#i'm pretty sure the solution is to replace shit

[knifegremliin]

goddd i've been looking at fucking laptops for like half the day since my other laptop is. Really Not Working. and i really miss playing video games but jesus fucking christ everything is so god damn expensive aghhhhh

[overly-distressed-mouse]

Okay I'm now home from watching the Barbie movie, so I have to bestow some knowledge upon you fuckers (aka me infodumping actual Barbie lore because there were a lot of references there).

So, first and foremost, in one scene, we see "Earring Ken" and "Growing up Skipper" (very short scene, don't worry if you missed it). But these were actual Barbie dolls released by Mattel way back whenever (See pictures below)

So, "Earring Ken" was actually "Earring Magic Ken". His whole thing was Mattel wanted to be cool and hip with the kids or whatever, so they created him. Except their idea of going out and finding inspiration and information as to what was "hip with the kids", was gay bars. And raves. As you can imagine, Earring Magic Ken did not stay on shelves too long (about 6 months) (though he did sell actually really well and I believe is still one of their most sold despite only being available for such a short time). I'm pretty sure his necklace charm could be swapped out too and also worn as actual earrings. HOWEVER, the part about Earring Magic Ken that kills me, is that because they went to gay bars, not only did they give him a mesh shirt and shit (as seen above), but the charm on his necklace? Is a cock ring. Did Mattel realize this? Probably the fuck not, but that's what it was💕

Growing up Skipper was also an actual doll, and just like in the movie, if you twisted her arm, she grew boobs. She also grew like an inch taller or something. I'm pretty sure she also was not on the shelf long, but she was introduced in the 1970s. So that's fun

Next up, Midge and Allan (who both play slightly bigger roles in the film but here's pictures anyways)

So Midge was Barbie's best friend, and was released specifically because Mattel found themselves faced with high demand for a pregnant Barbie doll. But of course, Barbie can never get married or be pregnant or have kids, because it ages her, and obviously seeming a little older means Barbie is suddenly worthless and unappealing (Woo patriarchy!). So their solution was Midge, who, ironically, ended up being everything Barbie couldn't (which is kind of funny since she's supposed to be able to be any and everything ever). So, them making her only personality trait in the movie her pregnancy, is kind of spot on. She did have actual dolls initially but then seemed to disappear for a while, having been replaced with other "Barbie's best friend!"'s. Actually they also replaced Barbie's siblings several times but that's another post. Midge did eventually return though in Life in the Dreamhouse (See below)

One thing they never mentioned in the movie, however, is that Allan was actually Midge's boyfriend. I don't have too much on him besides that but I think it's worth mentioning.

Anywho, there's my rant on some of the characters in the Barbie movie, if you made it this far, thanks :))

[sirfrogsworth]

We moved into this house back in the early 90s. We bought it from an old man named Fred Salmo. As we began living in the home every once in a while we'd discover some weird new thing wrong with it. Never anything catastrophic, but small frustrations that my dad had to deal with all the same.

Fred thought himself quite the handyman.

He was not.

He was a union sheet metal worker and I guess he thought that translated to home repair. But in actuality he would usually try to fix things with sheet metal even when that was not an appropriate solution.

And so whenever we'd find one of these issues we'd joke that we got "Salmo'd" again.

Almost all of the electrical outlets were wired backwards. "Looks like we got Salmo'd again."

A heating duct would have some terrible patchwork (with sheet metal). "He really Salmo'd this."

There was a bedroom ceiling fan that was not securely attached to said ceiling. "He's going to Salmo us to death in our sleep."

We kept finding these inept fixes for many years. One by one, my dad (who was an actual handyman) would properly fix them.

Eventually, we were pretty certain all of the Salmo'd shit had been addressed.

Until last night.

I noticed something looked off about the big light on our garage workshop on the back of the property.

It was... lower... somehow.

I walked back to figure out what was wrong and discovered this.

The wind was blowing pretty hard and the light fell off of its mount and was dangling by the electrical wiring.

Upon closer inspection I noticed something.

It was mounted to a piece of thin metal decorative trim. I could see nothing structural it could have been attached to. No stud or beam. Just that trim.

That light was here before we moved in. Which means it has lasted over 30 years without falling down. And knowing how it was mounted, that is kind of incredible.

But it definitely feels strange getting Salmo'd again after all this time.

I'm not entirely sure what to do about this yet. My brother took our only ladder a long time ago and never returned it. I'm not even sure how to power off the light without turning off all the power to that building. But I guess I should make that a priority today and go from there.

Replacing that light is one of the first things I wanted to do if I got some money to fix up the house. It has a horrible green tint and for as big as it is, it only lights up a small area. Hopefully that won't be a super costly repair.

Fucking Fred Salmo.

[hyperfixatedbastard]

Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

[oxygenbefore1775]

when you have to leave him in the morning

➥featuring: porco, reiner, zeke x fem!reader

➥cw: petnames, suggestive aka hints of sex and groping in porco's, also forgery in zeke's (as if ud expect anything else from him), also zeke's a doctor here

➥summary: after staying the night at his place, you have to leave in the morning yet he's dead-set to get in your way (or not)

➥a/n: aka my beloved tagelied trope (i can't fucking get enough of it)

Porco

tries to get off one last time

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you noticed his figure appearing in the mirror's reflection, silently entering the bathroom while you were getting ready to leave for work. His eyes found you in a heartbeat as did his arms, snaking their way around your waist and getting dangerously close to the hem of your shirt.

He observed you hastily going through your skincare routine for a few moments before emitting a low grunt, his lips gingerly brushing against the nape of your neck. "C'mon baby you don't need all that shit," his hold on you tightened, turning possessive, "you're already so pretty. Save this time for something else." With the bluntest of insinuations leaping of his tongue, Porco slid his fingers under your shirt and started tracing shapes on the tender skin of your stomach.

Yet, you remained strong in the face of his bold caresses, "It's only thanks to this 'shit' that I've been so 'pretty', Pock." Your breath hitched as his palm slid up to your breast, gently cupping it, but you continued, though with a clear strain to your voice. "And no, the last time I caved, I was late to work and I couldn't exactly tell my boss that my boyfriend wanting to get his dick wet was the one to blame."

"You know that's not what I meant," he pleaded, his brows furrowing in growing desperation. His voice dripped with honeyed sweetness, weaving a seductive melody that lingered in the air. "Oh, please. I can't bear to wait a whole day to have you back at my place. I'll drive you there myself, even if it means getting a ticket. It's just too good, that pussy of yours."

As his words hung in the air, followed by thoughtless pecks to your neck and back of your head, you couldn't help but to feel the allure of his proposition. The thought of succumbing to his enticing offer tugged at your resolve and coiling familiar warmth in your stomach, tempting you to give in to the desires.

Fortunately for Porco, your self-restraint was practically non-existent.

With a gentle nudge you pried yourself out of his grasp to face him and fall back into his arms again. "Ok, but only this last time," you playfully interjected between breathless kisses.

His dark chuckle melted against your lips, the low rumble of amusement sending more heat into your stomach. "You say that everytime."

Reiner

helps you to get ready

With a delicate yet persistent rub to your shoulder Reiner roused you out of the deep sleep, calling out your name in an affectionate manner to make sure you were awake. Blinking your eyes open, you smiled at him in recognition before wandering your still hazy gaze to the clock. The burning white digital numbers jolted you awake as you realized you had overslept.

A drawn-out "shit" flew past your lips along with curses directed at your phone for not setting off the alarm clock, and you scrambled out of bed, your mind racing. Your eyes lay to Reiner. If it wasn't for your phone, then was he the one to wake you up?

Your head void of any other thoughts, you stated bluntly, "I'm running late." With those words you turned to Reiner, a surge of hope and pleading momentarily glimmered in your eyes, desperate for a solution to your predicament. However, as the weight of the situation fully settled in, a new wave of despair crashed over you, overwhelming you with the number of all the tasks that needed to be accomplished in such a short amount of time. That initial glint of hope irrevocably faded, replaced by a deep sense of worry and frustration.

Ever the paragon of composure (at least when it came to your predicaments), Reiner flashed a reassuring smile at you. "Not to worry," he mused, his voice laced with warmth. "I've already taken care of a few things for you." As you stood there, momentarily dumbfounded by his thoughtfulness, he gently nudged you toward the bathroom. "Just go and start off the day while I finish up some other tasks. Alright?"

As it turned out, Reiner took his time in the morning to fix up a breakfast for you and iron your outfit for the day. As you sat at the kitchen counter, gobbling up the prepared meal in haste, Reiner exuded strange serenity unfit for the rush of the mornings that somehow transferred to you too. So much so, that when you were standing in the hallway waiting for the cab (another courtesy of Reiner) you were absolutely calm as if coming in late wasn't a threat anymore.

As you were about to leave, Reiner handed you a container and explained under the unspoken question of your eyes. "Packed some lunch for you." Clarification sounded so simple coming out of his mouth yet it still swelled your chest with affection. A belated surge of tenderness overcame you, and you leaned in to leave a gentle peck on his cheek, before leaving for the cab.

Zeke

pulls all the strings at his disposal to make you stay

The soft rays of the morning light filtered through the curtains as the alarm clock in its infinite persistence urged you to wake up. With a yawn and a stretch, along with some crude laments about such an early awakening, you made a feeble attempt to get up but a clutch of his hands, closed in around you, only grew stronger.

"Zeke," you groaned in protest but nonetheless let him pull you closer into his embrace. "We're not playing this game again."

His response was barely an audible murmur yet still managed to convey an untolerable level of sneer, "Yes, we are."

With that, he peeled one of his eyes open just to register the sheer annoyance painted across your features and fall back into slumber as soon as he saw the desired outcome of his antics. Your struggle seemed to amuse him to no end.

Trying to cover up the boiling irritation, you pleaded with him one last time, "I have to get up. Mind you, we both have work today," you pointed out and followed with a reasonable, at least at first glance, argument. "Doubt that your patients would be all that happy to not see you at your office today."

"Oh, I'm afraid they'll have to deal with that," he rebuked in a state of absolute calm, "The same goes for your boss."

Shifting around in his embrace to find some sort of comfort, you furrowed your brows in confusion. "The fuck you mean?" you asked him bluntly, running out of patience and time to get ready.

His whole body trembled as curt laughter escaped his chest. "Well, it has come to my attention that both of us contracted a rare strain of disease and — oh no — it's extremely contagious and dangerous to the outside world so we must quarantine for the rest of the day." To add defiance to his words and irate you even more, he nestled closer, his beard scratching at your skin. "As you can see, I'm already taking measures. It's you who's the irresponsible one right now."

"You talking forgery," you rebuked meekly yet it didn't seem to get a rise out of him. "Not if you're a real doctor which, luckily, I am."

You still seemed tense when his hot breath seered against your ear, "Relax, we're sleeping in today."

A valid excuse provided, you melted into his touch as you finally caved to his request. "You're very fortunate to have me, you know? Maybe reconsider to start appreciating me some more." The playfulness to his voice quickly faded off into the distance as you fell back asleep.

[farasen]

Marlon analysis + adult headcanons

It's Marlon analysis that wasn't supposed to be an analysis baby

I think we all noticed that Marlon doesn't really have an inner conflict in the series. Moreover, he's usually the one who helps to solve these conflicts or supports other characters.

S1E3 - he's coming up with the concept for their logo, an image of their team. S2E6 - finds a guy to replace Vanessa for the game, and is just being a nice guy that can befriend an enemy (honestly this episode feels more about Kong or even Vanessa rather than Marlon). S2E11 - pretty much the only episode we see some sort of inner conflict in him, but it concerned the whole team, and again Marlon saves the day.

We don't see him angry that much either, older Wessel is trying hard to be the voice of reason. He's always the backbone, which kinda makes me wonder - does he suppress his emotions?

I've already talked about it a few times before, but I'm gonna mention it again for the full picture, but if you wanna read more you can go to this post. Wessels grew up without mother (at least we don't get a peek or even mentioning of her) so he, as an older brother, he most likely had to take care of Leon, growing up faster as a result. Marlon is just used to the role of protector, the backbone.

I saw people saying Marlon has a saviour complex, but I don't really agree with that. He does have some tendencies, but doesn't go full on white knight mode. You see, Marlon's help is not intrusive, he doesn't see his solution as the only right one and he doesn't seem to feel too much guilt when something doesn't work or at least it wasn't shown. He's just being a nice, reasonable guy most of the time.

What he does seem to have problems with is setting boundaries, especially with Leon. This was shown in s1e8 when Leon pushes Marlon to the ground. Sure, Marlon was shocked and didn't react properly in the moment, but they don't talk that through later either. And we rarely see him angry, even when he has a right to be.

He also might struggle with talking through his feelings. I don't have any proof of that from the show, but the fact that none of his episodes are actually about him is pretty concerning.

Gotta say that Marlon's moral compass is pretty clear. He wants justice (Kong in s2e6 and Leon in s2e12), he's forgiving (again Kong in s2e6 and Leon in s1e8) and supportive (basically every episode except for s1e4).

Honestly, there's nothing else I can say about Marlon as the show doesn't give any information about him. It's more interesting to talk about the possible outcomes of his behavior, which is exactly what I'm going to do further.

First of all, he would have to find his self worth. He's always been there for others, and not only for his little brother, but also for his friends. However, Leon grows older, he learns how to deal with his shit (I hope) and no longer requires a backbone in the face of his brother. Other friends don't need him that much either, they can help themselves. So, that leaves Marlon with nothing to work with. And that's the moment I think he might develop a saviour complex, because he wants to feel needed or helpful at least.

As I've mentioned before, he's most likely suppressing his emotions, which will obviously have an impact later. There could be different outcomes, from anger management issues to self harm. Or both. Whatever suits you more. I, personally, find the idea of Marlon lashing out on his friends when they break the boundaries unintentionally, but later blaming himself for that pretty appealing.

What else he can develop is depression and/or anxiety. That, again, steams from identity issues and troubles of finding his place. Moreover, that could slightly fuck up his relationships with others, cuz he would gradually drive himself away from others. And, since Marlon hadn't learnt or never felt the need of learning how to express his own emotions, his friends wouldn't be able to help him. Thus, he'd have to find a way to help himself.

And, in my opinion, the thing that would help Marlon would be art. We've seen him being creative when designing a logo for dwk, so maybe painting or creating a music would be a way of expressing himself, putting those emotions on the canvas and finally finding his own "I".

Yeah that's all I wanted to say about Marlon. It was supposed to be a sleepy rant on his adult version, but it turned into this lol.

Here, have some funny shots of him

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I’m so excited for ur Jetiri au 🤭🤭🤭

Me fucking too. And just because you asked, why don't we move the draft I've been working on right over here for you. I'm assuming you mean my modern au wheelchair Jake jeytiri shit, so that's what this is:

Quick recap from the Tommy post:

-Tommy was on a four year job with Grace studying botany in the rainforest in Brazil when Jake was paralyzed. Jake knew how excited he was about this once in a lifetime experience, and basically threatened to end Norm if he tattled to Tommy.

-Norm's solution was getting Jake into Mo'at's free clinic on a favor. He'd volunteered there a lot while he was getting his medical degree and ended up liking it so much he works there when he's got a free moment between research and projects. So he has a tiny bit of leeway to beg for a spot for Jake from Mo'at and Sylwanin.

-Jake is not the normal clientele for the free clinic. They are on the edge of the reservation, and mostly only cater to the native population and those nearby. Sylwanin tells Norm this, but Mo'at is pretty sure this'll work out. She can just tell that for some reason they need Jake just as much as he needs them.

-When Jake first shows up, Neytiri has last minute replaced Sylwanin for the month because she had to fill in for a doctor who had to go on emergency leave a few counties over. Jake will later insist this was divine intervention, whereas at the time Neytiri was fairly sure she was being punished.

-Neytiri is eighteen and freshly graduated from high school, and completely sure she does NOT want to work in the free clinic for the rest of her life. She isn't exactly sure what she will do, but it'll be something big and life changing.

-Jake is twenty-two and his life is over. He went from being a promising young marine one second, to being a burden on everyone around him the next. And now even this girl at the clinic is forced to deal with him when she wasn't supposed to.

-They start of very slow, with halfhearted attempts at weightlifting that Jake's heart is clearly not in very much. Neytiri starts to get a little more invested. She insists that he needs more wheelchair dexterity training, and stands on the back of his chair and makes Jake cart her around to all her other patients for a week. At first it was a joke but it quickly becomes a floor is lava type situation, where if she touches the ground she looses. She takes them swimming in the pond, forces Tsu'tey to help her create a wheelchair obstacle course and then makes he and Neytiri take turns racing Jake through it, takes him to an archery range for the arm strength.

-They start to get more and more ridiculous as she becomes pretty sure what Jake needs is to realize he can still do everything he wants. They go skydiving, play paintball, and go on a hike when Norm manages to rig a chair with wheels that go outdoors better.

-O b v i o u s l y one of the most important tests/exercises they do regularly is just like, making sure his dick works. Just to check. Gotta be sure.

-When Sylwanin comes back and asks her mother where Neytiri is so she can say hi, Mo'at rolls her eyes. Sylwanin is then almost run over by the classic daily Neytiri and Jake wheelchair race, who both then start demanding Mo'at declare them the winner. Mo'at picks Jake because she loves bothering Neytiri (and her soft spot for Jake is as well hidden as the sun) and Neytiri once again blames his experience and they bicker as she jumps on Jake's lap for a ride to her next patient.

-Sylwanin: ...wha-

Mo'at: shhhhh. Let it happen.

-The not so secret reason that Jake was at the clinic was less for his recovery and more for the literal depression he clearly had. It was Norm's "I will not rat you out to Tommy" condition. Jake considers himself all cured of that shit now, Norm, but everyone else isn't so sure. They all have come to love (and be super annoyed by) Jake and Neytiri together, but it's important Jake is able to be not depressed without Neytiri there.

-Jake: psh, why do I need to be happy without Neytiri?

Norm: because it's normal and healthy, Jake.

Jake: okay but what you are asking for is literally impossible.

-They give him a week. A week at home, NO NEYTIRI. The week does pass, and it actually goes well for Jake. He takes some independent trips in his brand new Norm finagled (bc the real ones are crazy expensive) Jake drivable truck, he works out on his own, reconnects with his old friend Trudy from the marines. He feels competent. He can't help but feel like he owes that confidence to Neytiri.

-Neytiri is noticeably sulking around the clinic, to the point that Sylwanin almost ALMOST calls Jake for her. It's insane. They're known each other for like three months at this point. Sylwanin has known her fiance her entire life, and she loves Tsu'tey, but sometimes he drives her crazy. They survived her month away, and she has work trips often.

-When Jake pulls back up to the clinic on his own in his own truck, they have the most dramatic reunion ever. It's like something out of a romcom. The regulars HAVE to applaud.

-It's to almost no ones surprise that when Jake announces his intention to head out traveling, Neytiri announces she'll be going with him. They spend the summer sending pictures from Niagara Falls, The Great Canyon, Arashiyama Bamboo Grove, the black sand beaches in Iceland, The Great Barrier Reef, Vaadhoo Island and many other places.

-They return happy, married, and pregnant; again, to no ones surprise (although Sylwanin manages to muster up a little outrage).

-Norm is so close to ratting Jake out to Tommy at this point.

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Moai Better Blues (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy freelance police and welcome back to my look at the sam and max telltale games! We're onto season 2 episode 2. After a little christmas in august we're having a science fiction double feature for halloween as this review ended up behind due to a new member of the family.

This is Maddie. She's 5, she's precious, she's very loud , and she's very attached to me.

But even new fluffy good girls with spangly collars can't stop the march of sam and max.

Following up from our heroes adventures in the north pole, this ep finds our heroes dealing with an adventure that's weird even by sam and max standards. And I want to let that sink in because we spent last season stopping a child star hynosis crime ring, starring in a one episode sitcom with a british chicken don knotts, inflitrating a mafia chuck e cheese, running for president against a horny lincoln memorial, murdering the internet and finally facing down with a sentient plankton colony via psychic powers and magic tricks on the moon. And that's not even getting into that guy who would never put his hands down. What was his deal?

So what lies in the greatest mountain of sam and max madness? Stoned Moai, triangular portals, sea monkeys, ghost godlfish, baby jimmy hoffa and horny statue love triangles. So join me under the cut for the madness.

We open with our heroes returning from the North Pole a month after the previous game, with it now snowing, providing a nice atmosphere to things. Before they can get back to the usual banter some fresh nonsense comes in: A triangle chasing their beloved friend Sybil.

It has a neat design too, red, pulsating with lines... it's an excellent triangle all things considered. B+

At any rate we need to stop it, so we go to the wisest sage for weird shit there is: Bosco. It's a nice way to keep him still useful while not having him be one of your item guys. Bosco is getting ready to bunker down from T.H.E.M.

But tells our hero their new foe is a bermuda triangle, an eldtirch shape that sucks people up to another place, and can only be stopped with most of the shapes. Most.. never come into play and are just for a good joke, like blue polyheadrons making them really want to roll them dice and maybe start a live play with a dungeon master with long hair and the voice of god.

The important one is red hexagons stop them.. and the game was REALLY unhelpful with this one. I did have my hints flavor blasted up to the maximum max could do without bursting a kidney.. but he just kept saying the shape and outright told me to go back to the office.. where it entirely wasn't. WE do have a new trophy though, boxing betty. So.. that's nice?

The solution lies in Stinky's diner, where i'd gone earlier since the Cops can't do buisness over the sound of screaming. Amateurs. Stinky can though even with the racket outisde and gives us a granite sandwitch that i'm pretty sure just.. sat in my inventory all chapter. Seriously you don't relaly use it for anything even when you think it'd be obvious like replacing a stone max's ear, and it's more just to set up getting a basalt sandwich from her later. It's on the kid's menu only though.

She is useful in that she has a stop sign for you and with some spray paint from your headquaters, you can make it deep red. Before we go though another beloved supporting character makes a cameo: Flint Paper. I just love how despite being grizzly and willing to beat up random strangers for money, as are we, Flint just.. cheerfully greets our heroes with a hey fellas every time. He's just so happy to see our heroes and they have a deep genuine admiration for him. Like with Sybil in the first episodes, it's nice to see someone our heroes actually like and unlike Sybil, it's nice to see there's at least one person they haven't traumtized. Yet. He's watching Bosco for Bosco's Mom who'se understandably worried about her son because you know, his whole deal.

For now though we go to stop the triangle in the name of love... only for hilariously this all to be mostly pointless as once Sybil stops, Abe shows up , gets sucked in and she goes after him. It's off to Easter Island!

Turns out Sybil and Lincoln are fine and are just enjoying the nice weather. Once again.. this is a dead end puzzle wise as the two are just there to move their subplot along. Unlike the sandwich though, it's at least entertaning.. and mildly creepy as Abe perves on one of the moai present.

Why the bermuda triangle lead to easter island.. is not something we'll be getting into here. What matters is the moai see sam and max as their savior. Well the middle one, a kindly lady moai abe's creeping ion, is. The left one has half his face buried and is contstantly upset, projecting storm clouds when pissed off that are naturally useful, and the right one is

And is largely useless, mostly just sniping at you.

Each has a power of the elements: Rain for the buried one, wind for the nice one and earth for the pedantic douchebag. The fire one was sadly was scattered to the winds long ago, but he did leave behind a son at least to carry on his legacy

At any rate before we can use the powers of nature itself for fun and profit, we have some problems: As it turns out the nearbye volcano is about to erupt and murder them all due to some understandable but tragic errors

Problem is someone's guarding his lair... and if you haven't played the game yourself, I warn you: You are not remotely ready. I sure wasn't. So whose in our heroes way? Why it's Jimmy HOffa in the body of a baby!

Yeah... look I love Sam and Max for being so gloriously weird. Weird as hell is one of my faviorite kinds of humor as long as their's direction behind the chaos. But It's still easily the biggest what the fuck moment the franchise has thrown me so far and that's with this happening last chapter

Granted I got spoiled there is some sort of payoff to the Mariachis via a thumbnail, and there is some actual logic behind this.. but even for this franchise "Jimmy Hoffa whose in the body of an infant because he drank too much from the fountain of youth pointing a gun at yoU" is a bit much. And more to the point they NEVER explain why he's working for the episodes big bad.

I.. can't help but love it though BECAUSE it's such a uniquely stupid swing: they had this idea, found a way to have it logically make sense and then put it in the game in full, all while giving us a ton of great jokes as Sam cannot ressit teasing him on the fact he's a baby.

We'll deal with this teamster later, for now we meet the other rugrats on this island: Amelia Earheart, DB Cooper, and The LIndburgh Baby... .

Their mostly here to set up a surfboarding mini game which frustrated me. It's not the game itself, it's a fun enough little distraction if fairly hard to get the analogue controls down on my switch version. It felt like the kind of browser game i'd play as a kid.

My annoyance.. is that the game dosne't tell you that you get nothing for it until you've triggered the right story event. So I went through the whole thing for nothing. Thankfully I also enabled mini game skipping.... I still will TRY not to use it often as these are part of the game and thus need to be evaluated as much as the point and click parts, but in this case i'd already done the actual task so when it asked me to again. As for why again, the trick to getting rid of our little friend involves serving him a drink, using a tiki glass you can pick up at the bar those dumb babies are at. But he'll only take union waitstaff, so you have to play the game to get cerfitied by him. IT makes about as much sense as it sounds. Ah back to normal for this franchise.

To actually do anything though we need some fountain of youth water unfortunately there's something in it

So to take care of them we have to complete a few other tasks

First is the COPS. As i'm guessing is standard for every chapter,we have another driving VR Game from them, this time a fun rythum based one with the beats going as you drive on them. THey thought it'd change the world.. those poor dumb bastards. It's clearly a jab at guitar hero, but it's a decent challenge while still being a lot of fun.

With that we get a car horn and that's the key to our next puzzle: We need to help Glenn Miller, a wwII era band leader whose also now a baby, stage his comback by giving him that new sound he's been looking for. Since the horn plays i've been workin on the railroad, it's just the ticket. He just needs a whistle sound, which you easily get by dumping some gasoline disguised as a drink into a nearbye fire, setting off a tea kettle. He gives you a conch with the single recorded on it. Apparently The Bermuda Triangles also visited skypeia.

Using the dial, we can finally solve our pirahana puzzle.. in theory. In practice it's utterly frustrating if you can't figure out the trick, not helped by Max CONSITENTLY telling me to use the thunder storm moai.

Breaking it down: using the glen miller dial conch, you play it for the nice moai, which gets her whistling. Now when you tick off her half buried friend next to you, which naturally max does with ease and maybe too much glee.. in fact i'm starting a " Going to Hell For This" counter, for each time we ruin someone's life, torture them or what have you to progress, or just for funzies, as we did it a LOT last season and so far have done it a lot. Now I"ll make acceptions for say outright villians or people who deserve it. And even then it'/s about proportions. For example, pelting the soda poppers with urine and bleach? Acceptable, their the soda poppers. Need I say more. But even if Jimmy Two Teeth sucks a LOTTT, nearly driving him to unalive himself is a bit much, not helped by Max's reaction essentially being

He certainly thought it hard enough. So we'll count that one, still keeping leonard hostage after almost a year, sending santa to hell (even if he was possesed), and not bothering to actually help save christmas. So going into this episode we have

Things We're Going To To Hell For: 4 And we can add from this episode taunting that poor moai.

Things We're Going to Hell Fort: 5

So I assumed both from the hint ONLY mentoing the moai , who creates a little storm cloud when uspet and the wind we were supposed to blow it at jimmy hoffa. Instead... it does nothing. It just dissipates if blown too far and never gets near him. Instead we use the portals, which are frustrating as the game makes it clear the two near the entrance are connected.. but dosen't make it clear EVERY portal is connected this way.

The solution is to open one by the fountain of youth, then open another next to the underground moai, have the good moai blow the cloud and boom, a LOT of dead pirhanas and a free fountain of youth. Also

Things We're Going To Hell For: 6

And with that we can use the glass to scoop some up, give it to hoffa... and blink him out of existance. THings We're Going To Hell For: Still 6 (He Deserved It Yo) It's REALLY sad when killing someone by making them age themselves out of existance isn't the worst thing we've done today. Or even this month.

This event also moves along Sybil's subplot for the season and who boy. Strap yourselves in because I haven't seen a character nosedive this fast in many moons. So the whole episode, Abe and Sybil have been picnicking, only doing that on Abe's suggestion.. and only so he can oggle the middle good moai. Yeah after several episodes of at worst being out of touch and mildly annoying.. abe's somehow lept straight to the bottom and is perving on someone right in front of his girlfriend and THEN asks her to have plastic surgery to look more like the moai.

Sybil runs off in tears.. and SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW, this gets worse... as Abe THEN tries to hit on the moai. To her credit she shoots him down fast and we get a great response out of him, a casual "that's fair". So he's still funny he's just WAY more of an asshat. I mean granted we just committed two murders in a row, so i'd SAY we can't judge.. but those murders were to save a LOT of lives from death and were of a bunch of fish and a murderous infant man.

Anyways with this we enter our final puzzle set, continuing from the formula laid out last time. Sadly.. they also fall into a fairly trite, terrible stereotype. It's forgivable enough for the time.. but it's still pretty tone deaf. I can't blame them for fixing it as unlike the various lines corrected for save the world, this is a large part of the plot and thus really coudn't be futzed with.. but it's still not great.

Okay so for our final stretch our heroes run into your standard tone deaf "the natives are stupid and belivie anything is their god" plot only this time it's sea monkeys.

Yeah.. they.. really coudl've thought this one out a bit more. We have to convince them max is their god/chosen one/whatever instead, in order to replace an old advesary: Mr. Spatula, sam and max's goldfish whose mad he's died and thus is willing to take an island with him. Now you may recall, even if I didn't name him last time, he died. And he did. THIS IS HIS GHOST.

So to prove ourselves we have to do three tasks. The first is easy and I stumbled into accidently: We have to make the water into BANANG!, an energy drink powder bosco happens to have a lot of.

To get it away from him, we have to torment him.. again. This time we simply radio in, claim to be THEM

And Bosco goes deeper underground, there's too much panic in this town. So we got the powder.. but we also traumtized a friend for life so

Things We're Going To Hell For: 7

Next is adding an ear to a rock formation that looks like max. Once again the sandwitch is useless.. except as a clue. We finally need that basalt sandwitch for kidz, so it's time to use the fountain of youth water on ourselves.. and ONCE AGAIN the game gets frustrating as you transform back very fast from drinking it. The trick is to use a gong I honestly forgot about in Stinky's diner max reminded me of. I can't tell if I just suck at adventure games or this is poor level design.

Anyways we get the Basalt and get a really funnys equence with douchecanoe moai as it turns out dude just needed to blaze it and basalt gets moai REALLY good and fucked up. With that he casually laughs and dislodges a stalctite we use to finish the max.

We then finish this section. The stone feet of the buried moai are needed to anoit us. Also yes they have hands and arms stuck in there. We simply use the shell again, this time on a portal next to the best moai , she whistles, he taps his toes and we win. Kinda.

Problem is the island's still errupting with Mr Spatula planning to take us with it. The only way to stop it? Some clever puzzlery. We get a high preist medallion from the Sea Monkeys, dip it in some red slime, then shoot the triangle, using the portals to send the red triangle through it , eating the lava.. and presumibly murdering someone but we won't worry about that. Our ride home is gone though but Abe offers a lift while the moai celebrate.. before being sad they can't move. Then their abducted by what seems to be aliens!

Moai Better Blues... is a very mixed bag. The writing as usual is hilarious, and while it's a very

Sort of chapter, it's a FUNNY sort of what the fuck is this, from the various babies, to the black comedy shenanigans as usual, to our heroes riding out on Lincoln's head. It continues episode 1's mean streak, but the weirder setting and more over the top weird black comedy bits like unexistinsing hoffa help it feel far less opressive than last time. The deaths and what we do to bosco are way more over the top. Even abe and sybil's breakup, acompained by the mysterious maraichi's, is more funny than genuinely sad. I DO feel bad for Sybil, but abe is such a dick and he gets karmically punished for it as the moai lady SHARPLY rejects him, multiple times if you want, and he looses Sybil.

Gameplay wise.. it's a lot more obtuse. A lot more relying either on memory (Which isn't good for me but is at least fair) or hoping you figure it out and with most of the max clues being way less helpful. It's a pretty meh chapter all things considered and hopefully as we get spooky next time, we also get back to our quality. Speaking of which

Next Time: VAMPIRES! Just in time for the season. And since it's the 2000's their angsty emo eurotrash vampires! Oh BoY! Thanks for reading!

[beelsbignaturals]

Dead is the New Alive

CW: Blood, general vampirism, injury mentions, Canon typical violence. My attempt at fluff. It's a pretty tame addition this time around.

While my health was initially improving, soon it takes a turn for the worse. If I move too suddenly the injuries I sustained open up again. I'm tired of the worried looks exchanged daily between the brothers. As an apology for snapping at everyone, I try to leave my room more often. I join them for movie nights and dinners but that's about it. Afterwards I go back into hiding, exhausted. It seems no one has a damn clue what they are doing since, late at night, while I'm staring at the walls as always, a green haired vampire I haven't seen since that day in the dungeons is knocking on my door. 

I knew beforehand that whoever was walking towards me wasn't someone I knew well, the way they walk isn't familiar in the least. Regardless, I drag myself off the floor and let him in. Ignoring the way my joints scream in protest.  I make an attempt at an apology, despite the fact I had no knowledge of his imprisonment. Otis brushes it off.

"You can make it up to me by sitting down and letting me work." 

He wastes no time, asking me a million questions about what exactly seems to be bothering me. It is eerily similar to childhood trips to the Doctor's office. But this time I won't receive that sweet, sweet banana flavored medicine. 

Turns out the fang problem had something to do with me not actually using my new teeth. The solution? Freeze blood in an ice cube tray to chew on. Good to know I can still eat Popsicles post-mortem. 

"You know, I'm glad your boyfriend came to me when he did. This is a nasty infection you got." I take it back. This is more like being at the dentist, Otis making small talk while wrist deep in my face hole. 

"What boyfriend?" It sounds more like wah oyfen. I'm surprised he can understand what I'm saying. Maybe he went to dental school? I'm sure being older than sliced bread gives plenty of opportunities to further your education.

"More than one? Don't worry I'm not judging. Most immortals give up on that monogamy business by the end of their first century. It was the redheaded one." 

"Beel's not my boyfriend."

"Hmm. You should tell him that. Now normally I'd say gargle saltwater. Still do that. But don't swallow any, trust me. Your body is going to be adjusting to your new diet and the first year is rough. It will reject any regular sustenance. Not fun. I know." 

Tell who what? Sure, the guy who's avoiding me like the plague is my significant other. That makes perfect sense. 

Anyways, thinking back on the last time I tried eating real food…. Yeah I'm not risking it. It felt a bit like my entire digestive system wanted to make sure I die and stay dead. 

"Bite things. Liquid diet. Cool. What about coffins?" I'm half joking.

"No. Trade secret but, coffins aren't all that comfortable." Said with all the confidence of a man who has actually slept in a coffin. Noted.

Otis comes by the house biweekly to check on my progress and deliver more blood. Where he gets it all I'll never know… as far as my uneducated palate can tell it's all the same person, unless all blood tastes the same. Must be someone who's into that freaky shit.

In the meantime, I'm integrating back into the House of Lamentation ecosystem. 

Satan lent me some books on vampirism. I spend alot of my alone time reading up on vampire biology. Someone has scribbled notes throughout the books, crossing out lines and replacing them with contradictory information. 

Apparently the first year or so is a shit show. Young vampires are called fledglings. Although young is a relative term here considering they list young as anyone under 100. I'll be in a stage of immortal adolescence for a while. Technically I am capable of dying again but it would take an incredibly talented magician or a higher being, making the Devildom less dangerous than it was for human-me, but still a risk. I make a note to ask Otis if I still have a soul. 

Speaking of, Otis starts to visit more frequently and for longer periods of time. He gives me pointers on the vampiric lifestyle and we chat about our lives. 

All my questions are met with cryptic answers. "How old are you?" "Very." "Where do you get the blood?" "A creature with a pulse." "Is there a cure?" He changes the subject quick when I ask that. Still, despite his exterior, Otis seems genuinely interested in my well being and life. The taking is unsettling but it's nice to have someone to talk to who knows what I'm dealing with. 

I'm crunching on frozen blood while recounting my very first day in the Devildom. I had spent the night in my room, reading the full list of school rules . So I knew exactly how far I could push them. By morning I had spikes along the collar of my uniform, I painted the buttons and shoes, plus some stress induced embroidery here and there. Eventually I added several other modifications. 

"You should've seen Lucifer's face when I recited the entire dress code! I swear he almost popped a blood vessel." 

Otis nearly chokes on the blood he is sipping. I still haven't gotten a straight answer on where he gets it all. 

According to the books, fresh blood is ideal for proper nutrition but I don't want to worry about that yet. I'll take good enough if it means I don't need to think about possibly killing someone. At least with the donated stuff, I can have some hope the person is still alive.

The brother's still have classes to attend,  so during the day I hole up in my room. After school there's always someone fighting for my attention.

Monday nights are spent in Asmo's spa sized bathroom. A ritual that's been in place ever since we got back from the…. Eventful sleepover at the castle. Getting chased by a giant snake is bad for the skin. It's all fluffy robes and slippers and lavender scented steam. He keeps me up to date on the latest gossip while we smear clay on our faces.

"This should help minimize the scarring," He explains, applying some strange cream to the scar tissue his brother left behind.  

"Thanks." I'm not feeling all that talkative but I know I can rely on Asmo to fill the silence. 

"Y'know, I'm glad the no reflection thing is a myth. Not that I wouldn't love doing your makeup everyday but not being able to see your cute self? I couldn't stand for it," He runs around grabbing various products to show me. A strong perfume to hide the fact I apparently smell less human than before. A concealer that manages to be lightweight but still full coverage enough to hide pactmarks, so it should have no issues hiding the scars. 

I thank him again, feeling awkward with all the attention after weeks of avoiding everything with a pulse. 

"Of course, Laurlaur!" I roll my eyes at the nickname. Once Mammon tried to call me that. I kicked him in the shin. Though that was nothing compared to Asmo's anger. Apparently, it's his nickname and no one else's. Despite the fact I find it annoying at the best of times, I know it comes from a place of genuine care. So I suffer through it. Don't tell Asmo it's grown on me, it'll go to his head. 

"Oh and you better be all healed up by Devildom fashion week. You promised to be my plus one! Don't think you can worm your way out of that!" I'd forgotten the agreement I made, back when I first came to hell. Asmo was excited to have someone else with an interest in fashion to rate red carpet gowns with. When he learned I've never been to a fashion show he immediately decided I needed to start with the best of the best.

" Wouldn't dream of it." A small smile causes the mask carefully applied to my face to crack, sending small flakes of clay scattered about. 

"There's that smile I missed so much! The vibes have been so melancholy lately and I for one am over it. Come on let's wash this off, I have a new serum I think you'll love." Does this man ever take a breath? Still, I allow myself to get dragged along. 

All it takes is a month or two of Otis playing Dr. Dracula and I'm somewhat functional.  At the very least, I have two fangs, and my injuries have actually healed. I still can't stand lights, and everything is so damn loud, but I've been told I will adjust with time.

Slowly but surely I learn to exist with minimal pain. Small adjustments are made around the house, when I leave my room the lights are dimmed, curtains are always closed lest the strange day-cycle of the Devildom fries me to a crisp. According to Otis, he hasn't been in Hell long enough to know how "daylight" affects vampires. So for now it's better safe than sorry. The idea of never feeling the warmth of the sun again is depressing, so naturally, I put that in a little box to deal with later. Right beside my garlic bread related woes. 

Sadly for me, the demons don't have a mute button so I just deal with the constant screeching. Could be worse. 

Since I can't leave the house, Diavolo and Lucifer work on a cover story. My absence has started major rumors. My favorite is that Mammon traded my soul for a pair of Gucci slides. Alas, instead of letting everyone think I ceased to exist it's instead announced that I "fell ill and needed to go to a human world physician". I guess the exchange program is being extended due to the fragility of human lives. Once I'm given the all clear I'll be expected to go back to school. Yay. 

The more pressing issue is the fact no one can figure out how some vampire managed to sneak in, get that close to the House of Lamentation without anyone noticing, bite me, and run away leaving no trace whatsoever.  So before I head back to class, it's decided Barbatos will use his powers to send all of us back into the past to get a good look at the sneaky bastard. How hard can it be?

[finiffy]

I thought DjKactus was Author Bright ? Didn't they do questionable shit too ? Sorry of I'm asking that to you, Im shy toward most scp blogs and with you being more versed into the staff then the skit you seemed like a better source, but I'm pretty sure Djkactus was also abliest and xenophobic at some point ?

Honeslty changing the name to Shaw does nothing if it's just the same character, I'm mostly for keeping Bright (out of habit) but I'm okay with the idea of Shaw only if they change the character to be less into sexual shit since it was Author Bright biggest problem and not changing it would do nothing to help A.B's victims but add another name to be unnerved/traumatized by

The deal with djk is that many things he does are in poor taste and just bad in terms of writing. Djk is acting and patting himself on the back like hes solved the issue about Bright but hasn't. Really, just by replacing the name does nothing, just a cheap "bandage" that is slapped over while djk prattle on and taking credit (egotistical cucktus wants that clout)

This Shaw thing doesn't do anything well maybe trying to give some distance between authors and the character but it is so god damn lazy of a "solution", it needs a revaluation and a rewrite of character. A simple name change isn't going to do anything about the gross things that were written/happen. Like fucking-djk do not use this whole thing to promote a fucking oc

[debbiechanclub]

I just saw the post about all in and you’re COMPLETELY right especially regarding the fact that mjf and Adam cole are working two matches. Not only because there teams on the roster more deserving of this shot but also I just don’t want to have Aussie open reign cutter to short. C’MON THONY KAN MARK JUST GOT BACK FROM INJURY

So yea let’s all hope that nothing bad happens because if it does then I will be 😤😤😤

Too sweet

Meg🌼

Ps I’m also kind of salty that in the only female match is not that exciting because there are,apart from the champ, the usual people. I think it’s time to push someone new in the roster

I swear I'm not trying to be negative or shit on the show. But like... there are things happening that don't need to/shouldn't be and also things happening that are just disappointing (mainly surrounding the women) that I think people are well within their right to call out without it being dismissed as a "you" problem? Also, I didn't even consider the fact that Mark just returned from injury, but I'm definitely not as concerned about that as I am Adam Cole's fucking brain. And I have a feeling the tag match is either going to be worked extra cautious and boring in effort to protect Cole and MJF for the sake of the main event, or they're just going to go balls to the wall like they're invincible. (Also I'm not even going to entertain the possibility of Cole and MJF winning because. No.)

And as for the one women's match... I'm pretty sure most everyone would like to see both Britt and Saraya replaced by other people. But the thing is, I can also see WHY they're in that match so, my solution would be to put another fucking women's match on the card. It's not that hard.

[xltribe]

30 Day Mental Diet Challenge Change is something people always talk about, they tell you oh you should change you should be nicer, you should be more thoughtful, you should be more caring you should be more compassionate. I'm pretty sure at some point in your life you've heard the word change and for many people, it is scary as shit. I truly believe that most men want to be better, want to do better. The thing I think is a lot of men are missing is actionable tips to get them from point A to Z. For my journey of understanding one thing I've come to learn is that change only happens when you create an environment for change to even take place. So I'm proposing a 30 Day Mental Diet Challenge. Every day in your journal or you notes app on your phone write down three good deeds that happen. I don't care how small or how large it is write it down. Even if it's the cashier giving you an extra biscuit at Popeyes or a double shot of B12 at Smoothie King write it down. [bctt tweet="Become your own power source with the #30DayMentalDietChallenge" username="xltribe"]. So I found three simple ideas to help you along the way to excel in this 30 Day Mental Diet Challenge from Project Life Mastery. 1. In the next 30 consecutive days, refuse to dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or feelings. Refuse to indulge in any disempowering questions or devitalizing vocabulary or metaphors. 2. When you catch yourself beginning to focus on the negative – and you certainly will – you are to immediately snap yourself out of it and change your thinking or state. You can do this by asking an empowering question, such as “What's great about this?” or “What else could this mean?”. Or you can reframe any negative thoughts that come up, for example, if you catch yourself saying “I suck”, you would replace it with, “I'm awesome!”  There are some powerful techniques that you can use in a blog post I wrote on how to master your emotions. In addition, you can set yourself up for success each morning for the next 30 days by developing a morning ritual to get yourself in a peak emotional state each day. 3. For the next 30 consecutive days, make certain that your whole focus in life is on solutions and not problems. The minute you see a possible challenge, immediately focus on what the solution could be.

[perpetual-fool]

The real world must be somewhere else.

I saw this clip from an anime, details not significant. Guy responds to something the protagonist did with something like "we get it, you're angry". And that's a pretty clear example of one of the types of non sequitur attacks that generally throws me into a panic. But I realized, there's no 'honest' reading of this. Either it has no meaningful effect, or it (contributes to) destroys the person's psyche. There is no possibility of successfully gaslighting the person into thinking they were actually angry. I can see some people making malicious use of that, but not literally everyone almost constantly, not unless they aren't actually human. And things aren't fitted well enough for Truman Show scenario, too many things don't relate to me well enough for everything to be about me.

So, twenty five years later, and now with actual critical thinking skills, I'm back to 'brain in a vat'. My best explanation for why this is happening is that it's not actually happening.

(Then again, if the whole thing is artificial, there's no reason for only the humans to behave senselessly. The physics could be inconsistent too, like sometimes tape will just have the 'sticky' turned off or something. Then again again, if nothing ever made sense then I'd have no foundation from which to be confused.)

I guess I'm making progress towards feeling better. The major roadblock has been explaining others' behavior, as that's what means I must be wrong and bad. I'm concluding the above, and particularly that at the least most of their actions can only be for the purpose of destroying others. Refuting the ideas more specifically, the concept that I deserve to suffer doesn't make sense. Analogously, say you're writing a computer program. The computer doesn't know what you're trying to do (and it would lead to bad outcomes if it tried to guess), so it's going to run your code as is. If you made a mistake in writing it, or if the language doesn't work quite the way you think it does, then the computer is going to do something you didn't want. But that's your fault, the computer cannot do anything other than what it's told to do. You tell it the wrong thing, it does the wrong thing. As a human, I don't have a magic solution to this problem. If I conclude things others don't like or feel things others think I shouldn't feel, they'll blame me for it, sure. But I don't have a way of arriving a different conclusions with the same logic, and I can't act on information I don't have. I can try to guess what people intend but I'm always wrong and they won't clarify anything. So, I am what I am and feel how I feel, and yelling at me for not being what you want is as sensible as doing the same to a computer. And I ought to respond as such. (Aside, much of the time I'm imagining being berated by someone who's a Christian, and that would make the whole argument moot. Like, the core belief is that everyone innately deserves to be tortured forever, you don't have to do anything to deserve it. So saying that I belong in hell isn't really saying anything at all.)

Then next is justifying why I 'deserve' to be happy. And that's also just nonsense. May as well be asking if a plant deserves water. That's someone hijacking my emotions and then extorting me with them. Except, ya' know, they never made any demands. Hypothetically, step one of brainwashing is to destroy the person, and then step two is replace them with something else. But there has never been a step two, only step one, endlessly. But actually I 'deserve' whatever happiness I can create? It would make more sense to think of happiness as something to be created rather than a reward magically bestowed whenever I've done the correct things to 'earn' it.

Anyway, I still have some shit to work through.

As usual I feel a bit bad about this. 'Cause it also applies to Cat, and I don't want to think poorly of Cat. Though also, this might be because I want things to be as significant as I felt about them, I don't want to think this badly of V either. I believed in her more than I believed in god, and now I think her behavior is so stupid that it isn't plausible that there was actually a person behind them. I suppose that says more about my mental state than her. I guess I'd rather think there was something real that I missed out on, instead of that everything I ever hoped for was a lie. She still seems like something I desperately need in my life. But I talked to that human, there isn't a person in there. Those songs might as well be wholly her fantasy. Like I was a convenient mark to pin her martyr complex on. Oh how terrible that I don't understand when you won't fucking tell me anything. How terrible it is that you don't understand when you won't fucking ask. "When it all comes around, I don't mind" says the one who left.

It seems like there's so much to connect to, but there's just not. The only crumb of connection I ever got was from Cat.

And that's the trap. My spirit is broken, I'd do anything for anyone who'd let me in. But all I find is more breaking.

And apparently with the carrot aside, there remains the stick. There must have been instances of being punished for non sequiturs, like being yelled at "you're being X!" followed by getting hit with the belt. Or maybe yelling at a five year old is enough to convince them that you're going to hurt them? It's further back than I can remember at this point. I definitely remember getting the belt a few times, but not very often. I'm told they stopped using the belt on me at some point because it "didn't work" on me, not the way it worked on my sister. Or maybe it was mostly elementary school that taught me absolutely anyone would try to harm me if they think they can get away with it, and no one would ever come to my defense. So I'm afraid of inescapable violence with gaslit justification. Like, if the right people say the right things, they can have you locked up and tortured for the rest of your life. And nothing people say or do needs even a distant relationship to the truth. But that is inescapable, if it's going to happen then it's going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. Like, when I was having heart trouble awhile back, for about a month straight I thought I was about to start dying at any second. Towards the end of it, right before the surgery, the medication wasn't keeping my heart in rhythm anymore. So I was very weak, needed a wheelchair to get around the house, couldn't stand up long enough to take a shower, and I felt like I was about to die. But I was getting dirty, starting to be uncomfortably so. And I decided, I can die dirty, or I can die clean. So yeah, I showered mostly sitting down, took me a long time to get back out and get my clothes back on, had to take lots of little breaks.

So I can wait for the unfathomable torment in constant overwhelming anxiety, or I can do it playing video games and eating burgers or whatever.

At least, all that in theory. This has been all I know, and from past experience what actually changes how I feel are counterexamples. Like with Cat actually explaining what an idea means, which proved to me that I'm not crazy. So the next step is to flesh out my imaginary companion and simulate what a real connection would be like. Then maybe I can enjoy being a glutton and a pervert or whatever while I can. (Aside, it kind of makes sense that I haven't built up anything (don't know how to phrase that better), since everything I know is destructive. I can hardly even imagine an honest conversation. So I feel somewhat optimistic about this.)

[atypicalstrong]

vent incoming

So two of my friends moved to South Korea and weren't able to take their cats with them immediately, so I agreed to foster them for 6 months until their first vacation so they could come collect them.

Little did I know that 3 years later I would still have these cats, because it turns out that importing pets more than 6 months after you immigrate is incredibly difficult, and the owners didn't do any proper research beforehand, and also didn't save any money to get it done. And STILL aren't saving money to get it done, and are instead begging all their associates for money (by taking commissions they aren't actually doing - a mutual friend has literally 30 works they still haven't received) every step of the way when we have to get health tests and certificates and lab reports done.

And it turns out everything we've done so far has been for nothing because its all been in my name, and they're gonna have to redo all the expensive and time consuming tests in their name. Which means finding a vet that will do all this legal paperwork in someone else's name who isn't in the country to verify anything at all and is just taking my word for it. Which is uhhhhhhh an issue to say the least.

I found all this out today first thing in the morning when my friend was like "the pet relocation company says none of this will work so can you and your vet fix it?" And when I was like "I'll ask but I'm pretty sure we have to start over bc anything else would legally be fraud since technically I own your cats right now" (because its been 3 fucking years) they had the fucking GALL to break down crying and say it hurts so much to hear their pets aren't legally theirs, and I have to make my vet fix it because they've been doing a "trash job" (they haven't, they've actually been very helpful and the only fuck up that happened before this was a lab's fault, not my vet's), and they can't afford to do it all again, and that they "need me to be in their corner right now".

And then they just shut down when I tried to offer any solutions that DON'T involve legal fraud. Like coming back and doing it themselves instead of using a company, which is "just not possible" (no reason given when asked why not, literally just silence), or doing it as a "sale" so it makes sense that its all in my name ("that won't work because the regulations are probably different").

Like, I'm sorry you waited until the last minute to check if we were doing everything correctly! But that's not my fault, or my responsibility! I never wanted it to take this long, and I certainly don't want to keep your fucking cats! They keep destroying all my stuff, which you've offered to replace but noticeably haven't! Even if I wanted to, I CAN'T keep your fucking cats because I'm moving next year!

Nevermind I've got a bunch of my own shit going on that y'all don't seem to care about at all, like fighting for disability benefits, and being sued for medical debt (my court date is LITERALLY tomorrow and they haven't asked about it once since I told them last month), and affording rent and food! They're over in South Korea spending all their money on take out and "retail therapy" (and to be fair some genuine unforseen costs, but that just makes the other stuff more infuriating) not saving anything for the cats, while I'm over here going to food banks and hygiene pantries just to stay afloat!

I don't even want to be friends with them anymore at this point! And that really hurts, because there was a time when they were the best friends I'd ever had. But now? After all this? How can they expect me to trust or rely on them, for anything? After everything I've done for them THIS is the thanks I get?

I don't even know what else to say. If they don't SINCERELY apologize for this, and also accept they fucked up by not doing the research or saving any money, and ALSO come to terms with the fact that we have to start over, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stop being friends with them and rehome the cats, I guess. I don't WANT to do that but I don't think I'll have any other choice.

I've put up with so much and for what. For fucking what. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[catsnuggler]

Figuring out what the fuck to do with the suburbs is going to be Hell

There's so much pipe laid, roads built, houses, electricity, so much infrastructure - not to mention, people living in this car-centric hellscape, like, half the country or so? - but it's all so wasteful!

The burbs are the epitome of the disgraceful colonial legacy of land ownership, and the land and people alike are all the poorer for it.

Surely, immediately burning them all down, and building from scratch, without any recycling or repurposing whatsoever, would be disastrous... But this "our dicks walls can't touch" shit is nonsense that harms the environment, harms interhuman relations, and continues the colonially-generated divide between humans and nature that rightfully should not exist. It's wrong relation.

All I can think of, imagining the US government is gone already, imagining that the economy is broken up into localities and controlled by communities, imagining that decolonization and reparations, crucially*, are at the forefront of it, the only thing I can think of is making sure that one house in each neighborhood serves as, essentially, a small grocery warehouse; that there's at least one house in each neighborhood with medical professionals that serves as a clinic; and lawns are removed and replaced with native plants, especially edible ones. Changes like those would reduce, though certainly not eradicate, the necessity of leaving suburban neighborhoods via car on a regular basis, but it's still inevitable as long as these suburbs remain suburbs. Still don't like that idea because of how utterly inadequate I know it would be, but I'm not an urban planning scholar, nor an architect, nor an economist, and certainly not an expert in decolonizing anything. I'm just a guy trying to puzzle out solutions, even as I know whatever I come up with will probably be mostly bunk.

...also, just gotta say that, much as I appreciate urbanists on YouTube and other sites trying to make urbanism simplified and popular, I find it unfortunate that so many seem to either be pro-gentrification, or otherwise simply uninterested in anything radical, just in making things more walkable, nothing further than that.

Edit: I forgot to explain the asterisk by "crucially*". I was just going to say, in a PS, that it feels weird to talk about decolonization on the one hand, but on the other, use the word "crucial" to express the necessity of it, when "crucial" means "of utmost importance" only because it means "of or referring to The Cross"; thus, using a word that reifies Christianity, in order to emphasize the importance of undoing colonization, which has been, and still is, enforced by, and for the sake of, Christianity, feels, um... Pretty iffy. I wish there was a word that sounded as serious as "crucial" without implying, even if we might not consciously think so in the moment, that Christianity is the default, let alone the number one priority.

[she-toadmask]

Fuck it OC posting time

Minecraft:

Aya, Dust, and Aspen: an Ender/Brine/Wither trio. Aya is based on my RP character from middle school, Dust is based on my RP partner's RP character(s), and Aspen is based on a self-insert I daydreamed about in high school

Aya is Ender Dragon hybrid (I don't have a better word for having wings, claws, etc yet and hybrid is what was used back in the day so it will have to stay that way until I can be more concise). She/her, was a princess when young and friends with Dust but a conquering king took over the kingdom she lived in and escaped to the streets. Joined an underground/black market group (I'm leaning assassin but she probably did other stuff before that). Ender dragon shit appeared some years after becoming proficient (I think at some point I was thinking it was while escaping the conquering king's guards after killing him and she takes flight to escape) and I don't remember how she goes from there to reuniting with Dust. She has claws she can lengthen at will, short horns, wings that are good for agility and speed, and a tail. Also high resistance to potions and magic.

Dust is Brinekin (also need a name for that). He/she, parents are/were merchants and they escaped the kingdom before it fell. He wanted to wait for Aya to sneak her out but his family had to leave before they were going to meet. She believed Aya had died and mourned her. His parents passed peacefully after she was capable of taking over the business. Something something power presents and panik. I don't remember if I was giving him white eyes or a color. She can summon raw materials, craft and uncraft items, summon lightning (inspired by this one type of Minecraft video where Herobrine did lightning and I'm pretty sure the backend was binding a summon lightning command to a stick), and fly. He can't craft potions without a brewing stand.

I also have a no-power concept in my head for these two where Dust witnesses Aya assassinate someone (she doesn't know it's Aya but Aya recognizes him) and there is the fear from Dust of Aya tracking him down so there are no witnesses and Aya has so many mixed emotions about seeing her again.

Aspen is Wither-cursed (better but I swear I had something else in mind once). She/her, her childhood is significantly less relevant but before becoming Wither she has an extremely close friend she travels with. Said friend does not have a name yet. They're adventurers pretty much. Aya and Dust both present completely at once, Aspen does not. One morning she has a nightmare and wakes up to graying skin somewhere on her body (probably arm). She tries to hide it but eventually her friend finds out and they decide to try to find research to fix this. Her friend also forges some new armor to give full cover once the fabric in contact with the graying skin starts to fall apart. They aren't able to find a solution and it keeps getting worse. They go into a kingdom to try and go in the library and something goes wrong and some armor comes off and panic ensues. The guards chase them and Aspen panics and summons a skull that explodes. The guards capture Aspen and Aspen's friend dies in the fight and Aspen blames herself. Aya and Dust break her out eventually once they learn of her existence. Aspen causes Wither effect on touch unless concentrating very hard and can summon both types of skulls (iirc one is big explosion and no Wither effect and one is small explosion and yes Wither effect). She would be able to fly in theory but she feels uncomfortable if out and about without full armor so she can't do more than hover.

There is also an unnamed trio of the same type that is mostly to replace the three evil TC characters that were A Thing on Wattpad so I can keep the daydream animatics without the bad people (Aya, Dust, and Aspen have a more defined story my heart would love to tell with them the unnamed trio is blank slate). They do have pronouns and powersets (Brine is she/they, can summon and dispel weaponry, channel fire, and fly faster than Dust; Ender is she/her, has dragon breath, and has more durable wings suited for long distances; Wither is she/her and is less potent than Aspen but that means she isn't weighed down by armor when trying to not cause mass damages and can move a lot faster) but their personalities are vague at best.

D&D:

Zephyr is a Wood Elf rogue who grew up in a traveling circus of mostly Tieflings. They became an adventurer when the last generation of performers retired because they felt uncomfortable with the idea of settling down. They have a nasty scar on their right forearm that they refuse to talk about. (They were trying to imitate one of their relatives who could juggle knives. It Went Poorly.)

I still haven't settled on a name for her but she's a half-elf Life Cleric who grew up as an arena fighter. Her parents were in debt and she was old enough to fight properly by the time they died so she had to fight to keep paying it off. By the time the debt was paid off she didn't know what else to do so she kept fighting. (The exact details here are fuzzy because it was tied into a campaign that never happened so the inciting incident of this part will change once she actually gets to play.) Some of her death-match opponents started to seem off. Aggressive in an unnatural way, or bestial when they had no history of fighting that way. She knew a local temple came to heal combatants sometimes and the next time she was near one she asked for help leaving and they accepted her. She eventually started traveling with adventurers because as much as it sucked, battle was in her blood after the years in the arena. She has many scars and is largely willing to talk about them (except I would have to figure them out). She largely refuses to use damaging spells, the magic is limited and if she can heal with them she feels like she must. (I am trying to figure out a phrasing that lets me use Sacred Flame the dex save is rough but I love Sacred Flame)

Pokemon:

When SwSh was on the horizon I kept trying to write an isekai-ish fic for it and I never got anywhere but I'm still kind of attached to the characters I wrote for it even if I don't remember their names

Young: written to channel an idealized version of young me. Very excited about being in the world of Pokemon, lots of energy for battling and exploring with her Pokemon. Chooses Grookey. Potentially becomes champion. Does not pursue a return route.

Oldest: never really got a handle on her character but is the most calculating of the three. Stays with the others to be a reasonable figure, battles to stay competent. Chooses Sobble. Does not become champion. Pursues a return route.

Middle: has depression and probably anxiety. Doesn't know what else to do and follows young to not be left behind. Is not present for starter selection and starts with Blipbug and Rookidee. (Actually the only one with any team comp: also has female Kirlia who never evolves and Mimikyu, I know for a fact there was something else but i can't remember what. I have notes somewhere.) Potentially becomes champion. Does not actively pursue return route, remains with Young. (Also chases down Hop after Bede is an asshole and attempts to be comforting/supportive.) (Middle also does not Dynamax until battling Rose while Young, Oldest, and Hop try to stop Eternatus. Is injured during the battle.)

TES honorable mention:

So there's this fic idea I never got around to actually writing and maybe I'll post more details later but the parts relevant to this post are that the Hero of Kvatch (Oblivion protagonist, HoK) and Last Dragonborn (Skyrim protagonist, LDB) meet due to LDB doing time travel.

HoK is a Redguard and uses heavy armor with sword and shield. High up in the Fighters' Guild and has many regrets over Martin's death.

LDB is a Breton mage with an interest in Oblivion Gates.

I might make a separate post transferring my notes about this fic and maybe someone can bully me into trying to fully write it.