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shift-shaping · 4 months ago

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stay like this

solas and enaste share a quiet moment.

rating: t

pairing: solavellan

warnings: vague reference to attempted sexual assault

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Enaste crouched to arrange her bedding, and would have been tempted to take an afternoon nap were she not determined to spend as much time with her family as possible. Harea would certainly press more honeyed tea on her, but that was a fair trade-off if it meant they’d believe her little white lie and let her relax. It was much easier to claim she’d caught a cold than it was to explain what had actually happened.

There was a knock on the wood of the aravel. She turned, expecting one of her clanmates, but saw Solas standing there instead. She couldn't help but smile. He smiled too –small, yet warm. The surreality of him being here, in her home, in the place she’d called her own for so long before the events at the conclave, was still a bit overwhelming. How many of her clanmates had sought her out in just the same way? He was entirely separate from them, yet stood in their place all the same. "Come in, lethallin," she said, just as she had to so many before him. But as he entered the aravel he ducked his head to avoid hitting it on the entryway, and that was a much rarer sight.

He took in her humble sleeping space with raised brows. "I see now why your quarters at Skyhold were overwhelming."

She held out her arms, gesturing to the small space with the same smile. "It has everything I need."

"Which is..." He looked around, amused by her spartan home. "A bed."

"And some gifts!” She showed him some of the things her clanmates had made for her: a beautifully carved box for her clothes that she’d received upon becoming First, an embroidered satchel for herbs that Harea made for her twenty-second nameday, a weird dried sea creature her brother brought her from a hunting trip years ago, and various clumsily carved halla and painted parchment and hanging knotwork from the clan’s many children. She had installed shelves to hold more of her knicknacks, and some of them clung to the ceiling. Then, of course, her most prized possession: a hinged wooden box filled with her fly tying supplies, including a vice and a collection of thread and random materials. The box and vice had once belonged to Harea’s father, who passed away while Enaste was still in her teens. He knew Harea preferred big leatherworking needles to tiny flies, though, and had willed it to Enaste instead. The materials inside were gifted to her from many different clanmates, over many years.

“What more do you need?" She asked, and he conceded that she obviously had more than he’d initially assumed. So much talking made her throat even sorer, but she tried to ignore it, even as she felt her voice getting weak. "Sorry for volunteering you to go with Lady Volant. I'm --not trying to get rid of you, I promise."

He shook his head. "I know, Inquisitor. It was a clever suggestion." As always, his kind words warmed her. "And I am admittedly curious to see what is causing this alleged plague." He paused then, suddenly frowning, and stepped closer to her. It was an incredibly small space, so it was difficult not to be close, but with each inch lost between them her heart leapt. "Speaking of illness." He reached up and touched the end of Cole's scarf.

She sighed. "I..." She had lied instinctively to everyone else, not wanting them to worry. But though she knew he'd worry too, she didn't want to lie to him. Besides, she had a feeling he would learn what happened sooner or later from Cole. "The fight I had with the mercenaries did not go quite as… smoothly as I made it seem." Embarrassment warmed her ears; he had taught her better than this, hadn't he? She should have been able to handle it. He’d taught her so many strategies for keeping enemies off her in a fight, and yet she’d forgotten it all when she needed it most.

"May I see?" He asked quietly. She nodded, but hesitated. The scarf was thick and soft against her skin. She took the end of it, felt its weight between her fingers. A shaky exhale left her lips. Then she unwound it from her neck, and it felt like taking her armor off too soon. His eyes widened, and the bruises felt warm under his gaze. "Enaste..."

Shame sat thick in her mouth. She forced an awkward laugh. "It hurts, but it's fine, really." Her voice rolled against the ache in her chest. She cleared her throat.

"What happened?" She feared he'd be as disappointed in her as she was in herself, but his voice was low and soothing, and there was no judgment in it. She'd seen him like this before, speaking with Cole when he was overwhelmed, or aiding refugees on the road, but she'd never felt the full intensity of his concern. Was he like this while she slept after the explosion at the Conclave? Did he look at her as gently, as kindly, as he looked at her now? Or was this the first time he’d shown her this kind of compassion?

"They, um, it..." She fidgeted, looking away from him. He said nothing, let her put the words together, but she came up empty. She shook her head, frustrated and ashamed and half-wanting him to agree she’d made a mistake.

Instead he reached for her, hands hovering in the air on either side of her neck, asking for permission to help. She nodded, and he very gently put both hands on her neck, just below her jaw. It was always a rush to feel his skin on hers, even now when he did it to heal a hurt. There was an undeniable intimacy to this, to his hands cupping her face so softly, to his eyes locking on hers. For a second it stung, but then his cooling, healing magic spread through her skin. It sank into her muscles, into her throat, and shivered through every burning nerve until it cooled to a distant, tolerable tenderness. She exhaled shakily, closed her eyes; the feeling washed over and through her.

When she opened her eyes again he was looking at her with that same gentle concern, but also something else, something harder to read --fear?

"Thank you," she whispered. The pain was reduced by so much she hardly felt it at all. It was such a sudden and sharp relief that the absence of the pain was as tangible as its presence had been. Though the spell was complete, he did not take his hands from her face. She leaned into his touch, let her eyelids droop, and noticed –for neither the first time nor the last– the smattering of freckles on his cheeks.

"Did they hurt you anywhere else?" He asked quietly. She thought of their threats, of what they obviously intended to do when they talked about keeping her for themselves. She knew what he was asking, and she shook her head. "Good," he said softly. They stayed like that, gazes locked, their breath so loud in the quiet aravel it was all she could hear save the pounding of her heart. His hands were so gentle on her face. He had such handsome hands.

His thumb stroked her cheek, from her jaw to the very edge of her lips. Its trail lingered like a ghost on her skin.

She ought to pull away, but she couldn't. Instead she slowly moved closer to him, and when he gave no protest, wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. His hands fell from her face, hesitating, before they found their place on her waist. His hard arms tightened around her, holding her close.

He was so warm, and strong, and when she leaned her head against his chest she could hear his heart racing. "You are safe here.” The wool of his shirt was surprisingly soft against her cheek. “Just breathe,” he said. Given his own heart rate, she wondered if she should say the same to him.

But she couldn't find the words, so she just squeezed her eyes shut and hugged him tighter. A voice in her head said this was unbecoming of her, that she was probably wasting his time, that she ought to be stronger on her own, and for a moment it was like she felt the hand on her neck again, squeezing her throat, stealing the air from her lungs.

He soothed her, shushing softly. "Breathe. Focus on what's in front of you." His voice tickled against her ear and sent a shiver of need down her back. What kind of need, she wasn't sure. Perhaps just to stay like this, in his arms, until she could no longer stand.

"You're in front of me," she said breathlessly, in spite of herself, and though she felt him smile against her hair, he said nothing.

She could have stayed like that forever. She wanted to stay like that forever. He was here, knowing her hurt, holding her so tightly that she could lean into him completely and knew he wouldn't falter. She kept her eyes closed, felt the fullness of his body against her, and took his advice to breathe and be present.

Eventually they pulled apart, but she hesitated at arm's length. Her hands lay against his smooth, warm abdomen. He was close enough that she could kiss him, just as she had in the Fade, and even her knowledge that someone looking in at the right angle could see them failed to kill the urge. His hands lingered on her sides, pressed gently to the curve of her waist.

Then he stepped away, still smiling at her, even as he let her arms fall to her sides. "You can always come to me," he said. "You know that, don't you?"

She stared into his eyes --grey, violet, brown?-- and nodded. Creators, he was easy to look at. "Thank you," she managed. "For everything. For coming here, for..."

His hand moved, her heart jumped --but then it fell back to his side, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile. She stepped back, giving him space. "Of course, Inquisitor. I am --you have done well." He paused, then slowly shook his head. “And you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

"Thank you," she said again, and though his words were short, they settled hope in her chest. He lingered a moment longer, watching her, then gave a single nod before he left her in the aravel.

She turned back to her bedding. Her body felt strange, like it only partly belonged to her, but not in a bad way. Despite her earlier determination, she was overwhelmed with the sudden realization that the pile of furs constituting her bed looked like the most comfortable place in the entire world, and she was very, very tired.

<- prev fic | next fic ->

#solavellan #dragon age #solas x lavellan #solasmance #hurt/comfort #it's so hurt/comfort you guys #enaste lavellan #glimpses #this is so soft #this might be my favorite of these yet #it's just very soothing and gentle #things are going to get worse and then they're going to get better and then they're going to get really bad #so this is a good moment of happiness for them both

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i-guess-im-into-this-now · 6 months ago

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The Apothecary Diaries

S1E21 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Lakan - strategist. Maomao's biological father.

Lihaku - a young military officer

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Guen - the palace doctor

Lihaku is sparring and doing poorly because he is too distracted. Probably thinking about his true love Pairin and wondering if she is the princess who is having her contract bought out. Last time Maomao was at the brothel we learned that Meimei had some offers, but we haven't heard anything about Pairin.

Maomao is back in the Rear Palace and happy to be in the pharmacy with her old friend Guen, making him clean and organize.

We learn that Guen's family manufactures paper. They used to be quite wealthy until logging was banned and they had to cut back production. Under more dire circumstances, the eldest daughter chose to work in the palace. Guen volunteered to become a eunuch to follow her, but he never saw her again. Missing sister huh? Suirei maybe?

Hmmm... is there some connection here? Guen is a "doctor" and Suirei ended up being adopted by a doctor in the Outer Palace. Could she have learned the trade alongside Guen and used that knowledge to impress the Outer Palace doctor?

There is an issue with the paper that is manufactured for the palace, and the family is likely to lose their purveyor status if the problem isn't fixed. Luckily Maomao is a genius and can figure out the problem with minimal clues.

OMG, Lihaku. He's down sooooo bad for Pairin.

The man is dedicated. I will grant him that. He wants to know what he needs to do to buy out her contract. He's looking for an amount, and Maomao is stalling in giving him a direct answer. It's complicated since Pairin's desires can change that amount.

We learn that Maomao was a ward of the brothel. And induced lactation is a thing I just learned about today. Pairin was a mother figure to Maomao.

Maomao explains to Lihaku that Pairin would likely love to become a mother, but she is very lusty, and is difficult to satisfy in bed.

Lihaku: So she's perfect. Your point?

Okay, so Lihaku has won me over. I'm a sucker who has to support a man in love.

Maomao: Master Lihaku understands what Pairin does for a living and is still in love with her. He may act like a big dumb dog, but seems to be honest and a hard worker.

Yeah that all tracks.

Maomao tells him he has to come up with roughly 10x his annual income to buy out Pairin's contract. She then asks to examine his physique to see if he matches Pairin's tastes. And now would be a perfect time for someone to interrupt this scene. Preferably someone who views Lihaku as a romantic rival and can misread the situation...

Oh my god. Right on cue. Thank you storytellers for feeding your audience!

The looks on Lihaku's and Maomao's faces! They are so busted.

Friends. I am dying.

Jinshi: My apologies, but what exactly am I interrupting here? Maomao, brightly: Hi Master Jinshi! How are you?

About to go ballistic by the looks of it.

Lady Gyokuyou would love this. It's so funny.

Maomao's bright response to Jinshi's question let's me know that even if she isn't willing to acknowledge the situation she isn't ignorant to it.

But anyway, since Maomao won't acknowledge Jinshi's jealousy her only choice is to be so very terrible at reading the room that it seems like she's trolling Jinshi. She once again describes the situation in the most ambiguous way, so that the chance that Jinshi will misunderstand is maximized. It's 💋👌

There are so many good lines here, I'm tempted to write them all.

Maomao: Nothing improper was going on. I was simply taking a good hard look.

Jinshi takes psychic damage.

Jinshi: I didn't realize the physical form was of such interest to you.

Maomao: It was absolutely necessary... ...It was to see if his body would be good enough. What better way to judge that than to inspect him myself?

Critical hit. Jinshi's down. If he isn't actually crying, it's a close thing.

Jinshi: Humor me. Based on what you observed... were you satisfied?

Jinshi's entire outlook for the future hinges on this answer.... LOL

Maomao goes on to explain what she can deduce based on an assessment of someone's appearance.

Jinshi, jealous: Then you should be able to tell what kind of person I am by looking at my body.

No sir, you are the exception, she very deliberately won't determine anything about you that challenges her delusions.

Maomao: Wait a minute? Is he jealous of Master Lihaku?

Um.... yeah!

Maomao: I can't believe this guy's ego! He just wants to brag about being prettier than him!

You almost had it, Maomao. So close.

Maomao lives in her own delusional world where she can admire Jinshi's beautiful, well toned figure and still convince herself that she has zero interest in him.

Maomao: I'd offer to inspect your body too, but there'd be no point.

A final blow. Gaoshun is thinking about what a hassle it is going to be to motivate Jinshi to work in the next few days when he's going to be crying in the corner again.

Once Jinshi knows what's going on, he decides to involved himself in Lihaku's business. He offers to put up the money for Lihaku to buy out Pairin's contract. Is he trying to remove a romantic rival or earn points with Maomao by supporting her big sis? Both probably.

Jinshi: You've met my cat. So you know she can be the cautious type. And yet she's willing to give you advice and consider you to be a legitimate candidate to be her sister's husband. So, I think that says enough.

Excuse me, did he just refer to Maomao as his cat?

Damn, the day Lihaku nonchalantly gave Maomao a hairpin, really, really, has paid off.

In fact Maomao is a boon to everyone in her life. We saw it twice this episode with Guen and now with Lihaku.

Lihaku: In short, if she's comfortable letting her guard down around me, I'm trustworthy.

Yeah, Jinshi didn't like that. He's worked for nearly two years to get Maomao to let down her guard around him with little success, but by all appearances, Maomao will do so easily with Lihaku. And that's... true. Lihaku, is not, and has never been, a threat to Maomao's heart. She can stare at his physique or talk intimately and it means nothing at all to Maomao. But of course Jinshi doesn't know that. Which is what makes this hilarious.

And perhaps the unspoken part of this deal, is that Lihaku take the money to go live happily with Pairin, and stay the fuck away from Jinshi's girl.

Jinshi has done his research on Lihaku. It seems he comes from a good family, but was recruited by Lakan. Interesting. Jinshi is listing Lihaku's merits, and he sounds almost sarcastic, like he's forcing the words.

Lihaku gives a very nice little speech to Jinshi about wanting to use his own wealth to get Pairin. And he says some very important words:

Lihaku: While she might only be a courtesan to you. In my eyes, there's no other woman in the world for me.

See Jinshi? He has no interest in your girl? You can rein in your jealousy now.

And Jinshi is relieved. He says he'll need to speak with Lihaku again soon. As brother-in-laws maybe?

It almost seems like Jinshi was testing Lihaku and he passed. Maybe making sure that Lihaku has integrity? Maybe Jinshi is thinking about bringing him into his very small trusted circle? Lord knows Jinshi could use more allies.

Lihaku has come a long way from demanding Maomao compensate him for helping her visit her father outside the palace, to refusing the free money he needs to free the woman he loves.

Jinshi and Gaoshun walk away, and Jinshi is much happier after this conversation. He doesn't have to worry about Lihaku as a romantic rival any more. Which is good for Jinshi, but sad for me.

Lihaku's not giving up. He keeps training, trying to advance his career, save his money, and connect with Pairin however he can. Maomao seems to think it's a hopeful match.

A certain someone came to talk to granny about making a purchase at the brothel and some of the servant girls got the wrong idea. Lakan apparently. What the hell is his game this time? Mess with Maomao's sisters to draw her out of the Rear Palace?

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 22

#apothecary diaries #jinmao #jinshi #maomao #the apothecary diaries #jinshi x maomao

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marvanne111 · 10 months ago

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moments I love in "Tempting Fête"

"I can only read what I've got written down, Mr. Funt." "Councilor Funt! -Funn, Councilor Funn."

the fact that it's been 11 years of this Funn/ Funt debate (alternatively, that both the reverend and the mayor have addressed him properly the last three episodes and seemed to have no problem with it)

"Yes, well, I'll see what I'm doing that day" -leading the funeral, one would hope?

underrated bit of the series in general: cell service only being available in the reverend's bathroom

"I think he's quite dishy" (this scratches such an itch in my brain; I quote it once a week)

the mayor and reverend (who will be dating by the end of the episode) agreeing emphatically with the above statement

the reverend wearing eye shadow! (incredible, show stopping, spectacular, never been seen before)

"It was one mouse! and, and I don't know anything about it"

"All opposed?" "... I mean, I'd say opposed is a strong word-" "Done! Carried unanimously!"; "All opposed? "I, uh-" "Overruled! Motion carried!"

"We already have an identity: it's miserable and it works." (i want this on a t-shirt)

"There hasn't been a fête for eleven years." "Astonishing. Who's in charge of local events?" "Rudyard." "Ah."

"Look, it's easy to throw money around and get excited about rustic dancing, but we've got-" "I'LL SAY IT IS!"

"His world had once again become an increasingly scary place. There was only one thing left to do..." "Georgie?" "Yeah?" "We're emigrating."; "It was time for swift and decisive action, and there was only one place to head for: Reverend Wavering's bathroom"; at the funeral I was able to witness Rudyard, bereft of Reverend and with few attendees, deliver a stirring and entirely improvised speech about the circuities of fate, the struggles of discord, and an intractable acceptance of the way the cookie crumbles, a sermon that moved the late Basil Corbett’s niece to say, quite simply:" "We want our money back" (some really fantastic narration moments in this one that make me giggle every time)

Rudyard including Madeleine in the emigration plans is said so sweetly and it honestly makes me a little soft

"One word: Chapman." "I should return his calls-" "Chapman?" "- probably won't, though"

"Rudyard, other people do those things for you!" "Conscription?" "Volunteering!"

"I, I, I do like spreadsheets!"

(No Madeleine, I hate raffles!") (these posts are always so Rudyard-centric lol and it's helped me come to the conclusion that he really is the funniest)

"Do you know how many gallons of fluid I'll have to drain from a man that size? Possibly thousands!" "What a ridiculous lie!" (this is another one that I quote often lol)

"I wish I were Mrs. Carnegie!" "You will be, Mrs, Turner. You will be." (WHAT IS THIS RESPONSE?!)

"Fancy a funeral?" "That a threat?"; "Don't forget your funeral." "Was that a threat?"

"Socializing? That'd take up ten minutes and then what would they do? No. Perpetual scheduled activity, that's the way."

"Put some clothes on!" "IT'S MY HOUSE!"

"Antigone?" "What?!" "Helicopters!" "Go back to your side of the table."

"Now get over there and sabotage something!" "*sigh* Fine." "Do you really think that's going to help?" "Oh maybe not, but it'll cheer me up."

"Called up the family, made up a story about... well, re-organizing a fête, that sort of thing." "How did they react?" "Well, they weren't very happy..." "But?" "No, that's it, they weren't very happy."

"You know, I can actually see your future." "Oh yes?" "Mmm hmm. And it involves this crystal ball getting shoved STRAIGHT up your-"

"Alright sir! Mission accomplissshhhhed." "Hello, Georgie." "Hello..." "Get out, Georgie." "Goodbye..."

The Mayor trying to rustic dance for a couple of hours before giving up

Lady Templar's glass eye. (That's it. That's the post.)

"He'd be spinning in the grave you haven't put him in yet!" (best line of the episode honestly)

"What a dreadful little man!" "Yes... mind you, he looks good in a suit"

"Even in a crowd, they all look lonely" (🤌🤌🤌)

"Can't win 'em all" 'Winning anything at all would be a nice change." (also want this on a t-shirt)

"You like to be the hero, don't ya?" (Georgie's the GOAT)

"Rudyard. Do you know what this chap did?" "Yes, he told me" (my man is already so tired of Eric lol)

#wooden overcoats #chapgone #it's in the subtext #i'm back on my bullshit #these get longer every time #and i'm not even sorry about it #this series is the single thread holding me together right now #still the best #Rudyard Funn #Antigone Funn #Georgie Crusoe #Eric Chapman #Mayor Desmond Desmond #Reverend Wavering #Lady Templar #Madeleine

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solitaryandwandering · 12 days ago

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Get to Know Me Tag :)

Tagged by @telomeke, thank you!! :)) My answers are not going to be as wonderfully detailed but I will try not to be boring, at least!!

Do you make your bed?

Every morning! It's the second thing I do (after cleaning my glasses, haha). I've found it to be a pretty big part of managing my depression so it's something I have to do, regardless of how tempting it is to leave blankets ready for me to crawl into

What's your favorite number?

I don't have one (numbers are my sworn enemy, after all) but it has been a bit of a thing since I was a kid that 6 is "my number" lol (for reasons I can't get into since that's way too personally identifying). 4 has been a thing, too. Maybe my OCD just likes even numbers? Don't ask.

What is your job?

Frustratingly, I've been unemployed going on four years. I'm in the midst of yet another round of job searching (which has become pretty desperate, to be honest). Discrimination against deafblind people is no joke. I do a lot of volunteer work in the meantime, running a support group and social media for a nonprofit organization.

If you could go back to school, would you?

I would like to go to graduate school for my career. Otherwise, I totally would go to school for media analysis or to take sociology classes again. But without crushing deadlines! I can imagine it now... doing projects and taking tests on my own time... the literal dream

Can you parallel park?

If you feel like risking your life and the lives of every creature and plant in the vicinity and witnessing considerable property damage, yeah I'll do it! Just put a sighted person in the passenger seat so I don't kill myself in the process.

A job you had that would surprise people?

I don't think my jobs would really surprise people? I've had a lot. My first job was as an assistant soccer referee when I was around 14. I was not very good at it but reffed a lot of games. I also was center ref for a couple tournaments (for kids, no older than ten). I looked good in the uniform but that's about it hahaha

Do you think aliens are real?

Absolutely. I'm not sure if I believe they're sentient (at least not in the way we would conceive of it) but the universe is VAST. There's no way we're the only ones. We definitely have not been visited by any, that's for sure.

Can you drive a manual car?

I understand the general theory of it, so again if you want me risk life and limb, I will. The one time I drove I think it was a semi-automatic if not fully automatic transmission.

What's your guilty pleasure?

I have OCD, I feel guilty about everything I like. But I guess right now it would be Kit Kats and Reese's, both of which I have been munching on all week. I am morally against Nestle and know Hershey's is by far inferior to properly-sourced, better-tasting chocolate but... it's not as expensive as the good stuff and... I like when things are pumpkin-shaped :(

Tattoos?

Love them!! Just not on me. I think if I didn't have the skin concerns I do (primarily, keloids run in our family) I may be way more tempted to get one or two smaller ones (and my brother has tats and is totally fine) but as I've said... I have OCD. I think in reality I would be really really freaked out by having something permanent inked into me. So I just live vicariously though everyone else, especially my best friend. They have great taste so their tattoos are very very cool and well done.

Favorite color?

I love oranges and greens, especially tangerine or a deep green.

Favorite type of music?

I have extremely eclectic taste, so it's basically whatever I'm in the mood for. My Spotify Wrapped never reflects the music I really gravitate to when I want to legitimately sit down and listen. Usually it's just on in the background as I do something else but I really enjoy intentionally focusing on a good album. Overall I'm definitely more into rock (very general, I know) than anything else, though that's not necessarily what I listen to most often. I'll listen to indie, punk, hard metal, folk, pop, electronic, hip-hop, R&B, jazz, soul, show tunes, alternative, classical, you name it. Lately I've been listening to a lot of film scores, ballads, and lighter more instrument-heavy stuff. This month's playlist had Dome Jaruwat, Howard Shore, Martin Nievera, Florist, Jewelry, T-ARA, Kim Jung Mi, TRACE & Ariel Loh, and Sade Adu, among others.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes and no. I find that dyscalculia makes certain puzzles more tedious and difficult than they should be, and that combined with ADHD makes things I should ostensibly be good at (Scrabble, for example) more frustrating than not. I don't mind jigsaws or logic puzzles though. I did Deaf Academic Bowl in high school, so I'm super into things like that (trivia, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, escape room kinds of things).

Any phobias?

Not too many. When it comes to specific phobias, I'm pretty phobic of stink bugs though that's lessened over the years, replaced by a phobia of cockroaches. I'm neutral about bugs in general but as my eyesight has declined I've become less fond of the flying ones. Same thing goes for other small creatures difficult to track. I've noticed some agoraphobia developing in the last year or so as my vision has declined so I am working on managing that along with my social anxiety.

Favorite childhood sport?

Definitely soccer. Did nineteen seasons, despite bullying!

Do you talk to yourself?

Literally all the time. Always having a conversation with myself. Caught myself on the bus earlier today having a bit too animated of an internal conversation hahaha

What movies do you adore?

This is literally the worst thing to ask me. So many movies, so little time. I do love It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! which I watch every Halloween. I say it every year, but it very well may be my favorite film score. And it's technically a TV special so... I also adore The Florida Project, Eighth Grade, Anatomy of a Fall, Bound, Minding the Gap, Rocketman, It Happened One Night, Shoplifters, Blindspotting, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse... I could go on and on and on.

Coffee or tea?

I LOVE coffee but I've been gravitating more and more to tea, probably because of the hell coffee sometimes wreaks on my digestive system.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I was very specific: an Olympic gold-medalist figure skater. Only because I loved watching this event so much. To be honest I don't know what the first real ambition I had was? I did wonder what it may be like to be a journalist, professional soccer player, lawyer, that kind of thing.

I am tooooo tired to tag anyone but if you want to play, here's your chance (and tag me so I can read it!!)

#it's me #tag game

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jaggedwolf · 5 months ago

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pll rewatch 1x19

you get a date, and you get a date, and everybody gets a date, oh, and spencer has a bad time (but also a date).

we start with the girls at the police station with their parents. none of the girls mentioned spencer's thing with ian in their interviews, and the parents mostly seem to believe the girls have been pranked

garrett reynolds is introduced as a former neighbour of emily, and I have no memory whether him being a neighbour is important.

like, important neighbours: emily-toby, spencer-alison. vaguely implied neighbours but it doesn't really matter: hanna-aria.

Aria: Whoever said the truth will set you free never met A. Emily: Jesus. The girls: -give Emily confused looks- Emily: It's from the Bible; Jesus said it.

Is Emily religious? The Fields do seem the most likely family of the Liars to go to church, though even then my take is that Pam tried the local churches when they first moved to Rosewood, occasionally goes/volunteers to one of them, but doesn't really gel with any of them.

Paige is such a bad liar, her saying she "had to visit her aunt. She's old." has made me doubt that she even has an aunt. She has apparently been swimming nights to avoid seeing Emily - this suggests that normally they do their outside-of-practice swims at the same time at school

Toby is so scared of Jenna that he will go spend money on a motel room just to get away from her being mad at him, and then starts suspecting she's at the motel too. ...I can't really make fun of him for this, given his entire history with Jenna

Ezra bugging Aria with a dozen questions on Jenna really annoyed me. If you are going to date your student, can you at least consider not getting information about your other students out of her? No?

Caleb is so :D :D :D now that he's dating Hanna that he forgets to put down the toilet seat in the house, leading to Ashley finding him and kicking him out. Caleb slinks off wordlessly while Hanna makes references to Ashley's own difficult youth.

Paige leaves Emily a note, which my friends initially think is an A-note, unlike me and my unnecessarily thorough memory of all Paige-related scenes. She 100% could have texted Emily, they have each other's numbers, but I enjoy that her instinct is note in locker. Huh, hold that thought for later.

The karaoke bar is called "Hungry Owl Tavern". Good name.

I like their little conversation here and that Emily for no reason offers that she was in love with Alison. I mean, once your unreciprocated crush got outed by a dickbag cop to your friends, just start telling it to your dates I guess.

Paige's response to this fun fact is "She seemed like a very dynamic person" which is an incredibly diplomatic way to describe Alison Dilaurentis. I must give her credit for this, she is not someone who is naturally tactful.

Paige is much more relaxed here, and the one upside of this season's terrible haircut is that we get to see it become more casual as she does too. Karaoke ensues after Paige goads Emily into it.

Hanna gets laaaaid after Caleb learns she went to fat camp and Hanna learns his mom walked out on him. Good for her, she does deserve to be the first liar to get laid given how much she wanted it at the beginning of this season

Enjoyed Hanna being a whiz at camp set-up and city boy Caleb being spooked at every sound in the woods.

Spencer is very cute when hopped up on caffeine talking about spy apps on her phone, and when miffed at losing Scrabble

Toby's abs are so defined they are starkly visible in the night-time, I'm scared. This is why Spencer loses her mind at seeing him in the bathroom.

Emily and Aria hang out in Emily's room not not talking about their dates, a scene I'd forgotten about. I am slightly tempted to track scene counts of the liar subsets to see how big the actual imbalance is vs fandom's perception of it.

Anyway, I do have a soft spot for Emily and Aria hanging out, they have a much quieter energy to their scenes.

Picnic time! I forgot that the karaoke and the picnic were in the same episode, let alone on sequential days.

Emily is very good in her conversation with Paige here - Paige's panic makes sense here, given everything we know about her dad, and it is a real thing that if you are known to be gay it puts people of the same gender who are close to you under suspicion, even for innocent interactions

And Emily makes an excellent choice for herself here going nah, I feel good about who I am now, I remember when I didn't and the act of pretending or hiding would make me feel bad again.

I think S1!Emily doesn't get enough credit, honestly, even at the start she's got more of a backbone than the freshman year version of her does

My unasked for opinions on how much the liars change between Alison's disappearance and the start of canon: Emily looks the same but is different personality-wise, Aria looks different but is the same personality-wise, Hanna has changed in both regards, and Spencer Hastings Will Never Change She Is Eternal.

Also eternal is Spencer's parents being dickbags, because their response to finding out their daughter is a person of interest and that their grown son-in-law macked on their 14/15-year old daughter is to go "Spencer!! How dare you not tell us!!!!" instead of "Ian! Get the fuck off our property before I sock you in the jaw!"

Ashley invites Caleb to stay permanently and asks him to call her Ashley instead of Mrs Marin - I'm not sure we ever see him do so. Caleb goes off to make a mysterious call where he says he's not helping anymore...

Best A message: A leaving a bag of ice with the message YOU'RE GETTING COLDER. Literally just knew they were getting obsessed with 214 and decided to drive Spencer nuts about it. Classic.

#pll watching #pll #pll 1x19 #mine

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futurebellyache · 2 years ago

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Who should Digest you?

I think I'm tired of the endless grind of work. Any preds following me interested in giving me someplace soft to rest? I’m all yours.

Aaaand post. You finalize your Facebook message as you lean back in your chair. Work had drained you, and some people at work are just absolutely miserable. Fucking Cathy.

Ending up in some cute or sexy person's gut sounded wonderful. You had a couple of ideas, but you were a tad interested to see who volunteered…

The first comment came in mere minutes after posting.

Stephanie Simmerset

OMG BRO IVE WANTED THIS MY WHOLE LIFE! PLEASE LET ME EAT YOU. IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME <3

You aren't at all surprised to see your little sister, Stephanie, jumping at this opportunity.

She had always been your cute little sister, and you'd spoiled her rotten. And perhaps because of that, she'd grown quite affectionate to you. At first it was cute stuff like 'marrying big bro', but eventually, it turned vorish and she'd pestered you about being her 18th birthday present. How wonderful having her brother be her first meal would be.

You thankfully weren't able to attend and had been avoiding her these last few months. But… spoiling her one last time and helping stretch out her gut doesn't sound like a terrible way to go. The idea of replacing the baby fat she’d lost in the last several years makes you feel a bit odd…

Stephanie was a bit of a scatterbrained blonde, forgetful but in a way that made her quite endearing. She’d grown a lot over the years, now reaching you in height. Though her curves were still quite petite. She wasn’t exactly a trained pred, and hadn’t gotten the chance to mold her T&A into the bombshell you expect from predators.

You'd taken it as the desire of a young girl to be like the voracious adults, but now she was old enough where you think she could actually swallow you down. Perhaps you could help her take this important step to adulthood. An untrained pred was barely different from a prey in the eyes of a hungry predator. You’d be keeping her safe by letting her digest you. Plus the slight taboo of your sister appeals to your perverted side…

You hear your phone ding, must be another comment. The second is… you can't help but let out an immense sigh.

Cathy Bingleheart

Hah! Always knew you were a prey slut. If you want a real gut to mess you up, mine would LOVE to put you in your place.

Fucking Cathy.

You'd had to follow her to be friendly since your company was so small. You had grown to despise her. She was a fake blonde with a fairly chubby gut. One you bet she'd just gotten from her shitty diet and lack of exercise. There’s no way she could actually entice somebody inside of her, though physically she didn’t seem weak.

But… she was rather stacked. Her tits were massive, like volleyballs that pushed out farther than her gut. And her ass would definitely smother you. If she ate you, you'd be lost in that sea of fat. Probably with those interns who all 'suddenly quit' last year. Likely trusted her a bit more than they should have.

There's some masochistic desire inside you that's tempted to allow her to have your way for you. No matter how frustrating the idea is.

While you argue with your inner submissive demon, another ding and another comment.

Jennifer Gammy

I see you've finally decided to become a meal. You know I'd always be willing to accommodate you. I'd make sure you went out happy. My belly always has room for somebody like you.

Her words linger on your mind and remind you of back when you'd dated her. This was Jennifer, or Jen as most people called her. She was a very tall, slightly chubby woman with long red hair. She was a tad plump all over, a very soft-looking girl. You can still feel her gentle warmth around you when you close your eyes.

You'd actually been in the same friend circle for a while and gradually drifted closer, until finally dating. And then you learned just how kinky she was. She would tie you up in her lap and idly play games with you in her lap, holding the controller at your crotch, licking your feet, roleplay of her cheating with some dude and eating them to hide them (the dude wasn't aware it was roleplay), even temporarily holding you in her gut. Sometimes even for hours, and in public.

You'd absolutely still be with her if you could, but she'd suddenly realized she could no longer see you as anything but food. And dating food was ridiculous. So you broke up. After everything you'd been through, you'd become a flustered mess just talking to her. So after it all, you'd kind of drifted apart.

But now you could meet again. Though, this time you really would be food… You can't help but wonder how much she meant those words. How exactly would she treat you if you willingly gave yourself to her?

While you reminisce, your phone beeps again. You flip it open and see the face of the cutest boy you know.

Addison JustAddison

If you're just THROWING yourself away. Let me have you. I promise, it'll be as wonderful as that night we spent together. I even have some fun stuff we could try, since dieing doesn't matter ;)

And don't worry, I'll make sure to flush your ass

It was Addison… You couldn’t quite believe it. He was always dressed as a girl, and was a one night thing you'd had years ago. He had absolutely dominated you. He is the only person who has managed to knock you unconscious through sheer pleasure. You can't even remember how many times you'd cum that one night alone. He’d adored making you struggle beneath him, feeling himself inside you. Honestly, you can still feel him cumming inside you, in a way. Or perhaps that’s just your mind playing tricks…

And he hadn't left you anything to find him again. He'd ruined you and left. Until now, almost as if he had been waiting. He must have been keeping tabs on you, perhaps if something like this had happened. The account in question was unfamiliar, perhaps having been modified to reveal his hand. What a mysterious boy…

You remember that feeling of being bound to the bed, the taste of his cock on your lips, and what he said he’d do to you the next day. Idly threats to swallow you hole and add you to him… and you were definitely attracted to him. He was thin, but soft. Specifically in the belly and bum. Just enough tummy fat to show that he’d eaten his fair share of people. His pink, shoulder-length hair bounced around and helped accentuate his strange mannerisms. He was always a bit… extra. One of the incredibly fun things about him.

You ignored any of the other comments. These choices were good enough to pick from, and you didn’t wanna spend too long dwelling on it. Last thing you’d want is to upset them by getting cold feet. But which person deserved to have you? Two of them meant something in your life, but the other two would put you in your place. One was an absolute bitch, and the other just wants your body squirming for them.

You open your phone once more and thumb to a private chat you had with a number of people. All of whom were interested in taking a vorish plunge themselves, but hadn’t for various reasons.

Hey guys, which of these girls (and guy) do you think I should let eat me?

Feel free to comment below who you would to consume you. Highest points will be picked for the continuation. Extra points if you tell why.

#v/ore #vore digestion #vore writing #vore story #fatal vore #choose your predator #vore reader input #willing vore #willing prey

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anemia-rp · 1 day ago

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"I can kinda understand that. I used to do that with other things, now days I think I just kind of melt into that emptiness until it passes." She gave a goofy grin and nodded in approval. "I'm all for scary movies... as long as there is no clowns. I'm terrified of clowns."

"I suppose it is isn't." She shrugged. "Oh my cats are the masters of silent pouting! They even out do me." She laughed some before shaking her head. "Nah don't worry, you would be one of the people that would be hard to ignore. I would just picture you sad and by yourself and then I would feel bad."

"Oh didn't I tell you that I am a top criminal thief?" She teased, though she did have a habit for forgetting to return most, if not all, of the shirts and hoodies she borrowed from others. "Really?" She smiled brightly. "There is just something so comforting about sleeping in someone else's shirt, especially when it fits so big on you. You think so?" she asked while swaying a little. "It does kinda fit like a dress, doesn't it?"

"I will very gladly volunteer to teach you all about the very best cuddles. Some might even say I'm an expert." She gave a cute smile as a small blush crept on her cheeks at him touching her hair. "Thank you, I try my best to keep it soft since I dye it so much. I don't want it to be dry and yucky feeling."

"If you did then you would be a very cute bunny. Black bunnies look like cute little soot sprites." she gave a warm and genuine smile hearing that she made him feel so comfortable. "Well I'm really happy I can make you comfortable enough to let your softer side out. It must get exhausting to always be tough and cool. Anytime we're together and you want to or need to let your soft side out, you can. I won't judge or anything. At most I will think it's cute and sweet."

The red in her cheeks was finally starting to calm down as they talked now. "Yeah, I kind of learned that the hard way." she softly admitted. She was a bit ashamed of how she gave away so much of herself in the past, though she quickly smiled at the small kiss on her nose. "You wouldn't of liked me in the past then."

"I do that more often these days, too. Especially 'cause I know the emptiness probably won't get filled, although the demons wanna tell me that everything gets better if I give in to what they want." He snorted, rolling his eyes over the stupidity of his own mind. "Okay, then I'm gonna watch IT on my own. And even hide the figurine I've got of Pennywise." He seldom judged people for their fears. After all fears were probably something that made you human.

"But I can pout pretty well, too. After all I've got my own hidden feline side." A smirk played around the corners of his mouth that softened in the next moment however. "Guess I'd appear pouty as well rather than sad, sadness is one of the most difficult feelings that likes to disguise itself. But I wanna learn how to show it purely." He nodded, yes, he wanted to become better with it.

"You didn't. And you risk to get arrested for theft", he announced with a smirk, watching her meanwhile. He liked to watch her a lot in general, her cuteness definitely did something to him. "That's true. You could wear it outside with some nice boots or anything like that."

"Top criminal thief, cuddling expert…is there anything you aren't?", he wondered, quite amused. This talk that switched from deep to humorous and back was one of the best he had have in a long time. "It's difficult to take care of bleached hair, huh? Anyway, I'm tempted to braid it now. Would look cute for sure. And /I'm/ a braiding expert." He laughed.

He couldn't say for sure but he was certain it was him blushing now because of her words and the offer. "In the first place I'm quite glad I've still got my soft side when I tried to push it away so often in the past", he said, showing a bashful smile. "So Mr Scary will be Mr Cutie sometimes, but shhh." He chuckled and put his index finger against his lips.

"Yeah, probably. I don't see what's fun in being with someone who doesn't have an own will. 'cause I care about my partner having fun, too. One-sided stuff isn't fulfilling at all." He even wrinkled his nose. "And if you ask me this doesn't have something to do with being submissive. Someone who only thinks about themselves in bed is an abuser and nothing else." He stroked the side of her neck.

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queervegancryptid · 9 months ago

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I never thought I'd be back to substituting food with diet soda. Intentionally, not as a side effect of my ADHD meds or because I'm not hungry, or because I couldn't afford food.

My cat is not doing well. Financially, my partner and I are dead in the water. His mom fell the other day, and she's doing relatively well, but it's still been tough. She helps us sometimes with money, but she has new medical bills, and those are likely to increase over time. Even if she wants to help, she can't do a lot, and right now, we have to come up with money for imaging, because she likely has a mass in her lower abdomen. And she's losing weight, and we might have to put her to sleep, if it's cancer. And the vet seems to think that's a strong possibility.

And then last night my partner and I were watching the Daily Show, and Jon Stewart did a very moving segment on his dog who recently crossed the rainbow bridge. He had tears in his eyes, and I just couldn't hold it together. And the turmoil and anguish in me is like, crescendoing, becoming impossible to suppress. I cried for over an hour this morning. It hurts so much that I find myself holding my breath at times, because I almost can't bear to keep living another single fucking moment. And then I take a breath, and another, and another, and somehow, I survive, even if I don't particularly want to in the moment.

I'm not going to unalive myself or anything. But I have reached a point where I need to find a way to make things better in order to go on living, because there's so much that's so unfair. And it just stays unfair. And it could not be more obvious to me why it stays unfair, and watching it continue and get even worse is more than I can stand. And I know where things are going, if certain people get their way. I don't have the spoons to explain right now, but look up Project 2025. They literally put it in writing, and they aren't even remotely trying to hide their intentions. None of us are safe.

I'm not the kind of person who inflicts violence on others; I'm very unhappy with the flagrant bullshit I see, and I have no idea how to cope with it. I do understand how a person could be pushed to the point where their despair is so great that they decide to take themselves out and take the people they see as responsible with them. Intellectually, I understand how that could seem tempting to a certain kind of person, but it wouldn't result in an outcome that includes actual, lasting change. As angry as I might feel, as demoralizing as things can be, I want things to get better, and I might be crazy, but I'm not that kind of crazy.

Still, it feels worse to watch all of it go down, knowing what I know, if I don't even try to do anything about it. Maybe I can't do anything to change things directly, and I'm not doing a phone bank thing. I live in Florida, and as a visibly queer person, I don't feel safe in a lot of places; otherwise, I might volunteer at a polling place or something. I was actually thinking about it during the 2020 election cycle, before January 6, but that was then.

I don't know if I can have an impact or even what that would look like. But I have to try. Somehow, it hurts more to be a passive observer.

#nik speaks #personal #project 2025 #su1c1dal ideation #anorexia #eating disorder #politics #animal death ment tw #death and despair! death and despair!#like the goth kids from south park #i need to lie down

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becameundone · 10 months ago

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WHERE: single carrot theatre WHEN: 15th november (or something around that time) WHO: ziv boo ( @scyboo )

It was time for Tomo to face what he'd spent a week and a half avoiding. Or, maybe, he'd been avoiding it for months. It depended on where you drew the starting line, on his birthday when he'd been sent a script with a note or back in August when Ziv had originally made the proposition. Either way, he'd been living like a coward for too long now. At first, he'd insisted he was happy to keep working as a volunteer and he believed he'd meant it but the truth was that he'd been afraid of tempting fate. They'd put him on a forced hiatus, insisting he wasn't stable enough to keep working, and he'd always feared it might be true, despite the gaping void in the pit of his gut that grew and grew with each passing day.

But, now, Tomo had hit rock bottom again. Anybody who had seen him since that awful part could tell; the dark circles under his eyes and the unattended dark roots bleeding into scarlet hair were a decent giveaway. He could barely remember how he'd spent his birthday. The little brush with hypothermia had already kept him from feeling his best but the whole night had been twisted and distorted and screwed up by vodka shots and ecstasy. All he could remember was waking up at noon the next day, with a splitting headache and a creeping sense that he was barely even human anymore. And, then, his card payments had bounced. More money would trickle in eventually but his bosses, regardless of country, weren't exactly generous when it came to paying his residuals on time. He couldn't turn to his mother for help, not since she'd disowned him, and, although he'd been given the right to a decent chunk of his father's limited posthumous earnings, he was afraid to touch it for fear being labelled a nepo baby trainwreck. After all was said and done, he could go no lower so why not risk everything chasing what he loved? If he had to be depressed or whatever, he could at least try and act again.

"Hey, so, I gave your offer some more thought," said Tomo, marching into the room without so much as a greeting. He'd always been a very abrupt person but, in his defence, you never found time to overthink yourself into a hole if you skipped thinking altogether. If you needed any measure of how well he was doing right now, just look to the fact that, although they were indoors in the early days of Winter, he was wearing sunglasses. Tomo slipped into the seat nearest Ziv and slumped into a very casual position. A voice far in the back of his head tried to insist he looked as much a wreck as he felt. "I'm accepting it. I want to act. Here, with you guys." He wasn't a stage actor and the prospect of jumping to a new medium terrified him but the alternative, that swirling dark void of shame and dwindling self-worth, had become much more frightening. And, here's the thing: Ziv had asked him personally. That meant something. That meant a whole lot of something. "Only problem is... I misplaced the script you gave me. And, by that, I mean I set it on fire but, y'know, same difference." And he'd done it with a cigarette lighter, no less, during a particular lylow moment. God, he could use a smoke right now. But that was probably just the nerves speaking.

#« ᴛ ᴏ ᴍ ᴏ » / 「 starter. 」#« ᴛ ᴏ ᴍ ᴏ » / 「 & ziv. 」#alcohol mention #drugs mention #idk how to tag for discussions of vague poor mental health but they're in here too #implied derealisation #this ended up way longer and way heavier (??) than i intended but SDFGHJ i'm just glad i've finally got this done bc it feels IMPORTANT

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meanwhileinstasiville · 1 year ago

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Always the same sequence. Latinos/gangs come up with an antagonism, and when it looks like it has an effect, the religious zealots take over.

There's one team (shinra) with everybody on it.

I have to guess what the intention is, or the desired effect.

Coat stalker on terminal 2 (the room is FULL of gang presence) says "crackpot greybeard"; I'm not a color, I'm not a gang member, I'm certainly not a number. (To name something is to have power over it, an ancient belief; a Goucher girl said I was "like A. Dial" as opposed to C. Dial, or N. Dial; so the "a's" as I call them, are fast becoming everywhere)

Ashland library front epp-248 or whatever sits on terminal 9 says "she's the police", and based on her earlier antics and habits; I don't think so. Says "latin king flavor text" to a gang infested situation.

Stalker cars and yellow says gang flagging until it looks like it has an effect (like everything else), and then the religious zealots take over.

People standing in judgement of me, implore me to "pass on judgement" or not be judgemental; of the "do what you gotta do" sort, where it's unfortunate and not at all their fault that they have choices.

White is something Mexicans desperately want, and I can't figure out who sold people to who; coopers says "that's a white Mexicans can have" Poland stuff "that's a white Mexicans can have" and on the heels of "Americans like their latinas to look Italian" (they don't, they don't like latinas at all, baring them from cultural integration to present day)

Drug pussy for someone I was staying with on arnos says Mexicans can't get credit (cards), so this arrangement of identity stuff will continue until I somehow award experian credit ratings to Mexicans as a whole

A charger costing a lot for someone who sleeps outside is being software moderated to some end, and both the flavor text and the dprk green stalker woman from mountain park path (and the only person I encountered) all say "phil lee". But that's a matter of chaddock convenience; they kill for less.

Bottom line is, this all seems to be leading up to the kind of life I should have been leading since childhood. Which is regrettable.

Why chastity? People don't have choices and being dead is "the other thing".

Why mass shootings? Either American stresses are so great that people are melting down violently at a rate of more than two a day or so, OR, the government wants Americans to "volunteer" their weapons in order to make America safe again. (And it has to be one of those)

There's even a substation down on "Nevada street" not that that ever amounted to anything. After a mountain and a golf course and swimming pools etc served as less than the power plant they were looking for; to wit, I think this is cop city based on Reinhold and Oharas insurance down from "Ashland's finest" jewelry pawn shop on the plaza. Because Eric is el chapo and they're still looking for him. And he's still here. Call him ganon or browser or smithy or even booster in booster tower, but here he remains. Ashland's municipal power plant of eating it's own tail.

Grandpa Dunn's sense of humor has East Main where the freeway was supposed to be before his dad washed it out. How do I know? Instant death is held off by a tiny "yield sign" in an island marked with paint, all on what appears to be a straight road. Don't think of giving Ashland a second chance on the way out of town? You're going to get into a head on collision and die. And the Hamilton house is along the way, there.

East main "dead ends" as everything at the small minded (back then) plaza worried of a freeway around it. So a gas station sits next to the "left turn of doom" visible from esther's teen section window tables. You get out going "one way" but not wanting to go back down east main and the light is there so you (the tourist) get to think about how tempting it is to turn left at a red, in front of oncoming traffic which does not stop. And people do. That's the temptation. Was supposed to be a housing development there; down from was windmill inn along that whole hillside. There's even a remnant unpaved road that became a driveway around the hotel corner down to east main. Again, where the freeway was supposed to go. Look at it from the air and notice it would've been a straight shot from sixty six all the way to talent with no curves in it. Where the city was supposed to be above the freeway whereas all the commerical industrial was supposed to be below the freeway.

Notice also, that that refined bridge entering town, beckons without signs like it's supposed to have; because they thought those platforms were for fancy light posts not for interstate signage. Ask how the sign indicating where you're going is able to be seen soon enough for an out of town driver to act on. It doesn't seem like much, but you can't read it in passing. This is real. This is how it is.

A bone being thrown to the latinos that they can't actually have though they can't summary execute me because greed; 20k for a reward for a murder solved and they can't figure out how to get the money.

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hexalianrebel-blackfeathers · 2 years ago

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Katsukisses

Panda's Notes: I got this idea in my brain a few weeks back. >w< I admit I don't remember why or how. I hope you guys like it. I admit I'm tempted to expand the scene at the end. If you guys want to see it, I mean.

[Find it on Ao3!] || [Ko-fi]

With U.A. suddenly becoming a boarding school in the middle of the year, it was only natural that the new student mailroom was overflowing within the first few weeks. Letters and care packages ran in and out like a river flow, and students from the business course seemed to volunteer there the most.

Obviously, this wasn’t the type of thing Bakugou normally thought about, but about an hour after school had ended, just as he had finished changing out of his uniform, his phone beeped with a few messages. A few different classmates were calling him down to the commons, and he’d rolled his eyes as he left his room and descended the stairs. He hadn’t actually opened the messages, only seeing the parts telling him to come downstairs; when he saw a third-year standing near the door with a mail bag under their arm waving toward him, he was honestly a bit confused.

“Hey, bud!” They said brightly, opening the bag and pulling out a box a little bigger than a textbook. “Sorry this is late; Mail’s backed up, and we just got more volunteers to help sort.” They grinned as Bakugou accepted the box with a huff, looking around the commons before jogging over to Iida and Midoriya.

He’d barely even looked the package over before Mina descended on him, overflowing with curiosity.

“Ooh, what’d you get? Is it from your parents?” She prodded excitedly, crowding against his shoulder.

He couldn’t tell if she’d guessed right or just managed to read the labels before he did.

“How the hell would I know what it is before I open it?” He huffed, shrugging her off in a slightly gentle way. “So fucking nosy…”

She chuckled and punched his shoulder as she walked away; no one saw the smirk on his lips as he went back up to his room.

He pondered over the box for longer than most probably would, fishing in his desk for a pair of scissors. What would his parents even send him? It hadn’t been that long since he went home, had it?

The tape on the box eventually yielded to an aggressive stab from a pen, and Bakugou clawed his way through enough of the rest that he could finally pop the flaps open. At first, he wasn’t really surprised: Two separate letters from both of his parents wishing him well and telling him to keep out of trouble respectively; a third letter from Deku’s mom thanking him for the birthday and Mother’s Day cards he’d sent her; a new pair of pajama pants and a couple of t-shirts from his closet at home; and a few new packs of the trading cards series he liked. He hummed to himself softly; this was actually kinda nice.

He folded up the letters and set them aside, debating if he’d toss the empty envelopes as he dumped everything out of the box. Once the items were spread out, he realized there was something he’d missed: A little drawstring bag that clinked quietly as he lifted it. A note was attached to it in his mother’s handwriting.

Saw these while I was out. Thought you might like them, Trouble.

His huff sounded like a chuckle as he tossed the note with the other letters. He opened the bag and—

Oh. Oh, shit…

For all the bickering they did, his mother did know him well. He would likely be up late wondering what to text her that didn’t look like a ‘Thank You’.

He pulled out one of the little cases and popped the cap. Goddammit, this was going to be his new favorite color. How dare that old hag always be right? He leaned to peer into his desk mirror, dragging the tube in a smooth brush across his lip.

He smiled.

Game. Fucking. On.

------

Yaoyorozu flinched a little when a somewhat urgent knock hit her door, closing her pencil in her textbook as she got up. “Give me a second!” She laughed lightly as she walked.

“What’s the matt—Oh!” She exclaimed, her cheeks running a little red as she saw the blonde boy leaning in her doorway.

“’Sup, Tarou?” He smirked, casually drawing his tongue across pitch black lips.

“It’s not Tarou right now, actually.” She giggled.

“Shit, sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it. What’d you need?”

Bakugou scoffed and crossed his arms. “I can’t drop in on my favorite Peach?”

She looked him up and down for just a moment, smiling a bit wider. “You’re just here to show me the lipstick, aren’t you?”

He stuck his tongue out, and she flinched as he suddenly tossed something toward her. Her eyes lit up when her hands opened to reveal a small pack of chocolate turtles. “So what if I am? Just try telling me I don’t look good right now.”

She laughed, resting her hand under her chin. “I do like the color, I admit it. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. Just got it. Needs a test run.” He purred with a wink, holding out his hand expectantly.

She eyed it curiously for a moment, snickering softly. “Can I help you?”

He pointed to her hand, and she blushed again with understanding. He couldn’t hide his smirk as she gave up her hand, and he pressed a kiss just above her knuckles.

“Well, aren’t you a charmer today?” She smiled.

“I stick to what I’m good at.” He shrugged, turning her hand over and suddenly blowing a loud raspberry against her palm.

She squealed, the candy pack falling from her other hand as laughter burst out of her mouth. “Katsuki!”

“What?” He asked casually, running his thumb over the lipstick mark on her palm. He smirked again before stepping forward, his fingers lacing with hers as he lunged into her neck to blow another raspberry. Her fingers clenched around his, her free hand tugged the side of his shirt, and she tried to lean away from him as she cackled.

He finally pulled her to stand back up a few seconds later, and she was still gigging while he stood back and smirked. “Well, Peaches?” He asked teasingly, grabbing the candy pack off the floor and offering it back.

Yaoyorozu playfully shoved his shoulder and took the candy back in the same motion. “It’s one of those days, is it?”

“Better believe it~” He sneered, sauntering off.

“Don’t get yourself in trouble!” She called after him, fiddling with the wrapper as she closed the door.

---------

Jirou was sitting on her bed, humming to herself as she strummed her guitar. When a casual knock hit the open door, she didn’t even look up. “You can come in. That’s why it’s open.”

Whoever came in didn’t speak, but that scoff sounded a little bit familiar.

“Did you need some—” The words were barely out of her mouth before she was being crowded and a kiss was being pressed against her temple. She blinked as Bakugou pulled away from her, and her eyes lit up slightly at the new look.

“What was that for?” She asked with a chuckle, immediately reaching up to check if he’d left a mark on her. Of course he had.

“Test drive. Not apologizing.” He smirked, pulling the lipstick out of his pocket and glancing in her mirror as he applied a quick touch up.

“I mean, I’m not mad, so why would yo—” He cut her off again, grabbing the neck of her guitar and her shoulder as he kissed the edge of her ear and blew soft raspberries against her cheek. She fell headlong into those snort-giggles he knew she hated, and he snuck tickling fingers under her arm when she went to cover her face.

He set her guitar on the bed and let her squirm away from him, casually blocking the little kick she threw at him.

“Asshole…” She whined, resting her arm over her face as she giggled.

“Yeah, maybe.” He teased, lightly scratching her sole before turning away. “Kissed your girlfriend, by the way~!” He called on his way out the door.

“Wh—You—?!” She stammered. “You can’t just say something like that!”

Bakugou had sped up a little until he realized she wasn’t actually chasing him.

------------

Todoroki and Sero were in the kitchen, with Todoroki holding a bundle of unfrozen ice pops in his right hand. He took even breaths, trying to keep his Quirk from overdoing this little project.

“You know Mina was joking when she suggested you do this, right?” Sero snickered, having already placed the rest of the bag in the common freezer.

“I had a feeling, but then I wanted to see if I could…” Todoroki admitted, staring determinedly at his hand.

“I guess I can’t argue with you there…” His voice had trailed off, his eyes looking past Todoroki’s shoulder. Sero bit his lip on a smile as a sneering bastard crept up behind his distracted friend.

Like a python ensnaring its prey, Bakugou’s hand slipped up and grabbed Todoroki’s chin. He yanked the taller boy close, blowing a raspberry against the left side of his neck.

Todoroki screeched and stiffened as if he’d been electrocuted, and Sero was sure the whole room got colder. Bakugou cackled and drew his nails along his victim’s throat as he slipped around him. Todoroki glared after him, his face burning red, before he stared in shock at the frozen ice pops in his hand.

Bakugou rested his hands in his pockets as he strolled up to Sero and shouldered him like a cat.

“Hey, Trouble.” Sero chuckled, putting an arm around him. “Nice color. Is it new?”

Bakugou had kissed his hand softly, pulling him down to kiss his cheek while he nodded. “Just got it. It leaves decent prints.”

“I see. Don’t use it all up in one day.” He grinned, patting Bakugou’s retreating shoulder before helping Todoroki chip the extra ice off of the freeze pops.

--------

Mina was thankfully distracted as the hunter stalked over to the crowded couch in the commons. She, Kaminari, and Kirishima were half piled on top of each other to watch a movie. Oh, yeah, Bakugou had been invited to that… It looked like a lame timewaster anyway.

He licked his lips slightly, smirking to himself. What he was about to do was a little risky. But it’d be so worth it if they didn’t get too fried. He lengthened his strides, keeping them quiet as he slipped behind Kaminari, leaned into the side of his neck, and blew.

Kaminari screeched like a banshee, electricity arcing all over the room and the small group.

Well, they weren’t unconscious; hell, the power even stayed on this time.

But Mina and Kirishima definitely noticed that.

“What the hell, Katsuki?!” Mina shouted, laughing and ruffling static out of her hair.

Bakugou brushed his thumb over the print on Kaminari’s neck, grinning like a fiend as his victim giggled and sparked through heavy breaths.

“What can I say? I like messing with you guys.” He shrugged, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her forehead.

And then his eyes fell on Kirishima, whose face was already turning a dark red. He walked his fingers along the back of the couch, dragging his nails up Kirishima’s throat before gripping is chin.

“I’ll be back for you, Red.” He purred. “Got some shit to take care of.”

He pecked him on the lips—the tease—and barely left an implication, let alone a mark, before striding off.

Mina and Kaminari “Ooh~”-ed teasingly, and Sero and Todoroki finally came out of the kitchen to ask how they’d fared.

-----------

Bakugou found an…interesting little scenario in Iida’s room.

“The fuck are you losers up to now?” He asked, unable to keep a smirk off of his face as he rested his hands in his pockets.

The trio had apparently grabbed the Twister box from the game shelf downstairs, and they were currently forming a weird human Jenga tower.

“Hey, Kacchan…” Midoriya called, voice slightly strained as he tried to keep his balance. “Your little crew is having a movie night, so we brought the game here.”

“There’s a lot of space in the commons, unless you weirdos get really ‘noisy’ when you play this game.” Bakugou had moved closer, hands on his knees as he inspected their positions.

“Katsuki Bakugou!” Iida barked, and Uraraka let out a cackle, nearly falling over. He turned his head, and the blonde smirked as he leaned into view. His smirk only widened when Iida suddenly looked away with a bright blush.

“A-Anyway, shouldn’t you be watching the movie with your friends?” He asked in a huff.

Bakugou faked a disappointed pout, trying to catch Iida’s eye again. “Do you not like the new color, Speed Racer?” He asked teasingly, sneaking a poke on his side and nearly making him fall.

“New color?” Uraraka asked, looking around until Bakugou sat where she could see him. “Oh! You look so cute, tough guy!”

“Wait, what does he have on?” Midoriya asked, sounding a bit more wary than the others.

Before she could answer, Bakugou popped up beside him and cracked his knuckles with an evil sneer.

“New makeup, Deku~” He purred, dragging Midoriya’s shirt up by the hem. “You know the drill.”

“Kacchan, wai—!!” Midoriya squeaked out, only to shriek helplessly as Bakugou blew a raspberry right beside his bellybutton. In the same instance, Bakugou’s hands had managed to reach Iida’s exposed armpits and claw into them.

“Gah! H-Hey—Bakugou!” Iida yelped, and between Midoriya’s shifting to escape, and his loss of balance, both of them crashed down on top of Uraraka’s back. Both whined and giggled their own little complaints, and Bakugou quickly poked the black print he’d left on Midoriya’s tummy.

“You’re the worst…” Iida huffed, succumbing to a little bit of childishness as Bakugou took his glasses off and kissed his temple.

“Love you too, Speed Racer.” Bakugou pulled his phone out to check his lipstick in the camera, eyes widening as he spotted the time. “Ah, shit; I’m off schedule… Later nerds!” He teased as he headed for the door.

The trio had begun untangling themselves—with Midoriya explaining what the so-called “drill” was—when Bakugou zipped back into the room.

“Bye, Chipmunk.” He said almost gently, pressing a kiss to Uraraka’s cheek and blowing playfully before finally leaving.

------------

Bakugou smirked to himself on the stairs, having touched up his lipstick again on the way back to his dorm.

Sure enough, a tall, purple-haired intruder was posted up beside his door fiddling nervously on his phone.

Bakugou licked his lips, approaching silently and slipping his palm over the screen. “Hey, Squeakerbox~” He purred, absolutely sneering when his new victim’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Sorry I’m late.”

The next 45 minutes—water breaks included—found poor Hitoshi Shinsou getting completely destroyed until his voice was hoarse from laughter. He was panting heavily and giggling out of his mind, still shivering as Bakugou massaged one of his feet and smirked at him.

“No safe word this time; I admit I’m impressed, Squeakerbox.” He hummed, sneaking a scratch on his foot before lying down beside him. “Does that mean you forgive me for being late for your tickles~?”

Shinsou whined, hiding his face until Bakugou reached up to tickle under his chin. He giggled a bit harder, lifting his arms to rest on his forehead and revealing several black marks on his neck where kisses were pressed, and raspberries were blown.

Shinsou just nodded, still trying to catch his breath and relaxing.

“Good kitty.” Bakugou taunted, slipping his arm under Shinsou’s back and softly nuzzling into his side. “Your voice okay? You haven’t said a word since we stopped.” He hummed, tracing the fingers on his free hand along the marks on his stomach.

Shinsou prickled, arcing slightly into his nails, and squeaking when his finger dipped into his bellybutton. “I’m fine, Powder Keg.” He snickered, earning another squeak-inducing poke. “What about you? You seemed busy today.”

Bakugou shrugged a bit, sneaking a new kiss to the side of Shinsou’s ribs. “New makeup. Needs a test drive. It’s kind of a thing; I can explain more some other time.” He moved to sit up, giving Shinsou’s stomach a few pats. “Now, don’t take this the wrong way, Squeakerbox, but you ought to clean yourself up before you’re the one who’s late. I’m going to the kitchen.”

Shinsou whined again, checking the time on his phone and trying to sink deeper into Bakugou’s bed. He was allowed to be a little late, right? Then again, this wasn’t much of an excuse…

----------

Bakugou was indeed in the kitchen a few minutes later, having stacked a few items on the edge of the counter in case Shinsou wanted to take them on his way out. In the meantime, he scooped rice from the cooker into a bowl before ladling a serving of beef stew on top of it. He’d set down his bowl to search for the bottle of hot sauce when he heard a few of his classmates seeming to cheer for a moment before talking normally to someone. He didn’t look up to see who it was, but he smiled slightly to himself when he heard little boots approaching the kitchen.

“Hello, King Bakugan!” She said brightly, peering around the counter wall.

“Evening, Princess Unicor—What did you just call me?”

Eri giggled like the gremlin the students had accidentally turned her into.

“What do you want, ya brat?” He teased, leaning to ruffle her hair.

“Papa is looking for Shinsou.” Eri explained, batting at his hand. “He said he’d probably be here today.”

Bakugou kept a straight face, crouching beside her as if he were confused. “Hm… You asked the others already?”

“Uh-huh. They said you’d probably know.”

Damn them being honest all the time… Bakugou bit his lip, eyes wandering as he looked for an excuse.

“Why is your mouth like that?” Eri asked, tipping her head for a moment. “Are you hurt?”

He flinched, almost thinking he was bleeding or something before he rolled his eyes and chuckled. “It’s lipstick, kiddo, just makeup.” He explained, reaching up to the counter for a napkin and holding it between his lips for a moment to show her the print. “Like Miss Kayama wears.”

Eri lit up happily, bouncing a little on her toes. “Oh, Mr. Yamada wears makeup. He has a pen thing he puts around his eyes.”

“Yeah? I do that too sometimes.” Bakugou stood back up, finally adding some hot sauce to his bowl and sticking a spoon into the rice before starting to carry it out. He leaned just slightly, and Eri grabbed his hand without question, starting to recount all the times she could remember someone wearing some kind of makeup.

They had barely gotten halfway through the dining room when Shinsou appeared from the hallway. Eri pointed excitedly at him, and a few of the other 1-A students giggled.

“Busted~” Bakugou taunted, and Shinsou rolled his eyes despite the blush on his cheeks. “Aizawa sent the gremlin after you. Maybe move a little faster.”

Eri waved as she ran to follow Shinsou out the door.

And now that he was free, Bakugou made a bit of a show looking over his classmates. A knowing few giggled and smiled and looked away, but he finally grabbed a chair and made a point to crowd close to Kirishima’s empty left side.

Kirishima tried not to smile too much, but Bakugou leaned close to his ear, gently blowing into it.

“7:30 sound good?”

He didn’t even look at a clock. “Definitely.”

Another ghost of a kiss. No print, but Kirishima’s cheeks burned red as he drummed his fingers on the table.

-----------

7:30 was a quiet time in most of the dorm. An hour after dinner ended, many students were now burying themselves in homework. Those who had done homework earlier tended to hang around the commons with their own movie or two and some hobbies.

This was all to say that Bakugou didn’t even have to be that quiet as he sauntered through the hall. He’d changed into pajamas, and obviously made sure his lipstick was perfect before taking the four steps between his and Kirishima’s doors.

Now though, he found himself pausing. Should he knock? Was that out of character? Why did he care?

Okay, he knew why he cared. Kirishima was…different. Even though it wasn’t the first time they’d done this, it always filled his chest with butterflies.

There must have been butterflies in his brain too because he didn’t notice the door in front of him had opened until a gentle kiss was stolen off his lips. He must have been a damn sight. Kirishima chuckled and gently bumped their foreheads together before pulling back.

“Hey Sleeping Beauty.” He teased, stepping back to motion him in. “I was just going to see you. Yours or mine?”

But Bakugou was still only half-listening. He was focused on Kirishima’s face. His lips were a weird glittery pink. Kirishima must have realized; his face was turning a little red.

“I, uh, I wanted to surprise you, but Yao-momo said that red lipstick was ‘too grown-up’. I didn’t really understand, but this lip gloss is all she would let me…”

He’d paused when he noticed Bakugou shaking. Seconds later, Bakugou was laughing. He let himself fall into Kirishima’s chest, his giggles keeping him from getting a full kiss on Kirishima’s face. This was why Kirishima was different.

He got to make up for those missing kisses once they were seated on Kirishima’s bed, even if Kirishima barely let him stop laughing the entire time. Ever black mark left on his neck or his cheek or his hands or across his lips was quickly repaid with pokes and scribbles that left both of them red-faced and laughing as they cuddled into the blankets.

“So…” Kirishima sighed, running his fingers through Bakugou’s hair. “You seem like you had fun today.” He teased, scratching gently at his scalp.

Bakugou prickled, leaning into his touch as he grinned. “I guess you’re not wrong.” He hummed, rolling over to run his thumb over the marks he’d left. “What do you think? You like the color?”

“I’d like it more if you washed it off before it gets on my pillowcases.” He grinned when Bakugou didn’t resist laughing, and he leaned in to kiss his mouth again. “But it does look really good on you, doll.”

Bakugou snickered, slipping his arms around Kirishima’s shoulders. “Mmph, fine… Thanks, red…”

#katsuki bakugou #tickling #a panda writes a thing #boku no hero academia #denki kaminari #kirishima eijirou #momo yaoyorozu #iida tenya #my hero academia #uraraka ochako #midoriya izuku #jirou kyouka

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hilarychuff · 2 years ago

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🛒 💖 🤡? :)

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

YEARNING. there's so much yearning. and also lots of self-sacrifice and possibly self-loathing. even lighthearted aus often become SAD and DRAMATIC. i am drawn to slightly pathetic blorbos, i find. especially when those pathetic blorbos have extremely internal experiences. lots of overthinking!!!!!

💖 What made you start writing?

lmao in the fourth grade a fortune teller of some sort (tarot reader??? don't recall) told me i was a writer and i was like "lol ya right i am just a reader" but then in fifth grade one of my besties introduced me to the neopets roleplay boards and that was that!!! i think i fell into the hp fandom fairly quickly but i did also at one point join a wolf rp guild for her. but when i started branching off neopets it was all hp. this was actually what i wrote my college application personal essay about lmfao.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

hmmm ok something that made me laugh. let me think. i feel like while i am a very funny person i am rarely writing funny things. `

lots of details about my jonsa princess diaries au make me laugh. the concept of joffrey getting coned. arya having a tv show called "shut up and listen." also the lies i came up with for theon to tell about jon in the press.

Each time Theon convinces a journalist or reporter that Jon won the seventh grade spelling bee contest with the word brassiere or that Jon volunteers at a soup kitchen each weekend to serve exclusively shrimp cocktail, he comes up with an even more far-fetched lie to try on the next one.

i gave myself some giggles in my jonsa scream au with the easter eggs. named myranda and mya's sorority gamma omega mu like gates of the moon. named harry's fraternity kappa omicron lambda (lambda looks like an upside down v) like knights of the vale. i always have fun coming up with the fraternity/sorority names for stuff.

did the same thing with my hp mediator series au back in the day. omega rho. rho looks like a p. sort of order of the phoenix-y. actually there might be some excerpts in here i think are funny. like i'm very much planning to rewrite this before i ever continue it so all of these excerpts at this point are old but

“Aw, come on, Red, you know all about my high school graduation speech–” (and how does he know she knows that, by the way, if she’s the one that’s the “stalker”? He better not be in her room on her computer when she’s in Sculpture I or eating breakfast in the dining hall or something) “–and my freshman year student government campaign promises. I can’t even know what you’re up to?”

“My name’s not Red,” she barks out before she can bite her tongue, looking up to glare at him.

“Yeah, I know. Lily, right? I heard Remus say it. Anyway, I think Red suits you better,” he continues, shrugging, seemingly unaffected by what she has heard described as her withering stare.

“Yeah, super observant, red hair and all that–” she starts, meaning to call him out on his complete lack of originality, but he stops her in his track with, “Actually, it’s more for the color your face gets when you’re annoyed.”

And that has her face darkening as hot as ever, traitorously proving his point. He grins, looking over to catch her flush in the act, and winks. If he weren’t already dead, she’d be tempted to murder him herself.

also lily agreeing to go to a geek chic party and then discovering she’s actually at an office hoes and ceos party?????

If Lily weren’t so affronted, she’d burst out laughing. “Wait, that’s the theme? You’re telling me I’m an office hoe right now?”

He glances over, takes in her outfit again, and then shakes his head, grinning. “Your skirt’s practically to your knees; you’re definitely the CEO.”

also i mentioned a previous literary-themed drinking party and i had a lot of fun coming up with everyone’s costumes

She doesn’t remember seeing James there, only Sirius (dressed, of course, as Dorian Grey-Goose), but he must’ve been considering it was his party.

“Oh, I went all out,” she teases.

“Oh yeah? And what were you?”

“Sophie, naturally, and I brought my BFG.”

“Big friendly giant?”

“Big flask of gin.”

That gets a laugh out of him, and she beams at the sound of it.

“And what were you, Catcher in the Rye Whiskey or something?”

“Please, my costume was way better than that,” he brags. “We did Goodnight Moonshine.”

“You were the moon?”

“Remus was the moon,” he corrects, smirking. “We doused him in body glitter and everything. I was the little bunny in PJs.”

“Oh, of course,” she laughs. “I don’t know how I didn’t guess that. And Peter?”

“Hops on Pop,” he explains, then grimaces. “He kept mixing beer with mountain dew all night.” He takes another long drink, then looks down at his empty cup and holds it out to her. “Speaking of—want one?”

“A beer and mountain dew?”

“Why, you like the sound of that?” he asks, one eyebrow up, then disappears.

anyway!!!!! maybe one day i will be funny and write funny things again. can’t wait!!!!

#my writing #ask games #long post

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years ago

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Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅

#thgagain #not even gonna reread this so it’s for sure littered with typos 🥳🥰😅🤭😬🙃😭🤗😏😶

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scripttorture · 5 years ago

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I came across your Torture in Fiction tab where you reviewed a Doctor Who episode and mentioned your love of the show so I'm going to mention exactly what I'm writing. It's basically a Bill/Heather story after they leave together and I'd like to accurately take into account the type of consequences (short term and long termr) of the entire turned into a cyberman ordeal. So any input would be highly appreciated.

Anon, I think I love you. Lesbian romance in the stars with one of my favourite characters, you are too kind.

Let’s start at the beginning.

For those unfamiliar with Doctor Who, the Cybermen are a recurring foe. The idea behind them is that they are people, cybernetically enhanced people with all the ‘unnecessary’ bits removed. Like the ability to feel pain or hope or love. The ultimate aim of the Cybermen is to make everyone else like them. They believe that not having emotional connections makes them superior.

And in one of Bill’s stories she gets turned into a prototype Cyberman. Except due to some unique circumstances the programming doesn’t quite take. Bill is left with a Cyberman body but her thoughts, personality and ability to feel are intact.

Through more unique circumstances (which depending on your interpretation may include Bill dying and being resurrected-) Heather restores her body as it was pre-Cybermen.

We’re never told exactly what happens to Bill. But it’s clear from the context that the procedure is painful and not consensual.

We do see Bill for a few days afterwards. She struggles to accept that she’s a Cyberman and doesn’t seem to know how to process what she’s been through. She seems more or less OK, but given the short time frame we see her for it’s difficult to say if this is a bad portrayal or not. For some people it takes a while for things to sink in and for symptoms to become apparent.

Going forward I’m going to assume that’s the case for Bill.

I’m going to make a couple of other assumptions because there isn’t anything in reality which lines up that well with the Cybermen.

There is not anything that can really 'take away' all emotions. Some drugs can result in emotional blunting as a side effect, but less intense emotion is not the same thing as no emotion. The intense, invasive surgical procedures that are implied to make a Cyberman are completely fictional, and probably wouldn't be survivable in reality.

It's a scenario that you'd expect to be traumatic: an extremely painful, invasive act that re-structures the entire body and is done without consent. Given the particular circumstances in Bill's story, it's tempting to compare it to non-consensual medical procedures.

As a black, lesbian woman who is aware of both modern politics and history it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume Bill can make the same comparisons I have. Black women have been subjected to forced sterilisation and used for medical experimentation within living memory (see The Immortal Life of Henreitta Lacks for a discussion of unethical experimentation in the recent past).

Heather is less likely to be aware of this history and these issues.

As I said there isn't anything that lines up exactly; I keep thinking of forced sterilisation, though this often doesn’t cause lasting physical pain. It also brought to mind some of the… less ethical ‘treatments’ and ‘experiments’ in recent history.

We’ll assume that Bill has a realistic memory of what happened, that the experience was traumatising and that she isn’t in physical pain.

I’d also make the argument that turning someone into a Cyberman could be considered torture in the legal sense. It’s done by a group that effectively controls territory, to people who are under their power. It causes suffering and in Bill’s case it is arguably done to punish the Doctor.

You’ve read the blog before so you probably know the drill when it comes to the common long-term symptoms of torture. Here’s the Masterpost should anyone else want to have a look. I’ll get back to symptoms in a moment.

In the short term I think that it’s likely Bill would experience something similar to modern survivors of ‘clean’ tortures.

‘Clean torture’ is a term Rejali uses to describe techniques that don’t often leave obvious external marks. These are no less dangerous then other methods; people can still be seriously injured, disabled or die because of clean torture techniques.

But the lack of obvious marks makes it harder to prove a person was tortured. And when the public perception of torture is that it always leaves scars many survivors find they’re dismissed, belittled and denied services.

People don’t believe they were tortured. Because we are taught that torture ‘must’ leave marks.

And Bill has just come out of the Cyber-conversion process unscarred. In a world where most people believe that turning back once you’ve been made a Cyberman is impossible.

This is likely to be a factor if she tries to get professional help as well as in everyday interactions.

Bill herself might assume that her symptoms are overblown or somehow put on; that they’re not warranted because her body has been perfectly restored.

When it comes to more long term symptoms, the right choice will always depend on the characters and the story you want to tell.

Personally I wouldn’t want to give Bill suicidal tendencies or an addiction because I feel like those are symptoms that could shift the story away from the central relationship. I think they’re symptoms that usually demand more focus and that can make balancing them with the central story more difficult.

I usually suggest that authors try to include memory problems in a realistic way and I think they’d be an especially good fit here. (The Masterpost summarising the most common forms of memory problems survivors have is here).

Essentially I think that you could use memory problems to highlight how Bill’s time as a Cyberman has affected her mind. So much of our identity and self-image is rooted in our memories. Finding flaws in them, especially around important things, can shake our sense of self.

And that ties in to the way Cybermen are consistently used in Doctor Who to denote the loss of self. All of the common memory problems could be used to raise these philosophical questions and tie Bill’s symptoms more firmly to the plot.

Insomnia is a symptom I always find a little difficult because it has so many knock on effects.

The worsening of reaction times, alertness, coordination, combined with the pain and shakes and occasional visual hallucination or micro-sleep means that insomnia isn’t a symptom I’d recommend for a character like a superhero. If you want the character to consistently win fights then it’s not a good pick.

Similarly the long term effects on creativity, reasoning, concentration, emotional processing and learning mean it’s a bad pick if the character is supposed to be an inventive genius.

One of the nice (but underutilised) things about Doctor Who is that the way the stories are typically structured means that not every character has to be exceptional at everything. Bill’s strengths were not superhuman physical combat or exceptional genius (even though she was incredibly intelligent); they were compassion and her ability to form fast, strong friendships with just about anyone she meets.

Insomnia could fit your story but I think it depends on what you want the characters to do on a regular basis.

Chronic pain could be a good fit.

The conversion process radically changed Bill’s body, a change that she more or less refused to accept was real during the story. In those circumstances physical pain can be an interesting addition: it simultaneously acts as a reminder of what Bill suffered and ties her to her restored body now.

And since chronic pain in torture survivors can be psychological, or a combination of psychological and physical, there’s no reason why Bill’s body couldn’t be perfectly healed while experiencing chronic pain.

This is also a symptom that characters can be more proactive about. She can try things and find solutions much more quickly then she might be able to for something like depression. Stretches, exercise, mobility aids, organisation, painkillers and forward planning can all be helpful. And early success could help you to show the character feeling more empowered, reclaiming her body.

I’m not sure if difficulty relating to others would be a good pick, considering Bill’s canonical strengths. However social isolation could be interesting as an obstacle to gradually overcome.

Going beyond the usual symptoms- Have you read any of the Doctor Who comics? Because I keep thinking of The Flood, which was a Cyberman story with the Eighth Doctor.

It had a rather wonderful Cyberman design and had the Cybermen attempting to persuade large numbers of people to volunteer for Cyber conversion. They did it by chemically manipulating the emotions of an entire city; making feelings unbearably intense and then offering the conversion process as a solution.

Bill kept her feelings but she would have known she was supposed to lose them. And she’d go from that to having incredibly intense feelings. Because she’d have developed trauma symptoms.

She might be tempted to view her symptoms as the ‘natural’ consequence of regaining full capacity for emotion, rather then due to trauma. Latching on to a physical, rather then psychological, difference.

I’d also consider whether all of this changes Bill’s relationship with her own body. Relief at getting it back might be accompanied by a heightened awareness of changes, even natural ones.

I think if I was writing this I’d be tempted to add in little details, triggers or self-soothing behaviours tied to her body.

The Cyberman chest unit for that design looks heavy. Does compression around her chest make her panic? Do rubber gloves feel horrible? Does the sensation of something going over her face, like the ‘mask’ on these Cybermen, prompt intrusive memories?

The ‘handles’ on the head were supposed to suppress emotion in this version. Could Bill reassure herself that they’re gone by touching her own hair? Do short sleeves feel ‘better’, because she can feel the sun, wind or rain against her skin? Does she wear her earrings more often, because the weight of them and the way they move is comforting?

Good luck with your story. I hope this helps. :)

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#writing advice #tw torture #tw medical abuse #tw suicide mention #doctor who #sci fi ask #writing victims #writing recovery #choosing symptoms #clean torture #insomnia #memory problems #chronic pain

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