#i'm so sorry i thought i would be okay today but i'm just not
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Fic Rec Fridays are back! In case you don't know these recs are new'ish and completely random. Hopefully at least one of them is new to you. ❤️
Also, I hardly ever repost my fic recs but you can find the previous ones here.
The Decay of a Cosmos by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 47.2K | Explicit
The memory of Derek confessing to him in the quiet of their shared resignation sparked from her words–“A child is leverage to my mother.”
Derek knew what Talia wanted. And he refused to give it to her.
Stiles’ hands tightened into fists.
This was a gift, but not one Derek had given him willingly. He would live with that knowledge each time he held their son close. ~*~ A tale as old as arranged marriage, with a space opera twist.
Twilight by Hedwig221b | 67.7K | Explicit
Derek.
Stiles thought about him the most. Something told him that it wasn’t the last time, far from it. He thought about his softness and his open desire to kill. Stiles’ hands remembered the heat of his hands. His neck longed to feel the coating warmth of Derek’s breath. His lips burned from the kiss that never happened.
Everything was so fucking complicated.
Except one thing.
It was the only clear thought in his head. The one that made his stomach clench from fear, his heart stutter from hope, and his lips stretch in a smile.
He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Derek.
Let’s Play Pretend (For A Little While) by greenleaf | 11.2K
Derek asks Stiles to pretend to be his boyfriend for his sister’s wedding.
It doesn’t go as Derek expected. It turns out better.
If the Shoe Fits by ArtyStaciNadi (StaciNadia), PalenDrome (nerdherderette) | 17.3K
"I'm okay," Stiles begins, but then he gets his first look at the person who nearly ruined his morning and sucks in his breath.
The guy is literally the hottest person he's ever seen. Like, ever. He has a full head of black hair that Stiles is itching to run his hands through, a jaw that could cut glass, and the most incredible pale-green, gold-blue eyes, if there's even such a thing. He's staring at Stiles intensely, and then his nostrils flare delicately as he leans forward and sniffs.
It's not the weirdest—nor the rudest—thing that's happened to Stiles today, but still.
Falling For You by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 37.2K
Derek nodded once, reaching for it, all while reminding himself over and over again in his head to thank him with the pun. This was it, this was the moment for him. Stiles would realize he’d understood the pun from yesterday, and would laugh, and Derek would feel relieved, and everything would be great.
His hand closed around the cup and he said, “Thanks for the latte.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
Stiles looked startled, eyes dipping down to the drink Derek was now holding, and then back up. “Sorry, did you—I thought you wanted a coffee, did you want a latte?”
“No.” Derek turned his back on him and walked away, resisting the urge to just head straight back to his car to drive off a cliff.
Thanks a latte! The fucking pun was thanks a latte! Not thanks for the latte! Fuck! How had he messed it up so fucking badly?! It was three words!
“That went well,” Boyd said, catching up with him. Derek just reached out to punch him hard in the arm without even looking.
I could use a little wildfire. by DropsOfAddiction | 22.4K | Explicit
There’s a tall figure standing just inside the doorway, covered head to toe in melting snow.
They are layered up so heavily that Derek wants to laugh for a second. Just for a second though, he wouldn’t want to encourage too much frivolity, save anyone not take him seriously enough.
He’s a pillar of the community, he has a reputation to uphold. He settles for one faintly amused raised eyebrow.
Deep, intelligent, golden brown eyes peek out from a tiny gap remaining in the person’s general facial area, from where a bright red scarf is wrapped up so high it’s covering their nose, and a garish yellow Pikachu bobble hat is pulled down right over their eyebrows.
They look completely and utterly ridiculous.
Also, deep, intelligent, golden brown eyes is an absolutely unnecessarily detailed way to describe a stranger’s features. Derek checks himself. He shakes his head. The exhaustion is making him delirious, clearly.
Stuck on Repeat by pyrrhical (anoyo) | 77.2K | Mature
Twelve years after leaving Beacon Hills, and everything it represented, Stiles is a well-respected analyst at the CIA. Unfortunately, life likes its irony, and Stiles finds his pretty fabulous CIA career turned on its side when an asset-turned-mark turns out to be a little less than human.
*** Honourable Mention 🩷
Honey, Can’t you See (The Bloodstains on my Teeth) by Loup_Aigre, TroubleIWant | 44.9K
“Mr Stilinski.” Deaton’s usually impassive face betrays a hint of surprise today, maybe even disappointment. “You haven’t changed your mind.”
Stiles tips his chin up, smiling against his irritation. “Nope,” he confirms, so cheerily it bites. They had arranged this weeks ago, yet Deaton was apparently betting Stiles wouldn’t go through with it in the end. Fuck that. He doesn’t know what it’s like out there, not really. He can afford to hold himself aloof and uninvolved, knowing his druid power is enough to keep him safe in this little office. Stiles can’t. Scott’s pack has got to protect this whole town, and Stiles’ spark isn’t enough to protect all of them while they do it.
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Breach pt. II | Criminal Minds
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. Spencer Reid xBAU! Reader .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.
Pt. I
Summary: Where Reader gets kidnapped with Aaron Hotchner and forced to do things that puts them in an uncomfortable position, and Dr. Spencer Reid is determined to help reader get back to a new normal.
A/N: this is my first time writing for CM I'm in the early seasons so l'm not too familiar with these characters yet but thought of this plot. I also am not familiar with tumbler so Please leave any suggestions! I am trying my best thank you!! Semi-proof read!| kind of a long chapter, sorry for the wait! Let me know what you think pls!!
Tags: un-established relationship, early season Reid, newly divorced Hotchner, mentions of SA, mentions of drug abuse, kidnapping, and death <- [warnings]
It’s been three weeks since you and the BAU team returned to Quantico after the kidnapping, but only two since you took leave at Aaron Hotchners request
Now the night before your return back to work you sat on your living room floor with a glass of wine by your side and sticky notes
“Pros” and “cons”
There were so many pros: The people that had become your new found family, Dream job, and being able to help families looking for answers.
You did so much to get to where you are so why were you so willing to throw it all away?
There weren't many downsides, aside from the high risk of getting shot, or the possible kidnappings—but you knew those were all possibilities when you joined the team. You just never thought it would've happened to you, especially so early on in your career.
You threw your head back and shut your eyes trying your best to not let the tears roll down your face
You didn’t want to leave. You knew that, but the truth was you were scared to go back. Scared to take on another case. You loved your job, but you couldn't be a profiler if you were afraid of it.
For the past two weeks you've been home mentally recovering you never thought it would lead to you questioning whether you wanted to go back. Especially since you never wanted to leave in the first place you just didn't want to argue with Hotch but looking back you realized how badly you needed to get out of there you were sinking…
~ 3 weeks prior ~
You walked into the bullpen with your head down trying to go unnoticed as you made your way to your desk. It was the first day back in Quantico and everyone on the floor was well aware of what happened back in Phoenix.
You were running on two hours of sleep, the dark circles around your eyes bleeding through your makeup, you look rough.
“Crazy morning huh?” Morgan asked as he looked at you smiling “um yeah.” you kept it short and focused your attention on your computer just wanting to hurry up and file your papers for the day
He didn't say much after that. As the day went on the change in your behavior had become clear to everyone. Your silence, staying at your desk, and the uneasy look on your face.
“Hey, you alright?” Spencer asked as he stood in front of your working area, you looked up at him and back to your computer “I’m good.” You assured him
He furrowed his eyebrows and sucked in his lips “right… well JJ, Emily, Derek, Penelope, and I were planning on heading out for lunch if you’d like to join us. It’s this new restaurant down the street.” Reid told you hoping you’d take him up on his offer
“Uh no I think I’m sitting this one out, I packed lunch. Have fun though.” You tell him as you stood up from your desk and walked off
“We’d really love it if you joined.” He continued as he followed you to wherever you were going “Reid, are you going to follow me into the restroom?” You question as you stopped by the woman’s door
“Oh uh no.” He nervously said “go to lunch without me, have fun okay?” You say giving him a small smile as you entered the restroom
Once you were done with your business you seen the floor was a bit more empty seemed like everyone wanted to go out for lunch today
You made your way to the lunch room and opened up the fridge grabbing your bag “So where are we eating at today?” Reid asked, you turned around quickly not expecting him to be there
“Jeez Reid, you scared me.” You scold him “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He tells you with serious guilt in his voice “it’s fine.” You walk towards the door but stop before fully exiting
“I’m eating in my car, if you’d like to join.” You say turning back to look at him, a smile quickly appeared on his face “Yeah, of course.”
The both of you made your way to your vehicle and set up your lunches, there was no conversation at first just the sound of faint music playing in the background
Dreams by The Cranberries
You ate your food trying your best not to be messy since you had company but he made you nervous especially with him staring intently at you
“Why are you staring?” You ask finally getting bothered enough by it to confront him “Don’t be profiling me.” You warned “no, I’m not.” He says “I’m just wondering about you.”
You give him a confused expression and put your fork into your bowl turning your whole body to give him your full attention so he can continue
“You’ve just been distant today.” He tells, he looked genuinely concerned
A sigh left your mouth “I’m not being distant. I’m with you.” You say and look out your window for a split second “only because I’m not letting you.” He matter of factly says “the others, they want to help you. They’re just scared.”
“I don’t need help, im an adult I’m capable of taking care of myself. Thank you though.” You state and go back to eating your food
He paused for a moment processing your words
“I know you’re capable. It just wouldn’t hurt to receive support. You know, statistically people who accept help recover faster from traumatic events. That’s not me saying you can’t handle this it’s just me reminding you that you don’t have to do it alone.” He explains as he stares deeply into your eyes
You bit your lip and nodded “Thank you Spencer.” he smiled and gently squeezed your hand, you weren’t prepared for his sudden touch so you quickly pulled back and looked out the window
“Uh, I think lunch is over.” You awkwardly say as you seen the team heading into the building “oh, yeah. Seems like it.” He replies with regret in his tone
You felt bad, you know you made him feel horrible with pulling away from him like that but it was unexpected and you just didn’t feel comfortable.
The two of you exited your car and made your way to the stairs and onto your floor, he walked you to your desk that wasn't to far from his “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Of course.” you smiled and sat down on your chair watching as he walked away
During the middle of the week, you had only gotten worse. You ran on no hours of sleep and became easily irritable. You weren't even eating, you continued to skip out on lunches and even accidently went off on Spencer telling him to give you space
Everyone was worried for you, they could see you slowly start to become someone you weren’t so the following Friday morning Hotch had asked you to meet him in his office.
You were Scared and nervous hoping it wasn’t to talk about what had happened to you guys, you weren’t ready to talk to him about it and you weren’t sure if you ever will be
“Goodmorning.” You say as you entered his office, he looked up at you and put down the papers he was going over “morning.” He responded and directed you to take a seat in front of him
Your heart started racing, and your fingers felt sweaty
You weren’t sure how you were gonna make eye contact with him, you couldn’t. You didn’t even want Hotch staring at you, it all took you back.
You stared around his office looking at every item in the room, there was a lot to look at.
“Agent, I brought you in here because I have been noticing changes in your behavior.” He explains. Your eyes dart to him “Is it Reid? Is he asking you to talk to me?” you question in a defensive tone, why would Reid do this to you?
“What? No. This is just from me but I don't doubt others haven’t noticed your behavior. Its not normal.” He tells you “how can I be normal?” You asked
His body and face softened once that question left your mouth, you sounded genuinely confused and hopeless. How could everything be the same? You couldn’t see the light.
Hotch sighed and rubbed his face upset seeing you go through so much stress and not wanting to reach out to those around you who cared for you
“I-I don’t know.” He responded truthfully “But what I do know is that not talking to anyone and denying help is all only going to make things worse for yourself.”
You slowly nodded biting the inside of your cheek and your gaze flickering down to look at your shoes
“Trust me.” He said and you thought back to when he was getting a divorce, he didn’t tell anyone. The only reason why it was found out was because he had gotten served in front of you and the team late one night in the office
Slowly after that night though he had become a bit open talking to mainly David and Spencer about what he was going through but he did look less tense after having people to confide in
“Okay.” You say understanding what he was saying to you “with that being said, I think it’s important for you to take leave. Have time for yourself.”
You look at him leaning back recoiling from what he just told you “no, it’s fine. I’ll do better here.” You responded but he shook his head “I’m not asking.”
You took a sharp breath in “Okay…thanks.” And with that you made your way out of his office and went to your desk collecting your items
“Where you headin’ to?” Morgan asked as you passed by him “Home. I’m taking a break.” You say “oh”
The first week of your leave, you spiraled bad.
You were left with your thoughts and though you knew you didn’t have to be, your mind didn’t let you reach out to anyone. You didn’t know it then but going in to work that week was easy, it was being home that was the hardest on you.
At work there was distractions, and at least able to see see people even though you didn’t really talk to them but now it was just you and the four white walls.
It was a Monday night only three days into your leave and you were laid on your couch blanket on you staring at the ceiling as tears streamed down your cheeks, there was a movie playing in the background but you paid it no mind
You wanted to feel different, and wanted to figure out a way to forget what happened but your mind didn’t want to let it go just yet
You took deep breaths trying to calm down but it just wasn’t working, you felt like you were gonna explode that was until a sing song knock was heard coming from your front door
You sit up and look at it “Anyone home?“ the guy behind the door asked you sighed and debated to just be quite and wait for him to leave “I know you’re home..”
Damn
You got up from your couch and made your way to the kitchen splashing your face with cold water then found your way to the front door opening it slowly
“Hey” Spencer said and quickly noticed the stained tear trails on your face “hi” you said and looked down seeing he had a take out bag
“Come in.” You say and opened the door wide “sorry it’s a mess, I would’ve cleaned if I knew you were going to be coming over.” You embarrassingly say as you do your best to try to clean up a bit
“No no it’s okay, my home is like way more messier. It’s disgusting actually.” He reassures you with a slight laughter to his tone but you knew he was only trying to make you feel better because there was no way in hell Dr. Spencer Reid will let his home get disgustingly dirty but it was nice he’d lie
“I wanted to drop this off.” He gestured to the bag in his hand lifting it up a bit “JJ told me it was one of your favorite restaurants so I decided why not come see you and bring a little gift.”
“Oh Spence, that’s really sweet.” You smiled “how much? I can repay you.”
He looked immediately taken aback by what you said and shook his head “What? No. Don’t do that.”
“Spencer, please.” You beg feeling uncomfortable that he’d go out of his way to do something like this “No, how about you just let me eat here with you.” He suggested as a form of payment
You chuckled and agreed “Fine but no picking at my food.” You warned him “Fine with me.”
You grabbed the bag from him and laid it on your table going through the food and sorting it out “We can eat on my couch.” You suggest
Knowing Spencer that was probably a crazy idea to him, he probably ate on his table when he was able too “oh yeah.” He said and followed you to your big comfortable couch
“So how have you been?” He asks after a while of watching whatever it was that you had on the T.V
“Oh erm good, yeah.” You nodded smiling at him
“You know, most people think they’re better at hiding things than they actually are. But facial microexpressions like the way your smile doesn't reach your eyes, or the way you tense your shoulders when you think no one’s looking those are hard to control.” he informs you
You look at him confused as to why he would throw that random fact at you “If you haven't been doing good, it's alright. I-i don't mean to pry but I want you to be able to tell me things.”
You look away from him and set your food down on the coffee table not having much of an appetite anymore “i’m sorry. I just wanted you to know.” he tells you
You squeeze your eyes closed trying to stop from letting all the emotions out but it only makes everything worse because the next thing you know your chest tightened and each inhale felt shallow and sharp your heart feeling as if it was slamming against your ribs too fast, too erratic like it was needing an escape.
“Hey, hey its okay.” Spencer says quickly getting up from the couch and centering himself in front of you kneeling down to your level “Just breathe.” he grabbed your hand laying it on his heart
“Focus on my heartbeat.” he instructed “in and out.”
And that is what you did, you held onto him focusing on his breathing, he made sure to hold deep eye contact with you and laid his hand over yours to comfort you
Once you were calmed down you finally had let go of him “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why that happened.” You apologized “Don’t be.” He says
You felt bad having Spencer see you like this, you didn’t want him to think of you as fragile
“Spencer, I—I know, okay? I know there are people who care about me, who want to help. I just… I can’t. I can't talk about it. Not yet.” You say, your voice unsteady
He looks at you, his eyes filled with a quiet sadness like if he’s carrying the weight of your pain with you
“That’s okay, you don’t have to talk before you’re ready. But when the time comes whether it be tomorrow, next week, or years from now. I’ll be here. You don't have to carry it alone.” he softly said
“I don't know how to not push people away.” you admit to him “I don't come from a family that helps each other out, or comforts each other.” you shook your head remembering all the times you were left alone at the end of the day comforting and consoling yourself
“Let me help you then.” he pleaded and reached his hand out for you, and by your own surprise you took it “I just want everything to be normal again, I want to be normal. I'm scared spencer, nothings ever going to be the same.” you sniffled as you squeezed his hand
“It wont.” he truthfully said “Normal isnt a fixed thing. It shifts, its adapts. One day you’ll find a version of it that’ll feel okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow but you will.” he continued
“Yeah, I know. Its just so hard to see right now.” you muttered “I understand.” he acknowledged
You stared at him seeing that it looked like he wanted to say something but was holding back or thinking against it “what is it?” You questioned
“I know how it feels.. to be held hostage.” He tells you and looks down “You were held hostage?” You asked
He nodded “it was a scary experience. I never spoke to anyone about it after.. not that I wanted to. I guess that’s why I feel so compelled to tell you and make sure you know how much you aren’t alone.”
“Spencer.. I am so sorry.” You whispered not wanting to ask to much about what happened not sure how comfortable he was to go into detail with you
“I was drugged, he used Dilaudid. After I was rescued I became addicted, I wasn’t myself. Didn’t tell anyone, but I-I’m sure they figured. It’s kinda hard to hide something like that y’know?”
Your eyes never left his as he dropped this news on you, you continued holding his hand and sharing expressions that let him know you were sympathizing with him.
“But the reason I’m telling you this is so you know things do get better, yeah I still think about it but not as much as before. I found a new normal, and it’s not bad.” He assured you “What should I do? How should I start?” You asked him
For once you actually felt a little bit of hope, seeing how Spencer was after his kidnapping made you feel like you can do it too, he inspired you.
“We can figure that out together.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
The following days Spencer would stop by your apartment when he was available and surprisingly he made himself available almost everyday which concerned you because working for the BAU it was rare when you were free
“Spencer you’re falling asleep, you can go home if you want to.” You tell him as you pause the movie you had put on seeing that he was slowly passing out
“Hmm? No it’s fine. We’re almost finished.” He says quickly opening his eyes you shook your head “It’s Thursday night, and you need to be awake early. Go home.” You sternly tell him
“I actually don't have work.” he admits “what? Why?” you asked confused because its hard to get a day off “I want to be with you…” he lowly said his cheeks getting flushed and he started to look nervous
“You can't call off because of me Spencer, they need you. People need you.” You tell him he nodded understanding “You need me right now, I said I’d help you and I am. You’re my focus right now.”
A small smile crept on your face you loved that he was being sweet but you still were against him doing this
“These last few days have been better with you, but that doesn’t mean you stop working. I am serious, next week you’re banned from coming here. Focus on work.” You told him
“I have a key to your apartment, I’m coming.” He protests “Yeah and I’m taking it back.” You warned him but let out a small laugh knowing you wouldn’t dare
Silence fell for a few seconds just you and Spencer stupidly smiling at each other
“So tomorrow since I have a free day, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go out somewhere? N-not like a date just more so you can go outside.”
“Well I wasn’t expecting it to be a date anyway, but uh yeah I mean I guess we can try.” You say feeling nervous since it had been a while since you’ve left your apartment “It can be somewhere small.” He suggested sensing you were feeling a bit uneasy
“We can go to a coffee shop, there’s one not far from here with a bookstore right next door.”
“Oh, that seems fun. I’d love to go.” You smiled causing him to smile to and finally ease “Well then, I guess I’ll go. Don’t want to keep you up.” He says as he gets up from your couch
“You don’t have to leave, You’re going to come back tomorrow anyway. Why don’t you just stay the night?” You suggest “Uh yeah, yeah I can do that.” He nodded liking the idea of being here with you
“I have pajamas for you, they’re men so don’t worry.” You smiled as you made your way to your room and picked out a pair of blue pajama pants and a huge shirt
“I like sleeping in men’s pajama pants, more comfortable, and in huge shirts makes me feel like I have a blanket around me.” You state as you hand him the clothes “I was starting to think you had a boyfriend.” He joked
“no. Just me being my boyfriend.” You shrugged and let him go to the bathroom to change, while he did that you turned the TV off and grabbed blankets and a pillow for him
“This shirt, it really does feel like a blanket.” He said stepping into the living area you turned and saw him, the shirt was swallowing him not as much as it did you since he was tall but he looked a little silly
“Love the look.” you say teasing him “Styled by the best.” he shrugged
“Here are your blankets, if you need more they’re in the closet by my room door.” you point towards the closet “Thanks.” He gave you a small smile
“I sleep with my door opened, if you want I can close it.” You tell him “No, there’s no need. I just hope you don’t mind if I snore.”
You shook your head “Okay well I’ll let you rest, goodnight Spencer.” You say “Goodnight.” He replies back and with that you go off into your room, only closing the door to change but quickly opening it back up once you are done
It wasn’t hard for you to fall asleep, it actually felt easier with Spencer’s presence. You felt safe.
Later on into the night Spencer woke up to the sounds of restless murmurs at first it was barely audible but then it started to sound a bit louder
You sounded distressed and scared, your words leaving your mouth in fractured pieces.
He couldn’t bare hearing you anymore so he got up and slowly entered your room “hey, it’s alright.” He says as he sits on your side of the bed and gently shakes you awake
“Help!” You shout and jump up clenching your chest, Spencer’s hands quickly find your arms “I’m here, it’s fine.” He assures you “Oh god Spencer, I'm so sorry.” you apologize knowing you woke him up
“No, no it's fine.”
You sigh and close your eyes thankful to be awake and out of that bad nightmare you were having “Have you been having nightmares?” He curiously asks
You nodded ashamed for not telling him “Yeah, I just I try not to think about them throughout the day.” You confessed “You need to tell me these things.” He says in a serious tone causing you to look down
“I know, I’m sorry.” You apologize once again “I’ll get you some water.” He tells you and gets up heading to your kitchen and quickly comes back
“Here you go.”
You take the cup and drink the water, that dream sure made you thirsty.
“Thank you.” You whisper setting the cup down on your nightstand, you turned on your little lamp “I think I might sleep with this on.” You laughed a bit
“You don’t have to be scared.” Spencer tells you “It was just a dream, and I’m here.”
You bit your lip and before thinking you had asked him to sleep next to you “If you don’t feel comfortable, I understand.”
“No, I feel comfortable.” He quickly nodded, you opened up the sheets and patted the spot next to you, he slipped in and laid down
You turned the light off not seeing the need for it anymore, and laid down but faced him
“If I wake you up again, just pinch me or something.” You smile even though he probably couldn’t see “I’ll never.” He said
“Goodnight.. again.”
“Goodnight.”
With that you faced the other direction and slowly slipped back into sleep feeling even more safe now that he was right beside you.
The days after that night were easy on you, with Spencer with you most of the time and slowly getting you used to going places and finding things to keep your mind at ease
Even on the days where he wasn’t able to be with you, you were still doing good. He helped you figure out methods to soothe your mind like reading or trying out a new recipe
“I’m telling you Spencer this cake I made, it’s the best, and I am horrible at baking.” You laugh as you take another bite
“I’d love to try it.” He said through the phone you could tell he was smiling, he sounded happy
“You should.” You hinted at him possibly coming over later “I don’t think I’m staying late tonight. Mind if I come over with a surprise?” He asked
“A surprise?” You question as you raised your eyebrows “Yeah.” He simply said
“Alright. I like surprises.”
“Good, I’ll give you a call when I’m leaving the office.” He stated “Okay. Be safe, and have fun with your paperwork.” You tell him
“Yeah, paperwork’s always fun.” He sarcastically said
“Yeah, it is.” You replied it was obvious none of you wanted to say bye and leave the call but he had to go
“So who’s gonna end the call first?” You questioned
“You are.” He said matter of factly “I can’t.” You admitted, “Why is that?”
“I don’t want to.” you smiled and looked down at your shoes “I don't want to either.”
You sighed “Well I don’t want you getting in trouble with Hotch so I guess I’ll let you go. I’m hanging up now. Bye.” You tell him
“Bye.” He says and after a few seconds you finally end the call, you were excited he was coming back over.
Not that he left a lot, but he had spent the night at your place quite a few times after the first so when he was gone the apartment felt empty.
It was later into the day, the sun was setting and you were finishing up cleaning your tiny apartment and then all of a sudden your phone rang
“Hello”
“Hey! I’m on my way.” He said with excitement in his voice “yay, can’t wait.” You smiled “I should be home in about five minutes.”
Home. He should be home.
“N-not my home, your home. I’m sorry.” He awkwardly laughed “hey it’s alright, I’m glad you see my space as yours. It’s cool.” You assured him
He took a breath of air “alright. Be prepared for me.”
“I will.” And with that, you both said your goodbyes and you went to your kitchen to get the saved piece of cake so he could try it once he entered your home
After a few minutes, you heard your door knob jiggle meaning Spencer was here so you walked closer to the door, and to your surprise it wasn’t just him
“What.” You laugh as your coworkers made their way into your home “Oh my god hello.” You greet them each giving them a small hug
There was the whole team, to your surprise Hotch was even there.
This time you didn’t feel nervous to be around him, and although he saw you in your most vulnerable position he wasn’t there judging you, he understood why it was so hard for you in the beginning
“Welcome to my home.” You told them and gestured to the living room where they all tried to fit
After a while of catching up with everyone Derek interrupted “Okay enough with the chit chat let’s play some games.”
Everyone cheered and Spencer took out a board game, Emily had brought drinks and everyone just hung out with each other not as co-workers but as actual friends, you missed them.
It was now Friday two days before your return back to work, you were at your desk journaling writing about your week and how the team had come over quite a few times, how you even went out with them a day ago, and that you enjoyed it.
You loved having your friends near you, especially Spencer you weren’t sure where you’d be without him.
You felt bad that there wasn’t a Spencer for everyone but also extremely grateful that you at least got him “I just realized that you return on Monday. Are you excited?” Spencer asked as he walked into your room
You shut your journal and gave him your full attention turning to look at him in your chair
He had your pink apron on, and a bit of sauce on his face “are you fighting the food?” you asked walking up to him and wiping the tomato juice off
He laughed “I’m winning though.”
“Doesn't look like it”
“So, are you trying to avoid my question or did you just want to touch my face?” he questioned causing you to raise an eyebrow, he's been getting bold.
“I'm not avoiding anything. I’m excited to return,” you told him, it wasn't a lie just half the truth you were excited but you were worried
“Good. The team is excited to have you back.”
“Are you sure it’s not just you?” You asked “no it’s mainly me.” He answered smiling and looking down at you “Food is also almost ready.”
“Yay, I’m starving.”
You both walked into the kitchen and you noticed the table was set, it’s never been set. There were even flowers in the middle.
“When did you go out and get these?” You asked smelling them “When I went to the grocery store. Figured it’ll look nice.”
You nodded agreeing because they did look really nice, you also didn’t realize you had nice dinner plates. Must’ve forgotten with work.
“Have a seat, I’ll serve you first.” He pointed to the chair “Spencer no, let me serve you.” You protested making your way to him and forcing him to let go of the pasta bowl “I got it.”
He seemed reluctant but he listened “you made dinner so the least I can do is serve it to you.” You tell him as you grab his plate and neatly place the pasta, with the sauce on top, and lastly, add the meatballs.
Presentation looked nice
“Thank you.” He proudly smiled, you did the same for your plate and went back into the kitchen to grab the garlic bread “I love garlic bread.” You stated and took a seat across from him
“Okay Dr. Spencer Reid, who knew you were an excellent chef.” You gasped as the fork left your mouth his Spaghetti was phenomenal
He blushed “Well you never let me make you dinner, you could’ve found out way sooner.”
“Now you’re always making me food, this was probably a huge mistake on your end.” You inform him taking another bite
After dinner you helped Spencer clean up but it was mostly you singing to the radio and trying to get him to dance, he did eventually but looked awkward.
After cleaning you both watched a movie, your legs over his lap and his hand gently drawing circles on one leg, you knew this was a bit intimate and could be seen as not friendly but it felt nice, you loved having him all to yourself.
“Hey, you want to go lay down?” Spencer asked as he watched the way your heavy eyes kept closing “No” you protested and opened them up again
“You're falling asleep.” he laughed you sighed and sat up “I am,” you admitted and rubbed your eyes
“I wish I could stay.” he lowly said “I wish you could too, but you have a case to figure out in a different city tomorrow.” you remind him “Yeah.”
You got up from the couch and grabbed his hands pulling him up knowing he wasn't going to move himself, he’d stay there all day.
He smiled as he stood in front of you “I’ll be back.”
“I know you will, you can’t be without me.” You joked
“I can’t.” He admitted causing you to look into his eyes they were soft and full of admiration for you
Your cheeks heated up and so did his, both of your hearts pounding he grabbed a hold of your hands this time but you let go and instead wrapped your arms around his neck laying your head on his chest
His hands found your waist gently squeezing them and he rested his chin on the top of your head,!you both know this was crossing a line but so was him sleeping next to you so it wasn’t the first
The silence took over you guys, words didn’t need to be exchanged to show how you both felt for each other
“You’re making it hard for me to want to leave”
“Good.” That is all you say but you pulled away first “I’ll be here when you come back.”
He moved a strand of hair behind your ear and nodded “alright.”
“Kiss me.” You blurt out, at first his reaction was shocked and confused but then it turned into a wide smile and he did but not where you expect it to be
He laid a gentle kiss on your forehead
You closed your eyes wanting to savor this moment forever, you wish time froze.
~ Present day ~
Looking back on the last two weeks a lot has changed, and it was a good change. Possibly even better than before but you still had a dilemma which was if you were going to return to work
You sighed wishing Spencer was here to help guide you or even just to tell you what to do, he knew you best and you trusted he’d make the right decision for you.
A few seconds passed, and as if your wish had been granted, your front door opened. The man you needed so badly right now stepped in
“You’re back.” You said making your way toward him “I caught the fastest flight back here.” He told you “the others aren’t back?”
He shook his head “They will be tomorrow morning, I just needed to be here.”
You smiled “I’m glad.”
He watched you but his eyes trailed to your living room seeing the sticky notes “what is that for?” He questioned you bit your lip nervous to tell him what you’ve been contemplating
“Spencer, I’m not sure if I want to go back.” You admit to him he nods understanding “Whatever you decide, I’m right here.” He assured you as he grabbed your hand
“Thank you.” You say. . .
.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・
@maisyyyyyy
#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fandom#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid angst#spencer reid smut#matthew gray gubler#bau team#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid series#criminal minds spencer reid#spencer reid thoughts#Spotify
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Texan tensions
Dbf!joel miller x fem!reader
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Warnings! Smut! MINORS DNI!
MASTERLIST
age gap (joel is 50 something and reader is in her 20s), thigh rubbing, fingering, daddy kink, Joel calls himself an old man, I prob forgot something but as always just lmk!
Wc: 1.5 (?)
Summary: Your dad's buddy learns you how to play the guitar
A/n: I still have so much to write but I'm not home for the weekend so I don't have my laptop to finish my other stuff so I wrote this on my phone (😭) I was not planning on writing today but as i was playing the TLOU melody on a guitar, I had to think of this so enjoy! I def could've written this longer but I need to sleep rn
The Texas sun was a relentless force, casting a golden haze over Austin as you stepped off the bus, your suitcase rolling behind you. The familiar scent of barbecue and the rhythmic hum of cicadas welcomed you back home for the summer. You had just finished your first year of college, and the thought of spending the next few months with your dad and his best friend, Joel Miller, filled you with a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation.
Your dad, a rugged man with a heart of gold, had been your rock since your mom passed away. Joel, on the other hand, was a different story. He was your dad's best friend, a man with a past as rough as the calluses on his hands. He had a way of looking at you that made your heart race, and every time he was near, you felt a magnetic pull that was impossible to ignore.
The first few days back were spent helping your dad and Joel with various tasks around the house. Joel was always there, his presence a constant reminder of the growing attraction you felt for him. His Texan drawl, deep and gravelly, sent shivers down your spine every time he spoke. You noticed how his eyes lingered on you when he thought no one was looking, and how he would quickly look away when you caught him.
One afternoon, as you were helping Joel fix the fence in the backyard, your hands accidentally brushed against his. The contact was electric, and you felt your heart skip a beat. Joel cleared his throat and took a step back, his jaw tightening as he tried to regain his composure. "Sorry 'bout that," he muttered, his voice low and gruff.
"It's okay," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the way he was fighting to keep his distance. But the tension between you was palpable, and it was only a matter of time before it boiled over.
A few days later, your dad approached Joel with a request. "Hey Joel, can I ask you for a favor?" he asked, his Texan accent thick and warm.
"Sure," Joel replied, his eyes narrowing slightly as he waited for your dad to continue.
"Would you teach my daughter how to play guitar? Now that she's on vacation, she's got the time to learn, and I can't do it," your dad said, a hopeful smile on his face.
Joel hesitated, his mind racing with the implications of being alone with you. He knew it was a bad idea, but your dad practically begged him. "C'mon, Joel, she's done so much for us. This is the least you could do," your dad insisted.
Joel sighed and nodded reluctantly. "Fine," he agreed, though every fiber of his being was screaming at him to say no.
The next day, you knocked on Joel's door, your heart pounding in your chest. He opened the door, and your breath caught in your throat. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a button-up shirt that was slightly unbuttoned, revealing a glimpse of his muscular chest. You were wearing a white lace miniskirt and a light pink tank top that clung to your curves, the fabric thin enough to reveal that you weren't wearing a bra.
Joel's eyes darkened as he took in your appearance, but he quickly masked his reaction. "C'mon in," he said, stepping aside to let you in.
You followed him into the living room, where his guitar was propped up against the couch. He handed it to you and gestured for you to sit down. You tried to play a few chords, but your fingers fumbled, and you struggled to get the hang of it.
Joel watched you for a moment before he finally spoke. "Here, let me show you," he said, his voice low and husky. He gestured for you to sit on his thigh, and you hesitated for a second, your heart racing. Joel feared he'd gone too far, but then you slowly sat down, your body pressing against his.
The moment your pussy touched his muscular thigh, you felt a jolt of electricity shoot through you. The fabric of his jeans rubbed against your now wet cotton panties, and you couldn't help but subtly start to rub yourself against him. Joel noticed immediately, and a low groan escaped his lips.
He put the guitar down and moved you so that you were straddling his thigh, your movements becoming more deliberate as you rubbed yourself against him. "F-fuck, Joel," you managed to get out, your breath coming in short gasps.
Joel's hand sneaked to your clit, his fingers rubbing it in slow, deliberate circles. "O-oh fuck, Joel," you moaned, your head falling back onto his shoulder as you came undone.
He lifted your leg over his other thigh, his fingers now exploring your drenched panties. He chuckled slightly as he pulled them to the side and inserted a finger into your wetness, making you cry out in pleasure. "Oh, baby, are you sensitive after getting off on my thigh?" he mocked, his voice dripping with desire.
You bit your lip and nodded, your body trembling with need. Joel inserted another finger, curling it to hit your g-spot, and you moaned loudly. "Tell me, baby, how good do I make you feel?" he demanded, his voice rough and commanding.
"G-good, daddy," you moaned, the nickname slipping out before you could stop it.
The word sent a jolt of pleasure through Joel, and he almost came in his pants like a high-school kid. "You think your real daddy is gonna like you calling another old man daddy like this?" he asked, his voice teasing and almost mocking you.
You felt a surge of embarrassment, but it only made you clench your pussy tighter around his fingers. "Oh, fuck, you like that, you little whore?" he growled, his fingers moving faster inside you.
You moaned loudly, your body writhing with pleasure as Joel brought you to the edge once again. The tension between you had finally boiled over, and there was no going back now. Joel knew he was crossing a line, but he couldn't help himself. You were breathtaking, and he hadn't felt this alive in years.
As you came undone in his arms, Joel knew that this was just the beginning. The attraction between you was too strong to ignore, and he was willing to risk everything to have you. But he also knew that your dad would never approve, and the thought of losing his best friend weighed heavily on his mind.
For now, though, he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the beautiful girl in his arms, the one who had awakened something in him that he thought was long dead. The summer was just beginning, and Joel knew that things were about to get a lot more complicated.
#joel miller x reader#tlou joel#joel tlou smut#dbf!joel#dbf joel miller#dbf joel smut#joel smut#joel miller smut#joel miller#joel tlou#joel the last of us#tlou joel smut#tlou joel miller smut#tlou smut#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal#joel miller imagine
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Hello!! I was wondering if I could request a Ticci toby x ASPD!(Sociopath!)GN!reader. Basically that reader is in a rage episode at the moment, which for me can look like screaming and breaking things, which was a build up of stress for Days and then they just snapped and toby helping them through it
-Sincerely, 👾 anon
MY FIRST EVER NAMED ANON HELLLOOOO :))) and yes I love this. I struggle with a disorder similar and it is so comforting to write and read about it, much love and I hope you're doing okay! also PSA to everyone!!! requests are open so please request things! I need motivation to write so bad!
REALIZATION AFTER POST I DID NOT SEE THE SOCIOPATH THING IM SORRY ILL DO A BETTER ONE SOON!
you're okay.
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pairing: tobias rogers x GN!reader
category: angst/fluff
synopsis: you're retractive, suffering with anxiety. not like being anxious, like you are suffering, angry, snappy. you seem to be off recently. your aggression worsened today, finally snapping as you're in your room screaming and smashing belongings. toby finally finds you and helps you.
warnings: sensitive topics, anxiety, social anxiety, aggressive behavior, mention of substance abuse
as if the week could not get any worse. the pain and regret building up in your stomach with every hour that passed by, every minute, every second. your life of current shut outs and mood swings. staying away and distancing so it wouldn't hurt others when you didn't show up for them. you were isolated, completely different than normal. what even is normal? did anyone truly know?
the week started off slow, a night of no rest, getting up and doing your same routine, working day in day out, secluding yourself in your room, friends constantly asking you to come out with them. but all they got was a 'I'm busy'. you truly were busy, finally laying in bed, away from everything. the thought of even leaving the house made your stomach bubble with this sick feeling.
the next day, you had been at work, and suddenly were asked to speak to your boss. you swallowed that thick rock in your throat and thought of every scenario that could go by. your palms sweat and shook as you walked to the man's office. you knocked quietly and entered.
he had sat you down and talked about your lack of effort recently, and you tried to explain to him your recent life, hut you only recieved the; "separate work life from home life" and "everyone is tired" speech. now that's just great. you've made an embarrassment out of yourself and will probably never be good enough for another job. your thoughts spiraled.
and then the next day, stepping out of your car, a group of teenage girls walked past, laughing at what you could only assume was either you or your outfit. the entire day, you felt tears stinging your waterline. looking in the mirror every hour and telling yourself, "you know the outfit was ugly. wociety would be ashamed to know a person like you. you felt like everyone's eyes were on you. when in reality, those girls were laughing about a funny post online they saw. you went home and cried about how you looked all night.
the next few days were of the norm, sitting at your job for hours, coming home, sleeping, job, home, sleep. the only person you even cared to try and see was toby. he had been your boyfriend for quite some time now, understanding what you go through, as he suffers from multiple disorders too. but last night, you two had gotten in an argument about simply nothing. a petty bicker that only left you sitting at your table, thinking back to your old days of forgetting.
you used alcohol to forget about the anxiety that filled your head and body to the brim, thinking it'd wash everything away. you fell to addiction, and you'd finally climbed back out. atleast you weren't there anymore. atleast you're able to manage normally now. normal? what is normal?
that brings you to present, current, the now. staring at the unopened glass bottle of beer, glaring at it like it can understand how I feel. the pent up anger that clouded your mind made hot tears fall down your cheeks and hands tug at your hair. your voice was hoarse from yelling at nothing, only the walls able to withstand everything you had to say. everyone else leaves, no one wants you, no one stays. you have nobody. nobody wants you. no one stays. no one ever stays.
you stood up and picked up the bottle of beer, screaming as you chucked it against the tile of your kitchen. the bottle shattering and foaming beer spilling everywhere. the screams and cries tore at your throat, hands coming in contact with the plate left out and chucking it at the wall, leaving a dent before shattering. you tangled your hands into your hair, covering your ears to stop the ringing.
you screamed, the pounding in your head growing more and more prominent. as you walked to your room, slamming the door so hard behind you, you swore the frame cracked, you picked up the nearest thing. it was a picture frame of you and toby, a cute photo of you two on the Faris wheel. you cried at it, knowing he'd probably leave you too. you held it so hard it shattered, the glass piercing into your fingers and drawing blood.
you just cried, yelling and ripping apart your room. little did you know, toby was coming back to apologize, and when he found the front door unlocked, he knew something was wrong. he walked into your home, noticing the shattered plate and bottle. he then heard your screams and cries, random bashing and clanging to the ground. his heart pounded in fear of what you were doing to yourself.
he slipped running so fast, trying his best to get to you as soon as possible. he busted through your door and spotted you sitting on the ground, crying. your room was shredded, clothes stripped everywhere, atinques and collected figure thrown and broken, pictures ripped or cracked, and dents in the walls. the most important thing, of course, was you.
you looked up and met his eyes, your teary ones only sobbing out more when you saw him. he hurried over, gently holding his arms out for you. as he sat down and helped you into his lap, you squirmed around, trying to shove him off.
"toby go away! stop it! Just go!" you screamed at him, your fists slowly stopping their attempts to hit on his body, slowly turning to grip his shirt and sob.
he cradled you and held your head in his chest. he rubbed his tumb over your cheek and squeezed you, knowing the pressure eased the anxiety.
"hey, shh, hun you're okay. I've got you" he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and rocking you gently. he let you sob, hit, and thrash at him all you want, "hun, cmon you can hit me, I can take it." he tried to laugh a bit but just gave a sympathetic smile when you sobbed harder.
I repositioned his grip, holding you under your knees and back and lifted you. he maneuvered his way to your bed, gently climbing in and letting you rest on him. he pulled your blanket over the two of you, his arms returning to hold you steady to his chest. his shirt was stained with tears, the blood from your fingers, and probably your snot, but he didn't care, he loved you, and was there for you. he wasn't leaving. he'd never leave you, he loves you.
"hey, love, open your eyes please" he hummed, placing his hands on your cheeks and making you look him square in the face, "I ain't goin anywhere, I'm right here, always will be. don't worry about a thing, you've always got me." he measured you, pressing a kiss to each tear stained cheek, then your forhead and nose.
he let you settle back down against him, your breathing calming a bit and tears stopping. your arm wrapped loosely around his torso, head resting against his chest. you grounded yourself by listening to his heart beat. steady and sound. knowing toby was alive, and that he was here. he didn't judge you for any of this, always understood, always let you sob and hit, always helped. maybe he was lasting forever.
"thank you" you mumbled quietly before fluttering your wet lashes closed and falling asleep, the episode tiring you out.
"always, hun, I've got you" I kissed your head again, holding you a bit closer and watching you fall asleep.
toby stayed awake for a little longer, rubbing small circles on your back and cheeks. he loved the way your eyes twitched when you were sleeping, or the way your lips parted softly, or when you sprawled out and snored like a chainsaw. he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. and he simply was staying. you couldn't get rid of him even if you tried.
and yes, he'd wake up, make you food and coffee, and help you clean everything up. he'd do it all for you, never make you lift even your pinky. giving you reassuring whispers and kisses through the day, checking up and smiling at you. he did everything in his power to make sure you knew he loved you. it's the bare minimum of what you deserve.
___________________________
author notes: I have no idea what your experience is like but based on research this is what I had taken from it! I hope it's okay. I hope you know you are loved and please reach out to me if you need to talk! I'm always here THST GOES FOR ALL OF YALLL much love <3
#creepypasta#fanfiction#creepypasta x reader#xreaders#multifandom#x reader#ticci toby#ticci toby x you#tobias erin rogers#ticci toby x reader#i love toby#toby rodgers x reader#comfort#angst#i love toby rogers he is sweetie#love#i am here for you!
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New Vegas Divide and Big MT Locations
A lot of discussions I find on the matter tend to ultimately be met with the answer of, "It's a fake place somewhere in Death Valley, it doesn't matter exactly where". I can understand not needing this information to enjoy the story, but unfortunately, I'm roleplaying a prequel set in 2276 so I want some goddamn specifics 💅
SO. My own speculation on The Divide's more precise location below the cut. Apologies if anyone has supplied this theory before, I got a little tired of browsing reddit threads full of incurious wiki-thumpers.
(tl;dr it's a developed Fort Irwin)
The Divide and the named places in it obviously don't correlate as directly with real locations like the rest of the game, but this makes sense. In a differing timeline where the nuclear arms race seems to have only shifted in players, not ethics, it's easy to imagine that the area surrounding desert military operations and nuclear development sites would grow in importance (I similarly have mentioned Los Alamos being a much bigger city in our RP for the same reason). The Mojave was a hub for nuclear R&D and even today houses one of our warheads, of course it would boom (pun unavoidable). So the first thing I did was ignore cities, even "Ashton". A location named Ashton does exist further north beyond the Nevada border, but nothing about it geographically matches what we interact with in game.
Instead, I thought about the geography itself. What we know about the Divide is that the detonations there made CA-127 unusable, forcing NCR supply chains trying to reach Hoover Dam to enter via the 15 and Mojave Outpost.
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We also know it was east of established NCR territory, west of the main NV game map, and north of the 15.
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This means its radius is limited to something like this.
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Looking at the overlay, and knowing that the "default story" courier had been for some time delivering supplies between the established NCR and Ashton/Hopeville, their route taking them from The Hub (formerly Lancaster), the industrial and trade center of New California, and this new city makes the most sense.
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(As an aside, I have to say that I'm very sorry to classic players upset about the map retcon, because that damn geography doesn't even match what the text implies. The Necropolis is Barstow, not Bakersfield?? Anyway.)
Further evidence that the courier's route brought them from the Hub is a note by a merchant from there who appears to have found their old route after the bombs...
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... and Nash explaining that the Courier was initially hired at The Hub in the first place, indicating an established presence there.
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So we have the general radius. How do we get more specific? What I think a lot of people ignore when trying to pinpoint the area are the quakes set off by the subterranean bombs and the effect they had on the landscape: gaping geological scars that run East-West, indicating a sensitive fault line at this angle.
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The immediately clear answer to this was the Ridgecrest fault.
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Okay, so we have a good candidate for a fault line. What sits below it? In our timeline, the remote Fort Irwin and its surrounding military desert combat training sites (complete with simulated villages), and the Goldstone site satellite complex. If you were going to use existing infrastructure as building blocks for new and grander development in this region, the roads, electricity, water treatment, and radio towers here would be the ideal choice. Let's see if it lines up.
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You know what? I'll take it. A circular central interchange that branches out through mountainous areas situated just below the Ridgecrest fault. So where does that place Big MT? We know it's south of Hopeville, but it can't interfere with I-15. This necessitates an area of (currently) high elevation with caves below surrounded by darker soil, canyon networks, but an otherwise flat landscape somewhere just south of the Divide radius.
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Wouldn't you know, there just happens to be a lone mountain that sits atop an opal mine, which in a different timeline could have very easily been converted into a different excavation project. Opal Mountain, or the Black Mountain Wilderness (unrelated), is a perfect match.
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So! This is obviously pure speculation based on me having the specific flavor of autism that brews when one grows up having their own brain fried by 120f weather and residual nuclear fallout. I did this for the purpose of RP, but if anyone finds it useful, yippee etc.
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Weirdo (!basement era Gerard Way x reader !fem)
warnings/triggers: Gagging, Oral sex (male receiving), Exaggerated writing, Degrading, Swallowing, Just overall filth and when I say filth I mean it- this is disgusting.
word count: 2066
Dead Dove Do Not Eat!
You never would have thought about Gerard if it weren't for Mikey, not too long ago, a few days before, Mikey asked you to come and hang out with him since y'all were best friends. But he forgot to mention that he's actually busy and not home. He didn't even text you or anything, so as you normally would have, you knocked on the Way house's door three times and waited for Mikey to open the door; but to your surprise it was Gerard that opened the door. Mikey's weirdo older brother who lived in the basement room underneath the house.
He was a freak, you never saw him, he was always in that basement doing God knows what, you only saw him when he was making coffee in the kitchen while you and Mikey gossiped; and not even that was a pleasant encounter.
"So? Where's Mikey? We were supposed to hang out today..." You asked Gerard, standing in the doorway.
"He- He's busy today, he went to grab something from the store but, um he also said that he needed to do some business..." Gerard scratched the back of his head awkwardly and stepped aside from the door. "If you um- wanna spend the time uh, until he's back, I got some new comics, if you'd uhm want to- take a look at them." He avoids eye contact and for a second you thought he almost looks cute, if it weren't for his stink.
Either way, you step inside the already familiar house and put your bag on a chair nearby, then you turn back to him.
"I mean- sure. I already walked this far why not. I'm not really a comic fan but, some of them are cool." You tried your best to sound interested even though you weren't, Gee was the last person on Earth you would want to be stuck with. However you didn't wanted to walk back to your house, so you figured that you'll stay some time and then go home, Mikey will be hearing about this later.
"They're in my room- You can uh come check them out in there." He gestures vaguely towards the basement door and stairs, and you catch a small blush on his cheeks. You can't help but frown a bit at that, you never liked him and he's a nerd, but as long as there is nothing else to do you guess it'll be fine.
"Okay? I guess- you lead the way." You let Gerard go back into the basement, and you're a few stairs behind him when the stench hits you. It's a mix between body odor, cigarettes and junk food. You try your best to hide the small gag, your body reacted to this monstrosity but you have to keep it at bay. 'It will be okay, I'll just have to bear it for some time, until I have enough courage to walk back home. It will be fine-' Your thoughts keep you occupied for some peaceful seconds as you finally arrived to the man cave that is.
"Sorry for the mess- I wasn't expecting uhm, visitors. They are somewhere here- I just got them yesterday; one of the new editions." He walks to a table that's full of empty but dirty dishes and papers, comics, magazines. While he's searching for the comic, you dare take a look around the room. It had a worn-out couch and an old television with a console and some games, there was Final Fantasy X-2 and some other RPG games you never heard of.
There are action figures almost everywhere and posters lined the walls, a real nerd's wet dream is this room.
"Look, if you can't find them in this mess I don't blame you- I'm sure we can pass time in other ways. How about we play something? Do you know truth or dare?" He looked up from where he was, still searching for the comics, he seriously looked pathetic. His hair greasy and disheveled, his clothes messy with some darker spots of who knows what. He straightened himself and leaned back against the table trying to look cool, you almost huffed a laugh at the poor attempt of trying to look cool.
"Yeah, I know how to play it. I only played it once though- and that wasn't the very best either; but if you want to, then I guess uh, it's fine." The awkwardness of him makes this very entertaining to watch and you can't help but smile just a tiny bit at his pathetic try to win you over. So you figured why not make this interesting.
"Okay, I'll let you go first. I choose truth." You take a seat at the worn-out couch and wait for Gerard to come up with a question. He walks over to the couch and takes place opposite you with a fair distance between the two of you.
"What's your favorite comic? If you have one-" Now at that, you couldn't hold it in anymore so you chuckled and thought about it. He is so innocent yet very weird and disgusting you can't really compare to anyone or anything.
"I only read a few comics, but I'll say the OG Batman comics. My turn, truth or dare?" You have a sick plan, that if your calculations guessed correctly Gerard will like. You sit up on the couch, hugging your legs.
He takes a few moments to think about what he'll choose, "Truth." his eyes lock with yours as you contemplate what to ask.
"Have you ever been blown off?" You smirk satisfactory taking over you at the blunt question. You can see his surprise at your straightforwardness, a blush creeping up to his cheeks and ears, he even looks away in what seems like embarrassment.
"I- I haven't. No-" He still doesn't meet your gaze, but you're sure he can feel your eyes bore a hole through him as he confesses. "W- Why?" He softly turns back to you and looks at you with such a shyness you've never seen. You can't help but think about giving him one just out of pity, and you might actually just do that.
You snuggle closer to him on the couch, only so much though. He seems to notice your slight movement and he looks away.
"You wanna know how it feels like, don't you?" You ask in a teasing tone and with that smirk on your face he knows all too well why you're aksing this.
"Um- I, uh guess- um ye- yeah..." The blush he has is getting out of control and it just makes you move a tad bit closer again, like a predator, slowly approaching her prey. You don't even care about how disgusting he is but get turned on by his lack of hygiene. You knew that this was sick, that you shouldn't like this, that he's a weirdo, a freak. Yet you couldn't keep those naughty thoughts away locked in that dark place in your mind; they were escaping with every milisecond that passed.
"I'm bored of the truth or dare-" You moved closer again, "I want to play something else, or well- with something." you bit down on your lip, and found yourself next to him, he's siting sideways facing you, and you can see his bulge underneath the sweatpants.
"Wha- What are you doing?" You place a hand on his chest, pushing at him softly so he'll lean back into the couch. You just shake your head softly. He closes his eyes, probably just this soft touch is too much for him, your other hand trails to his waistband and you link two fingers in, just teaing him.
"Shhh- lean back and enjoy, I know you'll love it you weirdo." You whisper in his ear then plant a soft wet kiss under his ear. His skin tastes like sweat and bitter, he most likely haven't showered in a few days. The soft noises he does makes you smile, and it's cute how he grabbed a pillow to cover himself with, but you pull at his waistband as the one hand on his chest goes to grab his and pull it away with the pillow.
"Don't cover yourself you freak- Let me send you to heaven." You look back at him, somehow with lust, it seems impossible that you're really about to do this, however the idea of you giving this nasty freak his first blow job makes your skin all tingly. He complies and even though his eyes are closed he doesn't stop you from getting off the couch to kneel before him.
"Open your eyes Gerard, look at me..." You pull down his sweatpants in one smooth move and his boxer is now revealed to you, his hardened dick poking at the fabric, it looks painful so you remove it for him springing his dick free. He's not small but not huge either, just about the middle, average size.
"Ohm my- God!" He mutters under a breath when he opens his eyes, you lock gazes and you lick your lips before running a single finger along his size, he shivers under the soft touch with the smallest moan.
"You're so disgusting, you know that? You don't even deserve this-" You curl a hand around him and stroke him softly, some pre-cum already drooling down from him. "You're such a creep- you like it when someone degrades you, hm?" You continue to stroke him softly and he buckles his hips to create more fraction.
He can't form words so he just nods and leans his head back, letting out a long moan. You take that as invitation and so you put a hand on his thigh for balance then you lick up his dick. He tastes horrible, straight up disgusting and it makes you drool. With soft kisses you trail up his cock and when you reach the top, you take him in your mouth your tongue darting out to slide against his sensitive skin. You almost gag at the even worse taste and you can't help but whimper against his dick. It's like the more disgusting he is the more you enjoy, which is weird but also hot.
His hand sneaks into my hair, and you can feel the hesitation in his touch, but at last he grabbes your head by your hair and guides you to take him deeper. You look up at him as you deep-throat him, you gag around him but not because of his size, it's the taste that makes you gag yet it makes you moan at the same time.
"Ugh~ I- I'm gonna, I'm gonna cum-" Gerard stutters out between moans and you can feel his dick pump in your mouth, so you slurp against him and lick around his cock plus adding a bit of teeth it makes the magic happen and he cums into your mouth. The cum tastes even worse, bitter and way more sticky then it should be, but you swallow, you swallow every single drop of his semen. With a loud pop you take him out of your mouth and clean up around your jaw, you swipe of the excess saliva with your T-shirt. Then after a big sigh you smile up to him.
"How was it? How was it to see the popular girl kneeling before you? With your dick in her mouth, hm? How was it to see your little brother's best friend lick you like a lollipop? Did you enjoy it? I know you did you nasty pig- You were moaning like a little bitch, it was cute." You stand from the floor as he tucks himself back into his boxer then his pants.
"It... It was amazing-" He looks away, seems like the awkwardness never left and he's back to his abnormal gross weirdo self. "I- uhm, thanks." He scratches the back of his head then looks back at you, you're still standing in front of him.
"Y'know, your cum tastes really bad- you should totally check it out or something, this is definetly not healthy, let it be from anything... Either way, I loved it-" With a soft turn you go to the stairs that lead to the house and you look back at him. "And don't thank me, loser. You're still really gross and I don't like you. If you DARE to tell this to anybody- I'll rip your head off." And so you left the basement, texted Mikey you're not going to wait for him and walked back home.
#gerard way#gerard way x reader#mcr x reader#gerard way smut#basement era gerard way#dead dove diner#dead dove fic#dark fanfiction#darkfic#archive of our own#my chemical romance#my chemical fucking romance#my chemical gerard#my chem romance#my chem gerard#mcr#dead dove do not eat#dddne
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I feel like hell. I wanna go home. I miss my parents.
#i'm so angry i'm so scared i'm so tired#everything is so loud and i can't focus on anything#i'm stressed about the election i'm stressed about homework i can't make it stop#i don't know if i can go to class tomorrow and act like everything is okay i don't know#i'm so sorry i thought i would be okay today but i'm just not#i don't understand how anyone can have so much hate in their hearts
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this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.
edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖
#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access#that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this#i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault.#it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry#on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control#& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness#this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all#okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.
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if i do "?" in text i'm genuinely tilting my head like a dog if i do "!!" my eyes are sparkling and i am figuratively wagging my tail if i am IN ALL CAPS i'm screaming from the top of a mountain with all the power i can with love and the strength of RAGHHH within me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry guys. i will not shut up.#honestly i really miss it here on tumblr SNIFFS ..... i say this sm tho but damn real/offline life has really been fun <33#anyway. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow me#very good day ty to those who greeted me anywhere or even just liked a post as a little hi hbd or just acknowledgement ya know arghhh arghhh#I'M SO TIRED NOW ACTUALLY i'm on 5 battery but watch me keep talking (writing) some more#i'm insane btw i went out w friends earlier this tuesday (love them sm) and then. they pitched in to buy me the origin of species bcs i've#been wanting the book LMFAO AS A BDAY GIFT IDK IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME BUT GENUINELY I'M SO HAPPY (NERD) <333#and today i've talked a lot again w one best friend and another of my dearest friends and another too and idk fun day fr#okay i shut up now#that's a lie btw who knows when i will shut up#i might shut up now actually actually#actually i like rambling it's so fun teehee#BUT YEAH TY AGAIN ... genuinely makes me so happy i feel so giddy i was scared today would turn out bad and hey it isn't perfect but to me#it kinda is. in its own way. imperfectly perfect ^_^ <3 yeehaw!!
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Actually you know what would really kick start Silly Season 2024 and make it exceptionally funny and chaotic?
Seb coming back.
#I know I'm just hurting myself in the process of imagining it but it would be SO FUNNY#And sorry I'm posting so much today it's unbearable I have too many thoughts okay#f1#2023#2024
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monster food is already different to human food (does not pass through a monster's whole body, does not spoil, etc.)
but then there's also ghost food (like the ghost sandwich blooky offers you). so like I guess there's sub-categories of monster food for different monster types sometimes?
humans are capable of eating some monster foods (Frisk can use consumable items and Chara lived underground for a while so they had to be eating something). but no one other than incorporeal ghosts can eat ghost food (even if they were a ghost but they now have a body)
ghosts might be able to eat other types of monster food (didn't Napstablook have a flier for the spider bake sale? so maybe they can eat that)
just wondering if there are other types of monster food and what sort of properties they might have…
#also. monsters might be able to eat human food?#the mouth monster at grillby's wants to try human food at least#and we know they can eat physical matter because asgore accidentally ate buttercups. made him sick ofc but he was able to swallow and stuff-#-I guess so#might depend on the monster type though because I don't know how a ghost or a skeleton would digest human food#grrr grr grr I feel like shit today and felt like rambling sorry#don't feel like elaborating on any more thoughts or headcanons here because I'm foggy#but feel free to reblog and add stuff if you want I guess#or send an ask and maybe I'll get to it later#idk. also wonder if human food can be converted into monster food#and just how monster food works in general#hhhh I'm a mess okay BYE
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#hello i just found out my dad might be getting another divorce and he's not telling me :))))#he might be already separated from his wife living back in my hometown with who knows who :))))))))#so he left a woman who he has cheated with on my mom and basically destroyed whole family :))))))))))))))#i don't have any reliable sources for this ans I can't ask him but it is eating me inside#and I had my suspicions since Christmas but I just thought they are having some tough period#so whenever I called him I tried to check of everything is okay and everything seemed okay#and I just hope they're still maybe just going through something but they will end up back together again#and i won't know because we don't talk about our problems in my family you need to be always happy#and god forbid you bother someone with your problems#i am sorry of this is too personal but it's making me freak out a little bit#i just can't stop thinking about it#and is it bad that I actually feel sad that I won't ever see his cats again if his wife keeps them?#ugh how the fuck can you divorce twice in your life?????#and does this mean that I also have some fucked up genes in me????#i was kinda hoping he would come to visit me for my birthday because I don't want to be alone but I doubt it will happen now#i just miss him and i want that he's hapy#okay that's enough i just needed to get this out of me#have a wonderful day everyone I'm going to take a shower because I ran 5km today so at least that's something positive
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Cannot believe the life series sometimes, like, what do you mean Etho and Bdubs played out an entire tragic narrative in Last Life, a series with no script or intentional narrative?? They just did that.
#they're on the brain today sorry#but like. i'm not even kidding their last life POVs have the key characteristics of a tragedy#a story where there's so many turning points when the characters could have so easily made one different choice#and everything would have turned out okay#and yet the characters only make the choices that inevitably lead them to their fates#because those are the only choices that they would ever make#that's how you get a tragedy!!!#and that's kinda exactly how etho and bdubs' relationship in LL and bdubs' death went it's wild I could go on and on about it#theres other instances of actual narrative and thematic structure just emerging throughout the life series mostly through improv its so COO#i wouldn't be shocked if some things are intentional through ccs having intent or playing their characters up but its still very fun. to m#and i'm sure i'm the last person to talk about this but yknow? sometimes its just fun to share my thoughts on the internet#last life#traffiblr#echo's echoes
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one of those crying in the shower kind of days
#my 'best friend' stood me up today#and by stood me up i don't mean canceled last minute i mean didn't show up and only responded to my calls and texts after 45 min#why? she was hanging out with some guy (she met him last week. he's not a christian.) and lost track of time#she's also initiated no contact with me over the last few weeks#the explenation was she thought i was busy with my thesis. as if you can't check in on someone when they're busy#she also gosted me for 3 days (like a month ago??) cause she was asked to share at student group and i couldn't go CAUSE I WAS SICK#I'm just so tired of it at this point#but it's also made me realise i dont really have any close friends#i have lots of friends. sure. and i trust them too. but it's not the kind of close where i can write to them when I've got a problem#like maybe I'd tell them live if they asked me? but I wouldn't really write to them it would just be weird#and so who do I tell that I met S's parents yesterday and even though so many things have happened since then already thats the only one#I can think about???? or that he actually CALLED ME afterwards specifically to tell me what they thought of our church#or that his mom apparently asked him if our relationship was still weird and he said 'yes' and I've been overthinking it cause i thought we#were finally okay and normal and genuinely just friends?#or that his mom said my look is that i dress vintage and it made me SO HAPPY!! that's my look!!! that's how I'm recognisable!!!#the answer is nobody. i have no one to tell :(#mine#s#I'm sorry I guess I had to vent this prolly turned out really really long
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it's cool how one day i can have a headache so bad it makes me puke and then i still have to wake up and go to work the next morning
#sometimes they hurt so bad i have to sleep through them or it's like torture#and then i still have to go to work in the morning#i actually had to leave work today on account of the puking#truly considering calling in tomorrow but...my attendance has not been great so i really shouldn't...#but like how do you want me to be pleasant and helpful and engaging when i am fighting for my life#i am using all my willpower to stay standing and not bash my head against the wall no i cannot show you to the cereal aisle sorry#sometimes i worry i'm exaggerating or faking it and my pain isn't a fraction of the pain other people face so i shouldn't be dramatic#but i don't think wanting to bash my head against a wall or sleep for 12 hours is normal#and i say through a 4 hour long tattoo like a rock so obviously my pain tolerance isn't shit#i would rather have my hand smashed and bruised again that have another headache#migraine i should say migraine as i'm pretty sure that's what's going on#regular medicine doesn't work bright light stabs like a knife the shaking and puking...#when i first got them as a kid i couldn't see i would go practically blind#so...perhaps maybe a chronic issue more serious than a headache#but what do i know!#i need to go to a doctor so i don't get fired but just the thought is exhausting#oh okay whatever blah blah done complaining#personal
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love to stress myself out over stupid things and then go to bed
#all day. all dayyyyy.#like okay so i have a subscription to comics that i pick up at this store#and i haven't been in since uhh march? so a lot of comics has accumulated#and now they're messaging me a lot asking me to come pick them up and i'm stressed about it because a. i don't have money rn#due to my landlord not releasing my deposit for like 2 months. lol.#and b. i just actually am very depressed and demotivated and trying to get myself out of the house for most things is nigh impossible#and c. i feel bad but like. i was gonna come in and pick them up starting september when semester started again. like it's not that big.#but they've made it so so stressful cause they're acting like i've personally betrayed them. basically.#like can i just get some time please#and this is stressing me out so so bad because i explained this today and they didn't respond#and now i'm like okay fine#i'm starting to genuinely resent them for the stress i'm feeling#and like i get it you feel like i'm not coming in and you're losing money but i told you i'm not really around right now!!#fuck. fuckkkkk.#and it's just like i'm sorry i'm sorry i would come by and explain but the thought of that makes me feel ill.#i'm backsliding mental health wise rn if i'm honesttttttt#anyway. bedtime. i'm going swimming in the morning.#ratspeaks
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