#i'm not on hiatus always but also i'm in no rush because i know i'll write rubbish if i force myself

[rescuefield-arch1]

just a tiny bit of psa that if you ever wonder whether i want to interact with your or not, the answer is obviously yes. i only follow / follow back blogs i can see myself writing with and claire click with the other character.

now about the elephant in the room, yes i'm aware it seems like i post a lot - even some of my ooc posts are programmed at times and if i'm not doing anything i will reply to replies right away. i'm currently working a 9am to 6pm so yeah you can imagine. i usually write replies to thread when i come home at night which can either be productive af or go terribly and it ends up with me queueing stuff during the weekend.

you probably noticed i'm somewhat terrible at holding conversations as well but thats absolutely something that happens because of my head and irl stuff, in no way it indicates that i don't like you or stuff like that. in regards of writing please consider sending me a prompt, you can chose from my askbox tag - all i ask is to please have some patience as it goes without saying that real life always comes first, muse can be tricky in the sense that finding words is not always easy and lastly, this my chillax ( is that what the kids call it? idk ) space so one thing for sure you'll never see me stress to be on time.

[greenxgloss]

Can we get a bts fanboy headcanon?

BTS as Fanboys

themes: Idol!Reader, Gn!Reader, Fluff, angst

Gonna be completely honest im not sure if you wanted bts as fanboys or how bts interacts with their fanboys so I'm gonna do them as fanboys bc I feel like that's the more interesting of the two (I'm so so sorry if that's wrong in which case you can totally request it again and be more clear I would totally re-write it if I'm wrong)

Kim Seokjin

Jin definitely roasts other fans and claims to be a day 1 supporter.

"I literally knew them when they just posted covers online.

Jin buys all your merch, official and unofficial.

Jin spends hours watching fan-made edits of you.

Jin plays the Sims4 just to create you as a sim and then spoil your sim but forces it to write new music when you're on break/hiatus.

"Close enough. Welcome back, Y/N. When's the next album?"

Jin makes his own video compilations of your funny moments and then laughs at them for hours.

Proud of his obsession and talks about you when he doesn't know what else to talk about with new people.

Attends fan meets

Jin makes memes of the fandom's inside jokes

Min Yoongi

Yoongi buys all your albums (cd form, vinyl form etc.) just to have and collect

He writes fanfiction of you (series, one shots etc) mostly fluff but there is the occasional smutty fic, hyper erotic and juicy asf but still respectful.

He's secretly hugely infatuated but still keeps it subtle/ to himself

"Yeah their music is always in my playlists." with his usual kitten smile.

"Collaborating on something with them would be a huge accomplishment." Hed calmly reply to comments about you on weverse live.

Yoongi paints portraits of you/ makes tons of fan art but its not obvious that its fanart because he makes it look like regular everyday art.

Yoongi not only watches your interviews, he reads them, enjoying the articles far more than video interviews.

"they seem much more comfortable and open in the written interviews" hed say to himself

He's so delulu he learned all your rumoured favourite foods and how to cook them "just in case"

zones out thinking about the meanings behind your songs

Youre his celebrity crush

Yoongi doesn't attend fan meets or concerts because he a more lowkye/ private fan

just interact with the fandom

Jung heosok

Hobi writing remixes of your songs constantly

Hobi being the only one of the boys to actually be friends with you in real life

"can I get on a remix of your recent single?"

Gossiping with him about other idols

"did you hear about the scandal that group was in? they haven't even debuted yet." while tapping your hand before leaning back.

him still being a mega fan despite being friends with you

Having a yoongi and halsey dynamic

begging you to stream on weverse all the time just because he knows other fans want it just as bad.

"come on!! please just an hour. ill get you those cookies you really love.

reposting all your Instagram posts with sweet captions.

"bestie is looking so good!!!" with a ton of emojis

recreating your tiktok dances

also starts dance trends to your music and encourages people to jump on the trend

"I'll repost your video if you do this dance." big heart shaped smile.

Kim Namjoon

namjoon studies your lyrics, finds the double meanings and the word play

"reviews" and reacts to your music in YouTube videos

watches the countdown to your music being released on whatever platform (youtube, weverse etc.)

"supposedly the camera rig malfunctioned on set, that's why the camera is so shaky but they didn't re-shoot because it added to the windy scene" he'd say all jumpy and giddy like a kid on a sugar rush

has your autograph framed from the one and only time he met you

namjoon was very flustered and shy when he met you

"oh uh yeah I love your music and the double meanings in your last song."

gushes about the cinematography in your music videos

Namjoon writes questions he'd ask you if he got to interview you

Watches movies and tags you as characters that remind him of you

Park Jimin

Loves to let your music play while he's doing something and then harmonizes with your vocals

buys Vip tickets to all your events

posts your lyrics on social media

"this part omg!!!"

One time you smiled at him in the crowd and he freaked out and bragged about it for months

"they totally smiled at me last night"

"do you think they remember me from the fan meet last month?"

he's constantly talking with other fans

jimin makes bracelets with letter beads that spell your name or album names

jimin copies your makeup just because he thinks you're the picture of beauty purely in a view of admiration

he views you like greek statues.

"wow- their cheekbones-" he'd say in awh, face right up to the screen while he held a mirror and makeup brush in hands.

Kim Taehyung

requests your songs at parties and other events

begs the guys to do a cover of your songs on stage

name drops you in interviews and is always talking about you in his own interviews

has a huge crush on you and will say so proudly

"they're so pretty. Y/n if you see this, call me." with a sly smirk on his face, completely disregarding the uproar it would cause with army

Taehyung gets super shy when you say his name

Being shy despite being so confident when he talks about you in interviews

"uh- oh- the new song- yeah." while giggling

apologizing profusely when you tease him about the interviews when he comes to fan meets

Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook would write a song about you that's how down bad he is

Posts on social media in hopes you see it

Kook argues with taehyung about thinking he'd treat you better given the chance

argues with jin about being a bigger fan

picks out his outfits to coordinate with yours

kook hopes to run into you at award shows

stalks your fanpages

reads yoongis fanfiction about you

probably is the more devoted fan among the other members

sings your songs all the time, in the car, shower, while cooking, etc.

the only one of the boys that talks to you confidently

"Your style is amazing, I take inspiration all the time." while standing up straight and s soft confident smile on his lips, eye contact unwavering.

but he would never admit that he's written and released songs about you

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

sorry this took so long i was trying to get all the requests in order! i hope these were up to par hcs are usually very rushed. if you'd like something more detailed or even full drabbles id totally be down to do that. if you wanna be tagged in future works to be notified when I've posted a fic please fill out the taglist form linked below along with the masterposts

➽ Yoongi Masterlist ➽ Main Masterlist ➽ Taglist Form

[keqingprophet]

hello all! i know i have not been as active as usual lately, and that is due to a number of reasons that i'd prefer to not get into.. do expect my hiatus to last a little longer, though please do not feel bad about sending requests in, infact i would prefer to have as many as possible before i decide to start tackling editing again! now that that is aside, i thought i would make a small guide for bundlrs with what i've learnt over the past few months.. though anybody is free to correct me, as i am very much a beginner! with that said, let's get into how to make a bundlrs!

WHAT IS BUNDLRS? bundlrs is like if you combined rentry and neocities. they had a child together, and it's bundlrs. based in markdown and html, most codes from things like spacehey, neocities and rentry metadata will work natively within bundlrs, so transferring is a breeze! backups are made at midnight US time every single day and then stored for a week! also created at 00:00 on the first of every week (kept for a month), every month (kept for a year), and every year (kept for 5 years) (taken directly from the bundlrs info!) now, i'm not very good at coding. im sure alot of people aren't, that's why rentry is so popular. you get to have your own little website while basically not having to know anything! bundlrs is preferable, atleast to me, because of the customization it allows while also being user-friendly! and while i am a coder, i'm by no means a good one, which is where we get to our next part..

BUNDLRS TEMPLATES!! yes, just like rentry templates people will make templates for this silly little thing too! referencing other peoples code, finding youtube tutorials and even looking at and modifying templates by others so long as you give credit to the original coder in my opinion is alright! lavendergalactic on here has some great bundlrs templates, i'm constantly singing their praises to my friends!

URLS.. WHAT ARE THEY?

urls are what you put to make a site! make an account at bundlrs.cc dashboard first, believe me, its easier, and then go back to bundlrs.cc! youll be met with a very rentry-like grey box for content, a place for your custom url and your password/ edit code! if you want help with markdown, click the info section at the bottom and it'll take you to a premade guide by the bundlrs staff! cool, right? now, words youll hear alot are claiming and trading. to claim a url means to have one of those funky urls in your pastes/ under an edit code you know! and trading, well that just means trading urls between users! personally, i love it, but if you don't, thats okay! you can always try find a compromise for the url you want with underscores or dashes or numbers!!

i really could go on and on about this site,, its so amazing! but i also know my friends are waiting for me on a game.. so, i think i have to wrap it up here, folks! im sorry if you didn't learn too much, like i said, i'm a beginner myself and very much in a rush today.. yet, i still hope you enjoyed my little ramble meant for my friends and myself!~ much love to everybody, and i'll see you all soon!~

[bluegalaxygirl]

Hello. Could you do a zosan hc where the reader has fear of abandonment and therefore avoids all and any forms of intimacy? Thanks in advance

This may not be exactly what you wanted but i hope you like it and i deiced to make it a story instead of a headcannon. I also just want to let everyone know that all the series that i'm doing will be on hiatus until i can get round to doing them, theres a lot going on this week alone (Two funerals and a hospital appointment) so i haven't been able to do too much. I'll still do requests though. Thank you all for the love and support <3

Zoro X Sanji X Reader, non-established relationship, reader is GN, Poly relationship

Warning: Abusive past, angst and Bad language.

Everyone leaves eventually, its only a matter of time. It doesn't matter if they promise forever or say how much they love you, it won't last, they'll either get board or tired of you. That's how its always been, it started with your mother, after she had you she decided to do something else, so she left, One by one your siblings left too never looking back, they said they where sorry but that doesn't make up for them leaving you alone. Some went on to collage and others just left because of Dad's anger problems, you understood why he was upset, you were upset too. Even though your farther was an angry man and sometimes took that anger out on you, you clung to him since he was the only person left in your life but everyone leaves and soon he did too. You worked hard and made friend's but the small town you lived in didn't create enough opportunists, so they left too, they said they would write but soon the letters faded away. You didn't mean to Join the straw hats, it just happened, Luffy saw the way you kicked out a bunch of men from the shop you were working at and asked you to join his crew. You said no, the fear of being abandoned again stopped you form doing a lot of things, you stopped making friend's and focused on your job. The pirate captain was head strong though and most of his crew seemed happy to have you, something about them and their stories made you agree.

It took a lot of getting used too and it took you a while to open up and trust again, it even led to you falling in love with two of the crew, Zoro and Sanji were your close friends and even though they argued and fought each other you knew they liked each other's company. There where a few times when you wanted to confess only for something to get in the way or the fear of abandonment hitting you hard. When the two boys got together you were so happy for them but a part of you broke, knowing the two people who you loved more than anything would never be yours was hurting but you still couldn't help but be around them. You couldn't help but think back to your farther and how this feels so much like the old days. When Zoro and Sanji told you how they both felt about you it brought you so much joy and yet the only word that left your mouth was "No", the fear of abandonment taking over again, you loved them with all of your heart but you were so scared of them leaving you, having friend's leave you was hard but having those you love more than anything would tear you apart. They respected what you said and you three stayed friend's but as the fear got worse you started to withdraw slowly, hoping to distance yourself from the crew.

You couldn't help yourself, sitting in the closet on the floor all you could do was cry, your heart and lungs hurt feeling like you couldn't breathe. Only one thought ran through your head, maybe you should leave before they abandon you. The door to the closet opens while you try to stifle your panting and little groans of pain as Nami steps in looking you over with wide concerned eyes "Oh Y/N, I heard you crying from down the hall.. What's wrong?" The navigator rushes over to kneel in front of your placing her hands on your red tear stained cheeks, you try your best to explain between gasps for breath and sniffs. How the people around you leave, how you love Zoro and Sanji so much that it hurts, you want to be with them but you can't help but think about them leaving you. "I'm just gonna go" You finally finished now looking up at Nami who's crying slightly with a shocked face "w-what? N-no you can't leave us" The navigator speaks pulling you into a hug which you stiffen at "I know its hard, things haven't been easy lately, but we'll never leave you, not willingly" Pulling away the navigator panics seeing your expressionless face "Everyone leaves in the end. Some by chose and some are forced" The words you speak break her heart so in a last ditch effort she makes you an offer "Give me a week, I'll prove to you that we won't leave you and if your still not convinced then... I'll give you 10,000 for a boat and stop Luffy from going after you" The offer was too good to pass up, you knew if you left Luffy would be mad, you didn't care too much about the money though.

After agreeing Nami set to work, she tried everything she could think of but after 5 days your mind still wasn't changed, so she went to Sanji and Zoro and told them everything. The two were thrilled that you felt the same but heart broken over your reasons for not confessing and wanting to leave, Nami kept all of this hidden very well so Luffy didn't catch wind of it, but she couldn't do it alone anymore. The two agreed to help and the perfect opportunity came that afternoon when they stopped off on and island full of trees and waterfalls, there wasn't a village, and they knew you would get off the ship to do some foraging. Stepping off the ship with your basket in hand you scanned the beach before looking into the tree line spotting a natural path that would be good to follow "Y/N, wait up" Sanji yells with a smile running off the ship and dragging Zoro along "We'll come with you" The cook stops next to you holding into Zoro's belt "It's ok, i'm fine on my own" You sigh starting to walk only for the two to follow "it's been ages since we've all spent time together.. Come on" Zoro pats your back hearing you groan but give in walking down the path into the forest with the two behind you. They tried to make conversation with you but you'd only give them one word answers or a hum in response while picking berries and herbs that you knew were ok. "What's been eating at you lately?" The swordsman snaps earning a glare from Sanji not wanting to say anything outright in case you shut down completely, they only had two more days to convince you to stay.

Stopping in your tracks you look over at the river next to you bending down to pick some herbs and put them in the basket "tired" You lie standing back up and grabbing your basket "Bull" Zoro growls, his tone of voice made you stop and turn to look at the two "Nami told you i'm leaving, didn't she?" You ask realizing what's going on, it didn't exactly surprise you that she would get the two involved to stop you from leaving but it somehow warmed your heart knowing she cared. Sanji sighs and nods his head letting go of Zoro to walk closer to you "She told us more than that" The cook place a hand on your cheek, it was warm and soft and you so desperately wanted to lean into it but you couldn't instead you took his hand off your cheek and placed it back at his side "What i said was part of mental breakdown." You try to lie your way out of this not wanting them to say they love you or beg you to stay but a part of you did want that "So your not gonna leave?" Zoro asks stepping closer crossing his arms over his chest. "That parts still true" you state turning and walking down the path heading to the waterfall to see what's there. "We know your lying" Zoro yells after you as Sanji grabs the swordsman's hand following you down the path but you don't answer just trying to ignore them for as long as you can. Stopping by the edge of the river near the waterfall you bend down to pick up more berries and place them in your basket.

Soon catching up with you the two try their best to convince you to say "I heard it all before" You state trying to focus on what to pick form bushes and flowers before standing back up "We love you Y/n, and we know you love us back, please just give us a chance even if-" Sanji begs only for you to cut him off by turning to face him, your face now very close to the cooks, your eyes lock with his as you speak "That has nothing to do with this" Your heart aches at hearing those words, its something you didn't hear too often growing up and hearing it come form someone you truly love makes you feel right but again that fear is back and you have to make it stop. "So you do love us" Zoro states with a smile placing his hand on your cheek finally getting a break through, your eyes widen in realization as Sanji smiles taking your hand in his "Please, don't leave us. I-I will do what ever it takes to convince you to stay. I-i promise i won't leave you" You had hope as Sanji spoke until he said those last words making you push the two away and stepping back "Promises don't mean anything... everyone leaves, I won't be abandoned again" You keep stepping back until you feel comfortable with the distance between you and them, Zoro sighs pinching the bride of his nose "So, what? You gonna spend the rest of your life alone? You think thats better than actually being with people who care?" The swordsman steps closer making you step back a little only stopping when you reach the edge of the river.

Sanji walks closer grabbing Zoro's arm trying to calm the green haired down "I know you care... i not say you don't but it doesn't matter" You're trying to get them to understand maybe then things will be easier, looking at the two you sigh with a heavy feeling in your chest "It doesn't matter if you love someone with all of your heart, it doesn't matter if you do everything you can to please them or make them like you. They'll just leave when they feel like it, they'll leave and never look back, even if they promised you a thousand times" You tear up but try and stop them from falling, your kind and giving, you have so much love to give so why does everyone leave? Your thoughts are interrupted by strong arms around you, the two boys pulling you into a hug your head in between there's as they hold you. "We won't promise then" Zoro rubs your back to try and comfort you "We're never going to leave you and i know the crew will feel the same" Sanji looks over at Zoro with his head on your shoulder both giving each other a nod, pulling away Zoro cups your face forcing you to look up at him as Sanji holds your hands in his holding them close to his chest "We're telling you... We won't ever leave you." The swordsman's eye shows he telling the truth and it feels like a weight has been listed off your shoulders, for once you actually believe someone when they tell you that.

Sanji brings your hands to his lips giving your knuckles a kiss "Please love... we want you around even if we just stay friends" The cook breaks the long silence, you had no idea what to say or do but the word friend's made your chest hurt, you really do love them but you know it will take time for your mind and body to fully except it "I- i, I'll stay" You manage to get out soon seeing the big bright smile on Sanji's face before he pulls you in for a tight hug, you can feel him relax in your arms as your wrap them around him. Zoro lets out a sigh of relief before placing his forehead against yours while wrapping his arms around you and Sanji to keep you three close. The three of you stayed there for a while enjoying the feeling and silence other than flowing water around you, until the swordsman places a kiss on your forehead, you don't know why but you craved more. Physical affection isn't always something you let happen, over the years you've become used to hugs but kisses were very different. Looking up at the green haired man your eyes begged for more, it felt nice and you wanted more even though before you couldn't stand stuff like that, Zoro seemed to get the message though placing another kiss on your forehead but letting it last a lot longer. You closed your eyes and leaned into it your chest starting to hurt less as your body relaxes. Sanji pulls back a little while rubbing your back seeing your relaxed figure lean into the swordsman, it made the cook smile leaning over and placing a kiss on your cheek.

You stiffened a little at his touch but soon relaxed when the cook did it again and again. Zoro removes his lips and hands from you watching you lean into Sanji a little more "Feel better?" Zoro asks getting you to open your eyes and look at him, the cook pulls away moving some hair out of your face with a small smile as you nod "I'm still scared you'll leave me but... i believe you" You wipe your cheeks and eyes taking a deep breath to calm yourself down "Come on lets head back, I'll make some tea" Sanji takes the basket off you and puts an arm around your shoulders as the three of you walk back down the path. You reach out and grab Zoro's sleeve pulling him along, the swordsman lets out a small laugh before taking your hand and holding it "We don't know much about what's going through your head so i was thinking you could tell us" Zoro squeezes your hand a little as you look up at him "It'll help us understand" Sanji speaks up rubbing your shoulder but you only shrug not sure what telling them will accomplish but maybe getting it off your chest will help.

Back on the ship you sat with Zoro, Sanji and Nami in the aquarium bar, the relief on Nami's face when you told her you would stay shocked you. The navigator hugged you tighter than ever before and you froze not knowing what to do, it also didn't help when she refused to let go of you when you sat down, she clung to your arm sitting next to you. With some encouragement you told the three what your life was like and what's going through your head, most of it was just you rambling but the three listened to you and Nami started to loosen her grip to help you feel less uncomfortable. "I understand why you feel that way now" Nami looks down at her drink, she knows what its like to be alone but it was her chose to do that, she had to, to protect her family and love ones but you. You were just straight up abandoned "Your right, promises don't mean shit, especially when you have shit family" Zoro growls hating how the people around you at such a young age had no care for you, Sanji sighs and rubs the swordsman's arm while leaning close to him "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but we won't leave you none of us will." You smile at the cooks words feeling more confident that they mean it. "I'm guessing the whole confessing thing is what made things worse, right?" Zoro asks calming down a little now feeling more concerned than angry, you nod and look down at your hands "It's not your fault, i'm just not used to all this. I can deal with the hugs and stuff but... getting too close means that when they do leave it hurts more" You sigh feeling Nami rub your arm before standing.

The navigator looks you over before placing a hand on your shoulder "I'm happy to help in any way i can but i think this is a conversation for the three of you" Nami looks over at the two boys then back to you giving you a small smile before leaving. You knew she was right, maybe you should have been open about it form the start but you had no idea how they would react. Sanji and Zoro move to sit next to you the swordsman placing his arm over the back of the booth behind you while Sanji leaned into the green haired man "You don't have to do anything you don't want too but if you'll let us, I'd like to show you what love actually is" The blonde gives you a light smile, his eyes kind as he reaches a hand over and holds it out to you hoping you'll take it. Looking down at his hand you don't know what to do, the fear is still there but the kindness and love they are showing you is starting to force that fear away "You won't be mad if i don't want something?" You ask looking at the two who nod "Of course not, we'll take it slow and in the end if you don't want us three to be together then, we'll still be friends" Zoro's small smile makes you smile back reaching over and placing your hand in Sanji's.

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

Hey everyone! Feel Less will be going on a short hiatus... but we're not going anywhere!

Allow me to explain~

So, I gave a similar explanation last time, but because I'll be introducing some new characters, I need some time to finish all the art. I thought I could do it last week, but the extra week I took only allowed me enough time to finish Anna's sprites and cutscene graphics from the latest update, which I hope you enjoyed~ but I have to be honest with myself, and admit that in order to finish everything I want I need to take way longer than just 1 extra week.

You see, things in Feel Less are about to get fuuuuuuuuuucked up real interesting! [REDACTED] isn't the only character that's getting introduced you know~ The Some Things Are Better Left Unknown story route includes at least 3 other characters that could potentially join the party! And they're not gonna draw themselves lmao. Besides the new characters, there's also some very important story beats that are coming, which will also require original art. I could of course do everything with the sprites and backgrounds, but that'd be sacrificing some of the quality of the comic, and I don't want the story to suffer just to get it out on a self-imposed deadline, you know? This is not to mention the backgrounds needed for the new locations so... yikes! This is definitely gonna take longer than a week! Especially because I have a job besides posting comics online (sadly, I wish I could just do this full time aslkdmakldmml 😭)

Another important thing to note is that we'll be disabling player interaction for a bit, at least until all the important story points have been covered, which I think should be the next 3 updates.

Now, what do I mean by "we're not going anywhere"? Well, because this blog won't be going radio silent until everything's done, like I used to do in the past! I'll be streaming most of my art process on my twitch channel! I usually play games on there, but I'm going on an Art Stream Marathon until all the art for Feel Less has been completed! (I really, really want to prioritize this. Neon White can wait.) For those of you who don't know, I stream every Thursday and Saturday from 2:30 pm EST, to around 5:30pm. I'll be posting links to the streams on this blog every day I do them, so come say hi! 💖 There will be slight spoilers for character designs, but not plot points, so dw~

I want to close by saying that, to be completely honest, I never enjoy putting my works on hiatus. Keeping momentum going on a webcomic is difficult, but I have to make sure Feel Less is 100% something I can be proud of and not a rushed product. There's some cool stuff coming, and I want it to have the impact it deserves.

As always, thank you all so much for your support! The fact that you guys take the time to read my webcomic makes me so happy~~ 🥰 Also, important to mention that while the story's on hiatus the inbox will be wide open! So feel free to send questions and stuff, I'll still be here~ See you all soon!!!

-Yui Wrong 💖

[taegimood]

Hey💗 I'm one of your readers who only re-blogs quietly because I'm too introverted (+not good at English lol) to talk with anyone, even anonymously. However, I was quite sad after reading your last post and honestly, I feel the same way about tumblr. Although I've never written on this app, the people I follow have an awfully high expectation of them. Once someone goes on a short break, the community rushes to another account, who provides them with more content. If they go on a smaller break, the same thing happens again. There were several writers I followed who went on a short break, then came back, posted wonderful works of thousands of words, but didn't get the same support as before. And this makes me sad. Personally, I follow someone or read someone's work because of their writing style and I could wait months (or even years) to read something new from them. Of course, not everyone is like this, not everyone likes to wait. It's just strange to me that so many people don't leave time for writers, whether they're away because of burnout or personal matter.

I actually visited your blog a lot and thought of you, I was just too shy to ask about you :(( I think you've made the right decision now (although I'll miss your writing very much) but mental health comes first, and if writing ever brings you joy again, just know that there will always be at least one person here waiting for your new work💌

oh nonnie :(((

it may sound silly but i got really emotional reading this.. thank you for taking the time to write it.

so many people on here don’t seem to understand the toll that running a large blog takes on writers when we’re often treated like machines and you’re exactly right; expectations are high and people are so quick to rush off to someone else and just find whoever outputs content the fastest.

i totally agree with you that personally, if it’s a blog/writer that i love, then i will gladly wait for more of their content even if it means waiting for them to return from a hiatus or a dry patch. it’s sad to me as well that so many people instead have the machine mindset when they look at writers and are okay with just moving on to whoever’s more convenient.

i’m sad that i didn’t know about you until now, but thank you for being so supportive of me, and for being willing to wait for me to find my motivation again, when or if it happens.. hearing that there’s at least one person rooting for me means more to me than you know. ❤️‍🩹

if you ever feel like interacting again, you’re more than welcome to become an emoji anon or something if you want (all of my old ones disappeared after my last hiatus 🙂‍↕️) but i always hope that my inbox can be a comfortable and welcoming place for my readers no matter the topic, even if you’re feeling shy <3

(also your english is amazing and you 100% sound like a native speaker, i literally wouldn’t have known otherwise if you hadn’t said anything lol so trust me there’s no need to be insecure abt that !!!)

but anyway.. it’s readers like you who remind me why i love to write and give me the motivation to keep trying.

so thank you. i’ll be keeping words like yours in mind. 🫂

[tippenfunkaport]

WIPs Status Update

I am fairly confident no one cares what I am up to, but I haven't done one of these in ages so I figured I should.

In Progress Fanfic

Outlaws of the Whispering Woods

This fic is on temporary hiatus because I'm working on finishing it as part of the @wipbigbang. Participation in that event means I can't update that fic again until the posting period starts on September 8th BUT that once that posting period begins, I should have both art for the new chapter as well as regular updates through November until the fic is done which should be exciting. 

That said, there is still like 60k ish to go in that story so if it looks like I'm not going to be able to get it all done in time, I might swap it out for the Chipped Glimmer fic which has also been languishing in WIP hell because it's shorter and easier for me to get done on time. I'd prefer to use the event as a kick in the pants to finish OotWW, though, so we'll see.

Prince Glowyn the Fourth

This fic is 100% complete at last, I just have one chapter left to post and will be doing that sometime within the next week.

Going There

Just about four years after I started it, Going There is finally done as well! (Literally just finished it today!) "Done" in this case means I finally rewrote the back end and filled in the missing connecty bits I never wrote the first time so everything's written, it's just going to take me an unknown quantity of time to edit and post each of the chapters. But less time than rewriting it all took so I expect those last few updates to come fairly regularly once I get them started.

Coming Home

I have always said that I wanted to wait to continue this fic until Going There was done so now that I have finally finished it, the sequel can get my attention more regularly again. That said, with everything going on with the WIP Bang, posting the rest of Going There, running the Big Bang and posting my own Bang fic (plus, like, all the other IRL stuff i have to do this summer), I really don't anticipate getting it updated anytime before the fall at the earliest and even then who knows.

Also, because this is my last in-progress canon fic I'm not in a huge rush to get it out there, I'd rather take my time with it, so I'm fine with that timeline. It'll get updated when it gets updated.

Area First Ones

In my head, this is episodic and while i have five chapters written, I have some things I want to add in between so it's not as simple as just cleaning and posting those. So basically, this one will be one of those fics I update when I update here and there with no set timeline other than my whims.

Coming Soon!

My Big Bang fic is called Horse Girl Everyone and it's the long awaited Riding School AU! 

That one is going to be longgggg and basically never-ending and episodic (seriously, we're over 50k words and while Catradora have been circling each other for chapters Glimmer and Bow literally only just met and you KNOW how I feel about Glimbow). I was hoping to write enough in advance that I could do some kind of regular update schedule at the start but because I'm also running the Bang and having some annoying medical stuff going on, I think that's not happening.

I've written a ton in advance, don't get me wrong, I just don't see myself having time to revise it all and post weekly with everything else going on. But we'll see!

Anything else?

Well, yeah, lots of stuff but it's not fandom related so I can't tell you about it. ;-) Though maaaaybe I might have the chance for some of you to help me beta some of my original stuff in the near future if you're willing so keep an eye out for that.

I'm trying to have less things in progress at once so, though I have other fanfic projects in various states of completion, I'm purposely not going to even think about posting any other multi-chaps until GT and OotWW are done. 

One shots and shorts? Yeah, I'll be throwing those up randomly as the mood strikes, you know how I roll. I'm eyeing up the Domaystic 2024 prompts to see which ones call to me right now.

So I have other stuff planned for later but I'm not even going to tease it because we'll see how everything shakes out.

This year has actually been absolutely horrible health wise but weirdly productive writing wise so it's been a mixed bag but at least nice to get some stuff done!

[trenchcoatsbi]

hi uhm announcement phil here! In my rush to get shit done I kinda forgot to announce that Tommy is going on a permanent(?)* hiatus the blog. Goodbye Big Man! o7!

In other news, I didn't get the chance to run this past Mod Boo, since she isn't active on discord at the moment, but I may go delete old request from the inbox and do a little restart for everything for this "new year" of the blog...

At the moment, all I know is that I desperately need to redo the anon list, because my notes for it are such an headache... I may just cut it down to frequent anons rather than every anon that ever sent a message, but I think I'll keep trying to write every anon down somehow... I dunno it will probably take a lot of tinkering for me to find something for this that is doable.

But uhm well I don't know how things will go just yet. Boo is still a Mod here and thusly I would like to consult her on anything I may do, but I do think changes are coming to the blog... I recall us floating around the ideas of doing like ask games and stuff a while back and I think maybe I'll play around with bringing that back!

Honestly if you have suggestions for things you may want from here I'd be glad to hear them out. Might as well do that while I have change on the mind yknow?

Hope you guys are doing well. Also sorry if I only appear sporadically, I'm between a lot of things right now. -Phil

*- Note: I say "permanent(?)" because I will not be removing his access from the blog. I'm gonna leave that door open for him to do whatever he wants with it. He's a founder yknow so uh yeah. I'm always gonna welcome him back to be a mod if he ever wants to be one again in the future.

[chaoticrobotics]

Please don't rush your comics take it slow and steady I know many people are eager to see more from your comics but please don't forget your human you need to take breaks from time to time art burnout isn't a joke I myself was once a artist and i quit that because it didn't bring me much joy anymore because of excessive burnout so please from one artist to another Take a breather maybe plan what your gonna do for the story going forward maybe take some inspiration from the game or something though whatever the outcome I will honor it.

Oh don't worry about the story itself. I have it all planned out and am absolutely not changing it (other than possible dialogue changes, I have the major plot points all set though). So that's not the issue.

It was the actual art itself. You are right, art burnout isn't a joke, and honestly I'm pretty sure I've never been closer to quitting art than when I was making Security Alert. The only difference with me is, art is one of the very few things that bring me any sense of joy. It's literally either a select few video games, or making art/stories, and at the time of making Security Alert I was in a video game burnout too and struggling through college.

All of that built up to make me miserable to draw and probably super depressed looking back at it (though I wouldn't hit a true low until my last semester, if I was still trying to do the comic then I don't think I would have made it).

Anyway, thank you for your words. I do appreciate them! I am going to take my time with this comic. Maybe even try out a different format or something. Smaller parts or less detail in the art. I just want to get the story out, and since I am not a writer, I have to draw it. But I'll definitely be taking my time when drawing it.

I'll be honest, I don't know how many people might have realized it, but I am a serial procrastinator that needs deadlines to get shit done, and I get stuff done all in one go or not at all. So all those big parts I posted? Those were all done in basically one sitting. Some of them were done in 3 days with me getting a total of like 3-4 hours of sleep on the weekend, not even counting the editing I did for videos. So you can probably see why I started to resent the comic and start to burn out from it.

I'm literally just rambling now, but I wanted people to know a little bit about what I went through since I know not everyone will be as understanding as you or other people who have sent in kind words to me in the past. I've learned my lesson then, and since I am not in college anymore, I won't feel rushed to get things out before the weekend is done or be rushing myself to make people happy.

It honestly all really sucks because I was always so happy to post the comic/tiktok and pass out finally, then to wake up to a flood of nice messages. But it would all too soon go away because only a day (sometimes not even) after posting people would be demanding the next part. It just sucks since I did have fun a lot, but also had that fun drained away just as quickly.

I don't even know what I am trying to say anymore. Thank you for the nice words. I will keep to my word about not rushing myself or pushing myself too much. I do feel like I am, at some point, going to try doing what I did before and pull all nighters and fuck up my sleep schedule drastically, but I'm hoping I will recognize the signs this time and take a step back once I possibly start doing that.

So don't be upset (saying this to the general audience/whoever reading this, not specifically you) if at some point in the future, if the comic does continue, that there might be another hiatus. Will definitely try not to go on a basically year long hiatus like I did last time, but depending on how my mental state is, it might be a pretty long one.

[thatstonedwriter]

Welcome back!!! We missed you so much!

For the ask game, how about 12, 44, and 98? Sorry if that's too many, just extremely curious.

XXX ♜ Anon

Hello dear ♜ Anon! I've missed y'all too, and I apologize for the sudden hiatus. I may post a status to explain but for now I'm just balancing requests with homework.

Not too many questions at all! I'm happy to answer!

12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

It's not something I've thought about much. I do feel a sense of longing, whether it's for adventure or freedom or escape from the mundane, but I think that's more of a general experience. Something always feels missing, but that's more because of the losses I've already experienced, not because of ones I imagine, if that makes sense.

44. How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?

I lie more than I'd like to admit. It's mostly in response to people asking if I'm alright or what's on my mind. Usually I'll say "nothing" but in reality I'm thinking a lot and don't want to get into it. Also white lies- specifically if my mom asked if I've done something- I'll say yes and then rush to do it bc I usually just forget. Other than that, I'm honest to a fault and disclose more than I need to on a regular basis. My partner also knows I'm a bad liar so when they ask if I'm okay and I say "yeah," they generally know something is up.

98. Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?

All the time. It's something I worry about frequently. There's always that lingering doubt of "why are you doing this. Are you sure you're good?" so fun 🙃

Thanks for playing! Inbox is open for questions, ask games, and general chatting 💚

[lo1k-diamonds]

Tumblr 2024 Wrapped

Am I still on time? Is it too late? Shit.

Thank you, @yoonia, for tagging me. I feel like this is an important exercise because we tend to always want to do more and more and lose track of what we have accomplished. Perspective is always valuable, so let's go!

I'll start with my 2024 resolutions...

To create a Tumblr blog and figure it out ✔

To finish Far Cry 🥲

To participate in writing events ✔

To learn how to write drabbles 🥲

I think I got the hang of Tumblr 👀, and I'm happy I could participate in writing events. The idea was to be more flexible, developing interesting stories with AUs or tropes I hadn't tried before. It allowed me to write my first demon long fic, mafia, ABO, and vampire AUs, so I'm really proud of them!

But... I couldn't finish Far Cry 🥲, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to write drabbles 🥲 It sucks because, as a reader, I always read drabbles first to check if I like the writer's style before delving into longer fics, so the fact that I can't...😭🤧💀

About Far Cry... although it stings, I know it's for the betterment of the story, so I'm at ease with the current hiatus while I write. It's going to be my main focus going into 2025 and hopefully it will be worth the wait!

Overall Fic Stats for 2024

Number of fics posted: 12 Number of words posted: 464 k (201 k are Far Cry...) Number of fics in progress: 8 (outlines don't count, right?)

First Fic of 2024

Sugar Rush Ride (E) 🔥 posted February 4th with 2,943 notes

I get why it is a favorite, it has absolutely everything. I think I nailed the bratty dirty talk 👀

Most Popular Fic of 2024

Sugar Rush Ride (E) 🔥 posted on February 4th with 2,943 notes

Same! (Funny that Closer is tied with SRR on AO3 but not even close here 👀 different audiences, I suppose)

So, to keep it interesting, the second most popular was:

A woman's best friend (E) 🔥 posted on July 21st with 818 notes

Aww, my attempt at a drabble 🥹 (that is 7k long 🤧) It's based on FRI(END)S and it's such a mood, honestly. I have the outline for Part 2, it's coming, I swear!

Longest Fic of 2024

Okay, so not counting Far Cry or Unique Part 2 because I never posted them fully on here, the longest is...

Stellar Behavior (E)🔥 with 44.3 k words across 8 parts

Last Fic of 2024

Down Bad (E) 🔥🩸 - Vampire!Jimin x human(f)reader » [Part 1][Part 2] posted on December 25th! 🎁

Personal Favorite Fic of Mine of 2024

My favorite is Stellar Behavior - I'm proud of how it turned out, both with the character arcs, the plot, and the smut.

But Too Sweet is a close second - I delved into darker themes, mistakes, heartbreak, and a writing style that is more... vivid and descriptive. I also love the ending ;)

Fav Reads of 2024

It hurts to pick 🥲

On Wings of Mist & Memories by @colormepurplex2 (and Shatter With Me)

Protecting the Bloodline by @kth1

Of Ruin by @daechwitatamic

the bedroom hymns by @yoonia (and Of Bears And Bonds)

The Consequences of Fucking Up by @borathae (and Alpha, and the Tales of the Sisters)

Special Events in 2024

My Advent Calendar!! 😁🥹 I managed to get reviews and recs out 🥹

Goals for 2025

Alright 💪 2025 should be the year of wrapping things up:

I want to finish Far Cry

I want to write and post A woman's best friend part 2, Bubbles part 3 and Unique Part 3

I want to finish the SX Seoul series (Hobi will be the last entry)

I want to finish Jungkook's soulmate fic for my series and post it (To Blossom)

Let's have a wonderful year and see! (I won't tag anyone cause I think everyone has done this already 🤭)

[heartbrokenjer]

There are too many days to count where I've contemplated sui. I'm keeping my head forward at all cost and going for the life and love I want with her and myself. I know I'm not perfect and I never will be but to all my greatest efforts ill pursue my goals, dreams, and aspirations with a iron fist. I've lost so many people this month. I've lost so much sleep, lost so many opportunities, my heart is broken... and I'm accountable because I can only hold myself to the character I walk into a room carrying. I'm not angry at the guys who laced my weed, I'm not angry at my Uncle for dropping a bomb on me I have to move in the next days, I'm not angry with my Rylee for doing what she feels is best for her right now, I'm not angry at the fellas who stole my phone, I'm not angry at the treatment I've been receiving lately from my peers and neighbors (although I don't understand the vendetta), I'm not angry my business emails have been hacked and taken from me, I'm not angry that the love I've given to the world isn't reciprocated... I'm just hurt. Devastated to be real. Yet again the years of hard work I've put in have been ripped from me. I was on a hiatus... an extensive one at that and I'm not proud of it but I kicked ass 4 years in a row and my mind body and soul needed the reboot. The Woman I love will always and 5EVA be a rose in my garden and soon I'll be able to show her that just as I'll equally show up for myself. I've broken the most beautiful thing in my life and in turn I'm broken as well. To my friends and family I've fallen out with all i can say is where did we go wrong?? I ask genuinely where was it? So I may correct myself and counsel myself. Along side it all ill be going to therapy so I can be a better me for myself and those around me. Most will see this as a haux or I'm just talking from the side of my neck but I promise you world I am being genuine and I won't argue that with anyone. Idk what will be on the other end of the tunnel but I'm hopeful that everything will fall into alignment. With all my heart I've tried to remain in my heart space even when being played against those I love by those that hate. I've forgiven much and I'll continue to do so because it's just in my nature and I won't let anyone change my heart in that manner. I love who I love even if there's nothing being poured in my glass, ill find away to squeeze some into my cup as well... Somehow I will. I'm accountable for my actions and reactions and I'm also hurt that everyone and everything has simultaneously been taken at once. But whats done in the dark comes to light and my heart and character will shine through whatever is being put on my shoulders. With or without help. To those that have went to hell and back for I'm deeply sorry and I just ask for a smidge of patience while I work through these thresholds. And to my love Rylee I'm working on myself non stop and I will not stop because I want to be your Man and your Rock and I want to show up for you and our kids everyday for the rest of my life. Again I'm accountable and it starts with me... Everyone I promise ill make my adjustments as speedy as possible but I won't rush my process... I recently came out of my hole I dug myself in due to my mental health and I truly from the bottom of my heart will return that love to you all, ESPECIALLY MY RY❤ Thank you for your love and patience and I look forward to show myself and you all why my name is regard so highly. I'm off to therapy Friday so I ask everyone send me positive energy to have the strength to return as authentically as possible. I'm a work in progress and again, my deepest apologies.

-Jerimiah W💔

[apathyandmischief]

I haven't seen this done and it might be too niche, but I don't care and I want to do it so I am.

Burlesque Ask Game!

What's your stage name? What does it mean?

Lizzie Blaze. My middle name is Elizabeth and my partner's stage name ends with Blaze as well (based on his native name, Blazing Path) so I stole it lmao.

When did you make your debut?

October of 2019! I can't believe I'm headed up on five years doing this :')

Why do you do it?

For the rush, honestly. I grew up loving burlesque and old school pin up and always wanted to try it. It's such a heady, powerful feeling to command a stage. Also for all the shy girls who come up to me after my shows!! They're the best and like my reason to live!!!

Do you ever get stage fright?

I do! Nearly five years in and I still wonder what the fuck I'm doing every time I get on stage.

What's your pre-show ritual?

Panic, run through everything in my head, overthink, and if my sweet angel of a con bestie is there, get fed drinks 😭

First routine?

This is so fucking basic and everyone does this, but Jessica Rabbit 🥲

Last routine?

The last one I did was Miss Frizzle to Hot For Teacher. I loved it, the audience loved it, but my partner did not and kinda got upset with me over it (I went too far, in his opinion. He's a cishet man, so we've grappled with jealousy and internalized toxic masculinity. We both prefer I perform to a queer audience bc he's okay with me interacting with women and I prefer that anyway, but it's not always possible. We've worked it out though). Had a mini crisis and took a brief hiatus after that, but I'm back in it now.

Favorite routine?

That's such a toss up! I think either my Vegas showgirl inspired Vulpix routine to a custom mix of Bumps & Grinds by Sonny Lester and Fast Girls by Atom Smith, or my gay ass Daphne Blake routine to Crimson and Clover by Joan Jett (featuring Velma's sweater).

Dream routine?

God what I wouldn't give you have a femme partner to do gay routines with. I would LOVE to do a Loki and Mobius to Casual Affair by P!atD (I already have it choreographed) or a deeply dramatic and skillful Freddy and Nancy routine to the VCTRYS cover of Come To My Window. I also want to do a badass showgirl Oogie Boogie with a burlap blacklight costume that has a big ass bustle, break away corset with bugs, snake eye dice pasties, and a fuck all huge witch hat that has a roulette table underneath.

Favorite costume?

Definitely my Vulpix. I've already said it so much but it's just so showgirl! It's a gold corset, puff sleeve wrap top, open front bustle skirt, boa "tail", gold gloves, black stockings, red garter, and red strappy lingerie. After the aforementioned crisis though, I threw half of it away and I hate myself for it

Favorite prop?

I don't typically use props, but we have this magic act cane that like pops out (I'm so bad at explaining things jfc) that's super fun

Favorite reveal?

When I did a Grinch routine a while back, I had a pair of panties that said "I kissed Santa" 😈

Plain pasties or tassels?

I am not skilled with tassels 🥲

Upbeat or slow burn?

Usually I go for upbeat! But I do love a good slow burn sometimes

What's your style?

Definitely neo-burlesque, because I primarily do cosplay burlesque. But I love adding classic influence with big band jazz and sparkly outfits and classic inspired moves

Do you still/did you ever kitten?

I actually skipped that step in my burlesque journey? But I host and produce now, so I'll happily jump up and kitten for my cast whenever needed

Inspirations?

I really love Lavendelle, Ginger Valentine, and the Les Vixens troupe!

Best performer you know personally?

Her name is Peachy Sweets and she's the biggest sweetheart and worthy of so much love, she's just the best 🥲💖

Do you have a stage mom? Are you a stage mom?

I don't have one, but I've dragged so many people into my world and now I love playing stage mom behind the scenes!

Plug your next show! (If you're comfy sharing location based details)

I don't have specifics for the next one yet, but I run the burlesque shows at my local comic con and can always be found there!

[manlyquail]

Returning Soon!

I had a mini hiatus for the past little while due to a lot of IRL stuff. Sickness, chaos at grad school (when you learn a $15,000 piece of equipment has been wasting a few years worth of work!), and a few other things have just kept me super occupied.

As far as what's in the barrel:

I'll be rounding out my Rosebird prompts, I already know how the last two stories will go (one is basically finished), the last mission one being smothered in head canon because I have a lot of crackpot theories about Summer.

Past this I will be working on getting ready for Ladybug week. Admittedly it's not a ship I've ever been super interested in, but I think it'll be interesting to explore that dynamic (as opposed to my usual off the rails crack!)

After that I'll be (finally... I know I know...) getting back to Atlesian Ball. I really want to focus on finishing this amongst some of my more long forms just because it's been around for so long. I'll likely sprinkle in a little bit of the Pond story or the Destiny story as well, but if you're a fan of those two you might have to be a little more patient as far as those.

Outside of this there are a few other stories I really want to do as one-shots that I'll probably float back to at some point or another.

I really want to do a sequel story for Thief and the Scholar, especially with some degree of fastforward and seeing Emerald's 'redemption' arc (Which is now undone maybe...?). I felt it was a little rushed in the show, but overall I just want to write a little more Emerald.

I want to do another 'canon compliant' type Bee story though this feels a little tougher to do given they are now actually canon. It's always fun to play with it in the background and build that side story but once it becomes official it feels like there's a little less wiggle room to play within something that could be 'canon'.

Lastly I'm also thinking into getting back into a bit of crackshipping. I actually developed a randomizer a bit of time ago that would pair up two random cast members (excluding some of the super obscure ones or ones a little outside of a trustable age range), with the idea being what possible circumstances could I get these two characters to work in canon. Part of this randomness is the reason I became a huge prismatic ponytails fan in the first place (I really wanted to ship Weiss and randomly asked for a recommendation, and then BAM, one of my first long form popular fics!). I love the challenge of trying to see how even the most random of ships could occur (Someone challenged me to Yatsuhashi and Cinder once and I immediately had a few theories), and one shots are just a lot of fun without too much pressure and commitment, so maybe I'll dive back into that chaos as well.

[saffronapplemanga]

GANGSTA. - ギャングスタ - PART 2

CRIME, ACTION, DRAMA

(8 volumes, hiatus) Mangaka Kohske-sensei is sick and works on updates when she can. There are chapters beyond volume 8 in JP that haven't been collected into a volume yet here.

Available in English here

Anime - Yes. I'll admit it's crunchy, poorly paced, and disappointing because the studio went under literally a few days after it finished airing and it shows, but it’s still fun? They did cut stuff from the manga and there's so much they didn't adapt, so I'd recommend reading it. I'm begging for a remake and a season 2 or something...

Links to my other manga posts here

~Part one of this post is here~

This is a continuation of my part one post, so go check that out if you haven't and come back here!

Let’s continue talking non-stop about my precious found family trio ❤️

***Trigger warnings for everything you can think of for this series.***

Part one was broken up into: Why You Should Check GANGSTA. Out - What's It About? - Lots And Lots of Character Analysis (And Gushing) - Where It All Began - Nicolas and Nina - "Nice vs. Kind" - Worick and Alex

This part two post will continue the character analysis and is broken up into: Nicolas and Alex - Nicolas and Worick - Nicolas - The Trio and The Scene That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out - Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

***SPOILERS UNTIL CHAPTER 56 FROM HERE ON OUT***

(Note: the manga pages/panels I included for reference are arranged from right to left reading order btw)

Nicolas and Alex

I touched on Nic and Alex's relationship a bit earlier, but let's dig deeper. We established that Nic is having trouble opening up to Alex, and she's having trouble figuring him out. Gradually though, they start to click.

I've already said that one of the ways Nic shows affection is by teasing. Early on in chapter six when the boys are rushing out the door mid-meal, Nic stops halfway out the door, turns around, and signs something to Alex. And if I'm not mistaken, it's the first time he's initiated talking to her. Alex looks up the sign in the book and realizes he said the food was, "So-so." Even though earlier in the same chapter he felt unapproachable and ate alone down in his space, he's making an effort to communicate and thank her for the food... in his own awkward Nicolas-way lol.

At Constance's shop after Alex's withdrawal meltdown with Worick, we can see Nic keeping an eye on Alex from afar. She starts recalling some memories and is on the edge of having a panic attack. At this moment, Nic comes inside the shop to ask Constance for more paint:

Be still, my beating heart.

I think he asked for the paint as an excuse to casually come closer to Alex. Whether he actually needed more paint or not, he chose this moment to get up from where he was and come inside. After he calms Alex and helps her open the pill bottle, he leaves once she stops trembling, likely to give her some air and not have her feel like he's hovering over her — so that she doesn't feel like she's burdening or worrying them. Since Nic and I have similar love languages/displays of affection, I tend to do the same. I don't like to make a big fuss over something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed and like they have the spotlight on them. At the same time, I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to.

Next, we have these pages where Alex was helping with a job looking for a lost cat to "earn her keep" when she sees a Twilight child being beaten and about to be SA-ed by Normals. She steps in and whacks one of them to allow the child to escape, but she's up against three big guys and gets caught. Luckily, Nic comes in the nick of time hehe:

I can't believe they cut this out of the anime... Nic is a cat whisperer but Alex is not a Nic whisperer... yet, LOL. She'll get there. And him constantly pickpocketing the people he knocks out is so funny. But also it’s sad because it’s a habit he picked up as a kid to survive.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I love the casual kindness in this series. Nic saves Alex and the child, and gives her the cat and the money he pickpocketed from the men. Then he gave some to the child and walked away. The way he did all this sort of reminded me of this saying that’s found in the Abrahamic religions that goes, "Give without letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Except Nic is a leftie lol. This saying is about not seeking a reward for doing something good. To not “announce” your good deeds for attention. Nic does what he does, doesn't make a big deal of it, and just goes about his business (it's "nice vs. kind" again!). Alex stands against injustice even when it put her in great danger. In this case, she put herself in danger for a Twilight she didn't even know, and I'm sure Nic appreciates that.

Even though Alex is struggling to get on Nic's wavelength, it doesn't stop her from trying. She takes the initiative to learn sign language when she's alone. Before heading home from the clinic together, Alex stops Nic to convey her feelings about her situation, but in sign. It's her first attempt at signing a full conversation. Nic waits for her to finish without interrupting her, but then says, "Idiot. Your signing sucks. I can't understand it. Try again. And quit being so rough with that book. It's the only copy we have." To me, it sounds like Nic knew that Alex was studying sign, and he appreciates her effort and is teasing like he always does. They're starting to meet each other halfway more and more.

When Alex regains her memories and passes out from a panic attack, we get this scene:

This is an example of what I meant by, "I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to." He's just there, quietly watching over her when she's in a vulnerable state. He chose to read his book in Worick's room next to her instead of the living room or his room. It's such a simple gesture — a reassuring presence at a time when she's working through her trauma, waiting by her side with a comforting drink in hand.

A scene I adored was this:

Kohske-sensei, once again killing it with conveying things through wordless pages.

After comforting a grieving Nina, Nic takes her to Bastard to watch Alex sing. He leans against the speakers so he can feel the vibrations of her performance in an effort to connect to Alex since he can't hear her singing. If this isn't the cutest thing... idk what is...

Also, this:

A little bit after leaving Bastard, Nic's 'roided out on Theo's drug and is about to do some reckless shit. He's leaping over the rooftops to his destination and we get this page of him drifting in the air... humming the tune of Alex's song... AHHHH!!!

Nicolas and Worick

I talked about the Handymen and their relationships with other characters, but what about with each other? As early as the first page of chapter two, we already get hints that Nic and Worick have a... complicated relationship.

From their banter and how they bounce off each other, we can tell these two are beyond close. But the more we progress, the more we see how close. Worick usually presents a silly, charming, and laid-back attitude, so it's jarring when we see him seriously snap at the girl badmouthing Nic at the brothel. It's kind of scary to see him like that. Time and time again, we see how protective he is of Nic. When one of his clients suggests that Nic should "join them" Worick declines and is angry on the inside. He thinks to himself that Nic isn't a sex worker. While Nic couldn't join Worick in working at the brothel, Pussy, because no Twilights are allowed, I get the feeling Worick wouldn’t have let him anyway. He's traumatized by his sex work and seems to keep Nic out of it. Hell, he owns Nic and he could have made him sell himself, but my impression is that he's against it. Maybe I'm reaching, idk.

With their backstory, we learn a lot about them, how they met, why they are the way they are, and more. I love that Worick took Nic in and gave him the education he never had. They bond as children and become friends, but we can see SO MANY times, Nic bows to Worick. I've lost count of how many times he does it. I think this is because his whole life, Nic has been taught to obey his "master" which was usually his father, and now, Worick. Now, these two hurt little boys are brought together, and they need one another to survive.

Worick asks, "Why don't you run away?" and, "How can you act so calm?" There are various reasons Nic hasn't run away and acts calm, so allow me:

Worick doesn't know yet at this point, but Nic's father, Gaston Brown, has his supply of Cerebret. Nic can't source it himself and would die without it if he ran away.

He's a child. Where would he even go? He has nowhere to go.

He's acting "calm" because, to him, this is his "normal". It's not unusual for victims of abuse to not register things they experienced as abuse. If that's the only perspective they've known and have been conditioned to, it becomes their "normal". Or some believe they "deserve" that treatment. Worick's "normal" also consists of constant abuse, but he at least has a contrasting point of reference in his brother who gets treated much better than he does. Nic doesn't have that.

No matter how terrible, Gaston Brown is his father at the end of the day. It can be ridiculously hard to cut parents out, even when you hate them. This applies to Worick as well, but I'm going to expand on this point more in a bit.

I'm sure Worick was asking these questions out of frustration, perhaps asking himself those questions rather than actually directing them at Nic who he knows isn't listening.

The two are suffering abuse at the hands of their fathers, but the abuse isn't just physical. Although, that's the most obvious form that they are both experiencing at the same time:

It's common for victims of physical abuse to say, "I fell," or say they had an accident when asked about their injuries. Worick is the first to bring up the topic in chapter 13 (right page) as he's been observing Nic and his behaviors more and more. Nic pauses before coming up with a lie, saying that he, "...fell down". I wouldn't be surprised if he was told to either hide that his father was abusing him or maybe he thinks it was his fault and takes the blame for his injuries. Worick understands what he actually means though. It's glaringly obvious that Nic's arm has been stomped on by someone wearing military boots. Then in chapter 15 (left page) after Nic comes back from a battle, he asks what happened to Worick. And Worick mirrors Nic's response of, "I fell." I think Nic knows about Worick being beaten by this point, and his asking was more like, I'm the one that just came back from war. What the heck happened to you? Are you okay? Or something along those lines.

After this, the boys really start to get along, even more than before. They enjoy each other's company and feel comfortable with one another. They understand each other in a way no one else around them does. But then, Worick learns that Nic is a Twilight, and he's been taught that Twilights are monsters. At first, he's in denial when he finds out but ultimately challenges his teachings. He's spent time and shared intimate moments with this so-called "monster" and quickly works towards saving Nic from his father. So, he buys Nic's contract and a supply of Cerebret.

This scene... stomped on my heart. After being injured in a battle he, A 12 YEAR OLD CHILD, was forced to fight in, Nic wakes up, leaving the bed and assuming his spot on the floor — like he's been "trained" to do (more on this in the next section... ugh.) He rips out his IV and runs out in the rain calling after his father, clinging to the bars of the fence... only to be thrown away for money and called a monster. His expression on the last page killed me. That's the face of a child who still hoped for their parent to show them love, even after everything they had done to them. Yes, Worick has saved him from his father's tyranny, but part of him still hoped...

The next day, Worick has been beaten once again. Nic has been "freed" but not actually. As Worick says, "Great, nothing's changed at all." (This is a theme that comes up constantly.) Nic is still a child soldier who's a slave and Worick is still his father's punching bag. Nic's response? He signs, "Should I kill him?" referring to Worick's father, as it is now time to free Worick from his abusive situation. It's also the only thing he knows how to do. Nic snaps the next time Worick's father beats him, killing the whole family. Worick is in a panic, "Father, it wasn't me! Please believe me, Father..." and he seems angry at Nic. When he tells him, "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" he's taking out his frustration on Nic while also begging him to not die and leave him behind. Nic is Worick's only friend after all. The expression on Nic's face when he gets yelled at is interesting. At first his eyes are open wide, then he relaxes his face accepting what Worick says. It reminds me of his face when his father left. It's worth pointing out that Nic's previous master was a white/blonde man with an eyepatch who was bigger than him and was rough with him. And now his new master is too.

I think... Worick is ultimately glad his father is gone, but he's conflicted. The thing with some relationships, especially family/parent-child relationships, is that it's never that simple. No matter how terrible, a child will always crave the love of their parent. Somewhere inside, they hope that a crumb of affection will come their way. Often times in abusive relationships, it isn't always all bad. The abusive parent can still have moments where they are good to the child victim and show care and gentleness. The child is powerless to run away, powerless to fight back, and naturally seeks the love of the parent, so they don't have much choice other than to endure and hope for "good times" to make their appearance.

While I was writing this, I was skimming through the manga again to refresh my memory and I saw this page at the end of vol.3 that I either missed or completely forgot about that supports what I'm saying:

Apparently, Worick's picture is only in the Japanese volumes.

Gaston Brown is... hugging Nic. I think... this is the only time we see Nic smile as a child. And he did put the last name "Brown" on Nic's tag. Did he see him as his son, even a little? I want to mention that the flashback is all from Worick's POV, and we never directly see Gaston physically abuse Nic. Worick's POV could be skewing our perception of Nic's story and he might be projecting his experience with abuse onto Nic, assuming it was Gaston when it could've been the other men. I could argue points in Gatson's defense, believe it or not. Like how he actually told the guys to lay off of Nic, or maybe he sold him to Worick because they could take care of him better than he could, and so on and so forth. Still a piece of shit and not father-of-the-year or anything, and this could totally not be the case. It's something to think about but I'll leave it there for now.

The same is true for Worick. He's had nice moments with his father as well. But now, there is no chance Worick can ever hope to have a relationship with his father. While no longer being terrorized, the boys lost all hope for parental affection as well as any kind of familial support system. It's normal to feel great loss and regret. It reminds me of Ash's relationship with his father from Banana Fish, and that One Piece character who had a dedicated arc semi-recently (I don't wanna spoil anyone, but if you know, you know). Like Ash and in One Piece, Nic and Worick were failed by their parents and pushed to desperate measures to survive. But ultimately, all these characters can't bring themselves to completely hate their parents and feel nothing for them. It's harder than it seems to throw your family away even when you hate them. Whenever people are like, "Just cut your parents off! They're not the boss of you!" it's like... shut up, it's complicated.

Surely now, things will be on the up and up now that they're out of those terrible situations, right?

Wrong.

Worick is selling himself to support them, and Nic is frankly a burden. His medication is expensive, he can't work regular jobs, and all he knows how to do is fight and kill. Worick is excited to take Nic somewhere where they can get something decent to eat, and to eat together at a place that allows Twilights. But he rounds the corner and sees that his friend is beaten and bruised. And Nic says it himself, "All of it is pointless." (Again, this is a constant theme.) They're constantly stuck in a crappy situation. They're NOT free even after running away. They're still two scared little kids with no support system, fending for themselves just like before. And Twilights will always be oppressed. They'll always be slaves. The whole Three Laws is a facade to "free" the Twilights when in reality that's not the case. It's probably why Chad says he doesn't like the Three Laws and not to talk about them around him. Even if Worick didn't own him, Nic and the other Twilights would be slaves to the system.

In the current timeline, the boys are doing pretty well for themselves. Their business/home, their neutral status, and freelancer flexibility are PEAK luxuries. If you look at their current lifestyle and think, "Man, they live in a shitty place and their jobs kinda suck," then I say to you, that you haven't tasted poverty and desperation. I always get pissy when I see those, "I tried living on poverty wages for a month!" things because... fuck you. One of the worst parts about poverty is that there's no end in sight. You can slave away day in and day out and not get anywhere. There's no promise of "moving up" if you just work hard enough. But if you KNOW it's over in a month or even a year or more? You can pace yourself and stick it out. That's nothing. That's EASY. At least there's an end in sight. But even if you get out, you always live in fear of slipping and going back. Anyone who thinks poverty is caused by people being lazy or whatever is just exposing how ignorant they are. Poverty is a failure of society — all of us as a society are failing the poor and oppressed. Poverty is a form of violence, and not a failure of the individual. I don't want to harp on about this for too long, but just know, I'm proud of the boys and I love their crappy little home and wish them luck on their morally dubious jobs.

But, these two are codependent on each other while also having some awkward power dynamics. Nic needs Worick to be his contract holder to afford him as much "freedom" as he has, and to keep others from using him. Early on, he relied on Worick to provide for them. Worick needs Nic to keep him safe, and I'd argue that Worick would've been taken out for his "storage" ability being a liability ages ago if it wasn't for Nic's presence being a threat. Beyond bodily survival, they need one another in terms of emotional well-being and keeping each other in check. They're aware of their "master/Twilight" positions and for the most part, do well to thrive together despite it. It does come up though and continues to be a point of contention in their relationship.

Back to the Arcangelo family massacre, maybe part of Worick was angry at himself for not being able to do anything and Nic having to dirty his hands. Plus the way Nic killed everyone was... gruesome. It proved to Worick what Nic was capable of and that he really is a Twilight, a monster, and all of this shocked him. The boys were friends, but after the massacre, part of Worick likely hated Nic and he was cruel to him in some ways (as we see more of in the Blu-ray manga where Worick even calls Nic his dog. He was playing along with Monroe, but still...) There's definitely resentment. You could say Nic ruined his life as much as he saved him.

However, two years later (I'm assuming after the attack on Monroe), we get a scene of Worick crying to Chad as Nic is hospitalized, and I believe he starts to realize once again that Nic is just a kid and not an invincible monster. He realizes that throwing Nic into that situation with his planned attack on Monroe almost got his only friend killed for real (which might be why Monroe later says that Nic attacked him for his master's sake, that bothers Worick because he now sees them as friends). At this point, their relationship takes another turn.

The reality is that he's still technically Nic's master, but they're friends too. So now they went from friends, to master/slave, and now to master/friends. It's an awkward line to walk, and Worick is trying his best to keep it more on the friendship side. Like, when he tells Nic not to make him give orders because he doesn't like flexing his role as master. No matter what, the legal ownership of Nic is always hovering over them. It's... complicated... good lord.

I do find it interesting to think about how Worick is probably the first person who treated Nic normally at first because he didn't know he was a Twilight. Nic probably never experienced that any other time.

One last thing — I love that they got matching tattoos because it was to cover the serial numbers on Nic's back and Worick got one too. I think it was Worick's idea because Nic doesn't seem like the type that would bother. Cute...

I know I mainly talked about their past together and there's so much subtle stuff from the present like their conversation at Connie's place and Worick hitting Nic with the hammer to test his sense of pain. But maybe another time or else we're gonna be here all day. I could literally analyze this series page by page, panel by panel.

Nicolas

Now, I'd like to further break down aspects of Nic's character I have yet to cover in this section dedicated to him because he's my baby girl.

Worick's family had it coming. If only Nic took out his own dad while he was at it.

I am not deaf, nor will I pretend to truly understand what it's like for those in the deaf/hard-of-hearing community. I can only give my perspective on the portrayal of Nicolas as someone trying to relate and understand from my limited knowledge, my own experience with disability, and through my experience with a deaf relative of mine. So please keep that in mind whenever I address that aspect of Nic. If I got something wrong, please let me know! I’m always open to learning more.

Nic expresses himself differently than Worick, from his mannerisms, how he shows kindness, etc. Why is he the way he is? I've seen some people say that he doesn't show a lot of emotion. While I do think he was emotionally stunted from childhood, he actually displays a lot of emotion. He's just more subtle about it, except for when he wants to fight I guess.

From the start, he gives off a feral kind of energy. Nic has an itch for battle, yes, but it also shows in his body language in his daily life and how he acts outside of battle.

I know I call him an animal here, but I say it affectionately, I swear. I want to throw hands with his dad who treated him like a literal animal (ง’̀-‘́)ง But we'll get to that... They cut this detail out of the anime too!

A panel that stood out to me early on is this:

Nic often curls up on furniture, like when he sat next to Nina on the couch. But here when he's alone, he's hunched over his food, not even properly sitting on the loveseat. He sits downstairs alone to eat instead of joining Worick and Alex. Worick mentions that, "I've known him since we were kids, but we've only been eating together for the past two or three years." Later at the end of one of the volumes, we get a layout of the Handymen's home and it turns out Nic doesn't have a bed. His "room" is the open space by the kitchen and his "bed" is either the loveseat or he just sleeps on the floor. It's like... he doesn't know how to sit "normally" or behave in a "typical" manner sometimes.

Listen, I sleep on the floor with a Japanese-style futon and I'm that kid that has to sit cross-legged on everything — couches, desk chairs, those insufferably uncomfortable science class/art studio stools, you name it. But Nic's body language was telling me that he's been hurt and abused before I even got any info on his backstory.

Sure enough, his backstory proved me right.

We talked about the physical abuse Nic and Worick went through, but there's more to it than just that. Worick is also being emotionally abused by being othered and hated for being the result of his father's infidelity. Nic is being abused on so many levels — he hasn't been given any kind of education (abuse!), his medication is being kept from him and he's only given enough to barely function (medical child abuse), his mother was killed by his father and he was taken to be a child soldier (yikes...), and he's being treated like a literal dog! OH MY GOD!!!

His feet don't even reach the floor... How could you be so cruel to this child...

Multiple times, we see that Nic goes out of his way to come down off of furniture and curl up on the floor as if he was a dog that got scolded, and to take up as little room as possible. Worick realizes that Gatson Brown probably "trained" Nic to do this, so he tells him he doesn't have to do that around him. He can just sit on the chair. Nic nods in response but he keeps getting down and sitting on the floor again and again. It's like it's been hardwired and beat into him — engrained into him, and he's having a hard time breaking the habit.

When Nic wakes up after passing out, he looks startled. Normally, I'd think that he's reacting to Worick finding out that he's a Twilight, but Nic can't hear them and likely can't read their lips from where he is. Maybe he could tell from their body language? But to me, this feels like he woke up and thought, Why am I in a bed? Oh no, I should get out of this bed before anyone sees me. I'll get in trouble. I'm doing a lot of assuming here, but that's my impression because the first thing he does is jump out of bed and curl up on the floor next to the IV stand. He flips through the book and lingers on the signs for "Family/Father". Then he gets up, rips the IV out, and runs outside to chase after his father. That's when we get the heart-wrenching scene where he's abandoned that we discussed in the previous section.

The abuse that takes form in Nic's lack of education and accommodations for his disability is something that got me REAL heated. Like, yeah, the child soldier thing is horrible but I don't think I need to expand on why... I touched on education in my Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol post, but in summary, education is a human right! Access to language is a human right! A deaf child not having access to language is child abuse! Whether it's spoken or sign language, they need to be able to convey their wants and needs and communicate with those around them. Humans are social beings! I've seen firsthand a mere glimpse of what a deaf child who hasn't been given proper access to language goes through, and I raised hell over it! I won't get into details out of respect for their privacy. I can only imagine how lonely and isolated Nic must have been his whole life. His deafness and language deprivation can also be symbolic of Twilights not having a voice in society.

And I want to be clear that I'm not saying deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals need hearing aids or cochlear implants or anything like that (Nic probably couldn't get some anyways, but that's not the point). Deafness isn't something that needs to be "fixed" because there's no such thing. Whether one wants to utilize medical devices, wants to learn spoken language/speech therapy, wants to learn sign language, and how they want to use them in whatever combination is a deeply personal choice. These are all tools and some people in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community chose not to use medical devices of any kind. Some, like Nic, prefer sign language over speaking. They should be presented with their options and be able to choose what suits their needs best.

Why is he always itching for a fight? My opinion? It’s all he knew for so long and he's depressed and needs to feel something. The whole thing about the Cerebret making him numb and lose feeling reminds me of the numbness you feel when depressed so that could be symbolism or something? Also... I think Nic might be kinda suicidal... Like in a trying-to-get-himself-killed and having self-destructive tendencies kinda way if that makes sense. He's accepted his fate of dying young, of always being seen as a monster.

Seeing Nic say something so profoundly sad, echoing himself as a child, while simultaneously having people around who love him do everything they can to help is just… heartbreaking. He feels hopeless. This goes back to what I said in the previous section about how Nic knows he and the Twilights will never be free no matter what.

Despite this, he's still SO KIND!!! A scene that turned on the waterworks for me is this:

He's having seizures and is in extreme pain. Theo is about to call the test off but Nic stops him. He knocks the downer out of Theo's hand since using it would ruin the test results. Then, he grits his teeth and smiles, points to Yang indicating to Theo, I'm fine. Go help him. Now that he's accepted his death that's coming sooner rather than later, he's offering his body to help Theo figure out how to help other Twilights...

Nic is a perfect representation of what Twilights face in this world. From being born to be a weapon, being oppressed and abused, having no voice, and even the manga not having much of his perspective. The past was Worick's POV and the present is a lof of Alex's POV. Nic's POV is pretty much just his memories of Veronica. We don't get to hear from him about what he thinks very often, and most of the time we have to infer a lot of things. He fascinates me and I want to learn more about him!!!

The Trio and The Scenes From Ch 43 and 56 That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out

Note: I read the post-vol. 8 chapters in Japanese. I'll be using my own translations for the post-vol. 8 chapters I'm referencing.

We get various moments throughout the series of the trio interacting. Most of the notable moments have been one on one — either Nic/Worick, Nic/Alex, or Alex/Worick. The scenes I want to talk about here are ones where things start to… converge (?) in a way. Like, things regarding the three of them coming together? I’m not quite sure how to put it. Hopefully, as I talk about the scenes, things will start to make sense.

Chapter 43 was relentless, from beginning to end. We check in with where the trio are mentally/emotionally. While separated from one another in this chapter, they’re all… really going through it at this point, to put it mildly.

First up is Worick, who has just made some WILD moves in the story. Like, holy shit, Worick!!! I trust you sweetie, but what’s going on in that big beautiful head of yours? I was anxious when he found out about Monroe's betrayal and he made a face I'm used to seeing on Nic, but not Worick himself — an unhinged grin that says, Oh, I'm about to fuck shit up. And I was nervously laughing like... haha, what're you gonna do Worick...? Oh no... I have a bad feeling about this. AND THEN HE ROLLED UP WITH MILES' HEAD IN A BAG! And wants to see Uranos Corsica! WORICK!!?! He's doing a convincing job of making everyone think that he's siding with Corsica, the notorious Twilight-hater.

While I have to say, Worick is scaring me a bit, I don't doubt him at all. He's constantly shown what a wonderful person he is. He's gone above and beyond to protect Nic and doesn't let people speak ill of his partner. And it's precisely in the midst of Worick taking frightening, extreme measures that we get this scene:

Sometimes, murder is moral, kids. But his face... the way he hesitated to hug her back...

It opens with a flashback of Worick in his teens having just stabbed a man who was cruel to Twilights and he's taking it upon himself to stand up for them. We've been shown that Worick hates the discrimination against Twilights despite having been taught to hate and fear them before he met Nicolas. And now, I'm genuinely worried for him because he could very much get himself killed. Nic's not with him. No one is. He's doing this alone. Big Mama is on his side, but she still works under Corsica.

Speaking of Nic, I don't think Worick filled him in on whatever the plan is. Nic was passed out after having a seizure when Worick decided to raise hell against Monroe. He's the next in the trio we check in with. But right before we do, we see Chad on the phone with Gina where he's forced to acknowledge that he's helpless to do anything for the suffering Twilights. He remembers what Nicolas said as a child — "All of it is pointless." I'm not crying.

Back at the clinic, Nic is still out of commission from the experimental drug's side effects. He's remembering the night he killed Worick's family and Worick yelling at him. Nina puts her hands on his shaking ones, trying to soothe him:

Just fuck me up... Don't make that face... Theo, I’m gonna need you to come in clutch and figure something out. Can we get this man a juicy research budget or something…?😩💦

Nic, once again, looks so hopeless. So defeated. He's accepted his fate. He still wants to help the other Twilights. *Punches the wall* DAMNIT STOP HURTING MY BOY LIKE THIS!

Theo says Nic's contract has been "voided" and Nic says, "My master is going to a place where he doesn't need a Twilight anymore" while looking distraught in my opinion. That line makes it sound like he may have some idea of what Worick is doing. Or a more depressing interpretation is that he thinks he's useless and has been tossed aside, but I refuse to entertain that idea. And then he says he still has an order to follow. I think this is in reference to what Worick told him that night Nic killed his family — "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" Like, You're not allowed to die on me. I also think the order might be to keep Alex safe and get her out of the city (which is why he’s looking at the blood under his nails where he accidentally scratched her). And I want to point out that even though his contract is voided, Nic from this point on keeps constantly calling Worick his master. Maybe it's a sense of loyalty, or because he doesn't want Worick to leave him behind. I honestly can't say for sure, but it hurts me... I'm holding my head in my hands right now... ugh...

Finally, we have Alex closing the chapter. She comes back to Handymen HQ with the intention of it being the last time — "Barry, you were right. I was crazy to think I'd found a place where I belonged. I've never had a home I could come back to. And I'm sure this time, I'll never come back here again." I'm NOT crying. But then, she finds a beheaded body the moment she walks through the door.

I gotta say, I laughed a little here because the first thing Alex does after realizing what she’s looking at is to lock the door and close the window shutters. Her first instinct is to try and make sure nobody finds out that one of the boys BEHEADED A MAN in their living room. I mean, yeah she was freaked out by the body, but more so than that, she didn’t want the boys to get in trouble for murder!!! Whether she thinks they did it or not is unclear, but even if they did, it doesn’t matter to her! She trusts them 100%!!! She did meet them murdering Barry and all, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Alex, you boobalicious babe, you’re such a real one!!!!! She might make a great getaway driver, tbh.

Anyways, back to the scenes ruining my life:

By this point in the chapter, I’m just sitting in front of a tissue box with a pile of used tissues in my lap… I’m reading through tears. I can’t see shit.😭😭😭

Right after she tries to cover the boys’ asses for homicide, her train of thought goes down memory lane. Her eyes wander around the room, recalling her life since Barry, and the men who saved her from the streets of Ergastulum, asking for nothing in return. We see a note from Worick and an envelope of money he left for Alex, bloody hand prints everywhere. Even in the midst of him BEHEADING A MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM, making some extremely risky moves, and heading into the lion’s den, he still thought of Alex — not wanting her to get wrapped up in their mess and the turmoil that's enveloping the city. I am bouncing off the walls, crying, screaming… I love them....... The care and love they all have for each other is... *sobbing*

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Before moving onto the scene from chapter 56 that I've literally made my desktop background, I wanted to dig a little further into whatever Worick is planning, so I'm going to jump to chapters 50-51.

I said that I don't think Worick filled Nic in on the plan, so I was wondering how Nic felt about what his partner was up to. We get a scene where he looks shocked when he's told, "Your contract holder, Storage (Worick), has committed taboo." And I'M over here like, Nic, are we freaking out? Are we chill? What’s the vibe buddy? I can’t tell if we’re in trouble or not...

But then:

He smiled. Okay, so Nic seems okay with this. Now I can breathe a little.

The flashback scenes of the boys when they were working for Monroe show that they had a good relationship with Miles. It looks like they genuinely cared for each other. Miles even says that if his son was still alive, it would be nice if he was like Worick. So while I still have faith that Worick knows what he's doing, and after being reassured by Nic's smile, I must say the flashback portion did add salt to the wound. At first, when Worick shows up with the head, I started to think if there was any possibility that he didn't actually kill Miles and that it was a trick or something. Later, however, at the end of chapter 43, we check in with Alex and see the beheaded body at the Handymen's home. Unless there's some kind of twist, I guess he really did kill him and that makes me sad after seeing these flashback pages. Now I'm wondering how Worick feels about everything. He's clearly under a lot of pressure. I'd like to see more from him in future chapters about all this.

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And now, the scenes that've been living rent-free in my head...

Captured by the Paulklee Guild, Nic and Alex have some tender af moments. In chapter 53, Alex wakes up and immediately starts asking about Nic's injuries and apologizes for not being able to do anything. He cuts her off by placing the back of his hand over her mouth and responds with this:

Nic: "You missed your chance to hightail it out of here again, slowpoke."

Alex: "...Yeah... I guess I did."

I LOVE THEM!!!🥺❤️

This is the most... what do you even call it? Tender? Loving? Casually comfortable? Whatever it is, they are totally clicking now!!! And it continues in this scene that had me kicking my feet and crying buckets in chapter 56:

Alex: "He's even got scars behind his ears..."

Nic: "...WhAT?"

Alex: "I always thought you were completely different from him."

Nic: "WhAT abOUt NOw?"

Alex: "You suck."

Nic: "Heh."

"No need for you to answer the phone anymore. So what do you wanna do now? You can go back to being a prostitute, or keep chasing after my master. If you wanna keep playing diva, that's fine too. If you wanna break out of here, I'll make it happen."

Alex: "Hm..."

Nic: "ChoOSe wHAteVer yOu WAnt, bECaUse yoU'Re diffERenT fRoM Us."

Alex: "...Yeah."

When she reaches for him, Nic's reflex is to grab Alex's hand when he feels something approaching from behind. Then he notices her hand is injured from when he hurt her during his seizure. There are panels of him before this looking at blood under his nails, probably from digging them into Alex's hand. He lets go and signs, "Sorry." I want to point out, there's NO text box for this sign. I don't know any Japanese sign language other than "thank you" because this manga taught me that one. That's a lie, I also know "kill" which is sure to come in handy. But it's incredible how I know that he signed "sorry" without knowing the sign for it. They didn't put a text box for that sign and they didn't need to! So good. Peak. This is peak fiction I say unironically. They joke and banter while in a grim situation, and it's tooth-rottingly sweet.

Nic, who’s usually on guard, is completely relaxed now. He lets Alex caress him. Worick, who usually has a calm and cool facade on, is tense after his nightmare, unable to keep his usual mask up. He too, lets Alex caress him, and we get mirrored pages of Nic in the current moment and Worick from chapter 16. They trust her and Alex is trusting them after suffering abuse at the hands of others, growing closer to them. All three of them allow themselves to have some vulnerability with one another after living such harsh lives, constantly clawing to survive.

Then, Nic tells Alex to do whatever her heart desires. Whatever she wants, he'll make it happen. She's "different" and doesn't have to be stuck in this crappy cycle like them. But she looks a bit upset when he says this. Like she's mad he thinks they're doomed to live a hopeless existence and to suggest she abandon them for her own sake. I'm hoping that now Alex is mostly recovered from her withdrawals, we'll get to see more of her kindness with the boys and helping them in their time of need like they did for her.

They're so soft.........

I personally don’t perceive any of the intimate scenes we get throughout the manga as romantic. I don’t think there’s going to be a love triangle or that Alex is going to get paired up with one of the Handymen. Especially with the mirrored pages of Nic and Worick from Alex’s point of view in chapter 56 shows she loves them the same. I can understand why people would see these scenes as romantic, because honestly, they’re more “romantic” and emotional than a lot of romances out there. While talking to my friend, I jokingly referred to this as “platonic romance/romanticized friendship” where you love your homies and family so much and feel you’re able to bare your soul to them. I’m aware that Kohske-sensei has drawn old art of Nic and Alex as a couple, but that isn’t canon so I’m not counting it. You can ship your characters and not make them a couple in canon lol. But if she does go that route, I trust her to do it well.

Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

Nina

I already talked about Nina in part one so I won’t say much more. But what’s up with her? Does she have some One Piece Haki powers or something??? Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Nina?

Theo

I’d like to think that Theo isn’t being as reckless with the experimental drug as it seems. We’ve seen that Theo is much kinder than he lets on. He obviously loves Nina (whenever he wraps his lab coat around her, it's so damn cute!!!) and he’s made it his mission to help the oppressed Twilights, even going as far as to make his own generic Cerebret which puts a target on his back. So yeah, Theo is great and I’m hoping he figures out a way to let Nic and the other Twilights live long, healthy lives. And there's a lot about Twilight biology that we don't know, and I hope Theo gets some answers. In particular, I'm curious about their psychology, especially after what happened with Delico and Monroe. And since a lot of the story leans towards a Worick-centric perspective, I want to know more about what Nic's thinking.

Marco and Constance

I want to say a lot but I’m still in mourning right now so I’m just gonna say — Marco, Connie, you guys were such badasses and deserved better… I know Marco was a war criminal but that wasn’t his fault and he’s a sweet guy now, so we’re going to overlook it!

Kohske-sensei, how could you… I actually thought they’d survive.

Loretta

You know the cliche line that goes like, “Someone’s gotta make the hard choices,” or whatever? Yeah, that’s basically what Gina is doing in the latest chapters when she’s refusing to open the guild’s doors to the civilian Twilights. The thing is, people who do this are never making the actual hard choice. What they’re doing is easy — just sacrifice people you don’t care about and turn the other way. Especially easy if you don't have a big guilty conscience. Yes, Gina makes some points about why, and she’s not wrong, but I stand by what I said.

But Loretta? Nah, my girl Loretta is making the real hard choices. Characters who make choices like Gina see two options: A) Help people and inconvenience myself/cause myself to fall with them. B) Oh well. It’s unfortunate but what can you do? — not Loretta though. Those options are unacceptable so she chooses “Option C”, also known as the actual hard choice.

“Option C” in any narrative (and in real life as well) is always the one that takes the most effort and the most commitment. You have to forge the path for “Option C” yourself. Loretta is going to have to put a ton of work in and stay on top of things if she’s going to have any chance of success. Thankfully, not only is she amazing, she’s wise enough to know she can’t do it alone and asks Gina to release Nic, Alex, Nina, and Theo so they can lend a hand.

LORETTA SWEETIE YOU’RE DOING AMAZING! When she was calling Gina out to “make the humane choice” with that look in her eyes, I was like, DAMN GIRL, GET HER ASS! I am rooting for you sis!!!

Veronica

Everyone seems to be blaming the Handymen, and Nic in particular for whatever happened to Veronica. We don't have much to work with, but part of me thinks that Nic and Veronica both had/have the bad habit of overdosing and it didn't end well for her. Like, she bit off more than she could chew and they both had self-destructive tendencies? Maybe... idk. When Gina shot Nic full of downers that one time, she did say, "I believe I've already told you to quit overdosing on Cerebret. Especially the uppers. Do you want to end up like Veronica?" I think Gina cares about him even if she would never admit it, dawww. There is more to it though, but we don't have enough info right now. And I need to stew on her for a while, so I don't have much to say at the moment.

Monroe

The way Monroe spoke about Delico was… a red flag. He likely did the same with Nic. In the Blu-ray extra manga, we see a bit of how he talks about Nic in a similar way when he was a child. Monroe isn’t much different than Gaston Brown. He’s a father figure who uses people, particularly Twilights, as tools/weapons. He’s abusive and manipulative. But his way of going about it is different. He’s won the affection of those he abuses because of his charm and giving a place of belonging and a support system to those who have nothing. These are common reasons why people join gangs in real life as well, but I won’t get into that here. It would be interesting to see more of how the Handymen’s relationship was with Monroe when they were younger. I wonder if they were to look back, would they start to realize signs of his manipulation from their childhoods with their current perspective?

Everyone else

Shoutout to everyone I didn’t name. I love a lot of the characters in GANGSTA. and those who I don’t love, I still find interesting. But, my shoulders hurt so let’s end it here.

I'm... Done...

I feel like I could have picked apart the characters more, panel by panel, and there's stuff in GANGSTA: Cursed, but I had to stop somewhere.

I'm super happy that I finished catching up to this series on chapter 56. I loved the chapter as I've made abundantly clear already, and I can't wait to see how things shake out. So many questions I want answered!

Godspeed, my son.

If you’ve made it this far… you’re a real one 🫡

[khuzena]

Hello! If possible can I have hc or a scenario in which Cypher decides to meet his agent crush in completely different clothes that he usually wears n without his mask, in a place outside the headquarters, and his crush doesn’t realize it’s him (because they were just on their free day n not supposed to meet with anyone or smt) until after they have parted ways. Sorry if this is too long and oddly specific 😭😭

Recognizable

Cypher x g/n!reader

Tw: fluff and no angst, wholesome but confusing

Hehehe back from my hiatus, i know damn well you waited for a long time for this one 😨

You and cypher were on good terms and was always hanging out, he knew your habits and mannerism and so did you vice-versa.

Before cypher decided to visit you without his mask and stuff he was internally shaking because what if someone recognizes and remembers him and everything he planned will fuck up?

Though he got pass those fears and decided to wear dark brown pants and a simple white long-sleeved shirt.

He remembered yesterday when you said you were going to spend your day off at a particular park nearby the city so he prepared everything and also a hidden gun in case things go wrong.

He went to your location through your phone gps which could be considered stalking since you had no idea but as long as no one finds out he's fine.

At the park where you sat with a coffee to your side on the bench, you were scrolling through your phone until a man with brown messy locks and glasses came up to you and sat right next to you.

"Hello? You don't mind if I sit here right?"

You were hesitant to let some stranger get so close to you but he sounded friendly so you answered,

"No it's ok you can sit here... Are you from this city?"

Trying to ease the tension and maybe get to know him better but his breathtaking eyes made you a little shy inside— 'ah! No no no you just met him' you thought.

He slumped backwards, gazing at the crowd before replying, "No actually, it's my first time here"

"Ah... I see, but have you been to the other cities in this country? There's a lot of popular cities compared to this so you must've went to the others already" you say before standing up

"Leaving already?"

You kinda felt bad for leaving him alone here so you decided to just tag him along with you.

Spending the entire day walking around the city, chatting about random topics to atleast find something in common and ranting about things that irritate you both in the meantime was what you both did.

The two of you enjoyed each other's company so much time passed by so quickly, you stare at your wrist watch and it was already 7 pm.

He stares at your physique for a few seconds and it seemed like he was concerned, the two of you are agents but he was sure you were quite tired from not even getting a break and spent the time waltzing around the city, "Are you not hungry yet? We walked for hours straight and it seems like you're tired"

You tried to laugh at it off and act tough and blurted out, "Pfft, I'm not hungry or tired or anythin— *stomach growling*" ...

Cypher didn’t respond but held his sides as though he had a stomachache. His eyes crinkled at the corner and held his laughter and the more you observe him the more you got embarrassed so you both didn't say anything and just went to the nearest restaurant.

Soon after you both finish eating, before he said goodbye you tug his sleeve and ask him something.

You puffed out, "Before you go, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead dear."

"So uhm— what's your name?"

The man raises his eyebrow but answered, "My name's Amir" his voice husky and his lips formed into a soft smile.

"Oh uhm.. Sorry if I forgot to ask your name earlier-" he quickly cut you off,

"Dont worry, (y/n). I'll see you soon"

You were in shock because he knew your name for some reason but you didn't know his, just before he walked away he slipped a card in your pocket with out a word and waved you good bye.

Opening the note you read the content and heat rushed up to your cheeks, "09XX - Cypher"

It was cypher's number.

It was embarrassing really, you didn't recognize him when the man earlier was very similar to the cypher you knew back at work.

How were you both supposed to face each other next week at work?

Bonus

The moment cypher got home he was screaming onto his pillow because his heart was racing from back then, the way you looked at him and even laughed at his silly jokes made his heart pound aggressively.

He knew he wasn't normally like this, but when it comes to you he gets all flustered; it's the first time in a few years after nora where he felt like this, where he felt comfortable enough to even reveal his true identity to you but for now all he could think of was how he would approach you next week.

Next week, all the agents from their vacation was back to work and everyone was talking about their fun adventures last week but he just sat down at an armchair hoping you'll approach him.

Cypher was checking his equipment and you slowly walked up to him, he stared at your shy expression before you muttered,

"S-so... Do you want to go to the same restaurant later at 9 pm?

"I would love to."

Fuck fuck fuck why did I write this so horribly omg you did not just wait 3 weeks for this disappointing shet im so sorry im lacking motivation 😭