#i'm really starting to feel that lack of fun party content

[solar-wing]

okay, just so you guys know...

I'm still working on Shadowing Nightwing. Just making edits and doing my best to tone down the length because it's well over 40k words and I–... I just can't.

Also, I'm trying to make sure that it's good and spicy enough for what y'all are expecting, but also something that won't get taken down on patreon, tumblr, etc. the literal second it's up—because again, it's spicy. Honestly, what I might end up doing is posting the first part of it, and then doing what I did with 'One Kent Was Enough,' linking the rest of the story to AO3 cause I'm tired of having to jump through hoops and loops with these platforms.

like Patreon is taking forever to "review" and put back one of my stories for "violating" community guidelines. And don't even get me started with Tumblr and their nonsense because I just saw one of my mutuals get his post hidden on here due to "explicit sexual content" that was "outside" of user guidelines.

and the crazy part is, his fic was under 1,500 words and was nowhere near as bad as some of the fem!reader content I've seen on here. Like I know I keep ranting about this (and I'll damn sure continue to), but I'm so sick of the bias against m!reader content, especially when it's explicit.

We already get a bunch of fem readers getting mad at us for not wanting to write content that includes them even when we explicitly state that we are m!reader authors and only write for male or gen!neutral readers. Then, the content we do write for our audience always ends up getting flagged or taken down for being outside of user guidelines, when it's barely anything bad.

Like the amount of abduction, non-con/CNC that could be considered borderline grape without the g, coercion, manipulation, Stockholm Syndrome, YANDERE, etc. f!reader fics I've read on this platform and others that have no warnings, flags, or shadowbans from what I can tell is truly something ridiculous. Matter of fact, they'll literally have the most likes, reblogs, and engagement I've ever seen. But, our male reader fics get flagged for using the word bussy instead of pussy...I'm not even joking.

but, I digress.

ANYWAY, with all that being said, once Shadowing Nightwing is posted, I'm gonna take a break away from smut and Omegaverse fics for a minute only because trying to do that specific stuff has started to feel more like a job than something I enjoy and have fun with, and I don't want to burn myself out or give y'all content that I'm not proud of or feel like it's half-assed.

Plus, I'll be honest, this past week has been really hard mentally, emotionally, and creatively for me given the results of this election, I can't even say I'm surprised, but I can damn well say I'm pissed off. Like, I can barely write without sitting there thinking about the fact that this orange peel of a FELON AND THUG—yeah I said it for you sibling and cousin fucking, buck-tooth, bobblehead, ding-dong, dropped ON your heads, mindless little minions—ahem—I mean, conservatives (if conservative means conversing brain cells that is) and his adult sid phillips looking ass v.p. cheated like someone trapped in a room with all their favorite foods while being on a diet, or more than half this country is really that stupid.

keep in mind, we're talking about a country with a lacking education system paired with a population of *checks note* sibling and cousin fucking, buck-tooth, bobblehead, DING-DONG, SLAMMED on their heads, mindless little minion bitches—AHEM—conservatives so that last part really wouldn't be surprising.

but again, I digress.

Shadowing Nightwing will be out soon, and we'll be returning to some PG-13 content for some time until I can wrap my head around this—or find the cheapest and quickest flight to Saturn—whichever comes first.

anyways, pls stay safe out there guys in these next four years, especially my minorities out there WHO VOTED FOR KAMALA AND TIM. If you voted third-party, didn't vote, or voted for the felon and adult sid phillips, I PRAY you get everything you voted for 😉. no seriously, I'm really rooting for you 😊

MWAH 😘 kisses, bitches 💛

to the rest of my lovelies, I love you all, stay safe and shine bright, and I'll be here soon with Shadowing Nightwing (that is if I haven't found a direct flight to Saturn first...fingers crossed🤞🏽)

[sprintingowl]

BEANJACKERS

Hey. We need to talk about BEANJACKERS.

BEANJACKERS is a tabletop roleplaying game that looks like Jack And The Beanstalk and plays like One Piece.

It is twenty pages. It is easy to read. And it's got about as many rules as DnD 5e. They're all packed densely into it, and you can read them and learn the whole system in about fifteen minutes.

From a design perspective, I'm angry. When you make one of these things you're supposed to have to pick between having detailed rules and having easy to comprehend rules and having a short book. BEANJACKERS casually picks all three. It's a triumph of miniaturization. And worse, it's fun.

Character creation includes multiple classes and multiple professions, each with branching choices, plus a full equipment list and a spell list. This makes characters quick to roll up and unique---but the most compelling part of making a new character is somehow assigning their stats.

Each stat is split into a Guard and a Boost. Your Guard is your defense with the stat and your Boost is a pool you can spend to buff rolls. This gives you a *lot* of control over the dice during play---but then a bunch of things like how many objects you can conceal on your person scale off of how many points are currently in your relevant Boost pool, so you're constantly weighing your ability to stay safe vs your ability to go loud and take big risks.

Also the writing is great.

BEANJACKERS takes itself seriously, even while knowing that it's called BEANJACKERS. But the setting's currency is in pulses (gold pulses are GP, silver pulses are SP, etc.) The world exists in a sort of post-beanstalkpocalyptic airship feudalism. Beans are basically Devil Fruit, and they bestow great powers on those who find them.

My only complaint about BEANJACKERS is that it came out this year (2024), and so there's currently only the core book. It feels like a game that desperately needs a wave of third party content---not because anything in core is lacking, but because I desperately want to see how big this setting can get.

It's also not a game that I think *replaces* any other system. It's not a 5e killer. It doesn't outdate Into The Odd. It's dang good in its own right, but you're going to want to sit down and write an adventure and do some worldbuilding before you run it.

I think anyone who likes osr is going to have their brain light up when they read BEANJACKERS---same as with anyone who likes Shadowrun or One Piece. I also think folks who homebrew 5e will *really* want to take a look, as it's almost a best practices guide. Lastly, I think anyone who likes games with goofy concepts (this is how it got me) will be very pleasantly bowled over by BEANJACKERS, which starts with a zany premise and uses it to become one of the best games I've read this year.

[puhpandas]

Cassie and Gregory's first meeting, and how it might've gone in your eyes! OwO I'm curious~

Happy Birthday Cassie

(2532 words)

Technically, it's not the first time they've met.

They had been face to face a few times, but only with fleeting glances and little words. Standing next to eachother while they wait for the bathroom here, met eachother in the nurses office there, sitting next to eachother in class always.

But even then, Cassie had never really given Gregory a second thought. Sure, the kids in class talk about him, or more like how hes almost never present. One thing, and one of the only things Cassie knew about Gregory is that he only came to class half the time.

Another thing she knows is that when he does come to class, hes always dirty and ruffled, like he was in a fight or crawled through something dirty and small, and hair a mess, like he doesnt spare it any thought. Cassie herself could never imagine letting her hair get that tangled and messy.

Not only that, but despite Gregory's attendance, of lack thereof, he somehow has incredible grades. Cassie only shares her Math class with Gregory, but shes ever only seen A's from him.

Cassie would be lying if she said she'd never been curious. The other kids would always whisper and gossip about him, and nobody could ignore someone that notorious.

Not to mention how mysterious he is.

But Gregory, like a lot of things, had been shoved to the back of her mind when her birthday party at the Pizzaplex was only days away.

Cassie beams when shes the first one in their class, hands drumming on her desk and legs wiggling as she eyes all of the sparkly pink envelopes she put on everyones desks.

This party is going to be legendary! She thinks, unable to stop the bolt of excitement that shoots through her when kids start spilling into the classroom. Its gonna be awesome when everyone shows up. We'll play Fazerblast, go through the maze in Mazercise, maybe I can even meet Roxy!

She shoves the thoughts of her party that have been making her loose sleep from excitement the past week or so into the back of her mind, trying to keep her face neutral when kids start sitting down at their desks and noticing her party invite on their tables.

Just when she thinks the last kid had filed through, curiously, surprisingly, Gregory is one of the people attending class today.

He looks just like he always does; same blue shirt he always seems to have on with wild, tangled brown hair. His knees are smudged with dirt, but with tracks in them as if he attempted to wipe them down with a wet napkin.

Cassie suddenly feels self conscious of her decision to leave an invite on Gregory's table, just in case, when he comes to a stop in front of his desk and takes notice of it, right next to her.

She averts her eyes, and takes to watching the other kids. She sees some people eye her invite, and only give it a few twirls when they pick it up before shoving in their backpacks. Some people open up the envelope and read the contents, and some people ignore it all together.

But one cluster of reactions really gets her attention.

The area of the classroom that house the more popular girls, coincidentally all seated right by eachother, all eye the invite in almost incredulous curiosity, before each of them lean over to their queen bee when she rips it open and the contents Cassie had hand-written are out for the world to see.

Cassie feels her cheeks burn when the girls all whisper in hushed conversation, mean grins on their faces as they giggle not-so inconspicuously, looking over their shoulders directly at her.

She feels shame coat her stomach, any trace of excitement for her birthday replaced with humiliation and embarrassment mixing together like an ugly poison.

She hides her face in her sweater, avoiding eye contact, and tries to ignore the hushed giggles that she knows are making fun of her.

Of course. What was she thinking, inviting them like that? They're notorious for being mean, especially to unpopular people like Cassie, but she guesses she just wanted them to feel included, like how Cassie wishes she did.

She dares to peek open an eye when the sound of an envelope rustling catches her attention nearby, and she glances over to her right.

Gregory is sitting down at his desk, carefully peeling the sparkly envelope open, all while giving the girls at the front a death stare.

Cassie dares to watch as inconspicuously as possible, watching in curiosity to see how Gregory, the most mysterious boy in class, who always felt just one step above them, busied and dirtied from events nobody knows about, will react.

He doesn't seem to notice her just yet, just continuing to try to explode the girls with his mind, until he looks down at the card, putting the still intact envelope to the side.

Some kind of embarrassment shoots through her stomach when she watches Gregory's eyes trail over each word, and she only has half the mind to look away when he reaches the end.

She was just in time, because from the corner of her eye, she can see him looking at her.

She doesn't dare look over at him. Lest she make eye contact, but she does acknowledge how he gently folds the card back up, slips it inside the envelope, and puts it in the smaller, more isolated pocket in his backpack.

🐺

This has been the worst birthday ever.

That's the only thing Cassie can think as she hides in as she sits at a table in one of the party rooms, mascara running down her cheeks as fat tears roll out of her eyes.

An empty party room.

Nobody had shown up to her birthday.

She had put the instructions on the card, already knowing exactly which party room she'd be using. She put the room number and even directions on how to find it inside. She thought of everything.

Which meant nobody's here not becuase they got lost, but because they had deliberately not come. Even her Dad had ruffled her hair and told her to have fun, before leaving her to wait for her guests to go off to work at some other part of the Pizzaplex.

Cassie is completely, utterly, gut wrenchingly alone on her birthday.

The thought sends her into another round of tears, and she can feel how her face is scrunched up, despair wrinkling her chin, and all she can do about it is wipe away the tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

Today was supposed to be perfect. She was supposed to have fun with her friends. She was supposed to cut the carrot cake her Dad had ordered for her and share slices with them. She was supposed to race against them at Roxy Racers, and maybe even meet Roxy herself.

As she sits in the empty, gloomy room, sad and alone, she thinks its safe to say today is not perfect.

After another round of tears, shes suprised to hear the sound shes been waiting for all day.

The door to her party room slides open, clunking against the wall, and Cassie can only catch the shadow on the table before she finally looks over, half-hazardously wiping away the bullets of tears still staining her cheeks.

The air is stolen out of her lungs when the last person she had expected to come to her party stands in the doorway.

Gregory takes a step into the room, the same Gregory from math class that nobody has ever seemed to see at school two days in a row, that Cassie had always felt so curious about. The door slides shut and once again throws the room into complete silence, save for some cheery music to the theme of 'Fazbear Birthday' playing quietly on the speakers.

Gregory takes a look around, looking at the floating balloons and empty chairs and the sole, untouched carrot cake sitting in the middle of the table, empty places littering the table in front of each seat.

Cassie feels self consciousness redden her cheeks, when he finally looks at her, and Cassie tenses, scrambling to find something to wipe away all remnants of her previous breakdown so Gregory doesnt see how much of a weirdo she is and walk right back out that door.

"Um- I-- Gregory!" She finally stutters out, resorting to using the tablecloth as a tissue as she wipes at her eyes, and Cassie has no idea if its helping at all or making her definitely smudged makeup worse. "Haha, hi! Um, I'm sorry, I didnt expect you--"

"To show up?" Gregory finishes, and Cassie startles when she sees him smile for the very first time ever. "You invited me, why would I not come?"

Cassie finds that shes unable to answer, and she just pauses, unsubtlety glancing towards the rows of empty chairs as a crestfallen look undoubtedly appears on her face.

She tries to shake it off, not wanting to look like shes fishing for pity or sympathy in front of Gregory, but she cant help it when the complete lack of people in the room besides herself and the one, only person who came to her party overwhelms her again.

She can see Gregory startle when she promptly bursts into tears again, and she abandons trying to clean up her ruined makeup, just hiding her face in her hands as she let's out almost cartoonish weeps.

She feels shame build in her stomach when the tears don't stop, nor does the burning, aching feeling in her chest, and she feels Gregorys presence shift from the middle of the room to the plastic chair at her side.

"Im-Im sorry." She says in between sobs. "Y-You shouldn't have to deal with me. I'm a m-mess."

She feels Gregory lay a hand on her shoulder, and only then does she finally lower her hands ever so slightly, peeking through her fingers.

Gregory is just looking at her in a way shes never seen before. He looks sympathetic, but in the most <i>non</i> judgey way possible. Hes offering her a soft, comforting smile, and it stretches wider when she finally makes eye contact with him.

"Its okay to be a mess. I mean, nobody came to your birthday party." Gregory tells her, and she feels embarrassed in the same way she did before, but also almost... relieved? Appreciative? That Gregory didnt beat around the bush and just said straight up what happened.

It feels less like somebody is trying to calm her down because it's what they're supposed to do and more like she has somebody else in it with her.

"If you didnt cry about it, I'd be confused for sure. I saw all of those invites on the other kids' desks." He says, and turns around to fish something out of his backpack. "'M not surprised those girls didn't come. They seem like pretty big assholes."

A startled laugh bursts out of Cassies chest, and the shame dissipates just a little bit. "Y-Yeah. They've always sucked. Always rude to me, too."

"I sure wouldn't doubt it. I've never been around to see it, though." He says, and then finally finds whatever he was looking for in his bag.

She tries not to get even more emotional when she sees the stark sight of pink sparkle against Gregory's dirty, Glamrock Freddy themed backpack, tucked neatly inside the pocket when he turns back around.

When she finally looks towards him, he's handing her a cloth with that same look on his face, that makes Cassie feel almost immediately at ease.

"I wish I could give you a cleaner one..." He says, almost sheepish, but Cassie is still caught up in the thoughtfulness to notice. "But hey, better than nothing!"

The cloth is a bit dirty; its white and has a smudge of pale yellow that looks like an old stain, but Cassie still takes the cloth gingerly, using it to wipe away some of the mascara tracks on her face and smudged purple.

"Thanks." She says, and when she tries to hand it back to Gregory, he just pushes her hand back to her chest.

"Keep it." He insists. "Not the best gift, but... I hope itll help you feel just a bit less gross on your birthday if you end up crying again."

Cassie definitely does not tear up again at the almost jarring understanding and non-ridicule. Gregory points out that she might cry again, and that's it okay. It's a sad day.

So she just uses the gift (because that's what it is; a gift) to wipe at her eyes, stopping any more makeup that caked up her face before from running again.

"Thank you" She says genuinely, and Gregory grins at her when a smile breaks out on her own face.

"No problem." He says. "Now, instead of moping around, how about we eat some of that cake and then go race in some go-karts?" Gregory throws out, pointing a finger at her Roxy colored stars clipped to her sweater.

She sniffs, rubbing away the rest of the upset that plagued her when she had been all alone (because she isnt anymore).

Cassie smiles, and she can still taste the salt on her lips, but she grabs her own plate and Gregory's, and goes to cut the cake.

"Wait!" Gregory stops her. "Arent you gonna make a wish?"

He gestures to the unlit candles, molded as the number twelve, and she pauses.

"They arent lit, though..." She points out.

"Leave it to me." is all Gregory says, and he pulls out a lighter from one of his pockets without a single elaboration as to why he even has one on him. He lights the candles, and pockets the lighter, grinning at her when he pulls back and then taking a deep breath.

"Happy Fazbear birthday, pizza games and cakes!" He starts singing, and Cassie cant help but burst into laughter when he exaggerates his voice in the same was Freddy does in the song.

Cassie almost cant blow out the candles because she keeps smiling, and it interrupts her every time she tries to blow, but eventually, the lights from the candles fizzle out, and Gregory's clapping along with his cheering echoes through the room, and Cassie cant help but feel her cheeks redden.

"Happy birthday, Cassie." Gregory grins, and Cassie, for once today, is happy.

Gregory wastes no time grabbing a frankly huge slice of carrot cake and stuffing his face, but Cassie lingers for just a moment longer, pausing.

I wish, She begins, ignoring how sappy her wish is about to be. that Gregory and I stay friends after today.

When Cassie grabs her own slice, an edge piece with a lot of frosting on it, Gregory starts jabbering to her with jokes and clever quips, and Cassie feels tears prick her eyes. This time not from the entirely silent room clouding her with sorrow, but from Gregory's boisterous laughter that sends her own stomach cramping from joining in.

ao3 link

[malicedafirenze]

I unintentionally skipped a lot of the romance content in Baldur's Gate 3 and I want others to learn from my mistakes:

So: I managed to lock myself out of romance entirely and ended up alone, which was a huge bummer and a serious crack in my motivation to play the game. I finished my playthrough (because I was already close to the end of Act 3 when I realized it), and plan to do another one eventually. I'm making this post in hopes of a) keeping others from making the same mistakes and b) to possibly get some additional insight re. what to watch out for in my next playthrough.

PSA: Pick a Partner before Act 3

The key learning here for me was this explanation from the poly mod

In BG3, romance is divided into 2 steps: dating and relationship(also called partner). Dating is basically where you are at after the 1st romance scene. Relationship is where you are at after the 2nd romance scene (relationship also unlocks the kissing menu). BTW, If you enter A3, all dates will break up with you (partners won't, ofc).

I hadn't realized this until well into Act 3, at a point where going back to a save to properly fix it would have meant replaying large parts of Act 2 as well - I decided to finish my run instead and then start a completely new one later.

Note: lots of spoilers below. (click here to read this post on reddit instead)

My Romance Woes

I read in advance that you couldn't romance multiple people (except for the specific Halsin combos with Shadowheart and Astarion) and therefore turned down Gale and Lae'Zel early in the game (not realizing you could just date/bonk them without fully committing or getting anyone upset)

I didn't take approval all that seriously, thought I'd have more opportunity to fix things later. I was playing pretty good guy, and ended up with high approval for Karlach and Shadowheart, but low for Astarion. Weirdly, I don't recall an option to romance Shadowheart (no clue what I missed?) and the only option I had for Karlach was at the Tiefling party, where I went with Astarion instead. I had a scene or two with him, but then didn't progress further in the relationship, without really realizing what I was missing.

I wanted to romance everyone, sat on the fence for too long, and ended up not romancing anyone at all, by missing a thing or two in act 1 and 2 and being too late to fix it in act 3. Don't be like me, it feels bad man.

Early Act 3, I got Astarion's breakup dialogue ("we haven't spent a night together in some time" --> him explaining it was just transactional and he doesn't see the value in it anymore) and got super worried, but when trying to look up if I'd messed up, I didn't find a clear answer for without more spoilers, so I just continued playing Act 3, including all of the companion quests.

I later learned that I missed out on at least one important Astarion romance interaction by not going to Moonrise Towers until after freeing Nightsong. (when the Towers are already on high alert, i.e. I could only fight and not have a lot of conversations)

After realizing I had messed up companions romance, I instead fucked everyone it was unwise to fuck (Emperor, Mizora, Harleep...) for fun and to see what would happen... but chickened out and reloaded after Emperor and Mizora. Still, got to enjoy some fun content that way!

The ending I got (going to Avernus with Karlach) was really cool and made me cry a lot. I then did try to reload my last save though, to see if I'd get any other epilogue content if I didn't go to the Hells, but... apparently that scene on the docks (Astarion goofily running off, everyone kinda agreeing to go party after this, no other conversations with anyone again.... is just... it?

Idk how much of this is the lack of romance, but I really felt like something was missing there. I at least wanted to talk to everyone again one last time.

This is a post about my romance failures and regrets so I'm not gonna talk about everything else that I loved about the game, but just in case this is getting a bit too negative: I had an absolute blast with the whole game regardless, I'm stoked to give it another go the "proper" way (i.e. with romance). I also generally think it's really fucking cool that this game's romance options depend on how you behave, and that you can't just e.g. give someone the right kind of gift 20 times in a row to make them love you, like it works in games like Stardew Valley.

Next Playthrough Plans

I'll probably wait for another patch or two - considering how much got fixed and tweaked with the first three patches, I suppose it's worth to wait a bit and see what's coming

I'll play with the Poly mod next time and try to romance all of the Origin characters.

I plan to play with the camp notifications mod, as well as the approval ratings in dialogue mod. Both in hopes of being able to game the romance a bit better and get much of the romance in one playthrough

I'll play Dark Urge (haven't seen any of that so far!), but probably still go for a "good" playthrough mostly

I plan on equipping & levelling all Origin companions and switch them out more freely, in order to get approval from everyone and edit my party as makes sense depending on story events (e.g. take Lae'Zel to the Creche, take Gale to the Ketheric fight...)

I want to romance everyone. I already saw some tips for early game Astarion approval and assume the aforementioned mods will help in optimizing this

Am probably not gonna do anything all that differently otherwise because my heart can't take an actually evil playthrough

Aand that's about it. As mentioned, I'm mostly posting in case this helps anyone else.

I was really damn sad when I realized I had locked myself out of all romance, because the romance was a significant part of my motivation to start playing this in the first place. At the same time, I loved so much about the game that I still got a lot out of it in 110+ hours even with minimal romance content.

If you see any red flags about my plans for the next playthrough (or if you have experience with the mentioned mods!), I'd appreciate comments and insights. Other than that, here's hoping others can learn from my mistakes. Thank you for reading <3

[blackbloodteeth]

March of Madness – Fandom Creative Event!!

Welcome to the first event (possibly of its kind) of March of Madness – A reverse-exchange challenge of sorts where you create writing or art for a randomly selected idea! Why an idea of mine, you may ask? Well, I come up with too many all of the time and I figured it would be a fun challenge to see what other people do with them haha, plus it's a fun way to put more of that sweet delicious Soul Eater content out into the world.

Do note, as I am the funny Soul Evans multiverse man, that these ideas will be largely Soul-centric. There may be other characters present of course (and you can opt-out of Soul x Maka related ideas in the sign-up form), but Soul will almost always be an integral part of these ideas. Who knows, maybe you can get some practice in with his character if you haven't been as familiar.

Now, the rules are this:

After the sign-up period has ended, you will receive a randomly selected idea (with your given preferences kept in mind) to secretly work on for all of March, with posting starting in April. You still have time to work on it for the rest of April, but if you aren't finished by the start of May then you will become an after-party entry (which will still be able to be shared, just make sure to contact me haha). ---

Writers will have a word count minimum of 1,500 words to complete their fics (as that is about my one-shot average). Artists will need to complete a coherent-looking piece of art that clearly conveys the idea, however if you don't want to work alone, you may choose to collaborate with a writer and create art for the same idea that they're working on (either may opt-in for collabing in the sign-up form). ---

While creative interpretations and liberties are freely allowed to express your vision of the idea, you will need to at least stick to the bare bones of the given premise in spirit of the event. If you find you need a new idea if yours isn't working for you (or you'd like to write more than one as a small collection), you are allowed to reroll for a new idea, however please make sure to communicate this change with your partner if you have one (as well as communicating with me if you feel you need to drop out of the event or such). ---

As these ideas aren't really made with suggestive content in mind, I would prefer that event creations don't contain any explicit content. Please remember to tag/mark your posts if they happen to contain blood/gore, body horror, death, etc.

Sign-ups last from February 18th to 29th!

Once posting starts I will reblog all event creations with the "Soul Eater March Madness 2024" tag, and add any fics posted to AO3 in a March of Madness collection that were okay with being added.

This event is mostly just for fun, so don't sweat it if you find yourself too busy or lacking energy for a good chunk of it. Either way I'm looking forward to seeing how the event will go!

[red-bat-arse]

steddie musician AU where Eddie makes it big after s4 and invites Robin and Steve to live with him in Chicago so he can tour and always have a home base -and now he has the resources to buy a bit more for himself so he makes sure a good studio space gets installed in the house

and ofc Robin's already musically inclined so she likes to help Eddie fuck around with weird trumpet solos for experimental songs, and Steve learnt piano as a kid but never had the opportunity to get creative with it -so when Eddie's gone and Robin's in class, he putters around the studio, learning guitar from Eddie's books and adapting to a keyboard and having fun with synths and singing. that lack of expectations and freedom to have fun is what trips him into making his own music

he puts together a few songs and asks Nancy to listen to them -he knows she'll be honest about whether he's wasting his time with this, since he at least wants to make music Robin or Eddie could give a pass to. but to his surprise she tells him he's good, and if he wanted to he could make a little extra money playing alternative nights at clubs. needing a second, more objective from a personal connection standpoint, opinion, he asks Argyle, who actually worked at a record store for a bit

Argyle, without asking bc he thought it went without saying, passes the cassette on to a few buddies of his in the local live music scene and later introduces them to Steve when they want to have him at one of their regular places. Steve goes with Robin who he asks not to tell anyone -he doesn't want to distract Eddie while the guy's making a big name of himself, and maybe Steve feels embarrassed or inadequate about being late to the game and doing it as a hobby, so he also uses a pseudonym. 'Zdev' maybe, if we want to parallel 'Djo'

he finds out he really likes it, so he starts doing small gigs for bars or parties Jonathan connects him with. puts a short album on cassette that he recorded at home, has fun with it even as the songs become more personal. but by then 'Zdev' has a little local fame and one of his cassettes is picked up by some label and they reach out -Steve definitely doesn't expect it, because psychedelic rock kind of faded from radio play after the 70s, but now he's being faced with a record deal he isn't sure he wants and no idea how to handle it

so he calls Eddie, who comes racing back from recording with the band out in LA, thankfully not ditching at too inconvenient a point

and Eddie nearly doesn't believe it at first but once he gets his hands on a tape so he can get an idea of the sound, he's obsessed. while he's a metalhead to the core, he's never heard Steve sing before (let's use twenty twenty as the album here) and there's something about the way Steve ties the groove to a sense of melancholy that digs into his skull. it also doesn't help that some of the songs set off alarm bells bc they talk about loving a girl or packing up and leaving or feeling adrift and they make him want to stick as close as possible lest they turn out to be true

he helps Steve through it, pretty well versed in the industry by now (i'm thinking its about 5 years post Vecna) but he's quietly worrying over the album's content the whole time. they go through the re-recording process, which ofc Eddie really wants to hear, but with Steve still being embarrassed he doesn't end up sitting in on any; but they talk over each song before and after and its so easy to drift back into hinting at the mutual attraction they'd each independently resigned to pass them by, back when Eddie first moved away after 86. and eventually it comes out that the album was Steve's way of, yeah, having fun, but also exorcising feelings from his past in Hawkins. that there's only one song that's really about his life now, and he didn't put it on the cassette but he's planning on including it on the LP

by now its pretty obvious to Steve that Eddie is flirting back, not to mention the guy put a hold on recording his own work to help Steve out, which is easy to read into. so he finally invites Eddie to sit in for the recording of the last song, which he's hoping will be subtle enough that he can bluff if it doesn't go well, but if Eddie is on the same page, it'll be clear. the song he plays is Mutual Future (Repeat)

it's got a long winding intro of just guitar that Eddie sits through, unaware, and Steve starts singing low, almost just his speaking voice the croon is so subtle, and when he meets Eddie's eyes through the glass to ask will you be mine?

well, Eddie gets it. and while there's not a lot of privacy in a recording studio, he eventually finds a small filing room he can kiss Steve stupid in until quitting time for the day comes and goes

[ingravinoveritas]

Is it just me or does it seem like Anna doesn’t have anything about Michael on her IG? I think the last thing I saw was when she and Michael went to see David’s play last year. Georgia hasn’t had anything about Michael either lately, but it just seems different. Or I’m reading too much into it. At least Georgia does have David on hers.

Hi there! I know you sent this several days ago and I've been a bit swamped, so apologies for taking so long to answer.

You are not at all reading too much into things, as a lot of what you mentioned is what many of us have noticed over the last few years, too. Anna puts Michael on her Insta when it's convenient/when there is something to sell (their relationship, typically). The most recent thing (before today, at least) was a picture from Mabli's first birthday party in May. Though she also posted this photo in a story on the same day that GO 2 was released (again, something to promote/sell):

This was obviously an old picture (likely taken midway through filming season 2, during the holiday break--so December 2021/January 2022), but it's telling that this is what she chose to post, instead of something new. And this again continues AL's pattern of posting terrible pictures of Michael, where he looks miserable and she looks smug. It seems like he was caught off-guard, too, as if she wanted a picture before he could put on his "game" face. There were so many choices happening here, and I'm genuinely confused by all of them.

Which then brings us today, and the bunch of photos/videos AL just posted for her birthday weekend, to again brag/show her "celebrating" with Michael. She posted multiple things, but I'm going to highlight these two in particular, as they stood out to me:

For those who can't tell, on the left is video of Michael at a parking meter machine, going to pay for parking. AL is making fun of him (again, which she has done multiple times previously), likely in an attempt to mimic the way Georgia pokes fun at David, yet lacking any of the underlying respect or affection that Georgia seems to have for David.

This (and AL's other stories from today) also continue her pattern of filming Michael surreptitiously/from a distance in order to generate content. In the story on the right, Michael is shooting basketballs and AL is standing behind him filming, rather than actually being in the moment, which gives the feeling of her wanting attention for herself more than wanting to enjoy her birthday with Michael. What also struck me about this and the other stories she posted is how cold and distant they seem. Pictures of empty drink glasses, a table, her sitting on the floor alone. The vibes are just completely "off" somehow, in my opinion, and it's noticeable.

What really stands out to me as well is that it doesn't look like either one of them were having that much fun. One thing we can say for certain about Michael and David--whether you ship them or not, whether you think something is going on between them or not--they always have fun together. We see it in the interviews they do, the interactions they have, how both of them are constantly smiling/laughing and there is never the feeling of one person monopolizing the spotlight--it's them, together, genuinely enjoying each other's company. Making each other laugh. And I just don't feel like that is the case with Michael and AL, because what I get from those stories today is a sense of obligation, rather than fun.

(I also think it's very telling and worth noting that in all of the stories AL posted, the only face that is full-on visible is her own...)

So yes, those are my thoughts on Michael being on AL's Insta and these new developments. As I've always said, I could be completely wrong about everything, but the fact that I've been getting more asks and comments about this makes me think others are starting to notice the questionable optics as well...

[milesandmorales]

I'm kind of disappointed about the direction they are going with the new DA game. I guess I just love the old lore of Origins too much - I sort of wish they were implementing some of the old features in there that made it so magical for me.

** I still think having several opening beginnings (whether they be just 20 minutes long or less) was GENIUS and still hasn't been done again. It just makes the replay factor of the game SO good. Especially when that very specific background comes into play at the tail end of the game. It just brings it to a satisfying full circle and ensures you replay the game several times to its completion to see how that other character's story shall end.

Second - I'm not particularly interested in the fade/tearing the veil conflict. It feels very Marvel - there is a big hole in the sky and an outside threat that we don't feel particularly attached to. Given we did make friends with a couple of spirits in Inquisition - but it still feels a little alien.

It lacks that more internal - base conflict like the conflict of Darkspawn - people can turn into one from being tainted. They are a constant threat banging on the doors of Dwarves. The contaminate old Gods - one began to speak in Awakening. It is a disease that affects EVERYONE even if they'd rather ignore it.

I also really enjoyed the politics of the mages and templars - that was very well done as each side has pros and cons. And finding a solution is neither simple or easy.

Third - protagonist - I loved the Grey Wardens as a protagonist because they are essentially the anti-hero - come from any background but their cause is noble. And yet they are also tainted as well - a great twist.

Hawke was an interesting experiment as it was very interesting to live as someone caught in the turmoil going on around them, but not necessarily they center piece. I also really enjoyed the time progressing feature that they introduced - seeing all the characters grow and change through the years.

The Inquisitor is where it starts to decline - none of your original background matter at all. Your race - maybe - but who or what you were before does not matter. Shit - if you believe you're the Herald or not really doesn't matter that much either. It is your character accidentally being the most useful tool. While the growing of your power is cool cinematically - you do not earn it - therefore it does not feel rewarding.

I just hope the new protagonist isn't another character that just happens to be there at the right time - where their backstory has no options and ultimately means nothing. It just feels stale.

Fourth - dialogue - the simplification of it is so unnecessary/annoying. Baldur's Gate 3 showed that people were perfectly fine/content reading lines of dialogue to decide exactly how they wanted to react. Why do we need a vague wheel?

Lastly - The graphics - I'm not terribly upset about. I would play it regardless of how it looked - although I do enjoy the gritty - old look. I do prefer the old combat - it was a lot more fun to experiment with different builds as a mage or as a rogue/thief. As well as controlling your party. Though - I could see past the combat if the story is more compelling.

ALTHOUGH - if the new game does look like your bag of tea - I truly hope that you enjoy it thoroughly. These are just my thoughts and opinions - nothing more.

[dipcifica-bingo-month]

Here are the prompts for the dipcifica bingo 2024!

Sorry for the delayed response, but with university starting and everything, I haven't had time to invest fully into this. Also, there was a glitch so I did not see some of the submissions until recently.

So these prompts are based from what were submitted in the asks. I apologize for not running a poll, but given the lack of time, I decided to head straight into announcing the themes for this year.

For this event, try to fulfill any four prompts in the bingo card above. Each work can only fulfil one of the prompts. It doesn't have to be a line (though it will be a fun added challenge!)

The list of prompts are:

Party

Gaming session

Meet the parents

Letter/Postcard

Beach

Stargazing

Ghost

Hot chocolate

Reflection

Camera

Journal

Mystery

"I miss you"

Costumes

Rescue

Hugs

Any form of content is encouraged: art, fics, graphics, crafts, etc. Don’t forget to ping this blog so I can reblog and people can see and reblog them too!

You can contribute as much or as little as you want for a certain prompt! If you only have enough time or energy to draw a doodle on a sticky note or write a 100-word fic drabble, that’s perfectly fine! If you can’t or don’t plan on participating, I’d really appreciate you reblogging this post to spread the word anyway!

Please feel free to drop any questions that aren't covered in this post. I'm fairly new to running a fandom event, so feel free to drop suggestions and so on.

Once again, have fun!

[bergeronprocess]

My Winter 2023 anime reviews! I was waiting to write these until UniteUp! finished its run, which it now has, so...here we go!

Discussed below the cut: UniteUp!, Nijiyon Animation, The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague, Handyman Saitou in Another World, Buddy Daddies, Soaring Sky Pretty Cure

This past season, I actually watched a lot of shows that were primarily about men or boys! That's kind of unusual for me, but I had a good time. I even tried watching an isekai. More on that later.

I'll start with UniteUp! actually. This is my sleeper hit of the season. It was plagued by covid related production delays - which actually led to them putting out some interesting "behind the scenes" episodes to fill the air time that had already been set aside for the show. It's an idol show, but it's different because I feel like they are a bit more realistic about the Idol Business compared to, say, Love Live (which I am also a fan of, I'm not hating). The characters are all really charming, even if sometimes I forgot all of their names lol ensemble cast problems, and the music is really good (especially the Crossfire theme song). The concerts and dancing are animated really well - they're of course using CGI there, but that makes it look really realistic and accurate. I haven't heard much chatter about this show, although Cy from Anime Feminist was effusive in their praise of it, and I just want more people to watch UniteUp!

Since I just mentioned Love Live, I also watched Nijiyon Animation. Cute, super-short length episodes based on 4koma comics. lt was like a fun little dessert every week lol. Nijigasaki is my favorite Love Live, so of course I loved it. It was also a nice farewell to Tomori Kusunoki as Setsuna.

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague was a big ole nothingburger. Pretty much no character development actually happens and we're never really sure if the titular characters are even dating in the end. Basically the only thing that happens is the passage of a year. Anime Feminist also pointed out the weirdness of the "if Himuro gets a fever, he turns into a little boy" thing, especially that scene where he is in little boy form and then accidentally pins Fuyutsuki to the bed in her hotel room and they have that blushing "ooh, oh no~" reaction that would be just...much less weird...if the guy wasn't literally in a child's body at that moment. At least there was a lot of cat content in this show, but near the end of its run I was just like "ugh, I'm frustrated with the lack of progression here but I feel like I need to see it through to the end."

Another show that had some pacing issues was Handyman Saitou in Another World, the one isekai I watched! It did have a cool premise and I like how Saitou can apply his practical 21st century knowledge of locksmithing and such to the generic medieval high fantasy style premise place. I liked Raelza too (she's played by Ai Fairouz, who is fabulous in every role I've heard her in) and there were some interesting elements. I just feel like we spent too long on the side story with the ninja and the witch. This guy loves this woman so much even though their "meet cute" wasn't so much cute as kinda creepy?! He steps on her shadow so she can't move and then kisses her? Yikes! Their story takes multiple episodes to resolve and I'm just like can we get back to the main quartet PLEASE? I did like the other adventuring parties we meet, especially the big buff dude who has a crush on Saitou. Now, the fact that death can potentially be reversed in this world did lead to some of the "oh no! This character died" story beats feeling hollow since they were always followed by "well hold on, we'll just do a revival spell" or whatever. And there is some fanservice that might as well have come with a big ole "You're not the target audience here, Emma" sign on it. Overall, I am not sorry I watched it, and I think it's a cut above the dime-a-dozen isekais that are pumped out every season, but it had its issues.

I loved Buddy Daddies. It's so much more than just "modern Spy x Family"! Kazuki and Rei are both relatable in very different ways, Miri is probably a more realistic depiction of a child her age compared to Anya (I am not a parent though), it was always fun to play "Which car is this person driving" (Ogino's Chrysler 300 is definitely an odd choice still lol) and I feel like it had a nice ending. It didn't treat its adult women characters super well - when Anime Feminist described Yuzuko as getting fridged, I was like yeah...you're right. And then Misaki was really trying to do better and atone for her mistakes, but she gets hit with the double whammy of cancer and her sudden murder. Damn. At least Miss Anna got out okay. I like to wonder what happens when Rei's dad kicks the bucket. Does he then immediately inherit the organization and the giant estate? He obviously has no interest in it, so what would he do with it all? Probably just burn down the estate and disband the organization, right?

And finally, it's the Pretty Cure series that finally did it, that finally got me Precurepilled...it's Soaring Sky Pretty Cure! I tried watching Delicious Party episode 1 last year, but between the art style and the "weird magical desert place that the battle happens in," I just couldn't vibe with it. But phew, Soaring Sky is SO good. I love the art, I love the characters, it's all just so much fun and enjoyable. I like to try to watch it first thing on Sunday mornings. It's obviously still running right now and we haven't even been introduced to Cure Butterfly yet, let alone the midseason Cure (an aged-up Ellee maybe?), which means there is a lot still to do. Also I have a theory that Yoyo is the mysterious hero who inspired Sora back in the day. Like she used to be a Cure herself, perhaps. That would be fun.

Other than Skip and Loafer and the second part of G-Witch, spring is looking pretty sparse for me, so...all the more reason to keep watching older Pretty Cure seasons, right? I'm working on Kira Kira and want to watch Star Twinkle after that!

[clouds-of-wings]

After finishing Der Steppenwolf a few days ago and digesting it a little I realized why I didn't like the book - it just has zero humor. It's really hard for me to not be put off by such a self-involved book if there isn't any of that. I don't even mean that I need Harry to make fun of himself (though he and everyone else in the book does think he needs to). The entire world of the book just seems to lack all lightness. I was fine with it being so serious in the beginning, it fit with how Harry was feeling (depressed) and acting (aimless), but once the other characters, whose entire point is to be spontaneous and carefree, a breath of fresh air, tell Harry to loosen up and they are actually the same way as him it starts to chafe. Even the 'lightness' is stiff. Sure, they party and have a lot of sex. They still come across as being the same stiff person as Harry.

It makes me feel as if Hesse just didn't know how to write different characters, or, alternatively, it confirms what I suspected earlier: that Hermine is Harry's Jungian anima and the entire story is a long drug trip or psychotic break that leads to an internal re-ordering. It makes more sense if you imagine that it's all in Harry's head - it explains why multiple characters can seemingly read his mind, why they are all so focused on him and expect so little from him in return, and most of all that weird detail with Hermine and Harry's male childhood friend.

The book is written to have the content of an initiation (which involves a short-term ritualistic focus by all on the new initiate) but the form of developing new friendships (which should be a mutual thing). This leads to a one-sided relationship dynamic that I really dislike to read about, especially if you keep in mind that two of his three new friends are women (and, well, the third is a man of colour if you really want to go in that direction...). It makes Harry appear even more self-absorbed than how the book already want us to see him and makes the younger characters appear like servants.

This is a very gendered thing to me - he has two super beautiful women half his age extremely focused on his development and eager to get in bed with him, it's just very clear that this aspect of the story is 100% male fantasy and would never be written with a female protagonist. I mean, can you imagine? A grumpy 48 year old woman (probably older today since life expectancy plays a role for the self-image of Harry, who is preparing for old age and death - he comes across more like a 65yo man by today's standards) who suffers from gout and depression and has an extremely high opinion of herself gets two 20 year old super attractive men who are suddenly extremely invested in helping her and sleeping with her while expecting nothing in return? When I read the story as one that takes place in material reality, it's clear what my role in it would and would not be. I could never experience, or be imagined to experience, what Harry experiences because I'm not a man. In fact I'm too old to appear in the story even though I'm way younger than the protagonist. But if you see Hermine, Maria and Pablo as parts of him, then it makes sense! They're archetypes and parts of his psyche - those are even topics that the books discusses repeatedly. After all, we are not expected to believe that he actually meets Mozart or Goethe either. They're figures who have been important to him and they show up as representations of ideas, as sides of him. I can easily see the book this way and it excuses its worst flaws, but I still find it grating to read.

I was also really aware while reading the book that Hesse was talking about a lot of topics, problems with society and life, that I struggle with and that are still relevant today, but that a hundred years of conversation about the topics the book deals with have happened since. The book appears dated in a way that not all books from long ago do. I felt the same way when I tried to watch the OG film version of Jesus Christ Superstar - the "blasphemous" stuff the characters said was valid enough, but just not that shocking anymore circa 2010, when I watched it, and the actors sang their lines with such an exaggerated dramatic flair, as if everything they said was a big revelation, which made the whole experience so irritating to me that I couldn't finish it. I did finish this book though, since I remained curious about what else would happen despite the fact that it annoyed me pretty much the entire time. In the end, the main problems I had with it are how dated it seems and that I, I guess, just don't like Hesse's style.

[herefortheships]

Some thoughts on the music industry as it is today

Vanessa Carlton's song "White Houses" has been in my mind since last night and it has got me thinking about how they really don't make music like that anymore. Or it's not that this type of music isn't being produced; the truth is that we wouldn't find this kind of lyrics on the radio. Music with honest, meaningful, lyrics. I think the closest I've found to make such profound music AND reach the popular media streams today might be Mitski.

And Vanessa wasn't an exception in the early 2000s, but she was among the last we saw, I think. Her contemporary Avril Lavigne had several profound songs in her arsenal as well, but the media gave the most attention to her more fun songs like "Sk8ter Boi" and "Complicated" with more commercial appeal, I guess. She had such songs as "Tomorrow" in her first album that really touched me. "Naked", "Mobile" were also lovely songs, but they didn't get as much attention as the aforementioned.

Before Vanessa and Avril's time, though, in the 90s, there were many more musicians producing exceptional, creative music, with beautiful, inspired, and profound lyrics that MEANT something, hitting the popular streams of music and reaching wide audiences. Profound lyrics and creativity in music weren't elements confined to the more indie music spaces. At the top of my head, among the musicians putting out lyrics with meaning there was Jewel, Seal, Brandy, No Doubt even had a few songs that were more than a fun quick jam, and heck even some more pop and clubby songs had some meaningful lyrics like the song "Gypsy Woman" by Crystal Waters and several songs by the band Letters to Cleo ("I see", "Here and now" come to mind), even rock bands like Pearl Jam were putting out some profound lyrics The song "Jeremy" comes to mind. And that's just at the top of my head, as I'm here sipping my tea and writing this completely impromptu "essay" on this Wednesday morning.

I feel like more artists had a mind to create lyrics with meaning back then, and that's probably because it was required to compete in how the industry was back then. TPTB in the music industry were actively pushing this kind of music around that time.

Until they weren't.

I feel that although the kind of lyrics devoid of all sense of meaning, apart from creating a fun or party environment, or stirring certain universal emotions like the sadness of a break-up, the fleeting nature of a summer love, the excitement of a fling, etc, were ALWAYS present and will always exist (and I'm glad for it, don't get me wrong! We all need a good Taylor Swift hyper-commercial song to vibe to every now and then. I know I do and I consume that like it's oxygen sometimes), I feel like we don't get enough of this content in the popular streams of music nowadays.

I feel like this decline in the quality of popular music started (or at least became more prevalent) around 2002-2004, when there was a noticeable shift in the kind of lyrics and the kind of environment or "aesthetic" the music industry was pushing. Lyrics were focusing more and more on drinking, partying, getting high, being "dirty" and promiscuous. Singers whose musical message was sexy but which maintained an air of more "innocent" playfulness like Britney Spears, for example, were now showing up a lot more sexualized and, for lack of a better word, "dirtified" into this "sexy-dirty club girl" aesthetic that became popular around that time. And let's not forget the orange-y bronzers, super thin eyebrows and super low jeans hanging at the hip that went with that aesthetic. Even artists like Avril Lavigne were making music videos dressed in sexy corsets at some point (video "Hot" from 2007). And this wouldn't be an issue (again, fun music is always welcome) if it weren't for the fact that this movement started opaquing anything else. This wasn't a problem with the audience and their tastes having changed; this was/is a problem with TPTB and what they intend to promote and the environment they want to create at any given time in the industry.

I feel that around 2007-2015 there was another small shift in which finally the club party people music started to die out, and more creative music started making it into the radio and other popular streams of music consumption. Even in 2005 we had some few musicians making music that broke that party aesthetic, like KT Tunstall. That said, there were (and still are) too few musicians creating music with meaningful lyrics that are making it to the radio, TV, etc.

Recently, even though the clubbing, drinking music is less prevalent now, I've seen an increase in short songs with empty lyrics enjoying great success, becoming popularized through quick-content media such as TikTok. "Nasty Girl" and "I like the way you kiss me" (by the way I'm totally obsessed with that last one) come to mind. Again, I will EAT some of this music up; the fact that this music is fun to consume and dance to, and vibe to, is not what this essay is about; this essay is about the lack of exposure great lyricists and musicians who create and excel at this kind of profound music are getting, and how lyrics that mean nothing other than stirring sexual images or other more "carnal" reactions and superficial emotions rather than those which explore experiences are getting, such as the experience of losing your virginity (and realizing how "common" instead of "magical" it often is in reality) explored in Vanessa Carlton's "White Houses", which prompted this entire essay,

Music, also, was not viewed as "content" in the 90s and previous decades. This is something else that's hurting the industry. Putting creative products such as music, movies, TV shows, all under the quickly consumed and discarded umbrella of "content", under its modern connotation, has also harmed the quality of these products overall, but that's a conversation for another time! Quick-content media begs for "meme-worthy" songs and other songs which can be adapted to addictive one-minute videos.

I am sure that no doubt about it there are hundreds if not thousands of musicians out there creating music independently that have lyrics that are worth listening to, but unfortunately, unless the YouTube or Spotify algorithms randomly suggest such songs at some point, it's unlikely to discover these artists, and I just find that incredibly unfair. There is simply no such thing as meritocracy in which artists and which songs make it into the modern streams of media (and likely there never has been), but I think that as music becomes content, more and more, and as TPTB keep pushing empty lyrics, the appreciation for music with more profound lyrics, exploring human experiences at a deeper level, is going to continue to dwindle.

Today's media might not see artists like Vanessa Carlton making it big with their songs that sound like stories, speaking of the human experience, but we can all still make an effort to find these independent musicians and support their creations instead of following the game TPTB in the music industries want us to play all the time. It's also true, however, that the level of depth in song lyrics is dependent on the consumer's perception. What is profound to someone, might be hard to understand or even meaningless to someone else; what is meaningless to someone might be the most moving song to someone else. I think I've had that experience with Adult Child's "Star", which is extremely profound to me, personally, but I'm sure lots of people would say "what even is that song saying?" There may be a hidden meaning in a particular line that I might be keenly aware of, but a friend might not even notice. So take this essay with the knowledge that there is also an element of personal perception and that I'm speaking solely on general terms.

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

Sky Blue January (02.02.2024)

Hey, it's me again! I can't believe a month of 2024 is gone already. Who said January was moving slowly didn't make sense. I never feel like time ever moves slowly. It moves a little a time then all at once. Oop! Just like growing up!

I had a countdown party at my cousin's house on New Year's Eve. It was fun until the topic of marriage was constantly brought up. I wasn't even surprised. My brother was the main target. He left early and never came back. Good for him as I would do the same.

I woke up to New Year late as I should. I had a haircut. That's already the norm, right?

The next day, January 2nd I went to Chef Nak's house with BKT and BSR for photoshooting. The main purpose was not only for the photo shoot but also to talk about the unfinished work. Things were going okay until discussing with BSR. What I could hear from him was that my work is not worthy for him to pay a lot. A side of me wanted to prove him wrong and tried to do my best, but then on the way home, I became mad and decided that if people not going to see value in my work, then I was not wasting time trying to prove them. Did I do the right thing? Is this a sign of my lack of communication skill and collaboration skills? Is this what's costing me all the good opportunities?

On the first weekend, I went on a trip with BKT and BKL. This is definitely another occasion that sent me into another existential crisis. They lived in a very different world from my usual circle and that's somehow all my friend groups are. They are rich and talk about businesses and having fun. Money isn't their concern, but it's about love and friendship. I had fun of course but a different kind of fun, but a good thing is I know they are people I can count on, right?

I also started posting content back on social media. In a way, I feel so lost in direction. Am I doing the right thing? Do people even care what I'm saying? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I trying hard in the right direction? What does it all lead up to? Why do I have to question so much instead of putting effort into making it good and happen?

I finally announced my resignation to my teammates. They were so sad and really wanted me to stay. I feel so lucky to have them for real.

I have to address the elephant in the room. I was selected for YSEALI AFP! Damn! My 5 years of effort finally paid off! I was so happy, but I also hated another part of me that immediately started asking "What's next?" Why can't I live in the moment instead of always constantly looking for what's next? I really need to enjoy the moment and appreciate my efforts. I know for sure that I'm the oldest in my cohort but I don't care as long as I'm going to the US!

I went to G sauna and on a date. It was nice and I'm glad and I put myself out there again. Workwise, it's also really hectic at the workplace as it's still the peak season. I sent a message to VT to separate PPUB but she hasn't responded yet. I made up my mind and she's not going to change that.

I'm 25 this year. I feel such an existential crisis. Most of my peers are either in their family era or cooperate era because they finished their academic era already. I feel like I'm still starting. This is a hard thing I have to constantly tell myself to stop living my life based on society's pressure, and limited belief... I can travel around, enjoy the view, and arrive at the destination. I should enjoy the journey instead of rushing to finish the race. It was always about the journey.

I feel so old when there are these young upcoming youths lately. Maybe that's what I shouldn't worry about. It's not about competition. It's about helping one another win.

I feel lost, to be honest on what I should focus on now. Should I focus on switching my career? Should I focus on building my project? Should I focus on academic things?

Or maybe I shouldn't be stressed out too much. I learned from Taylor that I can switch from one era to another era any time. I really just have to focus on choosing one thing in front of me and focus on it and make it the best I can. It's easier said than done, but I'd do the best I can for 2024 because I'm in my 1989 era!

[guardgomabroa]

So um, I have more to say on this subject than I initially thought.

1: Tactical combat as a primary assumption of how the game should play. As things stand, the combat in 5e is fine, but it lacks the dynamism of 4e's. Because grid-based tactical combat was an assumption in 4e instead of an option like how it is in 5e, almost every class had interesting options for contributing to dynamic fights. Defenders could lock down enemies or even entire zones, controllers could use areas of effect to shape the terrain, and leaders could help their allies move into more advantages positions. Nowadays in 5e unless a DM specifically goes out of their way to craft engaging set pieces, most fights devolve into "alright lets all stand in a single place and punch each other over and over" but in 5e the different abilities of players and different roles of monsters meant that a lot of the time if you had a simple easy combat like that it was because you were specifically designing it that way for one reason or another. No assumption of tactical combat has also lead to a lack of resources for players. In 4e you couldn't get away with printing supplemental adventures without usable maps because maps were required game pieces. Your product was literally incomplete without them. But now that 5e has the "theater of the mind" excuse WotC has started printing adventures with no-where near as many maps as they actually need. Thankfully in the era of online communities and virtual tabletops this is less of an issue but it's still a frustration of mine. Furthermore, the assumption of tactical combat would force them to fix their damn CR math. As a DM who wants to provide fun struggles to his players without killing them, while also providing epic confrontations and unique set pieces, it's infuriating how meaningless most CR calculations are in 5e. My players will often emerge from "deadly" or "absurd" encounters completely untouched, to the point where the only thing that actually challenges them are things ostensibly designed to be tough challenges for characters twice or three times their actual level. This was not an issue in 4e, because all of the math in terms of combat challenge was much more solid and precise. Unless someone got extraordinarily lucky or unlucky with their rolls, you could usually predict roughly how a fight would go, which made planning around them much easier.

Don't get me wrong, I really like 5e and I think it's innovated on the D&D formula in a lot of good ways, but given that combat is supposed to be one of the "three pillars" of D&D, I'm shocked that they managed to go from combat that was so tight and satisfying in 4e to so something so comparatively dull and shallow in 5e. If I could change one thing with 5e it'd be this.

2: The volume of 1st party supplemental content. I'll admit that this could just be a biased perception of mine, and that I haven't looked at the numbers, but I feel like 4e released way more supplements faster than 5e, both in supplemental player options and in adventures. Like, I appreciate that they're being careful and methodical about player options to avoid 3.5's power creep issues or whatever but that issue aside I tend to take part in 1-3 D&D sessions a week with 2-3 different groups of people. Between my characters and the characters I've played with, I've seen a lot of what D&D has to offer in terms of player options and especially early on I've been frustrated by how few options there were. Some classes in the player's handbook only have TWO subclasses! This particular issue has gotten better in recent years but it remains troublesome. Nevermind the lack of good long-form campaigns. Nowadays WotC only seems to want to release collections of one-shots or "episodic" adventures, but 4e had a bunch of different long-form "adventure paths" designed to take a group all the way from level 1 to 20. I miss that.

3: This is gonna sound weird, but for 4e had power sources and class roles, and I really miss the box-checking that lead to. So, like, for example Bards were arcane leaders, designed to heal and buff their allies with mortal spellcraft. They played similarly to clerics who were divine leaders, but not quite the same because their abilities were arcane, whereas clerics were divine. This was modeled mechanically by having bards be more about utility than straight healing, where clerics were the reverse. Avengers were like clerics in that they were divinely powered, but worked totally differently because they were strikers, and thus all about doing damage to baddies instead of healing their allies. I liked this style of design because it encouraged later class options to innovate and expound on similar mechanics. For instance most leader classes had something they could do as a minor action to heal their allies for a small amount, but those equivalent abilities had unique features that differentiated them from one-another. Paladins were divine defenders who challenged foes to face them head on, thus keeping weaker allies safe, but Blackguards were shadow defenders who used fear to cause foes to lash out at them instead of others. Now both of those things mean that the defender is the one getting attacked instead of your squishy wizard or rogue, but the subtle differences in the how and why lead to fun and unique opportunities both flavorful and mechancial. I'm still upset that we never got a martial power source controller.

Anyway yea 4e was my first system and as much as I enjoy 5e I do miss 4e, and I wish there was some way to graft the exploration and social aspects of 5e onto the combat of 4e.

If you could bring 3 elements from D&D 4e into 5e, what would you choose and why?

[felidae-charr]

Why GW2 Just Can’t Keep Me

A mechanics post - holy cow, we haven’t done one of these in a while!

I haven’t fallen out of love with Guild Wars 2, but once again I find myself in a pit of complete disinterest with the game. Ironic considering that there’s an expansion coming out and there’s all this jazz with the Living World stuff, right? And yet here I am, logging into Final Fantasy XIV every single day, being far more excited about Stormblood than I am about the prospective GW2 expansion.

Why is it that GW2 just isn’t able to ever keep my interest? What does this game do that makes me look at it, and say “Eh. Whatever.” and leaves me playing it like a tide - coming and going and never able to just stay playing it? And I know I’m not the only one that has this problem, too. 

Today, we’ll be looking at the endgame content of GW2 and why it, for me personally at least, dramatically fails to actually make me care to keep playing.

MMORPGs, in general, follow a very similar formula for their end-game. They all tend to apply a very standard “content drip” that is designed to keep loyal veteran players logging in, while also potentially capturing new players all at once. Many also make use of the infamous Gear Treadmill™ - easily one of the most controversial aspects to MMO games in general that employ the use of them.

Guild Wars 2 follows a similar set up, and yet for some reason of every game I’ve ever played, it is the least capable at holding my genuine interest. Why is this? Why is a game I love so much just so bad at keeping me playing? When I have 58 characters, when I’ve invested so much time and so much money, why then do I still reach these points where I just don’t care?

Well, part of that is because Guild Wars 2 might have a similar set up in the form of a content drip, ArenaNet have never been consistent until very recently (if we’re honest.) Veteran players will remember that, at one point, the game was suffering from a massive content drought with practically no real updates at all aside from the usual gem store nonsense. And if I’m being honest, I still think Guild Wars 2 suffers from content drought really badly, even after every update. Because, if we’re honest... they just don’t add a lot of content in the first place.

The ultimate reality of Guild Wars 2 is that their content drip, though now semi-regular and designed to consistently update the story of their game, still isn’t enough to prevent players from winding up starved of things to do. Dungeon rewards have been gutted to the point of them not worth the time to run any more, and ArenaNet have failed almost majestically at fixing the core problems as to why nobody ran the likes of Arah often or why Twilight Arbor’s Aetherpath went so criminally under-run. They have always been trash at making their dungeons - which are fundamentally fun and well crafted - worth running. And that’s sort of the problem, isn’t it? The Western gaming culture, and especially in MMORPGs, likes to be efficient.

They like to DPS as fast as possible to skip mechanics just because they can and because it makes it go faster. In the same way, we also like to know that if we’re going to spend half an hour in a dungeon, it’s going to be worth our time. If we could spend that half an hour doing something else and making double or triple the reward (with potentially less effort, too) then we would never run the dungeon. It’s a waste. And thusly, the GW2 dungeon team was scrapped, and we haven’t seen a real dungeon in actual, literal years. Content updates don’t give us new ways to play with other players in party-specific dungeon content.

Of course we have the infamous raids, but to be honest, I don’t like the raids in this game. I find that the classes and builds I enjoy playing don’t fit into the raids, which are slowly but surely trying to shoehorn the Holy Trinity of classes back into a game that’s original design was built around scrapping the Holy Trinity completely. I also find that while raids can be fun with friends, raids in GW2 can also bring out the literal worst in players - with people being kicked for not putting up enough numbers on the parser or being kicked because their class just isn’t optimal. Raids, for me, are not endgame content because frankly I don’t care for them. 

The new story sections that our content drip in the form of Living World gives us are completed in, at most, four hours. And that’s if you’re playing kind of slowly and exploring. If you’re burning through the story alone, you’re often done in two hours or less. These solo instances are often fun to run once or twice, too, but they quickly become not-worth-running or outright boring because there’s never any change to them and it isn’t like a dungeon where you’re running with new people every time. Eventually these little story pieces just sort of sit there and the only time you play through them again is if you happen to be, I don’t know, farming experience points for masteries on a level 80 character.

And the new maps that we’ve been getting, while also fun for the first few hours, can just as quickly become boring content. The latest map released, Draconis Mons, I actually hated on pretty much every conceivable level. There was too much going on in that map, the mini-map was atrocious and I couldn’t make my way around it without getting lost somewhere, there was so much bloom and bright burning fire and particle effects that my eyes got about as sick shit of the map as my brain did, and none of the events were actually engaging. Kill this, kill that, oh a group event to kill something else. I out and out thought Draconis Mons was the biggest flop of a map ArenaNet have ever released, and I still do.

So what is there for me to actually do? The reality is: nothing.

The content drip that ArenaNet offers is simply not enough, because the reality is that it doesn’t give us anything new that keeps us playing. Raiders will continue to raid, certainly, but I find raiding to have been implemented very oddly and in a direction that seems to be very opposite from the core of the game itself. Similarly, World versus World is still criminally ignored by most of ArenaNet and I haven’t had fun in that basic zergfest for a long time, and PvP is just as neglected to the point that those funny little “tournaments” ArenaNet tried to hold when they wanted to break into the e-sports scene have been cancelled and most of the veteran PvPers basically abandoned the game to find pastures new, with developers that actually cared.

I could log in to do my dailies, but why would I? Dailies do nothing but give me gold, which I in turn don’t spend on anything, because there is nothing I want or need to spend it on. Most of the achievements are either easy to get or a boring grind and there’s rarely a nice middle. Aside from the couple of new ones in the last few Living Story updates, I’ve done every fun jumping puzzle. I have 20 characters at level 80 and I’ve done the Personal Story too many times to be willing to count.

Guild Wars 2 just doesn’t cater to me. And that’s fine, it is under no obligation to - but it also means that I am constantly going through phases where literally any other game is more fun than GW2 is. Final Fantasy XIV Online, for example, has taken me by absolute storm once again. The expansion looks promising, and while there are often several months between content being released in that game’s content drip, they always come with new dungeons, new boss fights, new story elaboration and quests. I still have plenty of side quests to do if I want to, other classes to level, I’m eagerly awaiting the next set of joking silly Hildibrand quests, I get new little emotes to play with, new furniture for housing, and so on and so on. FFXIV also does a fantastic job - in my eyes at least - at making the gear treadmill fairly fun. I always know the minimum rewards I’m going to get from doing all of my dungeon runs in a day, I can plan what to buy when to buy it, I never feel like the game pressures me into needing that gear as soon as possible, and I always have the option to do raids to see if I can get lucky and have gear drop for me instead. Honestly, while I initially fell in love with GW2 because of it’s no-gear-treadmill policy and the abandonment of the Holy Trinity that had always bothered me as a lover of DPS classes, I’m ironically finding that FFXIV is just flat out a better crafted MMORPG that takes a lot more care and puts a lot more effort into making sure end game players don’t just sit around waiting for poor excuses for content. 

And that’s why I’m sitting here, staring at the GW2 icon on my desktop relabelled “Fashion Wars” trying to find the will to even log into the game at all for the sake of something silly like screenshots. Which I can also do better in FFXIV, for the record.

I love Guild Wars 2. I love Guild Wars 2 very, very much and it has an extremely special place in my heart, and it will always be one of my favourite games. But once again I’m stuck in that rut where I love the game, but the game really doesn’t love me that much, and I can’t find a reason to log in to even do something as simple as stare at my own characters. 

[kalims]

Hi, there~! So I have this really fun idea in my head. I would like a headcannon in which the fem! reader asks the Dorm Leaders to be her pretend boyfriend. But what happens when the boys fall in love for real? Super fluff, please! Thanks!

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "i know this sounds weird but can you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

today's promise,

parts : one, two, three.

characters : riddle, leona, azul.

cw : book 1, 2, and 3 possible spoilers. implied harassment, fake relationship, eventual pining, fluff, this post is long-term fake relationship kinda thang.

includes : fem!reader.

wc : 7.1k words, 39.7k characters.

note : I tried to basically make the thing diverse, which included me stealing an idea from spy x family. the whole party scene basically 👩‍🦯 also I originally had no plans to post this yet, but since it's been a long time since I've active I figured to just put it. don't expect the next part to be out anytime soon lmao, I'm exhausted. sorry that this came out like a month and a half late

reblogs are appreciated <3

riddle rosehearts — when a creep is borderline harassing you and you need help to get rid of them. what better way was to drive them out with no needed force?

what the hell? you shove your newly acquired phone further under your blazer, shrinking a little when crewel's line of sight passes by your figure. you start praying to the gods, wherever, whenever to give you mercy when you feel another buzz sounding from the device.

they were anonymous, an unknown number that told you to just call them C. which is kind of hilarious since it just reinforced your impression of a troll on them.

it's been a few weeks and a few days since you've started to receive– admittedly concerning texts. of which you've brushed up as a troller, your previous thought ended up far too wrong when you received a mouthful of detail on your current attire.

which would've been normal if they also didn't pair it with a descriptive text about your classes, and what you do when you get home.

you sent the person a simple text to leave you alone, before pressing the block button. you didn't hear from them for a day. it was apparently temporary peace until you found a sealed letter in your seat, the signed name caught your attention immediately. 

– C :)

it's contents were too morally wrong to even say.

so you decide to entertain them for a while. getting to know each other, never really answering their questions that are too personal for strangers to know of. you started off asking their name, they didn't grace you with a reply.

next you tried asking if they were on the same yearl, it was simple. but it would greatly slim your suspects if they said yes.

they said yes.

next, you asked. what dormitory are you in? 

heartslabyul, C replied immediately. 

well they clearly thought that your knowledge of their dorm would do harm.

"hey, riddle!" the boy himself slows down his steps. peering behind him curiously, the previous stern look in his eyes slightly softens when it only catches of one of his close freinds. "prefect. something you need?"

"yes actually."

he listens dutifully. and at some point riddle just halts in his steps, and in turn you do aswell. "someone is bothering you? unbelievable! it's off with their—" he fumes. an immediate scowl gracing his features. there is a noticeable fury brimming behind riddle's eyes.

you grimace. a pool of uneasiness starts to rise in your stomach. it wasn't as though you were afraid of them, but more like..

the lack of evidence would most likely pin the blame to you instead.

"I'd prefer a more.." you gesture at his reddening face. "peaceful approach."

your method is certainly.. interesting it wasn't like riddle disliked it but he would've preferred to get the problem apprehended right away. but then again he can't really speak since he isn't their target of offense.

he looked embarrassed to hear your whole grand plan. he doesn't want to say no because who is he? a dorm leader to turn away from someone who is suffering at the hands of his fellow student.

riddle seems immensely more furious than you'd ever seen him when you inform that its a heartslabyul student. he would honestly just start marching onwards his dorm to interrogate the students themselves but even compared to the whole population of the school. there's still a lot of students in the heartslabyul dorm.

but since both of you figured it'd just do harm, you somehow convinced him to abandon his previous idea and proceed with yours instead: it's simple, probably effective if done properly, no one would question it since they don't know the behind the scenes, and maybe it's a chance to get to know riddle a little better. 

the first week was very awkward. you'd think he'd forgotten about it since he barely does anything to make the promise realistic but you threw the whole assumption out of the window since he seemed far too tense when you attempt to make a physical affection towards him.

thankfully his embarrassment and red face was usually mistaken for a blush of shyness so it had done a lot despite it being an unconscious effort from riddle. students had taken notice and started to gossip, much to his dismay. but then again the whole plan wouldn't have worked if word doesn't get out.

"us suddenly entering a.. relationship so suddenly would be suspicious." riddle says one day. matching your pace and looking straight ahead. as a whole, he was completely right. even after the whole overblot incident. you and him didn't really show any indication of actually being interested in each other romantically.

you nod. "yeah... but they wouldn't have any proof that this is a fake you know. therefore this could work." riddle shakes his head at you. "that is a weak contradiction."

apparently but expectedly, C caught word of the whole thing. and created a whole new number to start bothering you with. the first thing you see is them questioning you about the riddle, addressing the rumors and if they were true. in a way that depicts them looking absolutely crazy.

you would send the whole convo to crowley and hopefully get them suspended, even better if expelled but you don't really know the exact location of this person. you've tried getting an ignihyde student to help you, since they're basically geniuses with tech. but you've come to learn that they use public phones to contact you.

no not the free ones like from your old world. a whole, actual smart phone would be free to use in various stores in case of an emergency. if this was back in your world it would've been 100% robbed already.

(not canon I think this is for plot purpose)

the second week ends up going smoother than the last. you both agree showing affection in public but on a more minimal note, like how those sappy couples do. ace and deuce naturally find out first. walking into you and riddle seatedt on a bench with you casually leaning your head on his shoulder, to which he responded with placing his over yours. you both stare at the pages of a history book.

admittedly with great reluctance and the embarrassment he thought he'd gotten rid of.

ace had screamed so loudly that it made his housewarden jump from his seat and set his enraged eyes on the former. he was expectedly punished for possibly disturbing nearby students with the loud noise. and riddle took personal offense from his reaction alone.

you watch calmly from the sidelines, involved with the chaos as always though being only left to witness it.

"honestly dude? ew, why housewarden?!" ace groans. finally cornering you in the ramshackle dorm, traces of red paint all across his hands. deuce follows behind him, nodding and looking torn. of course, they didn't need to know so you just resorted to telling them the classic. "we hit off."

they didn't leave you alone. and had the most weirdest excuse to pull you away from riddle whenever they happen to see you two together. you can't tell if it's because they're lowkey protective or they just wanna spite riddle, mainly ace but deuce seems reluctant but involved regardless.

cater, of course finds out a few days later after your first year freinds do. I don't know what you expect but he's the main reason why the majority of NCR. are aware of your current status with the housewarden. if there's a fast way to get everyone aware of your status, leave it to cater and his trusty skills with social media.

cater might go a little overboard sometimes but he'd probably start of with something like hinting -> posting pictures of you and riddle (his first one was in a library, with riddle looking over your shoulder as you sat.) and -> captioning the posts with the most obvious shit like love birds. 🙄

...and he is also the reason why you are being spammed online by a bunch of curious fellow students.

contrary to what the adeuce had thought. trey was actually the one who found out first. riddle being unable to hide it with his obvious behavior and eventually confiding in trey with a red face and sputtering words. of course riddle didn't relay your secret, you trusted him enough to keep and aid you after all.

(only him.)

eventually the whole thing just starts to blend with his whole schedule. suddenly the hand holding, cheek kissing, and affection in general doesn't affect him as much as it did before. on the contrary, he sometimes finds himself enjoying it which is outrageous because he thinks it's inappropriate to feel such a thing towards you when this whole thing is just..

pretend.

in fact he starts to incorporate you into his life. he makes that he brews two cups of tea to bring over in the mornings, one for you, one for him. even better if you both caught moment alone in the gardens, just with the occasional chatter (with riddle making sure your student and personal life is doing okay) and the silence whom you don't know how it melted from awkward to comfortable.

as a second example, there is a special spot for you whenever there's an unbirthday party. sweets especially to your taste, or just general pastries like bread if you aren't too into sweets. (don't ask why you're now seated next to his seat, on his very own special table while your freinds are staring into your soul.) did I mention he completely disregarded grim and even asked adeuce to take care of him while he gets you all to himself?

thirdly. he'd grown accustomed to squeeze you into his schedule, another example being study sessions on a quiet spot in the library consisting of the torture of school, ensured after classes of course. but if riddle is beside you, helping you along the way surely it won't be too bad?

it all would've gone alone fairly well if azul and kalim didn't come barging in the middle of one of your sessions, kalim exclaiming over a new addition to their study group? while azul wears a suspiciously polite look. riddle nearly screams in suprise before going a little red at the realization–

he'd forgotten that he, along azul had taken the intuitive to tutor kalim. well, it was mostly him believing that jamil should have a break, therefore ending up up offering. he's not sure about azul though but he definitely had some kind of ulterior motive.

now the two are some kind of third and fourth wheels to your 'not dates' azul is now excessively asking a lot of questions. probably having noticed the now close intimacy you two share. some simple, and some far too embarrassing to answer.

you had to pull riddle away before he actually collared a fellow dorm head, there's a slim chance he will since riddle is always so formal, respecting and strict. azul didn't break any rules so there wasn't a need for a punishment.

slim but definitely not impossible!

he wasn't aware at first. too entranced to notice that his red faces weren't from embarrassment or shame anymore but from actual shyness. he seems to grip your hand a little tighter, spending so much time with you that there was a moment where he forgot he had duties to attend to.

ah.. you almost forgot, the creep that had been bothering you wasn't heard from for... days? your days had been going so splendidly that it brought you the blessing of forgetting about them…

as a final precaution you swipe open your messages and to your absolute delight the last time they texted you was about a week ago. nothing was heard which meant that they hopefully got the whole memo.

"riddle, thank you." you smiled at him one afternoon. riddle raises a brow at your frankly, rare thankful behavior. "for what?"

you beam at him, so blissfully that his hearts starts running laps. it had such a hold on him that he had to verbally clear his throat. "they're gone! I didn't notice but they haven't been bothering me anymore." who? they? who is they?

ohh...

oh..

you don't know if you were hallucinating but it almost seemed like the strands on his head, shaped like hearts, drooped as if it broke.

"so.. you don't need me--my help anymore?" he questions quietly. the answer is so clear in your head, but even you pause in silence. unable to answer.

riddle doesn't know how he got the courage to do what he had in the following moments. maybe a burst of effort to keep you with him.

he huffed. "hmph, prefect. you've stolen something from me." your face constricts into slight horror but mainly confusion is present as you point at yourself. "me? I have?"

he grabs your finger and navigates it to point at his chest. "yes. stolen items must be replaced. there isn't a problem if I want yours right?"

"👁👄👁" that was smooth.

leona kingscholar — when you've accidentally told your freinds that you're in a relationship in a spur of the moment, and now have to prove it to be true.. or else.

it was nice having freinds. other than a pair of boys atleast, you love ace and deuce but sometimes.. you'd just prefer it if sometimes we're a little calmer.. and not full of half hearted brawls that you always get dragged into.

socializing was a pain in the ass sometimes, and definitely hard to do when you know absolutely nothing about the new world. so you literally felt like some foreign kid in a new school, on a new continent, starting school. 

so you'd guess it's the reason why you started clinging onto a pair of ladies, just your age. they were attending another college a few ways over NRC, they were apart of a sorority. as crazy as it seems that those actually exist here aswell.

well.. not exactly clingy but you let them basically do anything they want to you. they're actually really nice. it sounds like you're just a loser but you'd just rather not walk up to someone and go. "hey! wanna be freinds?" it sounds way too awkward. 

"you're really pretty, you know?" A twirls a lock of your hair and giggles. you blink in slight embarrassment and guiltily stare at your shoes. "thanks.."

B perks up from the bed. "well yeah! im suprised you haven't got a boyfreind yet." she teases. behind her sits C, C grunts and not so violently pulls B from the hair which causes the girl to jerk back.

"OW??" 

"stop moving.." C mumbles. 

B sits up, exasperated. "whatever.. anyways! the house is gonna host a party next month." she points at you. "you in?"

you pause and think about your schedule. it's clean, right? finally, you nod. "yeah."

A grins "for once were letting in plus two's! you better make sure you bring someone. kay?"

who the hell would you even bring? well… ace or deuce would count but if you brought one the other is bound to start following as well. kinda like they come in a two in one package.

"speaking of… do you have anyone in mind?"

"ah.."

B leaps up and starts squealing. "oh MY GOD!! don't tell me you're gonna bring a boyfriend!" she laughs. slapping you playfully. in the spur of the moment you answer.

"heh… in your dre–"

"um yeah.."

they all pause. "WHAT?"

"so you're telling me, you told your freinds that you have a boyfreind? " leona scowls. leaning his cheek on his palm as his tail lazily swishes behind him peering up at you, looking half asleep.

he groans. "out of all people.. me, really?" you sigh and nod mutely. "sorry. it was in the spur of the moment, i kind of... blurted it out and they don't believe me."

leona makes another sound of seeming irritation. "so your pride is on line? fine.. remember, you're indebted to me after this."

he pauses. "oh, for the record. you're gonna listen to whatever I say. got it?" you can only nod. he was the one accepting after all, it hardly seemed like a fair deal but whatever gets him to succumb to your one wish.

this will be okay right? this will be beneficial to him, even better if it requires minimal effort

leona still can't wrap the thought of why, you've chosen him out of all students in the school, even one of your so dear, first year best freinds would be a better choice. he internally sighs at your carelessness. If you hadn't been so quick to be defensive then maybe he wouldn't be in this situation at all..

but then again he would still need to lift another limb if he ended up not accepting with ruggie being busy in the meanwhile. he thinks, watching you scurry around. obviously struggling and lowkey annoyed at his vigorous commands. is this how a king feels? to be able to get someone to obey without much complaints.

ruggie doesn't know what in the seven is going on and why you were like some kind of new, additional servant to the housewarden but he doesn't really care, if anything your involvement had made his life a lot easier.

and what does ruggie appreciate? something to lessen the load of work leona just piles on him! nice see you again prefect. now you're gonna be someone that ruggie's gonna use to skip out on all the work he deems to hard for his poor, overworked self. be ready. he's gonna work you to the absolute bone.

accompanied by lots of school works, upcoming tests and more errands from crowley. adding leona's needs didn't exactly help your case. if anything it made your headaches more frequent and, more prone to passing out because you could literally see your vision blur at random times in the day.

your 'freinds' ended up inviting you to some kind of acquaintance party. which you'd be stress free of going to if it weren't the fact that they insisted for your so called 'boyfreind' to come along. for a couple of freinds, they sure are persistent on humiliating you. but what can you do? they have more influence than you.

"there's a party, I need you to go with me."

you had told leona when he had his back turned to you. "hngh... what a pain..." you could hear him mumble and perhaps even the small disappointment of knowing that you'll be going alone. it's not that you minded his reaction to the situation, if you went alone then you'd be proved as a liar.

the party was in a few weeks. prior to the party then you'd go along as his errand runner until the day arrives. even then, there's still a small bubble of hope. despite the fact that you're sure he won't even bother. for now you'd trust him, leona isn't known for his promises. but he helped you during that time in octavinelle, even if the intentions were made to benefit himself.

..and if he just put up with your little plan. he'd get an obedient little 'servant' he can boss around with ruggie. if you can deal with crowley then you surely can put up with leona. at the very least, his commands are just him being his lazy self compared to the piles crowley would give you.

his commands usually being "fetch me another pillow in the closet." or "get me meat from the kitchen." leona being leona.. = never putting the effort to do something rather than snooze the whole day.

the first week consisted of you mainly getting more packed with work. crewel noticed the tired face you sported in class, he even caught you sleeping several times. usually he'd whip up a good punishment.. but, maybe you need it. of course he'd confronted crowley about it but you don't exactly know.

and your whole load got lighter, even if it isn't a lot. and using the confusion into advantage the following days goes by with you feeling lighter than you'd ever been.

leona still stayed the same. you don't even know why you went to him. he didn't make it believable nor initiate anything that implies that he'd chosen you. you were frustrated because even your freinds had noticed despite their being not even from NCR. you'd never posted about leona, only the occasional food pics you'd post on magicam.

they'd still pester you about showing his face.

of course. the school doesn't even know about your whole predicament so if leona doesn't want to, then why even bother? after all, they're not the ones who you're appealing to. slowly this whole things seems very useless since you'd just end up indebted to the lion who didn't lift a finger to help you.

"maybe jack would have been a better option?" you mumble randomly. carefully folding a piece of shirt that definitely belongs to leona, it's scent is eerily familiar. you fan yourself with your hand, it's absolutely hot in here.. how do these boys even survive in the heat?

unkownst to you of the lion that just walked in on the right time to pick up on your words despite still being far away from you. if there was one thing leona hated– it was being compared.

this is weird, what would leona want to call for you? "for your hard work, I'll give you a little prize." leona stretches. ears twitching pleasantly at the sensation of his bones popping. then he lays down and glances at you side ways. "what're you waiting for? come here." while you stood dumbly in the middle of the botanical garden.

and that's how you ended up casually tucked under leona's arm on a patch of green in the botanical garden. the grass tresses tickle your face as if it was caressing it. it brought little comfort to the racing heart you had, and you feared that leona could pick it up. "well this isn't bad is it?"

he opens his eyes and peeks at you, a little exasperated. "herbivore. calm down will you? don't catch feels for me so fast." before you could answer he's already fast asleep, even going as far as snuggling closer like you were his pillow!

"that's not..." you trail off. awkwardly adjusting your position as you'd tried to wriggle out prior, which ended up being a fail since you failed to recognize how strong a lion could be.. you sigh and succumb to your ultimate demise. might as well catch up on some sleep, right?

(is it really a coincidence for leona to suddenly pull you to nap just after you've looked so exhausted? I will leave you to interpret that.) <- a factor to his invitation, the minor one being him hell bent on proving that he's obviously better and not one to compare to.

"leonaaa.. leonaaa! I know you're in here.."

ruggie ends up finding his housewarden and the prefect of ramshackle snuggling into each other like a pair of lion mates.. er... lion and human mate?? was that even okay.. a lion and a human together wasn't very common, lions liked to stick to other lions. uncommon but you're not the only case.

the second week passes by with less stress than the first one. you're now somehow obligated to attend leona's mandatory morning, afternoon, and night naps. the fact that the leona himself is dragging himself to your class instead of actually sleeping to drag you to sleep with him. (that was confusing) is suspicious enough as it is.

so jack ends up having an urge, something to resolve his curiosity that he can't help. though he has an inner crisis, he ultimately ends up asking you about it to which you casually reply. "oh, leona? we're... together.." you mumbled.

what now 😃

jack is honestly quite confused. come on now. you and the housewarden? that's the pair that no one would expect. if he remembers correctly. you and leona barely talked to each other and even got into a few disputes yourself! it just sounds kinda bizarre given how he treats you like a nobody.

^ typical leona behavior to everyone else but still.. 

from what you know. leona doesn't own a magicam, hell. you haven't even seen him carrying a phone around. but apparently you were wrong when ruggie casually showed you leona's page like it was nothing. you woulda assumed it's just ruggie trying to mess with you if the followers didn't have the verified user of @/farena. people from leona's homeland struck you as people who don't really care about technology but guess you're wrong again..

(leona wasn't following back)

somehow theres actually stuff that the page has: for example a blurry picture of leona sleeping. and the caption being messy letters that you used enough brain juice to form 'unca leona'. you laugh and follow leona as a joke, scrolling through his page full of blurry pics and selfies from cheka. some from the king himself.

though you don't know if you're suprised if leona followed you back or how he was still awake. his 0 following now turned into 1.

now you have a curious big brother in your dms whose curiously asking who you are. and your freinds pestering you once again, this time quering about the mysterious follow of a prince! you almost forgot they knew your social media.

you end up ignoring them in favor of actually getting to know farena. you suppose that if you'd told leona he'd definitely get upset and stingy with you so you decide on not letting him know. farena exchanges greetings with you before going into a discussion about leona.

as if some kind of flip. he did a 180° and is now telling you embarrassing stories about leona. sending you old pictures of a young leona that you'd never thought you'd see.

what an entertaining night..

the third week arrived faster than you had thought. you were mainly focused on completing your tasks as well as balancing your student life. if anything both are pretty much the same. at that time, leona had pretty much given you access to everything he owns. he no longer makes a fuss over you arriving at the dorm, if anything. he seems pleased.

and sometimes he calls for you himself! last time you remember he was just about seconds from grumbling away because of your presence alone due to the confiscation if your dorm! and now if lions could purr you could pretty much imagine him doing so because he seems so intent on letting you sleep next to him.

on.his.bed.

did I mention he kicks grim out of the bed when he thinks you don't know as you both sleep? someone get this cat a break because you are both grim's blessing and nightmare. all these boys are doing crazy things to sever his bond with HIS henchman! >:(

oh you wanna sleep on his bed? wait for him would you?  you're hungry? fine. lion prides usually have their individual fair shares anyways. basically the epitome of "we share everything." this doesn't extend to him only you know, so there's unspoken rule that you have to share yours too. he doesn't really ask much but you're starting to question why he keeps taking your blankets, returning it and then taking it again after a few weeks.

(I'm sure you know)

surprisingly leona's attendance to class had been so frequent whenever you were somehow involved to the point where trein had asked you to 'help' him in class. by that he really meant being some kind of assistant.. not that you minded (you did) but why?

oh… crewel is his potionology teacher? he hates the professor because he treats leona like a goddamn puppy. so leona just skips it all out until somehow you had gotten involved. just when he was about to step out from the classroom to skip you enter to pass a stack of paper to crewel. the man asks you to assist him with some things.

why's he suddenly in his seat??

did I mention that lions are quite possessive of things they claim?

…

the weeks just blur in comparison and now you're walking to the party alone. shivering at the unfortunate winter blessed upon the streets of.. this world or whatever.. it's been only a few times since you've left campus, a majority only ever to visit the girls. 

you peer at your watch. he's 32 minutes late... you sigh, shoving your cold fingers in your pockets. what was the point in waiting anymore? you'd be more of an embarrassment if you turn up to the party more late, and partnerless..

the cold, merciless winter doesn't do justice against the icy feeling your heart adorns.

that's how you arrived at the doorstep of your freind, particles of visible snow clouding your attire. as they struggle to hold in their laugh. "you're late!" I know..

"c-pfft..come on in!"

you nod. dusting off the snow over your jacket and hanging it. it's too bad. you look down at the attire under your coat. cause for once you had actually tried to make an effort to make yourself look presentable. to try and make yourself look appealing even, in the slightest hopes of impressing…

hm. you shake your head and stand awkwardly in a corner, everyone doesn't seem  to notice you.

this normalcy--, you glance at someone making hand motions. then their hand bursts into a dance of fiery, passionate flames. --is something I can never get.

after all… there is no such thing as magic back in your world. it's dull, boring and certainly tempted to just pluck away all your hopes and burn it when you start high school. 

you ended up staying for more or less, half an hour. you let yourself explore the house, it was quite big. smaller than ramshackle but it looks more regal and clean. you're almost jealous. the food was good, there wasn't a lot of meat. mainly vegetables. 

the most you could do was escape to the front porch to ignore their never ending remarks. your phone in your hand as you engage in small, admittedly idiotic talk with your two best freinds, seated on a swinging, wooden..swing thing. housewarden collared me again. ace's text read. it provided you with small warmth to fight against glacial temperature.

you smile.

you don't have animal ears like the savanaclaw beastmen but you can almost hear a pair of footwear crunching in the snow. then there's a pair of shoes entering your vision. you look up and--

"leona?"

"this party's boring, let's go." he doesn't acknowledge the fact that he basically stood you up for like an.. hour or two? you always knew he was prideful. instead he engaged in a minute length staring contest. until he slouches his shoulders and sighs in defeat. "fine, have it your way."

silence.

"you know I set up an alarm, I missed it." you blink and stare at him from your peripheral vision, it looks like he's going to continue. "can ya believe that? I'm disrupting my sleep for you. tch, so don't act so sad when I've gone through all the trouble. all right?"

".. you don't need these losers anyways. all you need is me."

you stay quiet when he sits down beside you, spreads his legs and slides his arm behind you, stretching. like he owns the house. the swing creaks under his weight.

it doesn't feel so cold anymore. "I'm here now so you owe me." you shake your head. the whole thing was basically pointless but you were too happy to end the whole pretending thing. "what do you want.?"

he grins. "you."

you gawk. "huh?!"

me after writing the last part..👩‍🦽

azul ashengrotto — when you’re too curious for your own good so you strike up a deal.

"to sum it all up, you would like an experience?" azul hums. the slightest tip of his hat casts the ever mysterious persona over his face, making it more eery.

you blankly nod. a bit embarrassed to admit that you've come to him for the silliest of reasons: to experience a relationship to the full extent.

you weren't that desperate. just.. curious. you know what they say don't you? curiosity kills the cat.

azul assumes a confident look. "hehehe.. I can do that, aren't i so kind." for I, am gracious.

woah is this some kind of deja vu..

this time around, after learning through your past lessons. you've skimmed every part of the contract for any loop holes that might and will be used against you.

oh.. this whole thing was a grand plan was it? to get you to be his anemone.. servant? but wasn't he banned by crowley from ever using his unique magic? perhaps there's still some kind of catch that you haven't caught on yet. you cast one more suspicious look at the smiling azul before signing your signature on the very bottom.

anyhow, the details of the contract was for azul to help you experience a relationship. in return you'll be an additional help, whenever. if he needs a helping hand you'd be inclined to aid him.

there was this absolutely embarrassing silence that made you want to self destruct. because he's just there smiling like nothing is wrong as he tucks the contract into his... sleeve? what the hell how could that fit in there. 🙁

you shake your head just as he extends a hand towards you. when you look up he displays you an awfully charming grin. "shall we?" you take his hand. "where are we going?"

"I must not let a lady walk by herself, no? even it isn't night. it is still dangerous."

it was first thing in the morning when you set out to octavinella since you knew azul would be up anyways, plus there were less students around the campus. even your grim was fast asleep in the mornings, you'd have to go back quickly if you don't want him to make a fuss about the lack of breakfast. not that crowley provided you with it anyways..

when you arrive in ramshackle. grim is already on the front porch, looking gravely hungry. his ears perk up when he catches sight of you. and then droops again when he sees azul on your side, to him. looking very suspicious as always. "hey you! what're you doing with my henchman!" grim screeched. obviously still scarred from his previous experiences that weren't so pleasant with the octavinella dorm leader.

you had to restrain grim before he could start tearing up azul's coat.

the first week is relatively normal. and azul actually makes it so that you feel as though you're actually in a relationship with him. but you've both come to an agreement that the affection will remain to a certain 'professional' extent, as he is not entirely comfortable with it. which you've come to learn, he isn't used to it.

you once accidentally bumped shoulders with him when you were sitting on a long chair with a few other students, his glasses fogged up for some reason, his face was tinged pink and he jerked back so far that you thought he actually hated you for 10 seconds straight.

he kind of stayed more hyper aware of his surroundings after that.

I kind of got off topic so let's continue the whole thing going around the first week.

azul has made it possible to organize some kind of dates, exclusively only ever happening whenever he's sure that both of your schedules align. It's surprisingly a daily occurrence since the first and second year's schedule are pretty much the same. (if I'm wrong please inform me.)

it wasn't too long before the tweels found out. maybe a couple of days after you've made the deal with azul. after the promise of floyd leaving him alone if he'd tell them why he's acting to affectionate with the prefect of ramshackle, which ends up with floyd looking a little disappointed and jade, bemused.

"ehh.. that's too bad, I thought you actually charmed shrimpy.. your game is weaker than I thought."

"excuse me?!"

"fufufu.. most entertaining, azul looks flustered."

after more comments from floyd. azul eventually makes a promise that he will absolutely charm you to fall in love with him merely out of spite of his childhood freind. and you're just confused why he's taking the whole thing a lot more seriously.

second week is filled with vigorous efforts of azul trying to woo you after doing excessive research of your own interests. he isn't usually so fired up over floyd's teasing as he'd basically grown up with it, but for some reason he is?

you're just confused why he's suddenly so determined to treat the whole thing more seriously than before. you don't exactly find the sudden change unpleasant, just a little suspicious as to what made his transition so apparent.

you always 'accidentally' bump into azul at the most convenient times. it usually happens whenever a class had ended and there isn't another for a while. azul just smiles and invites you to sit with him for lunch. which is a suprise since he was so adamant on keeping the deal under wraps.

you could only sit beside him. silently weeping at the prying stares many had thrown your way. the twins ended up sitting in your table (you could've sword azul's glasses cracked when floyd separated you two and sat in the middle of you and azul)

jade only displays a cool, menacing smile as usual.

by then you'd gotten unusually close with the trio. finding out things you hadn't even assumed, like how azul seems so aggressive with the twins sometimes out of goodwill. now you have a pair of lowkey protective eels and a stupefied octopus that can help you for a price scam.

being friends with them had its pros, came with it was the cons. which included several of the students that tried to be freindly with you being less talkative, suddenly paling in the middle of the conversation. (unkownst to you about the two glowering eels behind you)

the possessiveness is given by all three of them. for a reason still unknown but you're still skeptical.

the information that this whole thing is just playing pretend would most likely be tucked neatly in the back of your mind. where you'd admittedly forget for a few moments, too deep to escape from the temporary loneliness and certainly too real to register that it isn't.

here's the thing. azul is absolutely great at deceiving, you're already aware the moment you learned just how many contracts he'd 'earned'.

and unfortunately for you. there was a time where you'd actually thought he genuinely loved you because the way his eyes just.. sparkle, crinkling up and the soft smile.. you just rather shake your head and convince yourself that it wasn't real, it never was.

"thank you for your help, as promised. I'll help out with whatever you need as payment."

azul's brows creases. "wha—oh.. ahem. I see, much appreciated. let's talk about the details later." he nods. uncharacteristically quiet.

there is a moment of silence before he speaks up again, looking more confident than ever. "just wait a second. would you like to extend the deadline?" you blink in bewildered and gape like a fish.

so all you could muster up was a small. "huh?" where was this going and where did he get the idea? you can almost feel your heart just about to swim away! the offer is so tempting but you aren't sure about what he wants..

you shake your head. "for um.. how long?"

he smirks. "forever."

okay I lowkey got embarassed writing that so bye 👋👋

🏷 : @dicetheroll @ravynous @gh0stbastard