#i'm sorry i don't know what to post anymore cause I'm hardly on tumblr

[dereklycangivesemotionaldamage]

i have no fucking clue what to write now but I am almost done with Aphmau's backstory since I decided to do the worst character first. Might take another few sundays though

[wildemaven]

Okay, so I guess this sits in the realm of Confessions.

I'm thinking about leaving tumblr. I'm not sure what I did or didn't do to cause this, but the people I thought of as my friends or at least closest moots hardly interact with me anymore. My posts, my fics, my reblogs, my comments to them... They are around, I see them on my dash, but...

It all sounds so middle school, but it hurts nonetheless, and I'm pretty sure anything that feels like middle school (even actual middle school) can't be good for anyone.

The thing is, I really love everyone, and I don't want to give up. But going around to literally dozens of peoples DMs to ask, "Do you like me?" "Are we still friends?" "Are you mad at me?" Is again a kind of painful kid trauma thing I just can't quite bring myself to do.

I feel like my time here is just sort of over. I started with little expectation, and to my surprise, I found community, felt well liked and valued, and then, it just sort of went away.

There was a time when I was really happy about my place here, and just that makes me so sad.

You don't have to answer or anything. I think it just feels kind of cathartic to write it down where if nothing else someone else will read it.

Anyway... I guess that's it.

Held on to this for a little bit because my heart aches for you and I want to wrap you in the biggest hug 💕 I felt I could have written something so similar, as so many are relating to this right now.

It’s so hard to not feel like you’re feeling when you see people you’ve connected with slowly pull away from you. It hurts even more when they’re still active but actively avoiding you. That fucking hurts deep.

There was a time when this space felt very welcoming and fun. And while I do still have fun, sometimes it doesn’t feel as welcoming— and I know I’m not the only one feeling this.

Cliques branch off, popularity fuels some to feel like they’re too good to interact with others, the vibe isn’t vibing like it use to. And like you mentioned, it can all make you feel like you’re being thrown back in middle schools wondering why you’re not good enough? What did you do to cause this? What’s the point of even being here in this space any longer?

I’m so sorry this has become your reality. I wish it was a simple fix or there was a perfect solution to make things better. I support whatever decision you make, your wellbeing and mental health matter most— just know this community will be a little less bright without you in it!!

You said I didn’t have to post this, but I want others who might be feeling the same to know they’re not alone at all. There’s a lot of us floating around with the same exact thoughts and feeling like we just no longer belong in this space.

You’re more than welcome to jump in my DMs or continue sending anonymous messages to my inbox if that helps you in any way 💕

Coffee Shop Asks

[bri-does-art]

i know this probably won’t do much, let alone anything at all, but i’m sorry for the stress this site has caused you and so many other creators here. i’m not asking for you to stick around on here, but i hope you know just how meaningful you and your art have been on here. you’re amazing. /pos

Hey, this ask has done a lot more than you would think. Thank you, you are very sweet. <3

I've kind of made up my mind about what I'm gonna do for a while now, but I've simply been... too busy and overwhelmed to take the time to let you guys know. I'm not going to delete my tumblr, there's just. Too much here that I don't want to lose.

So far the game plan is: keep my tumblr. But do not upload anymore art or writing on it - not because it's gonna get scraped, because it was already getting scraped anyway, AI company deal or not. It's pretty much unavoidable at this point, unfortunately. I simply do not trust Tumblr with my data, if they're going to sell EVERYTHING, including private messages and such, so I'm not going to give it anything worthwhile to profit off of. Instead, I'm going to start uploading my art exclusively on Ao3, for now. I'll answer any asks I receive here on there too, as well. I'll figure some kind of system out. 🤔

The cool thing about uploading to Ao3 is that anyone subscribed to my profile or to the containment series I will make will get a notification anytime I upload something new. Having my art and writing in one place is likely going to be more convenient for you guys too, since you won't have to move across platforms to get the full experience. 😄It'll be different... but a platform getting too greedy for its own good won't stop me from finding ways to share my stories with y'all. I'll just find another solution.

(I've also been entertaining the idea of joining or making my own Discord server but. That one is a little more delicate. The idea of joining a server that has hundreds of members like a lot of this fandom's servers have, just. Makes me break into hives, lmao. (I am in the Ghost in the Machine fic server. I muted it an hour into joining, it was way too intense for me. |'D) That is way too many people, I simply cannot handle it. I'd be way more comfortable in a smaller group with a less rapid-fire rate of posting and conversation. I am also. Very picky about which servers I join, which makes asking for recommendations doubly awkward when I shoot them all down, haha... And making my own... Err, I can hardly keep up with a server I helped create for another fandom and mod for, I don't think I could handle two of them - I would need other people to handle the moderation for me, and I wouldn't trust just anyone to be a mod. I'd need to know them well enough to know I could trust them, and I... do not really know anyone in this fandom well enough to do that, sadly. I take server moderation very seriously, as someone who has had experience modding for forums back before social media was a thing. I do not know if that would make for a fun experience for everyone, and anyone who hasn't known that kind of supervised experience. It is comforting to me. It may be intimidating for others. So that's still a very hand-wavy, 'eehhhh' kind of thing still.)

All of this to say, that this isn't the last you'll see from me, far from it. I'll restrict my creative output to Ao3 for the foreseeable future, and I'll let you guys on here know when I make a new upload, so those of you who do not have an Ao3 account know when something new has happened.

So there you have it. 😊

[agl03]

Hi...I just saw the last ep and I... really don't feel fine. :((( Once again no Fitzsimmons... x( How the hell did we end up there? with this insignificant on-screen time. I want season 1 Fitzsimmons' screentime back, 10min of them by episode talking, doing science, bickering even being happy for a change. I'm down with the dark tone, dark theme, dark whatever... dark is definitely not better!!They are the "jewel" of this show since the beginning (1)

and I really don’t understand the idea of diminishing “them” even more every freaking season. It’s worse than season 2 how the hell did it happen? I don’t want to wait 15ep every year to get something “good”, when did this become the norm and a good idea!?!? It’s bad and terrible writing. :/ And I don’t care about them having individual stories for a long time now, we already saw that and it was not the time to do that anyway. 

And the frustration was on when they would get their shit together and be together. They have passed that point now, so this artificial frustration they create makes no sense and they make it last. They work together for over a decade and they know each other by heart, their qualities, their flaws and even probably every mood, every breath almost everything of each other and now just like by “magic” their work is a problem in their relationship, it’s total non-sense

And I’m down rationalizing it to make it works, it just legitimates the writers’ choices and it is plenty wrong, they need to know that it’s all crap, and that some people are angry and sad and etc. Jemma’s statement on the lack of Fitz felt like a finger from the writers, and I don’t even want to talk about the generalization on men that I’ve read… :(I don’t want fiction to be “life-like”, life is an ice cold shitty desert, fiction is my escape plan, and Fitzsimmons are better and deserve better than that. They are my hope and light and I don’t want their relationship to be off-screen, there is no point in that.I feel so empty and sad and desperate… and I’m actually crying writing this message, and this is so completely the opposite of what I had expected to feel for when they got together… :’(( And worse than that I feel like I betray/failed the show, failed THEM by not loving the show anymore.:’( 

I know people will think I’m ridiculous and maybe I’m a terrible person but it’s what I feel… I’ll let them mid-season to get better but if not it fucking breaks my heart but I’ll be done with it, they manage to destroy my pleasure, my cheerfulness to watch the show, I didn’t think it was possible… :’( I’m so sorry to inflict you that, you are an amazing kind person and member of the fandom but I needed to tell someone that

I’m down rationalizing writers choices, it just legitimates them… I know it’s not a question and it’s probably my “last ask” because I don’t see any light coming, you can call it a rant, a painful comment, a cry for help, a farewell… and you can published it or not, it’s really not that important. :) But thank you very much for all your time, explanation and kindness. :) Once again I’m really sorry… 

Hi Anon!

I am sorry to hear how frustrated you are. And I want to sincerely apologize if my metas are contributing to this.  By nature I am what my family calls a ‘fixer’ and I try to make everyone happy and put a positive spin on things.  

EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinion and feelings on things.  You have every right to feel upset, betrayed, and frustrated right now.  We were downright misled by Jed.  I know I do.  I waited a LONG time for Fitzsimmons to be canon, I couldn’t wait to see what that would look like, and needless to say what we’ve seen hasn’t been what anyone expected.   

This is my escape too, you all have no idea how much being on here, answering asks, chatting, and doing metas has helped me these last few months of recovery.  And its hard when that escape causes stress or isn’t an escape anymore.  

As hard as it is not to get the shippy moments I was hoping for I really did enjoy the last episode.  Jemma had an awesome episode.  Fitz had an awesome episode.   And I want to support them as individual characters as them as a couple  Because, yes, Lil and Iain are the heart of the show.  Fitz and Simmons are the heart of the team..  I think Iain  especially has a very strong arc coming with LMD and the Radcliffe fall out.  I personally (my opinion) would rather see them dealing with angst on individual arcs rather  and real couple issues than a ton of angst in their relationship in order to give them more screen time.  Because AOS is not a romance driven show, is a very small component of everything else going on.  We see little from most couples after they get together.  We’ve gotten more Fitzsimmons shippy stuff after they got together than StaticQuake did, and that ship had one of the shows main characters in it.  

That is not to say this is all okay.  Relationship frustration being part of the story or no, the writers could “throw us a bone” at some point, take 2 seconds to assure the fandom and give us something to buoy us until the next time they can be together.  We got a fantastic one in 07, despite them hardly seeing each other.  For me 07 was a very strong episode in terms of FItzsimmons as we got validations from EVERYONE else at how much they meant to each other.  .

I did THIS post yesterday that gave me a lot of peace of mind.  That while months have passed for us, in terms of the characters less than a week has gone by.  Fitzsimmons have barely had time to sleep, let alone sit down and talk about the love nest and hurt feelings from having to hide AIDA.  

The other thing I know is at this point in the season

Sunshine and rainbows now = Pain coming

Pain now = Sunshine and rainbows around the finale

I look at where we were this time in B.  I did a lot of asks then.  A lot of people where we are now.  Mad, frustrated, and feeling hopeless that we’d get Fitzsimmons together.  We didn’t get the aftermath of Maveth I’d envisioned, no good conversations or discussions of feelings.  There they hardly had screen time as they set up Huntingbirds departure.  Heck  I am sure some on here were ready just to deck me when I kept saying be patient, it will happen.  And the BIG difference we had in B vs now is we don’t have that carrot.  In B we had the undercover pic that told us something good was coming.  Because it came back later we had the cast doing cons and we got talk of kisses (present and plural) to help us too. 

So I’m going to say now what I did then.   Hang in there good things will come.  Pain and suffering now means that something good will be coming.  I can’t say when this time, but something good is coming.  They are aware of how important this ship is to the show.  They are on social media they see/get the tweets demanding more.  They know what spoilers are being shared and asked at the entertainment sites.  And I know some from the show pop onto Tumblr.  They set up the ‘separation frustration’ for a reason.  And like Space BF was one contrived roadblock too far they are getting to the point where the the separation frustration has reached a breaking point too.  

We get them at the very least in the same room next week.  We see them in the lab with Talbot.  Don’t get hopes up too high, but they MIGHT be at the base ‘alone’.  And just because they get a scene together it doesn’t mean its going to be a super happy one.  They still have issues to work out surrounding AIDA.  But at least one of them isn’t lost in the woods with Mace, Mack, and Coulson. May and Daisy were on the Quin Jet.  Daisy, Coulson, Mack, and I expect Mace are at that speech  That’s not to say one or both don’t have to head out later but they will at least get some time together. 

This season feels like its been going for a long time and it has.  I personally feel this is contributing to the frustration factor.  All the breaks thanks to the election and holiday and we only have 9 eps in the books, that leaves 13 episodes to go.  Plenty of time for Fitzsimmons stuff.  This point last season we had just hit Closure…and look how far we came after Closure.  Every season has had at least one really good, solid, Fitzsimmons episode.  Season 1 FZZT (6), Season 2 Afterlife (16), and Season 3 The Singularity (18) are a few examples.  All came at different points in the season….though the last two were more in the back half.

I hope everyone knows my opinion and takes on this are my own.  I put out metas, theories, answer asks and hope they help others.   But I don’t expect anyone to feel the same way I do about story lines. Just because I enjoy one doesn’t mean you have to too.  Just as just because I have gotten to a okay place with the separation/frustration doesn’t mean you still can’t be upset with it.  Everyone enjoys and watches for different reasons.  I completely adore Fitzsimmons as a couple and want to see more of it but I am also enjoying them having their own story lines and am excited to see the Fitz/Radcliffe one play out.  

I don’t know if my rambling helps at all but you do what you need to do to take care of yourself and I don’t know who you are but you are a valued member of the fandom and would hate to lose you.