#i'm not sure if i cook then cure or cure then cook

[oldmanyaoi-jpeg]

donate to my lobster sausage fund

[flight-freedom]

I was biking past the ocean yesterday. I think being a native-American, foraging for shellfish and hunting deer or fishing and picking berries and corn would be the ideal life.. You could live in a small village and all know our neighbors. There'd be endless lands to explore.

Pretty sure our society has been downhill since then. Like yay! Planes! But also credit-scores?! Global WARMING?! Whhyyyyyyy? Lets go back to before fossil fuels.. We can all just frolic in the woods and meadows and eat berries and walk everywhere.

[muntitled]

Attention!!!

'- Summary: the one where Jake fakes being sick all for your attention

'- Warnings: Established Relationship, Language, Lying, Manipulation, Slightly toxic themes, Perv!Jake, Coercion, Smut (+18) mdni, Locker room talk, Oral sex, Dub/Con, Cockwarming, Spit, Bodily Fluids, Squirting, Oragasm Denial, Dom/Sub Themes, Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Edging, Unprotected Sex

'- A/N: very unethical, very bad, pervy Jake. You have been warned.

Jake had been far more physically affectionate than usual since he caught the flu. That should've been your first sign.

The first signs of his sickness began with you lying supine on the couch, absolutely immersed in the fantastical world of your current read while Jake spoke idly to himself, gaming away on the television with your legs propped on his lap. You were so immersed in your novel, you might've actually missed the first cough he let out.

Then the second.

And then finally the third that had your brows furrowing with concern as you lowered your book.

"Babe?"

"Hm?" Jake asked distractedly, he had just broken in his copy of FIFA 23, a gift from you that had him nearly fainting on the spot. He was addicted to you.

While he toggled with the controller, he missed the slightly worried look etching across your face but when he did finally catch it, he did a double take- glancing at your slowly frowning lips before dragging his eyes back to the TV screen.

"Why so blue, babe?" Jake still spoke distractedly, with his head turned sideways, his eyes remained glued to the screen. He coughs once more, causing you to discard your book to the side completely. The couch undulates underneath you both as you sit up, pulling your legs off Jake's lap. The whole time while you moved, he kept his gaze on you in his periphery, heart beating rapidly when you pushed against his side and placed your hand on his temple.

"Baby, are you getting sick?"

Jake couldn't form any words at all because your chest was pressed against his bicep and he nearly dropped his controller at the discovery that you weren't wearing anything under your oversized shirt.

Seeing you so concerned about him, it stirred something sinister in the pits of your stomach, something that craved to be nurtured by you.

"You're so pretty, you know that?" He looks away from the TV screen momentarily to stare at the curve of your breasts protruding from your flimsy shirt. Jake immediately decides that is enough to pause the game indefinitely, as he drops the controller, pulling you into his lap. Your frown deepens like the unmistakable pool of worry growing in the bottom of your stomach. You let Jake cuddle into your chest as you continued to feel warmth around his ears, his jaw, his neck.

"I think you're coming down with something,"

"You're right," he says, pulling back to pull his shirt over his head, "It's lethal. Experts say the only cure is to have my very attractive girlfriend riding me till I-"

"Jaeyun, I'm being serious."

He had begrudgingly taken the medicine thereafter but still his advances were strong …

"- it was the best head I ever got in my fucking life dude, I'm telling you" Jake says to Jongseong over the phone. As he reminisces, he treads from the kitchen to the living room, cradling a steaming bowl of Butternut soup you had whipped up for him to combat his "cold."

"You're diabolical-" says Jay, through the receiver.

"I made her cum too," Jake scoffs, "I'm not a complete monster."

He honestly didn't think it was a crime. Sure, he might've already recovered from his sickness 2 days ago but he'd give up one thousand sick-free days if it meant you'd dote on him as you've been doing the past week.

Jake lowers himself onto the couch thinking about how utterly domesticated you've looked, prancing about the kitchen in a little housewifely dress to cook up his soups to make him feel better. The only downside is that your soup worked a little too well, and here he was, with a raging hard-on thinking about how much you loved on him.

"She's going to kill you, you do know that?" Jongseong's snicker is as clear as day, and Jake rolls his eyes.

"She's not going to do shit. She likes me like this as much as I do-".

"You’re sick-" Jongseong groans.

"Precisely," Jake laughs, and in his cocky display he nearly doesn't notice you standing in his periphery. Once he does, he's ready to end Jongseong's call in a heartbeat.

"I'll call you back," he mumbles over the line, mouth parted slightly as he stares at you over the rim of his bowl of Butternut soup. You're distractedly searching for something with nothing wrapped around your body other than a linen white towel. Jake immediately discards the bowl on the coffee table, spreading his legs wide as he makes grabby hands at you.

"Not now, Babe," The way you speak to him, so positively filled to the brim with warmth and love, that has him melting into the couch.

"I need you," he says, fingers flexing as he urges you to throw yourself into his arms. "I need you real bad,"

"What you need is more cough medicine," you're slowly sauntering towards him, despite your words (it was so difficult to say no to him), and the second you're even a small centimetre within the radius that surrounds him, he sits up and grabs you, caging you in his arms, never to let go. You yelp as you are pulled onto his lap- a sound that bleeds into a gasp when you're forced to feel the erection bulging his grey sweatpants.

"I need to run to the pharmacy, Jake,”

Your boyfriend is utterly insatiable as he guides his lips to the back of your ear, licking and kissing at the skin all while drinking up your cute little gasps. Your back is pressed against his front with your ass pushing against his bulge, it's an absolute wonder that he stops himself from bucking up into you.

“Need you so bad, baby-” he mumbles, kissing up the side of your face with his eyes fluttered shut, “Need you to make me feel better-’ you're breathing heavily, ready to push yourself off of him until he mutters, “You want me to feel better, right.”

Your voice is soft and affirming as you predictably mumble, “Yes, Jake, of course-”

“Then let me in, baby-” he sinks his fingers into the softness of your belly, and dips to plant even more kisses down the side of your neck. Jake marvels at how malleable you are in his hands. Like perfectly sculpted clay.

It is only when he finally reaches around to tug at your towel that you are snapped from your daydreams. “Jake- I need to get you stronger meds, you've been sick for way too long-”

“Fuck- I'm so hard for you baby,”

“Jake…” he interlocks his hand around your wrists, guiding your palm back to the space between your ass and his bulge. “Feel how much I need you,” Jake mumbled in that petulant way that had you complying with his crude sexual advances all week. -And you couldn't even lie to yourself at this very moment, your core was steadily soaking your underwear. You loved how needy he was. How much he needed to be inside you. And you've indulged him, this entire week, after he'd drank his medicine, Jake would always somehow end up inside of you, fucking you relentlessly as if there was no sickness at all.

“J-Just need to be inside you, yeah?’ he's already lifting you with one arm circled around your waist. It's enough for him to pull his sweatpants down, his hard, heavy cock far too eager for you to sink down on it.

“Jake- babe-”

“Here, lick this-'' Jake immediately stuffs two fingers in your mouth and you're immediately silenced. It's how he manhandles you, how utterly in control he is despite being sick, that has you humming and moaning around his fingers. The second he pulls them out, he's reaching under the towel to rub your puffy clit.

“You're so wet, I think you want this too, Princess.”

Jake mumbles into the side of your head, spouting all his dirty vitriol in your ear like he knows you enjoy, all while slowly lowering you onto his monstrous cock.

“Oh my God, you're such a slut-'' he mumbles drunkenly as the head of his cock stretches you open. It fills you in a way that's not only satisfactory, but so deliciously addictive until soon, you're moaning phonography moans, as you push your ass back down onto him, fucking yourself on his leaking cock. “Just like that, fuck-” Jake's head is in the clouds, whike his mouth is hung open, utterly delirious with lust. You bring your knees onto the couch and Jake sits back, making way for you to sit in reverse cowgirl, enough to pull even more of him into you.

“M-Make me cum first,” you mumble, immediately resulting in Jake reaching around to rub furious circles around your clit.

“Fuck, I'm so close, Jakey-”

“God, babe, please cum for me-” he chants so many ‘babe’s’ so many ‘pretty pleases’ until you're squirting around him, with your cunt convulsing around his cock.

“Oh my fucking God, don't stop-” but that's exactly what you do once your high is over. You stop.

“W-What the fuck!?” Jake asks, bucking up into you, after your hips stop moving on top of him at all. He clamps his hand on your sides, urging you to move but you do nothing of the sort.

“Did it feel good, lying to me?” He doesn't register your words, far too hellbent of reaching for his orgasm that lays just beyond a metal threshold.

“Wh-What-”

“I heard you talking to Jongseong.” You seethe, craning neck back to glare daggers in his half-lidded, distressed eyes. “You lied about being sick.”

Jake throws his head back, whining before trying to fuck uo into tou again, “Baby, just sit back down, I'm so close-”

“How long, Jake,” He's trying to be serious, he's trying to sound apologetic, but the sternness in your voice has him reaching the edge.

“P-Past week, fuck!” Jake is in both heaven and hell as a small bit of precum dribbles from his cock still inside you. It twitches and throbs and Jake's fingers sink deeper into your skin. “Okay I couldn't resist you, you were so good!” he finally admits, “And your soup was so good. And the sex too! Everything was so good. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Your next words send a tidal wave of disappointment scorching his stomach. “I don't think you should get to cum- It seems like a bad idea to reward bad behavior with positive reinforcement.”

“Don't talk science at me, just fuck me!”

“I hate you.”

“Don't say that, babe- fuck-I'll cum,” He squeezes you tighter, keeping you firmly situated on top of him. His lips press into your back as he whines helplessly, pride be damned.

"L-Let me cum, babe, please. Im so sorry, I just love you too much. Way too much. And I love when you love me." There are invisible bloody strings pulling at your heart.

"I always love you though, Jake." And as you relent, immediately starting to move your hips again, Jake squirts his cum inside you whole his hips buck wildly into you.

“Just like that, Princess-” he mutters, gasping for air as his orgasm falls upon him. It's vicious and blinding after all that dangerous edging and he moans loudly into the open air. “So sorry-” he mumbles with his hips still bucking up inside you, “m’so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you…”

[cvnt4him]

Reader who got hit w a bunny quirk during a mission w izu please smuttt I love yew💋

I love you too bbg💕

This is actually like a great idea and I had the EXACT same one except izuku was the bunny. Yeah this one is way fucking better.

"don't be amused, it's just the news! This just in; we have more details about pro heros deku and y/n's fight with the new and upcoming villain; sphinx. A local has given us amateur footage of y/n getting blasted with sphinx's quirk! They have the ability to turn others and themselves into animals! Y/n has been out of the hero scene for a while, as far as we know with the information her close friend and partner deku has given us, she's going to be out of hero work for a while, they haven't found a cure or much of a loophole with sphinx's quirk. Next in a cat stuck in a tre---"

You shut the TV off with a groan of annoyance. Why hadn't this gone away yet? You've been like this for a week. A long, miserable, insufferable, week. You weren't alone, even if you wanted to be, izuku wouldn't let you. He felt guilty, he felt as if you were like this because of him. During your fight together he pushed you out of the way when a flying car had come your way, you'd known nothing about the villain upon fighting them. Izuku however, knew everything about the villain, he pulled his mask up before the fight even began.

Izuku always got in a certain head space when fighting whether it be a measly robber, or a very experienced and high tech villain. He always made sure he was ready and that morning could take him out of this state. He just wishes he had warned you beforehand of what the villain was capable of.

You look at your reflection in the black TV screen with a frown. You hated the way you looked. Two fluffy bunny ears standing tall before falling to either side of your face. Izuku walks into your room going completely unnoticed, he spoke and sat down your cup of water but his words falling into deaf ears.

"y/n...?"

His voice nothing above a whisper, sitting beside you while patting your head lightly. People always shipped you two due to the way he treated you, don't get me wrong hes nice to everyone regardless of who they are or where they come from. People just liked to do stupid shit in their free time so you never really took it to heart, mostly because izuku always avoided and shut down all questions that surfaced about you two during interviews. Saying he only saw you as a friend.

You turn to him slowly your sad eyes staring up at him. He sighs while giving you a sad look back, putting your foreheads together. He hadn't left your side at all besides when he and to work, but he made sure to come right back to your apartment to assure that you were alright. It's not like you were sick or anything because you weren't. You could walk, talk, shower, cook, and do everything just fine, but he insisted you do nothing he felt far too guilty to even allow you to lift a finger. He once apologized for you telling him you thought about cooking on your own.

He whispers an "I'm sorry" while your heads are together, you simply chuckle and try to smile. Your quirk had been disabled due to being transformed. There's always a loophole in quirks so why hasn't anyone found one for sphinx's quirk? It was weighing on you far too heavily for either of your liking. Izukus heart ached for you to get better, he hated seeing you like this, all sad and unable to do anything for yourself. You can but for some odd reason he thinks you can't do you just let him take care of you.

Izuku pulls away, putting his fingers in your hair and scratching your scalp, the soothing motion making you sigh and lay your head on his shoulder. He hums with a smile that didn't meet his eyes, he grabs the remote from you and puts on a movie, grabbing your cup of water to ensure that you are hydrated.

You both had fallen asleep on each other, his head on top of yours while you laid on his shoulder. You got up and stretched making him get more comfortable and turn his head to lay on a pillow beside him. You looked at him closely, admiring each and every freckle that littered his cheeks and slightly down his neck his chest moving up and down in a smooth rhythm. He looked so peaceful not having to worry and feel guilty for your current state. Your body moved on it's own, one of your hands moving to his chest rubbing up and down his body. He was very toned, you knew this you could practically see it through his new skin tight suit. It hugged his body deliciously.

You couldn't take your eyes off of him, his shirt was slightly raised and scrunched up ending just above his v line, the way it looked like it was sculpted by gods. He looked like a Greek god himself. His body was fucking hot.

Your tail wiggled and twitched against the bed light noise coming from the way it moved. You bit your lip lightly while looking down where his shorts hugged his waist. Your eyes kept trailing down his figure landing on where a tent in his shorts sat. He was completely flaccid yet his thick cock made a very visible print. Fuck this was really turning you on, he was completely unconscious and unaware of how you were fucking him with your eyes. Your hand moved down to his dick print and gently rubbed over it making him take a deep breath and breathe out slowly, you noticed this and continued your movements while staring at his face, a pink hue forming onto his baby-like cheeks.

You watched as he gulped and turned his head in your direction with a breathy and quick sigh, he was getting bothered by how you teased his semi erect cock. His brows slightly furrowed while you stopped your hands movements completely, his cock twitched against your hand making your eyes shoot down to his cock, seeing it fully erect and leaking slightly against his thin shorts. God this was such a sight, it was so fucking hot and lewd, you felt guilty for getting him all hot and bothered but seeing the way his cock twitched and bobbed up and down for your touch was hypnotizing.

Without thinking you hopped onto his lap you weight sitting on top of him making him shift under you, that was almost enough to snap you out of whatever trance he put you in but the way he put his hands on your thighs and rubbed them out you right back into the daze you never got out of.

Your tail wiggled against his thigh as you slowly grind into him, rubbing your clothes pussy against his clothed cock in a slow yet rough manner. a moan accidentally slipped out of your mouth when his cock rubbed against your clit in the best way.

You panted lightly as the grind of your hips started to quicken in pace, you dug your hips down into his to feel his cock press against you. A noise left his throat as he gripped your waist tightly, his grasp bruising your skin while pushing you down more into him. You didn't think about the fact that he might've woken up due to your moans and the way you moved helplessly on top of him. He rubbed his cock up into you to feel that light friction that had him dizzy.

You grabbed onto his shoulders and rode him like you were actually riding his cock. The thought alone of actually getting to ride his cock getting you to that building release. He moaned deeply before his eyes slightly opened and peered up at you, you were too busy in your own haze to acknowledge the way he looked at you, your fucked out face contorting in such a pretty way.

He couldn't believe you were using him while he was asleep, riding his clothed cock for all that it's worth. He bit his lip and flipped the both of you, a scream ripping right out of you as you look up at him with wide scared eyes. He could only look down at you with lust filled ones. His emerald orbs looking at every feature that painted your body, the way your thighs looked more plump because of your shorts. Your boobs spilling out the top of your tank top. You looked so good and the way you looked at him with those scree and glossy eyes went straight to his aching cock. He was so ready to split you in half on his thick cock, he knew you'd have a struggle but it'd be worth it just to be inside of you. He'd wait as long as he'd have to just to feel your pussy squeeze around his cock.

No words were said as he went in to kiss you, lightly pressing his dry but soft lips against yours. A moan left you as your tail wiggled underneath you, you were so horny and you could feel the way it ate you alive from the inside out, you were so close to crying from how much it burned inside of you.

"please.. please fuck me, I need it."

You whispered up to him with a raspy voice, whining as your eyes moved down to his cock, it looked like it was going to burst out of his shorts with the way it stood up proudly.

He smirked at you with lidded eyes while he kissed you neck, you closed your eyes and fell into the soft kisses being planted on your sensitive neck, he moved his kisses up to your bunny ears blowing on them lighting, the soft feeling of it all making your pussy throb and a whimper leave you lips.

He chuckled lowly to himself as he flipped you over into your stomach. He pressed his chest and his hard cock against your ass cheek as he whispered in your ear.

"using me while I sleep? naughty thing. poor bunny, must need it badly, hm?"

You nodded your head aggressively while rubbing your ass against his hard on, earning a low groan from the muscular man above you.his weight on you felt so good and it wasn't even sexual at all.

He slipped your shorts and underwear down in one swift move, he pulled his own down as he teased your dripping hole, slipping his engorged cock head in and out of your lips. Your eyes roll as you lift your ass in the air and wiggle against his cock. he's surprised by this, a chuckle leaving him while he pulls you back by your ears, a squeak leaving you while he slaps your ass.

"you're so fucking needy huh? this sopping wet cunny of yours dripping around my cock, hm?"

You nod again, not being able to speak due to your throat getting rather dry. He hums and slips his cock in halfway before taking it out quickly, this went on for about 5 minutes, the torture was so funny to him yet painful for you. You felt as if you were going to die, the heat forming inside of you burned badly. You needed release, finally being def up with his teasing, the second he tried to do it again you slammed your ass back onto him taking his cock fully, a choked moan leaving his pink lips.

He groaned loudly while lying his head on your shoulder with a smile, he was out of breath from you taking his cock fully. He chuckled against your skin while kissing it, he bit harshly on the skin of your shoulder making you scream while he thrusted vigorously into your soaked pussy, the squelching noises clouding his mind while he moaned into your ear and grabbed onto your bunny ears. The sensitive muscle being pulled painfully hard went straight to your throbbing cunt, the way he slammed his hips into you and hit that spot repeatedly was just enough to make you cum, but he knew you were going to by the way you started squeezing his cock for all he was worth, milking him and slicking his cock up with your fluid.

“A-Agh fuck don’t stop- don’t fuckin stop.”

You command him while throwing your ass back, you were feeling too good you felt as if you weren't even in control, the way your body moved lewdly against him was inhumane and unlike you. You'd never felt the need to be near someone like this, like you yearned for his very touch, for him to cum inside of you. Oh. God that sounded so good, the thought of his warm thick cum spilling and spreading inside of you made you squeeze around his cock even more.

Just when you felt as if you were going to cum you felt the need leave. He had pulled out of your cunt with a groan, his cock twitched from the cold ajr hitting the leaky tip. He looked down at your pussy squeezing around nothing, god you were so fucking needy and that made him go feral. He could practically smell the delicious scent you released. Your tail twitched fastly, catching his attention. He had asked you before questions about your body and if anything felt different, he hadn't asked about your tails however, he was curious if it was sensitive. Out of pure curiosity he pushed his thick cock back inside of you, and yanked at your tails, his tight grip on your ears never leaving.

He used them to bring you back more into him. You let out a high pitched moan as your arms gave out, your body felt like it was on fire, throwing your ass back against him while your thighs burned from the work.

“fu— m'cum— cumming!!“

You couldn't control it, it just ripped out of you. The feeling was far too strong to hold back or even pretend not to acknowledge you groaned while sobbing, tears falling from your face due to the extra stimulation. He cooed in your ear, coaxing you through your orgasm while never letting you in the way he fiddled with your tail, his other hand leaving your floppy ears to go to your clit, rubbing it slowly while speeding up his hips.

"nngh~ izu— Izu-"

You couldn't speak from the immense pleasure, it began to hurt due to overstimulation. You sobbed and hiccupped against the pillows as he drilled his cock into you, he groaned and grunted behind you moans leaving his lips as well.

"shit...- fuck— god dammit, u/n I'm gonna cu- cum again.. shit take it, fucking take it all.."

Again?! He'd already came?? Maybe that's why you thought about his warm cum spreading and claiming every spot inside of you. Because he already did.

You couldn't move or even speak, the way he bucked his hips into yours, stuttering and rhythm becoming uneven. He threw his head back with a moan as he came again, tears welling at the corner of his eyes. He felt so good, your fluttering walks squeezing and convulsing around his soft turning cock.

He collapsed beside you without a word. His eyes closed as he tried to steady his breaths, he hasn't felt this good in so long, it's been a while since he'd last been with anyone. He took pride in his job, he'd wanted to be a hero since he was a kid, however it did take him away from a lot of things, including interacting with people and making new friends.

He needed this and he's glad you gave It to him. He turned to check on you to see you had already passed out, he rubbed your back lightly making you shiver underneath his touch. He got up to assure you were alright, making sure you water was refilled and that you could be clean, he grabbed a warm damp towel to clean you but before he did he got a good look at the two loads that were fucked into you, slowly oozing from your still convulsing lips. Fuck this was a sight to see, he was afraid he'd never get to see it again. He hates what he did but, he had to save this moment forever! A picture to remember this morning by! After all, you won't be a bunny forever.

AN: this was very fun to write actually, I've recently been in a chokehold w top!izuku there's something ab him being mean or js taking care of me that gets to me.

Dividers by @anitalenia

[vivelegalite]

dear dead boy detective (especially paynland) enjoyers: have you yet heard of the biggest gift bestowed upon the fandom so far, aka jayden's charles playlist? the one he mentioned in interviews? well, he dropped it on twitter at 19th of may. and man, do i have stuff to say about it.

there's a lot of 80's bangers, for sure, great to get into the mood and character, but some of the choices...

i'm gonna focus on a few of my favourites, songs that made me go insane when i saw them. honorable mentions: - category 1 (so devoted the lines blur): ain't no mountain high enough by marvin gaye and tammi terrell, there is a light that never goes out by the smiths, inkpot gods by the amazing devil - category 2 (family life): family line and summer child by conan gray, seventeen going under by sam fender, matilda by harry styles, father by the front bottoms - category 3 (being queer in the 80s): smalltown boy by bronski beat, boys don't cry by the cure - category 4 (there's no heterosexual explanation for this one): good luck, babe! by chappel roan, yellow by coldplay, fight or flight by conan gray (is this about monty? the cat king? i need answers!), the prophecy by taylor swift, arms tonite by mother mother, sweet by cigarettes after sex, head over heels by tears for fears

this list is by no means complete or comprehensive!

and now, the songs that made me go the craziest: (they're predominantly in charles' pov as it's his playlist)

found heaven by conan gray

the only reason this song made it into the list and not the honorable mentions instead of smalltown boy is that it makes almost the same point, just so much more explicitly. i don't think i have to say much about it, it's a story of a young person griping with their queerness, being forced to leave home, a common theme of the playlist. "you're in love, you found heaven" when he chose edwin over his own afterlife, heavily implied to be heaven, and built his heaven with him on the mortal plane? ouch! (and we see this same notion repeated in another bop from the playlist, heaven is a place on earth by belinda carlisle).

2. like real people do by hozier

"i miss kissing" charles rowland, 202X romantic meaning aside, the verses show a sort of a common understanding the boys have around the manner of their deaths and their lives before it. we already know from the show they don't really talk about it, with edwin not knowing about the severity of the abuse charles suffered. it feels like one of them saying "let the past be past, we're together now, yeah?". but also, jayden: can there ever be a platonic explanation for this? ghosts can't touch, can't feel, so they wish they could just kiss like "real" (alive?) people do?

3. flaws by bastille

not the most romantic song, but i absolutely love how well it fits their dynamic. despite his edwardian brand of repression, edwin truly is the one that's more open about his feelings (recognising of course that in this case, the bar is so low it's in hell. haha, get it). edwin has worn his flaws upon his sleeve, and charles has held them buried - eg. bottling up all of his anger and resentment towards his family and his own death. the song presents a very sweet outlook, in which their flaws are brought up to the surface (for example, charles' outburst against the night nurse in episode 4), but they learn to accept them as they are, an extension of themselves.

4. a pearl by mitski

you know it's gonna get intense if there's a mitski song in the mix.

the song is about a person who finds love in their partner, someone who treats them way better than they've ever been treated - and yet they cannot bring themselves to reciprocate the affection ("it's not that i don't want you, sorry i can't take your touch") despite reciprocating the feelings themselves because of the trauma. charles is known to bottle things up ("you're growing tired of me and all the things i don't talk about"). the person in the song recognises the love the other person holds for them ("you love me so hard and i still can't sleep"), which reminds me of charles' response to edwin's confession. not a "no", but a "maybe, as time passes".

5. fair by the amazing devil

this one made me genuinely gasp when i first delved into the lyrics. it's simply so sweet, such a genuine and domestic portrayal of love. at first i thought it was way too open about being a love song (normal text instead of the subtext i'd be used to) for jayden to choose it with edwin in mind, but... there's no one else it can really be about. it's far too domestic, too "established" to refer to crystal. refers to a relationship that's laster for a longer while.

the narrator in the first verse is a person deeply in love with the other person, someone who loves to make his lover laugh and simply drinks in their presence. the "he" in the song i believe is charles, while the "she" refers to edwin. edwin promises to fight off anyone - or any feelings pulling charles down (we can see this in the first episode: "you ever think... what if death did catch us? she'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up" "i will make sure this never happens."). charles feels left behind by the world (seeing as he clings to crystal at first, refering to her as "someone their age who's still alive") and believes edwin to be so much stronger than he's ever been. i'm not going to break down the song verse by verse, but if you read it yourself while subbing out "he" for charles and "she" for edwin you'll see just how sweet (and... strangely very in character?) the song is.

6. work song by hozier

if the previous song made me gasp when i saw the lyrics, this one made me go "NO WAY" out loud when i saw the title. the first one verse is just pure toothrotting sweetness, but the chorus is what i want to draw attention to:

when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold, dark earth no grave can hold my body down i'll crawl home to her

HELLO? charles, who keeps escaping death and afterlife to be able to stay with edwin? charles, as he literally takes his last breath with edwin right there, choosing to be by his side rather than move on? charles, who keeps choosing him despite night nurse's promises and threats? charles, who literally crawled through hell for him?

verse 2, to me, can be interpreted as referring to when charles died. edwin found him at his worst, and he "woke" up with his presence comforting him. he was shivering due to hypothermia and his injuries. edwin didn't ask him about what happened or pushed him, he simply listened. the lines "i didn't care much how long i lived, but I swear, i thought i dreamed her" are pretty self explanatory.

in verse 3 we still see the same attitude of "damn the afterlife, at least we have each other" as charles portrays througout the series. they're free, and heaven and hell are simply words to him.

7. orpheus by vincent lima

i literally have no words for this one. it fits too well. if you want commentary for this one, just... i don't know, rewatch the staircase scene.

8. francesca by hozier

(cracks knuckles) this is the big one. the album francesca is from, unreal unearth, is based on dante alighieri's divine comedy, a fourteenth century poem about a man venturing into hell, purgatory and eventually heaven. the eponymous francesca is one francesca di rimini, a woman who was politically married off to a man older than her, called giovanni malatesta. francesca didn't love him, and eventually fell deep in love with giovanni's younger brother, paolo. the two carried on with the affair for years, before being murdered by giovanni upon his finding out. francesca and paolo are mentioned in canto v of the first book, inferno, as two souls damned in the second circle of hell, lust. their punishment is to be permanently locked in a hurricane, swept away by the winds the moment they manage to get close enough to touch one another.

as opposed to their portrayal in the poem, the song is from the perspective of paolo, explaining that no matter the punishment, he wouldn't change anything about his life because he got to know, and love, francesca.

the first verse brings to mind the scenes in hell, especially on the staircase ("do you think I'd give up? that this might've shook the love from me? or that I was on the brink? how could you think, darlin', i'd scare so easily?" as an echo of charles' "sorry. no version of this where i didn't come get you"). "my life was a storm since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?" could relate to charles' tumultuous family life, an assurance that nothing he has to deal with while by edwin's side will faze him given the things he's lived through. no, despite everything he's suffered through, charles wouldn't do anything differently - because his (admittedly shitty) life led him to edwin ("i'd tell them, put me back in"). we already know charles would choose him over heaven, willingly sacrificing his own afterlife to stay with a boy he's known for hours, someone kind enough to keep him company as he drew his final breath. all of it - his father's abuse, his schoolmates' bigotry, the pain of his own death, as well as everything he's gone through since - he'd do it all again, for edwin.

"for all that was said of where we'd end up at the end of it" could be taken as an allusion to the fate the boys would meet at "at the end of it", when they're finally caught by death and separated, or as more of a general "if you sin, you will go to hell when you die" (up to you to decide what the sin itself would be - an interpretation that would work with other songs on the playlist is that one such sin would be same sex attraction). then their hearts ceased, they never knew "peace", nor did they want to find it in death. their deaths were too soon, them being ripped away from life, but even though it would break his heart: charles would ask to do it all again.

the outro, i think, beautifully pulls it all together: heaven is not fit to house a love like theirs.

to wrap it all up:

jayden, what were you cooking in there? what do you know??

[roolette]

Helllo, could you do MK1 guys reaction to their s/o being on their period? Period sex, buying them pads and snacks, ect? Thank you!! ❤️❤️

Ofc! Wasn't sure which characters, so I just picked my faves!

MK1 Guys with Reader On Their Period

Characters: Johnny Cage, Bi-Han, Tomas, Syzoth, Kenshi

Johnny Cage

"Hey babe I'm in the period aisle, what size pussy do you wear?"

Jkjk, but he WOULD joke around to help distract you from cramps.

Cuddles with you and watches movies with you, he's going to make sure you're comfortable.

Read somewhere that eating someone out on their period helps with cramps, and decides to put that theory to the test.

"Aww, c'mon, don't be shy now. Open your legs for me, I want to see you. Let me make you feel good."

By the time he's done with you, you won't even remember the cramps to begin with.

Bi-Han

He's so attentive it's cute

Will skip training to give you a massage and hold you, he just wants you to feel better

If you have sex while you're on your period, he's going to be extra gentle with you, going slow and drawing out your pleasure.

"Shh, I know, it feels good. Take it all, you're doing so well."

Basically, if you need anything, he's there. Snacks? On standby. Comfort? His arms are open. Pain relief? Well, he has some ideas.

Tomas

Enough babying this man in fanfics, he knows what a period is

Will literally just hold you in his arms until your cramps go away. Sure, his arms aren't technically a cure, but don't they make everything feel better?

Takes control during sex. He does all the work so you can just relax and feel good. He's going to be extra gentle with you.

"I'm here, love. Let me just hold you, I'm here."

If there's a certain food you're craving, he's going to cook it. He really just wants to help as much as he can.

Syzoth

If you think a little blood will stop this man from eating you out, you are very mistaken. He's relentless with his tongue, doing anything and everything to make you forget you had cramps to begin with

Literally only comes up for air, grinning with blood on his face. It's kinda hot, really

"It's... a good view down here. Let me catch my breath. I'm not done with you yet."

Beyond that, he's generally just very understanding when you're on your period. If you need anything, he's there. He's accommodating without being suffocating.

That being said, he will carry you around if you want. His arms are ready

Kenshi

The best boyfriend when it comes to this. Has everything you need, and is attentive and understanding.

You don't have to be shy about sex with him while you're on your period, he literally doesn't care. Sets a towel down and fingers you until you're coming on his knuckles.

"That's it, you can do it, cum on my fingers. Make a mess on me, you're so gorgeous."

If you need him, he's there. If you need space, he'll give you that. Whatever will help you, he wants to be there for you

[astaroth1357]

Sick Days:

*MC is in the Croytus Hall kitchen, trying their damnedest to keep from coughing their lungs out while carefully monitoring a pot of simmering soup. They hear the footfalls of their housemate, Solomon, as he comes up behind them*

Solomon: Oh MC~! I have everything ready. Thankfully, the Devildom still has TV these days, even if the shows are out of d-... da-....

*a hankerchief flies out of his pocket and quickly covers his nose*

Solomon: ACHOO!!

*the hankerchief does its thing before flying off behind him to go put itself in the laundry, swapping places with a fresh one that finds its way back to his pocket once again*

MC: *keeps their back to him* Bless you.

*Solomon comes up and slings his arms over their shoulders, leaning against them like he's a sagging backpack. His head rests alongside theirs*

Solomon: Is it still cooking?

*he reaches out to lift the lid on the pot but MC, already knowing better, swiftly smacks his mit back down*

MC: Don't touch.

Solomon: Oh! Right, I'm sorry. Forgot the rules for a second. I'm sure it smells good... not that either of us would know.

*he contently sways their bodies from side-to-side while MC clears their throat, grumbling dryily*

MC: Y-ou know, you could cure us at any time, right...?

Solomon: So could you, yet here we are! You're just playing hookie from the brothers right now, aren't you?

*the MC tries to groan, but ends up regretting it as it stresses their already aching throat. They cover their mouth with their elbow to catch their raspy coughs before responding*

MC: U-ugh! Okay, fine... You're right. How about you stop breaking my balls and pick what we're watching...?

Solomon: I already have. Beel told me about this wonderful cooking show the other day! I think we can start with that, then maybe move onto a few movies Leviathan recommended...

Solomon: I have the TV set and heated blankets on the couch. Plenty of water, a few boxes of tissues (mostly for me), your favorite sweater, a plush Asmo bought me-

MC: ...

Solomon: -and anything else we need, I'll have my wand in reach! I figured for dinner, we can order out. It's lovely that you're making us soup, but let's not push-

MC: Sol?

Solomon: -Hm?

*MC wiggles him back until they can turn themselves around and wrap their arms around his chest. They rest their head up against the soft fabric of one of his old sleep shirts snugly*

MC: .... Thank you.

*Solomon looks taken aback by their sudden tenderness, but doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around them further and lightly cage them to his chest*

Solomon: Of course, MC... You take care of so many people. You deserve a break.

*a comfortable silence spreads between them for a minute or so, before MC starts to feel Solomon's cheek rubbing against the top of their head like a smothering cat*

Solomon: Oh, my adorable apprentice, you're just so cute when you're sick~

MC: *snaps their eyes back open and glares at his words, but doesn't let go yet*

MC: Sooool....

Solomon: If I didn't know better, I would almost want to keep you like this...

MC: *snorts* Good luck. The brothers would kill you for it. *they drop their arms from his chest, but he doesn't let go*

MC: Sol?

Solomon: I'm sure they would try, but you wouldn't let something bad happen to your beloved teacher, would you MC?

MC: *rolls their eyes* You wouldn't need my help, anyway. Let go.

Solomon: *squeezes a little tighter* Uh-uh! That wasn't my question.

MC: Sol, I need to stir the soup.

Solomon: And I need to hear an answer.

MC: Solomon, I'm serious.

Solomon: Oh? What's this? I think I'm gonna... ahh...!

MC: Wait, what are you-?

Solomon: Ahhh...!

MC: Solomon, let go!

Solomon: AHHHH....!!

MC: OKAY OKAY, I WOULDN'T LET THEM HURT YOU! Don't you DARE sneeze in my hair!!

Solomon: AHHHH- Just kidding~

*he finally lets them go and they lightly slap his shoulder before turning back around in a huff*

MC: Get out of my kitchen!

Solomon: Then I'll meet you on the couch again?

MC: Only after the soup is done.

Solomon: Then we can cuddle?

MC: Not if you misbehave!

Solomon: What if I steal the blankets~?

MC: *rubs their pounding temples at their teacher's childish antics*

MC: Solomon, I'm serious. Get. Out.

[petermorwood]

Food on St Patrick's Day (in the USA)...

...is usually Corned Beef & Cabbage, which is the Irish-American version of the original Irish boiled bacon & cabbage, but while the celebratory Irishness is still going strong, try something a bit more authentic.

A nice warm coddle. Not cuddle, coddle, though just as comforting in its own way. (Some sources suggest it's a hangover cure, not that such a thing would ever be necessary at this time of year, oh dear me no.)

Coddle is a stew using potatoes, onions, bacon, sausages, stout-if-desired / stock-if-not, pepper, sage, thyme and Time.

You'll often see it called "Dublin Coddle", but my Mum made Lisburn Coddle lots of times, I've made West Wicklow Coddle more than once, and on one occasion in a Belgian holiday apartment I made Brugsekoddel, which is an OK spelling for something that doesn't exist in any cookbook.

*****

I do remember one amendment I made to Mum's recipe, which met with slight resistance at the time and great appreciation thereafter.

Her coddle was originally cooked on the stove-top, not in the oven, and nothing was pre-cooked. Potatoes were quartered, onions were sliced, bacon was cut into chunks and then everything went into the big iron casserole, then onto the slow back ring, and there it simmered Until Done.

However, the bacon was thick-cut back rashers, and the sausages were pork chipolatas.

Raw, they looked like this:

...and the bacon looked like this:

Cooked in the way Mum initially did, they looked pretty much the same afterwards. The sausages didn't change colour. Nor did the bacon.

While everything tasted fine, the meat parts always looked - to me, anyway - somewhat ... less than appealing. "Surgical appliance pink" is the kindest way to put it, and that's all I'm saying. This is apparently "white coddle" and Dubs can get quite defensive about This Is The Way It SHOULD Look.

I'm not a Dub, so I persuaded Mum to fry both the bacon and sausages first, just enough to get a bit of brown on, and wow! Improvement! I remember my Dad nodding in approval but - because he was Wise - not saying anything aloud until Mum gave it the green light as well.

Doing the coddle in the oven, first with lid on then with lid off, came later and met with equal approval. So did using only half of the onion raw and frying the other half lightly golden in the bacon fat.

Nobody quoted from a movie that wouldn't be made for another decade, but there was a definite feeling of...

*****

There are coddle recipes all over the Net: I've made sure that these are from Ireland to avoid the corned-beef-not-boiled-bacon "adjustment" versions which are definitely out there. I've already seen one with Bratwurst. Just wait, it'll be chorizo next.

Oh, hell's teeth, I was right. And from RTE...

Returning to relative normality, here's Donal Skehan's white coddle and his browned coddle with barley (I'm going to try that one).

Here's Dairina Allen's Frenchified with US measurements version. (I feel considerably less heretical now.)

And finally (OK, not Irish, but it references a couple of the previous ones and is a VERY comprehensive write-up, so gets a pass) Felicity Cloake's Perfect Dublin Coddle (perfect according to who, exactly...?) in The Guardian.

*****

Returning to the beginning, and how boiled bacon became corned beef (a question which prompted @dduane to start an entire website...!)

The traditional Irish meat animal for those who could afford it was the pig, but when Irish immigrants (even before the Great Famine) arrived in the USA, they often lived in the same urban districts as Jewish immigrants from Eastern Europe.

For fairly obvious reasons pork, bacon and other piggy products were unavailable in those districts, but salt beef was right there and far cheaper than any meat Irish immigrants had ever seen before.

Insist on tradition or eat what was easy to find? There'd have been contest - and do I sometimes wonder a bit if sauerkraut ever came close to replacing cabbage for the same reason.

The pre-Famine Irish palate liked sour tastes: a German (?) visitor to Ireland in the mid-1600s wrote about about what were called "the best-favoured peasantry in Europe", and mentioned that they had "seventy-several sour milks and creams*, and the sourer they be, the better they like them."

* Yogurt? Kefir? Skyr? Gosh...

Corned beef and Kraut as the immigrants' celebratory "Irish" meal for St Patrick's Day? Maybe, maybe not.

Time for "Immigrant Song" (with kittens).

*****

Corned beef got its name from the size of the salt grains with which the beef was prepared. They were usually bigger than kosher salt, like pinhead oats or even as large as grains of wheat, and their name derived originally from "corned (gun)powder", the large coarse grains used in cannon.

BTW, "corn" has been a generic English term for "grain" for centuries, and "but Europe didn't have corn" is an American mistake assuming the word refers to sweetcorn / maize, which it doesn't.

Lindsey Davis, author of the "Falco" series, had a couple of rants about it and other US-requested "corrections". As she points out, mistakes need corrected but "corn" is not a mistake, just a difference in vocabulary.

*****

In Ancient and Medieval Ireland pig would have included wild boar, the hunting of which was a suitable pastime for warriors and heroes, because Mr Boar took a very dim view of the whole proceeding and wasn't shy about showing it (see "wild boar" in my tags and learn more).

Cattle were for milk, butter, cream and little cattle; also wealth, status, and heroic displays in their theft, defence or recovery. It's no accident that THE great Irish epic is "The Cattle-Raid of Cooley" / Táin Bó Cúailnge (tawn / toyn boh cool-nyah).

Killing a cow for meat was ostentation on a level of lighting cigars with 100-, or even 500-, currency-unit notes. Once it had been cooked and eaten there'd be no more milk, butter, cream or little cattle from that source, so eating beef was showing off And Then Some.

Also, loaning a prize bull to run with someone else's heifers was a sign of great friendship or alliance, while refusing it might be an excuse for enmity or even war. IMO that's what Maeve of Connaught intended all along, picking undiplomatic envoys who would get drunk and shoot their mouths off so the loan was refused and she, insulted, would have an excuse to...

But I digress, as usual. Or again. Or still... :->

*****

For the most part, "pig" mean "domestic porker", and in later periods right up to the Famine, these animals were seldom eaten.

Instead, known as "the gentleman who pays the rent", the family pig ate kitchen scraps and rooted about for other foods, none of which the tenant had to grow or buy for them. These fattened pigs would go to market twice a year, and the money from their sale would literally pay that half-year's rent.

For wealthier (less poor?) farmers, pigs had another advantage. Calves arrived singly, lambs might be a pair, but piglets popped out by the dozen. A sow with (some of) her farrow was even commemorated on the old ha'penny coin...

What with bulls, chickens, hares, horses, hounds, pigs, salmon and stags, the pre-decimal Irish coinage is a good inspiration for some sort of fantasy currency.

But that's another post, for another day.

[nyashykyunnie]

˗ˏˋ Loveless Marriage Au: Jinwoo x Reader ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 027 ✦ ┆・

‼️[ No angst, just pure fluff, okay maybe some angst but mostly fluff i swear... ]‼️

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅ Cai Bot Link ♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ Route 1 || Route 2 ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚

╰┈➤ ❝ [ My Safespace] ¡! ❞

There was an awkward air around the two of you due to the fact that it was an arranged marriage. It was a loveless union with the two of you.You had been there, you know how Jinwoo rose from being a placeholder to the world's most hailed hunter.And he had a secret, a secret that was you— His wife that he kept hidden from everyone else "I'm back" Jinwoo said as he went inside your shared apartment, his gaze as languid and empty like always. He felt cold, cold like he always had been.

Jinwoo took off his shoes and neatly placed them on the shoe rack, he paused for a few minutes before quirking an eyebrow up.

His wife normally greets him home, of course— It's not like you're required to do so every so often. He's fine even without the sweet greetings. But he was just so used to it that he cant help but wonder.

After loosening his tie and hanging his coat, Jinwoo started to look around the shared apartment. He could still smell your sweet scent up close, so he wasnt too worried.

He entered a bedroom.

Despite the two being a married couple, Jinwoo and you slept in different rooms just to respect eachother's spaces and all.

And there, he sees you tightly curled up under the thick blankets. Jinwoo gently approaches you, patting your arm softly to try and wake you.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asks gently, his voice low and gentle as to not frighten you.

He watches you grunt, tousling over a few times before your eyes slowly open to meet his grey eyes. Your gaze was half-lidded as you did so, your husband's image a little blurred but you could tell it's him.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't greet you" You say in a hoarse voice, alarming Jinwoo. "I don't feel so good so I couldn't cook you dinner"

"A fever?" He asks, scrunching his forehead as he reached to press the back of his hand on your forehead. "It's high."

"Ngh..." You roll over, hugging the blankets closer as your head throbbed. "I'm really sorry..."

"It's alright," Jinwoo said. "You must have been so sick you didn't realize you went to my room."

"..."

You pause, before shooting up immediately in panic. You're completely embarassed at your own mistake. Sure, your bedrooms are literally right in front of eachother but how stupid must you be that you slip into Jinwoo's bedroom instead of your own?

You scramble to try and get out of bed, but Jinwoo gently pushed you down— Pulling his blanket over you.

"It's alright'' He said, patting down the ruffled sheets around you. "You're extremely sick, I don't mind. Just stay here while I make you some food so that you can drink medicine. Don't worry about anything."

You cant read the expression on your husband's face as he got up and turned on a lamp before leaving.

Jinwoo didn't voice it, but he secretly felt pleased that you slipped into is sheets. He wants to believe that you felt the need to go to your safespace and it was in his bedroom that had his scent lingering.

He would roll up his sleeves and went to fetch some ingredients in the fridge and getting a pot to cook congee soup in.

Making food for his wife felt a little... Strange but relaxing at the same time. Jinwoo can technically cure you with the system's potions.

But he wanted to make this as an excuse to spend time with you and hopefully... Grow a little closer to you.

He had always wanted to be close to you, ever since the first day of your marriage. Ever since the first time he laid eyes on your wearing that beautiful wedding dress.

The image of you on that day always replayed in his mind over and over. He was secretly grateful that you were his wife.

You're not an entitled spoiled brat, you were understanding and patient. Despite his situation a years ago, you stayed with him. He gave you the option to divorce him, and yet you never did. You quietly looked after his sister when he is busy with his job, and even took care of his mother when she was in the hospital due to her coma.

As Jinwoo slices the garlic into thinner pieces, his mind cant help but drift to a tragic dream. He had a nightmare before, wherein you were caught in trouble with Go Gunhee. Jinwoo could clearly remember what happened on that day, monarchs attacked Gunhee and costed him his life, and you were there too because you were passing by. The debris from Gunhee's fight fell onto you, crushing you underneath the rocks.

And just like that, you were gone.

Slice.

That nightmare still shakes him up to this day.

In that dream, Jinwoo fought wars with monarchs, he battled in a long tiring war driven mad by the lost of his beloved wife who he couldn't love because he had been too scared to reach out.

That Jinwoo feared rejection so much that he couldn't even say a proper goodbye.

He was lonely and bitter in that dream, even as the gods congratulated him— Even as the those angelic gods gave him the power to reset time, he cant help but hate them.

That was the tragic dream he had on the night before your wedding day, he was blessed by the system when he woke up.

And thus, that was the day he started going on a frenzy grinding up the levels and most importantly looking for the monarchs before they wake up. He managed to even bring home his father who went missing in the gates because he was trapped.

He can't help but think that maybe that dream really did happen in the future, and maybe it was a reality once but not anymore because he prevented it from happening.

Jinwoo can never really know.

All that matters is that you are safe and sound, right here in the safety of his home secretly guarded by an army of shadows who are strictly tasked to not hesitate in killing should an event rise of anyone daring to harm you and to protect you no matter what at all costs.

It was overkill of him to shove ten thousand soldiers and 19 elite commanders on you. But it didnt matter.

As Jinwoo filled up a bowl of congee, he went to get fever medicine from the cabinet before going back to his room where you were resting.

He first set down the bowl and medicine on the sidetable and gently cooed at you to wake up.

The soft taps managed to wake you in an instant.

"I made some congee," He said, helping you sit up with one hand while the other propped up the pillows against the headboard to let you lean against.

Jinwoo didnt need to ask, he knew with the way your hands are moving that you're too weak to pick up the spoon. So instead, he sat at the edge of the bed and started feeding you the congee. Of course, he made sure to blow at it first before feeding you. After all, he doesn't want to burn your tongue.

"It's not salty, isn't it?" He inquires.

"..." You shake your head, continuing to eat the food he was feeding you.

It took a while, but you managed to finish the bowl with Jinwoo's coaxing.

"Next time, if you feel unwell," Jinwoo said, placing the empty dish down as he started helpign you drink the medicine. "Call me."

"I didn't want to bother you..."

"You would never bother me" He replies, wiping his thumb on the corner of your lip to remove excess water. "Why do you think you would?"

"...I thought you don't like me." You say in a small voice, making Jinwoo pause.

"Was my actions towards you made you think so?" He frowned, realizing the mistake he has been making. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think I do."

Jinwoo continues, stroking your messy hair, "I never disliked you, nor have I hated you. I was just... Well... Worried that if I act friendly it would scare you off or that you in fact don't like me as a husband."

"I don't," You shake your head, instinctively leaning in on Jinwoo's touch. "...I never did either. I was just shy."

He chuckles, continuing to stroke your head.

"You need to rest," He said, helping you lie down comfortably. "I'll just sleep in your room—...."

Jinwoo pauses when you weakly grasped his sleeve, shaking your head.

You don't want to be alone, not right now when you feel so terrible. In fact, you felt afraid to be alone at the moment. You just feel so sick that you want someone to be with you.

And that person you want to be with is Jinwoo, your husband.

He said he didn't dislike you. So surely it's alright to want him to be here with you, right?

You anxiously look up at Jinwoo's grey eyes that grew tender at your own.

Handsome.

Your husband is just so handsome it makes you feel a bit breathless.

"N-nevermind... You might get sick" You whimper softly, slowly letting go of him

"It's alright," Jinwoo hums, lifting the blanket up a bit slipped in with you. "I can't get sick."

You look up, confused and he just smiles.

"...There's this thing I have that prevents me from getting sick. I cant even get drunk no matter how many bottles I down" Jinwoo explains, gently pulling you close to him and rubbing your back. "So don't worry about me."

"...Is there more?" You inquire, a little curious despite feeling sick at the moment.

"Hmm... Well, I guess I can locate anyone too" He said, shrugging. "Are you curious? About what else I can do?"

"...Yes."

"Then I'll tell you all about it once you feel better, and show you a few tricks I learned" He smiles gently. "In exchange, I want you to know that you can ask anything of me and I will protect you always. Even when i'm not around you, I'm always watching"

Though Jinwoo didn't directly said it, you knew he was saying that he wants to start again with you. As a proper couple this time.

꒰ 🪼A/N: Another route to the loveless marriage Jinwoo bot because I can and I said so hahah. ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[mammons-hubby]

Hear me out, Vampire mc, maybe like mc got attacked one day, and bc they were like ‘I doubt this’ll be a big deal, I shouldn’t bother them’ they hid how they felt until like one day, they were like cooking dinner or something and then when they came to check on mc their lovely little human was biting into some bloody meat in the fridge, like the whole nine yards of vampirism, red eyes, fangs, paler skin. 💊anon <3

Very interesting. Let's see what I can do.

(Sorry for the lateness hehe... My Obey me Juice left my body)

Mc turned Vampire?!

Stressed out 100%

Lucifer

Wants to find out who did it so they can be properly punished for it.

Tries to find a cure anywhere, there must be one somewhere and he will find it.

For now, he tries to keep your urges in touch so you don't go crazy.

He felt a bit hurt that you didn't tell him you were going through something though.

Depending on what you want, you can stay a vampire forever or get healed, the choice in the end is yours.

Gets scared when he sees you sucking the blood out of a piece of meat actually.

Mammon

"What the hell are ya'?! A vampire or something?!"

He said it totally joking but his face drops when he realizes it may be actually the case.

"Damn it! I was supposed to be protecting you!! I'm gonna get in so much trouble!!"

He doesn't mind the trouble too much, more than he wasn't there when you were attacked and that he didn't notice first what was happening to you.

Will try to find a cure anywhere, going as far to make deal with sketchy witches to get you back and healthy.

He gets used to your vampire antics but sometimes he gets scared of the things you do.

Leviathan

He had noticed your complexion changing but he didn't thought much of it, the red eyes, the paler skin, he thought you may be using contacts.

But when he saw you drinking the blood out of a piece of meat all he could do was joke.

"Lololol, are you a vampire or something?"

He takes a moment to analyze the situation before bringing his hands to his head.

Oh no. How didn't I realize?!

He immediately brings you to Lucifer, which reprimands you for not telling him, but also curses himself for not realizing first.

Leviathan tries to do everything to make you comfortable while they find a cure, which usually is keeping you in his room and feeding you bags of blood.

"This is just like the story I was reading some days ago! My bestie suddenly turned into a vampire and I gotta take care of them!"

You are always surprised about the too specific names of the animes he watches.

Satan

He realized pretty quickly something was wrong with you.

Putting two and two together he got to the conclusion you may have been affected by a vampiric curse.

He observes your actions and stops you from putting people in danger and yourself.

While doing so, he pinpoints the exact curse and tries finding the cure for it.

It seems you annoyed a witch or a demon, and they ended up cursing you with a pretty weird vampiric curse.

He will eventually find the cure, he is sure of himself.

Asmodeous

"Your skin is looking a bit sickly dear, are you feeling okay?"

He is always looking at your appearance so he notices pretty quickly something may be wrong. At first he though you may have been using red contacts but the more he looked at you the more that didn't seem like the case.

Hmm, he's gotta ask you directly.

When he asks you, you reply that it started happening some weeks ago.

He thinks, and suddenly a thing that happened comes to mind.

The other day you two were on a date, and one of his fans grabbed your arm pretty strongly.

That must be it, you got cursed.

Asmodeous goes to Satan and explains the situation.

While Asmo tries to keep you looking less vampiric, his brother looks out for a cure.

Beelzebub

He noticed your new found appetite for blood really quick, seeing you more interested in raw meats and similar bloody cuisine.

At first he doesn't see anything wrong, he sometimes has cravings like that.

But the way you eat, resembling himself kind of puts him off. That's not how you usually act.

He goes to Lucifer and explains the thing he's seen, and both reach the conclusion something may be wrong with you.

Seeing you suck the blood out of a piece of meat until it's grey kinda solidified that you're being affected by a curse.

Lucifer thanks Beel for going to him first and begins to search for reverse spells.

While he does that, Beel makes sure to feed you properly as a vampire should eat.

Belphegor

Belphegor starts growing worried when he naps with you and notices how cold you are.

If it would've been one day there wouldn't have been an issue, but it had become something frequently.

Even your heartbeat had started to become slower and slower.

When he saw you devouring a piece of raw meat like a wild beast he had to ask for help.

He goes to Satan, with the clear conclusion that you're cursed. Satan seems to have the same thoughts, and they begin to search everywhere for the cure.

It's a bit uncomfortable to sleep with such a cold body, but he tries for you.

______________________________________

(Sorry for the uh... very big delay of almost a year... Oopsies.)

[romanarose]

hey! i just saw your supportive logan fic for writer gf, and i was wondering if you would be open to writing something for chronic pain? the (gn! if possible!) reader having severe chronic pain, mostly in their legs, that prevents them from walking sometimes when a flare up is particularly bad. the reader just kinda feeling hopeless and so tired because there’s no cure to their condition. just really soft cuddles and comfort, ya know?

totally chill if this isn’t something you’re up for writing or isn’t the vibe! <3

thank you!!

Hi friend!!! I suffer from fibromyaglia and i fucking SUCKS so yes, I'd love to write this for you! GN read is 100% good, i'll write all kinds of readers.

Here you go!

Supportive Logan Thoughts: Chronically Ill Partner

Logan Howlett x gn!reader

Summary: Logan takes care of you

Warnings: Chronic pain

************

When Logan came in after work, the house looked exactly the same as he left it, from the banana peel on the counter from breakfast to your shoes you always took off in the middle of the hall, which (lovingly) drove him a bit insane. It's not that he expected you to do housework while he was gone or anything, but it was a sure sign that no, you weren't feeling better.

"Honey?" Logan called.

"Upstairs!"

Logan opened the bedroom door to find you in the dark, only lit by the dim glow of the TV playing reruns of your favorite show. He took a seat down on the bed, brushing the apple of your cheeks. "Hurting pretty bad, is it?"

You give a little nod, looking up at him. "Sorry, I didn't get anything done..."

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it."

A little whine escaped your mouth, lip quivering. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have too, Lo, you just worked a ten hour day-"

With a playful smile, Logan pinched your lips together, making you giggle a little. "I'll survive doing a few dishes. You rest, I'll make dinner."

With a little kiss to your forehead, Logan did his best to prepare something you'd like. He was no chef, but after being alive all these years he was no idiot, and could cook pretty well. Plus, this was far from the first time your pain and exhaustion mad it hard to do anything. You liked to cook for him, but Logan liked to return the favor too. He liked taking care of you. He liked cooking for you and helping you bath and nursing you when the days were too hard.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" He enters the bedroom again. "I lied, there's no eggs. Or Bacon. But I did make soup."

"Soup!" You exclaim, happily sitting up.

"There yuh are..." Logan smiles at seeing you animated again.

After you eat, Logan carries you into a warm bath, gently rubbing down your soapy body in a massage, careful with the tender spots. He works on your legs where he knows it hurts the most, making sure to massage the feet too, where he knows pain can start.

"You're really sweet, you know." You mumble sleepily. Doing nothing all day really takes it out of your when your own body feels like it hates you. "I know you pretend you aren't. But you are."

"Oh, I know." He teases. "You should see me at work. I can't get shit done because I'm smelling every damn daisy out there. I've been written up 3 times."

You can help but laugh at the idea of your big, hunky boyfriend laying on grass, kicking his feet as he smells a wild flower, his boss in the background shaking his fist.

"Oh I bed. Do you also break for butterflies?"

"Every damn day. Can't go a block without hitting my breaks. Hard to get anywhere."

You're giggling now, feeling better as Logan drains the bath. He starts to towel you down before picking you up and carrying you to bed.

"Thank you. For all you do for me." You snuggle up next to him watching your silly little shows. The pain is a little better, but still hurts.

Logan's lips are kissing your neck and face. you know he's not trying to initiate sex, just showing how much he loves just existing with you. "I like doing it, baby. I know it seems like I'm bullshitting you, but when it's for someone you love... really there's nothing easier."

*********

Thanks for the ask!!!!!! feel free to send more in!

[overtaken-stream]

Sweets Full Of Lies

Sanji x F!Reader

``I think you stole something from me.``

``I stole something?``

This doesn't need a warning, this happens after the drum island and It's just tooth-rotting fluff for me and me only, be grateful I'm sharing my Pookie with all of you��

The sky is captivating, gleaming, and full of wonder as it overlooks the reflective sea below, each star lit with passion is moving along the calm waves that are dragging behind The Going Marry, gently slanting the ship to its tastes.

The watch tonight is beautiful as the cure for the country's heart dims on the horizon, scattering pink cherry blossoms across the dark and endless ocean, each piece lightens the midnight, giving hue to a brand-new kingdom.

The scenery is getting further yet, the cherry blossoms follow after the ship, leaving no space for a threat too small.

The chilly atmosphere grows distant as the island strays and the crow's nest feels ever desolate in this bitter aftermath. If it wasn't for the subtle footsteps making their way up to your location in this stillness, you would have slacked off.

A nice scent of roasted baby potatoes entices your nose as a pleased sigh leaves you, slacking off indeed.

Crows nest is not made for two people, yet, with intense and swift maneuvers he lets the plates holding the delicious food dangle on his palms, your pupils follow them, until he brings the right one near your face. You spare him and grab the food, digging in with vigor, among the bites you let out a satisfied hum.

``This is delicious Sanji!`` Delicious as always, one can taste the love and passion through the spices and the warmth of the meal.

His voice volume dismisses the late hour of the night.

``Really?! Thank you (Y/N)-chwan~♡`` Sanji sure appreciates compliments from a lady, maybe a little too much. Though you don't mind his swooning, it's certainly fun to see him become overly affectionate and energetic, a considerable change compared to his interactions with the male members of the crew.

``Thank you too, Sanji.``

After you, Sanji turns to his plate, staring into the view that brought the night chill. He doesn't waste any time as he bites into the hot meal. The silence is welcome among the stars, shining bright from the dark horizon. The obscurity brings peace, the comfort of knowing little and needing no more.

The time is but an illusion as the meal on both plates shrinks until it's consumed with no remains left. Calm is not addressed between you two, finding peace in each other's presence in enough, no words are needed.

Binoculars rest on the floor, unused, but no amount of enlargement of distant images could find the reasonable explanation for the bravery brewing as you stare at the side profile of a blond. The soft features and the clean skin mix well with the pink undertones. You know he is handsome.

You're sure most would agree to that statement. Perhaps that's the thought that picks the simple, sweet, and corny line out of your teeth. It pierces the silent atmosphere.

``Sanji.`` You watch as he turns. The dim blue eye answering your curiosity. At first glance, the cook appears yellow or black, depending on the individual. However, you'd say his soul is the color of roses, with shades of light and hot pink mixing with his pale outer layer. Yet, you can hear a green-haired man argue that his inner soul is but a burning red and orange at the back of your mind. The color of blood on the tip of a silver knife he handles with ease.

You find yourself seeing all three views. Sanji is all of them. You don't seem to mind.

You watch that eye blink twice before opening your mouth.

``... I think you stole something from me.`` You find yourself craving that shade of blush that only appears on his face whenever a compliment is given to him by a woman. You want to see the pink blush appear on that ear once more tonight, it would be such a beautiful sight next to the falling cherry blossom petals.

You watch as Sanji takes in what you said. His baby blue lights up with curiosity and focus. He thinks about what he could have stolen as he goes through the memories of today, only to come up blank.

``I stole something...?`` The confusion settles as a smile appears on your face. The man appears oblivious to your deep emotion. The wicked hidden-entertainment. He can not distinguish the extra twist added to your lips.

``I think you stole my heart, Mr. Cook.`` There's a moment of silence that's quite loud, it stretches for a while as you stare at Sanji's widened eyes, you would have compared them to dinner plates if it weren't for the fallen cigarette, that you stomped and made sure to put out. (Can't forget to pick it up later!)

His reaction is not something you've expected. The frozen state as he gazes at you is new. The blank eyes speak of such a shock that you are not sure it could be considered as an emotion, rather a process of doubting oneself, the reality, and the life itself. You're thankful it doesn't last because soon the man you are familiar with, returns.

Sanii who closes his mouth and lets the pink petals land on his head, shining and adorning him with pink light. The blush that arises on his cheeks is shy, the pupil holding a small heart as love colors the iris. Eye round and sunken, Sanji seems small, his body unmoving as he gazes at you. Tongue dripping with romance.

``...I did...?`` You didn't know that a voice could be described as small. It's almost enough to shock you into silence.

Lightly, you bite your lip. You should know better by now.

Your mouth moved. It spoke in a tone you are unfamiliar with, almost like in a trance, addicted to a man much like candy, so sweet and sugar-coated. Your face must be red too, but it can't compare to the flustered Sanji standing in front of you, lighting up in shades more intense.

Cute.

Hopeful, he felt hopeful. The smell of fright coming off of him, is thin.

Shit. You might just devour him tonight.

[nor-4]

Taking care of Sick Geto

Geto Suguru x Reader

"Geto let go I'm gonna pee" You said as you tried shaking geto off, it's been around 8 hours ever since both of you found out that geto is sick.

After that it's like you are trapped in a cage since geto wanted to hug you all day. "Nooo.. Can you hold it for a minute?" he murmured in your chest as he held you waist a bit tighter which makes you wanna take a pee more.

"I'm sweating bullets, it's already hot and you decided to hug me.." You tried reasoning as you try to shake of from his arms, "Not my fault you looks so huggable" He said as he readjusted his arms almost hitting the bowl from the night table that is filled with soup from earlier morning that you made so the medicine will be more effective for him.

Once geto re adjusted you took the advantage to get up from the bed which made the bed rise a little.

You and getou's shared house is not too fancy like those houses you find on pinterest, but sure is cozy and warm that makes you feel really welcome. A type of house that you will be comfortable to have a sleep over with, pantries filled with foods and snacks that geto sure will be nagging about when both of you are out for grocery, those neat looking kitchen that those Asian moms would love.

The living room that kids love because of those consoles and games that geto own, it's a safe place for both of you when all you just wanted was to hug each other while watching.

"I think I'm gonna die.." Geto said looking at you as he was sitting on the floor on the door of the bathroom like a kid as you do your business on the bathroom, "You're not don't worry." You said as you are scrolling through your phone.

"what's taking you so long? Are you shitting?" he nagged you again while giggling, his voice is a bit deeper, more raspy and airy than his normal voice. You always tease him about that because you said that he sound like a kid Justin bieber.

"Maybe you wouldn't know." You shrugged as you wash your self up and flushed the toilet really quick so geto wouldn't even try to take a peak, "Ewww it stinks" Geto acted as he pinch his nose as you walk by.

"Stop acting, you won't act like that later on when you couldn't breath on your other nostril." You said as you headed down stairs to make both of you a meal, this will be the third time that both of you eat. It's very rare for both of you to eat more than three time a day, you guys only did this when either both of you are sick.

Geto followed you like a lost kid as he walk lazily around the house, "I'm not feeling vegetables right now" he complained as he sat down near the stove so he will still be near you.

"Then don't eat, might as well make your cold worse." You stated as you started chopping the vegetables as geto sang lazily to the song you played, it's a habit of you to play music while cooking. Geto remembers the time when he wasn't sick he would dance around just to annoy you or just to enjoy the time with you.

You remembered the time where geto memorized the whole choreo of water by tyla just for you to watch him dance the whole song.

Your mind didn't have the capacity of a phone nor the smartest person on earth. But you remember every detail of it, you remember how much he made you so happy, how much effort he did just to make you laugh after a very busy and stressful week.

"God you're so beautiful.." Geto whispered as you looked at him seeing him looking at you with agape mouth, "I think I should marry you for the 100 times... Noo it's not enough, I should marry you on every chance I get. You know if you are sick, like really sick that there is no other cure than for me to die. I would rather die happy that I get to be loved by you."

Geto said this the time you said yes to him being your beloved of your life forever. He still remembers every detail even the tone he had while saying this, he always have a deja vu everytime he says this it was a good deja ju. A euphoria of the time where he vowed to never make you feel unwanted, unloved or anything that will make you sad. The time he vowed to love you in every aspect of your life, the time he said gratefully that he will love you even as a worm.

"You're being-" you are about to talk but geto keeps shushing you, "Oh girl now let's not ruin the moment." he sassed as you giggled while handling him the plate.

"I'd rather eat dick than eat vegetables all day.." Geto said raising his eyebrows on the vegetables, as you laugh smacking the sickness out of his system.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - All's Quiet on the BL Front

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 3 of 12 - I love how were getting a solid depiction of two queers just genuinely enjoying sex with each other. That’s actually rare in BL. In this case, it manages to also be weirdly adorable and cute.

Dee is such a tease. I guess Y likes a brat? 

LOOK at those bedroom eyes!

Linguistics corner: when these two are being serious, sweet, or flirty with each other they use rao/nai which is kind of old fashioned and charming and not common in BL. They move pretty seamlessly into gu/mueng and back depending on the style of convo, tho. It's FUN to hear them talk.

Let the fake relationship commence!

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 eps - I HAVE THOUGHTS. I'm really enjoying the sinister backbone of this show. I hope they have the courage of their convictions in that regard and lean into a kind of sexy evil revenge narrative. It was a pleasure to watch the break up and I do not want a redemption arc for Ming or a romance for us. Fuck 'em, let’s just ride a revenge train, okay Joe baby?

That’s said, I totally sniffled at the ending scene where Ming (for two years!) has been paying penance cooking for two and waiting alone. Excellent pathos. Now, I understand how they're gonna make this a full 12 eps. And I’m excited about it. Carry on!

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 7 of 16 - I wasn't a fan of Winny & Satang in My School President but I'm loving them in this. The thing with Q, Toey, and Chain had me hooting with laughter. I think I’m finally just easing into the relaxed absurdity of this show. The key is not to expect anything from it. Just them being tiny gay idiots.

Two Worlds (iQIYI) ep 10 fin - Someday I’d like to really enjoy a MaxNat show, but today was not that day. (I feel like ever since Between Us I’ve been generally disenchanted with established OG pairs and what they’re bringing to the table. Perhaps that’s a discussion for another day. Cherry Magic excepted, of course.) 

OK, so this final episode, they sure tried to fit a lot in. But that made the pacing better for me. So I kinda liked this weird cliff notes resolution to the story.

In conclusion:

MaxNat do a credible job with a messy script about parallel worlds, gangsters, and strange diseases cured by forest fruits. It sounds confusing because it is. The chemistry is excellent the side pair is entirely forgotten about, and one could drive a Tardis through the plot holes. Still, I found it modestly enjoyable if not at all rewatchable. 7/10 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I do love how bold and brash Moo is. He’s truly a great character, such an utter outgoing sunshine puppy focused on his pursuit of his older boy. I'm charmed by his utter harmlessness. They gave us a sweet coming out scene, and an awesome supportive mom. Frankly GMMTV has a good track record with moms. (With a few noted exceptions, of course.)

That said, I do keep forgetting this is a GMMTV offering. It just doesn't FEEL GMMTV. Just me?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - Starts tomorrow, will report on sitch next week. LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead. But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like it. I like our sulky 2nd lead. He’s pouty, adorable, brash, and adding some much-needed tension to this narrative. The blurring lines between show within a show is a lot of fun. Probably the best I've seen done in BL so far.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like that we got backstory, but we also sort of already knew it. So this ep felt a bit like filler. They are wonderful when they’re on screen together but when they aren't it's a bit dull. I hope we just get them together for the next 4 eps. But this is Japan, so I doubt it.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - The image resolution on this show (via Iqiyi ) is terrible. Meanwhile, awkward crush. Jock nerd pairing. Dorky. Maybe a bit too much awkward/dorky for me? I'm not sold on this one.

Meanwhile the ordering then not eating or drinking of food continues. Very upsetting.

Boys Be Brave (Korea Viki) eps 5-8fin - This show was just never sure what it wanted to be. Slacker sunshine KiSub moves in with nerd JinWoo, mostly because he knows JinWoo likes him but won't confess and that's never happened to him before. It reminded me of some earlier KBLs like Behind Cut, yes is had bones but not much flesh, so it only just hung together and progressed through not very much plot in a jerking rattling fashion like an animated skeleton. All the story and chemistry was with the side couple and none of the screen time. That just annoyed me. What did this BL want to BE? Who tf knows. I, for one, don’t care, and resolve to think no more on it. 6/10 

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) - This ended at 4 eps on a cliffhanger. Since this is a very small studio I don’t have a lot of faith in there being a part two. But they have bundled both this BL, and the GL, bingable chunks on YT. So if you want to binge it, it’s there. Just be aware that it ends on a cliffhanger.

My thoughts?

Promising reunion romances full of class and coming out struggles but I grade with what we got, not on expectations, and you know I HATE a cliffhanger. So yeah, it HAD promise but as of now it gets a 4/10 - fatally flawed. I reserve the right to change my mind if they amend for damages.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

In case you missed it

A really really thorough and fascinating article on 2 Moons 2 and what happened.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/30 Knock Knock Boys (Thai Thurs WeTV) - I'm hoping I can get it elsewhere since my WeTV account is inactive, but I do love Best and I'm interested in seeing him in a new pairing. That said, I'm not wild about Seng... so I won't be too cut up if I can't get hold of this. More here.

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I'm a sucker for this king of casual claiming. (Only Boo)

It me! (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @sunflower-positiiivity @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[perfectsunlight]

22 ⸺ SCARED OF MY GUITAR

warnings: angst, self doubt, infidelity, substance use, relationship strain, mental breakdown, emotional distress

word count: 7.5k

part of the series: LOGICAL

perfect, easy, so good to me

so why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you?

kazuha couldn’t stop thinking about what yujin had said to her. did she really like her girlfriend? sure, sana was the perfect girlfriend. she was kind, thoughtful, and always there when kazuha needed her. they didn’t fight, didn’t argue over petty things. sana knew how to make her laugh, how to calm her down when her nerves got the best of her. 

she was the kind of partner anyone would dream of having—sweet, supportive, effortlessly beautiful.

yet, every time kazuha looked at her, a hollow sensation gnawed at her. a sensation she couldn’t quite explain. she hated it—hated that yujin’s question had lodged itself so deep in her mind. now, the younger girl was questioning everything she thought she wanted.

it was 3 in the morning and even in complete darkness, zuha could make out every detail on her girlfriend’s face. the soft rise and fall of sana’s chest, the gentle curve of her lips, the way her hair fanned out on the pillow like a halo. she looked peaceful, content—everything kazuha should have felt lying next to her. but instead, that same hollow sensation gnawed at her insides, leaving her restless while sana slept soundly beside her.

kazuha shifted slightly, careful not to disturb her. her thoughts raced, yujin’s voice playing on a loop in her mind. the question echoed and screamed, haunting her even now. she stared at the ceiling, trying to understand why something so perfect felt so wrong.

sana had never done anything but love her—truly, deeply, and without reservation. yet, every time kazuha thought about their future together, that gnawing doubt crept in. why wasn’t this enough? 

why wasn’t sana enough?

distract myself, say it's somethin' else

maybe i'm just overwhelmed, maybe i'm confused

she bit her lip, the taste of guilt bitter in her mouth. it wasn’t fair to the older girl. she deserved someone who didn’t feel this constant void, someone who didn’t have to question whether or not they were happy. kazuha wanted to be that person—wanted so badly to be the kind of girlfriend sana thought she was.

but lying in the dark, she knew she was far from it.

at first, kazuha thought maybe it was just a new sensation—something unfamiliar that would pass with time. maybe she was just overwhelmed by having such a seemingly perfect lover, someone who gave her everything she could have ever asked for. sana was the type of person who made even the mundane feel extraordinary. every day with her was filled with affection, warmth, and security. 

but that comfort soon became stifling.

kazuha tried to convince herself it was just the natural ebb and flow of relationships. maybe she wasn’t used to being treated this well, maybe she didn’t know what to do with a love so steady and unwavering. she had heard stories of people sabotaging good things out of fear, and maybe that’s what was happening to her. she wanted to believe that. she wanted to believe that the pit in her stomach would disappear once she got used to this new, perfect reality with sana.

and for a while, she forced herself to push through it.

sana had always been easy to love—too easy, even. her smile could light up a room, and she had a way of making kazuha feel like the center of her universe. on paper, everything was ideal. they were ideal. sana cooked for her after long practices, left little notes in her gym bag, and never failed to cheer her on from the stands. when zuha felt exhausted or overwhelmed, sana would pull her into bed, wrapping her in soft blankets, and make the world disappear.

so why did it feel like something was missing?

barely sleep when you sleep next to me

but i keep thinkin' i'll find a cure

the younger girl wracked her brain, trying to figure out an answer to her questions. she had to find a cure for this gnawing feeling, for the suffocating guilt that hung over her like a cloud. was there something she could do to make it better? to feel the way she was supposed to feel about sana?

she didn’t know how long she had been staring at the ceiling, her mind racing while her body stayed still. her eyes drifted back to sana, whose chest rose and fell in gentle, peaceful breaths, completely unaware of the turmoil right next to her. sana had given her everything, had loved her in ways kazuha had only dreamed of being loved.

so why did it feel like she was lying next to a stranger?

kazuha knew she should be grateful. sana was perfect. she was sweet, attentive, and everything kazuha could have ever wanted in a girlfriend. she ticked every box—more than that, she went above and beyond. and yet, as she lay there, she couldn’t shake the suffocating feeling of emptiness, of being disconnected from the person she was supposed to love.

the younger girl kept searching for an excuse, a reason why things felt off. maybe it was the stress of training, the endless routines and expectations placed on her shoulders. maybe she just wasn’t used to being treated this well. maybe she was afraid of being loved so fully because, deep down, she didn’t believe she deserved it.

it has to be me, not her, kazuha thought desperately. i just need to figure it out.

i say that i'm fine, i tell you all the time

i've never felt so happy and sure

sana would always ask how she could be a better girlfriend or if she was not filling any needs that the younger girl had. and kazuha would smile, press a kiss to her forehead, and say the same thing every time. "you’re perfect, sana. i’ve never been happier."

but those words felt heavier now. more like a shield than a truth.

sana never missed a beat. she made sure zuha was well-fed, well-rested, and never went a day without feeling loved. if kazuha had a bad day at practice, sana would surprise her with her favorite meal. if she was stressed, sana would pull her into a long, comforting hug until the tension melted away. every need kazuha could have ever voiced, sana met without hesitation.

but deep down, kazuha knew the truth she could never say out loud. it wasn’t about what sana did or didn’t do. it wasn’t about needs being unmet. the problem wasn’t sana at all. it was her. her heart, twisted with confusion and guilt, couldn’t embrace the perfection that stood right in front of her.

sana was giving her everything, and yet, she still felt like something was missing.

every time sana asked, every time those worried brown eyes looked into hers, kazuha would swallow the lump in her throat and say she was fine. that she had never felt so sure, so secure in her relationship. 

even though, in reality, she had never been more uncertain.

but i'm so scared of my guitar

'cause it cuts right through to the heart

there were many times where nakamura kazuha could have confessed to cheating. she thought about it more often than she'd like to admit. in their intimate, quiet moments—when sana would smile at her with that radiant, genuine warmth, or when she’d make her favorite breakfast without even asking—kazuha's chest would tighten with guilt. the words would bubble up in her throat, i’m sorry. i’ve been lying to you. i’ve been with someone else. but they never made it past her lips.

there were so many moments when she could’ve come clean. sana deserved to hear the truth, straight from the source.

like the time they sat together on the couch, sana's legs draped over kazuha's lap as they lazily watched a movie. sana had looked over at her then, her hand brushing through kazuha's hair with a gentle touch. “you're everything i’ve ever wanted,” sana had whispered, her eyes filled with sincerity and love. and kazuha, heart pounding in her chest, had opened her mouth to respond, but the words that came out weren’t the truth she needed to speak.

“i love you too.”

the lie tasted bitter, yet it slipped out so easily. the guilt followed her everywhere, shadowing every tender moment they shared, every smile they exchanged. it clung to her like a second skin, suffocating her.

yeah, it knows me too well so i got no excuse

i can't lie to it the same way that i lie to you

she had mastered the art of lying to sana, weaving together a story of love and commitment, smiling through the guilt, and telling her everything was fine. sana believed her every time. maybe she wanted to believe that kazuha was still the girlfriend she thought she knew.

but the pit in her stomach knew better. 

the guilt that gnawed at her, the restless thoughts that kept her awake at night—it knew her too well. it was a constant, nagging reminder that she was living a lie. she couldn’t hide from it the way she could hide from sana. every time she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw the truth reflected back at her, the shame carved into her expression.

no matter how much she told sana she was happy—that they were happy—there was no escaping the fact that deep down, kazuha wasn’t. and pretending otherwise wasn’t going to fix that hollow ache inside her.

the more she tried to shove it down, the more it resurfaced when she was alone. she couldn’t keep lying to herself, and it was only a matter of time before she wouldn’t be able to lie to sana anymore either.

kazuha’s chest tightened as she stared at the ceiling. she had no excuses left. she knew what she was doing was wrong. and yet, she hadn’t stopped.

how long could she keep lying before the truth shattered everything?

i'm so scared of my guitar

if i play it, then i'll think too hard

when sana’s alarm went off, it was around 5:45 am. they both had morning practice to attend, so naturally they just shared an alarm. kazuha felt the older girl curl into her side, her soft cheek resting against her collarbone as she breathed slowly. 

it was moments like this that should have felt safe, secure—like the perfect life everyone wanted. but instead, they filled her with dread.

the alarm had only been on for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity as she lay there, paralyzed by the weight of her thoughts. sana stirred beside her, wrapping her arms around kazuha’s waist in that gentle, instinctual way she always did in the morning. she was so sweet, so perfect, and it made kazuha feel even worse.

if she let herself think too hard—if she really examined her feelings—kazuha knew she’d unravel. the truth was there, buried beneath every forced smile and every moment of affection, but she didn’t want to face it. not yet. not today.

she swallowed thickly, her hand absentmindedly tracing circles on sana’s shoulder as her mind wandered back to yujin. the way things had spiraled, how one kiss had led to something more, something she couldn’t take back. sana trusted her, believed in her, but kazuha wasn’t sure she deserved any of it.

sana shifted slightly, her voice soft with sleep. “morning,” she yawned, nuzzling into her girlfriend’s side. “ready for practice?”

kazuha forced a smile, even though the knot in her stomach tightened. “yeah... just give me a minute.” her voice cracked at the edges, but she hoped sana wouldn’t notice.

still half-asleep, the older one hummed in response, her eyes fluttering shut again for just a few seconds before she slowly pulled herself up, stretching. “baby are you okay?” she asked, her brow furrowing with concern, as if sensing the unease in her lover’s voice.

“yeah, i’m fine,” kazuha replied automatically. she had said it so many times by now that it almost felt natural—almost.

once you let the thought in, then it's already done

so i'll lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

she wasn’t ready to face it. not yet. not while sana was still curled into her, trusting her.

but for how much longer could she keep this up?

the dark harried girl pressed her lips to sana’s hair, breathing in her familiar scent, pretending for a few more seconds that this was enough, that it was real. they moved through their morning routine in comfortable silence, the kind of rhythm that came naturally after sharing so many mornings together. sana hummed softly as she made coffee, and kazuha found herself lost in the sound, momentarily distracted from her thoughts.

“do you want your usual?” the older girl called from the kitchen, glancing over her shoulder. the sight of her, hair tousled and wearing one of kazuha’s oversized hoodies, brought a small smile to kazuha’s face.

“yes please,” kazuha replied, trying to keep her tone light. she leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms and watching sana move with effortless grace. this should be enough, she thought, still trying to convince herself.

if i was brave and noble like you

i'd have the nerve to just stop stringin' you along

they walked hand in hand to the gym, enjoying the early dawn together. at least, kazhua was trying to enjoy it. the cold nipping at her skin was nothing compared to the icy grip of uncertainty in her chest. the taller girl stole glances at sana, her face lit up by the soft morning light. soft shades of pink decorated her cheeks and nose, making her look even more adorable. it was in moments like these that made kazuha feel both elated and tormented. 

how could someone so perfect be standing beside someone so broken?

as they reached the gym entrance, kazuha’s grip on sana’s hand tightened involuntarily. the moment felt somewhat significant, almost like it was a tether connecting her to the reality she was desperately trying to escape. the laughter and chatter of their teammates echoed around them. 

zuha took her usual seat on a nearby bench, pulling her court shoes out from her backpack. sana sat beside her, their shoulders brushing together, and kazuha tried to focus on the excitement of practice rather than the tumult of feelings swirling in her chest. she could hear sana chatting animatedly with their friends, her laughter ringing like a melody that usually filled kazuha with warmth. but today, it felt distant, muffled by the weight of her internal struggle.

as the team began to warm up, kazuha’s gaze drifted across the gym, her mind elsewhere. she could hear snippets of conversations, the playful banter of her teammates, but all of it faded into the background.

her girlfriend, the outstanding captain she was, noticed immediately. 

sana jogged up to her girlfriend, gently putting a hand to her cheek and jaw. “hey,” she whispered as she looked up at her. “what’s going on?” she asked softly, scanning her girlfriend’s body up and down. kazuha smiled and gave her hand a quick kiss. “just tired. i’m going to use the bathroom, i’ll be back.”

but i'm not half as decent as you

i'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong

sana nodded, her expression still laced with concern. “okay, but don’t take too long. we’ve got to run our new plays.” kazuha forced another smile, though it felt more like a grimace, and turned away, heading toward the bathroom. as she walked, she felt a mix of guilt and confusion swelling within her. she didn’t want to worry sana, but the weight of her secret was becoming unbearable.

once inside the bathroom, kazuha leaned against the cool tile wall, taking a deep breath to steady herself. she splashed some water on her face, hoping to wash away the swirling thoughts. but before she could gather her thoughts, the door swung open, and in walked yujin, her expression brightening the dull space.

“hey, stranger,” yujin said casually, her voice teasing. she quickly took in the look on the other girl’s face, eyebrows raising at the sight. “you look like shit, dude.”

kazuha shot the basketball player a half-hearted glare, trying to mask her turmoil with humor. “thanks, just what i needed to hear,” she replied, her voice a little shaky as she wiped her hands on her volleyball shorts.

the taller girl stepped closer, her expression softening as she leaned against the sink beside the japanese girl. she folded her arms against her chest, staring straight ahead. “seriously though, what’s up? you’ve been acting off lately.”

the volleyball player sighed, running a hand through her hair. “i don’t know. everything feels overwhelming right now.” 

“is it sana?” yujin asked, her tone casual but laced with genuine concern. “you two are still good, right?”

zuha hesitated, the weight of her secret hanging in the air between them. “i mean, yeah, she’s great. perfect, actually,” she said, the last word tasting bitter on her tongue. 

yujin narrowed her eyes, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. “but?”

“but i don’t know if i deserve her,” kazuha admitted, her voice dropping to a whisper. “i keep thinking about what you asked me the other day.”

“the thing about the cheeseburger? i’m still telling you, we need to—” “no, not the cheeseburger, idiot.”

yujin raised an eyebrow at the quick interruption, her teasing demeanor faltering. “oh, right. that thing.” kazuha felt her heart race as she continued. “you asked me if i even liked sana. i thought i did, but now i’m not so sure.”

the basketball player leaned back against the sink, arms still crossed, studying kazuha’s face with a mix of concern and curiosity. “why not? you’ve been together for a while now, and she’s a perfect girlfriend. i mean, it’s literally sana.”

“maybe i’m just scared of losing something perfect,” kazuha admitted, biting her lip. “but at the same time, maybe i’m not ready to let go of the thrill that comes with being with someone who isn’t perfect.”

i make excuses, my friends know the truth is

i'm not as alright as i claim

“you look like shit,” chaeyoung said casually as she poured the younger girl a drink. kazuha chuckled, rolling her eyes as she accepted the glass from her. the japanese girl had asked her teammate to hang out for drinks, knowing that out of everyone on the team, the blonde would be the most likely to accept. “thanks for the vote of confidence,” kazuha replied, taking a sip of the drink. the bitter flavor hit her palate, momentarily dulling the weight on her chest.

it was also convenient that lisa opened her mouth for once, because chaeyoung knew about her situation with yujin, courtesy of ygu’s star player.

the blonde leaned against the bar, her expression shifting to something more serious. “seriously though, what’s going on? you’ve been acting off lately, and it’s not just the dark circles under your eyes.”

kazuha sighed, staring into her glass as if it held the answers she desperately sought. her eyes briefly flickered over her shoulder to glance at her teammate before speaking.

“have you ever loved someone? like fully, all the way, no mistakes and regrets?”

the older girl paused, her own drink halfway to her lips, caught off guard by the question. she slowly set the glass down, leaning in closer to kazuha. “why do you ask?”

zuha shrugged, avoiding chaeyoung's sharp gaze. “i’m trying to understand what love really is. i thought i knew, but now i feel like i’m just running away.”

“love is complicated,” the korean mumbled, her tone surprisingly soft. “it’s not just about the good moments. it’s messy, full of doubts and regrets.”

“exactly,” kazuha replied, frustration creeping back into her voice. “i don’t want to feel like this. i want to love sana the way she deserves, but i keep thinking about someone else. someone who makes it easy.”

chaeyoung’s expression shifted, a hint of something bittersweet flickering in her eyes. the japanese girl didn’t know much about park chaeyoung’s love life, but she did know that a certain basketball player was always around her.

“sometimes we use people to escape our feelings. it’s not fair to them, but it feels safe at the moment.”

zuha looked up, surprised by the honesty in her teammate’s words. it was almost comforting, in a way. “you understand that?”

“yeah,” chaeyoung said quietly, her gaze distant. “i’ve been there before. using someone to mask what i really feel. it’s tempting because it’s simple, but it doesn’t fill the void.”

“do you love this person?” kazuha asked quickly, a hint of curiosity in her voice. “the one you keep running to?”

the blonde’s gaze sharpened, and she hesitated, the weight of unspoken feelings hanging in the air. “love isn’t just about the person, you know? it’s also about the timing and circumstances. sometimes, we fall for the wrong people at the right moment.”

kazuha felt a pang of empathy for her friend, sensing that there was more beneath the surface. “so what do you do? just keep pretending?”

i say that i'm fine, i tell them all the time

as they watch all the light fade away

the older volleyball player shrugged, “sometimes you just go through the motions,” she replied, her gaze drifting to the dim lights of the bar. “it’s easier that way. you wear a mask, smile, and act like everything’s fine even when it’s falling apart inside.”

the japanese girl nodded, understanding all too well. “but it doesn’t change anything, does it? pretending just makes the loneliness worse.”

“no, it doesn’t,” chaeyoung said quietly, her voice tinged with sadness. “but facing the truth is terrifying. you risk everything—your comfort, your stability, even the relationships you care about. you won’t always feel better once the truth comes out, either.”

kazuha raised an eyebrow, surprised by her friend’s bleak perspective. “what do you mean?” she asked softly. the blonde shrugged, her gaze distant. “honestly? sometimes it’s better to just keep things to yourself. if it’s not broken, don’t fix it, you know? why rock the boat when you can just enjoy the ride?”

she frowned, feeling a mix of confusion and frustration. “but is that not fair to someone you love?” 

“do you want to see the person you love with someone else?” the korean girl asked slowly. kazuha felt her heart sink at the question. “no, of course not,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “but keeping it all in doesn’t feel right. it feels like i’m lying to her.”

chaeyoung leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. “is it really lying if you’re just not saying everything? sometimes silence is just self-preservation. you can love someone and still have your own struggles. it doesn’t mean you have to lay it all out on the table.”

“but what if she finds out?” zuha’s mind raced with images of sana’s hurt expression, the tears that would follow. the way her girlfriend’s smile would fade and she’d fall apart at the sight. “what if i end up destroying everything?”

“then you destroy everything,” she replied with a shrug. “but you have to think about what’s best for you, too. you think sana would want you to be unhappy just for the sake of her feelings? wouldn’t she want you to be content, even if that means keeping a few things to yourself?”

yeah, i'm so scared of my guitar

'cause it cuts right through to the heart

whether it was the alcohol, or the emotions that had been bubbling beneath the surface, nakamura kazuha felt a rush of impulsiveness as she left the bar. the night air was cool against her flushed cheeks, and the echoes of chaeyoung’s words lingered in her mind. 

she arrived at yujin’s place quicker than she ever had before, her heart racing with both anticipation and anxiety. the door swung open, and yujin stood there, casual and relaxed, her hair slightly messy from showering. she likely just finished practice not too long ago. “hey, zuha. what’s up?”

“can i come in?” kazuha asked, her voice a whisper. yujin nodded, stepping aside to let her in. the apartment was dimly lit, a stark contrast to the lively bar she just left. kazuha felt a sense of comfort wash over her, but the heaviness in her heart was still there. once inside, kazuha leaned against the wall, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “i don’t know why i’m here,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “i just needed to get away.”

yujin stepped closer, concern flickering in her eyes. “are you okay?” she asked, glancing over her friend’s body for any noticeable injuries.

the japanese girl shook her head quickly, ignoring her heart feeling as if it was falling apart. “no, i’m not okay.” she took a deep breath, the vulnerability hitting her hard. before she could overthink it, kazuha closed the distance between them, reaching out to pull yujin closer. 

their lips met in a messy kiss, the contact making zuha’s stomach flutter for a moment. she never got butterflies when sana kissed her. but just as quickly, yujin pulled back, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“dude, you’re crying,” yujin said softly, brushing a thumb under kazuha’s eye to catch the tear. “what’s going on?”

kazuha felt her heart sink, the weight of her emotions crashing down on her. “i need you to stop talking.” the volleyball player whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she leaned in closer, desperation evident in her eyes. she pressed her lips against yujin’s again, trying to drown out the chaos swirling in her mind.

yeah, it knows me too well so i got no excuse

i can't lie to it the same way that i lie to you

kazuha's hands trembled slightly as they came up to grip yujin's shoulders, holding her close. her heart raced wildly, a mix of excitement and anxiety coursing through her veins. she knew she was crossing a line, but at that moment, she couldn't bring herself to care. all she wanted was to lose herself in yujin, to find some semblance of peace in her arms. but even as she deepened the kiss, she was acutely aware of how wrong this felt. 

her mind kept going back to sana. sana, who loved her. sana, who was unaware of everything kazuha was doing. sana, who was too perfect for her.

tears streamed down kazuha's face as she finally pulled away, her chest heaving with labored breaths. “i’m sorry,” she whispered over and over as she pulled her hoodie over her head. “i’m sorry, sana.” the alcohol and the emotions overwhelming her caused her mental state to currently become even more suffocating.

yujin knew the best thing to do right now was to just let her friend use her as the distraction. the basketball player gently kissed the japanese girl’s neck. "shh," yujin whispered, her breath hot against kazuha's ear. "it's okay. we don't have to think about anything else right now. just focus on me." 

she pressed another soft kiss to kazuha's neck, relishing in the way her friend shivered beneath her touch. yujin's hands roamed over kazuha's body, tracing the curves she had come to know so well. she could feel the tension in her friend's muscles, the way she was clinging to her like a lifeline. it made yujin's heart ache, knowing that kazuha was in so much pain. but for now, she pushed those thoughts aside. she wanted to make kazuha feel good, to help her forget about everything else, even if it was just for a little while. 

i'm so scared of my guitar

if i play it, then i'll think too hard

physically, yujin’s body was nothing like sana’s. and yet, despite this, all kazuha could think about and feel in the moment was sana. as yujin's hands explored kazuha's body with a mix of desire and tenderness, the scent of sandalwood enveloped them both. but instead of finding comfort in the familiar aroma, kazuha was overwhelmed by a wave of guilt and confusion. 

the more yujin touched her, the more vividly sana's image flooded kazuha's mind. she could almost feel the gentle caress of her girlfriend's fingers on her skin and hear the soft whisper of her voice in her ear. the scent of sana's perfume, a delicate floral fragrance, seemed to linger in the air, mocking her betrayal.

every brush of yujin's lips against her skin, every husky whisper in her ear, only served as a painful reminder of what she was giving up, of the trust she was shattering. tears stung kazuha's eyes as she buried her face in yujin's neck, her breath coming in ragged gasps. she wanted to scream, to cry out her anguish and confusion to the world. but she couldn't, not while she was in yujin's arms, not while she was betraying everything she held dear. kazuha knew that no matter how good it felt, no matter how much she tried to lose herself in the moment, the guilt would always be there, eating away at her from the inside.

she was making a mistake, one that would haunt her for the rest of her life. and yet, she couldn't seem to stop herself from falling deeper into the abyss of her own desires.

kazuha was tired of thinking, tired of the guilt and confusion that seemed to consume her every waking moment. in yujin's arms, she could pretend that everything was okay, that she wasn't shattering the foundation of her relationship with sana. she could lose herself in the heat of the moment, in the pleasure of yujin's touch, and forget about the consequences that would surely come.

once you let the thought in, then it's already done

so i'll lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

it was almost midnight when kazuha went home. the alcohol had long since worn off, leaving her with a pounding headache and a heart that felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. the walk home was a blur, the streets empty and silent save for the occasional passing car. kazuha barely registered her surroundings, her thoughts consumed by the events of the night. as she finally reached her apartment, kazuha fumbled with her keys, her hands shaking as she tried to unlock the door

sana wouldn’t be home until tomorrow since she went to study and sleepover at miyeon’s place. 

the tears she had been holding back began to spill over, cascading down her cheeks like a relentless storm. she turned away from the window, feeling the walls of her small apartment closing in on her. the familiar space felt alien and suffocating, reminding her of the joy that had once filled it—joy that now felt painfully out of reach.

she stumbled back to the bed, collapsing onto the sheets that still smelled faintly of sana’s perfume. as she buried her face into the pillow, the scent enveloped her like a warm embrace, and kazuha couldn’t help but cry harder. the tears soaked into the fabric, mingling with her longing and despair.

“why can’t i just be happy?” she sobbed into the pillow, her voice muffled as the weight of her confusion bore down on her. she felt so lost, caught in a whirlwind of emotions that she couldn’t untangle. the thought of sana brought a mix of warmth and guilt that twisted her stomach in knots.

kazuha’s hands trembled as she clutched the pillow tighter, feeling the desperate need to escape her own skin. she wanted to be someone else, someone who didn’t carry the burden of conflicting feelings. frustration surged within her, and before she could think twice, she ripped off her shirt, feeling the cool air against her skin.

yeah, i'll lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

i pretend that it's love

she needed more. she needed to feel close to sana, to wear her essence like armor against the chaotic storm inside her. in a feverish panic, she reached for sana’s clothing, pulling out a soft hoodie from the closet that had been left behind. it was a comfort, a reminder of the moments they had shared—snuggling on the couch, late-night talks, and the tender kisses that had once felt so right.

kazuha slipped it over her head, the fabric enveloping her like a second skin, but it only heightened her sense of loss. the realization that she couldn’t just have that feeling back broke her further. she fell back onto the bed, sobbing into the pillow once more, the soft fibers absorbing her cries as she gripped the hoodie like a lifeline.

“it’s not fair,” she cried, her voice raw with emotion. “i just want to be happy with you, sana.” the tears flowed freely, each sob racking her body as she let her pain pour out into the night. the room felt heavy with her anguish, the shadows lengthening around her as she struggled to breathe through the overwhelming tide of her emotions.

with each cry, kazuha felt a small part of her unravel, a knot of pain and confusion that she had kept so tightly bound within her. she clawed at the sheets, feeling the weight of her heartache crashing down like waves against a rocky shore. “i don’t want to feel this way,” she gasped, the words escaping her lips between sobs. 

“i just want to feel you.”

'cause what if i never find anything better?

the doubt always creeps through my mind

the japanese girl knew she could never get anyone better than sana. the way she laughed, the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about her dreams, the warmth of her embrace—it all felt irreplaceable. but with that knowledge came a crushing sense of fear. if she couldn’t make this work, if she continued down this path of uncertainty and pain, would she be left with nothing but regret?

the japanese girl buried her face into the pillow once more, letting the tears flow freely as the realization hit her like a wave crashing against a rocky shore. she didn’t want to hurt sana; she didn’t want to be the cause of her sadness. but each time she thought about confessing her fears, the image of sana's smile made her heart ache.

how could i ever hurt someone so perfect? kazuha thought, squeezing her eyes shut. the ache of her heart felt almost unbearable, the conflicting feelings swirling in her chest like a storm threatening to consume her whole.

she wished for a sign, something to guide her through the fog of uncertainty. but all she could feel was the sharp sting of doubt clawing at her heart, whispering reminders of her insecurities. what if this was all she would ever have? 

what if letting sana go meant losing everything that mattered?

so we'll stay together 'cause, how could i ever

trade somethin' that's good for what's right?

her breaths came in shaky gasps as she pressed her face deeper into the pillow, wishing for a moment of clarity. all the doubts, the questions, the unspoken fears—they wrapped around her like chains, holding her captive in a prison of her own making.

kazuha gripped the sheets tighter, her emotions boiling over as she felt the cool fabric beneath her fingertips. she had to make a choice, but the thought of losing sana was unbearable.

tears streamed down her cheeks, and she let out a choked sob, feeling as though the weight of the world was pressing down on her. in that moment, she knew. i can’t lose her. i don’t want to lose her. the realization crashed over her like a wave, washing away the doubts that had plagued her.

even if she no longer felt in love with sana, she still wanted the girl to stay. it was selfish, it was cruel, it was messy, and it was all built on a lie. 

oh, i'm so scared of my guitar

it cuts right through to my heart

kazhua fell asleep on the bed, sprawled out in a tangle of sheets and remnants of her own emotional turmoil. the darkness of the room wrapped around her like a heavy blanket, but it did little to shield her from the tempest of thoughts that raged within.

a few hours later, the soft light of dawn seeped through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. kazuha stirred, the sound of familiar footsteps approaching pulling her from her restless sleep. she felt the mattress dip slightly as sana sat on the edge, her voice gentle and soothing. “baby, wake up. i made breakfast.”

kazuha blinked, her eyes still puffy from crying. she turned to face sana, who looked as radiant as ever, her hair cascading over her shoulders like sunlight spilling over the horizon. “morning,” kazuha mumbled, her voice thick with sleep and remnants of tears.

sana’s face lit up with a smile, the kind that always made kazuha’s heart race. “i hope you’re hungry! i made your favorite.” the older girl stood, pulling kazuha’s comforter off and revealing her disheveled state. “get up, sleepyhead!”

with a soft groan, kazuha sat up, her mind still foggy from the emotional breakdown of the night. as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, she caught a glimpse of sana bustling about the kitchen, a flurry of energy and love. it made her feel sick. she felt nauseous.

but as the smell of scrambled eggs and toast filled the air, kazuha felt the tears threaten to return. she quickly blinked them away, pushing down the overwhelming wave of emotion.

“c’mon, i made extra just for you,” sana called cheerfully, glancing back with a playful grin. “and i even added some of that cheese you like.”

kazuha forced a smile, standing to join her girlfriend at the table. as they sat down, sana poured her a glass of orange juice, her movements tender and caring. zuha picked at her food, every bite a reminder of the love that sana poured into these little acts of kindness. but the warmth in her heart was tinged with guilt, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being untruthful.

sana reached out, placing her hand over kazuha’s, concern etching her features. “hey, are you okay? you seem a bit off.”

kazuha felt her throat tighten, the weight of everything crashing back down. “i just had a bad dream,” she said quickly, the lie slipping from her lips. “that’s all.”

“really?” the older girl’s brow furrowed, her voice softening. “do you want to talk about it?”

kazuha shook her head, forcing a laugh that felt hollow. “no, it’s silly. just stupid stuff.” she wanted to believe that was enough, that she could bury her fears beneath the surface like she always had. but the truth hung heavily in the air between them, and kazuha couldn’t help but feel that her words were a betrayal.

sana squeezed her hand, her eyes filled with concern and affection. “if you ever want to share, i’m here for you. i promise.”

it knows me too well, i got no excuse

i can't lie to it the same way that i lie to you

at that moment, the dam inside kazuha broke once more, tears pooling in her eyes as she fought to keep them at bay. the love sana offered felt like a lifeline, but the younger girl was terrified of the truth, terrified of the thought that she might be the one to hurt the person who loved her so deeply.

“i’m sorry,” kazuha finally whispered, her voice trembling. “i just don’t want to lose you.” she put her head in her hands, the weight of her emotions bearing down on her. she felt horrible, both physically and mentally.

sana’s heart ached at the sight, and she quickly wrapped her arms around kazuha, pulling her close. “you won’t lose me,” she promised softly, rubbing soothing circles on kazuha’s back. “i’m here, okay? we’ll figure it out together.”

kazuha nodded but didn’t lift her head. she felt so lost, so tangled in her own thoughts, and it scared her to think that her confusion could hurt someone like sana.

“let’s take a break from all this,” sana suggested gently, pulling back slightly to look into kazuha’s eyes. “we have the day off from practice, remember? how about we just cuddle up and watch your favorite show? i’ll make popcorn, and we can binge-watch as much as you want.”

kazuha hesitated for a moment, the idea of escaping into the familiar comfort of their show appealing but also intimidating. yet, the thought of being wrapped up in sana’s warmth, of forgetting the world for a little while, was enough to coax a small smile onto her lips. “that sounds nice,” she murmured, her voice still shaky but more hopeful.

“great!” sana beamed, her smile brightening the room. she stood up, reaching out a hand to help kazuha up from the chair. “come on, let’s get cozy.”

i'm so scared of my guitar

when i play it, that's when i think too hard

kazuha wiped away the last of her tears and took sana’s hand, feeling a sense of calm wash over her as they moved to the living room. once there, sana grabbed a couple of soft blankets and set them up on the couch, arranging them just right for maximum comfort.

as they settled in, kazuha curled up against sana, resting her head on the older girl’s shoulder. the familiar theme song began to play, and for a moment, kazuha allowed herself to get lost in the show, the laughter and drama distracting her from her inner turmoil.

sana glanced down, noticing how kazuha seemed to relax into her side. “see? isn’t this better?” she asked softly, tucking a strand of hair behind kazuha’s ear.

“yeah, it is,” kazuha admitted, feeling the warmth radiate from sana. she felt safe here, cocooned in the blankets and the quiet comfort of their shared space.

as the episodes rolled on, kazuha found herself laughing at the antics of the characters, but underneath it all, her mind was still racing. the doubts and fears lingered like a shadow, whispering to her that she was living a lie. but with sana’s heartbeat steady beside her and her girlfriend’s laughter filling the room, kazuha found solace, if only for a little while.

i let the thought in, it's already done

but i'll lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

they had binge watched around 1 full season of her favorite show before sana fell asleep against the younger girl. kazuha glanced down at her, a soft smile tugging at her lips. the older girl looked peaceful, her chest rising and falling gently as she snuggled closer, instinctively seeking warmth.

kazuha felt a wave of affection wash over her as she brushed a finger along sana’s cheek, her heart swelling with a mixture of gratitude and sadness. how had it come to this? here was the world’s best girlfriend, offering her everything, and yet zuha was still trapped in her own confusion.

as she watched sana sleep, kazuha’s mind began to wander back to her thoughts from the previous night. she knew deep down that there was nothing more insulting than holding onto someone out of fear—fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of losing the only person who ever made her feel truly safe.

but what kind of love was that? it felt selfish to keep sana tethered to her when she wasn’t sure if her feelings were genuine or just a desperate grasp at familiarity. kazuha felt her heart twist at the thought. 

sana deserved better.

naturally, this left the younger girl with one decision; she had to be better, to do better.

she knew there was a chance that it wouldn’t work, and that it would all fall to pieces, but she had to at least try.

tears pricked at her eyes again, and she felt the familiar sting of helplessness. just then, she felt a slight movement beside her as sana shifted in her sleep, mumbling something incoherent. kazuha wiped her tears away quickly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

instead, she leaned back against the couch, trying to focus on the warmth of sana’s body against hers. as kazuha closed her eyes, exhaustion began to take over, and for the first time that day, she felt the weight of her worries lift, if only just a little.

kazuha drifted off to sleep with sana beside her, holding onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to navigate the tangled mess of her feelings. she would try and fall in love with her girlfriend again, somehow, someway. 

and for now, that was enough.

yeah, i'll lay in your arms and pretend it's enough

TAGLIST ⸺ ✭ @silantryoo @rosiehrs @niniwhiskers @cwpiqwon @jisooftme @1luvkarina @scarfac3 @santasbitch @lisas-earlobe @wallfl9wer @aerihiltonn @unforgivenangel @uzumakioden @skydreamed @haerinfangs @la-douleur-ne-finit-jamais @haerinkisser @giginings @lilsvx @milanlaia @pandafuriosa60 @wifey-badalee @slowlyturninggay291 @dreamingst99 @7daysronnie @thefckghost @drawing-into-the-night @xszn

[holybibly]

Okay but like, to be between Yunho and Mingi 🥵😭😫 like they're both such bigger than me and I wanna be between them and just be their cure lil doll

Okay, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I'm being a bit rude today.

I was thinking about how you came to be the new beautiful trophy wife of Mingi and Yunho's father. After they got divorced, they both stayed with their mother and became, let's say, very bad. They embodied the whole "stay away from him, honey, he's a problem" look with tattoos, piercings, cigarettes, and leather jackets. And their mother would send them off to their father to be re-educated.

Of course, it was useless, considering they didn't give a damn about all the moral lessons and rules, they were more interested in getting fucked or smoking a joint. The one thing they had absolutely no expectation of was you, their new "mommy.".

You were pretty, juicy, and looked like an amazing fuck doll, with soft round hips, thick ass and plump tits. Oh yes, and you were literally tiny.

If it wasn't for their father, they would have fucked you in the middle of the corridor. You got them a bit too excited, and that's how your game started.

At first, they behaved quite well—not ideally, but still. It started with cute nicknames like "Baby,"  "Doll," and "Sweetie" and gradually became more and more daring. Yunho could squeeze you between his body and the kitchen counter while you were cooking.

"Oh, mommy, I can't wait to try this. It looks so delicious." He would whisper in your ear while his big hand would squeeze your bottom in a possessive way.

Mingi could have quite 'innocently' buried his face between your breasts while you were all watching a film, he was too tired, and your tits looked amazingly soft.

"I'm sure the traces of my sperm will make them look really nice, won't they, mommy?"

It all literally drove you mad. You were not much older than they were; you were only twenty-six years old, and this incredible sexual tension was getting stronger and stronger with every passing second. To get rid of this tingling feeling of excitement that Yunho and Mingi gave you, you even tried to have sex with your husband. But it was useless, especially when one night you noticed the tall silhouette of Mingi in the mirror, smoking a cigarette and masturbating lazily while watching you ride his father.

That was the point of no return.

As soon as their father left on a business trip, they would lay you down on the bed that very night and fuck you like there was no tomorrow. They did everything together, like mirror images of each other.

Your pussy was licked by two pierced tongues, and you were stretched out on two big and thick cocks until you were literally sandwiched between two big and hot bodies, full to the brim and completely out of your mind.

They would whisper such dirty and depraved things in your ears that your toes would curl up at the dark promise that would pierce through their deep, sexy voices.

"This is how we should fuck our mommy, huh? Until she goes all stupid and starts to drool."

"Let's get some pictures, baby. I want to show you to my friends."

"Oh, baby, can't you take all of our dicks in your tiny mouth? If you can't suck a dick, why did our dad marry you in the first place?"

"You don't have a problem with us fucking your ass too, do you? I know you won't; you're such whores."

"Yeah, doll, like that, squirt on my face; let me fucking taste that pussy."

"Hm, you know, we'd like to invite some friends over; wouldn't you mind, mommy? You wouldn't mind playing with them as well, would you?

Your relationship with them became completely different; they would throw your body around like a toy, biting you, sucking you, scratching your skin, and leaving bruises and hickeys.

Even when their father returned from his stupid business trip, neither Mingi nor Yunho would stop.