#i'm so so sorry for the length but uhhhhhh

[toxycodone]

genital headcannons for :

Falin

Laios

Chilchuck

Toshiro

Namari

Venery

Thistle

Falin definitely has a penis, I think hers is probably the biggest out of Laios' party? Namari definitely packs, I would let her peg me for hours omg..... she could ruin me. Ermmm.. Chilchuck probably has a big cock for a halfling, he's fucking TALL !!!! bro has to be packing something. Also shaved or not shaved... Namari body hair everywhere OMG I need her to shove my face into her bush I need to smell her. Sorry I'm being a little too straight (? I am a man but this feels gay idk) ... anyway chil, Namari, and Falin are unshaved, full bush down there. I feel like Toshiro at his best keeps everything trimmed !! but when he can't even shave his face when he's at his lowest... bro wouldn't have the energy to take care of it. Hmm and then Laios could be either way..?? We know he shaves his face and keeps his hair short bc he doesn't wanna look like his dad, but would he even think of shaving his pubes????? Idk. Wait is this a weird thing to think about? Oh wait do elves grow body hair??? I feel like thistle would have some body hair if it's possible, I feel like they can't... unless my DND 5e knowledge is getting mixed with uhmmm. What is it called... DUNGEON MESHI I think I'm starting to dissociate I'm going to stop typing lmfao

FALIN - GIRLCOCK. Whether you are a trans!Falin fan or what, in my eyes after the red dragon thing. She gets girl cock. I can see this as either like, a penis or like T-dick. Whatever you decide. But whatever it is her situation is definitely unique. Also she got a bush frfr

Laios - COCK. (I am also a trans!Laios fan so like. He can have anything in his pants it don’t matter imma eat it but usually when I write him it’s cock). His dick is as painfully average as he is. Not crazy length wise but he got some girth to it. I’m thinking like. 5 inches frfr. Maybe 6 but that’s generous imo. No manscaping just vibes he’s full bush down there. And body hair on his chest/legs/arms and around his groin

Chilchuck - OKAY. His dick is probably like more similar to an average tallman penis. Which is remarkable considering he’s like half their size. I’m gonna give him four inches and he’s breaking other halflings in half with it but with other races. He’s learned how to use it. Chilchuck is a real one. Light on body hair, but would keep it tidy when he’s not in the dungeon (I think he likes to manscape and like. Appreciate himself in the mirror lol)

Toshiro - He is ALL length and so embarrassed about it. (Def afraid he’s gonna hurt you.) He could learn to love it with a supportive partner though. I think for a while he’s rocking bush because like, yknow. That stuff isn’t really talked about…but he figured it out for himself that when he takes his time and shaves and stuff after a anything or whatever he’ll do some trimming down there because he likes the neatness. I like to think he grows body hair but it’s not super dark for some reason (besides on his face people get jealous at the beard he can grow)

Namari - SHE IS JUST LIKE ME I GET HER VIBE SO WHAT IM SAYING HERE IS CANON: SHE HAS CRAZY PUSS BUT IS ALWAYS ROCKING THE STRAP. Namari doesn’t let anyone fuck her hole unless they’re in a committed relationship (she does not play about that either if you insert anything in her sex is over). Insane with the strap too. She’s someone I can genuinely see breaking the bed with her strokes. Also she’s got body hair for days. Like other Dwarf women she can grow a beard too but she usually shaves. (Namari with stubble…I’m bout to go feral.)

Venery - Started off with a human vagina. Now it’s some weird mix between that + hyena + dragon cock. I think he’s canonically intersex due to the ancient magic. But he’s happy about it. Also UHHHHHH…..HE LAYS EGGS. JS.

Thistle - Okay Thistle is so trans to me I think he gives himself top surgery when he’s getting older with ancient magic. He leaves the downstairs area alone because he’s fine with just presenting masc that’s good enough for him. Very low body hair he just sits in the middle of gender ambiguous for REAL.

[hazzybat]

Hiiii! The last chapter was my first time reading Bo(jan) (or even really considering them as a ship) and now I'm low-key obsessed with them together??? I love that you're doing ficlets and was trying to think of one that didn't feel like it would cause spoilers, and I was thinking I'd love to read about one of the times Bojan and Jan had their hands down eachothers pants backstage (as Bojan described in the last chapter lol) Backstage semi public sex? Hot. Maybe the first time they messed around? Thank you!! And no worries if you don't want to write it!

i've been saving this ask and tbh I ended up with something pretty rough but it was a good little exercise to get me back into writing after my break. Hopefully you still like it even if it's very short and pretty rough. have some Bo(jan) greenroom sex. kinda.

Bojan and Jan were utilising the adrenaline rush they felt after their first concert together the best way they knew how. Martin and Kris had been stolen away for congratulatory drinks by their vampire clan and Jure had found a girl willing to let him possess her in order to get drunk. That left Jan and Bojan alone in the greenroom. Bojan found it funny how similar arousal and excitement tasted to each other.

As soon as they entered the space Bojan pressed his lips to Jan, kissing him hungrily, needily as Jan instinctively wrapped his arms around the shorter man’s waist. Bojan pushed him to the couch and straddled his lap, lips pressed against the werewolf’s neck. The incubus wasted no time, figuring the bulge he felt in Jan’s jeans was a good enough indication as any he wanted this too.

“Bojan…” Jan moaned out, eyes rolling back as Bojan sucked a mark on his neck, wanting to feed on the delicious taste that hung thick in the air.

“What is it?” Bojan asked, voice low and dripping in desire. He felt a hand in his hair and Jan pulled him back so the werewolf’s lips were against his ear.

“Touch me, please,” Jan growled, sending shivers down Bojan’s spine. He did so eagerly, unzipping his jeans and taking out his boxer-clad dick. Jan was a good size, thick and already leaking precome. It might have been due to Bojan wearing a particularly sultry outfit for their first gig, swaying his hips seductively and playing with the hair of all his bandmates during their performance. Foreplay was his speciality and he’d been working Jan up the moment he stepped on stage.

Jan captured his lips and Bojan’s hand sped up as it jerked him off, bringing him closer and closer to the edge. Jan came quietly, mouth open and hand gripping Bojan’s bicep as his cum stained his boxers.

He was panting as he met Bojan’s eyes, pupils still lust filled as he pulled the incubus close, kissing him over and over, his hand snaking down to cup Bojan’s own neglected length. It didn’t take much, a bit of grinding and touching and filthy words Bojan was shocked Jan was so good at using. He came muttering thank yous into Jan’s neck.

As they lay there, panting against each other, the door opened and an attractive girl walked in, her eyes covered in a milky white film. Walked in might have been a bit generous. Stumbled in would be more accurate.

“Oh fuck am I interrupting a feed or something? Shit sorry guys,” Jure’s voice came out of the woman, his speech slurred. Evidently he’d found a host with a low alcohol tolerance.

“Please tell me she can’t see us right now,” Jan said, his hands on Bojan’s hips, holding the demon close to him and using his body to shield any prying eyes from the mess between them.

“eeeeehhhh, probably not. They can’t… uhhhhhh….. see… stuff…. unless I let them,” Jure said, finishing his sentence much more confidently than he started it, his alcohol-filled mind evidently struggling a bit to find the words.

Bojan couldn’t help but chuckle at the drummer, his hands now wandering over the body he was possessing, ignoring the two men entwined on the couch. Bojan leaned in again to kiss Jan, slower and sweeter than before. He murmured a soft “thank you,” against his lips before finally pulling himself off Jan’s lap and going to the bathroom to help clean them both up.

[shatter-song]

I know it's late, but Grimwalker hcs!! jazz hands

I'll also put this under another read more, and I'll section each important grimwalker ingredient bc I think it'll make more sense

Gladorstone:

the "heart" of a grimwalker as we all know. it's what powers one

y'know that one headcanon where you hold Hunter's hand and a witch would get a boost in magic? yeah that applies here

BUT! that gladorstone is what powers him. that's his life force. you use that gladorstone to boost your magic, you essentially use the grimwalker's life. literally

should no one be careful enough, a witch could potentially kill a grimwalker by using too much of their power as the witch's own

since the gladorstone is. well. a stone, grimwalkers naturally have no pulse

there's no pumping required, the gladorstone is quite literally a battery

Palistrom Wood:

the keratin of a grimwalker (the hair, nails, stuff like that) which is canon

because it is wood, it can be influenced by plant magic

it can grow in length thanks to it and it could potentially grow some flowers in there too!

here's some of the "oh. i hate that" stuff tho: since the Bone of Ortet is the only Actual bone in there, the palistrom wood act as a substitute

because they're not actual bones, that means they can splinter and go in slivers if they shatter

i won't lie, i kinda stole this from @/liathgray and their fic: With Clay and Star Scraps and you should definitely check it out because It Is So Good

Stonesleeper Lungs:

these lungs are so fucking huge for a grimwalker you have no idea

they're not supposed to be for witch sized beings and more for dinosaurs of the BI

from what we know about stonesleepers, they turn to stone when they sleep for protection. this implies that they're entire body turns into stone, including their lungs too. which means, whenever a grimwalker sleeps, their lungs turn to stone

which means they don't breathe at all when they sleep

and they're. completely fine?? i suppose they don't need constant air circulation

maybe grimwalkers could actually hold their breath longer than should be humanly (witchly?) possible

Selkidomus Scales:

as we all know, selkidomus scales allow selkidomus' to survive in the boiling ocean and the like

however, for a grimwalker, it's a little more complicated

selkidomuses are natural sea creatures. they can arguably survive off water but they're not supposed to go on land

for a grimwalker to have selkidomus scales, they are immune to the boiling rain/ocean and have a high resistance towards fire

but they also run at a constant cold temperature, like if you touch them it would be like touching ice but more scaly

and now the most interesting part

Bone of Ortet:

of course, the bone of the person the grimwalker is a clone of

the only Actual bone in a grimwalker

UHHHHHH

i legitimately don't have a lot of hc about this I'm sorry

General Grimwalkers hcs:

they're the boogeyman of the Isles

children misbehaving? tell them the scary story of grimwalkers where they sneak into your home and replace them!

the red eyes they have glow in the dark

they're also prone to change depending on how strong of emotion they feel at the time

much physically stronger than the average witch

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Hello...can I ask your opinion on yuumori HC? I really love reading your posts on them. Feel free if you want to ignore this ask, also I'm searching inspiration for fanfics, so do you mind if I take some of your answers (if it fits my story) for my fics? I want to ask first.

1) In modern setting, who is the best candidate as a single dad, sherlock or william? Also in what modern job, do you think that they can meet and get to know each other?

2) If sherlock is the older brother do you think it will change his behaviour? If will is way older (maybe 10 years or a lil bit more) than louis do you think it will change his goal?

3) From all the yuumori casts, who do you think most likely can be a good father and love to have a family?

I wrote a rare pair of mycroft and hudson (I know it's stupid, and yes I ship mycroft and albert) but what do you think of this rare pair?

4) Do you agree that william, seigi and richard are demi-sexual? And sherlock is bi?

Do you have a favorite yuumori or jewelery fics in ao3?

Sorry for this long ask, I understand if you're not answering, thanks if you want to answer.

I don’t write fanfiction, so if something I post on this blog makes people want to write fic, they can have at it. I know my meta sometimes influences the way people characterize the various characters in their fics, and I think that’s pretty cool. It’s nice to be credited or referenced, but it’s sort of hard to do that sometimes, so. Yeah, that’s a pretty blanket policy, though does not apply to any fiction bits and bobs I post here.

1a. Uhhhhhh, I mean, they could be single dads just as easily in the canon anachronistic timeline. Isn't the fun of writing fics like this being able to write whatever you want and what you find interesting?

I suppose if I had to write it (which would be a fascinating concept in itself; who is forcing random people to write fanfiction when they don’t wanna?), I guess I would kill off John (sorry John) and have Sherlock raising his kid as Uncle Sherly/Dad while trying to grieve his best friend.

1b. There’s no reason they couldn’t meet in a modern au with their current jobs. Sherlock is a detective that investigates crimes and mysteries, and Liam is a college professor who has a job with pretty open access to the public. There’s a million ways they could meet with those two jobs.

2a. I’ll be honest; I don’t think I can imagine Sherlock as an older brother. Even John is older than him. A big chunk of his personality is definitely “much loved and doted on baby of the family.” His personality would definitely change, but it would change so much I’m not sure he’d still be recognizably Sherlock.

2b. Liam is already so incredibly devoted and protective of Louis I don’t think a larger age gap would change that, but it might change their level of codependency and mutual reliance.

3a. Err…I don’t…know? John, because he’s the heterosexual one? Family is not really the standard definition in YuuMori.

3b. Mostly, I find it fascinating the way you phrased this as if Mycroft and Albert is the default, morally acceptable, necessary ship. And the way you act like shipping either of them with someone else would be mutually exclusive with shipping them with each other. I don’t ship Mycroft and Albert really. So what? You can ship people with whoever you want and as many people you want.

4. I do not think William is demi. I think William is encephalosexual. I think Sherlock also is. I have no idea why I would be expected to agree Sherlock is bi when that goes directly again canon (kind of; he could be bi and interested in men and nonbinary genders and thus be bi without attraction to women, but I feel this question is almost certainly assuming he’s attracted to women). He is explicitly not attracted to women in canon. I think Sherlock is mostly gay ace. Seigi and Richard are both probably demi, and Seigi might be bi. I have discussed all these interpretations at length on this blog already.

5. Not that I’m willing to share and link to, no.

[dandunn]

Fic author interview tagged by @vampirenaomi

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

42

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

728,089

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fic that annoys me so much I disabled comments (go find it yourself lmao), Marked for Death, Tiger by the Tail, What's coming through is Alive, The Sea is Getting Rough Again

my one piece fics all have way more kudos than my recent stuff basically

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do sometimes, im usually tired from writing and editing so sometimes ill just say thanks lol

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i wrote a fic anonymously which is horrendously dark and doesnt have a happy ending but I think most other fics i write at least have a bittersweet or happy ending hdfgb

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh i dunno man I like the ending of the fic i wrote where goemon threatens to cut one of jigen's exes' dicks off and then they go hang out by the pool. that was fun :)

7. Do you write crossovers?

not really, I've had a few ideas for them but they're hard to write and wouldnt have worked out

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not... really? i got a really weird backhanded compliment where someone talked at length about a ship i dont like (the fic wasnt about that couple) then said the first chapter was alright apart from being painfully slow (thanks) and then accused me of virtue signalling because of the difficult topics i handled in the fic.

It was really, really strange like I genuinely think they were trying to pay me a compliment but they were incredibly shit at it lol

And then in another fic I turned off comments because a minor started bitching at me about the porn I wrote not being sexy enough and when I told them to go away they harassed me for a little while. That was fun.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeas. I prefer it when smut is incorporated into the story because I kind of need the emotional stakes to be high enough otherwise I kind of lose interest. Smut without feelings is just kinda boring to me. Of course I have some exceptions but those are rare nowadays.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, though it's on wattpad apparently so I have no idea if the person doing it credited me because I dont use that site lol.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah and I dont recommend it. we only wrote like 2 chapters of it but i no longer speak to the co-author and the whole thing ended up feeling a bit disjointed and weird.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Uhh I have a couple, zoro/luffy, ace/sanji, jigen/lupin and jigen/goemon

zolu probably wins here because i have not so far written a 200k fic about anyone else lol

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*gestures weakly at literally everything in my google docs*

I forgot how to write sorry

15. What are your writing strengths?

*tv static noise*

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

i cant speak english

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't know whether its bad or just handled badly by a lot of writers but I don't like it. Speaking as someone whos been learning japanese for the past 2+ years I hate it when I come across a word and have to either look it up myself or scroll to the bottom of the fic for any footnotes there are to explain it. Gonna use myself as an example for how I go about this kind of thing:

Fujiko tries to smile at his robotic, overly formal speech patterns, when really it's a little off-putting. She hasn't heard anyone use the word sessha, 'my humble self', for themselves outside of a period drama.

each to their own but i prefer putting in a small aside like this rather than shoving in foreign words and expecting for the reader to go and break the flow of the writing by looking it up for themselves.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

id say pokemon mystery dungeon but the first fic i wrote i instantly deleted after getting one negative comment, i think one piece is more where i cut my teeth

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i dont really know? ive gotten into a couple of new things recently but they havent triggered my "oh i gotta write something" reaction

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i dunno man i dont like my work very much right now heres an image if u read all of this

[sharksa-shivers]

idk if i posted this one before but whatever lol, if i did, you get it again

(alas, my memory shit, i am sorry...Anyway lol) ---------------

(Sharky having to ask OH for cash on the phone, all 3 of em are broke)

Orange Hair:(answering her phone, we see the screen split so we can see both Sharky and Orange talking, Orange working with some chemicals and Sharky leaning up against a building, him just walking around as they talk)Hello?

Sharky:(obviously having to work up a bit of nerve, we can see he's obviously kind of anxious about this)Heyyyyyy, uh…So…I'm just gonna cut to it and not waste your time and blah blah blah, uh…Look, can i have like…500 bucks? Please?

Orange:(raises an eyebrow)500? What for?

Sharky:(anxious, trying to keep it cool and together)Uh, gas money, food money, hotel money, supplies like bullets and stuff…Uhhh, very not cheap stuff that we need andddd collectively all 3 of us together have…(pulls money out of jacket pocket)…12 dollars and 67 cents…and yknowwwww, kinda got like another day of travel ahead andddddd-

Orange:(we see her think for a moment before she just…turns this shit on its head)Hmmm……….Yeah- uhhhhhh…No.

Sharky:(he sits a moment)…..What? No?

Orange:(repeats)No. Nope. Non. Nien. Nada. Natu. No. What? You didn't hear me?

Sharky:(we just see him kind of snap a small bit)I…….Orange, i…We really need money!!!!

Orange:(working with her chemicals, writing down info)Ok…….The answer is still no.

Sharky:(nerves snapping mentally continues, getting kind of pissed and frustrated)Literally why?????? You're a multi-millionaire!!!! $500 is pennies for you!!!!!!

Orange:(unphased by his frustration)Pretty simple, gotta learn to deal with problems like this sooner or later, especially when it comes to demon fighting. You have any idea how many times i've had demons steal my cash and leave me fucked? It's gonna happen sooner or later and you 3 are gonna have to know how to deal with it. Life's fucking rough, it's how it is.

Sharky:(breaking)We literally do not have money for a place to sleep or food!!!! We have 12 fuckin dollars!!!!!

Orange:(unphased still)You got a car and i'm sure you 3 can figure out some resource for food…You're all very smart, you can do this very easily, i've seen the shit Max alone can do.

Sharky:(freaking out)Do you have any idea the amount of danger this puts us in???? Like…Any idea at all????

Orange:(stares blankly)Uhhh, yes? Very much so. Yes. Mmhmmm…If it gets too deadly or whatever, i'll bail you guys out butttttt since it's not there yet, seems like perfect survival experience time here to me…

Sharky:(he just kinda sits there in disbelief)………

Orange:(annoyed)You done yet? Can i get back to my work now?

Sharky:(he just kind of falters and accepts the answer, knowing he can't fight her)…….Yeah, guess i'm done…

Orange:(picking up her phone)Excellent, excellent…You 3 stay safe out there, don't come home dead please.

Sharky:(annoyed as fuck, freaking out)Yeah, sure, i'll try…

Orange:(finger on the button)Alrighty then, goodbye…

(We see her cut the line and Sharky's just there staring at his phone…We see him mutter "Shit!" Under his breath and then we cut back to Max and Kristy chilling in the car…) Kristy:(boredly messing with her hair)…You think maybe like…I dunno, i could go for a different style by now or?

Max:(on his phone, rapidly typing)Uhhhh, maybe!!! That's kinda up to you, i don't really know much about human hairstyles and whatnot…

Kristy:(looking at herself in the visor mirror)Like…I like this being shoulder length and sometimes i wanna cut it but if i don't like it, then i have to wait like…a few months for it to grow out again so like…

(Sharky opens his door and flops into the drivers seat, frustrated)

Sharky:(stressed as fuck)God…FUCKIN damnit…Fuck…

Kristy:(concerned)Wait, what happened?

Max:(looking up, texting)Is OH gonna be making this a pain in the ass again?

Sharky:(nods)YEP, SHE SURE IS!!!! She said she isn't gonna give us anything, she wants US to survive on our own, fucking…Fuck!!!!

Kristy:(eyes widen)What???

Max:(just kinda stares, he seems kind of unphased but he wasn't expecting this exactly)…Welp…

Kristy:(confused)Literally how and why???? Wait, what???? She has so much cash, she literally wouldn't even miss it!!!!!

Sharky:(Leans back, mentally tired)She pushed it basically as "this is part of the job!" Kinda shit, i tried going at it from that angle, didn't do shit.

Max:(annoyed, texting, looks up)Gonna just ask, does uhhhh, does Orange know that when people say "eat the rich" that DOES INCLUDE her or? Cuz uhhhh, i'm just saying, she's making that sound quite tempting and uhhhhh…I wouldn't hesitate…

Kristy:(just looks back at Max, gives him a weird look)……What?

Max:(smirks)You heard me.

Sharky:(frustrated)Look, doesn't matter, she's not gonna fucking help, we have to figure out something else to do…

Kristy:(thinking, she perks up)Wait, we could ask Nucleo!!!

Max:(typing on his phone)I got him on speed dial, hold up…

Sharky:(just gazes over)No, God, don't be bothering Nucleo okay???

Max:(confused)Why not? He helped us last time.

Kristy:(remembering)He did but…Wait, Orange also got onto him for that, uhhh…I…Don't wanna get him in trouble again…

Max:(amused)Nucleo legit daydreams about Orange punching and kicking him in the face, it'd be fine. It's his like…Kink or whatever…

Sharky:(getting more annoyed)No!!! It's not fine!!! Just!!!! (Trying to calm down, let's out a big breath)Let's just…Try and figure out a way to deal with this that doesn't involve dragging other people into this okay????

Max:(on his shit)Capitalism literally cannot exist without you dragging othe-

Sharky:(snapping again)I KNOW ABOUT CAPITALISM BEING SHIT MAX, HOLY FUCK, CAN YOU BOTH JUST STOP FOR 5 SECONDS???? LOVE OF POSEIDON!!!!!!!

[finaldisorder]

He coughs, wet and shallow. The world around him is blurry, and he can make out some shoes that look like his father's and maybe for a second he wants to call out for him. He wants to feel his father's arms circling his body, holding him and petting his hair to tell him it's all going to be okay. Malcolm can't recall the last time he'd felt his father's embrace. He can't recall a time his father had ever really done so, despite the fact he had, in fact, been a good father once upon a time.

Sat in his lap as a child in his office, dark basement illuminated by dim lights, folders and medical text strewn across the desk. His father's exuberance, his father's knowledge, passed on to the son, his prodigal son, his legacy. Only when Malcolm looks back these days can he see the grooming. He sees the killer that Doctor Whitly had tried to turn him into. He sees blood-stained knives, one in his hand, a grown man doubled over, sliced, stabbed, maroon flowing down small hands and wrists like rivers to stain his sweater.

'It's show time, my boy. Make your old man proud, huh?'

These are not his father's sneakers. That is not his father's smell. Malcolm coughs again, head lifting, weak and bleary blues focussing and unfocussing as Watkins crouches before him. He'd snarl if he could, the noise leaving him nothing more than a garbled, wet whimper stuck in his throat. He hasn't the energy to swat away John's hands. The cold air of the room grounds him slightly, the cooler floor beneath him, puddled, pooling blood is sticky but he focusses on the texture. The iron stench. He's bleeding out in this room, and though Malcolm has faced many a dangerous situation in the past, this one takes the cake.

He's not certain he can make his way out of this one. Not on his own. Wary eyes flick around the room impatiently, not exactly looking for an exit, as he knows there is none, but looking for the hallucination of his father. It's the only solace he has had in the silence before John began to speak, and that makes a guttural laugh leave him despite himself. The laugh comes wet - another cough is soon to follow.

"Angus Barbieri," He starts, a slight wheeze to his voice; strained though sure. Confident, though he's shaking. "1971. He survived for 382 days without solid food."

It's a quip with the intention to simply argue; to give himself more time to think. Anger filters through him now. It crashes like a wave. He has already been through trials. Plenty of trials. He's a non-believer. A recovering Catholic. Malcolm himself spent three days without food and water, locked in that closet, screaming for help, please, somebody help me, please!

Malcolm allows the silence to linger, blinking lazily up at the towering figure crouched before him with a sigh. The sigh is petulant - a childish huff, a bratty disregard for politeness and etiquette that he'd been raised with. A thick swallow, a wince as he tries to adjust himself a bit, and he glances at the blade glimmering near him. "Have you an arm like that of God, or can you thunder with a voice like his?"

The Book of Job had been the only scripture Malcolm thoroughly enjoyed; however, he had often disagreed with the atrocities. Job's trials due to a fucking bet with the Devil. He stares the Devil down now, and that irks him, because he rather thought himself the son of Satan himself already. This wasn't a trial. This was a misstep.

Malcolm finally growls. It's time to switch things up; he'd already started.

"What reward do I receive for being a dutiful follower?" He sneers, hands shifting so he can brace himself against the cold floor. He attempts to sit himself up, kneeling before John, body hunched with the pain and an undignified whine leaving him as one hand shifts to cup the stab wound on his abdomen. "I think your Lord might be a little disappointed that you're trying to play Him right now." Despite the very fact he kneels before John now in contrition.

"Tell me, John. That voice in your head - what does it say?" He's trying to be attentive, but the blood loss has him swaying. He nudges the chain, head lolling back in an exaggerated flinch, exhaustion making every movement feel like he's wading through thick water.

@finaldisorder plotted starter

Seeing Malcolm again after so many years had been what some would call a coincidence. John didn't see it that way. He saw it as the divine will of God; first as a test to his commitment to his mission, and then as a calling to make Malcolm his disciple. He had left breadcrumbs for Malcolm to follow, a test of his own to see if Malcolm was dedicated and once he knew that he was, John had moved onto the next steps of his plan.

Killing Malcolm would have been easy, too easy, and the voice that guided John told him Malcolm was meant for something more. John would have to move on from his personal mission; possibly forever, but something greater awaited him once Malcolm reached the end of his trial. John was sure of it.

Malcolm still had some fight in him. Good. John liked it that way, it showed him that this mission truly was righteous, and that showing Malcolm the path towards his own mission was the correct choice. It wasn't without its own challenges, John was also being tested in these trials. Malcolm was strong, he was resisting this journey he had been set on. Frustrating as it was, John was trying to see the positives; it just meant that once the trials were over, he wouldn't falter or back down from their mission at the first sign of trouble.

He wished Martin could see the metamorphosis his son was going through, he was sure his former mentor would be proud of the work he was doing. The fact that Malcolm would also pay penance for betraying and dishonoring his father was just an added bonus. For as it said in Deuteronomy; 'Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or mother.'

Crouching before Malcolm, he pointed his knife at him; more as an extension of is own hand (and a warning against trying anything stupid) whilst he lifted up his shirt to check on the stab wound. All things considered, given he'd not had any medical treatment, it wasn't looking too bad. ❝ You know— ❞ Standing up, he stepped back a few paces and sheathed his knife, teeth showing in a condescending grin. ❝ Our Lord managed to go for forty days and nights in the desert without food or water. Those were his trials, so I'm sure you can last a while longer. ❞

He scratched his beard, wondering how long it would be before he would actually have to give Malcolm some water. He didn't want the boy to die before he'd completed his trials, and with the blood loss he's sustained, was still losing, that window of time had been reduced. He might not be a doctor, but he had learned a lot from Martin, so he had a good idea of the time pressures he was facing. ❝ The sooner you stop resisting, the sooner you can be rewarded. All this resistance is only hindering your progress. ❞

[potestasaeterna-a]

hi im kafka! i'm 22 and i really love saix he means a lot to me. uhhhHHH also random fact i love rodents!!!! i have a beautiful mouse named peanut who's a senior. her sister cookie passed recently so it's just peanut for now!!! but i plan on having rats at some point, and when i'm upset i tend to look at a pinterest board i have of rodents!!! when i get rats i plan to have two boys since they're easier to handle named albert & nikolai

   ~ Let me know about ya beautiful face ~ ; status: always accepting!

    ~Hoi ♥ sounds like the same way I am with Xemnas but he’s an asshole so he’s just held out at arm’s length. I’m sorry to hear that Cookie passed away D: it always sucks to lose a pet. And having those kind of boards are great to have–I’ve made one completely for dachshunds because I love those sausage doggos. Those names are absolutely adorable as well!!

[memory-mortis]

thank you for the tag @sundae-driver ! i cut the post for length :]

NOOOOOOOOO NOT ZUCK 😭😭😭 OH MY GOD THAT IS CURSED i am so sorry

uhhhhhh,,, @outofthiszawarudo @scarlet-begonia i'm so so so sorry that you have to look at this

self-isolation tag game

rules: the last photo of a celebrity that you saved is your isolation buddy.

i started a new post ‘cause the other one was getting a bit long… thank you for tagging me @princessmisery666 💋

no surprise to you all that i’m more than happy with this

tagging: @letsby @threeminutesoflife @impala-dreamer @because-imma-lady-assface @opheliadawnwalker3 @irrelevantwriter @likedovesinthewnd @peridottea91 @mummybear @negans-lucille-tblr @footballffbarbiex

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

@k-padfoot39 @hufflepuffbanana @swmtk @ilvmination underrated queen!!

-Everyone was so surprised when Mithian lifted her veil because until she was 20, she didn't make any public appearances. There were conspiracy theories through all the kingdoms about why, from a shrek-style curse to "there is no Princess Mithian" and the only people that know the truth are Mithian and her father. and Gwen because Mithian told her. The real reason is that Mithian had the worst emo phase Albion had ever seen. She found her mother's old leather jacket when she was thirteen and it just sort of spiralled from there.

Rodor: Mithian, sweetheart, the Viscount has arrived

Mithian, from under her face length fringe: has he though? is anything real? we're all just meaningless pieces of trash floating through space and time

Rodor: oh...no. no. no, i don't think you can be around people. maybe just stay here.

and it goes on like that for a couple of years and by the time it's passed, she's just got used to not seeing people and having heard from her friends what nobles are like, she's a bit reluctant to start. Also, she's heard a couple of rumours and thinks it's really funny. Her favourite is "Princess Mithian sneezes fireballs so they can't let her near anyone or they explode". She eventually gives in and engages in court affairs once her father stops trying to persuade her and just starts sighing at her

-She immediately decides Elena's going to be her friend. It's her first big public gathering with three other kingdoms and it seems to just be a room full of stuffy nobles and one dishevelled-looking blonde girl shovelling garlic bread into her bra. Mithian decides garlic bread girl seems a lot more fun than anybody else and makes it her mission to befriend her.

Mithian, trying to be cool and leaning against a pillar but tripping over her feet: hey there

Elena: it wasn't me, i've never even seen a fire. kitchen? who said anything about a kitchen? i think this mystery has solved itself and i am innocent of all charges goodnight

Mithian: ...more on that later but that wasn't why i wanted to talk to you. i like your shoes

Elena, beaming: thank you i found them in the woods

and Rodor notices and he's like yes finally my daughter is socialising but notices Mithian get a knife out and runs over to intervene

Rodor: Mithian, dear, what the fuck

Mithian: i was just showing Elena my whittling knife

Elena: it's very good, very pointy

Mithian: Oh yeah, father, this is my new friend Elena and she didn't start a fire in the kitchen

and Rodor just looks at them both and sighs with the suffering of a thousand Sir Leons and walks away. would they destroy the kingdom? maybe, but that wasn't his problem right now.

-You know how she liked to hunt? Mithian got into hunting out of spite. One of her father's knights was talking about it one day in a council meeting

Knight: and then we shot a deer! it was- oh, Princess Mithian hello

Mithian: hi, please continue

Knight: oh no, it's not proper, hunting is not for women

Mithian: sorry?

Rodor, sighing: not again

Knight, immediately realising he's fucked up: uhhhhhh i meant um uh

so Mithian challenges him to a competition the next week. She's never gone hunting before, she just really wanted to beef this knight, so she's really hoping she's just going to be good at it on the day. Turns out, she's shit but while the knight and his gang are off chasing a deer, Mithian catches a pair of bandits that have been terrorising outlying villages. They meet back at the castle later to see who won

Knight: i caught two rabbits and a squirrel. beat that

Mithian, dragging two grown men tied up with strips of fabric from her dress: i caught some bitches. this is jerry, say hi jerry, and this is sam

Jerry: can we go

Mithian: please be quiet while i'm proving my point

-Mithian hears all about this complete moron Elena was set to marry but doesn't connect it with Arthur until she's in Camelot

Arthur, squaring up with a squirrel: give me back my peanuts

Mithian, remembering that prince Elena told her about who walked into a tree then drew his sword and tried to beat up the tree for attacking him: Ohhhhh

-After leaving Camelot, Mithian stays in touch with Sir Leon. They both live weapons and he and Mithian still write to each other every week.

Princess Mithian,

i got a new sword this week!! it's so pointy and it swings really nicely, the metal is so light and it's perfect for close combat, i can't wait to show you!! also the king died :(

love from Sir Leon

-When Mithian becomes queen, she goes through her father's Secret King Things desk and finds an invitation to The Kings of Albion Guild. She sees who's on the list, Odin, Lot, bunch of other boring guys and decides it's time for a Queens of Albion Guild. The Guild so far is Gwen, Elena, Lancelot, Merlin and Daegal. Annis didn't want to join because she thought it just looked like a club for gay criminals, which, of course, it is. They meet up every month to talk about their lives and sometimes commit crimes. It used to just be Gwen, Mithian and Elena going on a shit camping trip but the next time, Merlin followed Gwen so they adopted him into the guild, then the same with Lancelot. Merlin brought Daegal because Elena had heard about Merlin's little nerd son and wanted to meet him. They end up with a side gig as an anonymous vigilante squad against nobles from other kingdoms that they don't like

Lord Philip, a knight from Annis' kingdom who disrespected Gwen: somebody filled my home with toads! and they stole all my socks! why would they even do that? they just want my feet to be cold? they just want me to wonder? what kind of twisted mind game is this? and they left a note that said "The Queens Guild says you're a turd"?? What the hell is the Queens Guild?

Merlin: what a tragedy. truly terrible. unrelated, have you seen my jacket i think i may have left it in your house

-Mithian, while not the only ruler to legalise magic, is the first to try and learn it. Merlin is thrilled to finally have a willing student (Daegal doesn't have any magic so Merlin's teaching him medicine instead) but he's a little thrown off by Mithian's approach

Merlin: so you close your hands and say blotsma! and you get a flower!

Mithian: cool cool cool how do i make a fireball

Merlin: what?

Mithian: yeah a big fireball that i can carry around with me. i can have toast whenever i want

Merlin: you're a genius. toastball forever

Mithian doesn't mention that it's also to scare men who are rude to her

Some stupid fool: Actually, i think you'll find i'm right because- WHAT THE FUCK

Mithian, summoning a massive fireball: i'm sorry, is there a problem? please continue, you were telling me how you know better than me about a topic i've studied since i was a child.

Fool: i, um

Mithian, crunching on her toast: please, enlighten me

-Mithian has a pet bear called Gibby and he's her best friend. she found him injured in the woods one day on patrol

Mithian: look! a new friend! oh no, he's hurt his foot

Terrified knight: My lady, that is a bear

Another knight: we should definitely be running

Mithian: that's ridiculous, look at him, he looks so sad. i'm gonna bring him home and fix his foot and he's gonna be so happy

Knight: My lady, you cannot bring a dangerous bear into the castle!

Mithian: that's a dog.

and every time somebody tries to say why is there a bear, what the fuck, how are we alive, Mithian just insists he's a dog. Merlin sometimes comes to Nemeth and on his next visit the council members think finally, someone she'll listen to

The council: you have to help us, she brought a bear home

Merlin, with zero context: that's a dog

The council: actually, speaking of extremely dangerous animals and people that may not be sane, IS THAT A DRAGON ON YOUR SHOULDER?

Merlin, with Aithusa sneezing fire next to him: that's a bird