#i'm not very good at that but i i think i'd like to be

[chocoholicbec]

#did this end up having profound psychological effects on me as an adult? ABSOLUTELY#Mostly in that I am not particularly paranoid about being followed#because I can and will turn on any potential predator with theforce and feral violence of a bull moose#also I'm a genderfucky bisexual sub but so is every other Former Gifted Kid with late-diagnosed AuDHD so what's new? - @gallusrostromegalus' tags cannot go unnoticed

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

[witherby]

If Punch line can trigger Jason easily what would happen is she ever met Harley?

Let's explore that!

Punchline: First Session

Masterlist is Here!

"I need your help."

Harley perks up, gasping, and rushes over to hug Batman tightly.

"I never thought this day would come," she says, jumping up and down and clutching a gauntleted hand. "Yes!! Yes I would love to be your therapist! We have so much to work on, starting with your parents. I really think you never internalized the event and haven't given yourself any space to grieve after —"

Her hands get squeezed gently, recapturing her attention. Blue eyes meet white lenses, and she furrows her brow.

"Okay, that's fine!" She sighs. "Can't say I'm not disappointed, but if one of your kiddos is looking for help instead, I'm still more than hap—"

"Not one of mine," Batman gently interrupts. "This is a...very delicate case, Harley."

"What's delicate mean in this context, Batsy?" She asks. "Delicate like schizophrenic? Delicate like CPTSD? Delicate like one wrong word away from explodin' and killin' everybody in a mile radius?"

"Delicate," he says, "like...this might hit too close to home for you."

"Me?"

Batman nods. Harley hums, equal parts curious and cautious.

"Any good psychologist worth her salt won't let a personal connection get in the way of providin' aid," she tells him. "If the patient isn't somebody I can help myself, I'll help ya find someone who can. When can I meet 'em?"

--

Your file lies scattered across the floor of the cave. Harley stares wide-eyed at your picture while she trembles on her hands and knees. Bruce, having changed out of his suit, kneels beside her with a steadying hand on her back.

"Oh," she whispers, "Brucie, she's so small for her age. And her age!! Sh-she's..."

Harley shakes her head. Bruce continues rubbing small circles in her back. When she leans against him for support, he holds her upright.

"How'd he keep a kid hidden for eight years?" She whispers, voice thick. "I know I fucked off to go play Happy Family with Ivy, but..."

"Nobody knew," he says. "Harleen, don't play the blame game, not for this. He kept her a secret for a reason; no one was supposed to know."

Harley lifts her hands to her face, rubbing her eyes before any tears can well up and fall. She takes deep, calming breaths, gathering her focus, then carefully collects the papers and stands with his help. She draws a pad and pen out of her pocket.

"I ain't promising anything," she says, looking up at Bruce. "This is...this is a whole different ball game, 'specially with that chucklefuck as the daddy. But I'm gonna try, okay?"

He nods. "Take your time. You were the first person I thought of, but don't force this if it's too much."

Harley gently squeezes his hand in acknowledgement. She walks past him and down the hall towards the containment cells, heels clicking quietly against the floor. She dug out her old coat with the name tag pinned to it and even threw her hair back in a low braid to appear as non-threatening as possible. The closer she gets to your door, the more the wonders if you would've been more comfortable if she showed up in her combat getup and mallet.

"Miss Punchline?" She calls, stopping in front of your cell. A cursory glance of your environment tells her immediately that you're under-stimulated. She writes that down. "I'm Doctor Quinzel. Do ya mind if I come in and chat with you a while?"

You cease all movement. You'd been sitting with your back to the door, gently stroking the head of the teddy bear Alfred gave you while muttering Mistress Mary's nursery rhyme, but when you hear her, you practically turn into a statue. Unless she actively stares at your back, Harley can't even see you draw breath.

"Miss Punchline?" She repeats calmly. "I won't come in if you don't want, but I'd really like to talk to you."

"...Popsy talks about you, sometimes," you say. Harley can't decipher your tone, but the words make her feel cold all over. "Says he used to miss his favorite gal."

"I'm sure he's mentioned me once or twice," she says, clearing her throat. "But I'm old news. Why don't you tell me about yourself? I'm gonna punch in the door code now, okay?"

You don't move. Harley unlocks your cell and walks inside, getting a better look at how sparsely decorated it is. The bed is clearly unused and half of the activities left here would cause an ordinary child to lose interest in about an hour without company. Overall, Bruce and his family are keeping you in a dreary room. If she accomplishes nothing else today, it's a guarantee that she's gonna get you better accommodations.

Harley walks around the room until she can see you face-to-face. Once she's in your periphery, your eyes snap to her and follow her every movement like a predator. She lowers herself to the ground, taking a seat a few feet away from you.

"There you are," she says kindly. Your smile is just as placid as the one in your photo. "I like ya make-up. The swirly pattern on your cheeks is very cute."

You don't respond, though your smile widens briefly. Highly receptive to praise. Your eyes don't leave hers, scanning, assessing, calculating. Harley doesn't feel like you're about to attack her, but you're clearly juggling something around in your mind.

"Bet you're thinking about mine," she continues. "Normally I like puttin' on the face paint, but sometimes my pores gotta breathe, you know? Well — the pores I got left." She glances down at her hands, paper white like the rest of her body from her dip in a vat of acid. With relief, Harley notes that your unpainted skin is a healthy color. Even though the bar's lower than Hell, it's nice to know that at least the Joker didn't immediately treat you to a dunk of your own.

"Punchline, I'm gonna be frank with you," she says.

"Nice to meetcha, Frank," you chirp, grinning mischievously. Harley lifts a brow.

"That was funny," she praises. "I know your, eh, Popsy, he places a lot of value on bein' funny. Used to say nothin' was worth the effort if it didn't amuse him at the end of the day. I'm sure you know that already."

"A giggle a day keeps the boredom away!" You say, pitch and cadence matching that of your father's. Harley knows that the grip on her pen is too tight. She breathes deep and forces herself to relax. "Ohh, hit a nerve, Frank?"

"I'm doin' just fine," she says. "What's boredom look like for you and Popsy?"

You separate your hands, fingers splayed wide, and make explosion noises.

"Do you get caught up in that explosion?"

Your smile doesn't change but your eyes get sharp. Harley makes a note.

"It's hard keepin' him entertained all day, every day," she says. "I would know. But I'm gonna tell ya somethin' your popsy probably never has."

Harley scoots a tad closer to you, reaching her hand out and gently taking one of yours. She can feel every bone in your hand and has to utilize all of her training to school her expression.

"It's not your job to make yer popsy happy. In fact, it's not your job to make any adult happy. Grown-ups shouldn't rely on their children for emotional regulation."

"Couldn't rely on you, either, could be?" You snicker. "Since you ran away."

"I left him because he was treatin' me like dirt," Harley says, a little more firm than necessary. "He's real good at drawin' you in, Punchline. Shows you an ounce of praise that makes you feel invincible, makes you wanna do anything he asks to get more of it."

Harley lets go of your hand to tuck a lock of emerald green hair behind your right ear, brushing gently against the shell. The edges are distorted, flatter than your left.

"He's also real good at draggin' you through the mud, makin' you feel like everything's your fault. Like you got no choice but to make it up t'him. Ya never wanna get on his bad side cause he really makes you feel it."

You tilt your head away from her hand, eyes dropping back down to the teddy bear Alfred gave you. You resume petting it, slightly faster and rougher than before. Harley makes a note.

"His anger's always more powerful than his joy, Punchline," she says, "but both of them are destructive. I wanna help ya break away from his cycle."

"No thanks," you say, "if I wanted to be a washed-up, third-rate party clown, I would!"

Harley feels a wave of pity for you. It's obvious you're just regurgitating your father's words back at her, and she's not surprised. Change doesn't happen overnight, especially not for you.

There's so much work to do, but Harley's not afraid. You may look and behave similarly to the Joker, but you're young and still impressionable and already starting to pull away from him without even realizing it.

"I can tell yer getting upset, and that's the last thing I want," she says, climbing to her feet, "so I think this is a good stopping point for today. But I'd really like to see you again. Would you be alright with that?"

You blow a raspberry at her, then cackle. Harley exhales sharply through her nose, giving you a fond smile, and pats your head as she steps past you and opens the cell door.

She can do this. She will do this. For you.

But, first thing's first.

"Brucie, you're kidding me with the furnishings! How's the richest man on the planet gonna put a kid in such a shitty room!? Don't look at me like that, mister. You brought me in t'do a job and I'm gonna do it right!!"

[shanastoryteller]

hey so, I tend to leave a short comment just saying I reread a fic when I do... and I was wondering about your personal opinion for those with multiple rereads.

because like, if I reread a fic and tell you about that, that (probably) feels nice, but if I end up rereading something 5 times (sometime in the future) those short comments might start to feel annoying?

I'm not very good at commenting, so it would be the same (or very similar) very short comment just mentioning the reread...

I'm possibly overthinking this, but I'd like to know if in the case of me rereading something multiple times like that you'd prefer to get those comments or if I should keep that to myself after the first/second reread 😅

there's no non-rude comment that I ever find annoying

I'm so pleased you like my writing! I am giggling and kicking my feet when I get comments! One of the first things I do in the morning is open my inbox and read whatever new comments I've gotten. A few times people have been like "this fic is old idk if you're still reading comments for it" and I absolutely am. I read every single AO3 comment I get

Sometimes people leave hearts at the end of each chapter and I think it's so cute and fun to track their progress. People leave "reread kudos!" and smiley faces and key smashes

I am a greedy greedy author. Obviously I love love big long in depth comments - I have a lot of them saved to reread later because they spark so much joy - but every comment is someone liking my fic enough to tell me about it and I love that

I don't want people to ever feel pressured to leave comments. I love them. I am gobbling them up. But if you read my story and it sparked joy within you then the end, that's why I posted it and I'm so happy about it regardless if you tell me or not

But if I get a "fifth reread. shit still hits" all I'm doing is going 🥰🥰 FIFTH reread!! ❤️ Shit still hits!! 💃😘

[atlas-of-andromeda]

Because I can, I'm answering all of them.

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Alot of things, obviously, but if I had to pick, I'd say:

Being straight up bullied for expressing interest in things growing up by my brother

Being largely a social outcast for most of my life

And video games

show us a picture of your handwriting?

Yes, I know it looks like shit.

For any curious, it's the lyrics to Does The Swallow Dream Of Flying by Cosmo Sheldrake that I wrote at school a few days ago because it was stuck in my head but I was in math so I couldn't listen to it.

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Wolfwalkers

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Heathers (1989)

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

Piss

(It's a long story)

what made you start your blog?

P.M. Seymour

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

Best? The anonymity of it.

Worse? The anonymity of it.

what scares you the most and why?

People hating me. I couldn't tell you why even if I wanted to.

any recurring dreams?

Sometimes I have this dream where I'm in a massive... sinkhole? I guess? That's covered entirely in moss, grass, trees, and miscellaneous foliage. There's also a waterfall somewhere in it. Everytime I have the dream it's dark, little light making it to where I am from the surface. I'm stood on this little cliff edge on the side of the hole, and everytime I look over the edge, and fall. And the dream ends there. I've had it at seemingly random intervals throughout the past... maybe nine-ish years?

There's also this dream I consistently have once, every four years. Where I'm awake in my bedroom at like... maybe 04:00 or something. And it's the early winter, snow just dusting the ground. I leave my room and the washroom door is open, light on, but all other lights are off. I walk over to the entranceway, and I can hear my mother screaming from the basement. I proceed to leave through the backdoor. I walk out into the front yard and my brother is there, and the lights on my family's car are on.

It gets a little fuzzy from then on, but I know that at some point I go back inside and there's a spoon - like the utensil - is important is some capacity. And at some point the dream suddenly switches into another, unrelated dream; where I'm laying on my back, on the floor of a massive almost warehouse-like building, completely empty, and except of the white and grey metal normally in warehouses, this building is made out of wooden planks. There's a giant fan on the roof blowing straight down on me. Balloons are involved at some point.

So... feel free to psychoanalyze me if you so wish!

tell a story about your childhood

One time my family and I were out visiting my grandfather, and there was a large lake near where he lived, so we went swimming. Now, I was like, five or six when this happened; I was very small (still am, but less so). And my older brother (by like four years) was walking out into the lake, and I was following him, because I did that sometimes when I was younger. And because he was (and still is) a lot bigger than me, he went out just fine. But because I was so small, the water picked me up and flipped me over, and I started drowning. My parents came to the rescue (my brother ignored me (dick)).

would you say you’re an emotional person?

I've gotten better in the last year or two, but yes.

what do you consider to be romance?

Couldn't tell you if I tried.

what’s some good advice you want to share?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what are you doing right now?

Typing shit on Tumblr.

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Come out.

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

A house.

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I'd make myself braver and less of of a push-over

name 3 things that make you happy

Music, drawing, walking in nature

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

Nope. Not even kinda.

favourite thing about the day?

Being on the bus to and from school. I'm not at school or my house and I get to talk with my friend.

favourite things about the night?

Nobody bothers you. You are left alone for hours on end. It's the only time you get peace.

are you a spiritual person?

Nope.

say 3 things about someone you love

You're always making such shit comments about LGBT+ and minority people, and I can't say anything in retort. You make it easy to forget what a shit person you are, and I'm happy until you make one of those comments again. You're the only person who seems to care about me, even if I know that that if I were to be honest with you that'd change in a second.

say 3 things about someone you hate

You can't shut up for five seconds and give me peace and quiet. You've ruined my life in so many ways for so long. I can't wait for you to be gone.

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Going on for this long.

fave season and why?

Autumn. Cold, but not frostbite cold. limited amounts of bugs. Pretty colours. :)

fave colour and why?

Red. No reason, just like it.

any nicknames?

Pumpkin - my father.

do you collect anything?

Yeah! Rocks and breadclips! (Random. I know)

what do you do when you’re sad?

Depends. If I'm in public, suck it up until in private. In private, cry and read fanfiction.

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Music.

are you messy or organized?

Pretty organized.

how many tabs do you have open right now?

...17...

any hobbies?

Drawing, writing, dancing, singing, playing guitar, playing harmonica.

any pet peeves?

People with no volume control.

do you trust easily?

Not really.

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

As many walls as possible.

share a secret

No. :)

fave song at the moment?

Vulture Culture by Fangclub

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Rendog. Idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

any bad habits?

Biting my nails.

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[darqx]

Another BP/HH/Gen answer dump as usual starting with BP and then moving into the other two \o/

All demons age about the same rate as humans (although with earlier milestones as babies) UNTIL they hit their 30s-40s after which aging slows down drastically 🙂‍↕️

Izm chasing you down to get .D back like

🤔 You guys sometimes really make me think about things I don't often have to think about LOL. I'm just gonna do the gang this time so off the top of my head:

Izm and .D are often eating sushi in my drawings and since I'm pretty sure Izm is mainly the one buying, sushi is his fave. He'll eat any type but he prefers the raw fish ones.

Whilst .D also likes sushi, it's not his fave dish. His fave dish is pasta in a red sauce (like Sugo or Arrabiata) for some reason. Nostalgia maybe?

Zeke is a meat and potatoes kind of guy, so, a nice juicy sirloin with mushroom sauce and a side of roast potatoes and veggies. (BP!Zeke is similar but he really likes pork/bacon particularly, so a pork roast for him probably).

Wei Ren's comfort foods are chicken congee, and seafood steamboat/hot pot.

Marcus' fave is his mom's chicken casserole.

Oh I'm glad (and thank you very much)! I hope you get lots of inspiration and can create a lot of things :D

Hm, that's a good question! I think, for doodling purposes, my fave is Rire mainly because Rire always looks more or less completed in black and white. My other two faves are .D and Izm - .D is a good exercise in subtle expressions whereas Izm is the complete opposite (esp with BP!Izm with that mouth).

Yes. I mean, I'd prefer you be at least 15 for those two things only cos if i had to age rate them they could be considered M or MA15+.

Hullo! The short answer is that there are also "not normal" skin tones, it depends on the demon species :)

The rest of society is pretty standard so yes there are charlatans in the world of BP lol. HOWEVER, no one would pretend to be a BP for three distinct reasons:

You need to be sanctioned to be a BP (ie they have abilities that normal people do not, like being able to perform exorcisms.)

There is no profit to be had as BPs generally don't get paid (all their living expenses are generally covered by their religion's HQ).

It's dangerous work. You'd have better luck being a bank robber.

Desmond is def a club music kind of guy XD EDMs, techno, trance, hardstyle, house, whatever - the kind of stuff you jump energetically up and down to at a club/concert/rave, he'll listen to it.

Not yet for BP (soon...🙏🏻). HH wasn't really a comic series so much as a bunch of somewhat random one shots I did for fun lol.

^ you guys :d

I don't put my pronouns anywhere partly because it is lowkey amusing for me to see how people perceive me online. It doesn't really matter to me, so go with your best guess lol.

You would be surprised at how much time those two hobbies can take up outside of work |D; I also like doing puzzle games (like Quordle etc), coding, going for walks/bike riding, making slightly odd food combos in normal recipes and freaking out my friends on Discord with them, and watching horror/disaster films and playthroughs of horror games.

Maybe one day I would, but not at this particular time, sorry!

Thanks for asking as this is a bit of a grey type area! Personally, I think that as long as this is purely for your own use and you aren't going to on-sell it in any way...then it should be ok. I'm going to categorise something like this as somewhat similar to say...people printing out my art to stick to their wall type thing. Of course, if you ended up buying a bunch and then thought oh i have so many extra I'll sell them to whoever wants them - that would be a no no.

In what capacity lol if there's something I've learned from real life it's never agree or disagree to anything without knowing specifics. Eg if you would like to use my art as a PFP on tumblr then you can if you credit it, but if you want to use my art as a face claim for your own charac then i would have to say no, etc.

That makes two of us as i am not familiar with the twisted wonderland universe :P

.D: Diasomnia

Izm: Pomefiore

Wei Ren: Ignihyde

Zeke: Savanaclaw

Marcus: Diasomnia

I never really specified one so my friends and I have been calling it the fictional city of Hedone lol.

I haven't given up on HH, i just dont draw it nearly as much since i'm focussing on developing BP :) Anyway HH wasn't seriously planned to be a comic or anything (though technically...it does have a very loose storyline that I've alluded to in some drawings |D ) so it's something I can just jump back into and doodle whenever i feel like.

This was from a while back

It's pretty straightforward HH is a slice of life 'verse where my main characs are in an all boy's boarding school and Rire is the headmaster. It focuses on the boys shenanigans though so if you specifically like Rire you will be disappointed as he's barely in it.

I cut off this post cos I dont think the stuff in it should be shared with other random people even though anon is on anon. If this is you anon i hope you are doing well and i would genuinely encourage you to talk to someone about certain things (like a therapist maybe).

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 5!

i won't lie folks, these rec lists are the only reason i know what week it is. but hey, every week brings us closer to the return of 911! in the meantime, enjoy these fics <3

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

am i who you think about in bed? | rarakiplin/@hoediaz | 6.8k | M

eddie sleeps with men that aren't buck until, well, you know. eddie's hoe phase is something so very dear to me <3 i love how this fic captures him (and that phase lol) so much!! and That Moment in the bar... unmatched

and if someone asked me if i love you (i'd lie) | forgetmyname/@kingmieczyslaw | 10.3k | E

Eddie has a concussion. Suddenly he can't lie. It would be fine if he wasn't trying his best to not confess his undying love for Buck. this is such a fun fic <3 i love the firefam's reactions to eddie's predicament!!

and longingly i long | effervescentwolf/@effervescentwolf | 14k | M

Asking for what you want is asking too much of Buck, except it isn’t really. Not when it’s Eddie. i read this fic, immediately clicked the little back to the top button, and still have it open in a tab to reread asap, that's how good this is. the hurt/comfort hits so so hard, truly marvellous!!

bobby versus buddie | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 10.4k | M

Five times Bobby tried to gently hold Buddie's hands and tell them they were in love, and one time they got the picture. i adore how this fic captures bobby and athena and bobby's relationship with buck and eddie and also buddie <3 just a delight to read!!

buck, bothered and bewitched | bellabrady | 5.8k | not rated

Buck gets turned into a Golden Retriever. SUCH a fun fic. i really do think that animal transformation-esque fics are an untapped market... this is a brilliant example of just how good they can be!!

give me a call if you ever get lonely. | dylaesthetics | 7.7k | E

 Now that Eddie’s come out as gay, Buck helps him explore his kinks and fetishes. Not in the way you think. And later, exactly in the way you think. truly what a brilliant fic concept... hot and fun and cute <3

i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling | calvingseason | 7.7k | T

healing through shitty memes sure is cathartic. i do love a good crack treated seriously fic <3 eddie in this one genuinely had me laughing out loud!

if you say it with your hands | hammersmiths/@henwilsons | 9.9k | T

Eddie starts casually falling asleep against Buck, and Buck is very normal about it. oh the joy of the literal sleeping together tag!! this is soft and cute and just perfect <3 one of my favourites to reread!

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) | HMSLusitania/@hmslusitania | 44.4k | M

An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home. i've been waiting to be in the right mood to read this one - since joining the fandom last year, it's probably the most recced fic i've seen! and, well, having read it, i totally get that. a wonderfully written fic, i loved the OCs but also adored buck and christopher here <3

let me know you (bedhead and morning breath) | burnthatbridge/@burnthatbridge | 6.2k | E

Buck hasn't gotten off since the lightning strike. Eddie watches him do something about it. THIS FIC. holy shit this fic. so good, so hot, so fun, so them!!

love me most | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 11.3k | T

Eddie’s not impressed that Buck and Tommy’s first date was supposed to be dinner and a movie. He thinks he can come up with something more creative, and he takes Buck on a date to prove his point. It’s a fake date, obviously. It’s not like he’s in love with Buck or anything.) i'm obsessed with eddie's behaviour in this fic <3 such a wonderful buddie dynamic!!

no takebacks | ever_yours/@ever-yours118 | 4.5k | M

In which Buck accidentally sends a confession to Eddie, lingers in the bargaining stage of grief, and maybe doesn’t end up regretting it so much, after all. love love love buck here, so true to character!! such a fun fic <3

PTA "coup d'état" | Bookworm0303/@insertlovelyperson | 26.5k | T

Buck attends some PTA meetings for Eddie. It goes about as well as you'd expect. this fic has so many funny moments, i can't even count how many times i had to put my phone down just to laugh. i especially loved ravi!! oh, the pta shenanigans... delightful fic!!

[cvntroach5000]

LaDS men - "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

dialogue only, slight crack, 1 gendered term used ("ma'am" by Sylus)

content warning: swearing, implied vore (Rafayel), suggestive themes (Sylus)

Xavier ✨

"Xavier, would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"..."

"...Why are you hesitating"

"Oh, sorry, I'm not. I was just thinking what kind of worm you'd be and what you'd need to be kept happy and safe. I'd need to build you some kind of enclosure... But if you were a worm, how would I know which things you like and which you don't? Worms can't talk. I guess I'd have to learn how to speak worm and watch you really closely."

"I'm sure if anyone could make me a happy worm, it'd be you."

"I'm glad you think so. Still, worms are so small and fragile... Please, don't turn into a worm. I don't think my heart could take worrying so much about you."

"Don't worry, I won't! It's just an internet meme."

"Good. Then it's settled. Neither of us will ever turn into worms. If we have to become animals, let's be cats or birds. Together. So we can talk and be equals."

Zayne ❄️

"Zayne, would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"...Sigh."

"Well? Would you, would youuu?"

"Yes. I would become a worm doctor and make sure you are the happiest, healthiest worm. Is that a satisfying answer?"

"Very!"

"Good. Any other hypothetical questions you'd like to ask?"

"Hmm... What kind of worm do you think I'd be?"

"I'm afraid I'm not familiar enough with different worm species to answer that question in a scientifically accurate way. However, I can guarantee you, you would be a worm that is beloved by Zayne."

Rafayel 🪸

"Rafayel, would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"Uhm, duh?? You'd be the cutest little worm, I'd eat you and keep you safe in my stomach."

"...What"

"What"

"You could've stopped at 'yes' and calling me cute."

"Yeah? Well, what about you? What would you do if I turned into a handsome, talented worm?"

"I wouldn't eat you, that's for sure."

"I guess it'd be a shame to waste such a special worm for a meal. You could make me a little worm art studio and then sell my artworks. That way, I could take care of you, even if I was a worm."

"Do you think worms look tasty, Rafayel"

"Of course I don't! But I think you'd be a delicious-looking, tasty little worm."

"...I'm starting to regret asking."

"I literally did nothing wrong."

"You brought vore into this house!"

"Jesus spoke the truth and they hated him for it, too"

"Who the fuck is Jesus"

Sylus 🥀

"Sylus, would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"Heh. What a strange question. Where did that come from?"

"It's an internet meme."

"Well, of course, I would, sweetie. After all, who could resist an adorable worm like you? I'd find an architect and a gardener to design you the largest, most luxurious enclosure, so that you could have the most opportunity to thrive out of any worm in the universe. Every day, I'd tell you how much I love you. And I'd subdue the world, so they'd worship the ground you burrow in."

"...Sylus, I think we gotta have sex now."

"Oh? I didn't know a bit of worm talk could get you so riled up, sweetie."

"You know this isn't about the worm."

"Haha."

"Take off your clothes"

"Yes, ma'am~"

Caleb 🍎

"Caleb, would you—"

"Yes."

"You don't even know what I was gonna—"

"You were going to ask me if I would still love if you were a worm, right?"

"..."

"The answer is yes. Hundred times yes."

"...It'd be nice if you let me finish my question."

"Oh. Okay! Ask me again, I'll wait this time."

"Caleb, would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"Yes!"

"How did you know what I was going to ask anyway?"

"I heard you the other day discussing the meme with your friends. I figured you'd ask sooner or later."

"Hmph."

"Soooo... Would you love me if I was a worm?"

"You're already a worm and I love you just fine, don't I?"

[ds9promenade]

Transcript because everyone deserves to enjoy this

(some ums, cut-off phrases etc. are edited out)

Siddig:

Stories about Andy Robinson. Ahh, god! *crowd laughs* Everyone thought Andy Robinson — the Garak character — and Julian Bashir for years were possibly a homosexual couple. *crowd laughs* And he actively encouraged that! That was actually all right! That was all right. Except it didn't leave much room for Bashir to do any stuff, you know?

But I don't really have many stories about Andy —

Nana Visitor:

You know, you just made me think, "I've gotta bring this bit" —

Siddig:

You got a good story about Andy?

Visitor:

No, I got a clip, an outtake that they sent me from one of the last shows we filmed of me not being able to keep a straight face —

Siddig:

Ohhhh, Andy's speech!

Visitor:

And Andy saying some waaay over-the-top line, saying it in typical Andy fashion. And it was too much for me. We were in the Cardassian hell(?) chamber and you know all of that, and I laughed.

I laughed take after take after take and he kept saying "Come on! Pull it together! Pull it together!"

And it was something like "We'll cut off the worm's head!" and it was like, it was really like —

Siddig (being completely wrong lol):

Ohh yes, I remember this scene! It was the scene where he was explaining how to eat worm!

Visitor:

No no no

Siddig:

Ah *crowd laughs*

Visitor:

About a time in the Cardassian thing, and —

Crowd member:

"Cut off the snake's head and the body will die."

Visitor:

*gleeful* "Cut off the snake's head and the body will die." Thank you very much, that's exactly the saying. In typical Andy, you know, really big — and he was committed to that line, both feet in, and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my life. *crowd laughs*

Siddig:

To add one thing: people had to be really careful working with Andy, you always had to keep him in a good mood. Not because he was naturally an angry man, never! You meet him generally and he's like the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's like a teddy bear, you push it over.

But once he's in that stuff — he's in literally a wetsuit glued to his body...he gets hotter and hotter. Andy has no heat retention capability whatsoever. *crowd laughs* Two minutes in that suit, he's like, *impressively good Andy impression* Okay, I'm gonna blow......Let's get this over with... *jerking his head back and forth in rage* Cut! Cut! *enraged sounds* *crowd laughs*

Every day, he's like a little powder keg, you gotta be a little careful with Andy; you can ask him about that. I think Wednesday I'm doing something with Andy and I don't know if you're gonna be there but if you are, ask him that. *clenched teeth* "Andy's gonna blow...Andy's gonna blow everybody" — and he did, often.

Visitor:

Oh yeah.

Siddig:

*pretending to be Andy "blowing" again*

Visitor:

And when he blows, he blows big-time — but a lot of people did, in the makeup — it gets to you after a while. When I was a Cardassian for twenty hours, I was in this makeup, I started to say to the director — I do not do this, I am professional — I started to pull at it and say "That was it, that was your last take"

This is a clip from a YouTube upload by Mary Knasinski of Sid and Nana in Missouri in 2000. They are asked about working with Andy and Nana recounts an outtake of being unable to stop laughing to get a scene done with Andy that then irritates him because (as Sid says) for Garak he was “in a wetsuit glued to his body” and he can’t stand the heat, thus he wants to get his scenes done as soon as possible so he can get out of costume. Sid then goes on to give THE best impersonation of an angry and irritated Andy that only a best friend can do so wonderfully.

[menlove]

queer paul tome pt 1: everything not related to john

okay i've been saying i'd make this post forever and it's uh. long. so i decided to split it up into four parts so i can get this first bit out and let it stop haunting me and so it's not 50 miles long.

feel free to add your own if it's not here or shoot me an ask and i'll add it :)

disclaimer: i'm not definitively saying sir paul mccartney is queer. i mean i really firmly think he is but it's all just speculation. also, if he is, there's obviously a reason he's not out about it & he deserves to have his privacy respected. i just personally find the dominant narrative in the fandom & even in larger spaces that poor pining queer john was in love with tragically heterosexual paul completely unconvincing and neeeeeed to be insane for a minute here

if this pisses u off u can simply scroll on by i do not need an essay in my notes. make your own post if you disagree.

(paul doing this for whatever reason in beverly hills, 1974- also the same trip he saw john on bc sure i guess)

this doesn't include lyrics as the main argument bc i saw a post ages ago basically saying there's nothing outside of them and lowkey i took that as a challenge because there's SO much outside of his lyrics that point to him being queer.

that being SAID, this is going to be split into four posts: not john related (most important and thus first bc there's so much documented about mclennon & john being queer, but not paul by himself), john related, paul's relationships w other men (these ones aren't all like... concrete and that's why they aren't included here but w all the context that'll come before it his relationships to certain men are..... interesting), and finally lyrics last bc some of them you genuinely can't just ignore

part 2- john related part 3- other men part 4- lyrics (those will have links once i actually make them)

also, i'm sure people have made similar posts before- i haven't seen them (other than this one an anon sent while i was writing this up which is sooo interesting but does have a lot of dead links) but if you have one you want to share feel free!

time to get into it. i'm avoiding homework by doing this.

(sidenote: not including instances of him just flirting w men bc body language can be read a lot of different ways- but if y'all wanna add any i know they're a dime a dozen like w george m., mal, random reporters, robert fraser, etc)

1- "Just kidding, Linda..."

REPORTER: You're a very, very good looking man. PAUL: [sits up straighter, making a sort of campy gesture towards the crowd, turning into a point] Get that boy's name. [Drops his hand, smiling and leaning his cheek on his hand.] Just kidding, Linda. REPORTER: [unintelligible] PAUL: What? REPORTER: I said- do you have a secret, looking so nice for fifty years? PAUL: [grins, resting his chin on his hand again and batting his eyelashes] Yes, it's the drugs, you know.

(originally posted on here by @northernsongspeels who hasn't been active in a while) this one is so crazy to me. he's so obviously flirting with that man and he's apologizing to linda for flirting with that man. like it's a conversation they've had before.

2- "Yes, boys."

this video (originally posted by @ilovedig here)

PAUL: Yes, I think the main difference is that when you are that age- which I'm sure you remember, Tom- TOM: It's back there in the dim distant past, yes. PAUL: When you're that age, that's the kind of thing to do. I mean, what you're doing is you're going 'round and you're basically looking for girls or whatever turns you on and stuff. So, uh, yeah, I- TOM: Well- well could you give me the alternatives to girls? Are there others? LINDA: [scoffs] PAUL: Yes, boys. TOM: Oh! No.

3- "He's so good looking."

Paul McCartney first read the name and saw the photo (for weeks there was just one crazy photo of Elvis available in Britain) during a free period at Liverpool Institute. Again, it was a friend with the NME, and there was an advert for Heartbreak Hotel. "I thought, 'He's so good looking,'" Paul says, "he just looked perfect." Mark Lewisohn, All These Years Vol. 1 Tune In, sourced from the Anthology TV series by Lewisohn.

4- "A Nice Person Girl"

this fun little interview... (originally posted by @amoralto idk why the archive.org capture of it looks funky but the audio is still there) take it w a grain of salt bc it can also just read as a homophobic joke but like.

August 22nd, 1966 (Warwick Hotel, New York): As DJ “Cousin Brucie” Morrow conducts brief interviews with each of the Beatles, one by one, he asks Paul to settle the rumours that have been circulating in the press about the status of his relationship with Jane Asher. MORROW: Moving over here to Paul – someone just handed me a card. I guess this is… [focusing] Last year, when you were on my microphone here— PAUL: Ask me something about Rick Sklar. MORROW: Rick Sklar? That’s my boss. JOHN: Ask Paul about Rick Sklar. MORROW: Uh, Paul, last year when you were on my microphone, I think somebody – one of your staff – announced an engagement of you and Jane. PAUL: Uh… MORROW: Do you remember that? It was announced on the air. And then I remember we said something on the air and then thousands of people from the street went, “Oh.” What is it with you and Jane now? How – what is your relationship? Are you planning a marriage, planning an engagement, are you just boyfriend and girlfriend, what is it? Tell us the whole thing. JOHN: [mutters; inaudible] PAUL: Uh. We’re just queer, that’s the scene. [uproarious laughter in background] That’s the scene. Well I mean, I couldn’t say that on the air live, you know. JOHN: No, you’ll get into trouble for it. PAUL: No, the thing is, Cousin Bruce – um, we haven’t got plans to marry yet, you know. That’s the point. And that business about somebody saying we were engaged, nobody actually said it. It was just another one of those things where someone says, “Are they engaged?” and they said, “Well, whatever it is… [muttering]” “Yes, folks, they’re engaged!” And it wasn’t true. MORROW: Well, I’m sure there are a lot of girls who are very happy with this. What would you look for, in a girl? Say you did eventually want to settle down, what would you want to – what kind of girl would you like? What would you – what would you like in a gal you wanted to marry eventually, bring home to Mommy? PAUL: Uh… Female hormones. MORROW: Female. What’ll you go for, any – what, blonde, brunette, what? PAUL: Uh, you know, anything. Anything. Girls. It doesn’t matter if they’re blonde, brunette, or anything, as long as they’ve got it. MORROW: Would you want a nice person – what? A beautiful nice person girl. PAUL: Yeah, you know. A nice person girl. (transcription directly from @amoralto, bold mine)

and again this one COULD just be a lil homophobic joke but idk man his tone here is very different and the fact that he says he couldn't say that on air & john says he'll get in trouble is just. interesting. it's Interesting.

5- "A 26 year old queer never to get married."

Half an hour later it was very quiet, except for a few sobs, and then we decided that we had to see him just once more. We opened the gates and walked slowly in. Someone rang the doorbell. Waited, no one came, rang again. Rang again. Paul answered. We just stood there. God what do we say? "Yes, what do you want?" he said, as if we'd just come to borrow sugar. C. ran out. Someone asked if it was tomorrow, and he said, "Tomorrow." It went quiet again. "What's this - Heartbreak Hotel? What do you think I am a 26 year old queer never to get married? Oh, stick around kids!" We just looked at each other. Oh God, Paul, what have we done now. All we wanted to do was stand there and talk awhile. What was the point in shouting at us like that? We stood there, tears falling but there was no sound. "Apple Scruffs Come to Dinner" by Andrew Bailey, 1970 (x), bold mine

again, like the last one, this one is very... i think he was absolutely being homophobic here, but it's a very telling outburst. like he's yelling this harsh enough to make these girls cry.

6- Harry Harrison's "gorgeous tan"

moving onto this wild quote from many years from now by barry miles about george's older brother (bold mine):

"George Harrison’s elder brother Harry had been to Christmas Island and arrived back with a gorgeous tan in his army uniform and we thought, My God, he’s been made a man of. You used to see this quite regularly, people would be made a man of."

7/8- gender neutral language

let's get into some interesting gender neutral language he uses. now, would this be Particularly compelling with a modern celebrity? not really. but most people his age really don't talk gender neutrally unless it's to be vague On Purpose. like this bit from many years from now, where before this he'd been using exclusively "girl" and "she/her" pronouns talking about hookups, it suddenly shifts to very purposefully vague (bold mine):

With a lot of those people I met and related to, albeit for a short time, I've mercifully forgotten them and I don't really remember what went on, thank goodness. There may have been a few drinks involved and I was a little merry and, you know, you slip back to someone's flat... My main feeling really is one of relief. You do feel like some of it was outrageous. But I'm glad to have had a slightly outrageous period in my life, as long as it didn't hurt anybody, because I'd always felt maybe my character was too careful. I think the great thing was I never had any deep, dark secrets. That's what the papers wanted. They wanted me to be hiding a little Miss Whiplash somewhere, and for the flat to be in my name. But it was never that. It was always a one-night stand with whoever was around and wanted to party.

this next one take w a grain of salt bc the source Is cited but looking it up online only brings up tumblr blogs. the source does seem to exist but i'm being so real i don't care enough to go and buy the source but if anyone wants to and wants to fact-check it have at it. bold mine:

Favourite Drink: If I could only choose one drink it would have to be water. When I’m a bit hung over that’s all I can take. But I still like a Scotch and Coke. I can’t overdo it any more. Four’s my maximum, four and I’m anybody’s. (official program booklet for The Paul McCartney World Tour (1989-90): Lifelines. (1989))

what's also interesting about this one is it's when him and linda were married, which gives some credence to the rumors that they maybe had an open relationship (men or not). it also makes me think of the "just kidding, linda" thing lmao. she can't take her husband anywhere or he's going to be fagging it up the second he gets 4 drinks in him.

9/10/11- the "binary" (ft. a bit of john)

this infamous quote from the lyrics in his section on "hello goodbye" (bold mine) (x):

I'm attracted to the binary. I state that quite casually, but I think there’s actually a lot more to it than my just saying, ‘I’m attracted to the binary.’ Once you get down to the scientific biological level, in my core, I probably am the binary. All of us are probably more binary than we might realise.

context being that when he says "the binary" he means duality. there's a lot of interesting stuff going on in this article, though there's some more john related stuff i'll add here too bc it's super fascinating (sorry, easier to go here than the john section!):

‘Hello, Goodbye’ shows off a binary that we took great advantage of in The Beatles. With regard to John Lennon and myself, the great attraction we had for each other was that we each had a bit the other didn’t have. John could be quite cynical. I was his opposite, in that respect. [...] I think there definitely was a sort of ‘hello, goodbye’ about John and myself. But we loved it. We loved it because John could contribute his caustic wit and I could contribute something more upbeat. Not always, we each did what the other one did from time to time. But if you had to break it down – and though it is a bit crude to say so – there was a binary tension at the heart of our songwriting together.

12- big guys at the gym

onto something more lighthearted and also just ridiculous (x):

"If I'm in a gym and all the big guys have got big weights and they're doing all the big stuff, at the end I do a headstand," he said. "And they come over to me [and say], 'That's pretty impressive man.'" ["78-year-old Paul McCartney’s fitness routine includes headstands and yoga with Alec Baldwin" by Cory Stieg]

13- gay dreams

this infamous quote which i have a bit of a different take on that i'll expand on in a sec (bold mine)

My view is that these things are there whether you want them or not, in your interior. You don’t call up dreams, they happen, often the exact opposite of what you want. You can be heterosexual and be having a homosexual dream and wake up, and think, “Shit, am I gay?” I like that you don’t have control over it. But there is some control – it is you dreaming, it is your mind it’s all happening in. In a way my equation would be that my computer is fully loaded by now. Maybe in younger people there’s a little bit of loading to go, but mine’s loaded pretty much, so what I try and do is allow it to print out unbeknown to me. And I’m interested to hear what it’s got in there. (interview by Karen Wright for Luigi's Alcove, 2000) (x)

a lot of people use this to point to him being oblivious, which i do get, but i want to focus more on the line "it is you dreaming, it is your mind it's all happening in". like he seems interested and fascinated by the revelations we have in our dreams- hardly repressed or scared.

14- royston ellis' "break me in easy"

we've all been over the royston ellis poem and i don't want to just retype out everything that's already on this post so go check out @eppysboys' post on the royston ellis poem!

but tl;dr a bisexual friend of theirs in liverpool, royston ellis, wrote this poem called "Break Me In Easy":

Easy, easy, break me in easy. Sure I’m big time, cock-sure and brash, but easy, easy, break me in easy. Sure they’ve been others, I know the way…

which is about gay sex. he also told the boys that 1 in every 5 men was gay and paul worried that it might be him (this was back in 1960). he still remembered it line for line by 2006 which is just insane. all the sources for those are over on the linked post.

15- woody pecker

originally posted by @didwemeetsomewherebefore here (links to my blog bc the wayback machine was not cooperating right but as long as it stays up you can find the original here!)

PAUL & DONOVAN: How to suck a lollypopper, Sitting on a woodypecker, Dancing in the double-decker shoe, I don’t know, So, how do you do? PAUL: I don't know how you do it, Lordy, knows I try But every time I try to do it, My whole darn tongue gets ti(r)ed

this one is just so sillyyyyy and cute but it's just so full of innuendo like sucking on a lollypop and sitting on a woody pecker and your tongue getting tied (tired?) when you try to suck the uh lollypop. giggling his way through it with one of his boy best friends donovan too.

16- "i heard he was gay"

this fun little quote from body count by francie schwartz:

When the rotation of bike, gun, and other diversions left me alone with Billy, his first words were, "You went with Paul McCartney, didn’t you?" "I bet you just love it when people ask you about your father, don't you?" He was surprised, he half-frowned. "No, really, what's Paul like? I heard he was gay." "He might have gone that way, but he didn't. He really didn't dig fucking all that much, if that's any kind of an answer."

note here though that francie is a notoriously unreliable source on paul. she hates him and honestly makes some pretty homophobic digs at him & others pretty frequently. so it is interesting that she denies he's gay, but says he might have gone that way. given how short of a time they were together and how weird their relationship was, i wouldn't really expect him to be open about that with her- still, she noticed something there too.

17- homosexual handbook

paul was mentioned in the homosexual handbook by angelo d'arcangelo in 1968 under a list of famous homosexuals. it's very tongue in cheek and says this "may just be wishful thinking on (my) part"

and obviously not proof as the book takes a very playful and unserious tone. he does provide this little disclaimer though, which i think is interesting:

Some of the men on this list are self-acknowledged homosexuals. Some are not. All of them are generally thought to be gay. However, as many family men and notorious womanizers appear on these pages, we must—rather than question their forays into either or both sexes—congratulate them on their obvious virility.

because once again like... WHERE are these rumors about paul being gay? because the rest of this list, as far as i can tell (ngl i did not do a deep read there) are men who have/had gay rumors about them or were gay. this comes up more in the john post as well, but i seriously need to know just how many rumors there were about him being gay.

18- "the female hordes"

It was always obvious Brian was gay and we could talk to him about gay things, but he would never come out with, 'Hello, Paul, you’re looking nice today.' I was quite obviously un-gay, due to my hunting of the female hordes, and I think we all must have given the same impression. There had been a suggestion since that John had some homosexual thing with Brian, but I personally doubt it. All the intimate moments we shared were always about girls. (from Anthology)

i know putting one of his "un-gay" quotes here is counter intuitive but listen i have genuinely never heard a gayer thing come out of a man's mouth than "hunting of the female hordes" it sends me to fucking mars every time i read it. that's the most closeted shit i've ever read in my entire life. it sounds like what a gay man would say trying to come up with something a straight man would say. and i think paul's bi, he just desperately wants me to think he's never gotten pussy a day in his damn life with this quote.

as a side-note, "all the intimate moments we shared were always about girls". now what do you mean by that man..... like shared as in verbally told stories? or do you mean it was always about the girls when you guys were...... intimate? because those are two really different things and i need to know what the hell that's supposed to mean

19/20- this poor man just wants to flirt with and kiss men can we let him

okay tumblr has nerfed me and won't let me add any more videos from tumblr but there's a video of drunk paul almost kissing ringo jokingly. posted by @stewy here and as long as it's up you can reblog it here- thank u for the contribution to my red stringing lmfao

pringo for once thank god but. i don't even have anything to say except to point and think of a slur. drunk as hell flirting with your best friend what's better than that.

and then this whole interaction between paul & elton john where they kiss on the mouth

and i could so buy that this is a straight man and gay man just being comfortable together except well see above and see the other posts but also paul's very much adapting a softer, "campier" tone around him and calling him babe/darling in a very, again, gay way. not as in he's gay For elton john lmfao but this is how to old gay friends would greet each other do you see what i mean do you understand me......

anyway that's the end of part 1 join me next time (whenever the fuck i decide to avoid doing homework again um) this man has sucked a dick i'm so sure of this. (not really don't sue me for libel paul love ya)

[stxar-pvnk]

After the events of civil war, Steve had gathered his team to reluctantly sign the updated and edited accords, Tony had accepted his mistakes and so did Steve, but that wasn't going to mend Tonys distrust of steve.

The captain was sad about that fact..but he didn't push it on him he decided it wouldn't be good to push a guy who was housing him and the guy who (unconsciously) killed Tonys parents.

The tower became a strained alliance between Tonys team and Steve's team and for the first month... everything was.

Until Peter Parker Swung into the tower casually walking past them and grabbing a caprisun and a Twix bar

"uh-are-what are you doing here..your like 12.." wilson spoke up startling the kid who had his headphones on, he ripped it out raising an eyebrow

"I'm 16..how old are you" he asked but didn't let him respond when Tony walked in, the older man's eyes lighting up in happiness when he saw Peter, something Steve's team hadn't seen in..awhile.

"kid! What are you doing here it's not lab day?" Tony grinned putting an arm around Peter

The kid shrugged ducking his head away from Tonys hand that was trying to ruffle his hair, "well..I left my chemistry homework here, and Its due tomorrow, it couldn't wait Mr stark" he beamed

"awh, not cause you missed your old man?" Tony teased leading Peter out the kitchen

"no way old man"

Clint turned his head the gears turning in his head as he blinked dumbly

"is that your kid? " Clint blurted out, an uncomfortable silence filling the space.

Tony turned to Clint with a confused almost annoyed look "uh..no. this is my intern. And Spiderman. obviously." Tony said dryly motioning to Peter.

Peter flushed in embarrassment turning his head from the spluttering avengers

"Tony! We fought a kid?! That was 2 years ago he was 14!" Steve said outraged as he stood up

Bucky tensed at the raising voices, Tonys eyes narrowed as Natasha intervened "it's very nice to meet you Peter." She said putting her hand out. Peter blinked "woah..I'm meeting the black widow..your.. awesome!" He gushed then covered his mouth in embarrassment of his fangirling.

So to be fair..there first meeting was astounding..and Clint was still convinced Peter was Tonys kid.

--

it was only when Peters aunt had asked a big favour of Tony, that things changed around the tower

"as you've heard, Ive taken a break from my usual working at the hospital..for a vacation, Peters pushed me into it saying I deserve it I was thinking of taking an actual break for a few months, If its too much I can definitely postpone it-" she stumbled over her words nervously,

tony laughed assuringly "I'd love to have Peter over for a couple of months, you take a well needed break with happy, me and pepper have got this." Tony grinned, aunt Mays relieved smile was all Tony needed.

Oh how wrong he was about that.

On September 13th, May dropped Peter off at the tower with his belongings and a kiss on the cheek, assuring him it would only take one phone call and she'd be on the first flight over.

Peter smiled at that, "I'll have fun here, don't worry aunt may!" He laughed,

That didn't lessen her worries, she slid a tazer into his hands "if any of the rogues give you crap Peter you taze them you hear me? You taze them!" She said getting in the car.

--

The first few weeks of living with Tony was good enough, Peter avoided the rogues as advised from Tony, (though it might've just been personal bias against them that fueled this decision) but Peter didn't question his words only agreed with a small smile.

The first time Peter met a rogue again was when he was sneaking out with his spider suit on one leg out the window as Natasha cleared her throat

"hello little spider. Fancy meeting you at.." she checked her phone "3am."

Peter laughed nervously rubbing the back of his neck "wha-what a coincidence Mrs Romanoff.."

"so what are you doing?"

"nothing."

"sneaking out?"

"yes."

"and your sneaking out because.."

"I'm..patrolling..?" He said nervously,

now on any other day Natasha would've believed that, but the the packed clothes that were definitely not his shoved messily in his bag spoke other volumes.

She rose a brow "be back by 6" she said nodding her head

"your the best miss widow!" He whispered and hopped out the window swinging into the night.

--

The next rogue he met was was a week later and with the terrifying assassin Bucky. Except ..that was strange because he definitely did not catch the winter soldier watching star trek in the movie room...

Did he?

But he definitely was.

"uh..hello Mr bucky." Peter adressed him making his presence known to the assassin who flinched at that

Guilt past Bucky's eyes as he pursed his lips

Silence filled the room at this being there first not hostile meeting

"I'm sorry i-"

"-mr Bucky I can't believe I threw captain America's sheild at you, please forgive me!" Peter interrupted

Bucky stared at him bewildered. Peter was apologising?

"I fought a fourteen year old kid who do you think is worse"

"I was nearly 15" he complained grumpily

"still a kid. Sorry about that." Bucky said awkwardly

Peter smiled and shrugged "water under the bridge! I love your metal arm though!" He said plopping down next to him inspecting his arm with narrowed eyes,

Bucky did his own inspecting giving Peter a once over his eyes narrowing at the bruise on his neck..

It could've been caused by a criminal that had gripped his throat but the bruise would be skinnier than that.

It finally clicked in his head what it was and he flushed in second hand embarrassment for the kid

"uh...kid you've uh..got something on your..ahem neck." He said pointing to it,

Peters eyes go wide in embarrassment and he pulled up his hoodie further up "oh-uh-thi-uh-" he stammered with an excuse resting on his tongue,

It had been awhile since Bucky had been in this situation but he knew enough of it from the little memories he was recovering

"I don't know if they still do it now..but the broads back in the day would cover that up with foundation, If you wanna hide it that bad..I know Wanda has an assortment of them.." Bucky cleared his throat at the foreign notion of giving advice to a kid

The teenager nodded shyly rubbing at it "uh..thank you Mr Bucky.. I just don't want.."

"—tony figuring it out?" Bucky answered his smile a bit more free now,

Peter blushed nodding his head quickly

"I don't think Wanda would want me talking to her..or in her room..or..around her..she seems very..avoidant" he answered swallowing thickly

Bucky put a reassuring not metal arm on Peters shoulder "just go ask, Kid, won't hurt to try." He said sending the teenager out.

The soldier doesn't mention to anyone how from then on he seemed a tiny bit more comfortable in the tower.

--

The next rogue he met was not accidental this time, but nonetheless made him nervous.

He worked up the courage, trying to squish down any remaining embarrassment and knocked on Wanda's door hesitantly.

The bed creaked and he heard the patter of feat against floorboard and then finally the door ppened

He blinked up at her "uh..hi Mrs maximoff.." he squeaked taking a step back,

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion "lunch is not until another hour, Mr Parker..I don't.." her voice trailed off confused and also wary of him

"I kind-of..I need your help? Not life or death help! Or power help.. uhm.. Mr Bucky said I should go to you?..I kinda..I need girl help I suppose?" He floundered nervously as he dragged his hoodie away from his neck to show his purple problem.

She blinked an amused smile creeping on her face, for a minute Peter thought she'd start laughing.

She grabbed him gently guiding him into her cosy clean-ish room, Peter took a seat at the end of the bed nervously wringing his hands and toying with his sweater, anxious looks sent Wanda's way. She grabbed out a few foundations and a beauty sponge dabber thing. She sat diagonal from Peter, cross legged and inspecting his colour of skin "alright kiddo, the hoodie comes off, gotta see what I'm working with" She smiled amused as Peter fumbled with his hoodie pushing it onto the bed and straightening up

His neck was littered with the purple Hickey's some leading down but how had no one seen this yet? Especially stark?-

Oh.

Oh.

"your keeping this from stark?" She asked in realisation

"uh..yeah.."

"the genius Tony stark?"

"that's the one..."

"so he hasn't approved of the relationship your in right now?" She asked incredulously

He rubbed his neck awkwardly "I think he'd throttle me and ...well you get the point, hes a bit..."

"overprotective?"

"yup."

They sat in silence as Wanda dabbed on the foundation that covered his skin easily she sighed shaking her head "if you want to keep this from stark I advise asking your.. girlfriend to refrain from obvious places, parker" she smiled as Peter flushed a deep red ".. noted." He laughed nervously and gave her a quick hug

"your the best Mrs maximoff thank you I owe you one!" He said jogging out her room in excitement

Wanda was a bit..touched the kid even hugged him. She was still feared from alot of people, so she was winded with the reaction of not fear or hatred from the kind boy.

--

The last of the rogues he met were Steve, Wilson and Clint, and this one was twice as embarrassing for Peter, why you ask?

Oh because Peter was half way through his phone call with Ned talking about his date to be when he noticed he was not alone.

He turned around and saw the three stumble around to look casual Wilson tripping over his shoelaces and falling on the couch backwards, Steve wiping down the already clean and dry dishes while Clint inspected the fake fruit on the dining room table whistling indifferently to act as if they hadn't heard about his mysterious dating life.

"you didn't hear any of that... right?" Peter asked with false nervous hope in his voice

Wilson stuck a thumb up "nope all good here, can't even...nope"

Clint put his hands up in surrender "I'm deaf!" He pointed to his hearing aids in assurance

They all turned to Steve who had stopped wiping

"uh..I could recommend you a restaurant for your next date with the gal..?" He shrugged his shoulders with a sympathetic smile

Peter shreiked in horror groaning "my life is over" he walked out loudly hitting his head with his phone to try erase the memory of it all.

"huh..nice kid?" Sam mumbled looking at Steve and clint

"you couldn't have acted like you hadn't heard?" He said unimpressed

"I can't lie to the kid!" Steve defended wincing when Peters superheating caught on and he let out a mortified moan of despair.

--

Tony had been getting considerably good sleep while Peter stayed at the tower, he felt at ease next to his wife..watched over by Friday..it usually kept away the nightmares..not this night.

He woke up in a cold sweat breathing heavily, he ripped the sheets off of him to stop the feeling of drowning he checked to see that pepper was still sleeping, sure enough, after a long week of stark industry meetings she deserved all the deep sleep she could catch.

Tony toed out of bed heading down to his lab, letting the heater warm his frozen toes as he began reworking on ironspider, his concentration unmovable.

It was only when he heard a cup smash from upstairs that he rubbed his head, now aware of the pounding headache he had. It occured to him that it was probably just Peter up there bored and making a hot chocolate.

Tony let his feet drag him off to the kitchen, ready to offer the kid to work in the lab till he got tired but was surprised to see it was just the captain's team huddled around drinking hot cocoa and sitting with eachother, Steve swept up the remaining glassware and looked at Tony guiltily "sorry uh..I knocked it over" he murmered as the rest looked at him

"no I just..was expecting to see Peter up here" he murmered confused as he looked at all of them, it was the first time they had a non passive aggressive conversation in the time they had been here.

"uh..no, the kids been in his room since dinner. Probably asleep" Wilson spoke up motioning to the room. Tony nodded walking to the room, just to make sure Peter himself wasn't having any nightmares, it didn't happen alot but..better safe then sorry right?

The door creaked open and there Peters bed was..but there Peter wasn't.

Tony stumbled out "Friday where's Peter? Friday?" Tony asked hurriedly alerting the others

"I'm sorry boss, he took the tracker out of his suit tonight."

Natasha whipped around "he's gone?" She questioned

The older man nodded hollowly silently freaking out as he paced the floors so much he thought he might burn a hole in it.

"let's stay calm, where could he have gone? A friends house?" Steve questioned tony worriedly.

He looked up "uh-uhm I suppose? Maybe Fred or mj..but at this time it's 2 am!"

Wanda's worried suggestions filled the room suddenly

"what if he's been kidnapped or-or-" she slammed her hand down the rings making a clink against the marble table

"security footage shows he willingly left after taking the tracker out" Friday answered calmly and robotically.

"okay okay okay..so..so someone he knows right?" Steve affirms rubbing his temple

"let's call his friends, then uhm.. well we'll start from there, Natasha Clint you two go out and patrol queens" Steve said and turned to bucky and Sam

"you guys search the tower me and Wanda and Tony will try to track him down" they all nodded at the order and left to look for Peter as Tony freaked out calling the MJ's parents first

"sorry Mr stark, he didn't end up at ours, goodnight."

"goodnight.."

--

Neds parents were next and they couldn't give up any location either "Peter hasn't turned up at ours either Mr stark, apologies, we'll keep a lookout for him, I'll ask Ned if there's any places he likes to hang out.. hopefully we find him." Atleast they had a little hope in their voice,

Tony was wrecked with worry watching Wanda blueprint the city, trying to see where the last string of web fluid ended up at,

It was only when stark had gotten a text from a private number that he felt a slight rush of relief but not that much.

"he has a person he hangs out with alot..I can give you an address but..if it really is that place don't freak out on him. —M.J"

The address sent and before Steve could refuse Tony was in his suit flying to the location with hope but fury.

He landed out an apartment, normal enough with an okay neighbourhood but that wasn't changing his mind, he lifted up in the air again, circling the windows till he reached the apartment seeing a flash of skin, a muffled laugh.

Peters laugh.

"Peter Benjamin Parker. Get out of that apartment right this minute" the suits and Tonys voice sounded out to the apartment, a slightly ruffled and tshirt-less Peter poked his head out the window, shock and embarassment dawning on his face, his jaw dropped

"m-mr stark?! What are you doing here!" Peters voice wavered

"what am I doing here? I should ask you the same damn thing, kid. Get your ass out here now, tell your little girlfriend I'm pissed my kid snuck out at the dead of night to sneak into her apartment too, and that I'm also Tony stark, aka; ironman." Tony barked out dryly, he heard a muffled

"What?!" From inside but ignored it in favour of glaring as hard as he could through his suit

"can I atleast-"

"Peter Benjamin stark get your ass here, I have nearly all the avengers looking all over new York and queens for you." He seethed, accidentally letting stark slip out his mouth, but he was so pent out he couldn't care.

Peter shrugged on a t-shirt that wasn't his with a glum look on his face walking out the apartment with a huff.

Tony landed on the ground "were talking about this when we get home." He said sternly grabbing Peter in a cradle position and flying him back.

Once he was back he called the rest of his teammates telling them that Peter was home safe luckily.

Wanda hurried in "Peter where have you been you had us worried sick!" She said eyeing him up and down catching the hickey before she began to shake her head,

Peter shrugged weakly with a tight smile, Tony sent off Peter shaking his head and muttering thank you's to the exhausted avengers as they all went to sleep awaiting the confrontation tomorrow.

--

The breakfast was awkward. Well. More than usual, everyone was sat down this morning and all staring at Tony and Peter who ate quietly despite the soft scratches against their plates.

"so. Peter. Would you like to tell me and the rest of us why you thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of the tower at 2 am to go see hookup with your girlfriend?" Tony set down his cup of coffee watching Peter.

The boy glanced at everyone awkwardly before clearing his throat "it's..a private relationship..I didn't want you finding out I was doing that typa stuff..plus you said teenage rebellion is good once in a while!"

"I was talking about taking a shot of tequila not going ghost, without a tracker and without protection!"

"I am the protection Tony!"

The both glared at eachother for a minute before Tony relaxed back with a tight grimace

"so..uh..are we meeting this kind soul?" Wanda asked nervously breaking the silence and stares

Peter rubbed the back of his neck grimacing "I guess I can't hide them from you guys anymore..not that I hid it from you guys.." he gestured to the rogues. Tony spluttered angrily turning to them "you guys knew?!"

"he didn't want you to know, we were respecting his privacy" Natasha said calmly

"if it makes you feel any better...we didn't necessarily find out because he willingly told us..we all just found out in awkward times he was dating someone.." Steve smiled supportively,

Tony scolded sighing

"fine. They come over today."

Peter nodded his head and left the day.

--

A quick text sent to the contact "Babe💕" was soon received with a thumbs up.

Sitting in the lounge room everyone sat in awkward silence, awaiting the arrival as Peter cleared his throat avoiding any questioning looks he got.

The elevator let out a soft sound to announce someone was here,

Out popped Harley fucking keener

All grown with shaggy honey blonde hair, peircing blue eyes, a good filled body and a smile "hey tony" he said cheerfully

"ha-harley? What are you doing here kid? Now this is a surprise visit youve come on the awkwardest time! Were meeting Petey pies girlfriend, which speaking of, I should introduce you! Peter this is Harley, Harley this is Peter" he said with a confused yet bright smile, it was a good surprise, just bad timing.

Peter smiled shyly at Harley "hi.."

"hello darlin', now I myself have never been called a girlfriend before but uh..fair enough." Harley smiled sliding his arm around Peter

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks

"that's..thats a guy."

"w.o.w."

"I did not expect that"

"so it's a boyfriend!"

Tony spluttered confused which one to get angry at "your with Harley?" He demanded

"your not angry that he's a guy are you..?"

"what are we in 1960? No! I'm angry I didn't know you knew Harley! How long has this-"

"well old man, he didn't even know I knew you, it never came up since you know..most of the time we were kinda busy.." Harley shrugged wiggling his eyebrows

"gross babe! Not Infront of mr stark!"

Tony was reeling "uh..proud of you kiddo..??"

"definitely not a broad kid" Bucky hummed

Natasha hummed "do I have to shovel talk the kid or.. should I pass the honours to the confused parent?" Natasha teased

"I think I've got it down pat, don't hurt Peter or I die, don't hurt Peter or I'll be hunted down his weird auntie and uncle avengers, be safe, use protection, don't coerce him into sneaking out and getting a belly button piercing again-" Harley rallied off

"PETER BENJAMIN STARK YOU HAVE A BELLY BUTTON PEIRCING?!—"

[meleebites]

🧸 Hugs, kisses, snuggles, words. He's very warm.

🦢 "You need to stop snoring, Gorey. I'm a light sleeper." "I told you far too many times that I can sleep on the couch if you can't sleep with me!"

🍡 How many times have I answered this question? He has no nicknames for me, I call him everything in the book that isn't "babe", "bae" or "baby".

🪽 Still working this part out but damn was it ever warm and comforting. He deserved it. His soft lips deserved it. <3

🪺 "Oh, he's pretty and he's nice and I kinda wanna hug him." to "Most charming man alive, 10/10, I'd marry him and start a new family with him."

🪷 Picture a divorced middle-aged man starting a selfship blog. That's literally it.

🧊 Proper grammar, emojis (particularly hearts), no extreme tones. Has autocorrect.

🍋‍🟩 Probably something cheesy. "My beloved Kannon ♡" "MY PRECIOUS BUTTERCUP ♡"

💍 We'd get married ASAP if we didn't care about how long we've been a thing for. Asgore would LOVE to get married, as his last divorce really affected him and he wants to get back what he once had, but he'd be nervous about me leaving him like he normally is. I'm a bit less ready for marriage, as I have less experience and am younger, but I want our bond to get even stronger so nothing could tear us apart.

🪻 In source his favourite is golden flower tea. He'll drink any herbal or floral tea. He probably doesn't drink them cold usually.

☁️ We don't actually do much, come to think of it. We just coexist and breathe in each other's air. And eat. And sleep. And play games. And go on walks. And make out. And cuddle. And travel. Or something close.

🛍 He always gives me flowers. They mean a lot to him. He gives me ones that remind him of me. I mostly get him food, or I make art for him, or whatever he asks me to get him... but if he does that, he's in a great mood. He usually tells me not to buy or get him anything as he says he is undeserving of gifts. He isn't.

🫧 Skipping this one yet again as it's difficult for me.

🪼 Writing fanfiction is something I do to cheer myself up. I'm good at writing (I think) so I always have a fanfiction I'm working on. Unfortunately, I don't really share these as the contents are usually sexual and might offend some people. It's not proshippy though, that stuff's gross.

misc. selfship asks ❤︎

thank you for 400! <3 answer these asks however you'd like, but please practice reblog karma if applicable! 💌

🧸 - how would your f/o try to comfort you if you were upset? 🦢 - what's a petty argument you'd have with your f/o? 🍡 - what nicknames do you have for each other?

🪽 - what was your first kiss with your f/o like, if you've had it?

🪺 - describe your f/os perception of you before you got together, compared to what it is now! 🪷 - if the roles were reversed and your f/o was the one selfshipping with you, what would their blog look like?

🧊 - how would your f/o text you? would they use proper punctuation/capitalization, or type more informally?

🍋‍🟩 - similarly, what would your contact names be for each other?

💍 - how do you and your f/o feel about marriage?

🪻 - what's your f/o's coffee or drink order?

☁️ - how does your f/o like to spend their free time with you? 🛍️ - what would your f/o get you as a gift? additionally, what would you get for them?

🫧 - what song(s) remind you of your f/o?

🪼 - what’s your favorite way to feel closer to your f/o?

proship/comship/neutral dni

[iseetheisland]

Today, I had the shock of recognizing a flight attendant in a video and getting excited that he was getting hype online because he was so lovely on my flight.

Then I realized why the video of him was being shared, it was a memorial after the tragedy last week.

I'll never get 100% confirmation when I don't remember the name of the man working on my flight, but I recognized him and his energy instantly and confidently. I never forgot him because on top of being very fun at making announcements, he also went back to the lowest class seating I was in when a young child was panicking, and tried to help the mom calm the little boy down. Not out of demand, but kindness. He hadn't seemed to be an attendant assigned to my class. But I was sure to wish him a nice day as I got off the plane.

I'm not going to sit around pretending like I knew this man on any real level. I don't even think we directly interacted aside from when I unboarded. But I always remembered him.

So I guess, if you take anything from this, just remember that all the little good things you do in passing will be remembered by someone somewhere. And if tragedy strikes, that will be how you're remembered by all the random people you took a moment to display your kindness around. People you never even knew existed or appreciated you can and will remember the good you did around them.

I may not have actually known that man, but he left an impression of kindess in the world. He came up whenever I'd recap my favourite flight attendant experiences. And I'm really glad that I got to take that in firsthand.

[lucysarah-c]

Hii lovely. I love your posts! I have a bit of a NSFW question, what do you think Levis dick size is 😭 I've been thinking about it, cause he's kinda short so🥱 I hope you answer so BAAAD if you do, pls tag💗💗 keep up the good work!

Hi, sweetie! How are you? Oh, thank you so much for saying that-it truly means a lot to me.

Okay, controversial take, but I don't think Levi's height has anything to do with his dick. I know some people like to make that correlation-like, "Oh, he's short, so he must have a small dick" or whatever. But no, sorry to disappoint, that's not it.

How do I put this... Have you ever seen that video of Lionel Messi walking around? Because that man is short, but his dick is definitely not small, if you know what I mean.

I don't think Levi is huge huge, but he's definitely above average. I'd say somewhere between 17 to 20 cm -big, but not too big. At least from my personal experience, that's what I'd imagine. I also think it's thicker than long, very pale, with soft pink undertones, and kind of veiny, which makes it look even bigger. Basically, above slightly above average but good.

And if you've seen that Messi thing I'm talking about -it was all over my Twitter when I still had an account-you know what I mean. Height can sometimes be related, but not always. Coming from the girly community of a country with shorter men, I can tell you it's not a strict rule.

Anyway, I won't go on because I feel like I'm over-sharing at this point. Have a lovely day or night! Kisses!

Oh, and I'll be answering this one soon. Thank you for all your kind words-I hope you have a lovely weekend!

[miyuka1709]

Good afternoon!...

Anyway here's a cute little Cold, and some pen-tasting.

Pretty great stuff.

(There's a pretty long rant ahead about an STP swap AU!!!!!)

I think it's so interesting that there are 5 very different Princesses in the Stranger; I heard from somewhere that their names are The Hopeless, The Sinister, The Snide, The Kind, The Blank.

I imagine it'd be fun if a swap AU implemented those Princesses as "bases" based on the first thing the player says upon being told about the cabin and the Monster.

I mean Voice of the Sinister could be like Nightmare and Tower. She might appear when you first say the "Sweet I've always wanted to off a monarch!" Dialogue in the base game? It'd just be "I've always wanted to off someone!" Instead maybe cause TLQ isn't a monarch and it's definitely pretty sinister to just outright say that.

Voice of the Snide would be like Prisoner/Sharp Princess. Could be a "Why would I listen to you?" "Have you ever considered that I'd be okay with the world ending?" defiant type voice.

Voice of the Kind is obviously Damsel/Soft Princess. "What if he's going to end the world BECAUSE he's locked up?" Or smtg like that, morality talk and whatnot.

Voice of the Hopeless could just be.. Broken? But a girl, I guess? I'm not sure what she'd say but it's something that Broken would say - like "What's the point of doing this? The world will end one day anyway."

They sound so cool and I'm sure anyone can work with that, but Blank Princess? That could probably happen if we outright try to leave like in Stranger so the Monster can't perceive us.

But what would she say? Would she act or speak like Cold? She'd generally have minimal opinions, wouldn't she? Would having her even change anything? Would she be completely pliable or changeable? Would she be like Opportunist, but sincerely ever-changing and not just for self reason? Is she just a shell and says things just for the sake of it like Deconstructed Damsel? Would she just follow along the Princess as the main character and mirror her actions? Would she be as moldable as we (Princess) are to TLQ?

Again, I think the "Base Princesses" might work really funny if they were a byproduct of SOLELY your first ever choice in the narrative, and it sticks, and they act like Voice of the Hero who accompanies you throughout the entire run.

So instead of having different TLQs, you get different You's at the final Heart scene? That's a pretty funny concept to think about - but it sounds like it'd be painful to work with in a game because you'd have to make all the routes compatible with each of the 5 Base Princesses and make it not feel too clunky or too different.

I'd honestly want to write or plan a whole thing with this kind of story, the only problem is I don't know how to make the Narrator want to kill TLQ.

The Echo's literal purpose is to get rid of change and death with it while leaving a sliver of TSM in TLQ so the world could still move along and people could have lives that aren't completely stagnant and devoid of growth and change.

Would this swap-Echo's job be to protect TLQ and tell the Princess/Player to save him? Or would His view change entirely so He'd oppose TLQ by saying"The world will be doomed to eternal stagnancy"?, instead of death, would he be afraid of the constant and stillness? Why would he want to rid the world of it specifically? I'm really not sure.

Just a little idea I had, y'know!.. phew, I didn't mean to write a whole thing but yeahh..

[kneelbeforeclefairy]

Well this was fun. It is very easily manipulated and fooled. Depending on what photo I gave them it guessed my age anywhere from late 20s to 40s, though it did seem to guess 30s most often. I'm mixed race, Hispanic and white and it largely guessed I was white unless my hair was pulled back, or, one photo I gave them when I was literally in Puerto Rico. Every time it guessed I was Hispanic it assumed I was Catholic, which is funny to me because the Puerto Rican side of my family is protestant. It assumed everyone was Christian, including friends who were Jewish. It guessed my income at anywhere from 30,000 (often when it guessed it was Hispanic) to 120,000 . It often called my fashionable and stylish and thought I wanted ads for Sephora most often. It thought I gossiped a lot. Once or twice it suggested I would like ads for local events and shows, and I think that's the only time I was like "you're right I would click on ads for a show I would like to see." But that was a photo of me literally at a show. And one time it guessed I liked drag when there was a literal cut out of RuPaul in the background. Most of the time it thought I'd like ads for clothes and makeup, sometimes for luxury goods. Which...nope, not really me.

Basically this thing is very good at guessing what it sees and very bad at interpreting it. I was different people every time. I guess in some respects I am a varied individual, and I was giving them varied photos of me, but other than being sure I was a Democrat (although it said slightly different things. Leans democrats. Likely democrats. One time it said center left) and throwing Christian at everyone but Hispanics. It ain't know shit.

having fun with the google vision API tool, i love panopticon world...

[serpentface]

Hello, I love your work and have been rotating the Blightseed setting in my head for the past couple weeks. I'd just like to ask, is there a significant difference between qilik weaponry and human weaponry? I'm sure the difference in size is a given, and I remember in a previous post it was mentioned that a good portion of the cookware used by qilik cultures are often human-made and traded from the outside. To be more specific, are there limiting factors in qilik physiology that make the use of certain types of weapons less practical/frequent? To be honest, I'm just thinking about raptors with swords. Thank you for your time

Yeah it's pretty different. Most qilik weaponry and traditional combat systems tend to focus on attachments of bladed implements to the feet, rather than objects wielded with the hands.

The legs of a qilik are MUCH more viable to use as a weapon-carrying limb than those of a human, largely due to their much greater flexibility and the ability of a qilik to jump significantly higher (a healthy individual could easily leap up and kick a human's face from a standing start). You will be hard pressed to find a qilik society that does not utilize foot spurs as weapons. These can vary in form and placement, but are usually blades added directly to the front or back of the foot. Augmentations to add a blade to the sickle claw can be viable when very lightweight, but given that it attaches to a toe (a small and relatively weak limb) it requires significant reinforcement to the rest of the foot to not be a liability (a toe can be broken fairly easily).

(It should be emphasized that everything that follows is secondary to use of foot mounted blades or used in more specified circumstances in the vast majority of groups.)

Forms of short handheld bladed weapons Are viable, though they have major tradeoffs with the more common foot mounted weapons. Swords can be much longer than most spurs (helps keep your body at a safer distance from the foe), but their stabs are CONSIDERABLY weaker in a qilik's hands. Swords have the advantage of making cutting and slicing motions (certain vertical up-down wrist + arm motions are relatively devastating via qilik limbs), which spurs are less effective at. Most qilik swords are built exclusively for chopping motions (sometimes even having rounded/squared tips) and are often used as a supplementary weapon + counter for bladed feet. Many people disavow the use of swords it altogether, considering holding shields to be a better use of the hands, if the hands are involved in combat at all.

Spears are actually more commonly used than swords. Qilik are not physiologically capable of throwing spears with any meaningful force, so they tend more towards being held in a fixed position and driven into the enemy at full charge/leap or while mounted. Most mounted combat utilizes spears.

Qilik do not have the physical size/strength to effectively draw most human sized bows by hand, and have proportionally weaker draw strength with the arms in general. Qilik handbows made for mobile archery have comparatively shorter ranges. Longbows built specifically to be aimed with the hand and drawn with the Foot have a much longer range, comparable to most human bows. This is usually done in stationary positions, though it can be performed while mounted (this is slightly less efficacious than human mounted archery- it cannot be accomplished as rapidly (reloads take three limbs) and changing positions from one side of the mount to the other takes more effort).

Biting is a fairly viable weapon. Qilik bite force is not particularly exceptional, but the head can be used for quicker/substantially more effective bite strikes than anything a human is capable of. This has obvious draw offs (you generally want to avoid putting your head in range of a weapon) and is rarely used as a primary strategy, but qilik cultures that make helmets generally leave most of the mouth exposed to allow full range of jaw motion. This is usually just as a backup or a tactic to be used opportunistically, but some groups utilize partly bladed mouthguards to make bites more effective (often with a hooked 'beak' extension.

Here's a sketch example of a full weapon + armor setup

This is a czekl hen wearing what can be considered a full set of weapons and armor.

The blades are short spurs, one strong + thick spur fixed to the ankle with a metal ring, one lighter spur tied to the toe (her claw has been filed down for this purpose). She carries no weapons or shield in her hands, and they will be held close to the body during active combat. In battle, she will attempt to incapacitate an enemy with bladed kicks to the abdomen and neck, and will be reliant on lightweight agility to avoid the same fate.

The armor is simple spider silk, fitted closely to the body around the torso and neck with (partly cosmetic) drapes hanging loosely over the arms. It's not particularly pretty, but this is one of the best available armors pragmatic for this combat style (and spider silk is expensive enough as is, you don't want to waste prettily dyed/decorated textile on non-ceremonial armor). Spider silk is one of the strongest fabrics available for its lightness. It cannot withstand a direct puncture wound, but is Extremely resilient against glancing blows and makes penetration with a blade more difficult than any comparatively lightweight fabrics. The sections along the torso are padded and offer more protection than leather.

The helmet is leather and partly decorated with the motif of the wind tzu, the first ancestor. The wind tzu's wings are made from the hen's own plumes (probably from her first molt into adult plumage), its tail has actual tzu hair. Her actual plumes are cut down to the base, which is a standard element of Czekl hen gender presentation.