#i'm so sorry for the wall of text and rambling and everything

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

(WARNING: This review will cover the series in its entirety, including the manga, so there will be major spoilers ahead, please tread carefully. This is also a VERY, VERY lengthy review. Should you decide to read this, it's recommended to read this from my blog instead of dashboard/search.)

Mashle: Magic and Muscles! At long last, I am finally able to talk about this series in its entirety since the series' original manga has ended, and the anime has finished its first season too. This is one of the two series that I followed regularly this season other than OnK.

So, I have been keeping an eye on this series for quite a while. It all started when one of my favorite artists from a well-known series that I love as well, has moved fandom to this series. From that time, they started drawing artwork, posting manga screenshots, and retweeting various artworks of this series, which interest me. But when I decided to follow the series, an anime adaptation was announced, so I held off from reading the manga and watching the anime first, then if it was good enough I'd pick up the manga.

So, what makes me look forward to this series every week? I will talk about this series as a whole, what I like about it, and my criticism of it. These are just my thoughts and opinions, your mileage may vary.

Since this review will be very long, I'll put separate sections between them to help me organize my thoughts. No promises on how "organized" this ends up being, though. Most of these are just my endless rambling and word vomit.

I. GENERAL

As I have mentioned in my OnK review, this show is more of a personal favorite of mine than an objectively great series, which is why I recommend OnK more than this. When I first watched this show, I was thrown off at how strange and weird it is, but in a good way.

The story is about a boy named Mash Burnedead, who can't use magic, who lived a peaceful life with his adoptive father while eating cream puffs and doing muscle training deep in a forest away from the city. In Mashle universe, anyone who cannot use magic should be killed, so when the cops found out about his lack of magic power, they went to hunt him down. Mash managed to survive the ambush and protected his father thanks to the result of his diligent muscle training, but his peaceful life was forever robbed...until one of the cops gave him a deal that he had no choice but to agree on or else he'd be hunted down forever: enter the magic school and become the next Divine Visionary, without any magic.

The premise and the setting seem bleak--a world full of discrimination--but this is, above everything else, a comedy, gag, and parody manga, that sometimes you forgot that the characters live in a terrible world. If you are familiar with a certain magic academy franchise, you'll see there are just so many aspects in this series parodying and criticizing that specific franchise. From the magic high school concept, uniform design, the dorm system, and how students are assigned to the dorms, even one of the sports and some of the characters' designs and personalities, are parodies of that franchise. This is great for me because I've always wanted to remove that franchise away from my memory. This and Wit.ch H.at A.tel.ier are the series I need to forever erase that franchise from my mind, replacing it with better series.

I think the main selling point of this series is how Mash will find his way to solve his problems despite lacking any magic potential. Keep in mind that it's implied Mash is not the only magicless person in the universe, he's just the only one that survived at the moment. There are potentially a lot of other magicless people like him, but they've been exterminated without mercy. So, he's not a special person by any means, he just happens to be the only one who can survive thanks to his adoptive father. And thanks to his adoptive father's patience, as well as his kindness when raising him, Mash can grow up and remain a kindhearted person, even in a cruel world that wishes him to drop dead, all the way to the final chapter. That does not mean his kindness and patience are boundless--he's more than capable of feeling upset if his enemies cross the line--but he's still generally a good-hearted person.

Of course, it's nothing new for the protagonist of the series to face any kind of discrimination with kindness and willpower, which is common in a lot of shounen mangas, but I always find Mash's journey to be inspiring, and heartwarming for me. And of course, hilarious. Yes, don't forget that this is a comedy and gag manga first and foremost. So the main focus of this series will often be the comedy and gag, but beneath it lies a heartwarming journey that is actually nothing unique or groundbreaking, but consistent and fun.

Which brings us to the ultimate question: what do you expect from this series? I think the reason why Mashle remains under the radar on the Western side even after the anime's adaptation is that people are often expecting something more than just "Mash finding a way to solve problems and defeating enemies without magic". They expect more battles and more action than comedy, even though Mashle focuses more on the latter. There will be more action and backstory akin to the shounen-demographic series in a similar vein, but this series is often about Mash performing a ridiculous feat without magic and everyone freaking out about it. That's what makes this series as it is. That's what makes the series extremely fun to watch and read for me. Mash didn't just use his muscle to power through things or kill enemies in one punch, but he also uses his spontaneous thinking to outsmart his enemies. A lot of his enemies are not easily defeated with just a punch, some of them are even invulnerable. The interesting part is how Mash gets through the enemies' gimmicks with the limited tools that he has: muscles, sports skills, spontaneous thinking, cream puffs, and some sassy words. That, I think, is what makes Mashle entertaining, and gives a different feel compared to the other shounen-demographic series. It rarely takes itself seriously, because this is a comedy manga. Mash's incredible and nonsensical feats, including his friends' reactions, are part of the gag in this series. But this series also has some surprisingly heartwarming and tear-jerking moments slipped between all the laughs, which can throw people off guard, including me.

That is the kind of series Mashle is for me, and what makes me like it a lot. It's not fully serious, you are not supposed to take it seriously despite the bleak premise, and if you are into a life journey of a good simple-minded boy who fights through discrimination for the sake of his family and friends through strength and spontaneous thinking, if you are into series who are just absurd and nonsensical but fun, then this is for you. It's not for everyone, but it's very popular in Japan (and apparently France too). You can give this a shot if that kind of series is what you are into. Just make sure you prepare a cream puff and a cup of hot tea because cream puffs are everything in this world!

II. STORY

Mashle is often promoted as an "abnormal magical fantasy with an easy-to-follow story", and it's true for me. The plot never goes way too convoluted or complicated. It stays on the rail, is simple, and is consistent from the beginning until the end. I've seen people call it boring since there's not really much of a plot twist and sometimes the outcome of the battles is predictable. However, in my opinion, sometimes simple and easy-to-understand plots are better than plots that are too difficult to follow. This makes Mashle a series that can be enjoyed by many people, a series that you don't need to think much about, just take a seat and enjoy the ride.

This does mean there will be a lack of discussion and speculation about the story due to how simple it is, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I like enjoying a straightforward story as a refresher from a tiring or stressful day. From the beginning, you might be able to predict that this story will end happily, and eventually, Mash will be able to live happily and safely with his family and friends. He will be the next Divine Visionary, people will admit his strength and no longer discriminate against him anymore. Perhaps you can already see that kind of ending from miles away.

However, the journey is what's important. What kind of hardships, and what kind of road that Mash has to traverse in order to be a Divine Visionary and regain his peaceful life with his family back? What kind of fight that he has to go through, and difficulties that he has to endure? Following Mash's strange, hilarious, and heartwarming journey is very entertaining. It almost feels like the reader is a part of them (Finn often being the character that calls out Mash's ridiculous feats and explains everything that's happened so as to not leave the audience/reader behind), and when Mash does get what he wants, it is portrayed like a bird leaving its nest. Looking back at everything that's happened, even a happy, predictable ending that you probably can guess miles away, is much more welcome. It's especially helped by the fact that the series rarely overstays its welcome--it's only 162 chapters, and possibly three seasons of the anime. It's long, but not too long to be exhausting to follow. I am never a fan of series that goes on for way too long, which is why I rarely follow the big shounen-demographic series nowadays, and would rather enjoy whatever series that I'm interested in.

Being shounen-demographic series, this of course has some common elements such as power levels, tournament and training arcs, and plenty of battles. There are some generic shounen-demographic series elements here and there despite it being a parody, but battles usually don't last for too long, save for some exceptions. There are some battles that happen just because they had to, and some battles are less entertaining and less relevant than others, but since those don't go for way too long, I can deal with that. There were some battles that went on for too long, which I will talk about later.

What's strange about Mashle is how important Mash's role is in keeping the charm of the story, because there's almost no one in the cast that can maintain the original charm of the series other than him. He's the main character and the (partial) titular character, yes, but as I said, the main part that intrigues me about the series first and foremost is the ridiculous and absurd feats of Mash to overcome challenges offered by his enemies. It's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight to the point that some main characters didn't get their chance (some still don't, even until the final chapter), I'm pretty sure Hajime Komoto, the series' original creator, at some point, realized that, which was why Mash got knocked out of commission twice.

However, when other characters do get the chance to shine in the final arc, while it's great to see and learn more about them, Mashle becomes the standard shounen-demographic series and I find myself missing Mash's existence in the series a lot when he was absent. The unique comedy and gags that are mostly from Mash's ridiculous antics are missing, and the series lacks the charm that appeals to me in the first place. I understand Komoto-sensei's decision, it's necessary to give the main characters more depth and more moments (Volume 13 of Mashle is one of my favorites for a reason), but it dragged for a little too long. Master Doom's fight in particular is the one battle where it started to go on for a little too long for my liking. The Innocent Zero fight was the worst offender, though, as it knocked Mash out of the picture AGAIN, and things went a little too serious and too grim, even for Mashle's standard. Yes, it gave moments to the other characters, but what's annoying about the Innocent Zero fight is that he's like a classic RPG boss with multiple forms, so even when Mash regains his consciousness, the battle still drags on for several chapters until it finally ended properly at chapter 160. The comedy and gag elements that are usually present were completely missing when Mash was on the verge of losing during the final hour against Innocent Zero's final form as well.

I've seen some criticism coming from the final arc as well, so I'm not the only one who thinks the final arc went a little too long, which is odd because this case only happened at the final arc. Usually, Komoto-sensei knew the right length for a fight, but Master Doom and Innocent Zero fights were annoyingly lengthy.

Despite some problems here and there, Mashle is still a greatly entertaining series story-wise. This being Komoto-sensei's first series (his other works prior to Mashle are one-shots) is amazing already. Komoto-sensei did say in one of the Q&A corners that Mashle was intended to be short and sweet, but he was determined to give Mash true happiness before truly wrapping things up, thus ending up making the series longer than it was initially planned. It's relieving that Komoto-sensei never wanted the series to overstay its welcome.

III. CHARACTERS

In this section I will talk at length about my top three favorite characters of this series, briefly about my fourth and fifth favorites alongside honorable mentions, then my criticism about this series' characterization.

Mash Burnedead (& Regro Burnedead)

I love this cream puff-loving boy so damn much. Being the main protagonist, he has the advantage of carrying this series' main charm and unique points, as I have explained in the Story section. Seriously, it's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight in the series but Mashle lacked the unique gags and comedies without him, he's the reason why this series was so entertaining in the first place. He stuttered whenever he tried to lie, he brought cream puffs in his robes and ate them ANYWHERE, including in the final boss fight, he wants to be a patissier and live happily, he sassed everyone no matter who they are, he masters a lot of sports, and he just never stops being confident despite everything...I just can't help but to root for him. Especially because he's a marginalized person in the magic society, a lot of people really went out of their way to make his life difficult or kill him, but he never lost his kindness. As Rayne ever described in his fight against Macaron, Mash fights against his fate. Mash never hates himself and regrets why he is born in this unforgiving society. He never laments about his lack of magic. Even his father once apologized for not being able to give him a normal life, but Mash instead said how happy he was for all the good things that happened in his life: his father always looking out for him, experiencing school life, having great friends, and eating a lot of cream puffs. He also has a really strong determination to keep going no matter what, no matter how brutally injured he is, he wants to stay alive for the sake of living in peace. He is honestly admirable.

And the reason why he becomes the person that can inspire (and surprise) people around him is because of his adoptive father, Regro Burnedead. Regro is someone who is born without amazing magic skills, and from him, we learn that even people that have magic, if the magic is not powerful enough or follows society's standard, those people will be shunned from society as well. The magic world is truly an unforgiving place, so much so that Regro attempted to jump out of the building because he didn't feel like he was needed anywhere...until he found baby Mash abandoned. He found that Mash didn't have a mark on his face (thus magicless), and from there Regro felt like he had to shelter the baby or he'd be killed. For the first time in his life, Regro felt like he was needed, so he was determined to take care of Mash with everything he got and taught him with kindness and care. Regro probably didn't realize back then, that he had undone the generational trauma rooted in this society by raising Mash with kindness. And because of Regro's teaching that Mash can survive in this cruel world, make many friends and allies, and eventually, change the world and society of the magic world as a whole.

It's honestly difficult to talk about how much I love Mash without talking about how much of a great father Regro is, especially in the magic world where most parents there are downright awful people who determine their children's worth from their magic, and can easily dispose of them. So, to see a wholesome family relationship and how big of an impact it makes is really nice, and heartwarming. It also pays off in Chapter 158:

This chapter is one of my favorites of the series as well because Mash had finally gotten the appreciation and reward of his endless effort for a right to stay alive and live peacefully with his family and friends. On top of that, his father expressed how much he's proud of him, and Mash replied by saying that it's Regro's teaching that made him able to reach this far, it really hits me. This is supposed to be a gag manga and I'm crying! Over this wholesome father and son relationship! As if this chapter cannot get any better, Mash visibly smiled at the end and expressed how happy he is to meet everyone...god, I love this series. I love Mash and his father. Regro adopting Mash is what caused the chain of events in this series to happen, and the world could change to be better. Imagine if Mash had stayed with his original father who only wanted to use him...the world would surely have become worse. I'm glad that Regro is Mash's de facto father and the only one he wants to consider as his father, not Innocent Zero.

And in the final chapter, I am happy that while he is still the first magicless Divine Visionary, he wants to focus more on his dream: to be a patissier, and he lets Lance handle the celebration formalities (poor Lance). He becomes a Divine Visionary so he can live peacefully with his family and friends, stop discrimination and change society for the better, but he still wants to make cream puffs forever. On top of that, he has erased his fake magic mark and can finally live as himself, no longer pretending to be someone he isn't to avoid being persecuted. His love for cream puffs is never-ending, and so too is his love for his family and friends. I love him, and I'm so glad he's living happily with his friends.

2. Finn Ames

Honestly, if you know how often I like the younger sibling character in a complicated sibling relationship, it's not hard to tell why I would like Finn a lot. But before getting into that part, let's talk about Finn in order. For the beginning of the series--hell, even for the entire season 1--we don't know what he's capable of. What kind of magic that he has, and if he will or can do anything at all. Apart from the basic magic used to silence Mandragora in Episode 5 of the anime, Finn does not use any magic at all. Even in the fights, he only stood on the sidelines and did absolutely nothing other than be scared and cry. I don't blame people who watch only the anime to think about Finn as a mere hindrance to the team, I saw and heard that criticism a lot, and I will not blame them to think that way. Hell, if you're anime-only and decide to read this post for whatever reason, you might be wondering why I like Finn so much.

The thing about Finn is that his character development is very slow, and takes a while to get there. Unlike other characters who get their moments and even their own battles even early in the series to show what they're capable of and what their characters are, Finn is not like that. He's similar to Ruby (of OnK) in being the main character who barely has their moments until much, much later. And once he gets his moments, it pays off so damn well. Finn's moments are rare but when he does get the spotlight, it's great. You will not see it until the second season, but there would be a time when Finn had to fight a powerful student from the Orca dormitory, Carpaccio, alone. Then at that time, Finn would finally use his personal magic, and that was also the time that marked Finn's character development. Finn in the past would turn around and run, or give up everything that he had to avoid being killed, but after his meeting with Mash, Finn has slowly changed to be a better person. He finally has the courage and determination to stand up against people who bully, belittle, and cruelly compare him with his brother. He might be scared, his magic is support/utility-based and thus he cannot attack or do much, but he would not abandon his friend and would protect them even if it meant he'd risk himself getting killed. This is the result of Mash standing up for him against Lloyd Cavill for Finn's sake at the beginning of the series, Finn has become a loyal and admirable character, especially for the sake of his friends. And the time Finn spent together with his friends, the encouragement he shared for Mash when he gave up on studying, how much the moments he shared with his friends motivated him to keep going even when things are dire... there are just so many moments to showcase that Finn has truly grown since the first time we met him, later on in the story.

Now, let's talk about Finn's complicated sibling relationship. Having a big brother who's basically a genius prodigy in everything he's doing can make his life hard. The characters in the series would often compare him and Rayne, he's best known as "Rayne's little brother" than as himself, and it didn't help that Finn and Rayne's sibling relationship was best described as "strained". Finn thought it was his lack of notable magic skills that made his brother disappointed and eventually kept a distance. After discovering that wasn't the case, Finn could finally stand up on his ground and, despite his lack of offensive magic skills, managed to assist his brother in the fight against Delisaster. And it's not just a mere assistance either, Finn is the healer of the group, and no matter how powerful Rayne was, even he could not handle the enemy who regenerated every time. Finn's healing spell, after training with one of the Visionaries, could outpace a regeneration from the enemy and eventually, helped Rayne not just to survive the fight, but also defeated Delisaster. At this point, Finn has changed from someone who could only helplessly watch the fight unfold, to the person who is very needed for the team's survival, thanks to his magic being improved to a healing spell. The brothers also have mended their strained relationship, and they can finally learn to accept each other's help and be more open as well. Finn's character development genuinely fascinates me, he's such a sweet-hearted boy who tries his best despite his lack of abilities, and he is very loyal too. Even when he's scared and cries, once you understand his situation, his reactions make a lot of sense. I love him so much.

The catch? If you are anime-only, you will not be seeing any of these awesome Finn moments for a while. The battle against Carpaccio? Probably happens in mid-Season 2 of the anime. The explanation of Finn and Rayne's strained relationship? Won't happen until either the third or fourth season depending on how far season 2 will adapt the story. Finn is noticeably less popular than his brother because he needed a while to get his impactful moments. So, yeah, I won't be able to explain why I like Finn without spoiling the story later on. For now, you will only know him as the tsukkomi of the group who reacted to Mash's ridiculous antics, and the person who stands on the sidelines as the battle unfolds. Doesn't change that I still like him a lot after reading the manga, and I'm glad I decided to read it, otherwise, I'm not sure I would like Finn as much as I do now.

3. Rayne Ames

The mysterious prodigy from Adler dorm, the youngest and newest Divine Visionary before the final chapter, and Finn's older brother. Also arguably the most popular character in Mashle (if the comments on his debut episode, the number of fanworks related to him, and the overpriced Rayne merchandises sold in second-hand stores are anything to go by). He made a cameo in the first episode when he was newly chosen as the Divine Visionary, indicating that he would be an important character later on. Well, he is kind of an important character, but he never reaches the position of a main character, since he wasn't present that often. But when he did, the impact he made was meaningful.

It's not difficult to see why Rayne is incredibly popular, because I think he's near flawless as a character in a series where every character at least has flaws somewhere. People like characters that are shrouded in mystery. There was little that we knew about him until his proper debut episode, and when he finally made an entrance to the scene, he definitely left a strong first impression. Stabbing an enemy with giant magic swords and proceeded to call the enemy "trash" while beating the hell out of the said enemy, then moments later he gave Mash a bunny-patterned handkerchief. Immediately, we are shown the gap between Rayne's harsh and cold personality and the hidden sweet side that's indicated by his adoration of bunnies.

People love characters with gap moe. In case you don't know, gap moe is a term used to describe how a character acts/looks in a different way than how they usually do, and Rayne is a perfect example of that. He never smiles, he always looks tired, annoyed, and serious. He even got visibly angry and beat down the enemy while calling them trash. You wouldn't expect someone like him to like bunnies so much he had a magical pink-colored handkerchief with cute bunny patterns. You wouldn't expect someone like him to protect Mash, speak for him, and even bowed in front of his seniors for his sake, potentially risking his position as the Divine Visionary. You wouldn't expect someone like him to shut himself in his room after finishing his class/work, then threw chopped carrots all over his room as he fell asleep while his twenty (or more) pet rabbits nibbled on the food he had scattered around, sometimes they also nibbled him. My assumption is that Komoto-sensei was possibly trying to make his adoration for bunnies his weak point to make him less cool, but it wasn't even a weak point. In fact, it's his strength! It backfired and Rayne became a flawless character in Mashle. And that's not even including how he's arguably the most powerful student of Easton, having a third line as a sign of how strong his magical prowess is and can summon God of War. No wonder people love him so much, including myself. He's so popular even more than Mash himself.

At least, until the final arc we get to see his imperfections, which were hinted at a little bit after his fight against Macaron. He said that he was never good at encouraging people, and he definitely proved that. He told Finn to leave when he found out Finn was training under Kaldo (one of the Divine Visionaries) to improve his magic and participate in the battle against Innocent Zero. When Finn successfully opened the way to the enemy's lair, Rayne didn't even say anything. Even when they decided to handle one of Innocent Zero's sons, Delisaster, together, the first thing that he did after saving Finn from Delisaster's ramblings was shove Finn out of the way and called him a burden. Things went south pretty quickly as Rayne was overwhelmed by Delisaster's power and his regeneration skill, and that's when we got to know why Rayne decided to be distant from Finn. Being a Divine Visionary, his goal was to create a better world where orphans (like him and Finn) can live happily. His ambitious goal could cause backlash from society and as a result, would put people close to him in danger, which was why he created a rift between him and Finn, telling Finn to live a normal life while he handled the dirty jobs. Eventually, Finn and Rayne's heart-to-heart moments mended the rift between them and they could stand up together again as a family.

Rayne is an odd character. I like him when he first appeared because of how cool he is and how he radiated the caring senpai aura that doesn't show his soft side often. My opinion of him hit rock bottom when he told Finn to leave. But I like him again and even more after learning his backstory and after he solved the issues between him and Finn. It's also implied in the final chapter (from the panel where Finn was happily surrounded by Rayne's pet bunnies and how Finn acted so casually around him) that they've mended the rift between them and become close brothers again. I think my opinion of him generally improved after knowing that he's not as perfect as the series made him up to be. While I don't like him as much as I like Finn, he's still one of my top favorites that I'll happily talk about.

4. Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

I put these two together because their dynamic is interesting and they're also pretty good individually as well.

Let's start off with Lance. We all know Lance has issues, it's even spelled outright in his debut episode. At first, he only had his little sister in his mind, and his goal was to save her and nothing else. Later on, he met Mash and everyone. By the time he fought Wirth, Lance has started to feel some sort of care for his new friends, despite the short time they spent together, but it's only implied because Lance possibly hadn't figured out what he actually felt for his friends and whether or not the care he felt for his friends was the same or different from the one for his sister. And that's the point of his moments most of the time. He eventually realized that his sister is no longer the only person he cares about in the world, and he slowly but surely cares for his friends to the point of even risking himself to save them. The battle against Epidem meant a lot to him, defeating Epidem would mean curing his severely ill sister, but he decided to take the lethal blow directed at Dot because he holds his friends dear to him. Lance never shows his actual feelings, what he says to his friends may or may not contradict what he actually feels (or tsundere in other words), but he's still a good person who cares for his friends as much as he cares for his little sister--not that he wants to admit it.

And that's the thing with Lance, I think his character was meant to evoke complicated feelings. If we decided to ignore the elephant in the room which was Lance's severe issues, he'd be a flawless character. But Lance would be a completely different character without the severe issue that he has, so it's hard to ignore that. In the end, even though he returns to his usual self, he seems to not mind hanging out with his friends anymore, introduced them to his sister, and thanks his friends for the help against Epidem which cured her illness, which is heartwarming to see Lance finally being honest to his feelings for his friends. His sister being healthy again, even joined the friend group (and possibly entered Easton as well), made Lance smile happily at the cover of the final chapter. It's nice to see the Crown siblings can finally live happily without any of them being in life-threatening danger anymore.

Dot is the complete opposite of Lance. He always puts his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions are clear and shown through his face and action (especially because his hidden power is related to emotion). If he cares for his friends, then he makes it clear that it's what he feels. If he likes someone, then he will express it in his own way. At first, you may find Dot as an annoying sidekick who desperately wants a girlfriend and blames others (specifically Mash and Lance) for his unpopularity. But Dot's character growth becomes pretty interesting. Later on, he would arguably have the most patience in dealing with Mash's antics, become a tsukkomi duo with Finn who freaks out over everything that Mash is doing together, sometimes even plays along with Mash's shenanigans (or forced to), and he is very loyal to his friends too. His brash attitude may turn off people, but his brash and always charging head-on attitude is what makes him stand out more than Lance, Mash, and even Finn in some ways who tend to find a way to outsmart their enemies.

That being said, Dot was also one of the main characters that didn't get explored much. We knew he was an Ira Kreuz, we knew that once his emotion hit a certain threshold, he unlocked a huge amount of power that made him could compete with even the more powerful third-liner magicians. But there was no further explanation or lore behind this Ira Kreuz anymore. His family also got very little spotlight, even though he has a really cool big sister she never appeared that much. It's unknown if his big sister was also an Ira Kreuz just like him, which could be an interesting subplot of Dot's family. Thinking back, there really was a lot of opportunities to explore more of Dot's backstory, from the Divine Visionary Exam arc, but Komoto-sensei didn't take the chance. It's a shame, but at least his current personality and his relationship with other characters helped to fill the visible gaps, and I still like him a lot. His moments with Lance at the training arc and the final arc were really great too, they fight a lot but it's clear that they care and will protect each other. They're also basically Orter's students now! Orter even has a picture of him alongside Lance and Dot on his desk, which is very cute.

5. Abyss Razor

I wasn't expecting to like him a lot, especially after he revealed his backstory. He was another example of why the society of the magic world is really fucked up. Abyss happened to have an Anti-Magic eye that cancels all magic directed at him, and when his parents knew about that, he was locked inside the cell, only got fed whenever the parents remembered, and finally, his mother attempted to kill her while saying "I should've never given a birth to you!". All of those happened when he was around 10 years old. So, he ran away, living his life in solitude and isolation, enduring hatred from people around him, until he met Abel who wanted to use him as a tool. Not for long, fortunately. Abel eventually sees him as an important person to him and not just a tool anymore after Magia Lupus Arc finished.

After living his entire life being a pariah to magic society, Abyss finally felt a sense of belonging when Abel wanted him to join Magia Lupus, even as a tool initially. Hearing all of this story, Mash realized how privileged he was for being raised in a nice environment and having a great adoptive parent, he said he couldn't even imagine himself being in Abyss' position, but Mash thought about Abyss' story a lot during the rest of the arc. Mash emphasized that his attitude would not change just because of Abyss' Anti-Magic, regardless of what other people would think, and hoped they could have cream puffs together.

Abyss' undying loyalty left him injured to protect Abel from Cell War, but he managed to survive thanks to Mash giving Rayne's magical handkerchief to keep Abyss' injury from being fatal. Afterwards, Mash alongside Abyss can finally eat cream puffs together, as promised. I really like how after the Magia Lupus Arc has concluded, Abyss is now a genuinely nice person who wishes all the best for Mash and will support him however he can. His undying loyalty to people he cares about often bites him back, as proven in the battle against Domina later on, but I just adore Abyss' kindness and loyalty so much, especially after knowing his backstory. I like him. He's just another victim of the ruthless society, and once the battles are done, he will gladly befriend Mash and the main characters too.

Honorable Mention 1: Domina Blowlive

When the stage was set for Mash vs. Domina battle, I'd had enough of troubled siblings in Mashle universe, especially when it didn't really appeal to me because I didn't have strong feelings for the characters involved in it, like Madl siblings and Rosequartz siblings. It makes sense for a lot of sibling conflicts to be a common occurrence in a society where magic is everything and determines one's value, but I didn't feel much attachment for Madl and Rosequarts siblings, because I didn't have strong feelings for the individuals involved in it. For me, to get invested in a fictional relationship, platonic or romantic, it's necessary for me to like the two (or more) characters involved in it. I'm a sucker for complicated sibling relationships, but if I didn't care enough for the characters involved in them, I wouldn't be invested. So, when Domina was shown to have a similar sibling issue for Mash and the rest of Innocent Zero's sons (but especially Mash), I thought this wouldn't work out.

Turns out I unexpectedly liked Domina a lot after the battle was concluded. I didn't like him at first because of how temperamental he is, but after he accepted Mash's handshake, and saved Mash twice at the cost of his life, I like him, and I ended up getting a little invested in him and Mash's troubled siblings relationship. Not as much as I did for Ames brothers, but I like it and I'm glad he's resurrected and can live happily in the final episode along with everyone. As Mash said in his final "speech", he's just a boy who wants to be loved by his parent as his son, not as a tool.

Honorable Mention 2: Ryoh Grantz

Characters who often boast their powers, prattle on and on about how amazing they are, and narcissistic, are often only bark and no bite. I'm glad that Ryoh is not falling into that stereotype. He's very strong, it's no wonder why he's considered the greatest magician in the magic world. He often boasts a lot about himself and has a lot of confidence, which can be annoying at first, but he means well for all of that. He is putting a front in order to keep the citizens safe and not panicking, and as the leader of the Divine Visionary, he also has the responsibility to take care of his fellow soldiers, especially when Finn, Lance, and Dot joined the final fight against Innocent Zero. And even when he's nearing death's door, he still holds tight to his ideals. "Ryoh Grantz and the Definition of Handsome" is such a meaningful title once I got to read the chapter and learned what happened. I thought he would be a joke character, but now I greatly respect and like him. He's truly one of the greatest humankind in the magic world.

Honorable Mention 3: Lemon Irvine (& how she is doomed by narrative)

Lemon is a character that I truly wish I could like more, but in the end, she only could reach the third honorable mention, for reasons that I will explain below. I like Lemon's design, it's simple and cute. Her delusional but cheerful and studious personality is also very amusing and relatable, at least for me. It helps that the anime made her more gorgeous and she's voiced by one of my favorite seiyuus. As one of the main characters, she had a lot of potential to be as great as her friends...but it didn't happen.

See, the thing is, Komoto-sensei initially wanted to make all-male main casts, but his then-editor told him to create a girl character in the main group. His then-editor said that his manga wouldn't be able to be popular if it didn't have a girl in the main cast, so Komoto-sensei created Lemon, even though he was not used to drawing girls before. So, Lemon exists at the request of his then-editor.

It's honestly very apparent that Komoto-sensei wasn't really sure what to do with her. Heck, there were even times when I genuinely thought Komoto-sensei probably forgot about her. She only primarily appeared in the Easton entrance exam arc, and after that, she felt more like a supporting character than a main character. She was barely present in most of the story, and she even barely appeared in the final arc either, even though that arc was supposed to be when characters other than Mash got their chance to shine. Not to mention, she didn't get any backstory explanation, at all. She's more underdeveloped than most of the villains in the series! I have no issue with her having a huge crush on Mash and being a little too delusional about it, she is fifteen. Her possessiveness kinda weirds me out a little, and that's a consequence of what happened with her character as a whole. I just wish Komoto-sensei explored her character and background more and gave her more spotlight. It was mentioned in her debut episode that her parents live in poverty, which was why she was so determined to attend Easton Magic Academy and get accepted. There was so much potential from there, Komoto-sensei should have explored more about her family circumstances, what are the causes that made her immediately latch on to Mash, and perhaps a heart-to-heart talk with Mash (not necessarily need to be in a romantic sense), because if Lemon claims herself as the future wife of Mash then she should start talking about her past. Something... just more about her characters! All of her moments are directly related to Mash, she never gets to shine as her own individual with something more to her than just her affection for Mash. It's honestly a shame because I really like her design and I wish I could like her more, but she's doomed by the narrative. The final chapter capitalizing her yandere side didn't help matters. Well, there's your idea to expand more of her characters, fanfiction writers, only you can save her.

The truth is, personality-wise, none of the female characters in this series stands out as much as any of the male characters. Their designs are simple and cute but in the end, they got zero development and there's no backstory exploration. Lemon was the example that's most apparent since she's the main character, but if you follow the series, you will notice that other female characters also don't really have much in their personality. When Komoto-sensei finally made an interesting female character (Meliadoul), it was already in the final arc, and the bar was pretty low anyway since Meliadoul is pretty similar to a certain character in a similar archetype from a certain well-known shounen-demographic series. She also didn't get much backstory exploration, but Ochoa did. Female characters being badly written is a common thing that happens in a lot of shounen-demographic series, even ones that I like and often sings praises for, but it bothers me every time.

Well, this section ended up becoming an explanation of another big criticism that I had with the series instead of entirely about Lemon, but she's kinda related to it, so...yeah. Anyway, I like Lemon, I wish she had more screen time, development, and even a backstory explanation.

IV. ANIME ADAPTATION

Since I've read the manga, I can now talk about how the adaptation goes. I think it's serviceable and good enough to make me want to pick up the source material, something that surprisingly OnK cannot do despite it being a great show. Adaptation is a tough job. If you have read the manga, you will notice how the different kind of media affects this series in one way or another. There are some parts that hit better in the manga, but the anime sometimes smoothens the pace of the story and even added some scenes for consistency. For example: in the first episode of the manga, Mash could open and close the door normally when Regro told him to redo his training as a punishment, even though the running joke of this series is how Mash just could never open the door properly. In the anime, this was changed into Mash almost walking through the door only for Regro to help open the door for Mash so he would not break it again. Rayne's cameo in the Magia Lupus arc where he talked shit about Wahlberg was supposed to be before Lance vs. Wirth's fight, but it was moved to before Dot & Finn vs. Love & Milo to align with his debut episode. Dot's rambling in his first appearance and Mash slapping the Mandragora scene is more dramatic in the anime. Rayne's first appearance is done better in the manga thanks to the constant use of black and dark screen tones to set up his intimidating aura. There are things that the anime did better, but there are also things that the manga did better, something that commonly happens in the process of adapting one media to another. The artwork for the anime is also very nice so far, and I like it. That's for the first season, who knows how the second season will turn up.

The voice actors and actresses' lineup is staggering, though. So many big names participated in this series, whether as the main character or as supporting. I haven't been watching a lot of anime lately due to time constraints, so Mashle became the series that introduced me to Kobayashi Chiaki. And wow, his performance as Mash is just...perfect. Many people said Mash sounds exactly like how they imagine and they are all correct. I cannot imagine someone else voicing Mash anymore, his voice is permanently stuck in my head whenever I read the manga. Ishikai's performance as Lance stands out for me because he's one of my favorite seiyuus, and I didn't expect him to voice a character like Lance with that kind of voice, but damn his performance is amazing.

What's interesting is how at some point I mixed up the seiyuu between Finn and Rayne. I knew Kaji Yuki-san participated in this show, but back then I knew nothing about the series and the characters before actually started watching, and I had never watched or heard Kawashima Reiji-san's performance before. So, when Finn finally spoke, I assumed he was Kaji-san's character, since he sounded similar to the characters I often associated with him like Yukine, Alibaba, Haruaki, and Shu (yeah, I don't watch any of the shows he recently participated in). But when I double-checked, Finn was voiced by Kawashima-san, and in episode 3 I finally noticed the difference between Kawashima-san's performance and (past) Kaji-san's performance voice-wise. Finn's voice at first sounded like Kaji-san's performance of Yukine and Alibaba, but Finn sounded...more like a fifteen-year-old boy than Kaji-san, especially when Finn speaks casually you'll notice the difference. When Finn freaks out or is in his tsukkomi mode his voice sounds similar to Kaji-san. And I think it's interesting to point out the similarity because Kaji-san voiced for Rayne, Finn's older brother, to the point I assume that the seiyuu choices are on purpose. Because I associated Kaji-san more with his past roles than with his recent roles, I had no idea how he would perform as Rayne. In fact, I could not imagine Rayne being voiced at all. Until he made his appearance in episode 10, that is. I was thrown off guard by how deep he sounded, and how Kaji-san nailed the cold and harsh personality that Rayne has. It took me some rewatching of his scenes to finally get used to Kaji-san's performance as Rayne (unlike Kobayashi-san's performance where his performance just immediately matches the character), but after that, I think Kaji-san's performance is great so far. Really excited to hear my favorite Rayne moments being voiced by him, the second season will surely be a blast. Imagine the scene where Rayne summoning Ares being voiced by Kaji-san...that's gonna be so great!

The English voice has also been great so far, I like all the voices. Special mention goes to Finn's English VA, he sounds perfect! The dubbed version is still ongoing (it's still at episode 6 by the time of this writing), I am looking forward to watching more of it.

All that said...I think the anime has noticeable production issues going on. The number of animation directors that participated in the show grows in the later part of the first season (the final episode had 19 animation directors according to the official website), some scenes felt a little off, and I heard the seventh episode was also outsourced to SHAFT, the studio that made Mad.ok.a Ma.gic.a and many others (which explains why Lance looked extra handsome there, maybe he's SHAFT studio's favorite boy). That, and the fact that there's only six months break between the first and second season (which will have plenty of action scenes than the first season) is...really concerning. Aniplex really doesn't give a lot of breathing room for the animators and staff, it's worrying how the production committee treats them. I was honestly expecting at least a year minimum between the first and second seasons, but six months is very short. I can only pray for the staff and animators to take care of themselves, while at the same time, I am dreading the worst outcomes to come (delay in episodes mid-airing, or even a whole season delay like what happened with a lot of shows nowadays, major changes in story/scenes due to lack of time). I really hope it won't happen since Mashle is very beloved in Japan and this anime adaptation has been long-awaited, but if it happens, I'll be disappointed but not surprised. Blame Aniplex for this, honestly. The staffs and animators deserve to rest. This rambling about production can be an entirely different, separate talk, and I am by no means an expert at this so I can only talk from what I know.

V. ART

I am not the best person in talking about artworks, and I don't mind unusual art styles as long as the story is good, but damn, Komoto-sensei's art is amazing. For his first work, he's certainly talented. Reading Mashle means you are treated by amazingly well-drawn cover artwork and some detailed action sequences, especially when Mash is doing Mash things. When it comes to the art style, people have their own preferences (like how I never have problems with ONE-sensei's art), so I will put some examples of my favorite cover artworks and scenes (both colored ones and black & white ones), then I'll let you judge Komoto-sensei's art on your own. In my opinion, he's a very talented artist, and I would totally buy a Mashle artbook if there's any (hopefully the upcoming fan book is also an artbook).

I would love to add more examples but I've limited myself to 4 favorite colored artworks and 4 favorite BW artworks. If I didn't stop myself I would put way too much and this post was already too long lol.

VI. SUMMARY

This section is to summarize everything I have written while also adding some new information that I didn't know where else to put, the plus points of Mashle and the minus points of this series, in case you don't wanna read the wall of text (I don't blame you, it's mostly rambling).

The plus points about Mashle?

The story is simple and easy to follow, nothing too complicated

The artworks are beautiful

Battles for the most part don't last for too long

Mash is a very enjoyable main character

There are some heartwarming and touching moments when you least expect it

The comedy, gag and Mash's shenanigans are fun

The story doesn't drag on for too long and ends in a conclusive manner

The anime adaptation is good so far, the voice actors+actresses lineups are amazing

The minus points about Mashle?

The final arc and some battles in it lasted for way too long and become a standard shounen-demographic manga instead of a comedy/parody as it's supposed to

Mash carries most of the manga's charm to the point when he's gone the manga, again, became a standard shounen-demographic manga

(But if he's around he'll steal the spotlight every time and not give other characters to develop, so it's a catch-22 situation)

The simplicity and sometimes predictability of the story may cause a lack of discussion

Lemon is left horribly underdeveloped despite being one of the main characters, without any backstory or character development, even her moments didn't stand out as much as other characters and it feels like Komoto-sensei sort of forgot about her

The female characters' personalities and development are nothing to write home about

Lemon, Dot, and Lance's personalities being back to the status quo in the final episode might be unsatisfactory to some

My favorite characters in Mashle?

Mash Burnedead & Regro Burnedead

Finn Ames

Rayne Ames

Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

Abyss Razor Honorable mention 1: Domina Blowlive Honorable mention 2: Ryoh Grantz Honorable mention 3: Lemon Irvine

My favorite moments/arcs/chapters in Mashle?

Chapters involving Finn's character development and his sibling relationship with Rayne (Volume 6 chapter 52-53, Volume 7 chapter 54-55, Volume 13 chapter 115-118, Volume 14 Chapter 119)

Slice-of-life moments (Volume 5 Chapters 43 & 44, Volume 9 Chapters 73 & 74, most if not all of the omakes)

Rayne's moments (Volume 4 chapters 30 & 31, Volume 6 chapters 45-47, Rayne's secret omake, Rayne's morning routine omake)

Lance & Dot vs. Epidem (Volume 14 chapter 120-123)

Mash vs. Abyss (Volume 3 Chapter 26, Volume 4 Chapter 27 & 28)

VII. CONCLUSION

Mashle is a great series that I had lots of fun with. It's far from perfect, it has a lot of things that I have problems with, but that doesn't change how much I enjoy reading, watching, and following this series. This is a good series to enjoy if you need something fun without much to worry and think about, just relax and enjoy the ride. I will genuinely miss this series and the characters, especially Mash. However, it's been a good run and I wouldn't like it if it was prolonged for no reason. It ended conclusively, and happily. Thank you Komoto-sensei for the strange, funny, and heartwarming adventure!

Also, at the end of the day, this series is basically a huge advertisement for cream puffs. It's delicious. Go buy some and enjoy it while following the series!

[svtskneecaps]

listen in the grand scheme of things i'm glad i let myself get back into minecraft content for this. like i haven't touched a minecraft series since like 2014, on purpose, but i saw clips of qsmp in march 2023 and thought, screw it. maybe it's time. and i don't regret it yknow? i saw multilingual server and thought 'that looks AWESOME' and it certainly didn't disappoint. my only regret is that everything went crazy and people logged off RIGHT when everyone finally started relying on the live translations more, which was something i've been dreaming of for months lmfao. all in all, just happy to be here. this stuff gave me new reasons to use my blog.

hell if this is actually an end or even just a pause maybe i can FINALLY write my FUCKING TIME LOOP FIC JESUS FUCKING I'VE BEEN COOKING THAT STUPID FUCKING THING SINCE LIKE MAY LIKE I WAS ON THE FUCKING FIELD AT MY COLLEGE GRADUATION CEREMONY WAITING TO WALK THE STAGE AND GET MY DIPLOMA AND I WAS WRITING THE FIRST STUPID CHAPTER OF IT LIKE GENUINELY BUT I PUT IT ON HOLD BC THINGS KEPT HAPPENING AND I WAS LIKE I SHOULD UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE SO I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY WITH IT PROPERLY BC THE MOST FUN I HAVE WITH TIME LOOP AUS COMES FROM KNOWING EVERYTHING AND MESSING WITH HOW SIMPLE ACTIONS CAN ALTER THE PROGRESSION OF EVENTS AND CHANGE CHARACTER CHOICES LOGICALLY BC THAT STUFF'S COOL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW LIKE THE MYSTERY OF THE FEDERATION OR WHATEVER AND I WANTED TO SEE WHERE THAT WAS GOING SO I COULD SEE WHETHER I WANTED TO TOSS IT OR ALTER IT OR KEEP IT AND SEE NOW I'LL KNOW YKNOW AND NOW I CAN JUSTIFY SHIT LIKE "OH HEY PURGATORY'S HAPPENING IN JUNE THIS TIME BC I WANT THE BREAKFAST TRIO TO EXIST FASTER AND FUCK YOU" WITHOUT IT FEELING TOO WEIRD AND ALSO STUFF LIKE CODE LORE AND ALL THIS OTHER NONSENSE LIKE DAMN WOULD BE PRETTY COOL I MEAN ONE SINGLE FUCKING INTERACTION BETWEEN SLIME AND MARIANA COULD SEND ME CAREENING DOWN A PATH PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT UNIMAGINABLE I COULD MAKE THIS FIC THAT'S BEEN SIMMERING SINCE LAST MAY A REALITY I COULD DO IT THIS COULD FIX ME. THIS COULD FIX ME

but yeah i'm glad i allowed myself to get invested in this server. i think y'all are cool, and i think the admins did amazing with everything they were given even though they shouldn't have been given it the way they were, and the ccs were cool and i'm glad everything happened yknow. maybe things will keep happening and maybe not but yknow what. i became All Powerful. i started watching as someone who knew english and some french and now i am someone who knows english (100%), slightly more french (like 70%), a workable understanding of spanish (like 40%) and a slightly less workable understanding of portuguese (like 20%) they added german to nerf me specifically. they knew i was getting too powerful. yeah, i spent some time as a kpoppie, i have a tiny miniscule understanding of korean (5%) german i have 0 experience with they added german to nerf me and then this happened to nerf me further. make no mistake they cannot stop me. i will become all powerful.

like cmon. if it ends here it was never all bad. i don't even have to use google translate to understand roier shittalking in the chat. i can just read it. i couldn't do that before :D and i can make my chilean friend keysmash bc she's not used to me knowing any spanish at all

we've grown strong over the year, haven't we? i hope we will continue to, no matter what :D

[quicksiluers]

"the dynasty" series on apple tv is really fucking good and the people whining about it are a bunch of babies, my god

[darkkitty1208]

So I couldn't stop thinking about this post and had some thoughts, and then went "What's the harm in sharing them?" so. Anyway.

The thing about MCU Stephen is that the whole movie focuses on his character development where he learns that everything is not about him, as TAO puts it. We were shown that he learns to 'overcome' his arrogance and lets go of his pride, which is often confused as him being 'selfish' by some fans. Which, well, fair, they're similar, but they don't mean the same thing.

Stephen uses ego as a mask. Arrogance is his facade. He disguises his true intentions using pride--or maybe people just don't understand/misinterpret or only see that his reasons and motives were for himself and his personal needs--as a defense mechanism.

The thing about Stephen is that he hides his true self, in fear that people will see him for who he is and mistake his big heart as a flaw (I'm not an expert, but I do think this has ties with the environment he grew up in and his childhood with how his father treated him). Another thing is that, other than seeing himself as flawed, he also thinks himself as unlovable.

Stephen hates vulnerability. He doesn't want people to see him beyond the arrogant front he puts up.

I like to think that, somewhere in his years growing up, Stephen lost his true self. I like to think that he forgot that the reason he became a doctor was because he wanted to help people. I like to think that way, not because I think Stephen is so blinded by his selfishness, but because he's put up such strong walls and such a thick mask that he forgot his true self.

The lesson TAO was teaching him was not to humble him or make him realise how much of a selfish prick he is, but to remind him of who he actually is. Stephen is inherently good. He has such a big heart but doesn't really know what to do with it. It's in his nature to care about people. He's selfless and prioritises others before himself but people don't see that beyond what he shows himself to be.

Another unfortunately popular interpretation is that people think he's aloof, cold, and just generally an asshole. Which in reality isn't completely true.

He's just afraid. He just distances himself from people because of that fear. He fears of being pushed away, so he pushes people away from himself. He's afraid of hurting others, so he pushes people away to make sure he won't. Stephen thinks he's better off alone, not because he wants to be alone, but because he thinks it's so much better that way. That's why he's afraid of loving and being loved.

Listen, I'm not saying he's flawless. He has his own flaws because he's human, and I know that. What I'm saying is that there's so much more to his character than the stereotypical, two-dimensional 'arrogant asshole who learns his lesson by being humbled'. I call his character complex for a reason.

The fandom perception (largely thanks to the MCU) that Stephen needs to be humbled, put in his place, or taken down a peg is SO FRUSTRATING and unfortunately SO POPULAR. 😩

They don't know... They don't know Stephen is sweet and altruistic and passionate and...

The MCUfication of our faves

Could be worse, tho (like Wanda or MK or Loki or....)

[the-summ0ning]

Obsessive/Possessive!Bestfriend!Vessel HC :(

content warnings: swearing, oblivious ves :/, aware reader, poor editing, rambling, two idiots in love

a/n: I personally have beef with this one bc my Tumblr kept crashing as I wrote this on multiple occasions through the week, and I got fed up oops (so sorry if this is a bit eh). Pt 2 perhaps when I'm less ready to throw my phone and laptop against a wall maybe a more NSFW edition?

Bsf Ves who thought it was normal to feel intense emotions towards you. He was always intense and profound about his feelings in general, so why would that exclude his best friend?

He was protective, but he was protective of all the people he cared about?!

So of course it was so normal for him to always walk you home after hanging out even if your place was a breezy block away. It was only a bonus to keep the hang out going for fifteen extra minutes with one of his, if not, his most favorite person!!!

Especially during cold nights, and you’d grab his hand intertwining your chilled fingers with his. Always telling him how he was so warm and inviting, leaning into his touch. That flush on his cheeks? Psh from the brisk weather, nothing else, why’d you ask?

Ignoring the annoying feeling of butterflies in his stomach whenever he was in your presence

and you ignored the fact you weren't down bad for him

he was the first person you showed your shopping hauls to.

His personal favorites were when you'd send pictures in the dressing rooms asking for his opinion. Not caring if there nearly 20 attachments to go through

he was simply no help, he was but a guy, and thought you looked good in everything hehe

close best friends just always were overly affectionate with one another, right?

Like cuddling casually, legs entwined, his rough fingertips slipping underneath your shirt tracing patterns on your tummy :( not bc he liked how soft your skin felt, but bc it calmed you and made you less restless

or or or when he'd be writing lyrics or gaming, he'd be sitting on the floor, and you on the couch running fingers through his hair. All solely to help him focus. You couldn't help how he'd stop what he was doing to crane his neck upwards to stare dreamily at you with a dopey smile

When you knew you'd be spending the night at his house, you'd lotion extra, and spritz a couple more pumps of fragrance on you and your things. Not bc you had hopes it'd linger on his sheets, and you wanted to get his on and off situationship you weren't fond of secretly to get the hint to buzz off finally BUT bc you just liked to smell nice and clean to rot in bed with Vessel

And he totally didn't use boys night as an excuse to stay up and occasionally glance at your location, while you went out with pals, awaiting your “just got home” text. Finally feeling tired enough coincidentally once he got the notification and kicking everyone out or going home to bed.

Or pushing past his social anxiety, to go out and make his rounds with IV or Sam to the pubs for a pint or to watch a match. He was /totally/ a big sports guy like his two friends so why wouldn’t he enjoy a loud rowdy overstimulating environment to watch a game?

He, in fact, did not care for sports like Ivy and Sam did and only knew enough to keep up with conversations.

And he definitely did not subject himself to these nights only bc he knew you liked to end nights at these specific pubs or occasionally came out to meet your mutual friends for drinks. And certainly not to see you in real time in your going out outfit, even though he looked at the picture you sent him before leaving your place frequently throughout the night

“Oh hey! I didn’t know you’d be here? Let me buy your next drink darling!”

You knew Vessel too well, knowing his disdain for these social settings. So every time you saw him at your favorite pub, you’d shoot him a look and he’d only sheepishly smile.

“The guys dragged me out of the house. So annoying.” He’d groan, and rub the back of his neck in annoyance

Yeah he was so normal about you.

Like a normal best friend would disregard every person you dated right? You only deserved the best and dating that person is settling in Vessel’s eyes?

Scowling immediately when he’d meet them, grilling the fuck out of your date. Watching how their hands lingered on you throughout the night, and how his chest tightened, knowing that should be him beside you, touching you like that

It wasn’t jealousy, never that. Just that protectiveness he felt for you—and all his friends ofc (can’t forget his other friends)

After a series of failed dates, tonight taking the cake, you showed up to Vessel’s house, disappointed needing the comfort of your best friend. You came right from the date to his place still in your pretty outfit you wore.

His chest tight and aching seeing how upset you were curled up on his couch, in his hoodie and sweats, blundering on everything you could have done wrong rather than accessing what your date did wrong

Seething about it actually, how could the person that brought him so much joy think they could have royally screwed things up?! He’s met a handful of the people you dated, they were all so wrong for you!

If they were wrong, who was right then?

That is when it smacked him in the face rather aggressively, feeling agitated hearing you ramble how you must have been unworthy and so broken for someone to love you. But he had loved you so effortlessly, it was one of the easiest feats he has done in his lifetime. Your imperfections and all were laid bare to him, and he still hadn’t recoiled because of it.

“But I love you.” It tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

A half hearted smile on your face, sniffling, wiping your stray tears with the floppy oversized sleeve of his hoodie. “You’re my best friend, Ves. It’s different.”

What he didn’t know was your miserable effort to date was to distract and repress what you knew was love that blurred that bordered more than platonic would be unreciprocated. Realizing months ago, it was always more, but rather staying friends, keeping it locked away, in fear he'd reject you. That most of the conversations on your dates involved stories with him, only tonight, realizing that was your flaw so blatantly.

He was the brightest star of your universe. An overbearing presence that made your dates uncomfortable, but you had considered him and you a package deal for anyone wanting to get to know you

And when you'd moan about your love life woes, it subtly included him as well.

“Would it be so horrible if I love you more than a best friend should?” It was a quiet confession that you thought you imagined if he wasn’t on the other side of the couch facing you. Leaving air caught in your throat, speechless. The air growing tense with the silence between you two

“It wouldn’t be horrible.” You finally willed the words out, but your nerves were clawing at you not at the realization that your feeling were reciprocated.

"So let me then." he willed, inching closer to you. "Let me show you how you deserved to be treated, and stop entertaining these lame fucks." His face now so close to yours, hand cupping your cheek

You searched his eyes for any chance he was messing with you. This had to be dream right?? The brush of his thumb on your cheekbone the only thing grounding you back to earth. Only nodding dazed at his words making him smile gently. "I need words, dove." his thumb trailed to your bottom lip, dragging it down a bit.

"That's all I wanted to hear for months." You admitted shyly.

That was all it took for his lips to be pressed against yours in a soft kiss, all the tension dissolving and encrypted into the gesture. The love, frustration, and yearning melding between your mouths, his hand wrapping in the hair at the nape of your neck to bring you impossibly closer.

"We were never meant to be just friends." He mumbles against your lips.

"Never." you agreed, crawling into his lap.

[soulidarity]

Rafayel and reader did that it was readers first time but in the morning she gets up early she had an important class so she leaves and she forgets to text Rafayel and Rafayel would feel very anxious?!? Idk if it makes any sense

left alone

hurt/comfort | rafayel x mc / reader | 694 words

as she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a purple tuff of hair on her chest. her face softened as she played with it for a moment, remembering the events of last night. it had been such a meaningful experience. wanting to thank him with breakfast, the girl started getting up, careful not to disturb her partner.

as she checked her phone, she realized the time. she was about to be late for work. quickly getting dressed and leaving a goodbye kiss, she made her way out of the artists house.

a few hours later, the lemurian woke up, feeling unusually cold as he realized where this lack of warmth was coming from. he turned around and saw that his bed was empty as he recalled everything that had happened.

had she really just left him? used him? was that all she wanted from him? everything that their relationship had been building up to be up until this point was for nothing?

As the tall man stood up and looked over his house for any sign of his partner, he grew even more disappointed, but not of her but of himself. had he not been enough? if she just wanted that type of relationship, she could've said so. he just wanted her in any way he could. even if it was at his expense.

the day went on, and he laid on his bed. time moving fast, but he paid no mind to it. maybe thomas had called him a couple of times, it couldnt have been anything important since he didn't burst through the door while scolding him.

he tossed and turned in the bed, her scent surrounding him, making his chest tighten. After a bit, he fell asleep again.

"...yel"

"...fayel"

"Rafayel!"

He turned around as he woke up, taking in his surroundings.

"Did you sleep all day? Thomas texted me saying he couldn't get in touch with you."

"So you pay attention to Thomas' texts but can't even leave me a note?"

"What? What do you mean-?"

"You left me."

Her teasing smile dropped as it dawned on her what she had done.

"Oh my god I... Rafayel I swear it wasn't like that"

"It's fine," he interrupted, sitting up on the bed and looking down. "If you... want to see me in that way and only in that way... It's fine, just please..." Strong hands held her wrists. "dont leave me."

Both of them sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, the clock on the wall seemingly unmoving.

At the lack of response, the lemurian looked up to see her holding back tears. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I just left you there! And you're just... accepting it?!" She shook off his hold and stepped off the bed.

"Why are you getting angry at me?"

"Im not angry at you, Yel. Im angry at myself. What happened last night was really special to me and I really wanted- want to thank you. But I woke up late and Tara had been calling me so I ran to work. I am... truly sorry."

He stood up, chuckling at her tear stained face.

"It's okay, my love." he caressed her cheek, her hands quickly flying to hold his. "It's not. You've told me countless times how scared you are of me leaving, and it feels like I continue to make that fear come true. And I'm really sorry... I... wish I could give you what you're looking for-"

Her rambling was interrupted by soft lips pressed against hers. It lasted a few seconds before he pulled away.

"I should really buy you a lip balm" her mouth was slightly open in bewilderment as he chuckled.

"It's really okay. Both of us need to work on our things. You should be better at letting me know when you have to leave, and I should be better at letting you leave. As much as I wish to have you for myself, you have responsibilities, and you love your job, I can't take you away from it."

"To make it up to you, how about I make dinner?" she smiled.

-----------------------♡☆♡------------------------

thank you so much for the request! english isnt my first language so i apologize for my mistakes.

[rainybubbles]

Silent- Gaz x plus size reader

Summary : Finding a way to relieve the stress of work in a DnD discord, Gaz meets Silent. A player whose microphone is always turned off, using chat only. Maybe he'll find a way to break the silence with them and finds why their mic is off…

(Sorry in advance, English is not my first language, so sorry if it's bad or OOC.)

-TW social anxiety.

-"What a quiet kid you've got there. I wish mine was as calm at home."

-"Oh, you know, they're pretty mature for their age."

-The laughter faded into distant murmurs as I glanced over at the other kids.

-Yelling, chasing, breaking a vase or two—my eyes couldn't look away from them.

-They seemed to inhabit a world entirely different from mine.

-A world where scraping by at month's end, nightly dinners, locking up the house, solo bus rides, laundry routines, and helping siblings with homework simply didn't exist.

-Because, after all, they were just eight years old.

- But so was I…

-So why didn't I have the right to have fun, yell, chat, ask for sweets, act immature, or doodle on walls?

- My hand reached out briefly, hoping for a connection, but my mom's glance quickly reminded me to stay put…

-Being silent seemed to be the key to earning praise and keeping peace.

-So, I stifled that urge, withdrawing into myself, standing alone behind her legs, engulfed in a heavy silence.

____________

"Silent, huh?"

-My gaze drifted slowly to the chat.

-"Yeah, dude, they're usually a regular on Thursdays. Never says a word, their mic's busted, can't afford to fix it," one of the guys responded.

-The tone carried a hint of disdain.

-I felt out of place.

-Yet, I stayed put, unable to leave the server.

-It was the only place where I felt I could express myself.

-Through words, carefully chosen, controlled, retyped, erased, and sculpted to bring a story to life—a space where my imagination, so often overlooked, could finally roam free.

-By chance, I'd become enamored with Dungeons and Dragons.

- The only snag, of course, was the void in my social life.

-So, like figuring out how long it takes to cook broccoli, I scoured the internet.

- Discord groups organized sessions. I panicked at the sound of mics, voices.

- What would they think of me? What should I say? What could I do? And then someone asked if my mic was broken.

- Ever since, I'd stayed that way, and the nickname Silent stuck.

"Hi Silent, then :) I'm Kyle aka Gaz."

-Usually, I ignored introductions.

- People interested me little, their characters were the interesting ones.

-However, Gaz hadn't spoken those words aloud.

- He had written them. It was stupid honestly, but few people wrote back to me, few people responded to me in writing.

-Everything was done orally.

-Suddenly, someone was on my turf, reaching out.

-The campaign proceeded as usual.

-My thoughts were focused on my actions, the dice rolls, and the resulting outcomes.

- Yet occasionally, I let my eyes wander over Gaz's profile.

________________

-"Hello guys, I don't know if I've played with some of you before or not. "

-"Don't worry, we accept everyone. The days are rarely fixed."

-Gaz was back. It was Friday. It was my favorite group, the game master Ylias really managed to transport you.

-"Well, I'll start then-"

-Ylias started rambling, I followed the story when I noticed a notification in the discord. My finger brushed it, and then ignored it.

-What would he think if I clicked now? that I'm a friendless attention-seeker? But if I wait, they'll think I don't care about the campaign?

-So I waited 5 minutes, trying to find the right balance between the two.

-"Hey, Silent. I missed a campaign without you, the others keep on rambling about their athletics, last time I even had a guy mimicking a goblin with his mic, I'm glad to see you back in text :) !!!"

-Pressure flooded over me. What should I reply? A heart? Thanks? Ignore it? Tell him he's nice too?

-"Thanks."

-Too cold, too short. I thought it wrong, I should delete it, rephrase it, add a smiley, make it warmer, he must think I'm a monster.

-"I think we should try opening the door, are you coming with me? I don’t feel like going into the forest with the rest of the team."

-Oh. Usually in campaigns, I go with the flow, I heal and stay in the background. I never-

-"You need a score of 13 for that, folks". Ylias said.

-"Come on, Silent, roll the dice." Gaz replied

-Nervously, my mouse hovered over the virtual dice. With a score of 15 showing, I heard Gaz's laughter.

-"I knew we had to do it! Let’s go, plus with your stealth, impossible to get spotted. "

-"We'll see about that." Ylias replied, laughing.

-And just like that, Gaz made me smile. It was probably one of the worst campaigns, but it was the first where I could finally choose my actions.

__________________________

-"Back again :) ?"

-" Yes."

-Dry, too dry.

-"I was waiting for you. "Gaz replied.

-" Why? "

-"I don’t want to play a campaign without you, you bring me luck."

-" I'm not sure about that. "

-"Yes. I tried a campaign with colleagues, we died blowing up. "

-"Probably because of your colleagues. "

-"Okay, maybe my colleague set fire to a mystery barrel. But it was their first campaign. "

-"You're recruiting? "

-"Introducing them. He's trying to quit smoking, and I thought DnD could occupy his free time."

-I stopped myself.

-Curiosity, imagination, everything overwhelmed me.

-What was it like to be close to colleagues like this, to freely discuss your passions, to laugh…

-"And then?"

-" It's not his thing, he's more into action. "

-"I see. "

-"It's not for everyone. "

-"Is it your thing? "

-"What? "

-"To let off steam? If your colleague needs it, so do you, right?"

-Stupid. Too personal a question. Invasive.

-"Yes. It allows me not to think, to be someone else."

-" Me too."

-" Plus, being an elf is great."

-" You say that because I am one."

-" Maybe. "

-"Thank you. "

-"For? "

-"Talking in chat. People usually ignore me outside of campaigns, they don't respond by text."

-" They ignore the sexiest elf?"

-" There's no image, you don't know what I look like"

-". Hm, exactly! I imagine your elf tall, muscular like the Rock, hair like Gordon Ramsay's, and maybe makeup like Ru Paul's."

-" I'm not sure about the result. "

-"Sexy."

-I snorted at my screen.

-"Ok."

-" How do you imagine me? "

-"Your wizard? "

-"Yes. "

-"With long hair, maybe dreadlocks, white eyes, and a smile. "

-"A smile?"

-" Your voice sounds soothing. "

-"Really? "

-"Yes, sorry, it's weird to say that, I shouldn't have."

-" No. No. I've never been told that, I was just surprised, that's all."

-" I see. "

-"So, a sexy elf and a smiling mage.

-"Sounds like the beginning of a weird porno."

-He responded with a meme.

_________________________

-"So, what do we decide, Silent? Honestly, I don't want to raid the goblin but the vampire to face, I'm sure the score will be high." Gaz asked through his mic

-"It's your choice, not mine."

-"they're right, Gaz, this one's all on you," Ylias said.

-"Can't I even ask for help?"

-"Score of 15 in insight to spot an ally." Ylias announced.

-Gaz scored a 10. No one addressed me throughout the campaign.

________________________

-"Back, Gaz?" someone said.

-Three weeks of radio silence.

-My mind had been looping, wondering if my refusal to break the rules had driven him to find a more interesting group, a more exciting duo.

-But there he stood, his username glowing green.

-"Yeah, I finally got some days off."

-"Good for you, man."

-"So spill, I see some new names and all!"

-Strangely, his voice had become grating to me. I didn't understand why, so before he could reach me, I disconnected.

- Alone in my apartment, I held my knees to my chest.

-Why am I reacting like this? He's entitled to a life, damn it.

-I fet like he...gave me up.

-Shit it's stupid.

-I didn't understand. I tried to calm myself, but the deafening silence of my apartment seemed to slowly engulf me, and before I knew it, I found myself in a new spiral of anxiety.

____________________________

-There were no campaigns. I just liked reading. Reading what had happened. Living vicariously, imagining their voices, their reactions.

-"hey :)"

-The off-campaign tab was blinking.

-He was addressing me, I knew it, I was the only one online with him.

-My thumb grazed the notification, but I ended up entering the chat.

-"hey."

The period was too harsh, too dry.

-"It's been a while! Something happened?"

-"Work." I answered.

-That's a lie.

- But lying is like oxygen, it's easy to come up with excuses to avoid others.

-But harder to let go of it to face the potential risks of social suffocation.

-"I know quite a bit, just got back from mine."

-"At 1 am?"

-"Yep."

-"Cook?"

"Soldier."

-A shiver ran through me. Uniforms had never been positive in my life.

- As the long seconds passed, I hesitated.

-"Not a fan?" Gaz asked.

-"You could say that."

-"Military family?"he asked.

-"yes."

-"I see."

-"Sorry, that's stupid."

-"No, I understand, I mean, we all have red flags." He said.

-"It's not a red flag."

-"You'd been quiet for 5 minutes."

-"With everyone." I answered.

-"Everyone?"

-"I'm not the best at socializing."

-"Really? Yet when you blew up a castle instead of talking to the princess in a campaign, it seemed normal to me." He joked.

-A laugh escaped.

-"And you?" he asked.

-"Me?"

-"Your job?"

-"Proofreader."

-"For books?"

-"Yes, I read, annotate, and correct."

-"No humans."

-"Exactly."

-"Would you like to add me? I'm not super comfortable with everyone seeing this."

-"Why?"

-Stupid. I should have accepted without questioning.

-"To prevent everyone from knowing the secrets of the sexiest elf on the discord."

-Always there to catch my blunders.

-I accepted it even though suddenly there was added pressure, what to say when there's a pause?

_____________

-"A dragon arrives and—"

-My eyes glanced at my notifications. Kyle was in the campaign but—

-"The narration is terrible, isn't it? The guy has been stuck on the dragon for thirty minutes while Théis killed it."

-He was writing to me. Like someone whispering in your ear during class.

-"Yes, Roxanne is a beginner, but she'll get there."

-"So kind."

-"Not really, one day I insulted a game master."

-"Oooh, a gangster among us?"

-"Never, besides, you'd arrest me, wouldn't you?"

-The ellipses seemed to linger.

-"I wouldn't mind."

-Oh.

-"I don't want to end up in a secret government cave."

-"Caves are old school, we have containers now."

-"I don't know if you're joking."

-"Classified."

-"Gaz…"

-"I'll keep the secret, I think you won't have a choice but to be arrested by me someday."

-"… it won't happen."

-"Why?"

-"I haven't committed any crimes."

-"Not even indecent exposure? I thought you were 45 years old and hiding in bushes naked."

-"For that, I'd have to leave my house."

-"Quite the homebody?"

-"You could say."

-"I'm the same, I don't like going out much."

-It's different. I didn't know what to add, so I let him continue the conversation.

-----------------------------

-"Still into your nerd stuff?"

-Gaz looked up at Soap.

-"It's not nerd stuff." Gaz said.

-"Dragon, princess, elf, discord all mixed together. It's nerd stuff. "Ghost replied

-"Dressing up as a skeleton at Hot Topic too, L.t."

-"Ooh, I wouldn't have liked that. "Soap laughed. "But seriously, don't you think about doing it for real? I mean, gathering around a table."

-"They think about it, but we all live in different parts of the world."

-But it would be amazing. Maybe he could even hear Silent's voice, see them…

-"Hm." Johnny said with a smirk

-"What?"

-"It sounds like you have someone in mind."

-"I don't have anyone in mind."

-"Not even an elf you get along with, Garrick?" Ghost retorted

-"I- we're a duo, it

-"It's different."

-"I mean it, we just get along."

-"So if you check discord in a military bar at 11 p.m., it's not to reply to him second by second?"

-"Shut up," Gaz said as the two laughed.

__________________________

-"You're not participating anymore?"

-I ignored his message.

-Three months.

-Three long months of descent, of confinement, of discomfort, of crises.

-Everything was too much.

-Crowds, outside, errands, people.

-My lungs constricted at the thought of meeting someone's gaze. My eyes avoided every contact. My lips were dry from lack of words.

-"I admit that campaigns suck without you," he had written.

-That was two weeks ago.

-"I refused to play with Théo, he wanted to take your place," he had sent.

-That was three months ago.

-"The office GIF."

-Three weeks.

-He… Gaz had never stopped.

-No matter the views, the winds, his boldness didn't stop.

-I was confused.

-Usually, people quit after a month.

-They had better things to do, and I understood. The burden of my social anxiety was mine and shouldn't inconvenience them.

-So why was Gaz standing there carrying this burden unknowingly? Coming back every day, bearing a heavier load…

-"hey."

-Three letters.

-Too short.

-Too dry.

-"Sorry." I continued.

-For what?

-I didn't deserve his forgiveness, I knew it.

-"Glad to see you're back :)" he replied.

-A tear rolled down my cheek.

-"thank you." I replied by text.

-For staying.

-For not asking questions.

-For welcoming me.

______________

-"Sorry, I was at the hospital, do you think I can join the campaign or not?" he had sent.

-My eyebrows raised.

-"No. Wait, you're just out of the hospital and your concern is DnD?"

-"I should really stay by my favorite elf's side."

-"Gaz, seriously, are you okay?"

-"Fractured ribs."

-"Ouch."

-"Broken arm."

-"Wait, what—"

-"And a bullet in the thigh."

-"Wtf."

-"But I'm fine."

-"No."

-"I assure you, I've had worse."

-"And???? You need to rest, not focus on rolling dice to defeat Mindflyers."

-"…but I have no distractions."

-"I'm here."

-"You're in the campaign."

-"No."

-"Wait, what—"

-"I- I saw you were absent so I didn't…join that one."

-"But you only play on that day."

-"I know. But it's not the same without you."

-I didn't know he was currently smiling like an idiot.

-"Thanks, Silent."

-"No worries. Besides, I was also coming out of the hospital."

-"WHAT?! Why didn't you start with that?!"

-"It's ridiculous."

-"No, are you okay?"

-"It's awkward."

-"Oh, serious awkward or-?"

-"No, I'm used to it. I- I took the tram and I couldn't handle it, the crowd was too big, I passed out inconveniencing a hundred people, embarrassing."

-"That's not embarrassing."

-"Yes, I made people late, Gaz."

-"And??? It was for your health."

-"No, I should've known I couldn't handle taking the tram. It's been two years since I couldn't do it, I shouldn't have tried again."

-"Two years?"

-Shit. I said too much.

-"Forget that."

-"Wait, no. You help distract me when I'm on base, I can listen to you in return :)! "

-"There's nothing to say, I don't handle social stuff, that's all."

-"So, your mic, that's it?"

-"Yes."

-"My sister has it too."

-"Has what?"

-"Social anxiety."

-"I see."

-"I know it's different for everyone, but don't give up. Honestly, it's a huge step, right? Taking the tram after two years. Surely you wouldn't succeed all at once, I mean it's like rolling a 20-sided die hoping for a 35."

-I snorted.

-"Nerd."

-"You're a nerd too, Silent."

-"yes, I- I just thought I could succeed, tell myself I could do it."

-"You did it."

-"I passed out."

-"So what? next time can't be worse."

-"Yes, if I have another one."

-"Then you'll have another one, I'm sure you'll manage. Look, I can even show you a tutorial."

-I furrowed my brows and saw a video. A man in an apartment, a cast on one arm, his face cut off from the frame.

-"Quick tutorial for falling on a tram. So lesson 1, stand next to a tall person. We want a good pillow when we fall, so tall people are perfect. Then manage the fall. Fall on the person, not forward. We want to avoid a bloody nose. Especially if there are vampires on the horizon." Gaz said in the video.

-He lay on the ground pretending to fall.

-"Step three, play dead to see sexy firefighters and avoid stares, and step 4 get taken home while flexing in the truck."

-I snorted.

-"Wow, thanks for the tutorial."

-"I know, I know. Passing out pro here."

-"Do you often fall on fridges?"

-"Hm, considering the build of my colleagues, you could say that."

-"Are they as tall and wide as a fridge?"

-"My L.T. yes. With Soap, we even thought he was an android, I mean it's not human to be that built."

-"You look fit too."

-"Oh, a compliment?"

-"Gaz, I-"

-"But yes, honestly, I try to do his routine but I think his genetics play a big part."

-"Shame, no Fridge Gaz then."

-"No, you'll have to settle for Normal Gaz."

-A smile slowly spread across my face.

-"Thanks for the video, it was funny."

-"You're welcome. Plus, if I can flex with my favorite elf."

-"I'm not an elf."

-"Nothing proves me wrong."

-"Gaaaaaazzzz"

____________________________

-"Who are you posing for? "

-"No one."

-" So shirtless, sunlight, flexed arms for no one? Damn, don't tell me it's for your mom. "

-"SOAP!"

-" I'm just asking, man."

-" It's for Silent. "

-"Oh, your magical voiceless elf."

-" It's not— "

-"Yes, yes, not a magical elf, I know, no need to give me another DnD lecture."

-Gaz sighed.

-His selfie was good.

-Shirtless, in the sand, sun rising.

-He looked good.

-But he was nervous.

-What if it was too much?

-After all, this little game of sending each other sunrises or sunsets had started by chance.

-Silent had told him the view was beautiful and sent him a sunset from their window.

-Gaz replied with one from Las Almas, and eventually whenever he went to a new country, he would send a photo.

-But now… maybe it was too much?

-Sending his face.

-Price would kill him.

-But he wanted to progress the relationship.

-Maybe his face could appeal to Silent, they would send him a voice note or even a selfie back?

-"Is this too much? "

-"Hm? "Soap asked confused.

-"This photo, is it too much? "

-"For a thirst trap?"

-" To say hello."

-" It depends on the hello. "

-"Hello as in "I'm showing you my face for the first time." "

-"Oh, maybe. I thought it was a "hello, did you sleep well because look what I could bring to your bed" kind of thing. ���But if I received this photo, I'd be happy. "

-"Soap. "

-"I mean, man, you're handsome."

-" Soap. "

-"Plus, who would say no to your abs? "

-"No need to- you know what, I'll send it. "

-"Also, you—"

-Gaz ignored him and sent it.

-Damn, he hoped everything would be fine.

________________________

-Beautiful.

-Too beautiful.

-My eyes scanned that smile not knowing what to do.

- How could someone like that end up playing DnD?

-I closed the conversation.

-I am…. Out of his league.

-So much.

-I could barely bring myself to look at my mirror.

-I knew what I would see there.

- My rolls, my thighs, my stretch marks, my horrible hair, this disproportionate face.

-I'm not ugly.

- But I'm not…I'm not like him

-. I'm the second choice, I'm aware of that.

-I don't get free compliments.

- Nobody turns back to look at me. I'm just…there.

-And him.

- He seemed so radiant, so kind. Damn, I wasted his time.

__________________________

-"So? " Soap asked

-"It's been two weeks with no response."

-" Ouch. "

-"It's not— Sometimes it happens, I think they are doubting."

-" Doubting what? "

-"Themselves. They…before every message, they take 5 minutes to rewrite it, every syllable is thought out and then I send this out of nowhere, I didn't handle it well."

-" You couldn't have known, Kyle. "

-"Yes. YES, I could and I messed up. They told me about their anxiety and then I send them a half-naked photo when I've never even heard their voice. "

-"Try to talk to them then. hmph."

_____________________

-"hey."

-My eyes hesitated.

-"hey." I finally replied

-" For the selfie, I can explain. "

-"No, I- it's not your fault."

-" Yes, honestly, I screwed up" he texted back

-". No, I've been looping again. "

-"You- "

-"seeing you, it was…good, really, but too good." I answered.

-" Too good?"

-"I feel- Illegitimate to talk to you. "

-"what- "

-"You're so- beautiful, and smiling and nice, and the only thing I do is disappear for days and turn up out of the blue. I-"

-" And it's okay, we talked about it." he said.

-" But you deserve better as friends."

-" I decide what I deserve, Silent. And no one beats you. "

-"…I- I don't know what to say. "

-"Send me your sunset :) I haven't had mine."

-Damn. A tear rolled down and I took my phone and sent my sunset. How can someone be so adorable?

-"Perfect." he replied

_________________

-He had continued to send his face on the sunsets. It was stupid, but I waited every time he could and I rewatched them.

-However, it had been three months of silence. I wasn't worried, he was probably on a mission somewhere.

-By a stroke of courage, I had put my phone down to take a photo with the sunset.

-He wouldn't see it. I would delete it.

-But for a moment, I felt beautiful. The sunlight on me warmed me, my outfit was cute, my curves were beautiful.

-I sent it. I would delete it tomorrow. After all, Kyle had said it could last four months.

___________

-"Hey, everything alright, mate?"

-"They're amazing."

-"Lasswell or tony ? For Lasswell of course, why do you think her wife is—"

-"Look."

-Soap raised an eyebrow and glanced at Kyle's phone.

-"Oh, oh."

-Kyle couldn't tear his eyes away from his screen

-. During the mission return, he had picked up his phone and seen a notification. Clicking out of habit, he saw it.

-their smile, their hair, their body. My god.

-"Lucky bastard." Soap said.

-They were perfect. And their belly, their hips, everything was beautiful. Kyle had always preferred curvy people, it was a fact.

-Sure, he had imagined that silently they could be one, but the fact that it was true… It filled his heart with joy.

-"They… damn. "he murmured, zooming in on every detail.

-Mole or freckle, he observed every pixel.

_____________________

-"So the elf wasn't the only one sexy." he texted.

-I raised an eyebrow at the notification as I woke up.

-"Hm?"

-"The photo. "he replied.

-Oh fuck.

-"You saw it?"

-"Yes, I shouldn't have?"

-"I thought of deleting it before, I—"

-"Oh."

-"But did you like it?"

-"Yes. you— I— honestly, I can't stop looking at it. you look radiant."

-He was lying. -No?

-"And that outfit is amazing on you, really."

-It hugs everything, why… why is he complimenting that?

-Usually, people say "those jeans make you look thinner than you are" "you look better in loose clothes" "hide your rolls".

-"Thank you."

-" I have to admit I'm so relieved. I mean if you ended up being a 40-year-old, I wouldn't have been so confident I think."

-"Oh really, wrinkles and gray hair aren't your thing?"

-"No, I'm more into curves and people my age."

-"Damn, I was about to confess that I was 70 years old". I joked.

-"I can make exceptions, but only for elves."

-"I'm lucky then."

-"Very. I— I hope to have more, or occasionally."

-"Of?"

-"Photos of you, it's more beautiful than a sunset."

"-oh."

-A warmth spread to my cheeks, a smile settling in.

-"ok."

-"ok?"

-"Okay."

___________________

-"Do you think I'll hear your voice someday?"

-It was late, or early for him and late for me.

-"I don't know."

-showing my face in a photo…

-I could control that, take back the photo, delete it, edit it. But talking…

-Talking is taking up space.

-"I imagine it smooth."

-"My voice?"

-"Hm, like a stream, it rocks slowly."

-"I might have a smoker's voice."

-"That would suit you too."

-"Maybe one day then."

-"I'm looking forward to that."

_____________________

-Those were the last words sent from him.

-No more contact.

-His absence wasn't due to missions, he had confessed to me that he was off the day before.

-So he had decided to stop.

-I tried to find excuses, before accepting the reality of it.

-Days passed and I hoped he would come back.

-Maybe he was like me, needing time to recover.

-Maybe he was hurt.

-Everything was silent.

-When four months had finally passed, I understood.

-He had grown tired of the silence. I held back a sob and closed the discussion.

-A stab wound would have been better I think.

-To ease the constant pain and intense questions in my mind.

-What had I done wrong? Was I too much? Did I ask the wrong question? Should I have kept quiet?

-Everything was spinning and I finally closed the app. damn.

_____________________________

-My feet led me to the publishing house.

-Today I had to make the final corrections for Madame Lasswell before her vacation with her wife Kate.

-Hesitant, I knocked on her door.

-An "enter" was heard and I entered the already crowded room.

- A mustached man in a beanie, a masked man, a mullet, Kate, and Gaz were watching me.

-My eyes betrayed my surprise at his presence. What was he doing here? Why now? How should I react?

-"Y/n, sorry for the crowd. I guess you have it."

-"Yes ma'am."

-My voice barely above a whisper was usual for Jocelyn. I handed her the manuscripts.

-"We're going to drink at the bar downstairs, do you want to come?"

-Come? To a crowded place, surrounded by drunk people, constant noise, blinding lights with the icing on the cake being a guy who blew me off for the year?

-"No, I'm busy tonight, sorry."

-"No problem."

-Slowly my heels turned, I took the elevator but I heard footsteps. Kyle was with me.

-"I was on a mission."

-"hm."

-"I know I told you no, but he… there were quite a few problems and I had to leave, I didn't have time to warn you, it dragged on, Ghost broke my phone by sitting on it with his stupid hard ass, and we just got back from the airport actually. Lasswell, Kate finally— she works with us so that's why I'm here"

-A silence stretched, he took a breath.

-"you didn't have to explain… I mean after the word mission, I understood I was wrong."

-"I wanted to be clear."

-"I should have asked and sent you messages."

-"No, it's okay, it must have seemed suspicious. I ask for your voice, you say no, and I disappear. The conclusion was logical."

-"but it wasn't the right one."

-"It's okay, we're here, aren't we?"

-"yes."

-The elevator rang, the door opened. Hesitant, I watched him.

-"I love it." -"hm?"

-"your voice."

-"Oh."

-"I… you're really busy tonight or…"

-"No, I just don't like…"

-"The crowd."he guessed

-"Hm."

-"I— I can invite you for dinner? At my place, we'll grab takeout, no crowds, no one to see us."

-"That sounds like the pitch of a serial killer."

-He widened his eyes. I snorted.

-"Okay, you got me." he chuckled.

-" At your place sounds good. Better than a restaurant." I admitted.

-"Cool, so…"

-"Shall we go then, yes". I murmured as he finally released the elevator button and we stepped out of the elevator.

_________________

-At his place, everything was calm.

-Not me.

-How should I stand? Too close? Too far? What to talk about? And what if I'm boring in the end? What to order? Does he like seafood or is he allergic? My eyes focused on every detail and…

-Everything's fine.

-His hand on mine, he took the initiative for the restaurant to order, asking me my preferences, and we waited for the delivery guy.

-Slowly, he asked questions about my work. I mastered it.

-And slowly everything unfolded naturally.

-Sitting on his couch, his hand not letting go of mine, he drew circles with his thumb while talking.

-I liked that. In groups, I liked… listening.

-People like to talk about themselves and I like listening to that, not participating, and Gaz understood that in such an impressive way.

-Occasionally, he asked questions in return, gauging my desire to speak, I answered and this back and forth held until the food arrived.

-Maybe everything would turn out for the best.

-Standing in front of his door, I didn't know what to add to this evening.

-A not-so-stranger, three years of virtual chat and now I was unable to figure out the right goodbye on his doorstep.

-Hesitant, we observed each other.

-"I hope we'll do this again."

-"Yes. "I replied.

-He stepped forward.

-I remained still, his face close to mine. -Kiss? Cheek? Goodbye? Whisper? -Which action would he choose? -I wished for a dice to decide, a title, or a "Gaz approves".

-"May I?"

-Oh. -I nodded. -His hands on my hips, he placed a brief kiss on my lips. -"I'm glad we managed to break the silence." -"me too."

-Perhaps, after all, I wouldn't return to my solitary silence tonight. His hands guiding me back to his apartment and the door closing behind us.

-I could easily guess that a die had just been thrown for a long evening and we both seemed to have the right score.

If you want more my COD Masterlist

[obae-me]

Yes! Finally someone said it!

At first when I saw the interaction I went- hey he's being such a jerk- Ohhhhh wait! This is literally him wanting us to stay soo fricking bad, but Mr.Pridey McPridepants just can't admit it. OFC HE WOULD TRY TO IMPRESS US (even if this emotionally constipated man can't differ b/w chivalry and being an asshole). He's trying to so bloody hard to sweet talk his way into us staying. Even if he's being forceful and manipulative; it's because he's so shit scared of giving us the choice and then us choosing to go cuz he KNOWS wherever we going must mean a lot to us especially when we are going such great lengths to return.

Not to say, that this behavior is ok or good but at the end of the day isn't obey me about flawed and morally grey characters? Even the ANGELS aren't perfect and morally sound, and if I dare say, sometimes they make decisions even crueler than the demons. We are literally talking about the AVATAR OF PRIDE HERE! XD

Literally as soon as you look past the image that he literally puts up cuz he wants ppl to see him that way, you will realize that he really is just a soggy, pathetic man who can't put aside his pride to ask us to stay like a normal person XD Also to point out a lot of ppl LIKE Levi and Mammon BECAUSE OF their pathos lol.

I have always seen that there is SUCH a double standard when it comes to him. Ppl say that he's being too fake and only cares about his image and not his brothers, but when he does show his softer side, they say he's not being genuine or he's pushy or something of the sort. What most ppl fail to see is that he loves his brothers and mc, probably even more than his own life but he's just so bad at showing it because he is held back by his own trauma and sin. While that does not make him innocent... that does make him like his brothers. He acts this way because thats literally the only way he knows how to keep things in his control and keep his family safe and ppl fall for it ... LIKE IT'S NOT THE REAL HIM! TvT

I have this theory (might be a hot take idk?) that most of the ppl playing obey me are pretty young, so they don't like Lucifer because they are anti-authority (I also am, its not a bad thing) but this man is anything but Authority and Power. I might be a lucifer apologist lol but all I am saying is for ppl to look at him with the same open-minded lens they see the other brothers with and you might find him a lot more bearable and dare I say... likeable?

Phew, sorry for rambling in your inbox but I have some strong feelings for that stupid old man XD Also, this feels a lot similar to how expectations are so high and rigid for the eldest sibling whereas these same expectations become a lot less severe for the other siblings...

Firstly, thank you for calling him a soggy pathetic man, that gave me a good chuckle.

And YES! All of this, 100% yes. He doesn't want to admit that there are other things out there more important than him. Not just because of his Pride, but because he finally let someone else behind the walls he put up around his heart (we saw this around Nightbringer lessons 11 and 12, when he was ready to be THE enemy to protect his family, only to end up admitting to himself that he cared about MC just as much) and now, after all that, MC is determined to leave. I'm sure somewhere in his mind, he feels like he's failed.

He's puffing up his feathers as big as he can and screaming "look at me, look at me, look at me"! The big peacock man is flailing.

He's afraid. He's hurt. And so now these weird (and problematic) safety mechanisms are being put in place to protect himself.

Things in his mind are SO 'not fine' that now he's parading around trying to convince everyone (including himself) that everything is perfectly fine! Everything is perfect, everything is great, the outfits he chose are pristine, the food he settled on is text-book. It feels like he's following some sort of guide, like even the things he's saying have been pulled from a novel somewhere. It's not quite the way he normally speaks. If everything can play out the way he sees it in his head, there won't be room for error. Right?

And this isn't new behavior either. It was the ENTIRE plot of season 1 in Shall We Date. Lucifer locked Belphie away because he was worried of what might happen to his sibling. But in a way, 'protecting' his brother was mostly protecting himself.

He's worked so hard to create what he has, that he can't stand the idea of losing it all.

There's also a whole spiel I could go into about how everyone in the family fills a certain "group" role that keeps everything balanced and running smoothly (as smooth as it can get for them). For example, Mammon is the energy of the group, the drive. Beel is the motivator, the encourager. Asmo is the dreamer, etc. Lucifer has to be the guider, the manager, the authoritarian.

While, yes on multiple occasions, he's dismissed his brother's wild antics outright, there have been so many other instances where his brothers say "I want ___" and he gives them the advice or the structure they need to accomplish it successfully. OR even ending up providing it himself should his brother's wishes be genuine (Mammon's car for example).

When he's more on his own, he can drop that uptightness completely. As we see again in Shall We Date, when they're taken to the video game world, and when he doesn't have the worries and responsibilities placed onto his shoulders, he's capable of skipping classes to take a nap on the roof. And fully enjoys it, with a smile on his face and everything.

At the very root of him, while he needs to fulfill the controlling dynamic, he does not want to. At least not completely.

I've always known this, but Nightbringer actually gave me a big confirmation boost! In Wanders Whereabouts, Barbatos gives Lucifer a video call in which he tells Lucifer about all the recent trouble the brothers have gotten themselves into. Barbatos then proceeds to let Lucifer know that as their guardian, the eldest needs to essentially work harder to keep them in line. Then Barbatos sends the damages bill to him.

If he isn't constantly keeping his siblings in line, he takes most of the blame!

And thirdly, I think you are correct, yes. I think especially with the addition of Nightbringer and the anime, a good portion of the fandom is a younger demographic, which doesn't surprise me (listen I played Mystic Messenger when I was a preteen/teen, I was there when the dark texts were written). And a lot of what appeals to that demographic is the coming-of-age, rebelling against conformity sort of story.

And, I want to repeat, my initial post that you are referring to wasn't meant to come off as a "oh everyone is so stupid thinking Lucifer is this way, you should all love him" but more of trying to explain the fullness of his character since it can be harder to spot.

Like, people in the fandom almost always completely understand Mammon. He's not just, "tough and grumbly man who steals things". He's someone who struggles with admitting his own feelings, someone who lets his ambitions blind him from the troubles they can cause, and someone who at the end of the day, loves his family more than anything. And most everyone in the fandom fully understands this.

And yet, with Lucifer, a lot of people tend to take him exactly at face value.

There's a lot of things I could explain about him needing to play a "Parental Guardian Figure" while also just being their brother at the same time, and in a lot of media where the older sibling is forced to become a guardian, they get a lot of flack for not doing it correctly.

Anyways, I could ramble on and on and on about Lucifer as a character, but I think this a good chunk of condensed thoughts. And thank you for sending this over, I always love a good Inbox ramble! Especially about my favorite grumpy, sleep-deprived man <3

[dearmura]

sight for sore eyes

cw. Mentions of self consciousness, mental breakdowns, academic stress, mild cursing

☆ genre. angst, comfort, fluff

☆ pairings. non-idol! Riki × fem! reader

☆ synopsis. Seeing y/n slowly lose herself in the midst of grades, riki brings you down to Earth and gives you much needed comfort (def not based on my own academic validation...)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Babyyy

Are you busy:(((

Checking your phone with sigh, you peel your eyes away from your notes, smiling bittersweetly at his text. How you wish you had the time to give the boy the attention he deserves. Wish you didn't care so much about some goddamn numbers. Wish you could for just this once be happy and not beat yourself up. With a frown, you text back at an agonizing pace, forcing yourself to type the painful words he's heard too many times

I'm sorry babe

I have a test tomorrow I can't afford to flunk it :(

I promise we'll hang out another time

As you send the last message, a hot tear rolls down your cheek, knowing he didn't deserve these empty promises. You hesitate to put down your phone, desperately wanting to talk to the boy but you knew deep down you couldn't

A few seconds pass before another message rolls in, unlocking your screen, your eyes are met with a single word

Wait

At that point, you can't stop the tears from flowing. Sinking your face into your arms, you hold your head, breath hitching and hands shaking. Your hours worth of picture-perfect, font-like notes probably washed away by your tears but you didn't seem to care. You just wished you could be numb to it all

You ponder his message

Wait?

Wait?

What was that supposed to mean? Was he sick of your lame excuses? Sick of your inability to make time for him? Sick of your overachieving attitude?

Sick of you?

Your breath quickens impossibly. You knew you were overthinking, you always did. Getting self-conscious over little things like this? You're overthinking. Analyzing a question too much? You're overthinking. Asking too many goddamn questions because you can't fathom the thought you're not as perfect as you want to be? You're overthinking. You've heard it too many times to deny it, hell, you believed it yourself

If you knew you were overthinking, why couldn't you tell yourself that? After being told so many times, why did you still believe you weren't good enough? Why do you still beat yourself up day in and day out about dumb mistakes and things completely out of your control?

Because you were greedy. Greedy for it all. You hated to admit it but that word quite sums you up. Greedy for the No. 1 spot. Greedy for validation. Greedy for praise. Greedy for his attention. Greedy for someone who cared...

Well look how that ended up for you

Before you could think further, you hear a knock at the door, snapping you out of your thoughts. It's was 11 at night, who could be at the door? With a tear stained shirt, puffy eyes and red cheeks, you peek through the window only to see a figure undeniably belonging to your beloved boyfriend

Answering the door with a confused look, you immediately hear him rambling on

"I'm so sorry I took so long to get here. I didn't know so many convenience stores close so early. I hope you don't mind I got the party size chips, I sensed a long night so I thought we'd...need it" His eyes eventually meet your red ones. In an instant, he closes the door behind him, dropping everything in his hands and pulling you in a hug, chin resting atop your head, placing a kiss on your hair

The simple action broke down your dam walls, making you break out into full on sobs, clawing at his back desperately, almost as if doing so would ground you somehow, give you control over your own mind

"Shhhh that right, angel, let it all out" He whispers softly, rubbing soothing circles onto your back, holding your head in the crook of his neck as he caressed your hair

Feeling the warmth of his body, you hold him tighter, nuzzling your face into his neck, finding his cologne intoxicatingly soothing

After a few minutes, you pulled away, wiping your eyes with the cuff of your sweater

"T-thank you k-ki" you sniff, speaking through hiccups

"Take all the time you need, angel" he reassures you, rubbing soothing circles on your cheek with his thumb. You instantly lean into his touch

Leading you into your bedroom, he sits you down on your bed, holding your hands gently

You begin " 's just, 'm really stressed about school. I feel like I have no control over what's around me. I'm drowning in my own fucking mistakes. And you...I'm being so selfish, taking away your time and brushing you off whenever you want to hang out. I'm so so sorry, ki. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry I care so fucking much for my grades and push you aside. Im sorry i-" As you feel another tear roll down your cheek, a pair of lips meet yours.

You can't help but melt into the kiss, straddling his lap and playing with the hair on his nape, another tear rolling down your cheek at the pure sensitivity. You needed the proximity, the comfort, the touch

He smiles against your lips at your desperateness, bringing his thumb to your cheek to wipe your tears before gently holding your waist

The kiss wasn't rushed or heated but rather slow and gentle. He knew just what you needed, reading your mind like it was his own

Slowly pulling away, he kept a hand on your waist, the other tucking a strand of hair behind your ear

"Angel, I want you to know that I'm so so so fucking proud of you. You never fail to wow me every day. And it really breaks my heart seeing you beat yourself up like this. How I wish I could be there to kiss these beautiful lips whenever you doubt yourself, angel. You may think you're flawed but you are quite possibly the most beautiful, most loving, most intelligent, more hardworking, most deligent girl I know. So don't you fucking dare doubt yourself. You're doing so good, angel, I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Wish you could love yourself as much as you love others. As much as you love me" He whispers the last part

"It's okay to give yourself a break, beautiful. Take care of yourself. You're life doesn't revolve around your grades. Yes it's important but so are you, angel. It's okay to mess up, it's okay to fall, I know you have the strength to brush it off and keep going. Chasing perfection is digging an endlessly deep hole for yourself that leads absolutely no where. As much as I call you perfect, you're not babe, but that's what I love about you. The way snot comes out of your nose when you laugh too hard. The way you sleep with your mouth open. The way broccoli gets stuck in your teeth. I love it. Love it all. Love you" He breathes out his words, eyes locked on your lips

You blush intensely at his words, hitting his shoulder before hiding your face with your hands

"You're gonna make me cry again, ki~" You whine is faux annoyance, making him giggle

Taking your face in his hands, he forces your gaze to meet his

"I love you so much, angel, never forget that" He speaks before placing a peck on your lips, getting up from your bed and walking toward your desk

"Now about that test, sounds like you need a study buddy" he clears his throat

"Number 1, what is the p...ur..pose of the mi...to..chon...y/n I can't read shit, what is medieval looking handwriting" he deadpans with a devastating smile

You burst into a fit of laughter, playfully punching his side at his words. He feigns an injury, dramatically falling back on the bed, grabbing you with him. As you both giggle, you lean into his ear and whisper a soft

"I love you too, darling"

Fin

[marblemoovt]

Not to put pressure on u or anything, but how's that brat taming yuushi fic going?

Take ur time ofc!! :)

It's going! I'm going to put everything below the cut in case I ramble.

Is this fandom still alive btw? Are there any other people out there drooling over this pathetic man and his hot wife? Or maybe you guys are like me and are patiently waiting for someone else to write a fic lmao.

I took a long break from writing for a while and have only recently gotten back into it. And I think that break did me some good! Writing doesn't feel as grueling as it used to so I'm making steady work on that fic. But you didn't hit read more to learn about my personal life. You wanted to hear how the fic is going.

And anon... 👀 I am at 5k words and we're not even at the brat taming yet 😩😩😩

But I am bringing the spice and I'm honestly quite happy with it so far. I struggle to capture this feeling of mundaneness (is that even a word?) in all my fics. Basically, I want them to feel realistic to me and not flat. I can already feel myself rambling so I'll stop myself.

I have no clue when the fic will be finished. I currently only write while I commute to school and back (rip anyone who glances at my phone).

Here's a chonker of a snippet to tide you over:

(Context: Reader doesn't keep their promise to return home on time. Currently they're in their car)

You decide to take a peek at your phone, unlocking the screen to be greeted with a wall of text. A grin sneaks onto your face, and you glance at your surroundings. Taking a risk, you shimmy your pants down past your knees. Turning on the camera, you snap a picture of your drooling cunt, framed perfectly by a pair of dark, lacy underwear. This specific one happened to be one of Yuushi’s favourites since it was crotchless. He liked fucking you senseless while still being able to admire the lingerie. 

You scroll up and skim over his messages. They all pretty much mean the same thing: you’re being severely punished when you arrive home. Maybe this is pouring gasoline on an open flame, but—you smirk and hit send—you think you’ll enjoy watching it all burn. 

You reluctantly slide your damp pants back on—it’s better than making a mess on the car seat. Those things can be a nightmare to clean. Not even a minute later you can see that he’s looked at your picture. Almost immediately after, the call screen appears with Yuushi’s caller ID. You turn the ringer off your phone and place it in the cup holder with the screen facing away. “Sorry, Yuushi. I shouldn’t call and drive at the same time,” you say in a singsong voice, knowing very well he can’t hear you. How pissed off is he now? You hum and turn the key, feeling the car roar to life. You glance over your shoulder at the bags behind you. At least you remembered to buy many, many, many condoms and another bottle of lube. Shifting gears, you pull out of the parking lot and drive to your doom.

[angryplebianart]

I don’t wanna sound rude at all but I am genuinely curious as to why you ship 2doc? I’m not trying to like target you in particular or anything I’m just wondering in general why do people like it

This is gonna be a long one lmao

A little backstory: When I first got into Gorillaz I really hated Murdoc. My sister showed me a playlist of all the videos in order. The whole playlist I kept going on about how I didn't like Murdoc and my sister was like "well, just wait." By Lost Chord I was a bit sympathetic and beginning to like Murdoc, I loved seeing that he was helping everyone else escape before he did and I really liked seeing 2D save him despite everything.

I've always been a sucker for relationships with drama(even platonic relationships), for one, for two I love when characters have chemistry (even platonic chemistry) because of what they've been through together if that makes sense.

This was before I really knew much about the band at all besides what was shown in the videos and the first time I heard about 2doc I was confused and kind of weirded out that people would ship such a toxic and dysfunctional couple. As I learned more about the band and the characters, though, and as I dug into the lore, I found Murdoc to be a much more sympathetic character than I had originally seen. A flawed character, deeply flawed, but sympathetic nonetheless and with the inkling of a redemption arc forming. I also found it interesting that even after all that had happened, 2D and Murdoc still had this indescribable bond (that a lot of people label as Stockholm syndrome but I do not).

I was on twitter one day and stumbled across a discussion about the song Souk Eye and heard that in the live shows, every time the line "I will always think about you" was sung, Murdoc's face was up on the screen. I dug into the lore for TNN album and became even more intrigued with the ship. I saw a Souk Eye animatic that depicted 2D having these battling emotions over Murdoc being gone. That he really missed him but still resented him as well and by this point you could say I was dipping my toes into the 2doc waters.

I started looking for other signs that maybe it was implied to be a canon thing and found so much stuff thanks to a couple "2doc Daily" accounts on twitter (that really just regurgitated the same things the other account said, to the point that I didn't realize it was two different accounts for a couple months lol) that only posted canon evidence.

Maybe it's silly and a lot of people don't like it, but I really do like it. It's so fun to headcanon about the ship and their dynamic.

It really seems like 2doc has been somewhat implied since the beginning in the lore and some interviews, and even some of Jamie's art (them wearing each other's clothes, 2D with Murdoc's monogrammed razor hooked on his necklace, them sharing accessories like the little crown necklace and them sharing hats on PB, the original storyboard for the newspaper comic in Do Ya Thing, there's more examples but those are the ones off the top of my head rn).

Regardless of the ship's popularity, I've come to really like it and it just adds another layer of enjoyment to my love for the band! 🩵💚☺️💚🩵

Thanks for the ask! Sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm writing this right before bed lol

Edits: I separated this long ass wall of text into digestible paragraphs 😛

[yuttikkele]

ok so I saw that anon giving very persuasive reasons to be a zukaang shipper, and I like was writing a bunch of tags on the reblog so I just decided to make my own post 😭😭 it was way too many tags. I have a lot to say about zukaang guys.

Everything’s under the cut, but this gets very chatty very ramble-y fair warning.

anyways the part I was mostly talking about was how zukaang has a lot of what mainline ships have to offer. but like, more. and like no offense to the ships mentioned, I think they’re cool banger ships! I'm just biased towards zukaang. ofc I'm gonna think it has everything those ships have to offer and more.

though I do like these ships, there might be a little negativity towards them in this post, but I assure you, I do not mean it in any mean-spirited way.

zkka for example. I liked it a lot at first, but then I got into zukaang, and, it's just no comparison. zkka is still amazing tho it's a really silly and heartwarming ship, and sokka deserves a popular gay ship as a treat. I like them 💙❤️

but text wise?? zkka went on a two part prisonbreaking journey. zukaang spent the whole show revolving around each other with multiple key episodes exploring their dynamic. zkka can't compete with that.

and sorry to bring ztara and ktng into this as well but I gotta.

Listen, ktng is great. I think they’re really cute! Though there’s tons of discourse about which ship should’ve been canon, I think the creators made the right choice making this one canon (it was set up from the beginning, and I do think it’s the more popular ship. I think they would’ve gotten MORE backlash had they not made it canon). BUT, they’re literally middle schoolers. Of course they DO end up together, but the chances of that actually happening are off the walls! They only stayed together because of bryke, fan popularity, and what the show ended on (it would be really awkward if it ended with them getting together, and then bryke saying they broke up later. I get that. I don’t think they made a bad decision there). It’s just a liiiiiiiittle unrealistic (and I don’t wanna hear nothin bout “this is a fantasy world everything’s unrealistic.” You know what I mean go smart off somewhere else). Zuko and Aang, on the other hand, are bound by fate. They’re best friends, and they stay best friends for like, ever. Platonic soulmates, ying yang, does that not ring a bell? They’re not separating, it’s in the code. Though Katara and Aang don’t break up, I still think, realistically, it’s possible that they’d last a couple years then grow apart. Meanwhile, Aang and Zuko get closer and closer and then boom: just as much gay tension as roku and sozin. But not doomed this time.

ztara I can’t see happening based on the text. they have a lot of sweet moments from them talking about their respective moms' death (kinda sorta death) to like zuko accompanying her for "revenge" (not really revenge) to katara fighting azula with zuko. and their dynamics are cute like rivals to lovers and stuff. but, I just can’t see it. Plus, zukaang has that.

zuko’s mom was taken away from him, and aang’s father figure was threatened to be taken away from him. but it doesn’t stop there. no, shortly after these events, zuko was banished from his nation while aang fled from his. (MIRRORING CHECK DO I GET A MIRRORING CHECK???) zuko might’ve gone with katara to tie up loose ends of her past, but zuko went with aang to learn from the past for the future. and not to mention, on that journey, zuko and aang met mirroring red and blue dragons that formed a heart around them then proceeded to shroud them in rainbow flames while they learned firebending from the first firebenders not unlike oma and shu who were lovers from opposing sides of a war. (DO I HEAR SYMBOLISM AND STORY COMPARISON???) and zuko? he said “it’s my destiny for me to help the avatar.” and he DID. Yeah fighting azula was a culminating moment of his character arc and was imperative to taking down the imperial fire nation, but do you think zuko would just go attack his sister if she wasn’t a threat to Aang and peace? No, he would not. And you may be saying “uh yeah you said ‘and peace,’ zuko’s doing this because he believes it’s the right thing, and to take down his corrupt family, and for peace, not Aang.” BUT DO YOU SEE IT. AANG AND PEACE ARE LIKE SYNONYMS TO ZUKO. THEY COINCIDE. THEY’RE THE SAME THING. And in that Azula fight Zuko was given a MIRRORING scar with Aang. Aang’s back scar and his chest scar. (DO I HEAR DEVOTION???)

also headcanon-wise, I just really think Zuko is gay, so the ztara thing also kinda falls apart at that for me. Zuko just doesn’t?? Treat women very well??? Sorry, it IS kinda true tho. For so much of his life being spent with his main friends being only girls, he does not treat the women he dates very well. He actually treats Katara the best out of the girls he interacted with in my opinion even though he totally crushed her trust first try. (Some ships are about to get stray shots here while I explain this so sorry 🙏🙏)

Alright now here’s Zuko just not being the best with girls in general with romantic and platonic relationships. Not saying he hasn’t had his good moments, but, if I knew him irl I’d be trashing him for how he treats girls. Him and Mai always had continual problems on both ends. Zuko never really seemed interested in her genuinely, but on top of me just not really feeling the chemistry, Zuko was unhealthily distrusting and jealous of her like an object, he broke up with her through a note, and she risked her life for him and he didn’t even think about busting her out of jail. he really didn’t think about Mai much at all when he was with team avatar, and when he did, it was usually with weariness. he never really seemed upset that he was away from her. Now there was the “that’s rough buddy” conversation, but that’s when Zuko said “oh yeah leaving the Fire Nation was EASY” to which Sokka brought up leaving behind loved ones and Zuko went “Oh yeah, I had a girlfriend. Bummer I had to leave her to go FOLLOW THE AVATAR. AGAIN.” I was never convinced either of them actually liked each other romantically. The best thing I can say about their relationship is that Mai didn’t want Zuko to die, and the hardest part about Zuko’s easy decision to leave the fire nation was leaving Mai. For Katara, obviously, he severed things with her pretty early on, but was able to regain her trust so kudos to him. I guess he and Suki’s minimal interactions were positive I don’t really remember them sorry. Zuko DIABOLICALLY denied Toph her field trip. And Jin from Ba Sing Sei. j1nko is actually the Zuko het ship I like the most and that’s just cause I think they’re cute, and also this is like one of the times Zuko does something romantic that the girl actually likes. And he just never saw her again. Like I understand he was in a bit of a complex situation, but he could’ve gone to visit her or give condolences once everything settled down?? imagine you go on a date with this guy and the next day he’s ghosted you so hard he’s not even in the same city anymore? Jin was probably so heartbroken and then she sees HE’S THE FIRE LORD?? Nah I’d be so mad. Zuko has issues with girls. Men tho? I don’t see this problem arising. He just really reads as a gay dude to me.

Switching topics abruptly here, angsty zukaang has its place, but me personally, zukaang is not one of my angsty ships 😭😭 they worked so hard to be together y’all let them have it. There’s multiple solutions to the kid problem in my opinion, some more ideal than others but yknow. they could find out they loved each other after they already had kids and got a divorce? They could get surrogate mothers? They could say “screw you” to having to have bio kids and just adopt (and probably not announce it publicly cause how would the people know? Just keep them believing.). My personal favorite, they could avatar magic it and bring in some storks ectobiology and poof! magic bio baby they’re both blood related to. Hey, crazier things have happened. And zukkang has made a world where they can both be together and it’s beautiful and lovely and sweet ❤️🧡

and like, I don’t think it’s an all-out solution to the ship war. I think zutaraang is the all-out solution to the ship war. BUT, zukaang is a solution. It’s that one Thomas Sanders Prince vine where he goes “you’ll never have her! because I want you…”

uhhh anyways thank for comin to my tedtalk ramble about zukaang. Enjoy the rest of your day, and God loves you :DD

[eshasunrise]

Deepsea Glass

This is a pre-Splatoon fan fic that takes place in Alterna, days before its destruction.

Selena (Saline, moon) is an analogue for Marina

Kohime (little princess) is an analogue for Pearl

Inspired by the squid ink panels reflecting the desires of humanity.

Read below the cut.

Selena wanted to bash her head against the wall. She was the project lead in Alterna's delusional corporate suicide cult. Sorry, she meant 'Happiness Research Lab', a once important figure in maintaining Alterna's long-term survival, now a haven for madmen demanding humanity return to the irradiated, flooded surface.

Her job was to figure out the logistics of building, and launching, a rocket from deep beneath the sea and into the Earth's soil. Needless to say, all calculations show the probability of successfully launching a rocket deep underwater was literally, no smudging the numbers, 0%. And that's ignoring the readings showing that the surface is still flooded, irradiated, and over 15 degrees hotter than is ideal for agriculture, let alone maintaining human life. And THAT is ignoring the fact that the force of the rocket would fracture the stone of the cavern in which the population is maintained, assuming the psychic backlash of every neuroLCD panel suddenly exploding from energy overload wouldn't kill the population outright.

So obviously, the higher-ups appealed to reason. Or not. Instead, they scrapped the research to start building the rocket. Needless to say, it was now up to Selena to build an anti-gravity device which could withstand the water pressure while her roommate and boss, Kohime, tried desperately to get the company to stop.

It had barely been 60 years since Alterna was finished and colonized, and yet already people were demanding the impossible. Small crowds creating conspiracy theories about the land being just outside the walls, as opposed to the waterlogged crag of the flooded cavern that you can very clearly see if you just switched off one of the panels.

Selena needed a break. She decided, if her job wasn't going to listen to her findings, then she wasn't going to bother staying the full day. Clearly she wasn't alone in this thought, as when she approached the door, she caught her roommate standing outside on her phone. Selena's own phone pinged a notification right as she opened the glass door, greeting the shorter woman's slightly embarrassed face. That didn't last long however, as she begun to speak:

"Oh good. I just texted you." Kohime said. "You wanna head out early?"

"Absolutely." Replied Selena. She was glad that she was living with somebody who had some sense. The two of them grabbed a frozen tofu desert on the way home (most of the non-seafood was tofu, as it was one of the few crops to easily grow down here), and Kohime began to complain.

"Every day. Every goddamn day, these fucking bastards keep fucking ignoring me! 'Oh look, the princess is mad again' like, no shit? I'm trying to keep you alive! I don't care if the goddamn escapists are profitable, we aren't here to make a profit! We need to focus on the future! Making sure there's a planet to live on, not running to our death as fast as possible! What are we, fish to an angler?!"

Selena sighed in agreement. She had nothing to add, as everything she would say has already been said. Instead, she half-listened to her best friend's impatient ramblings while thinking of how to cheer her up later. There was that one project...

"Hey Kohime." Selena interjected. "You remember that old shark movie we watched the other day?"

"Oh yeah, Jaws, right? You wanna watch it again?" Kohime responded.

"We could, but first there's something I want to show you."

Kohime's attention was peaked right as they got home. From the table in the back, Selena grabbed an audio device.

"I came up with this song while thinking of that movie."

"Oh, fresh! Lemme hear!" Kohime slipped the speaker cuff over her left ear. From it emitted a steady, slightly modern approximation of the shrine music her grandmother would play for her. It was a curious sound, but she couldn't figure out what it had to do with...

"Wait a sec. The chorus, is that-?"

A slightly mischievous grin snuck up on Selena's face, "yup. That was made using the two note progression from the really tense scenes!"

Kohime's face lit up like the midday skylight. "That's hilarious AND awesome! Only you could come up with something so crazy, I love it!" A giggle pushes her face into childish glee, while Selena turned to grab something else, hiding her guilty smile.

It's been twelve years now, but she still couldn't get over that phrase from Kohime. 'I love'. It makes her uneasy every time.

"You wanna watch another movie?" Selena asked, "I found another Jaws movie, although I think it's the third one. Don't know if there's a two we're missing."

"Oh hell yeah! Pop it in!"

An hour later, and Selena was thoroughly bored. This was definitely a sequel to the first movie she saw, but it felt half-hearted and phony, like the corporate slogans she had to write for every apartment and street corner back at her old job.

"Are you watching this?" She asked the small woman beside her. No answer. Her roommate had fallen fast asleep, clearly as bored as she was, and had let her head fall against Selena's shoulder as she dozed.

Selena felt a pang in her chest. A muddy feeling that followed every bit of affection Kohime had given her. She stayed like this however, in part to let her old friend rest from the nightmarish days they've had, and in part for the comfort she has in knowing Kohime would always be beside her, ready to take on the world, which day by day became increasingly relevant.

Selena slowly nodded off herself.

That night, an exhausting dream filled her mind. In it, she was swimming up waterfall after waterfall. She strained against the crashing current, believing that soon, she would find rest. But no rest would come. At the final hurdle, the last jump, she dove straight into the maw of a hungry bear, wearing the Alterna logo on it's forehead, and announcing her retirement.

Selena woke with a start. It was midnight, and she felt dumb for being stressed about such a wild dream. She didn't question why she had it though. She had been working too hard for too little. The research she conducted, the machines she built, all wasted on projects that would kill her led by people who would never listen. She needed to quit. She could do so easily in fact. Sleeping in her lap, having moved herself in her sleep, was the very person she worked under. All she would have to do is wake her and tell her she couldn't work there anymore.

And leave Kohime to fight alone.

Selena let her head fall back onto the couch cushion. She would work tomorrow, if for no other reason than to ease her guilty conscience. To make sure some semblance of sanity stayed in this broken order, just because she knows Kohime would never stop fighting. She's always been bull-headed, and they needed that now more than ever.

"It's is time for your shift at the Happiness Research Facility, Citizen 2117: Assistant Director KOHIME.

It is time for your shift at the Happiness Research Facility, Citizen 2224: Project Manager SELENA.

Have a productive day."

Selena's second waking was a slow groggy ordeal. She had barely gotten back to sleep, and it feels like she just had that nightmare. Clearly some time has passed, as Kohime was sitting next to her. Unusually though, she wasn't dressed yet. Instead, she had an uncharacteristically uneasy glower in her face.

"Oh, you're up." Selena noted.

A long, heavy silence dulled the air at her voice. Kohime continued to stare, pressure rising from her sleep-matted hair. Eventually, she spoke:

"Selena."

At her word, a deafening pause filled the room.

"Do you ever feel like...something big is coming? Like..."

"The end of the world?" Selena finished her thought. "Of course. Every day. It bears down like an ocean of pressure every time I have to think about that goddamn rocket."

"Exactly!" The smaller woman replied "it all feels like we're marching into the end, all over some vague dream!" Tension filled her voice. She lacked energy, however. Selena took notice and pressed the back of her hand to Kohime's forehead.

"! W- what are you doing?" Kohime was flustered.

"You're overheated." Selena spoke.

"Well, that's 'cause you-"

"No, I mean actually" she wouldn't let Kohime finish. Now wasn't the time. "You're getting sick. R.C.A.?"

Selena called to the AI transcriber installed as living assistance. "Contact the HRF. We're taking today off."

"Very well." The voice responded.

Kohime protested: "No! Without us, who knows what those idiots will do?!"

Selena was worried of course, but she wasn't going to let her friend suffer. "How smart do you think they actually are. The lunatics wanna fire a rocket in a closed cave, through the ocean. You think they can think through the logistics without us?" She prattled, hoping she was right. It was her last hope at this point.

"..."

"Come on. You need to rest, and they'll never figure out how to actually build a rocket in the few days we'd be gone. Plus when we get back, you can rub the fact that you were right in their faces."

Kohime couldn't help but laugh at that. "As if. They're heads would be so far up their asses, they wouldn't be able to hear me." She joked, coughing near the end of her sentence.

Selena chuckled back, "in that case, I'll build you a megaphone. Nobody'd be able to ignore you then. Better yet, I'll build a bomb-"

"Okay, stop right there crazy lady. Don't give R.C.A. the wrong idea. Plus, that'd totally defeat the purpose of stopping the rocket in the first place."

The two joked like that for a few more minutes, until the tension left Kohime's shoulders, and she nodded off again.

It would take a week before Kohime would recover. The anxiety from the escape project pushing them to the boiling point. It was only at the end of that week when she had rested enough to feel like working again, and scheduled their shifts for the next day.

When Selena woke, from her bed this time, to the work day she'd been dreading, she noticed that Kohime had already left. Nothing unusual there. She was always a bit of a workaholic, and the praise helped feed her ego. Selena would finish her breakfast before heading out.

Upon opening the front door, however, she was blinded by a scorching white light. The skylight above them was in overdrive, forcing her eyes down. On the porch, collapsed to her knees, eyes wide despite the overbearing light above, was Kohime. Her face was filled with fear as defeat killed what little hope had remained.

Fearfully checking her friends help, Selena would follow her unbroken stare to the neuroLCD panel on the West edge. There, where once was the image of a field with sparse green trees, now stood the image of a white rocket ship, repeating down the walls. The grass, which once had a photo-like quality, now rustled as if blown by the wind. Sparse depictions of clouds were circling the blinding sun.

To any other, it would be an echo of their deep-seated desire to reach the upper world. To the two women here, however, it was a monument to their failure.

Selene rushed to the far moat, from the shore of which she grabbed a raft, unconcerned with ownership. Kohime followed behind, having barely broken from her stupor, and praying her closest could find a miracle. The datapad Selene brought was connected to a terminal on the wall. The screen behind it flickered off, exposing behind it the rocket they had lobbied so hard against, somehow completed.

Selene swallowed her fear as the datapad downloaded the Alterna Logs only people from the Happiness Research Facility has access to. The log read as follows:

"

HRFLog004.02: The Divide

As humanity began it's foolhardy errand to escape their salvation, a small group of resisters, lead by those scientists from the first generation, had resisted the change.

Amongst these were two high-ranking officials who had researched the surface, and concluded escape would doom humanity. These two would be the head speakers, and last bastions, of the Preservationists.

Rather than heed their warnings, those who profited from the Escapist movement would instead sabotage the resistance, slipping a mild poison into one researcher's water.

With the voice of opposition in recovery, the Preservationists were left without a rallying point, and a new fervor would grip the escapists. Thus, the rocket would be built in record time.

Awaiting further data.

"

Selena's heart dropped. A deep, fervent rage built in her heart. They had nearly killed her closest friend, over this pipe dream?! They would doom humanity for their pride?!

Her rage was interrupted, however, by a deafening scream of anguish. Having read the report on her own datapad, Kohime collapsed into a ball, shaking the raft beneath them. Selena steadied herself, then crouched to her friend.

"IT'S OVER. ITS THE END OF THE WORLD. WE'RE GONNA DIE..."

She was yelling, but a defeated misery filled her voice. She was not just screaming out of anguish, but because she couldn't find the strength to control her voice. Selena watched in pain as, for the second time ever, she watched her friend's heart break. She grabbed the girl and held her close, ignoring the pain in her ears. She needed to help her, to make her happy. Something to make her smile. Something she...

A familiar tune resonated from the wall behind her. The neuroLCDs picked up on Selena's desire, and reflected a memory of a week ago, the smiling face of her closest friend. The sound that played was the song she wrote, and Kohime took notice. Her crying slowed as she looked towards the reactivated panel. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Look, it's us." She barely managed to croak through tears. She hummed sobbing in a strained voice to the song that played, while holding desperately to Selena's waist.

This brief reprieve would not last. Those other researchers would hear the song, and, seeing the crying girl, wished for her to be happy. The rocket would be starting it's test launch after all. Soon, she could go home.

As the song spread, more and more people would hear it, carrying with it the image of the surface and the big white rocket. Soon, people began to sing along, making up lyrics that blurred together, as an anthem to the freedom they strived towards. All the while, the woman who wrote the song wondered how her feelings were strong enough to override the panel.

She wouldn't have long to wonder, though, as the nearest panel changed again, this time to a scene all too familiar. A scene she had avoided for so long. As it played, the sobbing in her arms changed to a wretched scream.

At once, two voices spoke. The same person twice, one screaming to a world that would not hear, the other whispering to her closest friend, who alone would listen to her once and once again.

"Selena"

"HOW DARE YOU"

"Is it alright if we talked?"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!"

"I wanted to get something off my chest..."

"THAT WAS HER SONG"

"It feels like we've known each other forever"

"THAT WAS HER LIFE"

"And I needed to tell you"

"YOU CAN'T TAKE IT FROM HER"

"Just how important you are to me."

"YOU CAN'T TAKE IT FROM US"

"Selena"

"ALL OF YOU"

"I love you"

"I HATE YOU"

"I love you so much."

"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU"

"You don't have to respond"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED"

"And I'm sure you don't feel the same way"

"SHE CARED FOR YOU ALL"

"But I wanted to be honest"

"AND YOU BETRAYED HER"

"I've always felt this way"

"I'LL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN"

"And maybe, if you're willing"

"YOU ALL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE"

"We could go out some time?"

"FOR KILLING HER!"

A lump held in Selena's throat. She knew what was about to happen. She felt it. She tasted it. Regret boiled in her stomach. And here at the end, she could only manage one more sentence.

"Kohime,"

"Kohime-"

Behind the wall, the rocket's thrusters burst to life.

"I'm sorry."

At her final word, the pain of her closest friend before her once and once again, the wall cracked. The crying smile shattered into a thousand pieces, lacerating the overflowing wrath. Selena tried to hold onto Kohime's dying body, but was pushed back by the torrent erupting from the wall in front of her.

As Selena fell deeper and deeper beneath the flooding water, shards of neuroLCD shone around her. In each reflected the memories that replayed in her mind. Not the plans to maintain Alterna, and not the speeches she gave to the reckless businessmen that doomed them.

Her memories were of the happy times. The days in University she spent learning. The machines she managed to make float in the air. The simple Japanese style tune she composed from the Jaws theme. The grin on Kohime's face when she showed her.

The times she and Kohime would complain about work. The praise she received when Kohime was in charge. The sleeping face of Kohime resting her head on her shoulder. The day Kohime confessed, and how she stayed beside her despite rejection.

Selena scolded herself as air left her lungs. She should have spent more time with Kohime. She should have done what she could to make her happy. She should have humored her, just to see her smile one more time. She should have loved her.

Oh.

She already loved her.

Selena's thoughts were clear in her final moments. She already loved Kohime. She had spent her life seeking that attention, that love, which was always reciprocated, and she never paid it any mind, taking for granted the bond they had shared.

Warm tears of regret mixed with the bloody seawater, as Selena's thoughts betrayed her feelings. Her love. Her fear. Her shame. Reflected in the shards of the neuroLCD, her memories changed to the visage of Kohime. Her smiles, her rage, her sadness, her love. All surrounding her in the deep dark ocean. Even as her sight went dark and her thoughts slowed, all she could see was Kohime's proud, loving face, smiling back at her, as if everything would be alright.

She should have loved her.

She should have loved her.

She should have...

Tens of thousands of years later, a young woman, barely 18, nervously approached the loud stranger on Mt. Nantai. Just a few months earlier, she had defected from the army she was raised by, inspired by a strange song she had heard. A simple, repetitive shrine song performed by enemy mercenaries. One which filled her with fear, love, and a dream of freedom. One which, two days earlier, she heard screamed from the other side of the mountain, as if sung by a particularly skilled jet turbine.

Five years after, at the height of her career, Marina Ida ducks backstage at the end of her band's world tour. At her side, marches the proud woman who found her, one Pearl Houzuki.

The small woman looks back at her, and flashes a proud grin, as if telling her that everything would be alright. At this, only one thought echoed in Marina's head.

I love her.

[bunbrii]

@js-sexchange-surgeon-steinman Couldn’t contain my reaction in the tags so hii, hiiiヾ(˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶) This is such a flow of consciousness post sorry if it makes no sense

If you follow me and have no idea what I'm writing about go read comic pls pls pls https://www.tumblr.com/js-sexchange-surgeon-steinman/760552467935182849/wishful-thinking-itp-comic-cw-animal-death

Just wanna start by saying THIS. THIS OPENING. Killed me instantly. ↓ ↓ ↓ owie ow ow

Oz’s guilt and self blame loom over the story like a guillotine it makes me SICK. Honestly I just want to gush over how soul sucking and painful it was to read this?? The story’s atmosphere is hopelessly heavy, dragging you into the same pit of despair as Oz while he searches for why everything happened and why it happened to him, until he can only blame himself. even though he's just a kid and there was nothing- nothing he could have done. Oz did everything he could, and failed. (how this all ties into the title arughh)

But even after Oz lists all the things he maybe maybe could have done differently, after blaming himself? Only to quietly admit "it's not fair..." that line has nested itself into my heart and is rotting me from the inside out.

small tangent but I love how the text is used to frame some of the panels. Like the part with Jeff, where the text is both a wall and a blindfold? And the part after, where Oz is laying in bed at and his description of the rabbit is boxing him in. (kinda like the closet in the next page) It's just very nice (Also "the meat inside sloshing" brought out such a visceral reaction for me 10/10 hate it)

The art was also super fucking good omg. I always talk about this when I ramble about art but all the lighting is so good the way you used the rabbit's eyes as a spotlight was so clever the way the rabbit's looks the same way at Oz as it does it's meal fknjwsfeik dakjwbsajdbk

And the section where the style changes were good they remind me of analog horror videos PLUS they look so legit?! The tv fuzz and pixelation effect look great (also haha love the go go go part *twirls hair* it's like I was hit with a shotgun blast)

Also it's horrible how you could also always sense the rabbits presence even when it's not there it still was watching stalking instilling paranoia. Uh well until the last page where it already accomplished it's goal. The ending completly drained me btw I was standing in the corner of my room like I was in the blair witch project

Additional into: I had to put my phone down and walk away when I saw this. Evil evil addition

So long story short yay good comic enjoyed very much yay yayy!!!

Honest hohesty I can keep going bc I feel like I've only glazed the surface I think I would enjoy dissecting this frame by frame- so beware >:3c

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

Does she take care of you, or could I easily fill her shoes?

Word count: 2.1k. Warnings: angsts, mentions of cheating. Matty Healy x reader

Part 1 here:

When you woke up the next morning everything felt blurry, a hint of amnesia wandered in your mind, maybe it was your body’s technique to deal with the pain or maybe it was just your way to avoid the reality, to avoid the fact that matty had cheated on you, the person you trusted the most, the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

You could’ve kept rambling if it wasn’t for the unexpected weight of a soft hand being placed around your waist, and if the smell of a man’s cologne hadn’t lingered around your nose.

A dash of hope flashed through your eyes. Could’ve it all been just a bad dream? After all, with how sleepy you were it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.

Except it wasn’t. And you knew it, no matter how soft John’s hands were, they would never be as soft as Matty’s, and no matter how lovely John’s scent was, it would never be as engaging as Matty’s, no one could compare, even if it was the thing you’d like the most.

“Morning, Y/n” John’s voice woke you up from your trance. You couldn’t bear looking at him, you were scared that there was something on them that made them look pitiful, you didn’t want him to think of you as a charity case, a helpless friend in need.

“Morning” you replied quietly, as you rolled out of bed. Your cheeks were flooded with embarrassment as you realized that if you were in bed with John, Matty was nowhere to be found and he wasn’t asking you questions about him, he knew. He knew that Matty cheated, and he knew how pathetic you were.

Memories from last night were all coming back to you in bits. Your deep conversations with John, all of the crying but most importantly, that beautiful blonde on top of your boyfriend.

You wanted to cry, but you couldn’t let yourself, not after the events that occurred last night, you wouldn’t let yourself.

“Come on, Y/n! Look at me” John demanded, but you were unable to meet his gaze, you couldn’t stand his pity, the way all of his words were calculated because of the fear that if he chose them incorrectly, it could lead you to a breakdown.

You finally looked up to meet his gaze and to your surprise, you were received with welcoming eyes and not a single drop of pity on them, it was comforting, and it made you feel like a person, not like a charity case as you would’ve expected. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry, I just, I don't know, I'm tired I guess”.

John gave you a sympathetic look, he understood you weren’t ready to talk yet, and he wasn’t going to push you to

A sudden wave of uncertainty rushed through your veins. Was Matty a wreck like you? Did he care? Was he sorry? You needed to call him, you needed an explanation, an excuse.

You looked across the room until you found your phone.

15 missed calls from Matty

57 new texts

You opened them. Not sure if they were going to be answered, but you were sure curiosity could kill you if you didn’t read them.

“Please, please Y/n just let me explain”

“I never intended to hurt you”

“Where are you rn?”

“I know I’m an ass just please come home. Please”

“You know I love you, I could never love somebody else”

“Just please”

You couldn’t prevent the tears coming out of your eyes, it was all too much, and the worst of it all was that nothing Matty wrote to you mattered, he cheated and there was nothing that could fix that.

You asked John if he could drive you home. Well, you didn’t actually knew if you could call it that way now, considering that what made it home was Matty, he was your home, not the walls that constituted your house.

It was 14:15, Matty basically worked 9-5 so bumping into him wouldn’t be a problem, or so you thought.

You entered your home, Matty’s cologne lingered in the air and you wanted to cry right there, but you had to stay strong, this was for the better.

Just as you were almost done packing your things you heard a key turn in the door, warning you that you weren’t alone. You tried leaving as fast as you could but the second you opened your bedroom door to exit, you were greeted with Matty’s eyes full of surprise.

“Y/n what are you doing here”. You couldn’t speak, tears had started to pool in your eyes and you had to leave, quick.

“I had to pick up my stuff” was the only thing you managed to say. “Where did you sleep last night?” Matty asked you. “John’s” you replied quietly, and he stayed silent. You could sense the hurt in his eyes, but he had no right, not after the events that took place last night. “Of fucking course, the first chance you had, you desperately ran into his arms” he let out a cold chuckle.

You scoffed, you couldn’t believe Matty had the guts to put the blame on you “No, no Matty you have no fucking right to do this to me, you fucking cheated on me or don’t you remember?” Your voice was shaking and your face was red from trying to hold the cries in the back of your throat.

“Look at me and tell me you’ve never thought about fucking John huh” You were thrown back by his words, was he actually accusing you of cheating?

“Of course I haven’t, not now, not ever Matty, I’m not like you” He let out a bitter laugh “You’re a fucking liar”

This couldn't actually be happening, there was no way Matty was turning this on you.

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to blame this on me. You were the one that fucked up Matty, not me!” You spat at him angrily.

“Oh come on, you try to act all innocent but you’ve always been nothing slag” He laughed at you. You were so embarrassed, you couldn’t believe that was what Matty thought of you. Your Matty, the Matty you’ve trusted with everything for almost 4 years, he saw you as nothing but a whore.

Tears started to come out of your eyes and Matty realized what he had done, how much his words impacted on you.

“No no, Y/n I’m sorry” he tried to fix it. He started to get close to you but you stopped him before he could touch your skin again. “Don’t you fucking touch me Matty” You managed to say.

“Please Y/n I’m so sorry I didn’t mean that, please listen to me” he tried to get you to look up to him, but it was pointless, your eyes were fixated on the ground.

“Have you always thought about me like that, Matty? Have you always thought of me as a slut? Because I’m not the one that cheated, or don’t you remember?” You said angrily but that didn’t mean you weren’t hurt, you couldn’t stop the tears that were coming out of your eyes. You hated being vulnerable around him. You hated how weak he made you.

“You know I’m sorry” He said, remorse plastered in his tone.

After a moment of silence you spoke up “What does she has that I don’t?” You asked him quietly.

“No no, don’t do that, that had nothing to do with you, you’re perfect Y/n, you know that” Matty said, and you couldn’t help the laugh that came out of your mouth.

“Well obviously I’m not since you choose her over me” you said, your sadness quickly becoming anger as the situation escalated.

“Why don’t you listen to me? I didn’t choose her over you! It was a mistake, Y/n please!” He said and even as angry as he sounded, you could still sense a bit of regret in his tone.

“Oh please Matty, then why on earth did you need her? What made her so much better than me?” You let out. You couldn’t stop yourself from crying after those words left your mouth.

“No Y/n stop that! ¡Lisa means nothing to me! I swear, God, what can I do to put that in your head?” He spat at you angrily.

And that shouldn’t have thrown you off the way it did, but she had a name. A name that gave her a soul, she wasn’t just an image in your head anymore, she was a person, and Matty knew that person, for fuck’s sake he had fucked that person. They had shared intimate moments with each other, and that made your heart break even more.

“Lisa…” you wandered out loud, with teary eyes you looked up to him, meeting his eyes gaze. He knew he had fucked up but he stayed silent, giving you room to talk.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t care for her, at all” you said to him, your voice shaking as you tried to hold back a sob.

He stayed silent for a while before he opened his mouth again, he only had one change left to make it right with you, and he needed to choose his words carefully. “…I do” he said quietly, and the second you started to turn your back on him, he opened his mouth again “but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, you’re my everything, you’re my life, you’re family and I will never love anyone like I love you”.

You wanted to leave, you wanted to stop hearing his voice resonating inside your head, but the tight grip he had on your arms was preventing you from leaving.

You couldn’t meet his eyes, you couldn’t say a word, you were static in front of him. So just just hugged him, you hugged him so tight and he held you close to his chest. You couldn’t stop sobbing, you couldn’t believe what your life had become, you wanted to hate Matty, you wanted to be able to leave him, you had to be able to leave him, but you couldn’t.

“I hate you Matty, I hate you so, so much”

“I can’t believe you could do this to me”

“I trusted you with everything”

You sobbed into his chest, and he just let you but he never letting go of you.

After a while you calmed down a little, and you slowly started to let go of his chest, you looked up to him with your puffy eyes and verbalized that one thought that wouldn’t leave your mind.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you” you said sadly, because yeah you were sad. You had lost the love of your life and both of you knew it was irremediable.

He stayed silent, he had done everything in his power to convince you to stay, and you decided to leave anyways, so there was nothing else for him to do.

You grabbed his face and placed your lips right on top of his. You needed to kiss him goodbye, you needed to feel his lips one last time. God you would miss him, his touch, his laugh, his curls, but this was for the best, you had to do what was best for you.

“Bye Matty, I hope you have a happy life” you said, breaking the kiss. You turned on your back, but before you could exit your home Matty’s voice reached your ears “I’ll always love you” he said, in his last attempt to get you to stay.

You couldn’t say anything, you knew that if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to leave.

So you just left. Without a word. Leaving you both brokenhearted and lonely.

You would get over him, just as he would get over you, but that didn’t mean the pain was anything but heart wrenching, your soul was torn in pieces, and the only thing you wished for at the moment, was Matty’s big arms around your body, making you feel safe, and loved.

Due to popular demand here’s does she take care of you? 2, and I really hope y’all liked it cause for like the first time I actually like what I have written so… 🫶🫶

[im-a-king-baby]

Hiii i loved ELYN so much.

I was hoping for any other tidbits/stories/scenes about Simon carrying the frog in the sock. i just wondered if it was like his comfort object or like the orange sweater etc. .That was one of my favorite scenes when Wille finds it

And/or “i wanted to wake up with you” i dont think i will ever forget that line.

💜 thank youuuu

Okay so I'm sorry this is so very late. Life has been a Lot 😅 hopefully folks are still interested in my ramblings!

<3 <S <3

"I wanted to wake up with you."

Fun fact: I almost cut this line. It was originally in the first draft where Simon never made the late-night-call that led everyone to Bjarstad and I was worried that after I'd made that change this line would put people off Simon, because at this point (in theory) Simon knows that Wilhelm had to get up because of what Simon did during the night so it's a bit unfair to Wilhelm. But then I figured Simon's in withdrawal, he's going to be resentful and frustrated and just because intellectually he knows it's his fault that doesn't mean he's not still having those feelings.

As far as the wanting goes, Simon is just dragging himself through life at the moment. He had this whole spiral of failing to sleep, eventually managed it by basically promising himself a future where he'd wake up and things would still be like they were when they went to bed, just the two of them avoiding the world. Plus withdrawal emotions, plus Candace showing up, the bubble is fully burst and this line is Simon tired and resentful and having to face it.

In case you're interested in how things change in editing, this is the first draft version of this moment (in this version Candace showed up basically the moment the queen left which would have been one hell of a coincidence).

“People always leave before I wake up. Maybe they think I’ll be less fun sober, probably they’re right.” “I wasn’t trying to leave you.” “Okay.” It’s the same tone of voice, accepting but not believing. “Are you going back to Stockholm with her?” He pushes himself off the wall, crossing into the kitchen and opening cupboards at random. It’s Friday morning. Wilhelm is due on TV at six PM. He’s supposed to be attending multiple prep meetings, seeing a stylish and a make-up artist before that. Minou is no doubt already at full panic stations. “I can stay if you want me to.” He stands up as Simon emerges from a cupboard with a half full bottle of vodka. “I can help you look for a lawyer. Or we could go for a walk.” Simon unscrews the bottle. “If you want to go, you can go.” The roar of an engine surges outside. Simon is closer to the window, and Wilhelm sees the moment his face shuts down, the inevitability of it, a moment before he sees Candace emerge from a sleek white car. “I want to be here for you. If you’ll let me,” Wilhelm says, picking at a conversation that’s already died as Simon braces his shoulders like a solider going into battle and tilts the bottle up to take three long swallows. Candace raps three times on the door. “Simme! Open this door right the fuck now.” Simon looks at Wilhelm over the bottle. “I wanted to wake up with you.”

x🐸🐸🐸x THE FROG x🐸🐸🐸x

After six hours of meetings a car comes to drive him to the hotel. Rachel tells him to order whatever he likes from room service and to be in the lobby for seven thirty the next morning and then he’s letting himself into a luxury hotel room. There’s a lounge, a bedroom, a bathroom with a full size bath and a separate shower with six different heads.

He takes the frog out of his bag and places it on the bedside table overlooking the pillow then pulls out his phone. He’d messaged Wilhelm when he arrived (Landed! Hopefully someone comes to pick me up!) and now he sees Wilhelm has texted three times since.

Good luck! La doesnt know whats hit it! Everything okay? I’m awake, no plans today whenever you want to call

Simon texts back: Sorry! Dumped straight into meetings all day. I’m kind of exhausted, can we do tomorrow?

Wilhelm: Of course! Jet lags a bitch. Sleep well, I love you xxx

Simon picks up the menu off the side but his stomach is still protesting the bagel it thinks it had in the middle of the night and he kicks off his trainers and his jeans and crawls into the mega bed.

After a moment, he reaches over and picks up the frog again, runs his thumb across the nose, and settles back down with it’s weight firm in his palm as he types: Love you toox

x🐸x

Candace tells him they’re going to Sweden in the same matter-of-fact voice she uses to tell him anything. The label won’t approve a third single. We have to crowdfund plane tickets. We can’t afford to keep the whole band, who can you live without? I’ve booked us a week in Stockholm and put word out to local news sites and venues, we’ll be taking the buses up there after Paris.

Simon reaches for his backpack on instinct, touches the front pocket where Wilhelm’s frog has been nestled since they left L.A. “Should I… I should call Wilhelm, right? Let him know?”

Candace glances at him over her iPad. “Sure,” she says. “Let me know if you need me to put him on the List.”

Simon leaves the meeting, twisting his phone over and over between his hands. They’re going to Sweden. For the first time since he flew out and it’s - he glances at his phone again - it’s September.

Fuck, it’s September. It’s September 2024, somehow. It’s been over a year since he left Sweden, since he last saw Wilhelm. He scrolls through the contacts on his phone but Wilhelm isn’t in there, of course Wilhelm isn’t in there, Simon got this phone back in L.A. and he hadn’t had time to transfer anything across. That had been last Christmas. Ten months ago and god, where had that time gone?

He could ask Candace to get Wilhelm’s number. That’s what she does, she sorts things. Wilhelm doesn’t answer the phone to unknown numbers. Obviously. But Simon could write a text or something. Hi, this is Simon. I know you said there was no way we could make it work because I was so busy all the time but I’m going to be in Sweden and I’ll still be busy all the time and you’re probably off in the army somewhere but -

It sounds stupid. It is stupid. There is no ‘but’, they don’t work and that has always been abundantly clear.

He unzips his backpack and the frog is there in it’s tiny golden crown, glitter still clinging to the paint because glitter is a bitch that can never be removed.

There’s a scratch across it’s nose, deep enough that Simon’s nail can catch against it. Hi Wilhelm, this is Simon, I know we haven’t talked for a while but I need to give you your frog back because you trusted me to keep one thing safe and I couldn’t even -

He scrolls back up his contacts to Guitar, Kevan and types: drinks?

His suitcase is at the edge of the room, surrounded by a scattering of costume pieces and toiletries. He digs through chains and glitter to find a pair of probably-clean socks and tucks the frog inside, where it’ll be safe.

His phone buzzes: party in 267

He just needs something to calm his nerves, to settle his stomach.

He’ll ask Candace to get the number tomorrow. Or, there’s a show tomorrow, next time he has a free minute.

He tucks the bundle down into the case and heads out of the room.

x🐸x

His case is still on the floor of his bedroom half full from tour. Technically he’s been back in L.A. for two months but unpacking was one of those ‘I’ll do it later’ things that has now somehow come full circle. He tugs out clothes, nudging them into the ever growing laundry for the cleaners to pick up once he’s gone.

His hand finds something solid and he pulls it out. Socks, with something inside, and his throat catches as he remembers September, Sweden. Everyone talking to him in Swedish, fans screaming 'jag älskar dig!' like it wasn’t… like…

Candace promised the next tour could skip it. And if he’s not going to Sweden, he can’t give the frog back, so there’s no point having it. He doesn’t need it.

He folds the socks around it a little tighter, stands up to push it into the back of his sock drawer, underneath everything else. It’ll be safer there.

Two days later the taxi is honking it’s horn outside as he runs back into the room, upends the whole drawer on the floor and grabs the wrapped bundle, shoving it into his pocket on his way out the door.

x🐸x

There’s a fresh bruise forming on his collarbone, a faded one on the side of his neck, a man whose name he doesn’t know snoring face down on the cheap polyester pillows.

He runs his thumb back and forth across the nose of the tiny frog statue, lets his head thump back against the wall to stare up at the ceiling and count down the hours until dawn.