#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

[writebackatya]

Director's Cut for 'Indie-Quack' (What'd I Miss?)!

Before I begin info-dumping there are two things I’d like to start off with:

1. This group I have in this story (Della, Fenton, Gandra, and Gyro) is a fun group and I think a lot of great stories could be made with just the four of them. They all are fun characters on their own and have these similarities and differences with one another that make them play off one another really well. Plus I feel like none of them are the true “adult” of the group since they have characteristics that make them in some ways more mature than the others as well some that makes them more immature than the others. Also I could totally see Della say, “Pfft! White birds, amirite!?!” to Fenton and Gandra whenever Gyro acts up or something

2. This interaction between Gina Linetti and Rosa Diaz from the episode Game Night (S05 E10) of FOX’s NBC’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine:

Okay, let’s talk about Della and Gandra!!

So this is a story I’ve had in the back of my head for a long time. How long? Well I think it’d be safe to say since I wrote the story Under the Influence of Gandra Dee! where I had Gyro tell Gandra that she reminds him of Della

And it's a funny thing on how my stories come to be, 90% of the time they start off as a funny interaction or joke between two or more characters and then if I am too tickled by my own sense of humor I'll be like, "Well now this has to be a story". For this story it was the interaction Della and Gandra had where they both joked about being fired by Gyro for getting high in his lab

Finding a reason for them to be there was not too hard, I did always love the idea of Gizmocloud and since it was never really completed in the show I just felt that could be a good side story to have in the Indi-Quack! series (yeah, I do plan on having a story where it is completed, the main characters of that story will be Huey and B.O.Y.D.). And having Della join the team for the Gizmocloud just made sense to me cause: 1. Della is my favorite character and I'm biased, 2. Someone like Della who is not only handicapped but also missed out an entire decade of technological advances on Earth could offer a unique perspective on the Gizmocloud and help the team make the program and make it more accessible to everyone which I'm sure is the goal, and 3. Della actually is an intelligent duck and could make good use out of it

I never really talked about this since I'm pretty sure this is the first time someone has asked me to talk about Indi-Quack! but the presence of weed in these stories is one of the elements that I tend to overthink (at least in the ones where the characters actually use it). From the very beginning I always told myself these stories need to simultaneously be about the weed but also not about the weed, if that makes sense. I feel like if these stories were just Disney characters getting high they'd wear thin real fast so I try to have some sorta heart in my stories (I'd say the stories Legalize It! and Often Imitated; Never Duplicated! are just straight up goofy stories that are just jokes) so far this one I figured a story about Della and Gandra catching each other up in what the other has missed out on while being isolated while also being able to embrace their chaotic side around one another would make for a sweet story

I always have fun putting two characters together that never really interacted in the show and figuring out how they'd be around one another. Things I always consider when doing that is figuring out their similarities, their differences, the type of adventurer they are, the people we've seen them interact with, and the kind of comedy they produce in their episodes

When it came to thinking about the kind of comedic shenanigans for these two, I knew right away I wanted the story to be about Della and Gandra spending most of their work hours just goofing off with one another and then eventually finishing the job they were supposed to do at the last possible second

When writing these two, I feel like I took a lot of inspiration from Della's "friendship" with Penny and the friendship Gandra has with Fenton. Della being more on the extroverted side with Gandra being more of an introvert brings a nice balance to this dynamic

Something I always make sure I do whenever I write for Gandra is to include a lot of facial reactions to whatever the hell is going on or whatever is happening to her, because a lot of her comedy comes from that. (Seriously. Watch any episode with Gandra in it, she has some hilarious deadpan reactions. My personal favorite is in the finale when Dewey was happily talking about how often this adventure stuff happens to the family and Gandra has this face that's like "What the FUCK is wrong with this family?!?") And having someone like Della is just perfect for her to play off of, for how in-your-face Della can be whether she means it or not. Not to mention I love making puns and snarky jokes, so some of the dialogue for Della and Gandra just comes natural to me

Besides jokes, I did really want to a moment where Della and Gandra reflect on their own lives and what they struggle with because I think they would understand one another and know where they other is coming from. Della is often seen as unintelligent and I know that Gandra would be able to find the brilliance in her that others might not see (kinda like with Fenton). And honestly, Gandra has done a lot of cool things but I don't think anyone has ever told her they were proud of her and I always felt that Della would be the one to do that if they were to ever interacted with one another.

A line I really wanted to include in the story (and I was glad when the right spot for it) was Gandra telling Della that they weren't built to live that 9-5 lifestyle, because when I think of those two I think just that

Della doesn't really have a job, she's an adventurer. She knows how to do adventure stuff. If she were to have a job, I like to think she'd take over Launchpad's responsibilities once that pilot moves to St. Canard and marries Darkwing Duck like he always wanted to do. Plus when it comes to adventuring, Della's never really in it for the monetary gain, she's just there for the adventure. (Which the more I think about her time on the moon, the more I realize how much of a cruel ironic punishment that is. Just a decade long adventure alone by yourself trying to get home)

And when it comes to Gandra, sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people that doesn't want her to work at McDuck Enterprises. Like collaborate with them, sure. Definitely. She can still work with them, but when people act like that her part of her character development is getting a corporate job, it just doesn't sit right with me. It just feels like they're making her be more like Fenton or Gyro when she's her own damn bird, damnit. Her being a freelancer is not a bad thing

There were a lot of stuff I wanted to include in this story that just didn't make the cut because it would've gotten the story off track, not really add anything to the story, take away from the story, etc. I might as well share some stuff:

When Della was talking about the friends and family she'd hang out with are all over the world living their lives, one I was thinking about including was the penguin character Skittles from the '87 DuckTales show who befriended Webby in the original show. That scene would've ended with Gandra asking a couple of times "Her name was Skittles?!" and then BOOM cut to vending machines where they're snacking. But I like the ending to that scene because it does bring up Launchpad who I already knew I wanted to appear at the end as well as Della telling Gandra "Fuck you" after Gandra did the same to her moments ago. I love a good friendly "fuck you"

Speaking of the vending machines scene, originally I wanted to Gandra to just vent about ALL the F.O.W.L. members she worked with, but I figured it'd be best to just focus on the main two, Heron and Bradford, her bosses. Mainly because I'm already working on another story where Gandra shows her disdain for Steelbeak and I always had this headcanon that Della was never a fan of Bradford Buzzard even when he was "on their side" due to his bureaucratic and anti-adventure attitude.

I think at one point I wanted to the two drink a whole bunch of energy drinks (think stuff like Bang or Monster) but that idea didn't really go anywhere

In the story I had the two sing The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani, but originally I thought they should sing a song by P!nk, but the more I thought about it I felt that the P!nk song reflected Della more than Gandra, and I wanted the song to capture a side of Della and Gandra they both share. I will say this, Della will sing that P!nk song in another story I'm working on that does star Gandra

Originally the Gizmocloud scene would have been nowhere near as entertaining. I did want to do a joke about the Gizmocloud being similar to the Holodeck from Star Trek which then would have lead to the two jokingly using technobabble to explain what they were going to do to Della's leg to improve it, but that would've just ripped off a joke Futurama did ("Like putting too much air in a balloon!")

Speaking of the Gizmocloud scene, once I knew I wanted the two to fight in there I thought it would be funny if they started generating friends and family to fight on their sides, but that would've been way too much. I might write that someday here as a little bonus, but for now, I have no plans

At one point I thought it'd be funny to cut to them in the middle of building Della's leg where out of nowhere Della asks Gandra if she tops Fenton and then Gandra casually replies with a quick "Oh yeah." And then Della responds with a "Nice" and then the scene ends. But I didn't want to do too many sex jokes in this story and I felt the cut from the two fighting to the two finishing their work was funny enough. (Also I'm surprised with the amount of Ace readers I have when I write sex jokes that'd make a 7th grader roll their eyes)

I did think it would be funny if the two did do some damage to lab such as Della and Gandra actually attaching rockets to her leg and that leg getting itself stuck in the wall or something, but I wanted the two to be true to their words about being responsible for Fenton and Gyro

Not really something cut, but something I almost cut out of the story was the final scene with Launchpad. My mind kept going back and forth if I wanted to do that scene or just end it at Gyro's final line of the story because it would've made for a sweet little ending, but I love the Launchpad scene way too much to just drop it

Well I hope you enjoyed reading all this, I'm sure there's other stuff I wanna write. But I really wanna go jogging right now.

[teh-catholic-furry]

a while ago i posted a prayer request about meeting with the director of vocations of an order I want to join, thank you for praying for me, it's been a gift.

but now i come asking for simpler prayer request: pray that i not become discouraged or trapped in anger, and learn to forgive.

I had two meetings with the director of vocations, both of which did not go as planned.

In the first he said "I just don't think you're ready to be entering the seminary," and in the second he said "I'm not letting you apply to the seminary, I think you would benefit from some time in the real world."

I'm heartbroken, confused, scared, and angry. When I first met with him (I'll call him Fr. Mark), he noted that I had a pretty good idea of what I was discerning, and insisted that I enter the undergraduate seminary at my university. I told him firmly that I was not ready and that it would be rushing a process I had barely started that year. I felt an inkling, and I needed to discern it with time. He respected that. But now, when I'm telling him that this is where the Spirit is leading me, Fr. Mark says that I'm not ready; never once did he get specific, and all he did in both of the last conversations was dance around and be vague about what he wanted to say. He only time he was direct was in telling me he was not letting me apply. I had no say in the matter, he was closing the door.

I'm convinced this man never knew me. From the beginning I thought something was off about him, and though I kept reading him as disingenuous, I told myself that I was reading too much into. Maybe I was overthinking it, and he wasn't really like that. But now, in these past two meetings, I'm more convinced that's the case. He never remembered what I was doing, what dorm I lived in, what communities I was a part of. He would ask the same questions over and over in every meeting. In the last meeting he wish me a good day, but let me leave with just a simply "Bye." Not even my name. I'm sorry, but a director of vocations should engage people in their discernment journey while also knowing them on a deep level; he never did that. He never one fucking note in the two years I've been in conversation.

I am the best advocate for my relationship to the Lord (apart from the Lord Himself), I don't think that's a controversial idea. So when I told Fr. Mark that this is where I am being called, where I am being lead, and ignored it, I legitimately believe Fr. Mark does not have my best interest in mind. He said he believes "my sincerity in my discernment" but that "post graduation experiences may make your application stronger in the future." "Do you know how many guys we don't let in?" No, and I didn't ask did I? I'm talking to you about me, not the other guys you talk to, but me, individually, particularly,

I've had this image in my head for a while now, of me walking on a path, trees all around me. As I keep walking a thick fog continues to surround me, to the point where I can't even see my hands in front of me. The only thing leading me onward has been the Lord's voice, and His gentle hands taking a hold of my own, guiding me in the direction I should be going. Now all I can picture is Fr. Mark taking a hold of my shirt collar and yanking me backwards, deeper into the fog, away from the Lord.

I feel like maybe I had spent the last two years working and striving towards false hope. But I know that's not the case, I can hear His voice there, at the seminary. I let out my sadness that same night, after walking around campus while praying my rosary. I came back to my room and cried for a while. All that remains right now is just anger.

I'm angry, angry that one fucking man can dictate when I can or cannot apply, angry that one fucking man has the ability to close the door on someone else's journey, angry that one fucking man, by a simple opinion, can say an objectively false statement of "you're not ready." Angry that even when the seminarians themselves are telling Fr. Mark that I'm a great fit for the community, he ignores them. Angry that on top of it all, he has the fucking audacity to say "I don't even think you should go to grad school. I don't think you're meant for that." Had this man taken the time to know me, he would know that's the biggest fucking lie he has ever told me. The fact that those words came out of his fucking mouth, told me more than anything else he's ever said before.

"You're not ready," that's how its supposed to be when you enter the postulancy, no?? To be a part of the community without being a part of the community, to live and grow alongside the men in formation who are a part of the community?? Fr. Mark has mentioned before that no one is ever truly ready for being the seminary, so why now the hesitation? If you ask me, it's complete and total bullshit.

I want to use my anger, I want to show him through my work and through my studies that he was wrong the whole time, I want, no, need, to show him up. But I know that's not where the Lord wants me to go. Doing so would only give him more power over me, and he shouldn't have that. I need to let this anger go, not fester in me.

But I will use it as a spark. It'll be the fire starter, but the Lord has to be my fire, to not keep Him as focus would be asking for a disaster to happen.

[timeoverload]

Well I'm not sure how to interpret your most recent message. I am growing tired of playing guessing games. I can't tell if you are trying to tell me you hate me and you want revenge. I'm not sure what I did wrong but I know I say a lot of dumb shit. I really hope that you don't actually feel that way. Maybe I am just tired and overthinking stuff because that doesn't seem right. I don't know.

I tried really hard to have a good day but it ended up being very chaotic. This morning was ok but I wanted to rip my hair out this afternoon. After lunch I was told that one of the patients that had surgery this morning had bed bugs and no one knew until they were in the recovery room so that was frustrating. Later on, I asked the morning team lead if someone could help me put filters in my genesis pans because they were piling up and he said no. I said something else about it 10 minutes later and he came over to help me but he seemed angry that he had to do it. It took him less than 5 minutes. They weren't that busy and I told him I appreciated his help. He was just in a bad mood all day. After that happened, there were 2 instruments missing out of the retinal tray so the techs had to go dumpster diving and they found 1 of the instruments. I think the other 1 got lost last Thursday so I couldn't find it. I looked everywhere and I even dug through my trash. I had help that day so I don't know who did it and they threw away the tag. I try so hard to do everything perfectly all the time but it's impossible. I got talked to about it anyway because I'm not trying hard enough apparently. My cases got done around 3:30 but I had a lot of stuff to wrap at the end of the night so I was there until 5:30 anyway.

The director said that I should be able to have next Wednesday off as long as I can work on Friday instead. That's going to throw me off but Fridays generally aren't as busy so it's ok. I will make it work.

A lot of people said they liked my new glasses so that's nice. I also got to eat lunch with my friend who works at the front desk now. We haven't had time to talk in a while. She did my job before me and I took over for her when she switched departments. I enjoy being able to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through. She is a really nice lady and she has given me a lot of good advice over the years. I miss getting to chat with her every day because she makes me laugh. I really wish I had more good things to say about my day but I don't.

I am so happy that I'm home. I'm not really that hungry because I ate quite a bit at lunch since the food was actually good today. I will probably make food later but I might just have a bagel and cream cheese because nothing else sounds good. I also bought a giant brownie at lunch so I could eat it after work so I'm looking forward to that. I'm planning on getting ready for bed after I eat. I have a feeling I am going to be up late tonight. I can already hear the foxes screaming outside. Hopefully I wake up on time in the morning. I am going to do my best to make tomorrow a better day.

I hope everyone else has a great day tomorrow! 💖💖💖

[amaya-chwan]

Takeaways from Therapy Game: Restart Chapter 13 (and some Therapy Game news!)

Hello everyone! I hope you've all been well these past two months and taken care of yourselves! 💜

Before we get into our takeaways for chapter 13, I saw some news from Hinohara-sensei's Official Twitter that I would like to share with you all!

First piece of news: Therapy Game re:start volume 2 will be released on 1st June 2021! 🎉

Second: in conjunction with the release of the second volume, Sensei will have an in-person fan signing event at the Ikebukuro Animate store (animate honten) AND will have a special limited time shop featuring goods of our favourite dorks! This shop will be opened 6th-20th June! 🎉🎉

Image from Sensei's Official Twitter post! ❤️💛💜❤️

Now, what does the second piece of news mean for us not living in Japan (such as myself)? 🤔 Well, one of two things could happen:

We could see the merch on Sensei's Twitter and wish we could buy them one day 😭 OR

Animate could "potentially" release this merch for online order!

I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, but when I saw Animate open a special Yuri!!! on Ice shop last year, I didn't think they'd release merch online. But they did, for a very, very short period of time only! So my only hope is that they do that again for Hinohara-sensei! 🤞

Here's the special website from Sensei's twitter that has information about the fan signing event and limited time shop! It seems they'll show what merch will be available in the shop when it's all been finalised.

If I spot anymore updates about that, I'll try to post about it here! ❤️💛

Alright, down to business as usual! Let's get into our takeaways~ Thank you for being so patient with me! Life has been a little busy this year with juggling work and social life! So I really appreciate your patience! 💜

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Loving the brotherly love we see in this chapter! Warms my heart to no end! ❤️💛💜❤️

Minato, bb, you are growing up a lot! I am proud of you! 😭

Did I ever tell you guys that I really love Mito-san too? No? Well now I have ahah! He is just amazing and I love the energy he has--cool and lovable, yet smooth and sexy! Loving the domestic vibes I'm getting! 😍😍

AHHH SHIZUMA! Your smile is too pure, it's blinding! 🥰

Just couple goals from Shizuma and Minato, AND from Mito-san and Shouhei! (Why I don't call Mito-san Itsuki, I'll never know ahah I blame Shouhei! XDDD) ❤️💛💜❤️

The younger sibling moments in this chapter are so relatable! (I am that younger sibling ahahah!) 🤣🤣🤣

I honestly don't know what to think of Onodera at this point in time? 🤔

The (supposed) date time with Shizuma and Minato went from adorable anticipation to steamy relations in a split second, but not NSFW! 😲

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! Since it's been a while since the last chapter, I threw in some extra surprises in this summary, so keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨

Our chapter begins with an image of Mito-san and Minato, with Minato's cheek leaning on Mito-san's shoulder. The dialogue reads: When it seems like my overflowing emotions are about to burst from the seams, I really do yearn for this back (i.e. something familiar he can always lean on).

We see Minato spaced out on a sofa, being called by Itsuki. Itsuki tells Minato to go home if he's just going to sit there like that since he is very busy cleaning his entire home for when Shouhei moves in with him! Minato gets up, understands the situation, and helps Itsuki out.

Itsuki, knowing something has happened between Shizuma and Minato, asks Minato directly since he only goes to Itsuki's place when he is troubled, and he must be troubled by something related to Shizuma. He also says that Shizuma is worried about Minato, especially since Itsuki lied to him about Minato's whereabouts.

Minato brushes it off, saying that it's nothing big. He talks about the time when they had to drop by Shizuma's workplace, he saw a woman/Onodera (not knowing she's Shizuma's director) and that Shizuma made an very adorable face while talking to her.

Minato stops talking, so Itsuki asks if that is all to the story. Minato then says yes, so Itsuki deduces that Minato is ignoring Shizuma because he happily spoke with that woman (Onodera) and confirms with Minato, who then agrees. Itsuki blames himself for raising Minato like this and apologises to Shizuma in his inner monologue.

Minato defensively says he's told Shizuma not to do that, yet he still does. Minato's monologue says that this Shizuma--who is talking to someone unknown to him, about a story he doesn't know, in a place he doesn't know about--seems like a distant person to him.

He realises that even though he and Shizuma are together, he cannot monopolise him, and that it annoys him. So rather than tell him not to speak with others, he has chosen not to see Shizuma until he calms down. Suddenly, a handyman appears at Itsuki's home to beginning furniture installations.

Image translated from Sensei’s Twitter post here!

Minato is surprised Itsuki replaced a lot of his furniture, to which Itsuki replies: "I wonder if Shouhei-kun prefers the new ones too."  Minato says Shouhei would freeze from this "surprise" and imagines Shouhei asking how much it cost!

Itsuki, still in his happy bubble, says he wants Shouhei to also select some household furniture and accessories, so they'll go shopping together next time. Minato is happy for them since their house-moving plans are going well. Itsuki goes back to their previous topic of conversation, and says how Shizuma and Shouhei both are very charming. He recounts how Shouhei would handle different kinds of customers, from the difficult to the sad ones, how his charms and personable skills would change their mood completely, and calls him a genius who has a knack for calming customers.

Minato asks if Itsuki dislikes that, since he himself doesn't know what to think of Shizuma showing his charm and friendliness to others and that some misunderstandings would arise eventually.

Itsuki then reminds Minato that out of all the people in the world, Shizuma asked Minato to live with him, and that thought alone must've made him happy.

Minato does agree, yet it doesn't change the fact that he is unaware of what Shizuma does outside of the home. Itsuki is then suspicious that Minato and Shizuma are going to move in together too.

Minato panics, and says he just meant that from Itsuki's point of view since he's moving in with Shouhei. Just as Minato thinks he's almost let the secret slip, he gets a phone call. Itsuki tells Minato that it's Shizuma, but Minato refuses to pick it up as he is "still cleaning"--the real reason is that Minato told Shizuma he wouldn't forgive him if they speak before Minato gave the OK to talk again.

Itsuki, being the older brother, answers the phone and slides it on the desk near Minato and leaves him to talk with Shizuma, even putting it on loud speaker since Minato is preoccupied.

Shizuma is frantically trying to get a response from Minato, to which Minato responds with a simple: “What... I can hear you.” The first thing Shizuma asks is where Minato is at this present moment, fearing that he might be at a suspicious place. Minato says he isn't and is in fact in the neighbourhood doing some errands. Shizuma breathes a sigh of relief and is thankful his call finally reached Minato as no one he asked knew where Minato was, and because Shizuma was overthinking things, he was just about to go searching for him.

Minato tells him that he doesn't need to go to such lengths and make such a big fuss about it, but Shizuma tells him that he will always make a big fuss about it since it's about Minato. To avoid such a thing happening again, Shizuma tells Minato not to make him worry. Then these pages happen:

Just as their talk of their brothers' moving into together comes to an end, Shizuma gets all excited to go apartment hunting with Minato again and reminds him, not knowing that Itsuki is also listening. The Mito brothers freeze in surprise, with Itsuki soon confirming his earlier suspicions with Minato--his eyes and aura going all kira kira (i.e. sparkly). Minato tries to reprimand him for bringing it up now, but Shizuma continues on, saying he's found a few places he likes and they should start inspecting prospective apartments soon before they're overwhelmed by it all.

Minato hastily agrees to it all, and Shizuma smirks on the other end of the phone, asking Minato when they can see each other. Shizuma suggests Friday if he is too busy at the present moment, and just as Minato gives work as an excuse not to see him on that day, Itsuki jumps in and says he can go see Shizuma.

Shizuma, very surprised by the fact Itsuki overheard their conversation, says his name aloud, and Shouhei overhears him. Itsuki thanks Shizuma for letting him overhear such an adorable story featuring Shouhei. And then this happens:

Still very flustered, Minato quickly agrees to seeing Shizuma on Friday and promptly ends the call before Shizuma can even finish saying "Wait!" Itsuki happily approaches Minato and asks to hear more of their apartment hunting adventures, to which Minato replies that nothing is final yet!

We change locations, and Minato is now on the balcony scrubbing the floor. Minato recalls how he wanted to tell Itsuki about his and Shizuma's plans to move in together further down the track. He then is overjoyed at the thought that Shizuma missed him and wanted to see him. While he awaits Friday, he remembers and is embarrassed by how furious he was the last time they saw each other. He plans to start a skin routine to care for his face and to get his hair done.

Just as he thinks this, he is called out by none other than Shizuma, who is on the ground floor outside. Minato, visibly surprised, asks Shizuma why he’s here. Shizuma tells him that the shop is close to his home. Minato knows this, but is more curious as to why he is here since they just agreed to see each other on Friday. Shizuma is taken aback for a moment, before saying: 

While Minato hides away from Shizuma and quickly tries to style his hair, Itsuki overhears a ruckus on his balcony and goes to investigate. We then find out that Shouhei accompanied Shizuma. Shouhei calls out to Itsuki and asks why he didn't tell him that he was cleaning the whole house. The Ikushima brothers offer to help out with the cleaning, with Shizuma joining in because his younger brother will be under Itsuki's care soon. Itsuki happily agrees, saying that he wouldn't be able to fully clean the place if only Minato were there.

As the Ikushima brothers are getting ready to go upstairs to help, Itsuki says the brothers are indeed good, endearing people, and their charming personalities would probably make Minato and Itsuki anxious at times. Minato agrees. Itsuki then continues to say that while Shizuma and Shouhei charm those around them, the only ones who can make them smile the way they do are themselves. Minato is concerned about a possible intruder in their relationship, and Itsuki provides some brotherly advice.

We change scenes to Onodera, smoking on the clinic rooftop and thinking about Shizuma's smiling face.

We change scenes again to Minato, waiting for Shizuma at a predetermined location since it is now Friday. Happy with his new hairdo, Minato reminds himself not to get angry, to sort out the current situation they're in (i.e. Minato's one-sided anger at Shizuma), and to be calm and collected.

Shizuma then gets out of a car across the road, and looks around for Minato. Minato, who can see him very clearly, smiles happily and decides to let Shizuma look for him a little longer. A few more moments pass by, and Shizuma spots Minato and then waves happily to him. However, there is a slight problem.

Minato sees “the woman from last time” (Onodera) driving the car who then passes Shizuma his phone, with him smiling awkwardly at her. He recalls Itsuki's brotherly advice. Minato had actually asked Itsuki a follow-up question: "You say ‘just don't lose,’ but what should I actually do?" Itsuki tells him that it's something he has to figure out for himself.

Shizuma runs to Minato, apologising for making Minato wait. He explains that he was running late due to various issues, and he seemed to have dropped his phone in the car of the person who dropped him off. Before he could even tell Minato that it's his director who dropped him off, Minato says he doesn't need to say anything else and to just go out with him.

We see that Shizuma and Minato are now at a hotel, with Minato quickly pushing Shizuma onto the bed. Shizuma is annoyed at himself for letting Minato see such a scene that would cause a misunderstanding. Before heading over to the bed, Minato closes the door, turns to face Shizuma, and grins. He crawls onto the bed and immediately kisses Shizuma. He calls out Shizuma's name before asking him:

He softly pleads with Shizuma, asking for a quick response. Shizuma wonders if Minato's jealously is making him want to be held right now. He thinks Minato is really, really adorable, but also realises this isn't the right time to be thinking this. So Shizuma does tell Minato he loves him, that it's obvious he loves him very much. He apologises for causing him to worry and that he never once intended to do so. Minato cuts him off, saying that he understands and that it's okay.

Despite saying so, Shizuma notices the atmosphere is a little different than usual. Minato then tells Shizuma that he's been thinking of a way to ensure he doesn't lose Shizuma to anyone or lets anyone take him. The final page shows us this:

Again, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 📢  As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And that’s it for this chapter! 😲 Another cliffhanger here, and ngl that was a little (SFW-ish) steamy? I honestly do not know what to expect in the next chapter!! Dominant Minato?????  But I hope you enjoyed the few extra panels in this summary! 💜 My laptop struggled to keep up, so I will go back to only showing a handful of panels in future summaries. Please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

The next chapter will be in next month's Dear+, so the wait isn't too much longer! So I shall see you all next month for our next set of takeaways to find out what happens next!

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

[calunasteria]

please, xanny. | sanzu haruchiyo

"𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙢𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚."

- wherein sanzu haruchiyo falls in love. that's all. (i'm bad at summarising my stories, i'm sorry ><)

current word count: 3.1k

tw (throughout the series): mentions of drug use and abuse, manipulation (gaslighting) and toxic relationships, mentions of blood, death, and murder, rape (attempt), use of deadly weapons, slight nsfw (??) - kindly tell me if i missed one. thank you.

date started: 07/29/21 (wattpad) | 07/31/21 (tumblr)

date ended: -

01 ! please,xanny.

-

what was it? was it the alcohol? was it the food they ate earlier? maybe it was spoiled, or worse, maybe it has drugs? probably no.

 maybe she's just overthinking things.

maybe she's just imagining all of this.

to say that she's inloveㅡ no, cross that out, to say that he's inlove is dangerous.

but how is it that the sanzu haruchiyo, bonten's number 2, is making her feel numerous things?

he reeked of instability, insanity.

yet his touch was as soft as the cotton, gentle like the wind, it was comforting.

say....

have you ever known what it felt like to drive on highways, with gnawing trepidation?

to taste betrayal and fondness while running on an endless tunnel of vague roads?

to be loved by none other than sanzu haruchiyo?

-

"welcome everyone, to our company's afterparty, please enjoy yourselves for tonight!" honey dripping voice echoed throughout the wide spaced room that is decorated with some dimmed and flashing lights, shimmering crystals plastered on the wall, extravagant leather couches, and large, black speakers booming with music. her soft, delicate hands then set the microphone down, as her wavy jet black hair bounced and swayed as she walked down the stairs with elegance.

"nakashima-san, the director wants to talk to you, he said to head towards the VIP area, over there." a small voice beside the stairs managed to squeak out, catching the girl's attention and turning her head to the direction he pointed at.

"did he told you the reason why he wanted to talk to me?" she asked, voice filled with a hint of irritation and tiredness - the complete opposite of how she sounded earlier on the stage. the boy shook his head, then uttered 'excuse me' before dashing away from his superior.

the girl then just sighed and walked towards the bar counter, which is the complete opposite of the direction she was told to go.

"one grey goose martini and a plain cranberry juice, please. thank you." she ordered as she sat down.

"wow, you're actually gonna drink tonight, kasumi? are your shits finally getting to you, girl?" the lady beside her stated with amusement as she popped out of nowhere, a glass of whiskey found in her hand, still laughing and smiling drunkenly.

"yes, kaoru. where the fuck were you? you were supposed to be the one to speak up front earlier to welcome the guests, not me, because i was the one who arranged this. and now boss said he wanted to talk to me about something." kasumi vented to her friend while her friend's grin just got wider, further infuriating her.

"whY THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING KAORU I-"

"calm the fuck down, kasumi, don't let boss get into your nerves, okay? its just me, so inhale, exhale. nice! see, just go drink your shits and talk to boss later. maybe hand in your resignation slip, you know?" kaoru laughed while wiggling her eyebrows and hugging kasumi.

the two talked to each other for a while before kasumi bid her goodbye and stood up to head to the direction she was supposed to go to earlier.

her heels clacked on the expensive marbled flooring while her black silk dress hugged her curvaceous body, gently flowing while walking.

upon reaching her destination, there she saw her boss with at least 4 women whispering and flirting with him, one on his lap and 3 beside him, along side with his other friends and acquaintances. they both shared a glance momentarily as kasumi forcefully smiled to her boss.

"ah yes, everyone, excuse me for i have something to finish up with my personal assistant." her boss announced to all the people around him, making kasumi uncomfortable and embarrassed, by all the stares she accumulated and daggers she got from the women who was flirting earlier with her boss.

"let's go, darling." sentence uttered by her boss before they left the place with him grabbing her wrist, and oh heavenly archons how irritated kasumi was because of her boss' actions and words.

she was practically being dragged away the from the event area, their shoes resonating throughout the empty hallways that are connected to the parking lot when she asked him, "excuse me sir, but where are we going? i thought you said you wanted to talk to me?"

"hmmm, yes. that's right, don't worry, kasumi-chan, we're just going to talk while where on a late night drive, and it'll definitely enlighten you. now get in the car." he ordered with flirty yet stern voice but kasumi did not budge at all - she just stared in disbelief to her boss, anger bubbling up within her.

"kasumi, we both know that i don't like repeating myself, now do what i said, please."

"i'm sorry but i don't think i'll go with you since we can talk here. so just say what you need to say so i can get on with my life, thank you." she declared cheekily.

"i said get in the car, why are yo-" he blurted out with annoyance but was cut off when kasumi said, "seems to me like you don't have anything to say, well i have one, i'm resigning, kitamura-san, i'll hand the file tomorrow, so if you have any requests, tell them to your next assistant." then proceeds to walk away that made her boss snap.

rushing towards her with malice and anger, with his system being controlled by the alcohol he consumed earlier, he grabbed kasumi's hair making her stumble and lose her balance, while the towering man held her waist with his left arm and his right arm held her face forcefully, and whispered to her from behind, "that's what i hate about you, you're so fucking stubborn, you and your smart ass mouth, i hate it so fucking much makes me want to shove my dick down your throat to make you obey me, and cry you bitch."

kasumi had chills run down her spine when she heard her boss mutter those words to her, and when she felt him grinding on her from behind ㅡ the last string of patience she had snapped in half, all she can see was red.

she used all her strength to stomp on the man's foot making him clutch down because of pain inflicted by her stiletto, releasing his hands that grasped her smaller frame. her hands then moved swiftly with anger to slap the man before her, knees being lifted up to kick his crotch making him to finally crumple down on the floor, silently mumbling profanities under his breath containing hatred.

"the next time you pull that stunt with me, or with other girls, i'll make sure you won't have something called dick after that." she threatened, voice laced with venom as she tried to wipe the ruffles that ruined her expensive, dusk colored dress.

"don't think you'll get away with this, bitch." the man croaked out while standing up, eyes filled with animosity, but then falling on his knees once again when a sharp, solid whipping sound tore through his thighs, vermillion colored blood gushing out of the gaping hole that was shot, followed by his shrill, agonized wail.

"seems like you grew stronger these past few years, kasumi-chan." a familiar voice grinned, few meters away from her.

"haruchiyo." she whispered under her breath, astounded.

***

"kasumi? are you listening?" a soft feminine voice spoke out, breaking the deep trance the raven coloured hair girl was in - chasmic ebony eyes stared at the person next to her, embarrassment creeping up in her system, realizing that she hasn't paid any attention to the words and sentences that her friend was telling her.

"i'm sorry, kaoru. what were you saying again?" she apologized, tuning her attention towards her half eaten sandwich that she was munching earlier.

"i was asking you if you know that boy over there, 5 o'clock," kasumi whipped her head towards the direction her friend gave her, eyes landing on a somewhat familiar person - he had a medium length hair dyed with bleach blonde, eyes glimmering like precious blue zircon gem, long and beautiful eyelashes that highlighted his daring eyes and a noticeable black mask covering half of his face. he looked so serene among the vast crowd  filled with bustling people.

"sanzu?" she asked turning her head to her friend who's eyes sparked with curiosity and underlying suspicions.

"how'd you know him?" the petite girl squinted her eyes to her friend, making kasumi roll her ebony orbs. "i just happen to know his name. after all, he's in a gang, right? toman, i think."

"i wasn't aware that you know about gangs, kasumi-chan. perhaps you like their leader, huh." her friend teased earning another eye roll from her brunette friend. "i'm just kidding. its just that i haven't saw him without his mask. some people say he has nasty scar on both side of his mouth, and i don't know if its legit, but given the fact that he wears that mask, its probably true." kaoru shrugged and stood up to head to their class.

sanzu haruchiyo. he was definitely mysterious, kasumi mused, as she walked. he was quiet and he had a calm demeanor when he talks. they weren't close but they shared a small talk in the past, and usually its just about school, like each of their classes borrowing and returning some school supplies and other little things. she never even heard him speak more than 7 words. well, it wasn't a big deal, since she thinks that he's just an another person on this world who has probably their own shits to deal with. he was insignificant to her as she was to him. or so she thought.

their room was filled with silent mumblings, a heavenly boring stupor that kasumi tried to fight, heavily lidded eyes blinking slowly in the hopes of trying to understand their lesson - she was tired and sleepy and it was not long until their class ended, her mind being awakened once again like a newborn baby, because she's going home.

their house reeked of alcohol and despair, of cigarettes and sorrow - it was a hopeless sight. everything was a mess. kasumi then heard a faint coughing on their kitchen and there she saw her ill mother who's trying to wash the dishes with her frail arms, her thin and small frame found her daughter who rushed to her side to help her do the chores but then just told her to sit down and rest.

"mama, you're not supposed to be doing that. you're the one here who needs to rest, i can handle that. besides, where's papa?"

"he's out, i think. but don't worry, kasumi i'm almost finished. we can then eat dinner afterwards so you can talk to me about what happened today with you? you don't have work tonight, right sweetheart?" her mother's voice was definitely her haven, it was warm and sweet. "yes, sure." the girl replied, already at ease but then her phone chimed loudly, signaling that someone texted her - it was her co-worker that texted her he can't attend his shift, and was asking kasumi to be the one to replace him for the mean time.

what are the fucking odds.

her mother noticed the younger's change of emotion and asked, "who was it, sweetheart?" and it pained kasumi to leave her mother alone again but she needs to work. she needs the money. "i need to go, i actually have work since im covering for my co-worker's shift. i'll be right back, so make sure you eat your dinner. i love you." she kissed her mother on her forehead before she left.

***

"thank you, come again!" the girl chimed in, weariness evident in her voice. it was 2:30am and god knows how tired she was. this was supposed to be her day off but the universe just straight up said no.

"nakashima-san, i'm so sorry, you can now go, i'll take it from here on. please take this on your way home as a compensation for what you did to me. thank you! take care on your way home." her co-worker apologized, shyly smiling and blush evident on his cheeks as he handed her a plastic bag filled with some foods and snacks.

kasumi uttered her thanks, with a small smile as she went to change her clothes to go home already as all she wants to do right now was sleep and rest.

upon reaching the store's parking area for bicycles, she noticed that one its tires was flat. she sighed loudly, venting out her exasperation and frustration.

"well, guess i'll walk then. fuckkkkkk. this isn't my day huh." she groaned, muttering some profanities before going on her way home.

it was a chilly night, the breeze was crisp and wintry, with her trembling breath rising up forming a ghostly smoke, vanishing into thin air as she exhales. her whole body was quivering because her cardigan was too thin for this type of weather. kasumi hugged herself in hopes of warming herself up. the skies were tainted with midnight blue perfectly combined with the pitch black heavens decorated with gleaming constellations and stars, along with the dimly hanged moon.

her way home usually takes around 30-40 minutes with her bike, and around an hour and a half if one decides to walk. it was a peaceful and cold night not until she passed this one dark alleyway where there were 2 men laughing their asses off, and another one drinking away his life. kasumi paid no attention to the men and just picked up her walking pace to quickly get out of the picture when her left arm was sharply snatched by one of the men in the dark alleyway.

"hey pretty, wanna have fun with us?" the man grinned like a maniac, his yellow teeth visible and his breath smelled like rum and hostility combined together. the other men laughed like crazy while the last one ogled at kasumi's body.

"no, let me go you ugly bastards." kasumi snapped, snatching her hand away from the man, before turning away to run. she wasn't dumb to not pick up what in fuck was happening back there, so she tried to regain her composure by trying to find her phone to dial the number of her friend who's probably still awake by now to call for help when her hair was maliciously dragged backwards making her lose her balance only to fall on the ground and be dragged away. the plastic bag she was carrying along with her phone was now nowhere to be found.

only her hoarse cry for help was audible, she was too slow, too tired, too exhausted for all of the things happening to her - but her body was flailing so hard, trying to release herself from the man's tight grasp on her hair and it felt like its going to be ripped off her head anytime soon when they stopped on the same alleyway the men were previously drinking. "bitch thought she can get away with us, well let me tell you something sweetheart, we don't take no as an answer. plus you were wearing that thin-ass blouse,  you're trying to seduce us after all so let's have fun shall we?" the bald headed man smirked while he held kasumi down on the ground.

she was terrified, frustrated, and she's doing her best to try and fight them all away. she was able to slap and kick the two of them, desperation was highly evident as she frantically scramble to her feet but that was as far as she can go for she was violently punched and slapped before she fell down with her vision getting hazy, tears streaming down her face non-stop as she lost all her energy to fight. everything was becoming blurry and she was now just hoping for everything to just end.

she was so lost in her train of thought that she didn't even realize that the men who were trying to break and ruin her were now out cold, laying on the freezing ground while a man towered over them.

"stand up." was all kasumi heard when she snap back to reality and saw a figure standing before her, wearing an all black outfit - black jacket, black jeans, and a black mask. his straight bleach colored hair was neatly tied up in a ponytail too.

"stand up." sanzu repeated as kasumi tried to stand up, still shaken by what happened to her and the picture of the scene before her. kasumi then felt something drape over her shoulder when sanzu came near her, his mint and delicate masculine scent filling her senses.

"follow me." was all the boy said before he exited the alleyway leaving her all alone with his jacket that he gave her. following his footsteps, while tightly clutching his jacket, she saw a shiny, and expensive looking car few meters out the alleyway with sanzu standing near it, and as she got closer to him, she heard him say, "get in."

not wanting and not having enough energy to fight nor say anything, kasumi just silently obliged to what he said. after getting inside the vehicle, sanzu followed afterwards, turning on the car and driving to god knows where - kasumi was drained, and she couldn't care less what would happen anymore although she wanted to say and atleast utter her gratitude towards the boy beside her, but her voice just seems to be gone. the car ride with him was silent, but it wasn't awkward. it wasn't uncomfortable. it wasn't scary either, rather, it was surprisingly comforting.

moments later, kasumi saw a familiar house outside her window when sanzu pulled up and opened the door for her, handing her some of the things she brought earlier - her bag and her phone.

he didn't talk, he didn't say anything before heading out and going inside his car once again, and driving away.

kasumi was dumbfounded.

she have so many questions whirling over her head like, how did he know my place? why did he do that?

she entered their house with her head aching - cross that out, with her whole body aching, everything that happened to her this day had taken  a toll on her. she was definitely traumatized and shaken by what happened. with her literally dragging her body towards her room desperate to rest and lay down on the soft and smooth mattress.

and even though she was almost raped, and potentially murdered, the one thing that stuck in her head was sanzu. sanzu haruchiyo.

and she swore to find him tomorrow before she fell into a deep slumber.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Love On-Set (Pt. 03 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

<- Previous part (02)

Next part (04) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Something Else

Walking among the girls, you finish your milkshake and throw the empty cup away. Natalia invited you for a girls night out at the mall, to relax and introduce you to Millie and Sadie. You just bought a new dress and a necklace to match, and now you're just looking for new interesting stores.

You really needed this tonight. As you keep up with their conversations, you can't help but think about what James told you to do. The kissing scene will need a lot of courage, not only professionalism. You've been telling yourself it's just a kiss and that this is your job, but somehow it's not enough. But it's normal, isn't it? To be nervous about kissing a handsome guy.

After a while, you all sit at a table, wondering what to eat for dinner. Nothing healthy, you agreed.

“(Y/N). How are things going with you?” Millie asks, getting your attention. “Are you enjoying playing Amy?”

“I am. She's an amazing character and I like her development.”

“Her whole arch happens around Billy and he needed Amy,” Sadie adds, still finishing her ice cream. “It's good to know he'll change.”

“And how are things with Dacre?” Natalia asks. “The two of them were chatting a lot today in the van.” It gets you some giggles and meaningful stares.

“Dacre wants to make me feel comfortable around him since... We'll be acting a lot together.”

“Dacre is very sweet. You'll have no problems acting with him.” Sadie says, and Millie nods.

“There's a kissing scene, isn't there?” Natalia makes the favor of reminding you of the only thing you're trying not to think about. “It will be a turning point for the characters.”

“Yes, it's scheduled for a couple of weeks from now but...” If you keep this a secret, it'll become a big deal, and you don't want it to be a big deal. And you're among girls who might actually be able to help. “James wants Dacre and I to do it before. The whole thing. Get it on camera and send it to him. He told us that we're doing so well that he wants to push it to the next level.”

“I watched your scene together earlier today. You seemed pretty nervous.” Natalia says, typing something on her phone before looking at you again. “I'm not sure if it was Amy or if it was you.”

“Good question.” You mutter, not sure if you should tell them your insecurities. “I'll just do it. It'll happen anyway.”

“Have you spoken to Dacre about it?” Millie asks.

“Not yet.”

“Then do it. I'm sure he'll make you feel comfortable.” Millie has a funny expression on her face, and you wonder what's she's thinking about. She gives Sadie a glance, then Natalia.

“Yes, just sit and talk. Like in the van. You two seemed pretty comfortable around each other.” Natalia shrugs her shoulders, smiling.

“I get that she's nervous. Any girl would be nervous about kissing Dacre. I mean, look at the guy.” Francesca remarks, and you nod, happy that she spoke it and you didn't have to.

“Thank you.” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air. “It's just natural.”

“Of course it is.” Millie states after whispering something with Sadie. “He's single, by the way.”

“Oh.” You haven't given that any thought. It never crossed your mind because when it's a job, you have to do it anyway. But now... Now it won't leave you alone. “That's... That's good.”

“What about you?” Francesca gives you a look.

“Single too.” You keep your voice low, trying not to make it such a big deal.

“Isn't that great," Millie exclaims. “I did say Natalia and Charlie would have a thing and I was right. And this...” She points a finger at you, smirking. “...I see this going down the same road.”

Gasping, you nervously giggle. “I wouldn't count on it. It's Dacre we're talking about, he's...” Your voice fades since you don't really know what to say.

“Gorgeous? Yeah, we all can see that. But he never approached any girl on set as he approached you, so...”

“Well, I won't give it much thought, Millie. I need to focus on Amy. On bringing her to life.” Nodding, more to yourself then to the girls, you make a self note to stick to your job. You're probably just mesmerized by everything, but it'll soon fade away and you'll be able to act as a professional around him.

At least you hope so.

•••

The next two weeks are hectic. You've been on set all day, shooting all the scenes at the pool. In between the takes you met the kids, and everyone was very kind to you. James never seems to get Heather's scenes right, which means you always have to stay in the background as she walks around. And there's also some scenes with the kids and Nancy, on which Amy tells her what she saw in the woods, what will bring the characters together. James wants all the scenes in the pool during daylight done before moving ahead, so there won't be anything else happening until everything is perfect.

You don't mind though. This routine has been keeping you from thinking too much about the director's request. You haven't spoken to Dacre about it yet, and James seems to have forgotten. After another long day, you showered and changed into your own clothes and headed to the van that will take you back to the hotel. You're the first one to get there, so you pull the door, leaving it wide open for the others, and move to your usual place at the back of the van. Putting the headphones on, you close your eyes, feeling the song.

A sudden movement snaps you out of your state, and you open your eyes again, seeing Dacre as he comes to his usual seatnbeside you. “Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.” He says with a smile. It's been part of the routine now. Dacre always seats with you, and you talk all the way to and from the set.

“You didn't, I was–”

“Dacre!” Someone calls from outside, and he sighs before turning around and stopping by the door. “Is (Y/N) there?”

“Yes.” As he answers, you make your way to the door to, poking your head out to see Ryan, James' assistant, coming your way and stopping a few feet away.

“James asked me to remind you of the scene he wants you to go over. The kiss.” He says, covering his eyes with one hand to protect them from the setting sun.

“Alright. Thanks, Ryan.” You say before heading back to your seat, feeling as Dacre follows you.

Just sit and talk. You've been chatting a lot during the last few days, and this is just something you'll have to do. “I–”

“Why don't you come over to my room tonight?” You burst out, cursing yourself for cutting him off. “An hour after we get to the hotel so we'll have some time to rest and relax before getting into work again.” The words come out fast, and you avoid his eyes.

“Why are you so nervous about it?”

“I'm not.” You answer too fast again, taking a deep breath and biting your lip.

“I always have the feeling you're holding things back.” His voice is low and sweet, and it makes you look at him, despite the heat on your cheeks. “It's alright if you're nervous about it, I just hope I'm not making you feel so uncomfortable.”

“You're not, I promise.” You can't let Dacre think he's doing something wrong. So you take a deep breath and turn your body towards him, folding one leg under you. “It's just that...” Being honest was never so hard. “Any girl would be nervous about kissing you. That's it.” Running a hand through your hair, you look down. “I know it's our job and everything but...”

“Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one who's anxious about it.” Dacre sounds different, almost as if he didn't really want you to hear him.

Meeting his eyes again, an eyebrow raised, you try to understand what he means. “But you had kissing scenes before, why would you be anxious?”

He's about to answer when the guys start coming in, laughing and joking around. “(Y/N). We were looking for you.” Millie says, settling down on the roll before you. “But when I noticed Dacre was nowhere to be found too I figured out you'd both be here.” She winks before turning around, facing away from you.

As if you needed another reason to be as red as a tomato.

“An hour then,” Dacre says, leaning closer to your ear.

• • •

As soon as you get to the hotel, in your room, you start overthinking. Why are you overthinking? You knew there would be a kissing scene when you first got the script, and yet, you accepted the role. Why is it driving you insane now?

Trying to calm yourself down, you take a shower, wash your hair, and tries to keep your mind on anything else than Stranger Things right now. Once you're done, you decide to put something to watch, something that will need your attention. So you pick Black Mirror, a show long abandoned, that you just remembered how good it is. But, despite the very interesting episode, you're checking your phone every now and then, counting down the minutes until the hour has passed. Bouncing your leg up and down, you look at the TV without paying much attention. When you're pissed at yourself, you decide to watch the episode from the beginning again. You're ten minutes into it when someone knocks.

Taking a deep breath and pausing the show, you stand up and head towards the door, nervously running a hand through your hair. Swinging the door open, you can't help but smile at Dacre. “Hi again.”

“Hi. Haven't seen you in such a long time.” He jokes as you step aside to let him come in.

“Yes, I was starting to miss you.” You regret saying that the moment the words come out, felling your cheeks going red already. Biting your lip, you guide him to the couch, where the two of you take a seat.

“Is this Black Mirror?” Dacre asks, gesturing at the TV.

“It is. I was trying to watch it.”

“I already did, it's very good.” He looks at you. “Press play.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you wonder if he really meant that. This meeting is for the scene. Isn't it? “Uhm... Shouldn't we just...”

“Let's just watch an episode. We both need a break from work.”

“Alright.” Shrugging your shoulders, you do as he says, pressing play and turning your attention to the TV.

Dacre makes few comments about the episode, and he seems amused at your confusion through it, as you try to understand what the hell is going on.

“Shit, I wasn't expecting that.” You exclaim in the end, raising an eyebrow at Dacre's giggles. “That's insane. They'll just restart her torture.”

“That right there.” He suddenly speaks, a finger pointed at your face. “Hold on to this reaction. That's why I love Black Mirror. You only get this feeling once.”

Chuckling at his face, you look down. “What now?”

“Next one. It's already starting.”

You don't complain, you just enjoy the show. It's a weird feeling to have Dacre here, but you feel... Comfortable around him. Maybe he did succeded with his plan after all. The rather brief time you had talking in the van was enough to get to know him a little bit and get used to his presence. To start missing him. Two episodes later you decide to order room service. But not a proper dinner. You both agree on fries, chicken wings, and onion rings. Not healthy at all, but Dacre doesn't seem to be worried about it.

“You shouldn't be eating this.” You tease him, the two of you casually seated on the floor, the food scattered on the coffee table. “Billy still has to show off those perfect six-pack abs.”

“You too, sweetheart.” He snaps back, and you giggle at the nickname. “We should hit the gym tomorrow then. Since we only have to show up in the afternoon and you're already feeling guilty for eating all this junk food.”

“I don't feel guilty. It's not my fault all the best foods aren't healthy.” Winking at him, you lean forward to get one of his fries since yours are long gone. “Hope you don't mind.” Dacre gives you a look, biting back a smile, but doesn't say anything. “Gym tomorrow then. If nobody invites me somewhere better.”

“If they do, you'll just tell them you already have a date.”

His choice of words makes you giggle, shaking your head slightly to brush off any ideas. “What are we shooting tomorrow?” You decide to ask, just to change the subject.

“Billy and Amy will have a fight and I'll have to throw you over my shoulder.”

Oh. That scene. “Well, I'm ticklish, so be careful.” You're not sure how you feel about that scene. It's not as bad as the kiss, but there will be a lot of touching and eye contact, and all that stuff that brings you to the verge of breaking character a hundred times.

“I will let you find out for yourself if it was a good idea to tell me that.” There's a threat in his tone, and you bite your lip.

“I'm not scared of you, Mr. Montgomery.” Taking a sip from your soda, you stand up. “You should be scared of me. I suffocate people with my feelings, I might want to suffocate you.” The joke doesn't sound as funny as you intended. It's more like dark humor to you, and you just hope he'll laugh, but he doesn't. Dacre just stays there, his head slightly raised so he can look at you from he's seated position.

“I'm not scared of feelings.”

“Yeah, I know.” Taking a deep breath, you notice you just ruined the mood. Dacre knows a little about your father now, about the whole argument before he disappeared and how it changed you. How it shaped you into not sharing what's inside your heart. You don't know exactly why, but with Dacre, things just come out. “Sorry, it's just... What I normally tell people.”

“And you expect this to scare them away?”

“I don't know. I honestly don't know.” Settling down on the couch, you curse yourself for turning such a pleasing evening into whatever this is now. “Sorry if I killed the mood.”

“You didn't.” Dacre moves to the couch too, his blue eyes locked on yours. “You know you can tell anything, right? It won't scare or suffocate me. I want to listen.”

You wonder if he knows how he makes you feel when he talks like that. Low, deep voice sending chills down your spine. Dacre makes you feel comfortable in a way nobody else did, and it almost impels you to talk. To open your heart.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Have you ever been in love?” The question gets you off guard, and you furrow your eyebrows, trying to understand where he's going with this. “Being in love is a confusion of sentiments. Everything... Blossoms in unexpected ways. It's hard to understand, it's hard to describe, it's hard to know what to do. If you ever loved someone, you must have told him how you felt. Him or anyone else, at least for some advice.”

You stop to think a little, but the answer is obvious. “No, I haven't. I mean... I had a crush here and there, but being in love... It never happened before. What about you?”

“Never happened before,” Dacre repeats your words. “But I know how it should feel like. I bet you have an idea too.”

“Yeah... It should feel like yyour heart was just... Taken. Suddenly stolen and you don't know what to do and it feels good not knowing.” You don't know what happens, but you just say it. And you have no idea how exactly you're putting this into words. It just feels right, as stupid as it may sound. “You just wait and hope to see what happens. And you pray that whatever it is, it's good.” There's this feeling building up. Maybe it's Dacre's eyes, never leaving yours, provoking this. You just spoke as if you're living it. As you're feeling it. “I'm sorry, it probably sounds ridiculous.”

“No, it doesn't. I feel the exactly–” Dacre stops speaking suddenly, clearing his throat. “I understand you. And it's not ridiculous. On these modern days, people have become so superficial, it's hard to find someone who's not afraid of what they feel.”

“I am afraid of what I feel.” Admitting it's hard, and it hurts a little. You hate the fact that you allowed your father to get into your head that way, and how you still rather hold back your heart after so many years. Your mother does exactly the same. She never got into any relationship after that night, not for too long. But she always tells you not to follow her path.

“You don't have to be, not with me.” Dacre takes your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I promise, you can trust me. I'm so... Tired of meaningless people in my life and you, in the last five minutes shared more of your heart with me than many of my friends have in years.”

“You're the first person I've met in years who actually wanted to listen to my bullshit.” Giggling, you look down, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. “These last weeks have been nice... Thanks to you. And to the others too. I made good friends.”

“So did I.” When you look at Dacre, he's smiling. It's so pure and gentle, it warms your heart. “It's a bit late now. I'll let you get some sleep so you will be well-rested to hit the gym with me tomorrow.” He stands up and you do the same.

“It will be good to have some blood flowing before you have Amy yelling at your face.” Walking him to the door, you sigh as you pull it open.

“Poor Billy.” He mumbles, stepping out and turning around to face you again. “See you tomorrow then. At eight?”

A little too soon for your taste. You were planning on waking up late since the shooting only starts after lunch, but you won't tell him that. You're more than happy to change your plans. “Eight.”

“Good night, (Y/N).” Dacre stands there for a few minutes before leaning closer and placing a kiss on your cheek. “Have good dreams.”

“You too.” Your voice is barely a whisper, and you stand at the door, watching as he leaves.

Once you're in the security of your room, the door closed behind your back, you allow yourself to smile. To let your mind race a little bit, but not too much. Maybe you're misreading the signs. Dacre is a sweetheart to everyone, always a good, trustworthy friend. And if that's what he's supposed to be to you, you'll gladly accept it.

But still, there's a little spark in your heart, one that can't help but hope. Hope that there will be something more. Something else.

As you make your way to the bed, you catch yourself feeling a different kind of nervousness towards the kissing scene.

×

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelanin @skykittyssuff @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines

[undeservedfavor]

Update Varies

Links to follow, like, heart, share, subscribe and bookmark for more updates:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/undeservedfavor

https://undeservedfavor.tumblr.com

https://m.webnovel.com/profile/4313771242?appId=10

https://www.wattpad.com/user/undeservedfavor

The Bucketlist

Mini-Series of Short Stories

St. Valentines Day [EN]: Chapter 4

Two months has passed as they continued to work together until they finish the movie and gained so much awards and credit.

"Woohoo!!! Guys! Let's party! We all deserve it for all the hard work!" Director said.

"I think you guys need to talk about something. I don't know but while working with the both of you, we all feel sexual tension in the air." The celebrity Catherine said to Gisela when she noticed that Dorian is eyeing her from afar.

"H-he thinks he's so hot that he can get everyone. Though he told me he had indecent proposals in the past, 3 SMS, 4 Calls, 6 DMs, and 2 missed calls... He's not that hot." Gisela told the actress.

"Woah, so updated, are we?" Catherine gave Gisela a knowing look and a knowing smile.

"Can we talk?" After the Dorian's invitation, he and Gisela went to the nearest park.

"Whenever, I see that sand box, I remember Plage Solitaire. The most peaceful beach on the planet." Gisela just nodded to what Dorian said.

"I-im sorry." They both said in unison.

Then, they laughed a bit with embarrassment.

"L-listen-..." They said again in chorus.

"You go first." Dorian said.

"No. You should go first." Gisela said.

"Uhm, here you go... C-can we be together?" Dorian asked Gisela who shed tears immediately with the question.

"You don't understand. You don't wanna be with someone so-called 'Damaged Good'. I don't want you to regret it. You don't wanna be with me. You don't need to due to pity. You don't-..." Gisela's anxiety is overwhelmingly obvious.

"We do not know those things yet. Those are 'What ifs', you're far from a 'Damaged Good'. For me, you're a beautiful 'Work-in-progress' and hell, despite the controversies I had, I'm still in good condition, whatever you're going through, I will go through it with you. Whatever you're thinking, I'll help you overcome it. If there's someone who can try and understand you, that's me. For me, this isn't the time to waste time and fool around, this is not like the roles I play, this is real. You are real. I don't care how hard it is but no matter what, I wanna be a part of something so beautiful... A part of your plans in the future. Please. For old times' sake, let me be with you all the way." Gisela, lost for words nodded crying as Dorian also shed tears.

"Gisela, thank you. I love you..." Dorian whispered to Gisela as he caress the woman's hair, embracing her long and tight enough to make her feel safe.

"Let me drive you home." Dorian told Gisela.

They both started living under one roof at Dorian's condominium unit.

One morning, as they're lying on the bed, Dorian hesitantly asked about Gisela's list...

"Dear Piggy... A-are you still gonna continue with that list?" She showed him the list seeing number '6' crossed out.

"Back in the beach, I haven't really finished the list yet. Now, it's done. I actually skipped on number '6' and went straight to number 7, 8, 9 and 10. 'Cause you're not just any random guy... Technically you're my little Dino, but... You're the one." Dorian checked the list out due to his curiosity.

1. Earn a lot for the future. ✓

2. Quit the medical industry. ✓

3. Spend more time with the only family - Merian. ✓

4. Finish writing my novels and posting it to my writing/social platforms. ✓

5. Buy a house in Plage Solitaire at a chosen paradise to 'live and die' for. ✓

6. Have virginity taken by a random guy and leave him clueless afterwards. *Skip this part.* ✗✗

7. Get a writing job. ✔

8. Take care and fully pay insurance. ✅

9. Have the one closest to my heart, help me choose a casket and designs for the tomb.

Plus, choose a church for the blessing and perfect spot in the graveyard/cemetery.

10. Chose a great necrological service speaker. I want a great Eulogy.

Dorian just looked carefully at Gisela's face and embraced her tightly.

Then, she spoke...

"I know. I'm a weirdo." Gisela told Dorian.

"Piggy... You're kinda like scaring me with these things but if this is the way I can be with you, I'll understand, process and digest every single bit of it. I'm not even gonna ask you why you made this list in the first place but if you're ready to not give up on life, I'm gonna go with you if you decided to get yourself checked." Dorian said.

"I'll tell you when the time comes..." Gisela said.

The couple decided to go shopping.

No ordinary shopping but he's only doing it for Gisela even if he doesn't wanna consider the thought.

"You know what? I think this one will be okay. Ah! I know! Maybe I can also have a reservation my own. Same color as I've chosen for you. So when the time comes... We're still gonna go as a couple. Even if it's the after-life." Dorian joked a bit.

"Don't. Even though, couple shirts, couple rings and other couple stuff might be cute, I don't want you to think about a couple casket. You're a born villain. And villains don't die unless it's passed hundreds of years already. Plus, they don't even age. Time flies for them gracefully like a bloodline of a vampire." Gisela joked him back.

The next stop is to the cemetery.

They're choosing tomb designs.

"This is perfect, 'In loving memories of...-" Gisela was cut of.

"We can choose the designs Piggy but it's good to personalize those messages." Dorian said as he wrote things down on a paper.

You have lived a life full of love.

Soon, we'll meet and love again up above.

To the place where there is never-ending peace.

Love,

Your Dorian

Gisela smiled at Dorian and they went to the cemetery.

Gisela insisted to choose a spot.

"This spot is nice. The one near the tree." She said.

"I would already reserve those two spots next to each other. So that I can lie down with you forever when the time comes..." Dorian said Gisela shed tears and hugged Dorian.

"I don't wanna take you in this journey with me. You're not welcome this early to where I'm heading. Sorry for being so difficult but thank you for having number 9 checked off my list." Gisela said as she embraces her boyfriend.

A day after Dorian's shoot, he went home to Gisela and the house was empty.

Their things are scattered all over the floor.

The entire house was messy.

But...

There are no traces of Gisela everywhere.

She's missing.

"My dearest, why end up dodging the bullet once more? Running away and hiding again on me like that." Dorian whispered.

He searched everywhere for her and in a place he thought Gisela would go to.

"She's not here. She went through a deep trauma after she saw her parents died in the car accident. I know my cousin can be a handful, but please, don't give up on her." Merian said.

Dorian just nodded and headed off.

Dorian did not bring his car along to find Gisela in the hardest and most hidden places in the city.

As he was walking along the subway...

He found a cying woman.

With hands on her head and her hair covering her face.

Her hairs are tangled and all over the place.

Her skin's full of dirt.

When Dorian tried to look at the woman's face, he was shocked.

It was Gisela.

He brought the woman home and cleaned her up.

She fell asleep crying.

As soon as the woman woke up, she said she's gonna use the toilet.

"You sure you can stand?" Dorian asked. The woman just mindlessly nodded.

Dorian thought to check on Gisela when she's taking too long.

He did not lose hope until this sight.

He found Gisela lying unconsciously on the bathroom floor.

"Gisela!!!" He lifted the woman and brought her to the nearest hospital.

Dorian waited for hours for a doctor to come up to him and say that Gisela's okay.

"A-are you with her?" Dorian nodded as the doctor approached him.

"I'm doctor Ariel James Devant, Psychologist." The doctor introduced himself.

"We did not ask for a Psychologist, we need a Physician to have Gisela checked!!!" Dorian almost lost it.

"She's not physically sick. Not until now. We have pulled up a few counselling records of Gisela. In fact, I was her batchmate in Med-school, she quit and did not finish Med-school. So she just continued being a nurse. Because of her parent's car crash, her parents died in front of her in a car accident. She then became my first patient. I have checked on Gisela a few times and she never went back to the clinic afterwards. She's so indenial that something's physically wrong with her and insistent that she's nearing death, that she shuts down people who wanna have her checked by a professional or by any doctor. She has been diagnosed with constant fear of death that it lead to a severe case of anxiety." Doctor James said.

Dorian was not able to process what's happening and could not speak.

"People who has Thanatophobia, would not like to talk about death for it has caused them depression. On her case, it's different. For that's the only thing she wanna focus and talk about out of fear. Like her whole entire world revolves on the thought that she might, oh sorry, that she 'WILL' die. She already decided that for herself. Anxiety took a toll on her that her brain was mentally pausing because of too much stress, overwhelming worry, overthinking and unshown worry, sometimes this can cause nausea and problems with balancing." The same doctor continued talking.

"Maybe this is the reason why she 'slipped' in the bathroom. She lost consciouness in the bathroom because she might have hit her head on the floor. Now, there's internal bleeding, we need to have an operation ASAP to prevent brain mass. You have to prepare because the operation is risky, after that, she may go under a few days, weeks or even months in coma. Worst case is never to wake up." Another doctor spoke.

"My apologies, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is doctor Jessie Ulysis Voltaire. Neurologist and Physicist." He introduced.

After that, they all worked on Gisela's operation.

They spent hours to finish it and what they said was true...

Gisela fell into a coma for weeks now and counting.

Dorian held the woman's hand in his...

He got a Pig and a Dinosaur stuffed-toy that he put on the hospital bed beside her.

"Do you remember this Dear Piggy? You're Dinosaur's here to wake you up. You're my nurse. You shouldn't be lying there for a long time, at that bed. You're supposed to be the one who's taking care of me." Dorian said.

The woman was just unresponsive.

She was still deep asleep.

"You should have told me what you're going through. I should have understand. A-are you punishing me for loving you so much?" He said, sheding tears as he kissed the back of Gisela's hand.

[adroitsolidity]

"Chains Won't Hold Me Down"

❇

It seemed like taboo to even think about the fact that things had seemed to settle back down after Damian left the CIA, and Zach had simply just /thought/ about the fact that things seemed calmer and then they started to fall apart again a bit a week or so after Damian left. Zach didn't feel much better, and still couldn't for the life of him figure out why, and it didn't seem to matter how much he racked his brain trying to figure it out. Things were changing, they seemed so different, and Zach struggled to figure out why. He continued to try and keep Conner and Braxton happy and free from concern, while he carried a lot on his shoulders. Something about being around Conner was different, but Zach didn't know if it was just all of the stress or if he was simply overthinking, and he did the best he could to shrug it off and simply work through it, being his quirky self and making lame jokes and movie references like he always did. What was it that was making Zach feel so much conflict? He was carrying a lot on his own, and he continued to struggle to figure out exactly what it was. He didn't know, he had no idea, and it had started to fester to a point where he was being left speechless.

It didn't escape Braxton's notice, and it especially didn't escape Conner's, but Zach kept doing what he could to just laugh it off and reassure them that he was okay. When he was alone, though, his mind absolutely reeled, and Conner was the most difficult one to hide it from because he was very observant, and Zach knew that he wasn't fooling anyone, especially not Conner. His heart and mind seemed to be doing a lot of different things, and it was all really confusing to Zach so he ended up spending most of his time in the training room, trying to keep his distance from most people while he tried to un-jumble everything in his head. He felt something...something he'd never felt and couldn't put a label on. But what? It was frustrating him, and he went at a punching bag more aggressively than what was normal for him until he heard a female voice he was more than tired of hearing over the intercom saying his name. Zach stopped going at the bag and stood in front of it, snapping his eyes shut and heaving an irritated sigh as he listened.

"Zachariah Morone, report to the Executives' office for yearly evaluation."

He growled under his breath and groaned in frustration before hitting the bag /hard/ and then moving before it swung back and hit him, then he took the gloves he was wearing off and unwrapped his hands as he made his way over to the door, setting those things on a bench before exiting the training room and making his way to the elevator. His brown eyes were dark and stony, and his jaw was clenched as he watched the number go up before the doors finally slid open. Zach walked out of the elevator and turned down the hallway that led to the Executive office, on edge just like he was every time he had to go in there as soon as the door finally came into view, and he heaved another sigh and clenched his jaw a little bit tighter before stopping in front of the closed door. He raised a hand to knock on the door but hesitated, holding his hand up for a moment and taking a breath before finally making himself knock on the door, then he took a step back and waited for them to either open the door or simply tell him to enter.

Footsteps approached the door from the other side, and Zach looked down at the crack on the bottom of the door to see a shadow from under the door, and he took another step back and looked back up as soon as he heard the door being opened. The woman that he'd had to deal with more times than he cared to think about gave him a once over before she motioned for him to enter the room, and he shook his head a little and walked past her and into the room, looking around at everyone before focusing on the woman who was standing in front of him again. Without even thinking about it, he had been standing at attention but was also taking in everything that was going on around him, just like he had always been told.

"Agent Morone. Born Zachariah Emmanuel Morone. Date of Birth, August 8th, 1993. He's been an agent for 7 years, and has worked very closely with Director McAlister."

Zach's gut seemed to jolt ever so slightly as he listened to the woman speak, like she did every time she did an evaluation of his progress, but it seemed to trigger something different in Zach that time around. It made some of the frustration he'd been feeling before come back, but he bit it back and stayed quiet. Conner always told Zach to never give them any kind of reaction because it was what they wanted, it was what they were looking for. They used people as weapons, so if Zach did anything to spark their interest, they would have gone after him, too. So as much as Zach wanted to beat the living daylights out of every single person in that room, he didn't only because Conner had told him not to. His gut seemed to jolt a bit every time he thought about anything Conner said or did, or when he just heard his name, and that had never happened to him before. It made him furrow his brow ever so slightly, but his attention was pulled away when one of the men in the room started to speak, and his gaze moved from the woman in front of him to a man standing off to his right. The knife that Conner had bought Zach was on his belt in its sheath, right where it always was, but he felt the weight of it a bit as he listened to what the man had to say, using every ounce of willpower he had to not pull it out and use it on them.

"There was an incident recently that seemed to render the Director...distracted. And I believe that, if I gathered the right information, /you/ were involved."

An indication that he was involved, taking in what they were saying, or was even the least bit interested was expected of him, but he got very stubborn and simply didn't give them one, staying completely quiet and still as the man began to speak again. Conner's words were echoing in Zach's head, and he continued to give them absolutely nothing; no reaction, just nothing. His eyes were dangerous and his expression was neutral, but he didn't give them anything else to go off of.

"The Director is our most important asset. We can't afford for him to be distracted for any reason, so we need you to keep your distance for a short while. We'll have one of our specialized trainers come in and work with you. But we can't have our best asset distracted in any way. His power and influence are far too valuable to us."

Zach couldn't do it anymore. It was going to go against everything Conner had told him, but they were talking about him like he was some weapon, again, and that finally made Zach just crack and lose what little composure he'd managed to keep up to that point. He knew he was going to be sorry for speaking out, but on the other hand he couldn't find it in himself to care and was in full-blown "retaliation mode".

"No. Y'know what...that's a bunch of bullshit. Fuck you and your specialized trainer. He's not a god damn weapon...he's a human being. I'm not gonna work with another trainer, I work for Conner and that's it."

He paused for a moment and looked around the room, cutting off the woman when she went to speak and turning his attention back to the man that had been responsible for setting Zach off, his tone getting lower and more dangerous as he locked his eyes onto the guy and continued.

"His name's Conner. He isn't just some damn weapon, he isn't just your fucking 'asset'. That's a person, you demented fucks. Not some war machine you can just sick on people! Not just some killer you can send wherever the fuck you want! And no..."

He turned his attention from the man back over to the woman that he had cut off before, his tone very dangerous at that point.

"He isn't my brother. Not anymore. He's more important than that. It's /you/ that have been hurting him! Not me! And I'll face off against all of you if I have to, and I'll do it for him! I don't give a damn if you hurt me, or talk down to me! But you're not gonna get to treat him like some fucking prize anymore! Ya wanna come at me like I'm nothing? Then fucking do it!"

Movement from the corner of Zach's eye suddenly caught his attention, and one of the men off to his right moved in to grab him and pull him away from the woman. He immediately turned on the guy and harshly grabbed his arm, keeping his footing steady and his grip firm as he shifted and moved to throw the guy through the table that was in the middle of the room before he turned on one of the others that came at him. He dodged a punch and grabbed another man's wrist, twisting hard and then wrenching it until he heard a loud snap and the guy yelled in pain as Zach threw him to the ground harshly.

Another fist came flying toward Zach's face, and he didn't move in time to dodge that one, getting knocked sideways a bit and groaning as knuckles made contact with his cheekbone. He didn't feel a crack, but he knew he was definitely going to have yet another bruise on his face, that one a fresh one, and he dodged a kick coming at him and pulled out his knife, twirling it between his fingers before lodging it into the woman's leg as she kicked at him again, drowning out her screams and twisting the knife before he pulled it out and kicked her so hard she flew back against the wall. The last one left in the room didn't make a move to go at Zach, and he kept his eyes on him and his knife in his hand, ready to act in the event that the man might change his mind. He didn't, which surprised Zach, but he didn't give it any more of his attention. Zach lashed out at the man and punched him in the face a couple of times before throwing him to the ground, then spit the blood he tasted in his mouth from the one really hard hit he'd taken onto the man's face and threw his badge at him.

"I fucking quit. You all can go to Hell."

With that, Zach turned and walked out of the room, rolling his eyes as he heard hobbled footsteps going to the door and then stopping.

"If you walk out of here, you'll be categorized as a rogue, Zachariah!"

That was enough to make Zach stop in his tracks, and he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he thought about that. A rogue. Zach was about to go rogue, even though he was never going back there once he left. The decision was made, though, and even though Zach couldn't get his mind around what he had just done, and the word 'rogue' kept bouncing around in his skull, he couldn't stay there any longer than he had. The feelings he'd been feeling suddenly made sense, and the thing he had wanted to do to them for so long had finally been done, but Zach's mind was so rattled that he didn't have any words, so he just started walking again. He was a rogue, and suddenly, the words he'd said to them about Conner /not/ being his brother were bouncing around in his head too. It made more sense at that moment. Zach loved Conner, he was /in love/ with him, and had fought the highest ranking people in the CIA for him because of how they treated him. He'd done what he had wanted to do, something he thought he wouldn't have ever done, and he was getting ready to walk away from the last seven years of his life.

He was going to pack and get out. That was all there was to it.