#i'm probably going to be horrifically embarrassed about this later

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[thou-babbling-brook]

Maria Thorpe Character Analysis

Well, I simply can’t disappoint the people – aka, the five of you that will read this, lmfao. I’m so serious about this that I’m actually drafting this on a Google doc before I post this rather than just typing random thoughts on my phone. This is going to be a HUGE ramble that probably won’t make a ton of sense, but I hope it’s entertaining regardless. 

Maria Thorpe – a character that Ubisoft probably spent MAYBE thirty minutes thinking about, but that I have not stopped thinking about for like, five years. What a gal. So glad I was not in this fandom in 2012 to witness how HEINOUS people were about her for simply being a woman “in the way” of a M|M relationship. I hope by the end of this ramble, you, too, will see her for the baddie she truly is. 

In this essay, I will delve into Maria’s character to explore why she is so fascinating to me, the implications of her story, and why Ubisoft can actually catch these hands for dumbing her down in AC Revelations. (I'm putting a cut here because it's so fucking long I'm sorry gang)

First off, to understand Maria Thorpe as a character, you have to understand her background. I’m not going to copy and paste her Wiki or anything, but I am going to outline her life (stated and implied) before we meet her.

For those that don’t know, Maria was born an English noblewoman in 1161 – four years before Altaïr was born (okay cougar). Because she was a tomboy and defied many of the social norms for women in the 12th century, she was ostracized by both her parents and her peers. She mentions in The Secret Crusade that her parents tried to force her to conform, which culminated in her first marriage at the age of 18 to Lord Peter Hallaton. She mentions that he was a decent husband, but he didn’t exactly appreciate her more boisterous nature. After all, in 12th century England (especially among nobility), women were to be seen, not heard. She also failed his expectations as a chatelaine and a wife, as she bore him no children. The Bishop of Leicester granted them an annulment to avoid embarrassment to both Peter and Maria’s family. When she returned, she was “persona non grata” to her family and the whole of Leicestershire, especially when her father had already spent her dowry. With no other options, Maria ran away to join the Third Crusade, where she eventually met Robert de Salbé.

You may notice that we don’t actually know a lot about Maria and her life before AC1, which is probably intentional. To me, though, that’s what makes her backstory fascinating – the implications of her environment and what we can reasonably deduce she went through based on historical context. I think anyone who’s taken a seventh-grade social studies class could tell you women had, like, zero rights in 12th-century England – even more so, noblewomen. Maria was raised to be a glorified broodmare – say nothing, have children (two boys and a girl, as she jokes), and run her husband’s household. Clearly, she was the exact opposite of all of these things. Something interesting about Maria’s first marriage is the fact that while it was an annulment, she specifically mentions in The Secret Crusade it was an annulment to save her family further embarrassment – which implies that the marriage was consummated, but all parties wanted it done with. I don’t think I need to elaborate on how common and horrific an experience like that could be, but I think it fuels Maria’s relationship later on with motherhood, especially since she mentions that she was completely uninterested in childrearing and birth (this is a key point I’ll touch on later).

So what? Why does her background matter? It matters because of how historical and cultural context tie in to help form who she is by the time she leaves for the Third Crusade – a desperate, twenty-two-year-old woman, divorced, ostracized from the only family and society she has ever known, having no other choice than to ditch England and head for the Holy Land unless she wants to become a nun. For many men and women alike in the 12th century, this was their only opportunity to become something more than what they were born as, whether it be a serf, a blacksmith, or a noblewoman. Many who left for the Third Crusade left to “take back the Holy Land,” but also to escape or improve their current standings. To me, Maria falls in the second category, and it is this desperation to escape her life that forms her most notable (and later, tragic) characteristic: her undying loyalty.

As a side note, it is also interesting to me that Maria chose to be a soldier rather than a nurse. This is more so my characterization of her, but I think that’s because a) she’s too damn proud and loud to be a nurse, and b) because if she was a nurse, she would more than likely live and be treated the same way she was at home. Truly, if she wants to escape the patriarchy, the only way a woman like Maria could at the time was to join it by blending in. Girly get some therapy.

We’re now at AC1 in the timeline. Hooray! We don’t know when exactly Maria joined the Templars or when she first met Robert, but we can probably assume it was not long after she joined the crusade. As we know from AC1, AC Bloodlines, and The Secret Crusade, Maria disguised herself as a man (more than likely a young boy since she’s got a voice that would fit right into Alvin and the Chipmunks) and was able to keep up the rouse long enough to rise in the ranks and show promise to people like Robert. For Maria, when Robert finds out she is a woman and yet elevates her further, it is the first time in her life that someone has appreciated her for her masculine qualities. It is why she develops an intense loyalty for Robert to the point of being willing to be his decoy, despite the fact she fully anticipated dying. For Maria, it would be her ideal end – fighting to the death for a cause she truly believed in. Not even really a cause, as we figure out later, but more so for a man she truly believed in – Robert. It would not be through the pain and subjugation of childbirth like most women of her standing, but a brutal fight like any other man.

And yet – she doesn’t. When Altaïr meets her, he’s undergone a whole development arc, whereas Maria (at this point 30, which is SO funny to imagine her fistfighting this 26-year-old frat boy) is at the start of hers. And it starts with Altaïr sparing her – the worst possible fate that could become her at this point in her life. Think about it: the only person who has given her an OUNCE of respect has asked her to essentially die for him by acting as his decoy. As Maria mentions in AC Bloodlines, by this point, she is also a step away from becoming a knight – and at this point, she’s also known as a woman among the Templars. And yet, she believes they have become her family, and she is willing to die for their cause and for Robert. When Altaïr spares her and kills Robert, he’s sentencing her to the life she ran away from and feared – being nothing more than a woman who is looked down upon with condescending snarls and disgust for who she is.

This is why when we meet Maria in AC Bloodlines, she is rightfully PISSED. We literally see her realize that any ounce of respect and power she had is completely gone because Altaïr spared her. She is so pissed, in fact, that she tries to kill Altaïr again. This is even funnier when you remember how much of a BITCH it was to fight her in AC1, but I digress. Altaïr has destroyed everything she has built in her life for the last eight years. He has taken her home, her mentors, her family, and her honor. And bro doesn’t have a clue in the fucking world.

It’s at this point that I’ll also analyze more about Maria’s relationship with the Templars. At first glance, yes, she was a Templar and believed in their cause. Really, though, it goes far deeper than that. It’s not necessarily that Maria believes in their cause – otherwise, it would’ve taken a lot more for Altaïr to sway her to the Assassins – but that she believes in the people. Again, from Maria’s perspective, the Templars (especially Robert) were the ONLY people in her entire life to treat her with dignity, and she is willing to die for them. She is willing to throw her honor to the ground and beg for forgiveness in front of Bouchard because, without the Templars, she is nothing. She is back to square one as a silly little girl trying to run from a life that would only subjugate her. It’s that recurring characteristic of undying loyalty to those who have given her the life she has always wanted.

And for Maria, it is immediately spat back in her face.

When Bouchard takes over in AC Bloodlines, he is a strict Templar Grandmaster. No consorting with women, periodt. And he flaunts this over Maria, taunting her. He is tearing the last ounce of respect she’d ever received and throwing it away. Every sacrifice she made for the Templars for the last eight years meant nothing, and it is crushing to her. She continues to be pissed off at Altaïr, who mentions that she’s more pissed at the Templars than at him. Once again, she is nothing more than a woman – an imprisoned one at that.

This is where one of my favorite Maria scenes (not that there’s many) comes into play. When she and Altaïr are sitting on the ship to Cyprus or wherever it doesn’t matter, Altaïr does something that no person has done for her before: he treats her with unconditional respect. As funny as his autistic ramble about Empedocles and philosophy is, there are so many assumptions that go into Altaïr’s conversation that I think help sway Maria to his side. When he talks to Maria, he speaks to her as an equal. He talks to her about philosophy because of course she would know about philosophy in his mind – to him, she is a soldier and a person first, and a woman second (shut the fuck about The Secret Crusade and him thinking about her as a lioness shut up shut up I low key hate it even though it’s funny). He is the first person in her life to speak to her as an equal and with respect with no strings attached. In fact, when Maria taunts him for leaving her cuffed even as he talks about free will, he lets her go. She may not like him at this point, but after this scene, you can certainly see that she respects him in how she speaks to him. BONUS: she’s not trying to outright kill him anymore! Hooray!

You can see the impact Altaïr and his conversation had on Maria when she confronts Shahar in her courtesan fit. There’s so many layers to Maria willingly dressing in such an exposing, vulnerable, and feminine way (keep in mind this bitch is Catholic, I know her guilt was going crazy), but what I’m going to focus on is her conversation with Shahar. When he speaks to her, he is gross and all but catcalling her, calling her a “little fox” and using a sultry tone. Maria is having NONE of it, and one can only assume this is a tone she has dealt with a thousand times over. This is also where we see the gears turning in Maria’s head. I’ve seen people criticize Maria for how quickly she flip-flopped, but I think that’s overlooking the reason that she WAS a Templar – they were the only people who provided her a home when she had none. If you’re desperate for anyone to treat you with an iota of respect, you’d do whatever they ask. After she talks to Altaïr though, and especially after realizing Robert was simply manipulating her, she is questioning the Templars’ ideologies and realizing this is not what she wants. It low key is like Alicent in House of the Dragons right now – she’s shocked that fighting against women fucked herself over. Maria is similar in that sense – she thought that by being what the Templars wanted and fighting for what they believed, it wouldn’t come back to bite her in the ass. But it did. She’s a woman before she’s a Templar, and the ideology of the Templars would see her subjugated just as she was before. It isn’t until after Altaïr’s spiel about free will and the challenges it brings that she realizes she has other options.

And that’s ultimately what brings Maria to the side of the Assassins – realizing her errors in thinking and wanting a way to redeem herself. The Assassins are her second chance, which is ironic given how many stories after hers would follow this same format of second chances. But it isn’t just the ideology change, either. It’s Altaïr. No, she does not have undying loyalty by the end of AC Bloodlines, but he’s certainly earned her trust and respect. He’s treated her like any other person without ever holding power or loyalty over her head. He does not manipulate her or exploit her – he respects her, and he earnestly tells her of the creed’s ideologies not to lure her in, but because he genuinely believes in the idea of dispelling the illusions of the world and wants to share it with her, whether she becomes an Assassin or not. That is what turns Maria into an Assassin at the end of the day: his respect for her and his understanding of the creed. And despite their issues, Maria chooses to follow him to the ends of the earth.

Now we’re at a really funny part of Maria’s story: we know basically NOTHING about what happens in between AC Bloodlines and AC Reflections. We know that sometime after traveling to Masyaf, Maria and Altaïr became a couple. We know they married in 1195 and gave birth to Darim the same year. Two years later, they would traumatize Desmond Miles by fucking on top of a castle, which is so fucking funny and only supports my characterization of Maria as a gremlin, because who the fuck else would make their husband climb up a giant ass tower for sex? We know she officially became an Assassin and would beg Altaïr to stop looking into the Apple. We know she would join Altaïr and Darim to Mongolia to kill Genghis Khan. And that is all we know for an approximately 30-YEAR PERIOD.

While there’s a lot I could talk about in that gap, like Maria’s relationship with other Assassins, I’m going to focus on her relationship with motherhood. As we established earlier, Maria had ZERO interest in being a mother or giving birth. This is a personal headcanon but I do not care because it’s MY analysis and I can do as I please, but I feel like she would’ve dreaded childbirth, especially given how English nobility acted about it (e.g., how people treated it like a scandal or disease) and how it was the leading cause of death for women until the 20th century. Yet, despite this, she had not one, but TWO children. She was like one away from the goal, and even then Sef had two daughters so really she fulfilled it. But why? What changed that she would be willing to do the very thing she left England to avoid?

I think it goes back to the reason she was disinterested in it in the first place. Like Maria says in The Secret Crusade, she didn’t want to just be a mother or a wife. Her ideal husband would treat her like any other man, taking her hunting or whatever else bullshit medieval stuff they’d do instead of scrolling through TikTok. She never said she didn’t want to be a mother. I think her hesitance stems from the fact that she didn’t want to SOLELY be defined as a mother or a wife. With Altaïr, however, that fear is pretty much gone. Since the moment she met him, Altaïr has always treated her with respect and admired the things she was once shamed for. Her strength is valuable as an Assassin. Her bluntness keeps him in check. Her ideas are admired rather than ridiculed. To Altaïr, Maria is not just a woman or even just an Assassin. She’s a person with her own experiences and ideas and fears and strengths and dreams. He loves her for every aspect of herself that was once frowned upon.

I remember a while ago seeing a Tumblr post from ye olden days (like 2012) talking about how because menstrual cycles were extremely irregular back in the day due to medieval diets and exercise, Maria would have to purposefully chill out to regulate her cycle to become pregnant. What that implies is that she trusted Altaïr so much that she was willing to settle down and have children because she knew it would not influence how he treated or loved her. Personally, I think this is true of Darim, but that Sef was an accident because it’s funnier that way, but regardless, the point still stands. Maria getting pregnant and becoming a mother is the opposite of what she thought she would ever want, but because she loved and trusted Altaïr so much, she was willing to have a family with him because she knew it would not come to define her. I think that is unbelievably sweet.

We also don’t really see Maria interact with her children very often, which I think is a fucking shame. When she does interact with Darim (we never see her with Sef, though we do see her reaction to his death), Maria is always supportive and encouraging. Again, this is more my headcanon territory but I really don’t care because I can do what I fucking please, but Maria low key feels like a boy mom to me, but not in the weird Freud way, lmfao. Like we established earlier, Maria’s key trait is her loyalty. I think this loyalty would be extended to her children. We know she’s loyal to Altaïr (it ends up killing her), but I feel like it would go insane with her children. When she learns of Sef’s death in The Secret Crusade, this woman breaks down in tears instantly. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE MOTHERLY RAGE WITH ABBAS, UBISOFT. WHERE WAS IT. Anyways.

Masyaf is a pretty cutthroat environment to raise a child, especially when you consider that Abbas is apparently lurking in the background scheming during Altaïr’s reign. Something I wish we learned more about (and something I just find fascinating in general) is the political environment of Masyaf. Altaïr implemented a lot of changes to the Brotherhood that faced backlash, one of the key ones being allowing women in the order again (ahem, Maria). I know Maria said she was uninterested in the politics of running a house, but I do think she’d kind of have to play her hand in politics in Masyaf, kind of how Altaïr realizes he’s not exempt from politics since he’s literally shaping them. If Maria wants her kids to be safe, especially as sons of the Master of the Assassins, she’s gotta play her cards well. This is why I think it does make sense for Maria to calm down after having children to be more similar to the Maria we see in AC Reflections and AC Revelations. She can’t just fight everyone like she did when she was relying solely on herself. Now, she has people relying on her, and I think it makes sense for her character to chill out more (though without losing her spunk) to ensure her family is safe.

For those that have ever watched Magnificent Century, basically think about how Hurrem went from fighting everyone to playing her cards wisely so her kids wouldn’t die or do stupid shit. That’s how I feel like Maria would be.

Something else that’s interesting about Maria to me is her relationship with Altaïr. Duh, you’re probably saying, but hear me out. We know that while she and Altaïr were inseparable during their marriage, there was one thing that strained it: the Apple. It makes sense why Maria would be so pissed off at it. She’s seen Altaïr control men’s minds with it. She’s seen how it takes him away for days at a time with its secrets, to the point she is begging him to throw it away. Back to the point about loyalty to her family, whereas Altaïr seeks knowledge, Maria just wants her family protected and safe because she loves them – including her dumbass husband. It’s ironic that the very thing she fought about with Altaïr is the thing that killed her.

So we’re finally at AC Revelations, and I am truly shocked that you’re still here. Kudos to you. At that final confrontation scene with Abbas, that loyalty for those she loves comes to a head. When Altaïr whips out the Apple, Maria begs and pleads him to stop, because she knows if he uses the Apple to control someone, he will only be proving Abbas’s point, which will only fuck them over. In The Secret Crusade, we also have Malik’s head on top of this scene to make it worse. Maria’s position is again one of desperation. Her son is dead, one of her best friends is now just a head, and her husband is about to go sicko mode. She is screwed and she knows it. What she doesn’t know is that she’s about to be stabbed by Swami (I’m going with the revelations version shut up) in a last ditch effort to stop Altaïr from using the Apple. Altaïr doesn’t listen to Maria, and it kills her. He kills her.

… SO I HAVE THOUGHTS.

I think Maria dying from the Apple makes sense, I do. That’s not my problem. My problem is how AC Revelations basically dumbed her down to this motherly, homely figure which is the like, ANTITHESIS of what Maria is. Where was the feminine rage??? You’re telling me this woman would not be about to SLAUGHTER someone after learning that Sef died?? You’re telling me she would just pull an AltaïR thiS iSn’T yOu???????? Are you so fucking for real right now??? It pisses me off because it nukes her character. While yes, it makes sense for her to be a much calmer woman and 67 compared to 30, this is still Maria. Don’t act like she and Altaïr don’t have fucking anger issues and be so fucking for real.

Here’s my ideal scenario for what should’ve gone down. I think once they pulled Malik’s head out, there should’ve been all-out chaos rather than this bullshit “We killed everyone loyal to Altaïr before he arrived.” Maria should’ve been right there with them with a sword out. Altaïr, in a desperate attempt to calm everyone down, would take out the Apple and try to control everyone. If you’ve seen the long ass discussion about how Revelations fucked up Altaïr’s character arc, this also helps remedy that because Altaïr is pulling out because of his arrogance in believing he can control the Apple. News flash: he can’t. Maria, while fighting for Altaïr, would somehow be killed either by the Apple or like similar to how Swami accidentally killed her. Something along those lines where it is Altaïr’s fault. That’s how she should’ve gone out, not some weird pick me bullshit.

Anyways. RIP Maria Thorpe you would’ve loved Crusader Kings 3.

I definitely missed some points about her character but this is already 7 pages long on Google docs so I am NOT writing anymore. God bless.

TLDR she's a baddie and I need her so so so bad

[aleksanderscult]

Analyzing "Demon in the Wood" (Graphic Novel) - Part 1

(Part 2, Part 3)

First of all, analyzing is a bit over the top because in each picture I'm mostly fangirling than analyzing. This Graphic Novel had us all on the floor with him.

Second, I hope the quality of these pictures will look good. I took them from my phone so my hopes are not high😀.

This will be three parts.

Let's go!

Grisha really didn't stand a chance on how twisted and horrific their existence would seem to otkazat'sya. They're seen as monsters that kill without provocation and hold unnatural powers that they use only for evil purposes.

Being born a Grisha felt like a curse. Condemned to a life of isolation and superstitions that would always surround you.

Are you sure about that?

Generations and generations of lies and fear had produced only more individuals with a desire to hunt Grisha down. It probably felt like a badge of honor to do this job. To kill the people that their "stories" frightened them so much as children.

I actually looove that comparison.

In the beginning, we see otkazat'sya being afraid of the Grisha and their powers. And now we see Grisha being wary that otkazat'sya are around. Both of them fearing each other's presence.

“And what's my name?”

“Madraya 😄😊”

HE'S SO CUTE 😭

He's having a little innocent moment and jokes about it.

But Baghra doesn't even let him have THAT.

A++ parenting from Baghra 👏👏

Congratulations! You succeeded in making him feel depressed 🏆

And just like I've said in the past, the Darkling's "I will strip away all that you know. All that you love. Until you have no shelter but me" is Baghra's "You'll have no one but me" technique that had rubbed off him and he copy pasted it on his relationship with Alina.

He's so embarrassed for the fact that he's afraid of the dark. And he wants to be brave with it 🥹

Somebody hug him please!! 😭😭

There's just something about a Shadow Summoner being afraid of the dark that it's so 🥺👉👈

*fast forwarding hundred years later when he found a person who had the power to cast away that fear*

*cries*

And the way he hurls beneath his blanket 😭

Have you noticed that he doesn't seem happy in any of those faces? Having a false identity for every place he visits and staying hidden, afraid of touching or being close to someone since he could remember himself.

The way he's so mesmerized by the trees around him. Nature makes him so happy!

And Baghra just distracts him from it.

Why is she scolding him for being happy??

Just let him be happy for something. Jesus.

He's only thirteen and he already knows three languages. And then we have Baghra not being satisfied with it. The amount of pressure and responsibility she placed upon him so soon was so great.

Most of the time I just despise Baghra but these scenes make me feel sympathy for her. She wasn't only being scorned for her unusual powers but also for her sex. Being a woman didn't earn her the respect she wanted so she had to become fierce and tough for them to take her seriously.

(Notice how Baghra says "Honesty is always best". The Darkling always wanted honesty from others. Did he take that from his mother as well?)

Look how happy he got once he found out he'll probably see some wild animals!😍

(he eventually got to see those tigers btw🥺)

Completely unrelated with the story but Baghra was so beautiful in her youth! No wonder Aleksander came out so handsome too.

[kolbietheaggrievedwriter]

And to go back to one of my favourite works, Atris Cloudbarrow + someone else... I'm not sure who she would chat with! Maybe Elliot if you want a prompt or a surprise character is also accepted :P and "are you sure you want to do that?"

This is canon ;3 It takes place when they're kids.

-

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

Elliot whirls around to glare at the dumb girl who gets to steal Niren away for hours at a time every time she shows up - with the grown-up's permission, even. Nothing at all like Elliot, the unwanted bastard who has to either wait until his father deigns to take him along on a visit to the king or a good opportunity to sneak away, the latter of which is getting harder and harder to do as the maids and guards watching him learn to counter all his tricks. It's never that easy.

…It's not her fault, though. Elliot's not like any of his so-called family. He won't get angry and take it out on the wrong people. That's stupid, and Elliot isn't stupid. Niren thinks he's smart and fast and strong (and pretty), and aside from his mom, he's the best person Elliot knows. He can't be wrong, so all that must be true. Elliot doesn't ever want to make it not true, so shifts his glare to the ground.

"Niren said I could visit him," Elliot justifies himself stubbornly. A beat later, he realizes he's only supposed to call him by name when the two of them are alone and frowns in frustration at the mistake. He looks back up when she doesn't immediately call him out on it.

The girl - Atris, he thinks - smiles kindly at him, not seeming the least bit affected by Elliot's initial hostility. "He's sick. They're not letting anyone see him."

He knows that. That's why he has to go see Niren right away. Everyone Elliot's ever known who got sick died soon after. Tucked away in his mother's arms in their cold, leaky shack of a home, he could hear them howl in pain for hours and hours on end. The abrupt silence afterward was somehow always worse, though. It was always horrific. When the guards came to get the body, they would burn their house down just so no one else went in it and got sick, too.

Niren is the prince. He's nothing like the lowly commoners inhabiting the slums of the city Elliot had grown up in, who were weak and filthy and starving and unable to afford even the weakest healer's services. He's probably getting treated personally by the High Priestess of the church, and he's got hundreds of servants looking after him night and day.

Still. Elliot's got this restless feeling inside, an urgent burning need to see Niren with his own eyes and make sure he's not suffering. That he's being taken care of, that it's not worse than he's been told. That he's not going to suddenly disappear and leave Elliot, too, like every friend he ever made before, everyone he's ever dared to care about besides his mom.

Elliot doesn't say any of that aloud. Wouldn't know how to, ten years old and only a single year into actual schooling. It's too big and complicated for even him to really understand. But Atris must be able to tell some of it anyway because she looks at him the same way his mom did every time he realized he recognized the agonized screams ringing out through the night.

"I'm scared, too," she admits softly.

She glances around, like she's checking for prying eyes, and it's only then that Elliot notices she's alone. Like Niren, she's an important noble, so she's never actually unsupervised. They're always accompanied by a guard or a servant. Yet here she is, without either, outside the castle and beneath the window of the infirmary where Niren is supposedly resting. Why did she come here?

It dawns on Elliot like the slap of a ruler against the back of his hand when gets some dumb noble rule wrong. He points at her accusingly and shouts, "You were planning to sneak in to see him, too!"

Caught red handed, instead of looking embarrassed, Atris puts her hands on her hips and raises her chin imperiously. "So what? I'm his fiancé."

To that smug declaration, Elliot can only sputter incoherently. He gets over his indignation quickly enough, though, and they hatch a plan to sneak in together.

Later, sitting at Niren's feet on either side of him on the huge fluffy bed where he's recuperating, they tell him this story, and he laughs so loud, it alerts the guards outside.

[pynkhues]

YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WRITER. It's insane how fantastic you are, and this fic is just amazing, it's even more amazing than I anticipated. I'm leaving a comment on the fic itself, so I'll save the odes for that. :)

The way you describe what Lestat endures with Magnus is so (suitably) horrific even though it's not graphic. I feel like there might be something very wrong with me for even asking this question--grateful for anon lol--but your fic is already haunting me and I know I'm going to obsess over this if I don't ask, despite my embarrassment. So--can I ask, with the physical assaults, were you imagining that Magnus took enough "care" (if that's even the right word to use in such a grotesque context) that Lestat wasn't badly physically injured/in severe pain from that specifically, or would he have been in significant pain from that during that week, or would Magnus perhaps use his own blood to heal enough damage that he did so that he could do it all over again the next night?

Again, sorry, I feel like a freak for even asking, but I think it's that your fic is so so so vivid that it's making me wonder about very specific things.

Thank you!! Ah, I'm so glad it not only lived up to, but exceeded expectations!

And don't be embarrassed! I kind of knew as soon as I decided to write it that I wanted to follow Anne's beats in the novel. It meant I had to expand them and rearrange a few, ultimately, because the show's extended the timeline from two nights to a week, and you have the added component of the fact that the vampires couldn't have sex in the early books (although Anne basically retconned that in later books), and obviously can in the show. So that really guided my decisions in how I wrote it.

(Below a cut just because of the nature of it).

As a result, there were a few things at play for me. First and foremost, I knew I wanted to explore this sense that Lestat's feelings evolve really dramatically over the course of that section of the book, from abject human horror at Magnus' monstrousness, to as he puts it, loving Magnus very deeply and feeling loved by him, despite the fact that Magnus is putting him through something unimaginably awful and Lestat never consents to the turning, even at the very end when it's inevitable.

I kind of thought a lot about the show's approach to the books in that sense too, and how much it leans into the elements of memory and the odyssey of recollection, and when I thought about it that way it made sense to me that Lestat would probably retroactively romanticise his turning as a means of surviving it. Lestat's an artist, he's a performer, y'know, but he's also prone to slipping on rose-coloured glasses in general and focusing on the things he finds - or can make - beautiful to navigate his own immortality. He also never processes anything, ever in the books, just goes into long sleeps, and while I know that annoys some, personally I think it's really (probably the wrong word to use in this context, haha, but) fun on a narrative level. It opens up a lot of room for narrative conflict, particularly between Lestat and Louis (and Armand!) who have all collectively and separateley experienced enormous amounts of trauma.

The other things that really struck me as I re-read that section of the book is a) how drunk Magnus gets him - - because he gets him really drunk before he comes back to him in the tower, and b) the fact that Magnus only seems to get angry at Lestat when Lestat calls out for God (the 'I'll feed you to the wolves of hell' line is actually a direct quote from the book, and it's the last time Lestat calls to God that Magnus really hits him and knocks him to the ground), the rest of the time he mostly just seems to be amused by him.

This is a very roundabout way of answering your question, but I guess in my head Magnus was probably more brutal on some nights than others, and only even attempted to prepare or care for Lestat by getting him drunk, which both would've made him more pliant and would ultimately affect how disoriented he was and what he would remember. The fact of that I think has probably only been compounded over time as Lestat's twisted up his own spotty memories into something he can live with.

Like, Magnus is one of the most traditionally monstrous monsters in the book, not just for what he does to Lestat, or the fact that he demolishes the blond boy population of 1700s France, but he steals the dark gift in the first place. I tried to get this into the fic, but couldn't quite make it work, but Magnus becomes a vampire by chaining one up while they're in a deep sleep and waking them up only to force himself on them. His own turning was another act of violent rape he inflicted, and so I had that in my head too as I was writing it.

[belteppismo]

Controversial personal opinion (actually a rant) about RDARB because I'm still so annoyed about that novel

"Red, White and Royal Blue" is without any doubt one of the most annoying books I've ever read and I really can't understand how it managed to become so popular when it's so blatantly... Bad

I think the horrific Italian translation made me dislike it even more, but there were so many problems with it already

First of all, the side characters. Absolutely useless. I'm not even joking when I say that I had to stop for 5 entire minutes to try to remember who the heck was Leo. To me, it makes perfect sense that they decided to get rid of a lot of them in the film, they shouldn't have been there in the first place

Secondly, the dialogues. They couldn't have felt more surreal. You're telling me that the Prince of Wales, who's been getting PR training and etiquette lessons ever since he pronounced his first word, actually expresses himself like a dockworker? It all felt forced, like the author was trying way too hard to make every single line witty. But it didn't make me laugh, I just found it cringe

Thirdly, the emails. Once again, I had to stop because the second-hand embarrassment was becoming unbearable. God, I wanted to wash my eyes with bleach. Especially because the terrible prose (we'll go back to this later too) of the characters was associated to the writings of some actual intellectuals and poets. It was also a very unrealistic plot device to cause more drama. Basically a disaster under every possible point of view

And what can I say about said drama? Every single conflict was solved within 20 pages. While some superflous parts of the plot strecthed out for an eternity, issues found their solution in an instant. How can an international scandal involving the White House and the Royal Family last for the space of a chapter? *insert Italian boh*

Now, just a couple of thoughts about the main characters. The enemies to lovers trope was objectively badly executed. Their rivalry just felt very childish and based on nothing, so it consequently lacked tension (but no problem, the enemies part came to an end in less than 100 pages). And one thing that annoyed me was that they were supposed to be in their 20s (setting aside the maturity that they were supposed to have because of their respective roles) but they acted like teenagers. After they kind of got together, their in-person communication pretty much stopped existing because they spent every single second together having sex. What sort of development is that?

A word or two about the political sub-plot too. Apart from being uninteresting and very one-dimentional (I agree with the author's political views, but you cannot make such an absolute distinction between good and bad, we don't live in fairytales), it was also totally predictable. Like, Rafael Luna's "big secret" was pretty much spoiled 200 pages before the reveal, so I was just waiting for it and it wasn't surprising at all (just like the results of the elections, for instance)

Lastly, the style. As I've already said, part of my disdain probably derives from the translation. But still. This thing has really been checked by an editor? Most of the descriptions sounded like my brother's composition about his PE teacher written on his first year of primary school. And then, out of nowhere, the author changed register and started to wax poetry about the most mundane details. Just tell me why. I've read better fanfiction

I'd have so much more to say but I think this is enough. If you liked the book, good for you! Your opinion is totally valid and the majority of the world shares it so you're probably also right. I wish all that enthusiasm could change my mind since I bought the novel with high expectations and spent time reading it only to be disappointed and enervated by it

[magmacannon]

comes bursting back in AND ANOTHER THING... 10-20 with dee (the ones not already answered)

WAH hehe here we go

10. what kind of music do they enjoy? Dee would enjoy ambient and harsh noise as well as like... single instrument music? Things with slow and droning rhythms are also high on that list regardless of genre.

12. how well does your OC do in school? jfgfhjd if you put Dee in a school setting they'd stand in the corner like the blair witch. I don't think they'd do well in school, and I don't think they DID excellent at it when they went to school! I think they were an average student who would rather be doing other things.

13. where would your OC like to go on a honeymoon? Very good question.... I think they'd probably like to go to the mountains and see what there is up there. Some small cozy cabin or yurt surrounded by trees and maybe near a stream where they could spend some quiet time in a place with clean and dry air with their gal seems very nice.

14. An embarrassing secret about your OC? Honestly it might be that their neck is broken! Nelly has small kids who might push them into a wall and kind of. knock their head too sideways sometimes and I think they go "oh geez" about that. OH they also lost one nipple to the Fungus... they only have one left uu Most of Dee's secrets are more horrific than embarrassing though pff

15. who is your OC’s best friend? Nelly! They don't know many other people that closely, and the mushrooms don't count bc they're not the same

16. how does your OC feel about their parents? Dee doesn't remember their parents, and if the Abomination in the ruins counts then well... they feel pretty dreadful about that one!

17. how does your OC feel about their siblings? I think they'd be a little appalled if they realized they had some, since they're probably dead and gone at this point (deciding this now bc I'm Just A Little Rude to Dee)

18. a memory that still makes your OC angry? Millie didn't listen to them when they said she'd be fine if she just waited out the fungus infection and then ended up like them!

19. a memory that still makes your OC sad? Millie didn't want to wait to see if Dee's desperate hope that she's turn out like them was right. The pain was too great and Dehisence didn't think it was that bad, but finding her body washed up days later on the ocean shore was pretty bad.

20. a nostalgic memory from your OC’s childhood? I stole them >:))) (playing in the sunlight with their siblings. They remembered the sun, nothing else)

[riftrive]

I'm being slow on my caard, so very very basic info dump for each muse- most of main verses are set outside the FNBR canon, so please keep that in mind. You can also find rules on my CAARD FOR CHAOS HERE

CHAOS // ANY PRONOUNS, PERSONAL PREFERENCE THEY/THEM. BLOG DEFAULT IS THEY/THEM AS WELL // 26, KINDA (WAS REBORN) // UNKNOWN VOID CREATURE MADE OF SHELL AND OOZE // PREVIOUS MEMBER OF FINAL RECKONING CREW / VILLAINOUS COUNCIL, AFFILIATION VERSE DEPENDANT

Chaos is a spy / mercenary for hire with a heavy fondness for science and experimentation. They often use their job to collect subjects and if necessary money to buy what they require, though that is often not necessary for them. They are a non-human creature, more akin to insectoid when wearing shell, who uses their ooze to appear humanoid in clothing when out on jobs (Chaos is the one with the most lore I have given to, its hard to make a simple description for them)

RENZO THE DESTROYER // HE/HIM/IT/ITS // 3 MILLION // A SENTIENT BLACK HOLE IN A ROBOTIC VESSEL // NO CURRENT AFFILIATION

Renzo is a 'doomfluencer', meaning he goes to different galaxies / planets and tries to get footage of destruction and mayhem to upload and make media about. This ranges from ones he makes himself, those caused by other villains and or horrific entities, or collabing with others for it

CUBE ASSASSIN // THEY/THEM/SHE/HER // UNKNOWN AGE // GEOMETRIC ALIEN PART OF THE LAST REALITY // AFFILATION TO LAST REALITY

Cube Assassin is an enigma, and she intends to keep it that way. Loyal to the faction the Last Reality, they use their skills to dispatch anyone that is in the way or a general nuisance to the goal. While more suited for jobs in shadows and subtlety, she has no problem with the more direct of actions either

CLUB WILDCARD // HE/HIM // 35 // HUMAN (PROBABLY) // AFFILIATION TO WILDCARD CREW

Clubs is part of the Wildcard crew; an infamous heist crew that has upped the stakes when the rifts were discovered, deciding to take on some jobs outside of Earth. Clubs is often seen as the more blunt and direct individual, though he does certainly know when to and not to be. Master at finding an entrance, whether it be a perfect lock picked or an explosion- he is also the defecto driver

BLACKLIGHT // HE/HIM OR THEY/THEM ON OCCASION // 31 // IMMORTAL HUMAN // AFFILIATION TO FINAL RECKONING CREW / VILLIANOUS COUNCIL

Blacklight found out he was immortal by accident when he was younger, and chose to benefit from it. Starting off with crime in his young adult years, often going in loud and proud due to a lack of fear of death. He was later discovered and recruited by the Final Reckoning crew (later renamed to Villainous Council as it grew), he's the specialist on weaponary and human interaction- despite also not being great at it, he's the best

WILLOW // SHE/HER, THOUGH IS FINE WITH THEY/THEM // 27 (SHE ONLY DIED LIKE 5 YEARS AGO) // GHOST, POLTERGEIST, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL HER // AFFILATION TO FINAL RECKONING CREW / VILLIANOUS COUNCIL

Willow is a ghost with unfinished business, but honestly she's not actually that pressed to get it done. She constantly lies about what it is, and even the 'embarrassing truth' is yet another lie to keep it from being known. This is because she likes being a ghost, and has fun with the things she can do now. She joined the Final Reckoning crew with ease when she learned about how many problems she can cause on purpose. Her specialty is paranormal activities

CATRINA // SHE/HER, THEY/THEM, IT/ITS // UNKNOWN AGE // NATURE DEATH SPIRIT // AFFILATION TO FINAL RECKONING CREW / VILLIANOUS COUNCIL

Catrina is a spirit born from large scale death found at the center of a forest, but that is as far as she has spoken about it. Her interest in joining the Final Reckoning crew has always been found as a touch odd, because her interests do not lay with just causing general mayhem for pleasure. However, she benefits from it in her own ways, and has no qualms dispatching those even outside her actual interest of getting rid of. Her specialty is magic.

TEEF // THEY/THEM/IT/ITS // UNKNOWN AGE // ALIEN FROM AN UNKNOWN PLANET // AFFILATION TO FINAL RECKONING CREW / VILLIANOUS COUNCIL

Teef is a runaway criminal on an intergalactic scale, and while they have spun a tale about it being a minor thing and or a misunderstanding, there are a few individuals that know the truth behind the true reason they are so wanted. The Final Reckoning / Villainous council has provided sanctuary and enjoyment for them, especially being one of the first 2 founders of it (the other being Chaos). Their specialty is anything alien.

[tobuo]

honestly this situation with my boss trying to pressure me into a promotion is the icing on the cake of a really shitty mental low tbh. this has been really rattling me for a while so under the cut is a literal VERY VERY long word vomit of what’s been going around in my head. it’s raw and its honest and i don’t expect anyone to read it. it’s probably oversharing too much. i feel guilty and manipulative by posting it here as if i’m treating people like my own personal therapist but.. i don’t know. i just need to get it out of my head. i just need to not exist for a long time i think

i keep saying i’ve been worse before and that this can’t be me hitting bottom because i’m arguably in a better place than i was during uni. i have money and i’ve been self harm free for years but...... i’m beginning to think i might have slipped enough to hit rock bottom again because i just feel so hopeless and stressed and like i just want to give up in a way i haven’t for years because christ, what is the point anymore and i just...... can’t see a way out of this PIT i have slipped into. 

i hate my job, i want nothing more to leave, but i feel stuck there. i’ve wanted to leave for years because it’s been so bad for my mental wellbeing but there are no options for me to get another job because the vacancies in my local area are so slim/unsuitable and i can’t look further afield because i don’t drive. i’m beyond anxious about learning to drive and i don’t know why. i feel like i’m just going to be stuck in this horrible place with a horrible boss for years, or just bounce from shitty retail job to shitty retail job and never earn enough to actually live. my family always tell me i’m better than working here forever or make comments about when i “work fulltime again” or “get a proper job” and the PRESSURE kills me. i don’t know what i want to do with my career. 

i don’t know what to do with my LIFE. i’ve considered going back to uni in the hopes it might narrow down a field for me (since i basically wasted my time the first time and got a shitty 2:2 because i was severely depressed at uni and don’t want to use it to teach) but that just feels like delaying the inevitable. like putting off making a decision by going back to study. what would i even study? i keep coming back to publishing but that’s so competitive and i have no confidence to fight my way into the field. i have no confidence in anything i do these days.

i don’t earn enough to be able to afford to move out and GOD do i feel guilty about that. i’m turning 26 on friday and i just keep thinking how much of a failure i feel because i’m still at home, still living with my dad and stepmum and showing no signs of moving into my own place. living at home is killing me too. i love them, but i need my own space. i need my own place. i just sit in my room all day when i’m off and all night after work. it just feels like i’m never going to be able to afford to move out and then there are ppl i went to uni with who are homeowners and working decent jobs and it kills me because i can’t help but compare. 

i have literally one in person friend. that’s not an exaggeration. i have one friend. i have a handful of ppl i speak to online and i treasure the conversations with have but my brain will always tell me that they’re not the same because i don’t get to like, see them and touch them and half the time i feel like the reason i lost all my old friends is my fault. sure, there was reasons for the arguments that ended those friendships but am i just blocking out my own blame in those happening? i feel so distant from everyone and i feel like so, so often i put in more effort than any of the friends i had or have. which is...... a horrible thing to say but it just always feels like if i just stopped reaching out with a text here or a message there, no one would bother to reach out to me. which is wrong!!! i know it is!!!! because ppl have reached out and at least two people who i could meet with IRL offered to meet up and i just panicked and said YEA MAYBE like an ASSHOLE!!! so really why is it so surprising that people stop bothering!!!!  i dont even get to see my one friend in person often. maybe once every couple months and because of covid i havent even seen her since the start of the year. 

i am so, so unbearably, painfully lonely. like, it genuinely hurts. i joke about being touch starved but honestly, i am desperate for it. i feel like i’m just going to be alone forever with only my nan and my one friend who want to spend time with me. there are times i have to stop watching or reading something that has such sweet romance scenes or friendship scenes because it makes me cry because i want something like that so bad. because i’m so desperate for company. i feel like i worry a lot about never finding a romantic partner when really all i want is friends. just............ friends............ but how am i meant to meet anyone when i’m cripplingly depressed, socially anxious and have no self esteem whatsoever? when all i do is go to work and come home and sit and play video games. i see ppl all chatting with friends online or posting photos together like i miss u!!! and i ache with how much i miss having people i care for like that

i feel like i need to talk to a therapist about this. about a lot of stuff. i was a witness to domestic abuse growing up, am the child of a former alcoholic (they’ve been clean and sober for 10 years nearly and its great, we’re all so proud) and my mum died when i wasn’t even 2 so i never knew her, but i wonder more and more how the things i saw and had to deal with growing up impacted me now. is that the reason why i feel like i’m still not an adult mentally? why i have no idea who i am? why i deal with crippling anxiety? but i’ve been thru the NHS talking therapies twice and i just feel like they’re not long enough to really help me. but i have no idea how to go about finding a private therapist, nor am i sure i could even justify paying £50-60+ a time for it. i feel like i just need someone to sit down and map out a plan for me to follow to get my life in order, to fix everything, because i don’t know how.

i literally hate my appearance. i’m overweight, i know this, but i can’t seem to fix that with everything else going on. i have no self esteem, no self confidence, i doubt everything i do. i don’t believe in my creative ability anymore, i worry constantly about what people think of me. 

i feel like this isn’t even all of it. i feel like i have issues beyond this that i’m forgetting. i feel utterly wrecked. i feel guilty for feeling like this when people are in such worse places than me. i don’t want to die, i REALLY DONT, i WANT to love life, i want to enjoy my life. i just......... kind of don’t know how to exist right now and i wake up sometimes and wonder for a second why i even bothered to do that when nothing is changing and things just seem to be getting worse 

[heresathreebee]

Ruby Moon Sunflower Seeds

[Colonel Rick Flag x Kaia Castle (OC)]

Summary: Rick has a fling with a temporary coworker only to find out a few years later she had his baby. Teaser Masterlist Part 2

Tag(s): 16+ | language, crude humor, soon to be canon typical violence, dual POVs, past and present tense.

Author's Notes: yeah we'll see if the title sticks, my alternates are on standby. Barely edited, no beta reader. Please enjoy! ~~~

Another task force assembles for a briefing, this time in a state of the art holographic projector room. Powered by an ancient magic eye that can peer into any time or place, even going outside of their known universe to explore alternatives. 

"Very Star Trek," Harley cooes. "What's that thing called? That thing, you know from that show and they made a movie about it!" 

She looks at Rick expectantly. He mumbles it, almost as if he was embarrassed. "A holodeck." 

"Alright people," Waller snaps her fingers and a box appears in her hand (courtesy of one of her IT jockeys). "This is the God's Eye. Now we have it on loan from a very powerful foreign dignitary and we are on a time limit so we need to get down to business and do it fast. Flag." 

Rick steps up to the table as Waller places the box on it. The top opens like a flower to reveal… well an eye. A disembodied eye the size of a grapefruit which flicks around in it's container until it catches sight of Rick, the closest person to it. 

"Ew..." literally anybody could have said it and the feeling was shared all around the room. 

"We need to locate a powerful sorcerer who will destroy Earth in 10 days," Waller begins. "Each of you will have to be at your best if we want to keep this rock spinning." 

"And that means workin' with him, does it?," Bloodsport growls and points a finger at Superman. 

"As a matter of fact it does." 

Before they could get into a pissing match, Harley appears at Rick's side (quite suddenly actually, she almost apparates). "So you can ask this thing anything at all? Like if pigs can fly or Channing Tatum's dick size?" 

Amanda glared dagger at her. 

"Harley I'm not one to talk but," Rick crosses his arm and motions with his hand over a straining bicep, "maybe let's not talk about dicks in front of the kid." 

He juts his chin at Dubois' girl, leaning like a scoundrel by the door (in prison orange no less). She has probably heard worse but hey the thought counts, right? Harley awws and tucks a hair behind her ear. 

"You know Flag, I think you might make a great dad someday." 

"Uh, thanks…?" 

Harley oOos and everyone knows trouble is coming. "Are you a dad? Do you have kids?" 

"No– look, can we please–" 

"Are you sure?" 

"Harley what are you–" Rick shakes his head, "no." 

"No like no you're not sure?" 

Before he can stutter a response, Harley presses her hand into the back of his and forces him to make contact with the all powerful eyeball. The colonel's entire stomach flips upside down but before anyone can blink Harley shouts: 

"Does Rick Flag have any kids?!" 

Belle Reve Penitentiary, the early years…

It's 2016 and the first Suicide Squad mission was ultimately a success. 

They fought the Enchantress, almost nobody died, the world was saved. Drinks were served all around the table right before those still serving sentences returned to their high security cells. 

The director had plenty of other prisoners in Belle to pick from now that she had shown what they were capable of. As time passed, some of them died horrific deaths and some got to return to their damp, gloomy cells to fight another day. Almost none of them went home though: most of these fuckers were serving a life sentence or three and rarely made it past their second mission. And despite himself, Colonel Rick Flag had begrudgingly grown to respect the prisoner known as Deadshot. 

This would be Lawton's third. Rick's, too. Amanda seemed to hold him back from missions that ended in tragedy… it almost felt like she knew they would be unsuccessful, but she still picked the teams and sent them in with trash intel and shoddy leadership. 

Waller called them jobs they could afford to lose. Rick called them corporate mandated death squads. And despite her uncharacteristic tendency to hold him back from those certain death missions, he was not so foolish as to believe this mission was any less suicidal than the others. 

"Here's your team, Colonel." 

Waller's IT tech slipped him a stack of paper files and pulled them all up on screen for the rest of them to see. "For this mission we will be bringing back Floyd Lawton into the field. Expert marksman, decent secondary lead, he'll be one of your more mentally competent allies." 

"Fantastic," Rick said flatly. 

After Lawton, it was all downhill. Jeremy Tells aka Double Down who can turn his flesh into dangerous cards. Kaleidoscope, no known alias, with diamond colored tattoos over her entire body and the ability to use light to create visual hallucinations. Fucking Calendar Man, just a guy who does crime on holidays. 

"Thank god it's almost Christmas," Rick muttered to himself. 

Waylon Jones aka Killer Croc might not be so bad. Stable? Probably not, but he seemed to do fine following orders the last gig they had. Rick wasn't getting a read on the likes of Zazzala aka Queen Bee aside from devious but then Waller had to throw a curveball in, didn't she? 

"That is a child." Rick threw the stack of folders on the desk with a page flipped to Nemesis Kid. 

"That," Waller replied, "is an alien from the future. His ability is to be able to defeat any one opponent he is fighting no matter what." 

"How the fuck did you capture him, then?" 

"Can't fight if you're sleeping," she shrugs. "But nevertheless he's just as dangerous as the rest of them and should be treated as such."

"Weakness?" 

"He can only successfully defeat one opponent at a time." 

The rest of the team were mercs, duds, a few guards from the pen. One Rick realized was neither a prisoner nor a guard. "What's her deal?" 

Waller barely glanced at the page. "Castle is on a trial run. Thinking about a second squad leader for future runs of the Task Force." 

Rick knows exactly what that means. She's your replacement if you die out there. 

Well fuck, he resigns himself to the thought and assumes the goal to prepare her for anything. 

Previous Masterlist Next

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

In the end of it all, Monaca Towa was still a child.

To start this off, this isn't my usual Black Butler posts but ive been meaning to talk about Danganronpa for a hot minute, so please bear with me! Second, this is solely my opinion and before anyone wants to attack me please read thoroughly first. Thank you:)

(Spoiler warning for Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 3)

Also, before we dive in I'm going to list some trigger warnings:

Physcological abuse

Physical abuse

Manipulation

P*dophillia

Suicide attempt

Violence (?)

Childhood trauma

Please take care and read at your own risk<3

Hello there Danganronpa fandom! Today I will be talking about Monaca Towa (as stated in the title) and how people often minimize her trauma and sometimes forget the fact that shes still a child who got heavily manipulated by Junko too.

Monaca is seemingly very amiable and caring, because of her charming personality, all of the Warriors of Hope love her and try their best to keep her happy and go along with what she wants. However, it's slowly revealed that she is actually manipulative and cunning behind her friendly facade.

Monoca is a character that is cruel, manipulative, and extremly unhinged. Many of her actions cannot be excused or justified, but you can understand where she's coming from.

Monaca's Backstory:

She was born an unwanted child by both her father and her mother. Monaca's mother was supposed to take care of her but instead abandoned the child soon after her birth. Because of all her actions, Monaca saw her mother as a completely selfish and pathetic person. Monaca's father thought of giving her to an orphanage but instead took her into his family.

However, Monaca was always unwanted and everyone else felt uncomfortable around her. Every time Monaca smiled or joked, the others looked at her coldly, as if she didn't deserve to laugh. Every time she spoke, the others turned silent. His older-half brother thought of her as an alien, not part of the family.

She was also physically abused to the point that she pretended to be seriously wounded for them to stop as a result.

Monaca also attended Hope's Peak Elementary School and was part of the "trouble-makers class" along with Nagisa, Masaru, Jataro, and Kotoko.

Along with her fellow abused classmates, she planned a group suicide; however, Monaca never had any plans to commit suicide in the first place and was planning to let the others die as a prank.

The group suicide was stopped by Junko, who took the kids in and manipulated them by treating them with kindness and love.

Monaca then helped Junko mass produce Monokumas for the Tragedy by using her position as a representative of the Towa Group.

She lied to her father and the other adults in order to produce the Monokumas, telling them that she wanted to create futuristic robots that could be domestic helpers and emergency aid workers.

Due to her separation from the family and her genius, her family decided to give her leg room to do what she wanted as long as she brought in profits to the company, and didn't delve too deeply into her plans.

Things to keep in mind about Monoca's backstory:

She was emotionally and physically abused from a very young age.

She started to pretend to be paraplegic because she was finally treated with some kindness and she could have more control over people.

She convinced Nagisa, Jataro, Kotoko and Masaru to commit suicide.

Out of all the Warriros of Hope, Junko took the most intrest in Monoca due to her position, meaning that she was the one who got used and manipulated the most.

How Monoca's mindset works:

The moment she got physically abused to the point that she had to fake her injuries to make her family feel bad was the moment she learned that through sympathy from others comes power. Due to her families neglection and abuse, she started to quickly pick up on things in which benefited her yet hurt others.

She started to use manipulative tactics on her family to gain control over them. She then started implicating these tactics with the Warriors of Hope.

When Junko got into the picture, everything changed for the worst. Junko was the only person in Monaca's life who showed her affection. Even though deep down Monaca knew Junko only cared for her as a means to use her robotics genius for the Tragedy, Monaca didn't care, and happily helped out Junko with her plans if it meant being loved and appreciated in return. At the heart of it, despite all her horrific acts, that's a very child-like thing to do, right? So when Junko dies, Monaca's entire reason for living basically disappears.

AI Junko via Kurokuma may have planted the idea of a successor in her head, but in Monaca's mind it's a way to get her big sis back, and very specifically chooses to mold Komaru into becoming Junko's successor. That's for a big reason, Monaca doesn't want to become Junko, I'd say she actually just wanted her big sister back who would love and appreciate her again, and hence tried to make someone else take on that role initially. Once again, that's the mindset of a child.

Monaca's relationship with the Warriors of Hope:

The Warriors of Hope are a group of children who are extremely resentful and hateful of adults, regardless of whether or not they were involved in their rough paths. 

We all know that the Warriros of Hope are extememly tramutized kids. Masaru had alcoholic parents who physically abused him, Jataro was physcologically abused to the point he bealived he was so ugly that if anyone saw his "repulsive" face they would die, Kotoko was r*ped multiple times by disgusting p*dophilic men (not to mention, Monaca's brother was attracted to her), and last but not least we have Nagisa who had pressuring parents who wanted to raise him as the child prodigy and expirimented on him constantly.

Monaca used the Warriros of Hope's trauma against them, manipulating them to the point were they had to do her bidding completly.

As much as I hate to say it, Monaca truly saw them as pawns. Although there are some instances where she openly declares her care for the Warriors of Hope, it's likely she does that as a form of emotional manipulation.

If anything, she probably did see them as equal in the beginning but then when she started to gain control over her own family, she started to do the same with the Warriors of Hope as a way to protect herself from getting hurt, then again this is my baseless assumption.

Her dynamic with Nagito:

Monaca was amused by Nagito's strange behavior and contradicting beliefs and appeared to be somewhat annoyed with him at the times. However, the two appeared to at least seemingly respect each other in some way, as they treated each other somewhat formally as allies.

Her dynamic with Nagito is one of the most intresting ones. Obviously I think that her being rasied by Nagito was potentially a dangerous thing, considering Nagito's goal was for Monaca to become Enoshima's successor. Monaca seemed to agree with this goal, but Nagito's constant rambling about hope and despair made Monaca bored and feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

She claims he made her an adult in a way, as she grew up in the mental sense and became more cynical and apathetic, not really caring about anything.

In the end, Monaca found Nagito creepy and annoying, but she also appeared to get closer to him during their time together, while originally calling him just "Mister Servant" in UDG, she later refers to him as "Big Bro" in Danganronpa 3. I do think their dynamic was sort of soft and I would've loved to have seen more of it. Honestly the concept of Nagito being a soft brother to Monaca warms my heart, and the wasted potential will forever anger me.

(If any Danganronpa fanfic writer or any writer in general is reading this post: if u could be so kind and do a PLATONIC Nagito and Monaca prompt and tag me in it, I would love you forever!!)

My opinion on Monaca:

I think that Monaca was a very well-written character who deserved more than what she got in the end of Danganronpa 3. She was abused, mistreated and belittled by her family. If anything, I see her as a completely misguided little girl. If she actually had a positive authoritative influence in her life, she wouldn't have turned astray.

A lot of people disregard Monaca's trauma and forget that at the end of the day, Monaca was a child who the moment she was born, the people who were supposed to love her were unwelcoming.

Don't get me wrong though, there is no way in hell I will ever justify or condone the things Monaca has done. If anything, I just think that she alongside the rest of the Warriors of Hope should've been properly taken care of.

Also, if you dislike/hate Monaca thats 100% valid! She did a lot of inexcusable things and its alright to hate on her. I personally love her character but I know she is not everyones cup of tea.

If you read all the way, I'm actually surprised! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed<333

[the-slasher-files]

GONE

INCLUDES BO X READER

This is taken me so long to write and not because I've been super busy but just putting my all into it and only writing this when I'm feeling in the angsty headspace... Now, this is a very broken Bo in all forms, at its almost a 2k description of you just laying on the couch with him, taking in his pain. If you read my write "Affection" it is a very similar writing style... so I hope you enjoy and feel all the painful and comforting vibes. tw suicidal dark thoughts🔪💕

MASTERLIST

“oh Bo” you sighed as the old dingy couch squeaked underneath your weight. It was scratchy and ripped on the corners, yellowed from the age and sunken where Bo would always sit at the end of the night. The house was quiet, too quiet. The man beside you was not making smartass remarks, or sexual comments, or even ranting about his day, he just sat there, staring at the piles of dusty books and the odd papers thrown along the ruff aged hardwood. Bo was lost in his own head, it was hard for him to hear you over the screams and howls of his memories and future premonitions. You didn’t know what particular thoughts had hounded him tonight but it did not matter, you just knew Bo needed a soft grasp to pull him from the swirling waves in his mind that threatened to pull him under. 

When you had woken up this morning he was already gone from the tangled cotton sheets, the hot Louisiana sun had flowed in through the lacy curtains of the home, replacing the warmth he had given you in the bed. It wasn’t strange when Bo was gone in the mornings, for the town he held so close forced him to wake early to fix the odds and ends. Sometimes you wondered what life for him would be like away from Ambrose, if he would be better off, but at the same time you could never imagine him away from it. The desolate town started to be an extension of Bo; charming, quaint, warm like his bourbon and alluring on the outside, with a little unease like his scars that were visible from his suit, but below the surface there was horrific pain, darkness and a truth that made your heartbreak and stomach swirl. 

Getting up and starting your day Bo’s absence screamed in your head, but you knew sometimes his and your affection would take a toll; He was never affectionate before you came along and it was a struggle for Bo to keep up the task some days. You understood that and would remember what Bo was taught; Love equalled pain. Most days it was better to leave him alone for the morning and let him collect the pieces of his wax mask and put on the act. You did not care if he had his mask on or not. You loved him either way. 

Craving his presence you continued your day, puttering around the house and finally leaving to the town over to pick up some groceries, and supplies for you and the 3 men. Coming home the sun was starting to set along the ridgeline and the sky was painted in reds and pinks, kissing the clouds and beckoning the darkness to chase the sun. Pulling up to the shared home, Bo’s truck was out front, and the ripped screen door banged in the breeze making a home in the cadence of the wilderness surrounding. Footfalls fell along the creaking steps and inside the home. Everything went silent once inside the crumbling walls. A shape of a man sat on the couch in the darkening home, he didn't bother with the lights because he probably didn't even realize the sun was going down.

Bo was gone. Gone in his dangerous thoughts.

It had only been a handful of times Bo allowed you to see him this way, just his shell, broken and tired. Tired of fighting, tired of his own mind. You were the only person he let see this side; Vincent had caught glimpses but then would get yelled at through a fit of triggering rage. To Bo you were the only person that could truly help him from the demons, beckoning him to the shadows, just like where they called and ultimately found home in his father; gun in hand and blood on the walls. It was the only way your nightmares -future premonitions- found Bo at the end. Dying by his own hand. Hands that could rip away just as easily as they could build and hold. Hold you.

Placing your bags down on the pool table to your right, you quickly shouldered off your jacket and carelessly kicked off your shoes among the other mess.

There you sat with him, not touching Bo, you just gave him time, hoping and praying he would just snap out of it and continue to lay on his charm, but that never came. Bo didn't even acknowledge you, not a glance, not a touch to your thighs, nothing. As still as one of the wax figures he sat, slowly breathing in and out, rubbing a thick thumb over the lip of the amber-coloured beer bottle dangling between his oil-stained fingers. The bottle was not even half-finished and it had begun to turn warm, the condensation gently letting a drop fall to the dusty floor every few minutes. Bo wasn't drunk yet, not even close, by the looks of it he had only taken one or two gulp's and let it hang there, warming in the Louisiana air some time ago. 

This is was the worst you had seen him, you could tell Bo's mind was racing with the shifting of his baby blues that seemed fixated on the old books and candle wax.

You knew that you needed to touch him but your hesitation ran deep and cold; Bo was like a beaten dog and touching him was a dangerous game, especially in this state; he could either lash out and hurt you or he would just leave from the embarrassment of you seeing him as such. Anything was worth a shot right now. You needed him back.

Gingerly you brought a small hand to his broad coverall covered shoulder, grazing the rough fabric Bo shuttered at the touch, his eyes became alive again as your other hand went to his thigh. “Bo... my love, it’s ok” 

His breath hitched and he snapped his head in your direction, you could see the fear, the torture in his features as his breath began to pick up through rosy agape lips, clutching the beer bottle like a lifeline. Bo looked scared. Scared of his thoughts. Scared of his memories. Scared by the fact that the demons had held him under the waves for so long just waiting for the bubbles to stop. Bo was almost a different person in this moment, he let his emotions twist his face openly. His pain was greater than his pride, you felt it, you could see it. Broken blood-shot baby blues were searching for something in yours, perhaps Bo was waiting for the taunting or berating or yelling his parents gave him when he was lost in emotions; but you smiled softly as a tear slowly formed along your lash line. 

This broke your heart to see him like this, but it broke him more allowing this vulnerability; He waited for you to rip out his throat like a wolf and spit back out in his face. You knew Bo had a tortured soul and a devastating past, he was held together like thin lines of glue to a broken mirror; one day the shatter was inevitable much to his dismay, but seeing it was too raw and painful yet, somehow beautiful in the torture. In this moment Bo was just a man, not the murderer of Ambrose or even the demigod he seemed to let you believe he was on the day to day, Bo was just the scared child of a broken home. 

“It’s ok baby...I’m here...” you spoke gently, grabbing the beer bottle from his right hand and placing it on the richly stained coffee table with a reassuring nod. “I’m here now” Bo didn’t speak and just watched you carefully like a wounded vulnerable animal to a predator. 

Slowly you placed your shaky hands along his angular jaw, feeling the slight stubble and running your thumb along the long jagged scar he wore with pride. Bo started to shift in the cushions, uncomfortable with the vulnerability and soft touches you placed on him. Some days it was more apparent than others that he was touch starved and didn't realize just how much he needed your fluttering fingers against his skin. Slowly you ran a small hand through his dark brown curls, cupping and now cradling the man you slowly pulled yourself to lay on your back, and brought Bo down with you, the couch springs creaking in defeat. 

His head laid upon your chest. He could hear your heartbeat. Proof that someone deeply loved him, had a beating heart that was fast and strong. You were here. You were not a figure of the town or a scared wounded woman in the chair or a ghost in his nightmares. You were here. It broke him more. He had something to lose now. Had a wound in his flesh that was you, it would never heal, and it stung every day waking up to you next to him, and tore a millimetre more with every smile.

Bo’s head rose and fell with your breaths as you slowly rubbed his skull and back, tracing the scars you couldn’t see under his shirt, just retracing from hardened memory. Bo haunted you. Hounded your thoughts every second you were together, and when you were apart it hurt, you missed him even though Bo was just down the hall. His sliver blade was lodged in your heart and it teased to make you bleed out.  

One of his large hands gripped the ripping old cushion as the other held your waist, unwavering. Bo inhaled your scent; sweetness of florals, softness of warm vanillas and the undernotes of him. A ghost of your souls intertwined in a dangerous perfume. And then a soft wail escaped Bo’s lips, --the breaking of the flood gates he held onto for so long-- with bared teeth against your shirt he pushed himself into you, almost wanting to hide away from the world in your ribcage. You gently cooed and hushed him, feeling the pain of his shattered soul. Hot tears stained your shirt as you held him tighter, as long as he needed, you were there. 

“It’s ok Bo... I’m here... you never deserved the hurt. Never.”

A broken crumpled mess you two became, melting together and running away like the wax of the candles. Holding each other until the morning sun showed its face, forcing the demons and hounds to retreat into the shadows only to surface later, but it didn’t matter, they were gone and Bo was asleep. At peace, as you counted his scars and recounted, as long as he needed you to hold him, you would. 

Broken and wretched like his parents taught him, a monster was asleep in your delicate hands, holding a beast, it ached inside your bones, and wounded you like a knife slipping in slowly and quietly between your ribcage, twisting with his every breath. You loved him and he loved you, in a broken mess. However long he needed you, you would stay.

[spencers-dria]

Do You Trust Me?

Someone To Stay Ch. 6

Spencer x fem reader

Y/N POV:

*whack*

You smack your alarm as it goes off for the third time this morning. You look at the clock: 7:15AM. Was it later than you get to sleep in for work? Sure. Did you want to get up this early on your day off? Nope. Between JJ being the planner and Penelope's excitement for the weekend, they had convinced the the group that it would be best to get an early start. It was a several hour drive the to the lake, and they wanted to make the most of our time there.

You roll out of bed and look in the mirror. Sweats and a spaghetti strap tank...this will have to do. You leave your hair in the messy bun that you slept in. Half asleep, you fumble around for some socks and slip on some sandals. A horrific choice you know, but we're going for comfort here, not fashion. It'll be fine. You're not trying to impress anyone, and you'll fix yourself up once you get to the lake. You fully intend to nap part of the way there. You don't even bother to grab breakfast. Instead, you grab your bags you packed the night before and head downstairs. Spencer is probably waiting on you already.

You see him pulling the car up, right on time, as you make your way down the stairs. You slide into the passenger side, setting your bag down in the back seat. Reaching into a road trip bag in your lap, you pull out a blanket and pillow and curl up in your seat.

"Good morning sleepyhead" he chuckles. "Not a morning person, huh?"

You grin. "What gave it away?"

He hands you a paper bag and a coffee cup.

"Don't worry, it's green tea and honey" he reassures you, sensing your hesitation.

"I also got you a bagel."

"I don't know who's been giving you trade secrets but food is really the number one way to win me over." You glance over to see a slight smirk on his face. "How are you so awake? You had time to get ready, grab food, drive to my apartment, and you still seem more awake than I do."

"I'm kind of used to not getting much sleep." He shrugs this off as if it's nothing. You sense he doesn't intend on explaining any further, so you decide not to push him.

"I brought some snacks too. You're welcome to anything you'd like." You pull out a some goldfish, fruit gummies, and Capri suns.

He responds with a laugh.

"Ok you have the appetite of a ten year old."

You feel embarrassed for a moment until you see the smile he's giving you.

"It's cute though."

You find yourself blushing, not used to compliments. "Yeah I guess sometimes I just like to let loose, let my inner child out. Not everything has to be so serious all the time, ya know? What we do, both of us...it's stressful stuff. Sometimes eating whatever the heck I feel like helps with that. If that means chocolate milk and cocoa crispies cereal for dinner then so be it!"

Spencer gives you another smile before holding his hand out. "Alright, you won me over. I'll take a Capri sun."

You can't help but laugh as you watch him try to insert the straw with one hand and drive with the other. After awhile you decide to help him out.

"Here, let me see that." You fix the straw and hand him back the drink. "Goober" you laugh as you rolls your eyes at him.

"So what all are you planning on doing at the lake this weekend?" He asks.

"The question is...what am I NOT going to do?"

"Ugh." He rolls his eyes and laughs. "No fair. You're athletic, coordinated. You can actually do all the fun stuff."

You turn to face him with an incredulous look on your face, jaw dropped. "You're kidding me right? Me? Athletic? That's funny!" You laugh shaking your head. "Nahh I'd say we're on a level playing field. I'm not coordinated at all! I just like go have fun, try adventurous things. Like kayaking, I'm just mediocre but I still love doing it. The only sport I ever did was swimming."

"Ha! You were a swimmer, we're going to a lake, and you think we're on a level playing field?"

"Ok fair enough" you concede. "Will you at least try something new this weekend? Please?" You bat your big brown eyes at him, a technique that rarely failed you.

He feigns a look of annoyance, before a smile finally starts teasing at the corner of his lips. "Alright, alright." He throws his hands up in surrender. "But only if you help me with whatever it is we do. A swimmer and a nurse, you're practically our lifeguard for the weekend. Don't let me drown, ok?" He teases.

"Well since you asked so nicely." You give him a playful punch in the arm as you both laugh.

After a brief moment of silence you hear Spencer speak up. "Did you know that Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time, winning 28 medals in total, 23 of those being gold medals? He swam in his first Olympic Games at only 15 years old, and won his first gold medal at 19. And you...already knew this didn't you?" He stops when he sees your eyebrows raised, giving him a slight smirk.

"Yeah Spencer" you smile, shaking your head at him. "I don't mind though. I like hearing all the cool stuff you know."

You spend awhile listening to Spencer talk about everything from Olympic swimming facts to CPR statistics and the origin of the different swimming strokes. A lot of it you don't know already, and you enjoy learning all of this stuff from him. After awhile, you unintentionally drift off to sleep.

He looks over and smiles, he doesn't mind. This happens to him quite often, and the fact that you encouraged him to share his knowledge gives him comfort. He reaches over and pulls the blanket over your shoulders. Hoping to drown out the sound of the highway, he puts on some classical music at a low volume.

You wake up a couple hours later as you hear the loud sound of gravel under the tires.

"Morning sunshine" he grins at you.

"Oh I'm sorry! I wasn't going to make you drive the whole way."

"It's ok, you got your rest. Better you be rested up and have fun today than stay awake just to drive."

"Thanks Spencer." You smile to yourself. He really was very sweet. Good friends are hard to come by, especially ones you can trust that will stick around. You secretly hope that Spencer doesn't plan on dropping you as a friend anytime soon.

You climb out of the car and take a look around. You've arrived at a modest log cabin, sitting right on the edge of the lake. It's surrounded by y'all trees, so thick that you can't see any buildings anywhere else, if there are any. You stand there for a moment taking it all. You lean your head back and close your eyes, enjoying the sounds and smells of nature. It felt like home. You grab your bag out of the backseat and make your way along a dirt path toward the cabin. You stick yourself hand out by your side, brushing the leaves on the trees as you walk by.

"You really are in your element here, huh?" you hear Spencer call out from behind you.

"Oh you have no idea. Just wait till I get in the water" you shout back over your shoulder.

The two of you make your way into what appears to be the common living room. The cabin appears to be completely wooden everywhere, floors, ceilings, walls, beams. There's rustic decor and lots of plaid, but it's done tastefully. It feels so cozy, and you love it.

"Y/N! You made it! We're in here!" You see Penelope's head pop out of a doorway. You enter a room to find two sets of bunk beds. Penelope and Alex have taken bottom bunks. JJ has her stuff placed on the top bunk above Alex. You set your suitcase in an empty corner and throw your pillow on the bed above Penelope. You feel her sneak up and pull you into a tight hug. "Hey bunk buddy! This weekend is going to be so fun!"

"I'm surprised Penny, the outdoors don't seem like your type of weekend."

"Oh don't worry honey! I brought a float with coasters and a tray for the lake! I'll be sipping on wine and tanning all weekend."

"Just make sure to wear sunscreen okay." You give her a nudge and a smile.

"Okay Nurse Y/L/N." She rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Don't worry! I brought enough sunscreen for everyone."

"Haha, of course you did Aunt JJ."

You look over to see her unpacking her suitcase and organizing her things in the drawers and closets. You decide to do the same, that way it will be easier to find all your things later. After you've all finished unpacking, Alex says she's going to take a quick nap. After getting ready in your swim wear and coverups, you, Penelope, and JJ wander over to the guys room to see what they're up to.

You peek in to see Spencer reading on the bunk above Hotch, who appears to be on a FaceTime call with his son, Jack. Rossi isn't in the room. He's probably already started organizing things in the kitchen. Derek looks like he's ready for the lake, already in swim trunks and rubbing on sun tan lotion.

"You need any help with that, hot rod?" Penelope jests.

"You know it mama."

At this response, Penelope runs quickly across to room and helps Derek to finish rubbing in the suntan lotion on his back. She looks to be enjoying it a little too much.

You and JJ stay leaning in the doorway, laughing.

You finally speak up. "I don't know about y'all, but I've been stuck in a car all day! So if you need me, I'll be out at the lake!"

"I'm right behind, ya." JJ turns to follow you.

At this, Spencer finally pops up from behind his book. "Oh umm, we're going outside now? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet Spencer, come with us and we'll figure it out."

You wait on him while he changes into some swim trunks and a t shirt. He stands in the doorway a bit awkwardly, hesitant to leave the cabin.

"Come on!" You grab his hand pulling him out onto the porch and down toward the lake, following behind JJ, Penelope, and Derek.

When you get to the waters edge, you see the group has already spotted a rope swing. Derek appears to be climbing into a position to jump from. JJ stops him, to test the integrity of the rope first.

Penelope watches as Derek effortlessly climbs up the rocks. "My monkey man" she smirks.

Once JJ seems satisfied that the rope won't break, Derek swings out over the water, doing a back flip before making a splash in the water that sprays everyone watching from the shore. A chorus of groans rings out, half from annoyance at the show off, half from not wanting to get splashed.

You remove your shoes and your coverup as you prepare to get in the water. You can tell Spencer is making a conscious effort to avert his gaze. You blush, suddenly remembering the girls' previous comments about how good you looked in the slick back two piece.

You quickly make your way up the rocks and grab onto the rope as it swings back towards you. Spencer gives you a concerned look.

"Are you sure you want to do that? You could get hurt!" He shouts up at you.

Instead of answering you give him a quick smirk. You back up and get a running start for momentum, holding onto the rope as you swing out over the water. You let the momentum push you out as far as it will take you, as you angle your arms and body to dive deep into the water, just like you used to off the starting block in swimming. As you feel your body dive down into the water, you angle back up and do a quick, few dolphin kicks, propelling yourself much further from the shore. When you finally surface, you're about 20 or so meters from the shore. You see the group staring at where you dove into the water, confused and concerned.

"Over here guys!" You shout at the group to get their attention. They look up to see you much further away than they expected.

"Hey, you weren't kidding!" Spencer laughed.

"We might have to have ourselves a little competition little miss mermaid!" You laugh at Derek's new nickname for you.

You do a few strokes to bring you back to shore as you climb out of the water. You slick your hair back out of your eyes as you wring your hair out.

"Alright Spencer! Your turn!"

You giggle as you grab his hand and drag him towards the rocks.

"Umm yeah this is definitely not a good idea. You clearly know what you're doing, but I will definitely hurt myself. Did you know that drownings are the third leading cause of unintentional deaths?"

"Stop being such a party pooper! Loosen up a bit. Now climb." You cross your arms giving him a look that lets him know you mean business.

"If you fall, your knight in shining armor, Y/N will catch you!" Derek shouts from his spot where he's swimming in the lake. JJ and Penelope are watching from a float shaped like a giant unicorn. Typical Penny.

"Shut up, Derek!" Spencer shouts back at him.

You can tell that he's actually nervous, and not just unwilling to participate, so you decide to climb up after him.

"How about we go together?" You smile at him.

"Can we do that?" He asks, clearly not believing you.

"Yeah! See how there's a plank of wood on the bottom here? There's room for both of us to stand. And then we just hold onto the rope. We'll back up to get some momentum, then right when we get to the edge, we'll hop on the rope ok. But make sure to let go before it swings back towards the rocks."

The look he's giving you says he still doesn't think this will work.

You take his hand in yours, giving it a quick squeeze. "Do you trust me?"

You see the anxiety wash away as he's overcome by comfort. "Yeah, I do actually" he smiles, squeezing your hand back.

"On three okay? One...two...three!"

Before you know it, the two of you are landing in the water. You both come up for air as he starts a splash fight with you. You're both giggling and splashing like little kids, but having the time of your life. You feel water peg you in the back of the head. You turn around to see Hotch and Rossi armed with oversized water guns, peeking out from behind the trees on the shore.

"Hey that's not fair! We're unarmed!" You shout at the two men.

"Come join our team!" Rossi yells back. You and Spencer look at each other confused. You look up to see Alex carrying four water guns out to the water toward Derek, JJ, and Penny.

You and Spencer turn to each other, each with a huge grin. "Oh it's on!" You say.

"It's so on!" he replies before you both make your way onto shore as quickly as possible. Hotch and Rossi hand you each a weapon and the war commences.

After a long fight, the team in the lake finally surrenders. Your team is the clear winner.

"Winner's get dinner first!" Rossi shouts before the four of you make a mad dash for the cabin. You grab your towel, guessing that Alex had laid it out for you, as you see the other ladies' towels laid out as well well. Rossi had the dinner on warmers, so it's all ready for you. As the four of you take your plates full of food to the dining table outside, you pass your opponents. A series of snickers and goofy faces ensues as your team teases them endlessly.

You felt so comfortable around all of them. For people with such serious jobs, they sure do know how to let loose and have fun.

A/N:

I hope everyone is still enjoying it! I know it's a slow burn but it's so cute right 🥰I plan on picking up right where we left off! Please reblog or comment if you liked this chapter! I love hearing feedback!

[fighterkimburgess]

For the Get to know the author questions 🙂🙂

1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 22 and 25

I already answered 4, 5, and 8, but I'll do the rest.

1. Is there a story you're holding off writing for some reason?

There's a couple! There's a Hailey/Kim/Adam oneshot series that kinda comes from Triunity, where the three of them are together and season 7 and 8 goes as it did mostly. Everyone sort of knows the three are together but nobody says anything, the miscarriage happens and the three of them grieve together. Then the end of s8 (I still haven't decided if Makayla is involved or not, but leaning yes) and Hailey trying to hide everything from Kim and Adam.

Another one is the miscarriage didn't happen when it did, but later on after burzek got together. I have the first thousand words or so written when I was on a painkiller high, and I've been tossing up finishing it, but the angst is...the angst is horrifically high. I shared a snippet with someone and I was told even for me it was too much. So we'll see.

2. what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I'm not embarrassed? Like there's plenty of things I probably wouldn't write anymore, but I'm not embarrassed of having written them. Seeing as how the show has gone I can't see any other romantic Voight x reader being written (but I'll never say never!), but I'm proud of having written what I've written and publishing what I've published.

6. something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

I've been tossing up doing a complete rewrite of Fearless and Lover. I love what those fics taught me about writing, but I wish I could rewrite them to make them better. There's so much I could change - in Fearless there's some stuff between Adam and Kim that I cut and regret about fights they had, a conversation with Makayla when she found their engagement photo - but it's a big job.

22. are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

I'm willing to write nearly anything. I've written about abortion before, about miscarriage, about loss and death and losing the love of your life. I still feel a bit uncomfortable writing smut, but that's why I've been writing more of it. I figure if I force myself to write more, then I'll be less uncomfortable?

25. copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

When I think about something I'm particularly proud of, it's this section from What Happens In Vegas (Definitely Doesn't Stay There). It's from just after Otis dies, and Sylvie's about to go to her room when Matt calls her back.

“What you said the day of the fire…what was said today. I just realised, in this job we don’t know how much time we’ve got left, do we?” He spoke quickly, and it took Sylvie a moment to parse his words.

“We don’t. If you’d told Otis that that fire would be his last he wouldn’t have believed you. I’ve had a gun pulled on me too many times to count, sometimes I wonder if I’m on my last life.” She watched as a flash of anger went through Matt’s face at the reminder of how many times she’d been threatened.

“That’s my point. I’ve ended up in hospital more than once, and I’ve had to come to terms with it. But all of this made me realise if I want something, I need to go grab it with both hands. Sylvie I’ve got feelings for you. I have for a long time, but they’re still there and they keep growing. And if you don’t feel the same way that’s fine but I needed to —“ She cut Matt off, pressing a kiss to his lips. It was short and sweet, but when she pulled away they were both smiling.

[etlunainmorte]

✒ P.S. I Love You ✒

***

II

***

Something was really off about the place, and V could feel it in his bones even without entering the premises. It was as if some kind of dread has made its way to his chest and clutched tightly at his heart, making it heavy and painful. His head felt like it was slowly bloating, and the concrete beneath his feet suddenly became mushy. He was not entirely sure whether Nico felt the same but, he strangely felt so sick and sad all of a sudden.

And that was before he could even enter.

So when Avery finally forgave them and let them in, V knew, deep within his sane mind and his insane subconscious, that they're in for something truly malicious and insidious,...

As V scanned the whole area, his emerald eyes marveled at the undeniable wonder of the old place. The interior was, in fact, well - kept, considering its age and everything that probably happened within its four, or so, corners. The dark, and squeaky, floorboards perfectly complimented the deep maroon carpet, and the antique furniture, such as the Grecian statues that stood near the grand staircase and the baroque period paintings that hung on the rich mahogany walls, gave the whole place a sophisticated feel, not to mention the soft amber light that the brass lamps on each column post were radiating.

The place was, indeed, breathtaking. And yet,...

... it suffocated V. The sensation was like a really tight vice grip around his neck, and it actually scared the living hell out of him, not to mention the deathly cold temperature of the place that gave him goosebumps.

And Nico? He just assumed that the woman's perception regarding all things paranormal was limited, even close to none at all.

"Wow! Such a nice mansion." Nico breathed, amazed at everything her eyes landed upon.

Avery smirked at her. "Yeah, it was. Oh, and welcome to (L/N) Manor, I guess,..." She scratched her temple and pointed at the hallway on the right near the staircase. "Guest rooms are that way and on the second floor. The kitchen and dining hall's on the left. Each room has a powder and bath room, and you should find everything you need on those rooms."

"How many floors are there here?"

"Four."

"Wow! Oh, I wanna see what's on the right hallway." Nico excitedly interjected as she craned her neck to the side to try and see what's there.

Avery scratched her head once more and raised an eyebrow, clearly confused of the tattooed woman's excitement upon entering a haunted place. "Well, aside from the guest rooms, the music room is there."

"Is there a piano, and something like that?"

"There,... is! But, you would not want to use it. It's kinda out of tune."

"Great! Let's go!"

The owner of the house only smiled and shook her head helplessly. "Alright, alright."

As the two women made their way to the right hallway, V cautiously followed without uttering a word. And as he was about to leave the entrance hall with them, he was sure he caught a glimpse of someone running fast towards the kitchen. Apparently, as Nico and Avery were having their conversation, V felt someone watching them, their eyes feeling almost like daggers thrown to his backside. Perhaps it was one of the servants? But, V decided it didn't matter. He will find that out later when he begin his investigation -

"HOLY SHEEP!"

V looked just in time to see Nico staring at something with wide frightened eyes. He turned around just in time to see,...

... a pair of bloodshot dark eyes staring back at him.

Now, if it weren't for the fact that it's only a life - size portrait of a man with those horrific eyes, V would've scrambled on the floor in fright. But, of course, he noticed this right away and he was able to prevent himself from making an embarrassing scene in front of the women.

V and Nico both turned to Avery as she started laughing at their reactions to the life size portrait. "Happens every single fucking time!"

"Who's that?!" Nico questioned her as she pointed at the man in the portrait.

"That - is none other than Lord Christopher Lancaster, my great grandfather." Avery introduced with a teary eye. "A bit intimidating but, yeah. He IS intimidating. Even as a painting."

"He's,... a doctor," V muttered upon noticing the frightening Lord's ensemble of white uniform from head to foot. "... from the late 1800s,..."

"That's from 1898, actually. The year he was married to - " But, even before she could finish her sentence, her phone rang all of a sudden. She held up a single finger, took her phone out from her pocket, and answered the call. "Yes, dear? I will. Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Don't worry. No! They're harmless,..."

"Harmless?" Nico mumbled under her breath as she and V looked at her. "Us?"

"Probably." The poet answered.

"I'm sure! Stop being such a worry - wart, okay? Yes! Yes. I'm sure we - "

As they waited for Avery to finish talking on the phone, V felt it again - someone staring at him.

Slowly and cautiously, V turned around and saw a little boy curiously staring at him from behind one of the Grecian statues. The boy realized this and ran back to the kitchen as fast as he could.

"Yeah. Yeah." Avery mumbled on her phone as she slicked her blue - dyed shoulder length hair back. "Okay. I'll be right over. Bye."

Avery faced Nico and V once more as she placed her phone back to her pocket. "I'm afraid this house tour must be cut short. My fiancé is waiting for me."

"You're getting married!" Nico's face brightened at the surprising news.

"Yeah, well," Avery slicked her hair back once more as she pondered on what else to say. Like she was searching for the right words to tell them. "... we were planning to have a set up right here. It would be a simple garden wedding. But, as you can see, I have to hire you to eliminate one unwanted guest - "

And as soon as the owner of the house mentioned the word guest, all of them heard some noises on the second floor. All three of them looked up and noticed some tremors on the ceiling right above where they were currently standing. And as the noise grew louder then vanished altogether, Avery just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. She actually looked like she was getting used to the paranormal disturbances on her own house.

"That's a pretty restless one." She told them.

"What's on the second floor?" V asked her, and as she was about to open her mouth to answer his question, her phone rang once more. Again, she held up her finger and took a look at her phone. She rolled her eyes and hid the gadget.

"It's him again. Poor guy must be really nervous right now." Avery strode towards the front door and before she could leave, she turned to them once more. "Make yourself at home, I insist." She, then, gave them an awkward smile as she opened the door and went out. "If you can,..."

***

✒ @la-vita and @micaelagua . ✒

***

✒✒✒

***

[rainyrowan]

Sunkissed - Chapter 1

description: Wedding of the century rolls around as the previous college clique, along with the rest of their family members, stay in preparation for it. During this time, Riley meets Lucas, a gorgeous, green-eyed wallflower who happens to be immediately taken by her. Little did she know, he has a deep secret. One that will either change her views on him forever or make her feel closer to his world.

word count: 2,626

pairings: riley x lucas

Song: Annabelle’s Homework by Alec Benjamin

chapter one; riley

Sparkley Farkley: Did you know that the slowest marathon time ever is 54 years, eight months, six days, eight hours, 32 minutes, and 20.3 seconds? Yeah, in 1912, an Olympic marathoner from Japan supposedly disappeared during the middle of a race. Some say that he stopped to get a drink from an outdoor party, but ended up staying longer than he should have. Risque, if you ask me. Anyways, he was too embarrassed to finish the race, so he flew back to Japan instead. Years later, he decided to finish what he started by running the whole marathon himself. What I'm trying to say is WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Riley, you're seriously taking much longer to get to the boardwalk than this Japanese marathon guy. Hurry!!

I looked at the horrifically long paragraph Farkle had sent me and sighed. Being best friends with him also meant being best friends with your very own encyclopedia, which can be extremely useful at times. Although, it really isn't when your phone is constantly being bombarded with numerous texts about everything and nothing.

Gentle reminder that I live farther from the beach than you do. I'll be there soon! Don't miss me too much :)

I quickly text back. I gripped onto my camera strap, which is draped over my shoulder, as I start quickening my pace.

When we became closer over the years, Farkle and I both created a tradition of spending almost every Saturday down at the boardwalk. In regards to this, the main rule that we've agreed upon would be that if one of us couldn't make it, we would have to have an extremely valid excuse. Me being the more "laid back" friend, I've been pretty lenient on Farkle if he couldn't make it. Wish I could say the same about him, though.

Last night, I had to stay up till two in the morning helping my mother out at the flower shop. Arranging flowers isn't as easy as one may think. In result, I woke up later than usual, causing me to be about 30 minutes late. So far, I've received a fact text from him for every minute I ran late. It truly amazes me how he could just drop these facts off the top of his head.

I'm practically already running when I see Farkle by the entrance, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry!" I pant. I take a second to breathe before I continue speaking. "I.. I woke.. Wow, I'm not cut out to be.. an athlete, huh?" I joke.

He rolls his eyes as a grin forms on his face. "Where were you?"

"I was up all night helping my mom with the flowers. I woke up super late. I'm so sorry."

He nods in approval of my excuse. "That's okay. However, I don't think we could go to the diner now. Brooklyn and her minions are there. Seated in our spots too!"

The thought of Brooklyn made me sick to my stomach. Brooklyn was the Regina George of Harbor High School, and basically all of Santa Cruz. Like your typical teen cliche, she was the popular girl who also the prettiest. Brooklyn also had her own entourage, as she always had two minions following her. With her bitchy personality, you may say that it's surprising that she gets all the guys. With her body, though, it really isn't. It's probably how she had my crush of four years and counting, Charlie Gardner, falling for her.

"Well, I guess we would have to postpone our meal then," I say, linking my arms with his. We enter the boardwalk and head straight for the arcade. We're surrounded by all the games you could never ever get tired of. From Dance Dance Revolution to laser tag to racing games, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk Casino Arcade has you covered. Farkle and I have our common favorite, air hockey.

He let go of my arm, dashing straight to the air hockey table. "You ready to get your ass beat?"

He asks, slipping in a token. We love each other very much, but when it comes to air hockey, it's like we're two different people.

"You should be asking yourself that, Minkus." As air starts to shoot through the tiny holes from the table, we both grabbed our paddles. Suddenly, the puck falls through my pocket instead of Farkle's. "Well, that's a first! I guess I'm starting."

I hit the puck as hard as I can towards his goal. Hoping that this time my first hit would make it, he blocks the puck in a swift move and smiles. "Not today." This goes on for quite a bit. I concentrate on the puck as it glides across the table back and forth. That is, until a distraction came my way. Charlie.

I offer him a double take before actually realizing that it was him. He probably didn't even notice me, which was a good thing on my part. I didn't want him to know that I was here. Out of impulsive thinking, I ducked down to hide behind my side of the table. This wasn't really the best decision, though. Farkle managed to make a goal and yell on behalf of his victory. I don't even have to see what's happening to know that attention was surely brought towards us.

"Farkle!" I call out in a whisper. He walks around the table and takes a seat next to me.

"So, explain to me why we're hiding behind- "

"Riley!" Charlie exclaims. Mortified, I lift my head up to find him standing right in front of us.

"Hi, Charlie." I saw awkwardly. Thankfully, Farkle gets up off the ground and pulls me up, as I was too scared to even move.

Farkle clenches is jaw subtly enough that no one could notice, except for me. It's safe to say that he never liked Charlie. I don't blame him. Most of the time, he can be a total jackass.

I'm not too sure how or why I've liked him for so long, and still currently do. I like to think it's because of the fact that I'm always seeking the best in people. I don't necessarily like making assumptions out of people based on looks or first encounters. For Charlie, I realized how much of a good person he is, deep down, whilst working on a school project with him in the public library. My father, who so happened to be my teacher, assigned both of us as partners for a project that we had to turn in a matter of three days. Within those three days, we'd head to the library at night to work, but we were never productive. All we did was talk. Well, all Charlie did was talk. About himself, of course. I would just sit and listen. It was kind of odd not taking part in the conversation, but I mostly did not mind. As a matter of fact, I remember feeling like it was for the best since I would most likely say something stupid. Plus, I got to learn more about him and who he truly was. The downside of it was that I had to take our project home and finish it myself, but I thought that it was worth it. From that moment on, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him, about us.

Charlie extends his hand out to Farkle, expecting a shake, but he steps back. "I'll wait for you outside." He tells me. No, no. Please don't leave me alone with him.

"Well, that was awkward." He laughs. "But anyways, I am so glad I caught you. I was wondering if you're free like right now? I was hoping that you could help me out with something."

Crap. As much as I would love to help him, I promised Farke that I would spend the day with him. However, as I was looking up at Charlie's mesmerizing brown eyes, I seem to have ignored that fact. "Um, sure." I squeaked. I clear my throat and try again. "What would I be helping you with exactly?"

"You see, we're doing headshots in drama, and you're kind of known to be a really talented photographer," I blush as he says so.  Along with the fact that his words make me swoon, another thing about Charlie that I liked was the fact that he is a performing arts fanatic. I'm presuming that it's something that he would like to achieve in the future. He's actually really talented if I'm being honest.

"So, would it be alright if you got a couple of portrait shots of me by the beach?" Charlie asks.

"Maybe in return, I can buy you a milkshake afterward."

Farkle is so going to kill me after this.  "Er, okay."

"Great! C'mon, let's go." He starts heading towards the exit as I trail behind him. Hoping that he was the gentleman I thought he'd be, I expected him to open the door for me. Instead, he ends up leaving it to close behind him. I sigh, disappointed for getting ahead with my thoughts. Once I've exited the arcade, I immediately scan my surroundings in search for Farkle.

"I'm here." He calls out from behind me. I turn to find him leaning against a wall.

"You're going to hate me," I confess.

A smirk creeps up on his face. "Not gonna lie, I was already kind of assuming."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Farkle says softly. "I still hate that bastard, though. But I mean if you like him that much-"

I pull him into a hug. "Thank you," I whisper.

"Yeah, okay." He wraps his arms around my back and chuckles lightly.

"Riley?" Charlie yells.

I pull away from Farkle and adjust my outfit. This would technically be the first time I get to hang out with Charlie alone, so I obviously want to look presentable. However, that's clearly not the case since I'm currently in my maroon Harvard sweater that Farkle had actually bought me from when he visited last year, along with a pair of faded ripped jeans.

"Do I look okay?" I ask.

He holds two thumbs up. "Can't say no to a girl in Ivy League gear."

"I love you, and thanks a bunch!" I plant a quick kiss on his cheek before running towards Charlie.

Once I've caught up to him, we both head to the beach together.

I truly do love the beach. I love the ambiance of waves crashing against the shore, along with the wailing of seagulls as they soar across the sky. Not to mention, the smell of the ocean beach as well. Everything about the beach is so captivating and peaceful, especially since it's a little early and not a lot of people are here. The afternoon is the absolute worst time to visit the beach. The fact that there are so many people who usually come on a day to day basis, makes me a little anxious to go.

Charlie leads me to where the dock is located. Farkle and I would usually come to take pictures underneath the dock. This area is quite aesthetically pleasing.

"I think this is a great spot." He says, placing his bag down as I begin to adjust the settings of my camera. I let him know that I'm ready once everything's all set. Charlie then runs towards the shoreline and starts posing of a shot. Since I'll be capturing portrait shots, I made sure that my camera is set so all my photos can have a shallow depth of field. This way, Charlie will be in focus as the background will be a bit blurry. After taking a few photos here and there, I stop to look at them. Charlie was perfectly centered, the lighting was on point, and all shots have great composition. Perfect. I think to myself. However, Charlie apparently doesn't exactly think so when he sees them.

"Yeah, this situation just isn't working for me. Let's try something different." He looks around for a moment. "Here, why don't you get some bird-eye shots of me laying on the sand."

I was a little offended that he didn't like the photos I originally took. I spoke out, irritated. "I thought we were taking portraits?"

"I'm just trying to think outside of the box here, Riles. Maybe the photos will turn out better." I scoff at what he had just said. What difference does it make? You're just going to be lying down. And I thought all headshots were portraits. There he goes acting like a douche, but here I am, still taking interest in him.

Charlie lies down on the sand and places his hand behind his head. From the looks of it, he could pass for a Hollister or Abercombie & Fitch model.  I stand directly on top of him to get good shots. If I'm being honest, this isn't the ideal position I'd want to be in. It's a little uncomfortable and weird, really.

Suddenly, water hits the shore and Charlie attempts to save his khaki pants by jerking straight up. Instead, jerking straight up somehow caused me to tumble forward, allowing both of us to fall back down. I also end up dropping my camera on the sand. Water continues to run beneath Charlie, which caused his whole outfit to be soaked. "Shit!"

The water still kept going around us. I panic as I watch it slowly ooze towards my camera. Miraculously, the water stopped before it could reach it. I graciously let out a sigh of relief. "Will you get the fuck off of me now?!" He yells in annoyance. I flinched when he does so and realize that what was happening: I was on top of Charlie Gardener. Because I was on top of him, I didn't get hit by the water at all. I quickly scurried to my feet and grabbed my camera.  I turned to Charlie, who was still really angry that he was drenched. He got up from the ground and gathered his stuff. "Thanks to you," He snaps. "I am soaking wet, and I have rehearsals for the musical after this!"

I feel a familiar tightness gripping my throat. As Charlie continues to curse at me, a burning heat rushes through my body and I can hardly breathe. The DJ over by the boardwalk starts blasting music that seems to be ten times louder than usual. My surroundings then become too horrifically bright. My hands become clammy as I start to lose control of my body. My vision starts to get blurry and my heartbeat begins to speed up to the point where I could hear it.

Once Charlie finishes grabbing his stuff, he walks over to me. He stops and takes a deep breath. "Just email me the photos whenever you can." And with that, he walks away. When I've lost sight of him, I walk towards the pebbles near the ocean. I stare out to sea, trying to take big breaths. I stay until I've finally coaxed my heartbeat back to normal.