#i'm sorry about the coloring in the second scene i Tried

[pearlcaddy]

LOCKWOOD & CO. 1.07

[boiohboii]

A broken house

(Charles leclerc x daughter! Reader)

Masterlist

I just saw remembered this heartbreaking scene from an old theatre play (is that what they're called?), like when colors on tv first became a thing old, and I just had to write it down. WARNING: implications of cheating, abandoning children, Charles is not a good guy at all, a daughter confronting her dad, not proofread, just something quick right before bed

Charles never imagined he would ever be in this situation.

When he first held yn in his arms, his precious, precious daughter, his oldest and the apple of his eyes, he vowed to never hurt her, to never see her cry and to never let her expirence heartbreak, so what was he supposed to do when she's standing right in front of him cheeks flushed, fists by her side and angry tears falling out of her eyes.

He was the reason, he was the reason and he never thought he'd be. And to make it all worse, he doesn't feel sorry. He doesn't know where it all went wrong and he doesn't know when he became so cold-hearted towards the sunshine of his life, his pride and joy. But it's too late now, too late to try and talk, too late to try to explain and too late to even get a speck of the love yn held in her eyes for him. He knew it was too late. It was just too late.

"So what," yn refused to accept her father's silence, she needed to hear him say it, admit to his wrongdoings "you're just gonna leave us?"

"You don't understand," Charles tried to reason, his eyes not even meeting his daughter's identical ones "she needs help."

"THAT'S YOUR REASON!" yn's voice boomed through the empty house, thanking anything and everything that her mother and siblings aren't home yet "that's your reason to abandon us! What about mum huh? what about your wife? The woman WHO SACRIFICED HER YOUTH FOR YOU! TO FOLLOW YOU! TO HELP YOU! And what of my siblings, what are they gonna do? What did they do to deserve this? What did any of us do to deserve this?"

Yn looked at her father, slowly walking towards him, she refused to believe that's the same man who showed her what love is, who carried her on her shoulders to hear her laughter, who promised to sheild her from the world's treachery. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, the man who promised to protect her is the one clawing at her heart and watching it bleed, too much of a coward to even lift his eyes from the floor.

"Please," yn's voice broke as she thought of her home tearing apart, her mother and her baby siblings "please take a moment and think about it, about our family, just for five minutes. Please."

"I'm not going to waste my time."

Yn's breath hitched in her throat, her voice gaining power as her disappointment and anger took over, yet still so quite.

"All four of us don't even deserve five minutes of your time. Are you that impatient to leave with her? Don't worry, I won't hold you back, but I swear to you, I swear on everything that you believe in that you will regret it. There will be a day where you will wish for the time to go back for an hour, a minute or even a second, you will wish you'd have thought this through and really kept in mind who actually loved you before you ruined it all. But even if all the years turn back, we will never forgive you, we will never miss you and we will never think of you as the man you once were. We will never love you again."

Yn doesn't know where it all went wrong, she doesn't know how could 20 years of loving someone, your father, all just go down the drain because of one voice call. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do or what's she supposed to tell her mother, her siblings, her grandparents, but she knew one thing; it was too late to try and talk her father out of it, too late to not let this moment tarnish all the good memories they had together, too late to even leave a bit of her love for her father in her heart. It was just too late.

[star-hoon]

INTERMISSION — (l. heeseung)

"THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT ME, I THINK ABOUT YOU"

pairing: idol! heeseung x idol! fem reader (drabble)

includes/warnings(18+):  SMUT (MDNI), mutual mastrubation, dry humping (on leg/at his feet), profanity, dirty talk, praise kink (kitten, sweetheart,baby), semi public sex (let me know if i missed anything!)

word count: 1.3k

synopsis: you and heeseung do a tiktok challenge at an award show and both cannot deny the tension between you. he sneaks into your dressing room during the intermission and use the time quite *efficiently* hehe

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. this does not represent any true events involving heeseung and does not depict real life behind-the-scenes of idol culture/award shows.

— MASTERLIST

"swee eee eet sweet venom" you lip synced, finishing the tiktok dance with the signature hand gesture, followed by waving goodbye to the camera in front of you and giving your best charming facial expressions.

you tilted your body, leaning slightly towards heeseung who was next to you. the fabric of his jacket brushed against your arm and it sent a chill up your spine.

you tried to ignore the feeling as you and him went over to the camera man to monitor the video to give the staff the okay that the video was to both of your likings.

he was the quite the bit taller than you so he was able to stand behind you and still see the screen. you could feel the warmth of his body behind you.

he leaned down to "see the screen better", his breath tickling your ear. you felt your breath hitch at his close proximity.

thankfully all of the staff was so absorbed in reviewing the video, he was able to catch some sneaky glances of you. your outfit was cute and suited you perfectly, the dainty skirt and crop top making you look all the more adorable. and your makeup enhancing your features perfectly.

is this guy crazy? being so close to you with staff and potentially cameras around?? you thought to yourself.

you didn't realize how lost in thought you were until you heard a staff member's voice bring you back to reality.

"y/n? y/n? is the video good?- you look pale, do you feel sick? someone get her a water and a fan!" the staff member shouted and waving with urgency.

"no no, i'm okay! really! sorry i apologize for spacing out. yes, the video looks great. thank you!" you bowed stepping away. heeseung looked over at you, smirking.

"yeah the video looks great. thanks so much everyone!" he also bowed, waving at the staff, signaling the majority of them leave and attend to their other duties.

there were just a handful of stylists left in the room, touching up each of your makeup and hair respectively. you both periodically glanced at each other from across the room—the chemistry between you was undeniable at this point.

you knew it, and heeseung knew it.

he couldn't wait another second to be alone with you.

somehow by the grace of god, he was able to come up with some shitty excuse of 'using the bathroom' to sneak into your dressing room.

he calming opened the door, locking it behind him. but after that it felt anything but calm. he took two long strides towards you, pressing your body against the nearby wall.

his hands went to grab your hip and upper thigh. his touch making you bite your lip to suppress a moan. his fingertips trailed higher and higher, but eventually hitting fabric much to his dismay.

"stupid safety shorts" he said under his breath. he would have much preferred to see you in the cute skirt without them, or without anything underneath for that matter.

he leaned in, the tip of his nose brushing yours. you could tell his pupils were blown out even with his colored contacts. his deep plum hair and black jacket making his look that much more alluring.

he's waited so long for this—after countless award shows and music shows having to be so professional around you, acting like the sight of you did nothing to him. never getting a chance to be alone with you. but this was his chance and he wasn't going to waste it.

"h-heeseung, my makeup..." you put your hands lightly on his hard chest as he leaned in fully for a kiss. you couldn't risk getting your lipstick and lipgloss getting all over his lips. this was already all too risky as it is. you both knew it.

as much as you and him wanted this, you both weren't about to risk your entire idol career on this. the sound of footsteps and muffled voices from the hallway a dreadful reminder of the situation.

"fuck c'mere princess, get on your knees" he lighting tugged your wrist, leading you over to the couch as he sat down. it was like you were possessed and obeyed his every word without hesitation.

he smirked at your obedience as you stared at him between his legs with twinkling eyes. your flushed cheeks and glossed lips made him want to do nothing more than to have you choking on his cock. but that was for another time.

"what a good little kitten for me..." he said as he pets your head and leaning down to whisper in your ear "...who would have guessed y/n of [girl group name] could be so naughty? what would all of our fans think?"

you whimpered at his words, his deep voice tickling your ear making you clench your thighs for some relief. you continued looking at him, but now with a confused expression as to what he wanted you to do.

it was as if he could read your mind. "well sweetheart, just like you said, you can't ruin your makeup." he said with a cocky expression, smirking and quirking his eyebrows "...so get off on my shoe then. take off your safety shorts."

as you removed your safety shorts, he groaned at the sight of your white lace panties. he didn't miss the sight of the darkened patch on them. he unzipped his slacks and took his now hard cock out of his boxers just enough to jerk himself off.

his cock was big and looked so perfectly red and veiny, just begging to be sucked. the sight alone made your panties even more soaked than they already were.

you moved to straddle his sneakers, your hands grabbing on to his leg and knee for stability. you lowered your core and moved on top of his foot.

your started grinding on him, your grip on his leg tightening. the hardness and texture of his shoes finally granting relief to your aching core. you let out a soft moan at the sensation, your eyes fluttering closed.

"does it feel good princess?" he looked down at your fucked out state as he jerked himself off.

"y-y-yeah it feels so fucking good"

"yeah? i bet it does. touch your clit for me."

you reached into your panties to rub your clit, the feeling of your wetness causing you to gasp. the soft squelching sounds of your wetness boosting heeseung's ego even further.

"you're so wet for me y/n. all that just from grinding on my shoe? fuckkkk" his hooded eyes had an intensity and darkness to them that you had only ever seen on stage to please the adoring fans. but now it was only for you.

he fisted his cock, increasing his pace. he wished he could feel your tightness, your wetness. imagining his fist was your pussy instead.

you switched back to rutting against his leg, your release already close. he could tell from your messy rhythm you were close to cumming.

"you close? fuck i am too kitten. come on, come for me."

"h-heesung i'm gon-gonna come. f-fuc-" with only a few more rubs and you finished in your panties. you whimpered letting out soft whines resting your forehead against his knee, riding out your high.

he grabbed the tissue box on the table next to the couch, finishing not long after you. he leaned his head back on the couch, taking in the euphoria.

he handed you a tissue to clean yourself, kissing your cheek softly.

"so, when's the next award show?"

author’s note: omg 65 followers!!! thank you guys so much, you seriously don't know how much that means to me, especially because i only have 2 works published, including this one. all of your reblogs, comments, and likes srsly make my day & motivate me sm to keep writing ₍^ >ヮ<^₎ .ᐟ.ᐟ

+ was this any good i srsly cannot even tell, you can be honest w/ me lolol

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thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think <3

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[ronearoundblindly]

Midnight Kiss

Steve Rogers x reader

Just a little ditty in honor of the upcoming holiday. Warnings for suggestive language and bad puns. It's just cute, awkward, and chivalrous...until it isn't. If you couldn't deduce it from the title: they kiss lol. WC 1.5k+

He's happy to see the team having fun, but this isn't exactly Steve's 'scene.' Granted, his 'scene' flew the coop long ago, when his generation aged out of large, raucous celebrations, or rather, Steve never had any true social scene because he never really lived .

He's still trying, he swears; it's just...

really. damn. loud.

The lights are somehow too dim and too bright all at once. Everyone is happy and blitzed and dressed to the nines and leaning on the closest stable object. Any minute now, he'll bow out and call it a--

There's an ear-piercing cackle from a woman in a '2024' gold-streamered headband not two yards to his right, and she tips backwards, shoving an innocent passerby straight into his solid side.

"Sorry," you squeak, rolling your eyes because the word wasn't loud enough to shame the drunk woman beside you, but you're facing him, too, unable to see she's about to make it worse.

The woman snorts and laughs harder, toppling over because her party of friends have the reaction time of sloths, their hands full of dainty champagne flutes and mini-snacks.

Steve instinctively pulls you out of the way, his broad, strong arm wrapping your waist and pinning you to him.

"Oof," you grunt in alarm, the woman's drink spilling over your shoulder.

Hors d'oeuvres, Steve thinks sullenly, that's what people call them these days.

The woman doesn't apologize, and neither do her friends.

He counts a full five seconds before anyone in the small group even raises a hand to help the woman still giggling on the floor. Mostly, Steve is now concerned with the glass shards near your feet.

He's all for having fun, he's all for letting off a little steam, but he is not a fan of sloppiness. That's not a generational trait; that's simple courtesy.

"Ok, 'nough of this," he mutters, an itchy irritation scurrying up his body while he tries not to take over care of the woman. Instead, he checks your legs with a glance, sees the open toes of your strappy sandals, and hoists you into his arms.

He walks away from the bar, sound of crunching fading with each step, and finds a tiny bench--the only spot not occupied--where he can set you down.

Steve can't hear your shock or protest because his blood races past his ears. That was the last straw. He's annoyed now.

"Stay there," he commands, putting up a finger that gets shockingly close to touching your lips since you leaned in to speak. "I'm getting some napkins."

The bartender is oblivious, and why should he not be? The man is one of two serving over a hundred guests, give or take, for hours and hours. Steve doesn't bother getting his attention. He stretches a long arm over the bar top and grabs a stack of cocktail napkins.

It might as well be toilet paper.

He dabs and dabs at the sleeve of your dress, but the napkins dissolve and turn to damp pills. In his day, those results would make excellent spitballs to pass the time in class. They aren't so trendy on your black velvet.

"I thought this would work." He doesn't know what else to do but keep dabbing, so he anxiously continues, not noticing the precarious proximity to your chest until you put a hand on his.

You have kind eyes, he thinks, even though he can't fully make out their color in the mood lighting.

"Please, don't--" finally one of the woman's group yells over a quick sorry "--don't bother with that," you finish. "It's just a dress. You can go back to your people, Captain."

He scrunches his brow. He sometimes wants to introduce himself; he wouldn't always use his rank, but he rarely gets that luxury. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah." You nod. "Was heading out anyway. I'll just sit a sec and then leave."

Sounds like the highlight of my night--leaving.

Instead, Steve stands to his full height and scans the busy room for any of his team. He shrugs to himself since, who's he kidding, no one will miss him if he disappears early. He's put in the appearance. He's made enough small drunk talk. Yikes, does he wish alcohol still affected him...

"I'll walk you out," he offers, careful to modulating his volume when one song abruptly ends and another starts lower.

At first, you don't take his hand, and your first two steps seem sturdy.

Then your weight crumples after a deep hiss.

Steve has you back up and carried to the bathroom in a flash. It's lit so he can actually see and muffled so he can actually hear, thank goodness.

Glass did sneak into your shoe, and it easily poked through the ball of your foot. He's so quick to find it that not one whole drop of blood has even eased out of the wound by the time he's pulling the shard out. His bare hands pinch the sizable chunk.

He's careful, slow, and gentle. He's also a touch proud that you make very little fuss, only squirming in discomfort while he works.

"All better," he says, dropping the glass into the trash bin. "We'll just wash it and...you alright?"

You're already pushing yourself off the counter top.

"You shouldn't put weight on it yet." Steve gingerly lifts your leg at the knee to keep the foot from touching the bare tile floor.

"Yeah, but--" you make a face "--you set me down in water."

Steve's eyes bug out. "I--oh gosh--so sorry, I--let me--" there are no paper towels, only an air dryer "--shit."

Defeated by modernity again, he sighs. "I just...I can get more napkins and maybe a first aid kit from--"

The crowd outside is starting to yell. They're counting, backwards, and there's no way anyone will understand what he's asking for in that chaos.

"Ten!"

Steve meets your eyes.

"Nine!"

He can see their full color now and that your dress isn't black. It's a very, very dark maroon velvet. Wetness is easily visible though, since your sleeve seems fully black at the shoulder.

"Eight!"

He points to the door. "Somebody I can get for you?"

You shake your head.

Not that he was fishing for your relationships status, but he's encouraged nonetheless.

"Seven!"

"Only me," you shrug, "braving the party for a thrill..."

"Same."

"Six!"

"How was the year?" he cracks with a smile.

You tilt your head. He's distracted by the cute gesture.

"Five!"

He stares.

"Four!"

"Not great," you admit.

Steve thinks while he stares.

"Three!"

Actually, no, that's a lie. He doesn't think; he just acts.

"Tw--"

He swoops in, big palms cradling each side of your face, soft lips pressed to yours for just an instant, but only because he wants more.

Unless tortured, Steve Rogers will never admit that he didn't plan for one instant where his tongue was not involved. He absolutely wants to taste you. He absolutely wants to own you, just for these few seconds. He absolutely wants to hear you moan in encouragement, the sound crystal clear in isolation from the party.

The roar of the crowd is soft static compared to that racing blood of his.

He pushes himself closer, his bent arms getting in his way, so Steve props up with a palm on the--oh wow, that is wet--counter. His thumb touches the soggy velvet covering your hip and thigh.

He'll buy you a whole new dress if only you lace your fingers in his hair, if only you take his bottom lip between your teeth, if only you whine just like that again.

By 'again,' he means in a few seconds, and maybe tomorrow, and, for good measure, whenever after that.

A loud thud on the door knocks him out of his lip-lock trance. It's not a single restroom, so he suspects another overly inebriated patron since no one comes through the door.

But now some sense is knocked into him, too.

He chews on his swollen lips for a moment, nervous to look up. He hopes you don't regret it, and he hopes you know that he does not, can not, and will never regret that kiss.

Your sated sigh breaks the tension after a beat. "Starting this year off right," you mutter, "at least for me..."

"Yeah," Steve chuckles, glancing at the door before finally taking in your lounging form, "the gang is gonna love how I ended up in a ladies' bathroom at the stroke of midnight, necking a stranger."

You snort.

"Don't leave out the part where I was wet for you, head to toe, huh?"

Too bad the florescent lights are bright enough to show his raging red blush, but he clears his throat with a deep growl.

"They'll never believe me..."

Steve sweeps you up into his arms again.

"...unless I take you as proof...and to get a bandage, of course."

You snatch up your shoe and purse, but he won't let this Cinderella run off. You'll be right here against him all night.

"Well, go ahead and splash my other shoulder," you tease. "I can't be lop-sided."

Steve grins, already adding more and more things to list of what he'll do for you, to you, and with you. The list can include parties, too, if this is how wonderfully sweet and silly they can all be.

Happy New Year, indeed...

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @spectre-posts @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes @deandreamernp (My taglists are all jacked up again, so if you are missing from the list and/or want to be tagged, please let me know!)

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[fool-tarnished]

"Remember me" - Chapter 2 - Kakashi Hatake x F!Reader

Synopsis : Born in Konoha, [Y/N] wasn't necessarily known as the most impressive or powerful ninja, but rather for her kindness and compassion. She became like an older sister to Naruto and a loyal, faithful friend to many ninjas in Konoha. Without even realizing it, she had earned a special place in the heart of one particular ninja with grey hair. But everything changed the day the Third Hokage entrusted her with a mission from which she would not return unscathed. Pairing : Kakashi Hatake x Female!Reader

List : Chapter 1 // Chapter 3 // ... If you want to read Yamato's version, you can find it here.

Warnings : Memory loss

Inspiration : Remember me - d4vd

Words : ~ 4000

A/N : Hello there ! Here's the second chapter. It might not follow the same exact timeline and events as the books but i still hope you will enjoy it. And sorry for the mistakes, I'm not a native english speaker.

________________________________________

“He’s surprising, and he’s progressing astonishingly fast.” Before you stood what seemed to be a training ground, from where you could observe a figure dressed in orange at a distance. You couldn’t clearly make out the person in question, nor the two others standing alongside them. One seemed to be wearing a pinkish outfit, and the other a blue-and-white one.

Your vision wasn’t perfectly clear, but at least you could distinguish the colors and hear sounds. They appeared to be sparring, likely at the request of the man beside you, who held a book in his right hand.

“We’ll be heading out on a mission soon, [Y/N]. It shouldn’t take long—it’s just a C-rank mission.” His voice was so gentle, so calm, so reassuring. He was much taller than you, but his face was obscured by a mask, and what you could see most clearly was his silver-grey hair. Finally, he glanced up from his book and turned his gaze toward you.

“You’re awfully quiet today. Are you worried about him?” he asked at last, stepping a little closer and closing his book. “I promise he’ll come back safe and sound.”

Who was he talking about? Turning your attention back to the training ground, you noticed that the three ninja had vanished. A breeze began to rise, and the once-blue sky had turned grey. Where had they gone?

A cold hand suddenly rested on your shoulder, and with a start, you turned to face the silver-haired man. His hand was covered in blood, his forehead protector slightly askew, and his uniform had shifted from light green to a deep crimson across most of his chest.

“Where were you? Where were you when they attacked us?” This voice no longer sounded like the one you’d heard earlier, and now you could see other figures lying motionless on the ground behind him. Frozen in place, you briefly recognized the orange outfit you had seen before, just as the man before you spoke again.

“You promised to protect him. You promised me you’d come back.” Closing your eyes and clutching your head in your hands, you tried to scream, but no sound escaped your lips. It was as if something had rendered you mute, as if something was preventing you from doing anything but witnessing the scene unfold before you.

After a few seconds, you decided to open your eyes again. They were all gone. There was nothing left but a vast field, dimly illuminated by the moonlight. Panting, you turned slightly, searching for a sign of anyone—or anything.

Until a much deeper voice echoed around you. “There’s no hope left, and those you care for will die because of you.” A masked man dressed in a long black cloak appeared before you. Only one eye was visible, but it was enough to send shivers down your spine.

“Consider the choice I’m about to offer you as a gift.” Silence fell, broken only by a soft chuckle escaping from under his mask.

“Will you take care of the Nine-Tails’ jinchūriki yourself? Or shall I do it for you?”

From this dark silhouette emerged a hand holding a kunai. As you took a hesitant step back, the man suddenly grabbed your face, forcing it toward the weapon, which he positioned just before your eyes.

“You’re going to have to choose—or I’ll choose for you.”

With a gasp, you opened your eyes abruptly and sat up in bed, struggling to calm your breathing. Holding your head in your hands, you didn’t even notice at first that you weren’t alone in the room. In truth, you didn’t even know where you were.

“You’re finally awake.”

Slowly turning your gaze toward the person who had just spoken, you let out a soft sigh.

“Where am I?” you asked, trying to shake off the vivid images lingering in your mind.

You’d been unconscious for several days, giving Tsunade enough time to examine your condition more closely. She hadn’t overlooked the blow to your head or the particularly high likelihood of memory loss that could result. Other findings in her analysis had also concerned her, but for now, it was time to assess how much of your memory had been affected.

“You’re in Konoha. You fainted when we found you.” She approached the chair to the right of your bed and sat down.

“You probably have a lot of questions, but first, I’d like you to tell me everything you remember. From the beginning. Then I’ll take the time to explain everything.”

Questions swirled in your mind, and you hesitated for a long moment before deciding to trust her and recount the events of the past few months in detail.

“I see. And everything before your time with that old woman is a blank to you?” she asked after hearing your story.

Nodding, you stared at your hands for a moment. “It feels like it’s the only thing I’ve ever known, and yet like my whole life has vanished.”

She made a sound of agreement, leaning back in her chair. “I imagine this won’t be easy for you. Neither relearning everything nor trusting us. But if you choose to trust us, we’ll help you regain your memory.” She paused briefly, observing your expression. “If you agree, I’ll ask a few… people from your past to help you with this. And I’ll leave you a notebook and pen in case anything comes back to you.”

Glancing at her, then at the notebook on the nightstand, you nodded. “And what about the treatment Yubaba was giving me?”

At this, you noticed her face tighten, as if masking some irritation. “I’ll provide you with a different treatment from now on. It will be more effective and help you see through this fog more clearly.”

“Hmm. And how is she?”

Tsunade rose, not meeting your eyes this time, and began walking toward the door. “She passed away a few days ago. There was nothing more we could do for her.”

And with those parting words, she left you alone in the room.

________________________________________

After a lengthy discussion with you, the Hokage had summoned former colleagues, primarily the sensei of Naruto’s friends, to inform them of the situation and stress the importance of keeping the information under wraps for the time being. She also took the opportunity to share her concerns regarding the results of your medical exams, suggesting that the issue might not be limited to simple memory loss. For this initial meeting, she had not summoned Kakashi. He was scheduled to meet her in a few hours, after she finished reviewing the latest mission requests.

The Copy Ninja arrived as requested, having spent most of his day with Naruto and Sakura. Between a few chapters of the newest volume of Icha Icha, he had thoroughly enjoyed his time reconnecting with his two students. He slipped away the moment Naruto mentioned the idea of him treating them to ramen and headed straight to the Hokage’s office.

“Lady Hokage?” he asked simply.

“Oh, Kakashi.” Tsunade lifted her head from her papers, setting her pen on the desk. “Everything went well with Naruto and Sakura?”

“They’ve improved tremendously. I have to admit—they’ve become quite strong.”

She offered a faint smile and stood, moving around her desk to lean against it as she faced him.

“I wanted to tell you something, Kakashi, before you hear it from someone else.”

The sensei regarded the Hokage without a word, waiting for her to continue.

“I sent a special ops team to search for [Y/N] a few months ago.”

The silver-haired ninja’s expression began to tighten, his mask doing little to conceal the tension in his face. His fists clenched in his pockets as dread crept in. He braced himself for the worst. Having already lost so many people he cared about, he found it hard to hope for a better outcome. But if something had happened to you… it would be one loss too many.

“She’s safe and sound. I’ve been taking care of her at the hospital…”

Tsunade noticed the visible relaxation in his features, and even the single eye visible through his mask seemed brighter. Though Kakashi didn’t express his emotions openly, she could tell he was both relieved and surprised. He likely hadn’t expected to hear such news.

“That’s… That’s excellent news.”

“But there are two issues. I wanted to speak with you directly about them before you decide to visit her.”

“Hmm?”

Kakashi’s thoughts raced. Relief washed over him at the confirmation of your safety and return to Konoha. Now, the only thing he wanted was for this conversation to end so he could see you. After living with only the memory of you for so long, every moment that delayed your reunion now felt like an unbearable torture.

“She suffered a severe head injury. She’s lost her memory.”

Kakashi’s gaze froze. He struggled to process the information.

“The second issue,” Tsunade continued, “is that she was essentially poisoned for several months. I was able to identify and neutralize the toxin during my tests, but… this was no ordinary concoction. It was designed not only to sustain her memory loss but also to cause severe headaches—and likely fainting spells. We need to remain vigilant. We don’t know the true intent behind this, or who orchestrated it. That’s why I urge caution, Kakashi.”

At these words, the Copy Ninja lowered his gaze to the floor. He needed a moment to process the flood of good and bad news. Your return filled him with joy, but your condition and the uncertainties surrounding it weighed heavily on him. Who had done this to you? Why? What were they planning?

“I know this is a lot to take in at once,” Tsunade said gently. “I’ll do my best to help her regain her memories. And… Naruto must not know about this for now.”

Kakashi remained silent for a few seconds before standing straight.

“When will you inform him that she’s back in Konoha?”

“If we can keep this under wraps until she regains some of her memories, that would be ideal. Naruto is too unpredictable, and I’m worried about how he might react to all of this.”

The silver-haired ninja nodded.

“Thank you, Lady Hokage.”

With those final words, he left the room, leaving Tsunade alone.

________________________________________

You were standing near a young boy with blond hair. He sat on a swing, looking despondent, his goggles pushed down to the lower part of his forehead. Incessant murmurs drifted toward the two of you, and the boy could no longer hide his sorrow.

“Don’t listen to what they’re saying,” you said, crouching down in front of him and attempting to give him the most reassuring smile you could muster. Seeing him like this seemed to tear you apart from the inside, and your eyes betrayed the depth of your emotions.

“Don’t forget what’s in here.” You pointed to the spot over his heart as you spoke, and he straightened slightly, meeting your gaze.

What was peculiar about this dream was that it was clearly you—your younger self—but at the same time, it wasn’t entirely you. You were observing the scene from afar. The young boy didn’t seem familiar, and yet, there was an undeniable closeness between you. As you continued watching your younger self trying to comfort the boy, silence settled over the moment.

“Wake up,” growled a voice, breaking through the quiet, as a hand suddenly pressed against your face.

Opening your eyes and sitting up in bed, you rubbed your face for a moment before letting out a sigh. Glancing around the room, you noticed it was bathed in an orange hue. The sun was setting, and it seemed you’d dozed off after Tsunade’s departure. Casting a brief glance at the window, you jumped in surprise upon seeing a man crouched there.

The Hokage must have left the window open when she left, but you certainly hadn’t expected anyone to perch there.

Frowning slightly, you took a moment to study the man before you. He had gray hair, a forehead protector covering one eye, and a mask obscuring most of his face. A book rested in his hand, but his gaze was fixed on you, silent and unwavering.

Despite your bewildered expression, he didn’t move an inch.

“What are you doing there? You know there’s a door to get in, right?”

At that, Kakashi gave you a slightly surprised look before letting out a soft chuckle, followed by a sigh. Deciding to enter the room properly, he closed the window behind him.

“Still as sharp-tongued as ever, I see,” he murmured, prompting you to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

Seeing your expression, he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“You’ve been sleeping for quite a while.”

Leaning back slightly, you frowned deeply.

“Were you watching me sleep?!”

“I was reading, too,” he replied casually.

You froze, your expression a mix of fear and disbelief. It reminded him of the old days—those countless times he’d shown up unannounced on your training field or terrace to invite you along or to test out new techniques with him. Starting over from the beginning was going to be hard, and it hurt him deeply. Perhaps the hardest part was hiding his true emotions from you: the gnawing desire to hold you close, the way he yearned for your face, your smile, your scent, your [Y/HC] hair, and even your sharp sense of humor.

“You’re kind of scaring me,” you muttered.

“No—No. It’s just that I wanted to—Hmm, how do I put this?”

“You’re not helping your case here.”

“Uh… The Hokage must have explained what’s happening to you, right?”

“Ah.” You exhaled deeply and visibly relaxed. “You’re one of the people supposed to help me get my memory back, aren’t you?”

He hesitated for a moment, tucking his book into his pocket.

“You could say that.”

There was something familiar about him—he reminded you of the figure you’d seen in the dream when you first arrived.

“And you are?”

Though Kakashi remained outwardly stoic, your question had struck a chord. Pretending as though you didn’t know each other—acting as if everything you’d shared had never existed—was agonizing.

“Hmm, I’m Kakashi. We… worked together for a few years,” he said, a faint smile forming under his mask as you closed your eyes for a moment.

“Oh. I see.” You paused briefly, while the copy ninja silently waited. “I’m sorry. Everything before waking up at that old woman’s place is completely gone from my memory.”

Kakashi moved toward the chair beside your bed, sitting down with his hands clasped, elbows resting on his knees.

“Would you mind telling me what you do remember?” he asked, his tone calm and steady. “After that, I’ll answer whatever you’d like to know, if you’re okay with it.”

There was a kindness and gentleness to him, albeit with a strange demeanor. Yet, he didn’t exude any sense of danger, and his presence didn’t bother you. Nodding, you began recounting the past few months you had spent with the old woman.

Despite the length of your story, Kakashi showed no signs of boredom. He listened intently, committing to memory the details that stood out as peculiar—not to question you, but to analyze the “who” and “why” behind your condition. Certain inconsistencies nagged at him, prompting a mental note to discuss them with Tsunade later. On your end, you were entirely unaware that anything was amiss, much less that the more troubling parts of your tale warranted skepticism.

Hearing your voice brought Kakashi immense solace. After years haunted by your absence and silence, he cherished this moment, even if it wasn’t unfolding the way he had hoped.

“You haven’t had even a fragment of your past return? Not even a vague memory?” he asked after you finished, his voice tinged with faint hope.

You hesitated, recalling the strange dream you’d had—a dream with a figure who vaguely resembled him. But did you want to share it? Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea, especially considering the direction that dream had taken.

“No… unfortunately not,” you sighed, meeting his gaze. “You mentioned earlier that we worked together. Did we know each other for a long time?”

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. Was he nervous? You found it hard to tell. He was calm overall, but certain gestures hinted at underlying emotions. It was difficult for you to pinpoint exactly what, as you’d only been speaking for a short time.

“Quite a while, yes,” he said simply.

You blinked, expecting a more elaborate answer. After a few seconds, you spoke again.

“Just ‘quite a while’?”

“Hmm?”

“Uh… Were we friends, then? Or just coworkers?”

“Oh.”

Kakashi paused, placing a hand on his chin in thought. You had asked the question so directly that he wasn’t sure how to answer truthfully. The truth was, your relationship had always defied easy definition. It danced on the line between friendship and something more, a connection that could shift with a single gesture or moment. One day, you were distant; the next, inseparable. How could he explain that to you, let alone summarize it when he himself had never managed to define it?

“I think I’ll give you that answer later,” he finally said.

What did he mean by that? Was he unable to say whether you were friends? Or was it something else entirely? The thought made your cheeks flush furiously, a reaction Kakashi didn’t miss. His visible eye widened in mild panic, and he waved his hands in front of him.

“Wait—that’s not what I meant! It’s just… It’s not something I can explain with a single word.”

“So, not just coworkers.”

“Not just coworkers, no,” he confirmed.

A brief silence followed before Kakashi cleared his throat and shifted the conversation.

“There’s someone else I need to tell you about. He won’t be as delicate when he sees you again.”

Intrigued, you focused all your attention on him.

“Let me tell you about Naruto.”

And so, you spent hours talking about the young ninja who was Kakashi’s student, and who, according to him, was like a younger brother to you. Discussing Naruto came more easily to Kakashi than addressing your own relationship. He hoped that you might remember a little about the boy before they broached the thornier subject of your shared past—a topic that was both painful and rich with memories Kakashi silently prayed you would recover someday.

________________________________________

Kakashi returned home late that evening. Seeing you again had lifted part of the burden he had carried since your absence—a deep, relentless pain that had built up over the years, piling onto so many others. But this time, the outcome was different. You were alive, and that simple fact was enough to unsettle him. Yet the thought that you had forgotten everything, that you didn’t remember him or your shared history, left him feeling lost. How could he possibly start over from scratch?

Sitting on his bed, he let out a long sigh. Should he wait a little longer before telling you everything? Perhaps it was better to remain silent, to give you time to find your footing—or maybe never tell you at all. Part of him wondered if you might actually be safer without the memories of him, of what you had shared, and of what you had seen in him.

His mind swirled with endless possibilities, weighed down by uncertainty. His heart, however, whispered insistently that he had to reclaim what you once had, the bond you had built together. The emotions he tried so hard to contain threatened to spill over, urging him to hope, to dream of rebuilding what fate seemed determined to erase.

Running a hand through his silver hair, Kakashi finally lay down, staring at the ceiling with eyes clouded by fatigue and doubt.

“Maybe it’s better to wait a little longer…” he murmured to himself.

He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing, to quiet the storm of his thoughts.

“If only you could remember everything about your past… and about us.”

In the stillness of the night, his words lingered, carrying a fragile mix of resignation and hope.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 15

Summary: Joel wakes up half naked in bed, foggy of what happened during the middle of the night. When he remembers, it makes Joel learn something about himself that he's not willing to accept just yet. Everyone shares their final day together in New York City and emotions are high when Joel begins to realize that he is confused with what he wants in life in terms of Negan and Y/N.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Elizabeth, Peter, Maggie, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/156789391

Warnings: Swearing, angst, two men sharing some smuttiness on their own, dirty talk, heavy touching, did I mention angst? there is a lot of it, Joel is kind of mean in this (but he's going through things), etc.

Notes: If you have a problem with two men being together, I suggested avoiding the first scene in this chapter. I also want to stress that this is a story where someone is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they are bisexual due to some abusive situations that they experienced when they were younger. That could be triggering to some. This chapter is also VERY VERY LONG. Thanks for those that read the story! I appreciate all of you. I'm also sorry that this was put up so late. I was really busy yesterday and this was long so I needed the time to edit it properly.

Groaning out, Joel felt an overwhelming ache in his head. Burying his face deeper into his pillow, Joel tried to focus on something other than the pain. Everything hurt right now. Attempting to open his eyes, Joel realized that everything was a blur. Forcing his eyes closed, he hissed out and tried to get more comfortable. Every muscle in his body was fatigued. Even though Joel was used to having a very physical job, the last two days had worn him out.

Clinging to the cold sheets beneath him, Joel’s palms curled into a tight fist. Trying to focus, Joel couldn’t even pull together where he was right now. Struggling to open his eyes again, Joel grumbled under his breath and turned his head. Hell, his eyesight was still hazy. Focusing on what happened that led him here made him think about the bar. After he talked to Negan in the alleyway, Joel remembered going back in with Tommy. Truthfully? He drank a lot. Him, Tommy and Negan all seemed to drink extensively last night. People were buying Joel drinks and he wasn’t turning them down. And now he regretted it. Because that hangover was hitting him and it was hitting him hard.

Waiting a few minutes, Joel’s eyelashes fluttered to an open. Even though everything was still fuzzy, he forced himself to keep his eyes open. By the time everything came into focus for him, Joel could see that it was dark. For a moment? He forgot where he was.

Using the strength that he did have, he outstretched his arm to hit at the nightstand that was beside the bed that he was laying in. Amongst the dark, the vibrant red colored lights showed that it was four in the morning. What the fuck happened?

Gazing over his shoulder, Joel lifted his head up from the bed. And really? He didn’t do it very well. His eyes were narrowed and he was still unbelievably tired. Still, his eyes had a hard time focusing until he realized the large glass panel wall that was at the bottom of his bed. It was his room in the apartment that Negan had taken them to. Cussing to himself, Joel dropped his head back into the pillow and adjusted his body.

Starting to come to, Joel grunted when he realized that his lower half was cold. Lifting up just enough, Joel looked down between him and the bed. A slur of curse words fell from his lips when he finally realized he was naked below the waist. The sheets were hanging loosely at the bottom of his bare ass. Swiftly lowering back down to the bed, Joel was afraid to learn more.

Swallowing down hard, he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to remember what the hell happened last night. The last thing he remembered fully? Having Y/N pull him out to dance with her at the bar. Even though he didn’t want to and he could barely stand on his feet. And while he wished like hell that he remembered the conversation, all he knew as that it was a serious one. That was really the last thing he could remember.

The warmth of an arm wrapping around his waist caused his whole body to tense up.

“Oh shit,” Joel stammered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. The weight of another body shifted behind him alerting him to the fact that he wasn’t alone. And that’s when the panic started to set in. Last night? Joel was very, very emotional about things. The alcohol likely didn’t help either.

Fuck, remembering the details of what happened took way too long. Why the fuck was he blanking in that moment?

Small flashes of memories were starting to come back. He remembered Y/N and Negan having to help him back to the apartment. Stumbling through the streets of New York at night. Even though he could barely stand he was singing in the somewhat still busy streets. It had Negan laughing, but something inside of him made him think that Y/N wasn’t too happy with him. Then again, he didn’t think she was happy with Negan either.

Then he remembered being sat down in the kitchen with Negan while Y/N made them coffee. Again, the discussion that all of them had was but a blur. He knew it had something to do with the three of them. But he didn’t remember what it was for or what the outcome of it was. All he knew was that things had been tense after he had almost been caught by Tommy with Negan in that alleyway.

That’s when it hit him.

Looking over his shoulder, Joel let out a strained breath when the small amount of light allowed him to see who was laying beside him. And that was Negan.

Dropping his head back down onto the pillow, Joel tried to recount everything that happened last night. Closing his eyes, he focused hard recalling that he stumbled his way up the stairs. Sat alone to himself in his room for a while. Letting his emotions run wild until Negan came up to his room. Joel had been sitting in one of the chairs by the window when Negan came in and asked to talk. Joel really didn’t give him an answer, he just allowed Negan to do what he wanted.

“I know that I’m probably one of the last people that you want to talk to right now,” Negan had commented, lowering himself down to the corner of Joel’s bed at the bottom. Staring out at Joel, Negan shrugged his shoulders and took a minute to think about what he wanted to say. “I’ve been thinking about this since we’ve talked. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I put you on the spot. And it was wrong. I would have been shitting my fucking pants if I was in your position too. I don’t care how big my sack is. I just didn’t tell you because I was fucking worried you wouldn’t come. Y’know?”

After Negan said that, Joel didn’t respond. Which made Negan nervous and he just continued to ramble continuously about why he did what he did. Explaining that he wanted Joel to be happy. That he wanted Joel to be able to live his dream. It was everything you would want to hear from someone that you trusted. But for some reason? Joel still stayed quiet about everything.

Beside Joel, Negan was also laying face down with his head buried in the pillow. Deep in sleep. It made Joel wonder how long he had been there like that. Taking a quick glance back at the nightstand, Joel’s eyes fell to a bottle of lube that was tipped over on its side. Suddenly his heart started to hammer in his chest. He wanted to blame the alcohol for being so out of it, but at the end of the day he was pretty sure that it was exhaustion that caused it. But now that he was starting to remember what happened with Negan it made him begin to get anxious.

After Negan did his extensive apology, he realized that Joel may have not been in the mood to forgive him so he went to get up. When Negan stood to leave, Joel stood up too. And the next thing he knew he was slamming Negan up against the glass panel window. Demanding a kiss from Negan like he had wanted to do in the alley before Tommy had interrupted them.

“Oh fuck,” Joel rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. Reaching up, he rubbed at his eyes and felt the sheets tugging at his hips. The room felt like it was spinning with his heart rate elevated.

A few hours ago? Joel had sex with Negan. And only Negan.

Licking his lips, Joel reached for the sheets again to pull them up slightly. Underneath, Negan was completely naked only confirming for Joel what had happened. Dropping the sheet back down, Joel swallowed down hard.

Maybe part of him was fired up about everything that happened. Maybe part of him was confused. But one thing he remembered thoroughly now was the kissing. It was hungry. Passionate. Forceful. Both of them fighting for dominance in the moment. He remembered the way that Negan touched him. How good it felt in the moment and how he wanted more of it.

More of it is exactly what he got. It could have been the liquid courage, but there was an eagerness for Joel to get his pants off. To let Negan have him. In ways he never expected to let another man have him.

When he closed his eyes, he could still remember what it felt like. How Negan went above and beyond to make him comfortable. Proving to Joel that Negan knew exactly what he was doing. What Joel expected to hurt actually felt good after getting over the hurdle of being nervous. Negan was meticulous with his fingers helping to prepare Joel and get him ready for what Joel desperately wanted. All the while making sure to keep Joel’s sounds muffled since they were on the second floor which was dangerous in itself.

He remembered allowing Negan to flip him over onto his stomach. How he enjoyed the way it felt when Negan entered him slowly giving Joel time to adjust to the way things felt. He could still hear the sounds of Negan’s muted moans in his ears, the smacks of Negan’s hips up against his ass with every move that their bodies made together. How Negan’s fingers hooked with his and Negan talked him through everything. Then he remembered having to bite his fist to keep himself from making a noise when he experienced his first prostate orgasm.

Wincing out, Joel’s eyes opened when he felt an ache straining at his body. Raising the sheets, he took notice of is semi-erect cock resting at his lower abdomen. Cussing out to himself, he dropped the sheet back down and threw his head into the pillow. Just thinking about it had him getting hard. What the fuck was he thinking?

Gazing over at Negan, Joel outstretched his fingers to touch Negan’s arm having him shift in the bed beside him. Joel’s breathing grew labored remembering that after Negan took Joel, he allowed Joel to have him afterwards. Unlike Negan, Joel was not as careful about things. Actually, he felt kind of bad remembering how he was. Rough. Powerful. Desperately wanting to chase the orgasm that was building up inside of him.

“Fuck, you have to stop,” Joel demanded of himself noticing that his body was getting way too worked up over the memories of what they had done. Everything had Joel’s body on fire, his heart hammering away inside of his chest. How the fuck was he going to explain this? Even to himself? There was no explanation really. Things just happened and he allowed them to happen.

With a loud exhale, Joel noticed that Negan’s long eyelashes started to flutter to an open. A rush of panic flooded Joel’s veins. What the fuck was he supposed to say after everything? This wasn’t a dream. This was very much a reality and Joel knew what they did, they couldn’t take back.  

“Are you okay?” Negan yawned, stretching his body out and getting more relaxed beside Joel. Placing his hand in over the center of Joel’s chest, Negan almost instinctively caressed at the lengths of his abdomen. What sounded like a moan that Joel was desperately trying to bite back on had Negan’s eyes fluttering to an open. “Did you just moan?”

“No,” Joel lied provoking Negan to reached for the sheets to lift them up to see Joel’s rock-solid erection that he was trying so hard not to get. Moving Negan’s wrist, Joel shifted in the bed and slid up into a seated position. Leaning back against the headboard, Joel grabbed the pillow that he had been laying on and covered his groin. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Negan rubbed at his tired eyes, rolling onto his back and licking his lips. “I mean if you want to go again, I’m kind of tired but…”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Joel announced, his voice broken and stammering. Tipping his head to the side, Negan’s hazel eyes narrowed when he began to realize that Joel appeared to be freaking out. “It shouldn’t be happening in the first place.”

“I mean yeah, you might be tired after the last few days, but your dick is like the energizer bunny. Which is fucking crazy because you sell yourself like this old man that can’t keep up with things, but…” Negan chuckled with Joel hushing him. Dramatically shrugging his shoulders, Negan rolled over onto his side with his hand stretching out beneath the sheets. Moaning out, Joel dropped his head back when Negan’s fingers curled around the rigid length of his manhood. Teasing the flesh over Joel’s tip and then back down again. Even though he knew he shouldn’t have, he actually liked the way Negan’s touch felt over his distended flesh. “Don’t feel ashamed of getting an erection. It’s impressive.”

“Yeah, but,” Joel started, licking his lips uneasily as he tipped his head back further against the headboard. Swallowing down hard, Joel felt Negan’s fingers pushing at the bottom of the shirt that he was wearing. When Negan’s mouth surrounded his nipple, Joel bit back the next moan that wanted to follow. With Negan’s tongue circling his nipple it had Joel’s back arching in closer to him. “What we did tonight…”

“Yeah?” Negan slurred, nipping faintly at the skin getting Joel to wince and suck in a large amount of air. “What about it?”

“I don’t know if it was okay,” Joel admitted, forcing himself to look down at Negan who simply just tipped his head back and smirked.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Negan grumbled under his breath having Joel’s abdomen contracting with the way that Negan was touching him.

“Well,” Joel knew he should have been turning Negan away, but he couldn’t help but enjoy how good it all felt. “You’re a man.”

“I’m a what?” Negan chuckled, his nose wrinkling in amusement. Pulling his hand away from Joel’s body had Joel frowning, his hips desperately arching up wanting to experience that touch all over. Lifting the sheets up, Negan looked down at his body and then dramatically gasped. “Holy shit, you’re right. I am a man.”

“It’s not funny Negan,” Joel hushed Negan, waving his hand about in the air. Smacking at the back of Negan’s chest had the lines in Negan’s forehead growing deeper. What sounded like an amused wheeze escaped Negan’s throat and Joel just found himself getting more embarrassed. “I’m straight. I like women. What we did last night.”

“You’re not straight though because straight men don’t want another man to fuck them,” Negan declared, the vein at the side of his neck bulging slightly. “You’re bisexual Joel. And there is nothing wrong with it. I don’t understand why you are having such a hard time coming to terms with that.”

“Because I’m not…I didn’t think…” Joel couldn’t even form the words, dropping his head back again against the headboard. “I’ve only been with women. You’re the first guy I’ve slept with and I’ve never…”

“Had sex with another man. Yeah, you’ve told me. A lot,” Negan stressed to Joel, pulling himself up into a seated position beside Joel on the bed. Gazing over Joel, Negan cleared his throat and shook his head. “Why are you suddenly so worried about things? You’re the one that pushed for this. Are you hurt?”

“No. Well, not really,” Joel answered, his jaw flexing at the idea of what took place. “At least I don’t think so. I ache, but…”

“Which is bound to happen, but if you’re not in a lot of pain that’s good,” Negan was still trying to understand why Joel was so upset. Smirking, Negan lowered back down in the bed and laid down. Reaching up to rub at his eyes, he could hear Joel’s breathing growing louder.

“Are you in pain?” Joel whispered, his southern drawl incredibly deep with how quiet he was being. Repeating Negan’s question was probably stupid, but it was a thought in his mind.

“Hmmm?” Negan dropped his arms down at his side, his head turning on the pillow to stare out at Joel with his big eyes. “No Joel. I’m fine.”

“I was really rough with you,” Joel thought back to what it was like hearing the winces that Negan made with every thrust Joel did at the beginning.

“I’m resilient,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his fingers squeezing tightly around the sheets. Trying to force his eyes open, Negan shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I haven’t had someone pound my ass before Joel. It was your first time, not mine. I helped you prepare me, it was fine. You are the one I’m worried about.”

“Was your first like this?” Joel was very quiet in the way that he asked Negan about his first time. There was a curiosity to know more about Negan with men. Especially since Joel had never experienced things before with another man. Yet it seemed like Negan had multiple times. “Did you hook up with someone like you?”

“No, not at all,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his long abdomen stretching out drawing Joel’s eyes to it. Why was he all of a sudden so keen on watching Negan’s body like this? “I let Lucille peg me. I was always curious. So I let her do it to me. It was strangely thrilling and she got a power kink from it. So it was a success in that way. I think she liked that she took both of my virginities so to speak. Fucking thrilled her.”

“And she didn’t look at you differently after that?” Joel swallowed down hard, scoffing when he realized that he was holding the pillow that he had grabbed earlier in his arms. Moving it back to where it was, Joel noticed that Negan was smirking at him.

“She loved it. It gave her a sense of power,” Negan explained, thinking back on his past with his late wife. “Of course, she wasn’t a man so she had to get used to the whole thing, but the more we did it, the more comfortable it got for us. And the better she got at it. It really turned her on. Lucille was a very dominant woman.”

“And what about your first man?” Joel wondered, his chest tightening when Negan flashed him a big smile. It was obvious all of Joel’s questions were amusing him.

“I don’t know. Lucille and I broke up a few times. So I…experimented? I don’t remember it too well. It was a really long time ago,” Negan claimed, throwing his hand about in the air as he spoke. “You got lucky. You were with someone who knew what he was doing at least and how to take care of you.”

Turning toward Joel, Negan pushed up at the material of Joel’s shirt again leaving small, wet kisses over Joel’s abdomen. Wrapping his fingers back around Joel’s body had his dark eyes coming to a close and it made Negan smile, “You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling good Joel. It’s okay for you to open yourself up to feeling really fucking good.”

“What are we going to do though?” Joel searched for answers, his breathing growing broken while Negan pumped his hand over his length. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel watched Negan’s other hand disappear beneath the sheets where he assumed he was jacking himself off too.

“Get you to come and then sleep?” Negan continued to pepper kisses at the length of Joel’s torso. A moment later Joel was grasping firmly to Negan’s jaw forcing him to tip his head back to meet Joel’s stare.

“With Y/N?” Joel stressed, his facial features showing just how conflicted he was about all of this. Clearly, he enjoyed what Negan was doing, but at the same time he was worried. “I love her. So much.”

“As do I,” Negan commented, his eyebrows furrowing and his head tipping in confusion. “We talked about this last night Joel. Where’s the problem?”

“We cheated,” Joel blurt out, wincing when he dropped his head to watch Negan’s movements under the sheet. An amused rumble escaped Negan’s throat when he turned his head toward Joel’s hand to press a kiss at Joel’s pulse point. “She’s never going to look at me the same when she knows.”

“Who are you talking about?” Negan grunted, his facial expressions making it obvious that he didn’t agree with Joel with the stuff that was spewing out of his mouth. Pulling his hand away from Joel again had Joel whining because he wasn’t ready for Negan to stop touching him. “We talked about this equals things yesterday. The three of us. Being open to being with each other. I’m okay with it. She’s okay with it. You’re just the remaining factor. And I thought by you doing this—it was your answer.”

“I don’t remember that discussion. I remember bits and pieces,” Joel confessed, wishing like hell that he did remember that conversation, but he didn’t. So while this may have comforted Negan? It didn’t exactly comfort Joel. Turning on the bed, Negan adjusted his positioning to give Joel his full attention. “You’re telling me that you’re okay with sharing her?”

“If it makes her happy, that’s all I want,” Negan admitted, his jaw flexing while explaining himself. “Sometimes the healthiest relationship is a poly relationship. When you love two people, you’re able to open yourself up to more. I’m okay with sharing both of you. I don’t see a problem in it. As long as it’s just the three of us?”

“You’re telling me that you’re going to go back to work and tell the people you’re working with that you’re fucking your ex-best friend and her ex-husband? And you think everyone is going to be okay with it?” Joel’s voice almost sounded condescending and it had Negan scoffing. “I don’t believe that Negan.”

“Well that’s unfortunate because I can assure you I don’t give a fuck about what other people think,” Negan asserted, adjusting his body allowing the sheets to pull further at his lap where they were wrinkled in a mess. Joel’s eyes dropped down, his throat going dry at the sight. Right now he should have been focusing on Negan, but his brain was thinking about how Negan barely had that sheet covering him. “People should honestly be jealous because I’m getting to fuck two hot people. And I really don’t care if people judge me for being in a bisexual relationship with another man.”

“I’m not bisexual,” Joel interrupted Negan evoking an eye roll from Negan who shook his head and stood up from the bed. “Negan, I’ve always thought I was attracted to women. I’ve never done this before and…”

“We both know that’s not true,” Negan scoffed lifting his head up to glare at Joel before looking back down to search for something. “You know, it’s completely okay to be fucking bisexual Joel. I’ve always been bisexual. I knew it my whole life. But I did have a preference for women. I’m pretty sure you’re the same exact way.”

“You’ve always been bisexual?” Joel scoffed, pulling himself to the edge of the bed watching Negan look for something. Negan nodded while reaching down to grab his shirt. “Y/N knew this?”

“Of course she did. I told her everything,” Negan repeated what he had already said multiple times to Joel. “I have always been honest with her. And I still am.”

“You said you didn’t tell her what I did,” Joel reminded Negan with a frown, his fears getting the worst of him. Dropping his hand at his side, Negan shook his head. His thick eyebrows bounced up and Joel knew that Negan was irritated.

“I didn’t fucking tell her Joel,” Negan assured him with a sense of annoyance in his tone. There was a visible doubt in Joel’s eyes with the line at the bridge of Joel’s nose becoming more prominent. With the topic of the woman they both loved, Negan threw his hands up in the air and shrugged. “Considering how happy you made her, it wasn’t worth it.”

“But if you told her, she would immediately pick you,” Joel suggested drawing out a long sigh from Negan. This was a conversation that Negan thought they were well over with. “You know I’m right.”

“You’re panicking for no reason,” Negan stammered, brushing his fingers through his messy hair. “Don’t panic. I didn’t tell her anything. I’m not gonna tell her anything. It was the past. What you did will remain in the past. What matters is right now. And right now she wants to move on. I want to move on. If you would get over this…I don’t even know what is going on with you right now, we’d be fucking fine. You could be happy. She could be happy. I could be happy. But instead, you’re fighting this brick wall you keep putting up.”

“Brick wall?” Joel repeated observing Negan looking for something on the floor again. “The hell are you looking for?”

“My pants!” Negan scoffed, causing Joel to gaze over the side of the bed. Beside him laid Negan’s pajama pants that he had come into his room with. Tossing them to Negan, Joel breathed loudly, his eyes watching Negan’s every movement. “I don’t know who you’re trying to fool more. Because right now, I’m pretty sure it’s yourself. You are so used to being fucking miserable that you aren’t allowing yourself the opportunity to be happy. This trio thing? It’s the best option here Joel. You get what you want. With both of us.”

Attempting to put on his pants, Negan winced when Joel moved quickly to shove him firmly against the glass panel again. Placing his hand firmly against Negan’s throat, Joel kept his strength locked in when he lowered his free hand to wrap his fingers around Negan’s semi-erect cock. Angrily their eyes locked when Joel tipped his head to the side, “You’re arrogant.”

“And you’re an idiot,” Negan grumbled, hissing out when the pressure at his neck grew stronger. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes came to a tight close with Joel working to jerk him off. There was a raspy moan that only partially escaped Negan because of the pressure on his neck and it had chills flooding through Joel’s body. Extending out his hand, Negan’s long, slender digits circled around Joel’s shaft. Putting a bit of pressure, he started to caress at Joel’s body matching the tempo that Joel set between them. Keeping up with the same strength, both of them were breathless. “You are a fucking mess.”

“And you need to learn to shut up,” Joel hissed, his forehead pressing forward to rest against Negan’s. With every touch, Joel’s hips bucked up toward Negan wanting to feel and reach that release that had been building up inside of him. Right now he was fighting very hard to stay quiet.

By the time both of them came, Negan’s face had gone red from the pressure of Joel choking him. Releasing his grasp, Joel’s head dropped against Negan’s shoulder and it had Joel panting, “You’re so fucking confusing. Are you straight? Or are you bisexual Joel? Do you want my cock or not?”

Stumbling back toward the bed, Joel dropped down and laid out across the top of it with his breathing loud and broken, “Are you going to tell her about what we did tonight?”

Joel seemed nervous at the idea while Negan took his time to gather his breathing, “Am I not allowed to? You know she’s not gonna have a problem with it.”

“I had a shitfit yesterday,” Joel admitted, licking his lips and looking up at the ceiling. There was a sense of guilt eating away at him with the way things had gone down. “I thought by the three of us hooking up, it meant she would eventually be picking me. That there was still a chance that she would choose me over you. When she told me that wasn’t possible, I got angry. I reckon she’ll be upset that I did this. She’ll think that I did this out of spite.”

“Joel,” Negan scoffed, rolling his eyes when he stumbled over toward the nightstand. Pulling out a few tissues, he worked to clean himself off before tossing the tissue box onto the center of Joel’s chest. “She already thought we fucked in the past. I don’t think she’s gonna care. In fact, I think the only thing that she will be fucking upset about is that she didn’t get to see it.”

“People aren’t going to be accepting of this Negan,” Joel panted, reaching for the tissue box to set them aside. “The children won’t understand. People won’t understand. The town we live in gets into everyone’s business.”

“What’s really the problem here Joel?” Negan started to work his clothes back on, grumbling something under his breath when he got his shirt down over his body. “You’re worried that people are gonna find out you like men, right?”

“I don’t like men,” Joel snapped at Negan, lifting his head up from the bed to stare out at him. There was anger in his eyes when Negan rolled his eyes and laughed once more. “I don’t.”

“You like me. You come fucking buckets when you’re near me. We both know how things were when we were younger,” Negan insisted, throwing the tissues away that he used to clean himself with.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating,” Joel pushed up onto his hands, his chest rising and falling while he watched Negan pacing.

“I’m insinuating that you love Y/N, just like I do. And you want to fuck me, just like I want to fuck you. And maybe more emotions can come from this. When you attempt to trust me more and we can all…” Negan rambled on, getting a glare from Joel and he scoffed. “What do you want to happen here Joel? Do you want her to pick one or the other? Do you want her to be sad? Because as far as I can see. She loves both of us. If she picks you or me solo, she’s going to be upset. Are you really so worried about what people will think about you that you aren’t gonna allow yourself to be happy? Who cares what the people in town think? Given the opportunity y’know most of them would love to suck my cock. They might talk shit, but deep down it’d just be jealousy. And I don’t think Tommy would care.”

“I don’t even know how I feel about you,” Joel declared having Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. Negan’s hands settled at his hips, his jaw flexing while he eyed over Joel. “It’s a lot to process. Going from women to…women and you. It just happened tonight Negan. You can’t expect me to think everything is going to fall into place.”

“Are you like this because of what happened with your dad when we were teenagers?” Negan blurt out getting Joel’s dark eyes to narrow at Negan when he turned to look at him. “Your dad was a Texas man through and through. Okay? I know you came from a religious family. And he freaked out when he found the two of us jerking off together watching what we were, but…”

“Stop, right now,” Joel demanded, standing up from the bed and reaching for his pants to pull them on. “This has nothing to do with my dad. You’re the one that had a shitty father Negan, not me. My dad did the best that he could and even though he wasn’t the best father, I know he meant well. He just wanted to raise me and Tommy right.”

“You’re second guessing everything because of how you feel for me,” Negan could tell by Joel’s breathing that he was angry with Negan bringing up his past. “You think because your dad called you that word that everyone is gonna see you that way, but who cares? Your mom and your dad have been gone a long time Joel. You can be who you are. Who we both know you are. I think your mom would have been okay with it.”

“I said enough,” Joel warned, his finger raising up to point at Negan who uncomfortably licked his lips. “Just because the two of us had sex doesn’t mean that you get to come around assuming things. You’ve been around here, what? A month? And suddenly you think you know everything. Newsflash Negan, you don’t know shit. My family loves you because you’re famous. You give them nice shiny things. My kids would like anyone famous that gave them things. And Tommy? He’s the same way. And Y/N? The reason she is so hooked on you is because you give her what she always wanted me to give her. But she’s still so hooked on me because I’m the love of her fucking life. Not you. I’m her soul mate. Not you. You’re just fun for the time being. Because she always comes back to me. I’ve been here for twenty years. You left. You had every opportunity to come back. But you spend a month with us and you think you can just walk into our lives and determine you know everything? You need to learn to shut your fucking mouth sometimes.”

Smirking, Negan dropped his head down and nodded his head about, “Yes Negan. You are so fucking good with making people feel good. You put on the charm and I reckon you get the pants off anyone. You’ve always been a charming son of a bitch. And that’s why people like you. You’re like a fucking drug. You look at a person and you just…”

“Careful, you might admit you have feelings for me and the gay might start coming out,” Negan warned wincing when Joel moved forward to shove him firmly against the wall. “Are you really having this shit fit because you want Y/N to yourself or is this because you don’t want people to call you gay Joel? Because the anger really comes out in you when I mention having feelings for men.”

“But you’re also poison,” Joel snarled, his voice growing darker when the color drained from Negan’s face. A silence fell between them with Joel shaking his head. “Yeah, you’re fun now. You’re going to be the good guy for as long as you can be. But then the poison is going to seep through. Like it has for every relationship that’s meant something to you.”

For the first time in a long time, Negan was silent, “You can pretend to be the good person for so long until the real you starts slipping through the cracks. The only person that you were ever perfect for was Y/N growing up. And she still picked me over you.”

“I’m sorry your dad was a raging narcissist and a homophobe Joel,” Negan finally shoved Joel away from him after taking it for so long. “Because it made you an asshole. Maybe if you stop keeping that side of him alive inside of you, you might actually allow yourself to be happy for once.”

“And you think you’re going to be the one to make me happy?” Joel scoffed, his eyes narrowing when Negan headed for the door to leave.

“I think if you continue to keep this up, you’re never gonna be happy Joel,” Negan frowned lowering his head down, considering his next comment. “When you finally give yourself the chance to be the person you want to be instead of the person the world forces you to be, I think you’re gonna be a much happier person. And I truly want that for you.”

Giving Negan one final glare, Joel rotated on his heel and went over to the bed to drop down on the side of it again, “You have the world right in front of you Joel. A world full of opportunities. And you’re shutting yourself down from it because you’re afraid of a word that your father called you when you were sixteen. Yeah, I know I’m not your dream here. I’m just an extra added bonus. But you love Y/N, maybe consider her for once instead of yourself. And you may find happiness in that.”

Refusing to lift his head, Joel felt the lump that grew at his throat that continue to stay there regardless of how many times he swallowed, “Goodnight Joel.”

And with that, Negan left his room. A tremoring breath escape his throat when he was finally alone to himself. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel knew that he was being overwhelmed with so many emotions right now that they were too hard to comprehend. And he was going to have to figure out what to do with them. Because as of right now? He had no idea. And that scared him.  

----

Today was another busy day of walking around all of New York City while they tried to fit everything in on their last day. And right now? Joel was alone to himself sitting at the top of the red stairs in the middle of Times Square. Truthfully? This part of New York was hell for him. Everything was busy. There was no doubt about that, but being in the middle of Times Square? It was a once in a lifetime thing. This was not his favorite part of New York City and he never looked forward to coming back. To say he was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Even though this wasn’t on his to-do list, this was a place that the children were eager to come to. They didn’t want to miss the opportunity to be here. Problem was? With it so close to Christmas, people were shopping. And they were last minute shopping. So that meant that people were rude and it was even more trafficked than it would have been on an average day.

Peter had finagled his mother into taking him to get some donuts. Negan and Elizabeth were checking out something that she wanted to see. And Tommy was in the middle of everything taking a shit load of photos with Maria. Eating it all up.

After Negan left his room last night, Joel couldn’t sleep. His mind was running wild and it was hard to get a brain like that to relax. So that meant he had a lot of coffee today to keep him going. But the number one thing Joel noticed this afternoon when he checked his phone? Just how many e-mails he had received that was linked to his business. Part of him didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Maybe he had been hacked or spammed. So that’s when he decided to look into things. Doing a google search on Negan’s name led him to the most recent articles that were written about him. What came up surprised the hell out of Joel. Because of what happened over the last two days, hundreds of articles appeared to be written about Negan.

Where it seemed to have started was after the day they did that piano playing moment at the toy store. Originally, it seemed to just start off as videos that people posted. Joel knew that people had recorded them and taken photos when they were doing it, but he didn’t expect people to post the videos. Nor did he expect them to go viral like they did. Going through the videos, Joel noticed that a lot of people were making comments about him. Some of them were smart ass people who had to make negative comments. Others were talking about how hot both him and Negan were.

But then came the articles that were written. Some of the paparazzi sites were talking about Negan and how they had obviously picked up on the fact that he was dating Y/N. At this point? She was nameless, but Joel figured that wouldn’t last because people had his name. It wouldn’t take long to do a search on him to realize that he was Y/N’s ex-husband.

Even though he knew it was against his better judgement, Joel couldn’t help but keep looking at these things that he found. Reading the articles about how sexy it was that Negan was dating someone that was unknown. People were saying that Negan was a trendsetter because more people should be dating single mothers. And the thing that infuriated him the most? Those stupid assholes who were making comments assuming that Elizabeth and Peter were Negan’s secret children that he had kept hidden until the end of his career. But deep down Joel knew they were just stupid, trash articles that people were creating in order to draw clicks.

After what Negan did last night for Joel? It ended up everywhere as well too. People showing Negan introducing Joel, but also keeping the cameras rolling to record his performance. And because of that people were writing Joel endlessly at that e-mail. His name had gotten out and obviously people had gone searching for him. The internet moved fast. So that meant he was being sent job offers, e-mails that had nothing to do with his work and people just wanting to interview him to talk to him about Negan. It was infuriating to go through and on his phone it was impossible to fix.

For once in Joel’s life, he was getting a ton of attention. It was the one thing that Joel had wanted more than anything growing up, but today? He found it more so annoying than something he wanted.

After his discussion with Negan last night, this was exactly why he didn’t feel comfortable letting the world know that the three of them could potentially be together. The whole world would know. And they would know almost immediately.

There was part of him that wanted to show Y/N all the articles. Let her know that her face was plastered all over the internet and news channels with people speculating on her relationship with Negan. Some people thought she was a hidden lover. Others thought she was a gold digger. Jealous fans were making nasty comments about her in general. Negan was a hot commodity and people were digging their nails into whatever gossip they could get. This was the thing he was never comfortable with when it came to Negan. All the attention that came with being around Negan. It could be good, but there were also incredible amounts of bad.

“You are surrounded by the prettiest things and yet your nose deep in your phone,” Elizabeth’s voice lured Joel into looking up and gazing over at her with a weak smile. Slowly making her way up the steps had Joel lowering his phone into his lap. “Who are you and what have you done with my father who hates cell phones?”

“The prettiest thing in the world is sitting right now next to me,” Joel flashed a cheesy smile as Elizabeth took a seat beside him. Placing her hand over the center of her chest, Elizabeth played it off like she was touched by her father’s comment.

“Oh, that was good dad,” she admitted, her face scrunching up when she let out an amused sound. Patting her father on the chest, she got more comfortable beside him and sighed. “That was real good. Warmed my heart. Real smooth.”

“It was honest Ellie,” Joel swore, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he didn’t want to focus on things like that when he should be spending these moments with his daughter. “Nothing else compares to you.”

“There’s a reason I love you as much as I do,” she slid in closer to Joel having him wrap his arms firmly around her to cuddle in next to her. Where they were at, they were in the middle of all the craziness. With Christmas days away, in the middle of Times Square, it was insanity. Growing up, Joel came to love and embrace the quiet life. Here, things were too damn busy with so many people. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m great,” Joel was quick to respond with Elizabeth pulling back just enough to stare up at him with her dark eyes. Her dimples were visible with the way her eyes narrowed at him. Okay. So that was a lie she no question just picked up on. “What?”

“You’ve been acting weird,” she noted letting her father in on the fact that she wasn’t oblivious to the way that things were. “Especially on this trip. I wish you would be honest with me about things. I know I’m your daughter, but I’m also not far from being an adult. You can talk to me about things.”

“It’s hard for me to acknowledge that you are close to being an adult,” Joel confessed, cringing at the thought of his daughter turning eighteen soon. “I still remember you being a baby, so tiny in my arms. Counting on me to take care of you. It’s hard to think about you being all grown up.”

“You’re being sweet, but changing the subject,” she lowered her head back to Joel’s shoulder to rest her head against it. “We’ve always been really close you know.”

“And I hope we stay that way,” Joel stated with a sigh, his arm loosely hooking around her lower back while he sat with her. “Because I love you, very much.”

“And I love you too,” she assured him with a long sigh. Together they sat in silence until she finally spoke up again. “You’re upset about mom and Negan, right?”

“That’s not really something I should be talking to you about,” Joel admitted, his brow line creasing while considering the question. Although, that probably answered her question without answering it.

“I’m not blind dad. I can see that Negan and mom being together is bothering you,” she pointed out with Joel cuddling her in closer to him with the cool chill that was around them. With them sitting there, it had only just started to snow again and it had Joel huffing out. “And I understand because I always thought you and mom would get back together.”

“Children always want their parents together,” Joel commented and it made Elizabeth scoff. Glancing over at Joel with her eyebrows furrowed made Joel shrug. “They do.”

“Lydia couldn’t wait for her parents to split,” Elizabeth recalled how her friend felt about her own mother. “She couldn’t wait to be with her dad and get away from her mother.”

“Her mother was insane. That’s different,” Joel countered with a grunt remembering the stories that he heard when Lydia moved to town with her father. “I don’t think we are ever going to get back together Ellie, so don’t hold out your hopes for something that may never happen.”

“So you are upset about mom and Negan,” she gathered reaching out to hook her fingers with her father’s. Staring out into the crowd, she couldn’t spot Tommy with Maria nor her mother with Negan and Peter. “Did you tell mom?”

“I think your mom is well aware,” Joel was quiet in the way he said it, being honest but not fully forthcoming. It would be completely inappropriate for him to vent to his teenage daughter about the things he was feeling right now. “I was just too late with things to get back with your mom.”

“So you regret that you two got divorced?” Elizabeth lifted her head to lock eyes with Joel. It looked like he was having conflicting thoughts of what to say or do. So he just nodded his head once and swallowed down hard. That was something Joel had thought about a lot over the last few months. How much he wished he would have just seen someone for help instead of letting his life fall to shit. What he thought he wanted back then was just wrong. And he wished that he had never done it. “I never understood why mom agreed to it.”

“I didn’t allow her the option to say no,” Joel mumbled, his chest aching at the memories of their past. Recently she had stressed to him how the children blamed her for everything and by the children’s comments lately? He realized that Y/N was right. And that was sad because all of this was Joel’s fault. Not hers. “I was going through some things. I was really depressed. I thought it was your mother’s fault and I blamed a lot of things on her. I was just going through a phase and didn’t realize the mistake that I was making.”

“Peter and I were really mad at her for a while,” Elizabeth recalled how they were toward Y/N when their parents first split. “We never understood. When it was the four of us, we were all so happy. And then when night came, we always heard the two of you fighting. Then the night you left…we came to the stairs right before you left. She was sobbing and we heard her scream at you to leave. We always thought it was her fault for not fighting hard enough for you.”

“Your mom fought harder for me than anyone ever did,” Joel reasoned with his daughter, squeezing his fingers tighter around hers. “I was just too blind to see it. I should have seen someone about the depression that I was having, but I confused it with other emotions.”

“Did we really depress you that much?” Elizabeth put the blame on her which had Joel’s heart breaking. “I never really thought it was that bad.”

“It wasn’t you that depressed me Ellie. You and your brother are the only things in this world that I’ve done right,” Joel declared, using his free hand to place it in over his chest. Giving her a weak smile, he squeezed his arm around her to give her a half hug. “I’ve never loved something as much as I love the two of you. I never blamed the two of you for things because you were the only things keeping me here. The things that kept me fighting every single day.”

“You know how much I love you, right?” Elizabeth stammered, evoking a nod from her father.

“I will never turn away hearing it,” Joel insisted glad that he still had this relationship with his daughter because at the end of the day the children meant everything to him. “And I love you so very much. More than anything.”

A grunt escaped Joel followed by a laugh with her arms wrapping around his mid-section to squeeze him close. Appreciating the moment, Joel knew that this would probably be his favorite part of visiting Times Square.

“I wasn’t exactly comfortable with Negan and mom dating at first either,” Elizabeth spilled after releasing him, shifting beside her father to pull her jacket in closer to her body. “It’s kind of weird having your mom dating your celebrity crush that you’ve liked since you were a kid. You two probably should have told me how close mom and him actually were when they were younger. It might have swayed me from liking him as much as I did.”

“I never thought I’d see him again,” Joel grunted with a wrinkle of his nose finding himself still creeped out by the idea that she did have as much of a crush on Negan as she did. “I thought it was innocent. Although, I did tell you for years it was really uncomfortable with you having a crush on a man that was my age.”

This really had to be strange for Elizabeth and it wasn’t something that Joel really thought about. It was an odd place to be put in having your celebrity crush suddenly dating your mother and being around all the time. Then again, if she knew that Negan had slept with both him and Y/N? Well, he could only imagine how she’d feel.

“You don’t still crush on him, do you?” Joel was almost afraid to ask, but he was thankful for the disgusted face that she made.

“It’s kind of creepy thinking about it to be honest with you dad,” she stressed how she felt, waving her free hand about. “I try to forget that I crushed on him as much as I did. He’s cute. He’s nice. And I see why mom likes him, but he gives off such…dad vibes.”

Dad vibes? That wasn’t really the thing that Joel wanted to hear because he was her father. Not Negan. But then again, he was glad that the idea of Negan not being her crush anymore was a plus.

“Negan is really good with us. And he doesn’t look at me like that. It’s like he already stepped into the role of stepdad and he’s…he’s good at it,” Elizabeth continued which only further boiled Joel’s blood at the thought. “I think I was more attracted to the idea of Negan than actually him. Because now when I look at him, he’s more like a soft teddy bear than what I pictured.”

“What did you picture?” Joel wondered, his eyebrow arching in curiosity with the way that his daughter’s face reddened over.

“I don’t think I want to talk about that. Let’s just say that I’ve had to burn a lot of memories, thoughts and feelings in this brain over the last month,” she hissed in an uncomfortable breath, lifting her fingers to point at her temple.

“Dear God,” Joel lowered his head into his other hand and knew this was all so fucking complicated. Of course almost everyone in his family had to be attracted to Negan. This wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault. Being attracted to Negan ran in her blood. “He is charming.”

“Sorry?” she spoke with a smirk having Joel lift his head to gaze out at her. Maybe that was bad to say out loud. No, that wasn’t a maybe. That was bad. His thoughts on Negan should have been kept to himself. “You think he’s charming? I thought you hated him.”

“I do, but I don’t,” Joel didn’t know how to explain it to her. Hell, he didn’t even know how he felt about Negan. There was a side of him that hated Negan with every part of him. But then there was that side that fought so hard to come out that felt something very strong for Negan that he couldn’t explain. And that’s the side of him that confused him the most. But that wasn’t something he was going to tell Elizabeth. “It’s complicated. And I don’t think I should say much more than that.”

“I think you should talk to mom,” Elizabeth brought back their previous conversation having Joel’s jaw flex in frustration. What his children didn’t know was just how hard Joel was really trying to get back with their mother and how many times he had been turned down. “It might not be too late for something between you two.”

“I’ve talked to your mom,” Joel responded with a frown, shaking his head when he spoke. “She knows how I feel, but you see the way she looks at Negan. She’s happy. He makes her happy. The slate is clean with Negan.”

“I…” she started, stopping when Joel looked to her with his saddened brown eyes. Resting her head against his shoulder again had Joel resting his head on top of hers. “I’m sorry.”

Even Elizabeth in that moment could agree that he wasn’t wrong about Negan and Y/N’s relationship with him. He wished he could have moved faster. That he could have done something. But there was nothing that could be done.

At the bottom of the steps, it was then that Joel noticed that Y/N was taking photos of him and Elizabeth together, “Speak of your mother…”

“What?” she lifted her head to see that her mom was standing at the bottom corner of the steps taking photos of them. Rolling her eyes, she looked to Joel and there was a smirk over her young features. “She’s making use of that camera of hers after all these years.”

Getting up from where they were seated, Joel helped Elizabeth move down the steps making sure that she wouldn’t slip. Once they were back on the ground, Elizabeth went to her mother to give her a big hug. Joel was slow walking over to them.

“Where’s Negan?” Joel looked around noticing that neither Peter nor Negan were around.

“A few people stopped him back there somewhere and Peter offered to take their photos for them,” she waved her fingers back behind her with Joel rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Why did that not surprise him? Of course people were jumping on Negan and Negan was going to eat up that attention. “You two looked cute up there.”

“Hey!” a voice boasted causing them to jump only to notice that it was Peter running up to them. “We’re going to go the Hershey’s store!”

“That’s exactly what you need. More sugar,” Joel teased his son, reaching out to stroke his fingers throughout his messy hair. “Didn’t you just eat a donut?”

“I did, but I counter you this,” Peter held his finger up in the air dramatically, his dimples much more visible now that he was being silly with his dad. “I need some for when we go home. A stash if you will.”

“Oh, I see,” Joel snorted noticing that Negan was headed back to be with them. Instead of looking at Negan, Joel hooked his arm around Peter and grumbled something to himself. “Where’s Tommy?”

“I think he said he would call me when they were headed back here. Him and Maria wanted to walk around on their own,” Y/N answered him tipping her head back to press a quit kiss over Negan’s lips when he returned. With a nod of her head, she motioned all of them toward the Hershey’s store with Joel walking with Peter.

Since they had been with Negan, Joel was extremely paranoid. After discovering those articles, videos and photos Joel couldn’t stop thinking about them. There were so many cameras in Times Square but a lot of the time he thought he’d see people taking photos of them. Which annoyed the hell out of him. There were probably those that were taking photos of Negan, but his family being in those photos? That really didn’t work well with him.

Inside the store, Peter made immediately for the shakes area interested in getting one. Joel pulled Elizabeth with them since he was still kind of protective of her. Joel opted out on getting one for himself because his stomach was just not in it right now.

Looking around while they were waiting for their shakes, Joel noticed Y/N and Negan at the other end of the store whispering to each other. They were smiling and laughing which had Joel’s insides turning. When they started kissing, Joel felt his heart rate quicken inside of his chest. It was then he noticed not too far outside of the window there was someone taking photos of Negan with Y/N.

“Hey, can you watch your brother for a second?” Joel requested, side stepping away from his children. Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best move as a father to do this, but he felt a sense of rage flooding his veins. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”

“Everything alright?” Elizabeth seemed worried with Joel heading toward the entrance of the store.

Instead of answering, he was quick to make his way out. They did have someone following them. It looked like a skeezy paparazzi photographer and it infuriated Joel. Thinking of the best way to do this, Joel pulled his jacket in closer to him and started walking fast. It was a busy place, it would make sense if someone ran into another person in the middle of Times Square.

As the photographer lined up another shot, Joel put his head down using his shoulder to plow into the guy knocking him to the ground hard. Just in time Joel was able to catch the camera. With the man on the ground, Joel took advantage looking through the photos realizing that they had been being followed all morning. With quick hands, Joel managed to get the memory card out of the camera and curled his fingers around it.

“Man, you need to learn to be careful. You could have broken this,” Joel handed the camera back to the guy once he started moving. Keeping his head down, Joel did his best to hide who he was with him heading back into the store. Once he got back inside the store, in the distance he could see that Elizabeth and Peter were seated talking to one another while they had their milkshakes. With a huff, Joel pushed the memory card into his back pocket and felt like his face was on fire. There were photos of his children from what he saw on there and that pissed him off. The guy was lucky all he had done was knocked him over.

Right now, more than anything he needed a moment to calm down which had him catching his breath in one of the aisles in front of a shelf with gigantic chocolate bars. Scoffing, he reached out to pick it up reading that it was five pounds of chocolate.

“I bet you could eat that all in one day with your sweet tooth,” Joel heard a whisper in his ear having his eyebrow arch and he looked back over his shoulder to see that Y/N was smiling big behind him. With a shake of his head, Joel put it back down and turned on his heel toward her. “You’re not going to get it?”

“I only have a sweet tooth when it comes to your food,” Joel declared, pushing his hands into his pockets letting out a long exhale. “People don’t make things like you do.”

“Is that what it is?” she smirked, reaching to straighten out his heavy, brown winter jacket. There was a moment of silence between them with her frowning. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me a little bit today.”

“I have been,” Joel responded with a shrug of his shoulders surprising her with his honesty. After last night Joel was confused. And then finding out all the information he did that was on the internet? It was just hard not to vent about Negan and the negatives that came with being with Negan. “I really wanted to stay away from both you and Negan today.”

“Oh,” she thought about what he said, her face twisting with confusion. He could tell that it upset her. There was color that flooded into her face. “Why? Is this about what happened with Negan last night?”

“Of course he told you,” Joel wasn’t surprised to hear that since Negan did pretty much tell him that he would be telling Y/N everything. Pinching at the bridge of his nose, Joel felt frustrated. He really wished it could have been told to Y/N on his terms. “That’s not the only reason.”

“What’s going on?” she seemed genuinely worried and when she reached for Joel’s hand, he pulled it from her and shook his head. This wasn’t what she was expecting from him. That was for certain. “Talk to me.”

“Not in the middle of the store,” Joel refused, throwing his hand up to bring attention to all the people that were around them. What they needed was to talk. Alone. That’s what they had needed for a very long time, but they hadn’t had the opportunity. “Now really isn’t the time for the two of us to have a full-on discussion about things.”

“Okay,” she didn’t fight him on it because she didn’t want to upset him any further than he clearly already was. Motioning toward the children, Joel left Y/N standing where she was wanting to just focus on spending time with the children right now.

After Joel blew her off, she looked sad, but Joel realized he was probably just reading too much into things. So he avoided it. He spent time with the children. Did what a dad should. Focused on them. They were in Times Square longer than he wanted to be. After their shopping, they walked back to the apartment to drop things off. Then they went walking around again sightseeing.

They stopped in at the St Patrick’s Cathedral which Negan insisted was an absolute must for Joel to see with his contractor background. Y/N and the kids went to sit down, but Joel was uncomfortable so he walked the outskirts looking at the church. Christmas decorations donned the place and Negan was right, this was a stunning location.

“In the summer we should plan a longer trip,” Negan’s whisper pressed in beside him with Joel tensing up. “We can hit up more things. Three days never really feels like enough, does it?”

“You’ll be doing baseball,” Joel reminded Negan who tipped his head from side to side. It sounded like a nice idea, but Joel was a sports fan. He knew the schedule that baseball had. There was no way that Negan would be able to pull that kind of shit off. Unless he didn’t sleep and care to rest. “Hard to make time for things when you’re going to be busy with your job.”

“You guys can come with me when I go to certain cities,” Negan offered, pushing his hands into his pockets with Joel looking around the church. “Spring training is in Fort Myers. It’s about three hours from Orlando. The family can come down and we can all go to Disney World together. I think it would be fun. You’d be surprised how much fun it actually still is even as an adult. It brings out the kid in you and…”

“The kids have school,” Joel scoffed with a shake of his head. Once again Negan was trying way too fucking hard. “They can’t just up and leave whenever they want to.”

“Spring break,” Negan stammered with a weak smile, throwing his right hand up in the air. Somehow, Negan had a response to everything. “Don’t you want to go to the beach? Get some sand between your toes? Have that saltwater touch your skin? We can get you out of all these clothes and get you into a bathing suit…I think you’d look good in a pair of trunks.”

“Enough,” Joel warned Negan who was eyeing Joel over with a smirk. Having Negan so blatantly flirting with him in public felt crazy to Joel. Especially since they were in the middle of a busy church. “How are you even comfortable being anywhere near me right now in…this place? After last night.”

“The church?” Negan snorted, his brow line furrowing with Joel giving him attitude. “What? You think the two of us are going to be set ablaze the moment we step inside of a church? If that was the case, everyone would probably be on fire in here right now.”

“We’re not together Negan,” Joel made it clear for Negan who tipped his head to the side. Even though something happened last night, there were a lot of negative emotions that Joel had toward him. Especially after what he had seen this morning with Negan being in the news and all this attention being brought on him and his family. “I’m not even comfortable with what happened last night. Acting like we’re all one big, happy family that is going to take trips together all the time is just…weird.”

“Why is it weird?” Negan pushed, his eyes narrowing when he stepped in closer to make their conversation quieter. “It’s bad that I want to be close to you and your family?”

Letting out an extended sigh, Joel folded his arms in front of his chest and didn’t even know what to say. Stepping forward, Negan whispered in Joel’s ear so only he could hear, “How are you uncomfortable with last night when you came as much as you did those three times? You’re the one that wanted it. And you sure as hell didn’t sound like you hated it.”

Shoving Negan back had him stumbling over his feet again but managing to catch himself before he fell. It drew some people’s attention, but Negan held his hands up with a simple shrug, “Sorry. I’m a klutz.”

Grabbing Negan by the arm, Joel led him back toward the front of the church. Getting him outside on the steps, Joel pulled him over into the corner so they were alone, “Don’t mention last night again. Last night shouldn’t have fucking happened.”

“You liked last night,” Negan reminded Joel with confusion behind his hazel eyes. “I know it’s hard coming to terms with your sexuality. Especially when you think things are a certain way most of your life and then you…”

“I’m nothing like you,” Joel grabbed a tight hold of Negan’s jacket pressing him against the wall of the church. There was a rush of heat flooding into Joel’s face. For the last few weeks he had been fighting to get Y/N’s attention. To get back with her. And now having feelings for the man that was supposed to be his competition while also still wanting to get back with his ex-wife was throwing him through the ringer. “Do you understand me?”

“Fine, you’re nothing like me,” Negan didn’t know what to say, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. There was still obviously that trouble Joel was having getting used to the idea that he may have feelings for another man. “But pretending you are one way when you’re not is really fucking sad Joel. You gave into what you wanted last night Joel. You shouldn’t feel bad about it. I’m not ashamed of it. And neither should you be. Everyone has done something that people will fucking judge. People fucking suck. They are gonna judge you whether you do what they want or not. Do things that make you fucking happy and feel good. Fuck everyone else.”

“Just…back off for a while Negan,” Joel requested, releasing Negan and shaking his head. Brushing his fingers shakily through his dark hair, Joel felt his heart pounding in his chest and he knew that he had to calm down. “My children don’t need to know that both of their parents are fucking you. You are making it way too obvious in public. And Ellie already feels weird enough that you are fucking her mother.”

“That’s not my intentions,” Negan stammered, his thick eyebrows arching with frustration. “I just care about you. A lot. I care about Y/N and your children.”

“You’re not our family Negan,” Joel reminded Negan having his jaw flexing in upset. It felt like a lot of the time Negan forgot how things were and Joel felt like he had to put Negan in his place. “You abandoned all of us. You could have been family this whole time. You could have been part of everything, but you ran off and you left us behind. Now it’s almost twenty years later and you’re acting like you’ve been here all along. You’re a stranger to this family. And you didn’t have to be like that.”

An array of emotions flooded into Negan’s face and it looked like he was ready to say a whole lot more, but the sound of Peter and Elizabeth calling out to them was heard. Instead they both shut up real fast and followed the children around for what would be their final walk of the night. In the morning they would pack everything back into the car and head home.

When they got back to the apartment, everyone headed upstairs, but Y/N had asked Joel to walk with her and promised they would be back inside soon. They headed over to the Christmas tree at Rockefeller and found a place to sit where they would have some kind of privacy. It irritated Joel because he really didn’t want to be here. If anything, he was just getting angrier about everything.

“This is really beautiful,” she alerted him, pointing toward the tree and enjoying the environment that was around them. It surprised him that was the first thing she said, but she seemed to be really taking it all in. A tense exhale escaped his lips when he felt her hand slipping in with his to hold it. Right now? He didn’t realize that they were at a point where they were back to handholding. “We always talked about coming here, but I think with it being Christmas it was really the best time to come. It’s beautiful. Our town tries, but you can’t really beat the magic of this.”

“I guess,” Joel didn’t know what to say. Again, he wasn’t the biggest fan of Christmas. So for him, this was just an experience for him to have with his family. “It should have been me bringing my family here first though. Not Negan.”

“I think he was just excited,” she made an excuse for the way that Negan was. “You weren’t around at this point, but when Negan was a kid his dad went on a business trip to New York. Brought home this Statue of Liberty bobble head for Negan and always promised that he would take him. And you know that Negan’s dad never really did anything for him and his mom. So that was the thing he always longed for the most growing up. When he heard that we never went, I think he wanted to be different than his dad.”

“Are you trying to say I’m like Negan’s dad?” Joel snarled with her eyes growing big. Shaking her head immediately, she sat forward where she was sitting and Joel could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest. Pulling his hand away from her, Joel realized there was a heat rushing to his face.

“No,” she was strong in the way she stood her ground. “Not at all.”

“You were comparing me to Negan’s dad. I always told our children that we would come here, and we didn’t. Just like Negan’s dad did to him,” Joel stated, his eyebrows showing that he was angry. Color flooded into her features and she was stammering over her words.

“Joel, no. I was just explaining why Negan was eager to bring everyone here. He wanted to do something nice because when he was younger he was denied the chance of coming here when his father came here all the time,” she defended herself, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “I swear to you, I would never compare you with Negan’s dad. You are an incredible father. You never hurt your children the way that Negan’s dad hurt him.”

“You know…” Joel was ready to erupt, but instead he bit down on his bottom lip and grunted out. “Forget it.”

“I’m sorry, I just think we’re all happy to be here,” she reached her hand out to place it in over Joel’s knee to give it a firm squeeze. “You and I wanted to come here for our honeymoon. Then we wanted to do it for an anniversary, but…”

“We were poor,” Joel hissed out, lifting his head to meet her stare. “We didn’t come here for a honeymoon because I was a twenty-year-old doing everything that he could to keep his head above the water. Not wanting to drown his little brother, his wife and his daughter with him. We never had the money to come here Y/N,” Joel seemed to be letting loose on all the things that were deep in his mind. There was so much stress that had been building up inside of him that he was having a hard time keeping it back. “You see, this was the thing about our relationship that always sucked. You were always so focused on the things I wasn’t doing. Instead of the things that I was doing.”

“Where is this coming from?” she seemed genuinely confused, her back straightening with her trying to touch Joel, but he slid further away from her. “Joel?”

“I wasn’t romantic enough for you. I didn’t think out good gifts. I wouldn’t cuddle you at night. I didn’t talk enough to you. I didn’t show you that I loved you. I didn’t do the fucking dishes,” Joel recalled their fights from the few years before they got divorced. “It wasn’t, hey…my husband goes and works his fucking ass off every day to make sure we don’t lose everything.”

“I never doubted the things that you did for us Joel,” she stuttered, visibly distraught with his explosion. Looking around, she made sure that people weren’t paying attention to them and she shook her head. “What’s going on? I thought we were okay. After the talk we had at the bar the other night…”

“What talk at the bar?” Joel snapped, his voice growing more tense. That was when he realized that a lot of what happened that night, Joel had forgotten.

“When we danced. You were really sweet,” she reminded him getting Joel’s expression to soften and she shook her head. “We were talking about you up on stage. How the only thing that kept you from freaking out was me. How I was the thing that grounded you. Kept you from running away. And then you started talking about how good Negan was for both of us. That you thought the best way for us to be together was to have him with us. And when we got home you talked to us at the table about it. Telling Negan how in love you were with me and how you couldn’t give me up. How you didn’t want to fight anymore. But you were still upset with him over the whole singing thing because he put you on the spot.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” Joel snorted, his heart racing at the idea. How was that something that he would even do or suggest? “I was loving and sweet with you at the bar? After I was infuriated with you for deciding that you wouldn’t leave Negan for me?”

“You were,” she insisted, her face showing that she didn’t understand why he was acting out again. “We danced a long time. And you kept singing to me. Saying things…” she paused, her lips parting and he could see that she was upset. “You sounded like the old Joel again.”

“I’m fairly certain that was a dream you had,” Joel stressed, his chest aching at the idea that he couldn’t even remember doing that. Yeah, he remembered dancing with her. But other than that, there wasn’t much he did recall from that night. And when he was at the dinner table? He thought that Y/N was lecturing him. Not that he was making a deal for all three of them to be together. “After today? I know for a fact that I would never think that Negan being added to our relationship would be a good idea.”

“It wasn’t a dream Joel. Why would I lie to you?” she inquired, looking around to make sure that no one was listening in on their discussion. “Negan didn’t believe you at the table either. That’s why I assumed what happened with you and Negan happened. Because you wanted to prove that you were okay with it. You said that I was the happiest you had ever seen me on this trip. That you made me happy and he made me happy. That you just wanted to give it all a try.”

“The person you’re talking about doesn’t even exist,” Joel noted, his hands resting in his lap while he circled his fingers there. “Because I’m ashamed of what I did with Negan. My father would be rolling in his grave that I let another man do that to me. And the people in the town? They would have a field day with this. Have you even looked at the internet the last few days? Our family? You and me? We’re all over it. And it’s not good things Y/N. If you think Negan would be good for us, then you are a fool. Because he’s not. And trust me, whatever may have happened the other night. Whatever I said? None of it was real. The old Joel? You didn’t love the old Joel. You divorced the old Joel.”

“None of it was real?” she countered, her eyes narrowing. A flood of emotions were running through her and Joel went to speak up, but he couldn’t. “But you were so sweet. And…I’m not the one that wanted to divorce you Joel.”

“As you like to remind me,” Joel noted with a roll of his eyes, dropping his head down noticing the way that his body was tremoring.

“Why is it always the same fight with us?” she frowned, biting down on her bottom lip. Considering what to say next, she sighed and felt a chill around her. “This is where I would remind you that when you were with me that the only things you focused on were the things you could never have being with me. The things that I kept you from,” she felt like she was beating the same drum watching Joel’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I thought things were getting better between the two of us…”

“Why? Because you let me have your sloppy seconds in a threesome with Negan?” Joel turned his head, his words coming out sharp. Clearly she thought things were okay because of whatever conversation they had the other night before he slept with Negan. With what he had just said, he could tell that it really surprised her. “Thanks Y/N. I’m glad that I got to share your pussy with your boyfriend. Heaven fucking knows I should feel lucky.”

Something changed in her eyes and she nodded her head slowly, lowering it to look down at the ground, “What did you think was going to happen with the two of us? That I’d be through the fucking roof? That I would go home waving a flag around telling people that I’m in a poly relationship with a woman and a fucking man? Do you really think that I’m that type? You knew what my family was like Y/N. How do you think I would be okay with something like that?”

“I don’t know,” she exhaled, keeping her eyes locked on the Christmas tree. Clearly, she thought this was going to be a sweet moment between the two of them, but he was releasing all of his stresses on her about everything that was going on. So he could see by her body language that she was just shutting down all together again.

“You know if I asked you to be part of a threesome with me and Tess, you would have slapped the shit outta me,” Joel grunted, his jaw flexing when she nodded her head about. There was a rage that had been growing inside of him for days. From the over stimulation of everything to seeing how the news articles were reporting about their family. This was all too much for him and he was finally exploding. “I don’t get to flaunt my girlfriend off in front of you, but you can flaunt your perfect boyfriend off in front of me?”

“You flaunted every chance you got with Tess,” she corrected Joel, her eyes tearing over when she looked to him with anger in her eyes. “Don’t pretend you didn’t. You wanted me to hurt. You fucking hated me when you were with Tess and you wanted me to feel pain. To know that you found someone other than me.”

An angered sound escaped Joel’s lips when he rolled his eyes and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs, “I thought you liked Negan. With the two of you doing what you did last night, it sounded like things were good. The difference between Tess and Negan is that you have always liked Negan. Except when you didn’t. I always thought something happened between you and Negan when we were younger. I knew Negan was a virgin, but the way you looked at him…I don’t know. I always figured that was kind of why you didn’t like me when I liked you. And then when you started getting all handsy with him and the two of you slept together…”

“Please don’t talk about it,” Joel begged, holding his hand out in a pleading manner. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“Why are you upset about this? If you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t have,” she whimpered, the warmth of her tears burning at her eyes. “You never did something unless you wanted to do it Joel. There is nothing wrong with you for being attracted to…” her words came to a halt with Joel glaring out at her behind his angered brown eyes. “There is nothing wrong with it. I get it. Negan has always been very appealing. And I’m okay with all of this.”

“There is something wrong with you for being okay with it,” Joel claimed, his voice growing deeper with disbelief. “You shouldn’t be okay with us doing what we did.”

“I just thought it was the three of us so…” she began and it had Joel laughing in a way that felt like he was belittling her. “I love the both of you. And you seem to feel a certain way about Negan that’s…”

“You don’t love me,” Joel interrupted her, his eyes narrowing at her. Right now he was hurting her and he knew that, but he didn’t’ care in the moment. “You know, he’s not as good of a man as you think he is. Right?”

“I don’t think you nor Negan are bad men. I know who Negan is,” she decided for herself, pulling her coat tighter to her body. “He’s never hidden who he is from me.”

Of course that’s where she was going to go with it. Negan told her everything so that was another thing that could be held over him, “And what he did for you yesterday at the bar, that was really nice of him. You wanted to be a musician so bad and you really haven’t played in front of people since high school. You did amazing.”

“Yeah, Negan is a fucking saint,” Joel mocked, cussing under his breath at the thought of it all. “Do you know that I can’t even read my work e-mails? After the whole piano thing and what happened at the bar, I have so many fucking people contacting me. Wanting to hire me or contact me for some other kind of business opportunities? I have hundreds of e-mails today because of him.”

“That’s a good thing,” she thought aloud, circling her finger around them. “Think of all the opportunities it can open you and the business up to.”

“But you’re missing the whole point,” Joel asserted, throwing his hands up in disbelief. “These aren’t people that are contacting me because I’m good at my job. These are people that are contacting me because I went viral. Our fucking piano dance went viral on social media. So did what happened at the bar. These are people contacting because I’m friends with fucking Negan Smith. It’s not because I’m a good worker where they saw what I was capable of.”

“I’m confused, isn’t this a good thing?” she questioned, her face twisting with trying to understand where he was coming from. “At least you could be able to prove yourself to people with this chance you are being given.”

“Everything I’ve done for myself, I’ve done it on my own,” Joel fumed at the idea of people wanting to hire him just for knowing Negan. “I don’t need Negan coming into my life and making my life suddenly magical. Because then I owe him everything and I don’t want to owe him anything.”

Hearing Joel go off, she didn’t know how to respond to his rant. There were positive things that she could say, but everything seemed to be wrong between them right now.

“You know, Negan has the life that I always fucking wanted,” Joel confessed with a hesitant laugh, shaking his head and squeezing his palms into fists. Even though he didn’t mean for it to happen, he was exploding all of his emotions onto her. “And Negan has shown me what a hypocrite you truly are.”

“What?” she didn’t seem to understand where he was headed.

“You always told me that it didn’t matter that I was normal. That even though I didn’t get to become famous you still loved me. That I was perfect just the way that I was,” Joel reminded her of the things she would often say to him to make him feel better when he’d have depression when they were younger about the things that never came in life. “Yet Negan comes in and he has everything I wanted. He’s rich. He’s giving. People love him. And he can make anything happen with the snap of his fingers. And you are fucking twitterpated. You are obsessed with him. You told me that wasn’t the life you wanted. That wasn’t the kind of person that you wanted, yet you are picking him over me in every way. So either you are a hypocrite or you are a liar. Or maybe you’re both.”

“I don’t see Negan like that,” she swore, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “You know how I felt about Negan when we were younger. He was the most important person in the world to me. My best friend. He was the boy that lived next door to me. He was sweet. He was caring…”

“And you didn’t want him,” Joel interrupted her with a scowl getting her eyes to lock with his again. “You didn’t care about him. You wanted me. I was the one that you wanted. I kiss you once and you’re eager for me to take you back to my bed to have sex with me. You ripped Negan’s heart out of his chest, you stomped on it and you didn’t give a shit. You didn’t care about that poor boy that lived next door. No, you care about him now that he’s perfect. Now that he has so much fucking money.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m a gold digger?” she wondered, her bottom lip trembling with the things that Joel was saying about her.

“No, I don’t think you’re a gold digger. I think you’re enamored by shiny things because you never got to have them in your life,” Joel claimed, stroking his fingers through his messy hair. “Negan offers you the life that we both wanted but couldn’t have. Instead of working for it, Negan can easily hand it to you. You’re happy. You’re off living the glory life with Negan while I’m still at home, fucking alone and miserable. How is that fair?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized with a shuddering breath. “If anything, I can admit this, maybe I’m selfish and greedy. Because I love the both of you. I don’t want you alone Joel. There is half of me that loves him, but the other half is head over heels in love with you.”

Joel looked to her, his brown eyes lacking emotion right now while she tried to explain herself but she was coming up short, “Maybe with you playing last night, you can finally have some of the life that you always wanted that you could never have when you were with me. I thought the three of us together was an option that you were okay with. I thought having both me and Negan would make you happy too. Negan brings out parts of you that I couldn’t even do. Getting you to do that piano thing? You were so happy and you had so much fun. Then getting you up on stage? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you to do that growing up. You love me, but with Negan…”

“There is nothing between Negan and I,” Joel stressed, the muscles in his body locking up when she explained clearly where she was getting that information from. Sitting to himself, Joel hated that he allowed himself to get so comfortable and relaxed with Negan like he did for a while. Liking a man like that, just didn’t seem right. So he swiftly changed the subject. “I bet if I had the life that Negan had, we would still be together,” Joel commented, his muscles flexing with him trying to hold his anger in. “I could have cheated on you and you’d still be with me because at least you’d have those shiny things and we’d be happy.”

“Cheated on me?” she repeated with Joel looking to her with his eyebrows bouncing in the air.

“I’m just making a point,” Joel scoffed, leaning back to brace some of his weight on his hands. “I think you picked me over Negan when we were younger because I was the one with more potential. I was the more popular one. I had the better parents. I had better prospects. Scouts already planning on snatching me up when we were younger. I was the shiny one that you were drawn to. I guess it’s too fucking bad that you picked the wrong one.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I was in love with you Joel. I knew before I was even a pre-teen that you were made for glorious things and that’s why I crushed on you. I thought you were going to make loads of money and that’s exactly what a little girl thinks,” she pressed at the tears over her face hating that Joel was going straight to this. “I knew nothing about you. When you came to that door the first time? I saw you and I fell in love with you immediately. It was love at first sight for me. With your big brown eyes. The dimples where one was more prominent than the other. You were so cute. And then when you were around…”

“I treated you like shit,” Joel reminded her of what he was like when he was a child. “I was miserable. So I treated everyone like shit. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to go back to Texas. But you didn’t take the hint. You wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I couldn’t stand you at first Y/N. The only reason we started hanging out was because you beat the shit out of that kid that was bullying Tommy. I thought then maybe you were worth my time. But even then? I still preferred to be around Negan. You were so desperate to have me like you. And I didn’t. You were a cool girl that everyone liked because you were awesome. But I never liked you like that. You even knew that, that’s why you and Negan hooked up. And I know you used Negan to make me jealous. I just think it’s a little sad that he never realized it. It was cruel. Which is why I have a hard time believing right now that Negan is the man for you. Because the moment I felt anything for you, the moment I gave you attention. You hopped on my dick as fast as you could. I kissed you once, I took you back to my home and you were just begging for me to take your virginity. And I didn’t even have to be romantic. So whatever you’re pulling with Negan right now? You need to let go of it. Because I know I’m your obsession. Not him. It’s always been me. You never loved him. He’s just everything you want me to be so you feel like you have to be with him. He’s too nice to let go. Me? We have history. There is pain. But you know, just as well as I do that your heart? It belongs to me. And you will go through endless amounts of whatever life throws at you because you want to be with me. And you’re hurting the both of us right now because you feel bad. You made Negan think there was something there and there isn’t.”

“I really can’t tell whether you like me or not,” she claimed with a broken breath, her eyes narrowing showing that she was hurt. “Right now, I think you’re upset because you realize that you love me, but you’re attracted to Negan. And that scares you. So you’re taking things out on me. Like you have always done in moments of being upset and not being able to handle things. I’m the only person you can treat like shit because you know I’ll always take it because I love you.”  

“Is that what is going wrong with me?” Joel chuckled, his eyebrows bouncing up when he shook his head slowly. “I’m having a hard time coming to terms with being bisexual so that’s why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling. It can’t possibly be that I’m upset with how things have been?”

“Do you know what the difference between you and Negan is?” she interrupted his thought process.  

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this one,” Joel snickered, his head following her movements when she stood up from where they were seated.

“I broke Negan’s heart and he forgave me,” she acknowledged with a nod of her head, stray tears still falling from her eyes. Broken breaths escaped her throat as she tried to wipe them away. “You keep breaking my heart and I’m supposed to be the one that apologizes for it. You shattered my heart into pieces and I blamed myself. It was my fault. And then you kept breaking my heart, but I apologized to you. Because it had to be my fault. I had to have done something wrong.”

Joel said nothing with her starting to sob before him and she shook her head, “forget it.”

“Hey!” Joel called out to her, stopping her when she went to head back for the apartment. Hooking his fingers around her wrist, Joel pulled her back to him.

“You had four years,” she breathed out, sounding incredibly sad about this whole discussion. “Four years to do the bare minimum and I would have taken you back in a heartbeat because I am so head over heels in love with you.”

There were so many people around them, but in that moment it felt like she was the only person that was there for him.

“I don’t question that Negan loves me,” she whispered, her reddened over eyes staring up at him. “But I can’t tell if you love or hate me Joel.”

Sure, he should have said something, but nothing was coming out, “I have always loved you. When I married you Joel, I never loved something more in my life. You were everything I wanted and more,” she whimpered, her head shaking when she spoke. “You want me to pick you Joel? Give up everything with Negan? Prove to me that you love me. Show me that I’m the person that you want to be with. Convince me that you love me. I will reconsider everything if you prove to me right now that you love me. If giving up Negan is the thing that will bring the old Joel back and we can be happy again, then I’ll do it. Just give me a sign that’s what I have to do. If it’s going to make you happy and it will bring back the man I originally married? Then I will do it in an instant.”

Dropping his hand down at his side, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with his eyes hooked on hers. A breath caught in his throat when she stepped in closer to him. Pressing her hand in over the center of his chest, she tipped up on her toes to faintly brush her lips over his. Letting her kiss him, Joel imagined this was exactly the kind of thing she would have found romantic when they were younger. Kissing in front of the tree, the snow, the moment all together.

What was sad? He believed that. He could tell by the way that she was kissing him that she meant everything that she said. All he had to do was promise her that they could be what they were and she would give up Negan for him. Because that was the time where she was the happiest. He was her happy place. There were no doubts in his mind that if he promised her what she wanted to hear, he could have exactly what he wanted.

But as she kissed him, he thought about the other things that were said before this. How he treated her just being upset about things now. Truthfully? She probably was right. This was his anger about his emotions toward Negan making him feel wrong because of his father. So he was erupting on her. Just now? He treated her fucking terrible. And she was willing to give everything up for him. And then that made him think about how happy Negan seemed to make her. How Negan went above and beyond for everyone. Even though Joel didn’t agree with the whole paparazzi thing and his family being in the limelight, Negan would never hurt her like this. Negan never hurt her like he had. And he’d likely hurt her again. Because Joel was a negative person. Someone who tried hard to be the best version of himself, but he still had a lot of negative thoughts and angry emotions inside of him. And she didn’t deserve to constantly be sad. She deserved to be showed endless amounts of love where she was pampered.

This was everything he wanted, but he knew that he couldn’t take it. And he knew the only way for him to get her to pick Negan completely was to break her heart again. Joel wasn’t good enough for Negan nor Y/N. It just made more sense for him to be alone.

When she pulled her lips from his, he tipped his head back and shook his head, “You’re not the woman I married. I was confused. I thought I loved you, but I don’t…” Joel paused, letting a tremoring breath escape him. It was a lie, but he had to say something to push her away. Right now he could have gotten her to leave Negan in an instant. That was how certain he was after that kiss, but then he couldn’t stop thinking about all the horrible shit he had done to her. How broken he made her. And he realized…she deserved better than him. Even if it was with Negan. “We only got married because you got pregnant with Ellie. Do you really think we would have done that if you didn’t?”

She said nothing. He wasn’t sure if she could. Emotional was an understatement.

“Let’s think like adults for a minute,” Joel began, his throat going dry. “If my parents never died, we would have never gotten married. At home, I was infatuated with you. You were mine. But if I would have went to school, I would have slept with lots of other women. Then you would have gone off to school and started a life of your own. We would have never stayed together.”

Nothing. No words. That shocked him even more.

“Or if we played things out this way. My parents died leaving me to take care of Tommy. I was stuck here. We had sex all the time. You got pregnant. Your parents kicked you out of your home because you refused to get an abortion. I married you because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not because I wanted to get married. Because I was responsible for you now and the baby growing inside of you,” Joel’s voice grew darker when he recounted their past together. What he was doing was selling their life short and making a mockery of it because it was the only sure way that he knew she would go directly to Negan. “If I would have pulled out or spent the extra bucks to get condoms you would have never gotten pregnant. You would have never moved in. You would have gone off to school and you would have abandoned me. We both know the only reason we got married is because of Ellie.”

“I would have abandoned you?” she whispered with Joel nodding. “You were my whole world. I picked you over everything. My whole entire life.”

There was silence only interrupted by the sob that she released, “I’m not the woman that you married? Well, you’re not the man that I married Joel. The Joel that I married was selfless. He showed love. He may have been depressed, but he loved and he loved deeply. You pretending it was something less than that is an absolute lie.”

“You tell yourself whatever makes you feel better,” Joel suggested with a tip of his head. “I don’t love you Y/N. You were a marriage out of guilt. Nothing more. I’ve only been so focused on getting back with you because…”

A shuddering breath fell from her lips with a single nod of her head, holding her hand up to alert him that he needed to stop. In those last few minutes, he broke her heart again and he knew it. Giving Joel a final once over, she headed back toward the apartment building leaving him alone.

Inhaling sharply, there was part of Joel that wondered if he should go after her. Instead, he just let her leave. Going back to where he was sitting with her previously, Joel stayed there for quite some time just waiting. Watching people together. So many people around him were happy. They were with their families, friends, their loved ones and they were swept up in the holiday spirit.

And then there was him.

Getting up from where he was seated, Joel started to walk around knowing that he wasn’t ready to go back to the apartment just yet. Stopping at the bar that Negan took them to last night, Joel considered things and got in line to get in. Maybe he would just take a moment to relish one more time. It was highly unlikely that he would ever come back to this place. He would get wasted and then head back to the apartment.

In the distance, Joel saw a pair of eyes locking on him and he noticed it was the security guard that had pushed him up onto the stage last night. Moving down the line, he wiggled his fingers at Joel to follow him. Thinking things over, Joel realized that he was having a lot of problems with being treated better because of Negan, but right now he was going to take up their offer.

“What were you doing getting in the line Mr. Miller?” the security guard stammered, leading Joel toward the entrance of the club. “You know that you will always be welcome here. Either mention the owners name or if you see me, come to me.”

“That’s…nice,” Joel didn’t know what to say stepping into the bar realizing how many people he just got to pass up in order to get here. Instead of what it was like last night, Joel just headed over to the busy bar and order himself a whiskey. Sitting to himself listening to the sounds of the loud talking and the music booming through the place had him feeling even more lonely than he thought he would feel.

“Mr. Miller,” another voice boomed with an arm wrapping around his shoulders eliciting an uncomfortable breath from Joel. It was the owner of the club and he looked excited to see Joel there. “I thought that was you! We had a lot of broken hearts last night with all the women that were here wishing that they were going home with you, but you left.”

“I’m sure,” Joel managed to snake himself out from underneath the arm of the owner, going back to drink his whiskey.

“What are you doing with this shit?” the owner scoffed, waving his fingers at the bartender to come over. “You get this man the highest quality whiskey we have. And the bill is on me. Get him whatever he wants.”

With an obedient nod, the bartender did just that and Joel huffed. All this because he was friends with Negan?

“Have you come to play for us again tonight?” the man questioned having Joel laugh and shrug his shoulders. “I’m serious. I think the people here would really enjoy it.”

“Why?” Joel was blunt, his eyes narrowing when he turned on the bar stool that he was seated on. “What do you owe Negan?”

“What do I owe Negan?” the man repeated with a wrinkle of his nose. “Nothing. I just like what I heard last night and I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”

“It wasn’t my music and I don’t have a guitar,” Joel pointed out, drinking down the glass of expensive whiskey that he was given letting out a loud hiss when he swallowed.

“No one here sings their original music my friend,” the owner pointed toward the stage where a younger artist was also singing popular music of the time. “You want someone here to steal your music and then claim it as your own? No, I don’t think so.”

Waving for another drink for Joel, the owner sighed loudly and shrugged his shoulders, “I hate the audience that we are drawing lately. You are a different kind of a draw and I like it. We have the same guitar in the back, I’ll get it for you and you can sing some things for us.”

“Did one of your acts not show up?” Joel inquired with a smirk when the owner didn’t respond. With a laugh, Joel pointed at the owner and shook his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“You don’t like having the limelight on you?” the man stammered, eyeballing Joel over when he swallowed down the next glass of whiskey that was before him. “Sing for these people. Sing whatever your heart desires. You’ll be doing me a favor and you get to know what it feels like to have people wanting you. To be the center of attention for the second night in a row…”

“Fine,” Joel grumbled having the man clap his hands together. “I can’t promise I’ll be any better than yesterday. I’m kind of in a shit mood.”

“Angst. That shit sells better than anything,” the man suggested, motioning Joel to wait. “I’ll go get the guitar. When this act is done, you can go up. Just don’t try to run this time. Okay?”

Doing as he was told, Joel listened like a good boy. Got another drink in before he was called to the stage. Tonight, he didn’t have a support system. Y/N wasn’t standing by the stage to let him know that everything would be okay. That regardless of what happened, she would be there to stand by him every step of the way. Today he was alone. The very thing he did to himself.

Starting to strum at the guitar, Joel let the first thing that came to mind fall from his lips.

“I hurt myself today,” Joel sang with an awe from the crowd to those that knew the chord and the lyrics. “To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.”

With this one? It was mixed this time from both men and women that liked it. Last night, most of the audience was women that were enjoying the things that he was singing. They were romance songs. This song? Hurt was about self-destruction.

“The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away. But I remember everything,” Joel continued on, looking toward the place Y/N had been standing the night before. Telling her that he didn’t love her echoed in his mind. Replaying like a moment from a movie. The way she looked at him. The pain she undoubtedly felt. “What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end. And you can have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.”

Misery flooded his veins, but he kept at it. Maybe it made him sound better. But he continued the song. Having a bigger reaction than he did last night by the time he finished it. Several more songs came to him, until he decided he had enough. Right now? He felt empty. And singing what he was just made him feel worse.

Avoiding the crowd of people, Joel went back to the bar and got himself another drink. He regretted doing that. It was stupid and unnecessary. Finishing his drink, Joel slammed the glass down on top of the bar and started to head toward the door.

“You’re leaving so early?” a familiar voice called out to Joel having him stop before he could leave. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel saw the same familiar set of green eyes. “You didn’t even look like you enjoyed that today. And people were sold on it.”

“Maggie,” Joel breathed her name, surprised that she was there. Then he remembered what Negan told him about her. “You’re here again?”

“With a few of my friends too,” she responded, nodding her head back toward a table in the corner. “You’re alone this time?”

“I am,” Joel answered, straightening up his posture when she stepped in closer to him.

“So tell me Joel,” Maggie stepped forward, her hand dipping between them to palm in over the center of Joel’s pants having him let out a sharp exhale. “Is everything bigger in Texas?”

“You tell me,” Joel grunted, his brow line creasing with her pressing in closer to him.

“My friend lives a few blocks from here. There’s three of us,” Maggie alerted Joel with a tip of her head. “What do you think?”

“You’re persistent,” Joel reached for her wrist to pull it from his body with a scoff.

“Tonight I’m willing to share you,” Maggie offered with a shrug of her shoulders. “Wouldn’t you like that? Being pampered by three beautiful women? It looks like you could use it.”

Thinking things over, Joel bit down on his bottom lip and then nodded once, “I’ll be right back.”

Waiting, Joel wondered if he was making a mistake or not. He would have loved something like this when he was younger. Three women willing to pamper his every need. He’d be crazy to turn something like that down.

But then again? He was crazy. Because he just devastated the woman of his dreams because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. She was willing to give herself over completely to him and he hurt her again.

Swiftly stepping aside, Joel was quick to move toward the exit of the building. When he gazed back over his shoulder he saw Maggie returning to where she was with her friends looking for him. That wasn’t what he wanted. And he was a fool for even considering it.

Sneaking out as quickly as he could, Joel was swift to make his way back through the streets of New York. Finding his way back to the apartment building, Joel knew that he needed to tell Y/N how he really felt instead of letting his hurt feelings speak for him. Allowing her to think that he didn’t love her was the worst possible thing he could do tonight. Not having her at the bar tonight made him realize that without her, things weren’t gratifying for him. Even if he did have the life that he always wanted, it wouldn’t make him happy. Because she was the thing that made him happy. Not the spotlight of music. She was his inspiration. The thing that made his heart full. With her there last night, he knew that he had someone there that loved him. Someone that would lift him up if everything failed.

At the apartment, he almost slid across the floor with how fast he was moving when he got through the security to get to the elevator. He couldn’t push the buttons fast enough. She left him crying tonight and that really was the last thing that he wanted.

With the elevator doors opening, Joel ran out into the apartment realizing that the lights were off. Everyone had gone to sleep and no one was up waiting for him. Clearing his throat, he stumbled through the living room and headed for the bedroom that he knew Negan and Y/N were in. He’d just ask to talk to her alone so he could do exactly what she asked of him. Tell her how much he loved her and how nothing felt worth a damn with her not in his life. That was his problem. Life felt empty without her.

Pushing open the door, Joel stopped in his tracks when he saw with the small amount of light that was filtering into the room that her head was buried against the center of Negan’s chest. She had been crying and he knew that by how she looked. Stepping back toward the doorframe, Joel hid himself in the shadows.

Negan had her wrapped up in his arms in a loving manner. Holding her in a way that Joel hadn’t in years. This was the very thing she wanted. The thing that she had begged him for when they were still married. Tenderness. Love. Affection. Everything she wanted from him, she had with Negan.

A shift in breathing alerted Joel that Negan had woken up and instantly he lifted his head to check on Y/N. His fingers brushed over her shoulders and he placed a loving kiss over her head, “I love you. So much.”

That was all he needed to hear to realize that nothing he could do would prove that he was the better option. Negan was everything she wanted, everything she needed that she was lacking with him. There was nothing he could give her because in Negan, Joel saw exactly what it was that Y/N wanted. Pure love.

Backstepping away from the bedroom, Joel felt like a house was crushing him with the weight of the world falling on his shoulders. It hit him then just how much he truly fucked up in life and it hurt. The one person who had always loved him and supported him even at his worst had found someone else. And she deserved so much better than Joel.  

Heading up the stairs, Joel kicked his boots off and headed over toward Elizabeth’s room. Stumbling into the room, Joel laid down on the floor beside her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t take long for Elizabeth to notice he was there with her lifting up and looking over the side of the bed.

“Dad? Are you okay?” Elizabeth reached for his hand, her fingers hooking with his realizing that Joel was crying. “Dad?”

Sliding over in her bed, she pat the bed beside her begging Joel to come lay with her. Getting up on the bed, Joel laid in beside her and Elizabeth held tightly to his hand. Crawling in beside him, she rest her head against the center of Joel’s chest and he cuddled her close.

“It’s going to be okay,” she assured Joel with a worried breath and Joel gave a small nod, nuzzling his nose in over her head.

He hoped so. But he wasn’t sure it would ever be okay again.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[agustdiv1ne]

i am back once again to pester you all with more boyfriend!soobin thoughts...meeting odi edition!

boyfriend!soobin who is so excited yet so, so nervous for you to meet odi, his cute lil pet hedgehog,, he knows that a hedgehog is not the most conventional pet, but once he see that you're just as eager as him, the nerves twisting his stomach into knots quickly fade away <3

boyfriend!soobin who decides to make a whole date out of it because why not? he takes you out to a cute lil cafe and then you go for a walk through a small botanical garden nearby, hand in hand and both of you sporting bright grins as you talk. before you know it, you're heading back to his place, the sky above a bright, cloudless blue and the sun high in the sky, reflecting your lighthearted, giddy moods ^^

boyfriend!soobin who opens the front door for you while he warns you that his pet can be a bit...standoffish at first when meeting new people. he tells you about how the little guy bit yeonjun when he first met him, mimicking the screech that the older boy emitted when it happened. "soobin, am i gonna get rabies? oh my god! i'm gonna get rabies!" soobin dramatically mocks, loud enough for yeonjun to open his bedroom door and stare out at the two of you menacingly. you're nearly crying in laughter at the scene while soobin quickly drags you into his own room — but not without a quick, disingenuous "sorry, hyung!" before he's slamming the door shut..the two of you collapse into a heap of limbs onto his bed, laughing together until you're breathless <333

boyfriend!soobin who, once both of you calm down, guides you over to odi's enclosure and sits down cross-legged next to you, his knee bumping against your own. you watch quietly as he reaches down to pick the hedgehog up, cooing at how gently soobin cups him in his hands,, he asks if you'd like to try and hold him, too, and you nod, albeit a bit hesitantly. odi is adorable, but soobin's brief warning still rings in your mind...you just want odi to like you, okay? the corner of your boyfriend's lips curl up in a tiny, reassuring smile as he says that it's okay, you can work up to that, setting odi down so that he can wander

boyfriend!soobin who is astonished when odi immediately scurries up to you and tries to climb into your lap. you gasp quietly as you pick him up, the hedgehog adorably curling up in your palms before you set him down on your thighs, where he lays peaceful and unbothered. when you look back up at soobin, heart racing as you smile in disbelief, you find him wide-eyed, lips parted in shock at the sight. "he likes you already," he breathes, grinning as he watches his beloved pet allow you to gently pet his spines ^^

boyfriend!soobin who is so unbelievably overjoyed to see you and his pet get along <33 you soon become odi's second parent — that's your son now, too! sometimes you beg to go to soobin's place just to see him, and soobin likes to pout because why do you seem so excited to spend time with odi more than him?? he's your boyfriend, for crying out loud >:(( you simply laugh at him as you cup his cheeks, commenting about how cute he is as you press kisses all over his face just to make him feel better,, he giggles and his cheeks flush, a warm fondness coloring his gaze. he captures your lips in a brief kiss before you're pulling him from the couch and into his room <333333

[thesunisatangerine]

against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part five

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: explicit sexual content, angst (i'm sorry)

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 3.2k

Today’s the day you were going to talk to Alexia about it. 

You had about two weeks left of your additional three weeks and with each passing day, your stay in Barcelona was drawing to a close and Alexia knew it, too. During the period of time you’d gotten to know her to now, Alexia’d put in the same effort in trying to get to know what you did outside of sports photojournalism. You’d told her, of course, and even showed her photos of your previous photojournalistic coverage, although you’d kept the more graphic ones away from her.

Despite the fact that she had jokingly tried to convince you to stay in sports photojournalism, Alexia had been nothing but supportive of your job. The thing was, she just didn’t know yet what it was you’d be returning to: you just got word that you–among other colleagues–were bound to head over to a conflict zone in a region going through civil unrest and military aggression. But it wasn’t like the thought never crossed your mind. 

Sports photography had been a welcome reprieve from the violence and depravity that came with human conflict, a typical scene to witness while on the field. And although unplanned, Alexia had played a part in your enjoyment with this side-project–so much so that it was on top of your list for alternative careers down the line. Be that as it may, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t trade your current career for anything else. 

This was what you wanted to talk to Alexia about. Well… among other things but you wanted to ease her into the conversation with a home-cooked meal and a gift. Even though it was difficult to do with Alexia around, you were able to finish making the latter a few days ago. The gift was something similar to the one she gave you: a bracelet with the colors of the flag of your country and instead of a diamond, you used a small, silver, hollow rectangular charm to represent you and your camera. And with that dealt with, you only needed to grab the ingredients for the former which brought you out to Mercat del Centre on this fine Barcelona highnoon. 

With paper bags of groceries in hand, you were thinking of grabbing something from that sushi place you’d passed on the way to the market but just as you turned the corner, you saw three women walking ahead a few paces away with their backs turned to you. 

They were all wearing matching tank shirts, shorts, and ankle socks but the one with the cap stood out to you and instantly, you recognised it to be Alexia. Knowing that and from the Barcelona matches that you’d been to, you recognised that it was Mapi and Patri flanking her. 

Excitement filled you immediately although you wondered for a second what they were doing there until you realised that Estadi Johan Cruyff was only a few blocks away. The instinct to call out Alexia’s name and reach out for her didn’t go unnoticed by you but you managed to stop yourself in time before you accidentally did.

The both of you never really talked about where the both of you stood and there was no clear label for the nature of your relationship. If someone had asked you this when you just met her over two months ago, the answer would’ve been clear; it was merely physical with a dose of infatuation. Now, it was more than just sex to you: you wanted her in every possible way, you wanted to know and to be known by her, you wanted to be the person she’d tell about the most mundane of things to–to be the person she’d allow to fall for her because you already know you were on the brink of falling. So apart from your job situation, this question was the other half of the conversation you wanted to have with her.

Though you meant to go to the same direction, you didn’t want to risk Alexia noticing you not because you didn’t want her to or that you were afraid she’d ignore you–no, you just didn’t want to accidentally interrupt her time with her teammates. She’d come to you later anyway so you’d just tell her about this then. You were just about to turn around when something in their conversation got your attention. 

“So, Ale, are you dating that photographer?” Patri asked, her question oozed of mischief. 

“What photographer?” Alexia replied with a flat tone.

Mapi snickered. “You’re too smart to play dumb and when you do it on purpose you just sound stupid.”

For that, she got a punch to the shoulder from Alexia but Mapi only giggled. 

“Fine, fine. And, no, I’m not.”

“Oh, come on, Ale! If she’s not, then why does she always take the best photos of you? Right, Patri?” Mapi whined.

“Exactly! Oh, remember those matches when you weren’t even on the pitch? And the way she always looks at you after a match? I’d say that’s something!” Then as if she just had an epiphany, Patri’s eyes widened, hand clapping over her opened mouth. “Wait! Unless…”

Patri didn’t even need to finish her sentence, her suggestive tone was enough to communicate what she meant by it and your ears burnt at the implication. 

“Oh, shit. Are you, you know?” Mapi exclaimed, finally catching on, eyes just as wide as Patri’s. 

“Keep your voices down, assholes,” Alexia growled in annoyance then she grumbled something you couldn’t quite hear. In response, the other two women just laughed.

“Love you, too, Cap,” Mapi said in a saccharine tone.

Alexia sighed. “Okay. Yes. Are you happy now?”

The other two women hooted and patted Alexia on the back.

“Ha! I knew it!” Patri exclaimed.

“Do you like her though?” Mapi’s question stilled your breath as you anticipated Alexia’s answer.

“No,” Alexia shook her head and she shrugged. “She means nothing to me.”

“Ouch! Not even considering dating?” 

“I can’t deal with that right now.”

“Damn… So does that mean she’s one of your girls, then? And here I thought you finally stopped.”

“I’m not even going to answer that.”

You didn’t hear anything after that. Alexia’s words rooted you to the spot and you watched as the three of them walked on. 

She means nothing to me. She’s one of your girls. She means nothing to me. She’s…

Those same words echoed in your mind in a ruthless cycle but what stuck to you the most was the way Alexia said them. You’d never heard her that cold… that detached. Your hands shook, a chill ran up your spine and you shivered while the world blurred in front of you.

You brought a hand to your eyes and felt warm tears on your fingers.

Oh.

And without even asking you got the answer to your question. 

––––––

The moment Alexia stepped foot into the house that night, you grabbed her by the lapels of her jacket and pulled her down for a searing kiss. She gasped in surprise as you pushed her against the door and you took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, your fingers now tangled in her hair while your front was pressed firmly against her.

It wasn’t enough.

You bit and tugged her lower lip before you nipped a path along her jaw down to the base of her throat where you sucked at her pulse point. Her muscles responded and rippled beneath your palms when you traced their lines along her sides and stomach under her shirt while Alexia gasped and moaned from your touch. 

It wasn’t enough.

By the time the both of you reached the bed, you’d stripped Alexia off her clothes. She landed on her back on the bed when you pushed her, gasping as she did so, and you immediately crawled on top of her. Wasting no time, you sucked and marked the expanse of skin in front of you: her neck, her chest, her breasts, her stomach. You nipped and bit as Alexia writhed and keened beneath you.

It wasn’t enough. 

When you felt her large hands along your sides trying to tug the hem of your shirt to strip it off you, you grabbed her wrists and pinned them on either side of her head–a rejection to her offer, one that you never thought you’d do around Alexia. But just the thought of being completely naked made you shudder, and not in a good way. So you pressed a bare leg against her core to distract her to which Alexia keenly responded to by arching against you while her wetness burnt like a brand against your skin there. 

It wasn’t enough. 

When Alexia cried out your name while your fingers worked deep in her core, neck straining and muscles tensing, the pit in your chest only seemed to yawn wider and dug deeper. 

It wasn’t enough. 

When Alexia clung to you as she dozed off with her soft breath caressing your clothed stomach, tears burnt in the corners of your eyes as you watched her glow in her slumber, so peaceful and beautiful. Emotions bubbled in the base of your throat, a string of words coiled themselves tighter around your tongue, but something else burnt in your throat that you found difficult to swallow. 

In your desperation to get closer–to make Alexia forget about whoever else that she was sleeping with–you’d used sex as a tool for possession not for intimacy, and the streak of shame that that knowledge left behind pained you more than you could ever thought it could. You weren’t like this. This wasn’t a person you wanted to become, especially when it came with Alexia.

But… you wanted more.

You wanted so much more. 

But wasn’t this what you already convinced yourself of? Deep down, you knew all too well that this was too good to be true–too good of a love to be yours. 

You brushed away a lock of blonde hair from Alexia’s temple, admiring the strong slope of her nose, the fierce slant of her eyebrows, the gentle curves of her eyelids, the elegant bow of her lips. You soaked as much of her as you could because this would be the last time you’d be able to see her like this.

It was a blur, the journey back from the marketplace to the house earlier today, and your mind was a cacophony of words but a single thought was in clarity: you needed to leave. So the moment you got back, you did two things: you emailed Derek and booked your flight home.

There were no details included in the email you sent to your brother as to why you were coming back early–it was extremely unprofessional but an apology was the only thing you could come up with. You’d never not seen a project through to the end no matter the circumstance but this was different; you felt as though you were more equipped to navigate mortal peril than this dance with Alexia so leaving was the only option. 

Tomorrow at midnight, you’d be gone, two weeks ahead of schedule. You didn’t know if Alexia would get here tomorrow before you depart but that was a question for then. For now, you would allow yourself to savour this moment when Alexia was still right here beside you for the final time.

You brought one of her hand to your lips and pressed a light kiss against her knuckles.

A line from a poem fleeted through your mind.

these, our bodies, possessed by light

––––––

Everything was already packed by the time early evening came and even though the caretaker was scheduled to come early tomorrow, you  made a point to check around for anything important you might have forgotten and to ensure you’d sufficiently tidied up after yourself. Finally satisfied, you went downstairs and just after you ordered an Uber to take you to the airport, a knock came to the door and the door handle turned.

Shit.

“Hey, the door’s unlocked! Look, I didn’t know what you wanted to eat since you didn’t text me back so I just grabbed us some–”

Alexia’s voice floated into the room and as she passed through the doorway with her bag of takeaways in one hand, she stopped in her tracks as she saw you and your luggage. Then her face turned cloudy, concern and a question in her eyes.

Her hair was still damp, cheeks still flushed from training, and you longed to reach out to tuck that loose hair behind her ear but instead, you clenched your fists at your sides as you watched her mouth open a few times before she seemed to finally settle on what to say.

“Is… everything alright?” She regarded your luggage for a moment longer before she met your eyes again.

“Yes.” 

It was only one word but your voice trembled nonetheless, and you hated that it did. Alexia’d must have heard something in your tone because her brows furrowed even further as understanding began to seep in. 

“You’re–” Alexia’s throat bobbed, “you’re leaving now?”

“Yes.”

As each second passed, you could see the way Alexia’s walls began to climb.

“You said it’s not until after two weeks–” 

“I lied.” 

At that, the remaining warmth in her eyes flitted away and left her hazel eyes flat and cold. Then she scoffed, hurt clear in her voice when she asked, “were you even planning to say goodbye?”

A heavy silence settled in the air; an answer in and of itself. You could feel the distance between the both of you widen as the moment stretched on, the air so thick from tension it hurt to even breathe. Then a notification from your phone disrupted the quiet and it gave you an excuse to divert your eyes from Alexia’s.

Your Uber just arrived. You sent the driver a quick message to wait, that you’d pay them for the time, before you faced the music again. Clearing your throat, you moved to get the paper bag addressed to ‘Ale’ from the counter–the one you originally planned to leave by the door once you’d left–then you stood just out of arm’s reach from Alexia and offered her the bag. 

“Before I forget, here.”

Alexia’s eyes bore into yours before she eventually dragged them down to the bag in your hand. She placed the takeaways beside her feet before she grabbed the bag in your hand, her fingertips brushed against the skin of your knuckles and you fought the urge to flinch away.

You watched as she peered inside and you bit your lip as you hoped she wouldn’t see the pictures and the letters you wrote; it was bad enough she got here before you left to begin with, how much worse could this get if she saw them in front of you. Oh, how you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Once she stuck her hand inside to grab something, you held your breath. Then you saw the way her jaws worked at what she found inside. She lifted it enough for you to catch a glimpse of it over the edge of the bag: blue and scarlet, her Barcelona jersey. 

Alexia sucked in a breath, ragged, before she breathed out with a trembling voice. “Oh.”

“I did promise I was going to return it.”

She looked up at you, her eyes now glazed over and you were sure with the way your eyes burnt that yours were just as red. 

“Why?”

There were so many ways you could answer her question, the words because I could fall in love with you were poised at the tip of your tongue but you bit it off before they could slip out and leave you more vulnerable than you already were.

“Because… it was fun while it lasted. No strings attached, right?” The words sounded so cruel to you and immediately, you wanted to take them back. To reduce those moments with her and the memories that were now permanently a part of you to a passing fling felt abysmally wrong. You wanted nothing more than to step into her embrace, to tell her how much she’d come to mean to you, to tell her that you could fall for her if she’d just let you… but you never really had a chance did you? You knew that now and you couldn’t keep pretending you didn’t want more. 

Alexia’s jaw worked again as her chin quivered, her tongue skimmed over the corner of her lips, a habit you noticed she did when she was upset–whenever she wanted to stop herself from crying. 

“Is this it, then?” She whispered the question and at that, a tear fell down your cheek.

“I guess it is.” 

And in the silence that followed, as if guided by an invisible force, your hand began to reach out for Alexia but your presence of mind came back to you and you quickly retracted it. Instead, you grabbed your two bags and began to head out the door. You passed by her and you were already a few steps away when you heard Alexia speak.

“Will I ever see you again?”

You knew she knew the answer to it; you knew she wanted you to say otherwise.

You didn’t turn back when you said, “goodbye, Alexia. Take care of yourself.”

––––––

The flight back home was nothing short of a fever dream: one minute you were at Barcelona-El Prat Airport nursing your head in one of the bathroom stalls as you cried, the next your plane was touching down at your home country’s landing strip. 

Derek was there to pick you up and he looked like he was about to bombard you with questions but upon seeing the state of you, his gaze softened, brows furrowing in concern and there–in place of your business partner from a moment ago–was your brother. 

He pulled you into a tight hug and you closed your eyes revelling in his comforting scent while you willed yourself not to cry. Although his arms brought solace to your aching heart, the ones you longed to hold you belonged to someone who was a thousand miles away. 

Over the next few days following your arrival, you ignored everything and went off the grid, deleting the social media apps on your phone lest the temptations would convince you to check how Alexia was doing. So instead, you busied yourself with catching up with your mother and your friends, and buried yourself with work while Derek hovered in the background, protective and concerned but respectfully giving you time to come around and tell him what happened. 

You told yourself you would–that it could wait a little longer. But you never got around to it because the next thing you knew, you, Gilda, and Jones were on air to the conflict zone for journalistic coverage. Once your plane landed, the current malaise from your personal life seemed infinitesimal for it was nothing compared to the afflictive catastrophe of war. 

[aesthetically-dying101]

Law of Attraction (Part 4)

A/N: i tried to make a bit of humor, it'll get serious again (tears will be shed) reader is just sad trying to 'fake it till you make it', making a lot of jokes to her own expense,which nanami doesnt get

(if u saw this post already, no u didn't, i had to reformat it, sorry)

Other parts: Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 5;

also this image is so silly i love it:

You and Nanami had fallen back into the rhythm of working, the quiet hum of focus filling the room, when—

BAM!

The door to your dorm apartment burst open with all the subtlety of a freight train, and Aiko—your best friend, your partner in crime—stormed in like a whirlwind. She was a colorful mess, of course, all highlighter pink and neon green with a side of attitude. Her gyaru style was loud, as always-like her.

"Oh my god, did you see the snow—?" she started, arms flailing dramatically as she stepped inside. But then she froze mid-sentence, her eyes landing on Nanami.

His stiff, formal posture, the way he was perched on your mismatched couch, scribbling notes... it was so not Aiko's scene. She blinked twice, one eyebrow creeping up her forehead.

"Oh?"

You recognized that look. Your stomach dropped.

"Aiko, don't you dare—" You were already getting up from your seat, but it was too late.

Without a second thought, Aiko's grin stretched wide.

"Use protection!" she shouted, completely oblivious to the death stare you were sending her way.

Before you could do anything, she whipped out a condom from her pocket—yes, a condom—and threw it at you with expert precision, like a damn grenade-who keeps a condom in her pocket???

It landed with a soft plop on the table between you and Nanami. You could almost hear the smirk in her voice as she yelled over her shoulder, "Take care of yourself, girl!"

And just as quickly, she slammed the door behind her, her laughter echoing down the hallway as she ran off, clearly on some mission to ruin your life.

You sat there, frozen, staring at the little condom package like it was about to come to life, grow little legs and start making its own bad decisions.

"Oh my god," you muttered under your breath, your face turning as red as Aiko's hair. "I'm so sorry."

Nanami hadn't moved an inch.

Of course, he hadn't. He was probably in shock, trying to process the fact that the girl he was partnered with in law class had a friend who was insane enough to throw a condom at her in front of him-for a fleeting moment, you wondered if maybe he was shocked because he was one of those guys. Maybe he was a virgin-nah, not with that sharp of a jawline.

"Right," you continued, trying to salvage what little dignity you had left. "That's just... Aiko being Aiko. Please, just forget that happened."

You glanced at him, expecting—no, hoping—he was going to ignore it, maybe pretend it didn't happen. But no, instead, he stared at the condom for a solid few seconds, his lips tight in the most unreadable expression you'd ever seen.

"...Interesting choice of timing," he muttered, a slight glint of amusement flickering in his eyes.

You swore you could feel your soul leaving your body. "I swear, I'm not like this. She just—she's my best friend, and she's insane. That was... absolutely ridiculous."

Nanami didn't say anything for a moment, but there was something about his quiet demeanor that made you feel even more self-conscious. You quickly grabbed the condom, throwing it into a nearby drawer like it might burn you if you held it too long.

"Anyway..." You cleared your throat, wishing the ground would open up and swallow you. "Let's just... get back to work."

You prayed that this would be the last awkward thing to happen for the next few hours.

Spoiler: It wasn't.

*-*

A little while you checked the time- 7 pm!! And the snow hadn't stopped, like at all, so he definitely be staying the night.

"Um..Nanami no offense, but i need a break, we've been at it for a while."

Nanami looked up from the document he had been reading, blinked once- you felt the heat rise up your neck. 

"Of course," he said finally, his tone as calm and even as ever. He leaned back in the chair, adjusting his tie like he was sitting in some upscale office and not your tiny dorm apartment covered in band posters and mismatched fairy lights. "A break makes sense."

"Cool." You tried not to sound too relieved. "Uh, tea? Coffee? I've got snacks somewhere, I think. Or ramen, if you're feeling fancy. Pizza that I bought yesterday? I also got some apples and banana's-"

Nanami tilted his head slightly, processing your rambling list of options like you were offering him a five-course menu instead of the odds and ends in your dorm.

"Tea would be fine. Thank you."

"Right. Tea. Coming right up," you said, a little too brightly, practically launching yourself toward the tiny kitchenette in the corner.

You busied yourself with the kettle, hyperaware of every movement. Nanami was still sitting at your desk, impeccably straight-backed as if he were sitting in some boardroom and not in your dorm that screamed chaotic individuality. You could feel his presence without even looking.

It was unsettling.

"Uh... do you like green tea? Or I have chamomile. Or Earl Grey, which is... fancy, I guess?" You called over your shoulder, fumbling with the cupboard door.

"Earl Grey is fine."

Of course, Earl Grey.

Because he's Nanami Kento, and Nanami Kento probably drinks Earl Grey while reading 18th-century legal texts for fun.

You huffed a laugh to yourself, setting the kettle on to boil.

By the time you handed him the steaming mug, the snow outside had gotten worse—thick, heavy flakes swirling under the dim streetlights. You glanced at the window, chewing the inside of your cheek.

"So, uh..." you started, awkwardly gesturing at the storm. "You're definitely not walking home in that."

Nanami followed your gaze, taking a measured sip of tea. "It does seem... unlikely."

Unlikely. Yeah, okay. Let's call it unlikely and not 'you'd freeze to death in two minutes flat.'

You nodded, rocking on your heels. "Right. So, uh, I guess you're staying here? Not like there's much choice. Unless you wanna camp out in the hallway, which—spoiler—gets super creepy at night. I swear the janitor has a vendetta against me for spilling coffee that one time."

He blinked at you, then set his mug down. "I don't mind staying, as long as it's not an inconvenience for you."

"Oh! No. Totally fine. It's fine. I mean, I've got an air mattress somewhere... I think." You scratched the back of your neck, already regretting every word out of your mouth. You knew for a fact you didn't have an air mattress.

The last one was popped by Aiko and her wonderful nails.

There was an awkward silence as you hovered, unsure what to do next. Finally, you blurted out, "Wanna... watch a movie or something?- I've got the Grinch if you want-"

"A movie," he repeated, his tone flat but not dismissive. "I suppose that could be... acceptable."

Act normal, act normal, act normal.

"So," you began, trying to fill the awkward silence, "do you actually like Christmas movies, or are you just humoring me because we're snowed in and you're stuck here?"

"Humoring you," he said smoothly, taking another sip of tea.

Your head snapped up, eyes wide, genuine fear and shame written all over your face. 

"I'm kidding," he added, his lips curving into the faintest hint of a smirk.

Was that... a joke? Did Nanami just joke with you? You stared at him like he'd grown a second head, fumbling the DVD case in your hands. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Kento Nanami?"

He raised an eyebrow, unbothered by your dramatics. "I'm not entirely humorless, despite what you might think."

"Could've fooled me," you muttered, popping the DVD into the player.

When the movie started, you realized two things:

1:You had zero chill. 

2:Nanami was entirely too composed for someone trapped in your dorm with you.

You almost wanted to walk outside into that blizzard, so save yourself the embarrassment.

You grabbed the nearest blanket and wrapped it around yourself like some kind of armor, sitting cross-legged on the far corner of the couch. He stayed at the desk at first, sipping his tea, but eventually—after what felt like hours—he moved to sit on the other end of the couch.

You stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge how close he was.

"Uh, if you're cold or something, I've got more blankets," you offered, barely glancing at him (hello kitty or horror themed, take your pick people).

"I'm fine, thank you," he replied, perfectly polite as always.

Of course you are, you thought. You're probably immune to the elements.

Halfway through the movie, you couldn't take it anymore. Your nerves were on edge, and the awkwardness of sitting in silence was unbearable.

"You know what? I need a drink. Do you drink? Or is alcohol against the Nanami code of conduct?"

He looked over at you, mildly amused. "I drink, on occasion."

"Oh, good. 'Cause I have, like... three beers and some cheap wine. Classy, right?" You pushed yourself off the couch and opened the mini fridge, pulling out two cans of beer. "Pick your poison."

Nanami took one without comment, his fingers brushing yours for a split second-oh god you were about to combust what the fuck. You tried not to let your brain spiral at the brief contact.

You plopped back down on the couch, cracking your can open and taking a long sip. "So," you said after a moment, "what's it like being the most put-together person on the planet?"

Nanami tilted his head slightly, considering the question. "I wouldn't describe myself that way."

"Sure," you drawled. "And I wouldn't describe myself as a walking disaster. But here we are."

He actually chuckled at that—a soft, low sound that made you glance at him in surprise.

"See?" you said, pointing your can at him. "You have a sense of humor after all."

"I never said I didn't," he countered, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "And you're not."

"Not what-"

"A walking disaster."

Oh that fucker.

*-*

A couple of hours later, and you were definitely tipsy.

Not that you'd admit it out loud. But it was hard not to feel a little loose when you'd finished that second beer and then polished off most of the cheap wine. You didn't usually drink this much. But Nanami had this... effect on you. This thing where he made everything feel so... calm. So controlled. Meanwhile, you were pretty sure your brain was starting to melt.

"Did you know," you said suddenly, slurring your words just a bit, "that the Grinch is basically a metaphor for social anxiety?"

Nanami blinked at you, mildly confused. "I'm not sure that's what the movie's about."

"Oh, please," you waved your hand like it was obvious. "The dude literally isolates himself, doesn't want to deal with anyone, and then—bam! He's forced to interact with people."

He paused, considering it. "You might be onto something."

You grinned, proud of yourself for impressing him with your insightful analysis of a holiday movie. "See? I'm not just a disaster. I'm a philosopher."

"Right," Nanami said, his lips twitching in that subtle way that made you want to both laugh and melt into a puddle. "A philosopher with very questionable taste in movies."

"Hey!" You leaned forward, narrowing your eyes at him dramatically. "The Grinch is a classic, okay? Don't insult it."

"I'm not insulting it. I'm just stating facts," he said, leaning back in his chair, looking entirely too comfortable while you were clearly losing the battle against your own brain.

You leaned back on the couch, arms spread wide as you stared at the ceiling, eyes half-lidded, completely changing the subject. "I don't know, man," you slurred slightly, "I think being an idiot is my superpower. I just do it so well. People should pay me for this kind of expertise."

 Nanami, who'd been sipping his beer quietly for most of the evening, looked at you with an expression that was so damn serious you almost choked on your own laugh. 

"I don't think you're an idiot." 

 You snorted, eyes widening as you realized what he'd said. "Oh please. I'm the worst. I'm like, the embodiment of bad decisions. It's like I was born with a talent for making things awkward."

 He paused, putting his drink down carefully, staring at you. His usual controlled, even-keeled gaze was softer now, his lips just barely twitching.

"You've done more than just fine on the project. I've seen the work you've submitted. Perfectly organized, well-researched—nothing about that seems idiotic." 

 Your breath caught in your throat. Wait. What? You blinked at him, brain scrambling for a response, but none came. Instead, you felt a deep, fiery heat crawl up your neck, and before you could stop yourself, your face turned bright red. 

 "W-What?" You could barely choke out the word. "Perfectly organized? Don't make me laugh. My notes look like a tornado hit them." 

You waved your hands around, trying to distract him from your flaming face. He tilted his head, the faintest glint of confusion flickering in his eyes.

"I'm not joking. It's all perfectly done. You've really put effort into this. I can see it."

 The room felt too small. Too hot. You should've said something clever, something to deflect, but instead you just stared at him like a deer caught in headlights.Finally, Nanami's lips twitched into a smile, not quite a grin, but still undeniably amused. 

"I didn't think you'd react like this to a compliment." 

 "...Thanks," you muttered, barely able to look him in the eye. Your face turned even redder, and you buried your face in your hands, desperate to hide. "Okay, stop. Please. I'm literally dying over here." 

 "You're not dying. You're blushing," he teased, his voice light, but still holding a certain warmth. Tipsy. 

But he wasn't letting up. He leaned back, casually adjusting his tie, and gave you a look—one that made your stomach flip. "Well, you've got this thing about you. I don't think I've met anyone quite like you before."

That made you pause. You looked at him through the haze of embarrassment, trying to gauge if he was just being nice or if there was something more to what he was saying.

"What, like a freak?"

"No," Nanami said quickly, shaking his head. "I didn't mean it like that." He shifted in his seat, suddenly more serious, and his eyes softened, almost like he was searching for the right words. "You're... unique. And that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing."

"Uh-huh." You raised an eyebrow, still unconvinced. "Well, you sure know how to make a girl feel like she's actually worth something, don't you?" You said it sarcastically, but there was a nervousness underneath, a weird hope.

Nanami looked at you for a moment, his gaze softer than you were used to.

"I'm serious," he said, the words coming out slower now, as if he was choosing them with care. "You're smart. You've worked hard. People like that are... rare."

You could feel your heart beating faster. Did he just call me rare?

"I don't know about all that," you said, forcing a laugh, but it didn't come out as smoothly as you'd hoped. "I mean, if I'm rare, I'm like that weird fruit you find at the back of the grocery store that nobody wants to touch."

"Maybe," Nanami said, the corner of his mouth lifting just a bit. "But if I had to choose, I'd pick that weird fruit over the ones everyone else grabs."

Oh, God, stop. You're going to die. You buried your face in your hands again, but this time, you felt a slight warmth inside you, something unfamiliar but welcome. 

*-*

Hours had passed, and you both were definitely tipsy now. Nanami had even undone his tie—he must've been feeling some kind of way, right? You couldn't help but notice how he absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair, and—okay, you definitely didn't stare at his hand a little too long, admiring the way his fingers moved.

Nope. Not at all.

You took a swig of your drink, hoping to drown the thought and focus on anything else. But of course, that wasn't happening.

"So," you slurred, trying to sound casual but failing miserably, "I still don't get it. There's no way you're just... perfect. Like, seriously. No one's perfect. You must have some insane kinks or something to make up for all this... perfection."

It was the alcohol talking, definitely. You didn't actually expect him to—oh god, what the hell was wrong with you?

Nanami's eyes widened as he sputtered into his drink, clearly choking on his sip. You blinked at him, suddenly realizing what you'd just said. Wait... Did I just casually imply he's got some weird fetishes?

He coughed, setting the glass down with an audible clink. "I—I'm not sure what you mean by that," he stammered, a rare crack in his usual composure.

Oh, hell yeah. That was the reaction you'd been waiting for. Your eyebrows shot up as your brain immediately jumped to conclusions.

"Oh my god," you said with a mock gasp. "You do have something weird, don't you? I knew it. I knew you were hiding some wild side." You giggled, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks but pushing it down with another sip.

Nanami cleared his throat, suddenly looking anywhere but at you. "I—I'm not sure I follow." He was stuttering. Perfect, calm Nanami Kento was stuttering. You could barely suppress the grin that tugged at the corners of your lips.

"You're just so... perfect," you said, trying to drag out the word as you grinned mischievously. "And I refuse to believe it. So spill it. You're into, like, bondage, a sensei kink?- or... I don't know, something, right?"

The moment the words left your mouth, you could see the change in him. His face had gone a little redder—just the slightest flush—and for once, he was trying to collect his thoughts, like he was having trouble finding the right words.

Oh, this was gold.

"I—uh, that's not..." He trailed off, looking completely out of his element. You leaned forward, eyes sparkling with amusement, already so sure you were right.

"Wait, hold on," you teased, narrowing your eyes. "Are you actually blushing right now?" You leaned back, crossing your arms, trying not to burst out laughing. "I knew it. I knew you had some secrets. You're too perfect. There's gotta be some dark side hidden away."

His face deepened into a shade of red that was honestly kind of adorable. "It's not... what you think," he muttered, trying to recover his usual level of composure, but it was clearly slipping.

"Oh, it's exactly what I think," you said with a sly grin, clearly enjoying this too much. "You totally have some weird kinks. You can't be this perfect without one."

Nanami looked away from you, his hands fumbling with his now-loosened tie, and the rare, uncharacteristic fluster on his face was enough to make you smirk with satisfaction.

"I really think we should change the subject," he said, his voice just a little strained. "You're... you're making assumptions, and—"

"Sure, sure, but c'mon," you interrupted, leaning back into the couch, suddenly feeling far too smug. "You can't expect me to believe that a guy like you—so buttoned-up, so... professional—hasn't got a whole other side to him."

Nanami's gaze shifted to you again, his eyes a little sharper now, a little more guarded. But his lips twitched upward, just barely, like he was holding back a smile.

"You really are something," he said quietly.

"Yeah, I know. It's a gift," you retorted with a grin. Then, just to throw him off completely, you added, "But you should know... now that you've said that, I expect you to tell me all your deep, dark secrets."

He just shook his head, still looking at you with that faint, amused smile—like he knew you were right about something, but he wasn't ready to admit it.

"You've had enough for tonight," Nanami said, his voice still holding that playful tone despite his best efforts to appear unbothered. "Maybe we should leave the dark side conversations for another time."

You grinned, but your cheeks were still flushed, your tipsy state just making everything feel lighter, easier. "Right. Keep your secrets, Mr. Perfect."

But inside, you were already mentally crossing the line of how much you wanted to know about him. And, honestly? You were starting to think he was maybe, just maybe, starting to enjoy this little bit of teasing.

Oh, Nanami Kento. You were definitely going to get to the bottom of this.

*-*

You handed Nanami the oversized sweatpants and sweatshirt, trying to act casual, but really? You were a nervous wreck. Who even does this? You were practically offering him your bed like it was no big deal, but internally, your brain was screaming, what is happening? Why is this normal?

"Here," you said, handing him the clothes. "You can change into these. I'll... uh, go do my skincare routine or whatever."

You tried to act like you were totally fine with this. It wasn't like he was going to be using your bed, right? You just offered it for practical reasons. Because, you know, you'd be sleeping on the couch, and size-wise, it made more sense.

Nope. No big deal. At all. Nuh uh.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice polite, though there was a hint of confusion. "I can just take the couch."

You shrugged nonchalantly, though your stomach did some weird flip thing you couldn't explain.

"No, really. It's fine. You'd never fit on the couch anyway. Not that I'm saying I want to sleep on it, either, but..." You gestured vaguely, giving yourself a nice little internal eye roll. Smooth. Real smooth.

"Alright then," he said, taking the clothes with a tiny smile. "I'll take a minute."

You nodded and headed to the bathroom, eager to put some distance between yourself and the mounting awkwardness. You splashed some cold water on your face, scrubbing away your makeup like it was a shield you were throwing off. It wasn't like you wore a ton, but you still wanted to feel like you for a minute—no eyeliner, no mascara, actually you did wear a decent amout. Just you. Even if "you" was a person who had somehow invited Nanami Kento into her tiny dorm and handed him her pajamas.

God, this was weird. But hey, at least it was kind of fun to joke around with him. Sort of. Maybe. You tried to convince yourself of that.

After a quick skincare routine—your usual creams and moisturizers because you were basically living for that glow up—you stepped out of the bathroom and into the room, hoping you looked anything but like you were secretly dying of secondhand embarrassment.

You were in an oversized horror movie tee and Hello Kitty pajama pants. Classy and wooaaaa super sexy, right? It wasn't like you couldn't be comfortable just because he was here. You were allowed to be comfy. It was your space, for god's sake.

You found Nanami sitting awkwardly on the edge of your bed in the oversized clothes- well.. not on him, clearly not used to lounging in something that wasn't pristine and perfectly pressed. He didn't exactly look bad—of course he didn't, he was Nanami Kento, for Christ's sake—but there was something wrong about him in your mismatched pajama world.

He was too clean, too crisp, too neat.

"Uh, yeah, so, I don't know how comfortable this is for you," you said, gesturing at your bed, "but if you want, I can sleep on the couch and you can take the whole bed. I mean, I'm way more used to the couch than anyone should be."

He glanced over at you, expression as unreadable as always, though there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. "I'm fine," he replied, though his voice was just a little softer than usual. "It's... generous of you."

You rolled your eyes. "Don't worry, Nanami, it's not like you're actually doing me a favor. I'm the one who's getting the shitty end of the deal here."

Nanami gave you that look—the one that was so calm, so detached, it somehow made everything feel more intense. "You've been... kind to me. Even when you didn't have to be. I appreciate it."

You felt your face heat up. Why does he have to say stuff like that?

"Well, yeah, of course I'm being kind. You're basically stuck here because of the snowstorm, remember? I'm not that much of an asshole. I'm not offering you my bed just to be nice." You paused, barely holding back the dumb grin that was threatening to break free. "I mean, there are better options, but... hey, who else is gonna let you wear their stupidly oversized clothes?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Stupidly oversized?"

"Yeah," you said with a shrug, looking down- fuck that was the hint of a happy trail- you looked elsewhere.

For some reason, he laughed—a soft chuckle, but it was a real one. You weren't expecting that. The sound caught you off guard, making your stomach flip in an oddly nice way.

"Well, if that's the look you were going for," he said, "it's working."

You waved him off, still too embarrassed to even think about how ridiculous you must have looked. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

And with that, you flopped dramatically onto the couch, wrapping yourself in a blanket-hello kittie mind you- like it was some kind of shield from the weird tension that was starting to brew between the two of you.

It wasn't like anything had changed between you two. You were just two people stuck in a tiny dorm while the world outside was covered in snow.

No big deal.

A/N: i tried making this a bit funnier, bc awkwardness can be funny imo, i hope you guys like this! i kinda liked writing it, two more parts (that'll be pretty long)

:)

[woeswrites]

Yandere Will Graham

Warnings: Yandere themes, Obsessive behaviors, Brief mention of rape/rapist, Dubious consent (mention of sex while under the influence), etc.

Notes: I am trying to be active again (fingers crossed). Little posts like this are a really easy way for me to get the creative juices flowing. Don't be surprised if a few more come out after this one lol.

You were a recent survivor of an attack

No, it wasn't the Chesapeake Ripper

It was just some other wannabe serial killer trying to get his rocks off

He had a dumb, stereotypical name too

The midnight slasher? midnight butcher?

Something like that

The media wasn't very creative with it

Whatever his name was, he'd clearly had a type

Young men

All of a similar stature

With the same hair and eye color

All known to be up at all hours of the day

It was a pretty open and shut case in Will's eyes

He was a plain and simple lust killer

Most likely white and in his 30s-40s

Classic closet case turned homicidal

He hadn't seen why the FBI was so stumped on the whole thing

The only real trouble was the lack of DNA evidence

He'd been real good at cleaning up after himself

Will knew he'd slip up eventually

This wasn't the type of guy to be so well organized for long

Well--

Does being murdered by your most recent victim count as a slip up?

Because that's exactly what happened

He was called to the scene with the rest of the team

The sight of you trembling, covered in blood, and standing over top of that creep was his first impression

You met his eyes and he was unable to pull away

Something about your tear blotched face held him captive

Jack tasked him with asking you questions about the events at hand

Normally this would have annoyed Will

He wasn't the talking type

Let alone someone sensitive enough to make such a traumatized person feel comfortable

But something in him didn't mind so much

Maybe it was the way you looked so vulnerable

Or the fact that no matter how much he pushed the idea away, he saw himself in you

An innocent man turned murderer under the right circumstances

"I'm Will Graham and I'll be asking you some questions."

"God, okay. I'm Y/n. Can't really say it's nice to meet you."

Will tried to start off slow

Ask the basics before moving onto the more pertinent information

You'd answer to the best of your abilities (considering the circumstances)

It took Will a second to jot down your responses

He'd get a little too caught up in your features to notice you'd stop talking

"Sorry, what was that? You got off work at 9?"

There was something admirable about your attempts to infuse your story with a bit of dry humor

Likely a coping mechanism

But Will found himself smiling a bit at your quips

By the time he'd finish up with you he'd felt a little attachment form

Sure the case was over on his end

But it didn't stop him from asking Jack about you

At least a couple times a week

"How's things going with that self defense case? Y/n's...?"

Will showed up the next day with your case fill on his desk

The sticky note stuck to it warned about annoying Jack with too many questions

He'd spend all night re-reading the details

Without noticing he began slipping in and out of re-enactment mode

Imagining you on top of him

Knife in hand

Crazed look in your eyes

He tried to shake the image away

He shouldn't be doing this

It wasn't right

You could've died that night

His guilt ridden thoughts did nothing to lessen the tent that had formed in his pajama pants

He tried to push the idea of you out of his head

Usually he'd have more control over himself than this

His resolve was strong at first

He'd hidden the manila folder away in the depths of his lower drawer

Telling himself he'd drop it

That worked for a couple of days

That was before he started dreaming of you

Events that he hadn't preformed himself took ahold of him

He became your attacker that night

He chased you

He ripped apart your clothes

He was the one who you fought off

He's the one who you thrust that knife into

And he loved every second of it

Wait--

No, he couldn't

This was just his empathy disorder

Yeah!

He was just in character

This definitely wasn't him

He would never want to do any of that stuff

And he'd prove it

He had memorized that file from front to back at this point

It wouldn't be weird that he'd known your address

He was an FBI consultant

It was basically warranted

Will found himself picking out his best clothes that night

His newest jeans, tailored shirt, the works

Not for any particular reason

And his bed was definitely not littered with rejected articles of clothing

This was just going to be a simple checkup, it's not like it really mattered what he looked like

He showed up on your doorstep with the nicest bottle of wine he could find

"Will? Is that you?"

"Uh, yeah it is. Would I be able to come in?"

You welcomed him in, albeit a little confused

"I thought my case was cleared..."

"That's not what I'm here for. I just wanted to check in on you."

You smiled at this

And Will felt his heart ache

You'd invite him to join in on your sorry excuse for a dinner

He'd never accepted anything so fast before in his life

It didn't take long before the two of you got into the wine he'd brought

It was innocent enough at first

Just drinking and talking

You'd mention how life was after the attack

Will shared a little about his experience with GJH

Its the first time he had ever felt so utterly connected with another person before

But then the two of you got a little more than tipsy

And Will found himself leaning in

One kiss turned into another and another

Will felt a sense of static overtake him

Every touch between the two of you sent shivers up his spine

He felt the strong urge to consume

Before either of you knew it your clothes were now in a heap on the kitchen floor

You woke up the next morning with a splitting headache

Oh-- and an FBI agent in your bed

Shock was an understatement

That was when the memories of the previous night flooded back

Will woke up at the loss of warmth

Last night was the best he had slept in years

You wrapped tight in his arms, bodies perfectly intertwined

His heart sank at the look of regret on your face

"We definitely shouldn't have done that. I think you should leave Will..."

He couldn't just leave now

Not knowing what he did

That you two were made for one another

He'd try to calm you down

"Y/n let's talk about this."

You weren't having it

Mentioning how inappropriate this all was

You'd shove his clothes into his arms

Will tried to console you

Not realizing why you were so worked up

You both did just have the best night of your life after all

You'd back away but he'd continue approaching

"C'mon I know you don't really want me to go. Let's just take a second before we make any rash decisions"

"We aren't doing anything. I want you to go. Now."

Something about him coming over while you were still recovering from your distress and it all leading to this...

It just didn't feel right

Will tried to approach once more but you pushed him away

He couldn't help the smile that made its way onto his face

"Push me. Go on, make it hurt."

You were absolutely bewildered

He reached out and grabbed ahold of you

His grip was almost crushing

Like he was holding on for dear life

"I won't leave you alone that easily. Fate brought us together for a reason. You feel it too right? We're one in the same. We're each other's destiny."

He looked crazed, sweat slipping from his brow

It felt just like that night all over again

The knife in your hand as your attacker bled out

Only now Will took his place underneath you

[bethecliche]

my love mine all mine l vincent renzi x f!original character

summary: after seeing her for the first time, he just fell (deeply) in love word count: 3.7k content: female reader (no description of genitalia), mention of sex, mention of stretch marks, description of hair and eye color (but not texture or skin color), french laws and locations being misinterpreted, use of tv shows and books I didn't watch or read, non canon note: english is not my first langague! I wrote this in portuguese and then translated to english myself, there's a chance you'll find an error or something. I'm sorry sorry! I highly recommend you to listen to the song while reading.

you can check the aesthetic references for this oneshot here but take note that none of the people actual faces on this reflects on the character identity that I wrote, so don't base all of the details on the references for the characters in story.

The first time he noticed her, she was sitting on one of the wooden benches outside the courtrooms. She seemed nervous, shaking her legs and glancing restlessly between the watch on her wrist and the clock on the hallway wall, as if it made much difference. Regardless of her worried expression and furrowed brow, Vincent felt that he had never seen such an attractive woman in his life. From her brown hair to her brown boots, looked like she stepped out of one of those '70s fashion advertisements he'd seen in vintage magazines as a kid. He didn't had time to notice much more than that, as he crossed the hallway and headed to his session. At the end of the day, of course, she was no longer there.

What seemed to have been one of those street crushes that you see when crossing an avenue and never think about again, stayed in Vincent's head for a few days. Every time he passed by the corridor, he waited to see if the brunette would be there. He tried to guess what she was doing there that day and whether there was a possibility of bumping into her again, a question to which the universe answered “yes”.

Two weeks later, this time leaving work, he looked down buttoning his blue coat, distracted in his thoughts when he noticed the same brown boots a few steps in front of him. The stranger held a cigarette between her fingers and had her arms pressed against her body. Although it was snowing lightly, it was extremely cold for an autumn day. Her look was different, probably due to the weather, with a coat with a puffed collar and puffed sleeves, once again looking like she belonged to a previous decade. The wind ruffled her hair a little and the moonlight illuminated her posture, a scene Vincent believed could have come from a movie.

All his past relationships were comfortable. Someone he knew in high school, someone he knew in college, someone who was introduced by friends or someone his friends encouraged him to talk during an outing. He didn't consider himself an introvert, but he never needed to pursue someone who was interested. Things just happened for him. It wasn't his comfort zone just to approach a stranger like that, much less at the door of his work, but something that day said it was the right thing to do.

He took a cigarette out of his pocket and approached the girl asking to borrow a lighter. His sudden plan only went so far.

As soon as she turned to face him, she gave a friendly and inviting smile, taking the object out of her pocket and activating the flame in front of his face. Vincent stood still, staring into her eyes throughout the action, mesmerized by her and her sparkling brown eyes.

“Will I ever meet a lawyer who doesn’t smoke?” She asked as she extinguished the flame, placing the lighter and her free hand back in her pocket. Too cold to let it out.

His response took a few agonizing seconds, as his mind was far away and still lost in her gaze. He composed himself, running a hand through his hair and looking away.

“The day this happens, let me know. I want to be there.” Vincent laughed awkwardly, causing the girl to laugh as well. At that moment, he felt that he wanted to provoke more of this reaction, he wanted to see more of her smile and so the conversation flowed.

His first question was how she guessed he was a lawyer and not a passerby to which she replied, "You stand like a lawyer." He shared how being a lawyer was boring and tedious, but it did have its dramatic moments in court when she asked if the career was challenging like its portrait on TV. He also discovered that she was there to pay a car ticket caused by her younger brother, hence the great nervousness when he first saw her a few weeks ago.

“When my parents told me that my 20th birthday present was a baby brother, I already felt within myself that I would be the best sister in the world. That I would try to make his life as easy as possible. 18 years later, he asks to borrow my car to visit his girlfriend - which I don't hesitate to do, after all I support young love. And the little shit-head makes sure on parking in front of a fire hydrant.” The girl blew smoke to her right side, not taking her eyes off him. “Would you be my lawyer if I try to choke him?”

Vincent could only laugh at her spontaneity, easy way of talking about life and easy way of making conversation.

“Just threaten him, it will be an easier case for me to win.”

They talked about Metz and how her family decided to move to Paris when she was a teenager because they knew the city needed more beautiful people, a fact Vincent agreed with. In order not to dismiss him, in a very charming way, she praised his Parisian accent and said that such a comment did not apply to him and only God knows how Vincent felt inside after that.

The two shared their tastes, such as reading romances and watching Dix pour cent every night before bed. It was as if they knew each other much more than the 1 hour they spent together under the snow. They shared maybe two more cigarettes before realizing it was getting a little too late to chat like that on the street.

He doesn't even know how he got out of that situation alive and managed to get home with her number.

Their first date was at a local cinema on a Friday night for a re-showing of Buffet Froid, a film Anne had never seen.

He didn't remember the last time he felt butterflies in his stomach, although it was guaranteed that nothing could compare to this time. As he got ready and tried to match his best t-shirts with his beige pants (which he eventually changed out of, finding them too tacky), Vincent remained nervous thinking that she might not show up or that this would be the first and last time they would meet in this circumstance.

In the end, all the “first time” flutter went out the window when he saw her smiling and waving on the other side of the street, already with the tickets in her hand. “I'm glad you came.” She said, holding his arm as they walked through the door of the establishment.

“I wouldn't miss it.” he replied.

The two took watching films very seriously, so it was only during the ending credits, after a lot of laughter, small comments and bumping hands on the popcorn bucket, that the two kissed.

He felt the softness of her skin on his hand and her sweet scent of perfume, in addition, of course, to the hot and saccharine kiss. It was slow, serene, just as they both wanted, being able to feel each other in that moment. It was also Anne's desire to slowly run her fingers through his hair and she didn't hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity.

After throwing their trash away, the two walked out of the cinema, now closer to each other, hand in hand. The weather wasn't as cold as when they first met and they were free to enjoy the warmth of their bodies without so many layers covering them.

“For a great 70's mind, you never having watched Buffet Froid is an insult.” He pointed at her with his free hand, wanting to tease her.

Anne rolled her eyes. Even though she liked the film, she didn't want to give a taste. “Obviously you would like action movies like that. It suits you.”

“I’ll make you like it too.” He stated, trying to imply that he wanted them to meet again, to which she responded by kissing his cheek and saying, “Next time, let's watch a romcom.”

Once, twice, three, four and a few more times, all being unusual dates. Sometimes she would call during his workday and say she would pick him up for an adventure. She drove aimlessly, just the two of them talking about their days and observing the city lights. These were Vincent's favorite “dates”, as they all ended with the two of them making out like two teenagers parked in the driveway of his apartment.

The more he got to know about her, the more he wanted to constantly be a part of her life. Anne owned a clothing store downtown, something he never tired of saying was the “most suitable job her”. On the last date they had, she took him to the closed store and put on a fashion montage for him, with improvised note cards on paper left on the counter and all. But she knew that the judge had been bought when he only gave her 10s. She also took the opportunity to get Vincent to do the same, putting him once again out of his comfort zone to find out that bell bottom jeans don't really suit him.

They even got to watch a car race - something that not even Anne had done, she had just decided that it was an experience they needed to have. They both entended up hating it, but the important thing was that the company was great.

That was one of the nights Anne slept at his house.

They ate some junk food from the fridge and watched a silly but captivating show on TV while they chatted more. When she realized she could sleep at any moment, Anne got up to brush her teeth and change her clothes, putting on her uniform for whenever she was there: a Vincent t-shirt.

Vincent found it charming how she captivated his gaze regardless of what she was doing. He loved her unique and sophisticated style, but he also loved seeing her like this, casually wearing his clothes, in his home, as if she were his. And lastly, he loved seeing her with nothing on.

Every detail of her body, her birthmarks on her shoulder and that one next to her beautiful eyes or her stretch marks on her back, everything about her seemed to have been chosen down to the millimeter. When they made love, his hands went everywhere, trying to reach as much of her as he could, to feel the warmth she exuded.

And the best way to love her was by looking into her eyes, admiring her beauty, running his lips up and down her body, being grateful for the privileged position it was to be able to love her.

Mornings were like nights, with him waking up earlier and being able, once again, to admire the woman beside her.

“You are even more beautiful in the morning.”

The two walked through the streets of Paris, both tipsy, looking for an available taxi in the dead of night. With their relationship now more established and their schedules aligned, they made it a challenge to come up with these unusual date only once a month so it wouldn't lose its fun. Today had been the day to go to the opera and due to their lack of sobriety, they didn't seem to have left anywhere other than the shabbiest bar on the corner.

The event was boring as fuck and they left halfway through to drink somewhere more enjoyable. They found an open bar showing a PSG versus Marseille match. Neither of them supported the teams or understood about football rules, but this seemed like a new opportunity for them to have another different experience that day.

One laughter after another, some passionate kisses between drinks and the two were celebrating PSG's victory at the bar with some strangers whom they befriended.

“My mother wants to meet you. My brother too. I said I might have a lawyer for the next time he's up to no good. Do you think it’s too early?”

When drunk, Anne tended to speak fast and slurred, but Vincent understood perfectly. He smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the tip of her nose. “I will love meeting your family.”

They never actually asked each other to go steady, but it was clear that they already belonged to each other at that point.

Vincent was on his cell phone writing a text to his mother about the shopping list for Christmas dinner and their desire to participate in decorating the tree (Anne's request to spend more time with her mother-in-law) while his girlfriend was lying on his lap reading his copy of Around the World in 80 Days (and she was loving it, for sure).

It was a lazy day for both of them at Vincent's place. A year into their relationship, the two of them loved sharing these moments together doing different activities.

“She said she misses you a lot and looks forward to seeing you on Christmas, but that you're banned from being near the kitchen when it is time to prepare desserts. Everything you touch that’s sweet ends up burning for some reason.”

Her smile, excited by her mother-in-law's affection, turned into a face indignant at the rule she imposed. "What?" She looked up from the book and pulled Vincent's hand to check if the message was real and it was. “This is so unfair!”

“Sorry, Anne, you’re just really bad at this.”

She lightly pushed his arm and pretended to be uncomfortable, although she knew it was true and wasn't really upset. Before she could return to her book, Vincent placed his cell phone on the table and began talking.

“One more thing, huh,” he cleared his throat, “I made one more space on the rack for you. I don't want certain clothes to get wrinkled in the drawer. I’ll make room in one more drawer too.”

Anne put the book aside and knelt on the sofa, facing her boyfriend. “Won’t it bother you? I already have space in my bedroom drawer, bathroom… In fact, there are a lot of my things scattered around the house. I don’t want to impose my space here.”

This was a subject that she had also been waiting to comment on for some time. By working her own hours at the store and having an employee to take her place wherever needed, Anne had a more flexible schedule than Vincent and it was easier to stay at his house, helping to keep everything on track and cooking for both of them. He would arrive just before dinner time and they could enjoy together without rushing to do the chores.

Because of this, the few clothes she wore just to sleep there became a drawer full, her makeup in the bathroom sink and her shoes near the door.

The gray-haired man hugged her around the waist, kissing her forehead and assuring her of his action. “You are not imposing anything, mon chéri. I want you to use this space. I want to have more and more of you here.”

For him, having her scent permeate the rooms was a gift wrapped in the best bow. Knowing that every day he would come home to see her welcoming smile and welcome kiss was the biggest work incentive.

“It feels like my home.” She whined.

“It’s your home. Our home.” He insisted.

In his favorite action, he cupped her face and looked warmly into her eyes, admiring her features trying to associate with what he was trying to say. They both smiled at each other realizing where the topic was going.

“Are you…”

“I want you to move in with me.”

The beautiful smile that filled his heart appeared on her face and Vincent, who was sure of her choice, but a little afraid of her accepting it, smiled too at her positive reaction.

In conclusion, he ended up needing to make more closet space for her countless boots, but he was happy that she could call the space her own (and she looks great in those boots, he would never complain about making room for them).

The snack table was almost empty and that made Anne happy. She might not be good at desserts, but her food was always praised and she almost never had leftovers when she cooked for her friends.

“This sandwich is delicious, aunt Anne!” Daniel stated, taking another one from the table and sitting on the sofa next to her. “Can I take some home?”

“Of course you can! There’s more stored in the kitchen, I’ll put it on the side for you to take.” She continued, now coming closer to whisper. “You can give Snoop a bite, I won’t tell your mom.”

“Hey, I’m watching you two!” Sandra said towards the back of the sofa, pointing at the two jokingly. She was talking to Vincent leaning against the wall in the hallway, looking anxious.

There was approximately 10 people spread throughout the room at this gathering. The couple chose to host a celebration for the launch of Sandra's new book, a dear friend of both, and tried to make room for everyone present. She was very delighted with the honor, although unaccustomed to the positive attention she was receiving.

Even though they weren't glued to each other at the party, Anne and Vincent always stopped for a moment to exchange a kiss and ask if everything was okay. He, even more so, couldn't stop admiring his girlfriend from afar. Parties like this always made him happy to be able to share the love he had for her and also show others that this was his girl.

It was around 6pm that they said their goodbyes and thanked their friends for being there. After closing the door, Anne took a deep breath and leaned against it with Vincent kissing her neck and hugging her waist.

“Had fun today?” He asked against her neck, kissing slowly until he reached her face. Hugging him back, she just nodded yes, pulling him into a longing and passionate kiss.

Vincent pressed his body against hers and tightened his grip, placing his free hand against the wall for support. Everything was going well, until Vincent suddenly stopped, as if he couldn't give in to temptation yet.

He also took a deep breath, with a shy smile as he looked at her.

“Is something wrong?” She asked, still leaning against the door and resting her hands on his shoulder.

"What?" He retorted.

“During the party, you kept looking at me like that, with those heart-eyes, that fool in love face of yours. And now you're doing it again. It seems... different.”

Vincent laughed awkwardly, as if he was unprepared to respond that quickly. “In my defense, I always look like a fool in love when I’m with you.”

Before anything else, Vincent took a red velvet box out of his pocket and opened it, showing a silver ring made especially for her. With the hand that was on her waist, he slipped into her hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Kneeling isn’t your style, nor are long speeches in front of our friends, but I can’t just leave the ring in your hand without saying anything. The day I saw you for the first time, I was intrigued. The second time, that feeling I had of needing to talk to you urgently, of not letting the opportunity pass, I think, somehow, I knew we were going to get to this moment right now. By the third time - I was already in love. Head over heels, worshiping the ground you pass, heart-eyes, whatever you want to call it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel those butterflies in my stomach before seeing you, that I don't feel the eager to be by your side. If you do me the honor of marrying me, I can promise that you will have a man who wakes up in love with you every day. Forever.”

Anne's eyes were already full of tears as soon as she saw the box and she couldn't help but shed them when she heard the proposal.

The last 4 years of their lives were instinctive, passionate, in a way she never thought she would experience. All her last lovers didn't last long, they couldn't handle her personality or couldn't love her right, so she was left with no hope that it would change. But Vincent's speech was something that she not only believed, she felt. Every day, she felt his love, his affection and his care. Wave of action speaks louder than words and she trusted her man.

There was no other answer than yes.

The same word was repeated by the two of them at the registry office a few months later. The idea was never a big party, it didn't suit either of their personalities, but Anne always wanted a dress and a veil, so they were both there, in their wedding clothes just before lunch time in the registry office next to Vincent's work place.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”

With that sentence, the two shared a classic wedding kiss, with Vincent holding her around the waist and Anne throwing her leg up. They could live that moment over and over again, but they needed to go out for a little celebration party with their friends before they left for their honeymoon (and Anne was more than eager to have her friends around so she could toss the bouquet).

Outside, in another snowy day, Anne reached through the car window and took a black bag from the glove compartment, handing it to her now husband.

“What is it?” He held on, swinging by the loop to feel the weight so he could find out what it could be.

“It's your wedding gift.” She cheerfully replied.

He stole one more kiss from his wife before opening the bag, already imagining what could be inside.

“It has our initials and today’s date on it,” she pointed to the bottom where the details were, “so no other girl coming out of court will need to offer you the lighter.”

Vincent took a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and lit it with his newest gift, but without inhaling, just lighting it for the sake of it.

“No one will have my love. Only you, mon chéri."

[babyangelsky]

Back in March when I was doing the BL Challenge (brought to us by the lovely @negrowhat), I mentioned in my post about Korn Theerapanyakul that it isn't often that we get an actual villain who isn't just a love rival in a BL. The presence of an antagonist in a story doesn't necessarily make them the villain and not every story calls for one either. That being said,

Jak is a villain.

I want to break down this shot because it tells us a lot about the dynamic at play and Jak's point of view.

There's a lot going on here. The first thing my eye is drawn to is the line between them (and how Mut is just slightly crossing it since he stepped into the lion's den). Once you see that, the differences between both sides of that line become more obvious.

Mahasamut is dressed in a dark cool color and he's in shadow but his face is catching the light. The flowers, fireplace, candles, and TV behind him feel warm and homey. Fitting for a cafe. On the other hand, Jak is dressed in a warm light color and he's sitting in the light but his face is in shadow. The windows behind him and his positioning makes it feel like he's sitting at a desk in a corner office in a high rise instead of a cafe.

I weirdly wish they'd shown us when they arrived at the table because I would bet you anything that Jak sat down first. He's the older one, he's relaxed, etc. It makes sense for him to have sat first which means he chose that specific seat and the only reason I mention it, and really the only reason it matters, is that it tells us how Jak sees himself in this situation.

He's sitting there in the light in his dad sweater telling Mahasamut about wanting to fulfill his role as Tongrak's father and that he's so sorry about his behavior in the past and wants to atone for it and it's all bullshit because look at this man's face.

It is completely shadowed, just like his intentions and his agenda whereas Mut's is completely in the light.

And the difference becomes even more stark once Jak tells Mut to break up with Tongrak.

Jak is spewing nothing but ill-intentioned bullshit and Mahasamut sees it for what it is and makes it clear that he isn't going to fall for it, which is why things devolve.

Now. Just so we can get it out of the way, yes, obviously Mut should not have agreed to that meeting. He shouldn't have engaged and should've put the baby in the car and driven in the opposite direction. I was screaming at my screen for him to do just that, as were many of us I'm sure. However, I have to point out that it is not inconsistent for him from a character writing standpoint to have agreed.

Lest we forget, he said this to Tongrak last week when he was explaining why he turned Prin down when she tried to buy him.

"But Leah the dad is so much worse how could he not see—!" I know. Trust me, I do.

I'm gonna put on my baseball uniform and go to bat for my man for a second though because I think part of the reason that he agreed to talk to Jak is that he vastly underestimated him. And to be completely fair to Mahasamut, I did, too.

If I had to guess, I would say that he was expecting to be dealing with someone cut from the same cloth as Prin. Maybe a little worse since he knows what Jak has done in the past but certainly nothing he couldn't handle. Mahasamut is not a reckless or a thoughtless man. I don't believe for a second he would've even walked in the building if he didn't feel confident that he could deal with Jak.

The problem is that Jak is very much not cut from the same cloth as Prin.

I noted in my expressions post that it looked like the only time Jak was actually feeling something was when he accepted Prin's offer to destroy Tongrak but that's not entirely accurate. Having gone back to watch his scenes, there's a second instance where genuine emotion peeks through.

There's such a cold rage in his expression when he reproaches Tongrak for choosing his mother and cutting ties with him. And make no mistake, he's not angry because he loves his son. We already know that he doesn't. He's angry because in his eyes, he lost to a woman he felt nothing but disdain for.

If Tongrak and Kwan had chosen Jak over their mother, do you think Jak would be out here causing problems? No, he would've flat out ignored them. He wouldn't bother keeping such close tabs on Rak and his relationships because he would've already won and if he's doing it now, it's because he wants to win.

This is a game to him. This is fun for him.

His son is terrified and begging him not to hurt an innocent little girl and a young man and Jak's response is, "Don't be greedy."

He tries to force his son to choose which one of the people he loves most in this world gets to be safe but the choice isn't really a choice. He says he'll choose for Rak and he already has. Jak had already had Mahasamut beaten by the time he comes to see Tongrak and we know that because Mut's injuries have been treated when Rak gets home and Vivi is already there.

Matter of fact, the only reason Jak is even here talking to his son is because his attempt to convince Mut to leave has failed and he knows that going to Rak won't fail. He knows his son is afraid of him and he knows he can use that fear to get what he wants, which is why he brings up the uncle doctor.

Although we've gotten little of Jak so far, it's safe to assume that he is not a man who makes empty threats. Tongrak knows this, too, which is why he becomes so panicked when the doctor is brought up. We as the audience don't know who this doctor is but we can surmise from Tongrak's expression that he's important enough to be used as a weapon by Jak.

Until this point I don't think Tongrak realized that his father had anything to do with whatever happened to this doctor, he looks genuinely surprised. But all Jak had to do to prove how serious he is about his threat is mention the man. That's all he does. Rak puts the pieces together himself.

And here is where I bring up next week.

If you can look at this man's face as he rips the contract and think for a moment that he's going to try to push Mahasamut away for some flimsy petty reason, I am here to tell you that you are dead wrong. If I so much as SEE the words 'noble idiocy' I'm going to kick off.

Because we know that by the time Tongrak picks up this contract to rip it, Mahasamut has already been beaten twice and that Jak made a barely veiled threat to have him killed. Rak is rightfully terrified of his father and afraid for his boyfriend's life and wanting to keep Mut safe and ALIVE is not noble idiocy.

Now is it going to work? Smart money says no, wild horses couldn't drag Mahasamut away. He loves Rak too much to take any threats lying down. But as much as I understand why Mut talked to Jak, I understand why Rak wants to keep him safe even more.

Jak didn't accept Prin's offer because he wanted to help her. He doesn't give a single shit about her agenda except to mock her for it. He agreed to destroy his son because he wants to, because doing so will allow him to win and get back at his ex-wife. The money is just a bonus.

Jak is a Villain.

[jay-m3]

Open sesame

Scenerio: Them trying to open a door for you

Male reader insert! Warning: Suggestive themes/language, Cursing, unedited

Characters: Valentino, Adam, Alastor, Lucifer, and Vox

Valentino

Satisfaction buzzes through Vals' skin. The warmth of your body next to him added to the dopamine that has coursed through his body.

The hum of the limo that your both in relaxes your spent body. Like a lullaby, making you dazed. It didn't help that Vals' limo has inbuilt L.E.D lights that gave off a purple glow. Along with the music playing in the background. Thankfully, the little quickie was finished in time as the limo parked.

Val looks down at you, breathing out the smoke that he dragged in, making the scene more serene.

"You keep getting better and better with that tongue of yours, cariño. Let's continue this inside."

He grabs your wrist to pull you along while he pulls on the handle-

The door doesn't budge.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he tries again, anger sizzling through his sated state.

"Este estupido. Unlock the fucking door! I don't have all day!" He yells out to the driver who immediately unlocks the door with an apology.

"I swear to god! I'm going to kill your whole fucking family." Val seeths out quickly getting out and slamming the door on your face, stomping away.

Adam

Adam walks with an arm around your shoulder, slurping on a slurpee. Eyes wondering around as he leans on you to guide him to a store while you talk about the drama between two of his exorcist girls' break up. Usually he's all ears and put in his own input. Might even put himself into the drama when he sees them and 'help' out. He loves his girls, truly but he says the wrong things most times.

Thankfully you're there to actually help him to help them.

"-we should get those matching couple jackets."

He tunes in when he hears you talking about the jackets that you both saw the passing day. The jackets that he was thinking about through the whole walk. He actually digs it, a little flashy but cool.

"Yeah, we should get it in two colors." He shrugs nonchalantly as he pulls away from you to pull the door-

"Shit." He mutters out as he pushes this time-

"What the-" He continues to push and pull the door, "fuck!"

You watch him for a minute, waiting for him to realize on his own but as seconds pass by watching him struggle...

"Adam." He looks over at you to see you pointing at a sign that was taped to the door at eye level with him-

"It's fucking closed!...in heaven?!?!"

Alastor

As you and Alastor walk down the sidewalk, you can't help but side eye him. You've been thinking of how much Alastor was a gentleman.

For example, everytime he greets you, he takes your hand in his and presses a light kiss on top of your hand. Pulls out chairs for you when you're about to sit down. Even now, he is walking on the side of the sidewalk next to the road while you're safe from whatever impact may occur from the streets.

It's not like you hate it but these displays kind of makes you feel that your not giving him enough. Especially as a man, you also want to provide the feelings of safety and worthiness that he has caused inside you.

Why not start now?

"Is something on your mind darling?" Alastor asks as he can feel your gaze on him.

"No. It's nothing. Just-" As Rosie's store stands in front of you both, you quickly maneuver yourself next to Alastor, opening the door so he won't get a chance to do so for you-

"I'm so sorry!" You whisper yelled out, not trying to gain anyone's attention to see that you had hit Alastor with the door.

Lucifer

Today is special for you and Lucifer. Today marks the day of when you two have met each other! So you both decided to go out and have some fun in Lu Lu World.

It was so much fun! It's actually your first time visiting the place and Lucifer hasn't been to the theme park in a while so you both are looking around with awe in your eyes.

Memories of the place, Lucifer easily takes you around the park with non existence passes, getting on every ride without waiting in line.

Of course there are small changes that Lucifer raises an eyebrow at but all in all, Lucifer gives out a proud smile at his work that is giving you so much joy.

"Maybe we should take a break from rides. I want to buy the same shirt that family had on. Oh, and get a funnel cake too." You exclaim, mouth watering at the prospect of the sweet food.

"I know the closest store that provides merchandise and behind it there's food stalls that definitely sells funnel cake, along with candy apple and ice cream. We should also get a bag of pop-" You watch as Lucifer rambles off excitedly, a slight hop in his step as he nears the door of the shop, pushing-

You snort loudly as he slams face first into the door. Apparently, they changed the push doors to pull.

Vox

Vox sighs out a deep breath once he sees the many people waiting for you both outside of the building where he's getting interviewed. It's been a while of being behind screen by other entertainment businesses that isn't owned by him.

Usually he'll decline offers by them, not wanting other businesses use him for clout. But this one, this one happens to be increasing in viewership. Even the parts of hell that his own hasn't reached out. All he needs is a little screen time before 'persuading' them to watch his own shows.

He looks over at you who came with him for appearance. He can't just go in without someone handsomely pretty trailing behind.

"Let's get this over with." He mumbles out as he gets out of the car.

Flashes and shouts all around made you flinch back slightly, not used to the attention. Thankfully, that went all towards Vox as he steps in front of you with a big smile on his screen. You follow behind him as you put on your own smile.

"-no, not really."

You can barely hear Vox and what question that he has answered was probably important for him to even entertain. Plus he doesn't have to continue as he's finally to the door-

He doesn't loose his smile as the door doesn't budge. He tries again-

You notice how he's pulling on the door and the beginning of furrowed eyebrows. So you quickly hook your arm in his and you use your body weight to push him forward, like dominoes, he leans forward until the door opens. Successfully not being noticed by the paparazzi.

[st4rgirl7777]

dare.

WARNINGS: SMUT so mdni, everything is consensual, mentions of alcohol, dirty talk, rubbing clit, pet names, cursing, making out, fingering, P in V, Riding, unprotected sex (pls don’t), proofread but i'm sorry if there are mistakes! (Imk if i missed something pls!!)

pairing: ace x f reader

hi everyone! this is my first piece of writing so bare with me if it’s not good! tysm for reading!

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It was another busy week—constant presentations, lectures, and papers due at 11:59 PM. You were drained and tired, and the only thing that could heal you and make you feel whole again was a night out getting drunk with your closest friends. So when your best friend Nami texted the group chat that a new bar was opening near your small college apartment, you jumped at the opportunity to go. You showered, applied makeup, and picked out the cutest dress you could find in your closet. You settled on the black halter dress. It was backless and had a cut on the bottom exposing your legs. You tied your hair half up with a bow letting the other half fall seamsly. You took one last look in the mirror before dashing out the front door. 

The bar was packed since it was the big grand opening. All sorts of colored lights danced around the ceiling, music blasting, vibrations coarse through your entire body as you made your way into the building. Sweaty bodies clung to each other as people drank, danced, and made out with one another. Your body shivered with adrenaline, the excitement settling in the pit of your stomach. Nami spotted you and shouted your name waving for you to come over. You walked over and joined them. Drinks were going, music was booming, laughter was erupting and the fatigue was melting away. 

After a couple of drinks in your system you were starting to feel buzzed, and so were the rest of your friends. You couldn't help but look around for any possible suitors to flirt with. You spotted a tall, slender dominating man leaning up against the wall. He had shaggy black hair and a charming smile. His freckles dusted his cheeks like fairy dust and all you could think about was kissing each one. He had a tattoo down his muscular left upper arm and wore black baggy shorts the belt doing little to help hold them up, and big chunky black boots. He had no shirt on his back tattoo showing and you quietly thanked the universe for this little gift. You tried not to stare too much at him. You didn’t want him to think you were just some weirdo in the back of the bar who had a staring problem. However, he enjoyed this little show. He had also been eyeing you. He noticed you the second you entered the room. He noticed the way your hair was neatly done, the attention to detail in your makeup, and the way the dress hugged your curves in all the right areas. He wasn’t sure what it was about you that made you look so desirable, maybe it was your bright shining aura, or the way you looked around so cutely trying to fit in this bar scene. He was sure of one thing though, he wanted you, and he wanted you now. 

Nami noticed you staring at the boy and decided to play a little game to encourage you to make a “Hey y/n” You turned to face her, “yeah?” “I dare you to go up to that boy and kiss him right now!” You followed her hand, her finger pointing to the cute boy in the baggy shorts. You blushed at her and with determination waltz right up to him. You tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Hey”

 He turned slightly to face you. “Hey,” he said with a flirty smile

 “I think you're really cute.. Wanna make out?” 

“Sure.” 

With no hesitation, he leaned in, cupping your cheeks to hold you still as his lips melted into yours. Immediately sparks flew in your mind as he kissed you. The taste of alcohol danced between your lips as he deepened the kiss. His tongue begged for entry as he traced your bottom lip. Your arms extend to wrap around his neck pulling him in for more. He pulled away with a smirk, not noticing when you closed your eyes you opened them and pouted. “Why’d you stop” you whine. He chuckled. “If you want more we're gonna have to go somewhere else, more private pretty girl.” He was hot and you were desperate to get his lips on yours again. “Let's go then. My place is not too far from here” He smirked, grabbed your hand and you both left the bar. 

The walk back to your apartment was filled with anticipation and frisson. You both made it to your place. You opened the door and he followed inside welcoming the scent of your house. It smelled like fresh linen and roses. “Nice place you got here,” he said trying to build small talk as he walked down the hallway letting you guide him to your bedroom. “Thanks” you giggled back. As soon as you guys made it into the room, the immediate tension that was building between you two erupted. He pulled you into a passionate kiss, backing you up against the door, his free hand locking the door in a swift motion, the other tangled in your hand, undoing the perfect bow that held your hair up. You moaned into the kiss, letting him take control of you. He wasted no time in lifting and throwing you on the bed. Your body hit the mattress with a bounce and he crawled onto the bed hovering over you. “You know... I never got your name..” You said in between kisses. “My name..” “It’s Ace,” he said, trailing kisses down your neck, finding your sweet spot instantly. You arched your back as he sucked, bit, and nipped at your sensitive areas. “Ace..” you breathed into his ear. “Mmm, sounds good when you say it like that baby girl” His hand slipped under your dress toying with the lace of your bra as he continued to cover you with kisses. You groaned below him the tensions building up in the pit of your stomach. He pulled away to slip off the black dress and throw it somewhere in your room. He spent a minute eyeing your body up and down, trying to memorize every fiber of your skin. He was enamored by the way you looked so perfect just for him. He let out a content sigh and dived right back into your neck marking you up as he slowly trailed down onto your chest. You shivered as his fingers traced down your body. He removed your bra in one swift motion leaving your tits to bounce free. You can see the lust filling his eyes as he dives right into them. Sucking and lapping your hard nipples, One hand massaging the other. You gasped and moaned at the new sensation of pleasure building within you. “Ace.. mmh.. feels good” Encouraged by your words he sucked harder,  twisting and playing with the nipple in his other hand. You moaned again at the pleasure you were feeling. Ace's hands made their way down your body. Tracing the outline of your curves he let out a quiet moan. His fingers dipped into the hem of your black lace panties with the pink cute bows. 

Ace’s fingers slowly played with the tracing of your sensitive spot. He could feel how wet your panties were and smirked as he continued to play with you. “So wet for me already baby?” He teased. You answered him with a moan and desperately begged for him to plunge his fingers into your wet spot, to feel how tight you were. “Please, Ace..” He chuckled lowly, “You gonna have to be a little more specific doll. Tell me what you want me to do.” “Please finger me, Ace... Please” Ace satisfied with your plea, got the message he wasted no time in digging his finger into your wet tight pussy. His fingers sent you into a bliss as he pushed two fingers into you pumping them in and out of you. His thick fingers coated in your liquid. “Fuck.. feels so good so good Ace.. don’t stop” He couldn’t help but let out a low moan as he worked his fingers into you, stretching you out so nicely. His pants getting tighter around him. His bulge is clearly shown as his fingers fasten their pace. The room fills up with the sounds of your arousal and moans. Seeing you like this, so easily undone by his fingers alone, sends Ace down a spiral of greed. He wanted to feel good too, he wanted to see how good he could make you feel with his cock. “Ngh… so close Ace..” As you were building up to your orgasm suddenly Ace pulled his fingers out of you. You groaned at the lost contact and opened your eyes. “Hey, why’d you stop again?” He didn't answer, instead, he shoved his fingers into your mouth letting you suck them clean before he unzipped his pants, letting them drop and leaving him in his boxers. His bulge was more apparent than before. He palmed himself through his boxers letting out cries for more as he touched himself. You salivated at the scene before you. He took off his boxers, finally letting his cock spring free and hit his torso. You swallowed harshly his dick leaking with precum as he pumped himself up and down his long shaft. “Fuck your big,” you said out loud. Ace laughed and smirked at your words. A blush creeping up your face. “Think you can handle it, baby girl?” You nodded. “Good.” He pulled your panties off of you and hooked them onto his cock letting them slide down to the base. He flipped you over, so you straddled on top of him, his hands on your hips as he lay on the bed. “Show me how well you can handle it” 

You did what was told, you first grinded down on him, moving back and forth on his cock coating it with your liquid. Sharing little groans with him as he watched you. “That's it... Just like that..” he said with a sigh. You placed your hands on his chest to balance yourself and sink onto his length bottoming it out completely. Your head is immediately thrown back with pure lust and bliss. His cock stretches you out entirely. He let out a guttural moan as he gripped your hips a little more tightly. Once you adjusted to his size, you began bouncing up and down his length. The tip of his cock hitting your g-spot continuously. Your tits bounced with every thrust as you rode him. The room filled with the sounds of skin slapping and your bodies melting together. “Ace.. I’m gonna cum” Ace watching you intensely.  He furrowed his brows as he felt he was close too. “Yeah? You're gonna cum on my cock?” “mm fuck yes Ace” With those words of confirmation, Ace gripped your hips and thrust his thick cock into you with a quick pace his balls slapping against you while he hit your g-spot over and over again. One hand gripping his shoulders to stay in place, your other hand tracing quick circles around your sensitive bud. Your breath quickened as the ecstasy shot right through you like Cupid himself aimed an arrow right through your heart. With one final thrust, you both come undone into each other letting the hot milky liquid leak out with a moan. You fell on top of him, both of your chests heaving trying to catch your breath. You rolled over hitting the bed with an exhausted thump. “That was hot,” he said, breaking the ice first. “Yeah..” you agreed. “Maybe I can get your number and we can do this again soon?” “I’ll like that”   You both grinned as you lay in bed staring at each other sparks flying between the two of you as the night deepened. 

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[casuallivi]

The Shadow Between Us

Hello, ladies. Long time. Long, long time. I began writing this for elriel month 2023 (sheesh) and it was supposed to be a sequel to Three is a Party 🤭🤭. Unfortunately, I never finished, but today I felt like posting it anyways, trying to feel that flame of having active hobbies and all that. It's not perfect, but it was born from passion. Let's hope for the best. Love yall ❤️❤️

Summary: Elain is no strange to the possessiveness of the fae, especially when it comes from an Illyrian male. Yet, nothing could prepare her for the calling of the Shadow. For a Shadow needs his Seer, as a Master needs his Flower.

Warnings: Listen, this will be NSFW. Will not be giving explicit warnings because the act will built itself, so just imagine that any sexy thing under the sun can happen, along with curses and graphic description. Read at your own risk. (this warning makes no sense now, but that's where old stabilized me was hoping to go to 😬. enjoy anyways.) Post ACOSF.

~~~

“Oh, mother!”

The freshly-cut bouquet of chrysanthemums slipped through her hands coloring the hardwood floor red. Elain quickly turned around, palms hiding her spoked eyes, skin turning crimson as the flowers at her feet. A feverish heat crawled up her spine as her mind replayed the scene which she came across:

Azriel, half-naked, pinning what appeared to be, a very naked, Shadowsinger to the mattress. The slip of a rough groan sounding awfully sensual in her sensitive ears.

“I’m – I’m so sorry,” she stumbled an apology. "I didn't know you were," she stopped mid sentence, looking the right word to say. "Here."

All Elain wanted was to put fresh flowers on his nightstand, so he'd come back from Dawn to a cozy bedrom. Instead, she found Azriel already home, looking like he was playing with himself. Quite literally.

She tried not to fan herself.

They’d shared a bed before: Azriel, Elain and the beings concealed inside themselves that noone else knew about; the Seer and the Shadowsinger.

A forbidden and painfully delicious experience that left her insides sore and sensitive enough to get legs to stop working for the rest of the day. Not that she would go anywhere being knocked out for 24h straight. Elain never thought she would let two men – male and shadow, really – dominate her completely, use her at their will, but she had let Azriel and the Shadowsinger explore and command her, fill every hole in her body. Even the Seer she trapped deep inside had surfaced that day, eager for a taste of the darkness calling her forth.

Elain peered over her shoulder, not feeling bold enough to confront the males tangled in the sheets.

She knew the Shadowsinger was prone to roam the land when Azriel’s shields presented the smallest of crevices for him to slip through, she just didn’t expect for them to indulge in this type of activities without the intention of seducing her fueling them. She turned to the pair, heart thundering with an emotion she could not comprehend.

“Why is she reacting like that?” The Shadowsinger broke the silence first, sitting up to better look at her.

Azriel took his time to appraise Elain, the harsh murderous glint of anger that had been there a second ago being replaced with curiosity.

“She’s getting creative.” He said with the hint of a sneer.

Deadly talons, which spiked on the wall behind the bed to give him stability, retroceded slowly, black leathery wing span. “Is not what you think." He bursted her bubble, hands back on the Shadowsinger's neck. "I'm locking him back.”

“He is naked,” she blurted. Remembering later that it was not proper to be commenting on another male’s nudity in front of him. Even if the male was him. But not quite.

Snorting loudly, the male under him pumped his hips upwards, catching her attention. “Little flower, where you looking at! My eyes are up here, love.”

“He does it to spite me.” Azriel spoke over him, vexed shadows blurring in and out of existence as his shadow-self strugled to remain outside his body. "Enough now.” He snarled, being ignored. “Go back.”

“Come on! I have not been out in months! I need a breather.”

“You do not breathe.”

“Semantics.” Came the Shadowsinger strangled hiss, wings misting away in tiredness.

With a warcry he tried to throw his master away, the movement a mere diversion to his true attempt to escape by mystifying. It was no easy feature to trap a shadow. Bright cobalt shackles glowed in Shadow’s wrist, his hiss of pain unsettling Elain. Azriel fought his urge to sooth her as he registering her soft whimper, his concentration flickering, making him struggle to reabsorb the tendon of darkness stealing his shape.

The thief was reluctant to go, scraping at the walls, grabbing to gates of his mind hurling insults at Azriel, who shut him down, shoving him in. A battle he was losing to fatigue. Reluctantly, quivering shadows began to climb his hands, then his arms, the dull ache of sentient shadows sinking back into the tattoos a comforting promise of solitude. Still, his shadow-self refused to go.

A swarm of shadow covered Elain seconds before The Shadowsinger burst through the power-shackles with a raging howl, a blue wave explosion sweeping the bedroom.

“Fuck me.” Azriel heaved.

The Shadowsinger merely wheezed a laugh, punching the male in the gut, who collapse to the side. Shadows fluttered in and out of existence under the electrical haze of unusual power, the otherly being molding his body back.

Elain lowered her hands, having covered her head by pure instinct, watching the havoc in disbelief. He winked at her.

"Elain, dear, if you were waiting to give me a feverish kiss there's no better time than now."

Deep inside, there was a small part of her worried for being here, in the middle of this peculiar struggle.

The problem is the rest of her was shimmering with excitement at the sight of her males’ display of power, drunk by the dangerous enticing atmosphere. Elain cut her gaze to her Azriel, who swiped a hand over his face, finding him beautiful even amidst his frustration. Curls damp by sweat clung to his forehead, his heavy breathing provoking memories of other activities who caused him to be in similar shape on same bed. Prone on top of her, or under her, his hard body pounding–

Beside him, the Shadowsinger sat up straight as an arrow, startling Elain, who had forgotten all about him, too busy fantasizing.

“Shit, she’s dripping.” He sneered.

Too tired to sit, Azriel braced himself on his elbows, observing her with all the scrutiny usually reserved for the hidden dungeons in the mountain. Elain did not buckle, in fact, she smiled at him; a shy smile nestled between bright red cheeks, glowing doe eyes blinking a little too quickly, betraying the direction of her mind.

He cocked his head, Elain feeling the cool wisp of shadow grazing her neck, curling at her ear.

I can practically taste your thoughts. Came Azriel’s muffled deliver, relied by one of his many assistants. She batted them away.

"Busybody." She mumbled absently, knuckles turned white where she clutched her peach sundress. Elain had no idea cotton could suddenly feel so restrictive and stuffy.

Who would have thought that flowers would put her in such delicate situation? The flowers in Azriel’s room were nurtured with so much love and devotion they turned spelled, ever-bright, never-withering, flowers capable of intoxicating poor Cassian out of existence. Elain didn’t care, she’d grow them anyways, exchanged the batches – even when they had no need to be replace – to match them with the little notes she desired to pass along. It was a great shock to open his door and find Azriel, not only in the room, but accompanied of his counterpart, rolling around in bed – not that the purpose of said rolling was recreational, but her mind didn’t bother with details. All that mattered was the image of Azriel straddling his shadow-self, battling for control, the cedary musk of power dominating her attention.

Shadow back-handed Azriel's shoulder.

“She’s so easily aroused these days.” he commented casually.

Azriel cut him a glare. “How’d the fuck would you know?”

“You think you are the only one who can feel her?” Shadow smirk was evil, “Please, I can feel her. I can feel her, too.” He complemented, giving Elain a knowing look. “Writhing on the inside, clawing to break free. I can give you all that little head of your is painting. All you have to do is ask; get on your knees and ask me nicely and I give you it all."

"Come here, love." He tapped the bed.

Goosebumps tingled her arms, a subdued ring of white encasing her brown eyes. Unknown to herself, Elain took one step forward, shadows swirling beneath her feet.

“Are you fertile, love?” Black lit eyes dropped to the v between her legs, as if he could see the ruining that remains of her undergarments. “Is that little garden of yours ready to be seeded?”

He palmed his hardening dick, hands going up and down the length of it. “Want me to put a baby on you? You’d look good with a child swelling your belly. My child.”

She turned her head to the side, wide-eyed “You can sire children?”

The question was shy, whispered with wonder. Like most fae, Elain had no idea of true the extension of Azriel's abilities. Let alone his shadows.

The Shadowsinger smile was feral, predatory, oozing confidence. A smile that was vanished by a kick on the ribs, the strengh of it sending him flying out of the bed.

One second more and hands were grabbing her waist before Elain had time to gasp, Azriel throwing her over his shoulder to carry her to the door. His action was enough for a moment of lucidity to hit her. Remains of human embarrassment sparkling under the surface of her skin, the quiet demure lady she no longer was feeling taunted by his crude words. Elain gulped the thick lump clogging her throat down, feeling self-conscious. At times like this, she hated how well they could read her.

Azriel dropped her back on her feet outside the room, giving her a quick peck.

"Wait here for a minute."

[...]

[dewywrites]

school play shenanigans! — isaac x theatre member reader

ᴡᴀʀᴅʀᴏʙᴇ/ᴄᴏꜱᴛᴜᴍᴇꜱ:

you were backstage helping isaac get into his costume

his shirt looked a little loose, so you grabbed a safety pin and leaned over by his waist

despite the background chatter, the two of you were silent

when you grabbed the shirt to tighten it, your hand touched his waist and it was like electricity ran between the two of you

you felt shy, but held up a confident act. you just had to do your job, and you were behind him. he couldn't possibly see your warmed face.

"alright, i've fixed it," you said as you stepped away

he turned his head back and smiled, heading off to his scene

five minutes later, he approached you again, tugging and gesturing at the shirt

"sorry, the pin seems to have fallen out. you think you could fix it again?"

ᴍᴀᴋᴇᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀɪʀ:

isaac sat in front of the vanity as you were working on him

you grabbed some hair spray since some strands were falling out of place

"don't mind this, i just don't want it getting in your face," you whispered as you cupped your hand over his eyes, spraying the can

his skin was warm, but you tried to ignore the contact

once you finished, you removed your hand and decided to start working on the makeup

you grabbed light red lipstick and applied some to his lips

despite your intense focus, you couldn't help but notice through the corner of your eyes that he was looking up at you, almost as if he were analyzing your face

you glanced for a second and made eye contact. you looked away, heart starting to beat faster

"the stage lights wash you out, so that's why i, um, have to put some makeup on," you stammered trying to break the tension

"oh, i don't mind at all. you're really good at this, you know?"

you were taken aback and had no clue what to say, when the director was your saving grace

"hurry up now, we're going to start!"

isaac looked disappointed, but then said, "i guess that's my cue to go. i'll see you around, yeah?"

you had to admit that you were maybe just a little bit disappointed too

ᴄᴏꜱᴛᴀʀ:

it was the opening night of the play. fate was on your side, as you and isaac had gotten the lead roles

you knew the moves and lines. the audience was loving the show, and everything was going well

that is, until it was time for the big confession

the other characters left the scene, leaving you and isaac alone, facing one another closely

"i love you," he spoke, intently looking into your eyes

you opened your mouth to recite the line, but nothing came out. your mind blanked

this was the first time you messed up. all the previous practices were perfect, yet something was clearly different about this one since you stood there flushed and speechless

was it because there was an actual audience now with all their eyes on you and isaac confessing, even if it was just an act? but how could it be with the soft way he was looking at you?

then again, the rose colored stage lights shining on his face weren't helping one bit

the line still wasn't coming to you, and you were pretty sure isaac could tell. he knew he had to improvise

he pulled you in and closed the distance between your faces, turning your heads away from the audience.

your heart beated faster as he pulled away. you knew you couldn't continue in a daze, and thankfully snapped out of it, returning back to your professional self for the rest of the show.

afterwards, a lot of people came up to you, complimenting your work. throughout this, you couldn't get the kiss out of your mind. when he held your face, he put his thumb between your lips to make it seem real. you still felt his touch on your face

you looked over at isaac and overheard danny talking to him

"i see you used my acting tips. i really thought you guys kissed," he said to isaac

"yeah, i got caught up in the moment and decided to do that as improv."

"but i do wish we actually had kissed."

a/n: i'm sorry i took a little long on this! i got busy with exam season. i wrote the first two in under twenty mins, but got stuck on co-star for so long. (i did not plan on it being that long ahh) still, i'm glad i was able to finish it. i'm happy with how it came out and i feel so accomplished!! i hope you enjoyed it. if you'd like me to expand on any of these to make them a full oneshot let me know! feel free to also tell me which one was your favorite :))