#i'm not naming names

[pokemonbattletournament]

[thebibliosphere]

"How come you never promote reels about my books on Insta/Tumblr/Twitter"

Idk bestie (derogatory at this point); maybe because you use photosensitive, potentially seizure-inducing filters, and despite me telling you this is why I won't promote your work, you refuse to use anything else.

Like sorry if I care more about the safety of my followers than your work, but if you've been told something is an issue, refuse to do anything about it, then come at me saying it's not fair that I talk about other people's books, that's on you.

I ain't risking giving someone a seizure because you're too invested in using the latest filters to actually market your shit properly.

[grim-ghosty]

Sometimes I want to be toxic, but I remember that it's better to be the bigger person.

[confident-just-not-stupid]

If you had to choose, would you say you're a tooka or massiff person?

Hmm. I'm trying to consider the question but I keep getting distracted by that handsome picture next to your name.

Might need to try a new hairstyle.

Anyway... Not sure I've ever been around either, so based on what the holonet says about them, as nice as a big tough pair of massiffs sound, there's something about the aloof and highly selective nature of the tooka that reminds me of a good friend.

[deeskip]

top 10 images taken before disaster

[xx-akubara-xx]

wait I don't have twitter and your post made me so curious, may I please hear the drama??

Basically, there's two very popular animation teams that rely on donations from their fans. And somehow, theres this artificial 'competition' between the fandoms despite the two projects being totally unique from each other.

Group 1: Hey heres a large donation to show we should all support each other

Group 2: *waits until their goal is fully funded*

Group 2: *Refunds unneeded donation*

Group 2: (publicly) Thank you! But unnecessary! (privatedly) You only donated for clout, gfys

Group 1: (Publicly) Our donation got rejected but so glad the money wasn't needed! 🧂

-

Bonus Salt: Group 2 previously threw shade at Group 1 for not advertising their donation page

-

Bonus Salt 2: A team member on Group 2 was caught liking transphobic tweets (And claimed they were only using likes to 'bookmark' the tweets. Which, even if true is a foolish thing to do because your tweets are not only public but can be fed into your followers algorithm) This team member got called out for it- and still is actively being called for it. People defending group 2 are claiming they're only being 'attacked' because of the donation drama despite this particular controversy pre-existing this particular drama.

[jojotichakorn]

not to defend twitter but i hope none of you forget that the worst side of our fandom is most definitely on youtube

[doyouknowsomeonewiththisname]

In an ideal world all names would essentially be Unisex in the sense that you could be a black cis man in California naming himself after a Greek goddess and that's totally cool but also in the sense that expectant parents looking for unisex names wouldn't be forced to choose between one of a few dozen "boy names for girls" or some nature name that either nobody has ever heard of or is so common that everybody knows one

[aphrogeneias]

i've just received the highest compliment of my writing life and it was a friend telling me that my smut puts her in the mood to jerk off

[mmishee-art]

I think there's a pervasive sentiment among young people that assume that once you're 'grown up' and working professionally that you grow out of fandom.

Anyway, you might be shocked how many award winning industry professionals lust after Sans 'light saber dick' the Skeleton

[manybrokenquills]

Y'all, we shipped founding fathers. Founding. Fathers.

And you're pressed about a wlw ship?

Blinks like so hard.

[sufficientlylargen]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

[kiryuing]

[silvermoon424]

For the purposes of this poll please just stick to birth names! I'd like to do another poll for names people chose themselves later in life.

[sparrowlucero]

The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):

This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:

They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.

anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me

[fenicenera83]

It's extremely refreshing to see an author decide to get a character I hate out of the way, permanently. Dead. Canonically dead. Actually, I don't even criticize the way the author does it, I'm just glad we're both in the same boat!