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#i'm pretty emotional rn so
b4kuch1n · 2 years
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same teacher, different lessons
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#sonic the hedgehog#dr. ivo eggman robotnik#miles tails prower#sonic frontiers#SPOILERS. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS COMIC BY THE WAY.#SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS#smiles gently I can not believe I let sonic the fuckign hedgehog ruin my life#(I can I totally can)#hi <3 if you follow me because I drew this sonic comic. don't!#don't do it! follow me bc I'm funny and hot and devastatingly smart don't follow me bc I draw sonic stuff. bc it won;t happen again#I mean it. not bc I dont like or want to do sonic stuff. but bc I am literally in the middle of a job rn#one that I want to invest 100% of my time and brain in#this comic is actually an effort to win my brain back so I can do my job lol#because I finished miss penny snapcube's streams of this game and it force fed me emotions#I just! I just thought sonic would come tell eggman abt sage!! idk seems like something he'd do!!!#and also the whole thing abt letting the characters move on and have a future and change and develop#vs Killing My Baby Little Guy Daughter For Like Ten Minutes#thematically interesting! also for some reasons I had. a pretty easy time drawing this#I was mouthbreathing galloping like a horse to finishing this. Because I Need To Work#I didnt expect to have a good time with these designs tho idk why. probably bc I most suck shit at drawing animals#but to be fair yet again sonic and tails are little guys. theyre animal but theyre also like dudes. also sonic's design is kinda perfect#as far as character design goes he's really pretty goo- wait I made a continuity error hol on#okay. okay I fixed it. no problem. no matter 's all good now#okay. I go sleep now. today has been very noisy. but this actually got me through it okay#thank you sonic the hedgehog. that was pretty cool of u#have a good night guys! absolute freedom is probably really really sad#long post
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copia · 3 months
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THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST ⛧ DAY ONE
first song you heard — Mary On A Cross
September 1969; Papa Nihil and the beginning of the Ghost Project take to the stage at the Whiskey a Go Go club in Los Angeles, under the watchful eye of Sister Imperator. Fifty-three years later, in Tampa, Florida, Papa Emeritus the Fourth performs Mary On A Cross, unaware that he is singing the story of his parents—and that of himself.
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arsonforcharlie · 9 months
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if one more person comes into this room and tells me I look just like my father I'm gonna mcfreakin' lose it
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garrettwrites · 1 year
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When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.
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pink-vulpix · 1 month
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#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months
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also was revisiting a little bmc bway interview ft. william last night & him saying his favorite part of the show was probably doing the agtikbi reprise scene on the couch at the party & mentioning the Nonverbal aspect of jeremy & christine's interacting / communicating there & a way of exploring/depicting Love & Affection in a way you don't always see everywhere and like aaaarghhhhh so true good lord that specific scene. and Again the bway obcr version Existing and being like that, it's just like. winded exhale yeah obsessed 5ever thank you all
#sooo true so true....#bmc#love putting it right in like the eye of the storm#both of them basically just having had these breakups & with jeremy that means mitb scene And [all of that A Time he had prior]#also now reflecting on how you know obviously he was Not ready to hear it w/michael & ofc he was affected by what all Just happened#but it's also like probably the worst time to be very pushy even with the best intentions & thinking it's Urgent & right abt all that lmao#but jeremy's Just had like whoops autonomy revoked ten ways to sunday from two different squip figures like#even [being correct! having jeremy's wellbeing in mind!] behind trying to yank him into some outcome; he's gonna be like Not Again#& ofc the sunk cost re: his squip & he has not had time to catch his breath like literally; not in a place to Confront Shit#if even his missed bestie is; from his perspective here; not at all comforting & not giving him what he feels is a real option....#& anyways ofc we can sympathize / understand them both b/c that's what the show is giving at all moments re all characters#all this to say like jeremy & christine like having such a time being very at sea very uncomfortable but then having This moment#and the refreshment & relief finally of having this successful genuine connection & relative security being with this person rn#love & affection for sure....just say what's on your mind....lord first of all that they improvise those Noises every night. i'm gonna cry#second of all imagining not knowing how that scene goes & the pause & jeremy like [augh] & then christine just Yes Anding. aaaugh#head in hands haven't even relistened for a moment despite all this reflection. the downtempo quiet reprise waaah#it's Pretty killer to sit & chat with you....it's pretty killer for me too....sooo true Not getting this everywhere always & Waaugh ;;m;;#and wasn't even thinking of it as a joke like [and talking about devote specific focus on the Nonverbal aspect of such a scene: im putting#my hands on the shoulders of that & keep drawing a deep breath to start talking abt it but instead going Whew & making Expressions]#i.e. the significance of my nonverbal response as per conveying emotions & thoughts lmao. and just....You Know
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lesbianfrottage · 2 months
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Okay but I need to be someone's beloved wifepet and belong to them completely and be able to pour my whole energy into just loving them. When will it be my turn!
#it won't be honestly#I do not think I will ever actually get to have that#I'm not pretty and I'm disabled in ways that both physically and mentally make me unappealing#so no one really wants anything real with me#especially JUST with me#and I'm *scared* of hurting someone with my craziness tbh#and I only trust like. 3 people at all rn and for various reasons none of those people and I are going to date#and in most of those cases I'm very relieved and in the other there's mixed feelings but mostly positive bc again. i don't want to hurt any1#but i still yearn for it#it's still an emotional need#and I hate that it just isn't ever going to be met#it actually hurts so so badly knowing it won't be met#but i also understand that some people just dont get that kind of happiness#some of us just don't get to be loved#some of us are too ugly and crippled and insane for people to *want* us#i just don't really... want to keep going knowing thay#I'll post it here in the tags bc no one i know reads this blog#(a few know about it but it's not like anyone ever checks it)#but I'm definitely ideating and at risk rn#and i feel pathetic that this is what's doing it#but im an emotionally gooey person and a physical touch person and I'd already been thinking relationships probably werent something i can#like. even do#but then there was a blowup with my ex and like. it was made clear that i can not safely engage with anyone#like emotionally or romantically or sexually#because I'll just hurt them.#like there are parts of me i would like to change but are such a core part of me that they will never change#and they will always hurt someone if we're together ling enough#so im just going to idk.#isolate now tbh#im just gonna cry so much and know i will NEVER have what i emotionally need out of life
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stellacadente · 2 months
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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hatake · 1 year
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i screamed.
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#i forgot abt the manga for a bit. GOT NERVOUS TO READ BCS I'LL GO. HDFKLASJDFLKSJDFLKADSJF YK#( apollo's watching over my shoulder n said to write that i'm ugly. like. artemis is ugly. sobs )#oh my god. i can't read this. i just want to change all my pfps now n. be delusional. daydream. FUCK#EMET-SELCH YOU'RE SO UNFAIR 😭😭#& yotsuyu ma'am you're so pretty pls step on me hahahaha#n then alphi my bb first year he's so adorable i love love love him so much. my bb boy my dearest#AYMERIC YOU'RE SO LOVELY N HAURCHEFANT YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS I'LL CRY#the rest of them too but. rn my brain. is in school mode. i cannot. handle this. rn. oh my god. help#GAIA N RYNE WAHH THEY'RE SO CUTE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 🥹🫶🏼#i'm enjoying this so much but i'm just skimming through to look at stuff#guys i love final fantasy xiv so much.#alphinaud at the end of the second chapter is so me actually#i froze when i saw emet-selch w the book. i have no words. oh my god.#GAIA N YSAYLE INTERACTION MY GIRLS I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i have. assignments to do tho lmfaoooo that's enough for now. actually maybe i'll just quickly skim to the end of this chapter#i'm too shy to add more pics bcs. the 4th chapter. BUT. ALPHINAUD SAVING THE LIL KID I'M SO IN LOVE 🥹🥹🥹🥹🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#alphi n alisaie. i'm emotional. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 😭😭 alphi's soft smile there though.. i'm. so. in love.#alphi w the kid. alphi n alisaie. hdflaksdjfldk i love alphi so much my dear alphi :c#i want to ramble so much help me. but. SCHOOL. HFDALKDSFJDLKFJ SOBBING BYE#just some snippets from the manga yes. don't mind me
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agnesandhilda · 1 year
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every family has curses dipshit it came free with your fucking xbox
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ignore the blank space by Tic
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well. i HAD another character fully done (well, technically 2 bt that doesn't matter since it was only a head of one of them) krita really hates when i insert text though. so that's all gone, but have all (-2) of the users i've designed so far i also had a little thing that related to lore but krita hated that apparently (how dari i even attempt to insert text and forget to save the drawing)
anyways, bet you didn't expect me to make KinitoPET user ocs, didja?
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confinesofmy · 9 months
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queued 30-something succposts 👍 i had to stop because i went far enough down my "x" tag to crash my app but i remember where i was so unfortunately i will continue sometime tomorrow. i don't know how a queue works so. i'm sorry in advance for the dribbling and constant stream of succession posts to come. just block the tag "succmas," you don't have to unfollow me, please, i'm begging you. 🙏
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kibblz-n-bitz · 9 months
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Poem about the moon
At times like these
I find a lot of comfort in the Moon.
there's a skylight in my bathroom
and if I time things just right
I'm able to sit
in her light
and talk to her.
I tell her about my day
about how I feel
Lay my head in her lap and ramble
as she combs my hair with her fingers;
gently,
untangling my curls and
by extension,
my thoughts
She's humming now
because I've lost my words and
I'm crying,
out of frustration or sadness?
I'm not sure.
But she soothes me
Until my tears have dried on my cheeks
Kissing my forehead gently
She reminds me that I have strength
that my life will have phases
just as she does
Guides me back to my bed and
tucks me in
squeezing my hands and humming ever so softly
and I can't help but drift back asleep
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magentagalaxies · 11 months
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love it when i'm feeling stressed so i go to put on any random scott thompson video where he talks about trauma and comedy bc they're so cathartic 10/10 coping mechanism but then i see in the recommended the goddamn "human urinal" standup set and i just go well this isn't what i was looking for at all but now i need to watch this again
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onceuponaroast · 2 years
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Not to sound like an overdramatic sadboi but. I think. It would be nice to be someone's first choice. Just once I would like to be a priority, for someone to specifically choose me. I think that would feel really good.
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