#i'm sad; one i love does not have the awareness to know they maim my memories with free-spoken thought that etches its darkness into my mind

[roeverthemoon]

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[drathe]

Apologies for being greedy with questions, but could I get 3., 10., 23. and 25. for Rina the Durge?

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? Rina is a sociopath. She lacks empathy, often enough allows Urge and her Father to take over, manipulation and deception are her favorite tools when dealing with people. Overall she's just not a very pleasant person to be around and some part of her knows there is something very wrong with her... but she chooses not to care. It's always been like that. Why going against one's nature? 10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC? I'm already having a few AUs but I really like the Redemption part. Mostly because... Rina is free from her urge, but she is still an awful person who genuinely enjoys killing and maiming. Still, Redemption allows her to find new ways and means to entertain herself and gives her a new goal - to hunt down and destroy her Father. It's a sad and dramatic story of self exploration, of discovering who you are, stripped down to your bare bones and what do you truly believe in.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express? Probably loneliness. Her whole life she has been alone and it became a part of her. She doesn't understand that all the frustrations, anger, pain, they all come from that one thing, and she thinks this is completely normal and how it should be. As for expression... i think it's love, since it's also been so twisted. Her peak is to bring you something you might enjoy. That's all.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC? She is unhinged. Does things none of my other characters does. She's gross and so unapologetic it's beautiful.

[vancilocs]

odd numbers for kenzo and kazim?

weird numbers

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

A lot of stuff but maybe how he left his husband and the Citadel. Embarrassing

Masyaf times, stuff he's done when he was younger and very edgy

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

He's very aware of his flaws, mainly his memory and personality issues, he knows he can be kinda easily manipulated with things he likes but they haven't killed him yet so why bother

He considers a lack of eye his biggest flaw, he compensates by protecting his left side more

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

He would bend the rules but not risk outright breaking it. Or at least overtly

Very far, will abuse his leadership role/being related to a high-ranking officer

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

He became sadder and less of an asshole

He's lost plenty of edge in 10 years but he's honestly shockingly similar to what he was before

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

I don't think I have anything for Kenzo

(damn the guilt, my past is dead) / and i wait for the night / shadows protect my angel in white / time to eject these vain parasites / cast out reject the plague in all your hearts ALSO back in black / i hit the sack / i've been too long, i'm glad to be back / yes, i'm let loose from the noose / that's kept me hanging about

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Fists, knife, pistol for real emergencies, experienced with all of them

Has a sword he had his best friend sweet cheese rotten soldier steal back for him, also wields a thin little knife like the assassin wristblade, but he just doesn't have it on his wrist he holds it normally

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

They're both large intimidating men I don't care for spending time with those. At least they wouldn't try to talk to me either

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

Nope, I have like two and a half faceclaims in total of all of them

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

I dropped a building on him and broke his leg and spine, yes I dropped a building on him and broke his head but at least he didn't feel the pain from that. Unlike the leg and back

I killed his daughter and his captain/other half

How does your OC behave when enraged?

Weapons come out, either knife or a nearby bottle he breaks to make it a weapon, snarling, yelling

Cold, knives out someone will die

Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

Addiction, depression, PTSD that is kinda comorbid with anxiety, also deals with chronic pain on the daily. Has prescription painkillers but self-medicates with alcohol. Takes uppers like cocaine to pull himself out of depression slumps

He has PTSD and dealt with deep depression after the whole thing of getting maimed and almost killed, easily slips into those moods. Handles it by taking walks, spending time with friends and family and talking through it with the wife

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Doesn't know what to do when scared, goes into fight mode immediately. Gets completely discombobulated if it turns into a panic attack which only makes it worse. Has a hard time expressing love of any kind.

Grief easily turns into anger, also has a hard time expressing sadness without it coming out as him being mad

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

He's a lovable sad bastard archetype, I am predictable. Also his weird fucked up but so incredibly loving relationship but not relationship with Ipes

He's so olldddd but also he's just a good guy?? He loves his parents and brother and his best friend and his wife and kids most of all and is a well-rounded little dude

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^