#i'm nothing

[and-her-saints]

the eldritch horror that is being perceived

[magpie-69]

Hello everyone. I've been absent for some time. I was notified by a friend about the tragic passing of @keptmathilda & came back to pay my tribute to such a lovely & brave lady. There are no words 💜🙏

I hope you're all well. I miss you & I think about you a lot. Blessed Imbolc to you all, which I observe from the 1st of February til the end of February. In fact, if you look historically & logically, the zenith of Imbolc would be at the first New Moon of February, which is the 9th of February this year. That's my belief, anyhoo. Love you muchly. Miss you greatly.

Lots of Love, 'Pie xxx

[moltage]

every once in a while i go back to this song and sob my eyes out for a good twenty minutes it just hits for some reason

[lonelywithdreams]

Why people believe in me more than I do?

I'm bad at everything

I can't achieve anything

I just can't

And yet they still believe in me

What a mistake

[mar9iech]

Dear God,

I'm relearning everything of how I see things I'm seeing how You're showing me new beginnings

I am nothing that's how ugly I'm feeling but Your Word says I'm worth noting

I am void and in You only, You see to it that I'm made whole and fulfilled

I am broken but it's necessary, for certain, for Your grace to do all the healin'

My soul, it constantly grieves All these tears and my heart in pieces It takes griefs to know Your love gives me peace

… Each thorn deep hidden and long forgotten You bring forth to surface for me to own and face:

Here I am, untangled ball of emotions unbridled and for as long as I can recall, years and years of anger unresolved

Past regrets and mistakes Missed opportunities and all those places I never got to go, I need to let go

… Forgiveness is hardest What about the apologies I never have? But to know You've forgiven me first, why can I still not forgive, not even myself?

Oh the humility of being stripped to owning almost nothing to knowing one last single thing: You're the utmost security of everything I need

Before I can love again In grief, I need to love me It's never about me, me and me But to understand the unshakable fact that You have loved me first, and that should be more than enough For me to love even me.

��mar9iech (first posted: Oct 2019)

[a-broken-worthless-monster]

Nobody misses me...

I deserve that and to miss countless others..

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[crystal--lungs]

I - Hyperemia

[dudeshusband]

I was supposed to amount to something and apparently literally all i have is some bullshit ability to make people think i'm smart. i'm not creative. i'm not kind. i'm not charming. i'm not beautiful. i'm not even smart enough to make up for the lack of substance i have. all i am is weird. not fun weird. not quirky. just off putting and ugly and weird.

[sistinad]

"No soy nada.

Nunca seré nada.

No puedo querer ser nada.

Aparte de esto, tengo en mí

todos los sueños del mundo".

Fernando Pessoa.

[kulvefaggoth]

.

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

[lightpost]

My dear lost love, it hurts to be this alone. No one sees me. No one listens. No one is here for me. Doctors to family want me gone and dead. I got really nothing to hold onto in this life anymore that keeps me going...hope hurts, one more knife to pull out at the end of the day and one more knife to drive into the heart at the start of the day... I don't feel the light anymore, I don't feel the warmth of the sun anymore. Summer is cold and winter just gets colder and darker. Nothing works when you aren't in my life. No one cares about me when you aren't in my life. I'm used, abused, neglected and rejected. Who wants a used up 30 year old who has been kidnapped, raped and beaten anyways? I'm to stretched out and used up for anyone to want me.. I think even God neglected me. I think even Hell doesn't want me. I'm in limbo and I'm just a ghost living without love. Living without you. Love haunts me. I miss love. I'm not living without love. Your voice haunts me. I haunt myself. I miss life. I miss you.

[brick-brooke]

[basshole-astard]

PSA: i keep seeing posts about staying cool in extreme heat that include advice like "gatorade is bad actually!" and "don't drink fruit juice it'll just dehydrate you!" and neither of these are true!

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

honestly so long as you are consistently getting Any (non-alcoholic) fluids in you, you're doing great!!!!!! okay!!!! i love you stay safe <3

[hansoeii]

the doctor on their way to steal your heart