Or not when it came to this relationship.

𓆩♡𓆪

If any of you wanna be in the taglist for this fanfic, just leave a comment 🤍 ily n hope you're having a nice day/night 💓⚘

[aahsokaatano]

A Brief Examination of Margaret Houlihan and Gender

(aka I'm doing my rough draft of my essay on tumblr bc I can ramble here)

I spent 6 weeks watching all 251 episodes of M*A*S*H with the aim of critically analyzing Margaret Houlihan, and more specifically how she is referred to throughout the series. I was initially doing this with the idea of tracking the change from "Hot Lips" to Margaret, but I got more than I bargained for - I really forgot how often she's referred to as a man or in a gender neutral way, and it's super interesting, so under the cut is a list of quotes and some light analysis.

Season 1

"Oh, sorry baby." / "Major to you!" ("The Pilot" s1e1) Neutral

"You're dismissed!" / "Thanks, Mother." ("The Pilot" s1e1) Feminine

"One lady in our outfit..." ("Dear Dad" s1e12) Feminine

Season 2

"You are no gentleman!" / "Good thing you are." ("Divided We Stand" s2e1) Masculine

[Margaret speaking on behalf of Frank] "That's pretty strong stuff, Frank." / "It's true!" ("L.I.P. (Local Indigenous Personnel)" s2e7) Masculine

"You've emasculated me for the last time!" ("Carry On Hawkeye" s2 e11) Masculine

"Margaret Houlihan; nurse, friend, and all around good egg." ("Carry On Hawkeye" s2e11) Neutral

[Radar calls Margaret "sir" - this is something that he ends up doing for several more seasons] "Men are sirs, women are ma'ams!" ("Hot Lips and Empty Arms" s2e14) Feminine (with Masculine connotations long-term)

Season 3

"You know, for once I agree with him?" / "I [Margaret] said that." / "I know." ("Rainbow Bridge" s3e2) Masculine

"Speaking man-to-man, Colonel," ("There is Nothing Like a Nurse" s3e10) Masculine

"He's a creep." / "She's a creepette." ("The Consultant" s3e17) Feminine

"I know you didn't volunteer because you're a married man [...] Well, I'm a married man, too, Frank. Married to the Army." ("Aid Station" s3e19) Masculine

"I'm not just Major Margaret Houlihan, army nurse. I'm also Margaret Houlihan - frail, vulnerable, sensitive female." ("Aid Station" s3e19) Feminine

"Don't think of me as a woman!" ("Aid Station" s3e19) Neutral/Masculine

Season 4

"When I was five, I had a crying fit because they wouldn't let me have a crew cut." ("Deluge" 4.23) Neutral/Masculine

Season 5

"He [Donald] calls me his little plebe." ("Margaret's Engagement" s5e2) Neutral

"I'm an engaged person!" ("Margaret's Engagement" s5e2) Neutral

[Speaking to a newborn baby] "Major Houlihan is here to help you." ("The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan" s5e6) Neutral

"Anybody can open with a pair of 10s if they're wearing civilian boxer shorts." / [...] / "I'll open for 25 cents." ("Dear Sigmund" s5e7) Neutral/Masculine

"Margaret, when you're sick, can't you call me Frank?" / "You know I'm an engaged person." ("The Colonel's Horse" s5e11) Neutral

"Margaret, I'm as taut as a watch spring." / "Your state of tautness s no longer a concern of mine, Major Burns. I happen to be an engaged person." ("Hawkeye's Nightmare" s5e13) Neutral

"Sure, nurse..." / "Nurse?! You're talking to a major!" / "Sorry. Would you help us move this guy into pre-op, Major?" ("Post-Op" s5e23) Feminine/Neutral

Season 6

"A head nurse who is part seductress, and part Attila the Hun" ("The Winchester Tapes" s6e4) Feminine/Masculine

[the nurses to Hawkeye] "Do you think you could talk to Hot Lips?" ("Images" s6e9) Feminine

"Hot Lips Houlihan: blonde landmine." ("Patent 4077" s6e16) Feminine

"Congratulations. You're still a major, Major." ("What's Up, Doc?" s6e19) Neutral

Season 7

[about her divorce] "Best thing that ever happened to me. The weight of the world is off my shoulders! I feel like a new woman!" ("Peace On Us" s7e2) Feminine

[BJ] "The king is dead." / [Hawk] "Long live the queen." / [Margaret] "You bet." ("Hot Lips is Back in Town" s7e20) Feminine

"I'm going as far in this man's army as any woman can go. Maybe even general!" ("Hot Lips is Back in Town" s7e20) Feminine

Season 8

"I'm a woman, and I can tell you what it's like for a woman to be away from the man she loves." ("Too Many Cooks" s8e1) Feminine

"To be a woman, with the rank of major..." ("Are You Now, Margaret?" s8e2) Feminine

"Hot Lips?" / "Yeah, that's a nickname she picked up." ("Are You Now, Margaret?" s8e2) Feminine

"Hot Streak Houlihan strikes again!" ("Life Time" s8e11) Neutral

"I'm just as much a major as any other major. You'll notice these leaves come in gold, not pink for girls and blue for boys." ("Stars and Stripes" s8e14) Feminine/Neutral

"What do you suppose I am deep down?" / "Deep, deep down? A woman." / "Go a little deeper." / "A major." / "I'm me. Sometimes a nurse, sometimes a major, sometimes a woman in love... sometimes all three at once." ("Stars and Stripes" s8e14) Feminine/Neutral

[speaking to an infant] "Hello there, sweetheart. I'm your Auntie Margaret." ("Yessir, That's Our Baby" s8e15) Feminine

Season 9

"What's the matter? She isn't man enough to bring it in [to the men's showers] herself?" ("Bless You, Hawkeye" s9e17) Masculine

[speaking to Margaret] "You know, you don't get to be a high-ranking officer, to run an O.R., to command respect, unless you've earned it." ("The Foresight Saga" s9e19) Neutral

Season 10

"I know everybody thinks I'm tough, demanding, insensitive, cold, callous, crabby - feel free to disagree at any time!" / "Think of it this way; maybe you are all that stuff, but deep down underneath, I think maybe there's some more stuff that's... pretty good stuff. You know?" ("The Birthday Girls" s10e11) Neutral

Season 11

"I do not need the help of a nurse." / "It's a good thing I'm a lady or you'd need a nurse, buster!" ("Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" s11e16) Feminine

Total Counts:

Feminine: 19

Masculine: 12

Neutral: 17

These aren't all of the quotes I collected during my rewatch, or the only thing I was paying attention to, but it definitely caught my interest. And laying out like like this, by season, you can really see the trends ebb and flow. Margaret is portrayed pretty firmly as feminine/neutral through the first season, but season two introduces the running joke of other characters referring to her as "Frank" and using he/him due to how often she speaks on his behalf, as well as Radar calling her "sir" rather than "ma'am." She sticks even more firmly to referring to herself neutrally in season five, calling herself an "engaged person" rather than an "engaged woman" on three different occasions.

After her marriage and Frank's departure, Margaret is referred to more femininely again, but she doesn't refer to herself as a woman until season 7, after her divorce. I find it especially interesting to compare "The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan" in s5 and "Yessir, That's Our Baby" in s8; both deal with very young infants and show us Margaret's interactions with these babies. In s5, she refers to herself as "Major Houlihan" to the baby, but then in s8, she's "Auntie Margaret." Between these events were her marriage and divorce, and Margaret's self-confidence being boosted by her work on herself and her duties as head nurse.

BJ refers to Margaret loosely in masculine terms in s9, and it's the first time the joke has been really touched on since s6, when Charles compares her to Attila the Hun. This is the last time anyone refers to Margaret as masculine, with the final two seasons having her presented either neutrally (by rank) or femininely (as a "lady").

Margaret's character journey actually can be tracked through this list of quotes pretty well. She's more of an antagonist when she's referred to more often with masculine terms, and as she develops into a more traditional protagonist, the narrative refers to her with more feminine terms. The fact that Margaret herself is most likely to use feminine terms when she's at her most confident in herself is definitely interesting, and I think says a lot about how her confidence is tied into her self-image.

[thecoolerliauditore]

sorry if this is unnecessry, i can't really tell if i'm the one being talked about with regards to having anti-twink sentiments? deeply funny sentence, but that really wasn't my intention. live and let live, etc

i do disagree that, in this fandom specifically, being against "twink" designs is based in homophobia and femphobia in particular. i could probably go through all the accounts that use the term twinkification and see various neopronouns and posts about crossdressing. of course queer people can always be homophobic, but i truly believe this is more of a general annoyance with the dominance of thin/permanently 20yo/anime designs than of the feminine aspect. or annoyance with the dominance of men, in some cases. ultimately, this is wildly subjective and very easily disagreeable on unless someone decides to do a widescale survey so. live and let live.

i was indeed very flippant about distinguishing between feminine and twink, but i believe i hold a different perspective to this than you both. gay men are indeed not recognized as men, or only as "failed" men, which marks them as lesser than men, which marks them as feminine. that is the crux of a significant portion of recent historical homophobia! this goes for a number of other attributes that, when thought about logically, shouldn't make anyone unmasculine, but because of patriarchy et al, it does. if you cry, you're a girl. if you're short, you're a girl. if you care about women, you're a girl. if you're a twink, you're a girl. if you're gay, you're a girl. hence me often switching between the two. yes, it would be nice to live in a post-gender world where these traits aren't seen as pejoratives, or the distinction between masculine and feminine wouldn't matter at all, but society(tm). i personally believe it's useful to acknowledge how "ungendered" traits ARE gendered, even if this gendering is rooted in bigoted history

but, for the sake of clarity, here's a lightning round of how i would define different grian designs: just a guy - thin, short, hairless, probably has anime hair, what most people call twink ; femboy - same as before but with uke style lashes and lips, generally rendered with a "feminine" face, often in "submissive" poses (or as a power bottom), maybe has tits and hips? ; woman - actual woman ; british man - not thin

anyway, feel free to not answer this if you think this is too discourse-y or unproductive. maybe i just misread it and we're literally not even disagreeing about anything. this is largely a non-issue compared to like, the racism in the fandom, or the actual gender gap in the cast, or the hermit tcg essentially being gambling lol.

ps. i wonder why butch designs are so uncommon?

my entire blog is unnecessary and discourse-y man send in whatever you want. my existence is discourse-y and I like it when people disagree with me (and LOVE IT when they agree with me).

So first off I think we're actually on the same page in regard to traits that should be gender-neutral but aren't due to societal biases, hence why I used my Grian as an example in the first place. I, designing him, did not intend for him to be read as feminine but I acknowledge that his traits could be seen as feminizing to others -- and the original anon who had asked me had specifically asked why Grian was more feminized than others, to which my first thought was "...Is he? Idk I feel like he just gets drawn younger?"

This is why homophobia/femphobia is relevant, despite that not being the intention, when people complain about "twink designs" they conflate those traits with femininity as a whole and stuff gets caught in the crossfire. The people who I see complain about twink designs are usually queer yes, but they are also usually young and not exactly the most brushed up on their history or have very little respect for their fellow queer artists. You don't need a homophobic bone in your body to echo homophobic sentiments, especially in the current online climate where so much conservatism has become repackaged as morality.

I also think misogyny is much more relevant to this discussion than homophobia, although those things kind of go hand in hand. e.g. why are "permanently 20" designs bad in the first place, especially when that younger look historically is a stylistic choice that appeals to women? There's obviously nuance to this i.e. the whole "conventionally attractive" thing

It's more that I want people who dislike "twink" designs to examine what they're actually saying. Like, consider,in real life are skinny petite men really considered "conventionally" attractive when every second guy I know is worried about being under 6ft and "sexiest man alive" magazines have line ups like this?

I just think a lot of people have warped perceptions of what is considered "conventionally attractive" in men because they're accustomed to seeing designs made by young queer women. What is "conventionally attractive" in a fandom space is very different from what is "conventionally attractive" irl.

My point is just that I think a lot of people need to take a step back and realise they're not fighting against societal beauty standards, they're fighting against tropes that have historically appealed to teenage girls (alot of whom don't even like men!). And it's okay to dislike these tropes, just um. Make your own stuff instead of complaining to the artist or calling them names?

And I must clarify again that I AM one of those people who is less keen on "twink" designs and prefers to communicate more masculinity and age. I hateeee the art styles of things like genshin and also kinda giggle at some of the more femboy-leaning designs I've seen for characters I don't associate with those tropes. And I do think we're in agreement for the most part? "Live and let live" like you said is the main point here and it. Really is not serious. People are still gonna draw them as little cartoon guys who typically look younger just by virtue of being cartoons + the audience being younger and therefore more likely to see themselves in the stylization. Take it away, Scott McCloud.

I really. don't give a fuck about people being haters. I too am a hater. But if you're QRTing luminousslime's artwork with the hot yaoi base meme, I'm gonna think you're a bit of a bitch.

I could get into more specific examples but I don't want to put anyone on the spot. Point is I think people over-obsess over avoiding being one of the Bad Ones and sometimes that turns into some very hateful stuff said about other artists who they've deemed as one of the Bad Ones. Like at the end of the day draw whatever you want, dislike whatever you want, just don't try to justify bullying. Unless you're actively sending in hate asks I don't careeeee have anti-whatever sentiments you want.

I can't find the tags anymore but someone even rb'd my original post about this talking about feeling fujoshi guilt over twink grian, so I can confirm that there is at least one person who's been made to feel shamed over the way this fandom talks about "twink" designs and how that is very much linked to anti-fujoshi stuff.

That PS is interesting and I could go on a whole tangent about it. Personally I think it's a mixture of the attitude that masculinity = boring that I mentioned in thee original post and a distinct lack of butch representation in media that leaves people with very little mental material to work with. If you asked me to name popular femboys in fiction, I would immediately start listing off characters like Angel Dust from HH, Felix from Re;Zero, Astolfo from Fate, so on. Even outside of the realm of online culture, I'm willing to bet most people could name at least on drag queen.

In contrast, does anyone here know who Spikey Van Dykey is? I saw several RPDR fans who didn't even know Drag Kings were a thing at all when discourse started up about the Thai version of that show confirmed they welcomed Drag Kings to compete.

It's even worse when you get to drawn media where childrens shows female characters often have their femininity accentuated as The Girl One and the marketability of "pretty anime girl" is hard to pass up in media aimed towards older audiences, as is often the allure of drawing pretty anime girl. When talking about anime specifically, Japanese gender roles are also a very damning factor in the storylines and designs of masculine women. You're lucky to get a tomboy who actually looks masc, let alone a butch (<-- take this with a grain of salt since the concept of "butch" doesn't really translate one to one culturally)

I could keep going about the concept of "tomboys" and how it's become very weird in the last few years but. sighs.

Anyway female CCs tend to have very overtly feminine (i.e. more detailed and "prettier") skins as well which might be a factor, masculinizing a design would probably mean taking away fun little trinkets instead of adding your own which isn't appealing to most people. Thinking about this post

like it's obviously not the same thing but.

you see what I mean ?

There's definitely some more. complicated stuff in there about taking away a woman's femininity and internalized misogyny but. yeah. it's own discussion. feminine women and masculine women both get shafted, feminine men get shafted, but you never see complaints that a man is too masculine.

[askanonbinary]

Hi, so I think I might be non binary, but im really confused. When I was younger, I sort of had this image for myself, I wanted to be a woman, with a man, and have kids, but now that I think about it, it never really felt right, I think I just wanted to fit in with society, I didn't really like anyone and barely even knew what gender was back then, and didn't know being queer was a thing. I mean i still dont properly tbh. Also what the heck even is gender, because, I mean, I don't feel right being a girl or a guy, and I know i feel more comfortable being a girl (I am afab) but at the same time being a girl doesn't feel right either. Like almost I prefer presenting as more stereotypically masculine but I prefer more feminine terms, like pretty etc, but my gender feels neutral. Is that valid? I mean i still prefer to be more girlish, so am i just faking it? Or maybe i dont prefer to be considered as a girl but ive just always been seen as one and i live in a cis and heteronormative society, and im only trying to be female so i fit in? I mean, i don't even know why I feel more gender neutral, considering I don't really even understand what classifies you as a certain gender. Also i don't like guys I don't think, I think I just used to think I liked them because I identify with them more, but then my first 'girl crush' turns out to be genderfluid/non binary, but I still like them, so how does that actually work. Like I don't really get how some genders don't feel attractive to me but others do? How do I not like men but like basically anyone else? And how do I even go about being queer, or figuring stuff out, or just maybe even acting more comfortably with my gender, im so confused? Im sorry if that sounds weird, I'm only recently discovering I'm queer, and don't really know how to go about it, plus my family aren't very understanding and I dont have many queer people around me that I can ask for advice, all the other queer people I know are only starting to figure it out too, I have no idea what or who I am yet, is that valid?

; well firstly I'd like to say you're going to feel confused for a while, because this is a new and confusing process. Often when someone grows up in a world with desires and expecations set by others ( get married, have kids, etc like you mentioned ) plus the additional how you should be / act ( be cis, be straight, etc, ), it's really confusing to then realize you don't fit into these very restricting boxes. And so genuinely, don't feel bad for being confused and for being complicated. Those are probably the most " normal " ( as in, common ) things you could be really. Difference is the most common thing there is, so don't stress that you don't fit into one or two neat little boxes ! No one really does do they

; secondly, how you feel about your gender vs how you like being referred to & expressing yourself are all three separate things, sometimes they're similar sometimes not. But if you feel neutral, but prefer feminine terms while also wish to present masculinely, then that's okay ! You're okay to be that and to feel that, totally okay. ( also side note: what " classifies " you as a certain gender is whether or not you want to be classified as that gender, simply speaking. You want to be nonbianry ? You're nonbinary. Want to be a girl ? You're a girl. Want to be a mix of both or three or four ? Then you're that ! And everyone is going to be nonbinary, etc, a little differently. There's similarities and common experiences but it's your identity, so it's going to be specific to you !! )

; thirdly, when realizing you're nonbinary ( and / or when beginning to question your gender at all ) often orientation comes after, and vice versa. ( I know that the moment I found out liking people other than men was an option, I wondered if being a man was an option too and then it simply took off from there and now I'm where I am today: just as confused as I was before much more confident that even if I don't always have the right label, I'm comfortable being me in whatever phase " me " is that day or even that minute, and if that changes then it changes ! ) So if you right now don't feel attraction to men, you don't feel attraction to men ! And I get it, knowing " why " or " how " you like one gender but not the other is confusing, especially with how diverse gender is in the first place. But just, trust that you know what you want, and stick to that while navigating all these terms and experiences !! You'll get through the initial panic, don't worry.

; and fourthly, it's not weird or anything: this is literally the place to ask questions about these sorts of things, and if anyone is going to understand your experiences even just a little it's going to be the people who went through / are going through them too. So no worries about that !! And if the people you're asking questions from answer back with a question themselves, you can find the answers together.

; and lastly: you're valid, your identity is so valid and it has been forever. No matter how confusing or complicated or different it is, it's valid. Even if you never 100% find a label / labels that describe you fully, you're still valid ! And your identity sure as heck is real, I mean it's your identity and it's right there. Seems real and valid enough to me no ?

; good luck figuring out your identity and everything else, and I wish you luck on being confused !! :]

- Mod Xela

[healthilyathome]

Hi I have a question I hope you don't mind:)

So I recently realized that I want to be a housewife, but I live in a country that is really "influenced" by radical feminism meaning everything that has to do with femininity or being a housewife is looked down at or your being declared for "wanting to give up your rights". So my question is where do I find men that actually want to be a provider and don't fetishize it.

Hey! That's definitely how it feels in the US sometimes too. I feel like I got extremely lucky with my husband so I'm not sure exactly how helpful I'll be lol.

I tell women in the US to give military men a chance lol. In my experience the majority of them just want someone who will take care of them and put of with the insanity of their job. My husband has said that a lot of his coworkers are a little jealous of everything I do for him. They want to be able to come home to someone who will help calm their anxiety and not make them stress about a ton of things on top of work. They want stability.

I'm from a super rural area where farm wives are pretty common, so if you're not afraid of getting dirty and doing some hard labor sometimes, farmers are generally good guys too. Depending on the size of the farm they have/work on they might not be able to afford for you to stay home. A part time work from home job or something with really minimal hours outside the home might be necessary.

Blue collar men in general tend to just want a woman who will put up with their job and take care of their home so they can just focus on family when they're not working. Depending on what they do, their jobs are also often well paying enough to support a housewife, but you may need to work a few hours to help.

Finding out if there are certain professions in your country where housewives/sahms tend to be popular can be a place to start, but you can make it work in almost any career field if you're willing to be frugal, learn how to budget, and live within your means. Pay is also often less when you first start a job, so just because they can't afford for you to stay home right now, that doesn't mean they never will.

I'm sorry this is kinda all over the place (I'm still going through newborn sleep depravation a bit lol), but I think a lot of men want to provide for their family. There are probably a lot of guys who don't think they'd want a housewife (my husband didn't at first), but once they have you at home taking care of things they'll never want you to work again lol. Be picky with who you choose. He needs to have respect for the work you do, and be willing to step up and help when you need it. I hope some part of this is helpful.

[insecateur]

hi hi hi! fellow transmasc here!

Do you actually headcannon Lysandre / Sycamore as being transgender? I've seen it going around on social media a bit and I was curious about your opinion on it :) (sorry if this is a lame ask)

THIS IS NOT A LAME ASK AT ALL !!! please never worry about sending me asks... i sometimes will take a little bit to reply for busy or timezone reasons but i do not mind getting them. i actually enjoy getting them a lot this was like the one thing i missed the most from no longer being on tumblr 💔

to answer your question..!! i don't know if i would say i headcanon them as transgender as like, a general rule (as in i think of them as transgender as like. their default state when i envision them in my mind's eye) but i do love and cherish the idea of them being transgender!! i have drawn both of them in trans pride stuff in the past and i've even written augustine as transgender once although it was in porn so .

i am sometimes... i guess "wary" of stuff where augustine is trans and lysandre is cis and it has this kind of . oh augustine is smaller and lysandre is manlier so obviously this is the way this makes sense vibe to it HOWEVER. i realize that for some people it's more of a "projecting on the character who looks more like me/who i like more" thing. so i don't begrudge anyone for it although i do wish there was more trans lysandre in the world... (and especially more t4t prfr tbh.)

wait actually this is making me realize i haven't talked about me being professionally diagnosed with lysandregender here ?! at least i don't think so. okay so when i went to see a gender therapist in order to start transitioning the guy was asking me random questions i think it was at our second appointment. and he was like "do you collect anything" and i, FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON, decided to tell him i collected merch of my favorite pokémon character lysandre. and then i was like "actually, i'm wearing a shirt with him on it right now" and i lifted up my hoodie so he could see my lysandre shirt. i don't remember the exact conversation that followed but basically he looked right through me and went "this is about your Gender." and i was like "this is definitely about my Gender." and this is how i was professionally diagnosed with lysandregender

i do genuinely think i have a lot of Gender Feelings tied to lysandre which is also why i like the idea of him being trans, although for a long time it felt too self-indulgent so i kind of refused to partake in it fully. thankfully for everybody i no longer feel a sense of shame about anything so we all live in a post-trans lysandre world now

my favorite thing about them being Gender is that augustine is actually exclusively a "feminine" name in french, and lysandre is gender neutral so both men and women can be called lysandre, although it's rarer for women (kind of like the opposite of "camille") so i think they should both be allowed to trans their genders as much as they want. that is my wish,

[captain-astors]

hi! what about the og quinx squad? :) (sorry for bothering you i just need more tokyo ghoul content and i like to hear people's opinions)

(I forgot about this in my drafts for a bit, I still love doing these) Ooh no worries I'm happy for the chance! I'll start it off short and sweet with my thoughts on the squad as the whole: I love them and their rainbow hair so very dearly. Speaking of rainbow, that's how I'm going to organize them as I rant about the individuals, hair color! so to begin,

Ginshi Shirazu! My pointy-toothed dearest, what is this shark doing outside of his natural habitat, put him back in the ocean. Jokes aside he's definitely the one I will most confidently say I wish the best for. His haircut would make me reconsider my life choices if I saw it in-person but as a work of fiction I like it quite a lot. Tokyo Ghoul is a series in which characters' hair generally follow the laws of gravity to a certain degree, which makes his little sprout stand out all the more. He was with us for less time than the rest but stood out all the more. Speaking of which, my only criticism would be why was he taken from us. Well, more specifically the timing of it Not just because I miss him either, why did it happen in that arc? It wasn't very quinx centric at all, it was about the Tsukiyamas and Haise so to squeeze Shirazu's death in there feels awkward. Guess we couldn't have the extrovert around to be reasonable and uplifting about the entire squad going to hell. As Kuki pondered during the Mutsuki fight, "maybe if we had our ray of sunshine we wouldn't have made the worst decisions of our lives."

Next up on the rainbow, Tooru Mutsuki. Oh my poor son. Look how they massacred my boy. If I ignore the undertones of "being trans is just a coping mechanism and he'll always be feminine and this is directly intertwined to the worst aspects of his character" it can't hurt me. IT CAN'T HURT ME. You deserve better than your parental figure Mutsuki I promise the first man not to shame and condemn you doesn't have to be the object of your affections. I don't know how to knit in the slightest but I'd make him a sweater and teach him how to make garlic bread or something. Disaster. Has done nothing wrong ever and everything wrong ever but I will support him regardless. I just want him to get the chance to heal instead of being given another way to unhealthily supress and hide. I love him dearly. If I had to give one criticism other than the whole. You know. I didn't realize his kagune was supposed to be a Bikaku until I took a closer look at a single panel in a chapter going through it for the second time, it really looks like it was supposed to be a ringkaku, just due to the fact that it seems to be coming from higher up on his back in most panels and takes that kind of tentacle shape.

Alright now, Saiko Yonebayashi! That is the only time I will be spelling her full name, Yonebayashi makes my brain perform a computer reset. A legendary vibe, strengthening your kagune is temporary, shaping it into anime weapons is forever. (I swear I'm not the first person to have this thought so if anyone knows where my brain stole it from let me know.) No complaints, golden standard of characters, perfection in a small package. Okay obviously that was a joke, I suppose it'd be the fact that she isn't really given an arc all her own to change and grow? It makes me sad because all the quinx men are given their moments, and while she has good scenes, where is my Saiko development! Where is my Saiko centric arc! WHERE IS SHE!

And we arrive at Kuki Urie. He's a funny guy to me because we have the same hobbies and similar aspirations to be the best as well as similar rude inner voices, but we're terribly different. Like I can fathom his logic and given the same goal and experiences, I'd do the same but I would never exercise by choice, I will continue being built like a noodle thank you. He's very dense, I like him. I appreciate the role of "the serious one" he plays but there were certainly a few times I just wanted to tell him to shut up and live a little. So that's my criticism. Learn to laugh Urie. Love him.

Now I'm not certain if you'd be including Haise in this but I'm going to for the sake of my own fun. Warning this is going to devolve fast.

Favorite Kaneki, literally just their mom. I wish his reaper transformation had been more like post-Jason, in the way that he's undeniably changed but still you know. A decent person. Instead he's just... whatever reaper Kaneki was. Biggest criticism was Shirazu's death. I don't care how many memories he's regained nor how Urie was being somewhat accusatory, Kuki was grieving, undeniably caught up in the fresh sting of death and memories, and though he did act somewhat arrogant in "why couldn't you save us" that's fairly reasonable. Haise was supposed to watch over them, and he was mainly saying "why weren't you there to say goodbye and comfort him in his final moments, he wanted you there" and despite certainly having at least a COUPLE memories as to Urie's whole complex of “I can’t be weak or rely on anyone because I can only trust myself to be strong enough to save my friends” reaper just says "actually you weren't strong enough to save him it's your fault again." Realistically that would've doubled down on that mentality and it probably did! I wish it was explored more but wow having the closest thing to a parent tell you the death of one of the closest people to you is your fault just like you've feared it would be, would mess up anyone. Moral of the story is love Haise, hate the reaper.

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m a short, plus size trans guy. I have a pretty hard time with masc clothing due to it not fitting right or at least not how I wish it did. Fem clothes usually fit how I want them to so I stick with them, plus skirts are fun and surprisingly help with the bottom dysphoria cause there’s no indent of where my dick should be like pants do, so I have 2 questions.

1: is it ok for me as a trans guy to still be upset when misgendered while wearing feminine clothing?

2: any advice on how to find masc clothes that fit properly on a fat and short guy?

hello there, thanks for taking the time to ask this! sorry for the delayed reply, but i hope you've been doing well in the mean time!

it is absolutely okay for you to be upset for being misgendered regardless of what clothing you're wearing; cisgender people get misgendered while wearing their preferred clothing, as well, many butch women get misgendered and called men when they are very much women who prefer to dress, act and look masculine. cisgender men often get misgendered if they choose to wear feminine clothing, or even men's clothing that's too "fruity". if cisgender people can get upset over this, you can too.

i feel like it's 200% impossible to know what a stranger's gender is just by looking at them and that as a society we would truly progress if we stopped assuming the genders of strangers by how they dress and avoid using gendered terms until that person reveals that information, if they so choose.

as for where to find clothing that would fit well, this one can be a bit tricky. i am tall and fat, i'm about 5' 8" and 280 lbs, so i unfortunately haven't much experience in the height department on that end, but i can tell you that wearing men's pants can be a bit tricky if you have wide hips. i have 48" hips and it can make wearing men's pants uncomfortable. if you haven't already, measure your hips (at their fullest point) and your inseam, which is the length from the crotch of your pants to the bottom of the pantleg. men's pants are sized by these two measurements, with the hip width being the first number and the inseam length being the second. my example for myself is that i wear 48x32 men's pants whenever i do buy them.

here's a guide on measuring your inseam:

here's a guide on men's clothing sizes (in both inches and centimeters) and how to measure yourself for different garments:

i will say that in the past i've thrifted most of my clothing. i'd like to be able to get to a place where i can buy myself some new clothes but up until this point most of my clothes have been thrifted. i will say if you live in a smaller area finding good clothing in plus sizes is a nightmare and you have my condolences. however i can suggest looking into men's fashion and seeing what styles you like to get an idea of what kinds of clothes you're looking for. before transitioning into buying clothes from the men's section you can always look to see if there are similar cuts of clothing (like cargo pants, for example) that are sold in the women's section for the sake of finding clothes that fit your proportions a little better at least until it's easier to figure out what size men's clothes fit you

most shirts and tops shouldn't be too much of an issue as they're made to be pretty loose fitting and don't conform to one's figure- if sleeves are too long they can be hemmed or rolled up, tails of shirts can be tucked into pants, etc. be very careful with button-up style shirts, these fit me so weird due to being intersex and i find that a lot of bigger people in general don't fit into them super well. they're not made for our proportions they just size up the shirts made for thin people and don't take into consideration how our bellies, chests and shoulders look.

button up shirts (when buttoned up, lol) can also make one's chest more prominent and create stress on the buttons that draw the eyes to the chest- i never button up these types of shirts and instead wear them open. this is a very masculine look, especially with a men's t-shirt underneath. this was my go-to in my early days of transition.

as for specific stores to look at, this will vary wildly depending on where you are in the world. i would recommend being highly cautious of buying mens' clothing from places online like Amazon, Temu, Wish, etc. that have a lot of China-based sellers, because often times you will see a 2XL+ garment and buy it thinking it will fit only to realize that that is Chinese sizing and therefore much smaller. shopping online for clothes while fat can be very hard, so i urge you to shop in person when possible

anyone have more concrete suggestions for this guy? i'm totally blanking on good suggestions of where to look for clothes.

good luck out there, stay safe, and take care of yourself. i hope you're able to find more clothing that helps you feel like yourself! thanks for stopping by

[josephine-futturwoman]

is being a woman like…way cooler ?? like- would u say it’s fun and whimsical ??

hey dude, thanks for the question! Dunno if you're asking this because you consider transitioning or you're genuinely just interested BUT I SUPPORT YOU EITHER WAY!! I'll just say: I think it's 50/50 fun. Equally as hard as being a man - we have different issues but the same amount. I guess I have the right to say that, cause I've experienced being both, this is all my personal experience I'm basing my opinions on. But my whole life as a woman is still ahead of me (I was "reborn" as a woman only 4 years ago), I might learn new things and compare the struggles of genders differently. Others can have their own opinions. But here's a list of cons and pros of being a girlie!!:

Cons:

It's more likely for a woman to get harassed, SA'd and etc.. Though I'm not saying men don't get into these horrible situations, and I feel sorry for those who did, I just think women have been sexualized and shown as weak and helpless throughout the years way more, compared to respected men with more power.

Fucking menstruations, pregnancy. Ain't nobody enjoys the immense pain that shit causes (unless they're a masochist). I don't judge people who want to have a baby, but the aftermath of giving birth can really fuck up a woman's health and body. And the cramps, blood, nausea during periods? Nuh uh, fuck that. Men don't get to experience that, luckily.

WOMEN DON'T HAVE A WEEWEE AND CAN'T STACK DONUTS, PUT CUTE BOWS AND GOOGLY EYES ON IT, AND WILL NEVER KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO ORGASM BALLS DEEP INTO SOMEONE😡😡😡😡

Pros:

I've read somewhere that women live longer, outliving men frequently. Ig we just pay more attention to our health and are more careful, idk how that works tbh >:P

Tbh, I'd put childbirth in pros too. Women are unique from men for this "feature" - being able to constantly continue creating human life in this generation. No man would even exist if women didn't choose to give birth to them, so SOME of those disrespectful assholes who say that they hate women and treat them like shit should fucking shut up and thank their mothers for creating them with the abilities to think and have those own shitty opinions, and they show some respect to them. Unless they have a death wish, sorry then. Plus, having patience to bear those born children, nurture them - basically watch your own little creation you took care of grow into a, hopefully, good and successful person - that shit's impressive as hell and something men can't perfectly duplicate, you cannot lie. Sending respect to all mothers out there, and especially my own❤️

Women can paint their nails, put makeup on, do their hair, wear absolutely majestic outfits and dresses, accessories and jewelry - basically, spend hours to look like literal GODDESSES in the end. But they don't even need that makeup or expensive clothes to look absolutely gorgeous either way. Just the fact that they take care of their appearance so much seems so appealing to me idk. And I'm not saying that men don't do that, of course some also take care of their looks. But sadly it's not normalized for everyone for men to spend too much time on their appearance to look neat - some bitchy people associate that activity with women and tell that it makes those men feminine for that, which can make some of those guys uncomfortable if they didn't want to seem as feminine... Even more unnormalized for some people are men wearing feminine clothes and makeup, and honestly that's fucking sad that they can't be who they are comfortable being. I want men and women to have "best dress/makeup" battles, because mens' costumes can't compare to the mesmerizing dresses designers create specifically for women😔. But there are some people out there insulting such brave men for having taste. So that's why I consider us, women, lucky🙁.

Anyways sorry for the rant ig?? It was just quite an interesting question!! And I really hope I didn't say anything controversial or offensive nor to men nor to women, those weren't my intentions, sorry if I did!! This is all just how I think!!

[squeamishdionysus]

Hello sweetie, could I ask for a matchup for encanto.

I’m straight, female she/her.

I’m a good listener, I tend to be quiet on first meeting but when I get comfortable I talk quite a bit, I’m also kinda blunt, I’ll say it how it is if I don’t feel like sugar coating anything. I love being feminine, I can cook well and love dancing but I’m not so good at it. I like men who can make me laugh, and I can feel comfortable around, you know respectful and caring.

I get flustered quickly from close contact but I genuinely try to open up.

My love language is acts of service and words of encouragement, if my partner is ok with it I like physical touch too.

{thank you 🤍}

Okay, so, the moment I finished reading your request, the one character that came to mind was Agustin.

He's a sweetheart, and he has a bad habit of babbling on a bunch, so having a partner who is a good listener yet doesn't go on the same tangents as he does works out really well.

He's also a fun loving guy; he loves to dance but he's not exactly the best at it either (coordination just isn't his thing), so he can go at whatever pace you'd like. He's accident prone, so I don't think he could help in the kitchen, but he'd absolutely live for your cooking. He married Julieta for a reason.

He'll also always manage to get a laugh out of you, whether it be intentional or unintentional, as he is, like I stated earlier, very accident prone and well-versed in the art of dad jokes. He's also so sweet and respectful, literally he and Felix are so respectful of Julieta and Pepa, and Agustin will absolutely extend that respect to you.

I can imagine you, since your love language is acts of service, patching him up when he gets hurt or helping him with something he needs to do but keeps messing up, yet you won't criticise him for needing help.

As for physical touch, I honestly don't think that would be his primary love language. I think he's more of a praise person, so that will obviously be something that you two will have in common. He won't try and initiate anything physical with you unless he has clear consent from you or knows you're comfortable with it. When you are, expect a lot of hugs from behind, as he just loves wrapping his arms around your front and resting his head on top of yours.

So, yeah! I think your perfect match would be Agustin Madrigal!

I'm sorry if this is a little awkward, this is my first match-up. Please know this is just my opinion and do not take it that seriously :)

[casiavium]

cut my hair short like I've wanted to for years and instead of the gender euphoria I thought I'd have I'm sitting in the dark, sobbing in my room. So I'm just going to ramble my thoughts

I love my haircut. I've wanted this haircut since I was 12, before probably, when I saw Thalia Grace join the Hunters of Artemis and forsake men. (At the time the idea that hunter/hunter relationships could happen was something I clung onto so bad, and I still do. Mythology backs me up, RR) It took me nearly 10 years to actually get someone to cut it for me. It's always been a struggle of oh we can't go too short :) you'll look like a boy :) :) I don't regret getting my haircut. I love it so much, it feels nice.

But it doesn't feel the way I thought it would.

I had long pinkish brown hair before this summer (dyed it pink without bleaching, let it fade) I cut it off in May, but again the stylist who was so nice and so sweet and my sister's friend's mother left it a little too long so I could still style it. So I could still look like a girl. With my "they/them is plural" and "why are there so many trans/gay kids in this tiny rural county" mother in the room (until I yelled at her in the car once because singular they is grammatically correct and is used in every day life, and she's smart enough to know that. she did agree with me then, at least) I couldn't ask for shorter.

They were gossiping about the ballet studio I used to dance at. I never fit in with those girls. I never looked pretty or was flexible or danced very well. I felt my best dancing my senior year as the Beast/Prince in Beauty and the Beast when we had no guys at the studio, but I was so jealous of all the rest of them in pretty tutus and pointe shoes I had paid so much time and blood and money for that I never got to dance in.

It's been four years since then. I still mourn who I could have been, who I can never be again because my body stopped working that way. As if my chronic illness is what's keeping me from being one of them, not everything else.

I don't know what snapped in me that I wanted to finally cut my hair now. I bleached it the night before, and it came out surprisingly well. Bleach blond(e), but the semi permanent pink had been soaked into my hair so long that even with the bleach, it turned pink in places. It turned a beautiful, feminine, ballet slipper pink that I couldn't have gotten if I tried. I was going to dye the rest of it pink again, this time on bleached hair so it would be more vibrant. Mostly bleach blond(e), though.

And yet, after washing away the chemicals that hurt my lungs and burnt my skin, it wasn't what I wanted. I joked that it looked like Draco Malfoy, but really, it scared me. I looked into the mirror that night and I didn't see a girl. I saw a boy, the kind of boy I very much did not want to be. The kind of boy that scared me and hurt me and bullied me in high school without even really knowing or caring that I existed. The kind of boy that all my straight and bi friends would date and get abused by and his impact on their lives still comes in the form of therapy appointments and fucks up their current relationships.

I looked into the mirror and knew I didn't want to be a boy, ever, and I never want people to think of me as a boy.

Expect for that person that called me he/him in a Link cosplay. Or the little kids from the dance studio that only knew me as the prince from beauty and the beast.

It's like, if people see me as a boy without hesitation, that's cool. But if they look at me and think they know I'm trans, that's what I don't want. It's like, they don't see a boy if they see that. They see a girl who hates herself and being a girl so much she's masquerading as someone she's not, and she's not doing it well. I've seen the way they interact with my friends, the oops sorry he's and the let's go guys—wait, can I even say that anymore? They see me as a boy in a girl way, but not in the fun genderqueer fuckery kind of way, but with cisgender sorrow and pity.

I'm not a boy. I want to be a girl. I want to be a girl, but some part of me knows I'm not. I just want to be a girl and I want to love other girls and I don't want to deal with the inherent not-girlness that modern lesbianism has forced upon itself, that's always been there and never been there, I don't want to go into my lesbian literature class anymore because now I'm not just another gay girl in a lesbian English lit class, I'm a ??? and my identities will be questioned by people who have no answers either. I'll tell them I'm a girl, and they'll give me a look like "okay 😏 but when you start falling down the she/her to she/they... to he/him pipeline I'm going to say I told you so with so much condescendence any joy I have for making you 'one of us' is going to feel worthless".

I hate my haircut. I miss my long hair. I want a boyfriend I can brag about choosing despite all the pretty girls in the world. I want to fit in with the girls who I went out to bars with once, who I went to pride with but felt like the token obvious queer so they could validate their own place on the sidelines of the parade while their perfect boyfriends texted them I love yous. I don't want to be their toy model so they can use me to carve out a place in a community they already belong in, when I'm still too scared to hold my girlfriend's hand but I'm fine wearing a flag that I don't even know if it's "problematic" because someone will always find something wrong with me being a girl with a girlfriend, even among people who say they're just like me.

If I'm even a girl (and if my gf is even a girl, which is a whole other issue I've only heard the beginning of)

I love my haircut, because people are going to look at me and think I'm hot now. I stand out. I draw attention. I'm on the exec board of three clubs, I have positions of power and will stand out even more. I'll be recognizable and unforgettable. As I end the so called "trial period" and am getting ready to be a "real adult", I want one last chance before I blend into the real world never to be seen again. I love and hate my haircut because of how other people will see me now.

I had always wanted to cut it for myself. So I thought.

I love my haircut, but people are going to look at me and ask for my pronouns in a way they never did when I had long hair. When I actually felt more attached to being non-binary, when I felt less like a girl. I feel more like a girl than I ever have, and now no one is going to believe me.

[uncanny-tranny]

Fingers crossed this is on anon!

Anyway. I think I'm in major denial. Figuring out labels has ways been hard for me and due to me knowing my family is not accepting of trans people, makes it harder.

I've always forced myself to be hyper feminine and it never felt right. Before a lot happened I was a very masc person. I'm learning to embrace that again. All my clothes are men's, I wear mens perfumes and deodorants, lotions, etc. Just those simple things make me beyond happy and euphoric. I dress very masc and it feels so me. I know clothing and such has no gender but you get what I mean. I feel like it's me. I grew out my body hair as I'm very hair for someone afab and I was ELATED because I looked like I had a Cis guys legs. I just want to be a guy. I found out recently that this terrible and sick feeling I get regarding my chest is the wonderful thing known as dysphoria/s. So I have chest dysphoria and I never knew it wasn't normal to get sick and have bad flutters when seeing your chest or knowing others see it...so there's that. I also have extreme dysphoria over periods and the idea of pregnancy horrifies me. Someone calling me a boy makes me have a rush of serotonin, but I'm too scared to use he/him pronouns. I got sad the other day knowing I could never be a biological dad because I'm afab...yeah anyway. I still am nervous to use the ftm label. What if I'm just a confused cis girl? I don't wanna be called a girl though. People saying stuff about how bad men are scares me too..I have a big worry of being a bad person and I've seen people especially terfs say shit like "don't become the enemy" and it hurts because I just wanna be myself and not be hated.

Sorry for the long ask. Any help is appreciated <3

It sounds like you're going through a lot in regards to this, and that can be very stressful to do (especially if you feel alone in it).

So, with regards to how you feel, I certainly empathize and really relate to everything you've said. For me, I was hyper-feminine in order to convince those (and by proxy myself) that everything was "normal" and that I was happy to be their little girl - even at my own expense. It was my tool and my shield, and it was really alienating. I truly disregarded how I felt in order to please the people around me and to keep them comfortable - I didn't want to rock the boat, after all. I get how you feel, friend, and honestly? All of my experiences taught me just how vital it is to live for yourself. And I think this is something you're starting to do. By doing the things that make you happy (such as wearing mens' clothing), I think you'll find that it's a little easier to accept who you want to be and who you are inside.

Something else I learned is that if you aren't comfortable in an identity, it most likely isn't who you are. If you're uncomfortable being seen/having to identify as a cis girl, that probably isn't the label for you! I get the paranoia surrounding this, though. I understand and empathize with how you feel, though I believe that you deserve to just let that fear go. If you find something that makes you happy, then that's more likely who you are! It made me so much more happy and calm and mentally well when I realized that I could just... be who I am instead of trying to force a round peg into a square hole by conforming to others' ideas of me.

And finally... nobody is "the enemy" with regards to being a man or being masculine-identified. That's a completely transphobic idea which honestly feels like a bad-faith interpretation of what it means to advocate for minorities' rights. Men aren't inherently predisposed to being awful people because that isn't how being an awful person works. Gender essentialism is not how we combat oppression, and it'll only come back to bite minorities. And it'll bite hard. We must advocate for each other, especially trans people. You aren't inherently a bad person because you recognize who you are. That is simply not how this works. You have a right to be you, and if that means you're a man, then that is okay.

And because I believe this is the same person who sent this anon:

I'm really proud of you! That's really special, and I hope this name is something that makes you happy! Never apologize for staying true to what makes you feel seen.

[madmilkboi]

┈┈⋆

━🧋⌒*. Asking them to buy a non-existent feminine product

summary: you ask your boyfriend to buy you the "breezy cooch 3000"

genre: fluff kinda,crack? Idk lmao

warning/s: suna casually talking abour a vibrator 🥶

a/n: i saw these all around tiktok last time lmao and i decided to write one with the hq boyos—also this has been sitting in my drafts for how long now lmao

₍ ♡ ₎ bokuto, lev, suna

• "kou, can you please buy me something?" You asked, holding your lower stomach as if it hurted

• "oh baby, is it that time of the month?" He asked seeing that you were in 'pain'

• you nodded while trying to hold your laugh

• "Alright,what do you need?" He guided you to the couch telling you to sit, to which you did.

• "the breezy..." you wheezed making him tilt his head to the side in confusion.

• "the breezy cooch 3000" you looked at him hoping that you fooled him.

• "breezy cooch 3000 and?" He asked

• "McDonald's" you added

• "okay! I'll be back in a few" he gave you a quick kiss on the forehead and went to the nearest convenience store

• he opened the door and immediately went to the aisle where the feminine products were

• "breezy cooch...breezy cooch" he muttered while looking for said product

• but to his dismay breezy cooch 3000 was not there

• and so he asked the woman next to him

• "excuse me, miss, do you know where they place the breezy cooch 3000s?" He asked

• the woman looked at him weirdly and quietly left without answering his question

• "oh no, y/n" his hair plopped down thinking about how much 'in pain' you must be right now.

• since he couldn't find the breezy cooch 3000 he decided on grabbing 3 packs of napkins and proceeded to the counter

• after paying for the napkins he immediately went inside his car and drove to McDonald's drive thru getting you your favourite food.

• he hurriedly drove back home, the thought of not getting you the breezy cooch 3000 occupied his mind.

• hearing the soft creak of the front door made you smile

• "hi, did you get me the breezy cooch 3000?" You asked

• he shook his head, eyes glistening

• "i couldn't find it, sorry"

• you don't know if you should laugh or cry, he's too precious

• "but i bought these instead..will it help?" He raised the napkins and food from McDonalds that he bought.

• "yes, it will" he placed down the paperbag on the table and immediately hugged you.

• "sorry"he muttered, nuzzling his head on your chest

• "it's okay, there's no such thing as the breezy cooch 3000 it's just a prank" you giggled while he only groaned in response

• "i even asked a lady about it...how embarrassing" he covered his face with his hands

• "the breezy cooch 3000" you repeated

• "the what?" He asked

• "does that soothe your lady part down there?" He asked, you smiled holding your laugh

• "yes it does" you answered

• "okay, I'll be back!" He exclaimed and immediately walked to grocery store

• "breezy cooch 3000...breezy cooch 3000...breezy cooch 3000" he mumbled while walking down the road making sure that he won't forget

• he went inside the store and quietly walked to the feminine products aisle

• he carefully scanned and read each product

• but he couldn't find "breezy cooch 3000"

• he looked around for employees to ask but nobody was there at the moment

• he went to the cashier and asked

• "Excuse me, do you guys have the breezy cooch 3000?"

• the cashier smiled, holding a laugh

• "I'm not sure sir..." she smiled

• "would you like me to announce it on the microphone?"

• lev nodded his head and hoped that what you wanted for him to buy was there

• "does anybody know if we have" the cashier wheezed making lev look at her in a weird way

• "the breezy cooch 3000" she announced

• most of the women in the store were all smiling and giggling while some of the men looked confused

• lev waited for someone to go up to him and say "Here's the breezy cooch, sir"

• but nobody showed up

• he sighed and left the place, a pout slowly forming the closer he got to home

• he angrily opened the door and plopped on the couch

• you peaked your head from the kitchen and saw that he looked angry and sad at the same time

• he noticed you and muttered something, to which you didn't heart

• "what was that?" You placed your hand over your ear

• "i couldn't find the breezy whatever" he huffed

• "That's because there is no breezy cooch" you laughed

• "you meanie" he mumbled, thinking about how embarrassing it was when the cashier announced it on the speaker

• "hey babe"

• "yeah?" He asked

• "can you go to the store real quick and buy me the breezy cooch 3000?" You asked making it convincing as possible

• "is that like a vibrator or something?" He questioned

• "no, it soothes period pains" his lips formed a small "oh" knowing what it was for

• but really you can't fool him

• he's seen those on tiktok

• he grabs his car keys and drove to the convenience store

• he was hungry so why not go and make you think that you fooled him

• he grabbed his usual favourites

• ice cream, chips, ramen, and his favourite jelly fruit sticks

• he sat inside the store for a bit knowing that him going back after 5 minutes and telling you he has the product would be a bit suspicious

• after finishing a pack of chips he finally decided to go home, thinking what to say to you

• while driving home he was planning everything out from what to say to what he should and all that he could say to his little plan was it was perfect

• he parked his car and immediately went inside the house

• "y/n~" he called

• you peaked your head from the living room

• he walked up to you with a smug smirk while you looked at him confused

• "they had it and it was on sale" he showed you the paper bag that he was carrying.

• "really....?" You looked at the paper bag and questioned yourself whether there really was such product.

• "let me see" you said

• he put his hand inside the bag and pretended on looking for something

• after a few seconds he finally "found" it

• "ah here it is" you walked closer to get a better look

• "here!" He pulled out his hand

• he had his middle finger out while giggling like a little child

• you smiled in disbelief after what this son of a devil did

• "but really y/n it sounds like a vibrator..." he muttered

• "i could buy you-"

• "No, thank you" you answered leaving the room while he tailed behind you.

©️ madmilkboi 2021 do not copy or repost.

🏷: @crescenttooru @leronddesorciere @fleurdedyo @owlnymph (shoot an ask or dm if u wanna be added on my taglist! ^v^)